Season 9 - Episode 10 - Eremita

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. ​​​​​

LIU Atlas - Eremita

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the ocean planet, Eremita. Eremita is slightly smaller than galactic standard, experiencing only 90% standard gravity. The lower gravity has some noticeable effects on the planetwide ocean, like larger waves and bigger solar tides. Also, it’s a good place to weigh yourself for a self-esteem boost.”

Doog: “A chain of conical islands, known as the Mandibula Archipelago, wraps a quarter way around the planet. These colossal, monolithic pillars were once connected, but erosion from the high waves has separated them into isolated peaks. One of these peaks has a small LIU settlement, and that is where we are headed.”

​Doog: “Alright folks, so here we are. I’ve been dropped off at this settlement that is about half way up one of the planet’s peaks. It’s smaller than I expected and precariously close to a long drop off. Perhaps I should move away from the edge.”

Mori: “Hey, Mr. McDoogal, up here!”
Doog: “Hey, homeless-looking guy, you come down here!”
Mori: “I don’t like going down there by the edge!”
Doog: “Well, I don’t like walking up steps!”
Mori: “Fine, we’ll meet in the middle!”

Doog: “Whew. I could never live someplace like this. There’s too many stairs. Thank goodness for weaker gravity.”
Mori: “Yeah, this place has its up and downs.”
Doog: “I see what you did there. So, who are you? Are you my guide?”
Mori: “I’m Hikiko Mori, signal analyst and sole human here on Eremita. And, no, I’m not your guide. I’m just here to serve as a point of contact. I’ll get you set up with your guide in a bit.”
Doog: “Sole human? That’s got to be lonely.”
Mori: “It can be, but honestly I like it. Besides, I’m hardly alone. I have the locals.”
Doog: “I’m sure LIU representatives visit too.”
Mori: “Not so much. Their visits are infrequent. I’m lucky to get quarterly resupply visits. Eremita can be a dangerous place. They don’t risk visiting more than necessary.”
Doog: “Yet, they have no problem sending me here. Thanks LIU. So, what kind of dangers are we talking about? Sea monsters, radiation bursts, carnivorous natives?”

Mori: “Well, there’s some obvious dangers, like living on the edge a steep mountain peak.”
Doog: “Yeah, no kidding. You couldn’t find somewhere safer to live?”
Mori: “There’s very little flat real estate on any of these peaks. Little indentions, like this one here, are the only safe places to build.”
Doog: “Yeah, but even this ‘indention’ has some steepness to it. Wouldn’t it be safer to live lower down on the peak, where there was less distance to fall?”
Mori: “Well, that brings us to the next danger. Eremita’s weaker gravity causes bigger ocean swells and waves. Anything built too low risks being destroyed by the sea.”
Doog: “Ah, yeah. I remember that now.”
Mori: “Alright, let’s descend.”
Doog: “Wait! What! You just said it was unsafe!”
Mori: ‘The waters are calm for now. We’ll be fine.”

Doog: “Safe for now, isn’t all that comforting. How predictable are these ocean waves? What happens if one shows up while we’re down here?”
Mori: “Well, I guess we start swimming and hope the waves don’t thrash us against the sharp rocks.”
Doog: “I was hoping for a better answer than that. Why are we down here anyway?”
Mori: “It’s time for you to meet Brachyura, one of the locals. He’ll be your guide.”

Doog: “Hold on, you can’t leave me yet. You haven’t finished telling me all the dangers!”
Mori: “Brachyura will take care of that. You’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t want to loiter down here too long. I’m not a great swimmer.”

Mori: “Doog, meet Brachyura. Brachyura, Doog.”
Doog: “Is this another one of the dangers? Crab men?”
Brachyura: “I’m not a crab. Does it look like I have ten legs?”
Doog: “One…two…three…uh, no. Only four limbs. What does that mean?”
Brachyura: “It means that I’m not a crab. Crabs are decapods or ten-legged. I’m a sentient crustacean of the Eremitan race.”
Doog: “Well, nice to meet you either way. I’d shake your hand…er…claw, but I don’t want to lose any fingers.”
Brachyura: “So, this is how it’s going to be today? You making lame jokes about my biology? Oh, joy.”
Doog: “Aw, someone is sounding like they might be a little crabby.”
Brachyura: “Sigh.”
Doog: “See what I did there? Huh? Huh? Why aren’t you answering me?”

