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Season 5 - Episode 3 - Cruenta Ingenii System

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingenii System

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Cruenta Ingénii System

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, were visiting the Cruenta Ingénii System. This star system has two habitable planets, Mundatis and Sordida. Sordida rests .6 Astronomical Units from its parent star, while its larger neighbor, Mundatis, sits at 1.2 AU. Sordida is rockier and much warmer than Mundatis. It is rich in mineral and energy resources, and has a strong manufacturing industry. However, it lacks natural water and plant life. Mundatis is temperate with large amounts of fresh water. It lacks major industries, but makes up for it with productive agriculture. The two planets trade their resources to each other; Mundatis ships water and food to Sordida in return for energy and minerals. While unremarkable on their own, the planets become a major economic player when their resources are pooled.”

Doog: “One would suspect that such a symbiotic existence would invariably lead to strong ties and friendly diplomacy, but this is hardly the case. The system’s history is riddled with bloodshed and interplanetary war. Each planet believes itself to be the more superior member of the relationship, leading to conflict after conflict. The LIU grew tired of this internal strife as it slowed economic growth and threatened the unity of the Union, and they came up with a rather novel solution. A large space station was built between the planets where each planet could send delegates to iron out various issues. These delegates don’t speak, they don’t compromise, no…they fight to the death. The winner of these ‘death matches’ decides issues and resolves conflicts. This unique solution not only ended the unproductive wars between the two planets, it also became one of the highest rated sports matches in the LIU Galaxy. Every week, billions of viewers tune in to TV2 to watch the latest debate.”

Doog: “Alright. We couldn’t find any kind of employee or media entrance, so I’ve been dropped off here at Gate H. I need to find someone to speak to about getting in. If I go past this scanner, the admission fee will be charged straight to my account via my Citizen Identification Chip. Pssst, you over there. Can you help me out?”
Guy: “Programs! Get your programs! Get the full evening’s debate schedule!”
Doog: “Pssst!”
Guy: “Sir, I hear you, but you’re going to have to come in to speak with me. I only assist paying customers.”
Doog: “That’s my problem. I don’t want to pay to come in. I’m here to do a show.”
Guy: “Yeah, and I’m here to sell world class literature. Nice try buddy, but I’m not falling for that one. Programs! Get your programs!”

Doog: “Come on, don’t you know me? Doog from LIU Atlas?”
Guy: “You know what. I do know you. How about I make you a deal? If you agree to buy one of these programs from me, I’ll temporarily disable the scanner.”
Doog: “How much is a program?”
Guy: “Five credits.”
Doog: “Fine. Although that’s still going to cut into my wages for this show. Is the scanner disabled?”
Guy: “Uh, yeah, sure.”
Doog: “Alright thanks. Here’s your five credits.”

MC: “Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! I’m Hyacintho, Master of Ceremonies here at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy!”
Doog: “And presumably my guide?”
MC: “Guide! Chaperon! Lodestar! Whatever you want to call it! The point being, I’m here to insure you have the night of your life!”
Doog: “My night would be much better if you showed up a few minutes earlier. I had to buy a five credit program to
have the admission scanner disabled.”
MC: “Buy a program? I’m afraid we don’t sell programs. They’re free with the price of admission. And, I hate to break it
to you, but the scanner can never be disabled.”
Doog: “What! I’ve been scammed!”
MC: “Sounds like the fun has already started for you! Ha-ha-ha-haaa. Come on. Let’s get this party STAAAAAARTED!”

MC: “Please, feel free stop for some refreshments. You’ll find they are quite delicious!”
Doog: “And quite expensive. Speaking of expenses, how much was my admission fee?”
MC: “That depends, what side of the scanner did you enter?”
Doog: “Right side, I think. I didn’t know there were different sides.”

MC: “Whoa! Big spender right here, ladies and gentlemen! Make way!”
Doog: “Big spender! How much?”
MC: “Well, the right side of the scanner is reserved for those who wish to purchase a suite level ticket. One hundred fifty credits, I believe.”
Doog: “Wait, I feel faint. That’s like…like half my net worth….”
MC: “A nice ice cream or teddy bear might take the edge off. Only twenty five credits.”

MC: “Here we are, suite #2. Come on in.”

MC: “The suites are usually reserved for the more elite, upper class citizens, but I’m sure you’ll fit right in. As you can see, there is a small lobby with a fully stocked mini-bar.”
Doog: “Tell me the drinks are included in my ticket price.”
MC: “Yes, of course.”
Doog: “Good, I’m going to need a few to get over this. A few hundred…”
MC: “Your seat is just here to the left.”

MC: “Your seat is in row CC. You’re free to take it now, or return to the lobby for a few drinks. I must get to work. Enjoy the show!”

Doog: “Well folks. I’m going to turn the show over to the announcers and the Master of Ceremonies, Hyacintho. In the mean time, this guy’s getting sloshed.”

Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our pre-debate entertainment, Joke the Chicken before Porking! And now, if you’ll take your seats, we’ll get started. Give a round of applause to the Honorable Hyacintho!”

MC: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, children of all ages, welcome to the Great Debate! During our first debate, we will resolve the taxation of food imports between the two planets. Let’s meet our debaters!”

MC: “Representing Mundatis, with a record of 2-0, Senator Falco! The honorable senator has already debated his way to two victories, including last weeks debate over discretionary spending. Give it up for Senator FALCOOOO!”

MC: “Representing Sordida, with a record of 1-0, Senator Vespertilio! The honorable senator won his first debate last week striking down the education exchange act. Give it up for Senator VESPERTILIOOOOO!”

MC: “Gentleman, please take your positions. As you are…I’m sure…aware, this debate concerns the taxation of food imports. Senator Falco will be debating in favor of this resolution, while Senator Vespertilio will be debating against it. After I exit the debate floor, you will have thirty seconds to prepare. The debate begins at he sound of the bell. Good luck.”

DING, DING, DING!

Announcer: “And they’re off! Both Senators are charging into the debate!”

Announcer: “Oooh! Senator Vespertilio makes the first argument, and it’s a strong one! A shield right to the face!”

Announcer: “Senator Falco counters with a strong argument of his own, but it falls on deaf ears as Senator Vespertilio blocks. Neither side seems willing to yield!”

Announcer: “Wow! Senator Falco just made a great point! I think I felt it up here. Senator Vespertilio seems stunned and doesn’t appear to have a counter-argument.”

Announcer: “That’s it folks! The senior senator has just dealt a decisive blow. What argument could Senator Vespertilio possibly make now that he has lost a limb! Senator Falco moves in to make the closing argument.”

Announcer: “Wait just one second! It appears that the Senator from Sordida was just feigning a weak argument. He has, in fact, delivered a strong rebuttal! Senator Falco is speechless, but that’s mostly because that last rebuttal hit him right in the throat. Senator Falco desperately tries to make an argument, but they’re just weak fallacies.”

Announcer: “Senator Vespertilio takes a step back and awaits the end of the debate. Senator Falco lies nearly motionless on the debate floor…his life slipping away. As he fades into non-existence, so too does the hope of the taxation legislation. We only await the final decision from the debate judges.”

Announcer: “Ah, here they come now.”

Announcer: “They’re examining the debate as I speak. They are conferring with each other, and it now appears that they have come to a decision. I’ll hand it over to Hyacintho.”

MC: “It’s official! The debate has been decided in favor of Senator Vespertilio and the world of SORDIDAAAA!! There will be no taxation on the import of food!”

MC: “We’ll be right back with our next debate after the clean-up. Feel free to take this time to visit our refreshment stands.”

Doog: “Vwell folks, this has to be da easiest show I ever did. Who knew verr is actually an interesting government thingy. I dink all the government shoood be decided vike dis. Now, if you will scuze me, I need to get at least firty more dinks to get my credits worth. See ya!”

Note:
Tune in next week for the Cruenta Ingénii Team Debate. Eight issues, sixteen Senators, and only one winner!

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 4 - Reatus Societati

2 Comments

Season 5 - Episode 2 - Flos Lac

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Flos Lac

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Flos Lac

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re back in the LIU Galaxy, and we’re visiting a small Outer-Rim world called Flos Lac. Flos Lac’s most notable feature is its large chain of volcanoes, which is clearly visible from space. This chain spews enormous amounts of ash and sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere, driving the planet’s weather, ecology, and economy. ”

Doog: “The first thing I notice upon arrival on the surface is an awful rotten egg smell. Presumably, this has something to do with the sulfuric compounds in the planet’s atmosphere. However, I don’t really know too much about this planet, so there could be a rotten egg factory here or something. Who knows? I learned to keep all options open when visiting these Outer-Rim worlds.”

Doog: “The beings here appear to be quite primitive. I see no signs of advanced technology. Even their homes appear to be primitively built out of local stones. They do have one thing going for them, they seem to have shunned sleeves, like all great beings. Excuse me, are you my guide?”

Ovum: “Ah, you must be Doog. I’m Putrida Ovum. Putrida is my tribal name, so if its easier, you can just call me Ovum.”
Doog: “Ovum it is. So, you live here?”

Ovum: “Yes, along with the fourteen members of my tribe. Don’t worry; it’s a lot bigger than it looks.”
Doog : “I hope so. So what are you guys doing? It looks like you’ve been picking flowers.”
Ovum: “Yes, the Flos flower is our main crop here. The conditions in which they thrive are difficult to recreate
artificially and the flower can only be found here on Flos Lac. For instance, the sulfur dioxide in the atmosphere creates acid rains which in turn make the soil slightly acidic. The flower only grows in soils with a specific pH level. Also, the ash in the atmosphere filters a lot of the sunlight allowing only a precise spectrum of light to fall to the surface. The flower requires this exact spectrum to survive.”
Doog: “That’s great and all, but did you say acid rain? I not exactly wearing a lot of protection, and I don’t want my skin to burn off.”
Ovum: “Relax. The acid in the rain is too diluted to cause any harm to biological entities. It will, however, cause the erosion of rocks after hundreds of years. Take a look at the reddish pools of water over there. The acid rain has slowly eroded the surrounding rock creating slightly acidic mineral pools at its base. Come on, let’s head inside.”

Doog: “Hey, you guys do have some technology.”
Ovum: “Oh yes. We made do without it for centuries, but the production quotas are too high now to meet without technology. We’ve been forced into a new technological era because of the LIU. We’ve developed a steam-based technology that makes use of the planet‘s natural resources: geothermal heat and acidic mineral waters. The
minerals in the pool allow it too flash boil when exposed to geothermal heat. The steam is then collected, pressurized, and stored. It appears my hardsuit is fully charged. Shall we head out to the flower fields?”
Doog: ‘Sure, where’s my suit?”
Ovum: “I don’t know, didn’t you bring one? Our suits are specialized to fit our biology. We have pretty weak frames and muscles. Without the suits, we’d wouldn’t be able to travel as far in search of flowers. There’s no way you’d fit inside one of our suits.”
Doog: “What about my weak frame and muscles!”

