There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Merum
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re checking out the planet, Merum. Merum is an agricultural world located in the Outer Rim. Merum shouldn’t be as boring as the other agricultural worlds we’ve visited; they don’t farm things on flat, endless plains. Merum is home to the famous vertical vineyards. Let’s check it out.”
Doog: “Alright, we’ve made it to the surface. Merum’s reputation holds true. I’m surrounded by vertical vineyards. The town appears to be built vertically too. The number of staircases around here terrifies me. This will hopefully be a surface-level tour.”
Lyaeus: “Welcome traveler. I am Lyaeus of Everwind Rocks. Who are you?”
Doog: “I am Doog of the Magellan.”
Lyaeus: “Why are we graced with your attendance this lovely morn, Doog of the Magellan?”
Doog: “I’m here to do a show about Merum.”
Lyaeus: “Hath a fortnight elapsed already? Have I been betrayed by golden son and pleasant times?”
Doog: “What?”
Lyaeus: “We disremembered your arrival, I’m afraid. The senses dull after partaking in the euphoria that is the after-harvest.”
Doog: “You’ve been drunk?”
Lyaeus: “Drunk is a decrepit choice of word. We do not get drunk. We get lifted spirits, warmed souls, and a cheerful disposition.”
Doog: “And forgetful, apparently.”
Lyaeus: “Ah, Doog of the Magellan, do not despair. I, Lyaeus, offer my services as chaperon. You shall delight in the wonders of Merum under my stewardship.”
Doog: “I am Doog of the Magellan.”
Lyaeus: “Why are we graced with your attendance this lovely morn, Doog of the Magellan?”
Doog: “I’m here to do a show about Merum.”
Lyaeus: “Hath a fortnight elapsed already? Have I been betrayed by golden son and pleasant times?”
Doog: “What?”
Lyaeus: “We disremembered your arrival, I’m afraid. The senses dull after partaking in the euphoria that is the after-harvest.”
Doog: “You’ve been drunk?”
Lyaeus: “Drunk is a decrepit choice of word. We do not get drunk. We get lifted spirits, warmed souls, and a cheerful disposition.”
Doog: “And forgetful, apparently.”
Lyaeus: “Ah, Doog of the Magellan, do not despair. I, Lyaeus, offer my services as chaperon. You shall delight in the wonders of Merum under my stewardship.”
Lyaeus: “This gathering of pillars is known as the Everwind Rocks. They are known colloquially as the Everwinds. The Everwinds have been bountiful since the beginning of history. Their yield is generous despite their restricted scope.”
Doog: “You said earlier that you are from Everwind Rocks. So, this is your hometown?”
Lyaeus: “Most certainly. For all my rotations, I have called these columns home.”
Doog: “Where’s your house?”
Lyaeus: “We do not own separate houses. My coterie of friends and family share the dwellings on the Everwinds. The constructions on the pillars are communal places. There are accommodations for all our needs. Slumber towards soberness in the sleeping quarters. Contemplate your passions in the common chamber. Reflect on your sentiments in the shrine. Taste the divine in the winery.”
Doog: “I’m getting a frat house vibe. All we need is some beer pong.”
Doog: “You said earlier that you are from Everwind Rocks. So, this is your hometown?”
Lyaeus: “Most certainly. For all my rotations, I have called these columns home.”
Doog: “Where’s your house?”
Lyaeus: “We do not own separate houses. My coterie of friends and family share the dwellings on the Everwinds. The constructions on the pillars are communal places. There are accommodations for all our needs. Slumber towards soberness in the sleeping quarters. Contemplate your passions in the common chamber. Reflect on your sentiments in the shrine. Taste the divine in the winery.”
Doog: “I’m getting a frat house vibe. All we need is some beer pong.”
Doog: “So, these vineyards are for making wine? It explains the drunkenness…I mean…the warming of souls.”
Lyaeus: “The fruit of Merum ferments into the most remarkable wine. The delicious beverage satiates the soul and elevates temperaments.”
Doog: “Fruit of Merum sounds like that underwear I used to buy. It didn’t hold up well after taco night, so I stopped buying it.”
Lyaeus: “The repulsive state of one’s undergarments can be lumped into the same category as the word, ‘drunk’. Let’s not speak of it again.”
Lyaeus: “The fruit of Merum ferments into the most remarkable wine. The delicious beverage satiates the soul and elevates temperaments.”
Doog: “Fruit of Merum sounds like that underwear I used to buy. It didn’t hold up well after taco night, so I stopped buying it.”
Lyaeus: “The repulsive state of one’s undergarments can be lumped into the same category as the word, ‘drunk’. Let’s not speak of it again.”
Lyaeus: “Before our conversation veered into the dark recesses of fecal humor, we were conversing on the subject of our wine.”
Doog: “Yeah, something like that.”
Lyaeus: “Our wine is of vast importance. It is not some occasional indulgence. It is the singular source of our nutrition.”
Doog: “Wait, are you saying that you only drink wine? You don’t eat anything?”
