There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Spargere
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the noxious, mining planet, Spargere. Spargere is rich in sulfur, radium, and phosphorous. While these minerals are great for mining, they make the atmosphere toxic. Despite this, Spargere is inhabited, so let’s head down and check it out.”
Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve been dropped off on the surface of Spargere. Yes, I did say we. I’m not alone this episode. Speaking of which, why are you here old man?”
Oldie: “I’m NOT old, and I’m here because we decided to spice this season up.”
Doog: “Spice it up?”
Oldie: “Amaya decided that each crew member gets to pick a place to visit this season. I picked Spargere.”
Doog: “What! Did the dementia sneak up and bop you in the head?”
Oldie: “No! She really said that!”
Doog: “I’m not talking about Amaya’s dumb idea. I’m wondering why you picked this dump of a planet?”
Oldie: “I saw a brochure about this place. There was something about health and spas. I couldn’t pass that up.”
Oldie: “I’m NOT old, and I’m here because we decided to spice this season up.”
Doog: “Spice it up?”
Oldie: “Amaya decided that each crew member gets to pick a place to visit this season. I picked Spargere.”
Doog: “What! Did the dementia sneak up and bop you in the head?”
Oldie: “No! She really said that!”
Doog: “I’m not talking about Amaya’s dumb idea. I’m wondering why you picked this dump of a planet?”
Oldie: “I saw a brochure about this place. There was something about health and spas. I couldn’t pass that up.”
Doog: “Does this place look like a spa?! It’s the opposite! You clearly read something wrong.”
Oldie: “It is possible. I read about it a few years back.”
Doog: “I few years! You can barely remember a week back! What did you get us into?”
Oldie: “It is possible. I read about it a few years back.”
Doog: “I few years! You can barely remember a week back! What did you get us into?”
Oldie: “What are these geysers spraying everywhere? Is that cheese? That could be interesting.”
Doog: “It’s definitely not cheese.”
Oldie: “How do you know?”
Doog: “How would a planet have cheese underground?”
Oldie: “Oh, so you’re a scientist now.”
Doog: “It doesn’t take a scientist to…you know what. Maybe it is cheese. Go taste it. I’m sure your polyester windbreaker suit will give you ample protection from the geyser sprays.”
Oldie: “I will!”
Doog: “Go for it!”
Oldie: “Hmm. On second thought, it might not be worth it. Underground cheese is probably
gritty and full of dirt.”
Doog: “It’s definitely not cheese.”
Oldie: “How do you know?”
Doog: “How would a planet have cheese underground?”
Oldie: “Oh, so you’re a scientist now.”
Doog: “It doesn’t take a scientist to…you know what. Maybe it is cheese. Go taste it. I’m sure your polyester windbreaker suit will give you ample protection from the geyser sprays.”
Oldie: “I will!”
Doog: “Go for it!”
Oldie: “Hmm. On second thought, it might not be worth it. Underground cheese is probably
gritty and full of dirt.”
Reggie: “Can I help you guys?”
Oldie: “You can! Two for the cheese spas, please!”
Reggie: “The what?”
Oldie: “The delicious cheese spas!”
Doog: “I think this guy escaped from the old folks home over yonder. We’ll be on our way, now. Sorry for wasting your time.”
Reggie: “I don’t know anything about cheese, but there is a spa on Spargere.”
Oldie: “Ha! I knew it! The cheese bit is a little disappointing though…”
Oldie: “You can! Two for the cheese spas, please!”
Reggie: “The what?”
Oldie: “The delicious cheese spas!”
Doog: “I think this guy escaped from the old folks home over yonder. We’ll be on our way, now. Sorry for wasting your time.”
Reggie: “I don’t know anything about cheese, but there is a spa on Spargere.”
Oldie: “Ha! I knew it! The cheese bit is a little disappointing though…”
Reggie: “I can take you there. It’s not far.”
Doog: “Can you settle a bet for us on the way?”
Reggie: “I can try.”
Doog: “What is the yellow stuff under the geysers?”
Reggie: “Sulfur deposits. The boiling geyser water has a little bit of sulfur mixed into it. Over time, these little bits add up to big deposits.”
Doog: “I told you it wasn’t cheese!”
Oldie: “Whatever!”
Doog: “Can you settle a bet for us on the way?”
Reggie: “I can try.”
Doog: “What is the yellow stuff under the geysers?”
Reggie: “Sulfur deposits. The boiling geyser water has a little bit of sulfur mixed into it. Over time, these little bits add up to big deposits.”
Doog: “I told you it wasn’t cheese!”
Oldie: “Whatever!”
Doog: “So, you guys mine this stuff?”
