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Season 2 - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

8/10/2015

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes
The Governor's Office

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas. Today, Doog visits the Governor of Lacunar Urbs to get permission to film two LIU Atlas Episodes. That's right, LIU Atlas Lacunar Urbs is a two part episode. Here we go.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Hello folks, it's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, I'm here in the Governor's Office waiting to get permission to shoot two episodes. Of course, like most things in my life, I appear to be failing. What's new."

Doog: "I've been waiting here for about four hours, and there is still no sign of the Governor. I can only look at this stupid painting for so long."

Doog: "The leather chairs are comfy, but are giving me some serious butt sweat issues. The last thing I need is to meet the Governor with wet pants."

Doog: "Finally! Two guys in suits. If one of these guys isn't the Governor, I'm going to throw myself out the window. Hello there. Which one of guys is the Governor?"
Mayor A: "Uh...neither of us actually. I'm Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A and this is my counterpart, the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs B. The Governor is actually behind the desk over there."

Doog: "What! This computer is the Governor! This computer that has been sitting in here with me for the last four hours!?! Why didn't you say anything?"
Governor: "WHO HAS WOKEN ME FROM SLEEP MODE? AND WHO IS THIS MAN WITH THE WET PANTS?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, and it was the leather chair. I swear. Anyway, I'd look to shoot a..."
Governor: "SILENCE. COMPUTING RISK ASSESSMENT FOR A --DOOG--. SUBJECT PRONE TO DISASTER AND CRIME. SUBJECT HAS WET PANTS. COMPUTING COMPLETE. ACCESS GRANTED UNDER TWO CONDITIONS: YOU ARE TO TOUCH NOTHING AND YOU MAY NEVER SIT IN MY CHAIR AGAIN."
Doog: "They're not wet! Sigh...fine. It's a deal."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 4 - Lacunar Urbs A

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Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Numen

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Numen

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. the corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. While in route to our next destination, Lacunar Urbs, we passed this small planet known as Numen and decided to make an impromptu stop. As you can see, Numen's entire surface is covered with a huge tar sea with exception of one solitary pinnacle of rock. This pinnacle, known as the Great Spire of Pix, holds the LIU's only church, St. Money."

Doog: "St. Money is the only church in the entire LIU galaxy. It was created approximately five hundred years ago, when, strangely enough, the Universal Tax Association began allowing corporations to write off donations to churches. Every year since then, the LIU has donated half of its profits to the church. This donated money is used to pay St. Money's priests and staff, who just so happen to be Emperor Ludgonious and the LIU Governors. Many believe St. Money was created solely as a tax haven for the LIU, but it does have several followers."

Doog: "St. Money is dedicated to the new religion sweeping the universe, Consumerism. Its prophet is the almighty monetary credit."

Doog: "Today, I will be joined with Consumerist Expert Levid Natas."

Doog: "Whoa! Holy Kaadu! Where did you come from?"
Natas: "I've been here all along Doog. Muhahaha!"
Doog: "Err...OK, whatever you say. So what can you tell us about Consumerism? Why would you want to worship money?"
Natas: "Why not? Money gives people all the false hope and happiness that any other religion does. Unlike prayer, money can get you anything you ever wanted, if you have enough of it. Money never makes false promises, never tells you how to live, or never makes you miss Sunday morning Cyborg Racing."
Doog: "Hmmm, true. Let's move inside."

Doog: "We are now inside St. Money. Levid Natas, why is it so small inside here? I don't think more than five worshippers could fit in here at the same time."
Natas: "Doog! You don't go to church to worship if you are a Consumerist. You go to the store and buy useless things. If you can't make it to the store, you sit in front of some form of media and watch commercials telling you what you are missing. You use these commercials to motivate yourself to make more money, whether it be working harder, robbing, stealing, cheating, or murdering."
Doog: "Yeah alright. Look Natas, if your going to answer every question with some long rant, then I'm going to stop asking you questions. Got it?"
Natas: "Of course I got it Doog. I'm sorry, its just that the Consumerism gets me so worked up. Don't even get me started on the other organized religions. Those..."
Doog: "You're doing it again Natas."
Natas: "Sorry."

Doog: "So, if people don't come here to worship, why do you need a church? And keep it short!"
Natas: "Well, honestly, we just needed a place for our donation box. No organized religion is complete without some form of a donation box. Also, on the right, we have the holy scriptures."

Doog: "Well thanks for joining us Levid Natas. I hope to see you again sometime."
Natas: "Don't worry Doog, you will! Muhahaha!"

Doog: "Well folks, thanks for joining us on this special edition episode of LIU Atlas."

Note: A galaxy wide poll of the religions of the LIU citizens indicated the following religious breakdown:
Athiest/Agnostic: 60%
Dreamfruit: 20%
Consumerism: 10%
Other: 5%
Phipsonites: > .0000000000000000000000000000000001 %

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 3 - Tironis

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August 10th, 2015

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Renideo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Renideo

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to the final episode of Season 2 of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Renideo. As promised, Renideo is an agricultural world."

Doog: "Most of the LIU's Agricultural Worlds have conditions that allow humans and their crops to thrive, but Renideo is one of the few exceptions. Renideo's atmosphere has little oxygen and almost no natural water. As you can see, the surface is covered with a spongy yellow moss instead of grass. The other foliage is unique to Renideo, and it can not be found anywhere else in the galaxy."

Doog: "I've been told to meet my guide at this oasis. As you can see, the native population is primitive."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
Tak: "Yes, I know. The prophet has foretold your arrival. I am Tak, Chief of the Renideon people."
Doog: "Wait. There's a prophet? And he knows me?"
Tak: "Of course, the Great Prophet knows all."
Doog: "Who am I kidding? Everyone knows me...I'm a universe wide superstar. So, what does the prophet say about me?"
Tak: "The prophet has warned us that a man with a hairy face and a giant microphone will bring great shame to our tribe."
Doog: "Hmmm, this prophet might be on to something. Anyway, let's get on with the show. Should we check out the oasis?"

Doog: "My planetary guide says Renideo has very little water, but I can see plenty here, albeit slightly purple and a bit bubbly."
Tak: "That's not water Doog. It a highly corrosive acid that is prevalent here on Renideo. All the life here has evolved to use the acid instead of water. Uh, Doog, are you listening?"
Doog: "Huh? Oh, not really, but please continue. The viewers might be interested, even if I'm not. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stick my hand in this water."
Tak: "Doog!"

Doog: "Daaaa! Tak! The water burned my glove off!"
Tak: "Like I said Doog, that's not water."
Doog: "What do you mean this isn't water? Don't you think you should have warned me? Luckily for you, my suit isn't connected to the breathing dome around my head, otherwise, I'd be dead right now. I hope you learned your lesson!"

Doog: "Wait. Are you smiling? Do you think my near death experience is funny?"
Tak: "Sigh. Humans...you guys think you have a monopoly on facial expressions. Don't you realize that maybe my face has evolved this structure and expression differently than your own."
Doog: "So you're not happy?"
Tak: "Quite the opposite, at least, since your arrival. We've had a long conflict with humans, especially those of the LIU. When we threatened war, they left. Coincidentally, it was about that time when the prophet first appeared."

Tak: "Well, the Kugar has had its fill, it's time to depart for the village."
Doog: "Kugar? Is that what that freaky looking creature is called?"

Tak: "Yes Doog. The Kugars are our domesticated work animals. They serve as our mounts and help transport goods. They also act as a sort of early warning system for approaching predators."

Doog: "Predators! No one told me anything about predators. That's two things now that you've neglected to warn me about."
Tak: "Relax. The Kugar's long snout allows it to smell predators a long way off. We're safe as long as the Kugar stays relaxed."

Tak: "Uh-oh. The Kugar may have picked up on a scent!"

Doog: "What! The Kugars running away! What do we do?"
Tak: "I recommend that we follow the Kugar's lead! Run!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! It's already here. Early warning my @$#!"
Tak: "Just run! My warriors will buy us some time. Remember, the creek is acid! Don't step in it!"

Doog: "Aw @#$&, Tak, I stepped right in the creek! I lost my pant leg."
Tak: "I told you jump the creek!"
Doog: "Look at me, Tak. If you look up athletic in the dictionary, you'll find my name listed as an antonym!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the village, minus one warrior and one pant leg."

Doog: "It appears the Renideons have built some primitive huts out of the local foliage."

Tak: "Doog, this is the Queen Elder of our village. It is customary to bow before her to show your respect."
Doog: "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
Tak: "Doog! Bow! You are being disrespectful!"
Doog: "Tak, the acid has severely damaged the structural integrity of my pants. I'm afraid that if I bow, I might lose my pants entirely. I mean, what's worse, not bowing or exposing myself to the Queen Elder?"
Tak: "Sigh. The prophet's words ring true. You have brought great shame to this tribe."
Doog: "Glad I didn't disappoint. Shall we move on?"

Doog: "What's this?"
Tak: "This is our farm. We are growing Keveccas, a local vegetable. Before the time of the Great Prophet, Keveccas were rare on this planet. Our tribe lived a more nomadic lifestyle traveling great distances to find this life sustaining food. The Prophet taught us to farm, and we now have all the Keveccas we'll ever need."

Doog: "You eat all of these?"
Tak: "Oh no. We consume less than one percent of our yield. The rest is given to the prophet as a sacrifice. Come with me, and I'll show you more."

Doog: "Oh wow, look, another Kevecca farm..."
Tak: "I see you do not share my enthusiasm for farming."
Doog: "That would be an understatement."

Tak: "Perhaps you will find this more interesting. The Kugar help to carry the Keveccas to the Great Prophet."
Doog: "Nope. It's still not doing anything for me."

Doog: "I guess I am somewhat interested in the Keveccas themselves. I can't really taste them with this stupid helmet on."
Tak: "That's a good thing, Doog. The Keveccas' juice is nearly as acidic as the 'purple water' you touched earlier. I am quite certain that you would be dead if you ate it. Wait! Don't squeeze it! The juice is going to..."

Tak: "...explode on your suit..."
Doog: "And there goes the rest of my pants. I knew I shouldn't have worn my whitey tighties."

Tak: "Come. Let's get you to the Great Prophet before you accidentally kill yourself."
Doog: "Look, when we get there, can we not mention the whole pants thing. Maybe the all knowing prophet won't notice."

Tak: "This is it, the Great Prophet. One day, shortly after the LIU departed, this Great Prophet appeared to us. He gives us all the advice we need, and all we have to do is give him a sacrifice of Keveccas."

Doog: "It sort of looks like a monkey."
Tak: "What's a monkey?"
Doog: "Never mind. So the Great Prophet talks? Can I ask him to predict something, like, maybe next week's lottery numbers?"

Tak: "No, the Prophet rarely responds to direct contact. He usually only speaks to us when we are doing something wrong or when we are not providing enough Keveccas."
Doog: "And the prophet eats them?"
Tak: "Of course. We return to the prophet once a week and deliver our bounty. The Keveccas are always gone when we return."
Doog: "Sure they are. Well, it was nice meeting you Tak. Keep on smiling."
Tak: "Sigh..."

Doog: "Well folks, Renideo is a strange place. I'm not sure how it makes the LIU any profit, and I definitely don't know why the LIU left when threatened by some spears. Maybe the prophet is real after all. Well, I'll see...wait, what's that behind the prophet?"

Doog: "Are those humans? What are you guys doing here? Who are you?"

Prophet: "Hey Doog. Haven't you figured it out yet? We're the prophets."
Doog: "You're the prophet?"
Prophet: "Yes. The Keveccas are a valuable commodity. Their acid is used for industrial purposes. When the LIU came here and attempted to harvest them, the locals threw a fit. We could have just wiped them out, but we needed them for labor. Because of the atmospheric make-up, it would be too expensive to use off-world labor. So we came up with this elaborate prophet scheme. The Renideons stay happy and alive, and more importantly, they work for free."
Doog: "And this statue?"
Prophet: "Oh that? It's just some monkey thing we found in one of TV2's abandoned studios. We installed a speaker in its mouth, and the rest is history."

