There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Ustulare
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to Season 18 of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the resort world, Ustulare. Ustulare is known for its perfect sun, black sand beaches, and unique cultural experience. The crew and I headed here, after we wrapped up the last season, so we could unwind for a bit. And, I have to tell ya, this place is great. Unfortunately, the relaxation is coming to an end. The grind of another season is upon us. Let’s check out Ustulare.”
Doog: “Well folks, this is how I’ve been living the last week or so. Pristine beaches, great food, scantily clad ladies, bikinis, thongs, cleav…”
Amaya: “Sigh. You’re getting off topic, Doog.”
Doog: “I’m having trouble focusing with all of Ustulare’s scenic views.”
Amaya: “You’re supposed to be talking about the sun.”
Doog: “Oh yeah, Ustulare’s sun is special. It gives all the light and warmth with none of the UV dangers. Your skin is not burning on Ustulare.”
Cam: “I’ve been half-naked every day, and I’m not red.”
Seitse: “Speak for yourself.”
Oldie: “You’re always red, Seitse.”
Mike: “That was the joke.”
Doog: “Don’t try to explain humor to the fossil.”
Amaya: “We’re off topic…again.”
Amaya: “Sigh. You’re getting off topic, Doog.”
Doog: “I’m having trouble focusing with all of Ustulare’s scenic views.”
Amaya: “You’re supposed to be talking about the sun.”
Doog: “Oh yeah, Ustulare’s sun is special. It gives all the light and warmth with none of the UV dangers. Your skin is not burning on Ustulare.”
Cam: “I’ve been half-naked every day, and I’m not red.”
Seitse: “Speak for yourself.”
Oldie: “You’re always red, Seitse.”
Mike: “That was the joke.”
Doog: “Don’t try to explain humor to the fossil.”
Amaya: “We’re off topic…again.”
Doog: “While the sun is great, it’s not what makes Ustulare famous. Ustulari culture is what makes everything so special. I’m talking music, food, wardrobe, and sometimes the lack thereof…”
Amaya: “Swimsuits are not part of the culture. For the love of the Emperor, stop focusing on that!”
Doog: “Sorry. I’m easily distracted.”
Amaya: “Swimsuits are not part of the culture. For the love of the Emperor, stop focusing on that!”
Doog: “Sorry. I’m easily distracted.”
Doog: “Ustulari culture is all about being laid-back and carefree.”
Seitse: “I think I’d describe it as living in the moment. Appreciating the world as it is right now.”
Cam: “I was leaning towards a self-reflective culture. You know, learning about yourself without all the modern distractions like technology.”
Mike: “I was catching island vibes. I’m thinking like a surfer culture or something.”
Amaya: “Interesting.”
Doog: “Interesting? I’m trying to do a show here, and suddenly the whole crew thinks they’re philosophers!”
Amaya: “I just think it’s interesting that everyone has interpreted the Ustulari culture differently.”
Seitse: “I think I’d describe it as living in the moment. Appreciating the world as it is right now.”
Cam: “I was leaning towards a self-reflective culture. You know, learning about yourself without all the modern distractions like technology.”
Mike: “I was catching island vibes. I’m thinking like a surfer culture or something.”
Amaya: “Interesting.”
Doog: “Interesting? I’m trying to do a show here, and suddenly the whole crew thinks they’re philosophers!”
Amaya: “I just think it’s interesting that everyone has interpreted the Ustulari culture differently.”
Doog: “This little resort town has a lot to offer, whether you’re feeling laid-back or reflective or whatever surf-thing Mike was talking about. There are these boardwalk complexes where you can be fishing one moment and shopping the next. Taking in the turquoise seas at dawn and doing rail shots at dusk.”
Oldie: “Did too many of those…”
Mike: “As did we all.”
Cam: “Sometimes, we combined those activities. Remember drinking every time we didn’t catch a fish?”
Doog: “I actually don’t.”
Cam: “That’s because we never caught a fish!”
Oldie: “Did too many of those…”
Mike: “As did we all.”
Cam: “Sometimes, we combined those activities. Remember drinking every time we didn’t catch a fish?”
Doog: “I actually don’t.”
Cam: “That’s because we never caught a fish!”
Doog: “While my impairment might have clouded my fishing memories, one thing I’ll never forget about Ustulare is the live Ustulari music.”
Mike: “The music sells those island vibes I was talking about. That rhythmic, up-tempo sound just screams island music.”
Seitse: “What islands are you referring to? Because, this music is new to me, and I literally grew up on Uxores, an island planet.”
Doog: “To be fair, Uxores isn’t an upbeat place like Ustulare.”
