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Season 6 - Episode 5 - Horreum

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Horreum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Horreum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “So, the doctor says the barnacles will fall off in a week or so.”
Oldie: “DOOG!”
Doog: “Whoa, watch the screaming. You’re the deaf one, not me.”

Oldie: “Did you eat my frozen dinner!?”
Doog: “You’re going to have to be more specific.”
Oldie: “The pony soup with my name written on it!”
Doog: Oh, that said Oldie? My bad.”
Oldie: “DOOG! I’m going to murder you!”
Doog: “Wait. Did you guys feel that?”
Mike: “Yeah, we dropped out of hyperspace, and there‘s no way we‘re already there. We have at least two more days.”
Doog: “That’s never good. Cue the red warning lights in five…four…

Hugo: “No warning lights this time Doog. We’re not in any immediate danger.”
Doog: “Did I catch an ‘immediate’ in there? So we’re in danger, just not right now?”
Hugo: “Sort of. We’re out of gas, and we’re in the middle of nowhere.”
Doog: “Out of gas?”
Hugo: “Yep. We’ve depleted all our energy cells. No FTL drive. We have enough power for life support and enough ions to power our sublight engines, at least for a while.”
Doog: “How did this happen? Mike, I thought you crunched the numbers?”

Mike: “I did. Look. Malicanum to Barathrum. Seventeen plus fourteen, carry the two…”
Doog: “Carry the two? How do you carry the two!”
Mike: “I…uh…did I say two, I meant one. Crap. Yeah, I screwed it up big time.”
Doog: “We really need to hire a professional navigator. So, what now?”
Hugo: “We could wait here for help. I activated the distress beacon. But we’re in a pretty remote part of the galaxy. It could be weeks before someone shows up.”
Doog: “That’s not good. We’ll never survive that long locked up together.”
Hugo: “Worse. I’m not sure how long the life support will stay online without the energy cells. We’re running on back-up power.”
Mike: “Look! There’s a star system about 120 AU from here. It has an inhabited planet, Horreum.”
Doog: “Horreum? I like the sound of that.”
Mike: “That’s Horreum with a ‘H’ not a ‘W’.”
Doog: “Dang. Well Hugo, is it possible?”
Hugo: “Maybe. It’ll probably take us 18 or more hours at sublight speeds. That will pretty much take all our ion fuel. If it fails, we’ll have no other options.”
Doog: “Let’s give it a shot. Someone help Mike make the calculations. I’m going to catch some Z’s. Wake me up if we survive.”

Eighteen hours later…

Hugo: “So far we’re looking good. Horreum is coming into view. We’re almost out of fuel though.”
Doog: “What do we know about this place?”
Mike: “It’s an agricultural world. The registry doesn’t denote any major settlements.”
Hugo: “Hold tight! We’re going in!”

Hugo: “I lost the ion drive! We’re bingo fuel. I’m going to have crash land this thing!”
Doog: “Hugo! Don’t you dare eject! We‘re all going to die together!”

Hugo: “We’re down. Everyone alright?”
Doog: “Yeah, I think so. Nice flying…er….crashing.”

Doog: “Now what?”
Hugo: “I saw a few structures a few miles back. Might be worth a hike.”
Mike: “Shouldn’t we stay by the ship? The rescuers will come here looking for us. Besides, we’re ok now. We have air, food, and water.”
Hugo: “I didn’t see much when we were flying. Other than those structures, it looks empty here. Might be weeks or months before someone comes across us.”
Mike: “What about our distress beacon?”
Hugo: “I’m afraid it won’t get very far on the planet’s surface.”

Oldie: “Well that settles it for me. We don’t have enough food for weeks or months. I’m not eating grass again!”
Doog: “I concur. I’m not watching Oldie eat grass again. That was just pathetic. Alright everyone, let’s head out…except you Hugo. You should wait by the ship in case someone shows up.”
Hugo: “Not this time. I never get to go on any adventures with you guys. Today, that changes.”
Doog: “Fine.”
Mike: “I’ll navigate. Follow me boys!”

Doog: “Uh Mike, shouldn’t we be going the other way. If we’re headed back to the structures Hugo saw, we need to walk the opposite of the Magellan’s last trajectory.”
Mike: “Uh yeah, I knew that. I was just checking out this bush.”

Doog: “Pant, pant…are you sure you saw a structure? We’ve been walking for an hour.”
Hugo: “I’m positive. Are you sure Mike is taking us the right way? He’s not the best navigator.”
Mike: “A guy makes a few mistakes and everyone gets on his case. What about the other eighty times I got us where we were going?”
Cam: “How can anyone navigate here? Everything looks the same. Grass and more grass.”
Oldie: “I swear we passed this bush twice already!”

Meanwhile…

Rescuer #1: “Space Guard Rescue Assistance! We got your distress call. We’re here to help.”
Rescuer #2: “Hello? Is anyone here?”

Rescuer #2: “Where are they? Think they’re dead?”
Rescuer #1: “No. I think they are stupid. See those tracks? They walked off to get help.”
Rescuer #2: “Sigh. Always stay with the ship. How hard is that to remember? Should we go get them?”
Rescuer #1: “Nah. Our obligation ends at the ship. I’m not searching this huge planet. There’s nothing here but endless fields of grains. Come on, let’s go get lunch.”

Doog: “Alright, I know we passed that bush before. It still smells like Oldie’s pee. We’re walking in circles.”
Mike: “I’m navigating by the sun. We’re going to be fine.”
Doog: “The sun! The sun moves!”
Cam: “Sigh…”
Oldie: “We’re screwed.”
Mike: “Wait! I see something.”

Doog: “Are those horses?”

Oldie: “No…they’re ponies. They’re ponies!”

Oldie: “They’re ponies! Woohoo!”
Doog: “Oldie! What are you doing? Get back here!”

Oldie: “Fresh pony soup! Nom! Nom! Nom!”
Doog: “Oldie! Stop biting the ponies!”

Oldie: “Ouch!”

Doog: “Hahaha!”
Mike: “Don’t laugh! Let’s go see if he’s ok.”
Cam: “Hehe. It was kind of funny…I mean, yeah, let’s see if he’s ok.”

Doog: “You still alive?”
Oldie: “Ugh…yeah. I think so, but I’m not sure I want to be alive in a world where your favorite food kicks you in the ribs.”

Dan: “I reckon the ponies you’re accustomed to aren’t still alive.”
Doog: “Sorry about that. He’s a pony soup fiend. That, or the dementia is finally setting in.”
Dan: “No worries. What are you folks doing out here in the middle of nowhere?”
Doog: “Our ship crashed a few miles from here. We’re looking for a settlement we passed when we were crashing.”
Dan: “Ah, you’re a long way off from any structures, but we’ll get you there.”

Doog: “Thanks. So, what are you guys doing out here?”
Dan: “We’re pony ranchers. We tend to one of the planet’s many herds.”
Doog: “How many ponies do you have?”
Dan: “About ten thousand.”
Doog: “Wow. That’s a lot. How do the three of you handle so many?”
Dan: “It’s not hard. The entire planet is a free range pasture. The ponies pretty much take care of themselves. We’re here to watch over them. When they reach full size, we herd them to the butcher. Well, it will be dark soon. We should get going. That old guy can take my mechanical steed. I’ll walk.”

Doog: “Mechanical steed?”
Dan: “Well yeah. I don’t think we’d get too far herding ponies if we walked. Besides the mechanical steeds are much faster, and they don’t wear out. Come on. Let’s go.”

A few hours later…

Dan: “Sorry we couldn’t get you there before dark.”
Doog: “No problem. Campfires, fresh pony soup, and some whiskey. No one here is complaining.”
Dan: “Especially that older gentlemen. He really is a pony fanatic, isn’t he?”

Doog: “That might be an understatement.”
Oldie: “Nom, nom, nom!”

The Next Morning…

Dan: “Well, here you are gents.”
Doog: “What is this?”
Dan: “It’s a shelter. They’re spread out around the planet. They allow us to get emergency assistance when it is required. You should be able to use the subspace communicator to get help.”

Doog: “Thanks for the help, Dan. Not a bad planet you got here.”
Oldie: “Sniff. I don’t want to leave. Do you need another rancher?”
Dan: “Sorry. We only have three mechanical steeds. Well, I’m off. Don’t stray too far from this shack. They shouldn’t be long. Yeehaw!”

Doog: “Well folks, it looks like we’ve escaped disaster once more. Help should be coming soon. Horreum is essentially a giant pasture. Ranchers lead huge herds of ponies across these grasslands until they are fattened up, and then they herd them off to the butcher. Horreum keeps the citizens of the LIU Galaxy supplied with one of their favorite dishes, pony soup. Well, see ya.”

Note: Two millions ponies were harmed during the making of this episode.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 6 - Semita Lucis System

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Season 6 - Episode 4 - Malicanum

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Malicanum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Malicanum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Malicanum, previously known as Mali Canum. Malicanum is the homeworld of the Dogian Race, which we dealt with briefly on Lacunar Urbs B. Technically, Malicanum is listed as an Industrial World, but everyone knows that Malicanum is really a Vice World.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off here in some sort of warehouse district in Malicanum’s biggest city, Nefas. I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit nervous. The Dogians are known to be a troublesome race, and they are closely associated with several criminal activities. Things should be interesting.”

Spot: “What do we have here? A human in the warehouse district?”
Doog: “Well that escalated quickly. Uh, I’m here to do a sh…”
Spot: “Shut it human! I don’t care what you’re here for. There’s no humans allowed in the warehouse district.”
Doog: “Hey, what about that guy over there? He’s human!”
Spot: “Who? Jimmy? Jimmy is half Dogian. Trust me, his mom’s a real b!tch.”
Jimmy: “Yeah! And I like sniffing butts.”
Doog: “Wow…awkward. Look I don’t want any trouble. Maybe I’ll…”
Spot: “Quiet!! You’re about to get bit human!”

Rover: “Someone’s going to get bit around here, Spot, and it’s not going to be Doog.”
Spot: “Mr. Rover, what are you doing here?”
Rover: “Oh, so now I need permission to be in my own district? You’re skating on thin ice, pup.”
Spot: “That’s not what I meant sir! It’s just that this guy is a human.”
Rover: “Why don’t you take your thugs and go for a walk, before I decided to euthanize the whole pack of you.”
Spot: “Y-y-yes sir.”

