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Season 4 - Episode 15 - Aranea Serico

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Aranea Serico

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Aranea Serico

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to the final episode of Season Four of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re closing out the season on Aranea Serico, an irregular moon orbiting the gas giant Aranea Telam. The oddly shaped moon has no atmosphere or magnetic field, and its surface is uninhabitable. Instead, the residents of Aranea Serico live inside the cavernous moon.”

Doog: “My ship is approaching the only entrance to the moon’s caverns which is protected by a large force field. This electronic field contains the caverns’ artificial atmosphere, and more importantly, controls who can enter and exit the moon. Why would they want to limit access to the moon? I don‘t know, but I’m sure we’ll find out.”

Saepio: “Welcome Doog. I’m Saepio, Warden of the Aranea Serico Forced Labor Camp.”
Doog: “Uh! Not another prison. I haven’t had many good experiences with the LIU legal system.”
Saepio: “Not a prison, a forced labor camp. No one here has committed any actual crimes.”
Doog: “Then why are they being forced to do labor?”
Saepio: “It’s the LIU…do you need any more reason than that? But in all seriousness, most of our laborers here were either unproductive or uncooperative in their assigned industry, so they’ve been relocated here, where we can insure they are putting forth a full effort.”
Doog: “And what are these laborers doing?”
Saepio: “They are collecting one of the moon’s natural resources. I won’t go into much more detail than that. It’s something that must be seen to be believed.”

Saepio: “This is the camp’s receiving hangar. We receive supplies and new laborers here. It’s also home to our oxygen generators. This door here leads down to the labor camp.”
Doog: “There’s doesn’t appear to be much security here, just a guy with a gun. I mean, I know its not a prison, but I’m sure you have an occasional escape attempt.”
Saepio: “Yeah, many of the workers aren’t thrilled to be here. We do have a few protocols and security features in place further into the facility.”

Saepio: “The moon is littered with various tunnels and caverns. We utilize these spaces instead of building our own infrastructure. Experts believe these caverns were created by geological process early in the moon’s existence. Of course, a body this size doesn’t usually have these geological processes, which leads the experts to believe that the moon is a chunk of a planet that was broken up by the gas giant’s gravity. That, and the moon’s natural life.”
Doog: “Natural life?”
Saepio: “Yes, the moon is home to several species of complex life. Complex life doesn’t usually evolve on small bodies like this, especially in these conditions. These life forms are an important part of the resource we collect. Ah, we are almost here.”

Saepio: “Welcome to the Crosspoint.”
Doog: “What’s the Crosspoint?
Saepio: “Up until now, the cave has only had one possible route. After the Crosspoint, the cavern splits up into several different passages. We use the Crosspoint as a chokepoint. We control access to the camps from here. It is the largest chamber in the caverns and one of the largest structures on the moon. Magnetically sealed doors and shock chargers prevent anyone from accessing the exit, and it stops any of the native species from escaping.”

Doog: “Are those rock people? Are you guys mining rock people?”
Saepio: “Mining rock people? No, we’re not mining rock people. Rock people are notoriously lazy. We have found literally nothing that they are useful for. They are only one step above a Gungan. We’ve been forced to relocate their race to various labor camps. Fifty percent of Aranea Serico’s workforce consists of rock people.”
Doog: “Gross. So, what’s going on here?”
Saepio: “These rock people are new arrivals. We‘ll give them a brief orientation, then send them to work.”

Rock person: “Gah! Where are we?! We want crystals! Yummy crystals!”
Guard: “I swear to all that is holy, if you rock brained idiots don’t fall into formation, I’m going to melt you down and pave the floor with your molten bodies!”

Saepio: “Alright Doog. Here’s a shock gun. It will serve as your defense while you tour our operations. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to give the orientation speech.”
Doog: “The floor is yours.”
Saepio: “Welcome to the Aranea Serico Forced Labor Camp. You are here because your lazy, slovenly behavior has not profited the LIU. You have been given several opportunities to assimilate into the workforce, but alas, you have failed. Now, you have no option. There is no pity here. You work, or you die. Food, water, shelter, clothing, and medicine are reserved for those who fulfill their duties. That’s right, these necessities are only earned through productive labor. You will find resources and trade them to the LIU in exchange for these materials. So, go ahead and be lazy and enjoy yourselves, it is now your life that is at stake.”
Doog: “Very moving Saepio. What’s next.”

Saepio: “We are now officially in the labor camp. There are no bars here, just a magnetically sealed door preventing escape. The workers are free to interact with each other and work as they please. Of course, as you heard during my moving speech, they don‘t eat or drink unless they get their work done.”
Doog: “Heck, I don’t really get to eat, and I do my job.”

Saepio: “The laborers bring their collected resources here to trade for bread, water, and other necessities. As you can see, there are still those who refuse to work and spend their time begging. It doesn’t work of course, but they still try. Once the hunger sets in, they generally feel more inclined to start working.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Saepio: “Now that we are beyond the Crosspoint, the cavern splits up into several different routes. Three of the major routes have been mapped out. It serves as a reference for the laborers. Of course, there are literally hundreds of smaller routes that haven’t been mapped yet. The workers sometimes risk these unknown tunnels and caverns when they are feeling adventurous, or very, very hungry.”

Saepio: “The average sentence here is ten years, but most workers never make it to release day. The average life span here is only six days. This is some pretty brutal work. Those that have been here longer tend to be a bit pale. They have gone many cycles without feeling the sun on their faces. They are battle hardened and know the caverns better than anyone. I figured we’d follow of few of these ‘hardened’ individuals into the caverns and see the operations.”

Doog: “Is it safe? A lot of these guys are staring at me with some very hungry eyes. I don‘t want to be eaten.”
Saepio: “Ha. You would make a pretty gristly, fatty meal. But don’t worry, we’re safe from the workers. Most are emaciated and have lost a lot of muscle mass. You should be able to fight off any attacks. Besides, they won’t waste the energy attacking you. The pay off would be too low.”
Doog: “Gee, thanks Saepio.”

Saepio: “This is Red Tunnel. This ‘main’ tunnel been mapped out about eight miles. Of course, if you factor in all its offshoots, it is probably over a hundred miles long and spreads over half the moon.”
Doog: “Is that a spider! I don’t like spiders!”

Saepio: “Ah, yes. This is one of the three species native to Aranea Serico. We call it the Fodder Spider. It’s not a true spider, but a closely related arthropod. It spins a web as a home and as a warning for approaching predators, not to catch food. The Fodder Spider does not eat insects, there aren’t any here. Instead, it feeds on one of the other native species, the Serico Mushroom.”

Saepio: “Look. Here’s a few here.”
Doog: “You can look. I’m keeping this vile creature over here at gunpoint!”
Saepio: “Will you relax? The Fodder Spider is harmless. It’s nothing more than a really large mite. It’s a vegetarian and non-venomous. If you’re afraid of these little guys, you’re in for a rough day. This place is crawling with them.”
Doog: “Whatever you say. Let‘s just move on.”

Saepio: “Sigh. Come on. Our laborer is moving on.”

Doog: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! They’re everywhere!”
Saepio: “Geez! That was the most womanly scream I ever heard! Just relax.”
Doog: “Hurry! Shoot me with you shock gun! They won’t be able to eat me if I’m electrified!”
Saepio: “These guys are the least of our problem. It appears they are running from something. If I had to guess, they’re running from Aranea Serico’s third and final native species, the Behemoth Death Spider!”
Doog: “What?!”

Saepio: “Yeah, I was right. A Behemoth Death Spider!”
Doog: “It’s official. I soiled myself…”

Saepio: “Just stay still. It’s occupied eating one of the workers right now. No sudden movements. The Behemoth Death Spider is the apex predator of the caverns. They usually feed on Fodder Spiders, but they won’t hesitate to take large prey, like our workers. It’s why this labor camp is so dangerous, and why we have to force workers down here.”
Doog: “It’s the size of an elephant!”
Saepio: “Yes, despite the danger it poses, it truly is an amazing organism. Like the Fodder Spider, it is not a true spider. It has ten legs and only four eyes. They do share several similar characteristics with spiders though. They’ve stalked these caverns for millions of years, evolving into perfect killing machines.”

Doog: “What resource could possibly make this carnage worthwhile?”
Saepio: “They creatures themselves make this worthwhile. Like the Fodder Spider, the Behemoth Death Spider spins a web. It’s not used to capture prey, but to protect its lair from other members of its species. This web is extremely valuable.”
Doog: “You collect spider webs?! Heck, there’s like forty of them in my ships cupboards. Its safer to grab them there!”
Saepio: “No, this is a very unique web. Come on, there must be one close.”

Saepio: “Fire up your shock gun, and let’s see if we can push this thing back. I’m sure its lair is nearby!”

Saepio: “Ah! Here it is. A Behemoth Death Spider web.”

Saepio: “The web is constructed from some very unique polymers. They are extremely strong, yet very flexible. They can be woven into some of the best fabric in the galaxy.”
Doog: “All this to make some shirts!”
Saepio: “No, there’s more. The threads are coated in a protein-based gel that mark the spider’s territory, and keep out other spiders. The gel is a powerful antiseptic. It’s removed from the webbing prior to it being woven. The gel serves as a very valuable medicine.”
Doog: “Killing lazy people to make medicines and shirts for other people. I guess I could get behind that.”

Saepio: “The laborers trade any web material they find for food, water, and other necessities. Once enough has been collected, it’s shipped off world to be processed.”
Doog: “Well Saepio, I’d like to thank you for one of the most terrifying shows I’ve ever done. But, in all honesty, I hope we never meet again.”
Saepio: “Just stay productive Doog, or we will be seeing each other again.”

Doog: “Well folks, Aranea Serico is a brutal place, but an important part of the LIU. One of the moon’s natural species produces some very valuable materials, but more importantly, the moon serves as a fearful reminder that LIU does not tolerate those who do not work. With punishments for laziness this severe, we can all rest easy that everyone in the LIU is always giving 100%. Or something like that. See ya next season!”

Note:

Doog: “Hey Saepio, do you think I could keep this shock gun? I think it would be pretty hilarious to use it to wake up the crew tomorrow.”
Saepio: “Uh…no.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Behind The Scenes: The Trip

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Season 4 - Episode 14 - Excan

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Excan

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Excan

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Excan. Excan sits about half an astronomical unit from its unstable parent star, Evoma. Excan’s strong magnetic field, a result of its large liquid iron core, is disrupting Evoma’s magnetic field. This disruption has greatly increased the frequency of solar flares and coronal mass ejections from the star. These massive eruptions often strike Excan, bathing the surface in radiation.”