Mike: “Call it whatever you want. The music personifies the beach for me.”
Cam: “To me, it’s dancing music, because every time I hear it, I want to dance.”
Doog: “Please don’t dance in your speedo again. There’s not enough alcohol in this resort town to erase that memory from my mind.”
Oldie: “Speaking of dancing, it finally dawned upon me. Ustulari music reminds me of polka music. Polka on steroids…and maybe speed.”
Amaya: “One of the band members is playing a Buccini, which is not a local instrument. It’s hard to call this authentic Ustulari music.”
Doog: “Stolen ID just modernized it a bit. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Mike: “The music sells those island vibes I was talking about. That rhythmic, up-tempo sound just screams island music.”
Seitse: “What islands are you referring to? Because, this music is new to me, and I literally grew up on Uxores, an island planet.”
Doog: “To be fair, Uxores isn’t an upbeat place like Ustulare.”
Mike: “Call it whatever you want. The music personifies the beach for me.”
Cam: “To me, it’s dancing music, because every time I hear it, I want to dance.”
Doog: “Please don’t dance in your speedo again. There’s not enough alcohol in this resort town to erase that memory from my mind.”
Oldie: “Speaking of dancing, it finally dawned upon me. Ustulari music reminds me of polka music. Polka on steroids…and maybe speed.”
Amaya: “One of the band members is playing a Buccini, which is not a local instrument. It’s hard to call this authentic Ustulari music.”
Doog: “Stolen ID just modernized it a bit. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Doog: “Ustulari cuisine is another thing I’ll never forget.”
Amaya: “You guys have eaten nothing but burgers and tacos since we got here.”
Cam: “To be fair, their authentic food is orange flowers. As a meat-guy, I could never survive on that.”
Oldie: “Those flowers are hard to chew, and before anyone says it, it’s not because I have dentures!”
Mike: “Chewy and surprisingly sour.”
Doog: “It’s not the food that is the culture, Amaya, it’s how the food is prepared. The Ustulari cook their food over these little fire pits.”
Amaya: “Barbeque?”
Doog: “No! The pit just helps. It’s the sun that does the heavy lifting,”
Cam: “Every steak is sun-kissed to perfection.”
Amaya: “The same sun that can’t give people sunburns is cooking your steaks?”
Cam: “Uhh…”
Doog: “Their ancient sun culture figured it out. Quit questioning everything!”
Amaya: “You guys have eaten nothing but burgers and tacos since we got here.”
Cam: “To be fair, their authentic food is orange flowers. As a meat-guy, I could never survive on that.”
Oldie: “Those flowers are hard to chew, and before anyone says it, it’s not because I have dentures!”
Mike: “Chewy and surprisingly sour.”
Doog: “It’s not the food that is the culture, Amaya, it’s how the food is prepared. The Ustulari cook their food over these little fire pits.”
Amaya: “Barbeque?”
Doog: “No! The pit just helps. It’s the sun that does the heavy lifting,”
Cam: “Every steak is sun-kissed to perfection.”
Amaya: “The same sun that can’t give people sunburns is cooking your steaks?”
Cam: “Uhh…”
Doog: “Their ancient sun culture figured it out. Quit questioning everything!”
Amaya: “The next thing you’re going to tell me is that the robo-chefs were built by the Ustulari.”
Doog: “They probably didn’t build them, but they are based on Ustulari biology.”
Mike: “Yeah, they have four arms like the Ustulari. The waitress told us.”
Doog: “Actual Ustulari are too busy relaxing and making sick tunes to work the sun pits. Do you really think a laid-back Ustulari would slave over a pit making food for tourists all day and night?”
Amaya: “Hard to say, considering we haven’t met an Ustulari.”
Doog: “Sure we have…I think. I’m not exactly sure what an Ustulari looks like. There’s an assortment of races here, we’ve surely come across a few.”
Mike: “Now that she says that, I don’t recall seeing anyone with four arms.”
Seitse: “I’m sensing Amaya has a reveal up her sleeve.”
Doog: “They probably didn’t build them, but they are based on Ustulari biology.”
Mike: “Yeah, they have four arms like the Ustulari. The waitress told us.”
Doog: “Actual Ustulari are too busy relaxing and making sick tunes to work the sun pits. Do you really think a laid-back Ustulari would slave over a pit making food for tourists all day and night?”
Amaya: “Hard to say, considering we haven’t met an Ustulari.”
Doog: “Sure we have…I think. I’m not exactly sure what an Ustulari looks like. There’s an assortment of races here, we’ve surely come across a few.”