Doog: “Wow, you sure sent them running with their tails between there legs. I, uh, don’t mean to infer you guys have tails or anything. Do you? Never mind. Thanks for saving me.”
Rover: “No problem. Pups these days don’t know what it takes to be a real gangster. I’m Rover by the way. I run this city.”
Doog: “So you’re in charge of all the criminal activity here?”
Rover: “I’m not too keen on calling what I do ‘criminal’ especially on TV.”
Doog: “Oh, right. So, what do you do?”
Rover: “Let’s just say I’m an enforcer for the LIU. I ensure the LIU gets a cut of the profits made here in Nefas. Most of these businesses here are not officially sanctioned by the LIU, but they turn a blind eye as long as the money keeps rolling in.”
Doog: “I have a feeling I’m going to like this place…that is…if I don’t get murdered first.”
Rover: “The city isn’t that bad. Most parts are no different than any large city. Come on, follow me.”

Rover: “Most parts of the city are like any other city, take this market as an example. Just a standard little market where the residents come to get fresh food.”

Rover: “One can find all the delicacies here: chicken, beef, pork, fish, and even bones.”
Doog: “Pure carnivores. I like it, well, except the bones. Too much calcium.”
Rover: “Oh you’re missing out if you don’t like bones. Malicanum has some of the best bones in the galaxy. I have a few buried in my yard aging to perfection.”

Rover: “If you don’t like bones, then maybe you’d rather enjoy some fresh feline. It tastes best raw.”
Doog: “There is only one kind of cat I eat, and that jokes too dirty for TV, so I’ll stop there.”
Rover: “Oh well, your loss. Come on, let’s head into the neighborhoods.”

Rover: “The neighborhoods are a series of closely packed residential buildings. This section of the city holds about seventy percent of the population.”
Doog: “It’s nice. I like the random park in the middle of the street. The greenery makes it more homely.”
Rover: “Huh? Oh, that. That’s the public restroom. I wouldn't step there.”

Doog: “Hey. What up dawgs?”
Spike: “Hey Mr. Rover, you have someone following you around like a lost human. Want us to take care of him?”
Rover: “No, he’s with me. What’s our status?”
Spike: “The popo’s been hitting this block pretty hard today. They’re looking for a stray. Wait, here comes one now.”

Officer: “You’re going to the pound!”
Dogian: “Never! I don’t want to get in my bed! You’ll never put a leash on me!”

Doog: “What was that? I thought you had an understanding with the LIU?”
Rover: “We do, but only on Malicanum. Some Dogians try to expand their illicit activities off world and run foul of the LIU. We call them strays. They strayed away from Malicanum. Well, it looks clear now. Let’s continue on.”

Doog: “Where are we headed now?”
Rover: “Nefas’ Red Light District.”
Doog: “Nefas has a Red Light District? Sweet!”
Rover: “Yeah, it sure does. It is one of the most unsavory, distasteful, and sleazy Red Light Districts in the galaxy. Basically, anything goes.”

Rover: “Us Dogians are pretty open minded when it comes to sex. We’ll hump anything that moves. Heck, even inanimate items that don’t move. We set up districts like this to meet our needs. We soon learned that there was a huge market for this type of debauchery, and we opened up the district to off-worlders. It’s one of the few areas of the city where other alien races are tolerated. You can fulfill any kink you can imagine here.”

Hobot: “Hey there! Want to tinker with my knobs? Maybe make an input? I can guarantee results in 4.3 seconds!”
Cyclops: “Don’t mess with Hobots, honey. Try the real thing. I only have one eye, but two of everything else!”
Doog: “Uh, I’m flattered, but…”
Businessman: “Sir! Can I interest you in some crab medication? There’s a 20% chance you’ve contracted crabs by just walking into the district. 100% if you indulge in any of the women here.”
Doog: “I’m already stocked up, thanks.”

Doog: “Is that a mermaid prostitute?”
Rover: “Sure is. Ever been with a mermaid? It’s not bad, but a little fishy.”
Doog: “I’ve heard the expression ‘getting some strange’, but here it can be taken very literally.

Rover: “Yes it can. If you have the right amount of money, you can get anything you want.”

Doog: “What a glorious city you have here.”
Rover: “Thanks. The Red Light District brings in lots of money for me and the LIU, but it is not our biggest earner. Follow me.”

Rover: “Before our little agreement with the LIU, Malicanum was famous for smuggling. We moved lots of product around the galaxy, mostly banned items like drugs, weapons, and technology.”

Rover: “We’re still involved in smuggling, but in a more legal capacity.”

Rover: “You’ll have to excuse the ultra-secure doggy door. Security is a must here. We wouldn’t want any the deranged sex addicts accidentally wandering down here.”

Doog: “Oh crap! Can I get a little push?”

Rover: “Like I said, we’re still involved in smuggling, but instead of smuggling contraband within the galaxy, we smuggle it into other galaxies.”
Doog: “Wait, what?”
Rover: “Some political entities in other galaxies have banned or refused to buy LIU products. We smuggle these goods into this entity and sell the products under the table. Essentially, we bypass the embargo and sell LIU products. It‘s very dangerous, but very lucrative.”

Rover: “We mostly smuggle weapons. Rebel groups in other galaxies are our favorite customers. Not only do we make money, but we increase the chance that a more LIU friendly government will be installed.”
Doog: “That’s actually quite brilliant. Anything else?”
Rover: “Not that I can discuss on camera…”

Doog: “Well folks, Malicanum is an interesting place, and the Dogians are an interesting race. The lax laws here allow the Dogians to run several barely legal operations, and probably some illegal ones too. Well, I have to run. I have a date with a mermaid. See ya next time.”

Note:
It is possible that you may have contracted several STD’s by just looking at Nefas’ Red Light District. Please see a doctor soon.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 5 - Horreum

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Season 6 - Episode 3 - Succus

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Succus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Succus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today we’re visiting a small moon known as Succus. Succus orbits the large gas giant Bruma IV, the fourth planet from the star Bruma. This far orbit makes the moon cold and snowy.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off near a small camper-style ship in the middle of a forest of bluish trees. I hope my guide is here because it‘s freezing!”

Doog: “Ah, I think I hear someone coming now.”

Walt: “Who’s out here?!”
Doog: “Whoa, don’t shoot! I’m Doog. I’m here to do a show.”
Walt: “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. I’m Walt.”

Doog: “Is this your home?”
Walt: “This old junker? Nope. This is my mobile lab.”
Doog: “Lab?”
Walt: “It’s where we make Ice.”
Doog: “What‘s that?”
Walt: “It’s what we nicknamed Everblue Sap…you know, since it’s so cold here. Come with me, I’ll show you.”

Walt: “Succus is home to unique tree-like plants that we call Everblues. Their blue coloration allows them to maximize the little light they receive.”
Doog: “And you collect sap from these trees?”

Walt: “Yes. These trees must survive long cold winters. Every time this moon orbits behind Bruma IV, it gets extremely dark and cold. To survive these winter periods, the tree stores nutrients and sugars in its sap. Their sap is very rich, and it makes us rich too.”
Doog: “Really? It’s valuable?"
Walt: “Very. Well…once it is collected and cooked up. Come on, I’ll show you.”

Walt: “Collection is easy. We bore into the tree’s trunk, install taps, and the sap drips out into collection buckets. The sap spoils quickly, so it needs to be cooked up soon. That’s why we have a mobile lab. We collect from several hundred different trees. If we took too much from one tree, we could possibly kill it. By the way, be careful not to get any on your clothes. It stains. Alright, let’s get this sap to the lab.”

Walt: “This is it, the mobile lab. Here we purify and cook the sap. We want 100% pure Ice. Nothing else will do.”

Doog: “How does it all work?”
Walt: “First we pump the sap out of the buckets. It then goes through filters to remove particulates. It is then pumped into beakers where it is cooked. Cooking it removes the water and makes it thicker. It also removes any bacteria.”

Walt: “All that’s left is transferring it from the beaker to these little jars.”

Walt: “Ah, pure Ice. They are going to love it.”
Doog: “It’s a drug, isn’t it?”
Walt: “Excuse me?”
Doog: “It’s pretty clear. You work in a small backwoods trailer cooking up some sort of sap than I never heard of. You take pride in its purity. You say the people are going to love it. I don’t know. It just seems pretty shady. “
Walt: “Ha ha! That’s great. Wait to the other villagers hear about this! Hey, Jesse, fly us back to the village, they‘re going to want to hear this!”
Doog: “There’s a village? I thought it was just this trailer?”
Walt: “I told you, the trailer is a mobile lab. The sap spoils quickly, and it needs to be processed on site. We farm hundreds of trees spread over several miles. We don‘t have enough time to fly it back to the village.”

Doog: “So, there is a village. You were right, but that doesn’t explain the other irregularities. Why did you say the people were going to love it?”
Walt: “I didn’t. I said ‘they’ were going to love it. Not people, the Succan Yaks.”
Doog: “Yaks? I’m so confused.”
Walt: “Come on. This way.”

Walt: “These creatures are native to Succus. They feed on the sap. They use those long horns to pierce the tree, then they lap up the sap. We are farming them. They have lots of great meat.”

Doog: “Why do you feed them purified sap?”
Walt: “Better quality meat for one, but more importantly, it fattens them up. Their stomachs only hold so much. We stuff them full of the more concentrated sap.”
Doog: “Yeah, I guess I was way off.”
Walt: “Not even close.”

Doog: “Well folks, Succus is not as interesting as I thought. They don’t make drugs; they farm yaks. By collecting the native trees’ sap, they are able to fatten up these yaks quicker and produce better quality meats. Agriculture…why couldn’t it be drugs.”

Note:
LithiumUranium AstatineLanthanumSulfur

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 4 - Malicanum

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Season 6 - Episode 2 - Alba Pulmone

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Alba Pulmone

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Alba Pulmone

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a dry, desert planet called Alba Pulmone. Alba Pulmone was once a wet ocean world, but the planet’s hot star slowly evaporated the planet wide ocean. Now, all that is left is an immense series of salt flats.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on the planet’s surface. It is very hot, and I can literally taste salt in the air. I’m already thirsty. I don’t see my guide yet, but there is some activity in the background. It looks like a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot is escorting some involunteers. I thought about asking one where my guide is, but I dealt with Productivity Bots and involunteers when I did a show on a Vastitas, and there’s no way I’m getting mixed up in something like that again. I’ll just wait here.

M4ST3R: “You must be Doog.”
Doog: “Ahh! Get away from me! I’m not an involunteer! I swear! Wait? Where’s your productivity prod? Aren’t you a Productivity Enhancement Bot?”
M4ST3R: “You mean a model #SL4V3DR1V3R? No, I’m a #SL4V3M4ST3R, but you can call me M4ST3R.”
Doog: “So you’re not going to hurt me?”
M4ST3R: “I don’t imagine so. I have lesser model numbers that do that type of thing for me. I’m a M4ST3R model, so I’m more of an overseer or watcher. Oh, I’m also your guide for today’s show.”
Doog: “You’re my guide? I thought I was meeting someone named Vin Prassa?”
M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa is my master and an elite citizen. He never comes to the salt flats. I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with me for a bit. Well, shall we get started? Or do you need some productivity motivation? I’m sure I could spare a DR1V3R model for a few moments.”
Doog: “Nope. I’m good. Let’s get to it.”

DR1V3R #1: “Increase your speed. Your productivity is at unsatisfactory levels. I will utilize my productivity prod in three seconds.”
Slave: “PLEASE! I’m going as fast as I can! I think my chain partner has died!”
DR1V3R: “Unacceptable. Delivering shock.”
Slave: “OW!”
Doog: “Ouch. I know that hurts. So, these are involunteers?”
M4ST3R: “Actually no. Involunteers are workers that are forced to work against their will, but they do receive some form of compensation for their efforts. These are debt slaves. They all owe money to Vin Prassa, and they are forced to work his salt mines until their debt is repaid.”
Doog: “Salt mines?”

M4ST3R: “Yes. Here is one now. When Alba Pulmone’s ocean evaporated, it left behind large amounts of salt. The debt slaves mine the salt.”
Doog: “Is mining salt so important that you need to resort to slavery?”

M4ST3R: “Salt has many uses. Besides its obvious use as a food preservative and taste enhancer, salt is used for water conditioning, as a de-icer, and as a source of chlorine. Due to the extreme conditions here, there wasn’t many workers volunteering to come work here. Hence, our use of debt slaves.”
Doog: “All the salt here really makes me yearn for french fries. I mean…Oh the humanity! How could you do this to these poor workers! But seriously, any restaurants nearby?”

Slave: “Ouch! Stop shocking me!”
DR1V3R: “Dig faster or you will be digging your own grave.”
Doog: “Ooh, good one. These productivity bots really know how to throw down some threats.”
M4ST3R: “Not a threat. I’m afraid he is being quite literal. We lose many workers everyday. Their bodies are discarded
in nearby pits. Would you like to see?”
Doog: “Not really…”

Doog: “Gruesome. I didn’t realize how bad this is. I guess sometimes you get numb to all of this.”
M4ST3R: “Gruesome. Yes. But you must realize that all these workers are here because they owe money. They voluntarily choose to borrow money from Vin Prassa, and they could not repay their debts.”
Doog: “Still, no one deserves to be worked to death. Did they die of exhaustion?”
M4ST3R: “Some may have. Most fall victim to dehydration and a condition known as white lung.”
Doog: “White lung? What’s that?”
M4ST3R: “After several years of working, the salt in the air accumulates in the workers’ lungs. There, it crystallizes in the lungs causing extreme pain, bleeding, and more often than not, death.”

Doog: “Uh…I don’t think all of those bodies are dead…”
M4ST3R: “We have a RUNNER! DR1V3R, terminate that employee.”

DR1V3R: “Confirmed. Employee #456091-F, your services are no longer required. You are terminated.”
BOOM!

Doog: “Is he dead?”
M4ST3R: “Very. Let’s see, employee #456091-F was in debt to Vin Prassa for 50,000 credits, and he earned almost 10,000 credits back via his labor in the salt flats. Not ideal, but it still netted Vin Prassa a profit. We hoped to get a few more months of labor out of him. It’s a sad day.”
Doog: “Sad indeed, but we probably have different reasons. So, can I meet this Vin Prassa yet?”
M4ST3R: “Yes. Let’s head to his estate.”

M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa’s estate is a sight to behold. It’s the second largest structure on the planet. It has a gold plated roof and sixteen indoor swimming pools. There is an additional pool on the roof. The estate contains ninety percent of the water on Alba Pulmone. You‘ll also notice the nicely manicured lawn. It took debt slaves years to remove the salty topsoil to make this possible.”
Doog: “Ugh, such arrogant wastefulness. A man with sixteen pools while his workers die of dehydration.”

M4ST3R: “Vin Prassa will be with us shortly.”
Doog: “Man, I’m parched. I’m tempted to drink some of this pool water.”
M4ST3R: “That wouldn’t be wise.”
Doog: “Why? Would that put me into debt with ol’ Vin Prassa? Will he send me to the salt mines?”
M4ST3R: “Possibly. But more importantly, that’s salt water.”
Doog: “Salt water? Why would you fill a pool with salt water?”

Vin: “Because my biology requires it.”
Doog: “Ahhh! M4ST3R, there’s a horrible tentacle monster in this pool!”
M4ST3R: “Actually, that is Vin Prassa.”

Doog: “You’re Vin Prassa?”
Vin: “Yes. I am the last remaining native Alba Pulmonian on this planet. My people evolved and thrived here when the planet was an ocean world. Most of my people fled as the seas began to disappear. They have since relocated. I, however, saw an economic opportunity and decided to stay. I am now the richest Alba Pulmonian in the galaxy, and an elite citizen to boot. Unfortunately, I can’t wander too far from one of my pools.”
Doog: “Hmm. I guess that makes this extravagance a little less evil. So, what economic opportunity did you see?”
Vin: “Salt mining. Concentrated salt in this amount is hard to find. We easily became the galaxy’s largest salt exporter. The only problem was finding enough labor. That’s when I had my best idea. I created an industry that puts people into debt and then requires them to work off the debt. Racing.”
Doog: “Racing?”
Vin: “Oh come on! Surely you heard of Alba Pulmone’s Cyborg Sprint Races? They’re galaxy renowned. It is even watched off-world via TV2. Huge purses. People bet large sums of money on them. Any of this ring a bell?”
Doog: “Not really, but I don’t watch a lot of TV. It rots the brain…errr…I mean, TV is great. Everybody should watch it. Especially LIU Atlas.”

Vin: “Well that settles it. I’m taking you to one of our races. M4ST3R, get my robes and prepare a mobile pool. I’m leaving the estate.”
Doog: “Yes M4ST3R, please get Vin a robe. Before I barf up my last remaining water.”

Vin: “Tada! The Alba Pulmone Raceway. It’s one of the largest terrestrial-based raceways in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Nice. Better than the salt flats. So what do you guys race?”
Vin: “Cyborg Sprinters. Other than their heads, they are entirely machine. They are similar to cyborg racers, but instead of flying, they run. It’s amazing what these machines can do.”
Doog: “And people bet on these races?”
Vin: “Yep. People all across the galaxy bet on the outcomes. It’s made me a billionaire several times over. More importantly, it creates several debt slaves.”
Doog: “How so?”
Vin: “No money is required to make a bet. You can borrow money from the house. If you win, you keep the winnings minus some interest. If you lose…well…you are in debt to me, and legally, I can force you to work off that debt.”
Doog: “Ah. So you are sort of like a loan shark…or loan squid…or loan blob…what are you again?”

Announcer: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, welcome to this afternoon’s race. Today we are graced with the presence of the almighty Vin Prassa…”
Crowd: “Boo! Boooo!”
Announcer: “…and the host of TV2’s LIU Atlas, Doog!”
Crowd: “Woohoo! Yeah!”
Announcer: “After Vin Prassa…”
Crowd: “Boo!”
Announcer: ’…greets today’s racers, we’ll get started.”
Vin: “Uh, good luck. Make me some money and slaves.”
Crowd: “Boooo!”
Vin: “Hey Doog, just so you know, here on Alba Pulmone, people boo when they like you and cheer when they hate you. No one likes you. Uh, yeah. That’s totally true.”
Doog: “I’ve never heard of…”
Vin: “Maybe you should take your seat. The race is about to start.”

Doog: “Alright folks, Vin Prassa has given me a front row seat. I’ve scanned in my Citizen Identification Chip, and I’ve made a small bet to make things interesting. I’m going to turn things over to the announcers.”

Announcer: “Racers to the line…make yourselves ready. Ladies, Gentleman, and asexual beings, today’s race is 160 laps around the thirteen mile long track. Estimated race time is three hours. Please enter all bets before the completion of the first lap. Alright. On your mark, get set……GO!”

Announcer: “And they’re off! Red has taken an early lead, followed by blue and green. Man, they are moving fast!”

Announcer: “For our first time attendees, you can follow the race via our big screen monitors once the race departs your area. Feel free to visit any of our concession stands on deck two. Also, as a reminder, all bets are final. Anyone attempting to depart the race before making payment will be executed according to the LIU’s stringent theft laws. Have a good time!”

Nearly Three Hours Later

Announcers: “It’s coming down to the wire. Red is still in the lead followed closely by green. Oh wow, yellow has made a move and passed blue. Will this be a photo finish?!”

Doog: “Come on green! PLEASE win!!!”

Announcer: “And it’s RED! Wow! He wins by a half a foot. Green takes second, while yellow takes third. What a great race! Alright, please visit the nearest payment window to receive any winnings or settle any debts. The next race begins in two hours.”

Doog: “Well folks, Alba Pulmone is a terrible place. People place large bets on cyborg sprint races by borrowing money from the house. When they lose, they repay their debts by working the unbearable and deadly salt mines. Where do they ever find anyone so stupid? Well, see you next time!

Note:

Mike: “You lost all our earnings from Season 5 on a race! Plus, an additional thousand credits borrowed from the house! How in the heck did I get roped into this!”
Doog: “Well, I put the crew down as additional collateral. That way, if I lost, we’d all slave together in the salt mines, and instead of me working a month, we only have to work a few days.”
Mike: “I hate you sometimes!”
Doog: “I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 3 - Succus

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Season 6 - Episode 1 - Jotunheim

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Jotunheim

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas

LIU Atlas - Jötunheim

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to Season Six of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the lava world of Jötunheim. Jötunheim suffered a massive impact event about 60,000 years ago. The impact liquefied the planet’s crust and caused huge seismic shifts. Most parts of the planet have since solidified, but vast regions of lava still exist between Jötunheim’s tectonic plates.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off here at a work site near one of Jötunheim’s tectonic tears. I’ve been told to bring an environmental suit. The air here is breathable for short stints, but has unsafe levels of sulfur and carbon monoxide. Ah, I think I see my guide now.”

Doog: “Hey. Are you my guide?”
Smith: “Yes. I’m Colorado Smith, an archeologist with the Meditor Institute. You may have heard of my more famous cousin, Michigan Johnson.”
Doog: “Nope, sure haven’t, and the only thing I know about the Meditor Institute is its nickname, the Nerd-itor Institute.
Assumedly, you do something nerdy, and therefore boring...”
Smith: “Yes, I’ve heard all the sarcastic nicknames, Nerditor, Boreitor, Club Virgin, et cetera, but they are hardly fitting. The Meditor Institute is a research division of the LIU that focuses on historical studies, like archeology and paleontology. Sure, we don’t get as much street cred as the physicists or the chemists, but what we do is important.”
Doog: “And what is that?”
Smith: “We study extinct alien races and their cultures.”
Doog: “Any profit there?”
Smith: “Unfortunately no. Not unless we find some new form of technology, and that’s rare. Any sufficiently advanced race with technology new to us probably wouldn’t have gone extinct in the first place. I like to think that our studies do more than bring in money though. We help civilization learn about itself. We explain what it is to be alive. We…”
Doog: “You’re pretty lowly funded, aren’t you?”
Smith: “Yes. Well, let’s not dwell on that. Would you like to see what we’ve discovered here on Jötunheim?”
Doog: “Wait. You’ve found an extinct alien race here?”

Smith: “Yes, a race we call the Jotun. My crew is about to head out to the dig site. Care to join us?”
Doog: “Yeah, I guess. I’m not too excited about your little transport over here. It looks like a flying park bench.”

Smith: “Yeah, it handles like one too. Better hold on tight. I told you we weren’t well funded…”

Doog: “What the? This is the Jotun? They’re enormous…”
Smith: “Yes. The bones we’ve found put them at around 54 feet tall, or about nine times taller than you.”
Doog: “Wow. That’s a little terrifying.”

Smith: “We’ve only been here about seven months, but we’ve already found several nearly complete Jotun skeletons. We’ve been able to piece together a lot about the Jotun just by studying there anatomy.”
Doog: “Like what?”
Smith: “Well, they are carnivores. Their arm to leg length ratio of 3:1, indicates that they probably crouched when they walked, using their arms as extra support.”
Doog: “Knuckle draggers huh?”

Smith: “Yeah, I guess you could put it that way. I was going to say that they walked like apes. If you look closely at the hands, you’ll see the stress fractures near the finger joints. They must have weighed several tons.”
Doog: “Check out those claws!”
Smith: “Yeah, they were tridactyl. They have two fingers and an opposable thumb.”

Smith: “We’ve been able to match particulates found between the Jotun’s teeth to some of the other animals we’ve found. They were probably meat eaters.”
Doog: “The best kind of eater.”

Smith: “Yeah. Anyway, the brain cavity is rather small for this sized creature. Until our other discoveries, we had doubts about its intelligence and sentience.”
Doog: “What other discoveries?”
Smith: “Follow me.”

Smith: “We’ve found several small clusters of small animals like this. Mixed within the animals bones were bone fragments from the Jotun. It appears the Jotun had domesticated these animals.”
Doog: “These giant creatures ate these tiny things?”
Smith: “Why not? I mean, we eat squirrels and rats all the time.”
Doog: “Speak for yourself Colorado. I never intentionally eat squirrels or rats.”
Smith: “Oh. Uh, I guess I forgot what normal people eat. Did I mention the size of our budget?”

Smith: “By analyzing the these creatures’ fossilized excrement, we’ve been able to piece together some more details about Jötunheim’s environment in the pre-impact era. The planet was lush and sported a variety of plant-like organisms. We’ve identified nearly fifty different plant species.”
Doog: “Any chance you found enough DNA to resurrect any of these species? Perhaps the Jotun?”
Smith: “No. Probably not. There are too many gaps in the genetic code for us to resurrect any of these species, especially the complex Jotun. We’d probably see an increase in funding if that were possible.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So, anything else? Is this the only evidence of the Jotun’s intelligence?”
Smith: “Oh, no. There’s more. Much more. Shall we return to camp?”

Smith: “There had to be a million better places to put our camp than on the edge of the lava, but unfortunately this is where we made the discovery. Mapping scans of this area revealed a huge chamber under the rock here.”
Doog: “Well, what was it? Don’t leave me hanging!”
Smith: “Come on, let’s see.”
Doog: “Sigh. All you guides and your dramatics…”

Smith: “It took us several weeks to bore our way into the chamber. To save money, we sealed up this tunnel, and we now use it as our camp.”
Doog: “Very homely.”
Smith: “Yeah, I guess. Alright. We‘re almost there.”

Smith: “Alas, we’re here, one of the Great Star Chambers of Jötunheim.”
Doog: “Amazing. This was built by the Jotun?”
Smith: “Yep. This one of six chambers we’ve found in this area. Each depicts a different area of the night sky. There
are only two chambers that are fully intact. Three have been heavily damaged, and one has been completely destroyed. It’s a shame.”
Doog: “So it’s like a star map?”
Smith: “Sort of. It’s more like a collection of constellations. It probably served a more religious purpose. Perhaps it even helped to foretell the seasons. More importantly, it has taught us a lot about the Jotun’s intelligence. They had art, architecture, a writing system, astronomy, and so on.”

Doog: “Have you been able to decipher any of the writing?”
Smith: “Yes, but not much. Our best astrolinguistic and xenolinguistic experts have been piecing together the language using advanced AI’s. It’s hard to decipher a language when you have absolutely no comparison. This language is even more difficult considering it is a logographic language where each symbol represents a word. Each symbol must be deciphered on its own.”
Doog: “How accurate is the astronomy?”
Smith: “Very accurate, at the time. Stars shift at different rates. All the stars are still there, but not in the same locations. Many of the Jotun’s constellations no longer exist. Since we know how fast these stars are moving in comparison to Jötunheim, we’ve been able to compare their current locations to their location in the constellation and determine that this map was made approximately 65,000 years ago.”

Smith: “We’ve been able to determine what some of the constellations were called from the partially deciphered writing. The large one in the upper left that looks like a being was called Mother Star. It appears she was involved in some type of creation mythology.”

Smith: “The constellation in the lower right corner is called the Eye of ‘Something’. We haven’t been able to determine who’s eye. The large blue star in the middle is Sidere Artifex, one of the brightest stars in the LIU Galaxy. Due to its high visibility, it’s a common star in most planets’ constellations.”
Doog: “What’s that huge red star up top?”
Smith: “We’re not entirely sure about that. It’s not a star, we haven’t been able to find it anywhere. It may have been a planet, but if so, it’s not here anymore. We believe it might be the object that impacted Jötunheim, but we’ll need to study it further.”
Doog: “Ah. Well, anything else?”
Smith: “Not yet, but for a small fee, you can be included in our mailing list. We’ll keep you updated on any new discoveries.”
Doog: “No thanks.”

Doog: “Well folks, Jötunheim is an interesting place…well it used to be. Archeologists have uncovered an extinct race of beings that evolved a moderate level of intelligence. Perhaps they would be part of our galactic community if not for the impact event that wiped them out. Geesh, think of the size of the public bathrooms. Oh well, see ya next time.”

Note:
65,000 years ago…

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 2 - Alba Pulmone

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Season 5 - Behind the Scenes - The Trip

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Trip

Another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas.

Behind the Scenes - The Trip

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Oldie: “Sorry guys, I just got off the com with the producers. They want us to get right back to work.”
Mike: “This is a bunch of bull!”
Doog: “Yeah! We usually get two weeks off between seasons, Oldie! Two glorious weeks! Two weeks away from you weirdos! Two weeks off this smelly, cramped ship! And you’re telling me the LIU is cancelling that? And putting us right back to work?”
Oldie: “Well, technically, we won’t be working. And we won‘t be paid…”
Doog: “What! That’s even worse!”
Oldie: “Look, our next destination is an exclave planet called Arcem. It’s going to take us a while to get there.”
Doog: “What’s an exclave planet?”
Oldie: “It’s a LIU controlled planet outside the LIU galaxy. It’s far, far away…like 16.5 mega-parsecs or 53.8 million light years away.”
Mike: “Is this some sort of joke? There’s no way the Magellan can make it there, and it would take us twenty years if it could.”

Oldie: “That’s why Hugo has taken us back to Mercor. The producers have purchased us tickets aboard an intergalactic transport called the Gryllus. It will have us there in two weeks.”

Doog: “So, wait…we’re getting an all expenses paid trip aboard a fancy starship for the next two weeks? With free food and beds and other things we usually do without?”
Oldie: “Well…uh…yeah. Yeah, that’s right.”
Doog: “Well why didn’t you say that earlier old man! This is great news! It’s better than living in some slum for two weeks!”
Crew: “Yeah!!!”

Onboard the Mercor Docking Ring:

Mike: “Ah, here it is, Grasshopper Airlines, Mercor Terminal.”
Doog: “The flight to Arcem is already boarding. We’re late.”
Cam: “We wouldn’t be so late if you would have helped carry some gear! I‘m lugging around all of our camera equipment.”

