Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

                                                                LIU Atlas - Vastitas

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Vastitas. Vastitas is classified as a moderately hot desert planet. Vastitas receives less than one inch of precipitation a solar cycle and has no native vegetation."

Doog: "I've landed on Vastitas' Southern Hemisphere in what is known as the Oleum Plains."

Doog: "Today, I'm joined by Vastitas' Regional Supervisor Al-Aqaba. How are you Al?"
Al: "I am doing great Doog. I'd prefer if you call Al-Aqaba or even Aqaba, but I've seen your show enough times to know that's not going to happen."
Doog: "You know it Al. So, what can you tell us about Vastitas?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas is a desert planet that is abundant in several natural resources. We mine these resources and ship them to other planets in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "And what is that you are carrying in your hand?"

Al: "Ah, this is my LIU Personal Sun Shield. When deployed like this, it shields me from solar radiation."
Doog: "Solar radiation?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas’ star emits tons of radiation. It's the main reason the planet is so devoid of life."
Doog: "So...where is my Sun Shield?"
Al: "I only brought one Doog."
Doog: "Of course you did..."

Al: "Ah, our transport has arrived Doog."
Doog: "What is this?"
Al: "This Doog, is the LIU Quad-Velocicopter. It's one of the few transports that function reliably in the dust filled atmosphere of Vastitas."
Doog: "And where will it take us?"
Al: "Well Doog, I was thinking that we would check out the oil fields first."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Al: "Vast oil deposits were discovered in Vastitas' southern hemisphere several hundred years ago. Large rigs, like this, were built to extract the oil."

Al: "These large pipes extend for hundreds of miles under Vastitas' surface. They bring the oil up from various wells in the area."

Doog: "Al, I can't see anything from down here. How do we get to the top?"

Al: "Well Doog, my LIU Sun Shield has a built in gravity lift allowing me to fly short distances. I can fly us to the entrance."

Doog: "I can't believe you have a flying umbrella Al. In fact, it's so cool I've decided to stop calling you Al."
Al: "Hey! Thanks Doog."
Doog: "No problem Mary."
Al: "Wait... What? Why are you calling my Mary now."
Doog: "Because your flying umbrella reminds me of Mary Poppins."
Al: "Whatever Doog. I'll wait here. You can check out the rig without me."

Doog: "Well folks, I'm now joined by Platform Engineer Haut Azim. What do you do here Haut?"
Haut: "As you said Doog. I am a platform engineer. It is my job to run this entire rig. I monitor pressure on the storage tanks behind me and tighten valves like this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to tightening this valve."
Doog: "It looks like it's already tight to me. I mean seriously, how often do you tighten this one valve?"
Haut: "Look Doog, a five year old could run this rig. I mean, heck, most of it run by computers anyway. The only thing the computer can't do is tighten valves, so, I don't care if I have to tighten this same valve a thousand times a day, I'm going to do it. And Doog, I swear you better not use that on your show. I don't want to lose this job."
Doog: "I wouldn't dream of it..."

Doog: "Well, I'm back here with Mary. Where are we now?"
Al: "Look Doog. Can we drop this Mary thing. I mean, it's a LIU Sun Shield with built in gravity lift, not a magic umbrella."
Doog: "Aww, you know what would make you feel better? A spoon full of sugar."
Al: "Whatever Doog. We are now a few miles from the rig on one of the local oil fields."
Doog: "And what is this thing?"

Al: "This is a pump jack. The pump jacks pump oil closer to the surface where it is then taken by underground pipes to the nearby rig."
Doog: "Exciting stuff. So what's next?"
Al: "Well Doog, the LIU had to find a way to utilize the vast spaces between the pump jacks and rigs. They couldn't let the land go to waste. So they imported thousands of desert dwelling Cyclopians."

Doog: "Imported Cyclopians?"
Al: "Yes Doog. The Cyclopian race originated from a desert planet. They are well suited for this environment."
Doog: "And how do Cyclopians help the LIU profit?"
Al: "Well, the Cyclopians were also allowed to bring herds of Ojo Beetles. Ojo Beetles are from the same planet as
the Cyclopians and are equally suited for this environment. The Ojo Beetles' eggs are delicacy and highly profitable.

Doog: "How do they control them? I mean, they look big and mean."
Al: "Oh, they're not mean at all. They've been domesticated for thousands of years now. Besides, they use these static spears to keep them in line. These spears get electrically charged by the large volumes of dust blowing through the air."

Doog: "That's cool, but I was actually talking about the Cyclopians. How does the LIU control them. I know they've been linked to a crime increase around the universe."
Al: "Well, that is somewhat true. The Universal Space Police have had their hands full with some of the Cyclopians, but that's because they didn't integrate well into society. When they are left in a native environment, away from society, they do quite well."

Al: "Oh look Doog, their Ojo Beetle is starting to lay eggs. These eggs are boxed up and transported back to their village."
Doog: "Can we see their village?"
Al: "Sure."

Al: "The Cyclopians here on Vastitas have maintained their family tribal structures. They live in small villages, like this one, with their family tribal group."

Doog: "Eww! What is that Mary?"
Al: "That Doog, is a baby Cyclopian. Its skin pigment has yet to turn yellow. Most baby Cyclopians are still green like this. If you look to the baby's right, you'll see the tribal chief and his wife. Cyclopian females are forbidden from showing their skin."

Doog: "The whole group sleeps in that little hut?"
Al: "Well Doog, they don't have many resources. The LIU doesn't supply them with much."
Doog: "I thought you said Ojo Beetle eggs were profitable?"
Al: "They are profitable for the LIU, but not the Cyclopians. The LIU only trades a few barrels a water for the eggs. The Cyclopians are forced to accept the offer because there is almost no natural water on Vastitas."

