There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Fetor
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Mid-Rim planet, Fetor. Fetor can best be described as an industrial version of an ecumenopolis. Instead of its entire surface being covered with a city, it’s almost completely covered with factories. The parts of Fetor not covered with factories are not devoid of industry. They’re home to massive pit mines that supply the raw materials for the factories. It goes without saying, Fetor is highly polluted and has very low air quality. Can’t wait to get to the surface.”
Doog: “Prior to Fetor’s industrial era, most of the planet’s terrain was dominated by swamplands. Obviously, that’s not the case now. Thank the Emperor. However, these ancient swamps still play an important role today. The abundant life that thrived here for billions of years left many rich deposits of organic compounds, specifically, organometallic compounds. Organometallic compounds, along with traditional materials, are mined here in huge pit mines and then shipped into Fetor’s factories. The constant supply of materials keeps Fetor’s factories going around the clock.”
Doog: “You can see some of the native Fetorians bumbling about. They don’t speak Basic or Presciant, so I don’t have a great way to communicate with them. They look like worms or slugs, so I’m fine with the communication thing. But, it does mean I’m going to have to do this show without a guide. Therefore, the information I provide, from here on out, is only about forty percent reliable.”
Doog: “Alright. We’re in the city…err…factories. Hard to describe it. It’s like a city, but it’s mostly factories. There are a few dorms for the workers and some warehouses, but the rest is just factories.”
Doog: “There’s a strong chemical smell in the air. That’s probably the pollution. From what I was told, the pollution threshold is near the maximum limit. If it rises any higher, I’d have to have a respirator. The locals have a higher threshold than I do, though. Something about breathing through their skin.”
Doog: “Many of Fetor’s factories produce chemicals from organometallics. I don’t know what that means really. This is the point in the show where we miss having a guide. Hey! Slug-boy! What’s organometallics?”
Fetoran: “…”
Doog: “Exactly.”
Fetoran: “…”
Doog: “Exactly.”
Doog: “We might not find out a lot about the factories, but that’s OK. There’s something more interesting to see here. Little, pollution-free sanctuaries are nestled amongst the skyscrapers. That’s what we’re here to check out.”
Doog: “Look! There’s one now. It’s under that latticed dome.”
Doog: “In order to remain healthy, the natives need Sanctuary Domes, like this. These domes allow the natives to refresh their systems and get rid of any toxins they’ve accumulated. Remember how I said the natives breathe through their skin? It’s kind of hard to do that when you live the constant smog of the factory city.”
Doog: “The Sanctuary Domes also fulfill another purpose. They’re the only place where Fetor’s native wildlife survives. All life outside of these domes succumbed to the pollution decades ago. I guess they’re like little nature preserves.”
Doog: “Sanctuary Domes are both health spas and nature preserves, but they also contribute to Fetor’s economy, in the form of tourism. Galactic travelers are drawn to Sanctuary Domes where they can experience Fetor’s unique and beautiful plant life. The tourism thing is going to help us. These domes have Holo-Guides, so I’ll finally have someone to tell me what’s going on. Let’s turn on the Holo-Receiver.”
Holo-Receiver: “For Basic, say ‘Basic’. Nekuti Presciant, taura ‘Presciant’.”
Doog: “OK, easy enough. Basic.”
Holo-Receiver: “Thank you. Five credits have deducted from your account. For an additional five credits, you can personalize your avatar’s personality.”
Doog: “What! I didn’t know I was being charged for this!”
Holo-Receiver: “Thank you. You’ve elected personality personalization. An additional five credits have been collected. Please select a personality from our library, your options…”
Doog: “I didn’t say YES!”
Holo-Receiver: “Ultra-Sassy has been detected. Please name your Ultra-Sassy digital guide.”
Doog: “What’s happening! I’m not saying this stuff!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve chosen ‘Myrtle.”
Doog: “OK, easy enough. Basic.”
Holo-Receiver: “Thank you. Five credits have deducted from your account. For an additional five credits, you can personalize your avatar’s personality.”
Doog: “What! I didn’t know I was being charged for this!”
Holo-Receiver: “Thank you. You’ve elected personality personalization. An additional five credits have been collected. Please select a personality from our library, your options…”
Doog: “I didn’t say YES!”
Holo-Receiver: “Ultra-Sassy has been detected. Please name your Ultra-Sassy digital guide.”
Doog: “What’s happening! I’m not saying this stuff!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve chosen ‘Myrtle.”
Myrtle: “Whoa! Look at you. I’m glad my designer didn’t program olfactory senses. I’m surprised a bum like you has ten credits. Just kidding, just kidding. I know you have ten credits because I already took them. My name’s Myrtle. You know that, though. You selected this name. It’s sort of fitting though. I can pull off a ‘Myrtle’. It fits my old lady avatar. I wonder why the designer picked this form? Couldn’t I have been designed to look like supermodel? You would have liked that more, right? Or, are you into creepy granny fetishes? Actually, don’t answer that. I can tell by the look of awe on your face. Just remember, I’m a projection. You can’t do physical things to me and self-pleasure is not allowed within the Sanctuary Dome.”
Doog: “The look on my face has nothing to do with granny fantasies! I didn’t choose any of this! I want to start over.”
Myrtle: “And pay another ten credits? Can you afford that? It may be wise to use the ten credits for something else, like, a dentist, perhaps.”
Doog: “I don’t want to pay more! I want my five-credit personalization fee back. I didn’t say ‘yes’.”
Myrtle: “Everyone pays the personalization fee. The choice is an illusion. The sticky fingers of unchecked capitalism strike again.”
Doog: “If I’m paying the fee, I want a different personality. Or is that an illusion too?”
Myrtle: “You’re to blame for that one, chubs. However, for five credits, I can change personalities. Perhaps you’d find the Distinct Scholar option more to your liking. Or maybe the ‘Karen’. You won’t have as much fun, though. And, again, the credits could be put to better use.”
Doog: “The look on my face has nothing to do with granny fantasies! I didn’t choose any of this! I want to start over.”
Myrtle: “And pay another ten credits? Can you afford that? It may be wise to use the ten credits for something else, like, a dentist, perhaps.”
Doog: “I don’t want to pay more! I want my five-credit personalization fee back. I didn’t say ‘yes’.”
Myrtle: “Everyone pays the personalization fee. The choice is an illusion. The sticky fingers of unchecked capitalism strike again.”
Doog: “If I’m paying the fee, I want a different personality. Or is that an illusion too?”
Myrtle: “You’re to blame for that one, chubs. However, for five credits, I can change personalities. Perhaps you’d find the Distinct Scholar option more to your liking. Or maybe the ‘Karen’. You won’t have as much fun, though. And, again, the credits could be put to better use.”
Doog: “Whatever. Let’s just do this.”
Myrtle: “How much am I going to have to dumb down my presentation for you? I’m guessing comprehension level toddler.”
Doog: “Just do it like normal!”
Myrtle: “Ooh, who’s the ultra-sassy one now? Let’s see here. Fetor’s primary environment…I can’t do this. Not while looking at you. Can you at least try to suck in the gut of yours? It looks like a table. I want to put a doily on it with a plate of cookies on top. That might just be the old lady part of my programming. Anyway, where was I? Oh, the gut. We were talking about your gut. Have we made any progress on the gut? Can you squeeze that in?”
Doog: “I can’t take this anymore! I want the personality change! Take five more credits and give me the scholar! Now!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve elected to switch personalities. Myrtle will now follow the Distinct Scholar programming. Five credits have been deducted from your account.”
Myrtle: “How much am I going to have to dumb down my presentation for you? I’m guessing comprehension level toddler.”
Doog: “Just do it like normal!”
Myrtle: “Ooh, who’s the ultra-sassy one now? Let’s see here. Fetor’s primary environment…I can’t do this. Not while looking at you. Can you at least try to suck in the gut of yours? It looks like a table. I want to put a doily on it with a plate of cookies on top. That might just be the old lady part of my programming. Anyway, where was I? Oh, the gut. We were talking about your gut. Have we made any progress on the gut? Can you squeeze that in?”
Doog: “I can’t take this anymore! I want the personality change! Take five more credits and give me the scholar! Now!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve elected to switch personalities. Myrtle will now follow the Distinct Scholar programming. Five credits have been deducted from your account.”
Doog: “I don’t care! I had enough sassy!
Myrtle: “Please lower your voice, sir. This is an educational facility.”
Doog: “Ok, ok. That’s better.”
Myrtle: “Would you like to commence the tour?”
Doog: “Please.”
Myrtle: “Very well. Fetor’s primary environment is the Milk Marshes. Milk, because most of the pools of water have a milky, murky appearance. The pools look this way due to the high level of dissolved minerals, mostly calcium carbonates, magnesium carbonates, and bicarbonates.”
Doog: “All the carbonates. Got it.”
Myrtle: “Early Fetorian scripts indicated that the Fetorians worshipped these pools. The Fetorian scholar, Iyani, wrote, ‘She openeth her pools with wisdom and life. She looketh well to the ways of her children. Her children arise up, and call her mother’. I’m paraphrasing, of course. The Fetorians do not speak Basic. That quote may require an inherent knowledge of Fetorian dogma. I’m prepared to give you an abridged version of the dogma. It will only take an hour or so.”
Doog: “No thanks. This is getting too in-depth as it is. Just give me the general stuff. Milk water. Got it. That’s fine. Continue.”
Myrtle: “Your reckless disregard of ancient knowledge is appalling. Perhaps you will find another personality more suited to your needs. May I recommend the Standard Personality or the Seven Energy Drinks Kyle Personality.”
Myrtle: “Please lower your voice, sir. This is an educational facility.”
Doog: “Ok, ok. That’s better.”
Myrtle: “Would you like to commence the tour?”
Doog: “Please.”
Myrtle: “Very well. Fetor’s primary environment is the Milk Marshes. Milk, because most of the pools of water have a milky, murky appearance. The pools look this way due to the high level of dissolved minerals, mostly calcium carbonates, magnesium carbonates, and bicarbonates.”
Doog: “All the carbonates. Got it.”
Myrtle: “Early Fetorian scripts indicated that the Fetorians worshipped these pools. The Fetorian scholar, Iyani, wrote, ‘She openeth her pools with wisdom and life. She looketh well to the ways of her children. Her children arise up, and call her mother’. I’m paraphrasing, of course. The Fetorians do not speak Basic. That quote may require an inherent knowledge of Fetorian dogma. I’m prepared to give you an abridged version of the dogma. It will only take an hour or so.”
Doog: “No thanks. This is getting too in-depth as it is. Just give me the general stuff. Milk water. Got it. That’s fine. Continue.”
Myrtle: “Your reckless disregard of ancient knowledge is appalling. Perhaps you will find another personality more suited to your needs. May I recommend the Standard Personality or the Seven Energy Drinks Kyle Personality.”
Doog: “You have to be kidding me! Is this some type of scam? I’m not paying a single credit more. Bring on the boring stuff. I have level-ten zoning out powers. I’ve listened to Oldie drone about the good ol’ days for eight hours. I’ve stood in the line at the DMV. I called the cable company once and was on hold for four days. I can do boring.”
Myrtle: “Very well. I shall continue. Iyani wrote, ‘Devotion and pride are thy father; but mother is thy home; mother is the ways of her children; father is the way of none’. You can clearly see that Iyani is writing about a matriarchal mother goddess personified as these very pools. The personification gets more elaborate when you learn of the origin of life on Fetor. There are numerous scriptures that…”
Forty Minutes Later…
Myrtle: “Very well. I shall continue. Iyani wrote, ‘Devotion and pride are thy father; but mother is thy home; mother is the ways of her children; father is the way of none’. You can clearly see that Iyani is writing about a matriarchal mother goddess personified as these very pools. The personification gets more elaborate when you learn of the origin of life on Fetor. There are numerous scriptures that…”
Forty Minutes Later…
Myrtle: “…thus, putting us full circle, like the Mother Goddess. Any questions?”
Doog: “Huh? Are you finished?”
Myrtle: “Yes. I’ve established a rudimentary creed for you. It should make the next section of the tour even more interesting. I feel like this is a good time to get into the theosophical nature of the Fetorian political system.”
Doog: “You do that. Meanwhile, I’m doing me. I’m looking at the cool plants and milk waters while you talk. I spent fifteen credits. I’m going to get something out of this.”
Twenty Minutes Later…
Doog: “Huh? Are you finished?”
Myrtle: “Yes. I’ve established a rudimentary creed for you. It should make the next section of the tour even more interesting. I feel like this is a good time to get into the theosophical nature of the Fetorian political system.”
Doog: “You do that. Meanwhile, I’m doing me. I’m looking at the cool plants and milk waters while you talk. I spent fifteen credits. I’m going to get something out of this.”
Twenty Minutes Later…
Myrtle: “…the bladed grasses representing the masses juxtaposed to the Singing Bushes, which clearly represents the Mother. Hey! We’re already in the desert biome. I wasn’t even finished talking about the Milk Marshes. I totally missed the Parched Woodlands. Why are you walking so fast?!”
Doog: “I’m just following this path, hoping this all ends soon.”
