LIU Atlas - Alba Pulmone
There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Alba Pulmone
The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
LIU Atlas - Alba Pulmone
The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a dry, desert planet called Alba Pulmone. Alba Pulmone was once a wet ocean world, but the planet’s hot star slowly evaporated the planet wide ocean. Now, all that is left is an immense series of salt flats.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on the planet’s surface. It is very hot, and I can literally taste salt in the air. I’m already thirsty. I don’t see my guide yet, but there is some activity in the background. It looks like a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot is escorting some involunteers. I thought about asking one where my guide is, but I dealt with Productivity Bots and involunteers when I did a show on a Vastitas, and there’s no way I’m getting mixed up in something like that again. I’ll just wait here.
M4ST3R: “You must be Doog.”
Doog: “Ahh! Get away from me! I’m not an involunteer! I swear! Wait? Where’s your productivity prod? Aren’t you a Productivity Enhancement Bot?”
M4ST3R: “You mean a model #SL4V3DR1V3R? No, I’m a #SL4V3M4ST3R, but you can call me M4ST3R.”
Doog: “So you’re not going to hurt me?”
M4ST3R: “I don’t imagine so. I have lesser model numbers that do that type of thing for me. I’m a M4ST3R model, so I’m more of an overseer or watcher. Oh, I’m also your guide for today’s show.”
Doog: “You’re my guide? I thought I was meeting someone named Vin Prassa?”
M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa is my master and an elite citizen. He never comes to the salt flats. I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with me for a bit. Well, shall we get started? Or do you need some productivity motivation? I’m sure I could spare a DR1V3R model for a few moments.”
Doog: “Nope. I’m good. Let’s get to it.”
Doog: “Ahh! Get away from me! I’m not an involunteer! I swear! Wait? Where’s your productivity prod? Aren’t you a Productivity Enhancement Bot?”
M4ST3R: “You mean a model #SL4V3DR1V3R? No, I’m a #SL4V3M4ST3R, but you can call me M4ST3R.”
Doog: “So you’re not going to hurt me?”
M4ST3R: “I don’t imagine so. I have lesser model numbers that do that type of thing for me. I’m a M4ST3R model, so I’m more of an overseer or watcher. Oh, I’m also your guide for today’s show.”
Doog: “You’re my guide? I thought I was meeting someone named Vin Prassa?”
M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa is my master and an elite citizen. He never comes to the salt flats. I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with me for a bit. Well, shall we get started? Or do you need some productivity motivation? I’m sure I could spare a DR1V3R model for a few moments.”
Doog: “Nope. I’m good. Let’s get to it.”
DR1V3R #1: “Increase your speed. Your productivity is at unsatisfactory levels. I will utilize my productivity prod in three seconds.”
Slave: “PLEASE! I’m going as fast as I can! I think my chain partner has died!”
DR1V3R: “Unacceptable. Delivering shock.”
Slave: “OW!”
Doog: “Ouch. I know that hurts. So, these are involunteers?”
M4ST3R: “Actually no. Involunteers are workers that are forced to work against their will, but they do receive some form of compensation for their efforts. These are debt slaves. They all owe money to Vin Prassa, and they are forced to work his salt mines until their debt is repaid.”
Doog: “Salt mines?”
Slave: “PLEASE! I’m going as fast as I can! I think my chain partner has died!”
DR1V3R: “Unacceptable. Delivering shock.”
Slave: “OW!”
Doog: “Ouch. I know that hurts. So, these are involunteers?”
M4ST3R: “Actually no. Involunteers are workers that are forced to work against their will, but they do receive some form of compensation for their efforts. These are debt slaves. They all owe money to Vin Prassa, and they are forced to work his salt mines until their debt is repaid.”
Doog: “Salt mines?”
M4ST3R: “Yes. Here is one now. When Alba Pulmone’s ocean evaporated, it left behind large amounts of salt. The debt slaves mine the salt.”
Doog: “Is mining salt so important that you need to resort to slavery?”
Doog: “Is mining salt so important that you need to resort to slavery?”
M4ST3R: “Salt has many uses. Besides its obvious use as a food preservative and taste enhancer, salt is used for water conditioning, as a de-icer, and as a source of chlorine. Due to the extreme conditions here, there wasn’t many workers volunteering to come work here. Hence, our use of debt slaves.”
Doog: “All the salt here really makes me yearn for french fries. I mean…Oh the humanity! How could you do this to these poor workers! But seriously, any restaurants nearby?”
