There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Uxores
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to Season Eleven of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the oceanic planet, Uxores. Uxores is mostly ocean, but it is dotted with a large archipelago consisting of fifty-seven islands. The islands are small, but most are inhabited. I’m set to be dropped off on one of the larger islands, Kahreem. Let’s get to it.”
Doog: “Alright, this is it. Welcome to Kahreem. It’s pretty nice here. There’s a warm ocean breeze and plenty of sunshine. The settlement itself looks to be some type of fortress, but that’s only a guess. I’ll have to wait for my guide to find out.”
Seitse: “Welcome to Kahreem. I am Seitse, seventh daughter of Aed Isand.”
Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m Doog, first son of some McDoogal guy that I never met. First name is unknown. I was abandoned. Wow, that joke turned awkward. So, is this a fortress or what?”
Seitse: “It was built that way, yes. Hewn from the great rock by my ancient ancestor, Kahreem Isand. Times were troubled back then.”
Doog: “So things are better now? Or am I in danger?”
Seitse: “They are better. Cooperative trade and more productive agriculture led to fewer conflicts. The arrival of the LIU increased stability even further. Conflict is rare…maybe even extinct.”
Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m Doog, first son of some McDoogal guy that I never met. First name is unknown. I was abandoned. Wow, that joke turned awkward. So, is this a fortress or what?”
Seitse: “It was built that way, yes. Hewn from the great rock by my ancient ancestor, Kahreem Isand. Times were troubled back then.”
Doog: “So things are better now? Or am I in danger?”
Seitse: “They are better. Cooperative trade and more productive agriculture led to fewer conflicts. The arrival of the LIU increased stability even further. Conflict is rare…maybe even extinct.”
Doog: “Cooperative trade ended war?”
Seitse: “Each archipelago is abundant in varying resources. My father’s island, Kahreem, is abundant in fruit. It is sometimes called the Orchard Isle. We have plentiful yields of Barja Berries, Oun Fruit, and Porgand Apples. We produce much more than we could eat ourselves.”
Doog: “And that makes other islanders not attack you?”
Seitse: “That’s not what keeps us safe. Not all islands have these fruits, but they have other resources, like fish or minerals. We trade our excess produce to other islands for things we cannot produce ourselves. We all depend on each other for resources. It made more sense to trade instead of raid.”
Doog: “I guess that makes sense, unless the trade becomes too unbalanced. What if your orchards have a bad year? Do you starve or fight for resources?”
Seitse: “The system was flawed for many years, hence the fortresses found on each island. However, increased stability of the system led to peace.”
Seitse: “Each archipelago is abundant in varying resources. My father’s island, Kahreem, is abundant in fruit. It is sometimes called the Orchard Isle. We have plentiful yields of Barja Berries, Oun Fruit, and Porgand Apples. We produce much more than we could eat ourselves.”
Doog: “And that makes other islanders not attack you?”
Seitse: “That’s not what keeps us safe. Not all islands have these fruits, but they have other resources, like fish or minerals. We trade our excess produce to other islands for things we cannot produce ourselves. We all depend on each other for resources. It made more sense to trade instead of raid.”
Doog: “I guess that makes sense, unless the trade becomes too unbalanced. What if your orchards have a bad year? Do you starve or fight for resources?”
Seitse: “The system was flawed for many years, hence the fortresses found on each island. However, increased stability of the system led to peace.”
Seitse: “Agricultural improvements led to more reliable yields. Crop diseases have all but been eliminated. The arrival of the LIU led to further stability. They brought us additional resources to farm, like chickens.”
Doog: “Ah, I was wondering about the chickens. They seemed out of place.”
Seitse: “They help control insects and make fertilizer. They also protect us from low fruit yields.”
Doog: “And make yummy quesadillas.”
Doog: “Ah, I was wondering about the chickens. They seemed out of place.”
Seitse: “They help control insects and make fertilizer. They also protect us from low fruit yields.”
Doog: “And make yummy quesadillas.”
Seitse: “We’ve also found ways to utilize damaged or undersized fruit. We make juices, jams, and even some wines. You can see some of my sisters preparing some up there.”
Doog: “Sisters? Are all these women your sisters?”
Seitse: “Yes. Of course.”
Doog: “Do you have any brothers? Boyfriends or husbands? I'm not seeing any males here.”
Seitse: “My father is the only male on Kahreem. Uxor males do not produce male heirs until they are close to death. They will make many daughters before then, though.”
Doog: “A mostly female civilization. I like my odds.”
Seitse: “When my father’s male heir is born, he will take control of Kahreem. My sisters and I will eventually be traded away to other males to make room for his own daughters. The cycle renews.”