Doog: "Well folks, our LIU Quad-Velocicopter has picked us up and we are now flying north to the region known as the Pall Rocklands. The Pall Rocklands circle the entire planet and are clearly visible from space. What caused this unusual band to form around the planet Mary?"

Al: "Well, it appears that Vastitas once had a small moon. Several million years ago, this moon was truck by a comet or asteroid causing it to break up into thousands of pieces. These pieces eventually fell down to Vastitas' surface, creating this distinct band."

Al: "It is believed that this catastrophic event made Vastitas the dry desert planet it is today. Fortunately, this event also deposited a ton of minerals in this region."
Doog: "And you guys mines these minerals?"
Al: "Precisely."

Doog: "Whoa, what's that?"
Al: "That is a LIU Automated Mine Cart. These carts transport minerals from the mines to the loading platforms in the area."
Doog: "Can we see the mines?"
Al: "Well, I'm afraid not. The LIU has banned all life forms from entering the mines on Vastitas. Only machines,
like this, are allowed to enter."
Doog: "Can we at least see the entrance Mary?"
Al: "Uh... I guess, as long as you promise not do anything stupid."
Doog: "I would never dream of doing anything stupid Mary. Trust me."

Al: "Well Doog, we're at the mine's entrance. These Automated Mine Carts drive up onto the tracks and enter the mine."
Doog: "Hmmm...I wonder what the inside of the cart's bucket looks like."

Al: "Wait! Doog what are you doing!?!"
Doog: "Relax Mary, I'm just checking out what the inside of this cart looks like...then checking out what the inside of the mine looks like."

Al: "Hey wait! What was that last part? Doog!"
Doog: "Sorry Mary. See ya soon."

Doog: "Alright viewers, I appear to be in some sort of mine. Mrs. Poppins said all life forms were banned from the inside of the mine, but I see plenty of people in here. I think I'll hop on out and interview a few of them."

Doog: "Hey there buddy. How's it going?"
Man: "Oh dear Emperor! Please help us! I've been digging for months! And...and...my friend has been VAPORIZED! Please HELP us!"

Doog: "Wow, what a downer. Let's see if we can find someone a little less crazy to talk with. Aha, that guy over there looks good."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog. Who are you?"
Bot #1: "I am a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot, model #SL4V3DR1V3R, unit number 1. Now, return to work immediately.
Doog: "Oh, you must be mistaken, I'm the host of LIU Atlas. I don't work here, in fact, I really don't work period. I just walk around on all these strange planets with a microphone."

Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "Geez, does everyone down here have a case of the stupids. I'll say it real slow for you. I...don't...work..."

Doog: "OWWWWWWWWW. What the heck man! That hurt."
Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "OK, OK, but I don't have a shovel. I'm just going to walk over there and get one....OWWWWWW! Dang it will you stop that. OWWWWWW!

Doog: "Somebody help me! Why are you guys all standing around digging, I need HELP!"

Doog: "Please Mr. Productivity Bot. I don't work here."
Bot #1: "Repeated attempts have been made to enhance this worker's productivity with negative results. Uploading request for use of deadly force. Please stand by."
Doog: "WHAT!"

Al: "Doog you idiot! I told not to come down here. Hurry up and jump inside."
Doog: "Thank the Emperor, Mary! This thing is crazy. Let's get out of here!"

Doog: "What the heck was that Mary? Are those...slaves?"
Al: "Of course not Doog. Slavery is banned by several Universal Accords. These are just "involunteers". They don't want to do the this job and are forced down here, but they do get paid, in the form of free housing and food."
Doog: "That sure sounds like slavery to me Mary."
Al: "Well, it's not. So shut up about it. The LIU isn't going to be happy if you keep saying that."
Doog: "True. Well, where is this cart taking us?"
Al: "Hopefully, to a loading area where we can get out of here."

Bot #2: "A cart approaches. Get prepared to load immediately.

Involunteer: "OWWW! The cart hasn't even pulled up yet! Why are you shocking me!"

Doog: “Er...this cart's full. Thanks anyway though. Uhh, thanks for your involuntary service, I guess."

Doog: "Mary and I have finally escaped the mines. The LIU has forbidden us from showing our escape route, just in case an involunteer accidentally sees this show. We've exited the mines to the north and we are now in the Vermis Plains."

Doog: "Well Mary, where are we now?"
Al: "As you said, we are in the Vermis Plains. These plains, while still dry, are one of the wetter regions of Vastitas. It actually has enough water to support the growth of various species of Sand Algae. It is also home to one of Vastitas' few native species, the Vermis Worm."
Doog: "Vermis Worm?"
Al: "Yes Doog, Vermis Worms feed on algae growing in the sand, but they are opportunistic predators, they will eat anything they can find."
Doog: "Like us?"
Al: "Yes. Like us."
Doog: "What's the rumbling Mary?"

Al: "RUN Doog! We've got worms!"

Doog: "It's coming for us Mary! I think it's time to use that magic umbrella!"
Al: "Grab on Doog!"
Doog: "This umbrella is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary!"

Doog: "Well folks, anytime I almost die more than once on a single planet I call it quits. Besides, I have sand in places that will make a grown man cry. See ya next time!"

Note:

"Several images shot for LIU Atlas Vastitas were done with our new LIU Remote Hover Camera. When your camera man is too scared or unable to follow you, you can use this new remotely controlled camera to get your shots."


CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago