There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Lutum
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance ‘Doog’ McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the swamp planet of Lutum. Lutum played an important role in the early parts of galactic history. Many wars were fought here before the founding of the LIU and the unification of the galaxy. I guess we’re here to find out why.”
Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on the planet’s surface. As promised, it’s a swamp world. It’s muddy and wet, and it has that smell that only a planet-wide swamp can generate. I’m outside some type of structure. I believe I’m supposed to meet my guide here.”
Doog: “Oh, good. My guide is a Fornacin. I’ve dealt with a member of their race on Ferrariae. They’re not the most pleasant people.”
Kuza: “I take that as a compliment, especially from a human.”
Doog: “Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. I’d be angry too, if I had to live on this mudball of a planet. Speaking of mud, could you have put the stairs to this platform in a worse spot? Stairs are bad enough, but I’m going to have to walk through ankle deep in mud to get over to you.”
Kuza: “Well, stupid. Most people that come here get dropped off ‘on’ the platform…not next to it.”
Doog: “Hmm. I don’t have a comeback for that. Well played, whatever your name is.”
Kuza: “I take that as a compliment, especially from a human.”
Doog: “Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. I’d be angry too, if I had to live on this mudball of a planet. Speaking of mud, could you have put the stairs to this platform in a worse spot? Stairs are bad enough, but I’m going to have to walk through ankle deep in mud to get over to you.”
Kuza: “Well, stupid. Most people that come here get dropped off ‘on’ the platform…not next to it.”
Doog: “Hmm. I don’t have a comeback for that. Well played, whatever your name is.”
Kuza: “My name is Kuza. I’m currently the ambassador of Lutum.”
Doog: “How did you get stuck with this terrible gig?”
Kuza: “I did NOT get stuck here! Being the ambassador of Lutum is an honor! Did you not study history in school?!”
Doog: “Not so much. And, the stuff I did study, I already forgot.”
Kuza: “Sigh. Well, listen up, moron. Here’s a crash course in galactic history. Lutum was a conflict point between three emerging powers in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Which three?”
Kuza: “DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I’m getting there! The Ludgonian Empire, the Galactic Bureaucracy, and the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis fought endless wars for the control of Lutum and its precious resources. The planet changed hands many times. Eventually, the three powers merged to form the LIU, and wars for Lutum ceased. Now, the three races of the former entities, the Humans, Tressans, and Fornacins, take turns overseeing Lutum on a rotating basis. It is a symbolic gesture of the union of the three powers.”
Doog: “Gotcha. That’s why it’s an honor to be ambassador. You’re like a symbol of the LIU.”
Kuza: “Yes. You finally get it. I thought I was going to have to get out some crayons or sing a nursery rhyme.”
Doog: “How did you get stuck with this terrible gig?”
Kuza: “I did NOT get stuck here! Being the ambassador of Lutum is an honor! Did you not study history in school?!”
Doog: “Not so much. And, the stuff I did study, I already forgot.”
Kuza: “Sigh. Well, listen up, moron. Here’s a crash course in galactic history. Lutum was a conflict point between three emerging powers in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Which three?”
Kuza: “DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I’m getting there! The Ludgonian Empire, the Galactic Bureaucracy, and the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis fought endless wars for the control of Lutum and its precious resources. The planet changed hands many times. Eventually, the three powers merged to form the LIU, and wars for Lutum ceased. Now, the three races of the former entities, the Humans, Tressans, and Fornacins, take turns overseeing Lutum on a rotating basis. It is a symbolic gesture of the union of the three powers.”
Doog: “Gotcha. That’s why it’s an honor to be ambassador. You’re like a symbol of the LIU.”
Kuza: “Yes. You finally get it. I thought I was going to have to get out some crayons or sing a nursery rhyme.”
Doog: “Why would anyone fight for this place? There doesn’t appear to be much here, aside from mud, stagnant pools, and frogs.”
Kuza: “You sort of just answered your own question.”
Doog: “They come for the frogs?”
Kuza: “No, you brain dead Kaadu. They came for the mud.”
Doog: “They came for the mud? Who wants mud?”
Kuza: “There’s a very specific type of mud here, called Lono. It’s a clay composite used to make various ceramics.”
Doog: “Ceramics? Like pottery? We fought over pottery?”
Kuza: “You’re like a fountain of stupid questions. No, not pottery. Lono is one of the galaxy’s best ceramic insulators.”
Kuza: “You sort of just answered your own question.”
Doog: “They come for the frogs?”
Kuza: “No, you brain dead Kaadu. They came for the mud.”
Doog: “They came for the mud? Who wants mud?”
Kuza: “There’s a very specific type of mud here, called Lono. It’s a clay composite used to make various ceramics.”
Doog: “Ceramics? Like pottery? We fought over pottery?”
Kuza: “You’re like a fountain of stupid questions. No, not pottery. Lono is one of the galaxy’s best ceramic insulators.”
Doog: “Oh, ceramic insulators. I totally know what those are.”
Kuza: “I sense your sarcasm. It infuriates me.”
Doog: “Sorry. I was trying to avoid being a ‘fountain of stupid questions’.”
Kuza: “Any item that uses bursts of energy, like ion engines or laser pistols, needs to be protected from said energy. Without ceramic insulation in the barrel of a weapon, the energy burst would melt the barrel.”
Doog: “So, they fought a war with weapons to win control over a material to make better weapons?”
Kuza: “In essence, but as I said before, the material is used for more than just weapons. I dare you to take a ride in a spaceship that has uninsulated engines. You wouldn’t make it a parsec.”
Kuza: “I sense your sarcasm. It infuriates me.”
Doog: “Sorry. I was trying to avoid being a ‘fountain of stupid questions’.”
Kuza: “Any item that uses bursts of energy, like ion engines or laser pistols, needs to be protected from said energy. Without ceramic insulation in the barrel of a weapon, the energy burst would melt the barrel.”
Doog: “So, they fought a war with weapons to win control over a material to make better weapons?”
Kuza: “In essence, but as I said before, the material is used for more than just weapons. I dare you to take a ride in a spaceship that has uninsulated engines. You wouldn’t make it a parsec.”
Doog: “Fair enough. So, where are we headed?”
Kuza: “Duh. We’re headed to the subsurface mines.”
Doog: “Subsurface? Why do you need to go below to get mud? There’s mud all around.”
Kuza: “This mud isn’t Lono. It’s mud. Lono gets its properties from being underwater.”
Doog: “Wait, the subsurface is underwater?”
Kuza: “Your interruptions and questions are going to give me an anger aneurism. I swear to the Emperor, himself, that I will disembowel you the next time you interrupt me with a question!”
Doog: “Sorry. Where were we? I mean…please continue.”
Kuza: “It may seem that all this pools are individual bodies, but, in reality, they are all connected. They’re cenotes or collapsed limestone pits that have filled with water. Basically, Lutum has an underground sea enclosed in huge, interconnected limestone caves.”
Kuza: “Duh. We’re headed to the subsurface mines.”
Doog: “Subsurface? Why do you need to go below to get mud? There’s mud all around.”
Kuza: “This mud isn’t Lono. It’s mud. Lono gets its properties from being underwater.”
Doog: “Wait, the subsurface is underwater?”
Kuza: “Your interruptions and questions are going to give me an anger aneurism. I swear to the Emperor, himself, that I will disembowel you the next time you interrupt me with a question!”
Doog: “Sorry. Where were we? I mean…please continue.”
Kuza: “It may seem that all this pools are individual bodies, but, in reality, they are all connected. They’re cenotes or collapsed limestone pits that have filled with water. Basically, Lutum has an underground sea enclosed in huge, interconnected limestone caves.”
Kuza: “This facility is known as the MAP, or the Mecha Access Point. The depth and size of the cenotes require the use of mechanical suits. This is where we enter the subsurface.”
