There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Okolnir
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the volcanic world of Okolnir. Okolnir is a Mid-Rim world close to the planet Fornacis. Okolnir played a minor role in the creation of the LIU. We’re here to discover what that role was. Let’s head down to the surface.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in front of some type of castle. It appears to be built into the cliffside of a volcano. There’s a massive lavafall right next to the castle entrance which is putting off a ton of heat. It smells strongly of sulfur too. I guess I’ll ignore common sense and get closer to the spewing lava.”
Doog: “There looks to be lots of armed guards out here. Armed, as in they have lots of weapons, and armed, as in they have four arms. These guys are pretty intimidating.”
Doog: “There’s even snipers on top of the tower. What’s up with this place? Is this some type of prison?”
Doog: “Uh, hey. How are…oh, ok. Shotgun pointed at my face. Nice.”
Guard: “State your business.”
Doog: “I’m Doog. I’m here for the tour.”
Guard: “We don’t give tours, little man. Leave now, and I might let you live.”
Doog: “At the risk of being shot point blank with a shotgun, I humbly request you check with your boss. I’m here to do a TV show.”
Guard: “Oh, you’re the TV guy. Why didn’t you say so? Head on in. Brimir is waiting for you.”
Guard: “State your business.”
Doog: “I’m Doog. I’m here for the tour.”
Guard: “We don’t give tours, little man. Leave now, and I might let you live.”
Doog: “At the risk of being shot point blank with a shotgun, I humbly request you check with your boss. I’m here to do a TV show.”
Guard: “Oh, you’re the TV guy. Why didn’t you say so? Head on in. Brimir is waiting for you.”
Brimir: “Tidings, Mr. Doog. I’m Brimir, High Prelate of Okolnir.”
Doog: “Hey. Just call me Doog. I’d shake your hand, but the etiquette of shaking hands with four-armed beings escapes me.”
Brimir: “In my culture, handshakes with the lower hands are not allowed. The lower arms are for private things. They’re seen as unclean.”
Doog: “So, don’t shake your butt wiping hands, got it. Unfortunately for you, I don’t have extra hands for my dirty business, so you’re just going to have to bear with me.”
Brimir: “Perhaps…we can skip the handshake.”
Doog: “Not a bad idea.”
Doog: “Hey. Just call me Doog. I’d shake your hand, but the etiquette of shaking hands with four-armed beings escapes me.”
Brimir: “In my culture, handshakes with the lower hands are not allowed. The lower arms are for private things. They’re seen as unclean.”
Doog: “So, don’t shake your butt wiping hands, got it. Unfortunately for you, I don’t have extra hands for my dirty business, so you’re just going to have to bear with me.”
Brimir: “Perhaps…we can skip the handshake.”
Doog: “Not a bad idea.”
Doog: “So, you’re a High Predator? What does that mean?”
Brimir: “High Prelate, actually. It means that I sit on the planet’s council.”
Doog: “Ooh, fancy. I’m getting a tour from a politician.”
Brimir: “Not a political council, a business council. Think of it as being a member on a company’s board.”
Doog: “That’s a bit of a letdown, to be honest. I felt important for a second.”
Brimir: “You should still feel important. I sit on the board of one of the galaxy’s most powerful banks.”
Doog: “Banking? That’s what you do here? With all the lava and stuff, I figured this was an industrial world or prison world.”
Brimir: “High Prelate, actually. It means that I sit on the planet’s council.”
Doog: “Ooh, fancy. I’m getting a tour from a politician.”
Brimir: “Not a political council, a business council. Think of it as being a member on a company’s board.”
Doog: “That’s a bit of a letdown, to be honest. I felt important for a second.”
Brimir: “You should still feel important. I sit on the board of one of the galaxy’s most powerful banks.”
Doog: “Banking? That’s what you do here? With all the lava and stuff, I figured this was an industrial world or prison world.”
Brimir: “It wasn’t always this way. We actually started off in the mining industry. Okolnir has abundant mineral resources.”
Doog: “How did you jump from mining to banking? Did you find lots of gold?”