Doog: “How far away are these flowers? I’m exhausted. Unlike you, I don’t get some nifty steam-powered mech to do all the walking for me.”
Ovum: “The problem with the Flos flower is that it is impossible to cultivate. We must let it grow naturally, which means we can’t chose where it sprouts up. Some seasons it grows close to the homestead, other seasons, it grows many miles away. The sporadic, random growing pattern used to force my people to live a more nomadic lifestyle, but these days, technology has allowed us to live a more stationary existence. There’s a field not far from here. Maybe two miles.”
Doog: “Two miles! Does that hardsuit have piggyback capabilities?”

Doog: “Pant. Pant. Please tell me this is it.”
Ovum: “Yes, this is one of the fields we are currently harvesting. You’ll see some of my other Putrida tribe members here already working. This is my brother Putrida Huevo.”
Doog: “Yeah, great to meet you. So, what’s the deal with this flower? Why is it so special?”

Doog: “Ooh, is it a narcotic like the flowers on Alucinor?”
Ovum: “No, I’m afraid not. It’s a foodstuff. The Flos flower is the only species on Flos Lac that is edible to my people. Actually, it’s not flower or stem that’s edible, it’s its sweet, sweet nectar.”

Ovum: “The nectar is too precious to extract on site, wouldn’t want to waste a drop. Instead, we harvest the whole plant. We’ll bring it back home to extract its nectar. The woody fibers of the leftover plant aren’t wasted though. It’s used as a building material. Let’s head back.”
Doog: “Wait! I thought this was a one way trip. I’m not walking all the way back! Perhaps I can ride with the flowers? You know, you guys can carry me?”
Ovum: “These suits have limited amount of steam power. I can’t risk carrying you and running out of steam halfway back. You’re going to have to suck it up and walk.”
Doog: “You’re going to have to suck it, Ovum.
Ovum: “What was that?”
Doog: “Nothing. Let’s get started.”

Ovum: “Within our home, we have several flower presses. The flowers are thrown into the press and the nectar is crushed out of them. Not a single bit of nectar is wasted. The extracted nectar is pumped into glass containers like this one here.”
Doog: “And you drink it?”
Ovum: “Oh yes. It’s very delicious. Would you like to try some?”

Ovum: “Here, have a glass.”
Doog: “Smells sort of sweet. For lack of a better analogy, like a flower. And it tastes like…phew…sick. It tastes like earwax marinated with a poop sauce. Good gracious that is foul!”
Ovum: “Yeah, most humans have that same reaction. Something about our differing taste buds.”
Doog: “Thanks for the heads up! Uh…I’m never getting this taste out of my mouth. How can you sell this to the LIU?”
Ovum: “We don’t sell the LIU pure nectar. That’s used to keep us fed and alive. We harvest much more than we need though, and the leftover nectar is processed into something more valuable. Something even humans can enjoy. Looks like my suit is recharged. Come with me.”

Ovum: “Each tribe collects extra amounts of nectar to be shipped to a central processing plant about ten miles from here. Larger, more powerful steam-powered walkers pick up the surplus nectar and deliver it to the processing plant. That’s where we’re headed next. Of course, this time, we’ll catch a ride.”
Doog: “Thank you. That just about makes up for the fact that you allowed me to drink such a disgusting monstrosity.”

Ovum: “The first stop in processing the nectar involves a filtration process. The nectar is pumped through several screens to remove impurities, like dirt, sand, and plant fibers.”

Ovum: “The nectar is then combined with some of the planet’s natural acidic mineral water. This starts a chemical reaction which breaks down some of the nectar’s sugars.”

Ovum: “This broken down nectar solution is then pumped into agitators like this. The vibrating, rotating tanks insure the nectar solution is homogenous.”
Doog: “I knew a genius once, but he was straight.”
Ovum: “What?”
Doog: “Nothing. Just a little word play.”
Ovum: “That doesn’t work because homogenous is not pronounce that way.”
Doog: “Quit ruining my fun. Let’s continue.”

Ovum: “The finished product in then pumped out and bottled up.”

Ovum: “Go ahead and give this a try. You’ll find it is much more tasty to humans now.”
Doog: “I’m not sure if I can trust you this time.”
Ovum: “Come on. Trust me. Every human that has ever tasted this has found it delicious.”
Doog: “Hmm. It smells a bit worse than before, more sulfury with a tint of hand sanitizer smell. I’m not sure I can drink this.”
Ovum: “Come on! Give it a shot.”
Doog: “Ok…hey, that’s not bad! It’s actually pretty sweet. It burns a little going down, but not bad at all. What brand name is this drink sold under. I’m surprised I haven’t heard of it.”

Ovum: “Oh, it’s not a drink, it’s an engine degreaser. Sold under the name Flos Engine Cleaner.”
Doog: “What! You said it was safe to drink!”
Ovum: “No, I never said it was safe. I just said humans find it a bit tastier in this form.”
Doog: “You son of Kaadu! I’m probably going to die from drinking this!”
Ovum: “Relax. You’re not going to die. It’s all-natural. If anything, it will clean some of the toxins out of your system…open up that digestive system.”
Doog: “What do you mean by that?”
Ovum: “Most humans that drink this have explosive diarrhea for a few weeks. No worries though, it cleans out the system.”
Doog: “Having diarrhea on my ship is a death sentence! There’s only one bathroom for the six of us! I‘m going to need some spare underwear!”
Ovum: “Sorry about that.”

Doog: “Well folks, Flos Lac is an interesting place. Using the planet’s natural resources and little bit of steam technology, the locals are able to produce both food and engine degreaser. Somebody ought to teach them the difference between the two, though. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to reserve some extra time on the Magellan’s bathroom schedule and borrow some of Oldie’s diapers. See ya!”

Note:
After one day, the Magellan’s bathroom was classified a Level Five Biohazard. Luckily, that’s only one level higher than usual.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 3 - Cruenta Ingenii System

1 Comment

Season 5 - Episode 1 - Arcem

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Arcem

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Arcem

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to Season Five of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the exclave planet Arcem. Arcem and its system lie in the outskirts of the Galaksija Galaxy approximately 16.5 mega-parsecs from the LIU Galaxy. The Galaksija Galaxy is home to three political entities, the largest being the Vuk Syndicate. The Vuk Syndicate and the LIU have been at war over intergalactic trade routes for nearly forty years. The Syndicate agreed to a temporary ceasefire several years ago as the LIU advanced further into their territory. As part of ceasefire, the Arcem System was given to the LIU. Arcem was transformed into a Fortress World, and it has been tasked with keeping the Vuk Syndicate at bay and protecting LIU trade interests in the area. To aid in this mission, a massive defense ring was constructed in orbit around Arcem. That’s where we are headed”

Doog: “It’s not until the Gryllus approaches the defense ring that its true size and scope become apparent. The hundreds of defensive turrets spread around the ring also come into view as we get closer. A large hangar bay appears to be our destination.”

Doog: “Hello there cutie. Please tell me that you’re my guide.”
General: “Yes, I’m your guide, but if you call me cutie one more time, you’re going to find out what your kneecaps taste like.”
Doog: “My apologies. So what would you rather be called?”
General: “For security purposes, I must withhold my actual name. You may refer to me as General.”
Doog: “You’re a general?”
General: “Yes. Why do you find that so surprising? Because I’m a woman?”
Doog: “What? No. It’s just those cute little freckles throw me off. I mean interesting freckles! Not cute! Don’t make me eat my kneecaps!”

Doog: “So, you’re in charge here?”
General: “Yes, I’m the Overseer of Arcem and High Commander of the Arcem Black Brigade.”
Doog: “Black Brigade?”
General: “Yes. The Black Brigade is one of the toughest units in the LIU military. We’re made up of some of the best soldiers the LIU has to offer. The ceasefire with the Vuk Syndicate is tenuous at best. War could erupt at anytime, and we may be forced to defend this planet against the full might of the Vuk. It could takes weeks for reinforcements to arrive, and we must be strong enough to hold out against any attack. In addition to this perilous task, we also have been tasked with defending LIU cargo shipments coming through this area..”
Doog: “Sounds challenging. I’m worn out just hearing about it. So, do I get to take a peak around?”
General: “A lot of our operations here are classified. We can’t risk the Vuk intercepting any TV signals and getting access to the ring’s inner workings. So you‘ll get a brief tour, but on our terms. When we say to cut the camera, we mean it. Also, you will be hooded as we move throughout the ring.”
Doog: ‘Hooded?”

General: “Like this.”
Doog: “Ew…what did you guys have in here before? Onions? Feet?”
General: “I believe that’s your breath. It’s hard to tell though, your body is emanating some awful pig smell that’s covering everything else up.”
Doog: “Well, you see, we had to ride in the cargo…”
General: “Save it. We are all well aware of your misadventures. Let me just use this time to remind you how serious our operations are here. If you pull any of your usual stunts, the last thing you‘re ever going to feel is a bullet exploding through the back of your head.. Are we clear?”
Doog: “Crystal.”

General: “Take the hood off. Step to the side of the hall.”
Doog: “Who are these guys?”
General: “The Black Brigade has a standing army of over two million soldiers. Most of these soldiers are used to run various operations in the ring, such as the defensive turrets. However, some units, like this one here, are reserved for running military operations off world. These operations include covert intelligence gathering missions within the Vuk Syndicate’s territory, the protection of LIU trade interests in other nearby galaxies, and other more secretive functions. Alright, put the hood back on.”
Doog: “Uh, not again.”

General: “Hood off. OK. As you approached the defense ring, I’m sure you saw several defensive turrets. These larger turrets are controlled by the ring’s computer and run from the central control room. What you didn’t see, is that there are hundreds of smaller turrets hidden within the ring. These smaller turrets are manually controlled by a soldier. They provided defense against smaller ships, like fighters.”

General: “The dual gun barrels on the anti-fighter turrets allow for an unprecedented fire rate. The exact specifications are classified.”
Doog: “Of course.”

General: “If you look out the viewport, you can see some of our defensive fleet running training exercises. The smaller fighters are made to engage other enemy fighter ships. They have been specialized for dealing with the small Vuk fighter. These specializations are…”
Doog: “Let me guess, classified.”
General: “Yes.”

General: “The larger ships are modified versions of the smaller fighter. These
modifications allow it to compete with Vuk Capital Ships. It can fire fourteen
anti-capital ship missiles simultaneously. The exact number of missiles it holds
is…”
Doog: “Classified.”
General: “Yes.”
Doog: “Is anything here not classified?”
General: “That’s classified.”
Doog: “The existence of non-classified material is classified? Whatever. Let‘s move on to some non-military operations. Perhaps we can get a little more information. You can‘t film a show when you only get a sentence of information every few minutes.”
General: “I suppose.”

General: “Uh…here they are…the Vuk.”
Doog: “What! What the Vuk are they doing here? Are we under attack?”
General: “No. The Vuk have a ambassadorial team stationed on the ring. The higher ups in the LIU believe conflict can be avoided through diplomacy with the Vuk. Those of us stationed here, especially us veterans of the war, do not share these feelings.”