Doog: “There’s only two suits. You must not have a very large operation.”
Kuza: “The natives do the mining. These suits are used by the ambassadors to meet with the natives and oversee their operation.”
Doog: “Ah. I see. I didn’t realize that Lutum had an indigenous race.”
Doog: “There’s only two suits. You must not have a very large operation.”
Kuza: “The natives do the mining. These suits are used by the ambassadors to meet with the natives and oversee their operation.”
Doog: “Ah. I see. I didn’t realize that Lutum had an indigenous race.”
Kuza: “Oh, come on. The suit is simple to use. Come down here into the water. I don’t have all day.”
Doog: “Well, to be honest, I had a few questions about using the suit, but I was afraid to ask and infuriate you again. I’m just sort of winging this.”
Kuza: “The suit basically walks by itself. Just push forward on the joystick.”
Doog: “Well, to be honest, I had a few questions about using the suit, but I was afraid to ask and infuriate you again. I’m just sort of winging this.”
Kuza: “The suit basically walks by itself. Just push forward on the joystick.”
Kuza: “Welcome to Heracleion, the underwater city of the Lutum Race.”
Doog: “Ok, wow. The native race is some type of octopus-hybrids.”
Kuza: “While they share some cephalopodic features, they are not related. Unlike octopi and squids, the Lutu cannot swim. They evolved these legs to crawl through the twisted plant debris and mud at the bottom of the cenotes.”
Doog: “That was my next question. I was wondering why they needed this catwalk if they could swim.”
Kuza: “See! That’s what happens when you listen. I answer everything you wanted to know. There’s no need for questions.”
Doog: “Ok, wow. The native race is some type of octopus-hybrids.”
Kuza: “While they share some cephalopodic features, they are not related. Unlike octopi and squids, the Lutu cannot swim. They evolved these legs to crawl through the twisted plant debris and mud at the bottom of the cenotes.”
Doog: “That was my next question. I was wondering why they needed this catwalk if they could swim.”
Kuza: “See! That’s what happens when you listen. I answer everything you wanted to know. There’s no need for questions.”
Kuza: “The Lutu are quite intelligent for a fully aquatic species, but, due to Hadrothir’s Law, they required help from the LIU to reach their current technological level.”
Doog: “…”
Kuza: “Seriously? You don’t know Hadrothir’s Law? Did you have any schooling? Sigh, the law states that fully aquatic, sentient species should never progress beyond a certain level of technology. They may have plenty of intelligence, but the limiting factors of their environment prohibit advanced science and technology.”
Doog: “How so?”
Kuza: “Think of some of the limitations of being underwater. There’s no fire, you can’t see the stars, water fills everything, heat dissipates quickly, and so on. This limits the study of metallurgy, chemical reactions, physics, astronomy, spaceflight, and much, much more. Some say the law is biased towards air breathing civilizations, but thus far, no advanced, fully-aquatic species have been found in the LIU Galaxy.”
Doog: “…”
Kuza: “Seriously? You don’t know Hadrothir’s Law? Did you have any schooling? Sigh, the law states that fully aquatic, sentient species should never progress beyond a certain level of technology. They may have plenty of intelligence, but the limiting factors of their environment prohibit advanced science and technology.”
Doog: “How so?”
Kuza: “Think of some of the limitations of being underwater. There’s no fire, you can’t see the stars, water fills everything, heat dissipates quickly, and so on. This limits the study of metallurgy, chemical reactions, physics, astronomy, spaceflight, and much, much more. Some say the law is biased towards air breathing civilizations, but thus far, no advanced, fully-aquatic species have been found in the LIU Galaxy.”
Guard: “Unexpected your visit is. Unnecessary it is.”
Kuza: “Who asked your opinion? I’m the Ambassador. I go where I please.”
Guard: “Satisfactory is the Lono mines. Peak is our production.”
Kuza: “I didn’t say it wasn’t tentacle brains. I’m here to show this moron around. He’s doing some sort of documentary.”
Guard: “New ambassador, is he?”
