There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Colligo
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Amaya: “Seriously, when’s the last time someone went through all this stuff. There’s so much useless junk crammed in here. We can easily get rid of half this stuff – starting with Doog’s personal toilet seat that he’s never used. I’m getting rid of this creepy Doog Dummy contraption too. It terrifies me.”
Seitse: “Do I want to know why there’s a skull in this closet? Or, is it better I don’t know?’
Oldie: “That’s Doog’s. He picked it up at the pawn shop on Arrhabo.”
Amaya: “Well, it’s trash now. Throw it in the pile.”
Seitse: “Gladly.”
Oldie: “That’s Doog’s. He picked it up at the pawn shop on Arrhabo.”
Amaya: “Well, it’s trash now. Throw it in the pile.”
Seitse: “Gladly.”
Cam: “I think eighty percent of our drawer space is taken up by Doog’s wardrobe.”
Timbo: “He hasn’t worn some of this stuff since season one.”
Amaya: “Trash the old stuff. Doog doesn’t need that many shirts. His days of avoiding laundry duty are over.”
Oldie: “If anyone finds a half-eaten sandwich, that’s mine. I still want it.”
Cam: “What made you think of that?”
Oldie: “I fell asleep eating it, and I think it might have fallen down into one of the drawers.”
Timbo: “You’re the one eating in bed? I found a pickle under the pillow the other day.”
Oldie: “Hey! I was looking for that too! You better not have thrown it away!”
Amaya: “Can we not eat in bed. This place smells bad enough without you losing random food in the sheets and drawers.”
Oldie: “Whatever. I better not find my sandwich or that pickle in the trash pile. That’s all I know.”
Timbo: “He hasn’t worn some of this stuff since season one.”
Amaya: “Trash the old stuff. Doog doesn’t need that many shirts. His days of avoiding laundry duty are over.”
Oldie: “If anyone finds a half-eaten sandwich, that’s mine. I still want it.”
Cam: “What made you think of that?”
Oldie: “I fell asleep eating it, and I think it might have fallen down into one of the drawers.”
Timbo: “You’re the one eating in bed? I found a pickle under the pillow the other day.”
Oldie: “Hey! I was looking for that too! You better not have thrown it away!”
Amaya: “Can we not eat in bed. This place smells bad enough without you losing random food in the sheets and drawers.”
Oldie: “Whatever. I better not find my sandwich or that pickle in the trash pile. That’s all I know.”
Mike: “I’m back! Mission accomplished.”
Amaya: “Wait! Where’s Doog? You were supposed to be distracting him while we tossed all his junk.”
Mike: “I had Hugo drop him off on a planet. He’s doing a show.”
Amaya: “What! You sent him to do a show without my permission?”
Mike: “How else was I supposed to distract him? This ship isn’t a luxury-liner. There are only a few rooms, and I wasn’t about to invite him to hang out in the bathroom with me. That might give off mixed signals.”
Amaya: “You could have taken him upstairs!”
Mike: “Have you ever tried to get Doog to go upstairs? It’s impossible. I even told him he could drive the ship, but even that couldn’t motivate him.”
Amaya: “Sigh, I guess you had no choice. Where did you send him?”
Mike: “A little agricultural world a few light years from here. It’s called…”
Amaya: “Wait! Where’s Doog? You were supposed to be distracting him while we tossed all his junk.”
Mike: “I had Hugo drop him off on a planet. He’s doing a show.”
Amaya: “What! You sent him to do a show without my permission?”
Mike: “How else was I supposed to distract him? This ship isn’t a luxury-liner. There are only a few rooms, and I wasn’t about to invite him to hang out in the bathroom with me. That might give off mixed signals.”
Amaya: “You could have taken him upstairs!”
Mike: “Have you ever tried to get Doog to go upstairs? It’s impossible. I even told him he could drive the ship, but even that couldn’t motivate him.”
Amaya: “Sigh, I guess you had no choice. Where did you send him?”
