LIU Atlas - Ignea Avis
There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. About this creation
LIU Atlas - Ignea Avis
The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
LIU Atlas - Ignea Avis
The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the sweltering planet of Ignea Avis. Ignea Avis is a small, rocky planet that orbits uncomfortably close to its parent star.
Temperatures in the “summer” hemisphere can reach upwards of three hundred degrees; while its “winter” hemisphere is much cooler, only reaching around one hundred degrees. Unfortunately, Ignea Avis has no moon or large outer planet to stabilize its rotation causing the planet to wobble. This unpredictable wobble makes the seasons change quickly and could bring oppressive heat to any region, at any time. Despite these brutal conditions, Ignea Avis is inhabited and sports a rich mining industry.”
Temperatures in the “summer” hemisphere can reach upwards of three hundred degrees; while its “winter” hemisphere is much cooler, only reaching around one hundred degrees. Unfortunately, Ignea Avis has no moon or large outer planet to stabilize its rotation causing the planet to wobble. This unpredictable wobble makes the seasons change quickly and could bring oppressive heat to any region, at any time. Despite these brutal conditions, Ignea Avis is inhabited and sports a rich mining industry.”
Doog: “Mining operations are monitored from the safety of a comfortable, climate controlled space station in Ignea Avis’ orbit. We’re headed here first.”
Shaw: “Hey, Doog. Welcome to the Avis Mining Station. I’m Dr. Shaw, Director of Mining Operations, and this is my colleague, Dallas Byrd, Director of Cultural Manipulation.”
Doog: “More like Dolly Byrd with all that eye shadow.”
Dallas: “Hey! This isn’t make-up, these are tattoos. They’re part of my job man. Do you know who I…”
Shaw: “Settle down Dallas, it was just a joke.”
Dallas: “…(mumble) I’m a freaking God-King…”
Doog: “What’s that guys deal?”
Shaw: “Sometimes he gets into his character a little too much. It will all make sense soon enough.”
Doog: “I guess…so…what do you guys mine here?”
Doog: “More like Dolly Byrd with all that eye shadow.”
Dallas: “Hey! This isn’t make-up, these are tattoos. They’re part of my job man. Do you know who I…”
Shaw: “Settle down Dallas, it was just a joke.”
Dallas: “…(mumble) I’m a freaking God-King…”
Doog: “What’s that guys deal?”
Shaw: “Sometimes he gets into his character a little too much. It will all make sense soon enough.”
Doog: “I guess…so…what do you guys mine here?”
Shaw: “We mine one of the rarest naturally occurring crystals in the universe, Imballic Salt. Here, I brought a crystal to show you.”
Doog: “Impala Salt? What’s so special about impalas?”
Shaw: “No, Im-ball-ic Salt.”
Doog: “What? Like, salt from balls? I don’t get it.”
Shaw: “No! Imballic Salt. Its an ultra-rare, but ultra-delicious food flavoring. One grain of this stuff can make the nastiest gruel taste like it was made for a king.”
Doog: “Whoa, I’ll take a crystal or two for my ship!”
Shaw: “Ha! You wish. Imballic Salt is worth ten times its weight in gold. You couldn’t afford an atom of this stuff. No offense.”
Doog: “None taken. Right now, I couldn’t even afford a proton of this salt.”
Shaw: “Yeah, me neither. This is some very special stuff. It’s traded on the Universe Spice Exchange, although, technically its non-organic, and not a true spice. It’s a big earner.”
Doog: “So, are we going to shoot the whole show here in this corridor, or should we move on?”
Shaw: “Ah, yes. Sorry. Let’s head to Monitoring Station #2.”
Doog: “Impala Salt? What’s so special about impalas?”
Shaw: “No, Im-ball-ic Salt.”
Doog: “What? Like, salt from balls? I don’t get it.”
Shaw: “No! Imballic Salt. Its an ultra-rare, but ultra-delicious food flavoring. One grain of this stuff can make the nastiest gruel taste like it was made for a king.”
Doog: “Whoa, I’ll take a crystal or two for my ship!”
Shaw: “Ha! You wish. Imballic Salt is worth ten times its weight in gold. You couldn’t afford an atom of this stuff. No offense.”
Doog: “None taken. Right now, I couldn’t even afford a proton of this salt.”
Shaw: “Yeah, me neither. This is some very special stuff. It’s traded on the Universe Spice Exchange, although, technically its non-organic, and not a true spice. It’s a big earner.”
Doog: “So, are we going to shoot the whole show here in this corridor, or should we move on?”
Shaw: “Ah, yes. Sorry. Let’s head to Monitoring Station #2.”
