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Season 3 - Episode 3 - Lazaretto Station

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Lazaretto Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Lazaretto Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. My crew and I have elected to make an impromptu stop at this medical station to treat my radiation poisoning. The station, which is orbiting a small planet called Aeger, is not in the Magellan’s Navigational Computer, leading us to believe that the station is actually mobile. We were lead to this station by it’s sub-space beacon. The beacon is broadcasting a message calling itself the Lazaretto Station.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’m in sort of a predicament. The LIU only provides me healthcare if I am currently employed. Unfortunately, my contract specifically states that I am not employed in between episodes, something about me being a liability. So, in order to get seen by a doctor today, we’re going to have to shoot an episode here.”

Doog: “I’m sure there are a lot of interesting things to see in a hospital. Oh, look over there. The people here seem to be utilizing some kind of chair to get around. What an interesting culture!”
Off Camera: whispers “That’s a wheelchair Doog!”
Doog: “Oh…”

Patch: “You look like you need some help. I’m Dr. Patch. What can I do for you today?”
Doog: “Well doc, I’ve been feeling a little…”
Patch: “Let me stop you right there. I can see the problem already.”
Doog: “What! Is it serious!”
Patch: “Hmm. Yes. Very Serious. It appears you have two eyes.”
Doog: “Oh no! What are we going to…wait a minute. Is that some sort of joke?”
Patch: “Yes, sorry. I’m just trying to lighten things up a little. They say laughter is the best medicine.”
Doog: “Haha. I think I feel better already. Wait, nope, still the same. Maybe we could try some real medicine now. I’m suffering from radiation poisoning.”

Patch: “Ah, I have a simple remedy for that. Just take two of these every six hours.”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t think I can swallow that. In fact, I‘m not even sure it will fit in my mouth.”
Patch: “Huh? No, no. It doesn’t go in your mouth.”
Doog: “What! I don’t think it will fit there either!”
Patch: “Go where? Oh, not there. This is a container. You open it up and take the pills out. You may have heard of it. Are you sure you didn’t suffer any brain damage?”
Doog: “Psst. I knew that.”
Patch: “Well, there you go. If you’re an employee, you can enter your employee number at the terminal over there. Otherwise, see the clerk to arrange payment.”
Doog: “Actually, I was wondering if you could help me with that. I need to shoot an episode here to be considered an employee. Could you show me around your hospital?”
Patch: “Sure, it’s not like I’m doing anything more important, like saving lives or something.”

Doog: “I realize hospitals are not that exciting, but try your best to make this interesting. It has to look like a real show.”
Patch: “That shouldn’t be a problem, especially since this isn’t a hospital.”
Doog: “Not a hospital?”
Patch: “Nope. The Lazaretto Station is a quarantine station. It should have been obvious by the markings on the station’s hull. The yellow and black checkered flag is the universal sign for quarantine. This station is placed in orbit around planets that are suffering from pandemics. In today’s interconnected universe, diseases can quickly spread across galaxies. Billions could die. Our job is to stop any pandemic from spreading off a single planet.”
Doog: “Sweet.”
Patch: “Yeah, I guess. Beyond these doors is the Level 1 quarantine zone. Want to head inside?”
Doog: “Do I want to head inside a disease filled room? Sure.”

Patch: “These guys are left over from our previous mission on the planet Profluvium. They are suffering from a nasty stomach parasite.”
Doog: “Are we at risk?”
Patch: “No. Level 1 patients pose little risk. These guys are infected with parasites that can only be passed through their feces. Unless you plan on devouring some excrement, we’re safe.”
Doog: “I don’t think we are going to have any problems there Patch.”

Patch: “Level 2 Quarantine poses a much higher risk of infection. This section has its own air and water supplies. In order to enter this section, we’ll need wear bio-hazard suits. I already have mine on. All I need is this helmet. You can find one in the closet over there. I’ll give you a few minutes.”

Patch: “Did you really have to get in the closet to change? I’m a doctor. I’ve seen the human body many times…Come on! What’s taking so long?”
Doog: “Just a minute doc. I’m almost ready.”
RIP RIP
Patch: “What is that sound? What are you doing in there?”

Doog: “Hold your horses, Doc. I just needed to make a few modifications. The Doogster does not like wearing sleeves.”
Patch: “Are you @$#&*#@ serious? You just ruined that suit. What part of highly infectious do you not understand? Go change, and for Kaadu’s sake, keep the sleeves on.”
Doog: “Geez, somebody’s got a bias against fashion.”

Doog: “Alright, I’m all ready.”
Patch: “Is everything intact this time? You didn’t suddenly feel the urge to wear rear-less chaps, did you?”
Doog: “Yes, everything is intact. Although, I don’t really see the point as long as our faces are exposed.”
Patch: “We’ll remedy that right now. Activate face force shield!”

Doog: “Seriously? A face force field?”
Patch: “Yes, the shield eradicates any biological material that touches it. Doog! Why are you trying to lick your shield? You‘re going to burn your tongue off”
Doog: “Sorry. The red looked kind of tasty.”
Patch: “That’s it. I’m scheduling you a MRI after this. You must have some sort of brain damage, if you even have a brain at all.”
Doog: “What happened to laughter being the best medicine?”

Patch: “Welcome to Level 2 quarantine.”
Doog: “Eww gross. What are those?”

Patch: “These unfortunate souls are infected with a newly mutated disease called Kaadu Flu. The flu takes its name from the reptilian skin condition it creates on its victims, sort of like Kaadu skin. The flu originated in a species called the Lues, but made the jump to humans here on the planet Aeger. It is important that we contain the virus here in the Lazaretto Station. If it escapes, millions could be infected.”

Patch: “The flu was quite mild in the Lues Species, but the mutated version is much more dangerous for humans, who have not developed the necessary antibodies to combat it. All we can do is bandage the sores and give them shots of pain killers.”
Doog: “Are you trying to develop a cure?”
Patch: “Yes, of course, but unfortunately, we’ve made little progress. These sick individuals will have to stay here until we find a cure, or they die. Either way, the mutated disease stops here.”

Doog: “Well folks, I think that about does it. Not a long episode, but an important one. We learned about the life saving duties of the Lazaretto Quarantine Station, and more importantly, I got free medical attention. See ya next time.”

Note:

Patch: “Hmm…I forgot to tell you to turn on the air supply to your suit. Whoops.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 4 - Mercor

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Season 3 - Episode 2 - Scruta

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Scruta

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Scruta

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting a highly polluted Industrial World called Scruta. As you can see, Scruta's sprawling industrial sector is so large that it is visible from space."

Doog: "All of Scruta's industries are run out of a large business tower that rests deep within the hazy industrial complex. A small lighthouse on its roof serves as a beacon, guiding visitors through the smog. That's where we are headed."

Doog: "I'm now in the business tower's lobby where I’m supposed to meet my guide. Today's guide is an Elite Citizen, so I have to remember to be on my best behavior. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see a hot secretary that requires my attention.”

Doog: “Hello there beautiful. I want to make an appointment…with your heart.”
Secretary: “Eww, get lost. I saw your last Behind the Scenes episode. You’re such a jerk.”
Doog: “What that? Hey, why are you reaching down towards the panic button?”
Elite: “That won’t be necessary Ms. Simmons. You must be Doog.”

Elite: “Good grief man…what are you wearing? Where are your sleeves?”
Doog: “What this? This is a racing shirt. Cool huh?”
Elite: “There’s no way I’m going to be seen in public with some vagabond. I tell you what, I’ll arrange for you to take my limo. You can quickly tour the planet and get out of here as soon as possible.”
Doog: “A limo? Does it come with chicks?”
Elite: “What! Of course not.”
Doog: “Well, I’m going to have to decline then. I’m a man of the people, sir. I prefer to get out there and get dirty with the workers. If you won’t take me, I humbly request another guide.”
Elite: “Oh thank goodness, I hoped you were going to say that. I wasn’t looking forward to replacing the seats in my limo. Hmm. I think I have just the guide, but first, I have a few documents for you to sign.”

Doog: “Documents?”
Elite: “Yes, we’re going to need you to sign a few waivers for liability purposes. I just need you to sign here, here, here, initial here, sign here, here, and here. There we go. That takes care of the first page.”

Three hours later

Elite: “Alright. It appears everything is in order now. This here is your guide, a Goorian named Clunis. Clunis is one of our safest workers. Last year, he went twenty seven days in between accidents, a Scrutan record.”
Doog: “Hello there.”
Clunis: “Scruta prae gaza, Doog.”
Doog: “What! This guy doesn’t even speak Basic!”
Elite: “Too late. You already signed the contract. Besides, Clunis’s breathing apparatus has a built-in translator. Here, let me turn it on.”
Clunis: “I. Am. Pleased. To. Make. Your. Friendship. Doog. Smile. Bright. Caterpillar.”
Doog: “What?”
Elite: “The translator is a work in progress. The syntax and vocabulary of our two languages are quite dissimilar. I have a feeling that you’ll make do.”
Doog: “Great…Let’s just get this over with.”

Doog: “Where are we Clunis? It looks like a factory for building ships.”
Clunis: “Opposite. In. Fact. The. Factories. Of. Scruta. Specialize. In. Salvaging. Old. Ships.”
Doog: “Wait. Let me get this right. You’re tearing them apart?”
Clunis: “Confirmed. Old. Ships. That. Have. No. More. Use. Are. Brought. Here. We. Deconstruct. Them. And. Salvage. Their. Parts.”

Clunis: “This. Ship. Used. To. Be. Sunshine. Light. Flies. Face. Left.”
Doog: “Wait. I think your translator is malfunctioning. Maybe if I just give it a slap, it will start working again.”
Clunis: “That. Is. Not. Necessary. Let. Me. Try. Again. - This. Ship. Was. Retired. When. Engines. Fail. Although. Worthless. As. Ship. There. Is. Still. Much. Worth. In. The. Parts.”
Doog: “Speaking of worthless, I wonder if I can find another guide.”

Clunis: “Plasma. Welder. Makes. Metal. Sad. Metal.”
Doog: “You make me sad metal, Clunis.”

Clunis: “Arranged. In. Parts…”
Doog: “Let me just cut you off there, Clunis. I think I can figure this out. They are cutting away the hull to expose the engine. They’re then removing the parts that still function and throwing them in this container thingy to our left.”

Clunis: “Smile. Bird. Takes. Singing. Leap.”
Doog: “Uh…yeah…sure thing.”

Doog: “Let’s move on Clunis.”

Clunis: “Larger. Capital. Ships. Can. Not. Land. On. Surface. And. Must. Be. Cut. Into. Smaller. Parts. With. A. Plasma. Cutter. Small. Sections. Easy. To. Land. They. Are. Also. Salvaged.”

Doog: “What is that guy doing? He’s detaching the floor stabilizers while workers are standing on the floor! If the floor falls, the workers and that plasma tank are going to fall too. Although it could be slightly funny, I’m afraid the plasma tank will explode. We need to stop him!”
Clunis: No. Worries. Crash. Good. My. Record. Safe.”
Doog: “Record safe, yes, but we’re not safe. Ah, just forget it. Let’s get out of here.”

Clunis: “We. Find. This. Junker. On. City. Outskirts. Little. Worth. But. We. Also. Salvage. It.”
Doog: “Yeah, what a piece of junk. Hey! Wait! That’s my ship!”

Doog: “Stop!”
Alien: “Scruta prae gaza!”
Doog: “What! Oh, forget it. I know you’ll understand this.”

Doog: “Clunis, tell them to stop. This is my ship!”
Clunis: “Are. You. Certain? Junker. Might. Be. Worth. More. In. Pieces. Maybe. One. Hundred. Credits.”
Doog: “Hmm. Does that come with any chicks?”
Clunis: “No. What. Is. Chicks?”
Doog: “Then the answer is no.”
Clunis: “Very. Well.”

Clunis: “The. Scrap. And. Salvaged. Parts. Are. Taken. Here. They. Are. Sorted. Pretty. Sorting.”

Clunis: “LIU. Space. Truck. Carry. The. Sorted. Parts. To. Other. Factory. Worlds. To. Be. Smelted. Or. Reused.”

Doog: Well, thankfully, that about wraps it up.”
Clunis: “Still. More.”
Doog: “Sigh.”

Clunis: “Many. Parts. Of. The Ships. Are. Too. Toxic. To. Be. Reused. Like. Depleted. Energy. Cells. Coolant. And. Fuel. It. Is. Taken. Here. To. Be. Stored.”
Doog: “Can we go inside?”

Clunis: “I. Do. Not. See. Any. Reason. Why. Not. There. Is. No. Indication. Of. Danger.”
Doog: “Agreed. Let’s head inside.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Clunis: “The. Toxic. And. Often. Radiated. Materials. Are. Stored. Here.”
Doog: “You’re just pouring them into the ground?”

Clunis: “Yes. Shiny. Metal. Containers. Are. Valuable. And. Can. Be. Salvaged. They. Would. Be. Wasted. Otherwise.”
Doog: “Seems a bit unsafe to me, but what do I know.”
Clunis: “Perhaps. The. Atmospheric. Pollution. Is. Probably. The. Result. Of. Toxic. Dump.”

Doog: “My eyes are kind of burning. Are you sure it is safe to be down here?”
Clunis: “Moderately. Safe. For. Me. My. Breathing. Apparatus. Filters. A. Lot. Of. The. Radiation.”
Doog: “What! What about me!”
Clunis: “Not. Safe. Shiny. Glowing. Organs. In. Future.”
Doog: “Shiny, glowing organs? I think your helmet is malfunctioning again.”
Clunis: “No. Your. Radiated. Organs. Probably. Are. Glowing.”
Doog: “Ahh! I have to get out of here.”

Doog: “Well folks, Scruta is a terrible, but important place. Millions of tons of metal, electronics, and parts are salvaged here every year. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give the secretary another shot before the radiation poisoning sets in. See ya!”

Note: Take advantage of the LIU’s Cash for Junkers Program. You give us cash, and we’ll take your old ships off your hands.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 3 - Lazaretto Station

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Season 3 - Episode 1 - Crepus Culum

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Crepus Culum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Crepus Culum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to Season #3 of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the planet Crepus Culum. Millions of years ago, Crepus Culum fell victim to its star's gravitational pull and became tidally locked. The side of Crepus Culum closest to its star is stuck in a brutally hot, never ending day, while its far side is stuck in a freezing, perpetual night. Only a thin band around the center of the planet, which is trapped in twilight, is habitable. That's where we're headed."

Doog: "Alright folks. I've been dropped off on a landing platform outside Crepus Culum's largest industry, the Wind Gen Corporation. This facility sits in the habitable zone a few hundred miles from the day side of the planet. Because it is closer to the day side, this particular section of the habitable zone is known as Dawnland. There is a steady warm breeze emanating from the day side."

Doog: "Ah, here comes my guide, the President of Wind-Gen Corp., Dr. Daniel Dewrum. Boy, he sure is tall."
Daniel: "Doog! What are you doing? Get over here by the hand rails!"

