There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Caelo Fax
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the Outer-Rim planet, Caelo Fax. Caelo Fax is a lush jungle planet that has a large planetary ring. This ring, a remnant of a failed moon, is highly unstable, frequently sending its meteoroids towards Caelo Fax. While a danger, it does have some advantages. Let’s head down to the surface and see why.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’m down here on the planet Caelo Fax. It’s definitely a jungle planet – there are plants growing everywhere. It’s warm and humid, and light layer of fog seems to be covering everything. I don’t like this place already, and that’s not accounting for the meteor danger.”
Visser: “You must be Doog. I’m Visser Yufu, your guide.”
Doog: “Viss-huh? It sounded like you sneezed through a kazoo.”
Visser: “Visser. Maybe just call me V.”
Doog: “I can get behind that. So, V, what can you tell us about Caelo Fax?”
BOOM
Visser: “That noise about sums it up. On Caelo Fax, we’re in the meteorite business. They fall from the ring, and I go find them.”
Doog: “You’re a meteor hunter?”
Visser: “Meteor when they’re burning in the sky, meteorite when they land. But yes, I hunt meteorites. If they’re able to hit the surface, they’re either big or made of hard minerals. I prefer the latter.”
Doog: “I never saw this represented at the job fair. What kind of minerals?”
Visser: “There’s a long list of valuable materials found in meteorites, but I’d say Iridium and Osmium are the most valuable.”
BOOM
Doog: “Wow, that’s loud! Are we safe?”
Doog: “Viss-huh? It sounded like you sneezed through a kazoo.”
Visser: “Visser. Maybe just call me V.”
Doog: “I can get behind that. So, V, what can you tell us about Caelo Fax?”
BOOM
Visser: “That noise about sums it up. On Caelo Fax, we’re in the meteorite business. They fall from the ring, and I go find them.”
Doog: “You’re a meteor hunter?”
Visser: “Meteor when they’re burning in the sky, meteorite when they land. But yes, I hunt meteorites. If they’re able to hit the surface, they’re either big or made of hard minerals. I prefer the latter.”
Doog: “I never saw this represented at the job fair. What kind of minerals?”
Visser: “There’s a long list of valuable materials found in meteorites, but I’d say Iridium and Osmium are the most valuable.”
BOOM
Doog: “Wow, that’s loud! Are we safe?”
Visser: “We’re perfectly safe. I’ve got an auto-cannon.”
Doog: “An auto-cannon?”
Visser: “Yeah, it scans the sky, detects any threats to me or my home, and takes them out.”
Doog: “Let me get a little closer to you.”
Visser: “No need. The cannon won’t let anything hit within a mile of me.”
Doog: “That’s comforting, I guess. If the cannon is so good, why did you build your home inside a cave?”
Visser: “Redundancy, I guess. Also, some of these strikes start small fires. My home is safer in there.”
Doog: “Comfort erased. I don’t like the idea of running from fires.”
Visser: “Relax, the cannon won’t let anything hit close enough that we’d be forced to run. Let me get my scanner, and we’ll head out.”
Doog: “An auto-cannon?”
Visser: “Yeah, it scans the sky, detects any threats to me or my home, and takes them out.”
Doog: “Let me get a little closer to you.”
Visser: “No need. The cannon won’t let anything hit within a mile of me.”
Doog: “That’s comforting, I guess. If the cannon is so good, why did you build your home inside a cave?”
Visser: “Redundancy, I guess. Also, some of these strikes start small fires. My home is safer in there.”
Doog: “Comfort erased. I don’t like the idea of running from fires.”
Visser: “Relax, the cannon won’t let anything hit close enough that we’d be forced to run. Let me get my scanner, and we’ll head out.”
Doog: “How does the jungle survive all these fires and booms?”
Visser: “Fires aren’t always bad. They get rid of dead trees, and they allow smaller plant species to compete. Besides, these plants evolved here. They built for this.”
Doog: “How so?”
Visser: “Most of the species here have deep root bulbs safe underground. The fire or strike might burn away the upper parts, but the plant survives and regrows.”
Doog: “I see.”
Visser: “I’m picking up a signal. Looks like I might have something.”
Visser: “Fires aren’t always bad. They get rid of dead trees, and they allow smaller plant species to compete. Besides, these plants evolved here. They built for this.”
Doog: “How so?”
Visser: “Most of the species here have deep root bulbs safe underground. The fire or strike might burn away the upper parts, but the plant survives and regrows.”
Doog: “I see.”
Visser: “I’m picking up a signal. Looks like I might have something.”
Doog: “What is it? Are we rich?”
Visser: “We? And the answer is no. This is Caelonite, aka impact glass. The fusion of verditite and silicates tricks the scanner. Let’s keep going.”
Doog: “How often do you find the good stuff?”
Visser: “Not very often, to be honest.”
