There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Telum Texeris
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
LIU Atlas - Telum Texeris
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the small, warm world of Telum Texeris. Despite its small size, this agricultural planet plays an important role in the galaxy. Let’s head down and find out why.”
Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off outside a large house on the planet’s surface. I believe one of the people standing on the porch is my guide, but I’m sort of afraid to go up there. There’s some giant dogs guarding the way. I’m not usually scared of dogs, but these things are literally the size of a small horse. Like, eat-me-in-one-bite big.”
Madame: “Don’t be scared, Darlin’. The dogs are well trained. They won’t attack unless prompted.”
Daddy: “And we ain’t gonna prompt em on a non-bughead, so dontcha worry.”
Madame: “Daddy! Bughead is not the preferred nomenclature. Besides, I’ve heard that you’ve cozied up to quite a few ‘bugheads’ in your time. So, you have no room to talk.”
Daddy: “Lies! Lies! I wouldn’t touch a bughead with a fitty foot pole.”
Madame: “That’s not what momma told me, bless her soul.”
Daddy: “I could be drunker than a three-eyed spider and I’d never…”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t want to interrupt, but I’m a little confused. Am I safe to approach? What’s a bughead? And did you say something about spiders? I don’t do spiders.”
Daddy: “And we ain’t gonna prompt em on a non-bughead, so dontcha worry.”
Madame: “Daddy! Bughead is not the preferred nomenclature. Besides, I’ve heard that you’ve cozied up to quite a few ‘bugheads’ in your time. So, you have no room to talk.”
Daddy: “Lies! Lies! I wouldn’t touch a bughead with a fitty foot pole.”
Madame: “That’s not what momma told me, bless her soul.”
Daddy: “I could be drunker than a three-eyed spider and I’d never…”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t want to interrupt, but I’m a little confused. Am I safe to approach? What’s a bughead? And did you say something about spiders? I don’t do spiders.”
Madame: “Oh, listen to us…blathering on. Of course, it’s safe to approach. And don’t pay no attention to daddy. He’s an old coot. I’m Madame Caroline, by the way. Now that Daddy’s reached old age, I run the family plantation.”
Doog: “Hey, I’m Doog. Nice to meet you. So, not to change the subject, but where are we on the whole spider situation? I heard your dad say something about spiders.”
Madame: “Oh hon, it’s just an expression, there’s no spiders here.”
Doog: “Whew. Thank the Emperor. Wait…he mentioned bugheads too. That’s not a code word for giant insects, is it? I don’t do insects either.”
Daddy: “Hehe, the outta towner thinks them bugheads are real insects. That’s classic.”
Madame: “Shhh Daddy. Doog, ‘bughead’ is a derogatory term given the workers we’ve imported here. Only the older generation uses it. Some of us have a little more refinement.”
Doog: “Imported workers? What do you guys grow on your plantation that requires imported workers?”
Doog: “Hey, I’m Doog. Nice to meet you. So, not to change the subject, but where are we on the whole spider situation? I heard your dad say something about spiders.”
Madame: “Oh hon, it’s just an expression, there’s no spiders here.”
Doog: “Whew. Thank the Emperor. Wait…he mentioned bugheads too. That’s not a code word for giant insects, is it? I don’t do insects either.”
Daddy: “Hehe, the outta towner thinks them bugheads are real insects. That’s classic.”
Madame: “Shhh Daddy. Doog, ‘bughead’ is a derogatory term given the workers we’ve imported here. Only the older generation uses it. Some of us have a little more refinement.”
Doog: “Imported workers? What do you guys grow on your plantation that requires imported workers?”
Madame: “You mean you don’t know? I thought everyone in the galaxy knew. We grow Texeris. It’s even in our planet’s name.”
Doog: “What’s Texeris?”
Madame: “Oh come on, now you’re just pulling my leg. Texeris, aka Fire Crier, aka Tree Spaghetti.”
Doog: “Yeah…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Madame: “It’s a species of hanging moss grown for it’s strong aramid fibers.”
Doog: “What’s arid men?”
Madame: “There sure is a lot that you don’t know.”
Doog: “Wow, thanks. It’s comforting that someone just came out and said it for once. Just explain things to me like you would to a child. And, keep in mind, I’m still probably going to have lots of questions. Now, give me the scoop on arid men fibers. I’m picturing some type of strings hanging off a man in a desert.”
Doog: “What’s Texeris?”
Madame: “Oh come on, now you’re just pulling my leg. Texeris, aka Fire Crier, aka Tree Spaghetti.”
Doog: “Yeah…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Madame: “It’s a species of hanging moss grown for it’s strong aramid fibers.”
Doog: “What’s arid men?”
Madame: “There sure is a lot that you don’t know.”
Doog: “Wow, thanks. It’s comforting that someone just came out and said it for once. Just explain things to me like you would to a child. And, keep in mind, I’m still probably going to have lots of questions. Now, give me the scoop on arid men fibers. I’m picturing some type of strings hanging off a man in a desert.”
Madame: “Oh Darlin’, you’re way off. It’s aramid, not arid men. Aramids are a type of polymer that are extremely strong and resistant to fire. It’s in use all over the galaxy. You’ll find it in body armor, spaceship insulation, space suits…all kinds of stuff. That’s why I figured you’d heard of it.”
Doog: “I can’t say that I have. I’m not big on researching what materials are in the things I use though. Maybe I’m just an exception.”
Madame: “I would hope so. Well, would you like a tour? It’s the best way to learn about Texeris.”
Doog: “Sure. Let’s tour it up. Wait…did we ever get to the bottom of the spider, giant insect thing?”
Madame: “No spiders, no giant insects.”
Doog: “Alright, good. That’s what I thought you said.”
Doog: “I can’t say that I have. I’m not big on researching what materials are in the things I use though. Maybe I’m just an exception.”
Madame: “I would hope so. Well, would you like a tour? It’s the best way to learn about Texeris.”
Doog: “Sure. Let’s tour it up. Wait…did we ever get to the bottom of the spider, giant insect thing?”
Madame: “No spiders, no giant insects.”
Doog: “Alright, good. That’s what I thought you said.”
Doog: “What’s this?”
Madame: “These are some of the Imported Worker Quarters.”
Doog: “They seem awfully small and packed together. I mean, I know your family owns the plantation, but your house was like a hundred times bigger than these.”
Madame: “Smaller…yes, but plenty adequate for two families to live comfortably.”
Doog: “Two families live in these? Geez, that’s even worse.”
Madame: “Really? I think they’re nice. Besides, we provide the housing to them for free. They can’t really complain.”
Doog: “Not bad for being free, I guess. They’re better than most of the places I’ve lived for free, like that one dumpster I lived in after I dropped out of college.”
Madame: “These are some of the Imported Worker Quarters.”
Doog: “They seem awfully small and packed together. I mean, I know your family owns the plantation, but your house was like a hundred times bigger than these.”
Madame: “Smaller…yes, but plenty adequate for two families to live comfortably.”
Doog: “Two families live in these? Geez, that’s even worse.”
Madame: “Really? I think they’re nice. Besides, we provide the housing to them for free. They can’t really complain.”
Doog: “Not bad for being free, I guess. They’re better than most of the places I’ve lived for free, like that one dumpster I lived in after I dropped out of college.”
Doog: “So, these are the bugheads? I guess they’re called that because of their buggy, bulging eyes?”
Madame: “Don’t call them that! I told you it was derogatory!”
Doog: “Oops, my bad. I was just calling them the only name I knew. What should I call them?”
Madame: “Their race is known as the Tumes. They originate from a planet called Tumeo. We like to call them Imported Workers.”
Doog: “Why were they imported?”
Madame: “The demand for Texeris skyrocketed after our world was brought into the LIU. We needed a large labor force to meet this demand. That’s where the Tumes came in. Their biology was perfect for this form of labor. They could handle the warm climate, and their upward facing eyes made it easy to pick Texeris from the trees. We imported hundreds of thousands of them.”
Doog: “They volunteered to come here to work?”
Madame: “Apart from the solutions it offered us, their transfer here also benefitted the Tumes. Tumeo was a failing planet. It had few resources and could no longer support its population. Famine and disease were rife. We saved them.”
Doog: “You didn’t answer my question. Did they volunteer to come here?”
Madame: “No. They were brought here involuntarily.”
Madame: “Don’t call them that! I told you it was derogatory!”
Doog: “Oops, my bad. I was just calling them the only name I knew. What should I call them?”
Madame: “Their race is known as the Tumes. They originate from a planet called Tumeo. We like to call them Imported Workers.”
Doog: “Why were they imported?”
Madame: “The demand for Texeris skyrocketed after our world was brought into the LIU. We needed a large labor force to meet this demand. That’s where the Tumes came in. Their biology was perfect for this form of labor. They could handle the warm climate, and their upward facing eyes made it easy to pick Texeris from the trees. We imported hundreds of thousands of them.”
Doog: “They volunteered to come here to work?”
Madame: “Apart from the solutions it offered us, their transfer here also benefitted the Tumes. Tumeo was a failing planet. It had few resources and could no longer support its population. Famine and disease were rife. We saved them.”
Doog: “You didn’t answer my question. Did they volunteer to come here?”
Madame: “No. They were brought here involuntarily.”
Doog: “Sigh...they’re slaves…aren’t they?”
Madame: “Now darlin’, you know slavery is illegal. We prefer the term ‘involunteers’.”
Doog: “Here we go with the ‘involunteer’ thing again. Can’t we just call it what it really is? From a legal standpoint, they’re involunteers, but we all know they’re slaves.”
Madame: “I guess it really depends on your definition of slavery.”
Doog: “Is there more than one definition? I thought it was clear. Slavery is forcing someone to work a job they hate for no pay.”
Madame: “They get free housing and food. That’s a form of payment.”
Doog: “That’s not the same thing. I’m talking about money. The slaves do not receive credits for their work.”
Madame: “Are you not a slave then?”
Doog: “What! I get paid! I don’t get paid a lot, but I get paid.”
Madame: “What do you use your money for? Housing and food? It seems that you’re just a slave with an extra step.”
Doog: “I use money for other stuff too…sometimes…when I have some…which is hardly ever. Ok, fine. I work mostly for food and housing. But, I don’t get forced. I can do any job I want.”
Madame: “Can you? Is being a TV Host really what you want? If you suddenly became rich, would you not quit?”
Doog: “I’d quit in a heartbeat. Most days, I hate this job. Seeing the depressing reality of the galaxy isn’t always the best gig.”
Madame: “So, you work a job you dislike in return for money which barely covers the cost of food and housing? Are you not a slave?”
Doog: “Sigh. I suppose I am.”
Madame: “Now darlin’, you know slavery is illegal. We prefer the term ‘involunteers’.”
Doog: “Here we go with the ‘involunteer’ thing again. Can’t we just call it what it really is? From a legal standpoint, they’re involunteers, but we all know they’re slaves.”
Madame: “I guess it really depends on your definition of slavery.”
Doog: “Is there more than one definition? I thought it was clear. Slavery is forcing someone to work a job they hate for no pay.”
Madame: “They get free housing and food. That’s a form of payment.”
Doog: “That’s not the same thing. I’m talking about money. The slaves do not receive credits for their work.”
Madame: “Are you not a slave then?”
Doog: “What! I get paid! I don’t get paid a lot, but I get paid.”
Madame: “What do you use your money for? Housing and food? It seems that you’re just a slave with an extra step.”
Doog: “I use money for other stuff too…sometimes…when I have some…which is hardly ever. Ok, fine. I work mostly for food and housing. But, I don’t get forced. I can do any job I want.”
Madame: “Can you? Is being a TV Host really what you want? If you suddenly became rich, would you not quit?”
Doog: “I’d quit in a heartbeat. Most days, I hate this job. Seeing the depressing reality of the galaxy isn’t always the best gig.”
Madame: “So, you work a job you dislike in return for money which barely covers the cost of food and housing? Are you not a slave?”
Doog: “Sigh. I suppose I am.”
Madame: “In this economic system, we’re all slaves.”
Doog: “Ha, you’re hardly a slave. I don’t think walking around with a fancy dress and umbrella qualifies as slavery.”
Madame: “I admit, I do have nicer things. Perhaps I’m a few steps higher on the slave scale. But, I’m a slave all the same. I’m a slave to my heritage and a slave to LIU.”
Doog: “Slave to your heritage? What does that even mean?”
Madame: “Do you think I enjoy this life? Because I was born into this family, on this world, my entire future has been arranged. I’ll never leave this planet. I must watch others suffer and labor at my behest. It’s not what I want to do, it’s what I must do.”
Doog: “Ha, you’re hardly a slave. I don’t think walking around with a fancy dress and umbrella qualifies as slavery.”
Madame: “I admit, I do have nicer things. Perhaps I’m a few steps higher on the slave scale. But, I’m a slave all the same. I’m a slave to my heritage and a slave to LIU.”
Doog: “Slave to your heritage? What does that even mean?”
Madame: “Do you think I enjoy this life? Because I was born into this family, on this world, my entire future has been arranged. I’ll never leave this planet. I must watch others suffer and labor at my behest. It’s not what I want to do, it’s what I must do.”
Doog: “So, we’re all slaves, in some form or another. But, you must admit, some forms of slavery are better than others.”
Madame: “Touché.”
Madame: “Touché.”
Doog: “We’ve been discussing the sorry state of the galaxy for so long that I forgot what we’re actually doing.”
Madame: “We’re touring the Texeris fields.”
Madame: “We’re touring the Texeris fields.”
