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Season 5 - Episode 19 - Afa Nebula

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Afa Nebula

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Afa Nebula

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Afa Nebula, a diffuse nebula approximately 20 light years across. The nebula is a stellar nursery, and it is home to many newly formed stars. Unfortunately, these new stars have yet to form any stable planetary bodies, and there are no habitable planets within the nebula. Despite the lack of planets, the nebula is not devoid of life.”

Doog: “The Afa Nebula is home to millions of spaced-based organisms known as Pingue. These ‘space whales’ glide through the nebula, feeding on the abundant minerals and gases present here. These creatures are massive, roughly the same size as a large capital ship. We’ll need to be careful maneuvering the Magellan through the nebula. A Pingue could easily swallow our small ship.”

Doog: “The Pingue are filter feeders. Their large mouths help capture the diffuse particles of the nebula. Their large teeth help to break up larger chunks of minerals. They’d also do a pretty good number on our ship Hugo! Not so close!”

Doog: “A small space station sits deep within the heart of the nebula. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doc: “Come on in. Welcome to Podex Station. You must be Doog. I’m Doctor Jonah, one of four biologists stationed here.”
Doog: “Biologists huh? What brings you out here to the middle of nowhere? Studying Pingues?
Doc: “Actually, the Pingue have already been studied extensively. We’re here to apply that knowledge and harvest the Pingue.”
Doog: “Harvest?”
Doc: “Yes, the Pingue roe, or eggs, are a delicacy. Unfortunately, these eggs are internal, so we have to go inside the creature to obtain them.”
Doog: “You go inside the Pingue?!”
Doc: “Yes, follow me.”

Doc: “The Podex Station is mobile. It’s our insertion method. Unfortunately, it’s too dangerous to enter through the Pingue’s mouth, so he have to enter through the anus.”
Doog: “You’ve got to be kidding me. We’re going to enter the creature’s anus?”
Doc: “It’s not as bad as it sounds. The Pingue are a silicon-based species. They eat the rocky dust and debris in the nebula. They add these materials into their biology, so there is no solid waste. The anus is for expelling the abundant hydrogen and helium gases in the nebula. This expelled gas also propels the Pingue through the nebula.”
Doog: “Fart propulsion?”
Doc: “Haha. You could put it that way.”

Susie: “Sir, I’m picking up a RFID signal from a female Pingue about 10,000 miles from here. The last harvest date was six months ago. She should be ready for harvesting.”
Doc: “Great. Move us into position.”
Susie: “10-4. Getting myself into position for anal insertion.”
Biologists: “Hehehe!”
Susie: “Come on! Do you guys have to giggle every time I say that?”

Doc: “Is it in yet?”
Susie: “Yep. Insertion has been successful.”
Doc: “Alright. We don’t have a lot of time. Let’s get suited up.”

Doog: “Anything I need to know before we go in?”
Doc: “It’s going to be dark. So, stay close. Our suits have built in lights. Also, there is very little gravity inside the Pingue. Take slow deliberate steps. We can’t have you crashing into vital organs once inside.”

Doog: “It’s official folks. I’m inside the anus of another creature. And I didn’t have to pay anything. It’s not what I expected Doc. It’s pretty clean.”
Doc: “Like I was saying before. The Pingue don’t have solid waste, only gaseous waste. The majority of the nebula is made up of hydrogen and helium gas. Great for making stars, but of little use to the Pingue. The gas is expelled.”

Doc: “We need to be quick and exit the digestive system. Gas is building up and we need to remotely pilot the Podex Station away from the Pingue. We can’t move the station until we exit the digestive system otherwise we’ll be blown out into space.”
Doog: “With my luck, that’s how I’d die. Farted out across the galaxy.”

Doc: “Alright, we’re inside one of the Pingue’s many stomachs. These wing-like organs agitate the air in the stomach pushing any solid particles against the stomach wall. It’s an ingenious solution to digestion in zero gravity.”

Doc: “We’ll exit the digestive system through the stomach wall. Go ahead and begin cutting.”

Jim: “Alright, we’re through. Let’s continue on.”
Susie: “I’m sending the signal to the Podex’s computer now. Hopefully the station will be able to pull out in time. Let’s get out of here.”

Doc: “Alright Doog, we’ve exited the digestive system. The ovaries are not far now. They are located in the back half of the Pingue.”
Doog: “What are these organs here?”

Doc: “This is a heart cluster. The Pingue have several smaller hearts instead of one large central one. In low gravity, moving blood takes a lot more work. We can follow the creature’s arteries to larger organs. Shouldn’t be far.

Doog: “Is this an ovary?”
Doc: “No, this can best be described as a gizzard. When the creature swallows larger particles, the stomach wall can not digest them by osmosis. Instead they get moved to one of the creature’s many gizzards. The gizzards have silicate crystals inside that grind against the larger particles and break them down.”

Doog: “What are you doing?”
Doc: “We’re here for the Pingue’s eggs, but we’ll collect some silicate crystals as well. They’re quite valuable. Might as well grab them while we’re here.”

Doc: “We’ll only take a few. If we take too many, the creature may die.”

Doc: “Ah, finally here.”
Doog: “This is an ovary?”
Doc: “Yep. This organ makes millions of eggs. They are dispersed throughout the nebula.”
Doog: “And people actually eat these?”
Doc: “Yes. Most silicon-based organisms are inedible to carbon-based creatures like ourselves. The eggs of the Pingue are an exception.”

Doc: “We’ll collect as many as we can. We should be able to get several hundred pounds. On the open market, our haul could be worth millions of credits.”
Doog: “At that price, I’m assuming I won’t get to try any when we get back.”
Doc: “Not unless you’ve recently won the lottery.”

Doog: “Well folks, the Afa Nebula is an interesting place. Despite having no planets, the nebula is rich with life. The Pingue are massive creatures that have evolved to survive the frozen vacuum of space. Surprisingly, workers actually go inside of these huge creatures and harvest their eggs. Well, see ya next time.”

Note:
Attempts to relocate Pingue to the LIU Galaxy’s other nebulas have failed. It appears the Afa Nebula has a higher concentration of Silicon, a necessary component in the Pingue anatomy.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 20 - Vnam Multas

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Season 5 - Episode 18 - Ruber Hiems

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Ruber Hiems

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Ruber Hiems

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Ruber Hiems. Ruber Hiems is a circumbinary planet, meaning it orbits around the outside of a binary star system. The binary system is made up of two stars: Tepore, a Class G main sequence star, and Alsus, a Class M red giant star. Ruber Hiems is subject to extreme seasonal changes as it approaches various areas of its orbit.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off at a small village on the planet’s surface. Despite the strange conditions here, Ruber Hiems is habitable. The natives are just staring at me, and I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable. They don’t seem to speak basic. Strangely, they seem to resemble the Tironians from Tironis. I wonder if they are related somehow. I’ll have to ask my guide whenever they decide to show up.”

Scolaris: “Ah, you must be Doog. I am Scolaris, Scion of Nabu, Linguistic Expert, Cultural Researcher, and World Class Flamenco Dancer."
Doog: “ You‘re one of the Encyclopedians, aren’t you? If your distinctive look doesn’t give it away, your annoying habit of listing all your titles sure does.”
Scolaris: “Yes. I am one of the Scions of Nabu. I am on a knowledge quest, seeking to learn all there is about this planet. I have been here over three years researching the local race, the Hiemiens.”
Doog: “The Hiemiens sure look a lot like the Tironians.”
Scolaris: “Yes, I am aware of this phenomena. The Hiemiens and the Tironians share almost 75% of their genes, too much to be a coincidence. But they also have many differences, including locomotion and the atmosphere that they breathe. I’ve developed two theories: the Hiemiens and the Tironians are the ancestors of a space-faring progenitor that seeded this part of the galaxy, or they are an extreme case of convergent evolution. There’s not a lot of evidence either way. It’s part of my studies here.”
Doog: “Hmm, I love a good mystery. So, what can you tell me about the Hiemiens?”

Scolaris: “Well, they are an agricultural race. They farm many of the planet’s exotic fruits and vegetables. They appear to have limited amounts of technology, but nothing too advanced. They seem to reproduce asexually.”
Doog: “Where’s the fun it that? Oh, here they come. Hello guys or gals or its. Whatever you are.”
Scolaris: “They don’t speak basic Doog. They have their own language, a highly inflected language with no distinct genders or tenses.”
Glo’p: “Hoæe li nam se pridružiti u slavlju? Crveno sunce pristupa.”
Scolaris: “Da. Bili bismo sretni da vam se pridruži. Well Doog, it looks like we’ve been invited to a feast. The Hiemiens are celebrating the approach of the star Alsus.”
Doog: “The red giant? I’ve noticed the sky getting more red.”
Scolaris: “Yes. The planet has moved into the Alsus stage of its orbit. It can best be described as ‘winter‘. It’s easier to understand if you can see it in person. Let’s head to the orrery.”

