Season 4 - Episode 2 - Nifheim

LIU Atlas - Niflheim

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                            LIU Atlas - Niflheim


The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the frozen world of Niflheim. Niflheim, which orbits far from its small star, is covered in a large icy shell. However, internal stresses in the planet’s core have formed large lava rivers that break up the planet’s icy monotony. These warmer lava river regions are habitable, and they are home to what else, but an Elite Citizen Resort Spa.”

Doog: “The Niflheim Resort Spa comes into view as my ship approaches one of the planet’s largest lava rivers. The resort, perched precariously over the molten river, is reserved for Elite Citizens only, and I’ve had to obtain special
permission to shoot here.”

Doog: “Today’s guide, who is supposed to be waiting for me in the lobby, is an old friend that once guided us on the planet Pelago. Today’s guide is none other than LIU Socialite, and former adult movie star, Big Adams.”

Native: “Ah, you must be here for the dishwashing job. Usually, applicants enter through the employee door. We wouldn’t want to disturb the guests, would we?”
Doog: “Actually, I’m a guest of Big Adams. He’s supposed to meet me here.”
Native: “My apologies, I just assumed any guest of Mr. Adams would be more, you know, elite. Or, at the very least, a female.”

Native: “Anyhow, Mr. Adams is waiting for you in the resort’s bar. You’ll find the bar just through these doors. Please refrain from touching anything. The lobby was just cleaned.”
Doog: “Gee, thanks.”

Big: “…so, I say to her, sure it will fit, it’s your internal organs that I’m worried about!”
Girl: “Hehehe.”

Big: “Doog! Buddy! What took you so long?”
Doog: “You were supposed to meet me in the lobby, Big.”
Big: “Yeah, well I was supposed to stay away from churches and schools too, but I didn’t let that stop me.”
Doog: “Uh, I’m not sure I want to know what that’s all about. So, what is this place?”
Big: “This is the Niflheim Resort Spa. This place has some of the greatest mineral spas in the LIU Galaxy.”
Doog: “Mineral Spas?”
Big: “Yeah, come with me.”

Bartender: “Ah, you must be the plumber. Good thing you’re here, someone dropped an Ebrian sized log in toilet two.”
Doog: “I‘m starting to hate this place.”

Big: “This here is one of two artificial spas at the resort.”
Doog: “Spa? It looks like a pool that hasn’t been cleaned for a few weeks.”
Big: “Ha, yeah. It looks like that discharge that I had after…”
Doog: “Stay on topic Big!”
Big: “Oh, yeah, sorry. These pools contain mineral water. You see, the heat from the lava river melts the nearby ice. The melted ice, or water, drains into Niflheim's crust, becomes superheated, and returns to the surface via hot springs and geysers.”

Big: “Geysers…I met a few girls that you could call…”
Doog: “Big…”
Big: “Sorry. The heated water leaches some of the minerals from the rocks as it returns to the surface. This mineralized water is great for the skin. Elite citizens, like myself, enjoy the mineral baths’ revitalizing effects.”
Doog: “So these pools are actually hot springs?”
Big: “Oh no, these are artificial pools. The mineral water is real, but its been processed and brought up to the resort from the hot springs below.”

Doog: “So, how do we get down there?”
Big: “You could use my man rope.”
Doog: “You don’t have any rope in your hands, Big…oh, wait, I just got it. No thanks…”
Big: “Ha, I’m just messing with you Doog. Besides, we don’t want to go down there. We want to visit the real thing.”
Doog: “An actual hot spring?”
Big: “Yep.”

Doog: “Thanks for letting me borrow your suit Big. It’s roomy, to say the least.”
Big: “Yeah, I wore it yesterday, I wasn’t using it anymore.”
Doog: “Gross.”

Big: “Paths, like this, were carved into the cliff sides near the resort. They lead down to the lava river’s edge.”
Doog: “Weird, I thought it would be hotter down here.”

Big: “It would be a bit warmer, but cold lamps were installed along the way to keep the path cool.”
Doog: “Ah, of course, we wouldn’t want any of you elitist to burn your toes. There’s still one thing that I don’t understand.”
Big: “What’s that, Doog?”
Doog: “Stairs.”
Big: “Stairs?”

Doog: “Yeah. I’m not sure I want to live in a universe where even elite citizens have to use stairs. It leaves no hope for regular stair-hating guys like me…”

Big: “This is it. One of Niflheim's natural mineral hot springs.”
Doog: “It’s right on the lava!”
Big: “Yeah, cool isn’t it.”
Doog: “And ultra-dangerous…”
Big: “Nah, its pretty safe. The river is pretty tame. Shall we get in?”

Doog: “I’m not sure, it looks greener than the other mineral water.”
Big: “That other stuff is processed tourist water. It’s for fat, old, or lazy elitist that can’t venture down here. This is the good stuff. A few minutes in here, and your skin will be perfect for months.”
Doog: “That‘s if my skin is still there when I get out.”

Doog: “Hey, that isn’t half bad. I could get used to this.”
Big: “Don’t get too used to it buddy. This is probably a one time thing…you know…since you’re not an Elite Citizen.”
Doog: “You could of let me dream Big.”

Doog: “ Whoa, what was that? Something just brushed against my leg. Are there eels in here or something?”
Big: “Oops, nope that’s just me. It appears we had a prison break…from my pants.”
Doog: “I’m done….”

Doog: “Well folks, these stairs are going to take me a few hours to ascend, so we’re going to cut away momentarily to some stock footage.”

Doog: “In addition to its spas, Niflheim is also famous for its Lava Board Raceway. The Niflheim Grand Prix is one of the six major lava boarding competitions in the LIU Galaxy. Unfortunately, the race isn’t scheduled until later this year, so you guys are just going to have to enjoy some of this stock footage.”

Doog: “In case you’ve been living under a rock or some other boring galaxy, lava boarding races consist of pilots guiding their custom made lava boards through dangerous lava tracks. You can enter any lava board you want; the only rule being that your board can only have four repulsor-lift engines.”

Doog: “Well, I’ve finally made it back to the resort, and boy, have I worked up an appetite. It’s a good thing too, because Big has promised me a feast made for an elitist before I go. What’s on the menu, Big?”
Big: “Well Doog, the Niflheim Resort Spa specializes in one thing, Niflheimian Lava Beetles.”

Doog: “A beetle! I thought this was a feast!”
Big: “Niflheimian Lava Beetles are a feast, Doog. Look at the size of this thing! Oh, and the size of the beetle too……ha ha, get it?”
Doog: “Yes, Big. We all get it.”
Big: “ These beetles are the only species native to Niflheim’s lava rivers. Supposedly, they eat the minerals in the hot springs and absorb the minerals into their flesh. When you eat the beetle, you absorb the minerals into your body.”
Doog: “If I absorb any more minerals today, Big, I might just become a rock. I’ll pass.”

Doog: “Well folks, Niflheim is a great place, for some. Its unique mineral waters and hot springs keep the LIU’s Elite in tip-top shape. For the rest of us, well, its just a place to dream about. See ya next time.”
 


Note:
Pick up some Niflheim Mineral Lotion at your local store and live like the Elite! (Does not contain any actual minerals from Niflheim. Do not confuse this product with Big Adam’s Protein Cream in similar bottle.)


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