Doog: “And these weird trees are Texeris?”
Madame: “No, not the trees. Texeris is the pink hanging moss hanging down from the tree limbs.”
Doog: “Ah, ok. Gotcha. Wow, these fields seem to stretch forever. Do they cover the entire planet?”
Madame: “Good Emperor, no. Not even close. Texeris only grows year-round in the planet’s tropical region. Even here in the tropics, there’s limitations. Nothing grows in the Bowland Highlands, for instance.”
Madame: “No, not the trees. Texeris is the pink hanging moss hanging down from the tree limbs.”
Doog: “Ah, ok. Gotcha. Wow, these fields seem to stretch forever. Do they cover the entire planet?”
Madame: “Good Emperor, no. Not even close. Texeris only grows year-round in the planet’s tropical region. Even here in the tropics, there’s limitations. Nothing grows in the Bowland Highlands, for instance.”
Madame: “However you choose to label the Tumes, they are remarkable creatures. It’s almost like the gods handpicked them for this work. They evolved on a planet with an avian apex predator. Their eyes evolved to always look upward to the skies. They can pick Texeris all day without a hint of a sore neck. My people weren’t so lucky when we had to tend the fields ourselves.”
Doog: “Maybe they’re always looking up because people from the space came down and enslaved thousands of them.”
Madame: “I’m pretty sure the trait evolved as a response to the giant flying birds on their homeworld. No need to bring up the whole slavery issue again.”
Doog: “Maybe they’re always looking up because people from the space came down and enslaved thousands of them.”
Madame: “I’m pretty sure the trait evolved as a response to the giant flying birds on their homeworld. No need to bring up the whole slavery issue again.”
Doog: “So, what ‘slave’ duties am I witnessing here?”
Madame: “You’re not gonna drop it, huh? Well, the primary duty of the adult Imported Workers is the collection of Texeris. The moss maxes out in length after a few weeks. The workers cut and collect moss that has ‘maxed out’. This frees the moss to begin growing again.”
Madame: “You’re not gonna drop it, huh? Well, the primary duty of the adult Imported Workers is the collection of Texeris. The moss maxes out in length after a few weeks. The workers cut and collect moss that has ‘maxed out’. This frees the moss to begin growing again.”
Madame: “The adult Imported Workers then take the collected moss to factories, like this one up ahead.”
Doog: “Why do you keep saying the ‘adult’ Imported Workers? It implies that the ‘children’ Imported Workers have other duties. I know you found a way around the whole slave legality thing, but I know you can’t bypass Child Labor Laws.”
Madame: “Well…”
Doog: “Why do you keep saying the ‘adult’ Imported Workers? It implies that the ‘children’ Imported Workers have other duties. I know you found a way around the whole slave legality thing, but I know you can’t bypass Child Labor Laws.”
Madame: “Well…”
Doog: “I can’t believe this. You’re using child labor?”
Madame: “We don’t like the term, ‘child labor’. It implies they are paid.”
Doog: “Oh, so sorry, I guess I should have said child slaves!”
Madame: “We don’t like that term either. We refer to the children as interns. They’re members of the Field Internship Program. They learn valuable skills and work ethic while interning in the factories. It’s a great program that gets them ready for field work when they grow up.”
Doog: “That is the biggest heap of crap I’ve ever heard come out of someone’s mouth. Are you really that deluded that you think this is alright?”
Madame: “We don’t like the term, ‘child labor’. It implies they are paid.”
Doog: “Oh, so sorry, I guess I should have said child slaves!”
Madame: “We don’t like that term either. We refer to the children as interns. They’re members of the Field Internship Program. They learn valuable skills and work ethic while interning in the factories. It’s a great program that gets them ready for field work when they grow up.”
Doog: “That is the biggest heap of crap I’ve ever heard come out of someone’s mouth. Are you really that deluded that you think this is alright?”
Madame: “Oh, relax, darlin’. It’s not that bad. I mean, it’s air conditioned in here.”
Doog: “Not that bad! Are you crazy!?”
Madame: “I admit it isn’t ideal for the children, but those tiny, dexterous hands are perfect for pulling out aramid fibers. They’re also quite good for sewing too.”
Doog: “Wow, I really misjudged you. You’re evil.”
Doog: “Not that bad! Are you crazy!?”
Madame: “I admit it isn’t ideal for the children, but those tiny, dexterous hands are perfect for pulling out aramid fibers. They’re also quite good for sewing too.”
Doog: “Wow, I really misjudged you. You’re evil.”
Madame: “I’m hardly evil. If were up to me, I’d set them all free. But it’s not up to me. It’s up to the LIU.”