Mike: “Now that she says that, I don’t recall seeing anyone with four arms.”
Seitse: “I’m sensing Amaya has a reveal up her sleeve.”
Amaya: “No big reveal. I just think wrapping up Ustulare now would be a disservice to our viewers. We’ve only seen the ‘resort’ view of the planet. It would be like summing up Mercor by the docking rings alone.”
Doog: “Meaning?”
Amaya: “I’ve arranged for you to leave the resort town and meet with an Ustulari.”
Doog: “Or, we could not do that. Maybe go fishing instead.”
Mike: “Scared?”
Doog: “Why would I be scared? The Ustulari culture has been a blast. The authentic version is probably better…right? Probably. That sun-steak thing is still messing with my head. The Buccina too.”
Doog: “Meaning?”
Amaya: “I’ve arranged for you to leave the resort town and meet with an Ustulari.”
Doog: “Or, we could not do that. Maybe go fishing instead.”
Mike: “Scared?”
Doog: “Why would I be scared? The Ustulari culture has been a blast. The authentic version is probably better…right? Probably. That sun-steak thing is still messing with my head. The Buccina too.”
Doog: “Are you sure you guys don’t want to come? We might experience even better stuff, like music and food.”
Cam: “Orange flowers are a no from me, as genuine as they may be.”
Mike: “Four arms look cool on a robot, but I’m a little wary of seeing it manifest in reality.”
Seitse: “I might have been game before I saw these walls. Why is the resort walled off?”
Doog: “There’s no doors on the walls. They are probably just for decoration.”
Oldie: “I don’t see any buildings or concert stages out there, just vast black sands.”
Doog: “That’s because you can’t see, old man!”
Oldie: “Now I’m definitely not going!”
Doog: “An hour ago, you were all philosophers of the culture! Now, you all are just going to abandon me?”
Amaya: “We’ll see you when you get back.”
Cam: “Orange flowers are a no from me, as genuine as they may be.”
Mike: “Four arms look cool on a robot, but I’m a little wary of seeing it manifest in reality.”
Seitse: “I might have been game before I saw these walls. Why is the resort walled off?”
Doog: “There’s no doors on the walls. They are probably just for decoration.”
Oldie: “I don’t see any buildings or concert stages out there, just vast black sands.”
Doog: “That’s because you can’t see, old man!”
Oldie: “Now I’m definitely not going!”
Doog: “An hour ago, you were all philosophers of the culture! Now, you all are just going to abandon me?”
Amaya: “We’ll see you when you get back.”
Doog: “It’s been a few minutes, and the beaches aren’t so empty anymore. The coastline out here is covered in orange flowers. There are the little ones they sold as food at the resort, but there’s also these massive ones. These things are bigger than me. Don’t get me wrong, they’re beautiful, just big. I wonder why they didn’t include them in the resort. I think people would enjoy them. Maybe they wouldn’t fit through the wall doorways?”
Doog: “Seriously, though, could you imagine Valentine’s Day on Ustulare? I’d hate to be that delivery guy. They might be the most impressive thing I’ve seen on Ustulare…well, except for all the bikinis. They have to play some role in Ustulari culture, right? I can’t imagine a species not admiring them, yet they aren’t included in a resort that preaches local culture.”
Doog: “Okay… I think I finally found someone. Uh… hello? Do you speak basic?”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “Never mind, you’re not an Ustulari. You’re a crab, aren’t you? Although…you’re slightly spider-adjacent, and I don’t like that.”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “You do have pinchers, so I’m back on team crab. A team I’ve been on since that brothel visit on Camana IV. Don’t tell anyone.”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “Perfect.”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “Never mind, you’re not an Ustulari. You’re a crab, aren’t you? Although…you’re slightly spider-adjacent, and I don’t like that.”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “You do have pinchers, so I’m back on team crab. A team I’ve been on since that brothel visit on Camana IV. Don’t tell anyone.”
Crab: “…”
Doog: “Perfect.”
Doog: “Another…crab? It’s giant!”
Arshanta: “Humming.”
Doog: “A singing crab? That's weird. Although, I’ve seen, and paid for, weirder.”
Arshanta: “Humming.”
Doog: “That tune sounds familiar though. That’s Stolen ID’s melody! This might be a Ustulari.”
Arshanta: “Oh, hello little one.”
Doog: “Okay, I’m right.”
Arshanta: “Hi, right. I’m Arshanta.”
Doog: “Oh, I’m not right– well, I am – but my name isn’t that. I’m Doog.”
Arshanta: “Are you lost, Doog? I can guide you back to the resort.”