Mike: “Yeah, I’ve got fifty pounds of audio gear on my back. It would be nice if I could have used the dolly instead of you. Why do you have four suitcases?”
Doog: “Hey, everybody is carrying the gear associated with their job. My job is to look good on camera, so I’m carrying my full wardrobe. Besides, I have six suitcases, not four. Timbo has the two that wouldn’t fit on the dolly.”
Timbo: “…”

Doog: “You know it’s bad when Oldie beats us to the ticket desk. I don’t hear anyone complaining that Oldie isn’t carrying anything!”
Mike: “Oldie’s like a hundred and twelve years old. We don’t need him to stroke out on us. He’s made all the ticket arrangements. We’d be stuck on the docking ring for two weeks without him.”
Doog: “That’s what I’m worried about. Do you think it was wise to trust Oldie with all the arrangements?”

Female: “Alright. It looks like everything is in order. You boys can leave your gear here. I’ll see that it makes it to your living quarters. The Gryllus departs in about two minutes. You better hurry!”

Doog: “RUN!”

Female#2: Hurry up! We’re about to seal the airlock!”

Volare: “Welcome! I’m Volare, Captain of the Gryllus.”
Doog: “Shouldn’t you been in the cockpit? I think we’re ready to take off.”
Volare: “Nah, this thing pretty much flies itself. There’s nothing but a vast empty space between Mercor and Arcem. Besides, I figured I’d give you guys a personal tour of the ship.”
Doog: “Because we’re famous?”
Volare: “Uh, not so much. Mostly because my bosses want some good press for Grasshopper Airlines. It’s why we gave you guys such a good deal on the tickets.”
Doog: “Same difference. So what’s first? I want to get this over with so I can get to relaxing.”

Volare: “Well, this is the lobby. The living quarters are upstairs, and the cargo holds are downstairs. I figured we’d head upstairs first.”
Doog: “I thought this ship had all the amenities? And you’re telling me I have to use stairs? I’m disappointed Volare. Not a good start.”
Volare: “But they’re spiral stairs…sort of fancy…right?”

Volare: “Intergalactic travel is long and boring. We couldn’t have guests sitting in rows of chairs watching in-flight movies for weeks and weeks. Instead, the Gryllus was designed to be more like a flying hotel. It has rooms and accommodations for nearly one hundred thousand people. The rooms are small, but comfy. Let’s take a look inside one.”

Female#3: Ahhh! What are you sickos doing! Get out!
Volare: “Sorry ma’am. I wasn’t aware this room was occupied.”

Doog: “You didn’t know the room was occupied? They’re all occupied right? Did you do that on purpose?”
Volare: “Haha. Let’s just say that being the Captain has its perks. Anyway, this is one of our living quarters. Nice, huh?”
Doog: “Not bad, although, that last room had a better view.”
Volare: “Indeed. These single rooms have a bed, a dresser, and a fully stocked mini-bar. Some of the outer rooms, like this one, have a window. Not much to see for most of the trip though.”
Doog: “No bathroom?”
Volare: “Nope. The Gryllus has communal bathrooms and dining areas spread amongst the rooms. I figured we‘d skip the communal bathrooms, they’re pretty gross, and take a look at one of the communal dining areas.”
Doog: “Sounds good.”

Volare: “The communal dining rooms serve two meals a day: lunch and dinner.”
Doog: “TWO meals a day…”
Volare: “Yes, the meals are served buffet style, but there is a limit of one trip per customer. Additional items, meals, breakfast, et cetera, can be purchased from one of the ship’s retail outlets.”

Doog: “And...and…and we have access to this buffet?”
Volare: “Yes, all passengers do. It’s included in your ticket price.”
Doog: “Let’s dig in boys!”

Volare: “HEY, you heathens! We have plates and forks! Don’t put half eaten food back! Doog! Quit rubbing your face in the chicken!”

Doog: “Nom, nom, nom!”
Volare: “Limit one per customer! The sign is right there! Don’t think this won’t be charged to your account! Security!”

Volare: “That was one of the most pathetic scenes I’ve ever witnessed. You guys act like you haven’t eaten in weeks.”
Doog: “That’s pretty close to the truth Volare. There’s not a lot of money for food in this line of work. So, where are we now?”
Volare: “This is the Gryllus’ bridge. Not a lot of guests get to come up here, but I figured I’d give you guys a peek.”

Volare: “Mapping and plotting are important aspects of intergalactic flight. A fraction of a degree off could really add up 20 mega-parsecs down the road. An officer constantly takes readings and makes course corrections. We wouldn’t want to accidentally end up in hostile territory. The mapping screen also shows other ships in the area. This route is highly trafficked, mostly by LIU cargo vessels shipping products to other galaxies. Anything that gets within a parsec most be considered a threat.”

Doog: “Is that a ship’s wheel? Not very high-tech.”
Volare: “Yes. Most of the flight controls are handled by computers. I only use the wheel in port for minor corrections. I guess it’s a throwback to old school navigation.”

First-Mate: “Captain Volare, sir, we’ll be leaving the LIU Galaxy in thirty minutes.”
Volare: “Excellent. I should be back by then, but if not, go ahead and engage the intergalactic engines.”
First-Mate: “Aye, aye sir.”

Doog: “Do you think I could steer for a minute?”
Volare: “Does a priest make a good babysitter?”
Doog: “Aw, come on. Just a little turn. I want to add starship pilot to my résumé.”
Volare: “Sigh. Just one tiny, tiny, tiny turn.”
Doog: “You won’t regret it…”

Volare: “DOOG! One tiny turn! You spun it around like eight times!”
Doog: “Whoops!”

Volare: “Well, I was going to take you guys through engineering, but after the buffet and steering incidents, I think we’ll just skip that. The last thing we need to do is disable the ship.”
Doog: “Understandable. So, what’s next?”
Volare: “The lower half of the ship holds cargo. We are transporting supplies to Arcem in addition to passengers. I figured we’d head down and take a look.”

Volare: “The LIU has modified the front section of the Gryllus’ cargo bay into a hangar. The Gryllus holds twenty small fighters that provide the ship safety outside the LIU Galaxy. You never know what you’ll run into out in the galactic voids: space pirates, the LIU’s enemies, etc.”

Volare: “These small fighters run escort patrols to help detect other ships. They’re pretty small, but can easily swarm enemy ships and buy the Gryllus time to escape.”
Doog: “Do you…”
Volare: “No. You can’t fly one. I don’t care about your résumé.”
Doog: “Fine.”

Volare: “Arcem, being an exclave planet, is totally dependent on cargo shipments to survive. While moving personnel to the planet is important, our real priority is getting supplies there.”
Doog: “Not a lot to see. Just some cargo boxes. What’s next?”
Volare: “Actually, that about wraps it up.”
Doog: “So, shall we head back up to our rooms?”
Volare: “Actually, you guys are in your room. Oldie didn’t tell you? You guys are booked cargo class.”
Doog: “Cargo class! You mean we have to sleep on the floor near these boxes?”

Volare: “Actually, you’d be in the way over there. I was thinking about putting you guys here next to the pig pen.”
Doog: “Pig pen!”
Volare: “Yes, we’re transporting live pigs to Arcem.”
Doog: “Oldie! Did you know about this?!”
Oldie: “Well, I didn’t have the heart to tell you. You guys seemed so excited.”
Doog: “Well, at least we have the buffet.”
Volare: “Unfortunately, after the incident today, I think I’ll just have a worker bring you down a plate each day. Besides, you’re going to start to smell pretty rough after a few days with the pigs.”
Crew: “OLDIE!”

Doog: “Well folks, it looks like my crew and I are spending our vacation in a cargo bay surrounded by pigs. Could it get any better? See ya.”

Note:
Doog: “No Buffet, but we have fresh bacon!”
Cam: “You’re sick…”
Mike: “I’m in!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 1 - Arcem

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Season 5 - Episode 23 - Praestigiae

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Praestigiae

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Praestigiae

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to the season finale of the fifth season of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’ve ventured far out into the galaxy’s outer rim to visit the planet Praestigiae. Praestigiae’s position in the outer rim makes it a frequent arrival point for visiting dignitaries. In order to serve these dignitaries, a large Ambassadorial Complex was built on the planet‘s equator. The complex serves as a diplomatic meeting place where LIU ambassadors, negotiators, and sales managers can meet with representatives from other galaxies. Several deals, treaties, and alliances have been negotiated here, making Praestigiae one of the more important worlds we‘ve visited.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’m in some type of waiting room near the entrance of the Ambassadorial Complex. Security looks to be pretty tight. I guess I’ll wait here for my guide.”

Ludlum: “Ah, there you are. I hope you haven’t waited long. I was finishing up a trade agreement with the Sargarian Empire. I’m Todd Ludlum by the way. I’m senior diplomat here at the Praestigiae Ambassadorial Complex. Uh…are you going to leave me hanging or what?”
Doog: “You actually want me to shake your hand? Most of the ‘important’ guides I’ve interviewed wanted nothing to do with me.”
Ludlum: “Ha, I’m not that important. Sure, I’m an elite citizen that makes billion dollar deals, negotiates treaties, and prevents intergalactic wars, but who’s counting. Well, if you are ready to see some of our operations, we’ll begin the security screening.”

Doog: “Uh, what’s going on? What is this thing?”
Ludlum: “Just a security scanner. We need to insure no weapons are being brought into the complex. Not all the diplomats we receive here are on the friendliest terms with the LIU. Just stay still for a few moments.”

Ludlum: “This is one of the complex’s ballrooms, ideal for throwing galas, mixers, and cocktail parties. Most business is done in informal settings like this rather than formal meetings. The ever flowing alcoholic beverages might be the cause. If you…”
Doog: “How did I…never mind, continue.”

Ludlum: “We’ve spared to expense in making this complex. This rug is made of the finest Aranea Sericon silk. It took two dozen involunteers a month to hand sew it. The chandelier above us is made of the purest gold imported from Laceratus. Its refractive crystals are actually pure carbon diamonds.”
Doog: “Yes. Everything looks expensive. I’m afraid to move, I’ll probably ruin something.”
Ludlum: “Expensive, yes, but a drop in the bucket compared to the amounts of money made in the complex. We treat even the poorest empires to all we have to offer. It’s funny how much good will towards the LIU can be generated by greasing up foreign dignitaries.”
Doog: “Speaking of which, I don’t see any foreigners here, only humans.”
Ludlum: “Well, today is a special occasion. We have something important to discuss. Before we get that, how about some refreshments?”

Ludlum: “I bet this guy looks familiar. We brought in some natives from Niflheim to be part of the service staff. Their astounding customer service skills are galaxy renowned.”
Staff: “Doog, may I interest you in a glass of Iacchus Wine? Otherwise known as the Elixir of the Gods? The fermented berries come from only one planet, Iacchus, an inhospitable hell-hole. It’s safe to assume that at least four workers died picking the berries for this bottle. It’s said that you can taste their despair.”
Doog: “What! I’m a man of the people. I could never drink something like that!”
Ludlum: “Well Doog. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Everybody gather around.”

Ludlum: “Doog, your show has made the LIU tons of money. The syndication rights are worth billions of credits on their own. Besides that, you’ve become something of a celebrity lately. I’m here as a representative of the LIU, and after much discussion, we’ve decided to enhance your citizenship status. You, my friend, are now an elite-citizen.”
Doog: “Me? I…I don’t know if…I’m a man of the…are you for real?”

Ludlum: “It’s quite unusual for a man of your resources to be given this title, so we’ve decided to make a one time donation of five hundred million credits to your bank account. After that, you’ll be included in the corporate profit sharing.”
Doog: “I really don’t know if I can…”

Doog: “…decide what I’m going to buy first! Screw the people! I’m rich! Woohoo! Bow before me!”
Ludlum: “Hehe!”

Doog: “What the heck! Where am I?”
Ludlum: “Ha. Sorry Doog. I couldn’t resist.”
Doog: “Couldn’t resist what? Is this how you treat elite citizens?”
Ludlum: “Yeah, about that, you’re not actually an elite citizen. It was all an illusion. You’ve been dreaming.”
Doog: “What! No! Impossible!”

Ludlum: “I’m afraid so. You know that ‘security scan’ you submitted to, well, it was actually a brain wave mapper. After the mapping was completed, the scanner caused you to become unconscious, and we moved you to the dream chamber.”
Doog: “Why would you do this?”
Ludlum: “We do it to all our visitors. We handle hundreds of dignitaries a month, meeting all their needs was becoming expensive. It was a waste of money. Why actually give these people anything when you can just make them think you did. Like you, all the guests submit to the scan, have their brains mapped, and then are brought into the warehouse.”
Doog: “The warehouse?”
Ludlum: “Yes, where we are now. Other than the waiting room, this entire complex is just a simple warehouse filled with dream link machines.”

Doog: “How does it work?”
Ludlum: “It’s called dream sharing. We simply upload your consciousness into our dream matrix. One of the LIU’s ambassadors will upload his consciousness into the dream as well. We’ll then interact in the dream. Come on, let’s go back in and I’ll show you some of the benefits. Katherine, please begin the upload process. Oh, and better make it ghost mode.”
Katherine: “Yes sir.”
Doog: “Ghost mode?”
Ludlum: “So the other dreamers don’t see us.”

Doog: “This is the same room you devastated me in. Thanks for bringing back the memories…”
Ludlum: “Yes. The ballroom is one of our favorite artificial constructs. You can see here one of my ambassadors meeting with the KinPump Empire. I believe he’s negotiating the use of their trade routes. Let’s listen in.”
O’-Lantern: “This is fine KinPump Ale. How did you ever know it was my favorite?”
Diplomat: “Your grace, the LIU always strives to please its most important guests. In fact, I brought something even more special. Waiter!”

O’-Lantern: “Impossible. The Saficant Gourd is all but extinct. The few remaining gourds are priceless. How did you come across one?”
Diplomat: “They’re not priceless, just mighty expensive. I had someone pick one up from your galaxy. Only cost a few billion credits.”
O’-Lantern: “That’s more than our deal is worth!”
Diplomat: “Well, I guess you should have no problem signing the agreement then.”
O’-Lantern: “Of course not. Get me a pen.”
Diplomat: “Excellent. Let’s eat.”
Doog: “You tricked them…”
Ludlum: “Yep. Bribery and flattery are so much cheaper in the dream world. It’s brilliant, but it is not our only method. Let‘s upload into another dream.”

Doog: “Whoa. Did we get uploaded into a wet dream? Weird.”
Ludlum: “Sex sells, and the mind mapper knows all your innermost desires. We can devise situations that you could never say no to.”

Plu’Karrath: “Wow. This is sort of freaky. It’s almost like you’re reading my mind. How did you know my kinks? It’s sort of embarrassing.”
Diplomat: “No, no. Don’t worry. We set this up so you could enjoy yourself for a bit. We’ll finish up business later.”
Doog: “Wait, isn’t this the same method? I mean, you’re bribing him with sex.”

Ludlum: “Nope, because in these types of situations, we use blackmail.”
Doog: “Blackmail?”
Ludlum: “Yep. We capture a digital image from the dream like this. If the foreign diplomat says ‘no’, then we threaten to mail this little picture to his mating partner. You’d be surprised how many people would sell out their empire to avoid a woman’s scorn.”
Doog: “That’s just plain dirty.”
Ludlum: “Yep, but it works. Come on, let’s see another method.”

Ludlum: “The dream matrix is also useful for extracting information. We can listen in on conversations when the foreign diplomats think they are alone. We can see their access codes, bank accounts, shield frequencies…whatever they discuss or look up while in the dream.”

Security: “Sir. I’ve scanned the room. I didn’t find any listening devices. But I think we should be careful and use a secure server.”
Diplomat: “Relax. The LIU put us up in one of their most expensive rooms. They have tea imported from our home galaxy that costs more than you make in a lifetime. The LIU has so much money I don’t really think they are worried about us and our little twenty planet coalition.”

Ludlum: “And BAM! We’re in. Let’s see. Looks like he’s logging into his coalition’s secure server. HUMANSSUCK69 is his password. Nice. Well, it looks like we have access to his server. Who knows what valuable secrets we’ll find on there?”

Doog: “Well folks, I owe everyone an apology. I might have said a few things I regret and acted out of character when I thought I was an extremely rich elite citizen. I am a man of the people. Sorry.”
Ludlum: “Apology accepted Doog.”
Doog: “I wasn’t talking to you $@&%face! I can’t believe you did that to me! Well, Praestigiae is an interesting place. Foreign dignitaries are tricked into entering a dream world where they are bribed, blackmailed, and tricked into signing agreements with the LIU. It’s brutal. See ya next season!”

Note:

Woman: “Hey, you’re Doog right? I’m your biggest fan! Maybe we could get a drink or something before you leave.”
Doog: “Yeah, I’d like that…wait a minute…you’re too beautiful for someone like me. Ludlum!”

Ludlum: “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”
Doog: “I don’t know what’s real anymore!!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 6 - Episode 1 - Jotunheim

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Season 5 - Episode 22 - Ferrariae

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Ferrariae

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Ferrariae

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the small, carbon rich planet of Ferrariae which orbits the brown dwarf star Brunneis. Brunneis is not a main sequence star as it does not have sufficient mass to fuse hydrogen-1. Brunneis generates thermal energy from the gravitational collapse of its gases and the fusion of weaker hydrogen isotopes like Deuterium. This makes it much cooler than a ‘standard’ star. Ferrariae sits in Brunneis’ extremely thin and extremely close habitable zone, only .001 AU or roughly 100,000 miles away.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped of on Ferrariae’s surface in some type of busy industrial zone. There appears to be a lot of train traffic and worker movement. Strangely, it’s quite warm here despite the planet being in orbit around a brown dwarf star. Ah, I think I see my guide.”

Doog: “Hello there. I’m Doog. And you are?”
Kurg: “I’m annoyed is what I am! Thanks to your fancy show, I have to wear this freaking monkey suit!”
Doog: “Well Annoyed. Pleasure to meet you. I like your suit.”
Kurg: “Grrrr. Got ourselves a wise guy, huh? Well, I’m not the one to be messed with today. I’m currently debating on disemboweling you.”
Doog: “Settle down. Looks like we got off to a bad start. Let’s try this again. I’m Doog. And you are?”
Kurg: “I’m Kurg. I’m the supervisor of the Ferrous Works, a division of the Ferrariae Steel Company. I’m a busy man with lots of work on my plate. I don’t have time for show and tell. And I certainly don’t want to be wearing this polyester fire hazard in the middle of the Ferrous Works.”
Doog: “Well, I’m sure the viewers appreciate your sacrifice. So I keep hearing you talk about the Ferrous Works.
What’s that?”
Kurg: “The works are one of two divisions of the Ferrariae Steel Company. The other being the Carbon Mines. Here, in the Ferrous Works, we process and purify iron collected from Brunneis.”

Doog: “Wait, you collect iron from a star?”
Kurg: “Yes stupid! Clean your ears out. That’s what I just said.”
Doog: “I heard you, it’s just well…I never heard of mining iron from a star.”
Kurg: “Ugh! I don’t know what’s more frustrating, your face, this suit, or the universe’s lack of knowledge when it
comes to brown dwarf stars. Look, iron is abundant in all stars. It’s the sixth most abundant element in the universe. It’s just harder to procure from main sequence stars as they are too hot. Are you taking notes? I’m not saying this again! Now, where was I…oh, on brown dwarf stars, iron exists as a gas. Yes, a gas. Don’t interrupt me or I’ll smack you mouth off your face. Typical brown dwarf stars burn at two to three thousand Kelvin, more than enough to vaporize iron. As the vaporous iron cools in the upper atmosphere of the star, it condenses into iron clouds. When it cools ever further, it falls as molten iron rain. We collect this molten iron rain. It’s cheaper and purer than collecting it from a planet’s crust.”
Doog: “Looks like I’m going to need a better umbrella! But seriously, sounds cool. How is it collected?”
Kurg: “Follow me.”

Doog: “It looks like Chris Phipson’s basement down here, well, minus the screaming women.”
Kurg: “Who the heck is Chris Phipson? Sounds like a pervert.”
Doog: “Some guy I met at this award show once. So, where are we headed?”
Kurg: “To get to the processing facility near Brunneis, we’ll need to take the Rail Launch System.”
Doog: “The what?”

Kurg: “The Rail Launch System. A magnetically driven train that shuttles personnel and materials between Ferrariae and a station just above Brunneis.”
Doog: “A train that travels between two different bodies?”
Kurg: “Yes. We’ve constructed a magnetically driven track approximately one hundred thousand miles long. It’s powered by the star’s magnetic fields. The trains travels at extremely high speeds, making the trip in under fifteen minutes.”