Doog: “This is an orrery? What is it?”
Scolaris: “An orrery is a mechanical representation of the solar system. Despite never setting foot off their planet, the Hiemiens are excellent astronomers. They’ve created this precise representation of their solar system. It allows them to prepare for the various seasons. The two stars orbit in the middle of the system. Their orbit is extremely slow, completing a full revolution every thousand years. Ruber Hiems orbit’s the binaries much quicker making a full orbit just under four galactic standard years. In my time here, I have yet to see a full revolution. Although I’m only a few months away.”
Doog: “So this is where Ruber Hiems is now?”
Scolaris: “No, I’ve asked the Hiemiens’ astronomer to move the device so you can get a feel for the system‘s seasons. When Ruber Hiems is in the position shown here, it is close to Tepore. Tepore is much warmer and brighter
than Alsus. This period of the orbit is known as summer.”

Scolaris: “As Ruber Hiems orbits further along its orbit, it gets farther from Tepore and closer to Alsus. The temperature gets cooler, the light gets dimmer, and the sky starts to turn red. This is known as autumn.”

Scolaris: “This is our current location. We are much closer to Alsus than Tepore. It is much cooler, dimmer, and the sky is turning more and more red. Only a small amount of Tepore’s light reaches the planet. We are at the precipice of winter.”

Scolaris: “In just a few hours, Alsus will eclipse Tepore, and we’ll officially experience one of Ruber Hiems’ winters. The planet will be behind Alsus almost six months.”
Doog: “What does that mean for the Hiemiens?”
Scolaris: “I’m not entirely sure. This will be my first winter. I believe the temperatures will drop considerably. Alsus’ red light will not provide sufficient energy for photosynthesis, so the plant life may die or go into hibernation. It may be why we are having a feast, to eat the last of the crop before winter. I guess we’ll see.”

Doog: “As Scolaris and I venture back to the village, we’ve come across some of the Hiemiens’ agriculture. What’s this Scolaris?”

Scolaris: “The Hiemiens’ farm some very exotic fruits and vegetables. They are really quite tasty. They also have lots of nutrients.”
Doog: “And the LIU uses these fruits?”
Scolaris: “No, the LIU has no permanent presence here as of yet. They are still waiting for my economic feasibility study. I’ll need a few solar cycles to figure it out.”

Doog: “Alright, looks like the feast is beginning. Is it safe to eat?”
Scolaris: “In moderation. Some of the fruits’ advanced sugars may not be compatible with your biology in large amounts.”
Glo’p: “Pridružite nam se.”

Doog: “Hey, this isn’t all that bad. Thanks guys."
Scolaris: “Puno hvala.”

Doog: “Uh oh, what’s happening! This stuff is making my eyes see red!”
Scolaris: “It’s not the food. It’s the eclipse. It’s starting!”
Glo’p: “U hram!”

Doog: “What’s going on Scolaris? Where are we going?”
Scolaris: “They’re headed to the village’s temple. I’ve never been inside before. Perhaps there is some ceremony or something? Maybe it’s shelter.”

Glo’p: “Vrijeme za hibernaciju.”
Scolaris: “They’re headed inside. Let’s follow. Aren’t you exited?”
Doog: “I think the appropriate word is terrified. What if we get trapped inside?”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve descended some stairs and we are inside of some type of temple.”
Glo’p: “Neka nas pripremiti.”

Doog: “This is awkward. They’re all taking off their clothes. And, what the heck, are they some type of slug?”
Scolaris: “I told you they have a different form of locomotion than the Tironians.”

Scolaris: “Doog, what are you doing! Put your clothes back on!”
Doog: “Sorry, just a habit. I’m a follower.”

Scolaris: “Something is happening!”
Doog: “It looks like the floor is moving up.”

Doog: “What in Kaadu’s name is that?”
Scolaris: “Wow! It looks like some type of stasis pod or hibernation chamber. The Hiemiens must sleep through the winter inside.”

Scolaris: “This is way beyond their level of technology. The progenitors must have left it here. This certainly lends credence to the progenitor theory. Amazing.”
Doog: “Yeah, that’s great. I’m a big fan of sleep, but I think we ought to leave now. I don’t want to be stuck here for months.”
Scolaris: “I‘m staying. You can leave.”

Doog: “Well folks, Ruber Hiems is an interesting place. It’s unique orbit around two binary stars gives it strange seasons. The food is good, and oh yeah, it may be the first evidence that an advanced space-faring race seeded parts of the galaxy. Well, see ya next time.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 19 - Afa Nebula

3 Comments

Season 5 - Episode 17 - Eruca System

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Eruca System

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Eruca System

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re visiting the Eruca System, a star system in the LIU Galaxy’s Deep Core. Like most systems in the crowded Deep Core, Eruca did not have sufficient material in its circumstellar accretion disk to form planets. Instead, the system is populated with numerous smaller bodies, like comets. These comets, which consist primarily of water and ammonia ices, release valuable particles as they approach their star.”

Doog: “Because these particles are an important source of fuel, an Octan Fuel Refinery was placed into orbit around Eruca. This space station processes and stores fuels.”

Doog: “The station is divided into three sections: the top section is a storage tank, the middle contains processing facilities, and the lower section contains administration offices and housing for the stations forty thousand workers.”

Doog: “Various LIU tanker ships visit the station daily and transport fuels across the galaxy. Alright, we’ve been given clearance to enter the facility.”

Doog: “I’ve been dropped off inside one the station’s hangar bays. My first observation is that these guys spared no expense when it came to corporate branding. This place screams Octan. Octan, as I’m sure you’re aware, is an LIU owned company. It handles all the LIU’s fuel needs. Now, I’ve dealt with Octan workers before, so I’m not expecting much from my guide. Hopefully, he can speak in complete sentences. It would be a step up.”

Papilio: “Doog? Welcome to the Eruca Refining Station. I’m Dr. Papilio, lead station scientist.”
Doog: “Doctor? Scientist? I thought all you Octan guys were fuel sniffing degenerates.”
Papilio: “Hardly. I have doctorates in chemistry and astrophysics, and a minor in Particle Propulsion Engineering.
Unfortunately, some of the lower ranking members of Octan have given us all a bad name.”
Doog: “So there’s no fuel sniffers here?”
Papilio: “Not to my knowledge. We handle ion-based fuels here, not hydrocarbon fuels. Sniffing ion fuel wouldn’t alter one’s perception; it would only alter their status as living or dead.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So shall we continue?”
Papilio: “Yes. We’re in the lower section of the station, I figured we’d visit the control room first.”

Papilio: “This is our control room where we monitor all the system’s major comets.”
Doog: “What’s so important about comets?”

Papilio: “Well, comets, when exposed to Eruca’s radiation, heat up and begin outgassing. This forms a thin atmosphere around the comet known as the coma. Eruca’s prevailing solar winds apply force to the coma and form a long tail that points away from the star.”
Doog: “I may not have all your fancy degrees, but I know what a comet is. I asked what is important about them.”
Papilio: “I’m getting there. Most of the comets we harvest consist of water ice, so their tail is usually of combination of water and dust. Photodissocation and photoionization convert the H2O molecules in the tail into H3O+, or Hydronium.”
Doog: “And that’s important how?”
Papilio: “Well, Hydronium is a positively charged polyatomic ion, a type of oxonium ion.”
Doog: Blink, Blink
Papilio: “It’s an ion, and we make ion-based fuels. Well, technically natural forces make the ions, we just harvest them.”
Doog: “That makes more sense.”

Papilio: “In order to harvest the comets’ tails, we need to track them. Comets don’t form a distinctive tail until they get within three or four AU of the star. This horizontal screen shows our radar tracking. It looks like we have four comets within this range.”
Doog: “So what’s next?”
Papilio: “We can head up to one of the service hangars and take a look at some of the collectors.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”

Doog: “What are these guys doing?”
Papilio: “Oh, that’s one of our call centers. They receive orders for fuel and arrange shipments.”

Papilio: “Ah, here we are.”

Papilio: “This is one of our standard collectors, the LIU Mag Scoop. We have a fleet of about five hundred of them. It looks like this unit has been taken out of the field for repairs. Flying behind comets can be hard on the collectors, especially when larger chucks break away.”

Doog: “How do they work?”
Papilio: “The LIU Mag Scoop has eight magnetic discs that form large, looping magnetic fields. This fields trap ions and transport them to storage tanks. They simply fly behind the comet.”
Doog: “It’s not very big. It must not cover a lot of ground.”
Papilio: “The ship itself isn’t very big, but the magnetic fields they create are rather large, about fifty times larger than the ship itself. Factor that in with the amount of collectors we have, and we’re collecting several million tons of ions every week.”

Doog: “So, how do ions translate into fuel?”
Papilio: “They are used in ion drives. Electromagnetic forces eject ions out of the thruster. In space, where there is no friction, it’s an efficient form of sub-light transportation. Your ship might even utilize ion drives.
Doog: “The Magellan? Maybe. All I know is she has some energy cells. And the inside smells like a Kaadu fart.”
Papilio: “Energy cells probably power your FTL drive, but who knows what you use for sub-light movement. There are a lot of forms of propulsion.”

Doog: “What’s going on here?”
Papilio: “Most of our ion fuel is delivered in massive tankers, but we also bottle individual tanks for our smaller customers.”

Papilio: “Not a lot to see here, just your standard automated assembly line. Here’s a fun fact, the ions are transported in a inert gas, in this case, Xenon.”
Doog: “I experienced zero fun with that fact Doc.”
Papilio: “Ok. Well what about this? Do you know how the Eruca System got its name?”
Doog: “Uh, no.”
Papilio: “The first travelers in this region imaged Eruca from afar. When they looked at the images, all they could see where glowing streaks of light inching around everywhere. They thought they were space caterpillars! Sounds stupid now, as we all know they were just seeing the system’s abundant comets.”
Doog: “Yep. Still not having any fun. Nice try though, Doc.”

Papilio: “The filled containers are transported with our Loader to pallets and then shipped out.”

Papilio: “As I’m sure you saw during your approach, most of our fuel is moved by larger tanker ships, specifically the LIU Supertanker Mark II.”

Papilio: “This tanker is capable of transporting enormous amounts of fuel.”
Doog: “Anything else to add?”
Papilio: “No, that’s it. Not much to making ion-based fuels, especially when the comets do most of the work!”

Doog: “Well folks, the Eruca System is an interesting place. By harvesting the system’s comets, Octan workers are able to make Hydronium, a sub-light propulsion fuel. This fuel is used to navigate space when the ship is not traveling at faster than light speeds. Well, see ya next time.”

Note: Geography Lesson: Regions of the LIU Galaxy

Red: Deep Core
Purple: Inner Rim (Sometimes referred to as Outer Core)
Green: Mid Rim
Blue: Outer Rim

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 18 - Ruber Hiems

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Season 5 - Episode 16 - Alvearium

8/11/2015

4 Comments

LIU Atlas - Alvearium

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Alvearium

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re visiting the planet Alvearium. Alvearium is a dry desert planet with a toxic atmosphere. The thick, yellow clouds that comprise the atmosphere consists primarily of sulfur dioxide and droplets of sulfuric acid. Only the planet’s tallest peaks rise above the toxic clouds. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off at a small building on top of one of Alvearium’s mountains. Here, we are higher than the cloud line. The atmosphere here is slightly less corrosive, but extremely thin.”

Doog: “Radiation from Alvearium’s sun easily penetrates the thin atmosphere here, so the facility we’re visiting is located inside the mountain. Only the airlock is visible. Now, if I can just find the door to this thing.”

Doog: “Oh, what do you know? An airlock with an elevator. I like this place.”

Carmen: “Ah, you must be Doog. I’m Lieutenant Carmen Flores, commanding officer of the Epsilon Procurement Squadron.”
Doog: “Pleasure to meet you. Say, are you by chance single?”
Carmen: “Don’t bother. There’s only one thing I love, and that’s my job.”
Doog: “Oh, ok. Better to get shot down early. So what’s your job?”
Carmen: “My squadron explores the depths of Alvearium, researches the native life, and procures some of the resources they possess.”

Doog: “You sure have a lot of guns for a group of explorers and researchers…”
Carmen: “The native life is less that cooperative with our mission here. While we are safe up here, above the cloud line, the surface is a dangerous place. It has been classified an Active Conflict Zone. Which means I will be required to arm you when visit the surface.”
Doog: “Sweet!”
Carmen: “There are other dangers on the surface besides the native life. The atmosphere is thick and acidic. The atmospheric pressure is much higher than standard, and only 20% of the light that shines here makes it through to the surface. I hope your suit is rated for Type IV environments.”
Doog: “I think so, but I guess we’ll find out…”

Doog: “Wow. Nice suits.”
Carmen: “Thanks. They were specifically designed for Alvearium’s atmosphere. We have rebreathers to conserve our limited oxygen supply, pressure gauges, and communication arrays. We’re dependent on line of sight communication. Satellite signals can not penetrate the atmosphere. Also, you’ll notice my helmet emits light. It helps me see, and helps my men find my location. Alright, here’s your weapon.”
Doog: “What! This tiny guy?”
Carmen: “With your level of training and general ineptitude, this is the only thing we feel safe giving you. It’s better than nothing.”
Doog: “You’ve read my file, huh?”
Carmen: “Yes. Now, let’s get a move on. Epsilon Squadron, MOVE OUT!”

Carmen: “To descend below the cloud line, we’ll need to repel down the mountain side. Are you comfortable with that?”
Doog: “Descending is the easy part. I’m worried about the return trip…”

Carmen: “Alright. Time to drop below the cloud line. Safeties off. We’re entering the ACZ.”
Doog: “ACZ?”
Carmen: “Active Conflict Zone. Try to pay attention.”

Carmen: “Keep your eyes peeled. The natives don’t usually venture out into the open, but you can never be too careful.”
Doog: “You’re right. It’s much darker down here. Good news though, my suit hasn’t melted off yet, so I guess it’s going to hold up.”
Carmen: “Don’t worry about the dark. Follow the beacons we’ve laid out. As long as you stay close to these lights, you’ll be ok. This doesn’t really help you, but the beacons emit radio signals too. My squadron can use our suit’s communication array to locate a beacon.”
Doog: “You’re breaking up? Did you say bacon? I’ll take some bacon!”

Doog: “What’s that?”
Carmen: “This is the entrance to the hive we designated as JH-347. It’s our target for today.”
Doog: “Hive?!”
Carmen: “Yes, Alvearium is home to an insectoid race. They build large hives in the planet’s crust. Let‘s head inside.”

Doog: “When you say insectoids, we’re not talking about spiders, are we?”
Carmen: “No, if I had to classify them, I’d say they are more in the beetle family.”
Doog: “Whew!”
Carmen: “The ‘bugs’ as we call them, eat a bacterium found in the planet’s crust. This bacteria is chemotropic, meaning it doesn’t need sunlight to survive. Instead, they derive energy from oxidizing the abundant sulfur. This process results in leftover sulfuric acid. You’ll see some draining out of the wall over there. Do me a favor, don’t touch it.”
Doog: “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

Carmen: “Shhh! We’ve found a hive cluster.”
Doog: “A hive cluster?”
Carmen: “Shhh! Yes, the bugs farm this bacteria in little hexagonal cells that resemble honeycomb. They place there young in these cells to feed on the bacteria. It looks like they have just started building this cluster. Not all the cells are filled yet. Rico, flank them to the left.”

Doog: “Are they sentient?”
Carmen: “We’re not too sure. They can’t speak. They don’t possess vocal chords or any kind of air bladder. They appear to communicate via pheromones. Since we have no evidence otherwise, we prefer to label them non-sentient.”
Doog: “Prefer? Why?”
Carmen: “Because if they were sentient, I’d feel bad about doing this. OPEN FIRE!”

Rico: “Got em!”
Carmen: “Nice shooting boys!”
Doog: “You…you just shot them?”
Carmen: “Do you ever hesitate to kill a bug at home? Do you contemplate a spiders sentience before smashing it with a shoe?”
Doog: “No, I guess not.”

Carmen: “Secure the area. We need to search the cluster quickly. The bugs may have released alarm pheromones prior to their death.”

Doog: “Search? What are you looking for?
Carmen: “We’re looking for grubs, the larva stage of the bugs development.”

Rico: “I don’t see anything here Lieutenant. This cluster is too fresh. The bacteria is still in crystalline form. It hasn’t been broken down yet.”
Carmen: “Any eggs?”
Rico: “Nope.”
Carmen: “Alright, let’s continue…wait! I’m picking up thermo disturbances in my peripheral. WE’VE GOT COMPANY!”

Carmen: “Doog, get out of the way! You’re in my line of fire! Doog!”
Doog: “I…I…I…wha..wha..”
ZAP ZAP

Carmen: “Wow, nice shooting Doog. You got one. Doog?”
ZAP
Doog: “That’s for the time you ruined my picnic!”
ZAP
Doog: “That’s for the time you made me scream like a girl on that date!”
ZAP
Doog: “That’s for that web I walked through the other day!”
ZAP
Doog: “That’s for…”
Carmen: “Calm down Doog. They’re not spiders. And I think it’s more than dead.”