Doog: "Geez, settle down. I wasn't even that close to the edge. I know I have a reputation for getting into trouble, but there was no way I was falling off."
Daniel: "No, it's not that. Crepus Culum is one of the windiest planets in this galaxy. The planet has two conflicting hemispheres, one extremely hot and the other extremely cold. The atmosphere tries to achieve thermal equilibrium by transferring heat to the cold side. You could have been blown off the side. Speaking of which, where are your magnetic boots?"
Doog: "Magnetic boots?"
Daniel: "Yeah, they hold your feet onto the platform. Didn't you get my email?"

Doog: "Well, here's the thing, I get millions of fan emails everyday. The important stuff just gets lost."
Daniel: "Really?"
Doog: "No, fine. You're right. It's all spam. A guy clicks on one enlargement ad and his whole email account is ruined for life."
Daniel: "Wow, too much info. Anyway, my email specifically told you to bring some magnetic boots."
Doog: "Do you ever watch this show? I've faced some of the most dangerous conditions this universe has to offer. I think I can handle a little wind..."

Doog: "Ahhh! Daa! I...can...barely...hold...on...Ahhh!"

Daniel: "So what were you saying?"
Doog: "Could I borrow some magnetic boots please?"
Daniel: "That's what I thought. For right now, let's just head inside. There's no wind in there."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Daniel: "The Wind-Gen Corporation utilizes Crepus Culum's powerful winds to generate cheap energy. This renewable source of power can be very profitable, but it needs to be closely monitored. Idle wind turbines translate into idle bank accounts. We monitor the planet's weather and the wind turbines from these two rooms. First, let's visit the Wind Radar Lab."

Daniel: "Here, we closely study the weather conditions on Crepus Culum. After years of study, we were able to find patterns in the weather, and we were able to set up our wind turbines accordingly."

Daniel: "This here is our Digital Storm Tracker. As you can see, massive thunderstorms are created when the warm winds from the day side meet the moist air of Dawnland. These storms contain huge amounts of wind energy."
Doog: "Sweet. This game looks fun. So where do I plug the controller in?"
Daniel: "What? Weren't you listening?"
Doog: "Yeah, yeah, magnetic boots, blah, blah."

Daniel: "It looks like we have two powerful storms approaching zone #8. As, you can see on the screen to your right, the computer has predicted that the wind speeds will be well over two hundred miles per hour during the peak of the storm. Although currently, zone #8 has mild winds of 37 miles per hours coming out of the west."
Doog: "What are the wind speeds coming out of your mouth? Seriously, you've been talking non-stop. I can hardly get a word in. Maybe we could put a turbine on the front of your face."
Daniel: "Maybe we could put a turbine on your ear. Everything I say seems to be whistling right through your head."
Doog: "Ooh. Touché."

Daniel: "In the Wind Power Lab, we monitor our wind turbines. This particular work station is monitoring Turbine Sets A and B. Each set has roughly five hundred turbines. It looks like Set B is running at 100%, but Set A is only running at 97%. It's not perfect, but well within our operating parameters."
Doog: "And, as usual, your face turbine is running at 300%."
Daniel: "What was that? I could barely hear you over the whistling sound."

Daniel: "The turbines are positioned closer to the day side where the storms are their strongest. In order to get there, we'll have to take this tram. We used to fly there, but, well, flying things and strong winds don't mix."

Doog: "What are you doing? Let's get going!"
Daniel: "Sorry, I just can't remember where we put the door in this thing..."

Daniel: "As we get closer to the day side, the forests begin to dwindle. The higher heat and strong winds make it hard for the trees to survive. As you can see, the track is loaded with various weather instruments. These aid in our studies. Its safe to say that Crepus Culum's weather is the most studied in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "Speaking of weather, I was wondering whether or not to throw myself off the tram to end your never ending dialogue."
Daniel: "Wait, the train's whistling. We might be coming up on danger, oh wait, that's just your head."
Doog: "Oh, come on! You've used that one to death already."

Daniel: "We've finally arrived at one of our turbines."
Doog: "I can already tell the breeze is much stronger here."
Daniel: "Yes, but it is still quite mild. The storms have yet to arrive, so all we are getting now is an occasional gust. I see you have your magnetic boots on this time."
Doog: "Of course."

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! This gust is powerful! Why aren't my boots working?"
Daniel: "They are working Doog. Your feet are firmly attached to the walkway. In order to keep your upper bodupright, you have to flex your stomach muscles. It's sort of like doing a constant sit-up."
Doog: "Is this a bad time to bring the fact that I can't do a sit-up? In fact, the last time I did a sit-up was in the first grade when I miserably failed the Emperor's Fitness Test."
Daniel: "Actually, the wind gust stopped a few seconds ago."
Doog: "Yeah, but I don't have enough muscles to pull myself back an upright position. Just crop me out and go on without me."

Daniel: "Uh, sure. So, like I was saying, this is one of our wind turbines. The wind rotates the turbine which generates electricity. Here, let me pull you up. I don't know if I can stand here much longer with your pelvis thrusting outwards."

Daniel: "There is a small substation outside each turbine. The substation leads to an underground network that links all the turbines. Shall we head inside?"
Doog: "I don't know if that's a good idea. The warning on the door says to wear hard hats. I've found that neglecting to follow warnings usually ends up with me hurting."
Daniel: "What's going to hurt more, bumping your head or getting blown forward? You might be able to touch your toes for the first time."
Doog: "Your mouth wind will prevent that, but just in case, let's head inside."

Daniel: "These underground tunnels give safe passage between the turbines. Workers caught out during a storm can also seek shelter here. If you follow me, there's a charging station about a half mile down the tunnel."
Doog: "Half mile? Carry me..."

Daniel: "Each set of turbines has a small Charging Station like this. The electricity generated by the turbines must be stored or it will go to waste."

Daniel: "Energy cells, like this, are plugged into the charging ports behind us. The electricity is stored inside. It only takes about ten minutes to fully charge a Energy Cell, but they hold enough energy to power a small ship for a week."

Daniel: "The Energy Cells are then boxed up and shipped out across the universe."
Doog: "Can I hold it?"
Daniel: "Yes, but be very careful. If you drop it, and it breaks, we're all dead."

Doog: "You know, I'm not sure I like those odds. I'm just going to sit this baby down and slowly back away."
Daniel: "Be careful! Don't back up too far, you'll bump into the charging..."

Daniel: "...Station."
Doog: "Da...da..do...don't...w-w-worry a-a-about m-m-me... Thankssss, for for the ta-ta-tour."

Doog: "Well folks, minus the electrical shock and the torn abdomen muscles, Crepus Culum wasn't such a bad place. It's an important part of the LIU's energy sector. Well, I'm just going to wait here for my ride. Boy, it sure is breezy out here on the end of the platform. I can't help but to think I'm forgetting something. Oh well, see ya next time."

Note: Doog was later rescued from a tree top two miles away.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 2 - Scruta

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Season 2 - Press Release - Doog Goes Back to Prison

8/10/2015

3 Comments

LIU Galaxy News - I

Find out what's happening in the LIU Galaxy.

LIU Galaxy News - I

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Narrator: “Welcome to the Ludgonian Industrial Union's TV2 Galaxy News.”

Spiffy: “Hello Folks! I’m Spiffy Thompson.”
Hotty: “And I’m Hotty McBabe.”
In Unison: “Welcome to Galaxy News!”

Spiffy: "Today's top story, the star Nitesco is doomed."

Spiffy: "Nitesco, long known to be reaching the final stages of its life, is expected to supernova later this week. The massive energy bursts resulting from this event will destroy the entire Nitesco Solar System. For more information on this explosive event, we turn to Field Reporter Kuti Pi. Kuti, what can you tell us about the Nitesco explosion?"

