August 10th, 2015

LIU Atlas - Renideo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

                                                                    LIU Atlas - Renideo

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

 Doog: "Welcome to the final episode of Season 2 of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Renideo. As promised, Renideo is an agricultural world."

Doog: "Most of the LIU's Agricultural Worlds have conditions that allow humans and their crops to thrive, but Renideo is one of the few exceptions. Renideo's atmosphere has little oxygen and almost no natural water. As you can see, the surface is covered with a spongy yellow moss instead of grass. The other foliage is unique to Renideo, and it can not be found anywhere else in the galaxy."

Doog: "I've been told to meet my guide at this oasis. As you can see, the native population is primitive."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
Tak: "Yes, I know. The prophet has foretold your arrival. I am Tak, Chief of the Renideon people."
Doog: "Wait. There's a prophet? And he knows me?"
Tak: "Of course, the Great Prophet knows all."
Doog: "Who am I kidding? Everyone knows me...I'm a universe wide superstar. So, what does the prophet say about me?"
Tak: "The prophet has warned us that a man with a hairy face and a giant microphone will bring great shame to our tribe."
Doog: "Hmmm, this prophet might be on to something. Anyway, let's get on with the show. Should we check out the oasis?"

Doog: "My planetary guide says Renideo has very little water, but I can see plenty here, albeit slightly purple and a bit bubbly."
Tak: "That's not water Doog. It a highly corrosive acid that is prevalent here on Renideo. All the life here has evolved to use the acid instead of water. Uh, Doog, are you listening?"
Doog: "Huh? Oh, not really, but please continue. The viewers might be interested, even if I'm not. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stick my hand in this water."
Tak: "Doog!"

Doog: "Daaaa! Tak! The water burned my glove off!"
Tak: "Like I said Doog, that's not water."
Doog: "What do you mean this isn't water? Don't you think you should have warned me? Luckily for you, my suit isn't connected to the breathing dome around my head, otherwise, I'd be dead right now. I hope you learned your lesson!"

Doog: "Wait. Are you smiling? Do you think my near death experience is funny?"
Tak: "Sigh. Humans...you guys think you have a monopoly on facial expressions. Don't you realize that maybe my face has evolved this structure and expression differently than your own."
Doog: "So you're not happy?"
Tak: "Quite the opposite, at least, since your arrival. We've had a long conflict with humans, especially those of the LIU. When we threatened war, they left. Coincidentally, it was about that time when the prophet first appeared."

Tak: "Well, the Kugar has had its fill, it's time to depart for the village."
Doog: "Kugar? Is that what that freaky looking creature is called?"

Tak: "Yes Doog. The Kugars are our domesticated work animals. They serve as our mounts and help transport goods. They also act as a sort of early warning system for approaching predators."

Doog: "Predators! No one told me anything about predators. That's two things now that you've neglected to warn me about."
Tak: "Relax. The Kugar's long snout allows it to smell predators a long way off. We're safe as long as the Kugar stays relaxed."

Tak: "Uh-oh. The Kugar may have picked up on a scent!"

Doog: "What! The Kugars running away! What do we do?"
Tak: "I recommend that we follow the Kugar's lead! Run!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! It's already here. Early warning my @$#!"
Tak: "Just run! My warriors will buy us some time. Remember, the creek is acid! Don't step in it!"

Doog: "Aw @#$&, Tak, I stepped right in the creek! I lost my pant leg."
Tak: "I told you jump the creek!"
Doog: "Look at me, Tak. If you look up athletic in the dictionary, you'll find my name listed as an antonym!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the village, minus one warrior and one pant leg."

Doog: "It appears the Renideons have built some primitive huts out of the local foliage."

Tak: "Doog, this is the Queen Elder of our village. It is customary to bow before her to show your respect."
Doog: "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
Tak: "Doog! Bow! You are being disrespectful!"
Doog: "Tak, the acid has severely damaged the structural integrity of my pants. I'm afraid that if I bow, I might lose my pants entirely. I mean, what's worse, not bowing or exposing myself to the Queen Elder?"
Tak: "Sigh. The prophet's words ring true. You have brought great shame to this tribe."
Doog: "Glad I didn't disappoint. Shall we move on?"

Doog: "What's this?"
Tak: "This is our farm. We are growing Keveccas, a local vegetable. Before the time of the Great Prophet, Keveccas were rare on this planet. Our tribe lived a more nomadic lifestyle traveling great distances to find this life sustaining food. The Prophet taught us to farm, and we now have all the Keveccas we'll ever need."

Doog: "You eat all of these?"
Tak: "Oh no. We consume less than one percent of our yield. The rest is given to the prophet as a sacrifice. Come with me, and I'll show you more."

Doog: "Oh wow, look, another Kevecca farm..."
Tak: "I see you do not share my enthusiasm for farming."
Doog: "That would be an understatement."

Tak: "Perhaps you will find this more interesting. The Kugar help to carry the Keveccas to the Great Prophet."
Doog: "Nope. It's still not doing anything for me."

Doog: "I guess I am somewhat interested in the Keveccas themselves. I can't really taste them with this stupid helmet on."
Tak: "That's a good thing, Doog. The Keveccas' juice is nearly as acidic as the 'purple water' you touched earlier. I am quite certain that you would be dead if you ate it. Wait! Don't squeeze it! The juice is going to..."

Tak: "...explode on your suit..."
Doog: "And there goes the rest of my pants. I knew I shouldn't have worn my whitey tighties."

Tak: "Come. Let's get you to the Great Prophet before you accidentally kill yourself."
Doog: "Look, when we get there, can we not mention the whole pants thing. Maybe the all knowing prophet won't notice."

Tak: "This is it, the Great Prophet. One day, shortly after the LIU departed, this Great Prophet appeared to us. He gives us all the advice we need, and all we have to do is give him a sacrifice of Keveccas."

Doog: "It sort of looks like a monkey."
Tak: "What's a monkey?"
Doog: "Never mind. So the Great Prophet talks? Can I ask him to predict something, like, maybe next week's lottery numbers?"

Tak: "No, the Prophet rarely responds to direct contact. He usually only speaks to us when we are doing something wrong or when we are not providing enough Keveccas."
Doog: "And the prophet eats them?"
Tak: "Of course. We return to the prophet once a week and deliver our bounty. The Keveccas are always gone when we return."
Doog: "Sure they are. Well, it was nice meeting you Tak. Keep on smiling."
Tak: "Sigh..."

Doog: "Well folks, Renideo is a strange place. I'm not sure how it makes the LIU any profit, and I definitely don't know why the LIU left when threatened by some spears. Maybe the prophet is real after all. Well, I'll see...wait, what's that behind the prophet?"

Doog: "Are those humans? What are you guys doing here? Who are you?"

Prophet: "Hey Doog. Haven't you figured it out yet? We're the prophets."
Doog: "You're the prophet?"
Prophet: "Yes. The Keveccas are a valuable commodity. Their acid is used for industrial purposes. When the LIU came here and attempted to harvest them, the locals threw a fit. We could have just wiped them out, but we needed them for labor. Because of the atmospheric make-up, it would be too expensive to use off-world labor. So we came up with this elaborate prophet scheme. The Renideons stay happy and alive, and more importantly, they work for free."
Doog: "And this statue?"
Prophet: "Oh that? It's just some monkey thing we found in one of TV2's abandoned studios. We installed a speaker in its mouth, and the rest is history."

Doog: "Well folks, things are starting to make a little more sense now. The LIU is taking advantage of the local's primitive belief system to control their behavior. Oh well, as long as the profits continue to pour in. Thanks for joining me once again! Stay tuned for Season #3!


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