Doog: “I’m not lost. I was trying to find one of your kind.”
Arshanta: “That’s a pleasant surprise. Not many of your size seek us out. Do not fear; you are welcome among us.”
Doog: “Thanks.”
Arshanta: “Humming.”
Doog: “A singing crab? That's weird. Although, I’ve seen, and paid for, weirder.”
Arshanta: “Humming.”
Doog: “That tune sounds familiar though. That’s Stolen ID’s melody! This might be a Ustulari.”
Arshanta: “Oh, hello little one.”
Doog: “Okay, I’m right.”
Arshanta: “Hi, right. I’m Arshanta.”
Doog: “Oh, I’m not right– well, I am – but my name isn’t that. I’m Doog.”
Arshanta: “Are you lost, Doog? I can guide you back to the resort.”
Doog: “I’m not lost. I was trying to find one of your kind.”
Arshanta: “That’s a pleasant surprise. Not many of your size seek us out. Do not fear; you are welcome among us.”
Doog: “Thanks.”
Arshanta: “So, Doog, the Right, why have you sought us out? Do you want more hymnals?”
Doog: “I like your music, but I’m not here for that.”
Arshanta: “That’s unusual. Most of our recent visitors seek our songs. They want recordings and such.”
Doog: “I’m sure.”
Arshanta: “Perhaps recipes?”
Doog: “Not that either. I’ve chewed leather more tender than those little tart flowers.”
Arshanta: “You eat the Pulchritas? The little ones?”
Doog: “Once, but never again.”
Arshanta: “Ha!”
Doog: “What?”
Arshanta: “The little ones are for the crabs. We do not eat those.”
Doog: “I thought that was your cuisine?”
Arshanta: “We eat the big flowers, not the little ones. That’s why we grew so tall and have so many limbs. We must reach and climb great heights to feed on the Pulchra.”
Doog: “Why would they make us eat the little crab flowers?!”
Arshanta: “They are easier to reach and more abundant?”
Doog: “You mentioned recipes. You guys must have told the LIU your sun secrets to make the little ones edible?”
Arshanta: “Sun secrets? Is that what they’re saying now?”
Doog: “You don’t cook things with the sun?”
Arshanta: “Food, no. Ideas, yes. We love bathing in the sun while contemplating our hymns and poems. The sun gives us energy and inspiration. You’ve been gaslighted.”
Doog: “I like your music, but I’m not here for that.”
Arshanta: “That’s unusual. Most of our recent visitors seek our songs. They want recordings and such.”
Doog: “I’m sure.”
Arshanta: “Perhaps recipes?”
Doog: “Not that either. I’ve chewed leather more tender than those little tart flowers.”
Arshanta: “You eat the Pulchritas? The little ones?”
Doog: “Once, but never again.”
Arshanta: “Ha!”
Doog: “What?”
Arshanta: “The little ones are for the crabs. We do not eat those.”
Doog: “I thought that was your cuisine?”
Arshanta: “We eat the big flowers, not the little ones. That’s why we grew so tall and have so many limbs. We must reach and climb great heights to feed on the Pulchra.”
Doog: “Why would they make us eat the little crab flowers?!”
Arshanta: “They are easier to reach and more abundant?”
Doog: “You mentioned recipes. You guys must have told the LIU your sun secrets to make the little ones edible?”
Arshanta: “Sun secrets? Is that what they’re saying now?”
Doog: “You don’t cook things with the sun?”
Arshanta: “Food, no. Ideas, yes. We love bathing in the sun while contemplating our hymns and poems. The sun gives us energy and inspiration. You’ve been gaslighted.”
Doog: “I don’t understand?”
Arshanta: “The LIU stole our culture, corrupted it, and resold it as a hook for their vacation destination. They manipulated the sound of our hymns, mistranslated our poems, and changed its pacing to develop a ‘music culture’. They purposely exaggerated our cooking prowess to sell more food, and invented a sun-cooking method to sound more exotic. They twisted our insightful sun meditations as lazy and lethargic to support a relaxed, careless state of mind.”
Doog: “What about the fishing?”
Arshanta: “Fishing? An incorrect embodiment of the patient, tranquil state of our species. Surely, we must have been fishermen, said the LIU. However, there were no fish on Ustulare.”
Doog: “That’s why I couldn’t catch one!”
Arshanta: “There were none at the start, but the LIU released millions of fish into our oceans as a tourist perk. The tourists, while plentiful, don’t catch enough to thwart ecological damage. They’re thinning the crab population, as we speak, by eating their aquatic young.”