Doog: “Look. One’s launching right now.”
Kurg: “Yes. Several trains launch everyday transporting molten iron from Brunneis to Ferrariae. Once back on Ferrariae, the molten iron is combined with carbon mined from the planet to form steel.”

Kurg: “Once this train reaches a safe distance, we’ll board a transport shuttle and head to the Brunneis Station. That is, if your weak human frame can handle the G’s. ”
Doog: “Actually, I don’t do so well with roller coasters, and I had a pretty big lunch. Maybe we should reduce the speed a tad.”
Kurg: “Haha. Yes, of course! I’d be glad to alter our operation here just to appease your weak stomach!”
Doog: “Really?”
Kurg: “No. Now let’s get going.”

Doog: “Oooh! That’s a lot of acceleration! I’m not feeling so well…”
Kurg: “Uhh! You just regurgitated your stomach contents all over my shuttle! And wait…is there vegetables in this vomit? I’ve lost the little respect I had for you!”
Doog: “No! I’m a carnivore! I swear! There was some vegetable toppings on my shark tacos! But I only ate them to get to the shark meat!”
Kurg: “Sure!”

Kurg: “If you can see out the vomit covered window, the Brunneis station is coming into view. The station uses repulsor lifts to ride the star’s magnetic field lines. Alright. Prepare for deceleration.”
Doog: “Oh no…”

Kurg: “The station has a small habitation unit attached to its side. Workers complete year round rotations on the station before returning to Ferrariae. The unit is shielded to prevent radiation contamination. If…”
Doog: “Wait. We are right above the star? Can we take a look out the window?”
Kurg: “Your interruptions infuriate me! If these windows weren’t triple layered trans-steel, I’d throw you through it. You’d see the star up close and personal! You‘d get…”
Doog: “Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Can we take a look?”
Kurg: “Gwah!!!”

Doog: “So this is a brown dwarf star? Not very bright.”
Kurg: “Not in the visible spectrum, but it is bright in the infrared spectrum. The little light you are seeing is produced when the iron clouds cool into molten rain.”
Doog: “A glowing rainstorm of fiery metal. Impressive. Whoa, check out the lightning!”
Kurg: “Yes, the star has very powerful electrical storms. Think about it. There’s tons of metal swirling around in the atmosphere.”
Doog: “Hmm. I thought about it. And now my head hurts. Thanks Kurg. Let’s continue.”

Kurg: “The molten iron is pulled aboard the station and deposited into various blast furnaces like this. The material is only about 95% pure when it is drawn into the station. These furnaces burn out any contaminants, specifically oxygen.”
Doog: “It’s hotter than @&%# in here! Holy Kaadu! Let’s go.”
Kurg: “Such a weakling…”

Doog: “Between the puking, the thinking, and this burning inferno of doom, I’m ready to pass out. I don’t know how much more I can handle.”
Kurg: “Well, I guess we’ll head back then. Ready to take the shuttle back to Ferrariae?”
Doog: “Crap! I forgot about the return trip. Maybe I’ll just throw myself into the furnace instead…”

Kurg: “How many tacos did you eat! Your stomach must be endless.”
Doog: “I don’t want to talk about it. Where are we now? Oh man, tell me that’s not another furnace.”
Kurg: “Yes, this furnace keeps the iron liquid so other elements can be added to it. Iron on its own is weak and subject to corrosion.”

Kurg: “Carbon, mined on this planet, is added to transform the iron into steel. A few smaller additives, classified additives, are added to make our unique version of steel. The mixture is then sent to the molding center to be formed into steel beams.”

Doog: “These must be the beams.”
Kurg: “Yes. Ferrariae Steel is a perfect blend of strength and flexibility. It is great for building large structures on planetary bodies. We produce millions of these beams a day, barely enough to support the galaxy’s construction boom.”
Doog: “Interesting. Well, hopefully this is it? I need a nap.”
Kurg: “Yes. Thankfully. After dealing with you all afternoon, I need a nap too. And a shower, thanks to your projectile vomiting…”

Doog: “Well folks, Ferrariae is a terrible place. It’s loud, hot, and their public transportation system leaves a lot to be desired. Don’t even get me started on the inhabitants. They’re not the most pleasant bunch. But, Ferrariae is an important world. By harvesting its brown dwarf stars abundant iron, they are able to produce quality steel. Well, see ya next time.”

Note:
Turn in next time for the season finale of LIU Atlas when Doog finally gets his due…well maybe.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 23 - Praestigiae

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Season 5 - Episode 21 - Etesia

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Etesia

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Etesia

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the tropical world of Etesia. Etesia has several small island continents spread throughout its large ocean. These islands are home to several plantations that take advantage of Etesia‘s abundant rain. I’m told these rains are particularly fierce during Etesia‘s monsoon season.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on a small island continent just north of the planet’s equator. I’m not going to lie, it’s one of those days where I don’t hate my job so much. It’s beautiful here. Warm and sunny with a slight breeze. The ocean water is crystal clear, and the blooming alien foliage is emitting a pleasant aroma. It’s a paradise. Then I remember that I’m here to work, and this is an agricultural planet. Boring… Ah, I think I see my guide approaching.”

Percy: “Doog! Welcome to Etesia. I’m Lord Percy Hollington, proprietor of this plantation.”
Doog: “Hey Percy. How’s it going? Beautiful planet you have here. The weather’s great.”
Percy: “Great for you. These clear skies are a bit of a concern to me.”
Doog: “What do you mean?”
Percy: “Well, it should be raining. Our crop depends on it. We don’t see many clear days here on Etesia.”
Doog: “What crop do you guys farm?”
Percy: “Dulcifer Melons, a fruit native to this planet.”
Doog: “I’ve never heard of them, but I am a big fan of melons. And coconuts. And jugs…”
Percy: “Haha. I think we are speaking about different things, Doog. Come with me. I‘ll show you a proper Dulcifer Melon.”

Percy: “Welcome to the Hollington Plantation. This little gem has been in my family for centuries. It’s the largest melon farm on this island.”

Doog: “Wow, these fields stretch forever.”
Percy: “Yep. We own over four hundred square miles of land, and most of it is used to grow Dulcifer melons.”
Doog: ‘I presume these pink things are the melons?”
Percy: “Correct. These sweet, juicy melons are made up of 90% water and 8% sugar. Their water content makes them popular on hot or desert planets. Unfortunately, it also means the fruits need a lot of water to grow. They only grow when they get enough rain. That’s why these clear skies are starting to worry me.”
Doog: “I see. And who are these strange looking guys tending the fields?”

Percy: “These blokes? These are the native Etesians. They’re docile creatures. Pretty good workers too. My family couldn’t farm this much land without their labor. Hell, they outnumber us humans 1000 to 1.”
Doog: “How do you keep them under control?”
Percy: “Like I said, they’re pretty docile. They get to eat some of the melons, and they get a few other necessities to keep them happy. Besides, they‘re not the smartest alien race we‘ve come across.”
Doog: “That may need some clarification. I‘ve met a few humans that would really surprise you in the stupidity department. Have you met my editor Timbo?”

Percy: “Ah. Home sweet home.”
Doog: “Wow, it’s huge. Do the Etesian live in here with you or something?”
Percy: “Good heavens, no! Just my family. The Etesians live in some awful ground burrows. I tried to build them some shelters, but they preferred their little holes.”
Doog: “I think we all prefer little holes, Percy. So, why exactly are we going to your house? Is the tour over?”
Percy: “No. Not yet. But I need to get to the bottom of this rain situation. I can lose millions of melons and credits if I don‘t get this sorted out.”

Percy: “This is my study. Franny, what are you doing in here. This is my man cave. We’ve spoken about this.”
Franny: “Sorry dad. I just wanted to meet Doog. Hi Doog!”
Doog: “Uh hey. I like your melons…er…I mean your melon farm. Oh, who am I kidding…nice boobs.”
Percy: “Doog! That’s my daughter! Franny, maybe you should run along. Here, take my machete before I contemplate beheading Doog.”

Franny: “Bye Doog!”
Doog: “Bye…Sorry Percy. I have my weaknesses. Don’t judge me.”

Percy: “Very well then. Can I interest you in a brandy? One does not solve a rain crisis with a clear head.”
Doog: “No thanks. I wouldn’t want my temptations to get the better of me. So, how are we going to solve this ‘crisis’ from your study?”
Percy: “I need to look at some radar imagery. Computer, convert my digital portrait frame to weather imagery.”
Computer: “Yes, sir.”

Percy: “Ah. There we go. What’s this! Those morons are stalling out my Aquaelicium Unit!”
Doog: “Uh, what’s going on? I’m lost.”
Percy: “The Dulcifer Melons need lots of rain to grow. Before, the melons only grew during the short monsoon season. The monsoon seasons last only two months of the seven month year. To insure we can farm year round, we’ve installed Aquaelicium Units to keep the monsoons going all year long.”
Doog: “Aquaelicium Units?”
Percy: “Yes. Rain-makers. And the two Etesian idiots I left in charge have nearly stalled the unit. A storm is building up, but its centered over the ocean instead of my plantation. We need to take a trip to correct this.”
Doog: “I’m game.”

Percy: “This is one of my Aquaelicium Units.”
Doog: “How does it work?”
Percy: “The unit pumps up water from the ocean below and uses heat to convert it into water vapor. The vapor is released from the top of the unit and condenses into clouds. The added moisture and heat in the atmosphere creates powerful rain storms.”

Percy: “We need to dock with the station and make some adjustments. For starters, the unit needs to be revved up. It’s not making enough clouds for the rain to start to fall until after it passes over the island.”

Percy: “I knew better to leave these guys alone too long. I’m usually here supervising, but I took the day off to show you around.”
Doog: “Sorry. Things do tend to fall apart when I’m around.”
Percy: “Alright. That ought to do it. Come on, let’s head back. It’s about to get rainy!”

Percy: “That’s a sight for sore eyes.”
Doog: “Wow, that’s a massive storm, and it is headed this way.”
Percy: “Indeed. Well, I need to get back to the unit. I can’t afford another drought.”
Doog: “Yeah, when you leave I have some melons that I need to tend to as well.”
Percy: “Computer.”
Computer: “Yes sir.“
Percy: “Please lock down my estate. And get me my MACHETE!”