Kuza: “What! No! Go away, mud breath!”
Doog: “Your ambassadorial skills are top notch, Kuza. I’m sure they love you here.”
Kuza: “Who asked your opinion? I’m the Ambassador. I go where I please.”
Guard: “Satisfactory is the Lono mines. Peak is our production.”
Kuza: “I didn’t say it wasn’t tentacle brains. I’m here to show this moron around. He’s doing some sort of documentary.”
Guard: “New ambassador, is he?”
Kuza: “What! No! Go away, mud breath!”
Doog: “Your ambassadorial skills are top notch, Kuza. I’m sure they love you here.”
Guard: “This way are the mines.”
Doog: “Hey, look. The mining machines mimic the natives’ biology.”
Kuza: “Yes. Multi-legged tentacle walkers make maneuvering through the mud much easier. The weight is divided amongst many surfaces. Speaking of which, try not to get your mech suit stuck. I refuse to rescue you.”
Doog: “That feeling is mutual, Kuza.”
Kuza: “Yes. Multi-legged tentacle walkers make maneuvering through the mud much easier. The weight is divided amongst many surfaces. Speaking of which, try not to get your mech suit stuck. I refuse to rescue you.”
Doog: “That feeling is mutual, Kuza.”
Kuza: “Lono is abundant down here, but there are some challenges to extracting it. The detritus of dead plants and other debris must be removed first. Here, you can see some exposed veins of Lono.”
Doog: “Fancy mud under the regular mud. Got it.”
Kuza: “More like profitable mud under the useless mud.”
Doog: “Fancy mud under the regular mud. Got it.”
Kuza: “More like profitable mud under the useless mud.”
Doog: “These jellyfish-looking things are sweet. If I get stuck in the mud, I know what I’m calling to get me out.”
Kuza: “They’re not jellyfish! They’re Squid Cranes! Duh! Think before you talk.”
Doog: “You sure take the fun out of seeing all of this. If it doesn’t offend you too much, what do these ‘Squid Cranes’ do?”
Kuza: “They take Lono from the fields and transport it to Heracleion, where it is shipped via trains to the surface. None of the mud is processed on site.”
Doog: “Anything else to see?”
Kuza: “Unfortunately, I believe your tour includes meeting the Queen of the Lutu. This will not be enjoyable. The queen is a level ten harpy. I hate her.”
Doog: “Oh, fun. I’m meeting all kinds of nice people this trip.”
Kuza: “They’re not jellyfish! They’re Squid Cranes! Duh! Think before you talk.”
Doog: “You sure take the fun out of seeing all of this. If it doesn’t offend you too much, what do these ‘Squid Cranes’ do?”
Kuza: “They take Lono from the fields and transport it to Heracleion, where it is shipped via trains to the surface. None of the mud is processed on site.”
Doog: “Anything else to see?”
Kuza: “Unfortunately, I believe your tour includes meeting the Queen of the Lutu. This will not be enjoyable. The queen is a level ten harpy. I hate her.”
Doog: “Oh, fun. I’m meeting all kinds of nice people this trip.”
Kuza: “The Lutu were largely uninvolved in the pre-LIU wars, but they certainly suffered from its effects. Depleted uranium shells and rusted war machines poisoned the waters. Bombs collapsed some of the limestone caves, and the ensuing dust in the atmosphere slowed photosynthesis to a crawl. Many Lutu died. When the wars ended, and the LIU returned, the Lutu were unwilling to join the Union. The LIU didn’t want to bother with a costly underwater war, so they took the bribery and flattery route. They cleaned up the mess on Lutum, and they gave the Lutu technology. They even instituted an ambassadorial program to insure their needs were met.”
Doog: “That’s you.”
Kuza: “Yes. I can treat all these other slimebuckets like garbage, but I must do everything the Queen says. I have to grovel like a fool to keep her happy. It’s the worst.”
Doog: “That’s you.”