Doog: “You fought in the Vuk Conflict?”
General: “Yes. I helped storm the factories on Tvrðava, stepped over hundreds of my fallen brethren on Dvorac, and killed one of the Vuk Premiers on Zamak. My exploits and success during this conflict helped me get promoted to General. I have known nothing in this life other than hatred for these snaggletooth, large-eyed freaks.”
Doog: “Sounds like you’re harboring some pretty strong emotions. Perhaps I could take you out one day, make you forget about all this.”
General: “I hope you haven’t become to attached to those kneecaps.”
Doog: “Sorry General. I was just trying to help out.”
General: “I don’t need any help. There is something that always cheers me up though. Come with me.”

General: “This place always cheers me up.”
Doog: “I can’t see anything.”
General: “Ah, yes. I almost forgot.”

Doog: “What’s going on here? Is this guy being tortured?”
General: “Yes, and it’s completely legal. Arcem exists in a different Local Galaxy Group than the LIU Galaxy, and falls under the laws of this galaxy group’s Senate. The laws here are more lax and ‘savage’ than you may be accustomed to. We use of the laxer laws here to our advantage.”
Doog: “By obtaining information from the Vuk?”
General: “Yes, but it’s not limited to the Vuk. Prisoners, spies, or other enemies of the LIU can be shipped to Arcem to face legal torture.”

General: “There are various methods of torture, but we found that our specially designed torture-bot seems to obtain the best information.”

General: “Bot, have you been able to retrieve any information from our Vuk guest?”
Bot: “I have just began the processes General, but our guest has been very…forthcoming.”
General: “What have you learned? Do the Vuk have any plans to attack?”
Bot: “Nothing related to an attack, yet. But he’s hiding something. I can sense it.”
General: “Have you tried feeding him his kneecaps?”
Bot: “I am well aware of your fondness for that tactic General, but as I have reminded you several times in the past, the Vuk do not possess kneecaps.”
General: “That’s a shame. I expect a full report when I return later.”
Bot: “It will be done.”

General: “There is a large civilian presence here in addition to all the military personnel. They are in charge of keeping cargo ships fueled and running.”

General: “That about wraps up the tour of the ring.”
Doog: “What about the planet itself? Are we going to see Arcem?”
General: “If you wish, but I assure you, there’s nothing interesting there.”

General: “Here it is, Arcem.”
Doog: “It’s just an agricultural world. I’ve seen nothing but farms.”
General: “Yes. The planet produces food for the employees on the defense ring. It lowers our reliance on shipments from the LIU Galaxy. It also insures that we will have access to food during an extended siege."
Doog: "Pretty boring."
General: "I told you there was nothing exciting here.”

Doog: “Well folks, Arcem is an important world. It’s one of only a handful of LIU controlled worlds outside the LIU Galaxy. It defends the Union from the Vuk Syndicate and protects LIU economic interests in the area. I wish there was more to see, but I’m afraid just about everything is classified here. See ya next time!”

Note:
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(This note has been classified for your safety.)

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISPODE: Season 5 - Episode 2 - Flos Lac

3 Comments

Season 4 - Episode 3.5 - Popina's Diner

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Popina's Diner

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Popina’s Diner

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Doog: “Whew! I wouldn’t go in there for a few hours. All this processed food iskilling my stomach. It wasn’t very pretty.”
Mike: “Yeah, well, it didn’t sound very pretty either. You could have ditched the microphone before you went to the bathroom. You do know that your mic feeds directly into my integrated headset?”
Doog: “Oh…sorry…I almost forget it’s in my hand sometimes. So, what are you doing? Want to pick on Oldie or something?”
Mike: “Nah, not right now. I’ve come across some problems while planning the route to the Saxa Asteroid Belt.”
Doog: “What kind of problems?”
Mike: “Well, I’ve been crunching the numbers, and it appears we don’t have enough fuel to make it all the way there. We’re going to have to make a pit stop. I seriously doubt we’ll make it to Saxa on time.”
Doog: “Doesn’t sound like a problem to me. The longer it takes to get there, the longer I don’t have to do any work. Besides, fueling up won’t take too long. Heck, while we’re there, we could get a bite to eat or something. It’ll give us a break from all this processed junk.”

Oldie: “Ooh! Ooh! Did I hear you say we’re making a food stop?!?”
Doog: “Uh, Oldie. You forgot to wear pants again…”
Oldie: “Huh? Oh, I suppose I did. I knew I forgot something. Oh well. So, are we getting some food or what?”
Doog: “Yeah, I think that’s the plan. Mike, see anything close by?”
Mike: “Hmm, let’s see. Well, there’s a small space station about two parsecs from here. It says it has fuel, lodging, and a few restaurants. One of the restaurants, Popina’s Diner, received two stars from the health inspector…that’s better than our usual eateries.”
Doog: “Popina’s Diner it is!”

Doog: “Well folks, we’ve decided to make an unscheduled stop at a local space station in order to fuel up the Magellan and grab a bite to eat. We decided to bring the hover cam along with us, maybe get some extra footage for the Season 4 DVD. Besides, you never know what you’ll find on these backwoods space stations. It looks like the fueling stations are on the lower decks. Hugo’s securing us docking rights, and then we’ll make our landing.”

Doog: “Geez, 3.09 credits per charging minute. How’s the little man supposed to survive?”
Mike: “Yeah, no kidding. This is going to eat into our budget big time. Maybe we should hurry up and eat while we still have some credits on the account.”
Doog: “Good call. Let’s go.”

Doog: “Well Hugo, it looks like you have everything under control here. We’re going to go ahead and grab a bite to eat. You don’t mind staying with the ship, do you?”
Hugo: “Why not? It’s not like I ever want to go on any adventures or eat real food.”
Doog: “So that’s a yes? Cool, we’ll see you in about an hour.”

Doog: “Alright guys, the budgets looking pretty slim, so I’m only going to be able to take three of you with me. Mike, Cam, you guys are in for sure. The only real decision is between Oldie and Timbo. Let’s see, Oldie, for starters, you’re still not wearing any pants, but you do have to sign off on any expenditures. Timbo, well, you’re Timbo. And what are you wearing? Is that a pony prancing across the sunset on your shirt? Do they make any brighter pants?”

Doog: “I’m sorry Timbo, but I’m going to have to go with Oldie on this one. That is, if he gets some freaking pants!”
Oldie: “Oh, oh, I will! I will! Thanks Doog.”
Doog: “Don’t mention it. Now, Timbo, don’t stand around moping. The Magellan’s looking a little dusty. Maybe you could use one of these brushes to give her a quick clean up. If you do a good enough job, we’ll bring you some
leftovers.”

Mike: “You’re not really going to bring him anything, are you?”
Doog: Nope. I’ll probably just ‘forget’.”
Oldie: “Wait for me!”

Doog: “This must be it, Popina’s Diner. It looks halfway decent.”
Mike: “Yeah, I haven’t stepped on a single roach yet. That has to be a record for us.”

Doog: “A little dark and dingy, but the food smells great.”
Cam: “Let’s just hope it’s better than the Cesso Rest Station.”
Doog: “Indeed.”

FLO: “Hey boys! Welcome to Popina’s Diner. I’m FLO, you’re Friendly Lunch Operator. Please, follow me. I’ll get you guys seated. You’re in for a treat!”

FLO: “So, what’s it going to be? May I recommend the eggs?”
Doog: “Uh, can we get a menu or something? I’m not sure what I want.”
Oldie: “Ooh! I want eggs!”

FLO: “Oh dear, I’m sorry. The only menu we have is up on the wall here. We’re probably not as fancy as the fine establishments you inner galaxy boys are used to visiting. Oh, by the way, we’ve been out of burgers and fries for a few months now. So how about some drinks and some eggs?”
Doog: “Well, I guess that’s ok. It’s better than the usual gruel we eat.”

Thirty Minutes Later:

FLO: “I trust everything was enjoyable? You’ve nearly cleared your plates.”
Doog: “Yeah, better than enjoyable. Those were some of the best eggs I’ve ever had!”
Oldie: “I’m ready to take my pants off again. I’m full to the brim!”
Crew: “No!”
Doog: “So, how much is this going to set us back?”
FLO: “Oh honey, you don’t pay me. I’m just an automated food server. I don’t have anything in my programming related to money. Go see Popina up at the counter. Have a great day!”

Doog: “So…uh…we had two orders of eggs and two drinks. How much do we owe you?”
Popina: “That’s funny, FLO’s diagnostic readout has you down for four eggs and four drinks. Hey…wait a minute, you’re not trying to pull a fast one on me, are you? I’ll have you ejected out the nearest airlock.”
Doog: “Uh, no, no, I’d never do that to you Mr. Popina. I must have misspoke.”
Popina: “Really…I’m really starting to think we have a problem here…nah, I’m just messing with you. You’re Doog, right? We watch your show all the time! I’m Popina, but you can call me Pops. Hey honey, come out here! Doog from that show is here at our little diner!”

Wife: “Wow! I thought you were pulling my leg! It really is Doog! Oh my! Maybe you guys could do a show here or something!”
Pops: “Yeah! Yeah! You could do a show. You already have all your stuff.”
Doog: “Actually, we’re sort of busy right now. I just want to pay the bill. Besides, I’m not sure there’s much to shoot here. It’s just a diner.”
Pops: “I’ll tell you what, if you shoot an episode here, your lunch is free.”
Doog: “I think I like that idea. Maybe we could do a three or four part episode.”

Pops: “Ha, you really did like the eggs, didn’t you? But I think one episode will suffice.”
Doog: “Are you sure? There seems to be a lot of cool stuff in here. We could do a whole show on those ventilation fans, and maybe one on the drink dispensers. I’m willing to stay all season long if the free food keeps coming.”
Pops: “No, no. One episode is plenty. Besides, it’s not the diner that’s interesting. It’s its cellar. Honey, will you keep an eye on things, I’m going to take the boys downstairs.”
Wife: “Ok, have fun boys! Nice to meet you!”

Pops: “Things have been pretty rough here lately. Business is slow, and we can’t ever make enough credits to buy more food. So one day, I was down here in our storage cellar contemplating how to make food from these cardboard boxes when I found this nifty hidden passageway. Come on, don’t be scared. I’ve been coming down here for months now.”

Pops: “This secret passageway leads to hundreds of rooms just like this. I soon realized that I found all the food I’ll ever need!”
Doog: “What are they?”
Pops: “They’re eggs! And the best part, they seem to be in some sort of suspended animation. When I break them out, they’re fresh as day one.”

Doog: “Are you telling me that we just ate some random eggs that you found in a secret hidden basement? I knew this place was too good to be true.”
Pops: “Now, now, don’t worry. Nobody has ever gotten ill from eating these eggs, and, you have to admit, they’re pretty delicious.”
Doog: “Yeah, but what kind of eggs are they? I mean, have you ever read these computers. I’m not the brightest tool in the shed…”
Mike: “Uh, its actually sharpest tool in the shed, Doog.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah, that’s what I meant. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can see right here that these computers say ‘Warning! Biological Contaminants Isolated Within’ and ‘Warning! Eggs Contain Weaponized Biologicals’.”
Pops: “I guess I was so excited I never really looked what the computers said.”
Doog: “I’m certainly not perfect, but, man, you need to be more careful. What if one of them ever hatched?”