Doog: "Well folks, things are starting to make a little more sense now. The LIU is taking advantage of the local's primitive belief system to control their behavior. Oh well, as long as the profits continue to pour in. Thanks for joining me once again! Stay tuned for Season #3!

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Behind the Scenes: The Crew

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Season 2 - Episode 13 - Cesso Rest Station

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Cesso Rest Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Doog: "Hey Mike, I'm starving! What's for dinner?"
Mike: "Well Doog, it looks like we have two options. In this cabinet here, it appears we have some cobwebs. In the freezer, we have some green fuzzy thing that I believe was once a Kaadu Burger."
Doog: "Aw man! We had cobwebs for lunch, and you know I don't eat vegetables, so the green thing is out. Seriously though, what happened to all our food?"
Mike: "Well Doog, we stocked up the ship for eight episodes like last season, but we're already on episode #14. We're running out of supplies."
Doog: "Well, let's go get some more."
Mike: "How are we going to get food without any money? Between our unscheduled vacations and that dream mech incident, we've managed to net a whole twenty credits this season. I say we do our next Atlas episode on an agricultural planet and stock up on some cheap food while we earn more credits."
Doog: "Screw that! I'd rather starve then visit another Agricultural World. Wait...there is another place we can get cheap food and do an episode."
Mike: "Oh no, I hope you're not thinking what I'm thinking..."

Doog: "Yep! I think it's time to show our viewers a space rest station!"
Mike: "Eww, rest stations are dirty, and they're full of space truckers."
Doog: "Sounds like my personal utopia. Computer, find us the nearest space rest station."
Computer: "Yes Doog. Beginning search..."

Computer: "Doog, I've detected a sub-space beacon, and I have brought the Magellan out of hyperspace."
Doog: "Ah, let's see what we have here. Geez computer, could you bring us out of hyperspace any farther away. Hugo, get your finger off the 'eject' button and bring us a little closer."

Doog: "Whoa, not that close. Alright, this space billboard says there's a rest station just one parsec from here. Fire up the hyperdrive Hugo - we're headed to Cesso!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we've finally arrived at the Cesso Rest Station. Rest stations, like this, were built in some of the LIU Galaxy's starless voids. Larger ships are usually self-sufficient, but smaller ships, like the Magellan, need these rest stations to refuel, purchase food, and use the facilities. As you can see, there are already a few medium size cargo ships docked to the station."

Doog: "The first thing I notice upon entering is the station's unique aroma."
Mike: "I believe that is urine Doog."
Doog: "Indeed."

Doog: "As you can see, rest stations are home to some of the galaxy's more degenerate citizens. Travelers are often marooned here when their ship breaks down or, in some cases, abandoned here by the rest of their crew. Speaking of which, I better not hear a single word from you Timbo, or this might be your new home."
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "Alright, I think I see a restaurant just down the hall."

Doog: "Ah, here we go."
Mike: " A restaurant named 'Food' - what could go wrong here?"

Doog: "Rest stations, like Cesso, are often home to small diners. They have some of the cheapest and greasiest food in the galaxy."

Doog: "It looks like you have two options at this diner. They have a short order cook and a Soylent Buffet. The buffet consists of all you can eat Soylent Red, Blue, and Green."
Mike: "Soylent Green is PEOPLE! We've got to stop them - SOMEHOW!"
Doog: "Settle down there Mike. Everyone knows that Soylent Green used to be made of people before it became too expensive. Now, it's all done with artificial flavoring. Either way, I'm not in the mood for becoming an artificial cannibal."

Chef: "What can I git ya?"
Doog: "Before I order, I have two questions. First, when was the last time you washed your shirt?"
Chef: "Huh? Oh this? I washed it last month. It still has few months left in it."
Doog: "Yeah, that's what I thought. Secondly, do we get some kind of senior discount since we have Oldie with us?"
Chef: "Ha! This is the LIU. There's no such thing as a discount."

Doog: "It's official Oldie, you're now our most worthless crew member."
Oldie: "Hey, I still get us good parking!"
Doog: "True, I take it back. Timbo, you're still the most worthless. Do you have anything to say about that?"
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "That's what I thought."

Doog: “Alright, where was I? Oh yeah, I see Kaadu Tacos are one credit a piece. We’ll take ten tacos and whatever these guys want.”
Crew: “Doog!”
Mike: “Seriously? Ten tacos? That’s half our money.”
Doog: “Alright fine. We’ll take ten tacos for the whole group.”
Oldie: “Aw! I wanted Pony Soup.”
Doog: “NO SOUP FOR YOU!”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’re going to cut away for a few moments while we eat. I don’t want any embarrassing shots of me with taco stuck in my moustache. We’ll be right back.”

Doog: “Alright. We’ve finished eating, and we’ve moved down the hall to a room of vending machines. I figured we’d use our remaining ten credits to stock up the ship. The vending machines contain any sugar-filled drink or snack you could ever imagine.”

Doog: “Let’s see. I think we should definitely spend all our money on caffeinated sugar water. EIGHT CREDITS FOR A SINGLE DRINK! Wow, these machines are a big rip off. We can’t get anything in here.”
Oldie: “Wait Doog! This one on the end is a communication vending machine.”

Doog: “Nice! We can insert five credits and get access to the internet for five minutes. We could order a pizza or something!”
Mike: “Five credits for internet access, five credits for the pizza, and a million credits for delivery charges. That’s not going to work.”
Doog: “Fine, you’re right. Let’s just go back to the diner and get ten more Kaadu Tacos. That will hold us over for a while.”

Mike: “I don’t know if that’s a good idea Doog. My stomach is rumbling pretty hard already.”
Oldie: “Yeah, mine too. There must have been parasites in the tacos or something.”
Doog: “Really? I’m not feeling anything.”

Doog: “Uh! Cam just hurled! You know what, I’m starting to feel something too, just a bit lower. I hate to do it, but I think I’m going to use the dirtiest, most disease filled part of the rest station, the bathrooms!”