Doog: “The constant solar activity and radiation make a direct trip to the planet extremely dangerous. The Magellan is not equipped for such a journey. Instead, we’re landing on a small space station three AU from the raging star. Here, we’ll catch a shuttle to the planet’s surface.”

Doog: ‘Ah, hello there. You must be my guide?”
Engineer: “No, sorry. Your guide isn’t getting around too well these days, and he couldn’t make the trip to the station. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”
Doog: “Well, who are you?”
Engineer: “I’m Tony, a space weather specialist.”
Doog: “A what? I thought this was a shuttle depot?”
Engineer: “It is. This is a dual purpose station. It serves as both a shuttle depot and a space weather monitoring station. Excan is too close to Evoma to get accurate space weather readings. The radiation disrupts their instruments. At this distance, I can safely and accurately monitor the solar activity, and make space weather predications.”
Doog: “So, you’re a space weather man?”

Engineer: “Yes. Take a look at this horizontal screen. This is an infrared scan of Evoma’s surface. You can clearly see a sunspot forming. Sunspots are magnetically driven and often precede solar flares and mass ejections. By reading sunspot activity, we can make educated predictions on when these events will occur. Take a look at the seven day solar forecast on the wall there. We’re looking at some pretty minor activity early in the week, but we’re expecting several large flares Wednesday and Thursday.”
Doog: “Cool. And why is this important?”
Engineer: “For starters, the safety of the planet’s residents. We must give proper warning, or they could be caught out during an event. It’s also important for our shuttle system. Let’s put it this way, you don’t want to be riding a shuttle to the Excan on Wednesday or Thursday. No amount of shielding or armor would save you.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So I’m safe today?”
Engineer: “Yeah, two yellow bars today. That’s pretty safe. Of course, if you don’t make it back here before the day ends, you’ll be stuck on the surface until Tuesday. We don’t operate when the readings get into the orange.”
Doog: “Well, what are we waiting for?”

Engineer: “This station has six shuttle bays. Two are reserved for our personnel transporters, like this. This shuttle has been given upgraded armor, radiation shielding, and a magnetic disruptor to combat any solar activity you may come across.”

Engineer: “Let me just unseal the personnel compartment. Ah, there we go. Hop on in.”

Engineer: “Alright, watch your head. I’m sealing it back up.”
Doog: “Are you sure this is safe?”
Engineer: “Yeah, pretty sure. Like I said before, we’re predicting two yellow bars today. Of course, predicting space weather is just about as accurate as predicting planetary weather, so you never really know.”
Doog: “Wait! What was that last part! Let me out!”

Engineer: “Now, now. Settle down. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Sixty percent sure as a matter of fact.”
Doog: “I don’t like those odds!”
Engineer: “Now, if you hear something during your trip, it’s just these maneuverable radiation shields. The computer positions them automatically to combat any radiation.”

Engineer: “Good luck!”

Doog: “Well folks, I made it. We’re approaching the planet’s habitation tower. This armored tower is located in Excan’s deepest canyon where it is safer from solar events. Despite its location and various defenses, the tower is still vulnerable to the star’s largest flares. Deep underground bunkers and interior rooms serve as protection during the larger events. You can also see that the tower has several grounding lines attached to its base. These lines discharge accumulated geomagnetic energy produced when the charged solar particles interact with the planet‘s magnetic field. What? I don‘t know. Its just something I found written on one of the shuttle’s brochures.”

Doog: “What else does this thing say? Oh, the tower is home to over two thousands residents. Cool. Should be fun. Well, it looks like the shuttle is making its landing approach. I’ll see you on the inside.”

Senex: “Ah, welcome Doog. I’m Governor Senex, Overseer of this system. I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you in person. My knees have been giving out on me. I’ve been reduced to getting around in this little scooter.”
Doog: “No worries. Old age will do that to a man.”
Senex: “Old age? I’m not much older than you are.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry. It guess the gray hair and wrinkles that threw me off.”
Senex: “That’s fair. I imagine I do look a little older than my age. It’s the radiation. It ages biological materials almost two times faster than normal.”
Doog: “Wait! What? I’m aging twice as fast right now!”
Senex: “Not quite. Very little radiation penetrates the tower. You’re safe inside. Even if you weren’t, you’re only here for a day, so you’ll only be two days older.”
Doog: “Two days older? Heck, I’ve made lifestyle decisions that have taken more days off than that. This one time on Camana IV…”
Senex: “Maybe later Doog. Remember, we don’t have a lot of time.”
Doog: “Yeah, of course. So where are we headed?”

Senex: “This is the Sol Petra Mining Lab. Here, we collect data and map deposits of the mineral Sol Petra. The horizontal screen is a 3D map of one of the regions we‘re mining. You can see some of the deposits depicted in orange.”

Senex: “The vertical screen is a digital image of a radiation intensity scan. The scan shows where solar activity has irradiated the planet’s surface. The strongest radiation is depicted as yellow. It looks like a flare may have directly struck the surface here.”
Doog: “And why is that important?”
Senex: “Well, radiation exposure fuses the planets naturally occurring basalt into Sol Petra. If we know where the radiation is, we know where the Sol Petra is.”
Doog: “What is this Sol Petra you keep talking about? I’ve never heard of it.”

Senex: “Computer, display Sol Petra molecule. Ah, there we go. Sol Petra is an ultra-rare mineral. It’s formed when solar radiation, specifically X-Ray and Gamma Rays, fuse the planet’s basaltic rocks. The fused rocks, or Sol Petra, have a unique matrix that can contain radiation.”
Doog: “Contain radiation?”
Senex: “Yes, see this unique structure? The molecules combine together to form pockets. These pockets absorb radiation and store it. Once the radiation is stored, no other radiation can penetrate it. The radiation acts like an insulation to other radiation.”
Doog: “I guess that could be useful.”

Senex: “It sure is. Sol Petra is a very efficient insulation. It is extremely useful in storing irradiated materials.”
Doog: “And it’s only formed on this one planet?”
Senex: “No. It can be synthesized artificially, but it’s much easier, and cheaper, to mine it naturally. Excan has one of the larger deposits known in this galaxy, and more is constantly being formed due to solar activity.”
Doog: “So what’s next?”
Senex: “Well, if you’re not too worried about aging, I figured we’d head out to the field.”
Doog: “I’m in. My suntan could use some work.”
Senex: “I’m afraid we’ll have to wait on the suntan. We’ll be wearing heavy radiation suits. They’ll certainly stop infrared and thermal rays. It’s the more powerful rays that we should be worried about.”

Senex: “Welcome to the surface Doog.”
Doog: “It’s good to be here Senex, except for this stifling, top heavy suit.”
Senex: “You’re more than welcome to take it off if it bothers you too much. Of course, you’ll probably die in a few seconds.”
Doog: “Nah, I’ll pass So, what’s this? Solar power?”
Senex: “Yes. Evoma provides an abundance of solar energy. This energy is collected to power the tower and to maintain its shielding. It is also used to process the Sol Petra once it is collected. It requires lots of energy. More importantly, it serves as an early warning system. When the computer detects elevated amounts of energy, an alarm sounds. Elevated energy could mean a flare is coming. The residents in the tower hear the alarm, and know to take cover.”
Doog: “What about us?”
Senex: “Out here, there’s not much we can do. My father always told me to get into a little ball and kiss my &$$ goodbye.”
Doog: “Great advice. Very comforting. So, what’s next?”

Senex: “Remember that map and that scan we we’re looking at in the mining lab? That was this field. We’ve run some preliminary scans, but mining scouts are still trying to determine the exact location of the Sol Petra. All we know for now is that this region has recently been hit by a solar flare.”

Senex: “Ah, here’s a mining scout now.”
Doog: “Check out the laser on that thing! Sweet!”

Senex: “That’s not a laser Doog. That’s a very precise scanner. The scout is mapping the mineral content of this field. The scanner can penetrate the regolith and determine the minerals below.”

Senex: “The scout can handle almost any terrain, including the planet’s large rocks and canyons.”

Senex: “Look. I guess we lucked out. It’s a LIU Armored Dump Truck. It’s transporting mined Sol Petra from the north to the tower.”

Senex: “Unlike the scout, the truck is too slow to escape a flare. Instead, it has thick armor. It even has an armored canopy cover, seen deployed here.”
Doog: “Enough of the product placement. Let the LIU sell stuff on its own time. Are we going to see something else or what?”

Senex: “Before we head back, I figured I’d show you an exposed Sol Petra pit. The Sol Petra is usually covered in radiated regolith and small rocks. We’ve removed this top layer and exposed the minerals below.”
Doog: “Cool, I guess. Rocks, irradiated or not, don’t really do anything for me. Anything else?”
Senex: “I figured we head back to the tower and check out some of the processing.”

Senex: “We process the Sol Petra on site. The lower half of the tower holds several manufacturing floors where Sol Petra is turned into various products. Here, workers are forming the Sol Petra into Radiation Storage Containers.”

Senex: “High energy presses form the Sol Petra into various forms. Again, this machine is forming the mineral into a storage box.”

Doog: “All this work for some fancy boxes? You sure are risking a lot. I mean you’ve given up your health, your appearance…no offense ma’am, and your safety to make some boxes.”
Senex: “All in a days work for the LIU. We could be slaving in the mines on Aranea Serico or something worse.”
Doog: “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I have to work as a TV host for almost no pay. Although, I do get to keep my good looks!”

Doog: “Well folks, Excan is an interesting place. It certainly has a flare for the dramatic. Deadly solar storms and radiation are just a few of the dangers the people here risk to bring you radiation-proof materials. Well, see ya next time!”

Note:
Even with Doog’s limited exposure to radiation, he still aged forty one days during his brief stay. It has been determined that his less than ideal lifestyle may have contributed to the faster aging. And by less than ideal, we mean his use of copious amounts of drugs, alcohol, and prostitutes.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 15 - Aranea Serico

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Season 4 - Episode 13 - Crinita-Gelum Belt

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Crinita-Gelum Belt

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Crinita-Gelum Belt

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Crinita-Gelum Belt, an icy ring of frozen planetoids. The belt is mostly unexplored and uncharted. Spectral analysis has determined that the millions of bodies that make up the ring are composed primarily of frozen volatiles, like water, methane, and ammonia. Several of the larger bodies dispersed throughout the ring support thin atmospheres, but their surfaces are inhabitable due to outgassing, collisions, and unstable rotations.”