Pops: “Uh…funny you mentioned that. A few weeks ago, I tried to carry too many upstairs at once. I dropped a few, and well, they rolled down the corridor. I never went back for them”
Crew: “What!”
Mike: “Hey guys! Do you hear that? It sounds like its coming from the walls!”
Oldie: “They’re here!”
Doog: “Run!”

Doog: “Somebody trip Oldie! They’ll have to slow down to eat him. It will give us more time!”
Oldie: “Doog!”
Doog: “You’ve lived a long life. Stop being selfish!”

Oldie: “Hurry! Close the passageway!”
Cam: “Get some boxes in front of the door!”
Mike: “Doog! Where are you going! We need help securing the door!”

Doog: ‘Uh, it looks like you guys have it all under control. I’ll see you at the ship!”

Two hours later:

Doog: Hey, guys you finally made it. What took you so long?”
Mike: “Dang it, Doog! You left us to die back there. We had to hold the door for nearly an hour before station security arrived.”
Oldie: “Yeah, apparently we stumbled upon some secret weapons program hidden deep in the station’s interior. We’re not supposed to tell anyone.”
Cam: “That included Doog, Oldie. You’ve already failed.”
Doog: “Hmm, sounds like you guys had a busy day. Well, I’m exhausted. I’m going to wake up Hugo, jump into bed, and take a nice long nap. Wake me up when we get to Saxa.”
Crew: “Doog!”

Note:
The weapons program has since been cancelled, but officials are exploring the use of the biologicals’ eggs as a foodstuff.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 4 - Saxa Asteroid Belt

2 Comments

Season 4 - Episode 15 - Aranea Serico

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Aranea Serico

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Aranea Serico

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to the final episode of Season Four of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re closing out the season on Aranea Serico, an irregular moon orbiting the gas giant Aranea Telam. The oddly shaped moon has no atmosphere or magnetic field, and its surface is uninhabitable. Instead, the residents of Aranea Serico live inside the cavernous moon.”

Doog: “My ship is approaching the only entrance to the moon’s caverns which is protected by a large force field. This electronic field contains the caverns’ artificial atmosphere, and more importantly, controls who can enter and exit the moon. Why would they want to limit access to the moon? I don‘t know, but I’m sure we’ll find out.”

Saepio: “Welcome Doog. I’m Saepio, Warden of the Aranea Serico Forced Labor Camp.”
Doog: “Uh! Not another prison. I haven’t had many good experiences with the LIU legal system.”
Saepio: “Not a prison, a forced labor camp. No one here has committed any actual crimes.”
Doog: “Then why are they being forced to do labor?”
Saepio: “It’s the LIU…do you need any more reason than that? But in all seriousness, most of our laborers here were either unproductive or uncooperative in their assigned industry, so they’ve been relocated here, where we can insure they are putting forth a full effort.”
Doog: “And what are these laborers doing?”
Saepio: “They are collecting one of the moon’s natural resources. I won’t go into much more detail than that. It’s something that must be seen to be believed.”

Saepio: “This is the camp’s receiving hangar. We receive supplies and new laborers here. It’s also home to our oxygen generators. This door here leads down to the labor camp.”
Doog: “There’s doesn’t appear to be much security here, just a guy with a gun. I mean, I know its not a prison, but I’m sure you have an occasional escape attempt.”
Saepio: “Yeah, many of the workers aren’t thrilled to be here. We do have a few protocols and security features in place further into the facility.”

Saepio: “The moon is littered with various tunnels and caverns. We utilize these spaces instead of building our own infrastructure. Experts believe these caverns were created by geological process early in the moon’s existence. Of course, a body this size doesn’t usually have these geological processes, which leads the experts to believe that the moon is a chunk of a planet that was broken up by the gas giant’s gravity. That, and the moon’s natural life.”
Doog: “Natural life?”
Saepio: “Yes, the moon is home to several species of complex life. Complex life doesn’t usually evolve on small bodies like this, especially in these conditions. These life forms are an important part of the resource we collect. Ah, we are almost here.”

Saepio: “Welcome to the Crosspoint.”
Doog: “What’s the Crosspoint?
Saepio: “Up until now, the cave has only had one possible route. After the Crosspoint, the cavern splits up into several different passages. We use the Crosspoint as a chokepoint. We control access to the camps from here. It is the largest chamber in the caverns and one of the largest structures on the moon. Magnetically sealed doors and shock chargers prevent anyone from accessing the exit, and it stops any of the native species from escaping.”

Doog: “Are those rock people? Are you guys mining rock people?”
Saepio: “Mining rock people? No, we’re not mining rock people. Rock people are notoriously lazy. We have found literally nothing that they are useful for. They are only one step above a Gungan. We’ve been forced to relocate their race to various labor camps. Fifty percent of Aranea Serico’s workforce consists of rock people.”
Doog: “Gross. So, what’s going on here?”
Saepio: “These rock people are new arrivals. We‘ll give them a brief orientation, then send them to work.”

Rock person: “Gah! Where are we?! We want crystals! Yummy crystals!”
Guard: “I swear to all that is holy, if you rock brained idiots don’t fall into formation, I’m going to melt you down and pave the floor with your molten bodies!”

Saepio: “Alright Doog. Here’s a shock gun. It will serve as your defense while you tour our operations. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to give the orientation speech.”
Doog: “The floor is yours.”
Saepio: “Welcome to the Aranea Serico Forced Labor Camp. You are here because your lazy, slovenly behavior has not profited the LIU. You have been given several opportunities to assimilate into the workforce, but alas, you have failed. Now, you have no option. There is no pity here. You work, or you die. Food, water, shelter, clothing, and medicine are reserved for those who fulfill their duties. That’s right, these necessities are only earned through productive labor. You will find resources and trade them to the LIU in exchange for these materials. So, go ahead and be lazy and enjoy yourselves, it is now your life that is at stake.”
Doog: “Very moving Saepio. What’s next.”

Saepio: “We are now officially in the labor camp. There are no bars here, just a magnetically sealed door preventing escape. The workers are free to interact with each other and work as they please. Of course, as you heard during my moving speech, they don‘t eat or drink unless they get their work done.”
Doog: “Heck, I don’t really get to eat, and I do my job.”

Saepio: “The laborers bring their collected resources here to trade for bread, water, and other necessities. As you can see, there are still those who refuse to work and spend their time begging. It doesn’t work of course, but they still try. Once the hunger sets in, they generally feel more inclined to start working.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Saepio: “Now that we are beyond the Crosspoint, the cavern splits up into several different routes. Three of the major routes have been mapped out. It serves as a reference for the laborers. Of course, there are literally hundreds of smaller routes that haven’t been mapped yet. The workers sometimes risk these unknown tunnels and caverns when they are feeling adventurous, or very, very hungry.”

Saepio: “The average sentence here is ten years, but most workers never make it to release day. The average life span here is only six days. This is some pretty brutal work. Those that have been here longer tend to be a bit pale. They have gone many cycles without feeling the sun on their faces. They are battle hardened and know the caverns better than anyone. I figured we’d follow of few of these ‘hardened’ individuals into the caverns and see the operations.”

Doog: “Is it safe? A lot of these guys are staring at me with some very hungry eyes. I don‘t want to be eaten.”
Saepio: “Ha. You would make a pretty gristly, fatty meal. But don’t worry, we’re safe from the workers. Most are emaciated and have lost a lot of muscle mass. You should be able to fight off any attacks. Besides, they won’t waste the energy attacking you. The pay off would be too low.”
Doog: “Gee, thanks Saepio.”

Saepio: “This is Red Tunnel. This ‘main’ tunnel been mapped out about eight miles. Of course, if you factor in all its offshoots, it is probably over a hundred miles long and spreads over half the moon.”
Doog: “Is that a spider! I don’t like spiders!”

Saepio: “Ah, yes. This is one of the three species native to Aranea Serico. We call it the Fodder Spider. It’s not a true spider, but a closely related arthropod. It spins a web as a home and as a warning for approaching predators, not to catch food. The Fodder Spider does not eat insects, there aren’t any here. Instead, it feeds on one of the other native species, the Serico Mushroom.”

Saepio: “Look. Here’s a few here.”
Doog: “You can look. I’m keeping this vile creature over here at gunpoint!”
Saepio: “Will you relax? The Fodder Spider is harmless. It’s nothing more than a really large mite. It’s a vegetarian and non-venomous. If you’re afraid of these little guys, you’re in for a rough day. This place is crawling with them.”
Doog: “Whatever you say. Let‘s just move on.”

Saepio: “Sigh. Come on. Our laborer is moving on.”

Doog: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! They’re everywhere!”
Saepio: “Geez! That was the most womanly scream I ever heard! Just relax.”
Doog: “Hurry! Shoot me with you shock gun! They won’t be able to eat me if I’m electrified!”
Saepio: “These guys are the least of our problem. It appears they are running from something. If I had to guess, they’re running from Aranea Serico’s third and final native species, the Behemoth Death Spider!”
Doog: “What?!”

Saepio: “Yeah, I was right. A Behemoth Death Spider!”
Doog: “It’s official. I soiled myself…”

Saepio: “Just stay still. It’s occupied eating one of the workers right now. No sudden movements. The Behemoth Death Spider is the apex predator of the caverns. They usually feed on Fodder Spiders, but they won’t hesitate to take large prey, like our workers. It’s why this labor camp is so dangerous, and why we have to force workers down here.”
Doog: “It’s the size of an elephant!”
Saepio: “Yes, despite the danger it poses, it truly is an amazing organism. Like the Fodder Spider, it is not a true spider. It has ten legs and only four eyes. They do share several similar characteristics with spiders though. They’ve stalked these caverns for millions of years, evolving into perfect killing machines.”

Doog: “What resource could possibly make this carnage worthwhile?”
Saepio: “They creatures themselves make this worthwhile. Like the Fodder Spider, the Behemoth Death Spider spins a web. It’s not used to capture prey, but to protect its lair from other members of its species. This web is extremely valuable.”
Doog: “You collect spider webs?! Heck, there’s like forty of them in my ships cupboards. Its safer to grab them there!”
Saepio: “No, this is a very unique web. Come on, there must be one close.”

Saepio: “Fire up your shock gun, and let’s see if we can push this thing back. I’m sure its lair is nearby!”

Saepio: “Ah! Here it is. A Behemoth Death Spider web.”

Saepio: “The web is constructed from some very unique polymers. They are extremely strong, yet very flexible. They can be woven into some of the best fabric in the galaxy.”
Doog: “All this to make some shirts!”
Saepio: “No, there’s more. The threads are coated in a protein-based gel that mark the spider’s territory, and keep out other spiders. The gel is a powerful antiseptic. It’s removed from the webbing prior to it being woven. The gel serves as a very valuable medicine.”
Doog: “Killing lazy people to make medicines and shirts for other people. I guess I could get behind that.”

