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Season 4 - Episode 1 - Panarium

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Panarium

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Panarium

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Mike: “Doog, buddy, why do you look so somber? We got our old jobs back. We didn’t even get punished!”
Doog: “Not true. I just spoke with the producers. We are being punished severely…”
Mike: “Wait! What? Are we going to prison?”
Doog: “Nope. Even worse…”
Mike: “Noooo…tell me it isn’t so!”
Doog: “Sorry Mike, it’s true. We’re doing a show on an agricultural world.”
Mike: “What did we do to deserve this!”

Doog: “Welcome to Season Four of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, were visiting the planet Panarium. Panarium sits in the barycenter of a binary system. Colpha A and B, two very bright stars, seemingly orbit the planet, bathing it in endless light. In fact, the stars are so bright, we couldn’t image the planet directly. You are seeing a heavily filtered scan from the Almagest Mapping Center.”

Doog: “Panarium has no atmosphere or natural water, and it is constantly bombarded with radiation. How can this desolate place be a agricultural world? Easy, by growing the crops inside huge facilities. One of these facilities has
come into view as our ship circles towards the planet’s surface. It appears that large mirrors are reflecting light towards the facility.”

Doog: “Alright. Let’s get this over with. Oh…great. A guy with overalls. What could be more cliché on an agricultural planet?”
Ged: “You must be Doog. Hi, I’m Ged, supervisor of this facility.”
Doog: “Hey Ged. So look, I have to ask. Why build a farm on such a desolate planet? I mean, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
Ged: “Well Doog, Panarium a pretty special place. It receives more sunlight than most of the worlds in the LIU Galaxy. The more sunlight you have, the more crops you can yield. The only real impediment to farming here is the lack of water. We must import all the water we use.”
Doog: “I see. Well, shall we continue.”
Ged: “Sure. Water and light are piped from substations like this to the fields. If you follow me…”
Doog: “Wait! Did you say that you pipe light?”

Ged: “Yep, these pipes use fiber optics and mirrors to direct light from the planet’s surface down to our farms.”
Doog: “Cool, but you know what, lighting pipes is still cooler than piping light.”
Ged: “Uh…sure.”
Doog: “Don’t you get it? You know…lighting pipes? Never mind. Let’s continue.”
Ged: “Sure. Let’s take this elevator to the bottom of field #4.”

Ged: “Welcome to field four, tunnel eight, Doog.”
Doog: “Wow, I can’t even see the top.”
Ged: “Yep. Right now, we’re about five miles below the surface. The tunnel goes all the way to the top.”
Doog: “You’re farming on the walls?”
Ged: “Sure. By growing food on the walls of the tunnels, we maximize the amount of surface area available. The light pipes transfer light to this light tube which distributes it evenly all along the tunnel.”
Doog: “How’s the dirt sticking to the wall?”
Ged: “That’s classified Doog.”
Doog: “It’s classified or you just don’t know?”
Ged: “Uh…let’s move on.”

Ged: “Here on Panarium, we grow various foodstuffs, like fruits, vegetables, and grains. Our farm feeds about 4% of the LIU population, one of the highest percentages in the galaxy.”

Doog: “What’s that?”
Ged: “That’s a LIU Automated Pruner and Picker. These automated robots take care of all the crops and insure maximum yield. They also harvest the food when the time comes. It saves us a lot of time and money, besides its hard for humans to farm sideways.”
Doog: “I can’t argue with that.”

Doog: “Well, is there anything else for us to talk about down here? It’s pretty bright, and I don’t have cool shades like you.”
Ged: “I think that’s it. Shall we…”
APP: “FOREIGN CONTAMINANT DETECTED. CONTAMINANT IS ORGANIC IN NATURE. CONTAMINANT CONTAINS TOO MUCH FATTY TISSUE TO BE PLANT YET THE BRAINWAVES ASSOCIATED WITH ADVANCED LIFE ARE NOT DETECTED. POSSIBLE PEST. BEGINNING QUARANTINE.”
Doog: “Dude, I think your machine is broken.”

Doog: “Wait Ahhhhhh!”
Ged: “Doog! Hold on! I’m so sorry, this has never happened before. We must have set the brainwave detector too high!”

Doog: “What’s happening Ged!?!”
Ged: “Doog, hang on. The APP has dropped you into a compost chute. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Doog: “Well folks, it appears I’ve been thrown away. This organic sludge smells terrible, and its slowly seeping into my underwear.”

Ged: “Doog! Are you ok?”
Doog: “I’m standing waist deep in rotting vegetation. I’m pretty sure I’m not ok.
Ged: “You need to hurry up and get out.”
Doog: “Nah, I’m already in the sludge. We might as well use it on the show. So, tell me about this compost pit.”
Ged: “Doog! We don’t have time!”
Doog: “I have all the time in the world Ged.”
Ged: “Fine! We try not to waste any of our resources. Weeds, plants, and rotten produce are thrown into compost pits, like this. The sludge is used to add nutrients back into the soil. Unfortunately, the natural decay of the vegetation is too slow, so we’ve added squid-like creatures to the pit to speed up the process!”
Doog: “Wait…what was that last part?”

Doog: “Ahhhh!”
Ged: “I told you to get out fast!”

Doog: “Whew, that was close. Well Ged, where are we now?”
Ged: “As you saw in the compost pit, we try to recycle as much of our resources as possible. Here, in this room, we recycle water. Water is in short supply here, and we can’t afford to waste much.”
Doog: “I don’t see any water here Ged.”
Ged: “That’s because the water is in the crops. You see, we can’t afford to ship out the produce with water still inside it. We’d lose valuable water with every shipment. Instead, we bring the crops to large dehydration chambers like this.”

Ged: “It’s dangerous for us to be inside this room for too long, otherwise we might be dehydrated also. Instead, we use robots to manage the chamber. This robot here is wheeling a container of apples deeper into the chamber.”
Doog: “Hey, my pants are already dry!”

Ged: “I had one of the robots leave a fully dehydrated container here for you to see. The food has shriveled up. We lose less water, and the product is much smaller which makes it cheaper to ship. “
Doog: “Hmm, dehydrated plums, don’t mind if I do.”
Ged: “Actually, that’s an eggplant.”

Doog: “Eww…nasty. Well folks, Panarium is a pretty important place. Its advanced technology allows it to feed a large part of the LIU’s population. My crew and I are happy to be back. Hope you are happy to see us too. Until next time, farewell."

Note:
Try the Panarium Suntan Chamber on the 15th floor.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 2 - Nifheim

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Season 3 - Press Release - Doog Found

8/11/2015

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LIU Galaxy News - Doog Found

Breaking News from the LIU Galaxy!

LIU Galaxy News - Doog Found

Note; This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Narrator: “Welcome to the Ludgonian Industrial Union's TV2 Galaxy News.”

Spiffy: “Hello Folks! I’m Spiffy Thompson.”
Hotty: “And I’m Hotty McBabe.”
In Unison: “Welcome to Galaxy News!”

Spiffy: “Today, we bring you breaking news! The crew of LIU Atlas, including its infamous host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal, has finally been located after an exhaustive year long search.”

Spiffy: “The crew has been temporarily incarcerated until the details of their disappearance can be fully examined. Although they are slightly emaciated, the crew seems to be in good spirits, as seen in this clip.”

Doog: “Dude, Mike, come on. Blacktron could totally beat Batman in a fight.”
Mike: “In your dreams Doog. Batman is the greatest ever!”
Oldie: “Will you guys shut up! We’re going to be in serious trouble!”
Cam: “WHY! Why did they have to find us! Sob, Sob”

Spiffy: “Officials have not been very forthcoming with the details of the disappearance, but TV2 Galaxy News’
investigative unit has unearthed the crew’s harrowing tale of villainy, corruption, and lust.”

Spiffy: "Little more than a year ago, Doog and his crew were assigned to shoot an episode of LIU Atlas on a barren mining moon called Pravus. Pravus, a little known moon deep in the outer rim, orbits the gas giant Bonita. However, as Doog and his crew would soon find out, Pravus had many dark secrets.”