Doog: “At this time, the belt has very little economic value, and the LIU has invested very little resources into its exploration. Water ice, which is in abundance here, is always valuable, but the dynamic environment makes its extraction too expensive. It’s easier to get water from larger ice worlds, like Fuscus. Because there is little funding, only one man has been assigned to explore the ring. His small, personal space station is where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m here with our guide, Robert Gelum. Rob, I’m guessing that you were one of the belt's discovers? I mean, it has the same name as you.”
Gelum: “That honor belonged to my father, Timothy Gelum, and of course, his partner, Lenny Crinita. After receiving little funding, the two departed the ring in search of new discoveries. I secured minimum funding so that I could return to the ring and fulfill my father’s dream.”
Doog: “What’s that dream?”
Gelum: “To find something special here. This was his one big discovery. He and Crinita traversed half the spiral arm looking for new worlds, but this was their one big discovery. Unfortunately, he and Crinita were killed in a hyperspace accident a few months after discovering the ring.”
Doog: “Bummer. Sorry to hear that. So, have you found anything interesting?”

Gelum: “Not yet, but I’ve only been here a few months. Most of my exploration has been done from here, using the space station to map the ring. I’ve located at least three bodies that have sufficient size to qualify as dwarf planets.”
Doog: “Whoa, whoa. I already dealt with a planet full of dwarves this month. That’s my limit.”
Gelum: “What? No, not planets full of dwarves, dwarf planets. You know, smaller than normal planets, but large enough to achieve hydrostatic equilibrium…er…become round.”
Doog: “Gotcha. Dodged a bullet there.”
Gelum: “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I’ve only had time to time to explore one of these bodies, which I’ve named Viburnum I. Viburnum has some interesting features, mostly cryovolcanoes, but nothing of economic use. Today, I figured we’d explore my next target, Viburnum II.”
Doog: “Let’s do it.”
Gelum: “I’ve determined that the dwarf planet has a stable, but thin atmosphere. I’ve been conditioned to breathe in these light atmospheres, but I suggest that you retain your helmet. I don’t want you to pass out.”
Doog: “That won’t be a problem. I haven’t figured out how to get this thing off. Why do you think I’ve been wearing it in here?”
Gelum: “Come on, let‘s head to my lander.”

Gelum: “I claim this land in the name of the Emperor! From hence forth, this body shall be known as Viburnum II!”
Doog: “Don’t you have to be the first on the surface to name a new discovery?”
Gelum: “Uh, yeah, but…stop ruining the moment!”

Doog: “Uh-oh! Looks like someone’s going to first to step on this planet!”
Gelum: “Dang it, wait! I had to get my gear!”

Doog: “One small step for a man, one giant leap for my fame!”
Gelum: “Don’t you do it!”

Gelum: “More like one giant faceplant for an imbecile. Did you forget this was an ice world?”
Doog: “Whatever. I was first, so welcome to the planet Doogster.”
Gelum: “That will never stick Doog. Just give it up.”

Gelum: “Take a look at this.”
Doog: “What is it?”
Gelum: “It’s an impact crater. Pretty recent. The strikes blow the hardened snow away, and expose the blue ice below. Take a look at the center. The strike partially melted the ice.”
Doog: “Is this what we were looking for?”
Gelum: “No, just interesting.”
Doog: “Did I hear you mention snow earlier? How is it snowing
if there isn’t any clouds?”

Gelum: “Look over there. That’s how. Cryovolcanoes are ejecting warm water into the atmosphere. It freezes and falls back to the planet as snow.”
Doog: “Where’s the warm water coming from?”
Gelum: “There is some type of force acting on the planet, presumably tidal forces due to gravity. The dwarf planets must be exerting gravitational forces on each other. I’m not an expert on this type of thing. We’ll need a full scientific study to know for sure. First, we must secure more funding. Let’s continue.”

Gelum: “Now this is interesting. It almost looks like something has been using this canyon to descend the plateau to get to the ice plains.”
Doog: “What? How can you tell?”
Gelum: “The snow has been rubbed away. And this isn’t from an impact. No, it’s much too irregular. I feel like we’re close to something.”

Gelum: “LIFE! Ha ha! I’ve done it!”
Doog: “Chill out man. It just looks like some weeds. What’s the big deal?”

Gelum: “These aren’t plants Doog. It’s some type of lichen. Maybe something new to science. For something to survive these conditions with nothing but ice and snow, it’s amazing! Think of the possibilities! They will have to fund an expedition here.”
Doog: “Good for you, Rob. I guess you’ve done it.”
Gelum: “I need to get samples. And a name! Yes, I discovered a new species! I’ll call it Gelum’s Lichen…no…Gelum’s Weed. Ha! That way you’re included too!”

Doog: “Uh, Gelum. I think you need to take a look at this.”
Gelum: “Not now! I have so much to do!”
Doog: “Uh…no…seriously. You need to see this!”

Gelum: “Not now!”
Creature: “GRRrrrunt!”

Gelum: “By the Emperor’s grace! An animal!”
Doog: “I saw it first, Mr. Not Now. I shall call this beast Doogus Awesomesaurus!”
Gelum: “Ha! We’ll work on the name later. For right now, I just need to get some scans. Are the cameras rolling?”
Doog: “I hope so. Otherwise, I’m not getting paid.”
Gelum: “They’re amazing. They must feed on the lichens, and their fur must keep them warm in these brutal conditions. And six legs! They must make locomotion on the ice easier! I’ll need a full biology team here now!”
Doog: “Wait! What’s that on the horizon?”
Gelum: “Where? Oh, I see it! Come on!”

Gelum: “It appears to be one of the animals, but dead.”
Doog: “You mean a Doogus Awesomesaurus.”
Gelum: “Most of the flesh, meat, and hide have been removed. Interesting.”
Doog: “Do you think there is a predator here? Like a Doogus Awesomesaurus Rex?

Gelum: “LOOK! I can’t believe this! Is that a tool? There’s a predator here alright, but it appears we have an intelligent being!”
Doog: “It looks sort of fresh.”
Gelum: “Yeah, it can’t be far. Come on.”

Gelum: “For our safety, I brought a ballistic weapon.”
Doog: “Old school, I like it.”
Gelum: “There are several protocols for interacting with new cultures and sentient beings. Just follow my lead.”

Gelum: “L...l…look!”
Doog: “Oh crap, what do we do?”
Gelum: “We…uh…we observe it out of sight. I think.”

Doog: “How are we going to get out of sight here? We’re on an endlessly flat ice plain.”
Gelum: “Shhh. Maybe it won’t see us. Let’s just observe. Primitive housing, use of tools, clearly signs of sentience. It appears to be a hunter-gatherer culture; there’s meat and it looks like they have collected some lichens.”
Doog: “Uh, Gelum. I think it sees us!”

Doog: “Oh %#$&! It can fly! Shoot it! Shoot it!”
Gelum: “Ah! I don’t know what to do!”

Being: “Wewe ni nani!”
Gelum: “We c-c-come in peace. We mean you no harm.”
Doog: “Unless you try to hurt us, then we mean you a lot of harm!”
Being: “Wewe hatia juu ya nchi yangu!”

Gelum: “Me Rob. Him Doog.”
Doog: “What up?”
Being: “Mimi nina nyati wawindaji.”
Doog: “What?”
Gelum: “I don’t know. This is pointless. I need a translation team or something. I’m not trained for this. Uh, we leave now. Good to meet you.”
Being: “Biashara?”

Gelum: “Wait, he’s putting down his spear.”
Doog: “And picking up some meat. He’s going to beat us with his meat! How degrading!”
Gelum: “No, I think he wants to trade.”
Being: “Biashara?”
Gelum: “Give him something!”
Doog: “You give him something! Give him your gun.”
Gelum: “What! No! I’m not giving him an advanced weapon. I could change the balance of power or start a war or
something.”
Being: “Biashara!”
Gelum: “Give him your microphone! Hurry, he’s getting angry.”
Doog: “He can pull this microphone from my cold dead fingers! I’ll never give it up.”
Gelum: “What do you suggest we do then?”
In Unison: “RUN!”

Being: “Kifo chako zakulaiki!”

Doog: “Well folks, that was a close one. The Crinita-Gelum Belt is one of the most interesting places I’ve ever been. It’s home to a dwarf planet that is teeming with life. We’ve discovered a new sentient race and several other species. You can now add famous explorer to my résumé. Rob Gelum and his newly acquired crew will have their work cut out for them. See ya!”

Note:
To: Terrance McDoogal
From: The LIU Bureau of Naming
Reference: Naming Rights within the Crinita-Gelum Belt

We regret to inform you that your suggestion for the name of the newly discovered planet, ‘Doogster’, has been rejected and will henceforth be known as Viburnum II.

However, due to the overly complex rules regarding species naming rights, the creature you discovered, ‘Doogus
Awesomesaurus’ will remain in use until a more suitable name can be agreed upon.

STOP CALLING US!
Thanks.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Episode 14 - Excan

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Season 4 - Episode 12 - Pumilio

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Pumilio

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Pumilio

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a large moon called Pumilio. When the warm, wet air from Pumilio’s ocean rises over the moon’s massive mountain chain, it cools, falls as rain, and drenches the land west of the mountains. The land here is wet and muddy, and it is home to a huge forested swamp. The eastern hemisphere, in the mountain chain’s rain shadow, is a dry, desolate wasteland. We, of course, are headed to the forest swamp.”

Doog: “The abundance of rain and fertile soils have prompted the growth of extremely large trees. These trees rival skyscrapers in height and width, sometimes reaching over a thousand feet tall. Due to their huge root structures, these trees grow sparsely, often many miles apart from each other. The space in between these wooden monoliths is mostly muddy swamp.”

Doog: “The native Pumilions have constructed large habitation rings around these massive trees. This habitation ring has eight docking hangars on its lower decks. That’s where we’re headed.”

Skur: “Welcome To Pumilio, Doog. I’m your guide, Skur the IV.”
Doog: ‘Aww. Aren’t you just adorable. You want to play guide? Well, I’m sorry little buddy, but Doog needs to get to work. How about you run along a get your dad?”
Skur: “Uh, I‘m not a child Doog. But if you insist. Dad!”