Shaw: “Like all good things in life, Imballic Salt doesn’t come to us very easily. The crystal is very brittle and hard to mine. Large machinery is too abrasive and disintegrates the crystals. We’ve been forced to land people on the surface and mine the planet by hand.”
Doog: “In these conditions?”
Shaw: “Yeah, unfortunately. The heat and radiation in the summertime are deadly, to say the least. The good news is that the winter hemisphere, while uncomfortable, can support life.”
Doog: “But can’t the seasons change at anytime?”
Shaw: “Yeah, that’s the bad news. That’s where the monitoring stations come in handy. Using advanced planetary sensors near the planet’s poles, we are able to monitor the planet’s rotation. While not perfect, we can usually predict when summer will arrive within a few hours. As you see on the screen here, we’re monitoring conditions on Site #2. The current planetary incline is at about 27 degrees. The computer is predicting that Site #2 has about six hours until the sun comes directly overhead.”
Doog: “Summer?”
Shaw: “Yep. Right now temperatures are moderate, around 120 degrees. But we’ll need to relocate site #2 pretty soon…”
Doog: “In these conditions?”
Shaw: “Yeah, unfortunately. The heat and radiation in the summertime are deadly, to say the least. The good news is that the winter hemisphere, while uncomfortable, can support life.”
Doog: “But can’t the seasons change at anytime?”
Shaw: “Yeah, that’s the bad news. That’s where the monitoring stations come in handy. Using advanced planetary sensors near the planet’s poles, we are able to monitor the planet’s rotation. While not perfect, we can usually predict when summer will arrive within a few hours. As you see on the screen here, we’re monitoring conditions on Site #2. The current planetary incline is at about 27 degrees. The computer is predicting that Site #2 has about six hours until the sun comes directly overhead.”
Doog: “Summer?”
Shaw: “Yep. Right now temperatures are moderate, around 120 degrees. But we’ll need to relocate site #2 pretty soon…”
Pete: “Sir! We’ve crunched the numbers! Site #2 needs to be relocated soon!”
Shaw: “Yes Pete, we’re looking at the same screen you are. I’m guessing that you just wanted to be on TV? And Anderson, what are you doing up here. You’re supposed to be in the Gate Room.”
Anderson: “Uh…how’s my hair?”
Shaw: “Get back to work! Well Doog, you’ve arrived at a special time. You guys are going to get to see a relocation. Come with me.”
Shaw: “Yes Pete, we’re looking at the same screen you are. I’m guessing that you just wanted to be on TV? And Anderson, what are you doing up here. You’re supposed to be in the Gate Room.”
Anderson: “Uh…how’s my hair?”
Shaw: “Get back to work! Well Doog, you’ve arrived at a special time. You guys are going to get to see a relocation. Come with me.”
Shaw: “The hardest part of extracting Imballic Salt is finding workers to do it. No one wants to work in these conditions, and if they do, they want to be paid a lot.”
Doog: “That’s not happening in the LIU.”
Shaw: “Nope. And then there is the whole trustworthiness thing. There’s not a lot of folks you could send down there that wouldn’t be tempted to steal the salts. So, we’ve come up with a rather odd solution. First, we bred humans that were more resistant to heat. Their skin’s thicker, and they sweat a lot more.”
Doog: “I think my ex-girlfriend might have escaped from your program…”
Shaw: “Um, no. Anyway, we then needed a way to control these people…”
Doog: “So they won’t steal?”
Shaw: “Yep. We removed them from society and limited their access to knowledge and technology. A few generations later, they reverted to a more primitive state. Without education, the primitives, as they always do, created an elaborate religion to explain all they didn’t know. We simply utilized this religion as a method of control. That‘s where…”
Doog: “How about you just show us? This show is already getting pretty dialogue intensive. The viewers might be getting bored.”
Shaw: “Yeah, sure. Sorry. This is just some complicated stuff. Before we go to the planet’s surface, we’re going to need to get you fitted for a heat suit. Our bodies can’t handle the heat, not for very long anyway.”
Doog: “That’s not happening in the LIU.”
Shaw: “Nope. And then there is the whole trustworthiness thing. There’s not a lot of folks you could send down there that wouldn’t be tempted to steal the salts. So, we’ve come up with a rather odd solution. First, we bred humans that were more resistant to heat. Their skin’s thicker, and they sweat a lot more.”
Doog: “I think my ex-girlfriend might have escaped from your program…”
Shaw: “Um, no. Anyway, we then needed a way to control these people…”
Doog: “So they won’t steal?”
Shaw: “Yep. We removed them from society and limited their access to knowledge and technology. A few generations later, they reverted to a more primitive state. Without education, the primitives, as they always do, created an elaborate religion to explain all they didn’t know. We simply utilized this religion as a method of control. That‘s where…”
Doog: “How about you just show us? This show is already getting pretty dialogue intensive. The viewers might be getting bored.”