Doog: “Sisters? Are all these women your sisters?”
Seitse: “Yes. Of course.”
Doog: “Do you have any brothers? Boyfriends or husbands? I'm not seeing any males here.”
Seitse: “My father is the only male on Kahreem. Uxor males do not produce male heirs until they are close to death. They will make many daughters before then, though.”
Doog: “A mostly female civilization. I like my odds.”
Seitse: “When my father’s male heir is born, he will take control of Kahreem. My sisters and I will eventually be traded away to other males to make room for his own daughters. The cycle renews.”
Doog: “Whoa, you are going to get traded away?”
Seitse: “Yes. Hopefully to another island lord. I will give him many daughters.”
Doog: “What do you mean, ‘hopefully’? Where else would you be traded?”
Seitse: “Increased peace and stability has led to overpopulation. There are more women than island lords. This profusion of women was a problem before the LIU arrived. Now, the island lords can trade away their daughters to off-worlders. Wives are now Uxores’ greatest export.”
Doog: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why would any off-worlder want to marry you? You can’t be bio-compatible or have kids.”
Seitse: “Uxor women have unique reproductive systems that are cross-compatible with numerous species. Humans included.”
Doog: “That can’t be fun. Anyone that has to buy a wife must not be the best looking. Can you object?”
Seitse: “I could, I suppose. If I can’t be paired before my brother takes power, I might suffer worse consequences.”
Doog: “What could be worse than marrying an ugly alien jerk?”
Seitse: “Death.”
Doog: “Hmm. Fair enough.”
Seitse: “Enough of the depressing talk. Time to meet my parents.”
Seitse: “Yes. Hopefully to another island lord. I will give him many daughters.”
Doog: “What do you mean, ‘hopefully’? Where else would you be traded?”
Seitse: “Increased peace and stability has led to overpopulation. There are more women than island lords. This profusion of women was a problem before the LIU arrived. Now, the island lords can trade away their daughters to off-worlders. Wives are now Uxores’ greatest export.”
Doog: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why would any off-worlder want to marry you? You can’t be bio-compatible or have kids.”
Seitse: “Uxor women have unique reproductive systems that are cross-compatible with numerous species. Humans included.”
Doog: “That can’t be fun. Anyone that has to buy a wife must not be the best looking. Can you object?”
Seitse: “I could, I suppose. If I can’t be paired before my brother takes power, I might suffer worse consequences.”
Doog: “What could be worse than marrying an ugly alien jerk?”
Seitse: “Death.”
Doog: “Hmm. Fair enough.”
Seitse: “Enough of the depressing talk. Time to meet my parents.”
Seitse: “This is my father, Aed Isand, son of Rahu, distant heir of Kahreem. Aed has ruled this island for forty years. He has sired eighteen daughters, including Neli, who was wed to the island lord of Nahk. He is the prosperity bearer and anchor of clan Isand. Oh, and this is my mother, Kandja. Hi Mom!”
Doog: “How come this guy gets the long introduction and titles? Your mom’s the true hero popping out eighteen children. Oh…I mean…hello there! Thanks for having me!”
Kandja: “Who is this man, Seitse?”
Seitse: “This is the guy from the LIU TV channel. You told me to show him around.”
Kandja: “I remember now. I haven’t slept much since Kahek was born. Welcome LIU man.”
Doog: “How come this guy gets the long introduction and titles? Your mom’s the true hero popping out eighteen children. Oh…I mean…hello there! Thanks for having me!”
Kandja: “Who is this man, Seitse?”
Seitse: “This is the guy from the LIU TV channel. You told me to show him around.”
Kandja: “I remember now. I haven’t slept much since Kahek was born. Welcome LIU man.”
Aed: “Another LIU man. So how many wives are you here for, Kerjus?!”
Doog: “Uh…none. Just here for the…”
Aed: “Jama! All LIU man want wives. Everyone else trade. LIU man want free wives.”
Doog: “I’m not looking to settle down right…”
Aed: “Fine. Take her. Seitse is your wife now. Begone from my chamber!”
Doog: “Uh…none. Just here for the…”
Aed: “Jama! All LIU man want wives. Everyone else trade. LIU man want free wives.”
Doog: “I’m not looking to settle down right…”
Aed: “Fine. Take her. Seitse is your wife now. Begone from my chamber!”
Doog: “Did that really just happen? Did I just get married?”
Seitse: “You can decline, if you wish.”
Doog: “I think I kind of did. Wait, why are you looking all mad now?”
Seitse: “If you decline his offer, he will think I am flawed. He will not offer me to anyone else. Marrying you isn’t my dream, but it is better than death.”