Spiffy: “Pravus once sported a booming gold mining operation. A huge rush of settlers once traveled to Pravus to find work and wealth. The LIU tightly controlled the gold trade, and they guarded its large mines with soldiers from the 53rd Division.”

Spiffy: “Business was great for several decades. Day after day, several tons of gold were pulled from Pravus’ crust. The workers were treated relatively well, and they were given access to food, goods, and shelter.”

Spiffy: “However, once the gold supply was exhausted, the LIU abandoned the planet. When the LIU left, the goods and services they once provided also left. The workers were left to fend for themselves. Those that could, fled the planet to find work elsewhere, but several unfortunate souls were stranded, forced to scrape together a life with the moon’s few remaining resources.”

Hotty: “The Atlas Crew landed in what they believed to be Pravus’ largest city, Minuor. Minuor was once the command center for the LIU’s gold operation. Now, Minuor was a decaying ghost town.”

Hotty: “The moon’s only officially sanctioned building was the Sherriff’s Office. Here, Sherriff Marty Bonzay was left to oversee the planet.”

Hotty: “Sherriff Bonzay was given one sub-space communicator to remain in contact with the LIU Officials, but Sherriff Bonzay soon found out that no one was monitoring his communications. Meanwhile, Pravus became a lawless war zone. Left without resources, the residents resorted to crime. Sherriff Bonzay was powerless to stop it, and he eventually became as lawless and corrupt as the residents he was supposed to protect.”

Hotty: “Sherriff Bonzay began using his communication array to contact off world criminals, smugglers, and gangsters. Bonzay made it known that Pravus was now a dead world that was no longer monitored and was now outside the influence of the LIU. Pravus became of hub of crime and villainy.”

Hotty: “The crew of Atlas had unknowingly stumbled upon one of the galaxy’s most dangerous worlds. Sherriff Bonzay was equally surprised by the arrival of crew. His secret was in danger of being exposed. Sources say that Bonzay contemplated killing the crew, but fortunately decided that bribery would work even better.”

Hotty: “Bonzay promised Doog and his crew the best time of their lives and offered them an all paid trip to Pravus’ new largest city, a place known to its residents as the City of a Million Sins. The crew, oblivious to what they discovered, quickly accepted the trip. They were whisked away in a motorized buggy.”

Spiffy: “TV2 Galaxy News was able to obtain Atlas footage of the City of a Million Sins. Viewer discretion is highly advised. The city is aptly named.”

Warning

Spiffy: “Without the watchful eye of the LIU, Sherriff Bonzay and his league of criminals were able to construct a huge city dedicated to every vice imaginable, including gambling, drugs, and sex. With all their dreams seemingly realized, the Atlas crew splurged on all the city had to offer.”

Spiffy: “The city’s population sometimes pushed the million mark, but always fluctuated. Very few of the residents lived there full time.”

Spiffy: “Despite the large number of travelers, the city managed to stay a secret. There is speculation that several high ranking officials were, in fact, aware of the city, but kept quiet in return for various “services”.

Spiffy: “Several prominent figures within the LIU could face prison or even execution for the various crimes committed under their watch, including hiding profits and unlawful use of resources. Our dedicated staff here at Galaxy News promises to get to the bottom of this dreadful occurrence.”

Spiffy: “We also promise to keep you updated on the status of the LIU Atlas crew. There are several questions regarding their involvement in the incident that must be answered before they are allowed to continue filming. Did they knowingly accept a bribe from Sherriff Bonzay? Did they assist in a cover-up? Will they also face execution? Only time will tell.”

Spiffy: “Well folks, that's it for this time. Join us next time for more Galaxy News!"

Note:
This episode of Galaxy News was not approved by the LIU Propaganda Ministry and may contain large amounts of speculation and half-truths.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 4 - Episode 1 - Panarium

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Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Oh, and he has a crew too.

Behind the Scenes - The Crew

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas. Today, we focus on the fine individuals…er...the somewhat standup guys that help Doog bring LIU Atlas to your television sets.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

The Crew

“The crew of LIU Atlas consists of five individuals. They are as follows: (from left to right) Oldie, Timbo, Cam, Hugo, and Mike.”

Oldie - Director

“Oldie, the oldest member of the crew, spent his early years directing low budget films for TV2. The majority of these films did poorly at the box office, and they were often panned by critics. However, Oldie eventually struck box office gold with his hit thriller…”

“…Space Diarrhea. After making a small fortune, Oldie decided to take his talents to television. He hoped to find an easy, stress free show to direct before his retirement. Oldie signed on to direct a small budget, TV documentary known as LIU Atlas. Little did he know, LIU Atlas would be the hardest, most stressful job of his long life. As Director, Oldie is responsible for keeping the crew on track, selecting locations and hosts, and interacting with the Producers at TV2. When Oldie is not working, he enjoys napping…actually, he does that at work too.”

Mike - Audio / Navigation

“Mike spent his early years working at one of TV2’s recording studios. Mike helped record and edit music for some of the biggest names in the music industry, including Foxy Roxy (shown) and Ghetto Greg. He was expected to quickly move up the ranks in the music industry, but was terminated after allowing…”

“…his lifelong friend, Doog, to record an album entitled ‘Funny Farts’. While Doog’s album outsold most rap albums, the studio was forced to close the studio for six months for environmental reasons.”

“Doog eventually repaid his friend by getting him a job on his new show, LIU Atlas - albeit at a substantially lower wage. Mike is responsible for capturing and editing the show’s sounds and dialogue. Mike utilizes directional and boom microphones to get the job done.”

“In addition, Mike is also responsible for navigation. It’s his job to find the quickest routes between stars. It should be noted that Mike has no formal training in navigation, and his lack of skill has placed the crew in danger on more than one occasion (See Iaceo or Pirata Nebula)”

Cam - Camera

“Cam is arguably the most accomplished member of the Atlas Crew. Cam has worked on several wildlife documentaries, and has won several awards for his camera work. During these documentaries, he never missed a shot, even in the face of danger. This bravery, combined with his off-world experience, made him the perfect choice for LIU Atlas. Because of Cam, every disaster on LIU Atlas has been captured on film.”

“In addition to operating the shoulder mounted camera, Cam is also responsible for maintaining and operating LIU Atlas’s fleet of automatic cameras, including the Hover Camera and Space Camera (shown). The Hover Camera captures footage when Cam is unable, or unwilling, to follow Doog. The Space Camera is responsible for capturing footage in space, like the opening planetary shots at the start of each episode.”

Timbo - Editor

“Timbo is the most educated member of the Atlas Crew. He spent his early years working for the LIU’s Propaganda Ministry, where he edited news stories to show the LIU in a better light. Because TV2’s new show, LIU Atlas, had the distinct possibility of ruining the LIU’s squeaky clean image, the higher members of LIU Society hand picked Timbo as editor.”

“Timbo was tasked with editing the show’s footage to fall in line with the LIU’s projected image - a task which he failed miserably. Although a failure, Timbo’s status as working for ‘the man’, put him at odds with Doog, who believed in free media. To avoid conflict, Doog and Timbo came to an agreement where Timbo was not allowed to talk during shooting. In return, Doog promised not to interfere with the editing process.”

Hugo - Pilot

“Hugo spent his early life as a fighter pilot for the LIU. After a few conflicts in which he nearly died, Hugo became shell-shocked and started ejecting from his fighter at the onset of any battle - one time ejecting before his ship even left the carrier. After seeing a psychiatrist, Hugo was dishonorably discharged.”

Doctor : ‘We are going to look at some cards, and I want you to tell me what you see. Alright, what do you see here?’
Hugo: ‘A black dot?’
Doctor: ‘Hmmm, a clear case of shell shock…’

“Although Hugo would never fly a military craft again, he still was able to procure a commercial license. Hugo was selected to pilot the crew’s spaceship, the Magellan. On occasion, Hugo has flashbacks and ejects the Magellan’s cockpit, but he has come a long way. Hugo is also responsible for repairing and maintaining the Magellan. Hugo is often left behind during shooting to watch over the ship, and he has not formed the same friendships that the rest of the crew enjoys.”

Note:
The following footage was altered by Timbo and may not be entirely accurate.

CLICK FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 1 - Crepus Culum

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Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

An inside look at Doog's wondeful life.

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

Doog: "Hello folks. It's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. I am currently on a two week unpaid vacation from LIU Atlas as we transition between LIU Atlas Season #2 and #3. The producers thought it would be fun if you guys got a first hand look at what my life is like during the break. As you can see, I've taking my slim earnings from Season #2 and rented this two room apartment for one month."

Doog: "Yeah, you heard that right. Not a two bedroom apartment, a two room apartment. This here is my living room/bedroom. The other room is a kitchen. There are communal bathrooms down the hall. The bathrooms are a little scary, but I've found that if I wait until after 3AM, I have to step over fewer dead
prostitutes. Oh, I almost forgot. I used the remainder of my earnings to
purchase a brand new, big screen..."

Doog: "...clock. I almost had enough to get some batteries with it. For now, I just like to stare at the motionless hands. That, and my Mocie Award."

Doog: "The kitchen is alright, but it lacks a few of the basic amenities, like a microwave, fridge, and dishwasher. It did come with a bunch of rats, which actually comes in handy. They're pretty good at scraping my pots and pans clean
of any leftover food. It really saves me from doing dishes. Oh, don't pay attention to that blood stain over there, it was from the previous owner."

KNOCK, KNOCK
Doog: "Whoa, who's at the door? I'm not expecting anyone."

Doog: "Aww man, what if it's bill collectors, or even worse, one of my crew members! Either way, I'm bringing a bat."

Doog: "You have no right to be here...I mean, hello there. Did you come for my autograph? Or do I need to flip my sofa chair down into bed mode?"
Susan: "You don't remember me do you?"
Doog: "Er...of course I...uh, do, uh Jennifer? Janet? Janice? Jessica?"
Susan: "It's Susan. Remember? We met two years ago. You told me you just got a job with TV2. You promised you'd marry me. When I woke the next morning, you were gone!"
Doog: "Uh...well, you see..."
Susan: "That's alright. No explanations needed. I've found you now, and I have somebody I'd like you to meet."
Doog: "Ooh, you brought a friend."

Doog: "Uh, I don't know what you're into, but the kid has to go."
Susan: "No Doog, I want you to meet him. His name is Terrance, Terrance Junior."
Doog: "Hey, we have the same name. How cool! You know what, he kind of looks like me too. Wait a minute..."

Doog: "You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"
Susan: "Yes Doog. He's yours."
Doog: "Uh, why don't you two step out into the hallway for a minute. I need to...er...clean up a bit, and uh, put away my dog. Yeah, my dog. He's vicious. I promise, it will just be a minute."

Doog: "Oh crap, oh crap! Uh Jessica, just give me a few more minutes. Everything is almost ready."
Susan: "My name is Susan!"

Doog: "Almost ready now!"

Doog: "I'll be there in just a second."

Doog: whispers "Well folks, I have to run. Sorry the tour was so short. I guess Season #3 is starting sooner than I thought! Well, gotta run!"

Note:
Doog: "Anyone interested in a one week sublease? Or a kid?"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Behind the Scenes - The Crew

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Season 3 - Episode 11 - Nabu

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Nabu

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Nabu

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a small, Mid-Rim planet known as Nabu. Nabu has few natural resources, its arid climate and mountainous terrain prohibit most forms of agriculture, and its native inhabitants never developed any significant industry or commerce. Despite all these limitations, Nabu has become one of the most powerful and important worlds in the LIU Galaxy. Let’s find out why.”

Doog: “The first visitors to Nabu originally believed the planet to be uninhabited, as there were few signs of civilization. Besides some ruins in the southern hemisphere, the only visible structure on Nabu was this small temple. It was later discovered that this temple, known as the Great Library of Scio, opened into a massive underground facility within the surrounding mountains. That‘s where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m now inside the entrance way to the Great Library of Scio. It’s dim, musty, and eerily silent. Oh yeah, and there’s a group of freaky looking alien guys waiting for me at the end of the hall. I’m assuming one of them is my guide, otherwise, this might get awkward.”

Doog: “Uh, hello there. Are you my guide?”
Praefectus: “Indeed. I am Praefectus, High Scion of Nabu, Overseer of the Great Library of Scio, Curator of Knowledge, Scholar of a Million Worlds, and of course, Captain of my Trivia Team.”
Doog: “That’s quite a résumé. I’m Doog, Host of LIU Atlas, Convicted Felon, Warmonger, and Universe Renowned Ladies’ Man.”
Praefectus: “Hmm. Your exploits have yet to reach this world, but if you’re are as notorious as your titles indicate, I’m sure we will be studying you closely in the near future.”
Doog: “Studying?”
Praefectus: “Yes. The other Scions and myself are researchers. We’ve studied vast swaths of the Universe and penned our acquired knowledge in large tomes. These tomes are then stored within the Great Library of Scio. Because of this, many of the races refer to us as the ’Encylopedians’.”
Doog: “Encylopedians is a bit of a mouthful, I‘ll just stick with calling you High Scissors, or whatever your name was. Shall we head inside?”
Praefectus: “Sure. Follow me.”

Praefectus: “Behold! The Great Library of Scio!”
Doog: “It’s amazing…uh…what is it?”
Praefectus: “What do you mean? It’s a library. It’s full of books.”
Doog: “Oh! Books…of course…uh…what are books?”
Praefectus: “Seriously? Sigh. They’re collections of written knowledge. You read them and acquire the knowledge for yourself.”
Doog: “Oh yeah, I think I heard of those. I can’t say I’ve actually read any of them before, but I remember seeing a few at my grandma’s house. So, wow, eight shelves full of books. It doesn’t look like too many, but for a man with zero books, I guess it’s a lot.”

Praefectus: “Oh, no. This isn’t our whole collection. This is just the introductory library. These tomes all deal with how to use the Great Library of Scio. Our actual collection spans for hundreds of miles in both directions. Let’s head down this hallway. I’ll show you.”

Doog: “Holy…Kaadu! That’s a lot of books.”
Praefectus: “Shhh. This is a library after all. Anyway, this is section AA, which holds great tomes like Aardvarkian Political Structures and Aargoth’s Treatise on Black Holes. Admittedly, the AA section is one of our smaller collections, and it only stretches a few hundred yards.”
Doog: “This is all information you guys collected?”
Praefectus: “Yes, for centuries, the other Scions and myself have traveled across the Universe and collected this knowledge. It’s safe to say, the Great Library of Scio is the largest collection of knowledge in this section of the universe.”

Praefectus: “Of course, with a collection of this size, it was necessary to develop a quick, reliable method of transportation. Otherwise, it would take weeks to get to some parts of the library. We use Hover Lifts, like this, to traverse the library and to reach the upper shelves.”
Doog: “Ooh, ooh, can we ride?”
Praefectus: “I don’t see why not. Let’s head back to the introductory library. Once you finish reading the twelve tomes on the proper usage of the Hover Lift, I’ll be glad to give you one of your own.”
Doog: “What! Screw that. I’d rather walk, and that’s saying a lot. Shall we continue?”

Praefectus: “Hidden among the endless rows of bookshelves are small study lounges. Here, Scions read, write, and discuss various tomes.”
Doog: “You guys read all these books?”
Praefectus: “No, no. Even with my race’s extended lifespan, we would never have enough time to read them all. Besides, we rather devote our time to acquiring more information for the collection. We do this work for the greater good of the universe, not personal gain. Of course, in my spare time, I’ve managed to read about two percent of the tomes, making me an expert on a few million subjects. Not to brag or anything…”

Praefectus: “On this table over here, you can see that one of the Scions is translating an ancient text from an extinct culture. To many, it may seem like a fruitless effort, but we’ve learned in the course of our studies that even the smallest, most insignificant bits of knowledge are pieces of the great puzzle of life, just as a solitary atom is a building block of the universe, just like a…”
Doog: “I’m going to go ahead and lie down on this table while you finish your speech. Wake me up when you’re finished.”
Praefectus: “Sorry, I get a little passionate, and somewhat longwinded, when we discuss the importance of knowledge.”
Doog: “What? Did you say something? I was napping.”
Praefectus: “Alright. Alright. Let’s continue.”

Praefectus: “Our library also holds several hangars for our Scion’s ships. Everyday, several Scions depart the library and head out into the Universe searching for undiscovered knowledge. They may spend up to a decade abroad researching, before returning to write about their experiences.”
Doog: “What pays for all of these fancy ships and Hover Lifts? I mean, even the air conditioning bill must be outrageous. Do you make any profit?”

Praefectus: “No Doog. Unlike most worlds of the LIU, we’re involved in a non-profit venture. The LIU pays for all of our costs, and in return, they get access to all of our acquired knowledge.”

Praefectus: “While the library doesn’t profit directly, the knowledge contained within helps various organizations within the LIU increase their own profits. The knowledge is used by scientists to develop new technologies, economists to determine the economic possibilities of unknown worlds, and government officials to exploit other cultures. We have no preference how the knowledge is used, as long as it is used.”

Doog: “Well folks, Nabu and the Great Library of Scio are an important part of the LIU, allegedly. For someone like myself that isn’t into all the fancy book learning stuff, the place is basically a useless money pit, but I guess some people find it important. Let’s not forget about these Scion Guys. I mean, I wish I had a job where all I did was travel around the universe learning about stuff. Oh wait, I do. Oh well, see ya next time.”

Note:

Doog: “Hey Praefectus, before I go, I was wondering if I could check out his
book?”
Praefectus: “Tome #XFDUED6B, the Study of the Mating Rituals of the Golgol Race. Uh, sure. I guess. After your little criticizing wrap up, I figured you weren’t too interested in books, but I can’t say no to anyone seeking knowledge.”
Doog: “Oh, I wasn’t planning on reading it. I have this uneven table on my ship that’s driving me crazy. It looks about the right size to stuff under the leg.”
Praefectus: “No! Give that back!”
Doog: “Wait! I was planning on using it for the table before you said it was about mating rituals. Wait! Come back! Does it have pictures?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Doog's Place

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Season 3 - Episode 10 - LGGS Station

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - LGGS Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - LGGS Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Shortly after its colonization, the universe was in a state of chaos. There were no rules governing the interactions between the trillions of empires and political entities. War, genocide, and corruption were widespread. In order to bring a resemblance of order to the Universe, the great powers of the time created the first Universal Senate. This Senate, featuring a representative of each of the Universe’s empires, would pass a series of Universal Laws that would hold each entity accountable for its actions. These laws limited military actions, standardized trade, set boundaries, and placed sanctions on underdeveloped and unstable empires. No matter how powerful any single entity had become, it was still less powerful than the collective might of the rest of the Universe. Order was restored, at least, temporarily.”

Doog: “Uh, I need a glass of water. This has to be the longest of my monologues yet. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Universal Senate, and its twelve trillion members, eventually failed. Its size had worked against it, and passing legislature had become an impossibility. With so many members wishing to be heard, every bill was bogged down in the Senate for years. The bureaucratic red tape could literally wrap around the universe a dozen times. After a century, the Universal Senate was finally reorganized. The Universe was divided into millions of smaller sections, known as Local Galaxy Groups. Each LGG would have its own Senate, which would focus on local matters. When voting on Universe-wide legislation, the legislation would be debated and voted upon in each LGG. Whichever vote prevailed at the LGG level, would be sent as a single vote to the Universal Senate. This considerably cut the number of votes and allowed legislation to be decided in weeks instead of years. Gasp…gasp… let me catch my breath. Alright. Today, were headed to the LIU’s Local Galaxy Group Senate Station to catch a glimpse of how the Universe operates. The LGGS Station is located a few light years outside the LIU Galaxy. Its lower section contains a docking hangar for arriving Diplomats, and its upper section consists of a large dome which houses various offices, courtrooms, and of course, the LGG Senate Chamber.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I was dropped off in the docking bay, and I’ve made my way to the upper dome. The outer ring of the dome contains several offices for the LGG’s Senators. I’m supposed to meet my guide here. I think I see him now.”

Doog: “You must be my guide.”
Benny: “Yes, Doog. I’m Benny Adamson, Assistant Senator for the LIU. I see you took my advice and dressed up a bit, well, sort of.”
Doog: “Yeah. I tried, that’s what counts. So, I’ve already had a massive monologue talking about the formation and structure of the Universe’s government. I was hoping you could tell us a bit more - give my vocal chords a rest.”
Benny: “Sure thing. The LIU’s Local Galaxy Group consists of thirty galaxies, ranging from large spiral galaxies, like the LIU Galaxy, to small dwarf galaxies, like the Shifu Galaxy. Within this group of thirty galaxies, there are approximately one hundred and fifty political entities. The LIU, which possesses control of its entire galaxy, is the largest member of this LGG, while some of the smaller entities only have control of a few star systems. Each entity gets a number of votes based on its size with a minimum of one vote. The LIU holds approximately 30% of this LGG’s votes.”
Doog: “What? We only have 30% of the votes in our own LGG? That’s like…let’s see, carry the one, minus something or other…like less than the majority.”
Benny: “Unfortunately, but we make do. We have several methods of increasing our voting strength, especially when legislation is presented that effects our profits.”
Doog: “Such as?”
Benny: “Let‘s head down to our office, and I‘ll show you.”

Benny: “Our office is just down this hall to the left.”
Doog: “Wait, am I seeing this correctly? Are you guys buying votes?”
Benny: “Well sure. This is one of the ways we increase of voting strength. One of the good things about capitalistic societies, is that everything is for sale, including democracy. Sure, its frowned upon, but completely legal. Of course, there are entities that resist our offers, and we deal with them in other ways.”

Benny: “Come on, let’s head inside.”

Benny: “This is the LIU Senator’s Office. The office contains the Senator’s desk, and more importantly, a meeting room for hosting other Senators.”

Benny: “The man behind the desk is the LIU’s Senator. Unfortunately, he’s too busy to meet with you today. The Senator votes on behalf of the LIU. He’s usually on the phone taking orders from the LIU’s Elite or discussing deals with other Senators. Because he is so busy, he has several Assistant Senators to help him out, including myself.”
Senator: “That’s Assistant to the Senator, Benny.”
Benny: “Uh yes, of course. Sorry sir.”
Doog: “That sure is a giant phone. I hear they make those smaller now.”
Benny: “I also hear they make smaller microphones now.”
Doog: “Touché .”

Benny: “As I mentioned earlier, this office also has a meeting area for hosting other Senators. Today, it looks like we are hosting the Senators from our voting bloc, known as the ‘Industrialists’. Although we are often competitors in the economic arena, we share the same interests in politics. By voting together in a bloc, we control about 48% of the LGG’s votes. Which, of course, brings us closer to the majority.”

Benny: “You may recognize some of the faces here - like Utrop of the Insurance Guild or Bahna of the United Stellar Mining Corporation.”
Doog: “Nope. Can’t say I do.”
Benny: “Come on, Hulo of the Haj Steel Federation, Fufu of the Consolidated Commerce Clan?
Doog: “Nope. Honestly, I don’t even recognize our own Senator. In fact, I didn’t even know there was a Senate until I arrived today.”
Benny: “Hmmm. Alright then.”

Benny: “You may not know much about politics, but I’m quite certain you know about our next destination, the courtroom. Let’s head down there.”
Doog: “Sounds like a blast…”
Alien: “Get out of way human!”

Doog: “Uh, yeah, sorry sir.”
Alien: “Sir! Sir! Am a woman fool! That’s it, this means WAR!”

Doog: “Aw crap. I’ve done plenty of stupid things in my life, but I never thought I’d be the cause of an intergalactic war.”
Benny: “No worries. This is going to work out great. We’ve been trying to provoke the Vokorn Empire for years. We’ll condemn there militaristic advances in the Senate - gaining favor with the Pacifists- while at the same time, devastating them in a war and installing a more favorable Senator. It’s a win-win situation. You may not know a lot about politics, but you might make a great Senator after all.”
Doog: “Really? Who knew it would be that easy? I tell you what, I’ll punch the next alien I see right in the face. War should follow shortly.”
Benny: “Uh, on the other hand, maybe you should just leave the politics up to me.”

