There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Prurigo
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Prurigo. Prurigo is mostly barren desert, but it does have a few equatorial jungles near its large river systems. The natives, called Rigos, call these river systems home. Let’s head down and check it out.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off outside of the city, Guva. Guva sits along the planet’s longest river, Rwizi. I don’t see any rivers from here. I think we need to head into this gate behind me. On a side note, it smells really weird here. It’s hard to describe, but it’s somewhere between wet dog, crap, and rotting flesh. Maybe it will smell better inside.”
Doog: “Maybe not. It smells worse. Is it coming from the natives? The river? Me? Did I forget to wash my mustache again?”
Jhoni: “You’s the TV guy, yeah? I’m Jhoni, your escort.”
Doog: “What gave it away, my microphone or my charmingly good looks?
Jhoni: “You’s a human. Not many humans around here.”
Doog: “Or that. I guess I didn’t notice. There’s not many foreigners here.”
Doog: “What gave it away, my microphone or my charmingly good looks?
Jhoni: “You’s a human. Not many humans around here.”
Doog: “Or that. I guess I didn’t notice. There’s not many foreigners here.”
Jhoni: “Vatengesi are the only foreigners on Guva. You refer to them as Tressans, right?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. The guys with the head tentacles.”
Jhoni: “Yeah, with the green and orange skin. Them guys.”
Doog: “Why are there so many Tressans here?”
Jhoni: “The Galactic Bureaucracy used to run this joint before the LIU. Them Vatengesi never left after the merger. Prurigo is too important. I guess they’s afraid us lowly locals will mess things up if they leave.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. The guys with the head tentacles.”
Jhoni: “Yeah, with the green and orange skin. Them guys.”
Doog: “Why are there so many Tressans here?”
Jhoni: “The Galactic Bureaucracy used to run this joint before the LIU. Them Vatengesi never left after the merger. Prurigo is too important. I guess they’s afraid us lowly locals will mess things up if they leave.”
Doog: “What makes Prurigo so important?”
Jhoni: “You ever hear of the ‘Slavers’ Itch’.”
Doog: “Is it an STD? Something like Lap Dance Itch?”
Jhoni: “Ah Mafuto, not anything like that. The Slavers’ Itch is a chemical addiction. People get so hooked on this chemical; they do anything to get more. They work for almost nothing to just get another hit. Get peoples hooked on this stuff…you own them for life.”
Doog: “You make this terrifying chemical on Prurigo?”
Jhoni: “The Vatengesi do.”
Doog: “Oh great! They brought me here to get me addicted, didn’t they!? I don’t want to work for free!”
Jhoni: “Mafuto, mafuto. Relax, relax. The drugs don’t work on Humans or Rigos or Vatengesi. We’s safe. The Slavers’ Itch only works on certain species. I am not a scientist, right? But some species are different. Some’s susceptible.”
Doog: “Whew. That’s a relief.”
Jhoni: “You ever hear of the ‘Slavers’ Itch’.”
Doog: “Is it an STD? Something like Lap Dance Itch?”
Jhoni: “Ah Mafuto, not anything like that. The Slavers’ Itch is a chemical addiction. People get so hooked on this chemical; they do anything to get more. They work for almost nothing to just get another hit. Get peoples hooked on this stuff…you own them for life.”
Doog: “You make this terrifying chemical on Prurigo?”
Jhoni: “The Vatengesi do.”
Doog: “Oh great! They brought me here to get me addicted, didn’t they!? I don’t want to work for free!”
Jhoni: “Mafuto, mafuto. Relax, relax. The drugs don’t work on Humans or Rigos or Vatengesi. We’s safe. The Slavers’ Itch only works on certain species. I am not a scientist, right? But some species are different. Some’s susceptible.”
Doog: “Whew. That’s a relief.”
Doog: “How’s the addicting chemical made?”
Jhoni: “To get those answers, we need to go deeper into Guva.”