Mike: “A little agricultural world a few light years from here. It’s called…”
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m you host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting an agricultural world called Colligo. Usually, I get some talking points before visiting a planet, but someone dropped the ball this episode. I only know a few things – the atmosphere is breathable – the temperature is standard – and I don’t need an environmental suit. Thanks for all that remarkable information, Amaya and Oldie. Well, all we can do now is head down and learn about it in person.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped of the surface of Colligo. There are a few observations that come to mind right away. There’s a lot of sulfur on this planet. It smells like rotten eggs and the soil is yellow. Also, I don’t see any agriculture. I mean – there are farm houses scattered about – but I don’t see anything growing. Can anything even grow in soil with all this sulfur?”
Amaya: “All you researched was the climate and atmosphere? What about other dangers?”
Mike: “Oh, I researched more than that. I only told Doog about the climate and atmosphere. I figured he could learn the rest himself. It will keep him away longer.”
Amaya: “Ok, and what did you find out during your research?”
Mike: “The planet is covered in various allotropes and compounds of sulfur. Nothing much grows there. The locals practice phytoremediation or phytomining. Essentially, they farm microscopic plants that convert the sulfuric soil into more arable soil. It will take a few decades, but Colligo will eventually be able to support massive macroscopic farms.”
Amaya: “Sounds boring. I don’t know if that will make a good episode. Oh well, I guess it will keep him away for a bit.”
Mike: “Exactly.”
Amaya: “Wait, one more thing – who do you contact to be his guide?”
Mike: “Guide? Uh…I forgot about that part.”
Amaya: “Great, now he’s just going to be down there wandering around and making stuff up.”
Mike: “Again, he’s away. That’s what you wanted.”
Mike: “Oh, I researched more than that. I only told Doog about the climate and atmosphere. I figured he could learn the rest himself. It will keep him away longer.”
Amaya: “Ok, and what did you find out during your research?”
Mike: “The planet is covered in various allotropes and compounds of sulfur. Nothing much grows there. The locals practice phytoremediation or phytomining. Essentially, they farm microscopic plants that convert the sulfuric soil into more arable soil. It will take a few decades, but Colligo will eventually be able to support massive macroscopic farms.”
Amaya: “Sounds boring. I don’t know if that will make a good episode. Oh well, I guess it will keep him away for a bit.”
Mike: “Exactly.”
Amaya: “Wait, one more thing – who do you contact to be his guide?”
Mike: “Guide? Uh…I forgot about that part.”
Amaya: “Great, now he’s just going to be down there wandering around and making stuff up.”
Mike: “Again, he’s away. That’s what you wanted.”
Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m Doog. Are you my guide, by chance?”
Gul: “Emperor be praised. We are gifted with another.”
Doog: “Uh, is that a, yes?”
Gul: “Let me see you – large flanks, light muscle, high fat content. Perfection.”
Doog: “There might be some cultural differences between us because I’m not understanding what you’re saying. Well…I think you’re calling me a fat weakling, but I’m not sure if you are insulting me or not. That whole perfection business at the end is throwing me off.”
Gul: “How much do you weigh?”
Doog: “I don’t think that’s an appropriate question, guy. Maybe we should stick to talking about the planet, or – maybe – tell me your name. Geez.”
Gul: “Emperor be praised. We are gifted with another.”
Doog: “Uh, is that a, yes?”
Gul: “Let me see you – large flanks, light muscle, high fat content. Perfection.”
Doog: “There might be some cultural differences between us because I’m not understanding what you’re saying. Well…I think you’re calling me a fat weakling, but I’m not sure if you are insulting me or not. That whole perfection business at the end is throwing me off.”
Gul: “How much do you weigh?”
Doog: “I don’t think that’s an appropriate question, guy. Maybe we should stick to talking about the planet, or – maybe – tell me your name. Geez.”
Gul: “Look everyone! We have been gifted another! The emperor’s generosity never ceases!”
Goule: “This one will sustain us for weeks. What kindness we’ve been shown!”
Gula: “He looks big enough. Is he big enough? Will he do for the end-of-cycle feasts?”
Gul: “All will be known in time. For now, let’s secure our marvelous award.”
Doog: “I am super lost. I have no idea what’s going on. Did I hear a mention of a feast? I’m game for a feast. The dinner conversation might be awkward given our cultural differences, but I can never turn down a feast.”
Goule: “This one will sustain us for weeks. What kindness we’ve been shown!”
Gula: “He looks big enough. Is he big enough? Will he do for the end-of-cycle feasts?”