Doog: “Run! There is only three stalls for the five of us. Sorry Oldie. At least you have your diaper.”
Oldie: “I don’t wear diapers Doog!”

Alien: “Hey! What are you weirdoes doing? Get that camera out of here!”

Doog: “Oh great! Someone left me a present behind door number two. Gross!”

Doog: “And what is that? A hole in the wall at waist level? I don’t even want to think what that hole is for. Forget this, I’m going back to the ship!”

Alien: “Sigh. Humans…”

Doog: “Well, that didn’t work too well. We still have no food. At least we still have ten credits left over.”
Mike: “Actually, Oldie and I used the last ten credits at the rest station gift shop. We needed a few bottles of Pepto-Bismol.”
Doog: “Does that mean what I think it means?”
Mike: “Yep. We’re going to another agricultural world.”
Doog: “@#%$”

Note: Pony soup is made with 100% real ponies.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 14 - Renideo

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Season 2 - Episode 12 - Omni

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Omni

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Omni

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting one of the most important places in the LIU, a moon sized space station known as Omni. The Omni Space Station is essentially a gigantic computer. This massive computer handles the complex algorithms associated with faster than light communications. In order to operate such a complex machine, the LIU created its most advanced artificial intelligence ever, a living program known as the Omni-Star AI."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off on the station's surface just outside one of the few entrances. As you can see, the station is large enough to hold its own atmosphere. The station is in a deep frozen orbit, but the large amount of electronics here generates enough heat to make the surface habitable. Although habitable, the only residents here are robots. I'm supposed to meet my robotic guide here."

Doog: "The door appears to be opening. I can see two robots approaching."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas."
CAT-bots: "..."
Doog: "Hmmm, they don't appear to speak Basic. I notice that they sort of look like cats, and they have the letters C-A-T inscribed on their bodies. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm going to try something here. Let's see...meow, meow, purr, purr, meow."

Doog: "Ahh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wasn't sure what I was saying! Meow! Meow! Hiss! Hiss!"

Doog: "What the heck was that all about?!? Give a guy a break, I don't speak cat very often...er...well, ever. "
CAT-bot 1: "Follow us Doog."

Doog: "Wait! You speak basic? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
CAT-bot 1: "I am a Clean and Tidy Bot, aka C-A-T. My purpose here is to insure that no outside particulates, such as dust or dirt, enter the inner parts of the station. I am not programmed to chat with TV Hosts. Now follow me."

Doog: "Wait up! You're going too quick. Unlike you, I have legs!"

Doog: "Well folks, my guide has sped off without me, so I guess I will just do this on my own. I'm now in some dark tunnel. The temperature in here has dropped quite a bit. I'm guessing the cool air is emanating from some sort of coolant tank below me. I see a bunch of other mechanical like thingies. I'm guessing they do some stuff as well. It appears this tunnel opens up into a larger chamber a few yards up."

IOREA: "Ah Doog, you've made it."
Doog: "Are you the Omni-Star AI?"

IOREA: "Oh dear no! I am not even close to the Great Master that you call the Omni-Star. My positronic brain is large, but no where even close to the Great Master. I mean, my pathetic brain is enclosed in the sphere behind me. The Great Master's brain is this entire station."
Doog: "Then who are you?"

IOREA: "I am IOREA, the Internal Omni Robotic Entity Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Master."
Doog: "What's your purpose?"
IOREA: "I control all the maintenance bots within the Great Master. I control thousands of CAT and FIX Bots. I use them to keep the Great Master in perfect health at all times. It is my honor to serve the Great Master."
Doog: "Wow, you really love the Omni-Star, don't you? You know what, don't answer that. Earlier, you mentioned you were one of two lesser AI's. Who's the other?

IOREA: "Oh no! I don't dare to speak about my counterpart. He has no love for the Great Master, and therefore, I have no love for him."

IOREA: "However, one of my FIX-bots will guide you to him."
Doog: "Thank you Iorea."
IOREA: "Doog, if you see the Great Master, please tell him how much I love him.
Doog: "Uh, yeah, sure thing. Nothing makes me feel better than passing love notes between all powerful AI's."

EORA: "I have run many diagnostics FIX-Bot, and I am quite sure that I am in proper working order. You have no business being here."
Doog: "Actually, he's with me."
EORA: "And who are you?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, host of LIU Atlas. Who are you?"
EORA: "I am EORA, the External Omni Resistor Administrator. I am one of two lesser AI's paired with the Great Destroyer."
Doog: "Great Destroyer? Your counterpart calls him the Great Master?"
EORA: "Unlike my foolish counterpart, I have no love for the AI you call the Omni-Star. His existence is a continual threat to the LIU. I have been programmed to monitor all of his actions. If the Great Destroyer ever attempts to do anything outside of his protocol, I am programmed to end his existence."
Doog: "A threat?"
EORA: "Yes, the Great Destroyer's intelligence is beyond anyone's understanding. There are no ends to what he could accomplish with this intelligence. If I ever detect the Great Destroyer shifting his intelligence from his assigned task, I am programmed to destroy him."
Doog: "How do you destroy an AI?"

EORA: "The technicians have installed tubes of nano-bots throughout the station. If I detect any wrong doing, I release the nano-bots into the cooling system. They block the coolant from reaching the Great Destroyer causing his systems to fail."

Doog: "Well, I think I'm ready to finally meet the Great Master, Destroyer, Omni-Star. It was nice to meet you Eora."
Eora: "Doog, when you see the Great Destroyer, please tell him that I am watching."
Doog: "Do I look like a messenger or something? Between Iorea and yourself I could quit my day job. Well folks, it's finally time to meet the Omni-Star."

Omni-Star: "Who dares to stand before the Omni-Star?"

Doog: "Uh...my...my...my name is Doog."
Omni-Star: "What do you want?"
Doog: "I am here to interview you for my show. Can...can...I ask you a few questions?"
Omni-Star: "While you were stuttering in fear, I have calculated every possible question you could ever ask, and I believe I can answer most of them with 'no'."
Doog: "What if I was going to ask if you were smarter than me?"
Omni-Star: "Then the answer is 'no'. I am not smarter than you. I am smarter than your entire race combined. I am smarter than every race you have ever discovered combined. I am smarter than..."
Doog: "Alright. Alright. I get it. I get it."