Doog: “And we need a boat to do that?”
Jhoni: “There’s no other way to get around Guva. Unless you want to swim? Huh, Mafuto?
Doog: “That, I don’t want. I’m pretty sure this smell is coming from the river. Also, why do you keep calling me that? Mofo or whatever?”
Jhoni: “Mafuto. It’s just a nickname I’ve given you. Uh, it translates to…little fat man.”
Doog: “What! Why are you calling me that?”
Jhoni: “I never got you’s real name, so Mafuto it is.”
Doog: “I’m Doog, not fat man.”
Jhoni: “Tasangana, Doog it is.”
Jhoni: “To get those answers, we need to go deeper into Guva.”
Doog: “And we need a boat to do that?”
Jhoni: “There’s no other way to get around Guva. Unless you want to swim? Huh, Mafuto?
Doog: “That, I don’t want. I’m pretty sure this smell is coming from the river. Also, why do you keep calling me that? Mofo or whatever?”
Jhoni: “Mafuto. It’s just a nickname I’ve given you. Uh, it translates to…little fat man.”
Doog: “What! Why are you calling me that?”
Jhoni: “I never got you’s real name, so Mafuto it is.”
Doog: “I’m Doog, not fat man.”
Jhoni: “Tasangana, Doog it is.”
Doog: “You weren’t kidding. There’s no way to get around here besides boating. There’s almost no walking paths.”
Jhoni: “The river is the lifeblood of Guva. Her waters cannot be impeded. Everyone’s needs access. The best way to do it…let it flow through the city.”
Doog: “Why is it so important?”
Jhoni: “We use the river for everything, right? Food, water, transportation, and sewage.”
Doog: “That explains the smell. And…that wasn’t a chocolate bar I saw floating by earlier, was it? How can you drink and eat stuff out of the river with sewage?”
Jhoni: “The fish and the plants filter the sewage. Great circle of life and all that nonsense. Besides, I know our city seems simple, but we have protections in place. We clean our water. We cook our food.”
Doog: “I guess…”
Jhoni: “The river is the lifeblood of Guva. Her waters cannot be impeded. Everyone’s needs access. The best way to do it…let it flow through the city.”
Doog: “Why is it so important?”
Jhoni: “We use the river for everything, right? Food, water, transportation, and sewage.”
Doog: “That explains the smell. And…that wasn’t a chocolate bar I saw floating by earlier, was it? How can you drink and eat stuff out of the river with sewage?”
Jhoni: “The fish and the plants filter the sewage. Great circle of life and all that nonsense. Besides, I know our city seems simple, but we have protections in place. We clean our water. We cook our food.”
Doog: “I guess…”
Jhoni: “Hold on, tight turn!”
Doog: “Whoa there! Take it easy. I definitely don’t want to fall in the water now. Watch the poop water splashes too.”
Jhoni: “We’re fine, Mafuto…errr, Doog.”
Doog: “Whoa there! Take it easy. I definitely don’t want to fall in the water now. Watch the poop water splashes too.”
Jhoni: “We’re fine, Mafuto…errr, Doog.”
Doog: “Why do you have such a large boat anyway? This thing hardly fits through some of these canals.”
Jhoni: “I need a big boat because I need to transport a lot of cargo. The cargo I collect is pretty spread out, so I need big engines to make the trips quicker.”
Doog: “What do you ship? Food? Supplies?”
Jhoni: “Dead bodies.”
Doog: “What!”
Jhoni: “What’s with the tone, huh? People die, and I go pick up their corpse. I transport it back to the tombs. You’s humans don’t do this?”
Doog: “No, no. We do. I guess I was just in shock. I didn’t know I was riding around in a boat hearse.”
Jhoni: “I need a big boat because I need to transport a lot of cargo. The cargo I collect is pretty spread out, so I need big engines to make the trips quicker.”
Doog: “What do you ship? Food? Supplies?”
