There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Epulum
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the ocean planet, Epulum. Like with previous special edition episodes, we’ll be focusing on an aspect of Epulum’s culture instead of its economy. Let’s head on down.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in the city of Cetus on the planet’s largest island, Epulae. Cetus is a large city, covering most of this island. Cetus is the export hub for all Epulum’s diverse goods. You can see the busy port behind me. Of course, this is a special edition episode, so we’re not concerned with all this economy business. We’re here for one thing – FEASTS! Yes, you heard that right. Feasts! How awesome of a culture is that?! I’m actually excited about this planet. Let’s meet our guide.”
Kelsos: “Welcome to Epulum, Doog. I’m Kelsos.”
Doog: “Thanks, but enough with the introductions. I’m ready for the feast!”
Kelsos: “You’re a big Feast fan, huh? Well, it might just surprise you, but your standing next to this planet’s Feast Champion.”
Doog: “You can win a championship in feasting? I want to try for that! Even if I lose, I win!”
Kelsos: “Ha, you’re an ambitious one.”
Doog: “Thanks, but enough with the introductions. I’m ready for the feast!”
Kelsos: “You’re a big Feast fan, huh? Well, it might just surprise you, but your standing next to this planet’s Feast Champion.”
Doog: “You can win a championship in feasting? I want to try for that! Even if I lose, I win!”
Kelsos: “Ha, you’re an ambitious one.”
Doog: “Well, are we going to feast or stand around in this noisy port? Unless of course, these boats bring crabs by the boatloads and we just scarf them down.”
Kelsos: “Crabs? Scarves? I’m not sure I understand.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry. I guess I just assumed it would be seafood given your anatomy. I guess that’s insensitive though.”
Kelsos: “I’m thoroughly confused, right now. Are you talking about our economy?”
Doog: “Uh…yeah, sure. That’s what I was talking about. No one was making broad generalizations over here.”
Kelsos: “I thought you wanted to focus on culture, not our economy.”
Doog: “Did I say that…uh…oh, yeah. I just meant that maybe we could squeeze in a few bits about the economy while we walk to the feast. No need to get too deep into anything.”
Kelsos: “Crabs? Scarves? I’m not sure I understand.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry. I guess I just assumed it would be seafood given your anatomy. I guess that’s insensitive though.”
Kelsos: “I’m thoroughly confused, right now. Are you talking about our economy?”
Doog: “Uh…yeah, sure. That’s what I was talking about. No one was making broad generalizations over here.”
Kelsos: “I thought you wanted to focus on culture, not our economy.”
Doog: “Did I say that…uh…oh, yeah. I just meant that maybe we could squeeze in a few bits about the economy while we walk to the feast. No need to get too deep into anything.”
Kelsos: “I didn’t really prepare anything, but I guess we could give it a shot. Cetus, as you can see, is all about imports and exports. We bring in goods from the other islands and ship them out to the rest of the galaxy. We also send things out to the other islands, like fuel and stuff.”
Doog: “Sounds good to me.”
Doog: “Sounds good to me.”
Kelsos: “One of our major exports is coal. A lot of these islands were heavily forested, so we have lots of coal.”
Doog: “Got it.”
Doog: “Got it.”
Kelsos: “We also export a lot of fish.”
Doog: “Excellent. Excellent. We’ll slap some stock footage up with all of this.”
Doog: “Excellent. Excellent. We’ll slap some stock footage up with all of this.”
Kelsos: “Oh, we have lots of manufacturing too. We make lots of electronic goods and appliances. We even manufacture the hover-boats you see all around.”
Doog: “One stock photo closer to the feasts.”
Doog: “One stock photo closer to the feasts.”
Kelsos: “That pretty much wraps up most of the economy – at least the parts I remember. I guess I could talk about the local eateries and stuff.”
Doog: “Nah, my seafood stereotype statement is long forgotten by now. Good work.”
Kelsos: “Huh?”
Doog: “Nothing. So, let’s shift focus back to the feasts. What can you tell me about that?”
Kelsos: “My people invented Feast well before the LIU arrived. It was popular enough to spread across the planet. When the LIU and all these imported workers arrived, it became popular galactically.”
Doog: “Your race literally invented feasts! You guys are my hero. So, what else can you tell me? How expensive will it be?”
Kelsos: “The cost depends on the variety of feast you choose. There’s Feast No Cap which can get expensive, and there’s Feast Cap which is free. We’re headed to Feast Cap, at your producer’s request.”
Doog: “Free?!”
Kelsos: “Yeah. I mean, you might have to buy your own drinks and stuff.”
Doog: “Free…are you serious!”
Kelsos: “Yeah, Feast Cap is used to determine ranks and tournament brackets. You can’t charge for that.”
Doog: “I’m never leaving this planet.”
Doog: “Nah, my seafood stereotype statement is long forgotten by now. Good work.”
Kelsos: “Huh?”
Doog: “Nothing. So, let’s shift focus back to the feasts. What can you tell me about that?”
Kelsos: “My people invented Feast well before the LIU arrived. It was popular enough to spread across the planet. When the LIU and all these imported workers arrived, it became popular galactically.”