Saepio: “The laborers trade any web material they find for food, water, and other necessities. Once enough has been collected, it’s shipped off world to be processed.”
Doog: “Well Saepio, I’d like to thank you for one of the most terrifying shows I’ve ever done. But, in all honesty, I hope we never meet again.”
Saepio: “Just stay productive Doog, or we will be seeing each other again.”

Doog: “Well folks, Aranea Serico is a brutal place, but an important part of the LIU. One of the moon’s natural species produces some very valuable materials, but more importantly, the moon serves as a fearful reminder that LIU does not tolerate those who do not work. With punishments for laziness this severe, we can all rest easy that everyone in the LIU is always giving 100%. Or something like that. See ya next season!”

Note:

Doog: “Hey Saepio, do you think I could keep this shock gun? I think it would be pretty hilarious to use it to wake up the crew tomorrow.”
Saepio: “Uh…no.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Behind The Scenes: The Trip

1 Comment

Season 4 - Episode 14 - Excan

8/11/2015

3 Comments

LIU Atlas - Excan

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Excan

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Excan. Excan sits about half an astronomical unit from its unstable parent star, Evoma. Excan’s strong magnetic field, a result of its large liquid iron core, is disrupting Evoma’s magnetic field. This disruption has greatly increased the frequency of solar flares and coronal mass ejections from the star. These massive eruptions often strike Excan, bathing the surface in radiation.”

Doog: “The constant solar activity and radiation make a direct trip to the planet extremely dangerous. The Magellan is not equipped for such a journey. Instead, we’re landing on a small space station three AU from the raging star. Here, we’ll catch a shuttle to the planet’s surface.”

Doog: ‘Ah, hello there. You must be my guide?”
Engineer: “No, sorry. Your guide isn’t getting around too well these days, and he couldn’t make the trip to the station. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”
Doog: “Well, who are you?”
Engineer: “I’m Tony, a space weather specialist.”
Doog: “A what? I thought this was a shuttle depot?”
Engineer: “It is. This is a dual purpose station. It serves as both a shuttle depot and a space weather monitoring station. Excan is too close to Evoma to get accurate space weather readings. The radiation disrupts their instruments. At this distance, I can safely and accurately monitor the solar activity, and make space weather predications.”
Doog: “So, you’re a space weather man?”

Engineer: “Yes. Take a look at this horizontal screen. This is an infrared scan of Evoma’s surface. You can clearly see a sunspot forming. Sunspots are magnetically driven and often precede solar flares and mass ejections. By reading sunspot activity, we can make educated predictions on when these events will occur. Take a look at the seven day solar forecast on the wall there. We’re looking at some pretty minor activity early in the week, but we’re expecting several large flares Wednesday and Thursday.”
Doog: “Cool. And why is this important?”
Engineer: “For starters, the safety of the planet’s residents. We must give proper warning, or they could be caught out during an event. It’s also important for our shuttle system. Let’s put it this way, you don’t want to be riding a shuttle to the Excan on Wednesday or Thursday. No amount of shielding or armor would save you.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So I’m safe today?”
Engineer: “Yeah, two yellow bars today. That’s pretty safe. Of course, if you don’t make it back here before the day ends, you’ll be stuck on the surface until Tuesday. We don’t operate when the readings get into the orange.”
Doog: “Well, what are we waiting for?”

Engineer: “This station has six shuttle bays. Two are reserved for our personnel transporters, like this. This shuttle has been given upgraded armor, radiation shielding, and a magnetic disruptor to combat any solar activity you may come across.”

Engineer: “Let me just unseal the personnel compartment. Ah, there we go. Hop on in.”

Engineer: “Alright, watch your head. I’m sealing it back up.”
Doog: “Are you sure this is safe?”
Engineer: “Yeah, pretty sure. Like I said before, we’re predicting two yellow bars today. Of course, predicting space weather is just about as accurate as predicting planetary weather, so you never really know.”
Doog: “Wait! What was that last part! Let me out!”

Engineer: “Now, now. Settle down. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Sixty percent sure as a matter of fact.”
Doog: “I don’t like those odds!”
Engineer: “Now, if you hear something during your trip, it’s just these maneuverable radiation shields. The computer positions them automatically to combat any radiation.”

Engineer: “Good luck!”

Doog: “Well folks, I made it. We’re approaching the planet’s habitation tower. This armored tower is located in Excan’s deepest canyon where it is safer from solar events. Despite its location and various defenses, the tower is still vulnerable to the star’s largest flares. Deep underground bunkers and interior rooms serve as protection during the larger events. You can also see that the tower has several grounding lines attached to its base. These lines discharge accumulated geomagnetic energy produced when the charged solar particles interact with the planet‘s magnetic field. What? I don‘t know. Its just something I found written on one of the shuttle’s brochures.”

Doog: “What else does this thing say? Oh, the tower is home to over two thousands residents. Cool. Should be fun. Well, it looks like the shuttle is making its landing approach. I’ll see you on the inside.”

Senex: “Ah, welcome Doog. I’m Governor Senex, Overseer of this system. I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you in person. My knees have been giving out on me. I’ve been reduced to getting around in this little scooter.”
Doog: “No worries. Old age will do that to a man.”
Senex: “Old age? I’m not much older than you are.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry. It guess the gray hair and wrinkles that threw me off.”
Senex: “That’s fair. I imagine I do look a little older than my age. It’s the radiation. It ages biological materials almost two times faster than normal.”
Doog: “Wait! What? I’m aging twice as fast right now!”
Senex: “Not quite. Very little radiation penetrates the tower. You’re safe inside. Even if you weren’t, you’re only here for a day, so you’ll only be two days older.”
Doog: “Two days older? Heck, I’ve made lifestyle decisions that have taken more days off than that. This one time on Camana IV…”
Senex: “Maybe later Doog. Remember, we don’t have a lot of time.”
Doog: “Yeah, of course. So where are we headed?”

Senex: “This is the Sol Petra Mining Lab. Here, we collect data and map deposits of the mineral Sol Petra. The horizontal screen is a 3D map of one of the regions we‘re mining. You can see some of the deposits depicted in orange.”

Senex: “The vertical screen is a digital image of a radiation intensity scan. The scan shows where solar activity has irradiated the planet’s surface. The strongest radiation is depicted as yellow. It looks like a flare may have directly struck the surface here.”
Doog: “And why is that important?”
Senex: “Well, radiation exposure fuses the planets naturally occurring basalt into Sol Petra. If we know where the radiation is, we know where the Sol Petra is.”
Doog: “What is this Sol Petra you keep talking about? I’ve never heard of it.”

Senex: “Computer, display Sol Petra molecule. Ah, there we go. Sol Petra is an ultra-rare mineral. It’s formed when solar radiation, specifically X-Ray and Gamma Rays, fuse the planet’s basaltic rocks. The fused rocks, or Sol Petra, have a unique matrix that can contain radiation.”
Doog: “Contain radiation?”
Senex: “Yes, see this unique structure? The molecules combine together to form pockets. These pockets absorb radiation and store it. Once the radiation is stored, no other radiation can penetrate it. The radiation acts like an insulation to other radiation.”
Doog: “I guess that could be useful.”

Senex: “It sure is. Sol Petra is a very efficient insulation. It is extremely useful in storing irradiated materials.”
Doog: “And it’s only formed on this one planet?”
Senex: “No. It can be synthesized artificially, but it’s much easier, and cheaper, to mine it naturally. Excan has one of the larger deposits known in this galaxy, and more is constantly being formed due to solar activity.”
Doog: “So what’s next?”
Senex: “Well, if you’re not too worried about aging, I figured we’d head out to the field.”
Doog: “I’m in. My suntan could use some work.”
Senex: “I’m afraid we’ll have to wait on the suntan. We’ll be wearing heavy radiation suits. They’ll certainly stop infrared and thermal rays. It’s the more powerful rays that we should be worried about.”

Senex: “Welcome to the surface Doog.”
Doog: “It’s good to be here Senex, except for this stifling, top heavy suit.”
Senex: “You’re more than welcome to take it off if it bothers you too much. Of course, you’ll probably die in a few seconds.”
Doog: “Nah, I’ll pass So, what’s this? Solar power?”
Senex: “Yes. Evoma provides an abundance of solar energy. This energy is collected to power the tower and to maintain its shielding. It is also used to process the Sol Petra once it is collected. It requires lots of energy. More importantly, it serves as an early warning system. When the computer detects elevated amounts of energy, an alarm sounds. Elevated energy could mean a flare is coming. The residents in the tower hear the alarm, and know to take cover.”
Doog: “What about us?”
Senex: “Out here, there’s not much we can do. My father always told me to get into a little ball and kiss my &$$ goodbye.”
Doog: “Great advice. Very comforting. So, what’s next?”

Senex: “Remember that map and that scan we we’re looking at in the mining lab? That was this field. We’ve run some preliminary scans, but mining scouts are still trying to determine the exact location of the Sol Petra. All we know for now is that this region has recently been hit by a solar flare.”

Senex: “Ah, here’s a mining scout now.”
Doog: “Check out the laser on that thing! Sweet!”

Senex: “That’s not a laser Doog. That’s a very precise scanner. The scout is mapping the mineral content of this field. The scanner can penetrate the regolith and determine the minerals below.”

Senex: “The scout can handle almost any terrain, including the planet’s large rocks and canyons.”

Senex: “Look. I guess we lucked out. It’s a LIU Armored Dump Truck. It’s transporting mined Sol Petra from the north to the tower.”

Senex: “Unlike the scout, the truck is too slow to escape a flare. Instead, it has thick armor. It even has an armored canopy cover, seen deployed here.”
Doog: “Enough of the product placement. Let the LIU sell stuff on its own time. Are we going to see something else or what?”

Senex: “Before we head back, I figured I’d show you an exposed Sol Petra pit. The Sol Petra is usually covered in radiated regolith and small rocks. We’ve removed this top layer and exposed the minerals below.”
Doog: “Cool, I guess. Rocks, irradiated or not, don’t really do anything for me. Anything else?”
Senex: “I figured we head back to the tower and check out some of the processing.”

Senex: “We process the Sol Petra on site. The lower half of the tower holds several manufacturing floors where Sol Petra is turned into various products. Here, workers are forming the Sol Petra into Radiation Storage Containers.”

Senex: “High energy presses form the Sol Petra into various forms. Again, this machine is forming the mineral into a storage box.”

Doog: “All this work for some fancy boxes? You sure are risking a lot. I mean you’ve given up your health, your appearance…no offense ma’am, and your safety to make some boxes.”
Senex: “All in a days work for the LIU. We could be slaving in the mines on Aranea Serico or something worse.”
Doog: “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I have to work as a TV host for almost no pay. Although, I do get to keep my good looks!”

Doog: “Well folks, Excan is an interesting place. It certainly has a flare for the dramatic. Deadly solar storms and radiation are just a few of the dangers the people here risk to bring you radiation-proof materials. Well, see ya next time!”

