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Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

8/7/2015

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Space Station M31-P5. M31-P5 sits deep in the starless void in-between two of the LIU Galaxy's spiral arms. It is one of the busiest spaceports in this region. Although that sounds impressive, you must realize that it is the only spaceport in this region."

Doog: “The docking line for the spaceport was really long, and I didn't feel like waiting. I had my crew drop me off at the back door, which led to this small service tunnel. It's dark and it smells pretty bad, but I imagine it saved me a lot of time. Now, if I can only find the way out."

Head Mechanic Jimmy: "Hey! Who's down here? Doog? Is that you? What are you doing in the sewage tunnel?"
Doog: "What do you mean 'sewage tunnel'?"
Jimmy: "Doog, all the waste from Station M31-P5 flows down here to the sewage tunnel. I can't believe you entered here, the signs clearly say 'Exit Only'."
Doog: "So what you're telling me is, I'm standing waist deep in human waste."
Jimmy: "Well, technically human and alien waste, but yes, yes you are. Let's take this ladder up and get you cleaned up."

Doog: "Well, we're out of the tunnel. Where are we now Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Well Doog, we're now in one of M31-P5's service hangars. When small ships in the area need a tune up, they come here. We're the only full service hangar for six light years. We have about twenty hangars just like this. As Head Mechanic, I'm in charge of this entire hangar."

Doog: "Hey! Why are all your mechanics laughing at me?"
Jimmy: "It might have something to do with state of your pants. It looks like you soiled yourself. In fact, you're tracking crap all over my hangar floor."
Doog: "Ha! The joke is on you guys! This isn't my crap, it yours! So technically you guys soiled my pants. So Ha! How do you like that? Wait. Why are you laughing harder?"

Old Mechanic: "Quit laughing whipper snappers! This Canooder Valve isn't going to attach itself. Someone pass me a wrench."

Doog: "So where are we Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "We're now in a service tunnel which connects my hangar to the other hangars. I figure we'll run into Station Security Officer down here somewhere. He'll know what to do with you."

Security Bob: "Hey Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Hey Bob. I was wondering if you can help Doog out. He's lost."
Bob: "Hmmm, from the state of his pants, I guess he escaped from the Old Folks Home down in Corridor #83. Don't...worry...sir...I'll...take...you...back...home. Am I...talking...slow...enough...for...you...to...understand...."
Jimmy: "No Bob, it's Doog, the host of LIU Atlas."
Doog: "The one and only."

Bob: "Oh! Doog! I guess I just expected you to be a bit, er.., more tidy."
Doog: "What? Oh, my pants, yeah, I've been down in the sewage tunnel."
Bob: "WHAT! That's a Class 5 violation! Who knows what diseases you brought up here! We need to get you to quarantine pronto!"
Doog: "Wait! What's quarantine?"

Doog: "Ahhhhhh! That hurts!"
Bob: "It's for your own good Doog. Well, actually, it's for our good. Diseases spread like wildfire in space stations. We can never be too careful. Quarantine Specialist Jenkins, feel free to use your double sided brush to scrub off a couple layers of skin, just to be safe."
Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Whew, I hope I never have to do that again. So, Bob what's this place?"
Bob: "Oh, you don't need to worry about that place. That's the Mechanic's Dive Bar. The crowd there is much too rowdy for you. I have gun, and I won't even go in there."
Jimmy: I'm a mechanic, I don't go in there Doog. It's pretty unsavory."

Doog: "Sounds like my kind of bar. Besides, I could use a drink after that quarantine session."
Bob: "No! Wait Doog!"

Doog: "So what's going on guys? Any drink recommendations?"
Mechanic Krudar: "Hai coor hata mei."
Mechanic Steve: "My friend here says he doesn't like you."
Doog: "Oh yeah, well tell your friend I don't like him or his ugly head tentacles."
Krudar: "Blahh!"

Doog: "Eww! Bob! This orange tentacle head guy just threw up on me!"
Bob: "What! Who knows what diseases are in that vomit!?! Back to the quarantine!"
Doog: "Hey! What?"

Doog: "Ahhhhh! Oh wait, go back down there, that was kind of nice. Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm never getting dirty again. Where are we now?"
Jimmy: "Well, Space Station M31-P5 also houses several hangars for our fleet of LIU Deep Space Repair Ships. They are sent out to repair any ships that can't make it to the Space Station."

Doog: "That hangar looks pretty neat, but I think I see a particle of dirt down there. It might be infected and I don't want a forced shower again. That's already my record for showers in a week."
Bob: "Now you learning Doog!"
Doog: "What's next?"
Bob: "Although the lower half of Station M31-P5 is devoted to mechanics, it's not all we do here."

Bob: "Space Station M31-P5 is also home to one of the LIU's immigration checkpoints. Thousands of immigrants from across the universe come here everyday for a chance to slave, I mean work, in one of the LIU's factories. They work really hard for almost no pay, just like the native LIU workers."

Bob: "While the LIU accepts almost anyone willing to work, some races, like the Gungans, are banned from entering the LIU."
Doog: "You have to draw the line somewhere Bob."

Bob: "We inspect all the immigrants' luggage upon arrival. This prevents smuggling. If you look over here, you'll see that our X-Ray Machine has located an illegal firearm."

Bob: "Doog! Get off there! What are you doing?"
Doog: "Look at me, I'm a skeleton! Hahaha!"
Bob: " Doog! X-ray radiation is dirty."
Doog: No wait, you can't wash off radiation!"

Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Bob: "We are now here in the core of Space Station M31-P5. Here, you'll see the station's Fusion Star Chamber. Using advanced magnetic shielding, we are able to maintain a small compressed star. The star provides all the station's power and gravity. According to LIU Astronomical Law, the star is too small to have a name, so it is referred to by its location in the galaxy, M31-P5. The station takes its name from the star."

Bob: "Uh, Doog, I don't like you getting so close to the control panel."
Doog: "Oh, don't worry Bob, I just looking at this button that says 'Magnetic Shielding Emergency Shut Off'. I was think of pressing it to see what it does."
Bob: "Step away from the control panel Doog. Don't think I won't shoot you."

Bob: "Well Jimmy, you know the drill, no non-essential personnel is allowed past this point. You know I love ya buddy, but one more step and I'm going to have to shoot you in the face. No hard feelings."
Jimmy: "No prob Bob. Say, are we still on for Bingo at the old folks home in corridor #83 later this week?"
Bob: "You know it! Alright Doog, we are getting ready to enter the upper ring of Station M31-P5. This upper ring holds M31-P5's largest industry, the Baby Factory."

Doog: "Baby Factory?"
Bob: "Yes Doog. The factory uses genetically modified females, known as 'Queens', to mass produce babies. Each 'Queen' can give birth to up to fifty babies. It's the fastest way to populate the worker class of the LIU."
Doog: "That is...the most...awesome thing I've ever seen! Can I touch it?"
Bob: "No Doog. The Queen's bodies are under enough stress as it is. They don't need you prodding them. They require constant care from their personal doctors. The doctors insure the Queens get enough nutrition by hooking them to IV's and injecting them with vitamins."

Bob: "I'm certainly no expert in this field Doog. I'll turn you over Doctor Alvus, Director of the Baby Factory."
Alvus: "Hello Doog."
Doog: "Where are we now Dr. Alvus?"
Alvus: "We're now in the Grow Tank Chamber. To speed up production, the babies are removed from the Queens before they are fully developed. We keep them in Grow Tanks, like these, until they can survive on their own."
Doog: "Wow, there are babies as far as the eye can see. How many babies do you guys produce?"

Alvus: "Well, let's see. We have about twenty thousand Queens. Each Queen gives birth to about fifty babies every four months, so I'd say that we have about one million babies at any given time."
Doog: "That sounds cool and all Doctor, I mean everyone loves babies, but I have to ask you, why are you mass producing infants?"

Alvus: “That’s easy Doog. The LIU and other corporations across the universe always need more workers. Immigrants fill part of their need, but they need a reliable, continuous source of labor."
Doog: "Why don't you use cloning? It seems easier, faster, and well, to be frank, more humane."
Alvus: "You're right in some ways Doog, but cloning is dangerous. All your clones share the same genetic make-up. If one of them is susceptible to a certain virus, they all are. You can lose your entire crop, uh, I mean population of workers from one little virus. Genetic diversity is the way to go."

Doog: "So all of these babies are future LIU workers?"
Alvus: "Most are, but we do sell some of them to other corporations. I mean, we have to make a profit Doog. You are, however, forgetting one thing. These are not only future workers, they are future consumers. The little money they earn will filter back to the LIU as they purchase our quality products."

Doog: "I have one more question Doctor, do you guys, you know, need any genetic contributions, you know, for the Queens?"
Alvus: "I think we're good Doog. When we start mass producing idiotic TV hosts, we'll give you a call.
Doog: "Ouch Doc, that hurts."

Alvus: "Once fully grown, the babies are shipped out across the universe. Comfy nursery containers are used to ship the babies out. They are distributed by LIU Future Labor (FL)."

Doog: "Well folks, as you can see, M31-P5 is a disturbing, but important part of the LIU. Join us next time. Thanks for watching."

Note: The LIU recommends that you let the babies age about ten years before they are incorporated into your workforce, maybe longer, depending on your local laws.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

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Season 2 - Episode 1 - Muspell

8/7/2015

7 Comments

LIU Atlas - Muspell

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Muspell

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to Season Two of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the fiery volcanic moon of Muspell. Muspell is stuck in a gravitational tug of war between its parent planet, the gas giant Pondus, and its star, the red giant Yusafone. The conflicting gravitational forces of these two bodies are literally tearing Muspell apart, allowing hot magma from Muspell's core to rise to the surface."

Doog: "I've landed here on a platform over the lava river of Aestus. As soon as my ship leaves, I hope to meet with my guide, a Muspellian known as Adkr Drosgor. The Muspellians, while highly intelligent, are very anti-social. They refuse to mingle with the other races of the LIU and can only be found here on Muspell."