Doog: “Your race literally invented feasts! You guys are my hero. So, what else can you tell me? How expensive will it be?”
Kelsos: “The cost depends on the variety of feast you choose. There’s Feast No Cap which can get expensive, and there’s Feast Cap which is free. We’re headed to Feast Cap, at your producer’s request.”
Doog: “Free?!”
Kelsos: “Yeah. I mean, you might have to buy your own drinks and stuff.”
Doog: “Free…are you serious!”
Kelsos: “Yeah, Feast Cap is used to determine ranks and tournament brackets. You can’t charge for that.”
Doog: “I’m never leaving this planet.”
Kelsos: “Well, here we are – the Feast Cap Parlor on Vector Street. It’s where I got my start.”
Doog: “Let the feasting begin!”
Doog: “Let the feasting begin!”
Doog: “This is not what I expected. Where are the buffets? Where’s the desert table? Why aren’t these tables covered in food?!”
Kelsos: “Only drinks are allowed at the Feast tables. Food greases up the Feast cards.”
Doog: “What do you mean!? How can there be no food at a feast!?”
Kelsos: “I think we might have a little misunderstanding. In my culture, Feast is a strategic card game.”
Doog: “No! Feasts are nearly endless meals!”
Kelsos: “Not on Epulum. Large meals here are called a frenzy, not a feast.”
Doog: “Noooo!”
Kelsos: “Only drinks are allowed at the Feast tables. Food greases up the Feast cards.”
Doog: “What do you mean!? How can there be no food at a feast!?”
Kelsos: “I think we might have a little misunderstanding. In my culture, Feast is a strategic card game.”
Doog: “No! Feasts are nearly endless meals!”
Kelsos: “Not on Epulum. Large meals here are called a frenzy, not a feast.”
Doog: “Noooo!”
Kelsos: “Did you think we were attending a frenzy?”
Doog: “Yes! That’s what everyone outside of Epulum calls a feast!”
Kelsos: “The free part didn’t give it away?”
Doog: “It should have, but my brain was in feast mode.”
Kelsos: “What about the player rankings and championships? Didn’t that give it away?”
Doog: “Competitive eating is a thing!”
Kelsos: “Hmm, I guess I see why you’re so upset.”
Doog: “Upset and hungry.”
Kelsos: “Well, I guess I’ll try to make it quick.”
Doog: “Yes! That’s what everyone outside of Epulum calls a feast!”
Kelsos: “The free part didn’t give it away?”
Doog: “It should have, but my brain was in feast mode.”
Kelsos: “What about the player rankings and championships? Didn’t that give it away?”
Doog: “Competitive eating is a thing!”
Kelsos: “Hmm, I guess I see why you’re so upset.”
Doog: “Upset and hungry.”
Kelsos: “Well, I guess I’ll try to make it quick.”
Kelsos: “Feast is a card game played by up to four players. The main purpose of Feast is to control if the board is odd or even. You can do this by playing either a six or three card. There are other subtleties to the game though, like stacking, bracketing, grouping and so on. It involves a lot a strategy and math.”
Doog: “The only thing worse than not having a meal is math.”
Kelsos: “Uh, sure. Anyway, Feast is won by bracketing the highest odd multiple of nine on the board, usually 81 or 99 depending on the number of cards played.”
Doog: “Blah, blah, math culture. Got it.”
Doog: “The only thing worse than not having a meal is math.”
Kelsos: “Uh, sure. Anyway, Feast is won by bracketing the highest odd multiple of nine on the board, usually 81 or 99 depending on the number of cards played.”
Doog: “Blah, blah, math culture. Got it.”
Kelsos: “It might not be your thing, but it’s loved by billions across the galaxy. In fact, Feast No Cap is one of the most popular gambling games outside of Tesserae or Pyramid.”
Doog: “Unless the prize is an actual feast, I don’t care.”
Kelsos: “There’s a vending machine back there. It might have some snacks.”
Doog: “If I’m spending any credits in here, it will be at the bar to ease my suffering. Worst feast ever!”
Doog: “Unless the prize is an actual feast, I don’t care.”
Kelsos: “There’s a vending machine back there. It might have some snacks.”
Doog: “If I’m spending any credits in here, it will be at the bar to ease my suffering. Worst feast ever!”
Doog: “Well folks, I couldn’t be more disappointed. On this horrible planet, feast means math-related card games, not food. It might be popular across the galaxy, but it is not for me. Oh well, on to the next disappointment. See ya!”
Note:
Note:
Doog: “You guys knew, didn’t you?”
Mike: “Knew what? That there wasn't a planet with free feasts?”
Seitse: “Not to mention, it’s one of the most famous card games in the galaxy. The natives should have given it away.”
Amaya: “Don’t be too hard on yourself. We saved you a hotdog. Come play Feast with us.”
Doog: “A hotdog is no feast, but it's better than nothing. Also, I don't math."
Mike: “Knew what? That there wasn't a planet with free feasts?”
Seitse: “Not to mention, it’s one of the most famous card games in the galaxy. The natives should have given it away.”
Amaya: “Don’t be too hard on yourself. We saved you a hotdog. Come play Feast with us.”
Doog: “A hotdog is no feast, but it's better than nothing. Also, I don't math."