Note:
Even with Doog’s limited exposure to radiation, he still aged forty one days during his brief stay. It has been determined that his less than ideal lifestyle may have contributed to the faster aging. And by less than ideal, we mean his use of copious amounts of drugs, alcohol, and prostitutes.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 15 - Aranea Serico

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Season 4 - Episode 13 - Crinita-Gelum Belt

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Crinita-Gelum Belt

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Crinita-Gelum Belt

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Crinita-Gelum Belt, an icy ring of frozen planetoids. The belt is mostly unexplored and uncharted. Spectral analysis has determined that the millions of bodies that make up the ring are composed primarily of frozen volatiles, like water, methane, and ammonia. Several of the larger bodies dispersed throughout the ring support thin atmospheres, but their surfaces are inhabitable due to outgassing, collisions, and unstable rotations.”

Doog: “At this time, the belt has very little economic value, and the LIU has invested very little resources into its exploration. Water ice, which is in abundance here, is always valuable, but the dynamic environment makes its extraction too expensive. It’s easier to get water from larger ice worlds, like Fuscus. Because there is little funding, only one man has been assigned to explore the ring. His small, personal space station is where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m here with our guide, Robert Gelum. Rob, I’m guessing that you were one of the belt's discovers? I mean, it has the same name as you.”
Gelum: “That honor belonged to my father, Timothy Gelum, and of course, his partner, Lenny Crinita. After receiving little funding, the two departed the ring in search of new discoveries. I secured minimum funding so that I could return to the ring and fulfill my father’s dream.”
Doog: “What’s that dream?”
Gelum: “To find something special here. This was his one big discovery. He and Crinita traversed half the spiral arm looking for new worlds, but this was their one big discovery. Unfortunately, he and Crinita were killed in a hyperspace accident a few months after discovering the ring.”
Doog: “Bummer. Sorry to hear that. So, have you found anything interesting?”

Gelum: “Not yet, but I’ve only been here a few months. Most of my exploration has been done from here, using the space station to map the ring. I’ve located at least three bodies that have sufficient size to qualify as dwarf planets.”
Doog: “Whoa, whoa. I already dealt with a planet full of dwarves this month. That’s my limit.”
Gelum: “What? No, not planets full of dwarves, dwarf planets. You know, smaller than normal planets, but large enough to achieve hydrostatic equilibrium…er…become round.”
Doog: “Gotcha. Dodged a bullet there.”
Gelum: “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I’ve only had time to time to explore one of these bodies, which I’ve named Viburnum I. Viburnum has some interesting features, mostly cryovolcanoes, but nothing of economic use. Today, I figured we’d explore my next target, Viburnum II.”
Doog: “Let’s do it.”
Gelum: “I’ve determined that the dwarf planet has a stable, but thin atmosphere. I’ve been conditioned to breathe in these light atmospheres, but I suggest that you retain your helmet. I don’t want you to pass out.”
Doog: “That won’t be a problem. I haven’t figured out how to get this thing off. Why do you think I’ve been wearing it in here?”
Gelum: “Come on, let‘s head to my lander.”

Gelum: “I claim this land in the name of the Emperor! From hence forth, this body shall be known as Viburnum II!”
Doog: “Don’t you have to be the first on the surface to name a new discovery?”
Gelum: “Uh, yeah, but…stop ruining the moment!”

Doog: “Uh-oh! Looks like someone’s going to first to step on this planet!”
Gelum: “Dang it, wait! I had to get my gear!”

Doog: “One small step for a man, one giant leap for my fame!”
Gelum: “Don’t you do it!”

Gelum: “More like one giant faceplant for an imbecile. Did you forget this was an ice world?”
Doog: “Whatever. I was first, so welcome to the planet Doogster.”
Gelum: “That will never stick Doog. Just give it up.”

Gelum: “Take a look at this.”
Doog: “What is it?”
Gelum: “It’s an impact crater. Pretty recent. The strikes blow the hardened snow away, and expose the blue ice below. Take a look at the center. The strike partially melted the ice.”
Doog: “Is this what we were looking for?”
Gelum: “No, just interesting.”
Doog: “Did I hear you mention snow earlier? How is it snowing
if there isn’t any clouds?”

Gelum: “Look over there. That’s how. Cryovolcanoes are ejecting warm water into the atmosphere. It freezes and falls back to the planet as snow.”
Doog: “Where’s the warm water coming from?”
Gelum: “There is some type of force acting on the planet, presumably tidal forces due to gravity. The dwarf planets must be exerting gravitational forces on each other. I’m not an expert on this type of thing. We’ll need a full scientific study to know for sure. First, we must secure more funding. Let’s continue.”

Gelum: “Now this is interesting. It almost looks like something has been using this canyon to descend the plateau to get to the ice plains.”
Doog: “What? How can you tell?”
Gelum: “The snow has been rubbed away. And this isn’t from an impact. No, it’s much too irregular. I feel like we’re close to something.”

Gelum: “LIFE! Ha ha! I’ve done it!”
Doog: “Chill out man. It just looks like some weeds. What’s the big deal?”

Gelum: “These aren’t plants Doog. It’s some type of lichen. Maybe something new to science. For something to survive these conditions with nothing but ice and snow, it’s amazing! Think of the possibilities! They will have to fund an expedition here.”
Doog: “Good for you, Rob. I guess you’ve done it.”
Gelum: “I need to get samples. And a name! Yes, I discovered a new species! I’ll call it Gelum’s Lichen…no…Gelum’s Weed. Ha! That way you’re included too!”

Doog: “Uh, Gelum. I think you need to take a look at this.”
Gelum: “Not now! I have so much to do!”
Doog: “Uh…no…seriously. You need to see this!”

Gelum: “Not now!”
Creature: “GRRrrrunt!”

Gelum: “By the Emperor’s grace! An animal!”
Doog: “I saw it first, Mr. Not Now. I shall call this beast Doogus Awesomesaurus!”
Gelum: “Ha! We’ll work on the name later. For right now, I just need to get some scans. Are the cameras rolling?”
Doog: “I hope so. Otherwise, I’m not getting paid.”
Gelum: “They’re amazing. They must feed on the lichens, and their fur must keep them warm in these brutal conditions. And six legs! They must make locomotion on the ice easier! I’ll need a full biology team here now!”
Doog: “Wait! What’s that on the horizon?”
Gelum: “Where? Oh, I see it! Come on!”

Gelum: “It appears to be one of the animals, but dead.”
Doog: “You mean a Doogus Awesomesaurus.”
Gelum: “Most of the flesh, meat, and hide have been removed. Interesting.”
Doog: “Do you think there is a predator here? Like a Doogus Awesomesaurus Rex?

Gelum: “LOOK! I can’t believe this! Is that a tool? There’s a predator here alright, but it appears we have an intelligent being!”
Doog: “It looks sort of fresh.”
Gelum: “Yeah, it can’t be far. Come on.”

Gelum: “For our safety, I brought a ballistic weapon.”
Doog: “Old school, I like it.”
Gelum: “There are several protocols for interacting with new cultures and sentient beings. Just follow my lead.”

Gelum: “L...l…look!”
Doog: “Oh crap, what do we do?”
Gelum: “We…uh…we observe it out of sight. I think.”

Doog: “How are we going to get out of sight here? We’re on an endlessly flat ice plain.”
Gelum: “Shhh. Maybe it won’t see us. Let’s just observe. Primitive housing, use of tools, clearly signs of sentience. It appears to be a hunter-gatherer culture; there’s meat and it looks like they have collected some lichens.”
Doog: “Uh, Gelum. I think it sees us!”

Doog: “Oh %#$&! It can fly! Shoot it! Shoot it!”
Gelum: “Ah! I don’t know what to do!”

Being: “Wewe ni nani!”
Gelum: “We c-c-come in peace. We mean you no harm.”
Doog: “Unless you try to hurt us, then we mean you a lot of harm!”
Being: “Wewe hatia juu ya nchi yangu!”

Gelum: “Me Rob. Him Doog.”
Doog: “What up?”
Being: “Mimi nina nyati wawindaji.”
Doog: “What?”
Gelum: “I don’t know. This is pointless. I need a translation team or something. I’m not trained for this. Uh, we leave now. Good to meet you.”
Being: “Biashara?”

Gelum: “Wait, he’s putting down his spear.”
Doog: “And picking up some meat. He’s going to beat us with his meat! How degrading!”
Gelum: “No, I think he wants to trade.”
Being: “Biashara?”
Gelum: “Give him something!”
Doog: “You give him something! Give him your gun.”
Gelum: “What! No! I’m not giving him an advanced weapon. I could change the balance of power or start a war or
something.”
Being: “Biashara!”
Gelum: “Give him your microphone! Hurry, he’s getting angry.”
Doog: “He can pull this microphone from my cold dead fingers! I’ll never give it up.”
Gelum: “What do you suggest we do then?”
In Unison: “RUN!”

Being: “Kifo chako zakulaiki!”

Doog: “Well folks, that was a close one. The Crinita-Gelum Belt is one of the most interesting places I’ve ever been. It’s home to a dwarf planet that is teeming with life. We’ve discovered a new sentient race and several other species. You can now add famous explorer to my résumé. Rob Gelum and his newly acquired crew will have their work cut out for them. See ya!”

Note:
To: Terrance McDoogal
From: The LIU Bureau of Naming
Reference: Naming Rights within the Crinita-Gelum Belt

We regret to inform you that your suggestion for the name of the newly discovered planet, ‘Doogster’, has been rejected and will henceforth be known as Viburnum II.

However, due to the overly complex rules regarding species naming rights, the creature you discovered, ‘Doogus
Awesomesaurus’ will remain in use until a more suitable name can be agreed upon.

STOP CALLING US!
Thanks.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Episode 14 - Excan

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Season 4 - Episode 12 - Pumilio

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Pumilio

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Pumilio

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a large moon called Pumilio. When the warm, wet air from Pumilio’s ocean rises over the moon’s massive mountain chain, it cools, falls as rain, and drenches the land west of the mountains. The land here is wet and muddy, and it is home to a huge forested swamp. The eastern hemisphere, in the mountain chain’s rain shadow, is a dry, desolate wasteland. We, of course, are headed to the forest swamp.”

Doog: “The abundance of rain and fertile soils have prompted the growth of extremely large trees. These trees rival skyscrapers in height and width, sometimes reaching over a thousand feet tall. Due to their huge root structures, these trees grow sparsely, often many miles apart from each other. The space in between these wooden monoliths is mostly muddy swamp.”

Doog: “The native Pumilions have constructed large habitation rings around these massive trees. This habitation ring has eight docking hangars on its lower decks. That’s where we’re headed.”

Skur: “Welcome To Pumilio, Doog. I’m your guide, Skur the IV.”
Doog: ‘Aww. Aren’t you just adorable. You want to play guide? Well, I’m sorry little buddy, but Doog needs to get to work. How about you run along a get your dad?”
Skur: “Uh, I‘m not a child Doog. But if you insist. Dad!”

Skur III: “What is it boy? I’m Grand Poobah of this ring. I don’t have time for this.”
Skur IV: “Doog apparently thinks I’m a child.”
Skur III: “Typical human. They believe everything in the universe is measured to their standard. Doog, do you have a problem with our small stature?”
Doog: “No, no. Of course not. I didn’t know. I…uh…how about we get started?”