Doog: “Here he comes now, Adkr Drosgor. Wow, he sure is ugly. Don't worry folks, Muspellians don't have any ears on those giant heads, so I can say stuff like that. In fact, Muspellians don't have vocal chords either, so even if he could hear me, he couldn't complain. So what's on the agenda today Mr. Bighead? By the way, say something if you don't want me to call you that. I'll stop."
Adkr: "Stop calling me that."

Doog: "What the heck? I thought you couldn't talk?"
Adkr: "This voice modulator on my chest converts my thoughts into audible frequencies so I can communicate with lesser evolved species like yourself."
Doog: "But...but, how can you hear me?"
Adkr: "I am reading your mind directly. And, no, you may not know about my reproductive anatomy."
Doog: "What! I didn't say that."
Adkr: "You thought it. By the way, those thoughts you had about your sister are disturbing."

Doog: "Sorry folks, Adkr is clearly having some technical difficulties. He must be reading my camera man's mind instead of mine."
Adkr: “The vast emptiness that is your brain is unmistakable Doog."
Doog: "Uhh, let's move on. What's the burning smell? It smells like bacon."
Adkr: "That's your flesh Doog. The surface temperature here is much too hot for your fragile skin. Let's go get you fitted for a heat suit."

Adkr: "Come out here onto this lava bridge Doog. We'll test your suit."
Doog: "No way Adkr. This spandex suit is way too embarrassing."
Adkr: "As embarrassing as when your mom caught you wearing your grandma's bra?"
Doog: "Not cool Adkr. Not cool. I was only five. Now stay out of there."
Adkr: "You were twenty five."
Doog: "Enough Adkr!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm out here on this stupid lava bridge. I believe my suit is functioning just fine Adkr. Although, I'm sure you already know that. What's the deal with this bridge and that tower over there?"
Adkr: "Monitoring towers, like this one here, were built to monitor the lava levels on Muspell. If the lava levels ever reach the red warning level, systems will begin to fail."

Doog: "How come the lava doesn't even reach the meter Adkr?"
Adkr: "It used to, until the LIU came in and ramped up our production 1000%. We used to live in harmony with our planet, only using what lava was available. Now, because of the LIU, we are seeing unprecedented drops in lava levels across the planet."
Doog: "What do you mean by production? What do you guys produce, and don't tell me its hats..."

Adkr: "That might have been funny if I didn't know you've been thinking of that joke since we first met. Anyway, here on Muspell, we produce two things, energy and Muspellian steel. We use lava dams, like this one here, to produce energy."

Doog: "Do they work like traditional water dams?"
Adkr: "They do in some ways. Like traditional dams, falling lava turns large turbines that generate electricity. However, these dams also produce energy by pumping water through the superheated dam walls. This superheated water is converted into steam, generating even more power. We create more energy in a day than we'll need all week. We store this excess energy in fuel cells and batteries and sell it for profit."

Adkr: "Be careful Doog, standing there is highly dangerous, especially for someone with your mental ineptitude."
Doog: "You're just jealous that you can't balance like me with that giant head of yours."
Adkr: "Hey viewers, Doog wet the bed last night."
Doog: "Hey! That one's not true!"

Doog: "So what's this Muspellian steel you were talking about?"
Adkr: Muspellian steel is a naturally occurring mineral that can be found in old lava tubes like this one. The lava gets trapped in pockets of igneous rocks like this, cools, and leaves behind Muspellian steel ore."
Doog: "What's this giant machine behind us?"
Adkr: "That is a LIU Tunnel Boring Machine. It tunnels deep into the lava tubes so the ore can be extracted. It's much faster than our traditional way, but much more destructive."

Doog: "Destructive?"
Adkr: "Yes Doog. The Boring Machines open up huge holes in the lava tubes and occasionally, they cause the whole tube to collapse. When the tubes collapse, the lava above it drops as well. In fact, we believe the Boring Machines are directly linked to the falling lava levels across Muspell."
Doog: "Speaking of "boring", what's next?"

Adkr: "Once the ore is collected, it is transported to our steel factories via train."

Doog: "Yeah, that's right viewers, Adkr and my producer thought it was too dangerous to stand on a track for this shot, so we are using stock footage. They're such pansies."

Adkr: "Using my mind, I can shut down your body systems one at a time Doog. Keep it up, and I shall show you."

Doog: "Anyway, we are now here at the Muspellian Steel Factory. What's going on here Adkr?"

Adkr: "Well Doog, we use electrical field generators to melt the ore into a liquid. The liquid ore is then poured into the mold trays behind us."

Adkr: "If I turn this tray off here, I can show you the hardened steel."

Adkr: "Now that it is open, you can see four bars of solid Muspellian Steel."
Doog: "All this work for just four bars?"
Adkr: "We have thousands of these trays Doog, but yes, only four per tray."
Doog: "I'm just saying, it seems kind of silly to make them in batches of four."

Adkr: "See this bar right here Doog? It costs more than some empires make in a year. This is high quality stuff. Outside of the LIU, only a handful of empires and corporations can afford more than four bars at a time. So it makes perfect sense."

Doog: "Is it finished?"
Adkr: "Almost."

Adkr: "Before it is shipped out, each steel bar must pass quality control. Four LIU quality control bots check each bar to make sure it is the right size and shape.

Adkr: " They also insure the bar meets all strength and durability standards."

Doog: If Muspellian Steel is so expensive that most people can only afford four bars, what is it used for? I mean, it would take years to acquire enough to make a building or a tank."
Adkr: "Muspellian Steel conducts electricity faster than most known metals. Each bar has enough metal to make hundreds, if not thousands, of electrical devices. That microphone in your hand probably has Muspellian Steel inside it."

Doog: Well folks, that about does it. As you can see, the Muspellians, Muspell Industries, and Muspell are all important parts of the LIU. Thanks for joining us."
Adkr: "Your thoughts betray you Doog. You know there is still one more place you have to go."
Doog: "Fine. You're right. I'll go, but only if you stay here. There's no way I'm bringing a mind reader with me when I go back to prison. There are things I never want anyone know about."
Adkr: "Like that time in the shower when you..."
Doog: "Shut it!"
Adkr: "OK fine, how about that time you played hide the pickle with those..."
Doog: "Enough!!"

Adkr: "Alright Doog. I promise I won't come. In order to get you back into Muspell Minimum Security Prison, we'll need to load you into a LIU Prisoner Pod. I had them engrave your old prisoner ID number on the front for old time sakes."

Doog: "Jeez, thanks Adkr. It's as comfortable as I remembered it."

Adkr: "Now that you're loaded up, this LIU Prisoner Pod Transport will attach to your pod and transport you to the prison. See you later Doog, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about that time you thought that guy was a lady."
Doog: "To be perfectly honest Adkr, I hope I never see you again."

Doog: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison is located deep inside a cliff surrounded by miles of lava. This LIU Prisoner Pod Transport is flying me there. The entrance is protected by steel bars, and the only thing that can open them, is the automated code given by the transport."

Doog: "I'm now inside Muspell Minimum Security Prison, Cell Block 121 to be exact. I once served four months here for crimes against the LIU. Muspell Minimum Security Prison, known to the inmates as the Stink Pit, houses several thousands inmates. I'm now joined by Warden Hickory Smith."

Doog: "So what can you tell us about Muspell Minimum Security Prison?"
Smith: "Well Doog, most of the inmates here committed crimes that didn't warrant being sent to a LIU Orbital Prison, nor did they warrant execution. They are all here for short stints of rehabilitation, kind of like you were."

Smith: "As you know, living conditions here are pretty nice. Everyone gets their own cell with a nice comfy bed and a clean toilet. Its all someone needs to survive."
Doog: " I think you lied about twelve times in that last statement."
Smith: "What do you mean?"
Doog: "What do you think I mean? Living conditions here are horrible. The beds are infested with fleas and are as hard as a rock. The toilets don't flush, they're just bowls. We get no TV or recreational time. This place is terrible!"
Smith: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime Doog. That's my motto."

Smith: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison also has a few nice and relaxing solitary confinement cells, for those special guests who can't seem to play nice with others."

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old cell. As the warden said, it doesn't have much, just a bed and a "toilet". Uh Warden, are you sure opening this cell up was a good idea? This scary looking green guy doesn't look happy."
Smith: "You'll be fine Doog. You have body armor on after all, and old greenie here has only ripped off one guy's arms. You'll be fine."
Doog: "That's it. I'm out of here. Thanks for joining us."

Notes:

Outtakes:

Outtake #1:

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old...CUT! Son of a @#$$%, the green guy has his pants off."

Outtake #2:

Smith: "Would you like to show the viewers the prison's shower room?"
Doog: "Absolutely not. I know what happens in there."
Smith: "Nothing happens in there Doog. Not on my watch, come on let's see."

Smith: "Oh *$#% we had a rape! LOCKDOWN!"

Doog: "What did I tell you?"
Smith: "Turn those &*$#ing cameras off now!"

Outtake #3:

Doog: "Jaspero? Is that you? I guess the establishment finally got you.."
Jaspero: "Doog? Doog! Hey hook me up man. I'll take a large mushroom pizza, hold the crust, sauce, and cheese, if you know what I mean."
Smith: "Do you know this hippie Doog?"
Doog: "Uhh, no. No I don't. See ya Jaspero, I mean prisoner HC67799."

Outtake #4:

Doog: "Oh @!#&. CUT! I dropped my cell phone."

Outtake #5:

Adkr: "What's a Bonkton?"
Doog: "Uhhh, I'm not sure what you are...um...talking about Adkr."
Adkr: I'm reading Bonktron on your mind Doog. I am not familiar with that term though. What does it mean?"
Doog: "Cut..."