Doog: “Well folks. I need to get running. Etesia is a unique place. Using advanced rain making machines, farmers here are able to prolong the planet’s monsoon season. The heavy rains associated with the monsoons keep the production of Dulcifer Melons to a maximum. Got to run. See ya!”

Note:
Having second thoughts about your outside wedding? Need to delay the start of your favorite sports match? Rent a Aquaelicium Unit at your local LIU Store.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 5 - Episode 22 - Ferrariae

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Season 5 - Episode 20 - Vnam Multas

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Vnam Multas

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

Vnam Multas

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard the Magellan:

Mike: “Fifty percent of the team we’re losing to is made up of Oldie. You need to step up your game.”
Doog: “Me? You’ve hit me more times than you’ve hit the ball.”
Mike: “Well maybe you’d be able to get out of my way if you weren’t lugging around that FREAKING MICROPHONE! Seriously!”
Doog: “I know just the place I want to put it!”
Oldie: “Quit your fighting ladies. Cam and I are the only ones handing out beatings around here!”
Cam: “Haha!”

Doog: “Uh-oh. This is never good.”
Mike: “I don’t hear any warnings from the computer. Think Hugo’s freaking out again?”
Doog: “Hugo! What are you doing up there?”
Hugo: “The computer detected a collision risk and automatically brought us out of hyperspace. The jolt must have knocked out some of our systems. I’m getting them back online as we speak.”
Doog: “A collision? Mike did you plot our course through a planet again?”
Mike: “No! At least, I don’t think I did. Wait…it’s not pirates, is it?!”
Hugo: “Relax. It’s not planet’s nor pirates…it’s traffic.”
Doog: “Traffic?”

Hugo: “Yeah. And a lot of it. Come take a look.”
Doog: “What in Kaadu’s name…why is there so much traffic.”
Mike: “This must be the ‘Merge’. I knew there would be increased traffic, but this is outrageous.”
Doog: “The merge? I never heard of it.”
Mike: “It’s a junction of several smaller, outlying hyperspace routes. They all come together here and merge to form the Deep Core Expressway. The expressway is one of the few safe routes through the Deep Core, other than the Corcot Run. We can go around, but there’s not a faster way to get across the galaxy. We’d add a week, at the least, to our trip.”
Doog: “Screw that. How long is this traffic jam going to last?”
Hugo: “I got the computer back online. We’re receiving an automated message from a nearby space station, Vnam Multas.”
Doog: “Well what does it say?”
Hugo: “Cargo ships are being given priority. Delays are expected. We’ve been given clearance to take the Deep Core Expressway in four standard hours.”
Doog: “Four hours…better than a week I guess.”

Mike: “Wait! I know Vnam Multas. I read a book on it once.”
Doog: “Oh did you? Well, next time we’re on a civilized planet, remind me to get you a medal.”
Mike: “Shut up and think about it. We have fours hours to kill. We can shoot an episode about the Vnam Multas Station, and I can be the guide!”
Doog: “Nah. I’d rather take a nap.”
Oldie: “I think we go with Mike on this one. Every episode we can squeeze out brings us closer to the edge of profitability. We might actually make some good money this season.”
Doog: “Fine. Money would be nice.”
Oldie: “Cam, fire up the space camera. Hugo, make for the station. Timbo, you’re on audio today. Let’s get going!”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Vnam Multas Station. The station sits at the merger of several smaller hyperspace routes. And that’s about all I know about it. Today’s guide, my friend Mike, once read a book about it. Apparently, that makes him an expert of sorts. Mike, what can you tell us about Vnam Multas?”
Mike: “Well, Vnam Multas is one of the largest space stations in the LIU Galaxy. Station might not even be the right word for it. It’s more like a space city. Over twenty five million people live here permanently.

Mike: “The station has many purposes, but its main purpose is being a cargo hub. About 15% of the products moved through the LIU Galaxy come through here at some point.”

Mike: “The station also serves as a traffic control center. Thousands of ships come through here daily, and the station must direct traffic to avoid any collisions.”

Mike: “Last, but not least, the station is home to several space-based LIU companies. Many profitable LIU companies are headquartered here.”

Doog: “Running out of material yet?”
Mike: “Nope. I’m just getting started. The top of station is a massive communication array and radar tracking system. This allows the station to track every ship within two light years.”
Doog: “Well, shall we move in closer? Hopefully you can tell us about the different sections of the station…if you read that far.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Mike: “This section is known as the Dormitory. It’s essentially a giant apartment complex. The building houses about 90% of the station’s citizens. A docking hangar near the middle allows small transport ships to drop off newly arriving workers.”

Mike: “The section above the Dormitory is home to two service hangars where ships can be repaired. This repair bay is home to several LIU Deep Space Repair Ships that service larger ships.”

Doog: “I know this logo, this is Galactic Express.”
Mike: “Yep. GalEx has its company headquarters here on Vnam Multas. This company specializes in moving smaller freight and mail throughout the LIU Galaxy. GalEx has six docking hangars on this station where freight is sorted and shipped out.”

Mike: “Another shipping company, Trans Farms, sits above GalEx. This company specializes in shipping perishable food items around the galaxy. You can see a refrigerated cargo ship sitting on the company’s extended landing platform.”

Mike: “This section is known as the Condominium. It houses the other 10% of the station’s population. The people here are mostly elite citizens, company CEO’s, and upper management. It too has its own extended landing platform.”

Mike: “The section above the condo’s is a factory owned by the company, Darhun Pharmaceuticals. Darhun Pharmaceuticals is a massive polluter, and it is too dangerous to keep on the surface of a planet. Here on the station, the company can release its noxious chemical byproducts directly into space. The company is connected to the rest of the station with heavy duty airlocks, and it has its own supply of air and water. The company has three armored hangars where it can safely load and ship its expensive line of vaccinations.”

Doog: “Is that a Blue Wave Mall?”
Mike: “Yep. The mall has a three star hotel, a diverse selection of restaurants, and several shops. It’s the commercial center of Vnam Multas. Both permanent residents and guests take advantage of the mall’s food, products, and lodging.”

Mike: “Uh, can’t quite remember what the place above the mall is. I think it’s some type of chemical factory, but I can’t be for sure.”
Doog: “World class reporting Mike. Way to instill trust in the viewers.”
Mike: “Whatever Doog. I’m sure they’re not expecting much when they watch your show.”

Doog: “Please tell me you know what this place is? Otherwise we might as well quit now.”
Mike: “As a matter of fact, I do. This is Gravitas, a company that specializes in making products in zero gravity. The building is gravity shielded, so it doesn’t experience the artificial gravity the other sections do.”
Doog: “What do they produce that requires zero gravity?”
Mike: “Mostly starship instruments: gravity calibrators and generators, inertia monitors, force dampeners.”

Doog: “Hey, I know this place too. It’s Honest Bob’s Warehousing. It’s based out of Lacunar Urbs A.”
Mike: “Yep. It’s based out of Lacunar Urbs A, but Vnam Multas has one of its largest warehouses. This two deck monstrosity extends deeper into the station than most of the others, comprising about 25% of the station’s upper deck. It stores several billion tons of cargo until it is ready to be shipped out. It employs a staggering amount of people, close to one million workers. They work around the clock stacking, sorting, and monitoring all this cargo.”
Doog: “Interesting.”

Mike: “LIU Cargo is the largest industry here on Vnam Multas. This division of LIU Cargo moves more freight than almost any other division, the exception being Mercor.”
Doog: “Look. You can see a large crane unloading cargo containers from a large freighter.”
Mike: "Yep. Cargo ships from all the surrounding hyperspace routes converge here to deliver cargo. It is then distributed where it is needed. A lot of the cargo here ends up being shipped to Mordax, where it is then exported out of the LIU Galaxy. The LIU Cargo facility extends deep into the station, making it the largest section of the lower deck. At one point, Honest Bob’s Warehouse and LIU Cargo intersect, and large elevators are able to move cargo between the facilities. You can see a few floors of office space above the cargo hangar. This houses the control tower. The tower monitors the traffic surrounding the station, tracks cargo, and oversees cargo operations. LIU Cargo is the largest employer on the Vnam Multas Station, employing more than 10% of the population.”

Mike: “This section is the Vnam Multas Administration Center. Workers here handle all the daily activities that keep the station running. The center has two Fusion Star Chambers that power the entire station. They also handle water purification and waste disposal.”

Mike: “No starport would be complete without a fueling station, and Vnam Multas is no exception. A large Octan fueling port keep cargo ships charged and ready to go. A large structure juts out the side of the building allowing larger ships to fuel, and two small airlocks on the top allow smaller ships to dock and fuel.”

Doog: “Is that a digital billboard?”
Mike: “Yes. Honest Bob’s Warehousing extends into this section of the station, so no business could be placed here. Instead, a large digital billboard was built. With millions and millions of travelers passing this station, it’s an excellent way to advertise to a wide audience.”

Mike: “This part of the lower deck is divided into three smaller sections: a police station, a division of Asteroid Bank, and a medical center. The police station helps enforce traffic regulations and protects the station. Asteroid Bank offers ATM’s for its customers and handles all the station’s employees’ bank accounts. The medical center provides medical care to the station’s residents. It also provides emergency medical assistance to passing ships using its fleet of LIU Medevac STS’s.”

Mike: “The upper section above the medical facility is home to LIU Security Transport. Security Transport specializes in moving high value cargo, like money, jewels, and precious metals. Their fleet of armored cargo ships keep these shipments safe from robbers and space pirates.”
Doog: “Is that about it? We’ve flown around the station so many times, I’m starting to get dizzy.”
Mike: “Yeah, I guess. I can’t think of anything else.”

Doog: “Well folks, there you have it. An entire episode shot from inside the Magellan. An entire episode based off the knowledge of my friend Mike, who once read a book on the subject. I can’t attest to anything he’s said, but if any of it is true, Vnam Multas is an important part of the LIU. See ya next time…when we’ll have a real episode…”

Note:

Oldie: “If you girls are done working, let the beat down commence!”

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