Skur III: “What is it boy? I’m Grand Poobah of this ring. I don’t have time for this.”
Skur IV: “Doog apparently thinks I’m a child.”
Skur III: “Typical human. They believe everything in the universe is measured to their standard. Doog, do you have a problem with our small stature?”
Doog: “No, no. Of course not. I didn’t know. I…uh…how about we get started?”

Doog: “So, where were we?”
Skur: “I was introducing myself, and you were talking condescendingly to me.”
Doog: “No need to get short with me. Ha ha, get it? Short? Don’t worry, I’ll keep the height insults brief. Ha! Get it? Brief?”
Skur: “Sigh. This is going to be a long day…”
Doog: “Well, let’s get to it. How about you tell us a little bit about your operations? HA! Get it? Little? I didn’t even try on that one!”

Skur: “My species is arboreal in nature, and we have called these ‘mega-trees’ home for many centuries. Despite our small stature, we have been blessed with large brains and a gift for creating technology. Our moon is rife with resources, and we have used our technical know-how to extract these resources. We hope to become an even larger presence within the LIU as our technology progresses.”
Doog: “First step…get higher ceilings. My back is killing me!”
Skur: “Really? I’m quite comfortable.”

Skur: “Before we tour our industries, I figured I’d show you part of the habitation ring’s defense system.”
Doog: “I guess I could spare a tiny bit of time. Ha! Get it? Tiny? But yeah, seriously, I’m down for checking out some lasers.”
Skur: “Not that kind of defenses Doog. Come with me.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Skur: “This is our lightning defense system. Several stations, like this, have been situated around our tree.”
Doog: “What? Is lightning trying to take over your moon or something? I don’t get it?”
Skur: “No. The downpours that keep this land wet are often accompanied by lightning and thunder. Lightning usually strikes the highest structure in the area, and there’s nothing bigger than this tree for several miles. Lightning can destroy limbs, cause fires, and short out our habitation’s electronics.”
Doog: “And this stops it?"
Skur: “You can’t stop lightning Doog. This just serves as a better alternative for the lightning to strike. These charged rods attract lightning so it strikes here instead of the tree. This system actually collects the lightning’s electrical discharge and integrates it into our rings power infrastructure.”
Doog: “You power your station with lightning?”
Skur: “Sort of. Lightning only meets about 1% of our power needs. Lightning strikes are infrequent and unpredictable. We couldn’t depend on it on its own. Besides, most of the energy in lightning is converted into light and heat during the strike, so there’s not much left to use. Let‘s continue.”

Skur: “Our main industry on Pumilio is natural gas extraction. Natural gas, primarily methane, is created by decaying vegetation in the swamp. The gas is very prevalent here, and, unlike other hydrocarbons, this ‘biogas’ is renewable,
so we’ll always have plenty to collect.”

Skur: “The gas is piped from the swamp to our habitation ring. Here, it is processed and placed into tanks. Natural gas has fallen out of favor as a heat source and as a cooking fuel, but it is still very useful in the production of other resources, like ammonia. Using the Haber-process, methane can be converted…”
Doog: “Let me just stop you right there. I feel like your about to get scientific on us, and well, no one cares. Not one bit. Bit! Ha! Get it? Because you’re short.”

Skur: “Not funny. Get it? Because you’re an idiot.”
Doog: “Gee, I’m just kidding. Lighten up. I didn’t mean to slight you. Ha! Get it?”
Skur: “Sigh. Let’s continue.”

Skur: “The biggest obstacle to gas extraction is the environment. My arboreal species is not suited for life on the forest floor. We solved this problem with a little genetic ingenuity. This is Lab C-35, our genetics lab.”

Skur: “To extract gas, we need access to the ground, but it’s just too dangerous for my species.”
Doog: “Because you’re tiny?”
Skur: “No! Because of predators! And mud! And other things unrelated to height!”
Doog: “Oh.”
Skur: “We also needed access to the nearby mountains to extract ore, but our bodies were ill adapted to the cold. To achieve these seemingly impossible tasks, we altered our DNA and created two sub-species of our race: the Underlings and the Upperlings. The Underlings are better suited for the swamp forest floor, and the Upperlings are better suited for life in the mountains.”

Skur: “Here, you can see scientists experimenting with various DNA combinations. Although we’ve created two sub-species successfully, we’re not finished yet. We hope to eventually find combinations that will allow us to populate the desert wasteland in the eastern hemisphere."

Skur: “If you’re up for it, I figured I’d introduce you to these sub-species.”
Doog: “Sure. I have a little bit of time. Get it? Little? Wait…I already used that one.”
Skur: “Yes, I believe you have used them all by now. Now, in order to safely visit the swamp and the mountains, you’ll need to wear an oxygen mask. The controlled atmosphere in the ring is safe, but the methane levels outside are high enough where asphyxiation is a risk. Come with me.”

Skur: “As you can see, I’ve arranged a security detail. This is our Rhino-Mantis Quad Walker. Its four legs allow it to handle the muddy terrain with ease. It is armed with two blaster rifles, but they are for emergency use only. Discharging energy weapons is a last resort in a methane filled atmosphere. Its primary weapons are the melee spikes on its arms and head.”
Doog: “Protection from the predators?”
Skur: “Yes. As well as the Underlings. We wouldn’t want them to rise up and become the dominant sub-species.”
Doog: “Tell me more about the Underlings.”
Skur: “Life is much harder here in the swamps. We needed a variation of our species that was much stronger, more durable, and well, larger.”

Underling: “You summoned me, my liege?”
Skur: “Yes, just stand there and be quiet for a moment.”
Underling: “Ok.”
Doog: “Wow, he’s big!”
Skur: “Yes. This is an Underling. They are quite the physical specimen, although they lack much of the intelligence that the original Pumilions enjoy. The Underlings are our swamp laborers. They are responsible for digging gas wells, maintaining the gas pipelines, and farming. Underling! Take us to your village.”

Doog: “So, do you have a name?”
Underling: “No name.”
Doog: “Ok, I see this is going to be an interesting interview. So, you, what do you guys do here.”
Underling: “Whatever is commanded of me. Mostly dig. Tighten pipes. Avoid the big fire booms.”
Doog: “Wow, top shelf stuff. Thanks for your time.”

Doog: “Wow! They really did make everything bigger. Look at the melons on her!”

Underling: “Hey! That my sister! Next pipe I tighten will be windpipe of yellow man.”
Doog: “Skur!”
Skur: “That’s enough. Underling! Take us to the farm.”

Skur: “My species used to have to return to the forest floor to farm. Now, we mustn’t take that risk; the Underlings do it for us. Many of the forest swamp plants are edible, including the delicious Pumilio Potato.”
Underling: “Look! He pull yellow round food up. It makes me think of yellow man’s head. I pull it up soon.”
Doog: “Skur!”

One hour later

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve flown to Pumilio’s mountainous area east of the swamp. What do we have here Skur?”
Skur: “These are the Upperlings. They’ve been genetically modified to survive the cold conditions here.”

Skur: “They’ve also been modified to see better in the dark mines where they spend most of their time.”
Doog: “Mines?”
Skur: “Yes. Since we’ve created the Upperlings, we’ve been able to begin mining the mountain chain. They mine metal ore that we use to make gas tanks, pipes, mechas, and whatever else we need. It lowers our dependence on other worlds and increases our profits. The LIU likes this.”

Doog: “What’s this down here?”
Skur: “Ah, yes. The Upperlings also tend to our carnivorous needs by raising herds of Pumilion Dwarf Rams.”
Doog: “Haha. Dwarf! Get it? Man, I’ve had quite a few laughs today. Thanks for the tour.”
Skur: “Whatever jerk…”

Doog: “Well folks, Pumilio is an interesting place. It’s too bad we were so short on time. I would have loved to spend a little more time here. Just a tiny bit more. Just a few more minutes.”
Skur: “STOP IT!”
Doog: “See ya!”

Note:
Doog: “Leave a review. It’s a small thing to ask. Ha! Get it?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 13 - Crinita-Gelum Belt

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Season 4 - Episode 11 - Flumen A'ris

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Flumen A'ris

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Flumen A’ris

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU
could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting Flumen A’ris, a desert planet in orbit around the fast spinning neutron star Nendum. Nendum’s extremely quick rotation has caused Flumen A’ris’ rotation to drastically speed up. The planet’s quick rotation gives it short days and nights, and, due to the Coriolis effect, powerful jet streams. These planet encircling jet streams and their associated
winds have stirred up Flumen A’ris’ dusty, sandy surface into a planet wide sandstorm.”

Doog: “This sandstorm, raging for nearly a century, has made surface habitation nearly impossible. Instead, the residents of Flumen A’ris live on large floating cities. These cities drift gently around the planet’s equator, where the weak neutron star keeps the planet’s temperature the most comfortable. We’re headed aboard one of these cities to meet our guide.”

Doog: “Ah, you must be my guide. I’m Doog.”
Iberus: “Hola, I am Iberus. Welcome to Bote de Rio, one of seven floating cities here on Flumen A’ris. I am the city’s mayor and economic director.”
Doog: “Yeah, nice to meet you. So, let’s skip to it then. What do you guys do here?”
Iberus: “Our economy is very diverse. The planet, and its unique properties, have created many opportunities for exploitation. Our main export is power, but we also have mining interests, and a striving fertilizer industry. I figured I’d give you a brief tour of all our industries.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”
Iberus: “To see the industries, we will have to descend to the city‘s lower decks, closer to la tormenta, er…sandstorm. For your safety, you will be required to wear a helmet with goggles like mine.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah, sure.”

Iberus: “Like I said before, power is our main export. We generate this power from two different sources, wind and static. Wind power is pretty self-explanatory; the strong winds that drive the sandstorm below also turn large wind turbines. I figured I wouldn’t bore you with spinning fans. Instead, I figured we’d head down and see the static power generators.”
Doog: “Yeah, I’ve dealt with wind power before. Let me tell ya, it blows…”

Iberus: “Between both sources of power, Flumen A’ris generates a substantial amount of energy. Unfortunately, we must siphon off a quarter of this energy to keep our cities afloat. ¡Vamos! We’re almost there.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Iberus: “This is the static electricity generator. The bottom of our floating city extends into the top edge of the sandstorm, and the city’s hull is constantly being struck with particles of sand and rock. This builds up an electric charge. This charge must be dissipated, or my people would be shocked every time they reached for a door knob. Instead of wasting this energy, we direct the charge into static balls on the exterior of the city, como este.”
Doog: “I could use this thing on my ship. If I get shocked walking to the bathroom in my bunny slippers one more time, I might just lose it.”