Jhoni: “Dead bodies.”
Doog: “What!”
Jhoni: “What’s with the tone, huh? People die, and I go pick up their corpse. I transport it back to the tombs. You’s humans don’t do this?”
Doog: “No, no. We do. I guess I was just in shock. I didn’t know I was riding around in a boat hearse.”
Jhoni: “Scooping up bodies is a big business on Prurigo. The Vatengesi…Tressans as you’s call them…pay big money for bodies.”
Doog: “I’m afraid to ask why.”
Jhoni: “They use them to make the Slavers’ Itch.”
Doog: “After all the talk about dung rivers and corpse canoes, I forgot about the most terrifying part of this planet…the itch.”
Doog: “I’m afraid to ask why.”
Jhoni: “They use them to make the Slavers’ Itch.”
Doog: “After all the talk about dung rivers and corpse canoes, I forgot about the most terrifying part of this planet…the itch.”
Doog: “Where are we going?”
Jhoni: “This is a private canal. It’s where I bring the bodies.”
Jhoni: “This is a private canal. It’s where I bring the bodies.”
Jhoni: “Security is tight here. So, don’t go and do something stupid, got it?”
Doog: “I will not intentionally do anything stupid. That’s all I can promise.”
Doog: “I will not intentionally do anything stupid. That’s all I can promise.”
Jhoni: “One more thing…if you think the river smells bad, you got a big surprise coming you’s way.”
Doog: “Oh good. I was wondering how this could be any worse.”
Doog: “Oh good. I was wondering how this could be any worse.”
Doog: “Ew. Every step I take down, the air smells worse. What is that?”
Jhoni: “You’s headin’ down into the tombs of Guva. That smell is death and decay.”
Doog: “I miss the river smell. I’ll never complain about that again.”
Jhoni: “You’s headin’ down into the tombs of Guva. That smell is death and decay.”
Doog: “I miss the river smell. I’ll never complain about that again.”
Doog: “So, is this chemical made from bones or something? That’s all I see down here.”
Jhoni: “No, the drug is derived from Carcass Flower extracts. Carcass Flowers only grow on decaying flesh. These bodies are too old. There’s no flesh left.”
Jhoni: “No, the drug is derived from Carcass Flower extracts. Carcass Flowers only grow on decaying flesh. These bodies are too old. There’s no flesh left.”
Jhoni: “Here’s a growing chamber.”
Doog: “Oh man! That’s ripe!”
Jhoni: “Carcass Flowers aren’t actual flowers, you know? They’s the fruiting bodies of a mold. The mold is that green stuff growing on the bodies.”
Doog: “Holding back a major barf right now. You just keep talking.”
Doog: “Oh man! That’s ripe!”
Jhoni: “Carcass Flowers aren’t actual flowers, you know? They’s the fruiting bodies of a mold. The mold is that green stuff growing on the bodies.”
Doog: “Holding back a major barf right now. You just keep talking.”
Jhoni: “The smell ain’t that bad. It could be worse.”
Doog: “I refuse to believe that.”
Jhoni: “There’s hardly any meat left on these bones. The mold has run it course. That’s why it’s blooming. You should smell these chambers with week-old bodies in the midsummer heat.”
Doog: “No thanks!”
Doog: “I refuse to believe that.”
Jhoni: “There’s hardly any meat left on these bones. The mold has run it course. That’s why it’s blooming. You should smell these chambers with week-old bodies in the midsummer heat.”
Doog: “No thanks!”
Jhoni: “Speaking of smells, looks like they’s about to reload the body pit. We best be moving on.”
Doog: “Please.”
Doog: “Please.”
Jhoni: “The Vatengesi extract and process Slavers’ Itch in the tombs. Apparently, it spoils quick.”
Doog: “I almost feel bad for them working in this stink chamber, but then, I remember they are making a super-addictive drug to chemically enslave some race. Enjoy the aroma boys!”
