Season 10 - Episode 1 - Iacchus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. ​​​​​​

LIU Atlas - Iacchus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to Season Ten of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the inhospitable, hell-hole of Iacchus. This planet orbits a Thorne-Żytkow Object…a rare type of star where a neutron star has merged with a red giant star. The neutron star now forms the core of the Thorne-Żytkow Object. The core’s rapid spin generates a massive gravitational pull, which impacts all the planets in the system, including Iacchus. This place is a seismic nightmare. It should be a fun place to visit…said no one ever.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off on a little landing pad in what appears to be the middle of nowhere. I don’t see any settlements nearby. It’s not too bad here, yet. The air has a sulfurous tang to it, but I’ve smelled worse. The sun is harsh, but the planet’s thick atmosphere seems to be filtering out most of it. I’d like to investigate the place further, but I’ve been given strict orders to stay on the platform.”

Doog: “I will, of course, be ignoring said orders. There’s these cute little hamster things scurrying around. I must pet one.”

Doog: “I just want to hold you for a bit. Why won’t you come to me? Is it my breath? I ran out of toothpaste, don’t hold it against me. I’ll breathe through my nose.”

Doog: “Hey! What’s the deal! You scared away all the gerbils with your giant wheel vehicle.”
Rūaumoko: “They’re not gerbils. They’re called Punga.”
Doog: “Whatever they are called, I was trying to pet one.”
Rūaumoko: “That would not be wise. They’re timid creatures that tend to bite when handled. They carry many fleas and mites as well.”
Doog: “Uh…is it wrong that I still want to pet one.”

Rūaumoko: “You can do as you wish. If placing yourself in dangerous situations is to your liking, then who am I to stop you.”
Doog: “Well, I wouldn’t say that I like dangerous situations.”
Rūaumoko: “Oh, my apologies. I must have misread the situation. I just thought that your disregard for the safety instructions and your urge to pet the unsafe, Punga, were signs that you liked risky situations.”
Doog: “My disregard for the safety instructions? Oh, you mean the whole ‘stay on the landing pad’ thing. Well, it looked safe enough to me. I didn’t realize it was dangerous.”

Rūaumoko: “Looks can be deceiving. Iacchus is seismically active. We get a strong quake every six to eight hours. Tremors strike even more frequently.”
Doog: “Quakes are scary and all, but we’re outside. Nothing can fall on my head.”
Rūaumoko: “True. But, you are standing right next to a boiling hot mudpot. You could lose your balance during the quake and fall in.”
Doog: “I don’t know if I should be scared or not. What’s a mudpot?”
Rūaumoko: “Volcanism, driven by the numerous quakes, heats water and forces it to the surface.”
Doog: “Like a hot spring?”
Rūaumoko: “Yes, but a hot spring that comes up through the dirt. Essentially, it’s a pool of boiling hot mud.”
Doog: “I’m leaning over a boiling sludge pool on a super-seismic planet. Ok. Now, I’m scared.”
Rūaumoko: “I’m glad you can now see the gravity of the situation. You’ll need to keep the quakes in mind as we continue the tour. Try to keep away from the pools.”
Doog: “Will do.”

Rūaumoko: “The mudpots may be dangerous, but they do offer up an economic opportunity.”
Doog: “Mud baths? Mud masks?”
Rūaumoko: “What? No! You could use any mud for that. It’s not the mud that’s special. The mudpots are full of rock and ore being pushed up from below.”
Doog: “And that’s good? Your people like rocks?”
Rūaumoko: “The rocks contain valuable minerals and elements. It’s like mining without all the hard digging.”
Doog: “Ah, I get it now.”

Doog: “Anything good?”
Rūaumoko: “Excuse me?”
Doog: “Are you mining anything special?”
Rūaumoko: “Ah, yes. Our unique star, as you know, is comprised of a red giant star with a neutron star at its core. This odd merger did not occur peacefully though. Both stars ejected quite a bit of material during the merger. This material eventually coalesced into Iacchus and some of its sister planets.”
Doog: “How does this tell me what you’re mining? Am I missing something?”
Rūaumoko: “If I can continue, the unique situation created an abundance of rarer elements like Molybdenum and Yttrium. Iacchus is loaded with these elements.”