Iberus: “Ha. Sí, I know the feeling. As you can see, the static ball builds up a static charge before releasing the energy into the nearby contacts. The contacts route the electric energy to our charging stations, where it is stored until it
can be exported.”
Doog: “It’s a little loud out here with wind constantly blowing, but man, this static ‘ball’ creates quite the ruckus. It sounds like a mini-thunderstorm out here.”
Iberus: “Sí, the properties that make this work are very similar to the mechanics of a thunderstorm. Let’s not dwell on that, we have much more to see. Let’s head back inside. We must descend further into the city to reach our next stop.”

Iberus: “Bote de Rio has many economic uses, but let’s not forget that it is also a community. Almost a million people call this city home. Most are employed in the various industrial sectors, but we also have police, doctors, teachers,
et cetera.”

Iberus: “Bote de Rio is a very large place, and many sections of the city are color-coded to make things easier for the citizens to find. As you can see, colored lines on the floor indicate the routes to various parts of the city. The orange line, for instance, indicates the route to the residential districts. Blue shows the route to our next destination, the Sand Mining Vacuums.”
Doog: “The vacuums?”
Iberus: “Sí. And I must warn you, this following area can be vary dangerous. We will be on a narrow catwalk on the bottom of the city. There will be nothing below us but the planet’s surface, which is several miles down. Try not to fall.”
Doog: “No warning needed Iberus, as a rule of thumb, I don’t try to fall off things. It might happen from time to time, but I never try.”

Doog: “Wow, it is a lot windier down here! And the sand is somewhat painful! It is almost like I’m being sandblasted!”
Iberus: “Sí, we are now in the upper reaches of the sandstorm. Any exposed skin will certainly be feeling a stinging
sensation.”
Doog: “You could have saved the ‘do not fall’ warning and told me about this, Iberus! I might have worn sleeves! Let’s make this quick!”
Iberus: “¡Lo siento! I figured you’d dress appropriately when I told you this planet is enveloped in a planet wide sandstorm. Anyway, this is one of the Sand Mining Vacuums. The sand in the sandstorm is made up of several
different minerals. Three of these minerals: rutile, ilmenite, and zircon, are extremely valuable as they contain the elements titanium and zirconium. The mining vacuums have to extract these components, which only make up about three percent of the sandstorm, from the various other minerals. The vacuum has several antennas which charge these minerals to a specific ion frequency, and the vacuum inhales only these particles. We don’t produce as much as other mining planets, but it’s a nice compliment to our energy sector.”
Doog: “Hey, it’s here. Might as well take advantage of it. Shall we move on!”
Iberus: “¡Claro! But, I’m afraid it’s only going to get more painful. Our last industry is on the planet’s surface.”

Iberus: “In order to reach the surface, we must take one of our vertical trains. It is too dangerous to fly in these winds. The ‘River of Air’, as we call it, constantly blows in one direction. It’s easy to fly one direction, but very hard to fly the other way. Not to mention how much more fuel it would take. We’ll reach the surface in about thirty seconds. Prepare yourself.”

Doog: “Ahhh! My arms are burning! Phew! And I have sand in my mouth!”
Iberus: “Haha. Novato! It isn’t that bad. ¡Vamos!”

Iberus: “The first settlers here were surprised to find that Flumen A’ris actually supports some native life. The Flumen Hormiga, an extremely large ant-like species, somehow survives down here on the surface. While it hasn’t
been studied too closely, it is believed that the ants farm various algal
species inside their burrows.”
Doog: “Ow! What…ouch!…does this have to do
with your economy? Ow! Dang it! Do you guys sell Ant Farms or something?”

Iberus: “Haha. No. The ants serves as a food for the Flumen Pájaro, the apex predator of Flumen A’ris. Look, there are some behind you. The Flumen Pájaro have large wings and glide with the planet’s strong winds. They can circle the planet several times a day searching for ants to eat. If they miss a strike, they must fly on. There is no flying against the wind. They are beautiful, no?”
Doog: “Yeah! Ahh! So, I still don’t get it! Who cares about all these animals?! Ow!”
Iberus: “¡Vamos! I’ll show you.”

Iberus: “The Flumen Pájaro take shelter in caves created by wind erosion. This allows them to rest, eat, and take shelter from the sands. It is also where they defecate. That’s where the economic value is. Bird poop, or guano, contains lots of phosphorus and nitrogen, making it an extremely useful fertilizer.”
Doog: “All this pain for some bird poop!”

Iberus: “Sí! Every so often, workers come down here, brave the elements, and scoop up containers full of guano. It’s very valuable. So, there you have it. Here on Flumen A’ris, we take advantage of all the natural resources: wind, static, sand, and guano.”Doog: “Let’s go home!”

Doog: “Ahh! Well folks, Iberus summed it up pretty well. So, I’m going to leave it at that! I need to get out of here now! See ya!”

Note:
The sandstorm did wonders for Doog’s skin by removing any dry patches or blemishes. Unfortunately, it also removed a large portion of healthy skin, but the skin he has left…smooth as a baby’s bottom.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Episode 12 - Pumilio

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Season 4 - Episode 10 - Tenebrae

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Tenebrae

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Tenebrae

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Tenebrae, located near the center of the dark nebula Pulvis. Tenebrae is a rogue planet, which is just a fancy way of saying that it has no star. Tenebrae was formed around a star in this very nebula, but the young, bright star flung Tenebrae out of orbit and deeper into the nebula. Tenebrae has since stabilized and now directly orbits the galactic center. With no star, and the dark nebula obscuring any starlight, Tenebrae is one of the darkest worlds in the LIU Galaxy.”

Doog: “No need to adjust your TV sets folks. This is actual footage from the surface of Tenebrae. There is literally no visible light here. It doesn’t make for very interesting TV. Luckily, Cam has made some adjustments to the Hover Cam to allow it to shoot in an infrared slash night-visiony sort of thing. I don’t know, I wasn’t listening. Cam, go ahead and switch us over.”

Doog: “Ah, that’s better. Now, you may be surprised that I’m still going sleeveless on a planet with no sun. Most would assume such a place would be freezing cold, but in actuality, it’s quite warm. Tenebrae is constantly pulling in materials from the surrounding nebula giving it a thick, hazy atmosphere. This atmosphere holds in Tenebrae’s internal geothermal heat which is of course created by residual core radioisotope decay. Just in case you‘re wondering, I just read that last bit off a cue card, so don’t ask me what it means. My host is part of an ancient race that originated outside the LIU Galaxy. This species’ true name cannot be spoken in Basic, nor any other alien tongue. Instead, we refer them as the Dark Harvesters.”

Doog: “Ah, here he is now. Uh, hello there. I’m Doog. And you are?”
DH: “Your cacology is such that any attempt at an utterance of my name would be execrable blathering. Your “Basic” tongue is just that: basic. You might have more luck putting to diction the smell of the seasons. Your speech would be given to prolix before even hinting upon the first syllable of my name.”
Doog: “Uh yeah. How about I just call you DH, short for Dark Harvester?”
DH: “Such is the extremity of your race’s velleity. So be it…”

DH: “The denizens and masters of this world--that is to say, my people--migrated here from afar. Uniquely evolutionary, we thrive in the dark side of existence. These opaque worlds are rare, and we have been scattered across the universe. A fungus that coevolved with my species remains the only sustenance that bears our continuity. And this fungi‘s avaricious pull to the Black has forced our symbiotic habitation.”
Doog: “The last time I had a symbiotic relationship with a fungus, I was banned from the brothel for two weeks. So where are we going? ”
DH: “Your trite, jejune humor makes me question whether or not your fungus spread to your brain. Try to keep up both mentally and physically; we journey to one of our sacred fungal grounds.”

Doog: “Wow, what is this light coming from the fungi?”
DH: “All the fungal species we transplanted here on Tenebrae are bioluminescent.”
Doog: “Cool, but I believe the light is distorting the infrared filter. Cam, perhaps we can switch back to normal mode for a minute, let the viewers see what I’m seeing?”

Doog: “There we go. As you can see folks, the fungi gives off a faint green light. So, DH, what‘s with the glowing fungus?”
DH: “When we abandoned our home planet, we transported the essential means to our victuals. The various components of the surrounding nebula breed rich soils that facilitate the thriving of said fungi. Our crop gorges upon the nutrient rich soil in seemingly fallow fields deprived of sunlight. Truth be told, solar rays trammel the prosperity of our harvest.”

DH: “In praxis, our yield yields ubiquitous corollaries-- nourishment, medicine, and illumination to name a few. The most vital of these species is the triangular-shaped fungi, a foodstuff. Its exquisite taste nourishes both palate and mind; its very aroma pervades through the soul; its redolent beauty, its sustenance, the means in which it sates all that is epitomized by renaissance learn-ed elite insists its import within our very…”
Doog: “Wait?! You eat glowing fungus?!”
DH: “No, we drink it. Poisonous in its current state, patience is our credo. In order to safely imbibe, we must allow proper fermentation and distillation. Lo, the winery hall awaits.”

DH: “Due to the capricious nature of our nutrient rain, the fungal beds form organically--and sporadically. The winery hall in which we venture is central, but, alas, too far to peregrinate. Hence our vessel for this journey: a troika of Anguis. The Anguis are the only non-fungal species to be salvaged from our home world. They act as our ‘beasts of burden’, so to speak.”

DH: “Come, let us make haste.”

Doog: “Cool building. Is this winery hall?”
DH: “Yes. Few structures exist here on Tenebrae. My species needs not sleep, nor shelter from the elements. These edifices' primary function are to repel the nebula dust, a semi-permeable portcullis fortifying from all unwanted elements. Tenebrae Wine shan’t be sullied .”
Doog: “All this wine talk is getting me thirsty. Shall we head inside?”

DH: “The Hall houses countless racks of Tenebrae Wine. The liquid must age for several years to ferment and safely dissipate its poison. This is vital; my species relies solely upon its nutrients.”