Kuza: “Yes. I can treat all these other slimebuckets like garbage, but I must do everything the Queen says. I have to grovel like a fool to keep her happy. It’s the worst.”
Queen: “Kuza, worried I have been. Infrequent have been your visits. Duties to your Queen, you have neglected.”
Kuza: “You’re not MY…I mean, yes. My apologies. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Nothing mean your words. Insignificant, they are. Insignificant are you.”
Kuza: “Grrr…Yes. You’re right. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Up is production, yet late is compensation. For free, my people do not work.”
Kuza: “Of course, Queen. What compensation would you like?”
Queen: “Made, were promises. More technology, we expect.”
Kuza: “The LIU has made it clear that the technology you receive will be distributed over a set amount of time. The LIU has kept its word. For now, I can offer compensation in other forms, like supplies and credits.”
Queen: “WORTHLESS, you are! Fear our POWER, you do! Contempt you have for our SUPERIORITY!”
Kuza: “Listen here, you boneless sack of guts. I’ll pull your weak mollusk body down from the platform and curb stomp your fuc…I mean…I will take your concerns to the LIU. Have a nice day.”
Kuza: “You’re not MY…I mean, yes. My apologies. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Nothing mean your words. Insignificant, they are. Insignificant are you.”
Kuza: “Grrr…Yes. You’re right. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Up is production, yet late is compensation. For free, my people do not work.”
Kuza: “Of course, Queen. What compensation would you like?”
Queen: “Made, were promises. More technology, we expect.”
Kuza: “The LIU has made it clear that the technology you receive will be distributed over a set amount of time. The LIU has kept its word. For now, I can offer compensation in other forms, like supplies and credits.”
Queen: “WORTHLESS, you are! Fear our POWER, you do! Contempt you have for our SUPERIORITY!”
Kuza: “Listen here, you boneless sack of guts. I’ll pull your weak mollusk body down from the platform and curb stomp your fuc…I mean…I will take your concerns to the LIU. Have a nice day.”
Doog: “Well folks, Lutum is a pretty interesting place. It played an important part in the pre-LIU galaxy, and was the setting of several wars. Now, through its rotating ambassador program, it serves as a symbol of the galactic unification. The planet also has an abundance of a rare ceramic mud, called Lono. The same ambassadors that symbolize unity, must beg and plead with the native royalty to keep this important raw material flowing. It seems like a pretty crappy job to me, but it’s perfect for Kuza. Oh well, see ya.”
Note:
The Ludgonian Empire, based out of Ludgonia, was one of the most powerful military forces in the early galaxy. The Furnaces Worlds of Fornacis, based out of Fornacis, had immense resources and industry. The Galactic Bureaucracy, based out of Tressis, was a trade giant, that controlled several smaller galactic entities through lopsided contracts. To avoid further military conflict, the Galactic Bureaucracy and Furnace Worlds of Fornacis agreed to dissolve and enter the Ludgonian Empire. In return, they were granted power, titles, and money. This new alliance of the three galactic powers would be known as the Ludgonian Industrial Union. This would then set in motion the Mid-Rim Unification War, which saw the LIU encapsulate and conquer all the other major powers in the galaxy.
Note:
The Ludgonian Empire, based out of Ludgonia, was one of the most powerful military forces in the early galaxy. The Furnaces Worlds of Fornacis, based out of Fornacis, had immense resources and industry. The Galactic Bureaucracy, based out of Tressis, was a trade giant, that controlled several smaller galactic entities through lopsided contracts. To avoid further military conflict, the Galactic Bureaucracy and Furnace Worlds of Fornacis agreed to dissolve and enter the Ludgonian Empire. In return, they were granted power, titles, and money. This new alliance of the three galactic powers would be known as the Ludgonian Industrial Union. This would then set in motion the Mid-Rim Unification War, which saw the LIU encapsulate and conquer all the other major powers in the galaxy.
Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producer: Ralph DuBreuil
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 5.5 - Arrhabo
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producer: Ralph DuBreuil
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 5.5 - Arrhabo