Doog: “You know, with all the scolding and scaring earlier, I forgot to get your name.”
Rūaumoko: “I am Rūaumoko, of the Labor Caste.”
Doog: “Ah, a fellow TV personality. Nice to meet you, Rue-a-Mocha. I’m Doog, of the LIU Atlas cast. So, Rue-a-Mocha, you guys must be loaded with cash. You have all these rare elements, not to mention this Labor show or movie you’re in.”
Rūaumoko: “It’s Rūaumoko, actually, and I’m not part of a movie cast. I’m part of the Labor Caste. Castes are social rankings or positions.”
Doog: “Oh, ok. That makes sense. Who’d want to watch a show about labor anyway? So, your people employ the caste system.”
Rūaumoko: “Indeed. We can talk about it as we make our way to the city.”

Doog: “So, where do you rank in the system, as a laborer?”
Rūaumoko: “Hard to say. Somewhere in the middle, I guess. The caste system has undergone some changes since the LIU arrived several decades ago. It’s not as clear as it once was.”
Doog: “How so?”
Rūaumoko: “The system was pretty linear prior to the LIU era. The Regal Caste was ranked the highest. It consisted of the royal family, the rulers of Iacchus. Then there was the Rata Caste, the divine priests of the old religion. Then came the Fener Caste, the merchants and traders. Then the Labor Caste, miners and farmers. And last and least, the Nequam Class. The ones we do not speak of.”
Doog: “Kings, priests, merchants, laborers, and the unspeakable lower class. Got it. What’s the arrangement now?”
Rūaumoko: “Merchants, Laborers, Priests, and Nequam.”
Doog: “Uh…you forgot one.”
Rūaumoko: “Sadly, I have not. The Fener Caste grew powerful under the LIU. They massed great deals of wealth selling minerals to the LIU. They quickly grew powerful enough to depose the royal family. They were dethroned and then murdered. That caste no longer exists.”
Doog: “Yikes.”
Rūaumoko: “Yes. The Rata/Priest Caste lost a lot of power too. Under the Fener Caste, religion was deemed unessential and banned. It’s not clear if the Rata are considered a caste anymore. They can’t openly practice religion, so they’re essentially useless. They don’t do anything.”
Doog: “That sounds like the best caste. Sign me up for priesthood. I love doing nothing.”

Rūaumoko: “This is the town of Ranginui, one of Iacchus’ largest settlements.”
Doog: “It looks like it was built on stilts. Are there catastrophic boiling mud floods or something?”
Rūaumoko: “They’re not stilts. They’re shocks. They lessen the effects of the quakes and tremors. It’s the only way a city like this can exist.”
Doog: “Ah, cool. Makes sense.”

Doog: “Bring on the quakes! You can’t hurt me now!”
Rūaumoko: “The shocks lessen the effects; they don’t stop them. Best not to tempt fate.”
Doog: “Oh. Ok.”

Doog: “This looks to be some type of food market. A lot of it looks to be imported though. I recognize a lot of these foods.”
Rūaumoko: “Yes. The food situation here is unique. There are few species that can handle this environment. And, those that can, aren’t easy to farm.”
Doog: “What about these pink flowers? They must be native to this planet. I saw them when we were walking through the mudpots.”
Rūaumoko: “Yes. They’re called Rongo. They’re one of two plant species that we’ve been able to farm. They’re not easy to grow though. It wasn’t until interstellar trade brought offworld food here, that our population was able to grow to this size. It was limited by the lack of food and harvestable plants.”

Doog: “Hey, look at that guy. He’s dressed different from everyone else. What’s his deal?”
Rūaumoko: “That’s a member of the Rata Caste. A priest.”
Doog: “Oh, hey! Priest guy! Over here! Let me get an application! I happen to be an expert at doing nothing. My resumé includes numerous references that can all attest to my laziness.”
Rūaumoko: “Doog, stop! It’s still a sore subject! Leave the man alone!”
Doog: “Ok, ok.”

Doog: “So, I’ve seen tons of laborers, and now a priest. Where’s the other castes, though? I want to see all-powerful merchants and the lowly Nequam.”
Rūaumoko: “You’ll never see a Nequam here. They aren’t allowed in cities. However, I can show you the Fener Caste. They live in the center of town. Before we go there, I’d like to show you another feature of Ranginui. Hop into this little hut on the right.”

Doog: “Alrighty then. This is happening.”
Rūaumoko: “The mudpots are too dangerous for direct contact, but their steam does great things for your skin. Certain community huts are built with latticed floors, so steam can rise into the hut. People gather here to relax.”
Doog: “I have got to stop blindly following my guides. I run into too many awkward situations like this.”
Rūaumoko: “Oh, relax. He has a towel on.”
Doog: “I don’t want to argue. Let’s just continue please.”

Rūaumoko: “Things in Ranginui changed just as much as the caste system did. Each caste used to live in certain parts of the city. The outer ring, which we just left, was home to the laborers.”
Doog: “It’s still full of the laborers.”
Rūaumoko: “It is. This section of the city, with a large marketplace, was home to Fener Caste.”
Doog: “Looks like it’s just laborers now.”
Rūaumoko: “Very good observation. As the Fener elevated themselves, they elevated their living situation. The labors moved into the marketplaces, and…”

Rūaumoko: “…the Fener Caste moved into the palaces and temples.”
Doog: “Ooh, fancy. I think I like this merchant caste better. I’d like a nice temple for a home. Let me go up and get an application.”
Rūaumoko: “No! This is no time for hijinks. The Fener are unforgiving of caste violations. Stepping foot on their elevated platform could result in your death or worse.”
Doog: “What’s worse than death?”
Rūaumoko: “You and your family could be downgraded to Nequam.”
Doog: “Man, it must be really bad to be in that social class. I won’t be getting any applications from them.”

Rūaumoko: “The caste system is powerful. Fear of descending the rankings keeps everyone in line. The labor caste outnumbers the Fener a hundred to one, yet no one will ever rise up and challenge the system.”
Doog: “Fear is a powerful suppressant. I stopped eating junk food for a week because I saw a spider in the cupboard.”
Rūaumoko: “I’m not sure they’re the same, but, yes, fear is powerful. So powerful, in fact, many laborers leave bribes or gifts for the Fener at the base of their platform. They adore the merchants like they’re gods.”
Doog: “Luckily, I have no fear of dropping caste levels, because I’m not in a caste. I’m considering grabbing one of these sacrifices for myself. I’m so thirsty. I could use a drink.”
Rūaumoko: “If you’d remember, I said the penalty would be death or drop in social class. You don’t wish to die, do you?”
Doog: “Uh, no. Forgot about that part. Would they really kill me over a drink?”
Rūaumoko: “A drink of Iacchus Wine? Most certainly.”
Doog: “Iacchus Wine. I’ve heard of that, I was offered some on the planet Praestigiae.”
Rūaumoko: “You must have powerful and rich friends, then. Iacchus Wine is known to be a status symbol of the rich.”
Doog: “Well, if you knew the story, my friends there weren’t so great. I’m interested in the wine though. What makes it so special?”
Rūaumoko: “Well, you’re in luck. That’s where we are headed next.”

Doog: “This thing is a little tight for two people. Every bump gets us acquainted more than I like.”  
Rūaumoko: “It’s not ideal, but it won’t be a long ride. The LIU All-Terrain Pod is the fastest way to cross the mudpot plains.”
Doog: “Where are we going anyway?”
Rūaumoko: “To a lava pool plantation.”
Doog: “This place just keeps getting worse.” 

Doog: “Wow, it is sweltering in here. Why would we come here?”
Rūaumoko: “It’s the only place that the Iacchus berry grows.”
Doog: “There’s a plant that grows in lava?”

