Season 12 - Episode 10 - Manduco

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Manduco

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re continuing our tour of the Hyperplexity and visiting the planet, Manduco. Manduco is only eight light years from Fenestrula, but travel here requires six FTL jumps and two days of sub-light travel. Despite the difficulties, travel between Fenestrula and Manduco is important. Manduco is often referred to as the ‘breadbasket’ of the Hyperplexity. Most of the Hyperplexity’s remote population is dependent on Manduco for food. Let’s head on down and see what type of food Manduco produces.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we have a double whammy on our hands. Manduco is both an agricultural world and a swamp planet – my two least favorite types of worlds. How can a swamp planet be an agricultural world? Do the people of the Hyperplexity eat pond scum or swamp vegetation? I guess we’ll find out.”

Doog: “The only way this place could get worse is if my guide turns out to be some weird-looking, deep-core alien race. Luckily for me, these guys look human. Uh, hey? Are one of you two my guide?”

Tavalai: “Oh, he’s here, Komali! How do I look? Are we on TV yet?”
Doog: “Whoa! You guys ARE NOT humans.”
Komali: “Of course not. There are very few humans here. That won’t be a problem, will it? I can arrange for another human to join us, if that would make you happier?”
Doog: “Not a problem at all. You just looked human from behind. It’s not the first time I’ve made that mistake. At this one brothel, I totally thought this chick was a human, but it turns out he was neither female or human.”
Tavalai: “Did you hear that, Komali?!”
Komali: “I did! I did! Doog made a brothel joke!”
Tavalai: “Those are our favorite!”
Doog: “You guys actually watch my show?”
Tavalai: “We never miss an episode!”
Doog: “Wow, I’m actually famous on this planet.”

Komali: “I don’t know about the whole planet. Tavalai and I run the regional spaceport. We have access to state-run, subspace programming, unlike most of the other residents here.”
Doog: “You could have let me dream for a few minutes, Comb-A-Lee.”
Tavalai: “He did the thing where he messes up your name!”
Komali: “I heard! I heard!”
Doog: “So, you two run the local spaceport?”
Komali: “We do. Goods from this region get transported here, and we ship it off to other worlds. Well, it mostly goes to Fenestrula.”
Doog: “These goods are generally food, right? I heard that Manduco is the ‘breadbasket’ of the Hyperplexity.”
Komali: “Meat-basket would be a more fitting analogy. We don’t make bread on Manduco.”
Doog: “I can get behind the idea of a meat planet – even if it’s swamp meat.”
Komali: “I bet you could! Maybe you’ll get the meat madness again!”
Doog: “Ok, maybe you’ve watched too much LIU Atlas.”

Tavalai: “Where are our manners?! All this meat-talk reminded me that we didn’t offer you any refreshments. We’ve made some Bort-Fly juice earlier. You have to try it.”
Doog: “Bort-Fly juice?  I think I’ll pass.”
Komali: “Don’t you have that clause in your contract where you have to eat any local foods offered?”
Doog: “I…uh…did you see that episode? Of course, you did. I…uh…guess I’m having some bug juice.”
Komali: “Well, we won’t force you to try anything you don’t want.”
Doog: “Thank the Emperor. I wasn’t looking forward to puking today.”

Komali: “If you want a sample taste of a Bort-Fly, just stand next to this bug zapper a bit longer. One is sure to fly by anytime now.”
Doog: “Yeah, I'm still passing.”
Komali: “Are you sure? If you time it right, the zapper gives them the perfect amount of crunch.”
Doog: “My tongue doesn’t work like yours, and I don’t eat bugs.”
Komali: “Your loss. Well, it looks like the boats almost here. Tavalai, we’re heading out.”
Tavalai: “You boys be safe. Well, not too safe. I want to see some hijinks and shenanigans when I watch the rest of the episode later.”
Komali: “I’m sure we’ll get into some type of trouble!”

Doog: “Looks like my biggest-super-fan and I are headed down river. If it wasn’t for the promise of meat, this might be my least favorite planet to date.”
Komali: “Condescending talk about his host while still in earshot! Classic Doog!”
Doog: “Sigh.”