Doog: “I’m in a bind here. I don’t want you to die, but I can’t marry you.”
Seitse: “You can decline, if you wish.”
Doog: “I think I kind of did. Wait, why are you looking all mad now?”
Seitse: “If you decline his offer, he will think I am flawed. He will not offer me to anyone else. Marrying you isn’t my dream, but it is better than death.”
Doog: “I’m in a bind here. I don’t want you to die, but I can’t marry you.”
Seitse: “Fine. Death it is. Hopefully, I still have many years before my brother is born and reaches maturity. I might have fifteen or twenty more summers to live. I may see my forties. That is a long life.”
Doog: “This is going to be the most awkward tour of all time.”
Doog: “This is going to be the most awkward tour of all time.”
Seitse: “This is Nadal, our island neighbors. It is ruled by Kala Jumal. He took a wife three summers ago. There will be no one here to wed for many, many summers. I will be dead by then.”
Doog: “Is this a tour or guilt trip?”
Seitse: “Both.”
Doog: “Fair enough.”
Doog: “Is this a tour or guilt trip?”
Seitse: “Both.”
Doog: “Fair enough.”
Seitse: “Nadal sits in the shallowest part of the world sea. They have access to sea life that the deep-water islands can’t support, like crabs and clams. They trade us these resources for our fruits.”
Doog: “And they fish naked. Wow.”
Doog: “And they fish naked. Wow.”
Seitse: “Do you find them more appealing? Perhaps you would accept their father’s offer?”
Doog: “No! Of course, I wouldn’t. My rejection has nothing to do with you. You are not flawed. I just don’t want to get married.”
Seitse: “That’s what you say, but my father will not understand.”
Doog: “No! Of course, I wouldn’t. My rejection has nothing to do with you. You are not flawed. I just don’t want to get married.”
Seitse: “That’s what you say, but my father will not understand.”
Seitse: “This is Turul Island, ruled by Ori Naine. He has taken three wives, more than a usual lord. I doubt he would take more. I have no chance here.”
Doog: “Are we guilt tripping to all fifty-seven islands? I don’t think I can do this. I might just drown myself.”
Seitse: “No, this is our final destination, the marketplace.”
Doog: “Are we guilt tripping to all fifty-seven islands? I don’t think I can do this. I might just drown myself.”
Seitse: “No, this is our final destination, the marketplace.”
Doog: “A marketplace?”
Seitse: “Turul lacks natural resources. They have no fruits or clams or minerals. The one advantage Turul has, is its location in the center of the archipelago. Turul created a large marketplace where the inhabitants of the various islands can meet for trade.”
Doog: “Do they get a portion of the trades? How do they feed themselves?”
Seitse: “They collect a fee for the right to trade here.”
Doog: “That’s enough to support this clan?”
Seitse: “They barely scraped by for decades. Turul was once the poorest island. Many islands chose to trade among their closest neighbors, instead of the marketplace. Their poverty did not last. New wares revitalized the marketplace, and Turul has climbed to the top.”
Doog: “New wares? Oh…you mean wife trade.”
Seitse: “Turul lacks natural resources. They have no fruits or clams or minerals. The one advantage Turul has, is its location in the center of the archipelago. Turul created a large marketplace where the inhabitants of the various islands can meet for trade.”
Doog: “Do they get a portion of the trades? How do they feed themselves?”
Seitse: “They collect a fee for the right to trade here.”
Doog: “That’s enough to support this clan?”
Seitse: “They barely scraped by for decades. Turul was once the poorest island. Many islands chose to trade among their closest neighbors, instead of the marketplace. Their poverty did not last. New wares revitalized the marketplace, and Turul has climbed to the top.”
Doog: “New wares? Oh…you mean wife trade.”
Seitse: “Yes. Island Lords bring their surplus of daughters to Turul to be purchased. Bidders from across the galaxy come here to purchase them.”
Doog: “Again, I’m not on the market, but what does a typical wife go for?”
Seitse: “It depends on the daily demand, but most sell for a few thousand credits.”
Doog: “Yikes. Too rich for my blood. I pay for women on occasion, but never that much and never to keep permanently.”
Seitse: “Yet, you’ve been gifted a woman, for free, and you decline.”
Doog: “OK, ok, it’s not the price. It’s the permanence of the arrangement. I can’t commit to something that long.”
Doog: “Again, I’m not on the market, but what does a typical wife go for?”
Seitse: “It depends on the daily demand, but most sell for a few thousand credits.”
Doog: “Yikes. Too rich for my blood. I pay for women on occasion, but never that much and never to keep permanently.”