Shaw: “Yeah, sure. Sorry. This is just some complicated stuff. Before we go to the planet’s surface, we’re going to need to get you fitted for a heat suit. Our bodies can’t handle the heat, not for very long anyway.”
Shaw: “I trust your suit fits properly?”
Doog: “Yeah, but forget the suit. What is this?”
Shaw: “We call this the Gateway, but technically it’s called a Shortwave Matter Annihilator/Reconstitution Device. We’re trying to limit the technology the primitives come into contact with, so we can’t just fly down there on a ship. Instead, we use the Gateway. The gateway open a wormhole directly to a corresponding gate on the surface. It allows nearly instantaneous travel.”
Doog: “Isn’t the Gateway just as much, if not more, technology as a starship?”
Doog: “Yeah, but forget the suit. What is this?”
Shaw: “We call this the Gateway, but technically it’s called a Shortwave Matter Annihilator/Reconstitution Device. We’re trying to limit the technology the primitives come into contact with, so we can’t just fly down there on a ship. Instead, we use the Gateway. The gateway open a wormhole directly to a corresponding gate on the surface. It allows nearly instantaneous travel.”
Doog: “Isn’t the Gateway just as much, if not more, technology as a starship?”
Shaw: “Yes, but it is also much more mystical. It adds that religious flair we were looking for. Just for the record, the gateway is very expensive to use, and its cost is only justified by the high price of Imballic Salt. You won’t see this technology too often. Ah, here comes Dallas. We‘re almost ready.”
Doog: “What the heck? Is there a costume party I should know about?”
Shaw: “No. No. Dallas is posing as Ignea Avis, the primitives’ god.”
Doog: “Hey! That’s the name of the planet too!”
Shaw: “Very observant Doog. Ignea Avis means ‘Fiery Bird’ in the ancient language. The primitives worship the sun, which they believe is a large fiery bird.”
Dallas: “Sunt nos parati?”
Shaw: “Yeah, I think we’re ready.”
Doog: “What language is that?”
Shaw: “That’s the language of the Ancients, Doog. To avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge, the primitives were not taught basic, only ancient. Which reminds me, at no time should you interact with the primitives, and never show them your face. They mustn’t know we too are human.”
Doog: “I’ll see what I can do.”
Shaw: “No. No. Dallas is posing as Ignea Avis, the primitives’ god.”
Doog: “Hey! That’s the name of the planet too!”
Shaw: “Very observant Doog. Ignea Avis means ‘Fiery Bird’ in the ancient language. The primitives worship the sun, which they believe is a large fiery bird.”
Dallas: “Sunt nos parati?”
Shaw: “Yeah, I think we’re ready.”
Doog: “What language is that?”
Shaw: “That’s the language of the Ancients, Doog. To avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge, the primitives were not taught basic, only ancient. Which reminds me, at no time should you interact with the primitives, and never show them your face. They mustn’t know we too are human.”
Doog: “I’ll see what I can do.”
Shaw: “Engaging Gateway. Connecting to Site #2 in 3...2...1”
Doog: “Awesome!”
Shaw: Let Dallas go first. We‘ll wait a few seconds before we follow.”
The following contains subtitles for better viewer apprehension:
Doog: “Awesome!”
Shaw: Let Dallas go first. We‘ll wait a few seconds before we follow.”
The following contains subtitles for better viewer apprehension:
Ignea Avis: “Ego, Ignea Avis, deus rex, imperat tuum respectu et plena operam. (I, Ignea Avis, your god king, commands your respect and full attention.”)
Primitives: “Nos inclinant ante ignea fortitudine! (We bow before your fiery might!)
Doog: “Holy Kaadu! That feels weird.”
Shaw: “Shhh. Not so loud.”
Doog: “Sorry.”
Ignea Avis: “Venio nunc ad mortem sol. Si inveni gratiam vestram placet, dabo tibi salutem sacri specus. (I come to you now as the death sun rises. If I find your gifts pleasing, I will grant you safety in the hallowed caves.)
Doog: “What did he say?”
Shaw: “Essentially, he’s offering them safety from the deadly summer sun, as long as they have mined enough Imballic Salt. It looks like they’re going to take him to their mining camp.”
Shaw: “Shhh. Not so loud.”
Doog: “Sorry.”
Ignea Avis: “Venio nunc ad mortem sol. Si inveni gratiam vestram placet, dabo tibi salutem sacri specus. (I come to you now as the death sun rises. If I find your gifts pleasing, I will grant you safety in the hallowed caves.)
Doog: “What did he say?”
Shaw: “Essentially, he’s offering them safety from the deadly summer sun, as long as they have mined enough Imballic Salt. It looks like they’re going to take him to their mining camp.”
Doog: “Wait! I want a ride too! These stairs have used up all my energy!”
Doog: “This is their camp? There’s not much to it.”
Shaw: “Yeah, they don’t really need much here, a few small huts to get out the sun on occasion, some food, and lots of water.”
Shaw: “Yeah, they don’t really need much here, a few small huts to get out the sun on occasion, some food, and lots of water.”
Shaw: “Here you can see some of the larger Imballic Salt Crystals imbedded in the cliff side. The primitives gently coax it out with pickaxes and their hands.”
Shaw: “Some of the others carefully collect the removed crystals.”
Doog: “Who are the Ignea Avis impersonators?”
Shaw: “Ah, these primitives were appointed to be overseers. They report directly to their god, and they are held directly responsible for any failures in the mining operation. They drive the others to work harder. Come on, let’s head down.”
Doog: “Who are the Ignea Avis impersonators?”
Shaw: “Ah, these primitives were appointed to be overseers. They report directly to their god, and they are held directly responsible for any failures in the mining operation. They drive the others to work harder. Come on, let’s head down.”
Shaw: “There are few building materials here, other than rock, which makes it difficult to build any complex structures. Instead, the primitives are given things, like this wooden crane, as a reward for their hard work. It looks like they’re using it to haul water up the cliff.”
Doog: “Where are they getting this water?”
Shaw: “Ha, not from the planet! Water too is a gift from Ignea Avis. It’s a powerful motivator itself.”
Doog: “Where are they getting this water?”
Shaw: “Ha, not from the planet! Water too is a gift from Ignea Avis. It’s a powerful motivator itself.”
Ignea Avis: “Congregabo ad me! (Gather to me!)
Ignea Avis: “Vidi satis. Proceditur ad sanctificetur loco. (I have seen enough. We may proceed to the hallowed place.)
Doog: “What’s going on! I don’t speak ancient!”
Shaw: “Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting. Ignea Avis has agreed to lead the primitives to salvation. As you can see, the primitives have packed up their whole camp and are now following Ignea Avis to the hallowed caves.
Shaw: “Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting. Ignea Avis has agreed to lead the primitives to salvation. As you can see, the primitives have packed up their whole camp and are now following Ignea Avis to the hallowed caves.
Shaw: “I really like this part of the charade.”
Doog: What’s going on?”
Shaw: “ This is the ‘hallowed cave’. Its deep chamber offers safety during the hottest days of the summer sun. The cave has been sealed, so the primitives don’t utilize it any other time. This nifty sun icon on the ground here is actually a sensor. When it detects the sun’s rays getting stronger, it unlocks the cave.”
Doog: What’s going on?”
Shaw: “ This is the ‘hallowed cave’. Its deep chamber offers safety during the hottest days of the summer sun. The cave has been sealed, so the primitives don’t utilize it any other time. This nifty sun icon on the ground here is actually a sensor. When it detects the sun’s rays getting stronger, it unlocks the cave.”
Ignea Avis: “Sol aperit ostium! (The sun opens the door!)
Shaw: “The long corridor of the cave eventually opens into a small chamber.”
Shaw: “The primitives live here, in this chamber, until it is safe to go back to mining.”
Doog: “And do what?”
Shaw: “Nothing. Just relax, recuperate, and get ready for the next mining cycle.”
Doog: “What! A vacation? I don’t even get one of those!”
Shaw: “I guess we could use some extra help mining if you want to get on our vacation plan.”
Doog: “Uh, you know what…vacations are overrated.”
Shaw: “That’s what I thought.”
Doog: “And do what?”
Shaw: “Nothing. Just relax, recuperate, and get ready for the next mining cycle.”
Doog: “What! A vacation? I don’t even get one of those!”
Shaw: “I guess we could use some extra help mining if you want to get on our vacation plan.”
Doog: “Uh, you know what…vacations are overrated.”
Shaw: “That’s what I thought.”
Doog: “Well folks, Ignea Avis is a strange place. Like the planet Renideo, religion is used to control a less intelligent culture. It’s only with these primitives’ hard work and lack of intelligence that the highly priced Imballic Salt can be extracted. Well, see ya next time.”
Note:
Imballic Salt is ranked sixteenth out of five hundred on the Universe Spice Exchange. See your nearest Spice investor for more details.”
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 3.5 - Popina's Diner
Note:
Imballic Salt is ranked sixteenth out of five hundred on the Universe Spice Exchange. See your nearest Spice investor for more details.”
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 3.5 - Popina's Diner