Doog: “I almost feel bad for them working in this stink chamber, but then, I remember they are making a super-addictive drug to chemically enslave some race. Enjoy the aroma boys!”
Doog: “How does this itch work again?”
Jhoni: “I’m not a scientist. I don’t even know how normal drugs work. I especially don’t know how alien biology drugs work. I just know that they say this stuff is more addictive than oxygen.”
Doog: “Oxygen isn’t addictive.”
Jhoni: “Oh really? If I were to take your oxygen away, you’d be ok?”
Doog: “Well, I would die. I guess.”
Jhoni: “You’s would fight with all your power, with all your resources, for one breath. One more hit of that sweet, sweet oxygen. That’s how addictive this stuff is.”
Doog: “Yikes. Speaking of oxygen, can we get out of this tomb. The rotten-body smell is a bit overwhelming.”
Jhoni: “I’m not a scientist. I don’t even know how normal drugs work. I especially don’t know how alien biology drugs work. I just know that they say this stuff is more addictive than oxygen.”
Doog: “Oxygen isn’t addictive.”
Jhoni: “Oh really? If I were to take your oxygen away, you’d be ok?”
Doog: “Well, I would die. I guess.”
Jhoni: “You’s would fight with all your power, with all your resources, for one breath. One more hit of that sweet, sweet oxygen. That’s how addictive this stuff is.”
Doog: “Yikes. Speaking of oxygen, can we get out of this tomb. The rotten-body smell is a bit overwhelming.”
Doog: “Ah, the glorious smell of the sewer river. I missed you so much!”
Jhoni: “Yeah, that was pretty bad. I usually drop the bodies off and go. I don’t usually stick around so long.”
Doog: “Hey, this is the place I entered the city. We’ve come full circle.”
Jhoni: “Yep. It’s also the last part of the tour. This is Guva’s loading dock. The Vatengesi export Slavers’ Itch from here. It’s also where we import bodies.”
Doog: “Import bodies?”
Jhoni: “Yeah. The Vatengesi have ramped up production to the point that we can’t feed the growth chambers with our own dead. We’s importing the dead from other worlds too. The mold doesn’t seem to mind.”
Doog: “This is one strange, smelly planet.”
Jhoni: “Yep, but it’s home.”
Jhoni: “Yeah, that was pretty bad. I usually drop the bodies off and go. I don’t usually stick around so long.”
Doog: “Hey, this is the place I entered the city. We’ve come full circle.”
Jhoni: “Yep. It’s also the last part of the tour. This is Guva’s loading dock. The Vatengesi export Slavers’ Itch from here. It’s also where we import bodies.”
Doog: “Import bodies?”
Jhoni: “Yeah. The Vatengesi have ramped up production to the point that we can’t feed the growth chambers with our own dead. We’s importing the dead from other worlds too. The mold doesn’t seem to mind.”
Doog: “This is one strange, smelly planet.”
Jhoni: “Yep, but it’s home.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Prurigo. The Rigos live in canal cities along the planet’s many rivers. They seem pretty normal in that regard. They fish, farm, and trade like many other cultures. Underneath these seemingly normal cities, there are networks of catacombs where a mold feeds on the dead. The Tressans discovered that this mold could be used to make an ultra-addictive drug, called Slavers’ Itch. Prurigo now specializes in making this drug. Dead bodies have become a commodity here. They are literally importing bodies right behind me. I don’t know what race or races are being enslaved by this drug, but I’m not sticking around to find out. It smells so bad here! See ya!”
Note: The neurochemical, Slaves’ Itch, does not bind with G protein-coupled receptors, protecting 99% of the galaxy’s inhabitants (all races accidentally seeded by the Progenitors).
Note: The neurochemical, Slaves’ Itch, does not bind with G protein-coupled receptors, protecting 99% of the galaxy’s inhabitants (all races accidentally seeded by the Progenitors).