Gul: “All will be known in time. For now, let’s secure our marvelous award.”
Doog: “I am super lost. I have no idea what’s going on. Did I hear a mention of a feast? I’m game for a feast. The dinner conversation might be awkward given our cultural differences, but I can never turn down a feast.”
Oldie: “Hey! I found part of my sandwich! It’s a tad stale, and the cheese is gone, but it’s still delicious.”
Seitse: “Please find that cheese, Oldie. That’s going to smell so bad.”
Amaya: “Speaking of smelling bad, I’m still a little worried about Doog. I don’t like him being on some random planet without proper research and a guide.”
Mike: “He’ll be fine. He always is.”
Amaya: “You mentioned locals, right? What kind of locals are we talking about?”
Mike: “Some imported race called the Anthrovores or something like that.”
Amaya: “Are they friendly?”
Mike: “I have no clue.”
Amaya: “Well, what do you have a clue about? I’m not going to be at peace until I know everything.”
Mike: “Uh…they farm that microscopic plant stuff. They are standard bipeds. They raise and eat some some cricket-like creatures. Yeah, they eat bugs. I’m pretty sure I remember that.”
Seitse: “Please find that cheese, Oldie. That’s going to smell so bad.”
Amaya: “Speaking of smelling bad, I’m still a little worried about Doog. I don’t like him being on some random planet without proper research and a guide.”
Mike: “He’ll be fine. He always is.”
Amaya: “You mentioned locals, right? What kind of locals are we talking about?”
Mike: “Some imported race called the Anthrovores or something like that.”
Amaya: “Are they friendly?”
Mike: “I have no clue.”
Amaya: “Well, what do you have a clue about? I’m not going to be at peace until I know everything.”
Mike: “Uh…they farm that microscopic plant stuff. They are standard bipeds. They raise and eat some some cricket-like creatures. Yeah, they eat bugs. I’m pretty sure I remember that.”
Gul: “Don’t try to run. It will only make things worse.”
Doog: “Trust me, I never try running. It does make things worse – like sweaty, out-of-breath worse. I definitely don’t want to experience that before the feast.”
Doog: “Trust me, I never try running. It does make things worse – like sweaty, out-of-breath worse. I definitely don’t want to experience that before the feast.”
Doog: “Speaking of that feast, what are we having? I don’t see many animals here, just some grasshopper things. If we’re eating bugs, I don’t want to feast with you.”
Mike: “Oh, it says that the Anthrovores often celebrate with feasts, but feasts call for special types of meat. Crickets won’t do for feasts.”
Amaya: “What else is there to eat on Colligo?”
Mike: “Nothing. I think the LIU imports something special for them.”
Amaya: “What else is there to eat on Colligo?”
Mike: “Nothing. I think the LIU imports something special for them.”
Doog: “Ok, surely there’s a better place for the feast than this old shed. It smells weird in here.”
Guy: “Be a travelling air-filter salesman they said. All the people across the galaxy need air filters they said. Now look at me!”
Doog: “Oh, hey. I didn’t know there were other humans invited to the feast. This should make conversation easier.”
Guy: “You idiot. You’re not invited to the feast. You are the FEAST!”
Doog: “I am the feast? That doesn’t even make sense. Did you go to the same grammar school as the locals?”
Guy: “Be a travelling air-filter salesman they said. All the people across the galaxy need air filters they said. Now look at me!”
Doog: “Oh, hey. I didn’t know there were other humans invited to the feast. This should make conversation easier.”
Guy: “You idiot. You’re not invited to the feast. You are the FEAST!”
Doog: “I am the feast? That doesn’t even make sense. Did you go to the same grammar school as the locals?”
Amaya: “Why would the LIU import something special for them? Since when does the LIU cater to farmers?”
Seitse: “They wouldn’t unless it benefitted them.”
Mike: “How would giving away food benefit the LIU?”
Amaya: “It wouldn’t, unless it was something they were trying to get rid of.”
Cam: “Not something…someone.”
Seitse: “They wouldn’t unless it benefitted them.”
Mike: “How would giving away food benefit the LIU?”
Amaya: “It wouldn’t, unless it was something they were trying to get rid of.”
Cam: “Not something…someone.”
