There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Pluvia
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Pluvia. Most of Pluvia is made up of barren, rocky deserts, but it does have some temperate regions. These temperate regions experience seasonal rains, allowing for periodic plant growth. A sentient race has emerged here, and they take advantage of these seasonal growths. Let’s head down and find out what that’s all about.”
Doog: “Alright folks, here we are. I’ve been dropped off in the wastes of Pluvia. This is a region that never experiences rain. I guess they they call it the ‘wastes’, because it’s a waste of space. Nothing grows here. It’s hot, dry, rocky, and sandy. Emphasis on the sandy…my right shoe is full of it. Ah, I think I see my guide now.”
Derek: “Ugh, why are you so far out here?! We’re miles from the settlement. It’s going to take us an hour just to get to where the tour should have started.”
Doog: “Sorry, I wanted to unibrows the…I mean browse the wastelands before I saw the settlements, so I could compare the two. I’m Doog, by the way.”
Derek: “I know who you are. That’s why I’m talking to you. I don’t make it a habit to talk to random guys in the desert wastelands.”
Doog: “I was introducing myself so we can segue into your introduction. I KNOW you know who I am…I’m a famous TV Host.”
Derek: “Yeah sure. I’m Derek, Operations Hydrologist and unfortunate master of drawing the shortest stick.”
Doog: “Sounds like you don’t want to be here.”
Derek: “Let’s put it this way. It’s my day off, and, instead of relaxing at home, I’m here with you. Not to mention, I have the worst headache right now. I’m not sure if it’s the seasonal high pressure, this heat, or dealing with you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get started. We have a hike on our hands.”
Doog: “Sorry, I wanted to unibrows the…I mean browse the wastelands before I saw the settlements, so I could compare the two. I’m Doog, by the way.”
Derek: “I know who you are. That’s why I’m talking to you. I don’t make it a habit to talk to random guys in the desert wastelands.”
Doog: “I was introducing myself so we can segue into your introduction. I KNOW you know who I am…I’m a famous TV Host.”
Derek: “Yeah sure. I’m Derek, Operations Hydrologist and unfortunate master of drawing the shortest stick.”
Doog: “Sounds like you don’t want to be here.”
Derek: “Let’s put it this way. It’s my day off, and, instead of relaxing at home, I’m here with you. Not to mention, I have the worst headache right now. I’m not sure if it’s the seasonal high pressure, this heat, or dealing with you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get started. We have a hike on our hands.”
Derek: “Geez, we’re out past Creek Camp. This is ridiculous.”
Doog: “Creek Camp? What’s that?”
Derek: “The locals have camps all around this region. Back when they were nomadic, they moved from camp to camp following the rains.”
Doog: “There’s still some water here. I’m surprised I don’t see more locals.”
Derek: “The water won’t last. This creek is days from running dry. Besides, the Pluvians aren’t nomadic anymore. The LIU has given them permanent settlements. These camps are largely abandoned now.”
Doog: “Why did the LIU make the Pluvians settle permanently?”
Derek: “Because the nomadic lifestyle made the Pluvians useless to the LIU. The LIU doesn’t want them chasing the rains. They want them to…”
Doog: “Creek Camp? What’s that?”
Derek: “The locals have camps all around this region. Back when they were nomadic, they moved from camp to camp following the rains.”
Doog: “There’s still some water here. I’m surprised I don’t see more locals.”
Derek: “The water won’t last. This creek is days from running dry. Besides, the Pluvians aren’t nomadic anymore. The LIU has given them permanent settlements. These camps are largely abandoned now.”
Doog: “Why did the LIU make the Pluvians settle permanently?”
Derek: “Because the nomadic lifestyle made the Pluvians useless to the LIU. The LIU doesn’t want them chasing the rains. They want them to…”
Derek: “…farm. We’re finally here.”
Doog: “Wow, this is a lot different. What do they farm?”
Derek: “Sakit, a native bush.”
Doog: “These blue bushes?”
Derek: “Yeah, the only bushes you can see. The ones all around us.”
Doog: “I’m just looking for clarity, for the viewers sake.”
Derek: “Well, I think it was pretty clear already. Your follow up questions are worsening my headache.”
Doog: “Well, get ready for some pain because I have tons of questions. What is Sakit used for? Is it a food? A drug?”
Derek: “Sakit is a spice. Before you ask, it’s a food-spice, not drug-spice. It is piquant and aromatic. Before you ask, that means it is pleasantly tangy and smells good. It’s often added to dishes to mildly increase its spiciness.”
Doog: “Quit taking all my questions!”
Derek: “No, I don’t think I will. Things will go faster and my head might hurt less.”
Doog: “Wow, this is a lot different. What do they farm?”
Derek: “Sakit, a native bush.”
Doog: “These blue bushes?”
Derek: “Yeah, the only bushes you can see. The ones all around us.”
Doog: “I’m just looking for clarity, for the viewers sake.”
Derek: “Well, I think it was pretty clear already. Your follow up questions are worsening my headache.”
Doog: “Well, get ready for some pain because I have tons of questions. What is Sakit used for? Is it a food? A drug?”
Derek: “Sakit is a spice. Before you ask, it’s a food-spice, not drug-spice. It is piquant and aromatic. Before you ask, that means it is pleasantly tangy and smells good. It’s often added to dishes to mildly increase its spiciness.”
Doog: “Quit taking all my questions!”
Derek: “No, I don’t think I will. Things will go faster and my head might hurt less.”
Doog: “What is…”
Derek: “This is a water rig. It’s like an oil rig, but it collects water from deep underground, instead of oil. Pluvia may not have dependable rains, but it is rich with large aquifers. Millions of gallons of water sit below the surface. By tapping the aquifers, the LIU has given the Pluvians access to large quantities of water. They no longer need to follow the rains. They have all the water they need right here.”
Derek: “This is a water rig. It’s like an oil rig, but it collects water from deep underground, instead of oil. Pluvia may not have dependable rains, but it is rich with large aquifers. Millions of gallons of water sit below the surface. By tapping the aquifers, the LIU has given the Pluvians access to large quantities of water. They no longer need to follow the rains. They have all the water they need right here.”
Derek: “Of course, drilling for water isn’t cheap. Sakit is valuable, but its production hardly warrants the costs of such an expensive endeavor. Luckily, the LIU found worth in the aquifers themselves.”
Doog: “In wha…”
Derek: “A millennia of seasonal rains have flushed surface minerals into the aquifers, chiefly salt and lithium. These rigs process the brine solution drawn up from the aquifer and turn it into clean water, salt, and lithium. The mineral value of the salt and lithium help make Sakit farming more financially viable.”
Doog: “What…”
Derek: “You can’t possibly have a question at this point. I’ve covered everything.”
Doog: “In wha…”
Derek: “A millennia of seasonal rains have flushed surface minerals into the aquifers, chiefly salt and lithium. These rigs process the brine solution drawn up from the aquifer and turn it into clean water, salt, and lithium. The mineral value of the salt and lithium help make Sakit farming more financially viable.”
Doog: “What…”
Derek: “You can’t possibly have a question at this point. I’ve covered everything.”
Derek: “I mean…I guess I can tell you about the process. It involves MOF’s, which, before you ask, stands for metal-organic frameworks. These ‘sponges’ of metal ions capture the salt and lithium from the water using little energy.”
Doog: “You can take my questions all you want, but beware. When I don’t have questions, I have remarks.”
Derek: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Doog: “I don’t know. Maybe I will remark about that large caterpillar crawling over your eyes…oh, wait…that’s your singular eyebrow.”
Derek: “Oh, it’s ON! There’s no way you’re getting in a question. The Pluvians have been harvesting Sakit for centuries, but never in this quantity. Sakit used to grow seasonally, with the rains. The Pluvians grabbed it when they could, but it was only an occasional treat. With more water, the locals can farm the spice all year long.”
Derek: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Doog: “I don’t know. Maybe I will remark about that large caterpillar crawling over your eyes…oh, wait…that’s your singular eyebrow.”
Derek: “Oh, it’s ON! There’s no way you’re getting in a question. The Pluvians have been harvesting Sakit for centuries, but never in this quantity. Sakit used to grow seasonally, with the rains. The Pluvians grabbed it when they could, but it was only an occasional treat. With more water, the locals can farm the spice all year long.”
Doog: “Wh…”
Derek: “That’s a LIU Harvester Mech. It aids the locals in harvesting Sakit. It has a multi-spectral scanner that picks the best quality leaves. The leaves picked by the harvesters are higher quality. The good leaves are sold separately under the name, Sakito. Sakito is more expensive, but much more pungent.”
Doog: “No wonder you have a headache. You have a massive eyebrow pulling your forehead down! Eyebrow, not eyebrows!”