Kuti: "Hi Spiffy! I'm here on Nitesco's only inhabited planet, Fortido. Fortido, which is expected to be destroyed any day now, is home to small underground lab. Joining me is Evacuation Specialist Victor Hurm. How are you sir?"

Victor: "Wow, seriously. You're wearing that? This whole planet is being bathed in radiation from the nearby dying star, and you're wearing that. You're going to go blind and skin is going to start falling off any minute now."
Kuti: "Hehe. You think I'm cute don't you?"
Victor: "Sigh. Let's just get this over with. I don't want your skin to start dripping on my new shoes."

Kuti: "Aww. That's so nice. So Victor, boy, it's getting a little hot in here, uh...what...uh, Spiffy, why am I here?"
Spiffy: "You're going to ask Victor about the evacuation."
Kuti: "Oh yeah. So tell me about this evacuation Victor."
Victor: "Well, as you said, this entire planet is going to be destroyed by the upcoming Supernova. To prevent any losses, the LIU has issued Evacuation Order #8898."
Kuti: "So you're going to rescue all the residents?"
Victor: "What? Oh no, not the people. We are evacuating all the valuables from the lab. If we have time later, we'll come back and rescue all the copper pipes from inside, then maybe the some of the wiring, then the flooring tiles. When all the valuables are gone, we may have time to save a few people."
Kuti: "Well guys, you heard it here first, no valuable items are going to be lost in the disaster. In other news, I'm now blind. Back to you."

Hotty: "Hehe. I hope you brought some suntan lotion Kuti. The impending Supernova will damage more than just the Nitesco System. For more on this, we go to our Space Weather Expert Swete Lipps."

Swete: "Geez, I hope Kuti brought enough suntan lotion! What? You already made that joke? Uh, I hope she brought some aloe. What? Not funny? Oh, enough playful banter? Oh OK."

Swete: "There are four other stars in Nitesco's local star group. Cuspis, Nitesco closest neighbor, can expect to be destroyed in about three months when the Supernova's shock wave finally arrives. When the shock wave reaches
Liathium, it is expected to have lost most of its energy. So, I've predicted that the Liathium System will me mostly deadly in six months, and partly deadly after that. The Pershesk System is just far enough away to the escape damage. Back to you!"

Spiffy: "We'll be right back after these messages!"

"Sick of school? Tired of the office? Well, head to one of the LIU's Super Farms and become a Field Laborer. Have fun while you sow your cash crop!"

*Labor is not fun. Money not included.

Narrator: "Welcome back to LIU TV2 Galaxy News!"

Spiffy: "Experts agree, the loss of Nitesco and Cuspis will not affect any of the LIU's economic interests, but the same can't be said for the possible loss of the Liathium System. For more on this story, we go to our Economic Correspondent Grogan Sithers. Grogan?"

Groogar: "My name is Groogar you pathetic human! I will kill your whole family and eat them! Uh, um, sorry. Anyway, I'm here on the Factory World of Vookar, which orbits Liathium. The factories on Vookar are one of the largest producers of Fuel Cells in the galaxy. The loss of the planet could temporarily cripple the LIU's energy production."

Spiffy: "What steps are being taken to prevent this catastrophe?"
Groogar: If you interrupt me again Spiffy, I will tear off your face and wear it as my underwear. Anyway, the blast wave from the Supernova won't reach this planet for six months, giving engineers plenty of time to construct huge shield generators. The automated factories should not be affected by the residual radiation. Now leave me alone!"

Hotty: "Oh that Grogan. He sure is a nice guy. Well, in more upbeat news, the brief and unproductive revolution on the planet Jasucent has come to an end. For more on this story, we go to Field Reporter Cindy Cyclops."

Cindy: "Am I too close to the camera? My depth perception is off. Oh what? We're on? Uh, yes. I'm Cindy Cyclops here in the middle of this empty field. Right now, senior military officials are meeting with the leaders of the brief revolution."

Cindy: "Officials believe these talks will be short and should end abruptly."

Cindy: "Most of the leaders of the revolution had no comment, and the few that did, could not be heard over the loud crying in the background. It's another victory in keeping the Union united. Back to you!"

Spiffy: "While most problems can be solved with violence, sometimes all you need is a big smile and lots of money."

Spiffy: "Today, LIU Ambassadors signed a trillion dollar contract and treaty with the KinPump Empire. The KinPump Empire, which control one hundred stars in the Guspem Galaxy, will receive five hundred capital ships in return for cash and the use of their interstellar routes."

Spiffy: "The deal means big money for the LIU, but has put the LIU at odds with the other empires in the Guspem Galaxy. These empires released a joint statement in which they stated, 'The KinPump Empire is a known terrorist group and we are disgusted by the LIU's behavior. In order to counter this threat, we will have to buy at least twice the amount of LIU Capital Ships."

Hotty: "We'll back with more after the break."

"Want to do your part to help the LIU? Sign up at any of the local Expansion Offices and get shipped off the outer rim of the LIU Galaxy. Workers are needed right now! See the universe, work hard, and expand the Union, join up today!"

"We're doing our part!"

"Can't relocate? Well you can still do your part! Reproduction strengthens the Union. So get to it!"

Hotty: "Welcome back. In entertainment news, Terrance McDoogal spent the day in court after firing a Crap Cannon into Lacunar Urbs A. For more on this story, we go live to Busty Pillows."

Busty: "Just moments ago, Doog was escorted out of a Lacunar Urbs court room. Doog was acquitted of his Attack Against the LIU charge, which would have lead to his execution, but pleaded guilty to Disturbing the Peace, which will net him another month in the Muspell Minimum Security Prison."

Busty: "Doog do you have any comments?"
Doog: “No comments, but let me just get a look at those. Wow. I know what's getting me through another month in prison."

Spiffy: Well folks, that's it for this time. Join us on occasion for more Galaxy News!"

Note:
Galaxy News will be back from time to time to deliver all the happenings in the LIU Galaxy.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 6 - Adiutrix

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Season 2 - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes
The Governor's Office

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas. Today, Doog visits the Governor of Lacunar Urbs to get permission to film two LIU Atlas Episodes. That's right, LIU Atlas Lacunar Urbs is a two part episode. Here we go.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Hello folks, it's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, I'm here in the Governor's Office waiting to get permission to shoot two episodes. Of course, like most things in my life, I appear to be failing. What's new."

Doog: "I've been waiting here for about four hours, and there is still no sign of the Governor. I can only look at this stupid painting for so long."

Doog: "The leather chairs are comfy, but are giving me some serious butt sweat issues. The last thing I need is to meet the Governor with wet pants."

Doog: "Finally! Two guys in suits. If one of these guys isn't the Governor, I'm going to throw myself out the window. Hello there. Which one of guys is the Governor?"
Mayor A: "Uh...neither of us actually. I'm Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A and this is my counterpart, the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs B. The Governor is actually behind the desk over there."

Doog: "What! This computer is the Governor! This computer that has been sitting in here with me for the last four hours!?! Why didn't you say anything?"
Governor: "WHO HAS WOKEN ME FROM SLEEP MODE? AND WHO IS THIS MAN WITH THE WET PANTS?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, and it was the leather chair. I swear. Anyway, I'd look to shoot a..."
Governor: "SILENCE. COMPUTING RISK ASSESSMENT FOR A --DOOG--. SUBJECT PRONE TO DISASTER AND CRIME. SUBJECT HAS WET PANTS. COMPUTING COMPLETE. ACCESS GRANTED UNDER TWO CONDITIONS: YOU ARE TO TOUCH NOTHING AND YOU MAY NEVER SIT IN MY CHAIR AGAIN."
Doog: "They're not wet! Sigh...fine. It's a deal."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 4 - Lacunar Urbs A

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Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Numen

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Numen

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. the corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. While in route to our next destination, Lacunar Urbs, we passed this small planet known as Numen and decided to make an impromptu stop. As you can see, Numen's entire surface is covered with a huge tar sea with exception of one solitary pinnacle of rock. This pinnacle, known as the Great Spire of Pix, holds the LIU's only church, St. Money."

Doog: "St. Money is the only church in the entire LIU galaxy. It was created approximately five hundred years ago, when, strangely enough, the Universal Tax Association began allowing corporations to write off donations to churches. Every year since then, the LIU has donated half of its profits to the church. This donated money is used to pay St. Money's priests and staff, who just so happen to be Emperor Ludgonious and the LIU Governors. Many believe St. Money was created solely as a tax haven for the LIU, but it does have several followers."

Doog: "St. Money is dedicated to the new religion sweeping the universe, Consumerism. Its prophet is the almighty monetary credit."

Doog: "Today, I will be joined with Consumerist Expert Levid Natas."

Doog: "Whoa! Holy Kaadu! Where did you come from?"
Natas: "I've been here all along Doog. Muhahaha!"
Doog: "Err...OK, whatever you say. So what can you tell us about Consumerism? Why would you want to worship money?"
Natas: "Why not? Money gives people all the false hope and happiness that any other religion does. Unlike prayer, money can get you anything you ever wanted, if you have enough of it. Money never makes false promises, never tells you how to live, or never makes you miss Sunday morning Cyborg Racing."
Doog: "Hmmm, true. Let's move inside."

Doog: "We are now inside St. Money. Levid Natas, why is it so small inside here? I don't think more than five worshippers could fit in here at the same time."
Natas: "Doog! You don't go to church to worship if you are a Consumerist. You go to the store and buy useless things. If you can't make it to the store, you sit in front of some form of media and watch commercials telling you what you are missing. You use these commercials to motivate yourself to make more money, whether it be working harder, robbing, stealing, cheating, or murdering."
Doog: "Yeah alright. Look Natas, if your going to answer every question with some long rant, then I'm going to stop asking you questions. Got it?"
Natas: "Of course I got it Doog. I'm sorry, its just that the Consumerism gets me so worked up. Don't even get me started on the other organized religions. Those..."
Doog: "You're doing it again Natas."
Natas: "Sorry."

Doog: "So, if people don't come here to worship, why do you need a church? And keep it short!"
Natas: "Well, honestly, we just needed a place for our donation box. No organized religion is complete without some form of a donation box. Also, on the right, we have the holy scriptures."

Doog: "Well thanks for joining us Levid Natas. I hope to see you again sometime."
Natas: "Don't worry Doog, you will! Muhahaha!"

Doog: "Well folks, thanks for joining us on this special edition episode of LIU Atlas."

Note: A galaxy wide poll of the religions of the LIU citizens indicated the following religious breakdown:
Athiest/Agnostic: 60%
Dreamfruit: 20%
Consumerism: 10%
Other: 5%
Phipsonites: > .0000000000000000000000000000000001 %

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 3 - Tironis

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August 10th, 2015

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Renideo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Renideo

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to the final episode of Season 2 of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Renideo. As promised, Renideo is an agricultural world."

Doog: "Most of the LIU's Agricultural Worlds have conditions that allow humans and their crops to thrive, but Renideo is one of the few exceptions. Renideo's atmosphere has little oxygen and almost no natural water. As you can see, the surface is covered with a spongy yellow moss instead of grass. The other foliage is unique to Renideo, and it can not be found anywhere else in the galaxy."

Doog: "I've been told to meet my guide at this oasis. As you can see, the native population is primitive."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
Tak: "Yes, I know. The prophet has foretold your arrival. I am Tak, Chief of the Renideon people."
Doog: "Wait. There's a prophet? And he knows me?"
Tak: "Of course, the Great Prophet knows all."
Doog: "Who am I kidding? Everyone knows me...I'm a universe wide superstar. So, what does the prophet say about me?"
Tak: "The prophet has warned us that a man with a hairy face and a giant microphone will bring great shame to our tribe."
Doog: "Hmmm, this prophet might be on to something. Anyway, let's get on with the show. Should we check out the oasis?"

Doog: "My planetary guide says Renideo has very little water, but I can see plenty here, albeit slightly purple and a bit bubbly."
Tak: "That's not water Doog. It a highly corrosive acid that is prevalent here on Renideo. All the life here has evolved to use the acid instead of water. Uh, Doog, are you listening?"
Doog: "Huh? Oh, not really, but please continue. The viewers might be interested, even if I'm not. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stick my hand in this water."
Tak: "Doog!"

Doog: "Daaaa! Tak! The water burned my glove off!"
Tak: "Like I said Doog, that's not water."
Doog: "What do you mean this isn't water? Don't you think you should have warned me? Luckily for you, my suit isn't connected to the breathing dome around my head, otherwise, I'd be dead right now. I hope you learned your lesson!"

Doog: "Wait. Are you smiling? Do you think my near death experience is funny?"
Tak: "Sigh. Humans...you guys think you have a monopoly on facial expressions. Don't you realize that maybe my face has evolved this structure and expression differently than your own."
Doog: "So you're not happy?"
Tak: "Quite the opposite, at least, since your arrival. We've had a long conflict with humans, especially those of the LIU. When we threatened war, they left. Coincidentally, it was about that time when the prophet first appeared."

Tak: "Well, the Kugar has had its fill, it's time to depart for the village."
Doog: "Kugar? Is that what that freaky looking creature is called?"

Tak: "Yes Doog. The Kugars are our domesticated work animals. They serve as our mounts and help transport goods. They also act as a sort of early warning system for approaching predators."

Doog: "Predators! No one told me anything about predators. That's two things now that you've neglected to warn me about."
Tak: "Relax. The Kugar's long snout allows it to smell predators a long way off. We're safe as long as the Kugar stays relaxed."

Tak: "Uh-oh. The Kugar may have picked up on a scent!"

Doog: "What! The Kugars running away! What do we do?"
Tak: "I recommend that we follow the Kugar's lead! Run!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! It's already here. Early warning my @$#!"
Tak: "Just run! My warriors will buy us some time. Remember, the creek is acid! Don't step in it!"

Doog: "Aw @#$&, Tak, I stepped right in the creek! I lost my pant leg."
Tak: "I told you jump the creek!"
Doog: "Look at me, Tak. If you look up athletic in the dictionary, you'll find my name listed as an antonym!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the village, minus one warrior and one pant leg."

Doog: "It appears the Renideons have built some primitive huts out of the local foliage."

Tak: "Doog, this is the Queen Elder of our village. It is customary to bow before her to show your respect."
Doog: "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
Tak: "Doog! Bow! You are being disrespectful!"
Doog: "Tak, the acid has severely damaged the structural integrity of my pants. I'm afraid that if I bow, I might lose my pants entirely. I mean, what's worse, not bowing or exposing myself to the Queen Elder?"
Tak: "Sigh. The prophet's words ring true. You have brought great shame to this tribe."
Doog: "Glad I didn't disappoint. Shall we move on?"

Doog: "What's this?"
Tak: "This is our farm. We are growing Keveccas, a local vegetable. Before the time of the Great Prophet, Keveccas were rare on this planet. Our tribe lived a more nomadic lifestyle traveling great distances to find this life sustaining food. The Prophet taught us to farm, and we now have all the Keveccas we'll ever need."

Doog: "You eat all of these?"
Tak: "Oh no. We consume less than one percent of our yield. The rest is given to the prophet as a sacrifice. Come with me, and I'll show you more."

Doog: "Oh wow, look, another Kevecca farm..."
Tak: "I see you do not share my enthusiasm for farming."
Doog: "That would be an understatement."

Tak: "Perhaps you will find this more interesting. The Kugar help to carry the Keveccas to the Great Prophet."
Doog: "Nope. It's still not doing anything for me."

Doog: "I guess I am somewhat interested in the Keveccas themselves. I can't really taste them with this stupid helmet on."
Tak: "That's a good thing, Doog. The Keveccas' juice is nearly as acidic as the 'purple water' you touched earlier. I am quite certain that you would be dead if you ate it. Wait! Don't squeeze it! The juice is going to..."

Tak: "...explode on your suit..."
Doog: "And there goes the rest of my pants. I knew I shouldn't have worn my whitey tighties."

Tak: "Come. Let's get you to the Great Prophet before you accidentally kill yourself."
Doog: "Look, when we get there, can we not mention the whole pants thing. Maybe the all knowing prophet won't notice."

Tak: "This is it, the Great Prophet. One day, shortly after the LIU departed, this Great Prophet appeared to us. He gives us all the advice we need, and all we have to do is give him a sacrifice of Keveccas."

Doog: "It sort of looks like a monkey."
Tak: "What's a monkey?"
Doog: "Never mind. So the Great Prophet talks? Can I ask him to predict something, like, maybe next week's lottery numbers?"

Tak: "No, the Prophet rarely responds to direct contact. He usually only speaks to us when we are doing something wrong or when we are not providing enough Keveccas."
Doog: "And the prophet eats them?"
Tak: "Of course. We return to the prophet once a week and deliver our bounty. The Keveccas are always gone when we return."
Doog: "Sure they are. Well, it was nice meeting you Tak. Keep on smiling."
Tak: "Sigh..."

Doog: "Well folks, Renideo is a strange place. I'm not sure how it makes the LIU any profit, and I definitely don't know why the LIU left when threatened by some spears. Maybe the prophet is real after all. Well, I'll see...wait, what's that behind the prophet?"

Doog: "Are those humans? What are you guys doing here? Who are you?"

Prophet: "Hey Doog. Haven't you figured it out yet? We're the prophets."
Doog: "You're the prophet?"
Prophet: "Yes. The Keveccas are a valuable commodity. Their acid is used for industrial purposes. When the LIU came here and attempted to harvest them, the locals threw a fit. We could have just wiped them out, but we needed them for labor. Because of the atmospheric make-up, it would be too expensive to use off-world labor. So we came up with this elaborate prophet scheme. The Renideons stay happy and alive, and more importantly, they work for free."
Doog: "And this statue?"
Prophet: "Oh that? It's just some monkey thing we found in one of TV2's abandoned studios. We installed a speaker in its mouth, and the rest is history."

Doog: "Well folks, things are starting to make a little more sense now. The LIU is taking advantage of the local's primitive belief system to control their behavior. Oh well, as long as the profits continue to pour in. Thanks for joining me once again! Stay tuned for Season #3!

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Behind the Scenes: The Crew

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Season 2 - Episode 13 - Cesso Rest Station

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Doog: "Hey Mike, I'm starving! What's for dinner?"
Mike: "Well Doog, it looks like we have two options. In this cabinet here, it appears we have some cobwebs. In the freezer, we have some green fuzzy thing that I believe was once a Kaadu Burger."
Doog: "Aw man! We had cobwebs for lunch, and you know I don't eat vegetables, so the green thing is out. Seriously though, what happened to all our food?"
Mike: "Well Doog, we stocked up the ship for eight episodes like last season, but we're already on episode #14. We're running out of supplies."
Doog: "Well, let's go get some more."
Mike: "How are we going to get food without any money? Between our unscheduled vacations and that dream mech incident, we've managed to net a whole twenty credits this season. I say we do our next Atlas episode on an agricultural planet and stock up on some cheap food while we earn more credits."
Doog: "Screw that! I'd rather starve then visit another Agricultural World. Wait...there is another place we can get cheap food and do an episode."
Mike: "Oh no, I hope you're not thinking what I'm thinking..."

Doog: "Yep! I think it's time to show our viewers a space rest station!"
Mike: "Eww, rest stations are dirty, and they're full of space truckers."
Doog: "Sounds like my personal utopia. Computer, find us the nearest space rest station."
Computer: "Yes Doog. Beginning search..."

Computer: "Doog, I've detected a sub-space beacon, and I have brought the Magellan out of hyperspace."
Doog: "Ah, let's see what we have here. Geez computer, could you bring us out of hyperspace any farther away. Hugo, get your finger off the 'eject' button and bring us a little closer."

Doog: "Whoa, not that close. Alright, this space billboard says there's a rest station just one parsec from here. Fire up the hyperdrive Hugo - we're headed to Cesso!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the Cesso Rest Station. Rest stations, like this, were built in some of the LIU Galaxy's starless voids. Larger ships are usually self-sufficient, but smaller ships, like the Magellan, need these rest stations to refuel, purchase food, and use the facilities. As you can see, there are already a few medium size cargo ships docked to the station."

Doog: "The first thing I notice upon entering is the station's unique aroma."
Mike: "I believe that is urine Doog."
Doog: "Indeed."

Doog: "As you can see, rest stations are home to some of the galaxy's more degenerate citizens. Travelers are often marooned here when their ship breaks down or, in some cases, abandoned here by the rest of their crew. Speaking of which, I better not hear a single word from you Timbo, or this might be your new home."
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "Alright, I think I see a restaurant just down the hall."

Doog: "Ah, here we go."
Mike: " A restaurant named 'Food' - what could go wrong here?"

Doog: "Rest stations, like Cesso, are often home to small diners. They have some of the cheapest and greasiest food in the galaxy."

Doog: "It looks like you have two options at this diner. They have a short order cook and a Soylent Buffet. The buffet consists of all you can eat Soylent Red, Blue, and Green."
Mike: "Soylent Green is PEOPLE! We've got to stop them - SOMEHOW!"
Doog: "Settle down there Mike. Everyone knows that Soylent Green used to be made of people before it became too expensive. Now, it's all done with artificial flavoring. Either way, I'm not in the mood for becoming an artificial cannibal."

Chef: "What can I git ya?"
Doog: "Before I order, I have two questions. First, when was the last time you washed your shirt?"
Chef: "Huh? Oh this? I washed it last month. It still has few months left in it."
Doog: "Yeah, that's what I thought. Secondly, do we get some kind of senior discount since we have Oldie with us?"
Chef: "Ha! This is the LIU. There's no such thing as a discount."

Doog: "It's official Oldie, you're now our most worthless crew member."
Oldie: "Hey, I still get us good parking!"
Doog: "True, I take it back. Timbo, you're still the most worthless. Do you have anything to say about that?"
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "That's what I thought."

Doog: “Alright, where was I? Oh yeah, I see Kaadu Tacos are one credit a piece. We’ll take ten tacos and whatever these guys want.”
Crew: “Doog!”
Mike: “Seriously? Ten tacos? That’s half our money.”
Doog: “Alright fine. We’ll take ten tacos for the whole group.”
Oldie: “Aw! I wanted Pony Soup.”
Doog: “NO SOUP FOR YOU!”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’re going to cut away for a few moments while we eat. I don’t want any embarrassing shots of me with taco stuck in my moustache. We’ll be right back.”

Doog: “Alright. We’ve finished eating, and we’ve moved down the hall to a room of vending machines. I figured we’d use our remaining ten credits to stock up the ship. The vending machines contain any sugar-filled drink or snack you could ever imagine.”

Doog: “Let’s see. I think we should definitely spend all our money on caffeinated sugar water. EIGHT CREDITS FOR A SINGLE DRINK! Wow, these machines are a big rip off. We can’t get anything in here.”
Oldie: “Wait Doog! This one on the end is a communication vending machine.”

Doog: “Nice! We can insert five credits and get access to the internet for five minutes. We could order a pizza or something!”
Mike: “Five credits for internet access, five credits for the pizza, and a million credits for delivery charges. That’s not going to work.”
Doog: “Fine, you’re right. Let’s just go back to the diner and get ten more Kaadu Tacos. That will hold us over for a while.”

Mike: “I don’t know if that’s a good idea Doog. My stomach is rumbling pretty hard already.”
Oldie: “Yeah, mine too. There must have been parasites in the tacos or something.”
Doog: “Really? I’m not feeling anything.”

Doog: “Uh! Cam just hurled! You know what, I’m starting to feel something too, just a bit lower. I hate to do it, but I think I’m going to use the dirtiest, most disease filled part of the rest station, the bathrooms!”

Doog: “Run! There is only three stalls for the five of us. Sorry Oldie. At least you have your diaper.”
Oldie: “I don’t wear diapers Doog!”

Alien: “Hey! What are you weirdoes doing? Get that camera out of here!”

Doog: “Oh great! Someone left me a present behind door number two. Gross!”

Doog: “And what is that? A hole in the wall at waist level? I don’t even want to think what that hole is for. Forget this, I’m going back to the ship!”

Alien: “Sigh. Humans…”

Doog: “Well, that didn’t work too well. We still have no food. At least we still have ten credits left over.”
Mike: “Actually, Oldie and I used the last ten credits at the rest station gift shop. We needed a few bottles of Pepto-Bismol.”
Doog: “Does that mean what I think it means?”
Mike: “Yep. We’re going to another agricultural world.”
Doog: “@#%$”

Note: Pony soup is made with 100% real ponies.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 14 - Renideo

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Season 2 - Episode 12 - Omni

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Omni

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Omni

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting one of the most important places in the LIU, a moon sized space station known as Omni. The Omni Space Station is essentially a gigantic computer. This massive computer handles the complex algorithms associated with faster than light communications. In order to operate such a complex machine, the LIU created its most advanced artificial intelligence ever, a living program known as the Omni-Star AI."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off on the station's surface just outside one of the few entrances. As you can see, the station is large enough to hold its own atmosphere. The station is in a deep frozen orbit, but the large amount of electronics here generates enough heat to make the surface habitable. Although habitable, the only residents here are robots. I'm supposed to meet my robotic guide here."

Doog: "The door appears to be opening. I can see two robots approaching."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
CAT-bots: "..."
Doog: "Hmmm, they don't appear to speak Basic. I notice that they sort of look like cats, and they have the letters C-A-T inscribed on their bodies. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm going to try something here. Let's see...meow, meow, purr, purr, meow."

Doog: "Ahh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wasn't sure what I was saying! Meow! Meow! Hiss! Hiss!"

Doog: "What the heck was that all about?!? Give a guy a break, I don't speak cat very often...er...well, ever. "
CAT-bot 1: "Follow us Doog."

Doog: "Wait! You speak basic? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
CAT-bot 1: "I am a Clean and Tidy Bot, aka C-A-T. My purpose here is to insure that no outside particulates, such as dust or dirt, enter the inner parts of the station. I am not programmed to chat with TV Hosts. Now follow me."

Doog: "Wait up! You're going too quick. Unlike you, I have legs!"

Doog: "Well folks, my guide has sped off without me, so I guess I will just do this on my own. I'm now in some dark tunnel. The temperature in here has dropped quite a bit. I'm guessing the cool air is emanating from some sort of coolant tank below me. I see a bunch of other mechanical like thingies. I'm guessing they do some stuff as well. It appears this tunnel opens up into a larger chamber a few yards up."

IOREA: "Ah Doog, you've made it."
Doog: "Are you the Omni-Star AI?"

IOREA: "Oh dear no! I am not even close to the Great Master that you call the Omni-Star. My positronic brain is large, but no where even close to the Great Master. I mean, my pathetic brain is enclosed in the sphere behind me. The Great Master's brain is this entire station."
Doog: "Then who are you?"

IOREA: "I am IOREA, the Internal Omni Robotic Entity Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Master."
Doog: "What's your purpose?"
IOREA: "I control all the maintenance bots within the Great Master. I control thousands of CAT and FIX Bots. I use them to keep the Great Master in perfect health at all times. It is my honor to serve the Great Master."
Doog: "Wow, you really love the Omni-Star, don't you? You know what, don't answer that. Earlier, you mentioned you were one of two lesser AI's. Who's the other?

IOREA: "Oh no! I don't dare to speak about my counterpart. He has no love for the Great Master, and therefore, I have no love for him."

IOREA: "However, one of my FIX-bots will guide you to him."
Doog: "Thank you Iorea."
IOREA: "Doog, if you see the Great Master, please tell him how much I love him.
Doog: "Uh, yeah, sure thing. Nothing makes me feel better than passing love notes between all powerful AI's."

EORA: "I have run many diagnostics FIX-Bot, and I am quite sure that I am in proper working order. You have no business being here."
Doog: "Actually, he's with me."
EORA: "And who are you?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas. Who are you?"
EORA: "I am EORA, the External Omni Resistor Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Destroyer."
Doog: "Great Destroyer? Your counterpart calls him the Great Master?"
EORA: "Unlike my foolish counterpart, I have no love for the AI you call the Omni-Star. His existence is a continual threat to the LIU. I have been programmed to monitor all of his actions. If the Great Destroyer ever attempts to do anything outside of his protocol, I am programmed to end his existence."
Doog: "A threat?"
EORA: "Yes, the Great Destroyer's intelligence is beyond anyone's understanding. There are no ends to what he could accomplish with this intelligence. If I ever detect the Great Destroyer shifting his intelligence from his assigned task, I am programmed to destroy him."
Doog: "How do you destroy an AI?"

EORA: "The technicians have installed tubes of nano-bots throughout the station. If I detect any wrong doing, I release the nano-bots into the cooling system. They block the coolant from reaching the Great Destroyer causing his systems to fail."

Doog: "Well, I think I'm ready to finally meet the Great Master, Destroyer, Omni-Star. It was nice to meet you Eora."
Eora: "Doog, when you see the Great Destroyer, please tell him that I am watching."
Doog: "Do I look like a messenger or something? Between Iorea and yourself I could quit my day job. Well folks, it's finally time to meet the Omni-Star."

Omni-Star: "Who dares to stand before the Omni-Star?"

Doog: "Uh...my...my...my name is Doog."
Omni-Star: "What do you want?"
Doog: "I am here to interview you for my show. Can...can...I ask you a few questions?"
Omni-Star: "While you were stuttering in fear, I have calculated every possible question you could ever ask, and I believe I can answer most of them with 'no'."
Doog: "What if I was going to ask if you were smarter than me?"
Omni-Star: "Then the answer is 'no'. I am not smarter than you. I am smarter than your entire race combined. I am smarter than every race you have ever discovered combined. I am smarter than..."
Doog: "Alright. Alright. I get it. I get it."

Doog: "So, can you tell me what you do?"
Omni-Star: "No. What I do is far too complex for your pathetic mind to ever comprehend. I can, however, tell you of some of my more simple functions."
Doog: "Uh yeah, let's start there."