Guy: “How dense can you be!? How can I make it any clearer!? The locals are going to cut you up and eat you!”
Doog: “Wait…I’m the feast. I’m the feast. I’m THE FEAST! Flanks and fat. They’re going to eat me!”
Guy: “Now you’re getting it.”
Doog: “Ahhh!”
Guy: “Screaming doesn’t help, I tried.”
Doog: “I don’t want to be eaten! We have to get out of here!”
Guy: “Good luck. We’re chained to the wall.”
Doog: “I’m not chained to the wall!”
Guy: “Hey…you’re not! The must think you’re too fat or too unathletic to get over the gate.”
Doog: “They’re not wrong!”
Guy: “You have to at least try! They are going to eat us!”
Doog: “Wait…I’m the feast. I’m the feast. I’m THE FEAST! Flanks and fat. They’re going to eat me!”
Guy: “Now you’re getting it.”
Doog: “Ahhh!”
Guy: “Screaming doesn’t help, I tried.”
Doog: “I don’t want to be eaten! We have to get out of here!”
Guy: “Good luck. We’re chained to the wall.”
Doog: “I’m not chained to the wall!”
Guy: “Hey…you’re not! The must think you’re too fat or too unathletic to get over the gate.”
Doog: “They’re not wrong!”
Guy: “You have to at least try! They are going to eat us!”
Guy: “I knew you could do it!”
Doog: “Oh man, I’m so tired. That took a lot out of me!”
Guy: “Quit breathing so hard and find something to free me!”
Doog: “Oh man, I’m so tired. That took a lot out of me!”
Guy: “Quit breathing so hard and find something to free me!”
Amaya: “Cam, what do you mean ‘someone’?”
Cam: “A few years ago we visited a place called Gramenvora. Gramen loosely translated to grass and vora translated to eater. What if Anthrovore is similar?”
Amaya: “Vore or vora means eater. Anthro means…”
Cam: “Man. The locals are man-eaters.”
Mike: “I don’t know – that’s a big stretch. I don’t remember seeing anything about that.”
Seitse: “It makes sense though. If the LIU wanted to get rid of someone…dropping them off on a planet full man-eaters might make sense.”
Amaya: “That would explain why the LIU would cater their feasts.”
Oldie: “Hey! I found my cheese!”
Cam: “A few years ago we visited a place called Gramenvora. Gramen loosely translated to grass and vora translated to eater. What if Anthrovore is similar?”
Amaya: “Vore or vora means eater. Anthro means…”
Cam: “Man. The locals are man-eaters.”
Mike: “I don’t know – that’s a big stretch. I don’t remember seeing anything about that.”
Seitse: “It makes sense though. If the LIU wanted to get rid of someone…dropping them off on a planet full man-eaters might make sense.”
Amaya: “That would explain why the LIU would cater their feasts.”
Oldie: “Hey! I found my cheese!”
Amaya: “Mike! How did you miss this?! Computer, are there any warnings associated with the planet, Colligo!”
Computer: “Confirmed, Colligo is home to a dangerous race of sentient eaters. Avoid at all costs.”
Mike: “Uh…I didn’t ask the computer that…per se…”
Amaya: “Get back down to the planet now!!”
Computer: “Confirmed, Colligo is home to a dangerous race of sentient eaters. Avoid at all costs.”
Mike: “Uh…I didn’t ask the computer that…per se…”
Amaya: “Get back down to the planet now!!”
Guy: “Alright hurry! Get me one of those tools so I can break my chains!”
Doog: “Um…axe, saw…shovel. How about the shovel!”
Guy: “That’s literally the worse tool out of the bunch! Quit panicking and give me the saw!”
Doog: “I’m still thinking shovel.”
Guy: “What! Am I digging my grave?! Give me the saw!”
Doog: “Ok, ok. Wait! I hear someone coming! I have to go!”
Guy: “Don’t leave me! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!”
Doog: “Sorry!”
Doog: “Um…axe, saw…shovel. How about the shovel!”
Guy: “That’s literally the worse tool out of the bunch! Quit panicking and give me the saw!”
Doog: “I’m still thinking shovel.”
Guy: “What! Am I digging my grave?! Give me the saw!”