Doog: “Whatever.”
Madame: “I’ve made significant changes since I took over. I had the air conditioning installed. I even instituted an educational program.”
Doog: “Whatever.”
Madame: “I’ve made significant changes since I took over. I had the air conditioning installed. I even instituted an educational program.”
Doog: “Oh yeah? What type of program is it? How to be a better slave?”
Madame: “No! It’s a math program that’s played over the loudspeaker. Listen.”
Speaker: “ONE CLOTH PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS TWO CLOTHS. TWO CLOTHS PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS THREE CLOTHS. THREE CLOTHS…”
Doog: “That’s barely educational. It sounds more like a drum beat for setting pace.”
Madame: “That makes sense. Its primary purpose was to increase production, but I figured it was educational too.”
Doog: “Wow, you have excuses and justifications for everything. It’s maddening. Can we finish this tour?”
Madame: “No! It’s a math program that’s played over the loudspeaker. Listen.”
Speaker: “ONE CLOTH PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS TWO CLOTHS. TWO CLOTHS PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS THREE CLOTHS. THREE CLOTHS…”
Doog: “That’s barely educational. It sounds more like a drum beat for setting pace.”
Madame: “That makes sense. Its primary purpose was to increase production, but I figured it was educational too.”
Doog: “Wow, you have excuses and justifications for everything. It’s maddening. Can we finish this tour?”
Madame: “Aramid fibers removed from the Texeris Moss are sewn into sheets of fabric. We then ship this fabric out across the galaxy.”
Madame: “The fire resistance of Texeris makes it an important part of body armor. It lessens damage from laser blasts. All LIU manufactured body armor contains at least some amount of Texeris.”
Doog: “It’s a good thing I don’t wear body armor. I don’t want to wear something slave children were forced to make.”
Madame: “You wear a spacesuit, don’t you? There are most certainly Texeris fibers in that.”
Doog: “No! Not in my suit!”
Madame: “You fly all over the galaxy in a spaceship, don’t you? Texeris based insulation keeps it from burning up.”
Doog: “No! Not the Magellan!”
Madame: “Don’t feel bad. Billions of people across the LIU galaxy use Texeris in one form or another.”
Doog: “I bet they wouldn’t if they knew how it was created.”
Madame: “How often do you examine the material make-up of the things you buy? How often do you check how these products are manufactured? Like the rest of society, you choose and use products based on demand and price. You don’t care how it’s made or how it gets to you. All you care about is price. If there’s anyone truly evil out there, it’s the whole of society and their demand for cheaper merchandise.”
Madame: “You wear a spacesuit, don’t you? There are most certainly Texeris fibers in that.”
Doog: “No! Not in my suit!”
Madame: “You fly all over the galaxy in a spaceship, don’t you? Texeris based insulation keeps it from burning up.”
Doog: “No! Not the Magellan!”
Madame: “Don’t feel bad. Billions of people across the LIU galaxy use Texeris in one form or another.”
Doog: “I bet they wouldn’t if they knew how it was created.”
Madame: “How often do you examine the material make-up of the things you buy? How often do you check how these products are manufactured? Like the rest of society, you choose and use products based on demand and price. You don’t care how it’s made or how it gets to you. All you care about is price. If there’s anyone truly evil out there, it’s the whole of society and their demand for cheaper merchandise.”
Doog: “Well folks, what can I say, Telum Texeris is a horrible place. Slaves, old and young, toil away over the entirety of their lives to bring heat and fire resistant fabric to the galaxy. It seems horrible. It’s changed my view of the true costs of the things I buy. I, for one, will be more cautious in the future when deciding what items to purchase. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go burn my slave-made spacesuit.”
Madame: “Uhh…hate to break it to you, but it won’t burn. It’s made of Texeris.”
Doog: “Dang it! Oh well, see ya!”
Note:
Madame: “Uhh…hate to break it to you, but it won’t burn. It’s made of Texeris.”
Doog: “Dang it! Oh well, see ya!”
Note:
Narrator: “Despite the inherent speciesism exhibited by the Telum race, countless cases of interspecies breeding have been documented. Offspring from these taboo encounters are often shipped off world by the Telum to maintain the illusion of their species’ superiority.”
Daddy: “I’m surely superior to you in every way, Sweetie Pie, but Daddy cannot resist that Bughead booty.
Daddy: “I’m surely superior to you in every way, Sweetie Pie, but Daddy cannot resist that Bughead booty.
Narrator: “The hybrid offspring of the Telum and Tumes are now considered their own species, called the Tulum. They are present throughout the galaxy.”