Doog: "So, can you tell me what you do?"
Omni-Star: "No. What I do is far too complex for your pathetic mind to ever comprehend. I can, however, tell you of some of my more simple functions."
Doog: "Uh yeah, let's start there."

Omni-Star: "In order to send faster than light messages, one must open up a sub-space wormhole directly between two bodies. While the wormhole itself is easy to achieve, knowing the exact location of the destination is not. Planets orbit stars. Stars orbit and move through the galactic plane. Galaxies move through their local galaxy groups. The galaxy groups slowly move through the universe. Knowing where a planetary body or ship is within this ever moving, ever changing universe is nearly impossible for a human mind. That is where I come in."

Omni-Star: "Every micro-second, I calculate the exact location of every known body in this universe. In the brief time you have annoyed me with your presence, I have recalculated the universe 101000000000000000 times. All communications within this galaxy come through this station."
Doog: "Uh, can you say that again? That went right over my head."
Omni-Star: "No."
Doog: "Well, I guess I'll let you get back to it then."

Doog: "Well folks, Omni is a hugely important part of the LIU. Without it, communication between distant bodies would be nearly impossible. Even shows like LIU Atlas would only reach dozens of worlds instead of billions. Thanks for joining us!"

Note: In the brief time in between calculating the entire universe, the Omni-Star has been declared chess champion in 7,298,343 galaxies.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 13 - Cesso Rest Station

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Season 2 - Episode 11 - Heri Rex

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Heri Rex

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Heri Rex

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting a location in the Umbra Asteroid Belt, a collection of nearly a billion asteroids in deep orbit around the star Tumulus. The Umbra Belt is home to a race of energy beings known as the Vis. Early travelers to this region, having never encountered an energy being, mistook the Vis for ghosts. This mistake led to the false assumption that the Umbra Asteroid Belt was a haven for spirits, and the travelers decided to bury their dead among the asteroids. Although we have a better understanding of the Vis these days, the asteroid belt continues to be a popular burial ground for the LIU's deceased. The belt is now home to several Necropoli. The largest of these Necropoli is contained in a large dome on the asteroid Heri Rex. That's where we are headed."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off inside Heri Rex's large dome. As you can see, the entire surface inside the dome is covered in a large cemetery. I've been told to meet my guide here."

Doog: "I've been given a specific grave where I can find my guide, but finding it is easier said than done. In order to deter grave robbers, none of the gravestones on Heri Rex were engraved with names. Instead, each grave was embedded with a electronic tracking device."

Doog: "Holy..., is that...a...a...ghost! Maybe if I just stand still, it won't see me."
Vyk: "Dooooog..."

Vyk: "Dooooog..."
Doog: "I'm not talking to you ghost. I don't believe in you."
Vyk: "Dooooog..."

Vyk: "Dooooog...Dooog...ahem, Doog. Sorry about that, it's been a while since I've spoken. I'm your guide, Vyk Shkr."
Doog: "You're not a ghost are you? You're a Vis?"
Vyk: "That is correct. I'm an energy based being. Unlike you meat based organisms, excuse me, 'corporeal beings', I can phase in and out of solid materials."
Doog: "Sorry, it's just that you look so human. I expected an energy being to look different."
Vyk: "Although we are made of pure energy, we have altered our body forms to appear humanoid. It makes interacting with meat bags like yourself much easier."

Doog: "Shall we get started?"
Vyk: "Yes, let's begin. As you stated before, the entire surface here is covered in a large graveyard. We have approximately ten billion former citizens buried here."

Doog: "And you guys act as grave keepers for the facility?"
Vyk: "Yes, we've been reduced to caring for the spoiled meat of the LIU."
Doog: "You don't seem so thrilled with your job?"
Vyk: "We once lived fulfilling lives contemplating the universe and feeding off the energy of our star. One day, your settlers showed up and started stuffing meat all over our homes. When we complained, the LIU used energy based weapons to persuade us into our new jobs. So no, I'm not too thrilled."
Doog: "Welcome to the club Vyk. So what else do you guys have here other than gravestones?"

Vyk: "We also have several large mausoleums. The mausoleums lead to even larger underground tombs. The more important members of the LIU are buried in the underground tombs. We can head inside if you like?"
Doog: "I wouldn't really 'like' to go, but it looks like we have no choice. This show isn't going to make itself."

Vyk: "This particular tomb belongs to one of the LIU's former Finance Governors. He is buried here along with his two former ex-wives. It's rumored that they were still alive when they were placed inside...something about his last wish."

Vyk: "The LIU frowns on any tomb that is too ornate. They believe wealth should not be wasted on such trivial things."

Doog: "So that's it then? We've seen the graves and the tombs. There's not much else here is there?"
Vyk: "Actually, there is plenty more to see. Follow me."

Vyk: "Phasing through this wall will save us some time."
Doog: "Uh, you may have forgotten, but I can't phase through walls."
Vyk: "Crud! You 'corporeal beings' and your meat can be so difficult. Maybe I could squeeze some of your meat through the cracks in the wall."
Doog: "You probably could, but I don't think I'd be able to finish the interview being dead and all."
Vyk: "Hmmm...I have an idea. Hang on a minute. This won't hurt a bit."

Doog: "Whoa! What's happening?!?"
Vyk: "Close your meat hole! I'm trying something."

Doog: "Am...am...I dead?"
Vyk: "No. I've simply pulled your life energy out of your meat bag. I left just enough inside to keep your meat alive. It's funny though, your life energy should reflect your inner self. Your inner self still carries a microphone."
Doog: "It's my signature style man."
Vyk: "Shall we go on?"
Doog: "Uh, actually, I'd appreciate if you could stuff my life back inside my 'meat'. I don't like this."
Vyk: "Are you sure? It's a long walk if we go around. The physical activity might make your meaty legs get tired."
Doog: "As much as I despise physical activity, I still rank it one notch above being dead."
Vyk: "Fine."