Doog: “Ok, ok. Wait! I hear someone coming! I have to go!”
Guy: “Don’t leave me! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!”
Doog: “Sorry!”
Doog: “Where am I running?! Where am I running?! Getting out of breath…”
Cam: “Doog! Grab my hand!”
Doog: “Get closer! I don’t have enough energy to come to you!”
Cam: “Just hurry up and get over here you lazy idiot!”
Doog: “Fine!”
Doog: “Get closer! I don’t have enough energy to come to you!”
Cam: “Just hurry up and get over here you lazy idiot!”
Doog: “Fine!”
Doog: “What just happened! Where did you send me!”
Amaya: “That doesn’t matter right now. We’re just glad you’re safe.”
Doog: “It doesn’t matter? I was almost a FEAST!”
Amaya: “Mistakes were made. It’s no one’s fault. Everyone is safe. That’s all that matters.”
Cam: “Hover camera has docked. Now, everyone is safe.”
Amaya: “Tell Hugo to get us away from here.”
Mike: “Uh, hey bud. I know Amaya said it was no one’s fault, but…it was all her fault! She wanted me to get rid of you for a while so we could throw away all your stuff!”
Amaya: “Hey! I said to distract him! Not send him to a planet of people eaters!”
Mike: “How was I supposed to know that the boring, phytomining settlement was full of cannibals!?”
Amaya: “It’s called research, you incompetent dolt!”
Amaya: “That doesn’t matter right now. We’re just glad you’re safe.”
Doog: “It doesn’t matter? I was almost a FEAST!”
Amaya: “Mistakes were made. It’s no one’s fault. Everyone is safe. That’s all that matters.”
Cam: “Hover camera has docked. Now, everyone is safe.”
Amaya: “Tell Hugo to get us away from here.”
Mike: “Uh, hey bud. I know Amaya said it was no one’s fault, but…it was all her fault! She wanted me to get rid of you for a while so we could throw away all your stuff!”
Amaya: “Hey! I said to distract him! Not send him to a planet of people eaters!”
Mike: “How was I supposed to know that the boring, phytomining settlement was full of cannibals!?”
Amaya: “It’s called research, you incompetent dolt!”
Doog: “I panicked. I didn’t help the other guy.”
Amaya: “What? What other guy?”
Doog: “The air-filter salesman.”
Mike: “I think Doog might be suffering from PTSD. He’s talking nonsense.”
Doog: “It’s not nonsense. There’s some guy back at that farm. I couldn’t help him.”
Amaya: “We can’t go back, Doog. I can’t endanger the crew. I’ll try calling the Space Guard or something.”
Doog: “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”
Amaya: “I’ll get on the comms right now.”
Doog: “Please. Oh, and there’s another thing that might help…”
Amaya: “What? What other guy?”
Doog: “The air-filter salesman.”
Mike: “I think Doog might be suffering from PTSD. He’s talking nonsense.”
Doog: “It’s not nonsense. There’s some guy back at that farm. I couldn’t help him.”
Amaya: “We can’t go back, Doog. I can’t endanger the crew. I’ll try calling the Space Guard or something.”
Doog: “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”
Amaya: “I’ll get on the comms right now.”
Doog: “Please. Oh, and there’s another thing that might help…”
Doog: “…STOP throwing away all my stuff!”
Amaya: “I…uh…wasn’t going to throw it away. We were just cleaning it. Yeah. That’s what we were doing. Everyone, help put the stuff back.”
Doog: “Keep out that toilet seat though. With the amount of crap I have in my pants, you don’t want me to sit on the normal toilet seat…”
Note: Have you been branded as an enemy of the Union? You don’t have to go to prison! Turn yourself in and turn your life around. Become an air-filter salesman for the LIU! Contact your local magistrate for details!
Amaya: “I…uh…wasn’t going to throw it away. We were just cleaning it. Yeah. That’s what we were doing. Everyone, help put the stuff back.”
Doog: “Keep out that toilet seat though. With the amount of crap I have in my pants, you don’t want me to sit on the normal toilet seat…”
Note: Have you been branded as an enemy of the Union? You don’t have to go to prison! Turn yourself in and turn your life around. Become an air-filter salesman for the LIU! Contact your local magistrate for details!