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

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Season 1 - Press Release - Doog Gets Released From Prison

8/7/2015

12 Comments

LIU Press Release

The host of LIU Atlas, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal, was released today after spending four months in an undisclosed prison.

LIU Press Release

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt our regular scheduled programming for this special report.

"Hi, I'm Frank Newsguy!"
"And I'm Martha Anchor!"
"We welcome you to a TV2 News Special Report!"

"Just moments ago, TV2 Personality Terrance "Doog" McDoogal was released from an undisclosed prison."
"Doog, host of the popular LIU Atlas Series, spent the last four months in prison for his stunt on the previously aired LIU Atlas - Obex."
"Doog declined to comment on his arrest, but offered these words..."
"I'm never taking a shower again."

"Doog was quickly shuttled off to the icy world of Fuscus so he could complete
the next installment of LIU Atlas. Officials guestimate that show will air in
the next two weeks."
"Here's a brief preview of the fun to come, thanks for joining us."

"We now return you to Phipson and Kelso: A Love Story."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 5 - Fuscus

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Season 1 - Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

8/7/2015

4 Comments

LIU Atlas - The Magellan

Where does all the magic happen?

Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another special episode of LIU Atlas. Today, we take an inside look at Doog's new ship, the Magellan, and we meet some of Doog's crew.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Hi folks, it's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we decided to bring you an inside look at my brand new ship, the Magellan. Due to our soaring ratings, err, well, our somewhat significant ratings, .... fine, our thirteen viewers, the LIU has finally bought me my own ship."

Doog: "The Magellan, salvaged from an old line of LIU cargo ships, is a faster than light ship. Its speedy engines and large fuel reserves make it perfect for traversing the LIU Galaxy."

Doog: "It's a bit cramped inside, especially with a crew of six, but it's a lot better than the most LIU TV2 ships."

Doog: "Dozens of extra fuel tanks insure that we can travel the galaxy without stopping for gas every five minutes."

Doog: "The engines on this baby are classic LIU, crappy. But all in all, they get the job done. There are FTL engines for interstellar travel and atmospheric engines for landing on planets."

Doog: "The Magellan's cockpit can break away serving as a one person life boat. So, at the very least, our pilot Hugo can survive. Of course, the rest of us would die in a fiery ball of doom. I'd like to thank the LIU for that feature."

Doog: "The insides don't have much to look at, so we don't show much of it. But we have included pictures of the ship's editing room. Trust me, you don't want to see the crew's quarters, in fact, you probably don't want to smell it either."

Doog: "The editing room gets a lot of action on LIU Atlas, especially after Mordax, and well, I have a tendency to say stupid things. Right now, behind me, my editor, Timbo, is finishing up LIU Atlas - Obex. It should be out in a few weeks."

Doog: "Well folks, here's the guys that make LIU Atlas possible, Timbo, the editor, Cam, the camera guy, Mike, the sound dude, and uhh, that old guy. What's that? Oh yeah, that's Oldie, the director. Well, that about does it. Thanks for joining us!"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 1 - Muspell

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Season 1 - Episode 2.5 - Chauca

8/7/2015

6 Comments

LIU Atlas - Chauca

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas

LIU Atlas - Chauca

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to this special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Unfortunately, our full length episode, LIU Atlas Mordax, is still on the cutting room floor (someone used a little too much profanity), but I'm glad to present this special shortened version of LIU Atlas. This chunky rock to my right is the asteroid known as Chacau."

Doog: "This small asteroid, perched in the outer rings of the Lewtron Belt, is home to a small Fueling Station. This Fueling Station serves several interstellar routes that cross through this area."

Doog: "Two dedicated gas station attendants... huh, oh, I'm sorry, ...two fuel specialists man this lonely post. They insure premium Octan Fuel is available to all those who require it. One of these attendants, Roy, has agreed to speak with us about Chacau."

Doog: "So Roy, what's it like here on Chacau?"
Roy: "Uhh, it's like, cold and dark man. Lot's of rocks too. Yeah, rocks and cold."
Doog: "Wow, that's enlightening Roy. What kind of culture do you guys have here?"
Roy: "Like uhm, we like play checkers and stuff. Sometime me and my partner, Frank, count rocks in the asteroid belt. Like this one time, I got to five-hundred. It was awesome."

Doog: "What an amazing culture Roy..."
Roy: "Uh, yeah, thanks Doog. Huh, Doog, that's funny, Doooog, Dooooog..."
Doog: "That's enough Roy. So what do you guys do here? What is your purpose?"
Roy: "Frank and I, like, pump gas. We attach hoses and stuff, sometimes we like take hoses off and put them on again."
Doog: "Do you guys happen to sniff this gas?"

Roy: "Hahaha, like, how did you know that man? Or should I say Doog, ha, Dooog."
Doog: "Stop."
Roy: "Hey Frank, come check out this mind reader. His name is like so cool. Dooog, Dooog, Dooooog!"
Doog: "Well folks, I'm going to wrap this up before I end up stabbing Roy in his throat. Sorry this episode is so short, but it certainly lived up to its title as a "special" edition. Stay tuned for the full length episode of Mordax, which should be coming to your TV sets soon."

Note: Sniffing stellar fuel may cause severe brain damage.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 3 - Mordax

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Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Pelago

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Pelago

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, for the first time ever, I am actually happy to be visiting a planet. Usually, I’m dropped off on some unknown outer rim hellhole, but not today. Today, I’m visiting the Jewel of the Mid Rim, the Land of a Million Beaches, the Planet of Endless Babes. That’s right, we’re on the Tropical Resort World of Pelago. I’ve never been able to afford a visit here, but I’ve watched all the commercials on TV2 and seen the brochures at various spaceports. I’m sure we’re in for a good time. As you can see from the mapping scan above me, Pelago is made up of several islands spread across the warm Pelagion Sea. Only thirty islands, of the nearly one million, are large enough to be imaged at this height.”

Doog: “Our first stop today is Pelago’s largest city, Eluceo. Eluceo sits on five pristine islands in the planet’s equatorial region.”

Doog: “While some of the city is devoted to commercial interests, the vast majority of it is dedicated to tourism.”

Doog: “Eluceo sports some of the galaxy’s best hotels, condos, casinos, and restaurants.”

Doog: “Eluceo also has several monuments for tourists to visit, like the Old Clock Tower and the massive, bronze Statue of Economic Freedom.”

Doog: “The Blue Lagoon Casino, the blue and transparent yellow building to the left, was specifically designed to be a tourist trap. While it is easy to find your way in, it is nearly impossible to find you way out. The casino’s holographic windows display daytime images at all hours, removing any sense of time the gamblers may have. The building to it right is the five star Su Li Hotel.”

Doog: “This section of the city, known as the Island of the Gods, is reserved for Elite Citizens only. It is home to several high ranking citizens’ condos and estates. Illegal use of this island, including trespassing by sub-elite citizens, is punishable by death.”

Doog: “The Pelagion Lighthouse sits at the center of the city. It no longer serves any navigational purpose, but it was preserved as a reminder of Eluceo’s maritime past.”

Doog: “The three largest islands of the city are connected by large bridges that contain hoverways and high speed trains. The smaller islands are accessible by ferry only.”

Doog: “Well, we’ve finally landed. We circled the city enough times, and besides, we were running out of gas. We’re now here on one of Pelago’s greatest features, the beach.”

Doog: “We are outside of a small beachside resort. The first thing I notice is that there is an insane amount of attractive females walking about. I am strongly compelled to conduct several in depth interviews with these locals, but I must wait here for my guide.”

Doog: “Ah, here he comes, LIU Socialite, and former adult movie star, Big Adams.”

Doog: “Hey Big Adams.”
Big: “More like Gigantic if you ask the ladies, Doog.
Doog: “Whoa Big, too much information. Tell me, what do you do here?”
Big: “Well Doog, after I finished filming Juicing a Flingarian, I retired here to Pelago. Now, I hang out among the other elitist. On occasion, tourists hire me out to show them the islands.”

Big: “Hey wait Doog, check this out. Hey baby! I can tell by your shirt you like horses. Well it’s your lucky day, I’m hung like…”
Doog: “Stop! We’re on TV Big. You can’t say that.”
Big: “Of course you can, I said it on TV several times.”
Doog: “We’re on a slightly different show here Big. Besides, I’m a man of honor…”

Ten minutes earlier

Doog: “Hey, let me get a couple copies of that.”

Doog: “So what’s on the agenda Big?”
Big: “Well, we’ve seen the beach. I thought we’d check out one of Eluceo’s other tourist traps, the casinos.”
Doog: “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

Big: “The LIU has suspended its monopoly on gambling on various areas of Eluceo, opening the door for out of galaxy companies to open several casinos. The LIU imposes several steep taxes on these companies insuring that there is still profit to be made. These taxes are collectively known as the Stupidity Tariffs.”
Doog: “Stupidity Tariffs?”
Big: “Yes. Its an extra tax on anyone stupid enough to gamble away all their money.”
Doog: “Ah, I see.”

Big: “We are outside of the Spinning Sun Casino, a favorite among the tourists.”

Doog: “Shall we head inside Big?”
Big: “Just a second Doog. I see a chick with a big tree on her shirt. I have good line for that.”
Doog: “No! No! Let’s go inside.”

Big: “The Spinning Sun Casino has several unusual, and somewhat unfair, table games. The Galactic Gamblers Association has listed these games as a zero on the integrity scale.”

Doog: What games do we have here?”
Big: “Well, on the left side of the screen we have ‘Guess What Color I’m Thinking Of‘ and on the right, we have ‘Guess What Emotion I‘m Feeling Right Now‘.”

Doog: “Hmmm, I put a day’s salary on lime green.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was red.”
Doog: “Ok, ok, I’ll put two day’s salary on pink.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was tan.”
Doog: “Dang, so close!”

Doog: “I think I’ll try my luck over here. Let’s see. I bet a day’s salary that you are angry.”
Dealer: “No. I am happy.”
Doog: “Dang! Your face really threw me off. Let’s see, I bet…”
Big: “Maybe you should stop Doog. You are already doing this show for free now.”
Doog: “Crap! You’re right Big. Let’s get out of here.”
Dealer: “Thanks for gaming at the Spinning Sun Casino. The LIU appreciates your contributions to the Stupidity Tariff.”
Doog: “Why you Son of Pelagion Beach!”
Dealer: “SECURITY!”

Doog: “Well, we narrowly escaped the casino security, and we are now aboard a LIU Party Hoverboat. Hoverboats, like this, are common in the waters around Eluceo and its surrounding islands. We are taking this boat south to the Cliffland Isles. Who knows what kind of party we will find there.”

Doog: “These Hoverboats hover just above the water, giving guests an illusion of a cruise without the pains of sea sickness.”

Doog: “The LIU Party Hoverboats have several amenities, like a built in pool and several bars. Hey Big, where did you go?”

Big: “Hey do you ladies want to see something bigger than a Hoverboat?”

Doog: “Big? Big? Where are you?”

Doog: “Well, I finally found Big and we’ve been dropped off on one of the Cliffland Isles. What’s the deal Big? I don’t see any parties, hot chicks, or resorts. I thought Pelago was a Tropical Resort World?”
Big: “Well, it is and it isn’t. Eluceo and some the islands closest to the city are dedicated solely to being a Tropical Resort. The vast majority of the islands are dedicated to agriculture.”
Doog: “Agriculture! You’ve got to be &%#$$@* me! I thought this trip was going to be fun. I never saw anything in the brochures about agriculture!”
Big: “Well Doog, like it or not, agriculture is an important part of this planet.”

Doog: “Fine. Let‘s get this over with. What kind of agriculture does this planet support?”
Big: “Well, here on the Cliffland Isles, there is very little real estate. The little patches of land available are used to grow various tropical fruits and vegetables. Here, they are growing Pelagion Dingleberries.”
Doog: “Dingleberries?”
Big: “Yes Doog. These juicy berries are world famous. When fermented, Dingleberries make a delicious wine that is extremely intoxicating. It’s popular among college age males. It knocks the chicks right out.”

Doog: “Well we’re done with the agriculture. Let’s grab a barrel of Dingleberry wine and head out.”
Big: “Oh, not yet. The Cliffland Isles have many forms of agriculture. Besides, after this, we still have to check of the northern farms.”
Doog: “Alright, let’s hurry this up. And don’t forget to grab a barrel. I always need all the help I can get.”
Big: “Don’t worry. I already have three barrels at my place.”

Big: “There are also several banana farms here on Pelago. I have several pick-up lines dealing with bananas if you’re interested in hearing any.”
Doog: “Absolutely not. Let’s move on.”

Big: “This Cliffside plantation is growing Pelagion Hot Peppers. They are one of the largest peppers in the universe.”

Big: “They are also one of the hottest peppers in the universe. These peppers are grown for industrial purposes only and are not recommended for consumption.”
Doog: “Industrial purposes?”
Big: “Yeah, like the production of Pepper Spray.”

Doog: “So they aren’t going to help us with the chicks?”
Big: “Not unless you want to move into illegal territory.”
Doog: “Nope, I’m not that desperate, yet. Let‘s move on.”

Big: “Pelago’s vast ocean contains millions of fish and supports a large fishing industry.”

Big: “Independent fishing boats catch their quota of fish and bring them to Cliffside processing plants, like this, to unload and sell.”

Doog: “What kind of fish are you catching?”
Fisherman: “We catch the Pelagion Snub Nose Longfish. They’re worth a pretty penny on the open market.
Unfortunately, that’s all the LIU gives us for them. A penny.”
Big: “Man! It’s too bad there are no chicks around. Id like to show them my Snub Nose Longfish.”
Doog: “Big! What did I say about that!”
Big: “Sorry.”

Fisherman #2: “The LIU processing center sells us bait at five cents a pound, nearly eliminating our entire profit. We can barely get by.”
Doog: “Well cry me a river. I’m working for free this week. Stupid casinos…”

Doog: “Well, I left Big outside, and I am now inside the Cliffside Processing Center. I’m joined by the Chief Processing Manager, uh…we’ll just call him Chief. Give us a quick rundown of this facility.”
Chief: “Well, the fish are kept on ice until they can be processed.”

Chief: “When we are ready, they are taken to this first room.”

Chief: “Using table saws, like these, engineers remove the fish’s head and tail. These parts are known to contain deadly parasites.”

Chief: The head and tail are then incinerated in these giant furnaces. It prevents any accidental contamination.”

Chief: “The fish bodies are then moved to this room to be processed even further.”

Chief: “Engineers then remove the skin from the fish with this grinder.”

Chief: “The skinless fish are then chopped up into smaller pieces. This is a bad job to have if you have problems paying attention. Right Jim?”
Jim: “Grrr…”

Chief: “The small pieces of fish are then placed into a can and closed up.”

Chief: “The cans are then boxed up and shipped out across the universe.”
Doog: “Thanks Chief.”

Doog: “Well I’ve rejoined with Big and we’ve headed north to
the Northern Farms. I see no isles in sight and I have no idea what they could
be farming. What are do they farm out here Big, dust?”

Big: “The farms are actually at the bottom of the ocean Doog. Here, they cultivate large Kelp fields.”

Doog: “Kelp?”
Big: “That’s right. Workers use the LIU Kelp Tractor to process the Kelp growing on the ocean floor.”

Doog: “Well folks we are out of time. Thanks for joining us once again. We hope you’ve enjoyed this first season of LIU Atlas.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

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Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

8/5/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Vastitas. Vastitas is classified as a moderately hot desert planet. Vastitas receives less than one inch of precipitation a solar cycle and has no native vegetation."

Doog: "I've landed on Vastitas' Southern Hemisphere in what is known as the Oleum Plains."

Doog: "Today, I'm joined by Vastitas' Regional Supervisor Al-Aqaba. How are you Al?"
Al: "I am doing great Doog. I'd prefer if you call Al-Aqaba or even Aqaba, but I've seen your show enough times to know that's not going to happen."
Doog: "You know it Al. So, what can you tell us about Vastitas?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas is a desert planet that is abundant in several natural resources. We mine these resources and ship them to other planets in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "And what is that you are carrying in your hand?"

Al: "Ah, this is my LIU Personal Sun Shield. When deployed like this, it shields me from solar radiation."
Doog: "Solar radiation?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas’ star emits tons of radiation. It's the main reason the planet is so devoid of life."
Doog: "So...where is my Sun Shield?"
Al: "I only brought one Doog."
Doog: "Of course you did..."

Al: "Ah, our transport has arrived Doog."
Doog: "What is this?"
Al: "This Doog, is the LIU Quad-Velocicopter. It's one of the few transports that function reliably in the dust filled atmosphere of Vastitas."
Doog: "And where will it take us?"
Al: "Well Doog, I was thinking that we would check out the oil fields first."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Al: "Vast oil deposits were discovered in Vastitas' southern hemisphere several hundred years ago. Large rigs, like this, were built to extract the oil."

Al: "These large pipes extend for hundreds of miles under Vastitas' surface. They bring the oil up from various wells in the area."

Doog: "Al, I can't see anything from down here. How do we get to the top?"

Al: "Well Doog, my LIU Sun Shield has a built in gravity lift allowing me to fly short distances. I can fly us to the entrance."

Doog: "I can't believe you have a flying umbrella Al. In fact, it's so cool I've decided to stop calling you Al."
Al: "Hey! Thanks Doog."
Doog: "No problem Mary."
Al: "Wait... What? Why are you calling my Mary now."
Doog: "Because your flying umbrella reminds me of Mary Poppins."
Al: "Whatever Doog. I'll wait here. You can check out the rig without me."

Doog: "Well folks, I'm now joined by Platform Engineer Haut Azim. What do you do here Haut?"
Haut: "As you said Doog. I am a platform engineer. It is my job to run this entire rig. I monitor pressure on the storage tanks behind me and tighten valves like this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to tightening this valve."
Doog: "It looks like it's already tight to me. I mean seriously, how often do you tighten this one valve?"
Haut: "Look Doog, a five year old could run this rig. I mean, heck, most of it run by computers anyway. The only thing the computer can't do is tighten valves, so, I don't care if I have to tighten this same valve a thousand times a day, I'm going to do it. And Doog, I swear you better not use that on your show. I don't want to lose this job."
Doog: "I wouldn't dream of it..."

Doog: "Well, I'm back here with Mary. Where are we now?"
Al: "Look Doog. Can we drop this Mary thing. I mean, it's a LIU Sun Shield with built in gravity lift, not a magic umbrella."
Doog: "Aww, you know what would make you feel better? A spoon full of sugar."
Al: "Whatever Doog. We are now a few miles from the rig on one of the local oil fields."
Doog: "And what is this thing?"

Al: "This is a pump jack. The pump jacks pump oil closer to the surface where it is then taken by underground pipes to the nearby rig."
Doog: "Exciting stuff. So what's next?"
Al: "Well Doog, the LIU had to find a way to utilize the vast spaces between the pump jacks and rigs. They couldn't let the land go to waste. So they imported thousands of desert dwelling Cyclopians."

Doog: "Imported Cyclopians?"
Al: "Yes Doog. The Cyclopian race originated from a desert planet. They are well suited for this environment."
Doog: "And how do Cyclopians help the LIU profit?"
Al: "Well, the Cyclopians were also allowed to bring herds of Ojo Beetles. Ojo Beetles are from the same planet as
the Cyclopians and are equally suited for this environment. The Ojo Beetles' eggs are delicacy and highly profitable.

Doog: "How do they control them? I mean, they look big and mean."
Al: "Oh, they're not mean at all. They've been domesticated for thousands of years now. Besides, they use these static spears to keep them in line. These spears get electrically charged by the large volumes of dust blowing through the air."

Doog: "That's cool, but I was actually talking about the Cyclopians. How does the LIU control them. I know they've been linked to a crime increase around the universe."
Al: "Well, that is somewhat true. The Universal Space Police have had their hands full with some of the Cyclopians, but that's because they didn't integrate well into society. When they are left in a native environment, away from society, they do quite well."

Al: "Oh look Doog, their Ojo Beetle is starting to lay eggs. These eggs are boxed up and transported back to their village."
Doog: "Can we see their village?"
Al: "Sure."

Al: "The Cyclopians here on Vastitas have maintained their family tribal structures. They live in small villages, like this one, with their family tribal group."

Doog: "Eww! What is that Mary?"
Al: "That Doog, is a baby Cyclopian. Its skin pigment has yet to turn yellow. Most baby Cyclopians are still green like this. If you look to the baby's right, you'll see the tribal chief and his wife. Cyclopian females are forbidden from showing their skin."

Doog: "The whole group sleeps in that little hut?"
Al: "Well Doog, they don't have many resources. The LIU doesn't supply them with much."
Doog: "I thought you said Ojo Beetle eggs were profitable?"
Al: "They are profitable for the LIU, but not the Cyclopians. The LIU only trades a few barrels a water for the eggs. The Cyclopians are forced to accept the offer because there is almost no natural water on Vastitas."

Doog: "Well folks, our LIU Quad-Velocicopter has picked us up and we are now flying north to the region known as the Pall Rocklands. The Pall Rocklands circle the entire planet and are clearly visible from space. What caused this unusual band to form around the planet Mary?"

Al: "Well, it appears that Vastitas once had a small moon. Several million years ago, this moon was truck by a comet or asteroid causing it to break up into thousands of pieces. These pieces eventually fell down to Vastitas' surface, creating this distinct band."

Al: "It is believed that this catastrophic event made Vastitas the dry desert planet it is today. Fortunately, this event also deposited a ton of minerals in this region."
Doog: "And you guys mines these minerals?"
Al: "Precisely."

Doog: "Whoa, what's that?"
Al: "That is a LIU Automated Mine Cart. These carts transport minerals from the mines to the loading platforms in the area."
Doog: "Can we see the mines?"
Al: "Well, I'm afraid not. The LIU has banned all life forms from entering the mines on Vastitas. Only machines,
like this, are allowed to enter."
Doog: "Can we at least see the entrance Mary?"
Al: "Uh... I guess, as long as you promise not do anything stupid."
Doog: "I would never dream of doing anything stupid Mary. Trust me."

Al: "Well Doog, we're at the mine's entrance. These Automated Mine Carts drive up onto the tracks and enter the mine."
Doog: "Hmmm...I wonder what the inside of the cart's bucket looks like."

Al: "Wait! Doog what are you doing!?!"
Doog: "Relax Mary, I'm just checking out what the inside of this cart looks like...then checking out what the inside of the mine looks like."

Al: "Hey wait! What was that last part? Doog!"
Doog: "Sorry Mary. See ya soon."

Doog: "Alright viewers, I appear to be in some sort of mine. Mrs. Poppins said all life forms were banned from the inside of the mine, but I see plenty of people in here. I think I'll hop on out and interview a few of them."

Doog: "Hey there buddy. How's it going?"
Man: "Oh dear Emperor! Please help us! I've been digging for months! And...and...my friend has been VAPORIZED! Please HELP us!"

Doog: "Wow, what a downer. Let's see if we can find someone a little less crazy to talk with. Aha, that guy over there looks good."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog. Who are you?"
Bot #1: "I am a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot, model #SL4V3DR1V3R, unit number 1. Now, return to work immediately.
Doog: "Oh, you must be mistaken, I'm the host of LIU Atlas. I don't work here, in fact, I really don't work period. I just walk around on all these strange planets with a microphone."

Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "Geez, does everyone down here have a case of the stupids. I'll say it real slow for you. I...don't...work..."

Doog: "OWWWWWWWWW. What the heck man! That hurt."
Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "OK, OK, but I don't have a shovel. I'm just going to walk over there and get one....OWWWWWW! Dang it will you stop that. OWWWWWW!

Doog: "Somebody help me! Why are you guys all standing around digging, I need HELP!"

Doog: "Please Mr. Productivity Bot. I don't work here."
Bot #1: "Repeated attempts have been made to enhance this worker's productivity with negative results. Uploading request for use of deadly force. Please stand by."
Doog: "WHAT!"

Al: "Doog you idiot! I told not to come down here. Hurry up and jump inside."
Doog: "Thank the Emperor, Mary! This thing is crazy. Let's get out of here!"

Doog: "What the heck was that Mary? Are those...slaves?"
Al: "Of course not Doog. Slavery is banned by several Universal Accords. These are just "involunteers". They don't want to do the this job and are forced down here, but they do get paid, in the form of free housing and food."
Doog: "That sure sounds like slavery to me Mary."
Al: "Well, it's not. So shut up about it. The LIU isn't going to be happy if you keep saying that."
Doog: "True. Well, where is this cart taking us?"
Al: "Hopefully, to a loading area where we can get out of here."

Bot #2: "A cart approaches. Get prepared to load immediately.

Involunteer: "OWWW! The cart hasn't even pulled up yet! Why are you shocking me!"

Doog: “Er...this cart's full. Thanks anyway though. Uhh, thanks for your involuntary service, I guess."

Doog: "Mary and I have finally escaped the mines. The LIU has forbidden us from showing our escape route, just in case an involunteer accidentally sees this show. We've exited the mines to the north and we are now in the Vermis Plains."

Doog: "Well Mary, where are we now?"
Al: "As you said, we are in the Vermis Plains. These plains, while still dry, are one of the wetter regions of Vastitas. It actually has enough water to support the growth of various species of Sand Algae. It is also home to one of Vastitas' few native species, the Vermis Worm."
Doog: "Vermis Worm?"
Al: "Yes Doog, Vermis Worms feed on algae growing in the sand, but they are opportunistic predators, they will eat anything they can find."
Doog: "Like us?"
Al: "Yes. Like us."
Doog: "What's the rumbling Mary?"

Al: "RUN Doog! We've got worms!"

Doog: "It's coming for us Mary! I think it's time to use that magic umbrella!"
Al: "Grab on Doog!"
Doog: "This umbrella is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary!"

Doog: "Well folks, anytime I almost die more than once on a single planet I call it quits. Besides, I have sand in places that will make a grown man cry. See ya next time!"

Note:

"Several images shot for LIU Atlas Vastitas were done with our new LIU Remote Hover Camera. When your camera man is too scared or unable to follow you, you can use this new remotely controlled camera to get your shots."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

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Season 1 - Episode 6 - Boletus

8/5/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Boletus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Boletus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Boletus. Boletus orbits the star Agaricum, which is positioned on the extreme outer rim of the LIU Galaxy. Boletus is listed as a primitive world and is protected by the LIU Planetary Protection Act. All visitors are forbidden from bringing any forms of technology, especially lights. We've received special permission to film this location."

Doog: "I've been given very little information about this location, but I was told I could find my guide near the large white dome. This mushroom hut was the closest thing to a white dome that I could find. Hopefully, I'll find my guide inside."

Doog: "Hey there, I'm Doog. Are you my guide?"
Jaspero: "If you seek guidance, my friend, then yes, I am your guide."
Doog: "Err.. yeah whatever. I'll wait here while you get your shirt."
Jaspero: "No, no, my friend. I do not burden my chest with garments from the establishment."
Doog: "Oh yeah, then why do burden your legs with pants? And your eyes with sunglasses?"
Jaspero: "Whoa, that's deep Doog. Shall I remove my pants?"

Doog: "NO! Just forget it. Shirtless is fine. What's your name?"
Jaspero: "I've dropped the name that was forced upon me at birth, and now, I'm known as Jaspero."
Doog: "Just out of curiosity, what name was forced upon you at birth?"
Jaspero: "Jasper."
Doog: "So you added an "o". Wow...way to show them who's boss..."

Doog: "Anyway, Jaspero, why do live in a freaking mushroom? To be honest, I half expected a Smurf to answer the door."
Jaspero: "The question answers itself Doog."
Doog: "Actually, it doesn't. Seriously, why mushrooms?"
Jaspero: "Well, why not? They are abundant here in the marshy plains. The shelter us from the elements and they serve as nourishment. In return, we nourish them with our excrement. It's a perfect symbiotic relationship."
Doog: "I really don't think the mushroom enjoys that relationship, Jaspero. Come on, let's get out of here."

Doog: "So where are we headed?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, I thought we'd visit the Hippie Convent on the other side of the jungle."
Doog: "How big is this jungle, I don't feel like doing to much walking?"

Jaspero: "It's not too big. Jungles like these don't last long enough to expand too much."
Doog: "What do you mean they don't last long enough?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, Creeper Trees start attacking the other trees in the jungle after they reach a certain height. They don't last long after that."
Doog: "Creeper Trees?"

Jaspero: "See that twisting tree behind you? That's a Creeper Tree. They are parasitic species that grow around full grown trees, using them to reach the canopy. Slowly, they choke the host trees out. All that is left is the hollow Creeper Tree. The Creeper Trees die out a few years after sexual maturity. The decomposing host trees and Creeper Trees spur the growth of the large mushrooms you've seen. The mushrooms eventually run out of decomposing materials, die, and new forests are born. It's the great circle of life."
Doog: "That’s creepy. Get it? Creepy? Huh? Huh?"

Jaspero: "Well Doog, we're now here at the Hippie Convent."
Doog: "Yeah, Hippie Convent, you were saying that earlier. What's that?"
Jaspero: "Well Doog, Hippies, like myself, have been prosecuted across the LIU for decades. So we've set up Convents, or settlements, on protected planets like Boletus. As long as we don't use any technology, the LIU doesn't bother us."