Benny: “The outer ring of the dome also holds several courtrooms for the Universal Court. The Universal Court, or UC, enforces the rules set forth by the Universal Senate. The LIU, admittedly, is a frequent violator, and we can found in one of the courtrooms at all times. The court is overseen by a High Judge and six jurors made up of the LGG’s members.”
Doog: “Ooh, can we stay and watch for a while. I love courtroom dramas.”
Benny: “Uh, sure.”

Judge: “Order. Order. Let’s see…case number 4167, the LIU vs. the Universal Court. The LIU has been accused of violating Universal Code 77a-33x-654R, supplying weapons of mass destruction to a Class C Empire. How do you plea?”
Lawyer: “Objection, your honor! The LIU does not wish to enter a pleas until said charges can be validated. First, the LIU challenges that Neutron Planet Crushing Bomb is a ‘weapon of mass destruction’. Secondly, the LIU challenges that said ‘Class C’ Empire is in fact deserving of such a designation. Thirdly, the LIU challenges that said delivery of Neutron Planet…”
Judge: “Hold it. Hold it. How many objections do you guys have?”
Lawyer: “Your honor, we have 22,000 objections at this time.”
Judge: “Sigh. Please approach the bench.”

Benny: “Finally, the inner section of the dome holds the LGG Senate Chamber. All member States meet here to vote on issues.”

Benny: “The ringed chamber is divided into two sections. The lower sections hold voting balconies for the LGG’s forty largest voting entities, which hold 90% of the votes. The upper chamber holds seating for the remaining one hundred and ten smaller entities, that, let’s face it, are practicably powerless. The upper chamber only votes when the lower chamber is deadlocked. As you can see, a marquee encircles the chamber and scrolls important information. It appears LGG Bill A83 has passed.”
Doog: “What is Bill A83?”

Benny: “If I remember correctly, the bill lowers import tariffs in all the upper chamber’s systems - a bill heavily favored by the LIU. Of course, the upper chamber may not be as happy.”

Benny: “The debates and voting in the chamber are overseen by the Senate Leader, which stands on a rotating platform. The Senate Leader is selected from the member groups on a rotating basis, and they only serve two Universal Standard Years. The Senate Leader is mostly a figurehead, but the position can be financially lucrative as the various entities send bribe money for more floor time. Well Doog, that about does it.”

Benny: “Hopefully, you and the viewers learned a little about Universal Politics today.”
Doog: “Actually, my brain reached capacity after the first few minutes of the show, but there is still hope for the viewers. Well folks, the LGGS Station is home to a important political system that brings order to the Universe, even if it is highly corruptible and somewhat unfair. Well, see ya next time.”

Note: The LIU is selling votes for the upcoming Bill K93. Prices start as low as five millions credit’s a vote. No refunds.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 11 - Nabu

1 Comment

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Piscatus

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Piscatus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Piscatus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we are visiting a small planet in the Mid-Rim known as Piscatus. Piscatus, which sits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, is a cold, wet planet. Its mountainous southern hemisphere is covered in ice and snow, while its northern hemisphere is home to a large salt water sea. Piscatus has a varied economic system, but its two most important industries are ice mining and aquaculture. Since we’ve already focused on ice mining when we visited Fuscus, we’re going to focus on Piscatus’s aquaculture industry.”

Doog: “Piscatus only has about one hundred thousand residents. These residents live in small coastal cities along the southern continent’s northern coast. This city here, known as Piscator, is one of the planet’s largest. That’s where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on one of the city’s docks where I await my guide. As you can see, I’ve had to forgo my usual sleeveless style in order to stay warm. Although the city is located on Piscatus’s equator, the temperatures here rarely rise above freezing. Ah, I think I see my guide coming now.”

Pierre: “Welcome to Piscatus, Doog. I’m Pierre Piscatorious, the local fishing foreman. This sure is a beautiful planet, eh?”
Doog: “Well, I’ve been to plenty of planets, and I can confidently say that this is not a beautiful place. It’s a bit too cold and snowy for my tastes. So, I hear you guys are involved in aquaculture. That’s not some fancy way of saying ‘agriculture’ is it? You know how I feel about agriculture.”
Pierre: “Well, I’d be lying if I said no. Aquaculture is identical to agriculture except that we farm the sea instead of
land. But don’t fret, it’s much more interesting.”
Doog: “So you farm fish?”
Pierre: “Not fish. The Piscatus Ocean was only stocked with a select group of mollusks and crustaceans. That’s what we farm.”
Doog: “Stocked?”
Pierre: “Yes. You see, when Piscatus was first discovered, its oceans only contained primitive algae and sea plants, which were of little economic use. In order to increase the oceans economic output, it was stocked with various edible organisms that were in high demand. The introduced species were able to feed of the local fauna, and their numbers exploded. After a few years, Piscatus’s ocean was ready for sustainable fishing. The rest is history.”
Doog: “Sure. So, what‘s next?”
Pierre: “Well, we can hop in this little boat over here and take a tour of are various operations.”

Doog: “Alright, we’re now west of the city near a large ice cliff. What’s going on here, Pierre?”
Pierre: “This is part of our largest industry, crab fishing. Using LIU Hover Crab Boats, we pull millions of tons of crabs out of the ocean every year. The process is pretty simple. Electronic traps are lowered to the sea floor. Bait is released, which attracts the crabs. The traps have electric force field bars that allow the crabs to enter the trap, but not exit. The traps are then pulled back onto the boat.”
Doog: “I’ve seen crab fishing on TV before, but they generally use much larger ships. Why are the Hover Crab Boats so small?”

Pierre: “Well, the small hover boats are much faster than larger ships, and they are able to cover much more ground. Besides, unlike other crabbing operations, we don’t stack the traps on our deck. Once the traps are emptied, they get dropped right back into the ocean.”

Pierre: “The hover boat has a dual-sided deck that allows two crab traps to be sorted at the same time.”
Doog: “Sorted?”
Pierre: “Yes. To maintain a sustainable crop, we only harvest mature crabs of a certain size.”

Pierre: “Crabs that meet the criteria are loaded into the boat’s detachable storage tank. Whenever it gets full, the tank is transferred to another ship to be transported back to the city.”
Doog: “This sure seems like a lot of work. When I want to catch crabs, all I have to do is call one of my ex-girlfriends. It’s much easier.”
Pierre: “Too much info, eh?”
Doog: “What’s next?”

Pierre: “The rest of our operations take place below the water. I figured we head down there.”
Doog: “Whoa, what’s that thing?”
Pierre: “This is the LIU Sea to Air Hauler, commonly referred to as SAH. Its unique propulsion system allows it operate above and below the ocean. Its main purpose is to haul our underwater cargo back to the city.”

Pierre: “I’ve arranged for this transport to take us below where we can see our underwater operations.”
Doog: “Let’s do it.”

Pierre: “Here on Piscatus, we also harvest the famously tasty Stink Clam.”
Doog: “Uh! I hate Stink Clams. They’re smelly and hard to get open.”
Pierre: “They don’t smell that bad, but I agree, they are hard to open up. I’ve learned that a little finesse usually works best. Besides, once you get inside, there is no better meat out there.”
Doog: “Yeah, but when you’re done, they always want to snuggle.”
Pierre: ‘Wait, are we talking about the same thing?”
Doog: “Uh, what are you talking about?”
Pierre: “I’m talking about the clams down there on the ocean floor.”
Doog: “Oh! I mean, of course…that’s what I was talking about too. I…uh…always snuggle with my seafood when I’m done eating it…or something.”

Pierre: “Anyway…the Stink Clams are farmed in natural crevices in the sea floor. When they reach the appropriate size, they are loaded into a container and transported back to the city.”
Doog: “Anything else?”
Pierre: “One more thing.”

