Season 5 - Episode 3 - Cruenta Ingenii System

LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingenii System

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                      LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingénii System

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the Cruenta Ingénii System. This star system has two habitable planets, Mundatis and Sordida. Sordida rests .6 Astronomical Units from its parent star, while its larger neighbor, Mundatis, sits at 1.2 AU. Sordida is rockier and much warmer than Mundatis. It is rich in mineral and energy resources, and has a strong manufacturing industry. However, it lacks natural water and plant life. Mundatis is temperate with large amounts of fresh water. It lacks major industries, but makes up for it with productive agriculture. The two planets trade their resources to each other; Mundatis ships water and food to Sordida in return for energy and minerals. While unremarkable on their own, the planets become a major economic player when their resources are pooled.”

Doog: “One would suspect that such a symbiotic existence would invariably lead to strong ties and friendly diplomacy, but this is hardly the case. The system’s history is riddled with bloodshed and interplanetary war. Each planet believes itself to be the more superior member of the relationship, leading to conflict after conflict. The LIU grew tired of this internal strife as it slowed economic growth and threatened the unity of the Union, and they came up with a rather novel solution. A large space station was built between the planets where each planet could send delegates to iron out various issues. These delegates don’t speak, they don’t compromise, no…they fight to the death. The winner of these ‘death matches’ decides issues and resolves conflicts. This unique solution not only ended the unproductive wars between the two planets, it also became one of the highest rated sports matches in the LIU Galaxy. Every week, billions of viewers tune in to TV2 to watch the latest debate.”

Doog: “Alright. We couldn’t find any kind of employee or media entrance, so I’ve been dropped off here at Gate H. I need to find someone to speak to about getting in. If I go past this scanner, the admission fee will be charged straight to my account via my Citizen Identification Chip. Pssst, you over there. Can you help me out?”
Guy: “Programs! Get your programs! Get the full evening’s debate schedule!”
Doog: “Pssst!”
Guy: “Sir, I hear you, but you’re going to have to come in to speak with me. I only assist paying customers.”
Doog: “That’s my problem. I don’t want to pay to come in. I’m here to do a show.”
Guy: “Yeah, and I’m here to sell world class literature. Nice try buddy, but I’m not falling for that one. Programs! Get your programs!”

Doog: “Come on, don’t you know me? Doog from LIU Atlas?”
Guy: “You know what. I do know you. How about I make you a deal? If you agree to buy one of these programs from me, I’ll temporarily disable the scanner.”
Doog: “How much is a program?”
Guy: “Five credits.”
Doog: “Fine. Although that’s still going to cut into my wages for this show. Is the scanner disabled?”
Guy: “Uh, yeah, sure.”
Doog: “Alright thanks. Here’s your five credits.”

MC: “Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! I’m Hyacintho, Master of Ceremonies here at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy!”
Doog: “And presumably my guide?”
MC: “Guide! Chaperon! Lodestar! Whatever you want to call it! The point being, I’m here to insure you have the night of your life!”
Doog: “My night would be much better if you showed up a few minutes earlier. I had to buy a five credit program to
have the admission scanner disabled.”
MC: “Buy a program? I’m afraid we don’t sell programs. They’re free with the price of admission. And, I hate to break it
to you, but the scanner can never be disabled.”
Doog: “What! I’ve been scammed!”
MC: “Sounds like the fun has already started for you! Ha-ha-ha-haaa. Come on. Let’s get this party STAAAAAARTED!”

MC: “Please, feel free stop for some refreshments. You’ll find they are quite delicious!”
Doog: “And quite expensive. Speaking of expenses, how much was my admission fee?”
MC: “That depends, what side of the scanner did you enter?”
Doog: “Right side, I think. I didn’t know there were different sides.”

MC: “Whoa! Big spender right here, ladies and gentlemen! Make way!”
Doog: “Big spender! How much?”
MC: “Well, the right side of the scanner is reserved for those who wish to purchase a suite level ticket. One hundred fifty credits, I believe.”
Doog: “Wait, I feel faint. That’s like…like half my net worth….”
MC: “A nice ice cream or teddy bear might take the edge off. Only twenty five credits.”

MC: “Here we are, suite #2. Come on in.”

MC: “The suites are usually reserved for the more elite, upper class citizens, but I’m sure you’ll fit right in. As you can see, there is a small lobby with a fully stocked mini-bar.”
Doog: “Tell me the drinks are included in my ticket price.”
MC: “Yes, of course.”
Doog: “Good, I’m going to need a few to get over this. A few hundred…”
MC: “Your seat is just here to the left.”

MC: “Your seat is in row CC. You’re free to take it now, or return to the lobby for a few drinks. I must get to work. Enjoy the show!”

Doog: “Well folks. I’m going to turn the show over to the announcers and the Master of Ceremonies, Hyacintho. In the mean time, this guy’s getting sloshed.”

Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our pre-debate entertainment, Joke the Chicken before Porking! And now, if you’ll take your seats, we’ll get started. Give a round of applause to the Honorable Hyacintho!”

MC: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, children of all ages, welcome to the Great Debate! During our first debate, we will resolve the taxation of food imports between the two planets. Let’s meet our debaters!”

MC: “Representing Mundatis, with a record of 2-0, Senator Falco! The honorable senator has already debated his way to two victories, including last weeks debate over discretionary spending. Give it up for Senator FALCOOOO!”

MC: “Representing Sordida, with a record of 1-0, Senator Vespertilio! The honorable senator won his first debate last week striking down the education exchange act. Give it up for Senator VESPERTILIOOOOO!”

MC: “Gentleman, please take your positions. As you are…I’m sure…aware, this debate concerns the taxation of food imports. Senator Falco will be debating in favor of this resolution, while Senator Vespertilio will be debating against it. After I exit the debate floor, you will have thirty seconds to prepare. The debate begins at he sound of the bell. Good luck.”

DING, DING, DING!

Announcer: “And they’re off! Both Senators are charging into the debate!”

Announcer: “Oooh! Senator Vespertilio makes the first argument, and it’s a strong one! A shield right to the face!”

Announcer: “Senator Falco counters with a strong argument of his own, but it falls on deaf ears as Senator Vespertilio blocks. Neither side seems willing to yield!”

Announcer: “Wow! Senator Falco just made a great point! I think I felt it up here. Senator Vespertilio seems stunned and doesn’t appear to have a counter-argument.”

Announcer: “That’s it folks! The senior senator has just dealt a decisive blow. What argument could Senator Vespertilio possibly make now that he has lost a limb! Senator Falco moves in to make the closing argument.”

Announcer: “Wait just one second! It appears that the Senator from Sordida was just feigning a weak argument. He has, in fact, delivered a strong rebuttal! Senator Falco is speechless, but that’s mostly because that last rebuttal hit him right in the throat. Senator Falco desperately tries to make an argument, but they’re just weak fallacies.”

Announcer: “Senator Vespertilio takes a step back and awaits the end of the debate. Senator Falco lies nearly motionless on the debate floor…his life slipping away. As he fades into non-existence, so too does the hope of the taxation legislation. We only await the final decision  from the debate judges.”

Announcer: “Ah, here they come now.”

Announcer: “They’re examining the debate as I speak. They are conferring with each other, and it now appears that they have come to a decision. I’ll hand it over to Hyacintho.”

MC: “It’s official! The debate has been decided in favor of Senator Vespertilio and the world of SORDIDAAAA!! There will be no taxation on the import of food!”

MC: “We’ll be right back with our next debate after the clean-up. Feel free to take this time to visit our refreshment stands.”

Doog: “Vwell folks, this has to be da easiest show I ever did. Who knew verr is actually an interesting government thingy. I dink all the government shoood be decided vike dis. Now, if you will scuze me, I need to get at least firty more dinks to get my credits worth. See ya!”

Note:
Tune in next week for the Cruenta Ingénii Team Debate. Eight issues, sixteen Senators, and only one winner!


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