Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

LIU Atlas - Pelago

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

                                                                LIU Atlas - Pelago

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, for the first time ever, I am actually happy to be visiting a planet. Usually, I’m dropped off on some unknown outer rim hellhole, but not today. Today, I’m visiting the Jewel of the Mid Rim, the Land of a Million Beaches, the Planet of Endless Babes. That’s right, we’re on the Tropical Resort World of Pelago. I’ve never been able to afford a visit here, but I’ve watched all the commercials on TV2 and seen the brochures at various spaceports.  I’m sure we’re in for a good time. As you can see from the mapping scan above me, Pelago is made up of several islands spread across the warm Pelagion Sea. Only thirty islands, of the nearly one million, are large enough to be imaged at this height.”

Doog: “Our first stop today is Pelago’s largest city, Eluceo. Eluceo sits on five pristine islands in the planet’s equatorial region.”

Doog: “While some of the city is devoted to commercial interests, the vast majority of it is dedicated to tourism.”

Doog: “Eluceo sports some of the galaxy’s best hotels, condos, casinos, and restaurants.”

Doog: “Eluceo also has several monuments for tourists to visit, like the Old Clock Tower and the massive, bronze Statue of Economic Freedom.”

Doog: “The Blue Lagoon Casino, the blue and transparent yellow building to the left, was specifically designed to be a tourist trap. While it is easy to find your way in, it is nearly impossible to find you way out. The casino’s holographic windows display daytime images at all hours, removing any sense of time the gamblers may have. The building to it right is the five star Su Li Hotel.”

Doog: “This section of the city, known as the Island of the Gods, is reserved for Elite Citizens only. It is home to several high ranking citizens’ condos and estates. Illegal use of this island, including trespassing by sub-elite citizens, is punishable by death.”

Doog: “The Pelagion Lighthouse sits at the center of the city. It no longer serves any navigational purpose, but it was preserved as a reminder of Eluceo’s maritime past.”

Doog: “The three largest islands of the city are connected by large bridges that contain hoverways and high speed trains. The smaller islands are accessible by ferry only.”

Doog: “Well, we’ve finally landed. We circled the city enough times, and besides, we were running out of gas. We’re now here on one of Pelago’s greatest features, the beach.”

Doog: “We are outside of a small beachside resort. The first thing I notice is that there is an insane amount of attractive females walking about. I am strongly compelled to conduct several in depth interviews with these locals, but I must wait here for my guide.”

Doog: “Ah, here he comes, LIU Socialite, and former adult movie star, Big Adams.”

Doog: “Hey Big Adams.”
Big: “More like Gigantic if you ask the ladies, Doog.
Doog: “Whoa Big, too much information. Tell me, what do you do here?”
Big: “Well Doog, after I finished filming Juicing a Flingarian, I retired here to Pelago. Now, I hang out among the other elitist. On occasion, tourists hire me out to show them the islands.”

Big: “Hey wait Doog, check this out. Hey baby! I can tell by your shirt you like horses. Well it’s your lucky day, I’m hung like…”
Doog: “Stop! We’re on TV Big. You can’t say that.”
Big: “Of course you can, I said it on TV several times.”
Doog: “We’re on a slightly different show here Big. Besides, I’m a man of honor…”
 

Ten minutes earlier

Doog: “Hey, let me get a couple copies of that.”

Doog: “So what’s on the agenda Big?”
Big: “Well, we’ve seen the beach. I thought we’d check out one of Eluceo’s other tourist traps, the casinos.”
Doog: “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

Big: “The LIU has suspended its monopoly on gambling on various areas of Eluceo, opening the door for out of galaxy companies to open several casinos. The LIU imposes several steep taxes on these companies insuring that there is still profit to be made. These taxes are collectively known as the Stupidity Tariffs.”
Doog: “Stupidity Tariffs?”
Big: “Yes. Its an extra tax on anyone stupid enough to gamble away all their money.”
Doog: “Ah, I see.”

Big: “We are outside of the Spinning Sun Casino, a favorite among the tourists.”

Doog: “Shall we head inside Big?”
Big: “Just a second Doog. I see a chick with a big tree on her shirt. I have good line for that.”
Doog: “No! No! Let’s go inside.”

Big: “The Spinning Sun Casino has several unusual, and somewhat unfair, table games. The Galactic Gamblers Association has listed these games as a zero on the integrity scale.”

Doog: What games do we have here?”
Big: “Well, on the left side of the screen we have ‘Guess What Color I’m Thinking Of‘ and on the right, we have ‘Guess What Emotion I‘m Feeling Right Now‘.”

Doog: “Hmmm, I put a day’s salary on lime green.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was red.”
Doog: “Ok, ok, I’ll put two day’s salary on pink.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was tan.”
Doog: “Dang, so close!”

Doog: “I think I’ll try my luck over here. Let’s see. I bet a day’s salary that you are angry.”
Dealer: “No. I am happy.”
Doog: “Dang! Your face really threw me off. Let’s see, I bet…”
Big: “Maybe you should stop Doog. You are already doing this show for free now.”
Doog: “Crap! You’re right Big. Let’s get out of here.”
Dealer: “Thanks for gaming at the Spinning Sun Casino. The LIU appreciates your contributions to the Stupidity Tariff.”
Doog: “Why you Son of Pelagion Beach!”
Dealer: “SECURITY!”

Doog: “Well, we narrowly escaped the casino security, and we are now aboard a LIU Party Hoverboat.  Hoverboats, like this, are common in the waters around Eluceo and its surrounding islands. We are taking this boat south to the Cliffland Isles. Who knows what kind of party we will find there.”

Doog: “These Hoverboats hover just above the water, giving guests an illusion of a cruise without the pains of sea sickness.”

Doog: “The LIU Party Hoverboats have several amenities, like a built in pool and several bars. Hey Big, where did you go?”

Big: “Hey do you ladies want to see something bigger than a Hoverboat?”

Doog: “Big? Big? Where are you?”

Doog: “Well, I finally found Big and we’ve been dropped off on one of the Cliffland Isles. What’s the deal Big? I don’t see any parties, hot chicks, or resorts. I thought Pelago was a Tropical Resort World?”
Big: “Well, it is and it isn’t. Eluceo and some the islands closest to the city are dedicated solely to being a Tropical Resort. The vast majority of the islands are dedicated to agriculture.”
Doog: “Agriculture! You’ve got to be &%#$$@* me! I thought this trip was going to be fun. I never saw anything in the brochures about agriculture!”
Big: “Well Doog, like it or not, agriculture is an important part of this planet.”

Doog: “Fine. Let‘s get this over with. What kind of agriculture does this planet support?”
Big: “Well, here on the Cliffland Isles, there is very little real estate. The little patches of land available are used to grow various tropical fruits and vegetables. Here, they are growing Pelagion Dingleberries.”
Doog: “Dingleberries?”
Big: “Yes Doog. These juicy berries are world famous. When fermented, Dingleberries make a delicious wine that is extremely intoxicating. It’s popular among college age males. It knocks the chicks right out.”

Doog: “Well we’re done with the agriculture. Let’s grab a barrel of Dingleberry wine and head out.”
Big: “Oh, not yet. The Cliffland Isles have many forms of agriculture. Besides, after this, we still have to check of the northern farms.”
Doog: “Alright, let’s hurry this up. And don’t forget to grab a barrel. I always need all the help I can get.”
Big: “Don’t worry. I already have three barrels at my place.”

Big: “There are also several banana farms here on Pelago. I have several pick-up lines dealing with bananas if you’re interested in hearing any.”
Doog: “Absolutely not. Let’s move on.”

Big: “This Cliffside plantation is growing Pelagion Hot Peppers. They are one of the largest peppers in the universe.”

Big: “They are also one of the hottest peppers in the universe. These peppers are grown for industrial purposes only and are not recommended for consumption.”
Doog: “Industrial purposes?”
Big: “Yeah, like the production of Pepper Spray.”

Doog: “So they aren’t going to help us with the chicks?”
Big: “Not unless you want to move into illegal territory.”
Doog: “Nope, I’m not that desperate, yet. Let‘s move on.”

Big: “Pelago’s vast ocean contains millions of fish and supports a large fishing industry.”

Big: “Independent fishing boats catch their quota of fish and bring them to Cliffside processing plants, like this, to unload and sell.”

Doog: “What kind of fish are you catching?”
Fisherman: “We catch the Pelagion Snub Nose Longfish. They’re worth a pretty penny on the open market.
Unfortunately, that’s all the LIU gives us for them. A penny.”
Big: “Man! It’s too bad there are no chicks around. Id like to show them my Snub Nose Longfish.”
Doog: “Big! What did I say about that!”
Big: “Sorry.”

Fisherman #2: “The LIU processing center sells us bait at five cents a pound, nearly eliminating our entire profit. We can barely get by.”
Doog: “Well cry me a river. I’m working for free this week. Stupid casinos…”

Doog: “Well, I left Big outside, and I am now inside the Cliffside Processing Center. I’m joined by the Chief Processing Manager, uh…we’ll just call him Chief. Give us a quick rundown of this facility.”
Chief: “Well, the fish are kept on ice until they can be processed.”

Chief: “When we are ready, they are taken to this first room.”

Chief: “Using table saws, like these, engineers remove the fish’s head and tail. These parts are known to contain deadly parasites.”

Chief: The head and tail are then incinerated in these giant furnaces. It prevents any accidental contamination.”

Chief: “The fish bodies are then moved to this room to be processed even further.”

Chief: “Engineers then remove the skin from the fish with this grinder.”

Chief: “The skinless fish are then chopped up into smaller pieces. This is a bad job to have if you have problems paying attention. Right Jim?”
Jim: “Grrr…”

Chief: “The small pieces of fish are then placed into a can and closed up.”

Chief: “The cans are then boxed up and shipped out across the universe.”
Doog: “Thanks Chief.”





Doog: “Well I’ve rejoined with Big and we’ve headed north to
the Northern Farms. I see no isles in sight and I have no idea what they could
be farming. What are do they farm out here Big, dust?”

Big: “The farms are actually at the bottom of the ocean Doog. Here, they cultivate large Kelp fields.”

Doog: “Kelp?”
Big: “That’s right. Workers use the LIU Kelp Tractor to process the Kelp growing on the ocean floor.”

Doog: “Well folks we are out of time. Thanks for joining us once again. We hope you’ve enjoyed this first season of LIU Atlas.”


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