Doog: “So, where were we?”
Skur: “I was introducing myself, and you were talking condescendingly to me.”
Doog: “No need to get short with me. Ha ha, get it? Short? Don’t worry, I’ll keep the height insults brief. Ha! Get it? Brief?”
Skur: “Sigh. This is going to be a long day…”
Doog: “Well, let’s get to it. How about you tell us a little bit about your operations? HA! Get it? Little? I didn’t even try on that one!”

Skur: “My species is arboreal in nature, and we have called these ‘mega-trees’ home for many centuries. Despite our small stature, we have been blessed with large brains and a gift for creating technology. Our moon is rife with resources, and we have used our technical know-how to extract these resources. We hope to become an even larger presence within the LIU as our technology progresses.”
Doog: “First step…get higher ceilings. My back is killing me!”
Skur: “Really? I’m quite comfortable.”

Skur: “Before we tour our industries, I figured I’d show you part of the habitation ring’s defense system.”
Doog: “I guess I could spare a tiny bit of time. Ha! Get it? Tiny? But yeah, seriously, I’m down for checking out some lasers.”
Skur: “Not that kind of defenses Doog. Come with me.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Skur: “This is our lightning defense system. Several stations, like this, have been situated around our tree.”
Doog: “What? Is lightning trying to take over your moon or something? I don’t get it?”
Skur: “No. The downpours that keep this land wet are often accompanied by lightning and thunder. Lightning usually strikes the highest structure in the area, and there’s nothing bigger than this tree for several miles. Lightning can destroy limbs, cause fires, and short out our habitation’s electronics.”
Doog: “And this stops it?"
Skur: “You can’t stop lightning Doog. This just serves as a better alternative for the lightning to strike. These charged rods attract lightning so it strikes here instead of the tree. This system actually collects the lightning’s electrical discharge and integrates it into our rings power infrastructure.”
Doog: “You power your station with lightning?”
Skur: “Sort of. Lightning only meets about 1% of our power needs. Lightning strikes are infrequent and unpredictable. We couldn’t depend on it on its own. Besides, most of the energy in lightning is converted into light and heat during the strike, so there’s not much left to use. Let‘s continue.”

Skur: “Our main industry on Pumilio is natural gas extraction. Natural gas, primarily methane, is created by decaying vegetation in the swamp. The gas is very prevalent here, and, unlike other hydrocarbons, this ‘biogas’ is renewable,
so we’ll always have plenty to collect.”

Skur: “The gas is piped from the swamp to our habitation ring. Here, it is processed and placed into tanks. Natural gas has fallen out of favor as a heat source and as a cooking fuel, but it is still very useful in the production of other resources, like ammonia. Using the Haber-process, methane can be converted…”
Doog: “Let me just stop you right there. I feel like your about to get scientific on us, and well, no one cares. Not one bit. Bit! Ha! Get it? Because you’re short.”

Skur: “Not funny. Get it? Because you’re an idiot.”
Doog: “Gee, I’m just kidding. Lighten up. I didn’t mean to slight you. Ha! Get it?”
Skur: “Sigh. Let’s continue.”

Skur: “The biggest obstacle to gas extraction is the environment. My arboreal species is not suited for life on the forest floor. We solved this problem with a little genetic ingenuity. This is Lab C-35, our genetics lab.”

Skur: “To extract gas, we need access to the ground, but it’s just too dangerous for my species.”
Doog: “Because you’re tiny?”
Skur: “No! Because of predators! And mud! And other things unrelated to height!”
Doog: “Oh.”
Skur: “We also needed access to the nearby mountains to extract ore, but our bodies were ill adapted to the cold. To achieve these seemingly impossible tasks, we altered our DNA and created two sub-species of our race: the Underlings and the Upperlings. The Underlings are better suited for the swamp forest floor, and the Upperlings are better suited for life in the mountains.”

Skur: “Here, you can see scientists experimenting with various DNA combinations. Although we’ve created two sub-species successfully, we’re not finished yet. We hope to eventually find combinations that will allow us to populate the desert wasteland in the eastern hemisphere."

Skur: “If you’re up for it, I figured I’d introduce you to these sub-species.”
Doog: “Sure. I have a little bit of time. Get it? Little? Wait…I already used that one.”
Skur: “Yes, I believe you have used them all by now. Now, in order to safely visit the swamp and the mountains, you’ll need to wear an oxygen mask. The controlled atmosphere in the ring is safe, but the methane levels outside are high enough where asphyxiation is a risk. Come with me.”

Skur: “As you can see, I’ve arranged a security detail. This is our Rhino-Mantis Quad Walker. Its four legs allow it to handle the muddy terrain with ease. It is armed with two blaster rifles, but they are for emergency use only. Discharging energy weapons is a last resort in a methane filled atmosphere. Its primary weapons are the melee spikes on its arms and head.”
Doog: “Protection from the predators?”
Skur: “Yes. As well as the Underlings. We wouldn’t want them to rise up and become the dominant sub-species.”
Doog: “Tell me more about the Underlings.”
Skur: “Life is much harder here in the swamps. We needed a variation of our species that was much stronger, more durable, and well, larger.”

Underling: “You summoned me, my liege?”
Skur: “Yes, just stand there and be quiet for a moment.”
Underling: “Ok.”
Doog: “Wow, he’s big!”
Skur: “Yes. This is an Underling. They are quite the physical specimen, although they lack much of the intelligence that the original Pumilions enjoy. The Underlings are our swamp laborers. They are responsible for digging gas wells, maintaining the gas pipelines, and farming. Underling! Take us to your village.”

Doog: “So, do you have a name?”
Underling: “No name.”
Doog: “Ok, I see this is going to be an interesting interview. So, you, what do you guys do here.”
Underling: “Whatever is commanded of me. Mostly dig. Tighten pipes. Avoid the big fire booms.”
Doog: “Wow, top shelf stuff. Thanks for your time.”

Doog: “Wow! They really did make everything bigger. Look at the melons on her!”

Underling: “Hey! That my sister! Next pipe I tighten will be windpipe of yellow man.”
Doog: “Skur!”
Skur: “That’s enough. Underling! Take us to the farm.”

Skur: “My species used to have to return to the forest floor to farm. Now, we mustn’t take that risk; the Underlings do it for us. Many of the forest swamp plants are edible, including the delicious Pumilio Potato.”
Underling: “Look! He pull yellow round food up. It makes me think of yellow man’s head. I pull it up soon.”
Doog: “Skur!”

One hour later

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve flown to Pumilio’s mountainous area east of the swamp. What do we have here Skur?”
Skur: “These are the Upperlings. They’ve been genetically modified to survive the cold conditions here.”

Skur: “They’ve also been modified to see better in the dark mines where they spend most of their time.”
Doog: “Mines?”
Skur: “Yes. Since we’ve created the Upperlings, we’ve been able to begin mining the mountain chain. They mine metal ore that we use to make gas tanks, pipes, mechas, and whatever else we need. It lowers our dependence on other worlds and increases our profits. The LIU likes this.”

Doog: “What’s this down here?”
Skur: “Ah, yes. The Upperlings also tend to our carnivorous needs by raising herds of Pumilion Dwarf Rams.”
Doog: “Haha. Dwarf! Get it? Man, I’ve had quite a few laughs today. Thanks for the tour.”
Skur: “Whatever jerk…”

Doog: “Well folks, Pumilio is an interesting place. It’s too bad we were so short on time. I would have loved to spend a little more time here. Just a tiny bit more. Just a few more minutes.”
Skur: “STOP IT!”
Doog: “See ya!”

Note:
Doog: “Leave a review. It’s a small thing to ask. Ha! Get it?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 13 - Crinita-Gelum Belt

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Season 4 - Episode 11 - Flumen A'ris

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Flumen A'ris

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Flumen A’ris

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU
could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting Flumen A’ris, a desert planet in orbit around the fast spinning neutron star Nendum. Nendum’s extremely quick rotation has caused Flumen A’ris’ rotation to drastically speed up. The planet’s quick rotation gives it short days and nights, and, due to the Coriolis effect, powerful jet streams. These planet encircling jet streams and their associated
winds have stirred up Flumen A’ris’ dusty, sandy surface into a planet wide sandstorm.”

Doog: “This sandstorm, raging for nearly a century, has made surface habitation nearly impossible. Instead, the residents of Flumen A’ris live on large floating cities. These cities drift gently around the planet’s equator, where the weak neutron star keeps the planet’s temperature the most comfortable. We’re headed aboard one of these cities to meet our guide.”

Doog: “Ah, you must be my guide. I’m Doog.”
Iberus: “Hola, I am Iberus. Welcome to Bote de Rio, one of seven floating cities here on Flumen A’ris. I am the city’s mayor and economic director.”
Doog: “Yeah, nice to meet you. So, let’s skip to it then. What do you guys do here?”
Iberus: “Our economy is very diverse. The planet, and its unique properties, have created many opportunities for exploitation. Our main export is power, but we also have mining interests, and a striving fertilizer industry. I figured I’d give you a brief tour of all our industries.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”
Iberus: “To see the industries, we will have to descend to the city‘s lower decks, closer to la tormenta, er…sandstorm. For your safety, you will be required to wear a helmet with goggles like mine.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah, sure.”

Iberus: “Like I said before, power is our main export. We generate this power from two different sources, wind and static. Wind power is pretty self-explanatory; the strong winds that drive the sandstorm below also turn large wind turbines. I figured I wouldn’t bore you with spinning fans. Instead, I figured we’d head down and see the static power generators.”
Doog: “Yeah, I’ve dealt with wind power before. Let me tell ya, it blows…”

Iberus: “Between both sources of power, Flumen A’ris generates a substantial amount of energy. Unfortunately, we must siphon off a quarter of this energy to keep our cities afloat. ¡Vamos! We’re almost there.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Iberus: “This is the static electricity generator. The bottom of our floating city extends into the top edge of the sandstorm, and the city’s hull is constantly being struck with particles of sand and rock. This builds up an electric charge. This charge must be dissipated, or my people would be shocked every time they reached for a door knob. Instead of wasting this energy, we direct the charge into static balls on the exterior of the city, como este.”
Doog: “I could use this thing on my ship. If I get shocked walking to the bathroom in my bunny slippers one more time, I might just lose it.”

Iberus: “Ha. Sí, I know the feeling. As you can see, the static ball builds up a static charge before releasing the energy into the nearby contacts. The contacts route the electric energy to our charging stations, where it is stored until it
can be exported.”
Doog: “It’s a little loud out here with wind constantly blowing, but man, this static ‘ball’ creates quite the ruckus. It sounds like a mini-thunderstorm out here.”
Iberus: “Sí, the properties that make this work are very similar to the mechanics of a thunderstorm. Let’s not dwell on that, we have much more to see. Let’s head back inside. We must descend further into the city to reach our next stop.”

Iberus: “Bote de Rio has many economic uses, but let’s not forget that it is also a community. Almost a million people call this city home. Most are employed in the various industrial sectors, but we also have police, doctors, teachers,
et cetera.”