Doog: "I find that hard to believe. I mean, I've never known the LIU to allow its citizens to exist without making some sort of profit."
Jaspero: "Well Doog, it's true. We don't make any profit for the LIU. We only produce what we need to survive."

Doog: "And you need Hookah's to survive?"
Jaspero: "Why yes we do Doog. Yes we do."

Doog: "And what is this?"
Jaspero: "This is our embassy. This where all of our brethren come when they arrive on Boletus. They stay here until a Mushroom Hut can be hollowed out for them."

Doog: "Whoa! Jaspero, I knew it! There are Smurfs here!"
Jaspero: "What? No Doog, that's a Frumsarian from the planet Frums. They've agreed to give up all their possessions and join our Convent."
Doog: "Yeah whatever Smurf Lover. Let's move on."

Doog: "We're now deep in the marshes of Boletus. What are these guys doing Jaspero?"
Jaspero: "Well Doog, we get no support from the LIU, and that means that we must gather our own food. We've found that these underwater tubers have all the nutrients one needs to survive."

Doog: "Really? I hope they taste better than they look."
Jaspero: "Not on their own, but they taste great with mushrooms."
Doog: "Mushrooms? You don't eat the mushrooms you live in, do you?"
Jaspero: "No, we grow our own special mushrooms. Would you like to see one of our farms?"
Doog: "Let's do it."

Jaspero: "We grow our own special flavors of mushrooms in underground chambers like this."

Jaspero: "The humidity is easier to control down here."

Jaspero: "The mushrooms are grown with our own special blend of fertilizer."

Jaspero: "When they mature, they are boxed up and transported to the Convents."

Doog: "What kind of fertilizer do you guys use?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, we use a nice blend of rotting vegetation and manure."
Doog: "Manure? I haven't seen any large animals running around this planet."
Jaspero: "We use human waste."
Doog: "Jaspero, that is sick. I can't believe you eat that stuff."

Jaspero: "You should try one Doog."
Doog: "No way. I'm not eating a mushroom grown in human waste. Wait...my producer is telling me that my contract requires that I eat any locally grown food offered to me. Well isn't that great. Well, here I go."

Doog: "Hmmm...that isn't half bad. Wait, what's that tingling sensation I'm feeling? Why are you guys smirking..."

Doog: "Jaspero! You didn't tell me these were Psilocybin Mushrooms!"

Jaspero: "Hehehe. Yep, we crossbred Psilocybin Mushrooms with the local species, so we can get nutrients while tripping."
Doog: "Jaspero! That.... is..... AWESOME! But seriously, how long is this going to last. I'm never going to finish the show like this."
Jaspero: "Not long Doog. Maybe an hour or two."

Two Hours Later

Doog: "I think I'm back Jaspero. Where have we wandered off to?"
Jaspero: "I'm not sure Doog. You said you were chasing a Smurf and took off running. I've never ventured off this far."
Doog: "There appears to be some technology here. I thought technology was banned Jaspero."
Jaspero: "I'm not sure Doog. I'm like starting to feel some bad vibes."

Scientist: "Doog! Where have you been. I've been waiting here for hours. I told you to find the big white dome."
Doog: "Who are you? And how do you know my name?"
Scientist: "I'm your guide Doog. I've been waiting here forever."
Doog: "But, Jaspero, I thought you were my guide."
Jaspero: "Err...not in the traditional sense. I thought you were seeking spiritual guidance."
Doog: "Ah crap! I've wasted all this time thinking you were my guide. Well, it was fun Jaspero. Maybe I'll stop by for lunch later. If you know what I mean..."
Jaspero: "See ya Doog."

Scientist: "Wow Doog, I can't believe you spent all that time with those Mushroom Hippies. You didn't eat any of their Magic Mushrooms, did you?"
Doog: "Err...no."
Scientist: "Good. You didn't, you know, engage in any activities with the Hippie Chicks, did you?"
Doog: "No, why do you ask?"
Scientist: "Oh good! We introduced a nasty Cyclopian STD into the Convent a few months ago. We're testing its effects for biological weapons. It's the only reason we tolerate them here."
Doog: "YES! I knew there had to be some sort of profit related activities going on. You've restored my faith in the LIU Scientist Guy."

Doog: "What is your name by the way?"
Avil: "I'm Dr. Avil, Director of Project Almagest."
Doog: "Project Almagest?"
Avil: "Project Almagest is the LIU's quest to create the most accurate Star Map ever. Using telescopes like these, we've managed to image a large chunk of LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "What about the technology ban?"
Avil: "Well Doog, we've imposed the ban to limit light pollution. It allows us to get the clearest images ever."
Doog: "I'm not an expert, but the light reaching these telescopes takes forever to get here. How can you get accurate readings when the farthest star's light takes thousands of years to get here?"

Avil: "Good question Doog. We've placed Almagest Mapping Rings, like this, into Boletus' orbit. These rings use massive amounts of energy to temporarily bend the universe. The images we see from our telescopes are real time."

Doog: "You bend the universe?"
Avil: "Yes Doog. The rings sort of function like your ship's FTL Drive. Your FTL Drive creates a mini-black hole to your destination and you fly through it. The Almagest Mapping Rings do the same thing with light, jumping it right into our telescopes."
Doog: "I'm not sure I get it, but it sure sounds cool. Can we head inside?"
Avil: "Absolutely."

Avil: "There are eight hundred telescopes on the surface of Boletus, and each one contains a Mapping Center, like this, in its basement. Each telescope has been assigned a portion of the LIU Galaxy to map.

Avil: "The center of this room contains a 3D Holographic Projector. Right now, we are watching a massive solar flare erupting from the star Cugis. This flare is the largest we have ever imaged."

Avil: "On this screen, we are watching video of the gas planet Chauka, which orbits Cugis. We are closely monitoring all of Cugis' planets to determine if the solar flare has caused any changes."

Avil: "This screen shows Cugis' local star group. Cugis is near the stars Xelia and Eaker. The number after the star name denotes the star's size."

Avil: "Downstairs, we have another 3D Hologram Room. We use this room to map planetary systems. Go ahead and turn it on Jim."

Avil: "Ah, there we go. We are now looking at the planet Sagewo and its two large moons."
Doog: "That's some cool stuff Dr. Avil, but I'm afraid I wasted too much time with the Hippies. We have to wrap up the show. Thanks for having me."

Doog: "Well folks, Boletus is a strange place. I mean, there are Hippies living in Mushroom Huts right next to a trillion dollar mapping center. There are Magic Mushrooms and Creepy Trees. Well folks, thanks for joining us. Until next time..."

Note: Purchase a Almagest Mapping Ring to spy on your enemies. Remember, One Ring to Rule Them All.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

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Season 1 - Episode 5 - Fuscus

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Fuscus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Fuscus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Sorry for the delay between episodes, I was involved in an unfortunate situation. Today, we are here on the planet of Fuscus. Fuscus is extremely far from its star, Moloch, and receives very little light and heat. This makes Fuscus an ice world. Although the living conditions here are less than ideal, people, and more importantly businesses, have managed to thrive."

Doog: "Fuscus' warmer equatorial region supports its only city, Tartarus."

Doog: "Tartarus sports a population of approximately two hundred and eighty million people, making it the largest city in its region."

Doog: "We've landed here in the interior of the city and are joined by Fuscan Scientist Doctor Ferdinand Moras. How you doing Doc?"
Doc: "I'm doing great Doog, but I'd prefer if you call me Dr. Moras."
Doog: "Well, I'd prefer to call you Dr. Kaadu Fart, but I'm guessing you'd rather compromise and go with Doc."
Doc: "Uh yeah, I guess that would be better."

Doog: "So what do you do here Doc?"
Doc: "Well Doog, like most city residents, I work for the Universal Ice Company, a division of the LIU."
Doog: "The Universal Ice Company? You mean you guys sell ice? I bet you don't do much business with the advent of freezers and all."
Doc: "Freezers are nice for small quantities Doog, but were talking about millions of metric tons of ice per day. Besides, we don't sell the ice, we melt it down and sell water. Water, my friend, is the most precious substance in the universe."

Doog: "Yeah, but water is so cheap. I can get a gallon for a few cents. How can an entire planet's economy revolve around something so cheap?"
Doc: "It's easy Doog, we throw it a fancy bottle. People are willing to pay a thousand times more for bottled water. Besides, you'd be surprised how much the residents of dry planets are willing to spend on water."
Doog: "As horrible as that sounds, it makes a lot of sense. Well Doc, we've been chatting long enough, let's see some of this planet.

Doc: "Alright Doog, sounds good. First, let's get you through Customs."
Doog: "Whoah Doc, wait a minute. No one said anything about going through Customs. I am not submitting to any cavity checks, I've had enough of those in prison."
Doc: "We'll see what we can do Doog."

Doc: "Sorry Doog, I really thought they'd make an exception for you."
Doog: "Quiet Doc. I don't want to talk about it. Now, about this digital weather screen behind us. It says it negative eighteen degrees, but it doesn't quite feel that cold."
Doc: "Well Doog, heating coils were built into all the sidewalks on Tartarus. The ambient heat keeps it a little warmer."

Doog: "And what's that above the weather screen?"
Doc: "Well Doog, that’s a digital news ticker. Tartarus is home to a regional TV2 station. The news ticker displays all the news in the region."
Doog: "I've never been much of a reader Doc, but those don't look like words to me."
Doc: "Good point Doog. The residents of Fuscus have resisted the transition to Galactic Standard. Most residents still speak, read, and write in the local language."
Doog: "So what does it say?"
Doc: "Let's see, there been a murder, another murder, a riot, a murder, taxes are going up, a murder, a murder, a triple homicide, convicted drug smuggler Terrance McDoogal is coming into town, a murder..."