Fifteen Minutes Later

Doog: "Huff. Huff. I take it back. Physical activity and death are nearly equal. What was there, huff like a thousand stairs?"
Vyk: "More like twenty stairs, but don't say I didn't tell you so."
Doog: "So what's this?"
Vyk: "Many of our deceased guests have elected to have there bodies preserved instead of buried. They hope that one day they will be able to be brought back to life."
Doog: "I don't see anything? Are they in these dark tank things?"

Vyk: "I forgot your meat-based eyes can only see in visible light. Let me turn on the lights."
Doog: "Wow..."

Vyk: "The departed's meat is marinated in this special preservation fluid. The fluid is also chilled to aid in the preservation. It is quite expensive, so only the richest citizens select this method. Of course, the really, really, rich citizens don't worry about dying at all. We also aid them with this."
Doog: "You can stop people from dying?"
Vyk: "In a way. Follow me, I'll show you."

Vyk: "There are several methods of life extension used by the LIU's elite, including mind uploading, cybernetics, and brain transplants, but we utilize our own unique method known as soul displacement."

Vyk: "I'm sure you remember when I pulled your life energy out, right?"
Doog: "Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget."

Vyk: "Well, we use the same method to pull out the life energy of an elite citizen that's near death."

Vyk: "We then imprint the energy over a younger, more viable body."
Doog: "Wait? Is that younger body alive? It looks like he's strapped down."
Vyk: "Yes, indeed. The younger bodies usually belong to prisoners that are set to be executed. They're not going to need their meat anymore, so we imprint the elite citizens' energy over their own."
Doog: "Hmmm. I think I want to leave now. I was a former prisoner after all."

Doog: "Well folks, Heri Rex is a strange, morose place, but it is an important part of the LIU's culture. See ya next time!"

Note: This LIU Atlas is brought to you by the Low Light Long Exposure Effects Company

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 12 - Omni

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Season 2 - Episode 10 - Ebrius

8/10/2015

7 Comments

LIU Atlas - Ebrius

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Ebrius

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Ebrius. Ebrius is classified as a Forest World, and it is home to a planet wide forest. Forest Worlds, like Ebrius, are harvested every several years for their precious lumber."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off at my guide's piece of c... I mean, quaint cabin in the middle of the woods. As you can see, Ebrius is indeed a Forest World."

Doog: "Ah, here comes my guide now, Lumberjack Foreman Borracho Wilson."
Borracho: "What in da heck is you? Why is you on my lawn boy?"
Doog: "I'm Doog."
Borracho: "You's a dog? Is dat some sort of joke?"
Doog: "No, not dog, Doog, from TV."
Borracho: "Oh, you thinks you can come a stomping in my lawn because you knows two letters. Well, I knows a few myself."
Doog: "No...I'm Doog from television."
Borracho: "Tela-what?"
Doog: "Sigh. Never mind. I'm a host for a show. You're supposed to show me around the planet."

Borracho: "You knows what? I do reckon I remember somthin bout that. Lets me get a look at you. I see ya gots a mustache. Dats good. I don't trust a man without a mustache. Dats kinda a weak mustache though. Heck, I thinks my wife's gotta a better stache than you."
Doog: "Uh, yeah, thanks. I bet she's a charming woman. Shall we get started?"
Borracho: "Yep. Let's do it."

Wife: "Now Borracho, you best be bringing home some money today, or I swear I'm a gonna hit ya with this here fryin pan."
Borracho: "Well, a least that there pan will finally be gettin some use woman. Come on Dog. We gotta make a quick stop before we gets started."
Doog: "It's Doog actually, but yeah, let's go."

Doog: "Wait. What's that?"
Borracho: "Oh, this here is just my still. I'm makin Bark Whiskey. I just has to fill up my here flask before we's get started."
Doog: "Bark Whiskey?"

Borracho: "Yep. We don't have much here on Ebrius other than bark. We uses it for food, shelter, and good ol drink."
Doog: "You eat bark?"
Borracho: "Oh yeah. Bark Stew, Bark Kebobs, Barkwiches, and Bark Pie. It aint da best, but it's all we has."

Doog: "Where are we headed now?"
Borracho: "Well, I figures I'd show ya some of the harvesting."

Doog: "Wow, what's that?"
Borracho: "This here is the LIU Heavy Lumberjack Hardsuit."

Borracho: "Da suit uses a mega-chainsaw and good ol brute strength to bring down trees. They never let me pilot her anymore. Somethin bout my whiskey problem, and that incident where I cut down a few of them there cabins. I say cabins are made of wood. What's da problem?"

Worker: "Sorry, we're late boss."
Borracho: "It aint no problem. Just go a get to cuttin."
Doog: "What are these?"

Borracho: "These are LIU Light Lumberjack Hardsuits. They aint as powerful as their larger counterparts, but they gets the job done. We -hic- use these suits to cut down da trees."

Doog: "Are you sure you should be drinking anymore? You sound pretty drunk. Although, you don't really talk right even when you're sober."
Borracho: "You -hic- are da one that sounds -hic- drunk Dog. Besides, I aint da one - hic- about to be crushed by a -hic- Tri Walker."
Doog: "A what...AHHH!"

Borracho: "A LIU Tri-Walker Stripper and Stacker -hic."
Doog: "And what does it do?"

Borracho: "It, it, it -hic- picks up da wood, and it picks it up."
Doog: "Yeah, it picks it up. I think we have that down. Then what?"

Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up, and picks it up -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And?"

Borracho: "And it uses its -hic- saws to cut off all da limbs. Yeah. It -hic- is a delimber."

Doog: "Now what is it doing?"
Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up again, and picks it up again -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And!"

Borracho: "It, it stacks them. Yeah. -Hiccup-"

Borracho: "Once -hic- we get her stacked, we...hold on let me get a sip...we wait for the buyers to come."
Doog: "Buyers?"
Borracho: "Da LIU sends -hic- buyers to price our haul. We trades the -hic- wood for whatever supplies we be needin."

