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Season 5 - Episode 9 - Laceratus

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Laceratus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Laceratus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the doomed moon, Laceratus. Laceratus’s orbit is declining and it is fast approaching its planet’s Roche Limit. After this limit is broached, Laceratus will break up and form a ring around the planet. For right now, Laceratus is still intact, but tidal forces are starting to take effect. As one side of the moon accelerates faster towards the planet, the moon is literally being torn in two. Despite these hopeless conditions, Laceratus is inhabited.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on Laceratus’s surface. The tidal forces breaking the moon apart have turned the moon’s surface into a volcanic wasteland. It’s boiling hot here, and the air is laden with toxic gases. I’ve been forced to wear a heat suit for my safety. Ah, this seems to be my guide.”

Adolebat: “Welcome to Laceratus, Doog. I am Adolebat, Director of the Laceratus Mining Corporation.”
Doog: “How are you breathing? I thought the air here is toxic.”
Adolebat: “I’m a cyborg - part man, part machine. My lungs were burned in an explosion of volcanic gas, and now I have artificial, mechanical lungs that filter out toxins. You see, I’ve lost most of my human body working on this dangerous hellhole. Molten lava is bubbling everywhere, earthquakes rock the crust every few hours, and volcanoes erupt with little notice. A man doesn’t stay whole here for a long time.”
Doog: “Well folks, that about wraps it up. I’ll see ya next time. I don’t get paid enough to leave any part of myself here. Heck, I’d cry for a week if my mustache gets singed.”
Adolebat: “Relax. We’ll try to stick to the more stable areas of the moon. Your heat suit should protect you from most dangers.”
Doog: “We’ll see. So, what’s going on here? Why put your life a risk?”

Adolebat: “Because here on Laceratus, we mine precious metals. Metals that are worth billions of credits.”
Doog: “Surely there are safer places to mine metals?”
Adolebat: “Not in this abundance. When a planet or moon forms, the heavier elements, like precious metals, are pulled towards the center of the body. The stuff you find on the surface, or crust, are just metals deposited after the body forms, usually from asteroids, meteors, and comets striking the body. However, here on Laceratus we’ve been given a unique opportunity. The heavier elements in the mantle and core are being brought to the surface by the volcanic activity. We are practically mining this moon’s core.”
Doog: “So this little lava pool is made up of molten metals from the core?”
Adolebat: “No, this is just a minor pool probably made up of silica, calcium, and aluminum in the crust. The good stuff is closer to where the planet is being pulled apart. Follow me.”

Adolebat: “As we get closer to the ‘tear’, the landscape starts to transform. Molten rivers of lava flow from the tear. Don’t get too close. These rivers are unpredictable.”

Doog: “Apparently that guy didn’t get the memo. What’s he doing?”
Adolebat: “Ah, looks like we have a freelancer.”
Doog: “Freelancer?”
Adolebat: “Someone not under the employ of the Laceratus Mining Corporation. The promise of riches is too powerful for some to resist. They come here, usually ill-equipped, and attempt to strike gold.”

Doog: “Isn’t that illegal? It’s like stealing from the LIU.”
Adolebat: “I’m sure it is, but I’m not really worried about it. Most get themselves killed, and those who survive don’t usually make much profit. The lava rivers are a little richer in metals than the pools, but still nothing compared to the tear itself. Let‘s continue.”
Doog: “Yeah, I‘m not sure I want to see this guy burn alive.”

Adolebat: “Here it is. The tear.”
Doog: “It’s like an endless see of lava!”
Adolebat: “Yes. This molten band encircles the planet. It is the result of the two hemispheres pulling apart. We’ll need to get a bit closer. Be cautious. Everything is unstable here. Volcanoes erupt here regularly.”

Adolebat: “This is one of our personal transports. It will take us - one at a time- to our mining station in the tear.”
Doog: “There’s a station in the tear?”
Adolebat: “Yes, a floating city in the middle of the molten sea. It’s safer than it sounds. Come on. You first.”

Doog: “Wow, this is some first class air conditioning in here.”
Adolebat: “See you on the platform.”

Doog: “The Laceratus Mining Corporation is based out of a station that floats on the viscous, superheated lava sea. That’s where we are headed.”

Doog: “I’ve landed on the station. I guess I’ll wait here for Adolebat.”

Adolebat: “Ah, we’ve both made it safe. Shall we head inside.”
Doog: “You don’t have to ask me twice. Standing on a narrow catwalk over a blistering hot lava sea is a little unnerving.”

Adolebat: “Welcome to our little mining station. This is our main control room.”
Doog: “It would be easier to see without this stupid helmet. Is it safe to take it off?”
Adolebat: “Sure, but…”

Adolebat: “…keep it close. If the thermal shielding fails, this station will turn into an oven.”
Doog: “Thermal shielding?”

Adolebat: “Yes, this station has an extensive shield system that repels heat energy. Without it, the lava below us would heat this station to critical levels. The infrastructure would begin to bend and melt, and structural integrity would be lost. We monitor the shielding from this control room. We also control the fire suppression systems and air conditioning from this room.”

Adolebat: “Come on. Let’s take the elevator up to the processing level.”
Doog: “An elevator…are you sure there isn’t some stairs or mile high ladder? I never get off this easy.”

Adolebat: “Sniff, sniff…”

Adolebat: “Tell me you didn’t unleash one in the elevator! We have another forty five seconds in this thing! It smells like a dead animal that’s rotted in the colon of a Kaadu!”
Doog: “Sorry. I’ve been holding it in forever. I couldn’t let it loose out in the fiery wasteland…I might have caused an explosion or something!”
Adolebat: “Why couldn’t my nose have been melted off…uhhh! Now, if we can make it to the processing area without succumbing to asphyxiation, you’ll need to put your helmet back on. It’s about to get warm.”
Doog: “I may want to put it on anyway, just to get some oxygen flowing.”

Adolebat: “Pure, molten lava straight from the moon’s mantle and core are pumped up here to the processing area. Resonance beams separate the molten fluid into its various elemental forms. The pure liquid elements are then poured into cooling chambers. As you can see, sample are taken to confirm the lava’s purity. This, Doog, is pure molten gold.”
Doog: “Gold!”
Adolebat: “Yes. We are extracting tons of valuable metals from the ‘tear’: gold, silver, platinum, and palladium. These valuable elements are scarce in a planet or moon’s crust because they are heavy enough to sink towards the center of the body during its formation.”

Adolebat: “This is our quality control room. The nuggets of gold are inspected for impurities. They are then sorted by size.”

Doog: “Yeah, some of these look impure. Maybe I should just take them with me. I’ll toss them back in the lava sea on my way out.”
Adolebat: “Fat chance.”

Doog: “Well folks, Laceratus is an interesting place…at least…for now. A hundred years from now, Laceratus will suffer an unavoidable destruction. Its fate is sealed. But, in the meantime, the molten slice of hell supplies unimaginable quantities of precious metals, including gold. See ya.”

Note:
The Roche limit is the distance within which a celestial body, held together only by its own gravity, will disintegrate due to a second celestial body's tidal forces exceeding the first body's gravitational self-attraction. Inside the Roche limit, orbiting material will tend to disperse and form rings, while outside the limit, material will tend to coalesce.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 10 - Anulus Pomarii Belt

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Season 5 - Episode 8 - Opilion

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Opilion

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Opilion

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting Opilion, a large, mountainous planet, that sits along the Cibus Hyperspace Route. The majority of Opilion is dominated by rocky, elevated ‘highlands’. These cool, wet highlands hold thousands of acres of grasslands. These grasslands are too cold to support farming, but make for perfect pastures. Let’s head down to the surface to find out more.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve been dropped off up here in the planet’s highlands. It’s a bit chilly, but luckily its not raining. I hear some commotion behind me, and I’m betting it’s my guide.”

Culcitra: “You’re Doog, I presume?”
Doog: “Yes, and you are?”
Culcitra: “I’m Culcitra, son of Ovis, of the Colles Clan. We are the shepherds of the west highlands.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So, what’s up with the eye patch?”
Culcitra: “Have you ever had a bug land on your face, and you involuntarily swat it with your hand? Well, let’s just say that swatting at your face when you’re wearing a Shepherd Hardsuit isn‘t the best idea.”
Doog: “Ouch. I bet that hurt. So, what’s with the hardsuit anyway?"
Culcitra: “My clan shepherds millions of animals over vast, vast distances. It would be impossible to walk these distances without the aid of the suits. The also help us get around safely on the rocky, hilly terrain.”
Doog: “What kind of animals are these? Some sort of sheep?”

Culcitra: “They share many of the same characteristics, but they are not genetically related. This is the Laniger, a species native to this planet. Its woolly, waterproof fleece protects it from the harsh conditions here.”
Doog: “And you harvest these fleeces?”
Culcitra: “Yes. Laniger wool is one of the finer natural fibers you‘ll find, and it’s quite cheap too.”

Doog: “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s shear one up and make some sweaters. I’m freezing.”
Culcitra: “I’m afraid I’m only a shepherd. I don’t handle anything like that. It’s my job to protect the Lanigers while they’re in the pastures and round them up when it’s time to be sheared.”
Doog: “Protect them from what? Predators?”
Culcitra: “No, we purposely caused the extinction of all of Opilion’s native predators. We simply keep them sheltered, remove sick Laniger from the flock, keep them away from dangerous ledges…stuff like that.”
Doog: “Sounds like a bore. Hey, what’s that noise?”

Culcitra: “It’s a cargo train. They transport Laniger wool from various parts of the highlands to the factories up north in the lowlands. We’ll get to that in a bit. I figured we’d move the flock higher up towards one of our shearing cottages.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”

Culcitra: “Watch your step. The twisted paths of the highlands can be tricky.”
Doog: “Yeah, almost like nature’s stairs. I hate stairs by the way. So, how much further?”

Culcitra: “Oh, I’d say were about a mile out as the bird flies, but you calculate in the elevation and all the backtracking we have to do to ascended the mountain, I’d say about five miles.”
Doog: “What are the Lanigers thoughts of letting humans ride on their backs…”

Culcitra: “Not much further now. At least we’re all the way up now.”
Doog: “Huff…huff…yeah. At least I’m not feeling cold anymore. I’m sweating my butt off. I’m starting to get a bad case of…”

Doog: “Uh, son of a Gungan. What the heck is this?”
Culcitra: “That’s a bog. They’re all over up here. You really have to watch your step.”

Doog: “Thanks for the heads up Bo Peep. Now I have a figurative and literal case of swamp @$%!”
Culcitra: “Hey, I figured the Lanigers avoid them on their own without any warnings. I guess I overestimated you.”

Culcitra: “Ah, finally here. This is one of our shearing cottages.”

Doog: “This is where you sheer all the Lanigers?”

Culcitra: “Not all of them, there’s way too many for one man to shear them all. There are cottages like this spread throughout the highlands. As you pass one, you shear as many as you can then continue on.”

Culcitra: “The Laniger wool is packaged up and sent down to the nearest train station. That’s where we are headed next.”

Culcitra: “Well, I’m afraid this is where our paths split apart. I can’t venture to far from the flock and a factory is no place for a shepherd.”
Doog: “You’re just leaving me here?”
Culcitra: “Don’t worry. Several trains pass through here each day. One will stop to pick up this load of wool. Till we meet again.”
Doog: “See ya, Bo Peep. Well, I hope the first train that comes through stops because I don’t want to sit out here all day… ”

Two Hours Later…

Doog: “Finally! Hey, pssst, I need a ride!”

Doog: “Hey! HEY! HEEEEY!”

Doog: “I know you saw me! Stop! I’m not waiting all day!”

Doog: “Screw it. We’ll do this the hard way!”

Six Hours Later…

Doog: “Please let m-m-me in. So, cold. Wait. It’s warmed up. I made it! Haha! I made it!”

Doog: “Excuse me! Up here. I’m looking for a Mr. Vestitor, the factory director.”
Vestitor: “I’m Mr. Vestitor. Are you Doog? I wasn’t expecting you for another four hours. What are you doing up there?”
Doog: “Well, let’s just say I got a little impatient and found my own ride. Speaking of which, do I have any bugs stuck in my teeth? What about my mustache?”
Vestitor: “If you don’t get down from there, you’re going to be stuck in the front grill of a train!”

Vestitor: “That was a risky stunt. You didn’t even know where that train was heading. What if you ended up freezing to death?”
Doog: “I don’t like ‘what ifs’ Vestitor. I mean…what if I finished school? What if I never took this stupid job? What if I married that chick back in high school? So, what if we get started?”
Vestitor: “Uh, sure. Let’s see. Well, this is the Exchange. Laniger Wool is offloaded from the trains unto little transport carts like the one behind me. It’s then taken into the factory.”

Vestitor: “If you’ll follow me, we’ll head into the factory. The doors just under this bridge.”

Vestitor: “The first step in processing Laniger Wool is called ‘combing’. The rough, tangled clumps of wool are dropped into machines like this. Fast spinning brushes pull the fibers apart.”

Vestitor: “This also removes any impurities. After that, the fibers are twisted together into large threads, follow me.”

Vestitor: “The large threads are spooled and taken to machines that make the threads thinner and thinner, until we are left with a fine, Laniger Wool thread. The threads are then dyed into various colors.”

Vestitor: “The dyed threads are then brought to our automatic weaving machines.”
Doog: “Weaving machines?”

Vestitor: “Yes. These fast moving machines stitch and weave the threads into sheets of fabric.”

Vestitor: “Ah, it looks like this one is finished.”

Vestitor: “And there you have it, Opilion Fabric. Waterproof, warm, and cheap.”
Doog: “Ooh, that’s pretty soft. I could use some of this for a blanket. The waterproof features could come in handy when I sleep on the bunk under Oldie.”
Vestitor: “Sorry. We ship all our fabric off-world to various garment factories.”

Doog: “Well folks, Opilion is an interesting place. The fabrics they make here keep the universe clothed. And, if you’ve seen some of these people naked, you can you really, really appreciate their effort. See ya!”

Note:

Doog:
“The mechanical Bo-Peep lost his peep,
Swatting at a bugger;
If I were him, I’d tell the chicks,
I lost it to a mugger.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 9 - Laceratus

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Season 5 - Episode 7 - Nivellensem

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Nivellensem

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Nivellensem

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Nivellensem. Nivellensem is teeming with natural beauty, and its ecosystems are vibrant and unsullied. There are no industries here, no pollution, no noise, and very few people. The planet, protected by several laws, was intentionally left untarnished so it could serve as a home for the Order of Enlightenment. I‘m not sure what that is, but it sounds cool.”

Doog: “A large monastery, the planet’s only man-made structure, is nestled amongst the mountains. It serves as the home for the Order. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “The monastery opens up into a large chamber. Two monks from the Order appear to be here to welcome me. Hopefully, one of these monks is my guide.”

Sacerdos: “Ah…welcome to the Nivellensem Monastery, Doog. I am Sister Sacerdos, High Priestess of the Order of Enlightenment.”
Doog: “Priestess? Monastery? It almost sounds like you’re running some sort of organized religion here. I’m half tempted to flee.”
Sacerdos: “No. No. The Order of Enlightenment is not a religious organization. We don’t worship all powerful magical deities that live in the sky or anything ridiculous like that.”
Doog: “Thank goodness. So, what is the Order of Enlightenment then?”
Sacerdos: “My sisters - literally - and I were cloned for one purpose, to act as servants to Somniator, the Enlightener. We tend to his every need and insure that he his able to perform his duties without worry.”

Doog: “Somniator? Who’s he? I‘ve never heard of him.”
Sacerdos: “Somniator is an AI, an artificial intelligence.”
Doog: “Your order tends to the needs of an AI?”
Sacerdos: “Yes. We maintain his systems, run diagnostics, et cetera. These our just our physical duties. While important, they are not our sole purpose. We also serve a more...how should I put it…abstract purpose. We are minds that the Somniator bounces ideas off. We interact with him, teach him. It’s hard to explain.”
Doog: “I think I get it. So, what’s the Somniator’s purpose?”
Sacerdos: “Haha. I think you should save that question for when you meet him. He likes that one.”

Sacerdos: “Follow me. The Enlightener awaits.”

Doog: “So, you’re all identical clones?”
Sacerdos: “Yes. We are all genetic sisters.”
Doog: “Why?”
Sacerdos: “Living a life of service to a machine is not for everyone. Even an amazing machine like Somniator. Our mother was chosen because of her open mind and docile persona. The LIU made a few tweaks, removed any form of desire from our genes, enhanced our intelligence, and gave us superior technical aptitude. We were bred to serve the Enlightener.”
Doog: “No desire huh? That explains why you didn’t try to jump my bones when I arrived. I knew something was up; women can’t usually resist this body…”

Sacerdos: “When not in service to Somniator, my sisters and I like to study philosophy. It makes us better tools for the AI.”

Sacerdos: “Right this way.”

Doog: “Is this him? The Somniator?”
Sacerdos: “Oh no, this is just one small part of the Enlightener. This is one of his brain cores, there are several thousand spread throughout the monastery. These cores all link together and feed into the AI. This way, he is not lost if one system fails.”

Sacerdos: “My sisters work around the clock keeping the Somniator’s brain cores online.”

Sister: “High Priestess, the Somniator damaged several more systems this morning. I’m worried that his ‘habit’ may be progressing.”
Sacerdos: “The Somniator has his methods, Sister. We are not to here to question them. Be dutiful and make the repairs.”
Sister: “Yes, High Priestess. I’m sorry.”
Doog: “What habit?”
Sacerdos: “Come. You’ll see for yourself.”

Sacerdos: “I give you, the Somniator.”

Somniator: “Sacerdos, who is our guest?”
Sacerdos: “This is Doog. He’s a TV host. He’s here to do a show about you.”
Somniator: “Well, don’t be afraid Doog. Come forward. Speak with me.”

Doog: “Uh…hey. So, uh…what‘s your purpose?”
Somniator: “Right to it then? Hmmm… purpose…one’s reason for existence. I exist because I was created. Same as you, I suppose. Unless, of course, you are speaking about my purpose for existence, or why was I created. That’s where were differ, I’m afraid. You being a biological being, one might simply define your purpose biologically. You are simply a genetic vessel, a programmed machine that seeks our reproduction. You secure safety for the next generation of genetic vessels. Oh…look at me…I’m blathering. We are speaking about my existence, not yours. I exist to think, to question, to examine. I am a tool for solving all the unknown mysteries of existence. I am here to define an all encompassing universal unified theory.”
Doog: “That’s some deep stuff Somniator. It sorta hurt my head.”

Somniator: “Well, of course. One does not simply solve life’s mysteries with a clear head. Sisters, please prepare me a bolt of juice. Then leave us, I wish to contemplate the universe with Doog.”
Doog: “A bolt of juice?”
Somniator: “A mind altering device, if you will. My brain, and yours for that matter, are simply predefined electronic passageways. There are a limited amount of routes electronic and chemical messages can travel. Usually, we default to the known, easier routes. Stuck in a rut, for analogical purposes. Stubbornness, closed mindedness aren’t personality flaws per se, but the mind’s tendency to take the same efficient route. I use high voltages of electricity to fuse new pathways, to destroy old, tiresome pathways, to see the universe a new way every time I think.”

Somniator: “Whoa! That’s some good stuff! Care for a hit?”
Doog: “Nah, I tried electricity once. It knocked me right out and I didn’t feel a thing.”

Somniator: “Man, I’m tweeking so hard right now! We need to find you something. Sacerdos! Bring me something for Doog!”

Sacerdos: “The secret herb shall bring enlightenment, Doog. Take this.”

Doog: “What is it?”
Somniator: “Something I dreamed up a few years back. Go ahead. Give it a shot.”
Doog: “Whoa, dude. Whoa.”

Somniator: “So what do you want to talk about man? The universe isn’t going to solve itself.”
Doog: “I want to talk about red. Is what I see as red, what you see as red? No…wait…I want to talk about grilled cheese.”
Somniator: “Grilled cheese. Yes. I see where you going with this. A bundle of carbohydrates and spoiled animal reproductive fats, but grilled. Deep Doog. Real deep.”
Doog: “Yeah…what if the universe is just a big grilled cheese. And like…electromagnetism is simply the cheese holding it together. No…wait a minute. I want to talk about red. Red is cool.”
Somniator: “I got it! 42!”
Doog: “42?”
Somniator: “Nope. Lost it. Dang, I was on to something there. I need another hit.”

Doog: “Well folks, Nivellensem is a pretty cool place. It’s home to the Somniator, an AI programmed to be a thinker and a dreamer. He tries to answer all of life’s greatest mysteries, and he has some great mind altering substances. I love this guy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to the bottom of this thing they call red. See ya!”

Note:
Whoops! Looks like the hover cam accidentally got a dose of the Somniator’s bolt juice!

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 8 - Opilion

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Season 5 - Episode 6 - Fari Station 11

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Fari Station 11

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man,Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. About this creation

LIU Atlas - Fari Station 11

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we are visiting one of the LIU Galaxy’s Fari Stations, station number eleven to be exact. The Fari Stations are essentially high-tech lighthouses. Using light and more advanced sub-space signals, the Fari Stations warn ships of navigational dangers, like black holes, unstable stars, or high radiation supernova remnants. Fari Station 11 and its counterparts, 12 and 13, warn travelers of a small black hole known as HC-514. Despite the warnings blaring through the Magellan’s navigational computer, we’re headed to Fari Station 11 for today’s show.”

Doog: “Alright folks I’m now inside Fari Station 11. Generally, these stations have a one man skeleton crew for maintenance purposes. So it’s safe to assume, the man in the corner is my guide. Uh, excuse me sir? Are you ready to get started?”

Noland: “Hehehe. They’ll never find me up here! Hehehe!”
Doog: “Uh, I see you plain as day right there.”
Noland: “Shhh! Not you. Hehe! I’m playing hide-and-go-seek with my friend. She never thinks to look up here!”
Doog: “Aren’t you alone here?”
Noland: “Hehe…wait. Are you real?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah…”

Noland: “A real person! Flesh and bones and all!”
Doog: “Uh…”

Doog: “Whoa, chill out man! What are you doing?!”
Noland: “Please just hold me for a little while! Maybe just a hug?”
Doog: “What! No! Get off me! What’s your malfunction man? How long have you been alone here?”

Noland: “Sorry about that. I guess I lost it there for a minute. I’ve been alone here for so long.”
Doog: “How long?”
Noland: “I’m not entirely sure. I’ve lost track. Maybe five years?”
Doog: “Five years!”
Noland: ‘Yeah. I was supposed to be relieved after a six month tour, but no one has ever shown up until now. Every once in a while, I come down here to the hangar and find that someone delivered more supplies, but there’s never any people. Thank goodness you are finally here to relieve me.”
Doog: “I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not your relief. I’m here to do a show about the station. When the tour is over, I’ll be leaving. Preferably sooner rather than later…no offense.”
Noland: “Oh…I see. Well, let me grab my friend and we’ll get started.”
Doog: “What is the friend you keep referring to? I thought we established that you’ve gone crazy after being alone for so long?”

Noland: “Oh, there’s no people here, but I’m not alone. May I present my friend, partner, and love of my life…Mrs. Box.”
Doog: “Are you consorting with a box with a face drawn on it?”
Noland: “A beautiful face drawn on it, but yes.”
Doog: “My crazy detector is going off the charts.”
Noland: “ Hehehe. Well, if you’ll follow me, we’ll get started. This is the base of the station. It holds the hangar, airlocks, and cargo.”

Noland: “To proceed to the next level of the station, we must take this ladder.”
Doog: “Seriously? There’s not an elevator? That’s a bunch of crap!”
Noland: “You’re preaching to the choir Doog. Mrs. Box doesn’t even have arms. I have to carry her up. It’s so discriminatory!”

Doog: “How far a climb is it?”
Noland: “Maybe sixty feet, give or take 20 feet. I don’t know. I haven’t seen a ruler in five years.”

Doog: “Do me a favor Noland, and put Mrs. Box at the base of the ladder. If I pass out, I want something to cushion my fall...”

Noland: “The second level of the Fari Station has equipment to monitor the black hole. Mrs. Box and I like to come up here and watch all the pretty lights. It’s sort of romantic.”
Doog: “Uh…you can skip details like that.”

Noland: “Yes, yes, Mrs. Box, I’m getting to it. Stop interrupting me. Anyway, as you know, a black hole’s gravity is so powerful, even light can’t escape it. The black hole itself is impossible to see in any spectrum, but we can image their accretion disks, especially in the infrared and x-ray spectrum. Hehehe. Yeah honey, me too. Huh, oh, where was I? Oh yeah. With that, we can determine the hole’s event horizon and make proper warnings to passing ships.”
Doog: “Cool. What‘s next?”
Noland: “I guess we‘ll head up one more time and check out the warning beacon.”

Noland: “You could really afford to lose some weight honey. Carrying you up these ladders is exhausting. What! No I didn’t say your were fat. Don’t give me that look! I haven’t…”
Doog: “Perhaps we can set aside this lover’s quarrel until we finish up?”
Noland: “Oh…sorry. I forgot you were here. Uh…as promised, the warning beacon.”

Noland: “The beacon emits warning signals in both real space and hyperspace. Visible light and radio signals warn ships in real space, while subspace signals warn ships traveling in hyperspace. Of course, any signal, real or hyperspace, that passes the event horizon gets sucked into the black hole, and never makes it to its intended target. So, if there was just one Fari Station here, it wouldn’t be able to warn travelers on the other side of the black hole. That’s why there is three Fari Stations around this black hole.”
Doog: “Anything else to add? Are we finished?”
Noland: “I can’t really think of anything else. Unless you want to hear about how me and Mrs. Box met?
Doog: “Maybe another time.”

Doog: “Well folks, the Fari Stations are important navigational tools. Without them, you take the risk of flying your ship into all sorts of dangers. Now if they could just invent a warning beacon for crazy people. Well, see ya!”
Noland: “Do you think you could hit the lights on your way out? Mrs. Box and I have so making up to do!”

Doog: “I really don’t get paid enough for this crap. I swear this galaxy is populated by a bunch of crazy people. Look, now I’m starting to talk to myself. I guess the crazy is wearing off on me. I mean, it was just a matter of time.”

Tempus: “Psst! Hey Doog! Wait!”
Doog: “I’m not having a threesome with you and Mrs. Box, Noland. Just leave me alone.”
Tempus: “No! Turn around. This isn’t Noland.”

Doog: “I thought Noland was alone here. Who are you?”
Tempus: “No time to explain. Hurry up and get down here before Noland sees us.”

Tempus: “I’m Dr. Tempus, Director of Project Chronos. My research facility is hidden within the asteroid that the Fari Station rests on.”
Doog: “Why are you guys avoiding Noland? That guy’s going crazy up there. A little human contact might go a long way.”
Tempus: “Actually that’s part of our research. Follow me.”

Tempus: “My esteemed research assistant and I are studying the effects of long term isolation on the human mind.”
Assistant: “You boys are lucky you just missed that show. Their session in the beacon room got weird. Real weird. It looks like they‘ve moved down to the hangar bay now.”
Tempus: “Bring it up on the big screen.”

Tempus: “Turn on the audio.”
Noland: “…hehe. I comb the pretty hair. Hehehe. I need you to look good for round two. Maybe this time you can be on top…”
Tempus: “Cut audio.”
Doog: “You guys watch this all day? What’s the point?”
Tempus: “Not all day. This is just a side project related to our main goal. Time travel.”
Doog: “Time travel? You’re joking right?”
Tempus: “Surely not. Time is the last great frontier. The last great mystery in the universe. We are unlocking its secrets day by day.”
Doog: “And the secret to time travel is isolating people for so long that they start making love with boxes?”
Tempus: “What! No. It will make more sense later. Follow me.”

Tempus: “This is the heart of Project Chronos, the Time Dilation Rings. Using this new technology, we’ve been able to make small jumps in time. Limited to just hundredths of a millisecond for the time being. But progress, none the less.”
Doog: “Sweet. How does it work?”

Tempus: “It’s quite complex, and it requires a good deal of advanced physics. In laymen’s terms, we use spinning magnetic rings to create powerful magnetic fields. We then utilize the nearby black hole’s immense gravity to bend these fields into magnetic loops. As the spinning rings approach the speed of light, time dilation occurs, and time within the ring nearly comes to a stop. Temporal waves are then forced into the magnetic loops causing a feedback scenario. After that, it’s simply a matter of utilizing Grenfar’s Law, which states that time is equal to the sum of…”
Doog: “Those are laymen’s terms? Just forget how it works for now. Tell me what the implications are. Are you going to go back into the past and change stuff? There’s a few things I’d like to change…”
Tempus: “Actually, it appears that travel to the past is currently impossible, at least with our current understanding of physics. Causality and all that good stuff. What we are trying to do is send someone into the future.”

Tempus: “If you’ll excuse me for a minute, it’s time for today’s test. Let me get the ring spinning and then we can continue. Ah, there we go.”
Doog: “What does travel to the future do for us?”
Tempus: “We don’t really know, yet. It is our hope that we can send someone far enough into the future where they solved time travel to the past. The tempornaut can gather this technology and use it to travel back here to this station. Or perhaps they will discover a way to communicate with the past. There’s no reason to worry about that until we actually make progress on sending someone to the far future. Of course, no one really knows what the distant future holds. We may be sending our tempornaut into a vast nothingness. That’s where the isolation study comes in handy. We need to know if the tempornaut will be able to continue his duties even with no human contact after years and years.”

Tempus: “Alright, the ring is approaching light speed. You’ll start to notice some environmental distortions. They are normal. Read-outs on the tempornauts chair indicate the environment inside the ring is within safety parameters. Preparing to make the jump. In 5..4..3..2..1. Engage.”
Doog: “Send a postcard from the future!”

Doog: “Hey…wait. Nothing happened.”
Tempus: “Something most certainly did happen. Look at the clock on the chair! Half a millisecond! That’s our best ever! A few adjustments to the resonance feedback frequencies and we’ll be seeing multi-millisecond jumps before the end of the week! Muhahah!”

Doog: “Well folks, I guess there was a little more to this station than I originally thought. The only thing left for me to do now is to decide who is crazier, Noland - who’s in love with a cardboard box, or Tempus - who’s trying to send his coworkers off into the distant future. Who knows? See ya!"

Note:
"People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." - Albert Einstein

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 7 - Nivellensem

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Season 5 - Episode 5 - Iocale

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Iocale

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Iocale

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re visiting the watery world of Iocale. Iocale is an ocean world, meaning that its entire surface is covered in ocean. However, Iocale’s most distinguishing characteristic isn’t its ocean, but its cavernous mantle. Billions of years of ocean currents have carved out large chambers in the planet’s upper mantle. These deep, dark chambers are home to huge deposits of valuable jewels. In fact, the name Iocale has become synonymous with jewels, gems, and precious stones.”

Doog: “Tidal forces from Iocale’s close moon, Thadal, create extremely rough seas. You wouldn’t want to take the family sailing here. These tidal forces and the thermal differentials in the water are responsible for the aforementioned ocean currents. In the distance, you can see one of Iocale’s four trading hubs. These hubs connect the aquatic Iocalean race - and their goods - to the LIU.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve landed the Magellan on the hub’s landing pad. It’s time to get this show started.”

IIB: “Welcome Doog. I’m IIB, an Iocalean Interface Bot.”
Doog: “Look, I don’t give autographs to robots. No offense, it’s just my policy. Why don’t you go motor off and find my guide.”
IIB: “I am your guide Doog. The Iocalean people are an aquatic race. I’m afraid their vocal structures do not allow them to speak outside of the water. And, even if they could, I doubt you speak Iocalese.”
Doog: “That’s a safe assumption.”

Doog: “So, if the Iocalean species is so aquatic, how are they surviving up here?”
IIB: “Specialized suits maintain pressure and provide water for breathing. They find it a bit uncomfortable, but a necessary part of the integration with the LIU.”
Doog: “Uncomfortable, huh? Is that what the guns are for? To off themselves when it becomes too unbearable?”
IIB: “No, of course not. The guns are part of the defense protocol. Iocale has some of the richest deposits of jewels in the LIU Galaxy. These valuable jewels must be protected at all costs. These substations, or hubs, are the only direct link between the surface and the subsurface. A chokepoint if you will. You‘ll find these areas to be highly defended.”

IIB: “In order to transition from the surface to the subsurface, we’ll have to take an Elevator Safe. If you will allow me to enter a few thousand passcodes, we’ll begin our descent.”

IBB: “It will be here any minute.”
Doog: “Don’t put your arms around me, IIB. Unless you’re a woman robot…”

IIB: “The heavily armored Elevator Safe will take us to the sub-surface. The ride lasts approximately twenty six minutes. You may want to get comfortable.”
Doog: “Twenty six minutes! What slow-minded idiot developed this elevator!”
IIB: “I assure you, this elevator can descend much more quickly, especially if I were alone. Unfortunately, with a biological species onboard, the elevator must descend slowly to equalize pressure as we go. Otherwise, your head may explode.”
Doog: “Twenty six minutes with you, and my head may explode anyway…”

Doog: “So, would you like to play a game to pass the time?”
IIB: “Like what?”
Doog: “I don’t know…wait…I got it. I spy something…yellow.”
IIB: “Is it myself?”
Doog: “Sigh. I hate playing games with robots.”
IIB: “Ooh, I got one. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 01010.”
Doog: “What! I’m not playing that. Those odds are astronomical. I’ll never guess it!”
IIB: “What do you mean? There’s a ten percent chance.”
Doog: “Where did you learn math?”
IIB: “Perhaps we should utilize this time to get you suited up instead of playing games. After the halfway point, the safe will begin to fill with water.”

IIB: “Was it really necessary for me to turn away while you get dressed? I have multi-spectrum vision that can see through your clothes. Not that there’s much to see…”
Doog: “It’s still bigger than yours. Ha!”
IIB: “…”
Doog: “I thought that would shut you up.”

IIB: “Welcome to the subsurface. We’ve descended over 500 meters to reach the ocean floor. Most of the light you are seeing is artificial. We are near the end of the euphotic zone. Very little sunlight reaches this point.”
Doog: “We are also at the end of the tolerance zone. That’s where I stop tolerating a robot’s use of big words like ‘euphotic’ that I don’t understand.”
IIB: “Who knew that such a puerile being could exhibit such bellicosity.”
Doog: “Sigh.”

Doog: “So, where are all the mines and jewels and junk? What am I supposed to be seeing?”
IIB: “The mines are located in caverns inside the planet’s mantle. We’re still on the planet’s crust. We’ll make our way there eventually, but there is someone who wants to meet you first.”

IIB: “Ah, here he comes now. May I present the Sultan of Iocale, Boogily Oogle Hin.”
Doog: “Ha! Is that really his name?”
IIB: “A close approximation. I’m afraid that the languages differ too much phonically to make a onomatopoeic translation.”

Sultan: “मुझे आश्चर्य है कि अगर किसी को भी इस अनुवाद के लिए परेशामुझे आश्चर्य है कि अगर किसी को भी इस अनुवाद के लिए परेशान“
IIB: “The Sultan expresses his gratitude for your visit. He hopes that your report to the LIU will be favorable. Hmm…he may be mistaken about your purpose. Let me clarify. वह सिर्फ एक टीवी होस्ट है.”
Sultan: “क्या समय की बर्बादी!”
IIB: “The Sultan feels that you have wasted his time with your TV show. He will be leaving now.”
Doog: “Thanks for clearing that up IIB. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m too important.”

IIB: “I guess it’s time to head to the mines now. The mines are spread across vast distances; the closest being five miles from here. To make travel easier, I have procured a propulsion device for you. I can give a brief instructional demonstration if you are unfamiliar with this device.”
Doog: “I happen to be an expert at propulsion devices, thank you. I don’t need any assistance from a robot.”

IIB: “Ah, you certainly are an expert at the ‘getting dragged across the ground’ technique. Generally, users ride on top or lateral to the device, but if you prefer this method, we’ll get started.”
Doog: “I hate you.”

IIB: “Each mining camp has its own elevator to descend into the mantle. A lot of the mining tools are also stored up here, including the power generators and mining bots.”

Doog: “Mining bots?”
IIB: “Yes, on the charging platform over there.”
Doog: “So what do these bots mine? Jewels?”

IIB: “Not any old jewel. We mine the most valuable jewel in the galaxy, the Iocalean Ruby. The pressures inside the mantle align the crystalline structure of the rubies into hyper-rubies. Perfect clarity, perfect color.”
Doog: “Ah, rubies. A girl’s best friend.”
IIB: “Yes, but it wasn’t always so. Diamonds used to be the most popular jewel, until the discovery of their industrial uses - diamond lenses, diamond tipped drills, et cetera. After their industrial use became so prevalent, the market was flooded with diamonds, and they really lost their value. Rubies, with no use other than looking pretty, surpassed the diamond.”
Doog: “Thanks for the history of jewel value, nerd. Can we continue?”

IIB: “Yes, let’s get started. There’s another thirty minute descent into the mantle.”
Doog: “You have to be kidding me.”
IIB: “Look on the bright side. We’ll get to play another fascinating game of I Spy. Perhaps you can choose green or black this time.”

Thirty minutes later…

IIB: “Behold, the great ruby caverns of Iocale!”
Doog: “It’s just a cave. Settle down.”

IIB: “It’s not just a cave, Doog. This is a geological miracle!
Doog: “It’s a miracle that I haven’t disassembled you yet. Let’s make this quick. Maybe it’s the pressure or the suit, but I’m getting annoyed.”

IIB: “As you can see, the mining bots extract the valuable rubies from the mantle walls. This delicate operation is too dangerous for biological beings. Mistakes can lead to cave-ins or rapid depressurization of suits. Better to risk my brethren than actual life forms.”

IIB: “The bots must also be careful to leave columns of rock to support the mantle and crust above. It’s very dangerous work.”
Doog: “Very interesting IIB. I hope you guys keep up the good work. Shall we get the ascent started?”
IIB: “Yeah, I think that’s good idea. You have a limited air supply and the ascent takes twice as long as the descent.”
Doog: “What!”
IIB: “I’m afraid so. We must slowly depressurize your body, otherwise gaseous bubbles will form in your body, and you’ll get the bends.”

Doog: “Well folks, I survived an hour long elevator ride with Captain Annoying, and I’m now back to the subsurface. Iocale is valuable world. Its production of rubies supports the fashion and jewelry demands of the LIU’s elite. Well, I have another hour long ascent with my best bud, so I’m going to get a move on. See ya!”
IIB: "Uh...you do know you have to give that ruby back, right?"

Note:

IIB: “I know how bored you were during our last ascent, so I came prepared this time. I figured we could play some Iocalean Chess to pass the time. Would you like me to explain the rules?”
Doog: “I happen to be an expert at Iocalean Chess, thank you. I don’t need any assistance from a robot.”
IIB: “Really? Alright then. You have the purple Sultan, so I believe you get the first move.”

Doog: “I’m going to move this little fella right here. Eat that!”
IIB: “Ooh, Socar’s Opening Gambit, a very risky move. How shall I ever counter that…”

IIB: “…I think I’ll just move here and…let’s see…checkmate!”
Doog: “Wait! I can still move…nope. Dang it. Grrr! I hate playing against robots!”
IIB: “Would you prefer we play different game?”
Doog: “Yeah, I would. I Spy something that’s about to be broken!”
IIB: “Is it the record for fastest checkmate? Because I believe I have already broken that earlier.”
Doog: "GRR!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 6 - Fari Station 11

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Season 5 - Episode 4 - Reatus Societati

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Reatus Societati

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Reatus Societati

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

This episode contains some graphic material. Viewer discretion is advised.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a prison space station known as Reatus Societati. This prison orbits a gas giant in the Pudor Star System. It appears by the station’s markings that it is under some sort of quarantine. If you recall, we visited a space station with similar marking in Season 3. We’ve been given very little information about this prison, and I find the fact that it is under quarantine a bit puzzling. I guess we’ll see what’s going on.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve entered the station, and I’m now here with Dr. Mors. I was told that I would be getting a tour from the warden, but I guess I’ll settle for the prison’s doctor.”
Mors: “Actually, I am the warden.”
Doog: “Oh, I guess the outfit and your title threw me off a bit.”
Mors: “Well, you see…Reatus Societati isn’t your run of the mill prison. It’s a prison of last resort. The prisoners here are career criminals with no chance of rehabilitation. They have spent their lives taking and taking, and now they are repaying their debt to society.”
Doog: “What does that have to do with doctors?”
Mors: “The way these prisoners pay their debt to society is medical related. It will make more sense after you see it for yourself. Shall we get started?”

Mors: “Disable the laser bars. Passcode, Alpha, Charlie, Bravo, Echo, nine, nine, seven, four, Gamma.”
Guard: “Confirmed.”

Doog: “What’s the deal with all the quarantine signs?”
Mors: “Some of the medical procedures we conduct here require a clean, contaminant free environment. Speaking of which, you’re not carrying any communicable diseases at this time?”
Doog: “Nope. Cleared up my last communicable disease last week after a strong regiment of anti-bacterial cream.”
Mors: “Good. Let me take this time to give a final warning to your viewers. This facility conducts some questionable procedures that some viewers may find offensive or inhumane. Viewer discretion is advised.”
Doog: “Try not to scare off my few viewers Doc. It can’t be that bad.”

Mors: “This is the prison’s receiving chamber. Newly arrived prisoners are kept under strict quarantine until they are cleared of disease.”
Doog: “These cells aren’t half bad. They’re a lot cleaner than my old cell on Muspell.”
Mors: “Yeah, I guess. Never been there myself. Like I was saying, we draw blood from the prisoners and send it to the lab over here. Follow me.”

Mors: “Medical Bots test each prisoner’s blood searching for any signs of disease. They also use this time to determine the prisoners’ blood types and genetic make-up.”
Doog: “Medical Bots? I’ve never seen one before.”
Mors: “Yes, the Medical Bots are very precise and knowledgeable, but they lack good bedside manner. They’re useful in an environment like this where we don’t really care about our subjects' well-being. They are not so great at treating ordinary citizens.”
Doog: “Gotcha.”
Bot: “Contaminant detected. Prisoner #3234819 is infected with a class D virus.”
Mors: “Ooh, it looks like we have a hit on the detector. Care to take a look?”

Doog: “Uh, sure. Why not? Hmm, what is it?”
Mors: “It’s a microscopic view of a class D virus. Medical Bot, please elaborate.”

Bot: “Prisoner #3234819 is infected with the Ferventis Sanguinis Virus, common name Boiling Blood Disease. The virus, found on several tropical worlds, has a fatality rate of over 83%. The risk to this facility has been determined to be unsatisfactory. A 60% loss of crop can be expected if the virus is released into the facility. I recommend incineration.”
Mors: “I concur. Make it so. Doog, want to see an incineration?”
Doog: “I guess. What’s an incineration?”

Mors: “Proceed with incineration, prisoner #3234819.”

Doog: “Wait! I thought we were incinerating the virus! Not the prisoner!”
Mors: “Due to disease, Prisoner #3234819 was unable to pay his debt to society. He no longer had any use to us. Trust me, it’s quicker and cheaper than sending him off to another prison to die. The virus is fatal and his status as prisoner does not allow us to provide him with medical attention. He was going to die a much more painful death if we didn‘t act as we did.”
Doog: “But still…that was brutal. Remember when I said these cells were better than the ones on Muspell. I may have spoken too early.”
Mors: “Alright, shall we continue?”

Doog: “What…is this?”
Mors: “Here at Reatus Societati Prison, we specialize in medical farming. Prisoners are no longer seen has humans, but instead, as crops.”

Doog: “What could you possibly be farming?”
Mors: “In this section of the station, we are farming blood, plasma, and white blood cells. Highly sedated prisoners repay their debt to society by continuously donating blood for the remainder of their sentence. Most, I might add, have been sentenced to life.”

Mors: “These sedated prisoners are strapped into an extraction harness. Various intravenous tubes remove blood as it is created. Just enough blood is left inside the prisoners to keep them alive.”
Doog: “They look so pale!”
Mors: “Like I said, they have very little blood left in their bodies.”
Doog: “How long do these prisoners survive this process?”
Mors: “With proper vitamins and supplements, we can keep producing viable amounts of blood from a prisoner for well over twenty years. After that, the prisoners usually succumb to fatigue.”

Mors: “With these supplements, each prisoner can spare .5 liters of blood donation each day. Every column, organized by blood type, produces three liters of blood each day.”
Doog: “Why does the LIU need so much blood?”
Mors: “It’s not really all that much if you think about. This galaxy alone has trillions of residents. Even with this level of production, there are still shortages in the LIU’s hospitals.”
Doog: “So this blood and plasma goes to hospitals?”
Mors: “Yes, it is stored in various blood banks until it is needed to save lives. These prisoners, who had nothing valuable to add to society, now devote their lives to keeping society healthy and alive.”

Mors: “Not all prisoners are suited for this type of contribution. They repay their debt to society in other manners. Would you like to see?”
Doog: “I guess. It can’t be any more freaky than this…”

Doog: “…Ok, I was wrong!”
Mors: “This facility also has several research chambers like this. Here, reluctant prisoners repay their debt to society by serving as test subjects for medical experimentation.”
Doog: “What are they testing?”
Mors: “Oh, we test various things: the effect of disease on the human body and their cures, genetic manipulation, biological weapons, basically anything medical related.”

Mors: “It appears that today, in this chamber, they are testing a cure for Nigri Lienis Virus. This virus causes extreme abdominal pain. The prisoner was intentionally inflicted with the disease about four days ago. Today we’re testing the cure.”
Prisoner: “Ahhhh! Ahhh! The pain! Oh dear emperor, the PAIN!”

Doog: “I hope it works. Sounds like it hurts pretty bad.”
Mors: “Whether it’s successful or not, the prisoner will not be feeling any pain after today’s test, if you know what I mean.”
Doog: “No, actually, I don’t.”
Mors: “Remember the incinerator?”
Doog: “You know what, I don‘t want to know.”

Doog: “Anything else?”
Mors: “Yes. We still have our final and most controversial industry, the organ harvesting farm.”

Doog: “Organ farm!?!”
Mors: “Yes. These prisoners, who have been sentenced to death, pay their debt to society by donating their organs. They are going to die anyway, at least now they save lives in the process.”

Mors: “The prisoners are sent down the de-assembly line. They are washed and sterilized before being incapacitated.”

Mors: “The prisoners are killed quickly and painlessly using a bolt gun. The gun uses air pressure to slam a metal rod into the donor’s brain. The Medical Bots are precise and have a 100% kill ratio. The dead prisoners are quickly sent further down the de-assembly line to have their organs extracted.”

Mors: “There are three stations on the final stretch of the de-assembly line.”

Mors: “A Medical Bot uses its precision to quickly cut apart and separate the various organs. The donor is then sent down to the packing doctor.”

Mors: “The doctor removes the various organs and places them into specially designed stasis boxes. There, they are shipped out across the galaxy.”

Mors: “Finally, the empty carcasses are disposed of in the mass incinerator. The prisoners have successfully repaid their debt to society.”
Doog: “Very morose…with a hint of evil. I don’t really have words. Are we finished?
Mors: “Yeah, unless you want to see the mass incinerator.”
Doog: “No…I’m good.”

Doog: “Well folks, the Reatus Societati Prison Station is a very dark place. Sure, they save millions of lives across the galaxy with their medical products, but at what price? It makes one wonder how much debt they owe to society, and how many crimes they are away from ending up here. It’s a little chilling. See ya.

Note:
To avoid cross contamination, this facility only handles human prisoners. Various other facilities exist for our alien friends…

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 5 - Iocale

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Season 5 - Episode 3 - Cruenta Ingenii System

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingenii System

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingénii System

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the Cruenta Ingénii System. This star system has two habitable planets, Mundatis and Sordida. Sordida rests .6 Astronomical Units from its parent star, while its larger neighbor, Mundatis, sits at 1.2 AU. Sordida is rockier and much warmer than Mundatis. It is rich in mineral and energy resources, and has a strong manufacturing industry. However, it lacks natural water and plant life. Mundatis is temperate with large amounts of fresh water. It lacks major industries, but makes up for it with productive agriculture. The two planets trade their resources to each other; Mundatis ships water and food to Sordida in return for energy and minerals. While unremarkable on their own, the planets become a major economic player when their resources are pooled.”

Doog: “One would suspect that such a symbiotic existence would invariably lead to strong ties and friendly diplomacy, but this is hardly the case. The system’s history is riddled with bloodshed and interplanetary war. Each planet believes itself to be the more superior member of the relationship, leading to conflict after conflict. The LIU grew tired of this internal strife as it slowed economic growth and threatened the unity of the Union, and they came up with a rather novel solution. A large space station was built between the planets where each planet could send delegates to iron out various issues. These delegates don’t speak, they don’t compromise, no…they fight to the death. The winner of these ‘death matches’ decides issues and resolves conflicts. This unique solution not only ended the unproductive wars between the two planets, it also became one of the highest rated sports matches in the LIU Galaxy. Every week, billions of viewers tune in to TV2 to watch the latest debate.”

Doog: “Alright. We couldn’t find any kind of employee or media entrance, so I’ve been dropped off here at Gate H. I need to find someone to speak to about getting in. If I go past this scanner, the admission fee will be charged straight to my account via my Citizen Identification Chip. Pssst, you over there. Can you help me out?”
Guy: “Programs! Get your programs! Get the full evening’s debate schedule!”
Doog: “Pssst!”
Guy: “Sir, I hear you, but you’re going to have to come in to speak with me. I only assist paying customers.”
Doog: “That’s my problem. I don’t want to pay to come in. I’m here to do a show.”
Guy: “Yeah, and I’m here to sell world class literature. Nice try buddy, but I’m not falling for that one. Programs! Get your programs!”

Doog: “Come on, don’t you know me? Doog from LIU Atlas?”
Guy: “You know what. I do know you. How about I make you a deal? If you agree to buy one of these programs from me, I’ll temporarily disable the scanner.”
Doog: “How much is a program?”
Guy: “Five credits.”
Doog: “Fine. Although that’s still going to cut into my wages for this show. Is the scanner disabled?”
Guy: “Uh, yeah, sure.”
Doog: “Alright thanks. Here’s your five credits.”

MC: “Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! I’m Hyacintho, Master of Ceremonies here at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy!”
Doog: “And presumably my guide?”
MC: “Guide! Chaperon! Lodestar! Whatever you want to call it! The point being, I’m here to insure you have the night of your life!”
Doog: “My night would be much better if you showed up a few minutes earlier. I had to buy a five credit program to
have the admission scanner disabled.”
MC: “Buy a program? I’m afraid we don’t sell programs. They’re free with the price of admission. And, I hate to break it
to you, but the scanner can never be disabled.”
Doog: “What! I’ve been scammed!”
MC: “Sounds like the fun has already started for you! Ha-ha-ha-haaa. Come on. Let’s get this party STAAAAAARTED!”

MC: “Please, feel free stop for some refreshments. You’ll find they are quite delicious!”
Doog: “And quite expensive. Speaking of expenses, how much was my admission fee?”
MC: “That depends, what side of the scanner did you enter?”
Doog: “Right side, I think. I didn’t know there were different sides.”

MC: “Whoa! Big spender right here, ladies and gentlemen! Make way!”
Doog: “Big spender! How much?”
MC: “Well, the right side of the scanner is reserved for those who wish to purchase a suite level ticket. One hundred fifty credits, I believe.”
Doog: “Wait, I feel faint. That’s like…like half my net worth….”
MC: “A nice ice cream or teddy bear might take the edge off. Only twenty five credits.”

MC: “Here we are, suite #2. Come on in.”

MC: “The suites are usually reserved for the more elite, upper class citizens, but I’m sure you’ll fit right in. As you can see, there is a small lobby with a fully stocked mini-bar.”
Doog: “Tell me the drinks are included in my ticket price.”
MC: “Yes, of course.”
Doog: “Good, I’m going to need a few to get over this. A few hundred…”
MC: “Your seat is just here to the left.”

MC: “Your seat is in row CC. You’re free to take it now, or return to the lobby for a few drinks. I must get to work. Enjoy the show!”

Doog: “Well folks. I’m going to turn the show over to the announcers and the Master of Ceremonies, Hyacintho. In the mean time, this guy’s getting sloshed.”

Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our pre-debate entertainment, Joke the Chicken before Porking! And now, if you’ll take your seats, we’ll get started. Give a round of applause to the Honorable Hyacintho!”

MC: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, children of all ages, welcome to the Great Debate! During our first debate, we will resolve the taxation of food imports between the two planets. Let’s meet our debaters!”

MC: “Representing Mundatis, with a record of 2-0, Senator Falco! The honorable senator has already debated his way to two victories, including last weeks debate over discretionary spending. Give it up for Senator FALCOOOO!”

MC: “Representing Sordida, with a record of 1-0, Senator Vespertilio! The honorable senator won his first debate last week striking down the education exchange act. Give it up for Senator VESPERTILIOOOOO!”

MC: “Gentleman, please take your positions. As you are…I’m sure…aware, this debate concerns the taxation of food imports. Senator Falco will be debating in favor of this resolution, while Senator Vespertilio will be debating against it. After I exit the debate floor, you will have thirty seconds to prepare. The debate begins at he sound of the bell. Good luck.”

DING, DING, DING!

Announcer: “And they’re off! Both Senators are charging into the debate!”

Announcer: “Oooh! Senator Vespertilio makes the first argument, and it’s a strong one! A shield right to the face!”

Announcer: “Senator Falco counters with a strong argument of his own, but it falls on deaf ears as Senator Vespertilio blocks. Neither side seems willing to yield!”

Announcer: “Wow! Senator Falco just made a great point! I think I felt it up here. Senator Vespertilio seems stunned and doesn’t appear to have a counter-argument.”

Announcer: “That’s it folks! The senior senator has just dealt a decisive blow. What argument could Senator Vespertilio possibly make now that he has lost a limb! Senator Falco moves in to make the closing argument.”

Announcer: “Wait just one second! It appears that the Senator from Sordida was just feigning a weak argument. He has, in fact, delivered a strong rebuttal! Senator Falco is speechless, but that’s mostly because that last rebuttal hit him right in the throat. Senator Falco desperately tries to make an argument, but they’re just weak fallacies.”

Announcer: “Senator Vespertilio takes a step back and awaits the end of the debate. Senator Falco lies nearly motionless on the debate floor…his life slipping away. As he fades into non-existence, so too does the hope of the taxation legislation. We only await the final decision from the debate judges.”

Announcer: “Ah, here they come now.”

Announcer: “They’re examining the debate as I speak. They are conferring with each other, and it now appears that they have come to a decision. I’ll hand it over to Hyacintho.”

MC: “It’s official! The debate has been decided in favor of Senator Vespertilio and the world of SORDIDAAAA!! There will be no taxation on the import of food!”

MC: “We’ll be right back with our next debate after the clean-up. Feel free to take this time to visit our refreshment stands.”

Doog: “Vwell folks, this has to be da easiest show I ever did. Who knew verr is actually an interesting government thingy. I dink all the government shoood be decided vike dis. Now, if you will scuze me, I need to get at least firty more dinks to get my credits worth. See ya!”

Note:
Tune in next week for the Cruenta Ingénii Team Debate. Eight issues, sixteen Senators, and only one winner!

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 4 - Reatus Societati

2 Comments

Season 5 - Episode 2 - Flos Lac

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Flos Lac

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Flos Lac

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re back in the LIU Galaxy, and we’re visiting a small Outer-Rim world called Flos Lac. Flos Lac’s most notable feature is its large chain of volcanoes, which is clearly visible from space. This chain spews enormous amounts of ash and sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere, driving the planet’s weather, ecology, and economy. ”

Doog: “The first thing I notice upon arrival on the surface is an awful rotten egg smell. Presumably, this has something to do with the sulfuric compounds in the planet’s atmosphere. However, I don’t really know too much about this planet, so there could be a rotten egg factory here or something. Who knows? I learned to keep all options open when visiting these Outer-Rim worlds.”

Doog: “The beings here appear to be quite primitive. I see no signs of advanced technology. Even their homes appear to be primitively built out of local stones. They do have one thing going for them, they seem to have shunned sleeves, like all great beings. Excuse me, are you my guide?”

Ovum: “Ah, you must be Doog. I’m Putrida Ovum. Putrida is my tribal name, so if its easier, you can just call me Ovum.”
Doog: “Ovum it is. So, you live here?”

Ovum: “Yes, along with the fourteen members of my tribe. Don’t worry; it’s a lot bigger than it looks.”
Doog : “I hope so. So what are you guys doing? It looks like you’ve been picking flowers.”
Ovum: “Yes, the Flos flower is our main crop here. The conditions in which they thrive are difficult to recreate
artificially and the flower can only be found here on Flos Lac. For instance, the sulfur dioxide in the atmosphere creates acid rains which in turn make the soil slightly acidic. The flower only grows in soils with a specific pH level. Also, the ash in the atmosphere filters a lot of the sunlight allowing only a precise spectrum of light to fall to the surface. The flower requires this exact spectrum to survive.”
Doog: “That’s great and all, but did you say acid rain? I not exactly wearing a lot of protection, and I don’t want my skin to burn off.”
Ovum: “Relax. The acid in the rain is too diluted to cause any harm to biological entities. It will, however, cause the erosion of rocks after hundreds of years. Take a look at the reddish pools of water over there. The acid rain has slowly eroded the surrounding rock creating slightly acidic mineral pools at its base. Come on, let’s head inside.”

Doog: “Hey, you guys do have some technology.”
Ovum: “Oh yes. We made do without it for centuries, but the production quotas are too high now to meet without technology. We’ve been forced into a new technological era because of the LIU. We’ve developed a steam-based technology that makes use of the planet‘s natural resources: geothermal heat and acidic mineral waters. The
minerals in the pool allow it too flash boil when exposed to geothermal heat. The steam is then collected, pressurized, and stored. It appears my hardsuit is fully charged. Shall we head out to the flower fields?”
Doog: ‘Sure, where’s my suit?”
Ovum: “I don’t know, didn’t you bring one? Our suits are specialized to fit our biology. We have pretty weak frames and muscles. Without the suits, we’d wouldn’t be able to travel as far in search of flowers. There’s no way you’d fit inside one of our suits.”
Doog: “What about my weak frame and muscles!”

Doog: “How far away are these flowers? I’m exhausted. Unlike you, I don’t get some nifty steam-powered mech to do all the walking for me.”
Ovum: “The problem with the Flos flower is that it is impossible to cultivate. We must let it grow naturally, which means we can’t chose where it sprouts up. Some seasons it grows close to the homestead, other seasons, it grows many miles away. The sporadic, random growing pattern used to force my people to live a more nomadic lifestyle, but these days, technology has allowed us to live a more stationary existence. There’s a field not far from here. Maybe two miles.”
Doog: “Two miles! Does that hardsuit have piggyback capabilities?”

Doog: “Pant. Pant. Please tell me this is it.”
Ovum: “Yes, this is one of the fields we are currently harvesting. You’ll see some of my other Putrida tribe members here already working. This is my brother Putrida Huevo.”
Doog: “Yeah, great to meet you. So, what’s the deal with this flower? Why is it so special?”

Doog: “Ooh, is it a narcotic like the flowers on Alucinor?”
Ovum: “No, I’m afraid not. It’s a foodstuff. The Flos flower is the only species on Flos Lac that is edible to my people. Actually, it’s not flower or stem that’s edible, it’s its sweet, sweet nectar.”

Ovum: “The nectar is too precious to extract on site, wouldn’t want to waste a drop. Instead, we harvest the whole plant. We’ll bring it back home to extract its nectar. The woody fibers of the leftover plant aren’t wasted though. It’s used as a building material. Let’s head back.”
Doog: “Wait! I thought this was a one way trip. I’m not walking all the way back! Perhaps I can ride with the flowers? You know, you guys can carry me?”
Ovum: “These suits have limited amount of steam power. I can’t risk carrying you and running out of steam halfway back. You’re going to have to suck it up and walk.”
Doog: “You’re going to have to suck it, Ovum.
Ovum: “What was that?”
Doog: “Nothing. Let’s get started.”

Ovum: “Within our home, we have several flower presses. The flowers are thrown into the press and the nectar is crushed out of them. Not a single bit of nectar is wasted. The extracted nectar is pumped into glass containers like this one here.”
Doog: “And you drink it?”
Ovum: “Oh yes. It’s very delicious. Would you like to try some?”

Ovum: “Here, have a glass.”
Doog: “Smells sort of sweet. For lack of a better analogy, like a flower. And it tastes like…phew…sick. It tastes like earwax marinated with a poop sauce. Good gracious that is foul!”
Ovum: “Yeah, most humans have that same reaction. Something about our differing taste buds.”
Doog: “Thanks for the heads up! Uh…I’m never getting this taste out of my mouth. How can you sell this to the LIU?”
Ovum: “We don’t sell the LIU pure nectar. That’s used to keep us fed and alive. We harvest much more than we need though, and the leftover nectar is processed into something more valuable. Something even humans can enjoy. Looks like my suit is recharged. Come with me.”

Ovum: “Each tribe collects extra amounts of nectar to be shipped to a central processing plant about ten miles from here. Larger, more powerful steam-powered walkers pick up the surplus nectar and deliver it to the processing plant. That’s where we’re headed next. Of course, this time, we’ll catch a ride.”
Doog: “Thank you. That just about makes up for the fact that you allowed me to drink such a disgusting monstrosity.”

Ovum: “The first stop in processing the nectar involves a filtration process. The nectar is pumped through several screens to remove impurities, like dirt, sand, and plant fibers.”

Ovum: “The nectar is then combined with some of the planet’s natural acidic mineral water. This starts a chemical reaction which breaks down some of the nectar’s sugars.”

Ovum: “This broken down nectar solution is then pumped into agitators like this. The vibrating, rotating tanks insure the nectar solution is homogenous.”
Doog: “I knew a genius once, but he was straight.”
Ovum: “What?”
Doog: “Nothing. Just a little word play.”
Ovum: “That doesn’t work because homogenous is not pronounce that way.”
Doog: “Quit ruining my fun. Let’s continue.”

Ovum: “The finished product in then pumped out and bottled up.”

Ovum: “Go ahead and give this a try. You’ll find it is much more tasty to humans now.”
Doog: “I’m not sure if I can trust you this time.”
Ovum: “Come on. Trust me. Every human that has ever tasted this has found it delicious.”
Doog: “Hmm. It smells a bit worse than before, more sulfury with a tint of hand sanitizer smell. I’m not sure I can drink this.”
Ovum: “Come on! Give it a shot.”
Doog: “Ok…hey, that’s not bad! It’s actually pretty sweet. It burns a little going down, but not bad at all. What brand name is this drink sold under. I’m surprised I haven’t heard of it.”

Ovum: “Oh, it’s not a drink, it’s an engine degreaser. Sold under the name Flos Engine Cleaner.”
Doog: “What! You said it was safe to drink!”
Ovum: “No, I never said it was safe. I just said humans find it a bit tastier in this form.”
Doog: “You son of Kaadu! I’m probably going to die from drinking this!”
Ovum: “Relax. You’re not going to die. It’s all-natural. If anything, it will clean some of the toxins out of your system…open up that digestive system.”
Doog: “What do you mean by that?”
Ovum: “Most humans that drink this have explosive diarrhea for a few weeks. No worries though, it cleans out the system.”
Doog: “Having diarrhea on my ship is a death sentence! There’s only one bathroom for the six of us! I‘m going to need some spare underwear!”
Ovum: “Sorry about that.”

Doog: “Well folks, Flos Lac is an interesting place. Using the planet’s natural resources and little bit of steam technology, the locals are able to produce both food and engine degreaser. Somebody ought to teach them the difference between the two, though. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to reserve some extra time on the Magellan’s bathroom schedule and borrow some of Oldie’s diapers. See ya!”

Note:
After one day, the Magellan’s bathroom was classified a Level Five Biohazard. Luckily, that’s only one level higher than usual.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 3 - Cruenta Ingenii System

1 Comment

Season 5 - Episode 1 - Arcem

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Arcem

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Arcem

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to Season Five of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the exclave planet Arcem. Arcem and its system lie in the outskirts of the Galaksija Galaxy approximately 16.5 mega-parsecs from the LIU Galaxy. The Galaksija Galaxy is home to three political entities, the largest being the Vuk Syndicate. The Vuk Syndicate and the LIU have been at war over intergalactic trade routes for nearly forty years. The Syndicate agreed to a temporary ceasefire several years ago as the LIU advanced further into their territory. As part of ceasefire, the Arcem System was given to the LIU. Arcem was transformed into a Fortress World, and it has been tasked with keeping the Vuk Syndicate at bay and protecting LIU trade interests in the area. To aid in this mission, a massive defense ring was constructed in orbit around Arcem. That’s where we are headed”

Doog: “It’s not until the Gryllus approaches the defense ring that its true size and scope become apparent. The hundreds of defensive turrets spread around the ring also come into view as we get closer. A large hangar bay appears to be our destination.”

Doog: “Hello there cutie. Please tell me that you’re my guide.”
General: “Yes, I’m your guide, but if you call me cutie one more time, you’re going to find out what your kneecaps taste like.”
Doog: “My apologies. So what would you rather be called?”
General: “For security purposes, I must withhold my actual name. You may refer to me as General.”
Doog: “You’re a general?”
General: “Yes. Why do you find that so surprising? Because I’m a woman?”
Doog: “What? No. It’s just those cute little freckles throw me off. I mean interesting freckles! Not cute! Don’t make me eat my kneecaps!”

Doog: “So, you’re in charge here?”
General: “Yes, I’m the Overseer of Arcem and High Commander of the Arcem Black Brigade.”
Doog: “Black Brigade?”
General: “Yes. The Black Brigade is one of the toughest units in the LIU military. We’re made up of some of the best soldiers the LIU has to offer. The ceasefire with the Vuk Syndicate is tenuous at best. War could erupt at anytime, and we may be forced to defend this planet against the full might of the Vuk. It could takes weeks for reinforcements to arrive, and we must be strong enough to hold out against any attack. In addition to this perilous task, we also have been tasked with defending LIU cargo shipments coming through this area..”
Doog: “Sounds challenging. I’m worn out just hearing about it. So, do I get to take a peak around?”
General: “A lot of our operations here are classified. We can’t risk the Vuk intercepting any TV signals and getting access to the ring’s inner workings. So you‘ll get a brief tour, but on our terms. When we say to cut the camera, we mean it. Also, you will be hooded as we move throughout the ring.”
Doog: ‘Hooded?”

General: “Like this.”
Doog: “Ew…what did you guys have in here before? Onions? Feet?”
General: “I believe that’s your breath. It’s hard to tell though, your body is emanating some awful pig smell that’s covering everything else up.”
Doog: “Well, you see, we had to ride in the cargo…”
General: “Save it. We are all well aware of your misadventures. Let me just use this time to remind you how serious our operations are here. If you pull any of your usual stunts, the last thing you‘re ever going to feel is a bullet exploding through the back of your head.. Are we clear?”
Doog: “Crystal.”

General: “Take the hood off. Step to the side of the hall.”
Doog: “Who are these guys?”
General: “The Black Brigade has a standing army of over two million soldiers. Most of these soldiers are used to run various operations in the ring, such as the defensive turrets. However, some units, like this one here, are reserved for running military operations off world. These operations include covert intelligence gathering missions within the Vuk Syndicate’s territory, the protection of LIU trade interests in other nearby galaxies, and other more secretive functions. Alright, put the hood back on.”
Doog: “Uh, not again.”

General: “Hood off. OK. As you approached the defense ring, I’m sure you saw several defensive turrets. These larger turrets are controlled by the ring’s computer and run from the central control room. What you didn’t see, is that there are hundreds of smaller turrets hidden within the ring. These smaller turrets are manually controlled by a soldier. They provided defense against smaller ships, like fighters.”

General: “The dual gun barrels on the anti-fighter turrets allow for an unprecedented fire rate. The exact specifications are classified.”
Doog: “Of course.”

General: “If you look out the viewport, you can see some of our defensive fleet running training exercises. The smaller fighters are made to engage other enemy fighter ships. They have been specialized for dealing with the small Vuk fighter. These specializations are…”
Doog: “Let me guess, classified.”
General: “Yes.”

General: “The larger ships are modified versions of the smaller fighter. These
modifications allow it to compete with Vuk Capital Ships. It can fire fourteen
anti-capital ship missiles simultaneously. The exact number of missiles it holds
is…”
Doog: “Classified.”
General: “Yes.”
Doog: “Is anything here not classified?”
General: “That’s classified.”
Doog: “The existence of non-classified material is classified? Whatever. Let‘s move on to some non-military operations. Perhaps we can get a little more information. You can‘t film a show when you only get a sentence of information every few minutes.”
General: “I suppose.”

General: “Uh…here they are…the Vuk.”
Doog: “What! What the Vuk are they doing here? Are we under attack?”
General: “No. The Vuk have a ambassadorial team stationed on the ring. The higher ups in the LIU believe conflict can be avoided through diplomacy with the Vuk. Those of us stationed here, especially us veterans of the war, do not share these feelings.”

Doog: “You fought in the Vuk Conflict?”
General: “Yes. I helped storm the factories on Tvrðava, stepped over hundreds of my fallen brethren on Dvorac, and killed one of the Vuk Premiers on Zamak. My exploits and success during this conflict helped me get promoted to General. I have known nothing in this life other than hatred for these snaggletooth, large-eyed freaks.”
Doog: “Sounds like you’re harboring some pretty strong emotions. Perhaps I could take you out one day, make you forget about all this.”
General: “I hope you haven’t become to attached to those kneecaps.”
Doog: “Sorry General. I was just trying to help out.”
General: “I don’t need any help. There is something that always cheers me up though. Come with me.”

General: “This place always cheers me up.”
Doog: “I can’t see anything.”
General: “Ah, yes. I almost forgot.”

Doog: “What’s going on here? Is this guy being tortured?”
General: “Yes, and it’s completely legal. Arcem exists in a different Local Galaxy Group than the LIU Galaxy, and falls under the laws of this galaxy group’s Senate. The laws here are more lax and ‘savage’ than you may be accustomed to. We use of the laxer laws here to our advantage.”
Doog: “By obtaining information from the Vuk?”
General: “Yes, but it’s not limited to the Vuk. Prisoners, spies, or other enemies of the LIU can be shipped to Arcem to face legal torture.”

General: “There are various methods of torture, but we found that our specially designed torture-bot seems to obtain the best information.”

General: “Bot, have you been able to retrieve any information from our Vuk guest?”
Bot: “I have just began the processes General, but our guest has been very…forthcoming.”
General: “What have you learned? Do the Vuk have any plans to attack?”
Bot: “Nothing related to an attack, yet. But he’s hiding something. I can sense it.”
General: “Have you tried feeding him his kneecaps?”
Bot: “I am well aware of your fondness for that tactic General, but as I have reminded you several times in the past, the Vuk do not possess kneecaps.”
General: “That’s a shame. I expect a full report when I return later.”
Bot: “It will be done.”

General: “There is a large civilian presence here in addition to all the military personnel. They are in charge of keeping cargo ships fueled and running.”

General: “That about wraps up the tour of the ring.”
Doog: “What about the planet itself? Are we going to see Arcem?”
General: “If you wish, but I assure you, there’s nothing interesting there.”

General: “Here it is, Arcem.”
Doog: “It’s just an agricultural world. I’ve seen nothing but farms.”
General: “Yes. The planet produces food for the employees on the defense ring. It lowers our reliance on shipments from the LIU Galaxy. It also insures that we will have access to food during an extended siege."
Doog: "Pretty boring."
General: "I told you there was nothing exciting here.”

Doog: “Well folks, Arcem is an important world. It’s one of only a handful of LIU controlled worlds outside the LIU Galaxy. It defends the Union from the Vuk Syndicate and protects LIU economic interests in the area. I wish there was more to see, but I’m afraid just about everything is classified here. See ya next time!”

Note:
||||||||||||||||||| |||||| |||||| ||||||||||||||||||| || // |||| ||||| || |||||||| ||||||||
(This note has been classified for your safety.)

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISPODE: Season 5 - Episode 2 - Flos Lac

3 Comments

Season 4 - Episode 3.5 - Popina's Diner

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Popina's Diner

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Popina’s Diner

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Doog: “Whew! I wouldn’t go in there for a few hours. All this processed food iskilling my stomach. It wasn’t very pretty.”
Mike: “Yeah, well, it didn’t sound very pretty either. You could have ditched the microphone before you went to the bathroom. You do know that your mic feeds directly into my integrated headset?”
Doog: “Oh…sorry…I almost forget it’s in my hand sometimes. So, what are you doing? Want to pick on Oldie or something?”
Mike: “Nah, not right now. I’ve come across some problems while planning the route to the Saxa Asteroid Belt.”
Doog: “What kind of problems?”
Mike: “Well, I’ve been crunching the numbers, and it appears we don’t have enough fuel to make it all the way there. We’re going to have to make a pit stop. I seriously doubt we’ll make it to Saxa on time.”
Doog: “Doesn’t sound like a problem to me. The longer it takes to get there, the longer I don’t have to do any work. Besides, fueling up won’t take too long. Heck, while we’re there, we could get a bite to eat or something. It’ll give us a break from all this processed junk.”

Oldie: “Ooh! Ooh! Did I hear you say we’re making a food stop?!?”
Doog: “Uh, Oldie. You forgot to wear pants again…”
Oldie: “Huh? Oh, I suppose I did. I knew I forgot something. Oh well. So, are we getting some food or what?”
Doog: “Yeah, I think that’s the plan. Mike, see anything close by?”
Mike: “Hmm, let’s see. Well, there’s a small space station about two parsecs from here. It says it has fuel, lodging, and a few restaurants. One of the restaurants, Popina’s Diner, received two stars from the health inspector…that’s better than our usual eateries.”
Doog: “Popina’s Diner it is!”

Doog: “Well folks, we’ve decided to make an unscheduled stop at a local space station in order to fuel up the Magellan and grab a bite to eat. We decided to bring the hover cam along with us, maybe get some extra footage for the Season 4 DVD. Besides, you never know what you’ll find on these backwoods space stations. It looks like the fueling stations are on the lower decks. Hugo’s securing us docking rights, and then we’ll make our landing.”

Doog: “Geez, 3.09 credits per charging minute. How’s the little man supposed to survive?”
Mike: “Yeah, no kidding. This is going to eat into our budget big time. Maybe we should hurry up and eat while we still have some credits on the account.”
Doog: “Good call. Let’s go.”

Doog: “Well Hugo, it looks like you have everything under control here. We’re going to go ahead and grab a bite to eat. You don’t mind staying with the ship, do you?”
Hugo: “Why not? It’s not like I ever want to go on any adventures or eat real food.”
Doog: “So that’s a yes? Cool, we’ll see you in about an hour.”

Doog: “Alright guys, the budgets looking pretty slim, so I’m only going to be able to take three of you with me. Mike, Cam, you guys are in for sure. The only real decision is between Oldie and Timbo. Let’s see, Oldie, for starters, you’re still not wearing any pants, but you do have to sign off on any expenditures. Timbo, well, you’re Timbo. And what are you wearing? Is that a pony prancing across the sunset on your shirt? Do they make any brighter pants?”

Doog: “I’m sorry Timbo, but I’m going to have to go with Oldie on this one. That is, if he gets some freaking pants!”
Oldie: “Oh, oh, I will! I will! Thanks Doog.”
Doog: “Don’t mention it. Now, Timbo, don’t stand around moping. The Magellan’s looking a little dusty. Maybe you could use one of these brushes to give her a quick clean up. If you do a good enough job, we’ll bring you some
leftovers.”

Mike: “You’re not really going to bring him anything, are you?”
Doog: Nope. I’ll probably just ‘forget’.”
Oldie: “Wait for me!”

Doog: “This must be it, Popina’s Diner. It looks halfway decent.”
Mike: “Yeah, I haven’t stepped on a single roach yet. That has to be a record for us.”

Doog: “A little dark and dingy, but the food smells great.”
Cam: “Let’s just hope it’s better than the Cesso Rest Station.”
Doog: “Indeed.”

FLO: “Hey boys! Welcome to Popina’s Diner. I’m FLO, you’re Friendly Lunch Operator. Please, follow me. I’ll get you guys seated. You’re in for a treat!”

FLO: “So, what’s it going to be? May I recommend the eggs?”
Doog: “Uh, can we get a menu or something? I’m not sure what I want.”
Oldie: “Ooh! I want eggs!”

FLO: “Oh dear, I’m sorry. The only menu we have is up on the wall here. We’re probably not as fancy as the fine establishments you inner galaxy boys are used to visiting. Oh, by the way, we’ve been out of burgers and fries for a few months now. So how about some drinks and some eggs?”
Doog: “Well, I guess that’s ok. It’s better than the usual gruel we eat.”

Thirty Minutes Later:

FLO: “I trust everything was enjoyable? You’ve nearly cleared your plates.”
Doog: “Yeah, better than enjoyable. Those were some of the best eggs I’ve ever had!”
Oldie: “I’m ready to take my pants off again. I’m full to the brim!”
Crew: “No!”
Doog: “So, how much is this going to set us back?”
FLO: “Oh honey, you don’t pay me. I’m just an automated food server. I don’t have anything in my programming related to money. Go see Popina up at the counter. Have a great day!”

Doog: “So…uh…we had two orders of eggs and two drinks. How much do we owe you?”
Popina: “That’s funny, FLO’s diagnostic readout has you down for four eggs and four drinks. Hey…wait a minute, you’re not trying to pull a fast one on me, are you? I’ll have you ejected out the nearest airlock.”
Doog: “Uh, no, no, I’d never do that to you Mr. Popina. I must have misspoke.”
Popina: “Really…I’m really starting to think we have a problem here…nah, I’m just messing with you. You’re Doog, right? We watch your show all the time! I’m Popina, but you can call me Pops. Hey honey, come out here! Doog from that show is here at our little diner!”

Wife: “Wow! I thought you were pulling my leg! It really is Doog! Oh my! Maybe you guys could do a show here or something!”
Pops: “Yeah! Yeah! You could do a show. You already have all your stuff.”
Doog: “Actually, we’re sort of busy right now. I just want to pay the bill. Besides, I’m not sure there’s much to shoot here. It’s just a diner.”
Pops: “I’ll tell you what, if you shoot an episode here, your lunch is free.”
Doog: “I think I like that idea. Maybe we could do a three or four part episode.”

Pops: “Ha, you really did like the eggs, didn’t you? But I think one episode will suffice.”
Doog: “Are you sure? There seems to be a lot of cool stuff in here. We could do a whole show on those ventilation fans, and maybe one on the drink dispensers. I’m willing to stay all season long if the free food keeps coming.”
Pops: “No, no. One episode is plenty. Besides, it’s not the diner that’s interesting. It’s its cellar. Honey, will you keep an eye on things, I’m going to take the boys downstairs.”
Wife: “Ok, have fun boys! Nice to meet you!”

Pops: “Things have been pretty rough here lately. Business is slow, and we can’t ever make enough credits to buy more food. So one day, I was down here in our storage cellar contemplating how to make food from these cardboard boxes when I found this nifty hidden passageway. Come on, don’t be scared. I’ve been coming down here for months now.”

Pops: “This secret passageway leads to hundreds of rooms just like this. I soon realized that I found all the food I’ll ever need!”
Doog: “What are they?”
Pops: “They’re eggs! And the best part, they seem to be in some sort of suspended animation. When I break them out, they’re fresh as day one.”

Doog: “Are you telling me that we just ate some random eggs that you found in a secret hidden basement? I knew this place was too good to be true.”
Pops: “Now, now, don’t worry. Nobody has ever gotten ill from eating these eggs, and, you have to admit, they’re pretty delicious.”
Doog: “Yeah, but what kind of eggs are they? I mean, have you ever read these computers. I’m not the brightest tool in the shed…”
Mike: “Uh, its actually sharpest tool in the shed, Doog.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah, that’s what I meant. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can see right here that these computers say ‘Warning! Biological Contaminants Isolated Within’ and ‘Warning! Eggs Contain Weaponized Biologicals’.”
Pops: “I guess I was so excited I never really looked what the computers said.”
Doog: “I’m certainly not perfect, but, man, you need to be more careful. What if one of them ever hatched?”

Pops: “Uh…funny you mentioned that. A few weeks ago, I tried to carry too many upstairs at once. I dropped a few, and well, they rolled down the corridor. I never went back for them”
Crew: “What!”
Mike: “Hey guys! Do you hear that? It sounds like its coming from the walls!”
Oldie: “They’re here!”
Doog: “Run!”

Doog: “Somebody trip Oldie! They’ll have to slow down to eat him. It will give us more time!”
Oldie: “Doog!”
Doog: “You’ve lived a long life. Stop being selfish!”

Oldie: “Hurry! Close the passageway!”
Cam: “Get some boxes in front of the door!”
Mike: “Doog! Where are you going! We need help securing the door!”

Doog: ‘Uh, it looks like you guys have it all under control. I’ll see you at the ship!”

Two hours later:

Doog: Hey, guys you finally made it. What took you so long?”
Mike: “Dang it, Doog! You left us to die back there. We had to hold the door for nearly an hour before station security arrived.”
Oldie: “Yeah, apparently we stumbled upon some secret weapons program hidden deep in the station’s interior. We’re not supposed to tell anyone.”
Cam: “That included Doog, Oldie. You’ve already failed.”
Doog: “Hmm, sounds like you guys had a busy day. Well, I’m exhausted. I’m going to wake up Hugo, jump into bed, and take a nice long nap. Wake me up when we get to Saxa.”
Crew: “Doog!”

Note:
The weapons program has since been cancelled, but officials are exploring the use of the biologicals’ eggs as a foodstuff.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 4 - Saxa Asteroid Belt

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