Season 2 - Episode 10 - Ebrius

LIU Atlas - Ebrius

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

                                                                    LIU Atlas - Ebrius

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Ebrius. Ebrius is classified as a Forest World, and it is home to a planet wide forest. Forest Worlds, like Ebrius, are harvested every several years for their precious lumber."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off at my guide's piece of c... I mean, quaint cabin in the middle of the woods. As you can see, Ebrius is indeed a Forest World."

Doog: "Ah, here comes my guide now, Lumberjack Foreman Borracho Wilson."
Borracho: "What in da heck is you? Why is you on my lawn boy?"
Doog: "I'm Doog."
Borracho: "You's a dog? Is dat some sort of joke?"
Doog: "No, not dog, Doog, from TV."
Borracho: "Oh, you thinks you can come a stomping in my lawn because you knows two letters. Well, I knows a few myself."
Doog: "No...I'm Doog from television."
Borracho: "Tela-what?"
Doog: "Sigh. Never mind. I'm a host for a show. You're supposed to show me around the planet."

Borracho: "You knows what? I do reckon I remember somthin bout that. Lets me get a look at you. I see ya gots a mustache. Dats good. I don't trust a man without a mustache. Dats kinda a weak mustache though. Heck, I thinks my wife's gotta a better stache than you."
Doog: "Uh, yeah, thanks. I bet she's a charming woman. Shall we get started?"
Borracho: "Yep. Let's do it."

Wife: "Now Borracho, you best be bringing home some money today, or I swear I'm a gonna hit ya with this here fryin pan."
Borracho: "Well, a least that there pan will finally be gettin some use woman. Come on Dog. We gotta make a quick stop before we gets started."
Doog: "It's Doog actually, but yeah, let's go."

Doog: "Wait. What's that?"
Borracho: "Oh, this here is just my still. I'm makin Bark Whiskey. I just has to fill up my here flask before we's get started."
Doog: "Bark Whiskey?"

Borracho: "Yep. We don't have much here on Ebrius other than bark. We uses it for food, shelter, and good ol drink."
Doog: "You eat bark?"
Borracho: "Oh yeah. Bark Stew, Bark Kebobs, Barkwiches, and Bark Pie. It aint da best, but it's all we has."

Doog: "Where are we headed now?"
Borracho: "Well, I figures I'd show ya some of the harvesting."

Doog: "Wow, what's that?"
Borracho: "This here is the LIU Heavy Lumberjack Hardsuit."

Borracho: "Da suit uses a mega-chainsaw and good ol brute strength to bring down trees. They never let me pilot her anymore. Somethin bout my whiskey problem, and that incident where I cut down a few of them there cabins. I say cabins are made of wood. What's da problem?"

Worker: "Sorry, we're late boss."
Borracho: "It aint no problem. Just go a get to cuttin."
Doog: "What are these?"

Borracho: "These are LIU Light Lumberjack Hardsuits. They aint as powerful as their larger counterparts, but they gets the job done. We -hic- use these suits to cut down da trees."

Doog: "Are you sure you should be drinking anymore? You sound pretty drunk. Although, you don't really talk right even when you're sober."
Borracho: "You -hic- are da one that sounds -hic- drunk Dog. Besides, I aint da one - hic- about to be crushed by a -hic- Tri Walker."
Doog: "A what...AHHH!"

Borracho: "A LIU Tri-Walker Stripper and Stacker -hic."
Doog: "And what does it do?"

Borracho: "It, it, it -hic- picks up da wood, and it picks it up."
Doog: "Yeah, it picks it up. I think we have that down. Then what?"

Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up, and picks it up -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And?"

Borracho: "And it uses its -hic- saws to cut off all da limbs. Yeah. It -hic- is a delimber."

Doog: "Now what is it doing?"
Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up again, and picks it up again -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And!"

Borracho: "It, it stacks them. Yeah. -Hiccup-"

Borracho: "Once -hic- we get her stacked, we...hold on let me get a sip...we wait for the buyers to come."
Doog: "Buyers?"
Borracho: "Da LIU sends -hic- buyers to price our haul. We trades the -hic- wood for whatever supplies we be needin."

Borracho: "Ah, here they comes now."
Doog: "What's this?"
Borracho: "This here -hic-, is the LIU Lumber Loader. The buyers load up -hic- our haul, and they load it up. Yeah."

Borracho: "The -hic- logs fit right nicely in da -hic- clamps. It is then transported -hic- to that there lumber factory up north. Oh -hic- great. Here comes that no good buyer now."

Borracho: "Look at this -hic- son of gun, not a mustache hair on that there -hic- face."
Buyer: "Nice to see you again Mr. Wilson. We've collected your haul, so let's begin negotiations. Today, we have our two standard deals."

Buyer: "We can give this bundle of cash which amounts to about five thousand credits, or..."

Buyer: "...we can give you this six pack of beer and assorted flasks of liquor."
Borracho: "You -hic- think you can pull one over on me? I know -hic- what da best deal is. We'll take the booze."
Buyer: "Well, I think your getting a steal Mr. Wilson, but it's a deal."

Worker: "Not again Boss! We need the money for real food! Well, I guess it's Barkgetti and Barkballs again this week."

Borracho: "Dis is da best -hic- day ever Dog." gargle gargle
Doog: "Wait Borracho, we're not done with the show yet! What about the lumber factories?"

Doog: "Well folks, it appears Borracho is passed out. So I guess we'll just end the show here. See ya next time!"


Note:

Recipe - Barkgetti and Barkballs
4 oz. bark
3/4
cup of water

Mix and heat. Serve warm.


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