Derek: “The Harvester has four independent legs to make it easier to walk the terraced fields. Each is power by its own Engyne Power Drive. The Harvester can operate for sixteen hours before its power drives need recharged.”
Doog: “I…”
Derek: “The mech has two dexterous pruning arms that can easily separate the leaves from the plant with no damage.”
Doog: “But can it separate your eyebrows? That’s the real question.”
Derek: “That’s a LIU Harvester Mech. It aids the locals in harvesting Sakit. It has a multi-spectral scanner that picks the best quality leaves. The leaves picked by the harvesters are higher quality. The good leaves are sold separately under the name, Sakito. Sakito is more expensive, but much more pungent.”
Doog: “No wonder you have a headache. You have a massive eyebrow pulling your forehead down! Eyebrow, not eyebrows!”
Derek: “The Harvester has four independent legs to make it easier to walk the terraced fields. Each is power by its own Engyne Power Drive. The Harvester can operate for sixteen hours before its power drives need recharged.”
Doog: “I…”
Derek: “The mech has two dexterous pruning arms that can easily separate the leaves from the plant with no damage.”
Doog: “But can it separate your eyebrows? That’s the real question.”
Derek: “Must give random facts about the rig. Let’s see. The rig is crewed by four people: a hydrologist, two mechanics, and a laborer. There are no crew accommodations on the rig. We don’t sleep or eat here. There’s a LIU facility for that. Bathrooms too. The rig runs twenty hours a day, six days a week. That’s around the clock on this planet. I need to think of more! What else can I say!?”
Doog: “Don’t worry. I’m not up here to ask questions. This is purely a time-wasting maneuver.”
Derek: “What do you mean?”
Doog: “I don’t usually go up on things like this, given the option. Unfortunately for you, this rig has an elevator. It was easy to come up here and waste more of your day off.”
Derek: “Jerk! That wasted another fifteen minutes!”
Doog: “You started this war. How’s that headache feeling?”
Doog: “Don’t worry. I’m not up here to ask questions. This is purely a time-wasting maneuver.”
Derek: “What do you mean?”
Doog: “I don’t usually go up on things like this, given the option. Unfortunately for you, this rig has an elevator. It was easy to come up here and waste more of your day off.”
Derek: “Jerk! That wasted another fifteen minutes!”
Doog: “You started this war. How’s that headache feeling?”
Derek: “The Pluvians are a hardy race, built for endurance. In the nomadic-times, they’d walk hundreds of miles, following the rains. Now, they invest that energy into working the fields. They almost never need a break. They are able to work with little water and food, another adaptation.”
Doog: “Do they eat the spice?”
Derek: “Dang it! You got one in! They eat Sakit sparingly. Most of the crop is shipped off world. The Pluvians eat the lower-grade Sakit and imported animals, like chickens. You might see some wandering the fields. They are great for eating pests too.”
Doog: “The Pluvians or the chickens?”
Derek: “The chickens! These are the annoying, pointless, rhetorical questions that make my head want to explode!”
Doog: “Do they pluck the chickens?”
Derek: “Another pointless question! Why does that matter?!”
Doog: “That’s a segue into asking if you pluck your eyebrows. Another pointless question, given what we’re seeing.”
Derek: “GRR!”
Doog: “Do they eat the spice?”
Derek: “Dang it! You got one in! They eat Sakit sparingly. Most of the crop is shipped off world. The Pluvians eat the lower-grade Sakit and imported animals, like chickens. You might see some wandering the fields. They are great for eating pests too.”
Doog: “The Pluvians or the chickens?”
Derek: “The chickens! These are the annoying, pointless, rhetorical questions that make my head want to explode!”
Doog: “Do they pluck the chickens?”
Derek: “Another pointless question! Why does that matter?!”
Doog: “That’s a segue into asking if you pluck your eyebrows. Another pointless question, given what we’re seeing.”
Derek: “GRR!”
Derek: “The CCA, or Camp Creek Aquifer provides enough water to farm 500 km². Clean, processed water, from the rig, is piped to fields like this. The water is sprayed into terraced fields, ensuring the excess water drains back into the aquifer.”
Doog: “I’m running out of remarks…um…how many square kilometers is your center brow?”
Doog: “I’m running out of remarks…um…how many square kilometers is your center brow?”
Derek: “My temples are pulsating right now! I don’t know if I can tolerate you much more.”
Doog: “Then stop with the spewing of facts and allow me one question. Are we almost done? Believe it or not, I don’t want to be here anymore that you do.”