Doog: “That’s why I didn’t see any Ustulare crabs in the resort!”
Arshanta: “The resorts have the strongest concentrations of fish, therefore almost no crab juveniles.”
Doog: “Is that why I don’t see your kind at the resort? The fish?”
Arshanta: “No. We breed inland, in the flower hills.”
Doog: “Then why aren't you guys at the resort?”
Arshanta: “The LIU didn’t want their luxury resorts plagued by large scary beings. They purposely built towns where my people wouldn’t fit. At first, it was doors to city locations, eventually, it became doors to the whole town. They also removed our food source from the area. I believe it is called hostile architecture. "
Doog: "That's terrible."
Arshanta: "They could take our culture, but not our size. PS…perfect sun to most…. proper scale to us. You must be this tall to enter.”
Doog: “Um…sorry. You’re super chill and friendly, and I’m sure you’d convince anyone who’s met you to allow you into the town.”
Arshanta: “Thanks you, but there's nothing there of interest to my people, just corrupted appropriations of our culture."
Arshanta: “The LIU stole our culture, corrupted it, and resold it as a hook for their vacation destination. They manipulated the sound of our hymns, mistranslated our poems, and changed its pacing to develop a ‘music culture’. They purposely exaggerated our cooking prowess to sell more food, and invented a sun-cooking method to sound more exotic. They twisted our insightful sun meditations as lazy and lethargic to support a relaxed, careless state of mind.”
Doog: “What about the fishing?”
Arshanta: “Fishing? An incorrect embodiment of the patient, tranquil state of our species. Surely, we must have been fishermen, said the LIU. However, there were no fish on Ustulare.”
Doog: “That’s why I couldn’t catch one!”
Arshanta: “There were none at the start, but the LIU released millions of fish into our oceans as a tourist perk. The tourists, while plentiful, don’t catch enough to thwart ecological damage. They’re thinning the crab population, as we speak, by eating their aquatic young.”
Doog: “That’s why I didn’t see any Ustulare crabs in the resort!”
Arshanta: “The resorts have the strongest concentrations of fish, therefore almost no crab juveniles.”
Doog: “Is that why I don’t see your kind at the resort? The fish?”
Arshanta: “No. We breed inland, in the flower hills.”
Doog: “Then why aren't you guys at the resort?”
Arshanta: “The LIU didn’t want their luxury resorts plagued by large scary beings. They purposely built towns where my people wouldn’t fit. At first, it was doors to city locations, eventually, it became doors to the whole town. They also removed our food source from the area. I believe it is called hostile architecture. "
Doog: "That's terrible."
Arshanta: "They could take our culture, but not our size. PS…perfect sun to most…. proper scale to us. You must be this tall to enter.”
Doog: “Um…sorry. You’re super chill and friendly, and I’m sure you’d convince anyone who’s met you to allow you into the town.”
Arshanta: “Thanks you, but there's nothing there of interest to my people, just corrupted appropriations of our culture."
Doog: “Well folks, that’s Ustulare. In LIU pamphlet form, it’s a perfect place for a holiday. It checks all the relaxion marks. But, upon deeper examination, this idealized vacation spot only got its popularity through cultural appropriation, misinterpreted customs, and biological barricades. Something like that. Oh well, see ya!”
Note: This episode of LIU Atlas is sponsored by the LIU Travel Bureau. Perfect Sun City™ on Ustulare offers the ultimate off-world escape for travelers. Bathed in year-round, skin-safe sunlight and bordered by pristine black-sand beaches, this premier resort destination blends authentic Ustulari culture with modern luxury. Guests can enjoy vibrant live music, expertly crafted solar cuisine, crystal clear fishing piers, and thoughtfully designed walkways for effortless exploration. From sunrise relaxation to nightlife excitement, Perfect Sun City delivers a flawlessly scaled experience where comfort, beauty, and tranquility come together. Discover paradise…perfected.
Note: This episode of LIU Atlas is sponsored by the LIU Travel Bureau. Perfect Sun City™ on Ustulare offers the ultimate off-world escape for travelers. Bathed in year-round, skin-safe sunlight and bordered by pristine black-sand beaches, this premier resort destination blends authentic Ustulari culture with modern luxury. Guests can enjoy vibrant live music, expertly crafted solar cuisine, crystal clear fishing piers, and thoughtfully designed walkways for effortless exploration. From sunrise relaxation to nightlife excitement, Perfect Sun City delivers a flawlessly scaled experience where comfort, beauty, and tranquility come together. Discover paradise…perfected.
Note 2: Check out Stolen ID's newest track, Ustulari Shores:
