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Season 4 - Episode 5 - Naves Caelum

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Naves Caelum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Naves Caelum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the gas planet Naves Caelum. Naves Caelum’s atmosphere consists primarily of hydrogen and helium, but also contains large amounts of ammonia and methane. Complex, but unintelligent life forms have evolved to utilize these elements just as we utilize oxygen and carbon. It turns out that Naves Caelum’s native life forms are also very tasty, and they are currently being farmed.”

Doog: “In order to farm the planet’s native life, the LIU relocated a race of beings known as the Lacertae to Naves Caelum. The Lacertae originate on a planet with a atmosphere similar to Naves Caelum, and they are able to breath on the planet without costly respirators.”

Doog: “We’re aboard a special ship, known as a LIU Sky Boat, that is designed to cruise through Naves Caelum’s atmosphere. The ship has two superheated helium tanks to provide buoyancy, and a large sail to capture the planet’s robust winds. The Lacertae use these ships to locate the native creatures.”

Doog: “Hello there. I’m Doog. And you are?”
Flibnok: “I am Flibnok. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
Doog: “So, what do you do here?”
Flibnok: “My race has been given the task of farming or collecting the native creatures for consumption. We call it sky fishing.”
Doog: “Well, shall we get to it?”

Doog: “Well, I see you have a harpoon ready. Why don’t we snag one of these little guys here.”
Flibnok: “Oh, that’s be a waste of time. These are Columbams. They have little useable meat, and they taste quite disgusting. They like riding our ship’s wake. It allows them to conserve energy while flying. They can be quite the nuisance”
Doog: “Yeah, I know the feeling. My crew is always trying to ride in the wake of my fame. They’re always slowing me
down.”
Flibnok: “Oh. I wasn’t aware of your ‘fame’. I guess it would be similar.”
Doog: “So, if we’re not hunting for Columbams, what are we looking for?”

Flibnok: “We’re hunting Cybium. Cybium are large bulbous creatures that contains lots of fat, meat, and oils that…”
Doog: “Whoa, you’re hunting my ex-girlfriend? Just kidding, please continue.”
Flibnok: “These meats and oils are very tasty and are a popular foodstuff in the LIU. Due to the rarity of the Cybium, the food they contain is expensive, and it usually is reserved for those that are more well off.”
Doog: “Of course.”
Flibnok: “The Cybium have large air bladders that contain helium giving them neutral buoyancy in the atmosphere. They propel their large bodies with four wings.”
Doog: “Do they eat the Columbams?”
Flibnok: “No. Both the Cybium and the Columbams eat a microscopic organism that is similar to algae. This abundant plant like creature uses chemosynthesis and sunlight to make food.”

Doog: “Look! There is one now! Nail him!”
Flibnok: “Actually, we’ve already caught our quota for the week. We’ll have to let this one go…for now. I did, however, save some of the meat from our last catch if you’d like to see how it’s processed.”
Doog: “I’d rather harpoon this guy, but I guess I’ll settle for leftovers.”
Flibnok: “Alright, let’s head home.”

Flibnok: “Naves Caelum lacks a habitable surface, so we’ve resorted to living on small floating rocks. These rocks were mined from one of Naves Caelum’s nearby moons. Magnetic repulsors were attached to the bottom of the lightweight rocks allowing the rocks to ride Naves Caelum’s magnetic field lines. This gives the appearance that they are floating.”

Flibnok: “Welcome to my humble little home.”
Doog: “Gee, it is a bit small. What is it 8 by 10?”
Flibnok: “Small, but it contains all we need to survive. Besides, we can’t weigh down the rock too much.”
Doog: ‘What’s this orange stuff growing around your house?”
Flibnok: “Uh, it’s a pain in my rear. You know those algae-like creatures that I was talking about earlier? Well, it appears they have attached themselves to the surface of our rocks where the sunlight is the strongest. Like the Columbams, the algae appears to be taking advantage of our presence. I spend a few hours a week cutting it back.”
Doog: “You know the universe is unfair when you have to mow the grass even though you’re living on a floating rock in the middle of a gas planet. You just can’t win.”

Flibnok: “We get our power from the abundant wind in the atmosphere. We use it to power our simple communication array. This array allows us to contact other rocks and to call the LIU when we are ready to unload our haul. Other than that, all we have is this rickety little dock.”
Doog: “That‘s more than I have. Well, shall we head inside?”
Flibnok: “Sure.”

Flibnok: “Like you pointed out, it is pretty small. We have bunk beds, some storage compartments, and meager kitchen accommodations. Unlike humans, we eliminate waste through our skin, so there is no need for waste collection devices.”
Doog: “I’m sure you smell great. I’ve never been so happy to have a glass bowl on my head…”
Flibnok: “Let’s head inside.”

Doog: “It’s a bit cramped. I bet you don’t do much entertaining.”
Flibnok: “No, never.”
Doog: “Look, maybe your buddy can step outside for a minute. Give us some space?”
Flibnok: “Actually, that’s my mate. I’d advise against stirring her when she’s sleeping. You may not like the consequences.”
Doog: “Oh, yeah, I’ve made that mistake before. I still have the scars to prove it.”

Flibnok: “We process the meat in the basement. If you’ll step outside, I’ll open the trapdoor.”

Flibnok: “The basement actually extends into the rock, and it is a little bigger than the main floor. This is our butcher station where we process the Cybium.”

Flibnok: “The Cybium’s meat is porous and contains pockets of gas. This makes the meat extremely tender. Of course, it cannot be eaten in this form, at least, by your species. We must grind it down and release all the stored gas.”

Flibnok: “After the Cybium meat is ground up, it is formed into wieners.”
Doog: “Well, I guess we’ll wrap it up. As a rule of thumb, I never stay long after wieners start popping out.”
Flibnok: “That’s a shame. I’d really like for you to taste my wiener.”
Doog: “Just stop.”
Flibnok: “Maybe I could pack my wiener in your compartment and you can taste it later.”
Doog: “Alright, I’m done.”

Doog: “Well folks, Naves Caelum is an interesting place. Despite having extremely difficult conditions, the planet supports a rich biosphere and a productive industry. I’ll see ya next time!”

Note:
Recipe for Meaty Delight:
1lb. of Cybium Wieners
1 gram of Imballic Salt
½ lb. of Piscaturian Dolphin
2 caps of Boletus Mushrooms(non-hallucinogenic)

Stir over medium heat. Bake at 600 degrees for 3 minutes. Serve hot. Feeds 2-4.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 6 - Novum Finium

2 Comments

Season 4 - Episode 4 - Saxa Asteroid Belt

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Saxa Asteroid Belt

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Saxa Asteroid Belt

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU
could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Saxa Asteroid Belt. The belt, a remnant of a failed planet, consists of billions of asteroids ranging in size from dust to dwarf planets. These asteroids contain significant volumes of valuable minerals, and they are currently being mined. Mining operations are based on the belt’s largest asteroid, a dwarf planet known as Saxa.”

Doog: “The Saxa Mining Station, tethered in a crater on Saxa’s surface, oversees mining operations in the belt. The station contains facilities and dorms for over two thousand workers. It also houses the mining control center, several hangars, and a foundry for processing ore.”

Doog: “Surprisingly, the station is mobile. Four large thrusters allow the station to reposition itself in the asteroid belt once mining operations have been exhausted in the immediate area.”

Doog: “The station’s roof has three large landing platforms. That’s where we’re headed. Unfortunately, the Magellan does not have a connectable airlock, so I’ll have to suit up to enter the facility.”

Doog: “Our guide today is Mining Director Pav Elderhest. I believe he may be the oldest guide we’ve encountered thus far, but a spring chicken in comparison to Oldie.”
Pav: “Watch all this ‘old’ talk, boy. I may have aged a bit, but don’t think I won’t bend you over my knee and paddle your behind.”
Doog: “Just relax Pav, it was a joke.”
Pav: “I know what a joke is boy! I was making jokes when you were still (bleeping) in your diaper. Heck, I was making jokes when your daddy was still (bleeping) in his diaper.”

Doog: “Wow, ok. Let’s get back on subject. Tell me about what you…”
Pav: “And what the heck are you wearing?”
Doog: “Excuse me?”
Pav: “Are you stupid or something boy? I mean, who in tarnation wears a giant glass bubble around their head in the middle of an asteroid field. One micrometeoroid impact and you’re a dead man.”
Doog: ‘Hmm, I guess I never thought of that.”
Pav: “That’s the problem with you youngins, never thinking. In fact, come on over here. I have something for ya.”
Doog: “Uh, ok…”

Pav: “GUT PUNCH!”
Doog: “Huuuuh, cough, cough. What was that for?”
Pav: “I bet you’ll think of that next time you decide to be stupid.”

Pav: “Now, what were you sayin’?”
Doog: “Gasp, gasp. What…what do you do here?”
Pav: “I’ve been working these here fields for about fifty or so years. I’ve since retired from the field, but stayed on the operation as an overseer. I didn’t want my experience to go to waste. Besides, if I left it up to you youngins, this place would be destroyed in a week.”
Doog: “Do you think you could show us around? Let us get a feel for the operation?”
Pav: “Yeah, I guess that’d be alright. Try not to be too stupid, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Worker: “Pav, we’ve been looking for you. We had a meteoroid strike on deck six. It slipped through the shielding and struck the power conduit. Decks six through eight are currently running on back-up power. We’ve lost elevator power to all floors.”
Pav: “Get it fixed now! In the mean time, it looks like we’re taking the ladder.”
Doog: “Uh, I’ll just wait.”
Pav: “If you thought that gut punch hurt, you should feel my motivational kick to the @#%! Get a move on!”
Doog: “Yes sir.”

Pav: “The Asteroid Deployment Unit, or ADU, is in charge of selecting which asteroids to mine. Truth be told, I can’t stand these white-collar smarty pant sons of (bleeps). They’ve never worked a day in the field, and they think they can tell us what to do.”
Pearson: “I thought I smelled decay. What are you doing here Pav?”
Pav: “Watch it boy. Doog has me wound up, and I might just teach you a thing or two about gut punches.”
Pearson: “It sounds like Doog’s already learned about a gut punch. He’s still panting.”
Doog: “Actually, that’s the ladder’s fault.”
Pav: “Enough of the chit chat. If you’re not to busy styling your hair, I thought you could show Doog what you do here. Whatever that is…”

Pearson: “Well, let’s take a look at the horizontal mapping screen. Computer, bring up the map. Ah, there we go. Currently, we’re mining arc 13 of the asteroid belt, which is the immediate area around Saxa. The screen is showing the asteroids larger than one hundred miles in diameter. This large asteroid here, known as F88-2106, is our mining target for the next few months.”

Pearson: “Spectral analysis indicates that F88-2106 contains large amounts of iron, indium, lead, and silver. The asteroid contains moderate amounts of titanium, nickel, tin, and cobalt. There are also negligible amounts of platinum, zinc, gold, and copper. The mineral worth of this asteroid is worth several billion credits.”

Pav: “Well, Doog, did you catch all that? Fancy pants is studying rocks with his equipment.”
Doog: “Yeah, but, honestly, I’m more interested in this screen. It’s like a big game of asteroids. All we need is a spaceship.”
Pav: “Still not taking this seriously are you? Hmm, you know what? Yeah, there is a game on this screen. Go ahead, take a close look. It’s real small. Look real close.”

Pav: “FACE SMASH!”
Doog: “Ahh!”
Pav: “Do you see any games now boy?”
Doog: “No, no. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”
Pav: “Are you sure? Alright then. If you’re ready to be serious, we’ll head to the foundry.”

Pav: “Unlike most mining operations in the LIU, we process our ore on site. There are several foundries, like this, on the lower decks of the station.”

Pav: “Using magnetic pulse furnaces, raw ore and small asteroids are melted down into a liquid. The various minerals separate and settle to different levels. After that, it’s just a matter of usin’ resonance beams to extract the various elements.”

Pav: “Well, you made it through this whole explanation without doing anything stupid. Either you’ve gone mute, or you learned your lesson.”
Doog: “A little of both I guess. My face feels like it’s melting off making it hard to speak. I’m also very afraid that you may dunk my head in the molten ore if I say the wrong thing. Silence seems safer.”

Doog: “Where are we now?”
Pav: “Ah, we’re finally to the best part of the operation, the actual mining. This is hangar 4. Here, workers ship out into the asteroid belt to mine the various asteroids.”

Pav: “This mag-lev shuttle transports mining crews and their equipment to the mining site. Now that you seem to be acting more responsibly, I going to let you ship out with one of our mining crews.”

Pav: “You’re going to need this. This helmet is much stronger than that fish bowl you were wearing on your head earlier.”
Doog: “Thanks Pav.”

Pav: “Open the bay on shuttle 4.”

Pav: “This is the real deal Doog. One mistake could kill you and your fellow miners. Don’t be stupid.”
Doog: “I’ll try…”

Doog: “Well folks, it’s time to ship out. See ya in a few minutes.”

Ten minutes later, on the surface of F88-2106:

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m now joined by Field Mining Supervisor Kovaz. What’s going on here Kovaz?”

Kovaz: “My crew and I have been assigned the task of surface chunking P88-2106.”
Doog: “What’s surface chunking? Sounds dirty.”
Kovaz: “That’s just what we call it. The process has some fancy technical name, but I can’t recall what it is. Essentially, we drill a certain depth into the asteroid, deposit explosives, and blow a chunk of the surface off the asteroid. There, it is retrieved by the collectors.”
Doog: “Makes sense, I guess.”
Kovaz: “You can see some of my crew beginning to drill into the asteroid.”

Kovaz: “Once a certain drill depth is achieved, explosives will be lowered into the hole. This container is heavily armored to prevent micrometeoroid damage. It contains the explosives.”

Kovaz: “Although this appears to be dynamite, they’re actually highly explosive anti-matter cylinders. Dangerous stuff.”
Doog: “I’m just going to step over here, far away from the dangerous stuff.”

Doog: “What’s that?”

Kovaz: “This little guy here is the mobile surveying platform. Samples are gathered and placed into the spectral analyzer. The analyzer determines the make-up of the asteroid. Basically, it confirms the scans done from the control room.”

Kovaz: “The rear of the surveyor has a scale formatted to the asteroids gravity, and spare tools and supplies.”

Doog: “Now this looks cool.”
Kovaz: “Yeah, this thing is a beast. Its called the Gorilla Mining Suit. The miners start drilling with small tools, but the
majority of the drilling is done by this suit.”

Kovaz: “Once chunks of the asteroid have been blown off, they’re collected by the LIU Asteroid Collector Clamp and transported to the foundry.”

Doog: “Well folks, the Saxa Asteroid Belt is an interesting place. Billions of tons of minerals are mined daily and shipped out to meet all the material demands of the LIU. I even learned a little bit about respect and responsibility too. See ya next time.”

Note:

Pav: “Glad you learned something today boy.”
Doog: “Yeah, me too. Hey, before I go. I thought of another joke.”
Pav: “Be careful boy!”
Doog: “You’re so old, you were making jokes when this iron ore was still (bleeping) in its diapers!”

Pav: “I’ll show you old!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 5 - Naves Caelum

1 Comment

Season 4 - Episode 3 - Ignea Avis

8/11/2015

0 Comments

LIU Atlas - Ignea Avis

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. About this creation

LIU Atlas - Ignea Avis

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the sweltering planet of Ignea Avis. Ignea Avis is a small, rocky planet that orbits uncomfortably close to its parent star.
Temperatures in the “summer” hemisphere can reach upwards of three hundred degrees; while its “winter” hemisphere is much cooler, only reaching around one hundred degrees. Unfortunately, Ignea Avis has no moon or large outer planet to stabilize its rotation causing the planet to wobble. This unpredictable wobble makes the seasons change quickly and could bring oppressive heat to any region, at any time. Despite these brutal conditions, Ignea Avis is inhabited and sports a rich mining industry.”

Doog: “Mining operations are monitored from the safety of a comfortable, climate controlled space station in Ignea Avis’ orbit. We’re headed here first.”

Shaw: “Hey, Doog. Welcome to the Avis Mining Station. I’m Dr. Shaw, Director of Mining Operations, and this is my colleague, Dallas Byrd, Director of Cultural Manipulation.”
Doog: “More like Dolly Byrd with all that eye shadow.”
Dallas: “Hey! This isn’t make-up, these are tattoos. They’re part of my job man. Do you know who I…”
Shaw: “Settle down Dallas, it was just a joke.”
Dallas: “…(mumble) I’m a freaking God-King…”
Doog: “What’s that guys deal?”
Shaw: “Sometimes he gets into his character a little too much. It will all make sense soon enough.”
Doog: “I guess…so…what do you guys mine here?”

Shaw: “We mine one of the rarest naturally occurring crystals in the universe, Imballic Salt. Here, I brought a crystal to show you.”
Doog: “Impala Salt? What’s so special about impalas?”
Shaw: “No, Im-ball-ic Salt.”
Doog: “What? Like, salt from balls? I don’t get it.”
Shaw: “No! Imballic Salt. Its an ultra-rare, but ultra-delicious food flavoring. One grain of this stuff can make the nastiest gruel taste like it was made for a king.”
Doog: “Whoa, I’ll take a crystal or two for my ship!”
Shaw: “Ha! You wish. Imballic Salt is worth ten times its weight in gold. You couldn’t afford an atom of this stuff. No offense.”
Doog: “None taken. Right now, I couldn’t even afford a proton of this salt.”
Shaw: “Yeah, me neither. This is some very special stuff. It’s traded on the Universe Spice Exchange, although, technically its non-organic, and not a true spice. It’s a big earner.”
Doog: “So, are we going to shoot the whole show here in this corridor, or should we move on?”
Shaw: “Ah, yes. Sorry. Let’s head to Monitoring Station #2.”

Shaw: “Like all good things in life, Imballic Salt doesn’t come to us very easily. The crystal is very brittle and hard to mine. Large machinery is too abrasive and disintegrates the crystals. We’ve been forced to land people on the surface and mine the planet by hand.”
Doog: “In these conditions?”
Shaw: “Yeah, unfortunately. The heat and radiation in the summertime are deadly, to say the least. The good news is that the winter hemisphere, while uncomfortable, can support life.”
Doog: “But can’t the seasons change at anytime?”
Shaw: “Yeah, that’s the bad news. That’s where the monitoring stations come in handy. Using advanced planetary sensors near the planet’s poles, we are able to monitor the planet’s rotation. While not perfect, we can usually predict when summer will arrive within a few hours. As you see on the screen here, we’re monitoring conditions on Site #2. The current planetary incline is at about 27 degrees. The computer is predicting that Site #2 has about six hours until the sun comes directly overhead.”
Doog: “Summer?”
Shaw: “Yep. Right now temperatures are moderate, around 120 degrees. But we’ll need to relocate site #2 pretty soon…”

Pete: “Sir! We’ve crunched the numbers! Site #2 needs to be relocated soon!”
Shaw: “Yes Pete, we’re looking at the same screen you are. I’m guessing that you just wanted to be on TV? And Anderson, what are you doing up here. You’re supposed to be in the Gate Room.”
Anderson: “Uh…how’s my hair?”
Shaw: “Get back to work! Well Doog, you’ve arrived at a special time. You guys are going to get to see a relocation. Come with me.”

Shaw: “The hardest part of extracting Imballic Salt is finding workers to do it. No one wants to work in these conditions, and if they do, they want to be paid a lot.”
Doog: “That’s not happening in the LIU.”
Shaw: “Nope. And then there is the whole trustworthiness thing. There’s not a lot of folks you could send down there that wouldn’t be tempted to steal the salts. So, we’ve come up with a rather odd solution. First, we bred humans that were more resistant to heat. Their skin’s thicker, and they sweat a lot more.”
Doog: “I think my ex-girlfriend might have escaped from your program…”
Shaw: “Um, no. Anyway, we then needed a way to control these people…”
Doog: “So they won’t steal?”
Shaw: “Yep. We removed them from society and limited their access to knowledge and technology. A few generations later, they reverted to a more primitive state. Without education, the primitives, as they always do, created an elaborate religion to explain all they didn’t know. We simply utilized this religion as a method of control. That‘s where…”
Doog: “How about you just show us? This show is already getting pretty dialogue intensive. The viewers might be getting bored.”
Shaw: “Yeah, sure. Sorry. This is just some complicated stuff. Before we go to the planet’s surface, we’re going to need to get you fitted for a heat suit. Our bodies can’t handle the heat, not for very long anyway.”

Shaw: “I trust your suit fits properly?”
Doog: “Yeah, but forget the suit. What is this?”
Shaw: “We call this the Gateway, but technically it’s called a Shortwave Matter Annihilator/Reconstitution Device. We’re trying to limit the technology the primitives come into contact with, so we can’t just fly down there on a ship. Instead, we use the Gateway. The gateway open a wormhole directly to a corresponding gate on the surface. It allows nearly instantaneous travel.”
Doog: “Isn’t the Gateway just as much, if not more, technology as a starship?”

Shaw: “Yes, but it is also much more mystical. It adds that religious flair we were looking for. Just for the record, the gateway is very expensive to use, and its cost is only justified by the high price of Imballic Salt. You won’t see this technology too often. Ah, here comes Dallas. We‘re almost ready.”

Doog: “What the heck? Is there a costume party I should know about?”
Shaw: “No. No. Dallas is posing as Ignea Avis, the primitives’ god.”
Doog: “Hey! That’s the name of the planet too!”
Shaw: “Very observant Doog. Ignea Avis means ‘Fiery Bird’ in the ancient language. The primitives worship the sun, which they believe is a large fiery bird.”
Dallas: “Sunt nos parati?”
Shaw: “Yeah, I think we’re ready.”
Doog: “What language is that?”
Shaw: “That’s the language of the Ancients, Doog. To avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge, the primitives were not taught basic, only ancient. Which reminds me, at no time should you interact with the primitives, and never show them your face. They mustn’t know we too are human.”
Doog: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Shaw: “Engaging Gateway. Connecting to Site #2 in 3...2...1”
Doog: “Awesome!”
Shaw: Let Dallas go first. We‘ll wait a few seconds before we follow.”

The following contains subtitles for better viewer apprehension:

Ignea Avis: “Ego, Ignea Avis, deus rex, imperat tuum respectu et plena operam. (I, Ignea Avis, your god king, commands your respect and full attention.”)

Primitives: “Nos inclinant ante ignea fortitudine! (We bow before your fiery might!)

Doog: “Holy Kaadu! That feels weird.”
Shaw: “Shhh. Not so loud.”
Doog: “Sorry.”
Ignea Avis: “Venio nunc ad mortem sol. Si inveni gratiam vestram placet, dabo tibi salutem sacri specus. (I come to you now as the death sun rises. If I find your gifts pleasing, I will grant you safety in the hallowed caves.)
Doog: “What did he say?”
Shaw: “Essentially, he’s offering them safety from the deadly summer sun, as long as they have mined enough Imballic Salt. It looks like they’re going to take him to their mining camp.”

Doog: “Wait! I want a ride too! These stairs have used up all my energy!”

Doog: “This is their camp? There’s not much to it.”
Shaw: “Yeah, they don’t really need much here, a few small huts to get out the sun on occasion, some food, and lots of water.”

Shaw: “Here you can see some of the larger Imballic Salt Crystals imbedded in the cliff side. The primitives gently coax it out with pickaxes and their hands.”

Shaw: “Some of the others carefully collect the removed crystals.”
Doog: “Who are the Ignea Avis impersonators?”
Shaw: “Ah, these primitives were appointed to be overseers. They report directly to their god, and they are held directly responsible for any failures in the mining operation. They drive the others to work harder. Come on, let’s head down.”

Shaw: “There are few building materials here, other than rock, which makes it difficult to build any complex structures. Instead, the primitives are given things, like this wooden crane, as a reward for their hard work. It looks like they’re using it to haul water up the cliff.”
Doog: “Where are they getting this water?”
Shaw: “Ha, not from the planet! Water too is a gift from Ignea Avis. It’s a powerful motivator itself.”

Ignea Avis: “Congregabo ad me! (Gather to me!)

Ignea Avis: “Vidi satis. Proceditur ad sanctificetur loco. (I have seen enough. We may proceed to the hallowed place.)

Doog: “What’s going on! I don’t speak ancient!”
Shaw: “Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting. Ignea Avis has agreed to lead the primitives to salvation. As you can see, the primitives have packed up their whole camp and are now following Ignea Avis to the hallowed caves.

Shaw: “I really like this part of the charade.”
Doog: What’s going on?”
Shaw: “ This is the ‘hallowed cave’. Its deep chamber offers safety during the hottest days of the summer sun. The cave has been sealed, so the primitives don’t utilize it any other time. This nifty sun icon on the ground here is actually a sensor. When it detects the sun’s rays getting stronger, it unlocks the cave.”

Ignea Avis: “Sol aperit ostium! (The sun opens the door!)

Shaw: “The long corridor of the cave eventually opens into a small chamber.”

Shaw: “The primitives live here, in this chamber, until it is safe to go back to mining.”
Doog: “And do what?”
Shaw: “Nothing. Just relax, recuperate, and get ready for the next mining cycle.”
Doog: “What! A vacation? I don’t even get one of those!”
Shaw: “I guess we could use some extra help mining if you want to get on our vacation plan.”
Doog: “Uh, you know what…vacations are overrated.”
Shaw: “That’s what I thought.”

Doog: “Well folks, Ignea Avis is a strange place. Like the planet Renideo, religion is used to control a less intelligent culture. It’s only with these primitives’ hard work and lack of intelligence that the highly priced Imballic Salt can be extracted. Well, see ya next time.”

Note:
Imballic Salt is ranked sixteenth out of five hundred on the Universe Spice Exchange. See your nearest Spice investor for more details.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 3.5 - Popina's Diner

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Season 4 - Episode 2 - Nifheim

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Niflheim

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Niflheim

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the frozen world of Niflheim. Niflheim, which orbits far from its small star, is covered in a large icy shell. However, internal stresses in the planet’s core have formed large lava rivers that break up the planet’s icy monotony. These warmer lava river regions are habitable, and they are home to what else, but an Elite Citizen Resort Spa.”

Doog: “The Niflheim Resort Spa comes into view as my ship approaches one of the planet’s largest lava rivers. The resort, perched precariously over the molten river, is reserved for Elite Citizens only, and I’ve had to obtain special
permission to shoot here.”

Doog: “Today’s guide, who is supposed to be waiting for me in the lobby, is an old friend that once guided us on the planet Pelago. Today’s guide is none other than LIU Socialite, and former adult movie star, Big Adams.”

Native: “Ah, you must be here for the dishwashing job. Usually, applicants enter through the employee door. We wouldn’t want to disturb the guests, would we?”
Doog: “Actually, I’m a guest of Big Adams. He’s supposed to meet me here.”
Native: “My apologies, I just assumed any guest of Mr. Adams would be more, you know, elite. Or, at the very least, a female.”

Native: “Anyhow, Mr. Adams is waiting for you in the resort’s bar. You’ll find the bar just through these doors. Please refrain from touching anything. The lobby was just cleaned.”
Doog: “Gee, thanks.”

Big: “…so, I say to her, sure it will fit, it’s your internal organs that I’m worried about!”
Girl: “Hehehe.”

Big: “Doog! Buddy! What took you so long?”
Doog: “You were supposed to meet me in the lobby, Big.”
Big: “Yeah, well I was supposed to stay away from churches and schools too, but I didn’t let that stop me.”
Doog: “Uh, I’m not sure I want to know what that’s all about. So, what is this place?”
Big: “This is the Niflheim Resort Spa. This place has some of the greatest mineral spas in the LIU Galaxy.”
Doog: “Mineral Spas?”
Big: “Yeah, come with me.”

Bartender: “Ah, you must be the plumber. Good thing you’re here, someone dropped an Ebrian sized log in toilet two.”
Doog: “I‘m starting to hate this place.”

Big: “This here is one of two artificial spas at the resort.”
Doog: “Spa? It looks like a pool that hasn’t been cleaned for a few weeks.”
Big: “Ha, yeah. It looks like that discharge that I had after…”
Doog: “Stay on topic Big!”
Big: “Oh, yeah, sorry. These pools contain mineral water. You see, the heat from the lava river melts the nearby ice. The melted ice, or water, drains into Niflheim's crust, becomes superheated, and returns to the surface via hot springs and geysers.”

Big: “Geysers…I met a few girls that you could call…”
Doog: “Big…”
Big: “Sorry. The heated water leaches some of the minerals from the rocks as it returns to the surface. This mineralized water is great for the skin. Elite citizens, like myself, enjoy the mineral baths’ revitalizing effects.”
Doog: “So these pools are actually hot springs?”
Big: “Oh no, these are artificial pools. The mineral water is real, but its been processed and brought up to the resort from the hot springs below.”

Doog: “So, how do we get down there?”
Big: “You could use my man rope.”
Doog: “You don’t have any rope in your hands, Big…oh, wait, I just got it. No thanks…”
Big: “Ha, I’m just messing with you Doog. Besides, we don’t want to go down there. We want to visit the real thing.”
Doog: “An actual hot spring?”
Big: “Yep.”

Doog: “Thanks for letting me borrow your suit Big. It’s roomy, to say the least.”
Big: “Yeah, I wore it yesterday, I wasn’t using it anymore.”
Doog: “Gross.”

Big: “Paths, like this, were carved into the cliff sides near the resort. They lead down to the lava river’s edge.”
Doog: “Weird, I thought it would be hotter down here.”

Big: “It would be a bit warmer, but cold lamps were installed along the way to keep the path cool.”
Doog: “Ah, of course, we wouldn’t want any of you elitist to burn your toes. There’s still one thing that I don’t understand.”
Big: “What’s that, Doog?”
Doog: “Stairs.”
Big: “Stairs?”

Doog: “Yeah. I’m not sure I want to live in a universe where even elite citizens have to use stairs. It leaves no hope for regular stair-hating guys like me…”

Big: “This is it. One of Niflheim's natural mineral hot springs.”
Doog: “It’s right on the lava!”
Big: “Yeah, cool isn’t it.”
Doog: “And ultra-dangerous…”
Big: “Nah, its pretty safe. The river is pretty tame. Shall we get in?”

Doog: “I’m not sure, it looks greener than the other mineral water.”
Big: “That other stuff is processed tourist water. It’s for fat, old, or lazy elitist that can’t venture down here. This is the good stuff. A few minutes in here, and your skin will be perfect for months.”
Doog: “That‘s if my skin is still there when I get out.”

Doog: “Hey, that isn’t half bad. I could get used to this.”
Big: “Don’t get too used to it buddy. This is probably a one time thing…you know…since you’re not an Elite Citizen.”
Doog: “You could of let me dream Big.”

Doog: “ Whoa, what was that? Something just brushed against my leg. Are there eels in here or something?”
Big: “Oops, nope that’s just me. It appears we had a prison break…from my pants.”
Doog: “I’m done….”

Doog: “Well folks, these stairs are going to take me a few hours to ascend, so we’re going to cut away momentarily to some stock footage.”

Doog: “In addition to its spas, Niflheim is also famous for its Lava Board Raceway. The Niflheim Grand Prix is one of the six major lava boarding competitions in the LIU Galaxy. Unfortunately, the race isn’t scheduled until later this year, so you guys are just going to have to enjoy some of this stock footage.”

Doog: “In case you’ve been living under a rock or some other boring galaxy, lava boarding races consist of pilots guiding their custom made lava boards through dangerous lava tracks. You can enter any lava board you want; the only rule being that your board can only have four repulsor-lift engines.”

Doog: “Well, I’ve finally made it back to the resort, and boy, have I worked up an appetite. It’s a good thing too, because Big has promised me a feast made for an elitist before I go. What’s on the menu, Big?”
Big: “Well Doog, the Niflheim Resort Spa specializes in one thing, Niflheimian Lava Beetles.”

Doog: “A beetle! I thought this was a feast!”
Big: “Niflheimian Lava Beetles are a feast, Doog. Look at the size of this thing! Oh, and the size of the beetle too……ha ha, get it?”
Doog: “Yes, Big. We all get it.”
Big: “ These beetles are the only species native to Niflheim’s lava rivers. Supposedly, they eat the minerals in the hot springs and absorb the minerals into their flesh. When you eat the beetle, you absorb the minerals into your body.”
Doog: “If I absorb any more minerals today, Big, I might just become a rock. I’ll pass.”

Doog: “Well folks, Niflheim is a great place, for some. Its unique mineral waters and hot springs keep the LIU’s Elite in tip-top shape. For the rest of us, well, its just a place to dream about. See ya next time.”

Note:
Pick up some Niflheim Mineral Lotion at your local store and live like the Elite! (Does not contain any actual minerals from Niflheim. Do not confuse this product with Big Adam’s Protein Cream in similar bottle.)

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 3 - Ignea Avis

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Season 4 - Episode 1 - Panarium

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Panarium

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Panarium

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Mike: “Doog, buddy, why do you look so somber? We got our old jobs back. We didn’t even get punished!”
Doog: “Not true. I just spoke with the producers. We are being punished severely…”
Mike: “Wait! What? Are we going to prison?”
Doog: “Nope. Even worse…”
Mike: “Noooo…tell me it isn’t so!”
Doog: “Sorry Mike, it’s true. We’re doing a show on an agricultural world.”
Mike: “What did we do to deserve this!”

Doog: “Welcome to Season Four of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, were visiting the planet Panarium. Panarium sits in the barycenter of a binary system. Colpha A and B, two very bright stars, seemingly orbit the planet, bathing it in endless light. In fact, the stars are so bright, we couldn’t image the planet directly. You are seeing a heavily filtered scan from the Almagest Mapping Center.”

Doog: “Panarium has no atmosphere or natural water, and it is constantly bombarded with radiation. How can this desolate place be a agricultural world? Easy, by growing the crops inside huge facilities. One of these facilities has
come into view as our ship circles towards the planet’s surface. It appears that large mirrors are reflecting light towards the facility.”

Doog: “Alright. Let’s get this over with. Oh…great. A guy with overalls. What could be more cliché on an agricultural planet?”
Ged: “You must be Doog. Hi, I’m Ged, supervisor of this facility.”
Doog: “Hey Ged. So look, I have to ask. Why build a farm on such a desolate planet? I mean, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
Ged: “Well Doog, Panarium a pretty special place. It receives more sunlight than most of the worlds in the LIU Galaxy. The more sunlight you have, the more crops you can yield. The only real impediment to farming here is the lack of water. We must import all the water we use.”
Doog: “I see. Well, shall we continue.”
Ged: “Sure. Water and light are piped from substations like this to the fields. If you follow me…”
Doog: “Wait! Did you say that you pipe light?”

Ged: “Yep, these pipes use fiber optics and mirrors to direct light from the planet’s surface down to our farms.”
Doog: “Cool, but you know what, lighting pipes is still cooler than piping light.”
Ged: “Uh…sure.”
Doog: “Don’t you get it? You know…lighting pipes? Never mind. Let’s continue.”
Ged: “Sure. Let’s take this elevator to the bottom of field #4.”

Ged: “Welcome to field four, tunnel eight, Doog.”
Doog: “Wow, I can’t even see the top.”
Ged: “Yep. Right now, we’re about five miles below the surface. The tunnel goes all the way to the top.”
Doog: “You’re farming on the walls?”
Ged: “Sure. By growing food on the walls of the tunnels, we maximize the amount of surface area available. The light pipes transfer light to this light tube which distributes it evenly all along the tunnel.”
Doog: “How’s the dirt sticking to the wall?”
Ged: “That’s classified Doog.”
Doog: “It’s classified or you just don’t know?”
Ged: “Uh…let’s move on.”

Ged: “Here on Panarium, we grow various foodstuffs, like fruits, vegetables, and grains. Our farm feeds about 4% of the LIU population, one of the highest percentages in the galaxy.”

Doog: “What’s that?”
Ged: “That’s a LIU Automated Pruner and Picker. These automated robots take care of all the crops and insure maximum yield. They also harvest the food when the time comes. It saves us a lot of time and money, besides its hard for humans to farm sideways.”
Doog: “I can’t argue with that.”

Doog: “Well, is there anything else for us to talk about down here? It’s pretty bright, and I don’t have cool shades like you.”
Ged: “I think that’s it. Shall we…”
APP: “FOREIGN CONTAMINANT DETECTED. CONTAMINANT IS ORGANIC IN NATURE. CONTAMINANT CONTAINS TOO MUCH FATTY TISSUE TO BE PLANT YET THE BRAINWAVES ASSOCIATED WITH ADVANCED LIFE ARE NOT DETECTED. POSSIBLE PEST. BEGINNING QUARANTINE.”
Doog: “Dude, I think your machine is broken.”

Doog: “Wait Ahhhhhh!”
Ged: “Doog! Hold on! I’m so sorry, this has never happened before. We must have set the brainwave detector too high!”

Doog: “What’s happening Ged!?!”
Ged: “Doog, hang on. The APP has dropped you into a compost chute. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Doog: “Well folks, it appears I’ve been thrown away. This organic sludge smells terrible, and its slowly seeping into my underwear.”

Ged: “Doog! Are you ok?”
Doog: “I’m standing waist deep in rotting vegetation. I’m pretty sure I’m not ok.
Ged: “You need to hurry up and get out.”
Doog: “Nah, I’m already in the sludge. We might as well use it on the show. So, tell me about this compost pit.”
Ged: “Doog! We don’t have time!”
Doog: “I have all the time in the world Ged.”
Ged: “Fine! We try not to waste any of our resources. Weeds, plants, and rotten produce are thrown into compost pits, like this. The sludge is used to add nutrients back into the soil. Unfortunately, the natural decay of the vegetation is too slow, so we’ve added squid-like creatures to the pit to speed up the process!”
Doog: “Wait…what was that last part?”

Doog: “Ahhhh!”
Ged: “I told you to get out fast!”

Doog: “Whew, that was close. Well Ged, where are we now?”
Ged: “As you saw in the compost pit, we try to recycle as much of our resources as possible. Here, in this room, we recycle water. Water is in short supply here, and we can’t afford to waste much.”
Doog: “I don’t see any water here Ged.”
Ged: “That’s because the water is in the crops. You see, we can’t afford to ship out the produce with water still inside it. We’d lose valuable water with every shipment. Instead, we bring the crops to large dehydration chambers like this.”

Ged: “It’s dangerous for us to be inside this room for too long, otherwise we might be dehydrated also. Instead, we use robots to manage the chamber. This robot here is wheeling a container of apples deeper into the chamber.”
Doog: “Hey, my pants are already dry!”

Ged: “I had one of the robots leave a fully dehydrated container here for you to see. The food has shriveled up. We lose less water, and the product is much smaller which makes it cheaper to ship. “
Doog: “Hmm, dehydrated plums, don’t mind if I do.”
Ged: “Actually, that’s an eggplant.”

Doog: “Eww…nasty. Well folks, Panarium is a pretty important place. Its advanced technology allows it to feed a large part of the LIU’s population. My crew and I are happy to be back. Hope you are happy to see us too. Until next time, farewell."

Note:
Try the Panarium Suntan Chamber on the 15th floor.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 2 - Nifheim

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Season 3 - Press Release - Doog Found

8/11/2015

18 Comments

LIU Galaxy News - Doog Found

Breaking News from the LIU Galaxy!

LIU Galaxy News - Doog Found

Note; This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Narrator: “Welcome to the Ludgonian Industrial Union's TV2 Galaxy News.”

Spiffy: “Hello Folks! I’m Spiffy Thompson.”
Hotty: “And I’m Hotty McBabe.”
In Unison: “Welcome to Galaxy News!”

Spiffy: “Today, we bring you breaking news! The crew of LIU Atlas, including its infamous host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal, has finally been located after an exhaustive year long search.”

Spiffy: “The crew has been temporarily incarcerated until the details of their disappearance can be fully examined. Although they are slightly emaciated, the crew seems to be in good spirits, as seen in this clip.”

Doog: “Dude, Mike, come on. Blacktron could totally beat Batman in a fight.”
Mike: “In your dreams Doog. Batman is the greatest ever!”
Oldie: “Will you guys shut up! We’re going to be in serious trouble!”
Cam: “WHY! Why did they have to find us! Sob, Sob”

Spiffy: “Officials have not been very forthcoming with the details of the disappearance, but TV2 Galaxy News’
investigative unit has unearthed the crew’s harrowing tale of villainy, corruption, and lust.”

Spiffy: "Little more than a year ago, Doog and his crew were assigned to shoot an episode of LIU Atlas on a barren mining moon called Pravus. Pravus, a little known moon deep in the outer rim, orbits the gas giant Bonita. However, as Doog and his crew would soon find out, Pravus had many dark secrets.”

Spiffy: “Pravus once sported a booming gold mining operation. A huge rush of settlers once traveled to Pravus to find work and wealth. The LIU tightly controlled the gold trade, and they guarded its large mines with soldiers from the 53rd Division.”

Spiffy: “Business was great for several decades. Day after day, several tons of gold were pulled from Pravus’ crust. The workers were treated relatively well, and they were given access to food, goods, and shelter.”

Spiffy: “However, once the gold supply was exhausted, the LIU abandoned the planet. When the LIU left, the goods and services they once provided also left. The workers were left to fend for themselves. Those that could, fled the planet to find work elsewhere, but several unfortunate souls were stranded, forced to scrape together a life with the moon’s few remaining resources.”

Hotty: “The Atlas Crew landed in what they believed to be Pravus’ largest city, Minuor. Minuor was once the command center for the LIU’s gold operation. Now, Minuor was a decaying ghost town.”

Hotty: “The moon’s only officially sanctioned building was the Sherriff’s Office. Here, Sherriff Marty Bonzay was left to oversee the planet.”

Hotty: “Sherriff Bonzay was given one sub-space communicator to remain in contact with the LIU Officials, but Sherriff Bonzay soon found out that no one was monitoring his communications. Meanwhile, Pravus became a lawless war zone. Left without resources, the residents resorted to crime. Sherriff Bonzay was powerless to stop it, and he eventually became as lawless and corrupt as the residents he was supposed to protect.”

Hotty: “Sherriff Bonzay began using his communication array to contact off world criminals, smugglers, and gangsters. Bonzay made it known that Pravus was now a dead world that was no longer monitored and was now outside the influence of the LIU. Pravus became of hub of crime and villainy.”

Hotty: “The crew of Atlas had unknowingly stumbled upon one of the galaxy’s most dangerous worlds. Sherriff Bonzay was equally surprised by the arrival of crew. His secret was in danger of being exposed. Sources say that Bonzay contemplated killing the crew, but fortunately decided that bribery would work even better.”

Hotty: “Bonzay promised Doog and his crew the best time of their lives and offered them an all paid trip to Pravus’ new largest city, a place known to its residents as the City of a Million Sins. The crew, oblivious to what they discovered, quickly accepted the trip. They were whisked away in a motorized buggy.”

Spiffy: “TV2 Galaxy News was able to obtain Atlas footage of the City of a Million Sins. Viewer discretion is highly advised. The city is aptly named.”

Warning

Spiffy: “Without the watchful eye of the LIU, Sherriff Bonzay and his league of criminals were able to construct a huge city dedicated to every vice imaginable, including gambling, drugs, and sex. With all their dreams seemingly realized, the Atlas crew splurged on all the city had to offer.”

Spiffy: “The city’s population sometimes pushed the million mark, but always fluctuated. Very few of the residents lived there full time.”

Spiffy: “Despite the large number of travelers, the city managed to stay a secret. There is speculation that several high ranking officials were, in fact, aware of the city, but kept quiet in return for various “services”.

Spiffy: “Several prominent figures within the LIU could face prison or even execution for the various crimes committed under their watch, including hiding profits and unlawful use of resources. Our dedicated staff here at Galaxy News promises to get to the bottom of this dreadful occurrence.”

Spiffy: “We also promise to keep you updated on the status of the LIU Atlas crew. There are several questions regarding their involvement in the incident that must be answered before they are allowed to continue filming. Did they knowingly accept a bribe from Sherriff Bonzay? Did they assist in a cover-up? Will they also face execution? Only time will tell.”

Spiffy: “Well folks, that's it for this time. Join us next time for more Galaxy News!"

Note:
This episode of Galaxy News was not approved by the LIU Propaganda Ministry and may contain large amounts of speculation and half-truths.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 1 - Panarium

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Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Oh, and he has a crew too.

Behind the Scenes - The Crew

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas. Today, we focus on the fine individuals…er...the somewhat standup guys that help Doog bring LIU Atlas to your television sets.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

The Crew

“The crew of LIU Atlas consists of five individuals. They are as follows: (from left to right) Oldie, Timbo, Cam, Hugo, and Mike.”

Oldie - Director

“Oldie, the oldest member of the crew, spent his early years directing low budget films for TV2. The majority of these films did poorly at the box office, and they were often panned by critics. However, Oldie eventually struck box office gold with his hit thriller…”

“…Space Diarrhea. After making a small fortune, Oldie decided to take his talents to television. He hoped to find an easy, stress free show to direct before his retirement. Oldie signed on to direct a small budget, TV documentary known as LIU Atlas. Little did he know, LIU Atlas would be the hardest, most stressful job of his long life. As Director, Oldie is responsible for keeping the crew on track, selecting locations and hosts, and interacting with the Producers at TV2. When Oldie is not working, he enjoys napping…actually, he does that at work too.”

Mike - Audio / Navigation

“Mike spent his early years working at one of TV2’s recording studios. Mike helped record and edit music for some of the biggest names in the music industry, including Foxy Roxy (shown) and Ghetto Greg. He was expected to quickly move up the ranks in the music industry, but was terminated after allowing…”

“…his lifelong friend, Doog, to record an album entitled ‘Funny Farts’. While Doog’s album outsold most rap albums, the studio was forced to close the studio for six months for environmental reasons.”

“Doog eventually repaid his friend by getting him a job on his new show, LIU Atlas - albeit at a substantially lower wage. Mike is responsible for capturing and editing the show’s sounds and dialogue. Mike utilizes directional and boom microphones to get the job done.”

“In addition, Mike is also responsible for navigation. It’s his job to find the quickest routes between stars. It should be noted that Mike has no formal training in navigation, and his lack of skill has placed the crew in danger on more than one occasion (See Iaceo or Pirata Nebula)”

Cam - Camera

“Cam is arguably the most accomplished member of the Atlas Crew. Cam has worked on several wildlife documentaries, and has won several awards for his camera work. During these documentaries, he never missed a shot, even in the face of danger. This bravery, combined with his off-world experience, made him the perfect choice for LIU Atlas. Because of Cam, every disaster on LIU Atlas has been captured on film.”

“In addition to operating the shoulder mounted camera, Cam is also responsible for maintaining and operating LIU Atlas’s fleet of automatic cameras, including the Hover Camera and Space Camera (shown). The Hover Camera captures footage when Cam is unable, or unwilling, to follow Doog. The Space Camera is responsible for capturing footage in space, like the opening planetary shots at the start of each episode.”

Timbo - Editor

“Timbo is the most educated member of the Atlas Crew. He spent his early years working for the LIU’s Propaganda Ministry, where he edited news stories to show the LIU in a better light. Because TV2’s new show, LIU Atlas, had the distinct possibility of ruining the LIU’s squeaky clean image, the higher members of LIU Society hand picked Timbo as editor.”

“Timbo was tasked with editing the show’s footage to fall in line with the LIU’s projected image - a task which he failed miserably. Although a failure, Timbo’s status as working for ‘the man’, put him at odds with Doog, who believed in free media. To avoid conflict, Doog and Timbo came to an agreement where Timbo was not allowed to talk during shooting. In return, Doog promised not to interfere with the editing process.”

Hugo - Pilot

“Hugo spent his early life as a fighter pilot for the LIU. After a few conflicts in which he nearly died, Hugo became shell-shocked and started ejecting from his fighter at the onset of any battle - one time ejecting before his ship even left the carrier. After seeing a psychiatrist, Hugo was dishonorably discharged.”

Doctor : ‘We are going to look at some cards, and I want you to tell me what you see. Alright, what do you see here?’
Hugo: ‘A black dot?’
Doctor: ‘Hmmm, a clear case of shell shock…’

“Although Hugo would never fly a military craft again, he still was able to procure a commercial license. Hugo was selected to pilot the crew’s spaceship, the Magellan. On occasion, Hugo has flashbacks and ejects the Magellan’s cockpit, but he has come a long way. Hugo is also responsible for repairing and maintaining the Magellan. Hugo is often left behind during shooting to watch over the ship, and he has not formed the same friendships that the rest of the crew enjoys.”

Note:
The following footage was altered by Timbo and may not be entirely accurate.

CLICK FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 1 - Crepus Culum

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Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

An inside look at Doog's wondeful life.

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

Doog: "Hello folks. It's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. I am currently on a two week unpaid vacation from LIU Atlas as we transition between LIU Atlas Season #2 and #3. The producers thought it would be fun if you guys got a first hand look at what my life is like during the break. As you can see, I've taking my slim earnings from Season #2 and rented this two room apartment for one month."

Doog: "Yeah, you heard that right. Not a two bedroom apartment, a two room apartment. This here is my living room/bedroom. The other room is a kitchen. There are communal bathrooms down the hall. The bathrooms are a little scary, but I've found that if I wait until after 3AM, I have to step over fewer dead
prostitutes. Oh, I almost forgot. I used the remainder of my earnings to
purchase a brand new, big screen..."

Doog: "...clock. I almost had enough to get some batteries with it. For now, I just like to stare at the motionless hands. That, and my Mocie Award."

Doog: "The kitchen is alright, but it lacks a few of the basic amenities, like a microwave, fridge, and dishwasher. It did come with a bunch of rats, which actually comes in handy. They're pretty good at scraping my pots and pans clean
of any leftover food. It really saves me from doing dishes. Oh, don't pay attention to that blood stain over there, it was from the previous owner."

KNOCK, KNOCK
Doog: "Whoa, who's at the door? I'm not expecting anyone."

Doog: "Aww man, what if it's bill collectors, or even worse, one of my crew members! Either way, I'm bringing a bat."

Doog: "You have no right to be here...I mean, hello there. Did you come for my autograph? Or do I need to flip my sofa chair down into bed mode?"
Susan: "You don't remember me do you?"
Doog: "Er...of course I...uh, do, uh Jennifer? Janet? Janice? Jessica?"
Susan: "It's Susan. Remember? We met two years ago. You told me you just got a job with TV2. You promised you'd marry me. When I woke the next morning, you were gone!"
Doog: "Uh...well, you see..."
Susan: "That's alright. No explanations needed. I've found you now, and I have somebody I'd like you to meet."
Doog: "Ooh, you brought a friend."

Doog: "Uh, I don't know what you're into, but the kid has to go."
Susan: "No Doog, I want you to meet him. His name is Terrance, Terrance Junior."
Doog: "Hey, we have the same name. How cool! You know what, he kind of looks like me too. Wait a minute..."

Doog: "You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"
Susan: "Yes Doog. He's yours."
Doog: "Uh, why don't you two step out into the hallway for a minute. I need to...er...clean up a bit, and uh, put away my dog. Yeah, my dog. He's vicious. I promise, it will just be a minute."

Doog: "Oh crap, oh crap! Uh Jessica, just give me a few more minutes. Everything is almost ready."
Susan: "My name is Susan!"

Doog: "Almost ready now!"

Doog: "I'll be there in just a second."

Doog: whispers "Well folks, I have to run. Sorry the tour was so short. I guess Season #3 is starting sooner than I thought! Well, gotta run!"

Note:
Doog: "Anyone interested in a one week sublease? Or a kid?"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

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Season 3 - Episode 11 - Nabu

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Nabu

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Nabu

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a small, Mid-Rim planet known as Nabu. Nabu has few natural resources, its arid climate and mountainous terrain prohibit most forms of agriculture, and its native inhabitants never developed any significant industry or commerce. Despite all these limitations, Nabu has become one of the most powerful and important worlds in the LIU Galaxy. Let’s find out why.”

Doog: “The first visitors to Nabu originally believed the planet to be uninhabited, as there were few signs of civilization. Besides some ruins in the southern hemisphere, the only visible structure on Nabu was this small temple. It was later discovered that this temple, known as the Great Library of Scio, opened into a massive underground facility within the surrounding mountains. That‘s where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m now inside the entrance way to the Great Library of Scio. It’s dim, musty, and eerily silent. Oh yeah, and there’s a group of freaky looking alien guys waiting for me at the end of the hall. I’m assuming one of them is my guide, otherwise, this might get awkward.”

Doog: “Uh, hello there. Are you my guide?”
Praefectus: “Indeed. I am Praefectus, High Scion of Nabu, Overseer of the Great Library of Scio, Curator of Knowledge, Scholar of a Million Worlds, and of course, Captain of my Trivia Team.”
Doog: “That’s quite a résumé. I’m Doog, Host of LIU Atlas, Convicted Felon, Warmonger, and Universe Renowned Ladies’ Man.”
Praefectus: “Hmm. Your exploits have yet to reach this world, but if you’re are as notorious as your titles indicate, I’m sure we will be studying you closely in the near future.”
Doog: “Studying?”
Praefectus: “Yes. The other Scions and myself are researchers. We’ve studied vast swaths of the Universe and penned our acquired knowledge in large tomes. These tomes are then stored within the Great Library of Scio. Because of this, many of the races refer to us as the ’Encylopedians’.”
Doog: “Encylopedians is a bit of a mouthful, I‘ll just stick with calling you High Scissors, or whatever your name was. Shall we head inside?”
Praefectus: “Sure. Follow me.”

Praefectus: “Behold! The Great Library of Scio!”
Doog: “It’s amazing…uh…what is it?”
Praefectus: “What do you mean? It’s a library. It’s full of books.”
Doog: “Oh! Books…of course…uh…what are books?”
Praefectus: “Seriously? Sigh. They’re collections of written knowledge. You read them and acquire the knowledge for yourself.”
Doog: “Oh yeah, I think I heard of those. I can’t say I’ve actually read any of them before, but I remember seeing a few at my grandma’s house. So, wow, eight shelves full of books. It doesn’t look like too many, but for a man with zero books, I guess it’s a lot.”

Praefectus: “Oh, no. This isn’t our whole collection. This is just the introductory library. These tomes all deal with how to use the Great Library of Scio. Our actual collection spans for hundreds of miles in both directions. Let’s head down this hallway. I’ll show you.”

Doog: “Holy…Kaadu! That’s a lot of books.”
Praefectus: “Shhh. This is a library after all. Anyway, this is section AA, which holds great tomes like Aardvarkian Political Structures and Aargoth’s Treatise on Black Holes. Admittedly, the AA section is one of our smaller collections, and it only stretches a few hundred yards.”
Doog: “This is all information you guys collected?”
Praefectus: “Yes, for centuries, the other Scions and myself have traveled across the Universe and collected this knowledge. It’s safe to say, the Great Library of Scio is the largest collection of knowledge in this section of the universe.”

Praefectus: “Of course, with a collection of this size, it was necessary to develop a quick, reliable method of transportation. Otherwise, it would take weeks to get to some parts of the library. We use Hover Lifts, like this, to traverse the library and to reach the upper shelves.”
Doog: “Ooh, ooh, can we ride?”
Praefectus: “I don’t see why not. Let’s head back to the introductory library. Once you finish reading the twelve tomes on the proper usage of the Hover Lift, I’ll be glad to give you one of your own.”
Doog: “What! Screw that. I’d rather walk, and that’s saying a lot. Shall we continue?”

Praefectus: “Hidden among the endless rows of bookshelves are small study lounges. Here, Scions read, write, and discuss various tomes.”
Doog: “You guys read all these books?”
Praefectus: “No, no. Even with my race’s extended lifespan, we would never have enough time to read them all. Besides, we rather devote our time to acquiring more information for the collection. We do this work for the greater good of the universe, not personal gain. Of course, in my spare time, I’ve managed to read about two percent of the tomes, making me an expert on a few million subjects. Not to brag or anything…”

Praefectus: “On this table over here, you can see that one of the Scions is translating an ancient text from an extinct culture. To many, it may seem like a fruitless effort, but we’ve learned in the course of our studies that even the smallest, most insignificant bits of knowledge are pieces of the great puzzle of life, just as a solitary atom is a building block of the universe, just like a…”
Doog: “I’m going to go ahead and lie down on this table while you finish your speech. Wake me up when you’re finished.”
Praefectus: “Sorry, I get a little passionate, and somewhat longwinded, when we discuss the importance of knowledge.”
Doog: “What? Did you say something? I was napping.”
Praefectus: “Alright. Alright. Let’s continue.”

Praefectus: “Our library also holds several hangars for our Scion’s ships. Everyday, several Scions depart the library and head out into the Universe searching for undiscovered knowledge. They may spend up to a decade abroad researching, before returning to write about their experiences.”
Doog: “What pays for all of these fancy ships and Hover Lifts? I mean, even the air conditioning bill must be outrageous. Do you make any profit?”

Praefectus: “No Doog. Unlike most worlds of the LIU, we’re involved in a non-profit venture. The LIU pays for all of our costs, and in return, they get access to all of our acquired knowledge.”

Praefectus: “While the library doesn’t profit directly, the knowledge contained within helps various organizations within the LIU increase their own profits. The knowledge is used by scientists to develop new technologies, economists to determine the economic possibilities of unknown worlds, and government officials to exploit other cultures. We have no preference how the knowledge is used, as long as it is used.”

Doog: “Well folks, Nabu and the Great Library of Scio are an important part of the LIU, allegedly. For someone like myself that isn’t into all the fancy book learning stuff, the place is basically a useless money pit, but I guess some people find it important. Let’s not forget about these Scion Guys. I mean, I wish I had a job where all I did was travel around the universe learning about stuff. Oh wait, I do. Oh well, see ya next time.”

Note:

Doog: “Hey Praefectus, before I go, I was wondering if I could check out his
book?”
Praefectus: “Tome #XFDUED6B, the Study of the Mating Rituals of the Golgol Race. Uh, sure. I guess. After your little criticizing wrap up, I figured you weren’t too interested in books, but I can’t say no to anyone seeking knowledge.”
Doog: “Oh, I wasn’t planning on reading it. I have this uneven table on my ship that’s driving me crazy. It looks about the right size to stuff under the leg.”
Praefectus: “No! Give that back!”
Doog: “Wait! I was planning on using it for the table before you said it was about mating rituals. Wait! Come back! Does it have pictures?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Doog's Place

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Season 3 - Episode 10 - LGGS Station

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - LGGS Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - LGGS Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Shortly after its colonization, the universe was in a state of chaos. There were no rules governing the interactions between the trillions of empires and political entities. War, genocide, and corruption were widespread. In order to bring a resemblance of order to the Universe, the great powers of the time created the first Universal Senate. This Senate, featuring a representative of each of the Universe’s empires, would pass a series of Universal Laws that would hold each entity accountable for its actions. These laws limited military actions, standardized trade, set boundaries, and placed sanctions on underdeveloped and unstable empires. No matter how powerful any single entity had become, it was still less powerful than the collective might of the rest of the Universe. Order was restored, at least, temporarily.”