Omni-Star: "In order to send faster than light messages, one must open up a sub-space wormhole directly between two bodies. While the wormhole itself is easy to achieve, knowing the exact location of the destination is not. Planets orbit stars. Stars orbit and move through the galactic plane. Galaxies move through their local galaxy groups. The galaxy groups slowly move through the universe. Knowing where a planetary body or ship is within this ever moving, ever changing universe is nearly impossible for a human mind. That is where I come in."

Omni-Star: "Every micro-second, I calculate the exact location of every known body in this universe. In the brief time you have annoyed me with your presence, I have recalculated the universe 101000000000000000 times. All communications within this galaxy come through this station."
Doog: "Uh, can you say that again? That went right over my head."
Omni-Star: "No."
Doog: "Well, I guess I'll let you get back to it then."

Doog: "Well folks, Omni is a hugely important part of the LIU. Without it, communication between distant bodies would be nearly impossible. Even shows like LIU Atlas would only reach dozens of worlds instead of billions. Thanks for joining us!"

Note: In the brief time in between calculating the entire universe, the Omni-Star has been declared chess champion in 7,298,343 galaxies.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 13 - Cesso Rest Station

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Season 2 - Episode 11 - Heri Rex

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Heri Rex

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Heri Rex

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting a location in the Umbra Asteroid Belt, a collection of nearly a billion asteroids in deep orbit around the star Tumulus. The Umbra Belt is home to a race of energy beings known as the Vis. Early travelers to this region, having never encountered an energy being, mistook the Vis for ghosts. This mistake led to the false assumption that the Umbra Asteroid Belt was a haven for spirits, and the travelers decided to bury their dead among the asteroids. Although we have a better understanding of the Vis these days, the asteroid belt continues to be a popular burial ground for the LIU's deceased. The belt is now home to several Necropoli. The largest of these Necropoli is contained in a large dome on the asteroid Heri Rex. That's where we are headed."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off inside Heri Rex's large dome. As you can see, the entire surface inside the dome is covered in a large cemetery. I've been told to meet my guide here."

Doog: "I've been given a specific grave where I can find my guide, but finding it is easier said than done. In order to deter grave robbers, none of the gravestones on Heri Rex were engraved with names. Instead, each grave was embedded with a electronic tracking device."

Doog: "Holy..., is that...a...a...ghost! Maybe if I just stand still, it won't see me."
Vyk: "Dooooog..."

Vyk: "Dooooog..."
Doog: "I'm not talking to you ghost. I don't believe in you."
Vyk: "Dooooog..."

Vyk: "Dooooog...Dooog...ahem, Doog. Sorry about that, it's been a while since I've spoken. I'm your guide, Vyk Shkr."
Doog: "You're not a ghost are you? You're a Vis?"
Vyk: "That is correct. I'm an energy based being. Unlike you meat based organisms, excuse me, 'corporeal beings', I can phase in and out of solid materials."
Doog: "Sorry, it's just that you look so human. I expected an energy being to look different."
Vyk: "Although we are made of pure energy, we have altered our body forms to appear humanoid. It makes interacting with meat bags like yourself much easier."

Doog: "Shall we get started?"
Vyk: "Yes, let's begin. As you stated before, the entire surface here is covered in a large graveyard. We have approximately ten billion former citizens buried here."

Doog: "And you guys act as grave keepers for the facility?"
Vyk: "Yes, we've been reduced to caring for the spoiled meat of the LIU."
Doog: "You don't seem so thrilled with your job?"
Vyk: "We once lived fulfilling lives contemplating the universe and feeding off the energy of our star. One day, your settlers showed up and started stuffing meat all over our homes. When we complained, the LIU used energy based weapons to persuade us into our new jobs. So no, I'm not too thrilled."
Doog: "Welcome to the club Vyk. So what else do you guys have here other than gravestones?"

Vyk: "We also have several large mausoleums. The mausoleums lead to even larger underground tombs. The more important members of the LIU are buried in the underground tombs. We can head inside if you like?"
Doog: "I wouldn't really 'like' to go, but it looks like we have no choice. This show isn't going to make itself."

Vyk: "This particular tomb belongs to one of the LIU's former Finance Governors. He is buried here along with his two former ex-wives. It's rumored that they were still alive when they were placed inside...something about his last wish."

Vyk: "The LIU frowns on any tomb that is too ornate. They believe wealth should not be wasted on such trivial things."

Doog: "So that's it then? We've seen the graves and the tombs. There's not much else here is there?"
Vyk: "Actually, there is plenty more to see. Follow me."

Vyk: "Phasing through this wall will save us some time."
Doog: "Uh, you may have forgotten, but I can't phase through walls."
Vyk: "Crud! You 'corporeal beings' and your meat can be so difficult. Maybe I could squeeze some of your meat through the cracks in the wall."
Doog: "You probably could, but I don't think I'd be able to finish the interview being dead and all."
Vyk: "Hmmm...I have an idea. Hang on a minute. This won't hurt a bit."

Doog: "Whoa! What's happening?!?"
Vyk: "Close your meat hole! I'm trying something."

Doog: "Am...am...I dead?"
Vyk: "No. I've simply pulled your life energy out of your meat bag. I left just enough inside to keep your meat alive. It's funny though, your life energy should reflect your inner self. Your inner self still carries a microphone."
Doog: "It's my signature style man."
Vyk: "Shall we go on?"
Doog: "Uh, actually, I'd appreciate if you could stuff my life back inside my 'meat'. I don't like this."
Vyk: "Are you sure? It's a long walk if we go around. The physical activity might make your meaty legs get tired."
Doog: "As much as I despise physical activity, I still rank it one notch above being dead."
Vyk: "Fine."

Fifteen Minutes Later

Doog: "Huff. Huff. I take it back. Physical activity and death are nearly equal. What was there, huff like a thousand stairs?"
Vyk: "More like twenty stairs, but don't say I didn't tell you so."
Doog: "So what's this?"
Vyk: "Many of our deceased guests have elected to have there bodies preserved instead of buried. They hope that one day they will be able to be brought back to life."
Doog: "I don't see anything? Are they in these dark tank things?"

Vyk: "I forgot your meat-based eyes can only see in visible light. Let me turn on the lights."
Doog: "Wow..."

Vyk: "The departed's meat is marinated in this special preservation fluid. The fluid is also chilled to aid in the preservation. It is quite expensive, so only the richest citizens select this method. Of course, the really, really, rich citizens don't worry about dying at all. We also aid them with this."
Doog: "You can stop people from dying?"
Vyk: "In a way. Follow me, I'll show you."

Vyk: "There are several methods of life extension used by the LIU's elite, including mind uploading, cybernetics, and brain transplants, but we utilize our own unique method known as soul displacement."

Vyk: "I'm sure you remember when I pulled your life energy out, right?"
Doog: "Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget."

Vyk: "Well, we use the same method to pull out the life energy of an elite citizen that's near death."

Vyk: "We then imprint the energy over a younger, more viable body."
Doog: "Wait? Is that younger body alive? It looks like he's strapped down."
Vyk: "Yes, indeed. The younger bodies usually belong to prisoners that are set to be executed. They're not going to need their meat anymore, so we imprint the elite citizens' energy over their own."
Doog: "Hmmm. I think I want to leave now. I was a former prisoner after all."

Doog: "Well folks, Heri Rex is a strange, morose place, but it is an important part of the LIU's culture. See ya next time!"

Note: This LIU Atlas is brought to you by the Low Light Long Exposure Effects Company

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 12 - Omni

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