Season 2 - Episode 13 - Cesso Rest Station

LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

                                                        LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 


Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Doog: "Hey Mike, I'm starving! What's for dinner?"
Mike: "Well Doog, it looks like we have two options. In this cabinet here, it appears we have some cobwebs. In the freezer, we have some green fuzzy thing that I believe was once a Kaadu Burger."
Doog: "Aw man! We had cobwebs for lunch, and you know I don't eat vegetables, so the green thing is out. Seriously though, what happened to all our food?"
Mike: "Well Doog, we stocked up the ship for eight episodes like last season, but we're already on episode #14. We're running out of supplies."
Doog: "Well, let's go get some more."
Mike: "How are we going to get food without any money? Between our unscheduled vacations and that dream mech incident, we've managed to net a whole twenty credits this season. I say we do our next Atlas episode on an agricultural planet and stock up on some cheap food while we earn more credits."
Doog: "Screw that! I'd rather starve then visit another Agricultural World. Wait...there is another place we can get cheap food and do an episode."
Mike: "Oh no, I hope you're not thinking what I'm thinking..."

Doog: "Yep! I think it's time to show our viewers a space rest station!"
Mike: "Eww, rest stations are dirty, and they're full of space truckers."
Doog: "Sounds like my personal utopia. Computer, find us the nearest space rest station."
Computer: "Yes Doog. Beginning search..."

Computer: "Doog, I've detected a sub-space beacon, and I have brought the Magellan out of hyperspace."
Doog: "Ah, let's see what we have here. Geez computer, could you bring us out of hyperspace any farther away. Hugo, get your finger off the 'eject' button and bring us a little closer."

Doog: "Whoa, not that close. Alright, this space billboard says there's a rest station just one parsec from here. Fire up the hyperdrive Hugo - we're headed to Cesso!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the Cesso Rest Station. Rest stations, like this, were built in some of the  LIU Galaxy's starless voids. Larger ships are usually self-sufficient, but smaller ships, like the Magellan, need these rest stations to refuel, purchase food, and use the facilities. As you can see, there are already a few medium size cargo ships docked to the station."

Doog: "The first thing I notice upon entering is the station's unique aroma."
Mike: "I believe that is urine Doog."
Doog: "Indeed."

Doog: "As you can see, rest stations are home to some of the galaxy's more degenerate citizens. Travelers are often marooned here when their ship breaks down or, in some cases, abandoned here by the rest of their crew. Speaking of which, I better not hear a single word from you Timbo, or this might be your new home."
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "Alright, I think I see a restaurant just down the hall."

Doog: "Ah, here we go."
Mike: " A restaurant named 'Food' - what could go wrong here?"

Doog: "Rest stations, like Cesso, are often home to small diners. They have some of the cheapest and greasiest food in the galaxy."

Doog: "It looks like you have two options at this diner. They have a short order cook and a Soylent Buffet. The buffet consists of all you can eat Soylent Red, Blue, and Green."
Mike: "Soylent Green is PEOPLE! We've got to stop them - SOMEHOW!"
Doog: "Settle down there Mike. Everyone knows that Soylent Green used to be made of people before it became too expensive. Now, it's all done with artificial flavoring. Either way, I'm not in the mood for becoming an artificial cannibal."

Chef: "What can I git ya?"
Doog: "Before I order, I have two questions. First, when was the last time you washed your shirt?"
Chef: "Huh? Oh this? I washed it last month. It still has few months left in it."
Doog: "Yeah, that's what I thought. Secondly, do we get some kind of senior discount since we have Oldie with us?"
Chef: "Ha! This is the LIU. There's no such thing as a discount."

Doog: "It's official Oldie, you're now our most worthless crew member."
Oldie: "Hey, I still get us good parking!"
Doog: "True, I take it back. Timbo, you're still the most worthless. Do you have anything to say about that?"
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "That's what I thought."

Doog: “Alright, where was I? Oh yeah, I see Kaadu Tacos are one credit a piece. We’ll take ten tacos and whatever these guys want.”
Crew: “Doog!”
Mike: “Seriously? Ten tacos? That’s half our money.”
Doog: “Alright fine. We’ll take ten tacos for the whole group.”
Oldie: “Aw! I wanted Pony Soup.”
Doog: “NO SOUP FOR YOU!”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’re going to cut away for a few moments while we eat. I don’t want any embarrassing shots of me with taco stuck in my moustache. We’ll be right back.”

Doog: “Alright. We’ve finished eating, and we’ve moved down the hall to a room of vending machines. I figured we’d use our remaining ten credits to stock up the ship. The vending machines contain any sugar-filled drink or snack you could ever imagine.”

Doog: “Let’s see. I think we should definitely spend all our money on caffeinated sugar water. EIGHT CREDITS FOR A SINGLE DRINK! Wow, these machines are a big rip off. We can’t get anything in here.”
Oldie: “Wait Doog! This one on the end is a communication vending machine.”

Doog: “Nice! We can insert five credits and get access to the internet for five minutes. We could order a pizza or something!”
Mike: “Five credits for internet access, five credits for the pizza, and a million credits for delivery charges. That’s not going to work.”
Doog: “Fine, you’re right. Let’s just go back to the diner and get ten more Kaadu Tacos. That will hold us over for a while.”

Mike: “I don’t know if that’s a good idea Doog. My stomach is rumbling pretty hard already.”
Oldie: “Yeah, mine too. There must have been parasites in the tacos or something.”
Doog: “Really? I’m not feeling anything.”

Doog: “Uh! Cam just hurled! You know what, I’m starting to feel something too, just a bit lower. I hate to do it, but I think I’m going to use the dirtiest, most disease filled part of the rest station, the bathrooms!”

Doog: “Run! There is only three stalls for the  five of us. Sorry Oldie. At least you have your diaper.”
Oldie: “I don’t wear diapers Doog!”

Alien: “Hey! What are you weirdoes doing? Get that camera out of here!”

Doog: “Oh great! Someone left me a present behind door number two. Gross!”

Doog: “And what is that? A hole in the wall at waist level? I don’t even want to think what that hole is for. Forget this, I’m going back to the ship!”

Alien: “Sigh. Humans…”

Doog: “Well, that didn’t work too well. We still have no food. At least we still have ten credits left over.”
Mike: “Actually, Oldie and I used the last ten credits at the rest station gift shop. We needed a few bottles of Pepto-Bismol.”
Doog: “Does that mean what I think it means?”
Mike: “Yep. We’re going to another agricultural world.”
Doog: “@#%$”


Note:  Pony soup is made with 100% real ponies.


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