Derek: “Thankfully, we’re nearing the end. This is the LIU facility at CCA. It’s our home and base of operations. It’s also where we bundle and ship Sakit, salt, and lithium. Let’s head inside and finish this.”
Doog: “Then stop with the spewing of facts and allow me one question. Are we almost done? Believe it or not, I don’t want to be here anymore that you do.”
Derek: “Thankfully, we’re nearing the end. This is the LIU facility at CCA. It’s our home and base of operations. It’s also where we bundle and ship Sakit, salt, and lithium. Let’s head inside and finish this.”
Derek: “Picked Sakit is transported to this facility by machines we call, ‘Camels’. They are actually CML’s or Computerized Mechanical Lifters. They can carry about a hundred pounds of leaves.”
Doog: “But can they carry your…never mind. I won’t go there. Let’s get this over with.”
Doog: “But can they carry your…never mind. I won’t go there. Let’s get this over with.”
Derek: “For Sakit to be used as a spice, it must be dried and crushed. We don’t do that here. We ship fresh leaves to food processing centers on other planets. This keeps the Sakit from going bad. Sakit is shipped by the bushel in large nets.”
Doog: “Passing up on eyebrow jokes about bushels. Please continue.”
Derek: “I think that is about it. I’m out of here.”
Doog: “Passing up on eyebrow jokes about bushels. Please continue.”
Derek: “I think that is about it. I’m out of here.”
Derek: “I can’t believe I wasted three hours of my life on this. I just want to get home, take some painkillers, and forget today.”
Doog: “Wait! What if I’m not ready to be done yet? What if I have more questions?”
Derek: “We had a truce. No more questions.”
Doog: “But I want to learn about this remote control. What does this button do? Does it control the Camel?”
Doog: “Wait! What if I’m not ready to be done yet? What if I have more questions?”
Derek: “We had a truce. No more questions.”
Doog: “But I want to learn about this remote control. What does this button do? Does it control the Camel?”
Derek: “Ouch! Ouch! What’s happening?! My head hurts even worse now.”
Doog: “Uhhh…”
Guy: “That remote controls the lift crane, not the CML.”
Doog: “Oops.”
Derek: “Why can’t I move?! Why does my head feel like it’s in a vice?! Why can’t I turn my head?!”
Doog: “Um…the headache might have turned into a migraine? It probably has nothing to do with a crane…”
Derek: “Did you say crane?! Did you clamp my head into the bundler?!”
Doog: “If I did, and I’m not saying I did, would you be opposed to an eyebrow shave while you’re clamped in?”
Derek: “No! Don’t touch me! Let me go!”
Doog: “Uhhh…”
Guy: “That remote controls the lift crane, not the CML.”
Doog: “Oops.”
Derek: “Why can’t I move?! Why does my head feel like it’s in a vice?! Why can’t I turn my head?!”
Doog: “Um…the headache might have turned into a migraine? It probably has nothing to do with a crane…”
Derek: “Did you say crane?! Did you clamp my head into the bundler?!”
Doog: “If I did, and I’m not saying I did, would you be opposed to an eyebrow shave while you’re clamped in?”
Derek: “No! Don’t touch me! Let me go!”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Pluvia. The native Pluvians used to be nomads, roaming the planet following the rains. Now, with help from the LIU, they live in more permanent settlements. The LIU made this possible by tapping into Pluvia’s rich, brine aquifers. The LIU didn’t do it out of good will; they get stuff in return, like salt, lithium, and the spice, Sakit. Pluvia is also home to the galaxy’s largest unibrow, thanks to Derek here. Unfortunately, he won’t hold that title for long. Me and this guy are going to remedy that.”
Guy: “I didn’t agree to that.”
Derek: “When I get out of here, you’re a dead man!”
Doog: “On second thoughts, I might just leave. Oh well, see ya!”
Note: The galaxy’s largest unibrow actually belongs to a hillbilly named, Rusty Clem, a resident of the Anulus Pomarii Belt. The publication, Unibrows United, gave Clem the title after long-time-record-holder, Ray-Ray, lost his unibrow in a fire.
Guy: “I didn’t agree to that.”
Derek: “When I get out of here, you’re a dead man!”
Doog: “On second thoughts, I might just leave. Oh well, see ya!”
Note: The galaxy’s largest unibrow actually belongs to a hillbilly named, Rusty Clem, a resident of the Anulus Pomarii Belt. The publication, Unibrows United, gave Clem the title after long-time-record-holder, Ray-Ray, lost his unibrow in a fire.