Brimir: “No. It’s much more complex than that. Prior to the formation of the LIU, the galaxy was war torn. The galaxy’s largest entities were at war, fighting endlessly for control of the galaxy. Some of these entities, like the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis, came to Okolnir requesting mineral resources to continue their fight. They desperately needed metals for warships, mecha, and other war machines. We sold tons of metal to them, at war-time rates. We made billions of credits.”
Doog: “Couldn’t they have just taken it from you?”
Brimir: “They could have tried. The terrain and lava would have made it difficult. The mines are deep; extracting the minerals on their own would have taken too much time and labor. It was easier to be friends, instead of enemies.”
Doog: “How did you jump from mining to banking? Did you find lots of gold?”
Brimir: “No. It’s much more complex than that. Prior to the formation of the LIU, the galaxy was war torn. The galaxy’s largest entities were at war, fighting endlessly for control of the galaxy. Some of these entities, like the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis, came to Okolnir requesting mineral resources to continue their fight. They desperately needed metals for warships, mecha, and other war machines. We sold tons of metal to them, at war-time rates. We made billions of credits.”
Doog: “Couldn’t they have just taken it from you?”
Brimir: “They could have tried. The terrain and lava would have made it difficult. The mines are deep; extracting the minerals on their own would have taken too much time and labor. It was easier to be friends, instead of enemies.”
Doog: “So, you made all your money selling minerals to the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis?”
Brimir: “Mostly. Towards the end of the war, the Fornacins couldn’t no longer afford to pay for minerals. We offered minerals on credit and placed them further into our debt. It was a great plan, until the tides of war turned. The Ludgonian Empire and Galactic Bureaucracy were merging. The Fornacins wouldn’t stand a chance against their combined might. We leaned on the Fornacins until they too agreed to merge with the Ludgonian Empire and Galactic Bureaucracy. We knew that was the only way we’d ever get repaid.”
Doog: “Interesting. That’s your contribution to the creation of the LIU. You forced the Fornacins’ hand.”
Brimir: “The war would have ended either way. We just helped end it in a way that our profits were preserved.”
Doog: “Seems smart.”
Brimir: “Okolnir voluntarily entered the LIU after the merger of the three powers. In order to preserve some autonomy and wealth, my people agreed to finance the Mid-Rim Unification War with low interest loans. By the end of the war, Okolnir had become one of the galaxy’s richest worlds.”
Brimir: “Mostly. Towards the end of the war, the Fornacins couldn’t no longer afford to pay for minerals. We offered minerals on credit and placed them further into our debt. It was a great plan, until the tides of war turned. The Ludgonian Empire and Galactic Bureaucracy were merging. The Fornacins wouldn’t stand a chance against their combined might. We leaned on the Fornacins until they too agreed to merge with the Ludgonian Empire and Galactic Bureaucracy. We knew that was the only way we’d ever get repaid.”
Doog: “Interesting. That’s your contribution to the creation of the LIU. You forced the Fornacins’ hand.”
Brimir: “The war would have ended either way. We just helped end it in a way that our profits were preserved.”
Doog: “Seems smart.”
Brimir: “Okolnir voluntarily entered the LIU after the merger of the three powers. In order to preserve some autonomy and wealth, my people agreed to finance the Mid-Rim Unification War with low interest loans. By the end of the war, Okolnir had become one of the galaxy’s richest worlds.”
Brimir: “Of course, the end of the war and the unification of the galaxy meant the Okolnir would have to make some changes. There would be no more wars to fund, at least in this galaxy. We needed to expand our war-banking interests to extragalactic levels.”
Doog: “You fund wars in other galaxies?”
Brimir: “Yes. War is profitable. Desperation and fear allow us to charge inordinate interest rates.”
Doog: “Seems risky. Like you said, if the side you fund loses, you don’t get repaid.”
Brimir: “It can be, but much of the risk is mitigated by the LIU’s powerful military. They can be quite convincing when trying to recoup unpaid debt. If our side loses, we shift the debt to the winning side. Most of the time, it’s a win-win situation.”
