There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Teloneo Toll Station
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Teloneo Toll Station that’s located in the Mid-Rim just outside of the Gamma Spiral. The station sits at the start of the Teloneo Toll Route, a hyperspace route that’s a shortcut between the Marinjae Hyperspace Route and the Corcot Run. As the name implies, the toll route is not free. You have to pay to enter the route. To stop people from using the route for free, the station has a gravity anchor. It’s that large sphere at the bottom. It can pull a ship out of hyperspace. We’ll have to stop and pay the toll.”
Doog: “I can’t believe there’s a three hour wait time.”
Seitse: “It’s still less time than taking the long way.”
Doog: “You’ve been with us for a month, and you’re already an expert navigator. Typical wife behavior.”
Amaya: “You don’t have to be an expert to realize three hours is shorter than three weeks. And Seitse isn’t your wife!”
Doog: “Yeah, yeah. It was just a joke. Did we ever decide what we’re doing with her?”
Amaya: “I’m thinking about bringing her into the crew. Navigator, co-pilot, or something along those lines.”
Doog: “How can we afford that?”
Amaya: “I’ll worry about that. You just need to worry about doing whatever it is that you do.”
Doog: “Uh, I’m the TV personality. I’m the reason we’re all here.”
Seitse: “Maybe you two should get married. You fight all the time.”
Amaya: “Gross.”
Doog: “Yeah, gross.”
Seitse: “It’s still less time than taking the long way.”
Doog: “You’ve been with us for a month, and you’re already an expert navigator. Typical wife behavior.”
Amaya: “You don’t have to be an expert to realize three hours is shorter than three weeks. And Seitse isn’t your wife!”
Doog: “Yeah, yeah. It was just a joke. Did we ever decide what we’re doing with her?”
Amaya: “I’m thinking about bringing her into the crew. Navigator, co-pilot, or something along those lines.”
Doog: “How can we afford that?”
Amaya: “I’ll worry about that. You just need to worry about doing whatever it is that you do.”
Doog: “Uh, I’m the TV personality. I’m the reason we’re all here.”
Seitse: “Maybe you two should get married. You fight all the time.”
Amaya: “Gross.”
Doog: “Yeah, gross.”
Amaya: “What is taking Oldie so long? I want to use these three hours to do a little shopping.”
Doog: “Oldie is old. Everything takes him longer than it should.”
Cam: “You’re both forgetting the cargo hold incident.”
Doog: “Oh crap! Forgot about that. Don’t strike any deals, Oldie!”
Amaya: “What’s the ‘cargo hold incident’?”
Doog: “Oldie is notoriously cheap. One time, he booked us a trip, and we had to ride in a cargo hold with a bunch of pigs, just to save a few bucks.”
Cam: “Yeah, I bet he’s trying to get a reduced toll by signing us up to be janitors for three hours.”
Doog: “Oldie is old. Everything takes him longer than it should.”
Cam: “You’re both forgetting the cargo hold incident.”
Doog: “Oh crap! Forgot about that. Don’t strike any deals, Oldie!”
Amaya: “What’s the ‘cargo hold incident’?”
Doog: “Oldie is notoriously cheap. One time, he booked us a trip, and we had to ride in a cargo hold with a bunch of pigs, just to save a few bucks.”
Cam: “Yeah, I bet he’s trying to get a reduced toll by signing us up to be janitors for three hours.”
Oldie: “These people are strict. I couldn’t work out any deals. The toll is a firm two hundred credits.”
Doog: “Phew.”
Amaya: “Alright, we have three hours to kill. Seitse and I are going shopping. Anyone else want to come?”
Oldie: “I’ll tag along. I’m hoping they have pony soup in stock.”
Doog: “Phew.”
Amaya: “Alright, we have three hours to kill. Seitse and I are going shopping. Anyone else want to come?”
Oldie: “I’ll tag along. I’m hoping they have pony soup in stock.”
Mike: “I know what Doog and I are doing for three hours. Well, the first fifteen minutes of it, at least. Look what I found on the information kiosk.”
Doog: “What is that? A menu?”