Pierre: “Our last fishing industry revolves around octopuses. Because Octopuses are so fast and agile, we had to invent an even faster and more agile fishing boat to catch them. This here is the LIU Octo-Net. It’s extremely quick and able to run down the fastest octopuses…will you stop giggling every time I say octopuses?”
Doog: “Hehe. Sorry.”
Pierre: “Anyway, the ship has two electric rods on its wingtips to stun the octopuses.”

Pierre: “The stunned octopuses are then scooped up in the Octo-Net’s net and transported to the surface.”
Doog: “Man, this would be pretty boring if there wasn’t so many opportunities for innuendo. Are we done yet?”

Pierre: “Before you leave, I thought it would be nice to taste some of our catch, so I’ve brought you here to the local seafood restaurant. We export 99.99% of our catch, but the rest stays here to feed the residents. There’s nothing better than fresh seafood.”
Doog: “Free food? I’d never turn that down. My crew and I are always running short on food by the end of the season.”

Pierre: “Uh, I didn’t say free. The local economy could use a boost. We don’t get many off-world visitors here, and, well, we could use some…”

Doog: “Hey, what’s this?”
Pierre: “Oh, don’t mind that.”
Doog: “No, seriously, what’s the Cove? And why is it restricted?”
Pierre: “It’s nothing. You shouldn’t concern yourself with it. Now, where was I? Oh, the local economy could use a…”

Pierre: “Doog! Get back here! That area is restricted!”

Doog: “Holy crap! You guys are murdering dolphins!”

Pierre: “Doog! You shouldn’t be down here. The cove is off limits to the media.”
Doog: “Why? You don’t want anyone seeing you guys slaughter dolphins?”
Pierre: “No, because, well…I mean, yes. We don’t want anyone to see. All the environmental groups will be up in arms. I could slaughter crabs all day and no one would care, but you kill a few dolphins and the whole universe will be after us.”
Doog: “I see your point, but I have to ask, why dolphins?”
Pierre: “Well, there’s a small niche market that considers dolphin meat a delicacy. Somebody has to do the dirty work.”

Pierre: “We try to make the process as humane as possible. We lure the dolphins to the Cove using sonic bait, then quickly dispatch them with the LIU Delphinus Mech. Look, we don’t have much, but there has to be something that we can give you to persuade you not to show the Cove in your show. Please, we don’t need the fallout.”
Doog: “Hmm. I do recall you saying something about paying for food. I’m not sure I want to do that. I tell you what, you feed my crew and I, for free, and I may decide to lose the footage of the Cove.”
Pierre: “It’s a deal.”

Doog: “Well folks, minus the dolphin plundering, Piscatus is not such a bad place. Their hard work helps to feed the universe, and more importantly, helps to feed my crew. Thanks for joining us.”
Mike: “Hmm, someone should have invited Hugo. Oh well.”

Note: As you can see, Doog forgot to lose the footage. Please address all complaints to:

Pierre Piscatorious
529 Dock St.
Piscator, Piscatus, Spira Spiral Arm, Mid-Rim, LIU Galaxy 54226-44152-88845754

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 10 - LGGS Station

2 Comments

Season 3 - Episode 8 - Trahaxi

8/11/2015

12 Comments

LIU Atlas - Trahaxi

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Trahaxi

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Our trip to our next destination has been delayed due to heavy traffic on the Navus Hyperspace Route, so we decided to make a special stop to check out the star Trahaxi. Trahaxi sits in a dense star cluster near the LIU Galaxy’s Inner Rim. This dense cluster has prohibited Trahaxi from forming any planets. Regardless, Trahaxi still plays an important role in the future of the LIU. “

Doog: “A small space station, known as Star Hauler IV, orbits Trahaxi. The Star Hauler has been assigned a nearly impossible task - moving Trahaxi. Yeah, you heard that right. The Star Hauler is moving Trahaxi to a new location.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off inside the Star Hauler. It’s strange, but there does not appear to be any gravity inside the space station. Somehow, I’m going to have to float my way to find my guide.”

Doog: “Ah, this looks promising. There appears to be some sort of robot thingy hanging from the ceiling, or perhaps it is me that is hanging from the ceiling and the robot is upright. Or maybe, we’re both on the walls and the floor is on the wall. Or maybe…ah forget it. Excuse me, robot man, can you help me out?”

Star Hauler Kiosk-Bot: “Standby. System boot in progress. Installing updates. One of seven thousand five hundred thirty four updates installed. Two of seven thousand…”
Doog: “You have to be kidding me…this is going to take forever. Oh well, that’s why they invented editing.”

One hour later…

SHK-Bot: “Nine hundred ninety two of seven thousand five hundred thirty four updates installed.”
Doog: “Sigh. You’re lucky there isn’t gravity here. If I had to stand, or exert any energy for that matter, I would have been gone by now.”

Three hour later…

SHK-Bot: “Four thousand three hundred two of seven thousand five hundred thirty four updates installed.”
Doog: “You’re really testing my patience. Isn’t there some sort of brochure or something I could use as a guide? Pretty soon, I‘m going to start making things up just to get this over with.”

Two hours later

Doog: “…twenty two bottles of beer on the wall, twenty two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, twenty one bottles of beer on the wall…”
SHK-Bot: “Updating completed.”
Doog: “Finally.”
SHK-Bot: “Restarting.”
Doog: “@%$&!”

Ten minutes later

SHK-Bot: “Ah, we have a visitor. Welcome to Star Hauler IV. I’m SHK-Bot, the Star Hauler Kiosk Bot. It’s my job to guide visitors through the station.”
Doog: “It took you long enough. I’ve been waiting here for hours while you did some updating. What kind of customer service is that?”
SHK-Bot: “My apologizes. It appears I have been in sleep mode for quite some time, fifty years to be exact.”
Doog: “No one has been here in fifty years?”
SHK-Bot: “No, I guess not. This station was pretty popular when it first opened. We used to have dignitaries, engineers, and scientists visiting daily, but I guess the novelty wore off. People wanted instant gratification, but moving stars takes centuries.”
Doog: “Well, I just waited for about eight hours to talk to you, so instant gratification or not, we’re doing a episode, Upload Bot. What can you show us?”
SHK-Bot: “This way, sir.”

SHK-Bot: “We‘ve installed an information kiosk to better explain how we are moving Trahaxi. It really helps the visitors.”
Doog: “How convenient…”

SHK-Bot: “As you know, the Navus Hyperspace Route is the only route in this part of the galaxy that connects the Inner and Mid Rims. This has often lead to the route being plagued by high traffic. I’m assuming fifty years later, this is still true?”
Doog: “Sure is. That’s the only reason, we’re here. I mean, besides all the interesting stuff I’m sure you are going to show us.”
SHK-Bot: “Well, stellar engineers have devised a way to alleviate some of the Navus Route’s traffic. They are constructing another hyperspace route called the Navus Bypass. There is just one problem, Trahaxi is sitting right in the designated path.”

SHK-Bot: “As you can see on the horizontal screen below you, Trahaxi is blocking the proposed bypass, which is designated by the red dotted line. Any ship that tries to take the bypass will either crash into the star or be ripped from hyperspace by the star’s gravity. In order to make the bypass a viable option, we have to move Trahaxi from its current location.”
Doog: “Why don’t you just blow it up? Problem solved.”
SHK-Bot: “That sounds simple, but blowing up a star takes tons of energy. It’s very, very expensive, not to mention that the whole area would be bathed in radiation for centuries. It’s a bit cheaper, and easier, to just move the star. As you see, after approximately fifty years, we’ve already moved the star a few miles.”

SHK-Bot: “Using this simulation, you can see that in approximately fifty more years, the star will be clear of the red danger zone. However, it will still be in the orange zone. Here, Trahaxi will still affect the route due to its gravity, but larger ships should be able to pass. A few more years, and Trahaxi will be in the green zone, and the bypass will be open to the public. Trahaxi will be just another mile marker on the galactic highway.”
Doog: “I’m certainly no expert in stellar engineering, but I do understand pictures. If it takes fifty years to move a few miles, how is it going to get way over here in just fifty more years?”

SHK-Bot: “Good question. We are utilizing gravity waves to move Trahaxi. As you can see on the vertical screen, these waves are constantly being increased, causing Trahaxi to accelerate. The first year, Trahaxi only moved inches, the next year it moved a few feet, then dozens of feet, then a quarter mile, and so on. By the time Trahaxi is clear, it will be moving thousands of miles a day.”
Doog: “So you say. Well, how do these waves work?”

SHK-Bot: “The great thing about moving stars is the star provides everything you need to move it. We utilize its radiation to power the station and, more importantly, we use its own gravity against it. Gravitons, the quantum particles of gravitational interaction, are ripped from Trahaxi and pulled into the station. We take these Gravitons and collide them in this chamber. The collisions result in gravity waves.”
Doog: “Uh, where are the pictures? Because I’m lost.”
SHK-Bot: “Sorry, we don’t have any more pictures. This part of the tour relies on scientific understanding.”
Doog: “Next!”

SHK-Bot: “Gravity shielding is a necessity inside the station with so many gravity waves and particles being thrown about. Otherwise, you’d be experiencing about 50G’s right now.”
Doog: “So that’s why there isn’t any gravity in here.”
SHK-Bot: “Exactly.”
Doog: “Wait. How are you staying on the floor?”
SHK-Bot: “My feet have magnetic pads that stick to the floor, simulating gravity.”
Doog: “Aw man, I want Magnetic pads. I’m starting to get a little dizzy, and that burrito I ate earlier doesn’t seem to be finding its way out of my stomach without gravity.”
SHK-Bot: “I suppose I could dig up some materials to construct you some magnetic feet, of course, I’m going to have to saw off your real legs and install some sort of cybernetic system."
Doog: “You know what, I think I’ll pass. The burrito is just going to have to wait. What’s next?”
SHK-Bot: “Follow me, we’ll head to the station’s Gravity Gun.”

SHK-Bot: “We have several Graviton Colliders, like we saw earlier, in this station. All the gravity waves created by the colliders are sent here, where they are focused into intense gravity beams. These beams are then fired out the station's Gravity Gun."

SHK-Bot: “The gun directs the beams to a point just outside the surface of Trahaxi. Here, they form a gravitational singularity. This singularity’s gravity rivals Trahaxi’s own gravitation pull, and pulls Trahaxi towards the singularity. The more we fire the beam, the stronger the singularity gets.”

Doog: “Well robot, it’s safe to say that I’ve totally lost interest. This science stuff is just way over my head. Let’s just say, Trahaxi is in the way of a hyperspace route, and they’re moving it. There. Nice and simple. Well folks, thanks for joining us on this special edition episode. See ya next time.”

Note: “Filming black MOC’s is harder than moving stars.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 9 - Piscatus

12 Comments

Season 3 - Episode 7 - Alucinor

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Alucinor

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Alucinor

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance "Doog” McDoogal. After a series of interruptions, we’ve finally reached our intended destination, a Agricultural World called Alucinor. Alucinor is a warm, tropical planet deep in the Outer Rim.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off near a small home deep in Alucinor’s tropical zone. My guide, one of the few locals that speaks basic, is supposed to meet me here. Right now, all I see is this cow. Are you my guide?”
Cow: “Moo.”
Doog: “Agreed. It is hot here…”
Wirriam: “Doog, over here. I’m your guide.”

Doog: “Ah, good. I was hoping the cow wasn’t my guide - a few hours with that guy, and I was guaranteed to accidentally poke my eye out.”

Wirriam: “Welcome to Alucinor, Doog. I am Wirriam.”
Doog: “What are you doing? Is there something on my shoes? There are a lot of cows around here you know.”
Wirriam: “No. Here, it is customary to bow to show respect.”
Doog: “Well, whenever you’re finished, let me know. Then, we’ll get this show on the road.”

Doog: “So what can you tell me about Alucinor?”
Wirriam: “Well, as you’ve heard, Alucinor is an Agricultural Planet. Our warm climate and ample water supply allow us to grow many different types of crops. Of course, we used to grow only what we needed, but now that we are part of the LIU, we use most of our land to grow excess crops for profit.”
Doog: “I’ve heard that same old sob story a time or two. So, what’s on the agenda?”

Wirriam: “Well, I figured we‘d head into town. Maybe see some of our agriculture on the way.”
Doog: “Sounds like a blast. I’m guessing that these cows are part of said agriculture?”
Wirriam: “No. The cows are strictly beasts of burden. Although the Alucinorian Cow is larger than most cows, their bodies yield little usable meat, and the meat that can be gathered isn’t very tasty.”

Wirriam: “This path leads to one of our city centers. Along the road, you’ll see some of our various forms of agriculture, such as cotton, bamboo, and herbs.”

Wirriam: “None of these are our primary crop, but they are still an important part of Alucinor’s profitable agricultural system.”

Doog: “Ooh, this should be an interesting insight into some of Alucinor’s culture. Who has the right of way on roads, people or cows?”
Wirriam: “Surely there are greater cultural insights into Alucinor, but if you must know, I generally yield to the thousand pound, sharp horned cows. You are more than welcome to challenge this cultural phenomenon.”
Doog: “Nah, I’m feeling too lazy today. Let’s just let them pass.”

Doog: “I think I’ve seen enough agriculture for now. Let’s check out the town.”

Wirriam: “The towns of Alucinor have few residents. Most Alucinorians, to save time and energy, live close to the fields that they tend. These towns have a few shops and stores, but they mostly serve as a communal gathering place.”

Doog: “Do these ’communal gathering places’ have anything worth checking out? You know, like brothels or massage parlors?”
Wirriam: “No! These gathering places are more devoted to spiritual interaction, such as the red temple to your left.”
Doog: “Hey, I’ve had spiritual interactions at brothels. This one time, this chick was dressed like a n…, ah forget it. Let’s move on.”

Wirriam: “This gate, at the end of town, leads to one of Alucinor’s most sacred, and profitable, areas - the flower fields.”
Doog: “Ah man, I thought we were done with agriculture…”

Wirriam: “Here, we grow our primary crop, the Alucinor Opioid Flower.”
Doog: “I guess you guys make a lot of money on Valentine’s and Mother’s Day.”
Wirriam: “No. No. The Opioid Flower, also known as the Silly Lily, is not for decorative purposes. Its pedals contain a strong, narcotic chemical that is used as a pain killer. My people use the flowers for spiritual purposes, but the LIU processes the chemicals to make prescription drugs.”
Doog: “It looks like things just got a bit more interesting…”

Wirriam: “The flowers, which require waist deep water to grow, originated in the wet swamplands of Alucinor’s southern hemisphere. The limited space in the southern swamps hampered production, and we could not grow enough flowers to meet the LIU’s demand. To increase production, we’ve created millions of artificial pools, like these, across much of the planet.”

Wirriam: “The flowers are too delicate to be processed by machinery and must be picked by hand.”

Doog: “You were saying something about spiritual use earlier. Maybe we should check that out?”
Wirriam: “You didn’t seem so interested in our temples and spiritual endeavors earlier. Why the change of heart?”
Doog: “What? Of course I was interested.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve talked Wirriam into returning to the town’s temple. It’s time to see what the Alucinor culture is all about. I’ve never been so interested in my life.”

Wirriam: “Have a seat.”
Doog: “Let’s get this party started.”
Wirriam: “Shhh. This is a time of reflection. Seek your inner self.”
Doog: “Yeah, but when do we get…”
Wirriam: “Shhh.”
Doog: “How long do I…”
Wirriam: “Shhh.”
Doog: “But…”
Wirriam: “Shhh!”

Wirriam: “The route to one’s inner-self is often barricaded by fear and worries. The flower will aid you in bypassing these road blocks. Take the Sacred Scepter.”
Doog: “No explanation needed. I’ve handled a sacred scepter or two in my lifetime.”

Wirriam: “This flower, while small and delicate, contains the key to one’s mind. Its subtle…”
Doog: “Less talking, more loading.”

Wirriam: “Its fiery destruction begets your new purposeful life. Inhale the secrets of self. Whoa! Not that much, Doog! You’re smoking the whole thing!”

Doog: “Holy @&$%, that’s some strong stuff. Well folks, Alucinor is a great place. One might even say wonderful. Hehe, wond…wond…wond…woooon… What a great word. Wond…won…won…hehehe.”

Note:

Doog: “Hehehehe. Hehehehe. Hehehehe.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 8 - Trahaxi

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Season 3 - Episode 6 - Fovea

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Fovea

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Fovea

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. As you know, my crew and I recently survived a raid by some vicious Space Pirates. Unfortunately, the Magellan did not fare as well as we did. The pirates stole most of her fuel cells. We used the little energy we had left to come to the planet Fovea, one of the LIU Galaxy’s largest producers of fuel cells. Why go to a store when you can go right to the source?”

Doog: “Fovea is an arid wasteland with few landmarks and almost no signs of life. Its surface is dotted with large sinkholes.”

Doog: “The first signs of civilization come into view as our ship flies over one of these large sinkholes.”

Doog: “As you can see, the bottom of the sinkhole is covered in a large green lake.”

Doog: “As we circle down the sinkhole, one of Fovea’s service stations comes into view. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we parked the Magellan, and the repairs are underway. Unfortunately, it’s going to take most of the treasure we stole to pay for these new fuel cells. Even worse, the repairs could take several hours. So, we’re going to be stuck here for a while. To pass the time, I’ve decided to do another impromptu episode. All I need is a guide…”

Doog: “Excuse me? Does anyone here want to be my guide?”
Guard: “Anyone that talks to the human gets forty lashes!”
Doog: “Hey, what’s your problem?”

Piger: “Perhaps I could be of assistance?”
Doog: “Who are you?”
Piger: “What do you mean, ‘who am I’? I’m Piger, High Archon of the Fovean Consortium.”
Doog: “The what?”
Piger: “Good heavens man, don’t you do any research before you come to a planet?”
Doog: “Generally, my research is limited to finding out whether or not I can breathe there.”
Piger: “Sigh. The Fovean Consortium is an union of this planet’s two sentient species, the Rego and the Proles. My race, the Rego, evolved in a separate sinkhole than…”

Piger: “…the Proles. Of course, my race was the first to develop technology, emerge from our hole, and explore this planet. When we eventually discovered the Proles, we took their primitive species under our care. Now, they serve as the worker class for our society.”
Doog: “So in other words, you enslaved them?”
Piger: “What! Of course not. We simply harnessed their natural abilities. The Proles are extremely efficient workers; they just lack the necessary motivation and intelligence to succeed. If it wasn‘t for us, they‘d still be living in caves.”
Doog: “I guess. Well, I was wondering if you could show me around your operation?”
Piger: “Normally, I’d say no, but I’m going to make an exception for you.”
Doog: “Because I’m famous?”
Piger: “What? No! Because I want to convince you that this consortium is not as bad as you think it is.”

Piger: “If you want to see our operation, it’s better to start from the bottom up. Try to keep up.”
Doog: “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises, especially if there are stairs involved.”

Doog: “Ew, it smells like my grandma’s house down here, and that isn’t a compliment. Where are we?”

Piger: “We are on the bottom of the sinkhole, which is home to a large green lake. This is true of all Fovea’s sinkholes. These lakes get their color from the algae growing within it. This algae, unique to Fovea, catalyzes the rock into energy. Over the course of millions of years, the algae and its eating habits have created these large sinkholes.”
Doog: “And what does this have to do with fuel cells? Please tell me and my olfactory senses that we came down here for a reason.”

Piger: “Have some patience, I’m getting to it. As the algae ate its way farther and farther down the sinkhole, less and less sunlight became available. Now, at this depth, the algae only receives direct sunlight a few times every year. To
overcome this critical lack of sunlight, the algae developed an unique body structure that maximizes the amount of energy it can store. We realized early in our studies, that this structure would be useful in fuel cells.”
Doog: “So…fuel cells are made of algae?”
Piger: “Fovean Fuel Cells are, although, there are other methods. As you can see, the algae water is pumped from the lake into our facility. You will also notice, that none of the Proles are required in this step of production. This part is run entirely by my race and our technology.”
Doog: “Your race is responsible for sucking the algae up into the facility?”
Piger: “Exactly.”
Doog: “So, it’s safe to say, you guys specialize in sucking.”
Piger: “I will not justify that statement with a response. Come on, let’s head to the next step in production.”

Doog: “And I thought it couldn’t smell any worse. It sort of burns too.”
Piger: “Yes, one of the byproducts of production is a noxious gas. It smells pretty unpleasant, but it doesn’t really cause any harm to healthy adults. There are minor risks for the children, the elderly, and the sick. As you can see, a ventilation system removes most of the gas.”
Doog: “What was that? I was gagging too much to hear you. You know what, let’s just make this quick. What’s going on here?”

Piger: “The algae, drawn in from the sinkhole, is placed in a growth chamber directly below us. When the sunlight starved algae is given ample energy, it reproduces quickly. This allows us to take less algae from the crater. If we took too much, we would eventually run out of algae. The algae is then pumped into the tank to your right - the viewers’ left - where it floats to the top of the tank. Water, which settles to the bottom of the tank, is drawn out and used to meet the facility’s water demands. The algae is pumped up to the next stage of production.”
Doog: “Hurry, let’s go.”

Piger: “The final step involves mixing the algae with classified gelling agent, which turns the algae yellow. You didn’t think we’d give away all our secrets, did you?”
Doog: “Honestly, I wish you would have just said the whole thing was classified and saved us a little time.”
Piger: “Uh, yeah. So where was I? Ah, the gelled algae is then pumped into preformed glass containers.”

Piger: “A Prole worker hammers a lid on, and we have a finished Fovean Fuel Cell.”
Doog: “That’s great and all, but you haven’t really shown me anything to ease my concerns for the Proles. You guys handle the ‘sucking’ which requires zero work, while the Proles do everything else, including working in that awful smell chamber.”
Piger: “Hey, we have some guys in smell…I mean, growth chamber too.”
Doog: “Yeah, the guys whipping the Proles. Not exactly a great argument.”
Piger: “Hmm, you have a valid concern. I guess we could visit the Prole living quarters, and I could show you how well we treat them.”
Doog: “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Piger: “The Prole living quarters are just down this hall, beyond this energy shield.”
Doog: “That proves it right there - you guys keep them behind shields!”
Piger: “No! These shields are a safety measure to stop the noxious gas from spreading through the facility. Biological life forms can pass through with ease, but the gas is stopped. They are located all over the facility. We’ve been walking through them all day.”
Doog: “So you say…”

Doog: “If the shields are just a safety measure, then you wouldn’t mind if I do this…”
Piger: “Doog! That’s the emergency shut-off button! I do mind! That will turn off all the shields in the facility!”

Doog: “FREEEEDOOOOM!”
Prole: “What is up with this weirdo, Piger?”
Doog: “Didn’t you hear me Prole? You’re free!”
Prole: “Free from what?”
Doog: “Uh…I may have been mistaken…never mind.”
Piger: “You idiot! It will take hours to get the shields back up. There is probably gas coursing through the facility as we speak.”
Doog: “Well, you said it only affected the young, elderly, and sick. As long as it doesn’t get to any of them…”

Computer: “Warning, elevated gas levels detected. Please evacuate the following areas…”
Doog: “Please… please don’t let it be any dangerous areas”
Computer: “…the Retirement Center…”
Doog: “Oh man!”
Computer: “…the Hospital Wing…”
Doog: “Oh crap!”
Computer: “…the nursery…”
Doog: “Oh $&@#!”

Piger: “Fifty lashes for the idiot!”
Doog: “Well folks, I’ve got to run! Fovea is an important part of the LIU. Their methods and social structure may seem odd, but apparently it works out for both sides. If anything, I’ve proven today that the two races can be brought together to face adversity or, at the very least, to beat TV hosts. I hope my ship is ready, or this is going to be painful.”

Note: Doog’s ship was ready, but he passed out from exhaustion after about twenty yards of running and received his beating.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 7 - Alucinor

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