Doog: “Sounds complicated. Can I try some? I could use something to take the edge off.”
DH: “Absolutely not. Tenebrae wine is poisonous to most species. ‘Wine’ is simply a colloquialism for your ‘basic’ benefit. It contains no trace of alcohol. Instead, it renders a euphoria spurred on by its taste and life sustaining nutrients, not because of some chemical induced mind alteration like alcohol.”
Doog: “Dang. I could have looked past the poisonous part if it had alcohol, but yeah, I’ll pass. So what’s next? I mean, you have to be doing something useful for the LIU to tolerate your presence in their territory. We’re not running a charity here.”
DH: “We have our uses. Follow me to the basement.”

Doog: “What’s this? It looks like a laboratory.”
DH: “Another species of our fungi begets a powerful antibiotic. Once used as a demulcent for my species, it is now produced in surfeit to trade to the LIU. Its medicinal proclivity has proved invaluable to all.

Doog: “Cool stuff. Anything else to add?”
DH: “Darkness acts as allegory. You see shadow and infer the form. But the superfluous meaning--the true grit of existence, the moxie that drives all impetus of life--exists un-illuminated like a shadow within your shadow as you clutch what is coveted close to your chest, shielded from the light behind, only to be lost in your own black silhouette--that which can be seen on the ground but never trampled. And you step lively, carefully, beckoned by some ineffable yearning that you protect from the light. Yet it remains unseen due to that same all-encompassing protection, Unseen in light. Covered by shadow, But there. Always there. Seek it. Find it. It is you. Truly you. .”
Doog: “Uh…yeah…nice to meet you too.”

Doog: “Well folks, Tenebrae is a very unique place. It’s home to an interesting race of beings, and it produces strong medicines that help save lives. Darkness is usually associated with death, but here, darkness is life. See ya next time.”

Note:
Thanks to our special guest "host" writer: Loki.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 11 - Flumen A'ris

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Season 4 - Episode 9 - Foetida

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Foetida

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Foetida

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Foetida. Foetida appears to be a gas planet from orbit with its thick swirling atmosphere, but, in reality, it is an extremely polluted terrestrial planet. Foetida sits near the center of the Cibus Hyperspace Route, a well known route that connects several Mid Rim Agricultural Worlds, such as Lacunar Urbs and Panarium.”

Doog: “Foetida’s surface is dotted with large industrial complexes that constantly pump foul, polluted air into the atmosphere. What do these polluting complexes produce? Food, of course. Agricultural Worlds along the Cibus Hyperspace Route ship their products to Foetida to be processed into packaged meals. Foetida Foods, the planet’s main company, produces enough packaged food to feed a large chunk of the LIU Galaxy. The company also ships many of its products to other galaxies, earning the LIU a large chunk of change.”

Doog: “I’ve been dropped off outside one of Foetida Food’s Receiving Warehouses. I almost wish I brought a respirator. The air is actually burning my eyes, and it smells worse than burrito night on my ship.”

Doog: “Hey, robot. I’m waiting on my guide. Can you go inside and get him? I don’t know how much longer I can last out here.”
BORD: “Actually Doog. I am your host. I am a Meteon Robo-Chef. My designation is Chef B.O.R.D. Welcome to Foetida Foods.”
Doog: “A robot guide. Lucky me. So Chef Boyardee, what do you do here? And make it quick. If my eyes burn any more, I may go blind.”
BORD: “I am in charge of operations in this complex. Robots, such as myself, are the only workers here on Foetida. Biological beings carry diseases and other contaminants that pose a risk to food safety. You are one of only a handful of biological beings that have entered this facility. Which reminds me, before we enter, I need you to wear this.”

Doog: “Are you sure this is necessary? I mean, my beard and my mustache are still exposed.”
BORD: “Your facial hairs are short. No one will notice if one of those little guys gets into the food. It’s only the big hairs they complain about.”

Doog: “I guess. So where are we?”
BORD: “This is one of this complex’s Receiving Warehouses. Here, we receive materials to make our products. We
receive meats, vegetables, chemicals, and packaging.”

Doog: “Fun stuff, Chef Boyardee. The viewers must be enthralled seeing a warehouse. I feel like we changed lives today buddy.”
BORD: “The advanced interactive systems in my programming allow me to detect sarcasm Doog. Just so you know.”
Doog: “Well then, what are you waiting for? Let’s see something interesting.”

BORD: “This specific complex makes specializes in making meals out of Kaadu meat. Our most popular dish is Baked Kaadu over Steamed Veggies.”
Doog: “Hey, that’s one of my favorites. My crew and I basically live off these pre-packaged meals. Nothing beats Pony Tacos with Beans though.”
BORD: “Ah, my counterpart in the pony complex would appreciate that.”
Doog: “So, what’s going on here?”

BORD: “These are the Kaadu liquefiers. Raw, unprocessed Kaadu meat from Lacunar Urbs B arrives here in refrigerated transports. The meat, comprising of flesh, muscle, organs, connective tissues, cartilage, et cetera, is loaded into liquefying tanks like these. Chemicals are added that break the various meats down into a protein laden, pink organic sludge. This sludge then undergoes an emulsion process to remove the chemicals. All we are left with is the pink meat sludge.”
Doog: “Sounds healthy. I have a bad feeling I’m going to hate eating these packaged meals after this…”

Doog: “Ew, gross. You guys have rats here. Isn’t that a problem with food safety?”
BORD: “Yeah, we’ve been plagued with rats since this complex first opened. The vermin must have stowed aboard an inbound shipment. But they certainly aren’t too much of a problem…”

BORD: “…just a bit of free protein.”
Doog: “Yeah, I’m never eating again.”

BORD: “The pink sludge is then piped to the next station to be processed into the food you know and love. The sludge is forced out these four nozzles and formed into patties. The conveyer belts takes them down the line to the paint station.”
Doog: “Paint?”
BORD: “Yes, paint. Cooked Kaadu still retains its pink coloration. Customers tend to associate pink meats with being raw, so the meat is coated with an edible paint to turn them brown.”
Doog: “I’ve been eating paint for years…things are starting to make sense now…”

BORD: “The next two stations on the assembly line deal with food safety and flavoring. The first robotic arm injects the painted patties with an ammonia based chemical. This kills any bacteria present and insures no bacteria will be able to live there in the future.”
Doog: “Gross!”
BORD: “The second robotic arm injects a cocktail of various other chemicals to aid in preservation and enhance flavoring.”
Doog: “I’ll never see Kaadu meat the same again, but these robotic arms are pretty cool.”
BORD: “Doog! What are you doing? You almost stepped on a Kaadu patty.”

Doog: “Sorry, I just had to come over here and check out these cool robot arms. Can I touch one?”
BORD: “I’d, uh, prefer if you don’t touch her.”
Doog: “Her? Is this robot arm your girlfriend or something?”
BORD: “Well, I don’t know about girlfriend., but I have been working on her a lot lately.”
Doog: “Oh yeah?”

BORD: “Yeah, I’ve been drilling her pretty regularly.”

Doog: “Really? Have you been screwing her?”
BORD: “A few times…”

BORD: “Heck, I hammered her yesterday, and I might even nail her when you leave.”
Doog: ‘Nice! Well, we just about ran the gamut on tool based innuendos. Shall we move on?”
BORD: “Sure, but what innuendos were you talking about. I was being real.”

BORD: “Meats are fun and all, but in order to meet nutritional needs, we have to include some vegetables and grains. Grains are easy. You just mix them up with water, and BAM! You have a yummy gruel. Vegetables require a little processing though. Here we have gigantic Pisums. Pisums are highly nutritious, but a bit large. We used automated chopping machines to bring them down to size. After the conveyer belt takes them pass the chopper, they are steamed. They are then ready to be packaged with the Kaadu and grains. The packages are then frozen and shipped off world.”
Doog: “Nice. I guess that about wraps it up.”
BORD: “Actually, I have a proposition for you. Foetida Foods is willing to give you thirty packaged meals if you will endorse our food on your show.”
Doog: “Will I sell out for free chemical-laden processed food that may or may not contain rat meat? Sure, I’ll do it. It’s better than starving. What do I have to do?”
BORD: “Just display this image and read this line.”

Doog: “Uh, hello. I’m Doog, from TV2’s LIU Atlas. Foetida Foods, like myself, sympathizes with the working class. We know your family needs cheap, easy, and healthy meals. Now you can get all those things with the added bonus of flavor! You deserve it. There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one company that cares about your nutritional needs, Foetida Foods.”

Doog: “Well folks, Foetida is an important part of the LIU. Its mass production of food insures that the universe stays fed, even if it is fed with low quality sludge and cheap frozen veggies. Until next time, see ya!”

Note:
Foetida Food products may not meet nutritional and safety standards set forth by your local government, and they may not be available in your galaxy. If so, move to a better galaxy or overthrow your government. Problem solved.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 10 - Tenebrae

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Season 4 - Episode 8 - Udo Messis

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Udo Messis

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Udo Messis

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting Udo Messis, home of the Meteo race. The Meteo once ruled fifty star systems in this spiral arm. This collection of stars, known as the Meteon Kingdom, was absorbed into the LIU during the Mid Rim Unification War. However, as part of the peace treaty, the Meteo retained some autonomy over their former worlds.”

Doog: “Udo Messis’ surface consists primarily of sandstone, and supports very little life. However, the large, deep pools that dot the surface are home to many species, including the Meteo. Unlike the other creatures, the Meteo needed to move from pool to pool to locate mates, and they evolved the ability to breathe in both water and air.”

Doog: “A large city called Demersae encircles the planet’s largest pool. It’s here that I will meet my guide.”

Goob: “What are you doing here mammal!”
Doog: “Hey! Get your slimy tentacles off me squid head!”
Goob: “Doog! Old buddy, you’ve lost none of your charm!”
Doog: “Same goes for you Goob. Folks, may I proudly introduce my old college buddy, Krix “Goob” Jagoober. Goob and I attended the same Media University, and he’s now a well known TV host himself.”
Goob: “Ha, nothing like you, Doog. My show is hardly syndicated outside the Meteon Kingdom. And I’m the one that actually graduated!”
Doog: “Hey, let’s not go there. No one told me attendance was required.”

