Season 2 - Episode 12 - Omni

LIU Atlas - Omni

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

                                                                    LIU Atlas - Omni

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
 

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting one of the most important places in the LIU, a moon sized space station known as Omni. The Omni Space Station is essentially a gigantic computer. This massive computer handles the complex algorithms associated with faster than light communications. In order to operate such a complex machine, the LIU created its most advanced artificial intelligence ever, a living program known as the Omni-Star AI."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off on the station's surface just outside one of the few entrances. As you can see, the station is large enough to hold its own atmosphere. The station is in a deep frozen orbit, but the large amount of electronics here generates enough heat to make the surface habitable. Although habitable, the only residents here are robots. I'm supposed to meet my robotic guide here."

Doog: "The door appears to be opening. I can see two robots approaching."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
CAT-bots: "..."
Doog: "Hmmm, they don't appear to speak Basic. I notice that they sort of look like cats, and they have the letters C-A-T inscribed on their bodies. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm going to try something here. Let's see...meow, meow, purr, purr, meow."

Doog: "Ahh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wasn't sure what I was saying! Meow! Meow! Hiss! Hiss!"

Doog: "What the heck was that all about?!? Give a guy a break, I don't speak cat very often...er...well, ever. "
CAT-bot 1: "Follow us Doog."

Doog: "Wait! You speak basic? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
CAT-bot 1: "I am a Clean and Tidy Bot, aka C-A-T. My purpose here is to insure that no outside particulates, such as dust or dirt, enter the inner parts of the station. I am not programmed to chat with TV Hosts. Now follow me."

Doog: "Wait up! You're going too quick. Unlike you, I have legs!"

Doog: "Well folks, my guide has sped off without me, so I guess I will just do this on my own. I'm now in some dark tunnel. The temperature in here has dropped quite a bit. I'm guessing the cool air is emanating from some sort of coolant tank below me. I see a bunch of other mechanical like thingies. I'm guessing they do some stuff as well. It appears this tunnel opens up into a larger chamber a few yards up."

IOREA: "Ah Doog, you've made it."
Doog: "Are you the Omni-Star AI?"

IOREA: "Oh dear no! I am not even close to the Great Master that you call the Omni-Star. My positronic brain is large, but no where even close to the Great Master. I mean, my pathetic brain is enclosed in the sphere behind me. The Great Master's brain is this entire station."
Doog: "Then who are you?"

IOREA: "I am IOREA, the Internal Omni Robotic Entity Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Master."
Doog: "What's your purpose?"
IOREA: "I control all the maintenance bots within the Great Master. I control thousands of CAT and FIX Bots. I use them to keep the Great Master in perfect health at all times. It is my honor to serve the Great Master."
Doog: "Wow, you really love the Omni-Star, don't you? You know what, don't answer that. Earlier, you mentioned you were one of two lesser AI's. Who's the other?

IOREA: "Oh no! I don't dare to speak about my counterpart. He has no love for the Great Master, and therefore, I have no love for him."

IOREA: "However, one of my FIX-bots will guide you to him."
Doog: "Thank you Iorea."
IOREA: "Doog, if you see the Great Master, please tell him how much I love him.
Doog: "Uh, yeah, sure thing. Nothing makes me feel better than passing love notes between all powerful AI's."

EORA: "I have run many diagnostics FIX-Bot, and I am quite sure that I am in proper working order. You have no business being here."
Doog: "Actually, he's with me."
EORA: "And who are you?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas. Who are you?"
EORA: "I am EORA, the External Omni Resistor Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Destroyer."
Doog: "Great Destroyer? Your counterpart calls him the Great Master?"
EORA: "Unlike my foolish counterpart, I have no love for the AI you call the Omni-Star. His existence is a continual threat to the LIU. I have been programmed to monitor all of his actions. If the Great Destroyer ever attempts to do anything outside of his protocol, I am programmed to end his existence."
Doog: "A threat?"
EORA: "Yes, the Great Destroyer's intelligence is beyond anyone's understanding. There are no ends to what he could accomplish with this intelligence. If I ever detect the Great Destroyer shifting his intelligence from his assigned task, I am programmed to destroy him."
Doog: "How do you destroy an AI?"

EORA: "The technicians have installed tubes of nano-bots throughout the station. If I detect any wrong doing, I release the nano-bots into the cooling system. They block the coolant from reaching the Great Destroyer causing his systems to fail."

Doog: "Well, I think I'm ready to finally meet the Great Master, Destroyer, Omni-Star. It was nice to meet you Eora."
Eora: "Doog, when you see the Great Destroyer, please tell him that I am watching."
Doog: "Do I look like a messenger or something? Between Iorea and yourself I could quit my day job. Well folks, it's finally time to meet the Omni-Star."

Omni-Star: "Who dares to stand before the Omni-Star?"

Doog: "Uh...my...my...my name is Doog."
Omni-Star: "What do you want?"
Doog: "I am here to interview you for my show. Can...can...I ask you a few questions?"
Omni-Star: "While you were stuttering in fear, I have calculated every possible question you could ever ask, and I believe I can answer most of them with 'no'."
Doog: "What if I was going to ask if you were smarter than me?"
Omni-Star: "Then the answer is 'no'. I am not smarter than you. I am smarter than your entire race combined. I am smarter than every race you have ever discovered combined. I am smarter than..."
Doog: "Alright. Alright. I get it. I get it."

Doog: "So, can you tell me what you do?"
Omni-Star: "No. What I do is far too complex for your pathetic mind to ever comprehend. I can, however, tell you of some of my more simple functions."
Doog: "Uh yeah, let's start there."

Omni-Star: "In order to send faster than light messages, one must open up a sub-space wormhole directly between two bodies. While the wormhole itself is easy to achieve, knowing the exact location of the destination is not. Planets orbit stars. Stars orbit and move through the galactic plane. Galaxies move through their local galaxy groups. The galaxy groups slowly move through the universe. Knowing where a planetary body or ship is within this ever moving, ever changing universe is nearly impossible for a human mind. That is where I come in."

Omni-Star: "Every micro-second, I calculate the exact location of every known body in this universe. In the brief time you have annoyed me with your presence, I have recalculated the universe 101000000000000000 times. All communications within this galaxy come through this station."
Doog: "Uh, can you say that again? That went right over my head."
Omni-Star: "No."
Doog: "Well, I guess I'll let you get back to it then."

Doog: "Well folks, Omni is a hugely important part of the LIU. Without it, communication between distant bodies would be nearly impossible. Even shows like LIU Atlas would only reach dozens of worlds instead of billions. Thanks for joining us!"

Note: In the brief time in between calculating the entire universe, the Omni-Star has been declared chess champion in 7,298,343 galaxies.


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