Brachyura: “How important are you to the LIU?”
Doog: “About as important as any other Joe Shmoe in this galaxy.”
Brachyura: “So, not important at all. That’s good to know.”
Doog: “Why do you ask?”
Brachyura: “If you get too annoying, I might stage a little accident and make you disappear.”
Doog: “Good luck pulling off an accident on camera.”
Brachyura: “It’s a small boat. Tight quarters. Maybe you were standing too close to me. Maybe an abrupt turn knocks you into one of my head spikes. Maybe said spike impales your brain.”
Doog: “Alrighty then. Point taken. No more crab jokes. I’m only going to say nice things. The rest of this tour, I’m going to do nothing but butter you up. Get it! Ha! Butter! Because you’re a crab and people eat crabs with butter! Ha ha!”
Brachyura: “Come stand over by me.”
Doog: “Relax. I’m just having a bit of fun. Besides, it looks like we have witnesses approaching. It might not be wise to stage your accident now.”

Doog: “What’s going on here?”
Brachyura: “Fishing. It’s my people's livelihood. We live off the sea and its generous bounty.”
Doog: “That doesn’t look like a fish to me.”  
Brachyura: “Well, technically, it’s a jellyfish.”
Doog: “Whatever it is, it’s huge.”

Brachyura: “They’re called Tursent. They are one of the galaxy’s biggest jellyfish. Their translucent bell can measure up to 2.5 meters in length.”
Doog: “Do you guys eat them? Don’t they sting?”
Brachyura: “Our carapace protects us from stings. They’re only dangerous to weak-skinned creatures such as yourself.”
Doog: “I guess I deserved that.”
Brachyura: “Of course, our shell can protect us only while handling the jellyfish. To eat it, it must be prepared in a specific manner. The stingers and their toxins must be removed. This is usually done right away to avoid contamination. The jellyfish are often eaten right away too. They spoil quickly out of the water. This limits Tursent to the water tribes.”
Doog: “Water tribes?”

Brachyura: “My people are divided into two subgroups, the water tribes and the land tribes. The water tribes live in the open ocean in house boats, like this one here. They are sustenance fishers and get everything they need from the sea. They are safe from ocean swells. Their boats are stable and keep them atop of the waves.”
Doog: “And the land tribes?”
Brachyura: “They seek safety from the waves on the archipelago, some high up on the mountain, others in protected coves. They fish too, but the wildlife is different in the shallower areas around the islands. Unlike the water tribes, they also do a little farming.”
Doog: “And which tribe are you? I’m guessing water tribe because of this little house boat.”
Brachyura: “Yes. I am from the water tribe, but I’ve spent a good deal of time on land as well. My job as a courier for the LIU has taken me all throughout Eremita.”
Doog: “What exactly do you courier? I haven’t seen much worth taking from Eremita, well, at least from the water tribe.”

Brachyura: “Tursent, as I explained, is not of value to the LIU. It spoils quick. But, out here in the deep ocean, there’s another creature worth catching.”
Doog: “What's that?”
Brachyura: “The Spineback. Spinebacks are massive fish, averaging about 7 meters in length. They are carnivorous, eating mostly Tursent. They are difficult to catch, but each catch brings in hundreds of pounds of meat. When prepared properly, Spineback can be shipped off world.”
Doog: “Well, isn’t that crabtivating.”
Brachyura: “Did you just add the word crab into ‘captivating’?
Doog: “Caught that, huh? I thought it was clever. Not my best, though. I think I hit my peak earlier with that whole butter gig.”
Brachyura: “Speaking of peaks, we’re headed back to the islands now. Another bad joke like that, and you might find yourself accidentally falling down the mountainside.”

Brachyura: “This is Anchorite City. Nestled in a cove, it’s mostly protected from the rough seas. It’s one of the larger settlements belonging to the land tribes.”
Doog: “They look to be fisherman as well.”
Brachyura: “Mostly. The fish are different here around the continental shelf, though. There are smaller fish and other invertebrates.”

Doog: “Wait. Are those…crabs! Cannibals! You’re eating yourselves!”
Brachyura: “For the last time, we’re NOT CRABS!”
Doog: “Ow! Did you just pinch me?!”
Brachyura: “Did I? In my anger, it’s possible my pincher accidentally closed. I hope there’s no more accidents like that. Don’t you?”

​Doog: “There’s no need to resort to violence. I’m just joking around, trying to liven up this boring tour. Fishing is nothing new. I’ve done plenty of episodes on it.”

Brachyura: “Well, we have farming too.”
Doog: “I’ve seen countless farming worlds. Unless you are growing something special, I’m still bored.”
Brachyura: “We…uh…grow Larso Cane. We use its wood to make our boats.”
Doog: “Booooring!”
Brachyura: “Alright, I'll admit it. You might not have seen anything new, yet. But Eremita is far from boring. The planet has a secret. Let’s head inside.”