Mike: “Yeah, but look what they’re selling! Top of the list!”
Doog: “Does that say hors?”
Mike: “Yeah! Their spelling is atrocious, but I’m still game.”
Doog: “What is that? A menu?”
Mike: “Yeah, but look what they’re selling! Top of the list!”
Doog: “Does that say hors?”
Mike: “Yeah! Their spelling is atrocious, but I’m still game.”
Doog: “I’ll race you there!”
Mike: “There’s illiterate hors to pillage!”
Amaya: “They know that says hors d’oeuvres, right?”
Oldie: “I don’t think they do.”
Amaya: “Idiots.”
Mike: “There’s illiterate hors to pillage!”
Amaya: “They know that says hors d’oeuvres, right?”
Oldie: “I don’t think they do.”
Amaya: “Idiots.”
Amaya: “Maybe shopping can wait. I want to see this embarrassment play out.”
Oldie: “I hope there’s a popcorn stand on the way. This is going to be good.”
Oldie: “I hope there’s a popcorn stand on the way. This is going to be good.”
Amaya: “Cam, Timbo…you guys coming?”
Cam: “Nah, I think I’m just going to chill here and watch the cargo trains.”
Timbo: “Me too. Doog is an embarrassment all the time. This is nothing new.”
Cam: “Nah, I think I’m just going to chill here and watch the cargo trains.”
Timbo: “Me too. Doog is an embarrassment all the time. This is nothing new.”
Mike: “Where are they!?”
Doog: “There’s no indication where anything is around here. How do we find anything?”
Doog: “There’s no indication where anything is around here. How do we find anything?”
Mike: “Wait! This has got to be the place! Look at the window decals.”
Doog: “I think you’re right. I don’t see the Presciant word for brothel, but they’re bad spellers, remember?”
Mike: “There’s only one way to find out.”
Doog: “I think you’re right. I don’t see the Presciant word for brothel, but they’re bad spellers, remember?”
Mike: “There’s only one way to find out.”
Oldie: “Maybe they figured it out. They just went into a seafood restaurant.”
Amaya: “I don’t know, but if they didn’t catch on yet…”
Oldie: “…this might go from funny to criminal.”
Amaya: “Exactly.”
Seitse: “The sign says ‘Grandma's Crab Shack’. How could they mix that up with a brothel?”
Amaya: “They don’t read Presciant.”
Seitse: “There’s dancing crabs around the outside of the building.”
Amaya: “They’re unobservant idiots.”
Oldie: “I’ll go to the ATM. We’ll probably need bail money.”
Amaya: “I don’t know, but if they didn’t catch on yet…”
Oldie: “…this might go from funny to criminal.”
Amaya: “Exactly.”
Seitse: “The sign says ‘Grandma's Crab Shack’. How could they mix that up with a brothel?”
Amaya: “They don’t read Presciant.”
Seitse: “There’s dancing crabs around the outside of the building.”
Amaya: “They’re unobservant idiots.”
Oldie: “I’ll go to the ATM. We’ll probably need bail money.”
Employee: “Welcome gentlemen. Are you guys here for the crabs?”
Doog: “Wow, most places aren’t so straightforward with that question. I like your honesty.”
Employee: “So…is that a yes?”
Doog: “Absolutely, bring on the crabs. I just had my medication refilled, so I’ll be fine.”
Employee: “Uh…ok. Will you be together?”
Doog: “Eww! Not a chance. We’re separate.”
Doog: “Wow, most places aren’t so straightforward with that question. I like your honesty.”
Employee: “So…is that a yes?”
Doog: “Absolutely, bring on the crabs. I just had my medication refilled, so I’ll be fine.”
Employee: “Uh…ok. Will you be together?”
Doog: “Eww! Not a chance. We’re separate.”
Employee: “Alright sir, is a public table ok, or would you like a private room?”
Doog: “A public table? Heck no. I want the private room. No one needs to see what I’m about to do.”
Mike: “I want a private room too.”
Employee: “I’m sorry. There’s only one private room open at this time.”
Doog: “Looks like you’re going to have to wait, buddy.”
Mike: “How long of a wait is it?”