Doog: “All the salt here really makes me yearn for french fries. I mean…Oh the humanity! How could you do this to these poor workers! But seriously, any restaurants nearby?”
Slave: “Ouch! Stop shocking me!”
DR1V3R: “Dig faster or you will be digging your own grave.”
Doog: “Ooh, good one. These productivity bots really know how to throw down some threats.”
M4ST3R: “Not a threat. I’m afraid he is being quite literal. We lose many workers everyday. Their bodies are discarded
in nearby pits. Would you like to see?”
Doog: “Not really…”
DR1V3R: “Dig faster or you will be digging your own grave.”
Doog: “Ooh, good one. These productivity bots really know how to throw down some threats.”
M4ST3R: “Not a threat. I’m afraid he is being quite literal. We lose many workers everyday. Their bodies are discarded
in nearby pits. Would you like to see?”
Doog: “Not really…”
Doog: “Gruesome. I didn’t realize how bad this is. I guess sometimes you get numb to all of this.”
M4ST3R: “Gruesome. Yes. But you must realize that all these workers are here because they owe money. They voluntarily choose to borrow money from Vin Prassa, and they could not repay their debts.”
Doog: “Still, no one deserves to be worked to death. Did they die of exhaustion?”
M4ST3R: “Some may have. Most fall victim to dehydration and a condition known as white lung.”
Doog: “White lung? What’s that?”
M4ST3R: “After several years of working, the salt in the air accumulates in the workers’ lungs. There, it crystallizes in the lungs causing extreme pain, bleeding, and more often than not, death.”
M4ST3R: “Gruesome. Yes. But you must realize that all these workers are here because they owe money. They voluntarily choose to borrow money from Vin Prassa, and they could not repay their debts.”
Doog: “Still, no one deserves to be worked to death. Did they die of exhaustion?”
M4ST3R: “Some may have. Most fall victim to dehydration and a condition known as white lung.”
Doog: “White lung? What’s that?”
M4ST3R: “After several years of working, the salt in the air accumulates in the workers’ lungs. There, it crystallizes in the lungs causing extreme pain, bleeding, and more often than not, death.”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t think all of those bodies are dead…”
M4ST3R: “We have a RUNNER! DR1V3R, terminate that employee.”
M4ST3R: “We have a RUNNER! DR1V3R, terminate that employee.”
DR1V3R: “Confirmed. Employee #456091-F, your services are no longer required. You are terminated.”
BOOM!
BOOM!
Doog: “Is he dead?”
M4ST3R: “Very. Let’s see, employee #456091-F was in debt to Vin Prassa for 50,000 credits, and he earned almost 10,000 credits back via his labor in the salt flats. Not ideal, but it still netted Vin Prassa a profit. We hoped to get a few more months of labor out of him. It’s a sad day.”
Doog: “Sad indeed, but we probably have different reasons. So, can I meet this Vin Prassa yet?”
M4ST3R: “Yes. Let’s head to his estate.”
M4ST3R: “Very. Let’s see, employee #456091-F was in debt to Vin Prassa for 50,000 credits, and he earned almost 10,000 credits back via his labor in the salt flats. Not ideal, but it still netted Vin Prassa a profit. We hoped to get a few more months of labor out of him. It’s a sad day.”
Doog: “Sad indeed, but we probably have different reasons. So, can I meet this Vin Prassa yet?”
M4ST3R: “Yes. Let’s head to his estate.”
M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa’s estate is a sight to behold. It’s the second largest structure on the planet. It has a gold plated roof and sixteen indoor swimming pools. There is an additional pool on the roof. The estate contains ninety percent of the water on Alba Pulmone. You‘ll also notice the nicely manicured lawn. It took debt slaves years to remove the salty topsoil to make this possible.”
Doog: “Ugh, such arrogant wastefulness. A man with sixteen pools while his workers die of dehydration.”
Doog: “Ugh, such arrogant wastefulness. A man with sixteen pools while his workers die of dehydration.”
M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa will be with us shortly.”
Doog: “Man, I’m parched. I’m tempted to drink some of this pool water.”
M4ST3R: “That wouldn’t be wise.”
Doog: “Why? Would that put me into debt with ol’ Vin Prassa? Will he send me to the salt mines?”
M4ST3R: “Possibly. But more importantly, that’s salt water.”
Doog: “Salt water? Why would you fill a pool with salt water?”
Doog: “Man, I’m parched. I’m tempted to drink some of this pool water.”
M4ST3R: “That wouldn’t be wise.”
Doog: “Why? Would that put me into debt with ol’ Vin Prassa? Will he send me to the salt mines?”
M4ST3R: “Possibly. But more importantly, that’s salt water.”
Doog: “Salt water? Why would you fill a pool with salt water?”
Vin: “Because my biology requires it.”
Doog: “Ahhh! M4ST3R, there’s a horrible tentacle monster in this pool!”
M4ST3R: “Actually, that is Vin Prassa.”
Doog: “Ahhh! M4ST3R, there’s a horrible tentacle monster in this pool!”
M4ST3R: “Actually, that is Vin Prassa.”
Doog: “You’re Vin Prassa?”
Vin: “Yes. I am the last remaining native Alba Pulmonian on this planet. My people evolved and thrived here when the planet was an ocean world. Most of my people fled as the seas began to disappear. They have since relocated. I, however, saw an economic opportunity and decided to stay. I am now the richest Alba Pulmonian in the galaxy, and an elite citizen to boot. Unfortunately, I can’t wander too far from one of my pools.”
Doog: “Hmm. I guess that makes this extravagance a little less evil. So, what economic opportunity did you see?”
Vin: “Salt mining. Concentrated salt in this amount is hard to find. We easily became the galaxy’s largest salt exporter. The only problem was finding enough labor. That’s when I had my best idea. I created an industry that puts people into debt and then requires them to work off the debt. Racing.”
Doog: “Racing?”
Vin: “Oh come on! Surely you heard of Alba Pulmone’s Cyborg Sprint Races? They’re galaxy renowned. It is even watched off-world via TV2. Huge purses. People bet large sums of money on them. Any of this ring a bell?”
Doog: “Not really, but I don’t watch a lot of TV. It rots the brain…errr…I mean, TV is great. Everybody should watch it. Especially LIU Atlas.”
Vin: “Yes. I am the last remaining native Alba Pulmonian on this planet. My people evolved and thrived here when the planet was an ocean world. Most of my people fled as the seas began to disappear. They have since relocated. I, however, saw an economic opportunity and decided to stay. I am now the richest Alba Pulmonian in the galaxy, and an elite citizen to boot. Unfortunately, I can’t wander too far from one of my pools.”
Doog: “Hmm. I guess that makes this extravagance a little less evil. So, what economic opportunity did you see?”
Vin: “Salt mining. Concentrated salt in this amount is hard to find. We easily became the galaxy’s largest salt exporter. The only problem was finding enough labor. That’s when I had my best idea. I created an industry that puts people into debt and then requires them to work off the debt. Racing.”
Doog: “Racing?”
Vin: “Oh come on! Surely you heard of Alba Pulmone’s Cyborg Sprint Races? They’re galaxy renowned. It is even watched off-world via TV2. Huge purses. People bet large sums of money on them. Any of this ring a bell?”
Doog: “Not really, but I don’t watch a lot of TV. It rots the brain…errr…I mean, TV is great. Everybody should watch it. Especially LIU Atlas.”
Vin: “Well that settles it. I’m taking you to one of our races. M4ST3R, get my robes and prepare a mobile pool. I’m leaving the estate.”
Doog: “Yes M4ST3R, please get Vin a robe. Before I barf up my last remaining water.”
Doog: “Yes M4ST3R, please get Vin a robe. Before I barf up my last remaining water.”
Vin: “Tada! The Alba Pulmone Raceway. It’s one of the largest terrestrial-based raceways in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Nice. Better than the salt flats. So what do you guys race?”
Vin: “Cyborg Sprinters. Other than their heads, they are entirely machine. They are similar to cyborg racers, but instead of flying, they run. It’s amazing what these machines can do.”
Doog: “And people bet on these races?”
Vin: “Yep. People all across the galaxy bet on the outcomes. It’s made me a billionaire several times over. More importantly, it creates several debt slaves.”
Doog: “How so?”
Vin: “No money is required to make a bet. You can borrow money from the house. If you win, you keep the winnings minus some interest. If you lose…well…you are in debt to me, and legally, I can force you to work off that debt.”
Doog: “Ah. So you are sort of like a loan shark…or loan squid…or loan blob…what are you again?”
Doog: “Nice. Better than the salt flats. So what do you guys race?”
Vin: “Cyborg Sprinters. Other than their heads, they are entirely machine. They are similar to cyborg racers, but instead of flying, they run. It’s amazing what these machines can do.”
Doog: “And people bet on these races?”
Vin: “Yep. People all across the galaxy bet on the outcomes. It’s made me a billionaire several times over. More importantly, it creates several debt slaves.”
Doog: “How so?”
Vin: “No money is required to make a bet. You can borrow money from the house. If you win, you keep the winnings minus some interest. If you lose…well…you are in debt to me, and legally, I can force you to work off that debt.”
Doog: “Ah. So you are sort of like a loan shark…or loan squid…or loan blob…what are you again?”
Announcer: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, welcome to this afternoon’s race. Today we are graced with the presence of the almighty Vin Prassa…”
Crowd: “Boo! Boooo!”
Announcer: “…and the host of TV2’s LIU Atlas, Doog!”
Crowd: “Woohoo! Yeah!”
Announcer: “After Vin Prassa…”
Crowd: “Boo!”
Announcer: ’…greets today’s racers, we’ll get started.”
Vin: “Uh, good luck. Make me some money and slaves.”
Crowd: “Boooo!”
Vin: “Hey Doog, just so you know, here on Alba Pulmone, people boo when they like you and cheer when they hate you. No one likes you. Uh, yeah. That’s totally true.”
Doog: “I’ve never heard of…”
Vin: “Maybe you should take your seat. The race is about to start.”
Crowd: “Boo! Boooo!”
Announcer: “…and the host of TV2’s LIU Atlas, Doog!”
Crowd: “Woohoo! Yeah!”
Announcer: “After Vin Prassa…”
Crowd: “Boo!”
Announcer: ’…greets today’s racers, we’ll get started.”
Vin: “Uh, good luck. Make me some money and slaves.”
Crowd: “Boooo!”
Vin: “Hey Doog, just so you know, here on Alba Pulmone, people boo when they like you and cheer when they hate you. No one likes you. Uh, yeah. That’s totally true.”
Doog: “I’ve never heard of…”
Vin: “Maybe you should take your seat. The race is about to start.”
Doog: “Alright folks, Vin Prassa has given me a front row seat. I’ve scanned in my Citizen Identification Chip, and I’ve made a small bet to make things interesting. I’m going to turn things over to the announcers.”
Announcer: “Racers to the line…make yourselves ready. Ladies, Gentleman, and asexual beings, today’s race is 160 laps around the thirteen mile long track. Estimated race time is three hours. Please enter all bets before the completion of the first lap. Alright. On your mark, get set……GO!”
Announcer: “And they’re off! Red has taken an early lead, followed by blue and green. Man, they are moving fast!”
Announcer: “For our first time attendees, you can follow the race via our big screen monitors once the race departs your area. Feel free to visit any of our concession stands on deck two. Also, as a reminder, all bets are final. Anyone attempting to depart the race before making payment will be executed according to the LIU’s stringent theft laws. Have a good time!”
Nearly Three Hours Later
Nearly Three Hours Later
Announcers: “It’s coming down to the wire. Red is still in the lead followed closely by green. Oh wow, yellow has made a move and passed blue. Will this be a photo finish?!”
Doog: “Come on green! PLEASE win!!!”
Announcer: “And it’s RED! Wow! He wins by a half a foot. Green takes second, while yellow takes third. What a great race! Alright, please visit the nearest payment window to receive any winnings or settle any debts. The next race begins in two hours.”
Doog: “Well folks, Alba Pulmone is a terrible place. People place large bets on cyborg sprint races by borrowing money from the house. When they lose, they repay their debts by working the unbearable and deadly salt mines. Where do they ever find anyone so stupid? Well, see you next time!
Note:
Note:
Mike: “You lost all our earnings from Season 5 on a race! Plus, an additional thousand credits borrowed from the house! How in the heck did I get roped into this!”
Doog: “Well, I put the crew down as additional collateral. That way, if I lost, we’d all slave together in the salt mines, and instead of me working a month, we only have to work a few days.”
Mike: “I hate you sometimes!”
Doog: “I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.”
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 3 - Succus
Doog: “Well, I put the crew down as additional collateral. That way, if I lost, we’d all slave together in the salt mines, and instead of me working a month, we only have to work a few days.”
Mike: “I hate you sometimes!”
Doog: “I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.”
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 3 - Succus