Lyaeus: “As alarming as it sounds to outsiders, it is true. We co-evolved with the berries. When the vines spread to the pillars, we followed. When the vines stretched skyward, we built upwards. When the berries developed a bitter tang, we learned to ferment them. Our bodies then evolved to reflect the alcoholic nature of the fermented berries.”
Doog: “So, you don’t feel dru…I mean…inebriated?”
Lyaeus: “Our brains have developed the ability to process information quicker, negating the effects of motor impairment and slurred speech, but the endorphins are still released, provoking pleasure.”
Doog: “How do I get one of your brains? All the feelings, none of the setbacks.”
Doog: “Yeah, something like that.”
Lyaeus: “Our wine is of vast importance. It is not some occasional indulgence. It is the singular source of our nutrition.”
Doog: “Wait, are you saying that you only drink wine? You don’t eat anything?”
Lyaeus: “As alarming as it sounds to outsiders, it is true. We co-evolved with the berries. When the vines spread to the pillars, we followed. When the vines stretched skyward, we built upwards. When the berries developed a bitter tang, we learned to ferment them. Our bodies then evolved to reflect the alcoholic nature of the fermented berries.”
Doog: “So, you don’t feel dru…I mean…inebriated?”
Lyaeus: “Our brains have developed the ability to process information quicker, negating the effects of motor impairment and slurred speech, but the endorphins are still released, provoking pleasure.”
Doog: “How do I get one of your brains? All the feelings, none of the setbacks.”
Lyaeus: “We were not the only species to coevolve with the fruits. Our mounts, or Arietes, also survive solely on the berries. Their evolutionary path took alternative routes, though. Instead of learning to climb or build, the Arietes grew taller. When the berries became bitter, the Arietes became inter-reliant on my people.”
Doog: “Reliant how?”
Lyaeus: “The Arietes can tolerate the bitterness, but they do not prefer it. They prefer the pre-fermented mash.”
Doog: “Mash?”
Lyaeus: “We press the berries to extricate their juices. We then ferment the sugary liquid into wine, leaving behind the skins and pulp of the berries. This is called mash, and it is used as feed for the Arietes.”
Doog: “So, it’s the juice that’s bitter, not the pulp or mash.”
Lyaeus: “Yes. This advantage aided in our domestication of the Arietes. They were inclined to work for less bitter food. They do not possess the tolerance for alcohol, so mash is their only source of non-bitter food.”
Doog: “Reliant how?”
Lyaeus: “The Arietes can tolerate the bitterness, but they do not prefer it. They prefer the pre-fermented mash.”
Doog: “Mash?”
Lyaeus: “We press the berries to extricate their juices. We then ferment the sugary liquid into wine, leaving behind the skins and pulp of the berries. This is called mash, and it is used as feed for the Arietes.”
Doog: “So, it’s the juice that’s bitter, not the pulp or mash.”
Lyaeus: “Yes. This advantage aided in our domestication of the Arietes. They were inclined to work for less bitter food. They do not possess the tolerance for alcohol, so mash is their only source of non-bitter food.”
Doog: “What about these musicians? They are clearly intoxicated. They’ve been playing the same song since I got here.”
Lyaeus: “Is the hymn of Golden Sun not enjoyable?”
Doog: “I guess it’s not terrible. It sounds eerily similar to the hymn of the Magellan’s Water Heater, though. Not exactly great.”
Lyaeus: “Perhaps the euphoric nature of my perception allows my mind to experience sound differently. I am suppressing my urge to dance, as we speak.”
Doog: “Things do sound better when I’m wasted – even my pick-up lines.”
Lyaeus: “Is the hymn of Golden Sun not enjoyable?”
Doog: “I guess it’s not terrible. It sounds eerily similar to the hymn of the Magellan’s Water Heater, though. Not exactly great.”
Lyaeus: “Perhaps the euphoric nature of my perception allows my mind to experience sound differently. I am suppressing my urge to dance, as we speak.”
Doog: “Things do sound better when I’m wasted – even my pick-up lines.”
Lyaeus: “This grander arrangement of stone masts is known as the Towers. They are among the tallest pillars on Merum.”
Doog: “There are stairs for days. Tell me we don’t have to go up there.”
Lyaeus: “We are not permitted to enter the Towers, even if you wished to suffer the climb.”
Doog: “Why not?”
Lyaeus: “Each set of pillars is its own community. Only the denizens of the Towers are granted access. The occupants of the Towers would suffer the same fate at the Everwinds.”
Doog: “Why don’t the communities intermingle?”
Doog: “There are stairs for days. Tell me we don’t have to go up there.”
Lyaeus: “We are not permitted to enter the Towers, even if you wished to suffer the climb.”
Doog: “Why not?”
Lyaeus: “Each set of pillars is its own community. Only the denizens of the Towers are granted access. The occupants of the Towers would suffer the same fate at the Everwinds.”
Doog: “Why don’t the communities intermingle?”
Lyaeus: “The limited quantities of the berries must be protected from outsiders, given their life sustaining properties. If interlopers were permitted to partake of their supply, they might not retain an adequate supply for themselves. This is vital in the era of the LIU.”
Doog: “I see. Now you must make enough wine for your people and the LIU.”
Lyaeus: “Finding balance in the reserves has been most challenging – a trial of our will to survive.”
Doog: “I see. Now you must make enough wine for your people and the LIU.”
Lyaeus: “Finding balance in the reserves has been most challenging – a trial of our will to survive.”
Lyaeus: “We overcame challenges in earlier times, when the fruits expanded to the skies. I am confident we will continue to triumph despite the new challenges. Survival is in our character.”
Doog: “Yeah, I hope so.”
Doog: “Yeah, I hope so.”
Lyaeus: “Not all communities reacted to the LIU’s arrival in a similar manner.”
Doog: “Yeah, this place looks way different.”
Lyaeus: “The Opportunists, as they call themselves, bowed to the LIU. They discarded centuries of culture, tradition, and law, and fully capitulated to the LIU’s desires.”
Doog: “They sold-out.”
Lyaeus: “A less poetic description, yet fitting, in this instance. The Opportunists now run the LIU’s wine trade on Merum. All the communities on Merum report to them.”
Doog: “Yeah, this place looks way different.”
Lyaeus: “The Opportunists, as they call themselves, bowed to the LIU. They discarded centuries of culture, tradition, and law, and fully capitulated to the LIU’s desires.”
Doog: “They sold-out.”
Lyaeus: “A less poetic description, yet fitting, in this instance. The Opportunists now run the LIU’s wine trade on Merum. All the communities on Merum report to them.”
Lyaeus: “Absent are the bountiful, flowing vines that lent their name to the Garden Pillars. The verdure replaced by a menagerie of mechanical devices and pollution spewing starships. A multitude of persons once lived off the generous fruitage of said flora, but the population has since dwindled. Hundreds displaced by a handful of loyal Opportunists.”
Doog: “If I understand correctly, and I barely understand most of the words you’re saying, you guys don’t like these Opportunists.”
Lyaeus: “We loathe them.”
Doog: “That’s what I thought.”
Doog: “If I understand correctly, and I barely understand most of the words you’re saying, you guys don’t like these Opportunists.”
Lyaeus: “We loathe them.”
Doog: “That’s what I thought.”
Lyaeus: “Despite our abhorrence, we must collaborate with the traitors. The LIU requires every community to pay an annual tithe, and the Opportunists possess Merum’s only spaceport.”
Doog: “So, you pay a tax to the LIU, presumably in the form of wine, but you can only pay them through the Opportunists?”
Lyaeus: “Yes, but the conspirators do not perform this duty free of charge. We pay ten percent of our wine yield to the LIU, and a further one percent to the Opportunists.”
Doog: “What do you get in return?”
Lyaeus: “A year of merry, wine-drinking peace.”
Doog: “Peace is good and all, but a little money would be nice.”
Lyaeus: “Only the blasphemous Opportunists care for such wealth. The true denizens of Merum are content with the old ways.”
Doog: “To each their own, I suppose.”
Lyaeus: “This is where we depart, Doog of the Magellan. I grow sober and must return home. I hope your curiosity has been sated. May golden sun and merry cheer find you wherever life takes you.”
Doog: “Uh, same. Golden sun and stuff.”
Doog: “So, you pay a tax to the LIU, presumably in the form of wine, but you can only pay them through the Opportunists?”
Lyaeus: “Yes, but the conspirators do not perform this duty free of charge. We pay ten percent of our wine yield to the LIU, and a further one percent to the Opportunists.”
Doog: “What do you get in return?”
Lyaeus: “A year of merry, wine-drinking peace.”
Doog: “Peace is good and all, but a little money would be nice.”
Lyaeus: “Only the blasphemous Opportunists care for such wealth. The true denizens of Merum are content with the old ways.”
Doog: “To each their own, I suppose.”
Lyaeus: “This is where we depart, Doog of the Magellan. I grow sober and must return home. I hope your curiosity has been sated. May golden sun and merry cheer find you wherever life takes you.”
Doog: “Uh, same. Golden sun and stuff.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Merum. The people here coevolved with a plant. When that plant took to the rocky pillars, they followed. When it started tasting bad, they made wine from it. When they got too hammered, their biology evolved to lessen the effects of alcohol. Now, because of the LIU, they’ve been forced to evolve their behavior. They must grow more fruit and make more wine to pay the LIU. Some people, like these guys behind me, sold-out to the LIU. Either way, life on Merum is much different these days. Oh well! See ya!”
Note:
Note:
Doog: “Don’t you feel bad buying wine from the Opportunists? I just spent an hour hearing about their evil ways.”
Amaya: “What can I say, it’s good wine. Besides, I wanted to get something to celebrate Seitse’s new license.”
Doog: “Aw, who am I kidding? Pour me a double.”
Amaya: “What can I say, it’s good wine. Besides, I wanted to get something to celebrate Seitse’s new license.”
Doog: “Aw, who am I kidding? Pour me a double.”