Employee: “It might be a few hours. There’s a party of twelve in there.”
Doog: “A party of twelve! Yikes!”
Mike: “Gross. I don’t want a room after a party of twelve. Doog, let me in your room.”
Doog: “What! No way!”
Mike: “We can figure something out.”
Doog: “Fine. We’ll take the private room together. But for the record, we’re not together. And we want separate goods. We don’t want to share.”
Employee: “So, private room, party of two, but you are not together. Got it. Let’s get you in there, and get you those crabs.”
Doog: “A public table? Heck no. I want the private room. No one needs to see what I’m about to do.”
Mike: “I want a private room too.”
Employee: “I’m sorry. There’s only one private room open at this time.”
Doog: “Looks like you’re going to have to wait, buddy.”
Mike: “How long of a wait is it?”
Employee: “It might be a few hours. There’s a party of twelve in there.”
Doog: “A party of twelve! Yikes!”
Mike: “Gross. I don’t want a room after a party of twelve. Doog, let me in your room.”
Doog: “What! No way!”
Mike: “We can figure something out.”
Doog: “Fine. We’ll take the private room together. But for the record, we’re not together. And we want separate goods. We don’t want to share.”
Employee: “So, private room, party of two, but you are not together. Got it. Let’s get you in there, and get you those crabs.”
Employee: “Here you are. I’m going to go and grab some wine. I’ll be right back.”
Doog: “Bring a friend with you. We don’t want to share, remember?”
Employee: “You want two separate servers?”
Doog: “Servers…I like that title. Yes. Two servers, please.”
Doog: “Bring a friend with you. We don’t want to share, remember?”
Employee: “You want two separate servers?”
Doog: “Servers…I like that title. Yes. Two servers, please.”
Doog: “How is this going to work!?”
Mike: “We need some ground rules. Firstly, no sounds. I don’t want to hear what you’re doing over there.”
Doog: “Agreed. What about the visual situation? Do we face separate walls or something? Maybe close our eyes?”
Mike: “Eyes closed, I think.”
Doog: “Alright. Eyes-closed and no sounds. You stay over there, and I’ll stay over here.”
Mike: “Deal. Let’s close our eyes now. I want to get undressed.”
Mike: “We need some ground rules. Firstly, no sounds. I don’t want to hear what you’re doing over there.”
Doog: “Agreed. What about the visual situation? Do we face separate walls or something? Maybe close our eyes?”
Mike: “Eyes closed, I think.”
Doog: “Alright. Eyes-closed and no sounds. You stay over there, and I’ll stay over here.”
Mike: “Deal. Let’s close our eyes now. I want to get undressed.”
Employee: “I brought some…WHAT IN THE WORLD!”
Doog: “Ladies, we have an eyes-closed situation going on. You are going to have to come to us.”
Employee: “SICKOS! WHY ARE YOU NAKED!!”
Guy: “Call for security!”
Mike: “Wait, what for? And who ordered a guy?”
Doog: “Aren’t people supposed to be naked in brothels? Is Mike really ugly naked or something? Also, the guy voice is scaring me too.”
Employee: “THIS ISN’T A BROTHEL, YOU DISGUSTING FREAKS! THIS IS A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT!”
Mike: “Uh…I see how this might be awkward.”
Doog: “I should have guessed by the crab comment. They never warn you ahead of time.”
Doog: “Ladies, we have an eyes-closed situation going on. You are going to have to come to us.”
Employee: “SICKOS! WHY ARE YOU NAKED!!”
Guy: “Call for security!”
Mike: “Wait, what for? And who ordered a guy?”
Doog: “Aren’t people supposed to be naked in brothels? Is Mike really ugly naked or something? Also, the guy voice is scaring me too.”
Employee: “THIS ISN’T A BROTHEL, YOU DISGUSTING FREAKS! THIS IS A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT!”
Mike: “Uh…I see how this might be awkward.”
Doog: “I should have guessed by the crab comment. They never warn you ahead of time.”
Mike: “It’s over for us. Indecent exposure. Security literally caught us with our pants down.”