Doog: "Sounds like Tartarus is pretty dangerous."
Doc: "It's no worse than any other big city Doog. Tartarus has recently expanded its already massive police force, and we are no longer listed as the most likely place to get raped then murdered. Although we are still number one in getting murdered then raped. But we're improving Doog. That's the main thing.

Doog: "Well we've finally made it to the train and I just have two questions Doc. Does it always take this long to catch a train? And do all Rock Monsters smell this bad?"
Doc: "Yes and yes Doog."
Doog: "I thought so. So where is this train taking us?"
Doc: "This is Line 5, servicing the outer city. Its going to take us to the city limits, from there, I thought we'd take a look at the ice fields."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Doog: "Doc and I have been riding this train for nearly an hour and we are finally arriving at the end of the line."

Doog: "This section of the city contains all the necessities one needs before venturing off onto the ice..."

Doog: "...like McDoonald's..."

Doog: "...and a brothel."

Doc: "Actually Doog, I don't think we have time for that."
Doog: "Doc, for the love of god, I just got out of prison. You can't take this away from me. Look, go get me a Double Cairo with cheese. I'm going to check out this brothel. I'll meet you back here in ten minutes."
Doc: "Doog, you know..."
Doog: "Alright fine, you're right. Make it five minutes."
Doc: "No! That's not what I was going to say! I just don't think..."
Doog: "In fact stay here. I'll be back before you can blink."

Doog: "Doc here was nice enough to pick me up some supplies while I took care of some business. Thanks Doc."
Doc: "Sigh, you're welcome Doog."
Doog: "So we're finally out on the ice. What can you tell us about ice mining?"

Doc: "Well Doog, first things first. You can see this clearer layer of ice. This was caused by a period of melting. This clearer ice is more brittle. If we can drill deep enough inside this crack and deposit some dynamite, we can blow several large chunks of ice out."

Doog: "This must be what you use to drill."
Doc: "Yes Doog. This is the LIU Snowcycle with an attached pneumatic drill."

Doc: "The LIU Snowcycle drills holes approximately five feet deep. From there..."

Doc: "...the LIU Detonator Bot and the LIU Dynamite Mite take over. They deposit dynamite into the holes and detonate them from a safe distances."

Doog: "Can we watch?"
Doc: "Actually Doog, the LIU was pretty specific. You are not be anywhere near the dynamite. Something about you being a liability."
Doog: "Whatever Doc. What's next."

Doc: "Here, we have the LIU Ice Crusher. This baby crushes up the fallen chunks of ice into more manageable pieces."
Doog: "Can we get on it?"
Doc: "Uh, I guess."

Doog: "Oh crap Doc. My snowshoes are stuck. I'm going to need some help."
Doc: "Doog... I told you not to wear those stupid things. We're on ice, not snow."
Doog: "Look, you can keep complaining about my shoes or you can help me up. Which one is it going to be?"
Doc: "To be honest, complaining sounds better."
Doog: "Doc!!"

Doog: "Hmm. For some reason, I thought it would be kind of fun to get up here, but blah. I'm bored. What's next?"

Doc: "This here is the LIU Ice Chipper. It's used to chip ice off the ice shelf."

Doc: "While not as effective as dynamite, it gets the job done."

Doc: "Various LIU Bulldozers are used to collect and load ice chunks onto transports."
Doog: "And as always folks, all these products are available for purchase from the LIU. Well Doc, what's next?"
Doc: "Well Doog, I thought we'd head to the LIU Deep Ice Research Center. On the way, maybe we'll catch some of the local wildlife."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Doc: "Wow Doog. Look over there. It's a Fuscan Ram. I've never seen one this close."
Doog: "Fuscan Ram?"
Doc: "Yes Doog. These beasts are one of the few native species on Fuscus. Strangely enough, they eat rocks. Somehow their bodies are able to convert these rocks into energy."

Doog: "Why is it drooling so much?"
Doc: "Well Doog, male Fuscan Rams, like this one here, usually drool during the rutting season. They can get pretty nasty during the rutting season. In fact, they've been known to kill other males that venture into their territory. Relax Doog. I think were safe as long as he doesn't start shaking his head."
Doog: "Uh Doc. I think his head is shaking."

Doc: "Run!"

Doog: "OH NO! Wait Doc! I lost my snowshoes!"
Doc: "Forget the snowshoes Doog!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu Doc, I thought we were done."
Doc: "Fuscan Rams are pretty slow Doog. I think we were fine."
Doog: "Oh, I'm not talking about the Ram. I'm talking about losing my snowshoes. I never thought I would have made it here without them."
Doc: "WE'RE ON ICE! I swear to all that is holy, I will leave you out here in the cold if you bring up those snowshoes one more time."
Doog: "But.."
Doc: "I mean it."

Doog: "So where are we?"
Doc: "We're at the LIU Deep Ice Research Center. With so much of Fuscus' economy tied to ice mining, we thought it would be important to closely study the ice. Come on, let's head inside."

Doc: "Here, my fellow scientist is studying the various ice depths on Fuscus. Using this info and some advanced computers, we've determined that we can sustain this level of mining for approximately 800 years before depleting the entire planet's ice supply."

Doog: "And what happens then?"
Doc: "Well Doog, I hate to say it, but Fuscus' economy would collapse. We've tried to diversify some of our economy, but there is no denying that we depend on ice mining. This place will be a ghost town in 800 years."

Doc: "In this lab, a scientist is studying some ice core samples taken in the Northern Gehenna Region."
Doog: "And what does that tell you?"
Doc: "It tells us this region has a higher mix of methane ice mixed into the water ice. This will be useful when we mine the region in the years to come."

Doc: "Anything else you want to hear about Doog?"
Doog: "Can you tell me about the ice core samples again?"
Doc: "Really? To be honest I didn't think you'd be so interested."
Doog: "Actually Doc, I stopped listening to you like an hour ago. I just didn't want to back out into the cold so soon."
Doc: "I should have known..."

Doog: "The last place we are going to visit today is the loading docks. Doc, tell us what's going on here."
Doc: "Well Doog, we don't bottle any of the water here on Fuscus, so it has to be shipped out to various Factory Worlds across the LIU. We ship the water out in transports like the LIU Water Tanker."

Doc: "Here, you can see our Water Engineers pumping several thousand gallons of water into the Water Tanker."
Doog: "Well Doc, thanks for helping us today."
Doc: "It was my pleasure Doog."

Doog: "Well, we learned a lot about Fuscus today. It's cold, crowded, and the people have a strong dislike of snowshoes. More importantly, Fuscus and its city of Tartarus are an important part of the LIU economic empire... at least for the next 800 years. Well, I'm going to sip down this ice cold Fuscan Bottled Water and make my way back to my ship. Thanks for joining us!

Note: Tap water is extremely dangerous. Please drink bottled water. We also recommend that you use bottled water for your bathing needs.

Thank you,
The Universal Ice Company

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 6 - Boletus

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Season 1 - Episode 4 - Obex

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Obex

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Obex

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Note: This episode of LIU Atlas contains mature subject matter. Viewer discretion is advised.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of TV2's newest program, LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. This episode, we’re here on the agricultural world of Obex. Obex is one of several thousand agricultural worlds spread across the LIU. Unfortunately, Obex’s production numbers are not high enough to qualify for the status of LIU SuperFarm, and without that title, the planet is hardly known. I feel obligated to say that Obex’s low production numbers are not the result of infertile land or lazy workers, but are the result of small quantities of land and lack of sunlight. As you can see to my right, half the planet is covered in an ocean. Crops and other forms of agriculture can only be produced on half the planet. Also, Obex orbits with a slight tilt towards its single star, leaving the planet at the mercy of the seasons. Crops can only be grown during the warmer spring and summer months.”

Doog: “Obex, in the ancient language, loosely translates to ‘land of many rivers’. It’s a fitting name for this planet, as it has one of the largest river systems in the entire LIU Galaxy. These rivers, like the one I’m standing over now, are used to divide sections of land and to irrigate crops.”

Doog: “Obex is currently involved in two types of agriculture: biochemical farming, seen to my left, and milk and cattle production, seen to my right. Today, we’re going to be joined with Field Supervisor Tim Buktu. I think I see him coming now."

Doog: “Hey Tim Buktu.”
Tim: “Err…Doog, that ain’t my name.”
Doog: “…(whisper) I know, but it sounds so cool. Just go with it.”
Tim: “Uh, I reckon you can call me that, Doog.”
Doog: “So what do you do here Tim Buktu?
Tim: “Well Doog, as you were just a saying, I’m the Field Supervisor for this here part of Obex. Field #357889 to be exact.”

Doog: “Hold on Tim Buktu, are those creatures with the big horns over there safe? They’re getting awfully close.”
Tim: “Huh, oh them Box Cows? I reckon they are safe.”
Doog: “You reckon they are safe? Does that mean they might be safe or they are safe?”
Tim: “You lost me Doog. I ain’t much for city talk.”
Doog: “Never mind Tim Buktu, let’s get back to work.”

Doog: “So I hear you do biochemical farming. What’s that?”
Tim: “Well Doog, the stuff we grow here ain’t for eating. We grow crops that contain certain chemicals that are too difficult to synthesize artificially. So we grow them crops that contain the chemicals naturally, and then we ship them out to factories on other planets. There, they are able to derive the chemicals from the plants.”
Doog: “Wow, I was just starting to think you were kind of stupid, but you used some pretty big words there. I’m proud!”
Tim: “Uh…thanks Doog. I guess.”

Doog: “Well, the viewers are getting tired of seeing this river. Let’s get started. What’s that pipe over there?”

Tim: “Well, Doog, it’s part of our irrigation system. We pump water out of the river and use it to water our crops.”