Doog: “What kind of secret? Is this one of the dangers that Mori was speaking of?”
Brachyura: “Indeed it is.”
Doog: “Am I safe?”
Brachyura: “Depends.”
Doog: “Depends? Am I safe or not?”
Brachyura: “It depends on how many bad puns and jokes you rattle off inside.”

Doog: “What’s the danger?”
Brachyura: “Eremita is home to a very dangerous creature. So dangerous, in fact, that they have been purposely hunted into extinction, at least in the wild. Several specimens have been captured and are imprisoned within various facilities throughout Eremita.”
Doog: “Imprisoned? That sounds serious.”

Brachyura: “It is serious. Its escape could have galactic consequences.”
Doog: “What kind of creature are we talking about?! Is it a hundred miles tall?”
Brachyura: “No, it’s about the same size as a human.”
Doog: “Well, does it shoot lasers out of its eyes?”
Brachyura: “Worse. It controls minds.”
Doog: “Mind control?”
Brachyura: “Yes. This ability was not discovered until the arrival of the LIU. Landing parties sent by the LIU kept dying. Most of them killed themselves by jumping off island cliffs into the water. It wasn’t until the signal was detected that the LIU realized what was happening.”
Doog: "A signal?”
Brachyura: “Yes. A deep-water radio signal.”

Brachyura: “The signal was emanating from cephalopodic creatures, called Agleopes. The Agleopes use the radio signals to alter other creatures’ brain functions. Radio waves disrupt and change the ion flows between synapses, allowing the Agleopes to control the flow of information in other animals' brains.”
Doog: “That's mind control?”
Brachyura: “Yes, but it is more complicated than that. That Agleopes can’t input instructions into your brain; they don’t speak Basic or Presciant or have access to your Whorf-Sapir profile. But, they can elicit you to react in certain ways by manipulating areas of your brain. For instance, the Agleope might excite the hypothalamus and elicit extreme thirst. The explorers walk to the edge seeking water, and then the Agleope disable parts of the cerebellum, causing the explorers to lose balance and fall to their death. There’s even evidence the Agleope attack the amygdala, eliciting a disproportionately low or high fear response.”
Doog: “That’s terrifying.”

Doog: “Are they trying to make me do things right now? Is that why I’m so hungry?”
Brachyura: “They might be trying, but they won’t succeed. The LIU developed signal disrupters to negate the Agleope signal. If you’re feeling hungry, it’s because you haven’t eaten.”
Doog: “That is entirely possible. So, how did your species learn to cope with these things before the LIU arrived?”
Brachyura: “My people are immune. Our thick, chitin shells protect our brains from manipulation.”
Doog: “Why would these ‘brain squids’ develop this ability if it doesn’t work on you guys?”
Brachyura: “Well, we’re not the only species here. The Agleope manipulate Spinebacks and Tursents. The ability acts as both a defense and an offense. They might make a Spineback feel full so it doesn’t eat them, or they might a school of Tursent attack a Spineback, so they can eat it.”

Doog: “It’s freaky, but is it really all that dangerous, now that the LIU has learned how to block the signal.”
Brachyura: “By studying the signal, the LIU hopes to gain the same abilities as the Agleopes. Testing has already begun. Once the LIU learns what radio signals cause which reactions, the Agleope Signal might be one of the more powerful weapons in their arsenal. Imagine beaming waves over entire planets causing the population to act however you see fit. They could cause mass violence or smother populations that forget they need to breathe.”
Doog: “Well, it looks like it’s time to dust off my old, tinfoil hat.”
Brachyura: “Perhaps, in a few years anyway. The study is still in its infancy. We’re now testing signals on sentient beings.”
Doog: “Not me, I hope.”
Brachyura: “No, not you. Not yet, anyway. We’re testing it on Hikiko. That’s his purpose here.”
Doog: “He said he was a signal analyst”
Brachyura: “He is. We beam Agleope signals into his brain and he tells us what is happening and what he feels.”
Doog: “Sounds like a horrible job.”
Brachyura: “Important though.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Eremita. This ocean world is home to many fascinating species, like fish, jellyfish, and mind controlling octopi. The sentient crabs aren’t half bad either. They’re developing mind control weapons too, which is horrifying to say the least. Well, see ya!”

Note:

Brachyura: “Did you call us sentient crabs? Again? Dr. Homaridae, activate signal ICP at Number #1.”
Homaridae: “Copy that. Broadcasting.”
Doog: “What is that? Oh, ok. I see. I’m urinating myself.”
Brachyura: “Anymore jokes and we try protocol Number #2, if you catch my drift.”
Doog: “That won’t be necessary. This will already be hard enough to explain to my crew.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 11 - Putredo