Doog: “Jail isn’t that bad if you remember a few rules. Don’t drop the soap, shank the first guy you see, and never, never, never play hide the pickle. I don’t know how they conned me into that one, but that game is not nearly as fun as it sounds.”
Doog: “Jail isn’t that bad if you remember a few rules. Don’t drop the soap, shank the first guy you see, and never, never, never play hide the pickle. I don’t know how they conned me into that one, but that game is not nearly as fun as it sounds.”
Security: “Are your friends really that stupid?”
Oldie: “We have hundreds of hours of footage as evidence.”
Security: “Well, despite the disturbing visual the employees witnessed, no real damage seems to have been done. As long as you compensate the restaurant for the private room and their cleaning cost, I think we’ll let your friends go free. They are banned from Teloneo Toll Station for life, though.”
Amaya: “Fair enough.”
Security: “You may want to compensate the victims as well. They aren’t taking this well.”
Oldie: “We have hundreds of hours of footage as evidence.”
Security: “Well, despite the disturbing visual the employees witnessed, no real damage seems to have been done. As long as you compensate the restaurant for the private room and their cleaning cost, I think we’ll let your friends go free. They are banned from Teloneo Toll Station for life, though.”
Amaya: “Fair enough.”
Security: “You may want to compensate the victims as well. They aren’t taking this well.”
Employee: “I can’t get rid of the visual. I just want to burn the eyes out of my head!”
Guy: “It was like a scene from a horror movie. I won’t sleep for weeks.”
Amaya: “Give them the bail money, Oldie.”
Oldie: “All of it?”
Amaya: “Yes. All of it. Those poor people.”
Guy: “It was like a scene from a horror movie. I won’t sleep for weeks.”
Amaya: “Give them the bail money, Oldie.”
Oldie: “All of it?”
Amaya: “Yes. All of it. Those poor people.”
Mike: “I don’t want to go to a place where I have to tell people I don’t want to play ‘Hide the Pickle’. I think I might cry.”
Amaya: “Well, you two bozos lucked out this time. I talked security into cutting your sentence in half. You only have to do six years.”
Doog: “Six years!”
Mike: “Nooo!”
Amaya: “Just kidding. We just had to pay some fines and reimburse the victims. No biggie.”
Doog: “You don’t sound mad?”
Amaya: “Are you kidding? I bought the security footage of the whole incident. This is definitely becoming an episode. Hilarious stuff!”
Doog: “Can we not do that?”
Amaya: “Can you reimburse me a thousand credits?”
Doog: “No. Probably not. I want to save the few credits I have left to find the hors. Mike and I won’t get the wrong place this time.”
Amaya: “It’s hors d’oeuvres, not whores! Also, you’re banned from here for life. We’re taking you back to the ship.”
Doog: “Dang it. Fine.”
Amaya: “Well, you two bozos lucked out this time. I talked security into cutting your sentence in half. You only have to do six years.”
Doog: “Six years!”
Mike: “Nooo!”
Amaya: “Just kidding. We just had to pay some fines and reimburse the victims. No biggie.”
Doog: “You don’t sound mad?”
Amaya: “Are you kidding? I bought the security footage of the whole incident. This is definitely becoming an episode. Hilarious stuff!”
Doog: “Can we not do that?”
Amaya: “Can you reimburse me a thousand credits?”
Doog: “No. Probably not. I want to save the few credits I have left to find the hors. Mike and I won’t get the wrong place this time.”
Amaya: “It’s hors d’oeuvres, not whores! Also, you’re banned from here for life. We’re taking you back to the ship.”
Doog: “Dang it. Fine.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s the Teloneo Toll Station. You come here to pay tolls in order to use the Teloneo Toll Route. Beware of the false advertising around the station, though. You might make a tiny little mistake like Mike and I did. The businesses here need signs indicating they are not brothels! How can you tell otherwise? It takes a toll on you. Get it, toll! Oh well. See ya!”
Note: By default, Doog and Mike are banned from Teloneo Toll Station #2, which sits at the other end of the hyperspace route.
Note: By default, Doog and Mike are banned from Teloneo Toll Station #2, which sits at the other end of the hyperspace route.