Doog: “Why do it?”
Visser: “Heavier elements tend to sink when a planet’s created, so it’s difficult to find things like Osmium near a planet’s surface. So, it’s exceedingly rare. On Caelo Fax, the odds are slightly improved. The heavier elements in the failed moon are out there for the taking. I just need them to land within my territory.”
Doog: “So, if it’s rare, it’s worth a lot?”
Visser: “Exactly. A few good finds a year keeps my operation running.”
Doog: “Why not grab them in orbit, then?”
Visser: “Caelo Fax’s ring is way too unstable for that. You’d be struck by twenty meteoroids before you scanned one. This is a lot safer.”
Visser: “We? And the answer is no. This is Caelonite, aka impact glass. The fusion of verditite and silicates tricks the scanner. Let’s keep going.”
Doog: “How often do you find the good stuff?”
Visser: “Not very often, to be honest.”
Doog: “Why do it?”
Visser: “Heavier elements tend to sink when a planet’s created, so it’s difficult to find things like Osmium near a planet’s surface. So, it’s exceedingly rare. On Caelo Fax, the odds are slightly improved. The heavier elements in the failed moon are out there for the taking. I just need them to land within my territory.”
Doog: “So, if it’s rare, it’s worth a lot?”
Visser: “Exactly. A few good finds a year keeps my operation running.”
Doog: “Why not grab them in orbit, then?”
Visser: “Caelo Fax’s ring is way too unstable for that. You’d be struck by twenty meteoroids before you scanned one. This is a lot safer.”
Doog: “Is this a crater?”
Visser: “It is. It’s been here since I’ve arrived, so it’s an older impact.”
Doog: “Something this big must have made a mess. Can the canon take out something this big?”
Visser: “Probably. It would certainly break it up into smaller chunks.”
Doog: “Speaking of which, are there any rocks in the ring that the canon couldn’t handle?”
Visser: “You mean like…planet killers? Yeah, there’s a few.”
Doog: “I meant like Doog killers, not planet killers! There are rocks big enough to destroy the planet?!
Visser: “Well, the planet would still be here, but, yeah, all life would probably be irradicated.”
Doog: “What?! Why am I here?”
Visser: “They are being monitored. We should have plenty of warning if any of the big guys destabilize.”
Visser: “It is. It’s been here since I’ve arrived, so it’s an older impact.”
Doog: “Something this big must have made a mess. Can the canon take out something this big?”
Visser: “Probably. It would certainly break it up into smaller chunks.”
Doog: “Speaking of which, are there any rocks in the ring that the canon couldn’t handle?”
Visser: “You mean like…planet killers? Yeah, there’s a few.”
Doog: “I meant like Doog killers, not planet killers! There are rocks big enough to destroy the planet?!
Visser: “Well, the planet would still be here, but, yeah, all life would probably be irradicated.”
Doog: “What?! Why am I here?”
Visser: “They are being monitored. We should have plenty of warning if any of the big guys destabilize.”
Doog: “Are those figurines in the crater?”
Visser: “Yes, offerings from the local race. They seem to worship these craters.”
Doog: “There’s an indigenous race on Caelo Fax?”
Visser: “Yes.”
Doog: “And they worship craters?
Visser: “Well, I don’t know if the worship the craters per se, but they are certainly spiritual sites. The make offerings to the craters to appease their god. Their god being the one throwing fireballs to the surface.”
Doog: “I’m not a religious person, but I’m considering making an offering myself. Please don’t send any planet killers while I’m here, sky-fire god! Have this tissue I have in my pocket! Sorry, it’s all I have.”
Visser: “Yes, offerings from the local race. They seem to worship these craters.”
Doog: “There’s an indigenous race on Caelo Fax?”
Visser: “Yes.”
Doog: “And they worship craters?
Visser: “Well, I don’t know if the worship the craters per se, but they are certainly spiritual sites. The make offerings to the craters to appease their god. Their god being the one throwing fireballs to the surface.”
Doog: “I’m not a religious person, but I’m considering making an offering myself. Please don’t send any planet killers while I’m here, sky-fire god! Have this tissue I have in my pocket! Sorry, it’s all I have.”
Doog: “Where are we going now, V?”
Visser: “To meet the locals. They are known as the Ur’Ka.”
Doog: “Why does it smell so bad all the sudden? Do the Orcas smell?”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka are very clean. That’s the swamp water you’re smelling.”
Doog: “Oh.”
Visser: “Also, the Ur’Ka speak some basic, so maybe don’t be rude around them.”
Doog: “I was just making an observation about the changing conditions.”
Visser: “To meet the locals. They are known as the Ur’Ka.”
Doog: “Why does it smell so bad all the sudden? Do the Orcas smell?”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka are very clean. That’s the swamp water you’re smelling.”
Doog: “Oh.”
Visser: “Also, the Ur’Ka speak some basic, so maybe don’t be rude around them.”
Doog: “I was just making an observation about the changing conditions.”
Visser: “Doog, this is Ur’tahn the Elder, and his wife, Vaka’sul.”
Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m never going to able to remember your names, so...sorry in advanced.”
Ur’tahn: “Doog. Wel’ta.”
Visser: “He welcomes you.”
Ur’tahn: “Visser, friend. Doog, friend?”
Doog: “Sure, I’ll be your friend.”
Ur’tahn: “Thankful. Visser need Kaloh’ta?”
Visser: “Yes, but I also would like to show Doog around your place. Uh, Naar’tel your home.”
Ur’tahn: “My home, you home, Visser. Visser, Ur’bassa, calmer of sky fire.”
Doog: “What did he just call you? Umbrella?”
Visser: “Ur’bassa, the calmer of sky fire.”
Doog: “Why does he call you that?”
Visser: “The auto-cannon. Since, they live within a mile of my home, the canon stops any meteor strikes, or sky fire.”
Doog: “Maybe they need to start worshipping you instead of the craters.”
Visser: “Doog!”
Doog: “I’m just saying. So, what are we doing now?”
Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m never going to able to remember your names, so...sorry in advanced.”
Ur’tahn: “Doog. Wel’ta.”
Visser: “He welcomes you.”
Ur’tahn: “Visser, friend. Doog, friend?”
Doog: “Sure, I’ll be your friend.”
Ur’tahn: “Thankful. Visser need Kaloh’ta?”
Visser: “Yes, but I also would like to show Doog around your place. Uh, Naar’tel your home.”
Ur’tahn: “My home, you home, Visser. Visser, Ur’bassa, calmer of sky fire.”
Doog: “What did he just call you? Umbrella?”
Visser: “Ur’bassa, the calmer of sky fire.”
Doog: “Why does he call you that?”
Visser: “The auto-cannon. Since, they live within a mile of my home, the canon stops any meteor strikes, or sky fire.”
Doog: “Maybe they need to start worshipping you instead of the craters.”
Visser: “Doog!”
Doog: “I’m just saying. So, what are we doing now?”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka have graciously offered you access to their home.”
Doog: “I’m always up for a good home tour.”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka build their homes inside of caves, where they are protected from strikes. I actually got the idea to build my home from them.”
Doog: “Seems like a solid strategy.”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka tend to live in wetter, swampier parts of the jungle. They’re safer from fires here.”
Doog: “I’m always up for a good home tour.”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka build their homes inside of caves, where they are protected from strikes. I actually got the idea to build my home from them.”
Doog: “Seems like a solid strategy.”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka tend to live in wetter, swampier parts of the jungle. They’re safer from fires here.”
Visser: “The swamp also acts as food source for the Ur’Ka. They pull all kinds of creepy crustacean-type things out of the murky water. I’ve never tried any of it. I don’t have the stomach.”
Doog: “Let’s keep it that way.”
Visser: “Fun fact, the Ur’Ka have evolved to only eat meat. Plants are too unreliable, as they are subject to fires.”
Doog: “Ah, fellow carnivores. I’m liking these guys already.”
Visser: “Let’s head inside.”
Doog: “Let’s keep it that way.”
Visser: “Fun fact, the Ur’Ka have evolved to only eat meat. Plants are too unreliable, as they are subject to fires.”
Doog: “Ah, fellow carnivores. I’m liking these guys already.”
Visser: “Let’s head inside.”
Visser: “Most Ur’ka homes are arranged in a similar fashion. There is the common room, where we are now. There are then two offshoot chambers. This here is the kitchen. You’ll note that this room has no wood and is built directly into the cave. This serves two purposes, it stops the kitchen’s fire and smoke from endangering the home, and it can be used as a safety shelter during large fires.”
Vaka’sul: “Krez nak tu, Visser. Tcha’valla! Pesha na’kar cook. Hrrn! Yakka drosh three cycle. Hrrn! Hrrn!”
Doog: “Did you catch any of that? I recognized like two words.”
Visser: “Not entirely. Perhaps she is offering us some…”
Doog: “DON’T finish that sentence. I’m contractually obligated to eat anything offered. So, let’s not assume any of that gibberish means the f-word.”
Visser: “F-word?”
Doog: “The stuff you eat. Now move on!”
Vaka’sul: “Krez nak tu, Visser. Tcha’valla! Pesha na’kar cook. Hrrn! Yakka drosh three cycle. Hrrn! Hrrn!”
Doog: “Did you catch any of that? I recognized like two words.”
Visser: “Not entirely. Perhaps she is offering us some…”
Doog: “DON’T finish that sentence. I’m contractually obligated to eat anything offered. So, let’s not assume any of that gibberish means the f-word.”
Visser: “F-word?”
Doog: “The stuff you eat. Now move on!”
Visser: “The other offshoot is the communal bed. It is shared by all members of the family.”
Doog: “Do we have a Charlie’s grandparents’ situation here or what?”
Visser: “I have no idea what that means.”
Doog: “How do they all fit in there?”
Visser: “I’m have no idea. I’m not usually here at night. Maybe they take turns? Perhaps the Ur’Ka like a good snuggle.”
Doog: “Ask them.”
Visser: “No! I’m not trying to get all up in their personal business. Why does it even matter?”
Doog: “I’m a curious man.”
Visser: “Drop it or I’m going back over to Vaka’sul. I might just work on translating what she was offering.”
Doog: “You wouldn’t!”
Visser: “I would.”
Doog: “Fine, move on.”
Doog: “Do we have a Charlie’s grandparents’ situation here or what?”
Visser: “I have no idea what that means.”
Doog: “How do they all fit in there?”
Visser: “I’m have no idea. I’m not usually here at night. Maybe they take turns? Perhaps the Ur’Ka like a good snuggle.”
Doog: “Ask them.”
Visser: “No! I’m not trying to get all up in their personal business. Why does it even matter?”
Doog: “I’m a curious man.”
Visser: “Drop it or I’m going back over to Vaka’sul. I might just work on translating what she was offering.”
Doog: “You wouldn’t!”
Visser: “I would.”
Doog: “Fine, move on.”
Visser: “The Ur’Ka spend most of their time in the common room. It’s where they eat and gather, but more importantly, it’s where they create.”
Doog: “Create?”
Visser: “Yes. The Ur’Ka are talented artists. They make a variety of pieces, but their craftsmanship shows up best in their word carvings. They are called Kaloh’ta.”
Doog: “Create?”
Visser: “Yes. The Ur’Ka are talented artists. They make a variety of pieces, but their craftsmanship shows up best in their word carvings. They are called Kaloh’ta.”
Visser: “Kaloh’ta are offerings. They are left near craters for protection. They are dropped into the swamp to bring bountiful food. They are even traded between families during matrimonial festivals.”
Doog: “I heard that one guy mention Kaloh’ta to you earlier.”
Visser: “Yes, this family gives me loads of Kaloh’ta, as a thanks for my protection. I get a dozen or so carvings whenever I pass through here.”
Doog: “Is your whole house full of them?”
Visser: “No, but it could have been. I’ve literally gotten hundreds over the years.”
Doog: “How do you get rid of them?”
Visser: “I sell them. A lot of people like their carvings. This second income keeps me afloat until I can make a big score on a meteorite.”
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Doog: “That’s a lot of explosions!”
Ur’tahn: “Sky fire!”
Doog: “I heard that one guy mention Kaloh’ta to you earlier.”
Visser: “Yes, this family gives me loads of Kaloh’ta, as a thanks for my protection. I get a dozen or so carvings whenever I pass through here.”
Doog: “Is your whole house full of them?”
Visser: “No, but it could have been. I’ve literally gotten hundreds over the years.”
Doog: “How do you get rid of them?”
Visser: “I sell them. A lot of people like their carvings. This second income keeps me afloat until I can make a big score on a meteorite.”
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Doog: “That’s a lot of explosions!”
Ur’tahn: “Sky fire!”
Doog: “Holy Emperor! Are we safe?!”
Visser: “The auto-cannon isn’t firing, so I think we’re good.”
Doog: “I’ve never seen so many.”
Visser: “It’s a big shower. I’ll definitely be scanning out that way tomorrow.”
Doog: “I think I want off this death planet. So, unless you have anything else to add, I’m going to wrap it up.”
Visser: “No, I think that’s it.”
Visser: “The auto-cannon isn’t firing, so I think we’re good.”
Doog: “I’ve never seen so many.”
Visser: “It’s a big shower. I’ll definitely be scanning out that way tomorrow.”
Doog: “I think I want off this death planet. So, unless you have anything else to add, I’m going to wrap it up.”
Visser: “No, I think that’s it.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Caelo Fax. This place has crazy meteor showers, but somehow life has managed to thrive here. There are hardy plants, a native race, and meteorite hunters. I know this wrap up is a bit short, but I’m not sure if the auto-cannon is still protecting me, now that V has gone. Wish me luck! See ya!”
Note: Ur’Ka matrimonial festivals are held yearly at the Grik’ha, a large underground cave complex. Festival goers are safe once they arrive, but must make the dangerous pilgrimage to Grik’ha. The pilgrimage awards those survive with new spouses, while the gods weed out the unworthy along the way.
Note: Ur’Ka matrimonial festivals are held yearly at the Grik’ha, a large underground cave complex. Festival goers are safe once they arrive, but must make the dangerous pilgrimage to Grik’ha. The pilgrimage awards those survive with new spouses, while the gods weed out the unworthy along the way.