​Doog: “Where are we going? This is looking increasingly remote.”
Komali: “Most meat production on Manduco is decentralized. There’s not a big meat farm or something. Locals catch fish from their waterside homes. They sell whatever they don’t need to the LIU.”
Doog: “Swamp fishing makes Manduco the region’s ‘meat-basket’? Gross, look at those things.”
Komali: “After processing, protein is protein. Who cares what the fish look like before?”
Doog: “Not all protein is equal, but I wouldn’t expect a person who eats flies to understand that.”
Komali: “That’s coming from a guy that eats Kaadu and ponies.”
Doog: “Fair enough.”

Doog: “Let’s put the protein debate to the side. I’m more worried about the tune that guy is strumming. Where have I heard that before? Why do I fear venturing into the swamp even more now?”
Komali: “The locals often communicate with music. The sound carries further than their voices.”
Doog: “Yeah, I hear a response coming from downriver. It’s eerily similar, but a little more elaborate”
Komali: “One might say they’re dueling.”
Doog: “Am I going to die out here?”

Komali: “Hopefully not, but let’s return to the main channel. These backwoods swamp people scare me too. I said I was up for some misadventures, but getting raped and murdered isn’t on my agenda.”

Komali: “Fishing is just a small part of our meat production. Most of our meat comes from a local creature called the Alakana. They graze in pastures just off the main channel.  There’s one just ahead.”
Doog: “I don’t see anything. The vegetation is too thick.”
Komali: “It’s on the other side of the river.”
Doog: “That would be the problem.”
Komali: “It would.”

Komali: “Another bug zapper, just what the doctor ordered. This guy needs a snack.”
Doog: “Oh, come on. That’s so gross. Let’s see the real meat.”

Komali: “Come back! I thought of some physical humor we can throw into this episode.”
Doog: “What are you talking about?”
Komali: “Somehow, you need to get shocked by this zapper and fall into the river. It will be hilarious.”
Doog: “What! No! I’m not doing that.”
Komali: “Come on, it will be so funny. I want to be in a funny episode!”
Doog: “LIU Atlas isn’t scripted. If something happens, it happens. I’m not getting purposely electrocuted.”
Komali: “Are you telling me that all those other mishaps on LIU Atlas were just accidents?”
Doog: “Yes!”

Komali: “I see we’re not doing stair jokes this episode either.”
Doog: “What are you talking about?”
Komali: “Almost every other episode I watch, you complain about the stairs. You didn’t say anything about those stairs we just went down.”
Doog: “I only complain about going upstairs. I can do down just fine.”
Komali: “Sure.”
Doog: “You have to stop trying to force stuff. Let the disaster that is LIU Atlas just happen on its own. Trust me. It will happen on its own.”
Komali: “Alright. Fine.”
Doog: “Why are we in this tunnel anyway? I thought we were checking out the pastures.”

Komali: “The pastures are set into depressions within the swamp that are naturally enclosed. It makes it harder for the Alakana to escape into the riverways.”
Doog: “I guess it saves on fencing.”
Komali: “Yes.”

Doog: “When you said meat, I was picturing swamp hogs. Not these things. What am I looking at here?”
Komali: “These are Alakana, an amphibian native to Manduco. Some outsiders have mentioned that they look like terrestrial octopuses, but I don’t see it. I’ve never seen an octopus, so who knows.”

Doog: “They’re so cute. Who could eat those?”
Komali: “The millions of people on Fenestrula. To be fair, they never see them while they’re alive, though. Ooh, maybe I’m in an episode that shakes cultural norms and changes local culture. That would be cool.”
Doog: “Nope, you’re in a funny one. I just stepped in crap. Dang it.”
Komali: “Haha, Tavalai will be so jealous!”
Doog: “It’s all the way up to my ankle, for Emperor’s sake!”
Komali: “Too funny!”
Doog: “See, you never have to force anything on this show. Crap always happens, literally in this instance.”

Komali: “Each pasture holds hundreds of Alakana. They are culled responsibly to maintain numbers. Today, they’ll harvest a few dozen.”
Doog: “Part of me doesn’t want to see cute creatures get murdered, but part of me does – the part of me covered in Alakana poop, mostly.”
Komali: “That sure does smell. Is it worse than the sewers on that space station?”
Doog: “You remember that one too? Trust me. Nothing was worse than that.”

Doog: “I might want to hose this off before we go in the slaughterhouse. There’s probably food standards or something.”
Komali: “This is a funny episode, isn’t it? Food standards in the LIU…hilarious!”

Komali: “Each pasture processes its own Alakana. It’s a pretty easy process.”