Doog: “You fund wars in other galaxies?”
Brimir: “Yes. War is profitable. Desperation and fear allow us to charge inordinate interest rates.”
Doog: “Seems risky. Like you said, if the side you fund loses, you don’t get repaid.”
Brimir: “It can be, but much of the risk is mitigated by the LIU’s powerful military. They can be quite convincing when trying to recoup unpaid debt. If our side loses, we shift the debt to the winning side. Most of the time, it’s a win-win situation.”
Doog: “Most of the time? So, it doesn’t always work out?”
Brimir: “Well, sometimes it costs more to recoup a debt then the actual cost of the debt. We must occasionally take our losses. As you can see, though, profits are always trending up.”
Doog: “Millions suffer wartime atrocities across the universe…but at least profits are up.”
Brimir: “You make it sound so cynical. Don’t pretend that these wars wouldn’t carry on without our money. As long as there is life, war will exist.”
Doog: “Someone’s a pessimist.”
Brimir: “Well, sometimes it costs more to recoup a debt then the actual cost of the debt. We must occasionally take our losses. As you can see, though, profits are always trending up.”
Doog: “Millions suffer wartime atrocities across the universe…but at least profits are up.”
Brimir: “You make it sound so cynical. Don’t pretend that these wars wouldn’t carry on without our money. As long as there is life, war will exist.”
Doog: “Someone’s a pessimist.”
Brimir: “We’re currently funding sixteen conflicts within the Local Galaxy Group, as well as two larger extragalactic conflicts. We have several trillion dollars of assets on the line.”
Doog: “How do you choose who you support?”
Brimir: “We usually back the more financially sound entity, but we’ve taken some chances, especially when the LIU requests it.”
Doog: “Why would the LIU want you to take chances?”
Brimir: “When a conflict might be in the best interest of the LIU. A ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ type deal. If they’re stuck fighting a war with someone else…”
Doog: “Then they’re not competing against the LIU.”
Brimir: “Exactly.”
Doog: “How do you choose who you support?”
Brimir: “We usually back the more financially sound entity, but we’ve taken some chances, especially when the LIU requests it.”
Doog: “Why would the LIU want you to take chances?”
Brimir: “When a conflict might be in the best interest of the LIU. A ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ type deal. If they’re stuck fighting a war with someone else…”
Doog: “Then they’re not competing against the LIU.”
Brimir: “Exactly.”
Brimir: “There are many challenges to lending extragalactically. Language barriers, currency conversions, and quick communications are a few. Our highly trained staff makes it work though.”
Doog: “Another challenge has to be the smell. Holy Kaadu, that’s disgusting!”
Brimir: “Please don’t insult my customers. I doubt it can understand you, but you never know.”
Doog: “Another challenge has to be the smell. Holy Kaadu, that’s disgusting!”
Brimir: “Please don’t insult my customers. I doubt it can understand you, but you never know.”
Brimir: “Our loans, and the conflicts they fund, are closely monitored. Rates can be adjusted depending on many circumstances. If insolvency or defeat is predicted, we can cut off any loan to limit losses.”
Doog: “Got it. So, do you war-profiteers do any other kind of banking? Or is it strictly war financing?”
Brimir: “Actually, we do offer another banking service.”
Doog: “What, do you finance puppy mills and slave auctions too?”
Brimir: “No. Nothing like that. Follow me.”
Doog: “Got it. So, do you war-profiteers do any other kind of banking? Or is it strictly war financing?”
Brimir: “Actually, we do offer another banking service.”
Doog: “What, do you finance puppy mills and slave auctions too?”
Brimir: “No. Nothing like that. Follow me.”
Doog: “Where are we going?”
Brimir: “The depleted mines of Okolnir have been converted into another banking service.”
Doog: “Are those vaults?”
Brimir: “They are. We have several hundred secured storage vaults for paying customers.”
Doog: “That explains all the security outside.”
Brimir: “Yes. The vaults are very safe. Not only are they protected by security, they are fully insured by our banking trust.”
Brimir: “The depleted mines of Okolnir have been converted into another banking service.”