Doog: “So, what’s in store old friend?”
Goob: “Well, Udo Messis is home to many important industries, but I figured we’d skip the usual routine and focus a bit more on the planet’s culture.”
Doog: “Thanks goodness. I read up a little before I came. I know Udo Messis is primarily a agricultural world.”
Goob: “Ha. You can read? Well, you’re right. Udo Messis is sort of the breadbasket for the Meteon Kingdom. I’ve prepared some stock footage of some of our agriculture so we can speed right through it.”
Doog: “Perfect.”

Goob: “All of Udo Messis’ agriculture takes place underwater. The pools support hundreds of native, edible plants.”

Goob: “My people are vegetarians, and we only eat sea plants.”
Doog: “Everyone has their faults.”
Goob: “Of course, part of our agreement with the LIU requires that we also start harvesting the other native sea creatures, like clams.”
Doog: “Aren’t clams like your distant cousins?”
Goob: “Very funny…”,

Goob: “Most of the work is done by automated collectors like this. My race specializes in robotics. While food is our primary export within the kingdom, robotics is our primary export to the LIU.”

Doog: “Well, that was painless. What now?”
Goob: “I figured we grab a bite to eat. Let’s catch a Robo-Rickshaw.”

Robo: “Input destination.”
Goob: “Uptown. Food district. Uh…how about Au Restaurant.”
Robo: “Confirmed.”

Goob: “Uptown is home to most of the city’s businesses and corporations. The food district is one of my favorite areas. Best food in the kingdom.”

Goob: “That restaurant on the left has some of the best kelp burgers in the universe. Unfortunately, it’s a little too expensive for our tastes. I’m assuming I’ll be paying.”
Doog: “Just like at college…”

Goob: “The food district also has several small stands for citizens to purchase fresh food to bring back home. In case you want to stock up your ship.”
Doog: “I don’t think we have room for veggies. The crew and I are mostly carnivores.”
Goob: “Gotcha.”

Goob: “Here it is, Au Restaurant.”

Goob: “I know you’re a carnivore, but try to give this a chance. This dish is a Meteo favorite, coral stems and sea berries.”
Doog: “You like putting stems and berries in your mouth?”
Goob: “How did I know you‘d go there?”

Doog: “What’s the green stuff?”
Goob: “Oh, it’s a synthetic alcohol derived from algae. All the fun, none of the hangover.”
Doog: “Man, we could have used that back at school. I may have made it to class more.”
Goob: “Want some?”
Doog: “Would the Emperor murder your whole family for a dollar?”
Goob: “I’m guessing that’s a ‘yes’.”

Cook: “Open wide. More berry coming to your mouth.”
Doog: “No, no. No more. I’m full and alcohol is moving right through me. Besides, you almost took out my eye with that last one.”
Goob: ‘Bathroom is down the hall to the left.”

Doog: “Nothing stuck in the moustache. That’s a first.”

Doog: “Uh, excuse me robot. Where are the toilets?”
Robo-Wiper: “Input waste delivery number.”
Doog: “Uh…I have to do a number two.”
Robo-Wiper: “Two is not defined. Input waste delivery number. Zero or one.”

Doog: “Hmm. Is a Meteo one equal to a human two? Or is a number one universal? Screw it. One. I have to one.”
Robo-Wiper: “Ah. Please sit on the waste removal tentacle.”

Robo-Wiper: “When you finish. I will tidy up your waste removal hole.”
Doog: “You know what…I’ll just hold it.”

Goob: “Haha. I wish I could have seen your face. I thought about warning you, but this was too funny to pass up.”
Doog: “Laugh it up Goob. So, what’s next.”
Goob: “I figured we‘d head to the Civil District. See some history.”

Goob: “This is the Archive Building. It’s home to some of the Meteon Kingdom’s greatest treasures.”

Doog: “This is it? Where’s the treasure?”
Goob: “This room is the treasure. The Meteon Kingdom started right here. My people drafted a resolution that insured equal rights for each of the kingdom’s worlds. The symbol on the floor was the kingdom’s emblem. Every world, whether it be an agricultural world, an energy world, or whatever, was equal and afforded the same rights. They all encircled Udo Messis, seen as black.”

Goob: “The original resolutions sits on the podium right behind you.”
Doog: “It’s useless now, right?”

Goob: “More or less. The LIU’s policies overwrite most of the resolution’s core values, but with the autonomy granted by the LIU, we try to operate as close to the resolution as possible. You’ll also notice that our emblem has changed. I’m sure you’ve seen this new emblem around town. The basic hexagon is still there, but it is disconnected and unequal. The LIU places more weight on profitable worlds. Also, you’ll note that there are two entities in the middle now. One represents the Kingdom and the other represents the LIU.”
Doog: ‘Still, things do seem a bit better here.”
Goob: “I guess.”

Goob: “To finish things off, I figured we’d head downtown.”
Doog: “What? Are we taking a train or something?”

Goob: “Nope. The lower level of the city is known as downtown. Follow me.”

Goob: “Downtown is home to the city’s residential districts. The huge windows down here let in the natural pool light. It allows us to feel closer to our natural environment.”

Goob: “There are also several airlocks to allow the residents to swim in the waters.”
Doog: “Great stuff Goob. I’m glad I got to see you again. Maybe one of these days you can accompany me to my homeworld.”
Goob: “I’d like that. See ya buddy.”

Doog: “Well folks, Udo Messis is a special place. It’s home to the Meteon Robotics Industry, which is a huge earner for the LIU. It has a vast agricultural industry that supports the fifty worlds in its former kingdom, and it serves as an example of how worlds can hold on to some of their oldest traditions despite being forced into the LIU’s economic society. See ya next time.”

Note:
Yes, we know the mirror in the restaurant is somewhat faulty...”

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 9 - Foetida

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Season 4 - Episode 7 - Nuntius Station

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Nuntius Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Nuntius Station #7

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a subspace communication relay known as Nuntius Station #7. The sixteen Nuntius Stations in the LIU Galaxy route communications across the galaxy. Communications sent via subspace are subject to distortion due to gravity, black holes, and various physical obstacles. In order to send clear, nearly instant messages across the galaxy, communications must be routed between Nuntius Stations. The stations have a direct line of sight, and complex algorithms have been devised to compensate for any gravitational issues. Using data and locations calculated by the OmniStar AI, the Nuntius Stations are able to send and receive signals from all the worlds in the LIU Galaxy.”

Doog: “This crude, low resolution graphic of the LIU Galaxy shows the location of the sixteen Nuntius Stations. The stations, depicted as green dots, are located in the gaps between the galaxy’s spiral arms.”

Doog: “I’ve boarded the station via the docking bay, and I’m making my way down the hall to meet my guide. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but today we have our first female guide since that manly woman on Adiutrix. Anything has to be better than that. Ah, I see someone now.”

Doog: “You have to be f*$&ing kidding me. What is this?”
Woman: “Excuse me?”
Doog: “A one tooth old hag. Seriously. What did I do to deserve this!”
Woman: “Hey, screw you! Who are you anyway? Security!”

Amare: “That won’t be necessary Helga. Doog is our guest. Hi Doog, I’m Amare, your guide.”
Doog: “I…I…don’t have words.”

Doog: “You…you…are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. More beautiful than a triple sunrise on Solus. Your smile shines brighter than the sun on Ignea Avis. When I look at you, I feel as weightless as I was on Trahaxi.”

Amare: “Are you ok? You seemed to be disorientated, and you were mumbling.”
Doog: “I…I didn’t say that aloud? I mean, uh, yeah, fine.”
Amare: “Alright. Just checking. I thought you may have come down with hyperspace sickness. Disorientation, blurry vision, mumbling can all be symptoms.”
Doog: “No, I’m fine. I mean I travel in hyperspace all the time. I have my own ship.”
Amare: “I know that silly. I watch your show all the time. Hyperspace sickness is a little different though. Come with me, I‘ll tell you about it on the way.”

Amare: “In order for the Nuntius Station to send and receive subspace communications, the station must be in hyperspace. But any first year physics student could tell you, you must have a velocity to stay in hyperspace.
Unfortunately, this station can’t have a velocity. We must stay stationary in order to have a stable position to receive subspace communications. Instead, the station pulses in and out of hyperspace thousands of times a minute, moving only a few nanometers each jump. The constant switch from real space to hyperspace can cause hyperspace sickness. When you travel in your ship, you only enter hyperspace once. Already today, you entered hyperspace several thousand times.”
Doog: “I see. So…does your boyfriend get hyperspace sickness?”
Amare: “I…I don’t have a boyfriend Doog.”
Doog: “Oh, no worries. I don’t have a girlfriend. I guess we’re more alike than we thought.”
Amare: “Ha. I guess so.”

Amare: “This is one of the station’s six hyperspace engines. The engines, arranged evenly around the station, take turns pulsing in and out of hyperspace. When one side fires, the opposite side counters and moves the station back to its original position. Essentially, the whole station is vibrating in and out of hyperspace.”

Doog: “You sure like saying ‘hyperspace’ a lot.”
Amare: “Ha. I suppose I do. Sorry. I’m probably running my mouth too much. I just talk a lot when I’m nervous.”
Doog: “No! Not at all. I love when you talk. You’re so smart.”
Amare: “Aww. Well I guess I could tell you about the…”

Doog: “Whoa. Not again. Don’t mess this up stupid. This girl might like you.”

Amare: “Are you ok? I feel like I lost you again for a second.”
Doog: “No, no. Not at all. Very interesting stuff. Shall we continue?”

Amare: “This room here houses the station’s sorting matrix. The matrix reads the communications’ origination and destination codes and routes them to the appropriate subspace transmitter. However, before any message is shipped out, it must go through one more step.”
Doog: “What’s that?”

Amare: “Come with me. I’ll show you.”

Doog: “Uhh…here it comes again. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up!”

Amare: “Doog! Are you really alright? You don’t have to hide hyperspace sickness. I wouldn’t think any less of you.”
Doog: “I’m fine Amare. If I appeared to be disoriented, it’s because I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve never met anyone like you. I don’t want to this day to be over.”
Amare: “Really? I’ve never met anyone like you either. Maybe we could meet up again after the show.”
Doog: “I’d like that.”

Doog: “So…ahem…this is the next step?”
Amare: “Yes. This is the Communication Monitoring Station. All communications received by this station, or any Nuntius Station, are monitored for signs of rebellion, insurrection, thefts, et cetera.”
Doog: “You read other peoples mail?”
Amare: “That statement is incorrect for two reasons…”

Amare: “…first of all, we monitor more than just communications. This station monitors all information sent on the LIU’s subspace spectrum.”

Amare: “Secondly, we don’t read the information, the Watchdog AI reads all the information.”
Doog: “The Watchdog AI?”
Amare: “Yep. There is way too much information for us to read any of it. The AI can reads trillions of messages every minute. When the AI detects information that requires our attention, it sends the information to one of the stations to your left.”

Amare: “Hey, number Seven. How are you today?”
Seven: “Oh…not so great. You ever have one of those days where everyone wants to talk your ear off and all you want is some peace and quiet? I have that day about every second.”
Amare: “Oh, come on Seven. You know as well as I do that you love the gossip. Come on, anything interesting today?”
Seven: “I suppose you’re right. Let’s see. There is some pretty interesting chatter on the military spectrum, but that’s
classified. Ooh, here we go. Captain Jolly Doom and his crew have sacked another freighter near the Pirata Nebula. I’m being flooded with messages requesting assistance. Oh, wait, its been transferred to the military spectrum. Sorry, Amare.”
Amare: “Oh well. Maybe next time.”

Doog: “Ahhh! It’s accelerating. Don’t throw up! Whoa! It’s moved lower, at lot lower! Don’t crap yourself! Don’t crap yourself!”

Amare: “…and that’s what we do when we receive a troublesome report for the Watchdog AI.”
Doog: “Great. We’ll I guess that about wraps it up. I better be heading back to my ship now.”
Amare: “Let me walk you there. I want to say goodbye.”

Doog: “Uhhh…...”

Amare: “I’m glad you are ok. I thought you getting sick for a while there. I’m glad you’re honest with me. That’s what I like about you. You always honest, always saying what is on your mind.”

Amare: “I know this sounds crazy, but after watching all your shows and meeting you here today…I think I’m in love with you.”

Doog: “I…I…think I love you too.”

Amare: “Then what are you waiting for Terrance. Kiss me…”

Doog: “Blaaaaaahhh!”

Amare: “Oh my Emperor! Gross! You were lying to me! I thought you were the honest man I was always looking for! We’re over!”

Doog: “Amare, no! Come back! I’d chase you, but the force of my vomit caused a level five shart in my boxers! See, I am honest! Dang it. Well folks, the Nuntius Stations are an important part of the LIU. I don’t really feel like saying anymore than that. See ya next time. Amare!”

Note:
“Planets or star systems that don’t have a direct line of sight to a Nuntius Station must route communications through smaller substations or satellite arrays. Attempting to bypass the Nuntius Array, or sending direct communications to other planets or ships without permission, is strictly forbidden.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 8 - Udo Messis

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Season 4 - Episode 6 - Novum Finium

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Novum Finium

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Novum Finium

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. the corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re onboard a pre-colonization ship known as the Novum Finium. Like all pre-colonization ships, the Novum Finium has been tasked with preparing a planet for colonization and exploitation. This includes installing various forms of infrastructure like roads, water, and communications. The Novum Finium is essentially a massive warehouse that holds all the supplies and materials needed to perform its task.”

Doog: “The Novum Finium is much too big to land on the planets surface. Instead, the front of the ship contains three large landing bays that allow the Novum Finium’s fleet of shuttles to transport people and supplies from the ship to the surface.”

Doog: “The Novum Finium is currently in orbit around a recently discovered planet designated as Silvis IV. Silvis IV, fourth planet in orbit around the star Silvis, will not receive an official name until it has been fully colonized. The planet was discovered nearly five years ago during a scan with the Almagest Mapping Center. Since then, the planet has been visited by several research teams, and it has been studied thoroughly. The planet is mostly tropical, with prairies, tundra, and ice near the poles. Silvis IV has a large fresh water sea that stretches almost the length of the equator. These conditions will make Silvis IV an ideal agricultural world. The Novum Finium only needs to lay the basic infrastructure to start farming.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve now boarded the Novum Finium, and it appears that my guide is waiting for me. Hello there, I’m Doog.”
Jagain: “Yes, yes. I know who you are. We can skip the pleasantries, you’ve already set my schedule back fifteen minutes. Can you walk and talk?“
Doog: “I can tr…”
Jagain: “Yes, ok, good. Follow me. I’m Jagain, Overseer of Silvis IV’s colonization. We’re on a tight schedule. I only have six months to ready this planet for exploitation. Every little hiccup, like parading around with TV hosts, threatens to delay our operation.”
Doog: “Can you…”
Jagain: “No time for questions. Make a left here.”

Jagain: “This is the ship’s mapping room. The long range mapping scans done by the Almagest Mapping Rings are low definition, and we are currently updating the mapping scans from orbit. The mapping center is also responsible for monitoring weather and surface conditions. Until the proper satellites, radar, and communication systems have been installed, the workers on the surface rely on the Novum Finium for all their information.”

Mapping Supervisor: “You’re late. I have you scheduled for 1730 hours.”
Jagain: “Nope. You forgot to update your LIUPad. The schedule changed. I have to show this guy around.”
Mapping Supervisor: “Do we have time for that?”
Jagain: “No, but we don’t really have time to discuss it either. How’s everything looking?”

Mapping Supervisor: “The scans are going well. As you see here, we just finished imaging grid 90W 38N. It looks like we’ll be able to run a road right through the valley. I’m worried about the water conduits though. It will be a pain to route them through the mountains.”
Jagain: “We’ll route them through grid 88W 38N, bypass the mountains.”
Mapping Supervisor: “Yes sir. I‘ll make the corrections and update the itinerary.”

Jagain: “How’s the weather in 86W 34N?”
Mapping Supervisor: “Sunny and 72 degrees. There shouldn’t be any delays during today’s landing.”
Jagain: “Great. Make the corrections. I’ll see you at 2655 hours for debriefing.”
Mapping Supervisor: “I’ll be there.”
Jagain: “Don’t forget, I expect you to finish the 38N grids by that time.”
Mapping Supervisor: “We’ll try.”
Doog: “What’s PKDU stand for on the screen over…”
Jagain: “No, time. Follow me. We‘ll cut through Storage Bay #6.”

Jagain: “The Novum Finium has vast storage bays that hold everything that might be needed during the course of our operations. Everything from food to spare parts for our mechs can be found in rooms like this. You can’t just run to the
supermarket or home improvement store if you forgot something.”

Doog: “Bulk boxes of mac and cheese! Could I grab a few for my ship?”
Jagain: “If we get time, I’ll see what I can do. By the way, we don’t have time. Hold on. What’s this. Computer, get a engineer down here. Someone placed a canister of JH54 in the slot for JJ54.”
Computer: “The anomaly has already been detected. The proper corrections are scheduled to be fixed in twelve seconds.”
Jagain: “Thank you.”

Doog: “What is…”
Jagain: “No more questions and try to keep up.”

Jagain: “This is the staging room. Materials and supplies picked from the storage rooms are placed on pallets, secured, and made ready for transport to the surface.”

Jagain: “There is another cargo shuttle due in fifty three minutes. I trust everything is ready?”
Picker: “We almost ready now. We have two more pallets of steel beams to pack and we’ll be set.”
Jagain: “Great. I’ll adjust the schedule accordingly. Alright Doog. I’ve moved up our departure seven minutes. We need to get the personnel shuttle out of the bay to allow the cargo shuttle to land. Hurry. Come with me.”

Jagain: “This is our personnel shuttle, the LIU Alvus Mark II. It holds forty passengers. Two of those forty, will be us. Come on.”

Jagain: “We enter here.”
Doog: “Can we slow it down a bit. It seems like we’re rushing through everything. And I’ve hardly got a word….”

Jagain: “Sorry, I don’t have any time set aside for whining. Which reminds me, I need you to turn your head towards the shuttle.”
Doog: ‘What for?”

Doog: “Ouch! What the heck was that?”
Jagain: “It’s an inoculation against the planet’s native diseases. It also has synthetic chemicals that will prevent
atmospheric sickness. Silvis IV’s atmosphere has a slightly different make-up than you are accustomed to.”

Jagain: “The rest of the workers have arrived. Let’s grab a good seat.”

Three minutes later:

Jagain: “Welcome to Silvis IV, grid 86W 34N. In this grid, we are installing a bridge and a water pump.”

Jagain: “Here, you can see some of our engineers laying the base for a hoverway bridge across the planet’s sea.”

Jagain: “And over here, workers are installing a water pump. The Novum Finium has enough water supplies to last for a few months, but we need to bring the planet’s own water systems online. They can’t depend on us forever.”

Jagain: “The water will be piped up to the settlement at the top of this hill. Follow me.”
Doog: “Not a hill!”

Jagain: “This is the LIU Bison. It’s our most dependable ground transport on the surface. It looks like this unit is transporting materials to the coast. You can also see some of the crude roads built through the forest. If we continue a little further, we’ll see more advanced hoverways being built.”

Jagain: “Ah, here we go. We’re constructing a huge network of hoverways, or roads, across the planet’s surface. When farming begins, they will be able to utilize these roads to transport crops to the local spaceport.”

Jagain: “Most of the construction involves assembling pre-fabricated pieces. The construction mechs make it pretty fast work. You can also see some of the stabilization grids being constructed under the hoverway.”

Jagain: “Of course, we are also installing water and power conduits along the hoverway.”

Jagain: “All the roads in this grid lead to this spaceport. Crops will be shipped off-world from here. It appears they are slightly ahead of schedule.”

Jagain: “As I said before, the mechs make this pretty quick work.”

Jagain: “Over on that roof there, an engineer is finishing up installing the port’s sub-space communicator. In a few hours, the planet will be in contact with the rest of the galaxy, and they will not have to depend on the Novum Finium for communications. Well, that about wraps it up. As you can see, the Novum Finium is essentially installing all the planet’s infrastructure. In about four months, when we are finished, farm workers will start arriving to transform this alien landscape into a massive Super-Farm.”

Jagain: “Hey, look at that. We’re ahead of schedule. You have about thirty seconds to ask a question.”
Doog: “Finally! I thought I wasn’t going to get more than ten words in today. Uh…what…no, I mean why…I got nothing.”
Jagain: “Time’s up. See you later Doog.”
Doog: “Well folks, I’m not sure what just happened there. I’ve been rushed around what appears to be some sort of
construction operation. Oh well, hope you learned something because I sure didn’t. See ya next time.

Note:
“Grab a LIUPad at your local LIU supplier and follow Doog and crew with the TV2 app.

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