Komali: “The creatures are weighed to ensure that mature adults are being processed. They are then quickly and painlessly dispatched with a bolt gun.”
Doog: “I’m having creepy flashbacks right now.”
Komali: “Yeah, this has to be eerily similar to the prison you visited. What was it called? Reatus Societati or something?”
Doog: “I think you remember more about this show than I do.”

Komali: “Alakana have no bones. They can easily be parted out into various chunks of meat. Digestive organs are removed though. They’re used as bait by the local fisherman.”

​Komali: “Grinding machines shred the chunks of meat into a uniform paste. It’s then sprayed with some antimicrobial preservatives…”

Komali: “…and boxed into vacuum-sealed containers.”
Doog: “Blue protein sludge in a box. Glad I don’t live in this portion of the galaxy.”
Komali: “I don’t think they’ll stop production for you to try some, but I’ll try to get you a box to bring back with you.”
Doog: “No thanks.”

Komali: “These slaughterhouses also handle the local catch. Canned river fish is almost as good as toasted Bort-Fly. I’ll get you some of that too.”
Doog: “Please, you’re too generous. No…really…you’re too generous. I’m not eating this stuff.”

Doog: “All this meat gets shipped to you, right?”
Komali: “Yep. Me and Tavalai’s spaceport then ships it off-world.”
Doog: “I guess that is a wrap, then.”
Komali: “Not quite yet. Manduco has another large export that isn’t tied to the food industry.”
Doog: “Wood? Rotten vegetation? Fish guts?”
Komali: “No, it’s medicine.”
Doog: “From the swamp?”
Komali: “Yep! It’s time for the big reveal! Classic LIU Atlas!”

Doog: ‘This place makes medicine? It looks like the place those banjo guys murder people.”
Komali: “Maybe that’s the big twist!”
Doog: “What! Tell me your kidding!”
Komali: “I am. I am. We’ve already established that this place makes medicine.”

Doog: “Is that swamp water? What kind of medicine are they making? Euthanasia drugs?”
Komali: “No, but there is something hidden in the water that is very useful. After several rounds of filtration, the mostly clear water is practically devoid of life. Only the smallest molecular life is left.”
Doog: “Which is what?”
Komali: “Viruses.”
Doog: “Viruses are medicine?”
Komali: “They can be. This specific virus is a bacteriophage. It replicates in bacteria, killing it.”
Doog: “I guess that is good.”
Komali: “It is especially useful in eradicating drug-resistant bacteria in water. The Manduco Bacteriophage is used across the galaxy.”
Doog: “We can use a bit less diarrhea in this galaxy.” 

Scientist: “Speaking of diarrhea, what’s that smell? Did someone track in Alakana feces!”
Doog: “Sorry, that might have been me.”
Scientist: “Who are you? Why are you in my lab? Does sterile environment mean anything to you?”
Doog: “This guy told me to come here. Blame him.”
Komali: “A classic! Doog turns on his guide! I can’t believe I’m part of this!”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. We’ll be leaving.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Manduco. One of my biggest super-fans, Kong-Alley – or whatever his name is – showed me around the meat-basket of the Hyperplexity. That sounded weird. He showed me the meat production on this planet. Yeah, let’s go with that. They make more than meat here, though. They also produce viruses capable of killing bacteria in water. I guess Manduco is even more important than I thought. Oh well, see ya!”
Komali: “Let me go get you some samples for the road.”
Doog: “I told you I’m not eating that stuff!”
 
 
Note: 

Doog: “What’s all this?”
Amaya: “Your new buddy had his wife bring some samples to our ship.”
Doog: “I told him not to do that! Just throw it out!”
Amaya: “Actually, Komali was right about your contract. The clause states that you have to eat any local food offered to you.”
Doog: “You’re not really going to make me eat this, are you?”
Amaya: “I already heated up some blue protein for you to try, and there’s some Bort-Fly juice to wash it down with.”
Doog: “You’re the worst!”

Doog: “It can’t be that bad…can it?”
Mike: “You can do it, Doog! Shovel it down!”
Doog: “Why are you worried about it? Do you want some?”
Mike: “Nope.”
Doog: “Here goes nothing…”

Doog: “BAAARFFFF!”
Amaya: “I win. Pay up!”
Mike: “Seriously Doog. You threw up on the first bite!”
Amaya: “I told you he would. It’s the slimy texture.”
Mike: “Fine. Let me get my wallet.”
Doog: “You guys are the worst! BAAAARF!”

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Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Crew Member:  Jonathan Rivlin