Doog: “Are those vaults?”
Brimir: “They are. We have several hundred secured storage vaults for paying customers.”
Doog: “That explains all the security outside.”
Brimir: “Yes. The vaults are very safe. Not only are they protected by security, they are fully insured by our banking trust.”
Doog: “Looks like they’re also protected by these huge guard bats.”
Brimir: “Birds actually. And they’re not part of security protocol. They naturally inhabit the planet’s lava tubes. They’ve taken to living in the mines as well. They’re not too much of a nuisance. They keep the rodent population in check.”
Doog: “I think guard bats sounds cooler. You should have just stuck with that.”
Brimir: “Birds actually. And they’re not part of security protocol. They naturally inhabit the planet’s lava tubes. They’ve taken to living in the mines as well. They’re not too much of a nuisance. They keep the rodent population in check.”
Doog: “I think guard bats sounds cooler. You should have just stuck with that.”
Doog: “Anything cool stored here?”
Brimir: “I’m not sure. The contents of the vaults do not have to be disclosed. I have no idea what’s in any of them.”
Doog: “Maybe we could ask this guy to see his vault.”
Brimir: “No! Many of our guests value their confidentiality.”
Doog: “Hey! Old, rich guy! Can we see your vault?”
Guy: “Sure. There’s not much to see, but you’re welcome to come in.”
Brimir: “I said NOT to ask!”
Doog: “Oh, did you. Oh well, I’ll try to remember the next time I come here…which will probably be never.”
Brimir: “I’m not sure. The contents of the vaults do not have to be disclosed. I have no idea what’s in any of them.”
Doog: “Maybe we could ask this guy to see his vault.”
Brimir: “No! Many of our guests value their confidentiality.”
Doog: “Hey! Old, rich guy! Can we see your vault?”
Guy: “Sure. There’s not much to see, but you’re welcome to come in.”
Brimir: “I said NOT to ask!”
Doog: “Oh, did you. Oh well, I’ll try to remember the next time I come here…which will probably be never.”
Guy: “There’s not much here. I keep some rainy-day cash and a few valuable possessions.”
Doog: “Rainy-day? There’s got to be a million credits here!”
Guy: “Yeah, maybe. I throw a bit more in every time I pass this part of the galaxy.”
Doog: “What kind of rainy-day are you expecting?”
Guy: “Oh, you know, the type of rainy-day where your wife finds out you’ve been hooking up with the maid and demands half your money.”
Doog: “What about the other stuff?”
Guy: “Oh, just some things I like that I don’t want the maid to smash, when she inevitably finds out that I’m married.”
Doog: “Looks like you got it all figured out.”
Doog: “Rainy-day? There’s got to be a million credits here!”
Guy: “Yeah, maybe. I throw a bit more in every time I pass this part of the galaxy.”
Doog: “What kind of rainy-day are you expecting?”
Guy: “Oh, you know, the type of rainy-day where your wife finds out you’ve been hooking up with the maid and demands half your money.”
Doog: “What about the other stuff?”
Guy: “Oh, just some things I like that I don’t want the maid to smash, when she inevitably finds out that I’m married.”
Doog: “Looks like you got it all figured out.”
Doog: “Well folks, Okolnir’s a pretty interesting place. This volcanic world is home to a bank that specializes in extragalactic wartime lending. It’s one of the largest banking institutions in the LIU. Speaking of the LIU, the bank played a small role in its formation. Using financial leverage, the bank convinced the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis to merge with the Ludgonian Empire and Galactic Bureaucracy. They even financed the Mid-Rim Unification War, which saw the LIU conquer the entire galaxy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I'm going to grovel before this unfaithful gentleman and see if I can get a gold coin. See ya!”
Brimir: “No you’re not! There’s no begging here! Get him out!”
Note: Okolnir Banking Vaults start at 10,000 credits per month. See a representative to get yours today!
Brimir: “No you’re not! There’s no begging here! Get him out!”
Note: Okolnir Banking Vaults start at 10,000 credits per month. See a representative to get yours today!