Carmen: “Oh, we’ve found another cluster. This one is bigger, and it has a Nestling. There has to be grubs here!”

Doog: “Nestling?”
Carmen: “Yes. The bigger bright green beetle. Early in the larva stage, certain proteins activate that determine whether the grub becomes a nestling or a drone. The smaller guys we’ve been seeing are drones. The larger are Nestlings. The Nestling tend to the cluster and process the crystalline bacteria into a liquid. This liquid is used to feed the grubs.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So it’s murdering time?
Carmen: “You know it. OPEN FIRE!”

Carmen: “Concentrate your fire on the nestling!!”

Carmen: “Good work guys. Now, tell me we found something good!”

Doog: “There’s definitely something wriggling in these honeycombs.”

Rico: “Bingo! We’ve got grubs!”
Carmen: “Alright! Let’s get to processing before reinforcements arrive.”
Doog: “Processing?”

Carmen: “Yes. The grubs have an unique solution in their gut to break down the bacteria. This solution is used to make antibacterial agents. It‘s used as a food preservative.”
Doog: “Gross.”
Carmen: “We simply cut off their heads and drain out the solution. A cluster like this will yield a few gallons. There are units like mine spread all over this world, and as a group, we process several thousand gallons a day. Best part is, it a renewable resource, as long as we don‘t kill too many.”
Doog: “Interesting. Seems like a lot of danger for some food preservatives, but what do I know. Anything else?”
Carmen: “Nope.”

Doog: “Well folks, Alvearium is an interesting place. Small military units raid insect hives to procure food preservatives. They go in, kill anyone in sight, rip their babies out of their homes, cut their heads off, and drain out their insides. Let’s hope they aren’t sentient, cause otherwise, that sounds mighty disturbing! We’ll, see ya next time!”

Note:
Programs to farm the Alvearium grub off-world have failed, as they require too unique of conditions.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 17 - Eruca System

4 Comments

Season 5 - Episode 15 - Cunabula

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Cunabula

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Cunabula

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard the Magellan:

Mike: “Check this out Doog.”
Doog: “What is it?”
Mike: “Well, I was plotting our next destination, and, well, take a look.”
Doog: “Hmm, looks like we’re crossing the through the galaxy’s Omega Arm.”
Mike: “Yep, through the mid-rim as well. It‘s only a few parsecs out of the way.”
Doog: “Do you think Oldie will go for it?”
Mike: “There’s only one way to find out.”
Doog: “OLDIE!”

Oldie: “You don’t have to scream! I’ve told you a hundred times, I haven’t lost my hearing yet.”
Doog: “What are you wearing?”
Oldie: “Huh? You’ll have to speak up.”
Doog: “I said what are you wearing?”
Oldie: “Oh, don’t mind me; it’s laundry day.”
Doog: “I was referring to your suspenders clipped to your underwear.”
Oldie: “Well, why not? I can’t have my underwear falling down. Now why did you call me? I‘m trying to get some rest.”
Doog: “We were wondering if we can make an unscheduled stop. Me and Mike’s homeworld, Cunabula, is only a few parsecs out of the way.”
Oldie: “I don’t know…we don’t really have a lot of time…”
Doog: “My grandma makes the best pony soup…”

Oldie: “Well, let’s get a move on! What are you whippersnappers waiting for!!”

Doog: “Well folks, we’ve decided to make an impromptu stop at the planet Cunabula. Both Mike and I are grew up here. Most of our family has moved away over the years, but my grandma still lives here. We’re hoping to stop in and take advantage of some of her hospitality. It would be nice to eat a home cooked meal. Cunabula is your average, run of the mill planet. It’s temperate, with forests, grasslands, and a large ocean. The southern hemisphere is dedicated to agriculture, while the northern hemisphere supports light industry. This industry, which manufactures fashion accessories, is based out of the planet’s largest city, Orsa. If there’s a bright center to the galaxy, Cunabula is the place that makes sunglasses for it.”

Doog: “Orsa is a moderately large city with a population around twenty million. Most of the residents here work in the nearby factories. It’s an older city, but still has a lot of charm.”

Doog: “We’re currently in the residential district where tightly packed apartment complexes dominate the city. This one straight ahead, is my grandma’s place.”
Mike: “Man, I miss this place. Your grandma’s house was like my second home.”
Doog: “Me too. My grandma practically raised me. We spent a lot of years running around this joint.”

Doog: “Let’s hope the elevators working, we’re headed to the 54th floor.”
Oldie: “If it means pony soup, I’ll scale the outside of the building!”

Gma: “Who’s here! Don’t make me get my laser pistol!”
Doog: “Relax grandma, it’s me Doog.”
Gma: “Terrance! Oh, I missed you so much. What are you doing here?”

Doog: “Well, we were in the area and had a few hours to burn. We were hoping you’d make some of your famous pony soup.”
Gma: “We? Oh! Look, you brought your whole crew. Hello boys!”
Crew: “Hello!”
Oldie: “Don’t leave us hanging! Are we getting pony soup or not?!”
Gma: “Of course! Come on in.”

Doog: “Quit pushing Oldie! There’s room for everyone!”

Gma: “So, what have you boys been up to?”
Doog: “Oh, the usual. Traveling and making TV.”
Gma: “You’re still doing that?”
Doog: “Yes, haven’t you been watching?”
Gma: “Sorry hun, LIU Atlas is on the same time as my soaps…”

Gma: “Alright, are you boys ready for some soup?”
Oldie: “Just leave the pot over here!”

Twenty Minutes Later…

Gma: “Wow, you guys must have been hungry. And you did the dishes too!”
Mike: “You might want to rewash those.”
Doog: “Yeah, we didn’t technically wash them. Oldie just licked them clean.”
Oldie: “Mmmm!”
Gma: “Well, if you have a few minutes, I got out some old pictures of Doog.”
Doog: “Uh, I’m not sure..”
Mike: “We have plenty of time!”
Cam: “This is going to be good!”

Cam: “Haha. What’s this one?”
Gma: “Ooh, that’s when Doog won a medal in first grade.”
Oldie: “Doog won a medal? Surely not for athletics.”
Mike: “And certainly not for academics.”
Gma: “Nope. He got it for keeping his pants on for an entire day at school. It was the first time since he started. And, as a matter of fact, it was the last time he accomplished that until he got to sixth grade.”
Crew: “Hahaha!”

Oldie: “Look at this one!”
Gma: “Ah, Doog’s first photo line-up at the local police station. Stealing prescription drugs from his principal. My Terrance, he was such a spirited little boy.”
Doog: “Hey, I was framed for that one!”

Mike: “Anything else? Anything we could use against him?”
Doog: “I think we’ve seen enough, I…”
Gma: “Well, there’s this one.”

Crew: “Haha!”
Cam: “What’s this?!”
Mike: “Are you wearing women’s clothing?”
Gma: “My sweet little Terrance used to love to dress up in his mom’s clothes. Such a funny kid.”
Mike: “Yeah, he’s funny alright.”
Doog: “Alright, alright! That’s enough!”

Doog: “Well, look at the time. We really need to get going.”
Gma: “Ah, that’s a shame. You should see his high school years.”
Doog: “No!”

Doog: “It was good to see you again grandma. Thanks for the food…and the endless amount of shame you have brought me.”
Crew: “Yeah, thanks Doog’s grandma!”
Gma: “Anytime boys. Come back and see me sometime.”
Doog: “Well folks, I’m a little embarrassed, but it was worth it. Nothing beats grandma’s cooking! See ya next time!”

Note:

Oldie: “Hey, you know, I’ve been looking for a nice young woman like yourself. A nice young woman who makes pony soup like that.”
Doog: “Stay away from my grandma Oldie!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 16 - Alvearium

3 Comments

Season 5 - Episode 14 - Gemellus Mal

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Gemellus Mal

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Gemellus Mal

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting an asteroid known as Gemellus Mal. Gemellus Mal is lagrangian asteroid, meaning it is not located in an asteroid belt, but instead in the L4 point of the nearby gas planet Praebitor.”

Doog: “A large facility appears to have been built into the asteroid. Three hangar doors grace one side of the facility. We’re going to set the Magellan down here and head inside.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off inside the facility. This appears to be some sort of airlock. I can’t venture any further into the facility, so I’ll wait here for my guide.”

Cautus: “Not an airlock, it’s a grav-lock. Hello there. I’m Cautus, Chief Safety Officer for Gem-Mal Industries.”
Doog: “A grav-lock?”
Cautus: “Yes, this asteroid is small; its gravity is one sixteenth standard gravity. To make arrivals easier, we use gravity generators to compensate.”
Doog: “So, once were outside the grav-lock, we’ll only be experiencing one sixteenth gravity? Sweet.”

Cautus: “Not quite. We’ll be wearing magnetic boots like these. They’ll keep you adhered to the floor and simulate standard gravity. We can’t have you floating about, banging into our delicate equipment. I’ll get you some in a moment, but, before we continue, I need to brief you on evacuation procedures.”
Doog: “Sigh. Do we have to?”

Twenty Minutes Later…

Cautus: “Did you really have to fake yawn during my entire presentation?”
Doog: “Hey, those weren’t fake. You were literally putting me to sleep!”
Cautus: “Well, I hope you listened. It’s important stuff.”
Doog: “Let’s face it. If there’s a catastrophic failure, I’m too slow to make it out anyway. Especially with these awkward boots.”
Cautus: “Well, maybe. But I wish you would have taken my recommendation to wear a hard hat. I know it’s optional, but I don’t want to see you get a head injury.”
Doog: “Not much to protect in my head, Cautus.”

Doog: “So what can you tell me about this place?”
Cautus: “The facility produces antimatter, specifically antihydrogen.”
Doog: “Antihydrogen?”
Cautus: “Identical to hydrogen, but with an opposite charge. Instead of protons and electrons, antihydrogen has positrons and antiprotons. In laymen‘s terms, antihydrogen is hydrogen’s evil twin. When the two particles collide, they annihilate each other releasing high amounts of gamma rays and neutrinos.”
Doog: “So what is used for?”
Cautus: “It has lots of uses, power generation, propulsion systems, and weapons.”

Cautus: “This is our particle accelerator. It helps us produce antimatter.”
Doog: “It’s long. I can’t even see the end. By the way, that’s what she said.”
Cautus: “I’m sure she did. Especially the ‘can’t even see’ part. Anyway, the accelerator is a large circle with a circumference of approximately 20 miles. It wraps all the way around the asteroid.”

Cautus: “Hydrogen atoms are accelerated using electromagnetic fields until they approach the speed of light.”
Doog: “And that makes antimatter?”

Cautus: “No, the collision does. Follow me.”

Cautus: “Once the atoms reach max speed they are routed onto this linear track and smashed into one another inside this collider.”
Doog: “Reminds me of playing chicken on my hover bike as a child.”
Cautus: “There is a little more energy involved here, Doog.”

Cautus: “The collision creates several rare forms of exotic matter, including positrons and antiprotons. These particles are trapped in magnetic fields and combined into antimatter.”
Doog: “Easy as that huh?”
Cautus: “There’s some steps I may have glossed over. I’m the safety officer, not a scientist.”
Doog: “Fair enough. It’s the end result that matters anyway. So, what’s next?”

Cautus: “Magnetic fields force the antihydrogen down this tube to the collection chamber. Let’s head downstairs.”

Cautus: “Each collision only results in one atom of antimatter, so the accelerator must make millions of collisions a day to make any worthwhile amounts. After each collision, the antihydrogen drops down into the collection tank.”

Doog: “Wow, what’s this?”
Cautus: “This is it, the collector.”

Doog: “The antihydrogen is that red blob? And its just out in the open like that?”
Cautus: “It’s hardly in the open. It’s behind several layers of magnetic shielding. Inside the shield is a matter free zone. Don’t forget. Any matter that touches antimatter, or vice versa, will result in a high energy explosion.”

Doog: “What kind of explosion are we talking about?”
Cautus: “Well, a one kilogram collision between matter and antimatter will create an explosion of 180 petajoules, or the equivalent of a 27,000 kilogram thermonuclear weapon.”
Doog: “So a big one. A really big one.”
Cautus: “Considering there are thousands of kilograms of antimatter in the tank right now, we’re talking about the total destruction of this asteroid.”
Doog: “So, no touching, I presume.”

Cautus: “Obviously, hydrogen is a gas, and its counterpart is no different. Gas is harder to control, so we’ve compressed the antihydrogen into a liquid. It‘s also easier to ship in this form.”

Cautus: “Obviously you can’t just throw antihydrogen in a box and ship it out.”
Doog: “Obviously…wait, why not?”
Cautus: “Because it can’t touch matter! Geez, I’ve only said that a few hundred times.”
Doog: “Oh yeah, I do recall you saying something about that.”

Cautus: “Anyway, we designed special stasis containers to ship the antihydrogen. These boxes have there own power supply so they can maintain their own magnetic field.”

Cautus: “Auto-Loaders transport the containers. We can’t afford operator error.”

Doog: “That’s it?”
Cautus: “Yes, that’s our operation from start to finish.”

Doog: “Well folks, Gemellus Mal is a both a high-tech and high-risk place. Scientists here put their lives on the line to produce antihydrogen, a form of antimatter. This dangerous, but valuable form of matter is used in everything from propulsion systems to advanced weaponry. See ya next time!”

Notes:
1. Gemellus Mal was moved to its current location so that it would be closer to the gas planet Praebitor, an abundant source of hydrogen.

2. Gram for gram, antihydrogen is one of the most expensive substances in the universe.

3. Several years ago, the freighter Hard Money, which was carrying several tons of antihydrogen, suffered a containment failure, resulting in a massive gamma ray burst. The explosion could detected for millions of light years. It remains one of the most expensive accidents in LIU history.

4. The loss of the Hard Money forced the LIU to redesign its transporting containers and reevaluate its procedures involving the transportation of antihydrogen.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 15 - Cunabula

1 Comment

Season 5 - Episode 13 - Picta Paludem

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Picta Paludem

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Picta Paludem

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re visiting a wet, humid planet known as Picta Paludem. Melt water from the frozen poles flow through a huge network of slow moving rivers that cover the planet’s surface. These rivers and their flood plains are home to huge forested swamps.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off about a mile from one of the planet’s river systems. I’m here at a small camp where I’m going to meet my guide.”

Dundee: “Ah, you must be Doog. I’m Dundee.”
Doog: “Hey. So, you live in a tent huh? Not a bad idea with rent costs in the LIU.”
Dundee: “Well, there’s that. But more importantly, it keeps me mobile. I’m one of a handful of human settlers here. My job is to explore the planet’s swamps and interact with the natives.”
Doog: “Natives?”
Dundee: “Yep. The Draco, a reptilian race. If you’ll allow me to pack up camp, we’ll head out towards the river and meet them.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”

Doog: “Whew. This was more hiking than I signed up for. Are we almost there?”
Dundee: “Yeah. We’re here.”
Doog: “Where? I don’t see anything.”
Dundee: “The river. The rivers are the lifeblood of this environment. They disperse polar melt water throughout the planet, feeding Picta Paludem’s unique foliage.”
Doog: “Yeah, tell me about these freaky plants.”
Dundee: “Well, for starters, Picta Paludem has one of the most diverse collections of flowering plants in this galaxy. Competition over the planet’s nutrients, water and space has caused an explosion of evolution. To insure pollination in this crowded environment, each species has evolved brighter colors, bigger flowers, and more powerful fragrances.”
Doog: “Sniff. Sniff. Yeah, this is one of the better smelling swamps I‘ve visited. I mean, I can still smell the swamp, but the flowers make it better. It’s sort of like spraying air freshener on my ship after burrito night. It doesn’t cure the smell but makes it more bearable.”
Dundee: “Uh, sure. Anyway, the river itself is home to several thousand aquatic plant species and algae, which gives its green coloration.”

Doog: “Well, we’re at the river. What’s the plan? Float trip?”
Dundee: “Sort of. The river is too slow to float all the way to our destination, so we’re going to catch a ride with one of the Draco. Despite your slower than average hiking speed, I think we‘ve made it in time. Ah, I see him now.”

Dundee: “The Draco live in small mobile houseboats. They must constantly keep moving in search of food. It also serves as protection from flooding. These swamps are subject to daily flooding, making permanent structures vulnerable. Why do you think I was camped so far from the river?”
Doog: “Excuse me. I’ll ask the questions around here. I’m the one with the media credentials. So, what can you tell me about the Draco?”
Dundee: “Well they’re a reptilian species. Although sentient, their small reptile brains have a hard time controlling their primal instincts. They’re unbelievable strong for their size, and they have the teeth to shred you to the bone in mere minutes. Their grasp of language is less than ideal, but I’ve learned to communicate with them to an extent. Because of their primal nature and deadly biology, I recommend that I handle all communications.”
Doog: “I can live with that.”

Gart: “Garrrt!”
Dundee: “Greeting Gart…”
Doog: “His name is Gart?”
Dundee: “I don’t know. But that’s what he says every time we meet. Now stop interrupting me. Gart, could we ride the wet serpent with you today?”
Doog: “The wet serpent? That sounds dirty.”
Dundee: “Shhh! It’s what the Draco call the river. Now keep quiet!”

Gart: “Rarr! Two? No room for Guuur! For catch. Herrr! For food then?”
Dundee: “Yes, that is acceptable. He’s getting on my nerves anyway.”
Doog: “What’s happening? I only understand parts of what he’s saying.”
Dundee: “You didn’t miss much. Gart wasn’t expecting to give two of us a ride. He thinks it will slow down his search for food. He wants assurances that he can eat you if he doesn’t find anything else.”
Doog: ‘What! And you said yes!”
Dundee: “I’m sure we’ll find something else. No worries.”

Doog: “Alright. We’ve traveled a few miles down the river and have stopped at a small flooded lagoon. Gart is confident the deep waters will hold food. Me, not so much. I’m prepared to run…”

Doog: “Dundee, what is he doing?”
Dundee: “Looking for bubbles that might indicate that there is prey in the water.”
Doog: “I’m so nervous, I could go waist deep in the water and make all the bubbles he ever dreamed of.”
Dundee: ‘Looks like there’s nothing in the lagoon today. We better move on. Keep searching.”

Doog: “I’ve never been so vested in finding food for another creature in my whole life. I’m keeping my eyes peeled as we approach a sharp bend in the river. These bends are another hotspot for finding prey. Wait…BUBBLES!”
Gart: “Graaaa!”

Doog: “Gart has anchored the houseboat and has climbed to the roof to get his fishing gear. Let’s hope he gets something!”

Doog: “Yeah! Bingo! Uh, what is that?”
Dundee: “That is the Picta Paludem Articulated Shrimp. One of the largest shrimp-like species in the galaxy.”
Doog: “That gives a new meaning to jumbo shrimp!”

Dundee: “The swamps here are infested with the Picta Paludem Articulated Shrimp. We believe the abundant algae and plants in the river allows them to grow to these enormous sizes.”
Doog: “So, what you’re telling me is, the wet serpent is infested with little bugs? I have a business card of this doctor I once worked with. I had a similar problem. Don’t feel bad Picta Paludem, you’re not alone.”
Dundee: “Sigh.”

Dundee: “Gart has pulled the shrimp to shore to field dress it and strip the meat. The shrimp’s muscular tail has loads of meat. The Draco used to catch the shrimp, eat what they could, then leave the leftovers to rot. There’s no way a single Draco could eat this whole thing. Now, we get them to bring the leftovers to a processing plant down the river.”
Doog: “Gross. The LIU sells half eaten shrimp?”
Dundee: “Sort of. It is cleaned up and processed like all the other meats in the LIU.”
Doog: “That’s not much better. I’ve seen how the LIU processes meat.”

Doog: “Now that Gart’s had his fill of shrimp, we’ve packed up the leftovers and we’re headed down river to a processing plant. We need to be quick before the meat spoils.”

Doog: “Ah, here it is. Wait, Dundee, there’s another Draco, but he has a whole shrimp. What’s the deal with that?”
Dundee: “The Draco get paid by the pound, so sometimes they don’t eat their catch so they can get the extra credits. Maybe he needs supplies or something.”

Doog: “Well Gart, it was nice getting to know you. Glad you didn’t have to eat me. Would you like some help carrying your catch?”
Gart: “GRRAAAAaaaarrrarara!”
Dundee: “Uh Doog, it’s not wise to touch the Draco’s food. Even if they are done eating it.”
Doog: “Noted. I wasn’t looking forward to carrying anything anyway. Well, see ya Gart.”

Doog: “Well, I guess that about wraps it up.”
Dundee: “Not yet. There’s one more thing I want you to see. Let’s hurry along, it’s getting dark.”

Dundee: “As we get farther from the river, the trees give way, and there are even more flowers.”
Doog: “They’re glowing!”
Dundee: “Yes, most of the flower species have some form of bioluminescence. Even at night, the flowers compete for pollinators. This colorful, glowing nighttime spectacle gave the planet its name, Picta Paludem, or the Painted Marshes.”
Doog: “Very cool.”

Doog: “Well folks, Picta Paludem is an interesting place. Its fragrant, colorful swamps are home to many unique species, including the Draco. The Draco supply the galaxy with shrimp, although they like to taste them before they sell them off. Well, see ya next time.”

Note:
The Picta Paludem Articulated Shrimp is known to carry parasites that cause the disease Picta Fluxus. Please cook thoroughly.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 14 Gemellus Mal

1 Comment

Season 5 - Episode 12 - Ambroscus

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Ambroscus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Ambroscus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each episode.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the remote, icy world of Ambroscus. Ambroscus is home to an alien race we lovingly call ‘the Goo’. The Goo are a collective consciousness comprised of trillions and trillions of microscopic organisms. These organisms, also known as the Goo Collective, can be found in only one pool on this planet. The pool contains a nutrient rich organic compound necessary for the collective’s survival. This compound can not be synthesized artificially, so the collective is forced to stay on this planet.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m outside one of the few visible structures on the planet’s surface. This structure leads into a facility under Ambroscus’ thick ice crust. This facility, known as the Ambroscus Vault, is home to the Goo Collective and apparently holds some form of advanced technology. We’re here to figure out what it is. Ah, I think I see our guide now.”

Doog: “Wow, you’re a big one! I figured you’d be smaller, being microscopic and all.
Goo: “Actually, I am not one. You are speaking to millions of individuals.”
Doog: “Millions?”
Goo: “Yes, but only a fraction of the total collective.”
Doog: “Seems confusing. Who’s driving this suit? And what should I call you?”
Goo: “We are all piloting this hardsuit. We are a collective consciousness. Many individuals, but one mind. For identification purposes, you may refer to me as Goo.”
Doog: “Weird. I’m not sure I understand, but it’s too cold ask questions. Shall we head inside?”
Goo: “Yes. Right this way.”

Doog: “Holy Kaadu! It’s not much warmer in here. What do you have the thermostat set on?”
Goo: “It’s hovering right around -19 degrees.”

Doog: “-19! What are you guys doing here? Trying to invent the universe’s best air conditioner?!”
Goo: “No. We, the collective, are dependent on just one unique pool of organic compounds to stay alive. The planet’s naturally cold temperatures allow this compound to stay viscous and bounded. If it gets too warm, the compound will begin to break down and my race would lose its sustenance. We would be extinct. We must pump the naturally cold air down here to maintain our pool.”
Doog: “Where is this pool?”
Goo: “Follow me. It‘s just down this corridor.”

Doog: “This is you? The purplish slime pit?”
Goo: “Yes, this is us. Our entire race is based out of this pool. Of course, it wasn’t always built into a facility like this. The LIU helped with that.”
Doog: “I like what the LIU did with the place. It’s less icy. Very chic.”

Goo: “ LIU scientists first discovered my race while exploring the ice caves of Ambroscus. At first, they believed they had stumbled on a lifeless pool of primordial ooze, but soon discovered the pool was filled with microscopic organisms. After a few scans, they detected that we were communicating with each other using electronic signals. They then developed an electronic interface to allow us to communicate with them. They were surprised at our intelligence.”
Doog: “You had intelligence? I don’t imagine there’s a lot to learn in a little pool under all this ice.”
Goo: “I didn’t say we were smart, only that we had intelligence. We had a propensity for learning and an incredible ability to store and recall information.”

Goo: “The LIU recognized our potential and built us this facility. They even created these hard suits to allow us limited locomotion.”
Doog: “Limited?”
Goo: “Yes. Despite the LIU’s best efforts, we still must return to this pool on occasion. So we are limited to brief trips. We can control most of this facility through the electronic interface, and we only need to utilize these suits to make repairs and perform physical functions, like running the upload device.”
Doog: “What’s the upload device?”
Goo: “Using our unique…”
Computer: “The upload crop for this week has arrived in the loading dock. Dispatching two units.”
Goo: “I’ll explain on the way.”

Goo: “Ah, two more parts of the collective have been pumped into hard suits. Let’s follow them down to the loading docks.”

Doog: “Uh, this is awkward. I don’t see any crops here, only frozen people. You’re not man-eaters, are you?”
Goo: “No. This is our upload crop. We have no use for the physical bodies, only their minds.”

Doog: “So you eat brains? And these containers with frozen bodies are like perverted TV dinners?”
Goo: “No! We don’t eat anything. And I said minds, not brains.”

Goo: “All of the great minds across the LIU are shipped here after they die. Scientists, historians, politicians…”
Doog: “Haha. Politicians with great minds…never met one. Oh, sorry. Please continue.”
Goo: “Anyway. These great minds are preserved in stasis chambers like this and shipped to this facility. We then upload their consciousness and knowledge into our collective. That way, the valuable information they have gathered over their life time is not lost.”
Doog: “You upload their minds?! How?”
Goo: “Come this way. The upload matrix is just ahead.”

Goo: “This is the upload matrix. The physical bodies of the great minds are strapped into this device.”

Goo: “The deceased’s brains are then hooked into these harnesses and then reanimated using electronic pulses. The machine reads these electronic pulses and maps of all the resulting brainwaves.”

Goo: “The same compound that gives us our sustenance also has unique electronic properties that allow it to send, receive, and store information. It’s how our collective communicates. The compound is injected into tanks on the device where it receives the brainwaves. The information from the deceased’s brains are now stored into the tanks.”

Doog: “It’s as simple as that?”
Goo: “Not all that simple. I took some liberties in my explanation to better fit your intellectual capabilities.”
Doog: “What do you know about my intellect? I haven’t even done anything stupid this episode. So for all you know, I might be a genius!”
Goo: “You’d be surprised how many of these ‘great minds’ have watched episodes of LIU Atlas. Their knowledge of your antics have been recorded by this machine and uploaded into the collective.”

Doog: “Wait. You guys have access to this information?”
Goo: “Yes. After the tanks have recorded the information, the organic compound is returned to the pool and dispersed amongst the collective. We share all the uploaded minds’ memories and knowledge. They may not still be here, but they live on through the collective. In a sense, they have achieved immortality.”
Doog: “What do you do with this information? How does this benefit the LIU?”
Goo: ‘We share this knowledge with the LIU. Come this way.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Goo: “This is our search engine, Goo. This electronic interface allows the LIU to search all our knowledge. Go ahead. Ask it something.”

Doog: “Uh…what’s the closest burger joint around here?”
Engine: “Popina‘s Diner - Eight parsecs away. Would you like directions?”
Doog: “Uh, no. Been there. Done that.”

Goo: “Seriously? All this knowledge at your fingertips, and that’s what you ask?”
Doog: “Hmm. You’re right. I need to ask something more important. Where is the closest brothel?”
Engine: “Ghovihanna‘s Massage Parlor, one parsec away. Would you like directions?”
Doog: “I would.”
Goo: “Sigh.”

Doog: “Well folks, Ambroscus is an interesting place. A strange liquid collective has created technology that allows it to upload people’s minds. They then use this information to create a comprehensive database that is searchable via its search engine, Goo. Well, I’m going to print out these directions. See ya next time!”

Note:
Any resemblance to other search engines starting with Goo are purely coincidental.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 13 -Picta Paludem

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Season 5 - Episode 11 - Turribus

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Turribus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Turribus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Turribus. Turribus is covered in a thick, viscous sea consisting primarily of organic solvents. These solvents have dissolved much of planet’s limestone crust, making the waters rich with minerals and giving it its unique green coloration. Subsequently, precipitation generated by this solvent sea is also mineral rich, and, over millions of years, these mineral rich rains have dotted the surface with thousands of stalagmites. These rocky columns reach up out of the waters and make up the majority of Turribus’ land mass. These stalagmites are inhabited by the planet’s native sentient race, the Turribans.”

Doog: “As I get closer to the surface, two large stalagmites catch my eye. It appears that the primitive Turribans have constructed a large structure in between the two columns. It almost appears to be some sort of castle. It’s easily the largest structure in the area, so, I guess that’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “I’ve been dropped off on what appears to be a landing platform on the castle’s largest tower. Despite their primitive status, the native Turribans manning the adjacent towers are armed with some pretty high-tech gear: laser rifles and scanning binoculars. I guess my visit is expected, otherwise this might have been messy. Still, I’m not going to push my luck. It’s time to head inside.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve made my first contact with the native Turribans. My first impression is that they are mighty ugly, and they have ridiculous hair. Hello there. Do you speak basic?”
Magistrate: “I’m not a Turriban, Doog. I’m a human, just like you. I’m the local magistrate.”
Doog: “My bad. The strange get-up you have going on might have thrown me off. So, you’re a magistrate? What‘s that?”
Magistrate: “The native Turribans still live under a feudal system. Lords rule their section of the planet from castles like this. Their vassals, that live on nearby stalagmites, get protection from the lords in exchange for their loyalty and weekly shipments of goods. When the LIU first arrived, it was decided that it would be easier, and cheaper, to incorporate the existing feudal system rather than use military force to install a new system. We picked out a few of the more powerful lords, armed them to the teeth, and helped them conquer their brethren. We’ve reduced the number of feudal lords from about thirty to three. In return, the remaining feudal lords have sworn fealty to the LIU. As magistrate, I oversee the interactions of the three lords, keep peace, and insure the remaining lords are still living up to their promises to the LIU.”
Doog: “In other words, you‘re a glorified babysitter and snitch. And what’s with the dorky outfit?”

Magistrate: “I happen to take offense to that! This is traditional magistrate garb, worn by myself and my predecessors for centuries.”
Doog: “Well, I think it’s time for a new trend. You look like old woman with a mustache.”
Magistrate: “Perhaps you should keep your opinions to yourself, especially once we reach the throne room. Your impertinent attitude will not sit well with his lordship. He might get medieval on your butt, literally. You’ll find the Turribans are rightfully classified as…primitive…”

Paco: “It’s about time! It’s been days since you’ve visited, White Hair! I have words from my scouts that you have been cozying up to Lord Basal for days on end. It almost appears that you two are planning on making a move against my lands.”
Magistrate: “Certainly not, Lord Paco. As I have assured you many times before, the LIU has no interest in any conflicts between the lords. Lord Basal was simply having some labor issues that required my assistance.”
Paco: “Ah! Lord Basal is weak. He’s losing control of his vassals. Perhaps you and I should discuss a move against him. I’d happily assume control of his lands.”
Magistrate: “Again, we aren’t interested in any conflict. We’ll keep you in power and preserve the status quo as long as you live up to your end of the deal. I presume production is still on track?”
Paco: “Unlike my weaker counterpart. We’ve had no issues. Production is well above the agreed limits.”

Paco: “And who is this? A reward for my allegiance? He looks plump and tasty.”
Magistrate: “No. This is Doog. He’s a representative of the LIU, and I expect him to be treated as such. He’s here to tour your operations. Perhaps you can spare one of your vassals for a few hours?”
Paco: “It shall be done, but I expect to be rewarded handsomely.”
Magistrate: “Hmm, Lord Basal said he’d do it for much cheaper. Perhaps I should speak to him again.”
Paco: “No, no. Fine. Take one of the Aliger. There’s a small village to the east. One of my vassals there would be glad to show you around.”
Magistrate: “Alright. I shall return shortly to discuss your reward.”

Doog: “Am I seriously riding on a giant bat?”
Magistrate: “Not an actual bat, but closely related. This is an Aliger, the winged mount of the Turriban people. The solvents in the water below are an irritant and not safe for swimming. All the species here evolved the ability to fly, so that they may travel among the various stalagmites.”
Doog: “I didn’t see any wings on the Turriban?”
Magistrate: “The Turribans did have wings at one time, but they evolved a more stationary existence amongst the stalagmites. Their wings became smaller and smaller until they more closely resembled hands.”

Magistrate: “Looks like we’re approaching a village.”
Doog: “Alright folks, looks like we are finally here. The Turribans have utilized the little available space on the planet to construct vertical villages. Hopefully, one of these villagers will be my guide.”

Doog: “Hello there. I’m Doog. Lord Paco said that you’d give me a tour of your world.”
Lamia: “Did he specifically mention me? I don’t really have time for this.”
Doog: “No, not specifically, but you’re they only habitat on the ground level. I don’t do ladders, especially not rickety ladders like those.”
Lamia: “I really don’t have time. I’m on a production schedule. Lord Paco is not very forgiving to those who fail to meet the production quota.”
Doog: “I’ll tell you what. Just take me with you. Do what you would normally do. Show me what you produce. I won’t get in the way. I might even help.”
Lamia: “Sigh. I guess. Let’s be quick.”

Doog: “So, what should I call you?”
Lamia: “I’m Lamia. Please, can we hurry up. Grab this paddle.”
Doog: “Wait? Shouldn’t we take one of the awesome Aliger thingies?”
Lamia: “The Aliger are reserved for the very rich. As you can see by the size of my home, I am not very rich. Come on.”

Lamia: “Uh, you’re holding your paddle upside down.”
Doog: “Huh, oh, I guess I am. Why am I holding this thing anyway?”
Lamia: “Why?! So you can paddle! You said you would help.”
Doog: “Correction. I said I might help.”

Doog: “What are these?”
Lamia: “These are Bloaters, a native plant species. They spend most of the time underwater. When they reach maturity and it’s time to mate, their large fruit inflates with air and brings the plant to the surface. This fruit contains large amounts of nectar. My race subsists off this plants sweet nectar. One of my jobs is to collect nectar from mature plants, not only to feed myself and my family, but to feed his lordship and all his cronies.”

Lamia: “The plant’s leaves are also collected. The woody leaves are used for building materials.”
Doog: “Let’s grab some up.”
Lamia: “There’s not enough space in the boat, thanks to you. I’ll have to come back later.”
Doog: “Ok. What’s next?”

Lamia: “Look. I think it’s nice that you put your paddle down in the water to pretend like you’re helping, but all you’re really doing is creating drag and making it harder for me.”
Doog: “I don’t help…you whine. I do help…you whine. Anyone ever tell you that you’re like a woman? So, what is this? This seems out of place.”

Lamia: “In exchange for weapons and power, the feudal lords offer up laborers,
such as myself, to operate the LIU’s chemical production rigs. The solvents in
the water are apparently valuable.”

Lamia: “The rig is pretty self-sufficient, but labor is needed to fill and transport containers. That’s where we come in.”
Doog: “Can we take a look inside?”
Lamia: “Yeah. I need to head inside and help fill some containers.”

Lamia: “As you can see, my fellow vassal is already here filling containers.”
Doog: “Can you explain some of the science behind this? What’s exactly going on?”
Lamia: “Science!? Do I look like a science expert to you? I live in a f’in hut and use a row boat to get around!”

Doog: “Geesh, I was just asking.”
Lamia: “Look, all I know is I come here as often as I can and fill containers. I take a canister, attach it to the valve, let it fill up, then take it off. I then take the filled containers to the roof to be picked up. If we don’t fill up enough, we get punished. I might not get any nectar for my family. The science here is simple…production equals livelihood.”

Doog: “Well folks, Turribus is an interesting place. By using the existing feudal structure, the LIU is able to produce solvents for almost no costs. Well, see ya next time!”

Note:
Join the Magistrate Intern Program!…Yes, you have to wear the outfit…

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 12 Ambroscus

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Season 5 - Episode 10 - Anulus Pomarii Belt

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Anulus Pomarii Belt

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Anulus Pomarii Belt

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting one of the LIU Galaxy’s strangest biological spectacles, the Anulus Pomarii Asteroid Belt. A strange, space-based plant species has spread across the belt, uniting the asteroid belt into one large, interconnected ring. Each individual has joined several asteroids together with it vine-like tentacles. A grouping of asteroids joined by any one individual is known as a ‘cluster‘. Each of the major clusters are inhabited. We’re heading to the cluster known as West Virgo.”

Doog: “None of the belt’s asteroids have achieved sufficient size to hold an atmosphere, so the residents here live in pressurized space habitats. It appears the locals have made their own adjustments to the structure. I guess it adds some personality…hillbilly personality…”

Billy B: “What in the hells do you want boy? I sure hope you have a reason to be here trespassin’ on my cluster.”
Doog: “Uh, hello there. I’m Doog. I’m here to do a show about the Anulus Pomarii Belt. I believe arrangements have been made. This is West Virgo, right?”
Billy B: “Ha, you’re that fancy city boy they was talkin’ bout. They call me Billy Bob.”
Doog: “I’ve never been accused with being fancy before, but nice to meet you.”

Billy B: “Oh, you’s fancy alright. Whatcha got on there? A space tuxedo?”
Doog: “Huh? Oh, this. Well, you see, I had to rent a suit while mine gets repaired. This is all they had left in stock.”
Billy B: “Yeah, sure. Hey Billy Joe, take a look at this guy!”

Billy J: “What in the heck! Is that a space waiter? No one here ordered anything.”
Billy B: “Haha. Whatcha you think, Billy Ray?”

Billy R: “Gwa, heesa got pim berg leps. Hehehe.”
Doog: “What?”

Doog: “Well, whenever you guys are finished insulting my suit and mangling the Basic language, I’d like to get started. So, what do you guys do here?”
Billy B: “We makes Starshine.”
Doog: “What’s Starshine?”
Billy B: “Whatcha mean? Everyone, at least in these here parts, knows what Starshine is.”
Doog: “Well, as we have established, I’m not from these ‘parts‘.”
Billy B: “It’s only one of the most famous liquors in the universe…fermented from the flowers of the local Pomarii Space Vines. Sure, it’ll eat the enamel of your teeth, make your intestines boil, and cause blindness, but it sure is mighty tasty. And it gives a mean buzz too.”
Doog: “You’re telling me that these space plants have flowers?”
Billy J: “Boy, you must haves a hard time waitin’ tables with your hearing.”
Billy B: “Aw, screw it. Let’s just show him, Billy Joe. We’ll be here all cycle tryin’ to splain it to him. We wouldn’t wanna make him miss the prom.”

Billy R: “Yah, nosa be tinkin’ fezi.”

Billy B: “This asteroid is da largest in the cluster. It’s several miles long. We ain’t gonna walk around; it takes too long. It’s high time we bring out the ol’ truck.”

Doog: “Geez, this thing looks ancient.”
Billy B: “This is a classic, boy. A 3057 LIU Low-Grav All-Terrain Truck. Heavy, bulky, and boxy. Ol’ school LIU.”

Billy B: “Now, now, don’t go wreckin’ your tux. Let me help you up.”

Billy B: “You’d best be holdin’ on tight. The gravity here is mighty weak. We hit a bump, you might just find yourself floatin’ away.”
Billy J: “Dang it Billy Bob! I was gonna enjoy watchin‘ the fancy boy drifting away!”

Billy B: “There you’s have it. Some of the Pomarii Space Vine’s blooms. When the bloom matures, it ejects its spores into space and hopes they fertilize another space vine. The success rate of this type of reproduction is real, real low. Space is a big place. So, we’s are real lucky, the vines puts up new blooms constantly.”

Doog: “And you pick the flowers from the bloom.”
Billy B: “Sure thang. That’s if these two idiots can manage it…”
Billy J: “Darn it, Billy Ray. You’s a steppin’ on my face visor. I swear, you decompress me again, I’m a gonna knock out your last tooth.”
Billy R: “Ger, you fudging! Holl still!”

Billy B: “The biggest blooms can holds up to twenty flowers. More than enoughs to make a bottle of Starshine. Looks like we gots about twelve here. We’s gonna have to harvest its lil’ buddy o’er her too. Then we’ll head on back and brew it up.”

Doog: “Wow, what’s this?”
Billy B: “Ah, it’s a trunk, one of the larger parts of the vine that spans the void between asteroids. You see, the Pomarii Vine spends out lil’ tentacles that search for other asteroids to spread to. They’s are light sensitive. They seek darkness. Dark means shadows, and shadows means something is blockin’ out the sunlight. More than likely another asteroid. The tentacles slowly grow towards the dark, and when they reach another asteroid, they take up root. More tentacles grow around their successful buddy, thickenin’ it up until it becomes as thick as this trunk. The Pomarii Vine has spread across the whole belt usin’ this technique.”
Doog: “Interesting.”
Billy B: “We‘re almost back to the ol‘ homestead. There, we’s are gonna show you how we turn these here flowers into Starshine.”

Billy B: “Home sweet home.”
Doog: “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
Billy B: “ Yeah, we’s made a few modifications. Feels more like home this way.”

Billy B: “The first step in turnin’ the flowers to Starshine requires that we smash ‘em up and extract the nectar. We don’t need no fancy machine for that. We got women for dat. Mary Lou! Bobbie Marie! Get your no good behinds down here and get to mashin’!”

Mary: “We’s coming. Hold your horses, you ol’ dog!”

Billy B: “Well, whatcha waiting for? They ain’t gonna mash themselves.”
Bobbie: “You’d best be keeping’ that filthy tongue of yours still, Billy Bob. Or we might just be mashin’ you up.”
Mary: “Well, Billy ray. Get us a tune going!”

All: “Flowers from the space vine,
Make a burning wine,
We’re all swine for Starshine!
B’fore we dine,
Gimme mine,
We all pine for Starshine!
When you’ve had nine,
You’ll feel fine,
Get in line for Starshine!”
Doog: “I don‘t mean to whine, but that song was far from divine.”

Billy Bob: “Once all the juices have been stomped out the flowers, we pour it into a container and cook it for a bit. The flower naturally have alcohol in them, it keeps them from freezing up in the cold void of space. Cookin’ it just concentrates the alcohol more.”
Doog: “Sick! Are you cooking it in a trash can?!”
Billy B: “What‘s the big deal? We emptied all da trash out beforehand.”

Billy B: “Once it gets all cooked up, we pour it into jugs to cool. It’s then ready to drink.”

Doog: “Well folks, there you have it. Here on the Anulus Pomarii Belt, some culturally undeveloped folks make Starshine, a powerful alcoholic drink. The drink’s rarity and unique composition make it an expensive addition to any liquor cabinet. See ya!”

Note:
Preview

A new series coming soon - LIU Revolution

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 11 - Turribus

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