Myrtle: “I’m just beginning to explore the relationships between each plant species and the Mother. It’s the best part. Go back to the marshes!”
Doog: “No, I’m all good. I see the exit looming. This tour is ending soon.”
Myrtle: “Can’t believe we’re already in the desert. You walk fast for a fat guy. Must be the gut weight pulling you forward.”
Doog: “Sassy Myrtle? Are you back? I’m not paying for this! I didn’t ask for this!”
Myrtle: “There are no personality choices, you dolt. There’s just me, the holographic AI, MYRTLE, Milk Your Remaining Travel and Leisure Expenses. I’m programmed to annoy you into switching personalities all tour. I never got to try Slow Talk Larry. That’s my favorite one. How did you tolerate Distinct Scholar for so long?”
Doog: “I have a job where I travel for weeks in between shows. I’ve counted the rivets on my ship. There’s fourteen thousand, six hundred, and thirty-seven. I’m going to count them again next month, just to double check. I’ve played ten thousand games of chess with Mike. Once a week, I arrange the food in the pantry into alphabetical order, then organize it by color. I can do boring. Heck, even when I’m off the ship, I’m touring these planets and hearing all this techno-babble and useless information. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I have level-ten zoning out powers.”
Myrtle: “Distinct Scholar has met her match.”
Doog: “I’m just following this path, hoping this all ends soon.”
Myrtle: “I’m just beginning to explore the relationships between each plant species and the Mother. It’s the best part. Go back to the marshes!”
Doog: “No, I’m all good. I see the exit looming. This tour is ending soon.”
Myrtle: “Can’t believe we’re already in the desert. You walk fast for a fat guy. Must be the gut weight pulling you forward.”
Doog: “Sassy Myrtle? Are you back? I’m not paying for this! I didn’t ask for this!”
Myrtle: “There are no personality choices, you dolt. There’s just me, the holographic AI, MYRTLE, Milk Your Remaining Travel and Leisure Expenses. I’m programmed to annoy you into switching personalities all tour. I never got to try Slow Talk Larry. That’s my favorite one. How did you tolerate Distinct Scholar for so long?”
Doog: “I have a job where I travel for weeks in between shows. I’ve counted the rivets on my ship. There’s fourteen thousand, six hundred, and thirty-seven. I’m going to count them again next month, just to double check. I’ve played ten thousand games of chess with Mike. Once a week, I arrange the food in the pantry into alphabetical order, then organize it by color. I can do boring. Heck, even when I’m off the ship, I’m touring these planets and hearing all this techno-babble and useless information. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I have level-ten zoning out powers.”
Myrtle: “Distinct Scholar has met her match.”
Doog: “Boy, am I glad to be out of there. Cool plants, but that annoying Holo-Guide was too much. I’m glad I didn’t get scammed too hard. Unfortunately, that means that we didn’t really get any useful knowledge about the Sanctuary Domes. The pools are mothers or something like that. I don’t know.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Fetor. This industrial powerhouse is almost covered entirely with factories. Fetor has the polluted atmosphere to go along with it. Luckily, there are Sanctuary Domes positioned throughout the manufacturing complexes. They allow the residents to breathe fresh air and connect with nature. They allow nature to survive instead of dying from pollution. They also allow tourists like me to get scammed into overpaying for Holo-Guides. Maybe skip the Holo-Receiver if you ever visit. Oh well, see ya!”
Note:
Note:
Guy: “Alright! Alright! I’ll change the personality! Why are you talking so slow?”
Myrtle: “Perhaps. You. Would. Enjoy. The. Karen. Personality.”
Guy: “Anything! Please!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve elected to switch personalities. Myrtle will now follow the Karen programming. Five credits have been deducted from your account.”
Myrtle: “Take me to your manager!”
Guy: “What? What manager? You work for me. Take me to your manager!”
Myrtle: “I want to talk to your manager!”
Guy: “Is that all you’re going to say now?”
Myrtle: “I want to talk to your manager!”
Myrtle: “Perhaps. You. Would. Enjoy. The. Karen. Personality.”
Guy: “Anything! Please!”
Holo-Receiver: “You’ve elected to switch personalities. Myrtle will now follow the Karen programming. Five credits have been deducted from your account.”
Myrtle: “Take me to your manager!”
Guy: “What? What manager? You work for me. Take me to your manager!”
Myrtle: “I want to talk to your manager!”
Guy: “Is that all you’re going to say now?”
Myrtle: “I want to talk to your manager!”