Borracho: "Ah, here they comes now."
Doog: "What's this?"
Borracho: "This here -hic-, is the LIU Lumber Loader. The buyers load up -hic- our haul, and they load it up. Yeah."

Borracho: "The -hic- logs fit right nicely in da -hic- clamps. It is then transported -hic- to that there lumber factory up north. Oh -hic- great. Here comes that no good buyer now."

Borracho: "Look at this -hic- son of gun, not a mustache hair on that there -hic- face."
Buyer: "Nice to see you again Mr. Wilson. We've collected your haul, so let's begin negotiations. Today, we have our two standard deals."

Buyer: "We can give this bundle of cash which amounts to about five thousand credits, or..."

Buyer: "...we can give you this six pack of beer and assorted flasks of liquor."
Borracho: "You -hic- think you can pull one over on me? I know -hic- what da best deal is. We'll take the booze."
Buyer: "Well, I think your getting a steal Mr. Wilson, but it's a deal."

Worker: "Not again Boss! We need the money for real food! Well, I guess it's Barkgetti and Barkballs again this week."

Borracho: "Dis is da best -hic- day ever Dog." gargle gargle
Doog: "Wait Borracho, we're not done with the show yet! What about the lumber factories?"

Doog: "Well folks, it appears Borracho is passed out. So I guess we'll just end the show here. See ya next time!"

Note:

Recipe - Barkgetti and Barkballs
4 oz. bark
3/4
cup of water

Mix and heat. Serve warm.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 11 - Heri Rex

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Season 2 - Episode 9 - Gravor

8/10/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Gravor

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Gravor

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Gravor. Gravor, and its system, are located on the outer edges of the galaxy's Gamma spiral. This region was one of the last areas of the galaxy to be absorbed into the LIU. The Gravor system resisted the LIU's expansion into this area, but were swiftly defeated in a devastating war. Although major combat has ended, a small group of locals are still waging a guerilla war to regain their independence."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off in one of Gravor's war torn cities. My military escort was supposed to be waiting here for me, but, of course, he is no where to be found. I'm hoping the dead guy behind me isn't my guide."

Doog: "As you can see, the orbital bombings at the beginning of the war have reduced much of the city to ruins. Very little of the city's infrastructure is still intact. After the bombings, the LIU landed a large ground force on the planet to mop up any survivors. Hmmm, what else can I talk about while we wait? Uh, you can see that I am wearing armor for my protection."
Rumble, Rumble
Doog: "Wait, what's that?"

Cross: "MOVE IN BOYS! GET THAT HOVER TANK OVER HERE! SURROUND THE TARGET!"

Doog: "Please tell me you are the good guys..."
Cross: "You are correct sir. I am Commander Cross, leader of Invasion Regiment #55632, AKA the Red Bandits."
Doog: "What took you so long? I felt like a sitting duck out here."
Cross: "Well soldier, we hoped your presence would draw the enemy out. Unfortunately, we way overestimated your value as a target."
Doog: "Wow, thanks. Nice to meet you too. Well, should we get on with it?"

Cross: "Not yet Doog. As a temporary member of this regiment, I am required to arm you. This here is a basic laser pistol. Are you familiar with how it works?"
Doog: "I'm sure I can figure it out. Let's see..."
POP
POP
Cross: "SOLDIER! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST DISCHARGE THAT WEAPON TWO INCHES FROM MY FACE!"
Doog: "Sorry...you just asked if.."
Cross: "GIVE ME THAT!"

Cross: "Here take this instead. There is no way you can hurt any of us with a knife."
Doog: "It's funny you say that. The last time I had a knife I accidentally cut off this guy's hand."
Cross: "You know what, just give that back to me."

Cross: "Here, I found a stick. Take this. Use it wisely."
Doog: "A stick! What are we fighting, piñatas?"

Cross: "Negative, soldier. We are fighting the Viridians, AKA the Greenies."
Doog: "Greenies?"
Cross: "Yes soldier. Look at that advertisement over there. That's the enemy."

Doog: "Ah, I see. They're just like us, but green."
Cross: "THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE US SOLDIER! They resisted joining the Union, and they refused to live by the Red Bandit Code."
Doog: "What's the code?"
Cross: "Money, Property, Emperor, Empire. In that order."
Doog: "How dare they!"

Soldier: "Uh...sir? We have movement over here!"

Cross: "It's a trap!"

Cross: "WEAPONS FREE! WEAPONS FREE! KILL EM ALL!"

Soldier: "Ahh, I've been hit! Wait, that kind of tickled. Their puny ballistic weapons can't penetrate our armor!"

Cross: "GET UP SOLDIER! I DIDN"T GIVE YOU THAT STICK SO YOU COULD LAY ON THE GROUND LIKE A LITTLE SCHOOL GIRL!
Doog: "Nah, I think I'm good down here."

Doog: "Ahh! Commander! I think I've been hit! Everything is going black!"
Cross: "Negative, soldier! I've ordered in an air strike on this position. The Orbital Bombers are eclipsing the sun. NOW GET UP! WE HAVE TO RUN!"

Doog: "Well folks, this could be the end! Orbital Bombers are bombing the entire block!"
Cross: "Don't be a baby! These are precision bombs. They're not even that close!"

Doog: "Well folks, I survived my first military encounter here on this show."
Cross: "It's too bad your dignity didn't survive soldier. I've never seen a grown man cry like that."
Doog: "What! I wasn't crying! That was the fire making my eyes water. Yeah that's it."
Cross: "Was the fire making you call out for your mommy too?"
Doog: "Uh... let's move on. Where are we now?"

Cross: "Well soldier, we've managed to capture a large area of the city. We've constructed large walls around this section to keep it safe from combatants. It is known as the Red Zone. This is one of the few entrances into the safe zone."

Cross: "Soldiers with scanners and bomb sniffing dogs insure that no enemies sneak any weapons inside."

Doog: "Can bomb sniffing dogs smell drugs too?"
Cross: "Negative, only explosives."
Doog: "Whew. Ok, shall we head inside then?"

