There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
LIU Atlas - Segnis Station
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Amaya: “Well, you boys ready to start the next season?”
Doog: “What! We just finished the last season! What about our between seasons break!”
Amaya: “I hate to break this to you, but we did the season finale around a black hole. Even though we were half a light year away, we experienced time dilation.”
Doog: “Wait. What?”
Mike: “Those few days we spent on Susurri…translated to two weeks?”
Amaya: “More or less.”
Doog: “Aw man. I had so much planned for this break. I was going to read books, exercise, shower…well, I guess there’s next year.”
Doog: “What! We just finished the last season! What about our between seasons break!”
Amaya: “I hate to break this to you, but we did the season finale around a black hole. Even though we were half a light year away, we experienced time dilation.”
Doog: “Wait. What?”
Mike: “Those few days we spent on Susurri…translated to two weeks?”
Amaya: “More or less.”
Doog: “Aw man. I had so much planned for this break. I was going to read books, exercise, shower…well, I guess there’s next year.”
Amaya: “I thought we’d start off the new season by visiting a Segnis Station. Seitse has been studying hard, and I think she’s ready to get her pilot license. We do a show and get an official co-pilot. Two birds with one stone.”
Doog: “Or, we could extend our vacation and do neither of those things. No birds and get stoned.”
Seitse: “Yeah, who cares about Seitse and her accomplishments. I only spent every spare second of this last year reading manuals, doing computer simulations, and practicing with Hugo. Forget about all of that. Let’s extend our break by a week.”
Doog: “See, Seitse gets it.”
Amaya: “She was being sarcastic. This isn’t up for debate. Hugo, find the nearest Segnis Station.”
Doog: “Or, we could extend our vacation and do neither of those things. No birds and get stoned.”
Seitse: “Yeah, who cares about Seitse and her accomplishments. I only spent every spare second of this last year reading manuals, doing computer simulations, and practicing with Hugo. Forget about all of that. Let’s extend our break by a week.”
Doog: “See, Seitse gets it.”
Amaya: “She was being sarcastic. This isn’t up for debate. Hugo, find the nearest Segnis Station.”
Doog: “Welcome to Season Twelve of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, much to my chagrin, we are visiting a Segnis Station. Segnis Stations are a creation of the Galactic Bureaucracy that’s been integrated into the LIU. They were created to give poorer, less developed worlds access to various government services. It’s where you go to get licenses, permits, and identifications. These stations are mobile, visiting less populated worlds about once a year. We’ve caught up with Segnis Station Delta near the Duodecim Nebula. Let’s get this over with.”
Amaya: “Alright. I’ve split us into two groups. We can explore more of the station this way. Doog, you’re with Hugo, Seitse, and I.”
Doog: “What! I want to go with the guys. Trade me for Timbo.”
Amaya: “That’s not happening. You and Mike can’t be left together without supervision.”
Doog: “Aw, come one. Oldie can watch us.”
Amaya: “We both know that’s not true.”
Doog: “What! I want to go with the guys. Trade me for Timbo.”
Amaya: “That’s not happening. You and Mike can’t be left together without supervision.”
Doog: “Aw, come one. Oldie can watch us.”
Amaya: “We both know that’s not true.”
Doog: “We all know that Segnis Stations are synonymous with long lines. The pilot license line is going to stretch for miles. I mean, even the line to the coffee hut is packed. If I go with you, I’ll do the whole show standing in line.”
Amaya: “Maybe. I’m betting that you’ll be able to make astute observations about the station while standing in queue.”
Doog: “Make what observations in the what?”
Amaya: “My faith might have been misplaced. I guess I’ll settle for you whining and complaining all day. That’s got to be good TV, right?”
Amaya: “Maybe. I’m betting that you’ll be able to make astute observations about the station while standing in queue.”
Doog: “Make what observations in the what?”
Amaya: “My faith might have been misplaced. I guess I’ll settle for you whining and complaining all day. That’s got to be good TV, right?”
Computer: “Now serving number eight hundred seventy-five.”
Doog: “What number are we?”
Amaya: “We don’t have a number yet.”
Doog: “Maybe we should get on that.”
Amaya: “I don’t think that numbers for the license line. I think that’s the coffee hut.”
Doog: “See! These lines are ridiculous!”
Doog: “What number are we?”
Amaya: “We don’t have a number yet.”
Doog: “Maybe we should get on that.”
Amaya: “I don’t think that numbers for the license line. I think that’s the coffee hut.”
Doog: “See! These lines are ridiculous!”
Oldie: “Eight-seventy-five? I’m only three hundred away. We’ll be throwing back some hot java in no time. Well, in like an hour or so.”
Timbo: “Do we want to waste our Doog-free time on coffee? I’m finally paired up with you guys. I want to get into some type of hijinks.”
Mike: “We don’t get into hijinks. Doog gets into hijinks. We’re collateral damage.”
Cam: “We’re the victims. If you want shenanigans, you’re in the wrong group.”
Computer: “Now serving number eight hundred seventy-six.”
Oldie: “I’m two hundred and ninety-nine hijinks from some double latte macchiatos.”
Mike: “Well, until then, maybe we should do some exploring?”
Timbo: “Do we want to waste our Doog-free time on coffee? I’m finally paired up with you guys. I want to get into some type of hijinks.”
Mike: “We don’t get into hijinks. Doog gets into hijinks. We’re collateral damage.”
Cam: “We’re the victims. If you want shenanigans, you’re in the wrong group.”
Computer: “Now serving number eight hundred seventy-six.”
Oldie: “I’m two hundred and ninety-nine hijinks from some double latte macchiatos.”
Mike: “Well, until then, maybe we should do some exploring?”
Doog: “This is insane! Ninety-three-minute wait!”
Amaya: “It is insane. I can’t believe it. We picked a good time to come.”
Doog: “A good time! How so?!”
Amaya: “I looked it up before we came. Wait time is generally two hours.”
Doog: “Ninety-three is more than two…er…do the math for me.”
Amaya: “We’re getting out of here in an hour in a half instead of two hours.”
Doog: “Still terrible, but better.”
Amaya: “It is insane. I can’t believe it. We picked a good time to come.”
Doog: “A good time! How so?!”
Amaya: “I looked it up before we came. Wait time is generally two hours.”
Doog: “Ninety-three is more than two…er…do the math for me.”
Amaya: “We’re getting out of here in an hour in a half instead of two hours.”
Doog: “Still terrible, but better.”
Doog: “What takes so long?”
Amaya: “There’s a lot of people here. This station only comes to this sector once a year.”
Amaya: “There’s a lot of people here. This station only comes to this sector once a year.”
Doog: “There’s like eight lines though. They should be able to handle the crowd.”
Amaya: “There’s six lines, and they all handle different things.”
Doog: “We have to wait in each of the lines!?”
Amaya: “Nope. Line one is for the first test, a simulation. Line two is the second test, a different simulation. If you pass those, you move to stage three, the multiple-choice test. There’s two lines for that, considering it takes ten minutes.”
Doog: “What about these other lines?”
Amaya: “They’re pretty self-explanatory. If you pass the three tests, you go to the pass line. If you fail a test, you go to the fail line.”
Doog: “I don’t know if I want to live in a galaxy where you have to wait in line if you fail.”
Amaya: “You don’t have to wait - unless, of course, you want to retake the test or contest any results. There’s a fee, though.”
Doog: “Please, by the Emperor’s Grace, pass this test the first time, Seitse! If I have to wait in this line again, I’ll murder you.”
Seitse: “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Doog.”
Amaya: “There’s six lines, and they all handle different things.”
Doog: “We have to wait in each of the lines!?”
Amaya: “Nope. Line one is for the first test, a simulation. Line two is the second test, a different simulation. If you pass those, you move to stage three, the multiple-choice test. There’s two lines for that, considering it takes ten minutes.”
Doog: “What about these other lines?”
Amaya: “They’re pretty self-explanatory. If you pass the three tests, you go to the pass line. If you fail a test, you go to the fail line.”
Doog: “I don’t know if I want to live in a galaxy where you have to wait in line if you fail.”
Amaya: “You don’t have to wait - unless, of course, you want to retake the test or contest any results. There’s a fee, though.”
Doog: “Please, by the Emperor’s Grace, pass this test the first time, Seitse! If I have to wait in this line again, I’ll murder you.”
Seitse: “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Doog.”
Cam: “A post office, on a Segnis Station?”
Mike: “Not any old post office, a 3D one.”
Oldie: “You get to see your bills in 3D?”
Cam: “These things are mobile, why would you get mail here, 3D or otherwise?”
Mike: “I think they print packages. Like, someone mails you something from one planet – it gets scanned – then it gets printed here.”
Oldie: “Saves on shipping, I guess. “
Mike: “It makes shipping instantaneous.”
Cam: “It would, depending on what is shipped.”
Mike: “Not any old post office, a 3D one.”
Oldie: “You get to see your bills in 3D?”
Cam: “These things are mobile, why would you get mail here, 3D or otherwise?”
Mike: “I think they print packages. Like, someone mails you something from one planet – it gets scanned – then it gets printed here.”
Oldie: “Saves on shipping, I guess. “
Mike: “It makes shipping instantaneous.”
Cam: “It would, depending on what is shipped.”
Oldie: “Maybe, Doog’s grandma can send us some pony soup. You can 3D print soup, right?”
Mike: “Probably not.”
Cam: “Well, none of us are expecting packages, so this place is useless to us.”
Oldie: “Can we try the pony soup thing? I need instant pony soup.”
Mike: “Looks like the line stretches forever. It might not be instant soup.”
Oldie: “Darn. My macchiato might be done by then. Besides, it wouldn’t be homemade soup if it’s printed.”
Mike: “Probably not.”
Cam: “Well, none of us are expecting packages, so this place is useless to us.”
Oldie: “Can we try the pony soup thing? I need instant pony soup.”
Mike: “Looks like the line stretches forever. It might not be instant soup.”
Oldie: “Darn. My macchiato might be done by then. Besides, it wouldn’t be homemade soup if it’s printed.”
Amaya: “Way to go, Seitse! I knew you could do it!”
Doog: “Thanks for not failing! Thanks for only wasting two hours of my life! We’re finally done!”
Doog: “Thanks for not failing! Thanks for only wasting two hours of my life! We’re finally done!”
Doog: “Why are we in another line? Haven’t we suffered enough?”
Amaya: “Seitse passed her test. She needs to redeem her voucher and get her Citizen ID Chip updated.”
Doog: “What type of time frame are we talking here?”
Amaya: “Seitse passed her test. She needs to redeem her voucher and get her Citizen ID Chip updated.”
Doog: “What type of time frame are we talking here?”
Amaya: “I’m not sure. There’s about twenty people ahead of us. Probably an hour or so.”
Doog: “Why are we waiting in line? Only Seitse needs to wait. Release me!”
Amaya: “I don’t trust you, here. There’s a lot you can do on a Segnis Station - change your official name, get married, register to boat. I can’t have messing up season twelve before it gets started.”
Doog: “Oh, come on! I never boat, and you messed up my last marriage. Why am I here!?”
Doog: “Why are we waiting in line? Only Seitse needs to wait. Release me!”
Amaya: “I don’t trust you, here. There’s a lot you can do on a Segnis Station - change your official name, get married, register to boat. I can’t have messing up season twelve before it gets started.”
Doog: “Oh, come on! I never boat, and you messed up my last marriage. Why am I here!?”
Cam: “Anyone see something of interest? Anything we can do for the show?”
Timbo: “Forget the show! There’s a bar over there! Hijinks incoming! I finally get to do something reckless in an episode!”
Timbo: “Forget the show! There’s a bar over there! Hijinks incoming! I finally get to do something reckless in an episode!”
Mike: “There is a bar, but I not sure we should partake.”
Cam: “Normally, this is part where Doog gets us all hammered.”
Mike: “Except there’s no Doog to talk us into it.”
Oldie: “It’s kind of refreshing to dodge peer pressure, for once.”
Timbo: “Ah, come on! I’ll deliver the peer pressure. Let’s do it!”
Cam: “Normally, this is part where Doog gets us all hammered.”
Mike: “Except there’s no Doog to talk us into it.”
Oldie: “It’s kind of refreshing to dodge peer pressure, for once.”
Timbo: “Ah, come on! I’ll deliver the peer pressure. Let’s do it!”
Oldie: “Nah. It’s not smart to start drinking when your one floor from getting a marriage license.”
Mike: “I have a hard-enough time staying single when I’m sober. Ok, that might be a lie. Still, I don’t want to wake up married to some random person.”
Cam: “If Doog was here, he’d definitely be married to someone.”
Mike: “Knowing our luck, some technicality would make him marry one of us. I think we’re dodging a bullet.”
Oldie: “Amaya was pretty smart to keep Doog from us.”
Timbo: “Not even a shot? I want to do something fun for once!”
Mike: “I have a hard-enough time staying single when I’m sober. Ok, that might be a lie. Still, I don’t want to wake up married to some random person.”
Cam: “If Doog was here, he’d definitely be married to someone.”
Mike: “Knowing our luck, some technicality would make him marry one of us. I think we’re dodging a bullet.”
Oldie: “Amaya was pretty smart to keep Doog from us.”
Timbo: “Not even a shot? I want to do something fun for once!”
Cam: “If we start drinking, we are going to have to use the restroom.”
Timbo: “So?”
Mike: “To use the restroom, you need a toilet permit.”
Timbo: “That couldn’t take too long.”
Cam: “Look at that line.”
Guy: “Now serving, number two, in my pants.”
Mike: “Yikes.”
Timbo: “So?”
Mike: “To use the restroom, you need a toilet permit.”
Timbo: “That couldn’t take too long.”
Cam: “Look at that line.”
Guy: “Now serving, number two, in my pants.”
Mike: “Yikes.”
Timbo: “They do have some novelty vendors. We might find something mischievous there. Can hijinks still be possible.”
Cam: “I see a smoked ham, cold medicine, chocolates, and a puzzle. You need Doog-level powers to get into trouble with that assortment.”
Mike: “I see jerky too, but, yeah, I got nothing.”
Cam: “I see a smoked ham, cold medicine, chocolates, and a puzzle. You need Doog-level powers to get into trouble with that assortment.”
Mike: “I see jerky too, but, yeah, I got nothing.”
Doog: “Sorry folks. Moral support going on here. I know we’re holding up the already-long line for no reason. Be patient with us. My babysitter says I can’t be alone.”
Amaya: “Shut it, Doog. Seitse, we’re so proud of you.”
Hugo: “Way to go. We knew you could do it.”
Seitse: “A year ago, my whole life fell apart. I was betrothed and abandoned by my family. My future looked bleak. Thanks to you guys, even you Doog, everything turned around. I’m not a trophy wife or a slave. I’m a pilot.”
Doog: “I think being my wife would be better, but congrats anyways.”
Amaya: “Shut it, Doog. Seitse, we’re so proud of you.”
Hugo: “Way to go. We knew you could do it.”
Seitse: “A year ago, my whole life fell apart. I was betrothed and abandoned by my family. My future looked bleak. Thanks to you guys, even you Doog, everything turned around. I’m not a trophy wife or a slave. I’m a pilot.”
Doog: “I think being my wife would be better, but congrats anyways.”
Mike: “This is it. We finally found something to do.”
Oldie: “What?”
Oldie: “What?”
Mike: “We register to become Bounty Hunters and pick up some bounties. Hear me out. We’re already traversing the galaxy, why not grab some fugitives from time to time.”
Oldie: “I’m not sure how effective we’ll be. We don’t have any guns.”
Cam: “Yeah, this is a terrible idea. Someone will get killed.”
Timbo: “As much as I want an adventure, this might not be for us.”
Mike: “Aw, come on. Doog would do it.”
Cam: “That’s precisely why we shouldn’t.”
Mike: “I realized that as soon as I said it.”
Oldie: “I’m not sure how effective we’ll be. We don’t have any guns.”
Cam: “Yeah, this is a terrible idea. Someone will get killed.”
Timbo: “As much as I want an adventure, this might not be for us.”
Mike: “Aw, come on. Doog would do it.”
Cam: “That’s precisely why we shouldn’t.”
Mike: “I realized that as soon as I said it.”
Doog: “I don’t want to explore this place anymore. We’ve been here for hours.”
Amaya: “Do you think we have enough material?”
Doog: “We have hours of ‘space DMV’ footage. I know that. And look, here comes the guys. I’m sure they found something.”
Amaya: “Do you think we have enough material?”
Doog: “We have hours of ‘space DMV’ footage. I know that. And look, here comes the guys. I’m sure they found something.”
Doog: “Well folks, that’s a Segnis Station. There are long lines, bureaucratic red tape, and lots of frustrated people. You come here to get married, divorced, licensed, and headaches. There is one plus, though. Seitse has officially become our co-pilot and navigator. Mike won’t screw this season up. Oh well, see ya!”
Note:
Note:
Mike: “Doog – really quick – what could you do with jerky, smoked ham, cold medicine, and puzzles.”
Doog: “Easy. Marinate the meats in the cold medicine. Enjoy the food and get a buzz. Open the puzzle, throw the pieces at people, and tell them they need to get their lives together. Say things, like, 'Your life is in pieces, like this puzzle'. Why?”
Mike: “Oh, no reason.”
Oldie: “That’s why he couldn’t be with us.”
Cam: “Especially around the Bounty Hunters…”
Doog: “Easy. Marinate the meats in the cold medicine. Enjoy the food and get a buzz. Open the puzzle, throw the pieces at people, and tell them they need to get their lives together. Say things, like, 'Your life is in pieces, like this puzzle'. Why?”
Mike: “Oh, no reason.”
Oldie: “That’s why he couldn’t be with us.”
Cam: “Especially around the Bounty Hunters…”