Rūaumoko: “Not in the lava, on a column surrounded by lava.”
Doog: “How does it survive down here?”
Rūaumoko: “Millions of years of evolution has enabled this berry to grow in imaginably hot chambers. In fact, it won’t live outside these conditions. The plant and berry have thick skin that prevents burning and water loss.”
Doog: “How does it even get water down here?”
Rūaumoko: “Can’t you feel it? The air is really humid.”
Doog: “I guess, all I really feel is burning.”
Rūaumoko: “The same water that boils up to the surface finds its way here. It’s instantly evaporated into steam. The plant absorbs the humid air.”

Doog: “Are those people on the column? Are they crazy?”
Rūaumoko: “Someone has to pick the berries.”
Doog: “How would you talk anyone into doing that?”
Rūaumoko: “The Nequam have no choice. That is their position in this world.”
Doog: “The lowest caste. That’s terrible.”
Rūaumoko: “The collection of the berries is so dangerous that many workers die collecting them. I don’t have access to the math, but it is said that each bottle of Iacchus Wine has four deaths associated with it.”
Doog: “Four sentient lives lost forever for some wine, why?!”
Rūaumoko: “Drinking such a dreadful wine makes powerful people feel…more powerful. Inferior people died to make their drink. It’s a power trip.”

Rūaumoko: “There are only a few dozen lava plantations on the planet. Iacchus berries are in short supply. The rarity of the berries and the cost of life associated with it drives its price way up. Only the richest of the rich can afford it.”
Doog: “I’m sort of at a lost for words. That’s rare for me.”
Rūaumoko: “It has been this way for centuries, way before the LIU arrived. The caste system may have changed structurally under the LIU, but it has always been this harsh to the lowest caste. I do feel bad for them. The caste system hasn’t made us heartless, but there’s nothing I can do for them. I can only be glad that I was born into this caste.”
Doog: “I can see now why the threat of caste reduction is so powerful. For a laborer, it’s essentially a death sentence. You become a Nequam and die picking berries.”
Rūaumoko: “True, but it’s worse than that. When your social class gets reduced, your whole family gets reduced as well. If I acted against the Fener, my whole family would be reduced to Nequam. I would have sentenced my family to death.”
Doog: “That’s depressing. I could use a drink…and not of Iacchus Wine!”

Doog: “Well, I feel a little better just being out of that place. And, I’m glad no one died while I was down there. I don’t know if I could live with that.”
Rūaumoko: “We are in agreeance in that regard.”
Doog: “So, I’m assuming this is some type of winery?”
Rūaumoko: “Yes. This is where Iacchus Wine is processed.”
Doog: “That giant smasher thing looks a bit scary.”
Rūaumoko: “The skin of the berry is very thick. It takes some heavy machinery to break it apart and extract the juices.”

Rūaumoko: “The juice then drains into a filtration system. The system removes some of the chemical components of the juice to adjust its taste. A few chemicals are added too, mostly to achieve a standard coloration. It’s then pumped into fermentation barrels, where it sits for about fifty days. It’s then bottled up and shipped out to the select few that can afford it.”

Doog: “I don’t mean to get negative again, but you have to think about the amount of lives associated with each barrel. If a bottle takes four lives…then what does a barrel take?”
Rūaumoko: “Too many.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Iacchus. Everything about this place is a little off. It orbits a super rare star called a Thorne-Żytkow Object. It’s the only star of its type in the galaxy. This rare star’s extreme gravity makes Iacchus a seismic nightmare. There’s mudpots and lava pools. There’s even colossal quakes. Somehow, life found a way to exist here. It hasn’t developed without issues though. The sentient life here has developed a caste system where your lot in life is decided by who your parents are. The system has been tweaked since the arrival of the LIU, but not necessarily for the better. The lowest caste still experiences nightmarish working conditions. Many die every day picking berries to make wine. There’s still hope for them though. The system has already changed once. Maybe it can change again. Oh well, see ya!”
 
 
Note: Accurate data regarding the amount of deaths per bottle has never been officially studied. The unofficial number of four was obtained by taking the total number of deaths divided by the total amount of bottles produced over a one-year period. Its inaccuracy can be attested to many factors, including the differing dangers of individual lava pools and individual worker risks. Unfortunately, there’s no studies planned to obtain a more accurate representation. Four it is. 

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