Reggie: “We do, but not the stuff under the geysers. It’s too dangerous with all the hot water shooting out.”
Reggie: “We do, but not the stuff under the geysers. It’s too dangerous with all the hot water shooting out.”
Reggie: “Instead, we mine the ridges surrounding the geyser plains. That’s where the strongest concentrations of sulfur are located.”
Doog: “Do you believe this guy, Oldie? Or do you want me to set you up a fondue station?”
Oldie: “I made one tiny mistake. At least I got the spa part right. You’ll be thanking me in a bit.”
Doog: “Do you believe this guy, Oldie? Or do you want me to set you up a fondue station?”
Oldie: “I made one tiny mistake. At least I got the spa part right. You’ll be thanking me in a bit.”
Reggie: “Well guys, this is it.”
Doog: “The spa is inside the mountain?”
Reggie: “It sure is. I think it was built in an old mining tunnel.”
Doog: “Oldie, what kind of spa is underground?”
Oldie: “I dunno. Think about it though. I’m sure it has something to do with those geysers. The steam is probably used for a sauna, or, maybe, there’s mud that cures wrinkles.”
Doog: “I hope you’re right. Well, are you coming with us mystery worker?”
Reggie: “The name is Reggie. And, no. I won’t be joining you. I need to get back to work. Besides, those spa guys creep me out. See you guys later!”
Doog: “Wait! What was the last part?! What did you get us into, Oldie!”
Doog: “The spa is inside the mountain?”
Reggie: “It sure is. I think it was built in an old mining tunnel.”
Doog: “Oldie, what kind of spa is underground?”
Oldie: “I dunno. Think about it though. I’m sure it has something to do with those geysers. The steam is probably used for a sauna, or, maybe, there’s mud that cures wrinkles.”
Doog: “I hope you’re right. Well, are you coming with us mystery worker?”
Reggie: “The name is Reggie. And, no. I won’t be joining you. I need to get back to work. Besides, those spa guys creep me out. See you guys later!”
Doog: “Wait! What was the last part?! What did you get us into, Oldie!”
Oldie: “This looks nice.”
Doog: “Nice? There’s a bunch of identically dressed people chanting towards some crystals! This is creepy!”
Oldie: “Shh! They can hear you!”
Doog: “I don’t care. I want to leave.”
Doog: “Nice? There’s a bunch of identically dressed people chanting towards some crystals! This is creepy!”
Oldie: “Shh! They can hear you!”
Doog: “I don’t care. I want to leave.”
Cultist: “Blessed brothers, do you wish to vibrate with us? The holy crystals are particularly sensitive today. It must be the planetary alignment.”
Doog: “This is seeming less like a spa and more like an alternative medicine cult, Oldie!”
Cultist: “Do you not sense the ions, brother?”
Oldie: “I think I sense them. My right arm tingled.”
Doog: “Your arm always tingles! It’s probably elderly nerve damage!”
Oldie: “Is not!”
Cultist: “Gentlemen, your auras will misalign the oscillating tantric of the chant if your bickering persists.”
Doog: “Look, I’m not trying to start trouble, but that made zero sense to me. How about we just come right out and ask – is there a spa here?”
Cultist: “Ah, you brothers are here for some breathwork. Why didn’t you say that before?”
Doog: “I guess those ions were blocking our brain signals or something weird like that.”
Cultist: “Follow me, brothers.”
Doog: “This is seeming less like a spa and more like an alternative medicine cult, Oldie!”
Cultist: “Do you not sense the ions, brother?”
Oldie: “I think I sense them. My right arm tingled.”
Doog: “Your arm always tingles! It’s probably elderly nerve damage!”
Oldie: “Is not!”
Cultist: “Gentlemen, your auras will misalign the oscillating tantric of the chant if your bickering persists.”
Doog: “Look, I’m not trying to start trouble, but that made zero sense to me. How about we just come right out and ask – is there a spa here?”
Cultist: “Ah, you brothers are here for some breathwork. Why didn’t you say that before?”
Doog: “I guess those ions were blocking our brain signals or something weird like that.”
Cultist: “Follow me, brothers.”
Cultist: “Prepare to intake the quantum mysticality of our gas spa, gentlemen.”
Doog: “Gas spa?”
Cultist: “Yes. Ionized gases from deep in the abandoned mine are pumped into this room.”
Doog: “Is this gas helpful or this your group’s version of poisoned punch?”
Cultist: “I don’t follow the whole punch thing, but, yes, it is very beneficial. The gas relieves pain, especially in the joints. It also elevates the mood.”
Oldie: “Time to say goodbye to my arthritis! How do we start?”
Cultist: “Just remove your masks. The cure is only a breath away.”
Doog: “Gas spa?”
Cultist: “Yes. Ionized gases from deep in the abandoned mine are pumped into this room.”
Doog: “Is this gas helpful or this your group’s version of poisoned punch?”
Cultist: “I don’t follow the whole punch thing, but, yes, it is very beneficial. The gas relieves pain, especially in the joints. It also elevates the mood.”
Oldie: “Time to say goodbye to my arthritis! How do we start?”
Cultist: “Just remove your masks. The cure is only a breath away.”
Doog: “We haven’t died yet. Maybe this really is a spa.”
Oldie: “They have snacks too!”
Doog: “About that, I really thought this tea was going to be laced with cyanide or something.”
Oldie: “Why are you drinking it then?”
Doog: “Because I saw that you survived drinking yours.”
Cultist: “Brothers, shall I start a drum beat for your breathwork or do you prefer transcendental meditation?”
Doog: “I’m the fan of the taco method if you can bring us some of those.”
Oldie: “Ooh, and some cheese if you don’t mind. I still have it in my head from earlier.”
Cultist: “I’m afraid we have neither.”
Doog: “Why don’t you leave us be and check anyway. Thanks.”
Oldie: “They have snacks too!”
Doog: “About that, I really thought this tea was going to be laced with cyanide or something.”
Oldie: “Why are you drinking it then?”
Doog: “Because I saw that you survived drinking yours.”
Cultist: “Brothers, shall I start a drum beat for your breathwork or do you prefer transcendental meditation?”
Doog: “I’m the fan of the taco method if you can bring us some of those.”
Oldie: “Ooh, and some cheese if you don’t mind. I still have it in my head from earlier.”
Cultist: “I’m afraid we have neither.”
Doog: “Why don’t you leave us be and check anyway. Thanks.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Spargere. It looked pretty bleak at first. I thought this planet had nothing but geysers, sulfur, and mining facilities, but Oldie actually came through for once. Spargere has a pretty nice spa. It was a tad worrisome that it was a gas spa, but it came with free snacks. Oh well, see ya! Hey, did you guys find any tacos yet?!”
Note:
Note:
Doog: “Did you feel anything in the spa?”
Oldie: “Not too much. The air did seem different, though. If I had to describe it, it felt a bit spicy.”
Doog: “Spicy. That’s a good way to put it. Those drinks definitely had something in them.”
Oldie: “Molly, I believe.”
Doog: “Thought so.”
Oldie: “I think they were buttering us up so we’d join their cult.”
Doog: “It takes way more drugs to convince me to do anything.”
Amaya: “Idiots! What did you do?!”
Doog: “Relax, we had a few drinks…that were absolutely spiked with some type of mood enhancer.”
Amaya: “That’s bad enough, but I’m talking about the radon spa.”
Doog: “Radon, is that a fancy way of saying gas spa?”
Amaya: “No! Radon is the radioactive gas you nitwits have been sucking in all afternoon. Get over here a let me scan you.”
Oldie: “That’s what was so spicy.”
Oldie: “Not too much. The air did seem different, though. If I had to describe it, it felt a bit spicy.”
Doog: “Spicy. That’s a good way to put it. Those drinks definitely had something in them.”
Oldie: “Molly, I believe.”
Doog: “Thought so.”
Oldie: “I think they were buttering us up so we’d join their cult.”
Doog: “It takes way more drugs to convince me to do anything.”
Amaya: “Idiots! What did you do?!”
Doog: “Relax, we had a few drinks…that were absolutely spiked with some type of mood enhancer.”
Amaya: “That’s bad enough, but I’m talking about the radon spa.”
Doog: “Radon, is that a fancy way of saying gas spa?”
Amaya: “No! Radon is the radioactive gas you nitwits have been sucking in all afternoon. Get over here a let me scan you.”
Oldie: “That’s what was so spicy.”
Amaya: “I’m locking you both in here until the scanner reads zero radiation. You’re not getting the rest of us sick.”
Doog: “What! What are we supposed to do?”
Amaya: “For starters, shower and flush your clothes down the toilet.”
Doog: “Nothing ruins a high like getting naked with an old man! Let me out!”
Oldie: “I call first shower!”
Doog: “No! Wait! Stop! Amayaaaa!”
Doog: “What! What are we supposed to do?”
Amaya: “For starters, shower and flush your clothes down the toilet.”
Doog: “Nothing ruins a high like getting naked with an old man! Let me out!”
Oldie: “I call first shower!”
Doog: “No! Wait! Stop! Amayaaaa!”