Seitse: “Yet, you’ve been gifted a woman, for free, and you decline.”
Doog: “OK, ok, it’s not the price. It’s the permanence of the arrangement. I can’t commit to something that long.”
Seitse: “Being sold to off-worlders is no woman’s dream, but it’s even worse if you get sold to the wrong person. Not everyone is looking for actual wives. Some use Uxor women in breeding mills, prostitution rings, and even...
Slaver: “Ooh, fine specimen. Skeletal-muscular system looks sturdy. Long arms. Lacks hand calluses though. She will blister up the first few months. I won’t bid more than five-hundred.”
Seitse: “…as slaves.”
Doog: “Get out of here, creepy slaver guy! She’s not for sale!”
Seitse: “It’s honorable that you come to my defense, but this is likely my future. This or death. I’m not sure which is the better option.”
Doog: “I…uh…I…”
Slaver: “Ooh, fine specimen. Skeletal-muscular system looks sturdy. Long arms. Lacks hand calluses though. She will blister up the first few months. I won’t bid more than five-hundred.”
Seitse: “…as slaves.”
Doog: “Get out of here, creepy slaver guy! She’s not for sale!”
Seitse: “It’s honorable that you come to my defense, but this is likely my future. This or death. I’m not sure which is the better option.”
Doog: “I…uh…I…”
Seitse: “Are you ok? You haven’t said a word since we left Turul.”
Doog: “I can’t let you die. I can’t let you become a slave or a breeder. I can’t marry you either. We are in a terrible situation. I don’t know what to do…”
Seitse: “Is it that terrible for you? Regardless of your decision, you are still leaving here. It’s only terrible for me. Unless having a wife is equal to dying or being a slave.”
Doog: “Well……never mind. I’m not going there. FINE. We’re married.”
Seitse: “Thank you, Doog. I mean…husband.”
Doog: “I can’t let you die. I can’t let you become a slave or a breeder. I can’t marry you either. We are in a terrible situation. I don’t know what to do…”
Seitse: “Is it that terrible for you? Regardless of your decision, you are still leaving here. It’s only terrible for me. Unless having a wife is equal to dying or being a slave.”
Doog: “Well……never mind. I’m not going there. FINE. We’re married.”
Seitse: “Thank you, Doog. I mean…husband.”
Doog: “Well folks, Uxores is a place. A place with wives. I have a wife. Seitse is off the market now, literally. Did I mention I got married? I guess this is the end. I’d like to say goodbye to Candy and Fantasy. If you girls are watching, I won’t be coming to see you anymore. I’m married. My bachelor days are over. Oh well, see ya.”
Note:
Note:
Mike: “Hey, Doog is back. And…he’s not alone. Are you under arrest by the locals again?”
Doog: “No, it’s worse. I’m married.”
Amaya: “Married!?”
Doog: “Well, I haven’t signed anything yet or, you know, consummated the marriage, but yeah, I’m married.”
Amaya: “How?”
Doog: “It’s a long story, but I was gifted Seitse because her dad thought I was a representative of the LIU. I couldn’t turn it down or Seitse risked being killed or enslaved.”
Mike: “Is there anymore wives needing saved? I want one!”
Doog: “No, it’s worse. I’m married.”
Amaya: “Married!?”
Doog: “Well, I haven’t signed anything yet or, you know, consummated the marriage, but yeah, I’m married.”
Amaya: “How?”
Doog: “It’s a long story, but I was gifted Seitse because her dad thought I was a representative of the LIU. I couldn’t turn it down or Seitse risked being killed or enslaved.”
Mike: “Is there anymore wives needing saved? I want one!”
Amaya: “Doog and Mike! I’m ashamed of you! Come here, Seitse, you poor thing. You don’t have to marry Doog or die. You can come with us. We’ll figure out something to do with you.”
Seitse: “Thank you. I was not looking forward to the consummation part.”
Doog: “Oh really. That’s how it’s going to be? Insulting the man that almost threw away his bachelor lifestyle to save your life?”
Amaya: “Oh wow, what a sacrifice!”
Seitse: “No, he’s right. Thank you, Doog.”
Doog: “You’re welcome. Now, let’s talk bathroom schedule. We’re going to need to change some things around…again.”
Seitse: “Thank you. I was not looking forward to the consummation part.”
Doog: “Oh really. That’s how it’s going to be? Insulting the man that almost threw away his bachelor lifestyle to save your life?”
Amaya: “Oh wow, what a sacrifice!”
Seitse: “No, he’s right. Thank you, Doog.”
Doog: “You’re welcome. Now, let’s talk bathroom schedule. We’re going to need to change some things around…again.”