Doog: “Uh, I need a glass of water. This has to be the longest of my monologues yet. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Universal Senate, and its twelve trillion members, eventually failed. Its size had worked against it, and passing legislature had become an impossibility. With so many members wishing to be heard, every bill was bogged down in the Senate for years. The bureaucratic red tape could literally wrap around the universe a dozen times. After a century, the Universal Senate was finally reorganized. The Universe was divided into millions of smaller sections, known as Local Galaxy Groups. Each LGG would have its own Senate, which would focus on local matters. When voting on Universe-wide legislation, the legislation would be debated and voted upon in each LGG. Whichever vote prevailed at the LGG level, would be sent as a single vote to the Universal Senate. This considerably cut the number of votes and allowed legislation to be decided in weeks instead of years. Gasp…gasp… let me catch my breath. Alright. Today, were headed to the LIU’s Local Galaxy Group Senate Station to catch a glimpse of how the Universe operates. The LGGS Station is located a few light years outside the LIU Galaxy. Its lower section contains a docking hangar for arriving Diplomats, and its upper section consists of a large dome which houses various offices, courtrooms, and of course, the LGG Senate Chamber.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I was dropped off in the docking bay, and I’ve made my way to the upper dome. The outer ring of the dome contains several offices for the LGG’s Senators. I’m supposed to meet my guide here. I think I see him now.”

Doog: “You must be my guide.”
Benny: “Yes, Doog. I’m Benny Adamson, Assistant Senator for the LIU. I see you took my advice and dressed up a bit, well, sort of.”
Doog: “Yeah. I tried, that’s what counts. So, I’ve already had a massive monologue talking about the formation and structure of the Universe’s government. I was hoping you could tell us a bit more - give my vocal chords a rest.”
Benny: “Sure thing. The LIU’s Local Galaxy Group consists of thirty galaxies, ranging from large spiral galaxies, like the LIU Galaxy, to small dwarf galaxies, like the Shifu Galaxy. Within this group of thirty galaxies, there are approximately one hundred and fifty political entities. The LIU, which possesses control of its entire galaxy, is the largest member of this LGG, while some of the smaller entities only have control of a few star systems. Each entity gets a number of votes based on its size with a minimum of one vote. The LIU holds approximately 30% of this LGG’s votes.”
Doog: “What? We only have 30% of the votes in our own LGG? That’s like…let’s see, carry the one, minus something or other…like less than the majority.”
Benny: “Unfortunately, but we make do. We have several methods of increasing our voting strength, especially when legislation is presented that effects our profits.”
Doog: “Such as?”
Benny: “Let‘s head down to our office, and I‘ll show you.”

Benny: “Our office is just down this hall to the left.”
Doog: “Wait, am I seeing this correctly? Are you guys buying votes?”
Benny: “Well sure. This is one of the ways we increase of voting strength. One of the good things about capitalistic societies, is that everything is for sale, including democracy. Sure, its frowned upon, but completely legal. Of course, there are entities that resist our offers, and we deal with them in other ways.”

Benny: “Come on, let’s head inside.”

Benny: “This is the LIU Senator’s Office. The office contains the Senator’s desk, and more importantly, a meeting room for hosting other Senators.”

Benny: “The man behind the desk is the LIU’s Senator. Unfortunately, he’s too busy to meet with you today. The Senator votes on behalf of the LIU. He’s usually on the phone taking orders from the LIU’s Elite or discussing deals with other Senators. Because he is so busy, he has several Assistant Senators to help him out, including myself.”
Senator: “That’s Assistant to the Senator, Benny.”
Benny: “Uh yes, of course. Sorry sir.”
Doog: “That sure is a giant phone. I hear they make those smaller now.”
Benny: “I also hear they make smaller microphones now.”
Doog: “Touché .”

Benny: “As I mentioned earlier, this office also has a meeting area for hosting other Senators. Today, it looks like we are hosting the Senators from our voting bloc, known as the ‘Industrialists’. Although we are often competitors in the economic arena, we share the same interests in politics. By voting together in a bloc, we control about 48% of the LGG’s votes. Which, of course, brings us closer to the majority.”

Benny: “You may recognize some of the faces here - like Utrop of the Insurance Guild or Bahna of the United Stellar Mining Corporation.”
Doog: “Nope. Can’t say I do.”
Benny: “Come on, Hulo of the Haj Steel Federation, Fufu of the Consolidated Commerce Clan?
Doog: “Nope. Honestly, I don’t even recognize our own Senator. In fact, I didn’t even know there was a Senate until I arrived today.”
Benny: “Hmmm. Alright then.”

Benny: “You may not know much about politics, but I’m quite certain you know about our next destination, the courtroom. Let’s head down there.”
Doog: “Sounds like a blast…”
Alien: “Get out of way human!”

Doog: “Uh, yeah, sorry sir.”
Alien: “Sir! Sir! Am a woman fool! That’s it, this means WAR!”

Doog: “Aw crap. I’ve done plenty of stupid things in my life, but I never thought I’d be the cause of an intergalactic war.”
Benny: “No worries. This is going to work out great. We’ve been trying to provoke the Vokorn Empire for years. We’ll condemn there militaristic advances in the Senate - gaining favor with the Pacifists- while at the same time, devastating them in a war and installing a more favorable Senator. It’s a win-win situation. You may not know a lot about politics, but you might make a great Senator after all.”
Doog: “Really? Who knew it would be that easy? I tell you what, I’ll punch the next alien I see right in the face. War should follow shortly.”
Benny: “Uh, on the other hand, maybe you should just leave the politics up to me.”

Benny: “The outer ring of the dome also holds several courtrooms for the Universal Court. The Universal Court, or UC, enforces the rules set forth by the Universal Senate. The LIU, admittedly, is a frequent violator, and we can found in one of the courtrooms at all times. The court is overseen by a High Judge and six jurors made up of the LGG’s members.”
Doog: “Ooh, can we stay and watch for a while. I love courtroom dramas.”
Benny: “Uh, sure.”

Judge: “Order. Order. Let’s see…case number 4167, the LIU vs. the Universal Court. The LIU has been accused of violating Universal Code 77a-33x-654R, supplying weapons of mass destruction to a Class C Empire. How do you plea?”
Lawyer: “Objection, your honor! The LIU does not wish to enter a pleas until said charges can be validated. First, the LIU challenges that Neutron Planet Crushing Bomb is a ‘weapon of mass destruction’. Secondly, the LIU challenges that said ‘Class C’ Empire is in fact deserving of such a designation. Thirdly, the LIU challenges that said delivery of Neutron Planet…”
Judge: “Hold it. Hold it. How many objections do you guys have?”
Lawyer: “Your honor, we have 22,000 objections at this time.”
Judge: “Sigh. Please approach the bench.”

Benny: “Finally, the inner section of the dome holds the LGG Senate Chamber. All member States meet here to vote on issues.”

Benny: “The ringed chamber is divided into two sections. The lower sections hold voting balconies for the LGG’s forty largest voting entities, which hold 90% of the votes. The upper chamber holds seating for the remaining one hundred and ten smaller entities, that, let’s face it, are practicably powerless. The upper chamber only votes when the lower chamber is deadlocked. As you can see, a marquee encircles the chamber and scrolls important information. It appears LGG Bill A83 has passed.”
Doog: “What is Bill A83?”

Benny: “If I remember correctly, the bill lowers import tariffs in all the upper chamber’s systems - a bill heavily favored by the LIU. Of course, the upper chamber may not be as happy.”

Benny: “The debates and voting in the chamber are overseen by the Senate Leader, which stands on a rotating platform. The Senate Leader is selected from the member groups on a rotating basis, and they only serve two Universal Standard Years. The Senate Leader is mostly a figurehead, but the position can be financially lucrative as the various entities send bribe money for more floor time. Well Doog, that about does it.”

Benny: “Hopefully, you and the viewers learned a little about Universal Politics today.”
Doog: “Actually, my brain reached capacity after the first few minutes of the show, but there is still hope for the viewers. Well folks, the LGGS Station is home to a important political system that brings order to the Universe, even if it is highly corruptible and somewhat unfair. Well, see ya next time.”

Note: The LIU is selling votes for the upcoming Bill K93. Prices start as low as five millions credit’s a vote. No refunds.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 11 - Nabu

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