Tim: “The pump sends water down this pipe to the sprinklers, where it is evenly distributed to our plants.”
Doog: “What are you guys growing?”
Tim: “I ain’t sure what the plant is called, but we are growing it to process the Tetrahydrocannabinol inside.”
Doog: “THC! You mean you guys are growing a little Mary Jane?”
Tim: “No Doog, we don’t grow people, just plants.”
Doog: “No, not literally. You know...pot?”
Tim: “If by pot, you mean restroom, well, I reckon you can go behind that there barn.”

Doog: “Nevermind Tim Buktu. Why are you growing THC? I thought it was illegal in the LIU.”
Tim: “Well Doog, I surely ain’t an expert, but I hear they use it to make medicines. Treats Glaucoma or something like that.”
Doog: “Can I touch it?”
Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Fine. Let’s move on.”

Tim: “As you can see Doog, the plants are cultivated by hand. Machinery is too rough and it damages too much of the crop.”

Doog: “Can I help them?”
Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Sigh, continue.”

Tim: “The cultivated Tetrahydrocannabinol plants are stored in this barn and these silos until it can be shipped.”
Doog: “Can I check out the inside?”

Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Come one, just five minutes. The crew and I just need to do a couple solo shots for the show.”
Tim: “Doog, I ain’t gonna say it again. NO!”
Doog: “You’re no fun. Let’s get out of here before I get tempted again. It’s time to see the your other form of agriculture.”

Tim: “Across the river from the field is one of our grazing pastures. We keep our Box Cows in fields like these.”
Doog: “Yeah, Tim Buktu, you were saying something about Box Cows earlier. What are they?”
Tim: “Box Cows are a species of ungulates in the subfamily of Bovinae.”
Doog: “In other words, they’re cows. We get that Tim Buktu. But what are they used for?”
Tim: “They’ve been genetically manipulated to do one thing, make milk. We’ve changed their bone structure to be more boxy, adding more space for milk. Although they are smaller than traditional cows, they produce 80% more milk.”

Tim: “We let the cows graze freely in these here fields until the time comes to milk them. When that time a comes, we use robots like this to herd them up.”

Doog: “Where do you herd them to?”
Tim: “Well Doog, we herds them off to the Milk Station. I reckon you want to see the station?”
Doog: “I reckon I do Tim Buktu. Whatever that means.”

Doog: “Well folks, Tim Buktu and I are now here at Milking Station #75. We’re joined by milking specialists, Farmer Jim.”
Jim: “Howdy Doog.”
Doog: “So what do you do here?”
Jim: “Straight to the point huh? I like that. Well, here, we use the SuckMaster 9000 to obtain milk from our Box Cows.”

Doog: “Hold on Jim. Did you say SuckMaster? Can I even say that on TV?”
Jim: “I reckon you can Doog. It’s just a tool.”
Doog: “I guess. So how does the Suck…, I mean, your tool, work?”
Jim: “It sucks.”
Doog: “Yeah, I was able to derive that from the name Jim. It’s a SuckMaster 9000. What do you do with it?”

Jim: “I use it to milk the cows. I approach one of the Box Cows in this here stall, place the SuckMaster 9000 on the udder, and suck up all the milk. The milk then feeds down these filtered hoses to the Filling Station. There, my lovely assistant fills empty jugs with milk.”
Doog: “Whoa, I need to interview her. See ya, Jim.”
Jim: “But Doog, I ain’t done a talking yet. Doog? Doog?”

Doog: “Hello ma’am, I’m Doog. I just wanted to stop by and talk to you about your jugs.”
Girl: “You sicko! Leave me alone!”
Doog: “What? Oh, no, not your jugs, the big jugs of milk, I mean, the large container of milk right here.”
Girl: “Whatever, you pervert!”
Doog: “Tim Buktu, I think it’s time to move on.”

Doog: “So, where are we headed now?”
Tim: “Well Doog, as you were a saying earlier, Obex’s production is too low to be classified as a SuperFarm. In order to raise production high enough, we are going to have to start utilizing the sea.”
Doog: “The sea? What do you guys plan on farming?”
Tim: “If things go right, we hope to start farming fish.”
Doog: “Why can‘t you start now?"
Tim: “Unfortunately, Doog, the pesticides and fertilizers we use to treat the fields are leaking into Obex‘s river systems. The river takes them out into the sea, where they kill off our fish populations."

Doog: “Well folks, I’m now here at a Fish Hatchery, one of several thousand located along the coastline of Obex’s largest continent. We’re now joined with Engineer Travis.”
Travis: “Hey Doog. Love your show.”
Doog: “Who doesn’t? I mean, thanks. Travis, what do you do here?”
Travis: “I work the hatchery. Here, we’re growing a genetically modified fish that is able to survive in the polluted ocean of Obex. The eggs of this new species are still vulnerable, so we grow them here until they are old enough to survive the water.”

Travis: “When the fish get larger the three units, they are ready to be added into the ocean. It looks like this pool here is ready to graduate to the ocean. Want to help?”
Doog: “Not really Travis, but if I only did the things I wanted to do, we wouldn’t have this show.”
Travis: “Huh?”
Doog: “Yeah, let’s do it.”

Travis: “There they go, Doog. Say goodbye.”
Doog: “They’re fish. I’m not saying goodbye.”
Travis: “They’re my children Doog. I love them. Now say goodbye.”
Doog: “Tim Buktu, I’m getting a little freaked out. Can we go now?”

Doog: “Well folks, here on LIU Atlas, we always like to dip into a little bit of a planet’s culture. And, if there is any culture on this planet, it would be here, in the city of Venicia. Tim Buktu, tell us a little about Venicia.”
Tim: “Venicia is the largest city on Obex. I reckon about two hundred thousand people live here. The city sits in the middle of the marshy Obex River Delta. Here, most of the land is unsuitable for farming. ”

Tim: “This marshy land wasn’t really suitable for building houses neither, so the people built huge cobblestone foundations. When the foundation was set, people flocked to live here among the water.”

Tim: “The LIU hasn’t invested a lot into updating Venicia, so it still has a lot of old world charm. In fact, I reckon there would be a good amount of turmoil if the LIU ever came down here and started installing all that fancy technology. Us folks on Obex, especially the residents of Venicia, like simple things.”

Doog: “It’s a beautiful city Tim Buktu. What do you guys do here? For fun, I mean.”
Tim: “Well, there ain’t too much time for fun. When we aren’t working the fields or chasing Box Cows, we just like relaxing. Maybe enjoying some fresh fish or apples.”
Doog: “Eww. Why that combo?”
Tim: “Why not? Besides, apples are one of the few things we can grow here on the platforms. The bosses at the LIU says we can’t go a growing other stuff on the fields because it lowers our production. So, we are stuck with apples and fish.”

Tim: “There are no roads here in Venicia, so we use boats to get around. A canal system was installed between the platforms. I reckon it‘s kind of romantic. Don‘t you think Doog?”
Doog: “Please don’t talk about romance when it’s just us two in the boat, Tim Buktu. It doesn‘t look good.”
Tim: “Sorry Doog.”

Doog: “Well folks, before we finish, we have one more place to visit. Tim Buktu, take us to the Grain Tower Spaceport.”
Tim: “Doog, I reckon I can’t paddle all the way there. That’d surely take all week.”
Doog: “Shut it Tim Buktu. You’re ruining the shot. Just go along with it.”
Tim: “Doog, if you go a talking that way one more time, I reckon I might stick this oar up your…”
Doog: “Cut!”

Doog: “Well we’re here at our last destination, Grain Tower Spaceport #11. By the way, I’m sorry Tim Buktu. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Tim: “That’s alright Doog. I’m sorry I had to stick that up your…”
Doog: “Please, don’t say it. Especially after we were talking about romance a few scenes ago. It might confuse the viewers.”
Tim: “I reckon it might. Sorry Doog.”
Doog: “So, what’s a Grain Tower Spaceport?”

Tim: “The crops are collected from the farms in the area and brought here to Tower #11. The crops are then loaded onto the Grain Elevator behind me. When the crops gets to the top of the elevator, a conveyer belt pushes them into these large silos.”

Tim: “Here’s the conveyer belt.”
Doog: “That smell is unmistakable. Tower #11 is storing some of that THC. Isn’t it?”
Tim: “Now Doog. You ain’t gonna go and start this up again are you?”
Doog: “No Tim Buktu. I’m just curious.”
Tim: “Well then, yes. Yes it is.

Tim: “When a cargo ship lands, the crops are gravity fed on to this conveyer belt."

Tim: "The conveyer belt takes it up and over to the cargo ship.”

Tim: “Look. Here comes a cargo ship now.”

Doog: “What kind of cargo ship is this?”
Tim: “Well Doog, this here is the LIU Grain Cargo Transport Mark II. It’s the newest version. I hear it will even be up for sale later this week.”
Doog: “Nice plug Tim Buktu.”
Tim: “That’s what they pay us for.”

Tim: “The LIU Grain Cargo Transport Mark II has openings in its roof. The conveyer belt pours the crops into these openings. When it is full, it takes off and transports the crops to an undisclosed factory.”
Doog: “Well Tim Buktu, I guess we are finished here. Thanks for joining us here today.”
Tim: “No problem Doog. I reckon I kind of enjoyed it.”

Tim: “Hey! Wait a minute! What in tarnation is your ship doing under there?”
Doog: “Uh…well, you know. Our next stop is at that, uh… undisclosed location you were talking about. I thought we would take a load since we are heading that way. You know, the LIU likes efficiency and stuff.”
Tim: “DOOG!”

Doog: “Well folks, I have to run, literally. I hope you enjoyed this episode of LIU Atlas. As you have seen, Obex is a important part of the LIU. Join us next time, as we visit Fuscus.

Note: Hopefully, the next episode will be a bit shorter, and there won't be such a long time between episodes. Thanks for joining us.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Press Release: Doog Gets Released From Prison

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