Iberus: “Bote de Rio is a very large place, and many sections of the city are color-coded to make things easier for the citizens to find. As you can see, colored lines on the floor indicate the routes to various parts of the city. The orange line, for instance, indicates the route to the residential districts. Blue shows the route to our next destination, the Sand Mining Vacuums.”
Doog: “The vacuums?”
Iberus: “Sí. And I must warn you, this following area can be vary dangerous. We will be on a narrow catwalk on the bottom of the city. There will be nothing below us but the planet’s surface, which is several miles down. Try not to fall.”
Doog: “No warning needed Iberus, as a rule of thumb, I don’t try to fall off things. It might happen from time to time, but I never try.”

Doog: “Wow, it is a lot windier down here! And the sand is somewhat painful! It is almost like I’m being sandblasted!”
Iberus: “Sí, we are now in the upper reaches of the sandstorm. Any exposed skin will certainly be feeling a stinging
sensation.”
Doog: “You could have saved the ‘do not fall’ warning and told me about this, Iberus! I might have worn sleeves! Let’s make this quick!”
Iberus: “¡Lo siento! I figured you’d dress appropriately when I told you this planet is enveloped in a planet wide sandstorm. Anyway, this is one of the Sand Mining Vacuums. The sand in the sandstorm is made up of several
different minerals. Three of these minerals: rutile, ilmenite, and zircon, are extremely valuable as they contain the elements titanium and zirconium. The mining vacuums have to extract these components, which only make up about three percent of the sandstorm, from the various other minerals. The vacuum has several antennas which charge these minerals to a specific ion frequency, and the vacuum inhales only these particles. We don’t produce as much as other mining planets, but it’s a nice compliment to our energy sector.”
Doog: “Hey, it’s here. Might as well take advantage of it. Shall we move on!”
Iberus: “¡Claro! But, I’m afraid it’s only going to get more painful. Our last industry is on the planet’s surface.”

Iberus: “In order to reach the surface, we must take one of our vertical trains. It is too dangerous to fly in these winds. The ‘River of Air’, as we call it, constantly blows in one direction. It’s easy to fly one direction, but very hard to fly the other way. Not to mention how much more fuel it would take. We’ll reach the surface in about thirty seconds. Prepare yourself.”

Doog: “Ahhh! My arms are burning! Phew! And I have sand in my mouth!”
Iberus: “Haha. Novato! It isn’t that bad. ¡Vamos!”

Iberus: “The first settlers here were surprised to find that Flumen A’ris actually supports some native life. The Flumen Hormiga, an extremely large ant-like species, somehow survives down here on the surface. While it hasn’t
been studied too closely, it is believed that the ants farm various algal
species inside their burrows.”
Doog: “Ow! What…ouch!…does this have to do
with your economy? Ow! Dang it! Do you guys sell Ant Farms or something?”

Iberus: “Haha. No. The ants serves as a food for the Flumen Pájaro, the apex predator of Flumen A’ris. Look, there are some behind you. The Flumen Pájaro have large wings and glide with the planet’s strong winds. They can circle the planet several times a day searching for ants to eat. If they miss a strike, they must fly on. There is no flying against the wind. They are beautiful, no?”
Doog: “Yeah! Ahh! So, I still don’t get it! Who cares about all these animals?! Ow!”
Iberus: “¡Vamos! I’ll show you.”

Iberus: “The Flumen Pájaro take shelter in caves created by wind erosion. This allows them to rest, eat, and take shelter from the sands. It is also where they defecate. That’s where the economic value is. Bird poop, or guano, contains lots of phosphorus and nitrogen, making it an extremely useful fertilizer.”
Doog: “All this pain for some bird poop!”

Iberus: “Sí! Every so often, workers come down here, brave the elements, and scoop up containers full of guano. It’s very valuable. So, there you have it. Here on Flumen A’ris, we take advantage of all the natural resources: wind, static, sand, and guano.”Doog: “Let’s go home!”

Doog: “Ahh! Well folks, Iberus summed it up pretty well. So, I’m going to leave it at that! I need to get out of here now! See ya!”

Note:
The sandstorm did wonders for Doog’s skin by removing any dry patches or blemishes. Unfortunately, it also removed a large portion of healthy skin, but the skin he has left…smooth as a baby’s bottom.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 4 - Episode 12 - Pumilio

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Season 4 - Episode 10 - Tenebrae

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Tenebrae

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Tenebrae

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Tenebrae, located near the center of the dark nebula Pulvis. Tenebrae is a rogue planet, which is just a fancy way of saying that it has no star. Tenebrae was formed around a star in this very nebula, but the young, bright star flung Tenebrae out of orbit and deeper into the nebula. Tenebrae has since stabilized and now directly orbits the galactic center. With no star, and the dark nebula obscuring any starlight, Tenebrae is one of the darkest worlds in the LIU Galaxy.”

Doog: “No need to adjust your TV sets folks. This is actual footage from the surface of Tenebrae. There is literally no visible light here. It doesn’t make for very interesting TV. Luckily, Cam has made some adjustments to the Hover Cam to allow it to shoot in an infrared slash night-visiony sort of thing. I don’t know, I wasn’t listening. Cam, go ahead and switch us over.”

Doog: “Ah, that’s better. Now, you may be surprised that I’m still going sleeveless on a planet with no sun. Most would assume such a place would be freezing cold, but in actuality, it’s quite warm. Tenebrae is constantly pulling in materials from the surrounding nebula giving it a thick, hazy atmosphere. This atmosphere holds in Tenebrae’s internal geothermal heat which is of course created by residual core radioisotope decay. Just in case you‘re wondering, I just read that last bit off a cue card, so don’t ask me what it means. My host is part of an ancient race that originated outside the LIU Galaxy. This species’ true name cannot be spoken in Basic, nor any other alien tongue. Instead, we refer them as the Dark Harvesters.”

Doog: “Ah, here he is now. Uh, hello there. I’m Doog. And you are?”
DH: “Your cacology is such that any attempt at an utterance of my name would be execrable blathering. Your “Basic” tongue is just that: basic. You might have more luck putting to diction the smell of the seasons. Your speech would be given to prolix before even hinting upon the first syllable of my name.”
Doog: “Uh yeah. How about I just call you DH, short for Dark Harvester?”
DH: “Such is the extremity of your race’s velleity. So be it…”

DH: “The denizens and masters of this world--that is to say, my people--migrated here from afar. Uniquely evolutionary, we thrive in the dark side of existence. These opaque worlds are rare, and we have been scattered across the universe. A fungus that coevolved with my species remains the only sustenance that bears our continuity. And this fungi‘s avaricious pull to the Black has forced our symbiotic habitation.”
Doog: “The last time I had a symbiotic relationship with a fungus, I was banned from the brothel for two weeks. So where are we going? ”
DH: “Your trite, jejune humor makes me question whether or not your fungus spread to your brain. Try to keep up both mentally and physically; we journey to one of our sacred fungal grounds.”

Doog: “Wow, what is this light coming from the fungi?”
DH: “All the fungal species we transplanted here on Tenebrae are bioluminescent.”
Doog: “Cool, but I believe the light is distorting the infrared filter. Cam, perhaps we can switch back to normal mode for a minute, let the viewers see what I’m seeing?”

Doog: “There we go. As you can see folks, the fungi gives off a faint green light. So, DH, what‘s with the glowing fungus?”
DH: “When we abandoned our home planet, we transported the essential means to our victuals. The various components of the surrounding nebula breed rich soils that facilitate the thriving of said fungi. Our crop gorges upon the nutrient rich soil in seemingly fallow fields deprived of sunlight. Truth be told, solar rays trammel the prosperity of our harvest.”

DH: “In praxis, our yield yields ubiquitous corollaries-- nourishment, medicine, and illumination to name a few. The most vital of these species is the triangular-shaped fungi, a foodstuff. Its exquisite taste nourishes both palate and mind; its very aroma pervades through the soul; its redolent beauty, its sustenance, the means in which it sates all that is epitomized by renaissance learn-ed elite insists its import within our very…”
Doog: “Wait?! You eat glowing fungus?!”
DH: “No, we drink it. Poisonous in its current state, patience is our credo. In order to safely imbibe, we must allow proper fermentation and distillation. Lo, the winery hall awaits.”

DH: “Due to the capricious nature of our nutrient rain, the fungal beds form organically--and sporadically. The winery hall in which we venture is central, but, alas, too far to peregrinate. Hence our vessel for this journey: a troika of Anguis. The Anguis are the only non-fungal species to be salvaged from our home world. They act as our ‘beasts of burden’, so to speak.”

DH: “Come, let us make haste.”

Doog: “Cool building. Is this winery hall?”
DH: “Yes. Few structures exist here on Tenebrae. My species needs not sleep, nor shelter from the elements. These edifices' primary function are to repel the nebula dust, a semi-permeable portcullis fortifying from all unwanted elements. Tenebrae Wine shan’t be sullied .”
Doog: “All this wine talk is getting me thirsty. Shall we head inside?”

DH: “The Hall houses countless racks of Tenebrae Wine. The liquid must age for several years to ferment and safely dissipate its poison. This is vital; my species relies solely upon its nutrients.”

Doog: “Sounds complicated. Can I try some? I could use something to take the edge off.”
DH: “Absolutely not. Tenebrae wine is poisonous to most species. ‘Wine’ is simply a colloquialism for your ‘basic’ benefit. It contains no trace of alcohol. Instead, it renders a euphoria spurred on by its taste and life sustaining nutrients, not because of some chemical induced mind alteration like alcohol.”
Doog: “Dang. I could have looked past the poisonous part if it had alcohol, but yeah, I’ll pass. So what’s next? I mean, you have to be doing something useful for the LIU to tolerate your presence in their territory. We’re not running a charity here.”
DH: “We have our uses. Follow me to the basement.”

Doog: “What’s this? It looks like a laboratory.”
DH: “Another species of our fungi begets a powerful antibiotic. Once used as a demulcent for my species, it is now produced in surfeit to trade to the LIU. Its medicinal proclivity has proved invaluable to all.

Doog: “Cool stuff. Anything else to add?”
DH: “Darkness acts as allegory. You see shadow and infer the form. But the superfluous meaning--the true grit of existence, the moxie that drives all impetus of life--exists un-illuminated like a shadow within your shadow as you clutch what is coveted close to your chest, shielded from the light behind, only to be lost in your own black silhouette--that which can be seen on the ground but never trampled. And you step lively, carefully, beckoned by some ineffable yearning that you protect from the light. Yet it remains unseen due to that same all-encompassing protection, Unseen in light. Covered by shadow, But there. Always there. Seek it. Find it. It is you. Truly you. .”
Doog: “Uh…yeah…nice to meet you too.”

Doog: “Well folks, Tenebrae is a very unique place. It’s home to an interesting race of beings, and it produces strong medicines that help save lives. Darkness is usually associated with death, but here, darkness is life. See ya next time.”

Note:
Thanks to our special guest "host" writer: Loki.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 11 - Flumen A'ris

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