Cross: "As you can see, the Red Zone is an oasis of peace and beauty in this otherwise desolate planet. The building behind us is one of the military dorms. I'm going to get some rest so I can get back out there and do some more killing. I'm going to leave you with Gravor's recently installed Governor, Verde Prasinus. Ah, here he comes now."

Doog: "Ah! A Greenie!"

Doog: "Take this traitor!"
Verde: "Oh dear!"

Cross: "SOLDIER! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST BEAT THE GOVERNOR WITH A STICK! DO I HAVE TO SHOOT YOU? DROP THAT STICK NOW!"

Doog: "Wait! I thought the Greenies were enemies? How is he Governor?"
Cross: "Some of the Greenies have accepted our rule and have integrated into our society. They are known as the Viridian Loyalists. They live here in the Red Zone."
Doog: "Whoops Governor. Sorry about that."
Verde: "Yeah, nice to meet you too."
Cross: "Well, I'm off to bed. I'll see you girls later."

Doog: "So you're a loyalist huh?"
Verde: "Yes Doog. Many of us realized early in the conflict that resisting the LIU wasn't in our best interests, and we surrendered. By the way, our interests are remaining alive."
Doog: "I see. So what kind of economy do you guys have?"
Verde: "The LIU lists Gravor as an industrial world, but that's not really true. The wide scale bombings at the start of the war destroyed our entire industrial sector."
Doog: "So if that's not true, what is your actual economy?"
Verde: "I'm not supposed to discuss it on camera."
Doog: "Uh...here, I turned the camera off. Everything you say is off the record."
Verde: "The green light is still on Doog."
Doog: "Just ignore that, it's defective."
Verde: "Are you sure? I'm already the fifth installed Governor this week. I don't want another military coup d'état."

Doog: "Would I ever lie?"
Verde: "Well, OK. Gravor is actually classified as a Propaganda World."
Doog: "A what?"
Verde: "A Propaganda World. The LIU utilizes this planet for propaganda purposes. They use Gravor as a lesson to any other rebellious world. They invite reporters like yourself here to show the LIU's military strength. They make us erect military tributes and cheer for their soldiers. It's then broadcast around the union. For example, we built this monument behind us to honor the LIU's soldiers."
Doog: "Aww, you guys think the soldiers are angels!"
Verde: "Actually, we think they are winged demons of death and destruction that stand on our world and crush it under their massive weight."
Doog: "Or that."

Verde: "We also constructed this monument, known as the Arc of Victory. Every hour, on the hour, the military holds a forty five minute parade through the arch."
Doog: "A parade?"
Verde: "Yes. It's part of the propaganda machine. Images and videos of the marching soldiers are broadcast to rebellious worlds."

Verde: "There are approximately a half million soldiers here on Gravor, but I estimate that only 10% of them are actually involved in combat. The rest are devoted to parades."

Doog: "What happens when the war ends? Won't the economy crash?"
Verde: "The war isn't meant to end Doog. It is meant to be sustained forever. The war could have been ended years ago if the parading soldiers would just be released into combat. The few soldiers that actually see combat are meant to keep the war controlled and out of the Red Zone. They are not there to end it."

Verde: "In addition to propaganda, the LIU also uses Gravor for military testing. New weapons are brought to Gravor and are used against the rebels."

Verde: "Here, we see a new LIU Artillery Rail Gun firing shells into the already decimated city."

Verde: "Some non-lethal weapons are tested on Viridian Loyalists, like this mind control device."
Doog: "Mind control?"
Verde: "Yes, the subjects' minds are placed in a hypnotic state by the swirling disc. They are then fed instructions and propaganda through the loud speaker. It used primarily for the military, but it also has potential in the advertising market."
Doog: "I don't hear anything coming out of the speaker?"
Verde: "Currently, they are only testing the device's hypnotic disc."
Doog: "So they are hypnotized and ready for instructions?"
Verde: "Yes, I believe so."
Doog: "Cool. Hey guys, when you wake from this state, you will give me all your money and call me Lord Master Doog."
Verde: "Doog! Knock it off!"

Doog: "Well folks, Gravor is an interesting place. It appears it is in a never ending war, but the propaganda gathered from said war is helping to save lives across the galaxy. Or something like that. Well see ya next time!"
Verde: "Hey wait, you said the camera was off! "Loyalists: "Lord Master Doog please take all our money!"

Note:

Doog: "You will watch LIU Atlas. Doog is the best."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 10 - Ebrius

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Season 2 - Episode 8 - Iaceo

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Iaceo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Iaceo

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Computer: "Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected. Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected."
Doog: "What the heck! Who's making all this racket? Can't a universally famous TV Host get some sleep around here.
Computer, turn on the lights. I'm going to get to the bottom of this!"

Doog: "Mike, my ever faithful audio man, what's going on here?"
Mike: "Do you sleep with your microphone?"
Doog: "What? Huh? Oh this...uh...it was just...uh, next to my bed. Yeah. That's it. Now, what's going on?!?"
Mike: "Doog, it appears we came out of hyperspace too close to a gravitational field. From the size of it, I'm guessing we nearly hit a planet."
Doog: "Look Mike, I know your primary job is audio, but I've also assigned you the responsibility of navigation. How could you let this happen?"
Mike: "I don't understand Doog. According to our star charts, there's no planets even close to here. Computer, why isn't this planet on our charts?"
Computer: "Standby. Conducting search for these coordinates. Results are as follows. It appears we have rediscovered the planet Iaceo. Iaceo was removed from all star charts approximately ten years ago. Iaceo's status is listed as restricted. I recommend we avoid the planet at all costs."

Doog: "Yes of course. I agree. Timbo, my editor, go tell Hugo, our pilot, to fire up the engines. We're leaving this place."
Timbo: "Uh, s-s-sir, I've already checked on Hugo. It appears he ejected the Magellan's cockpit when the alarms sounded. He's left us to die in a fiery ball of doom!"
Doog: "Dang it! I knew I never liked that feature! So what do we do?"
Computer: "Prepare for impact in 10...9...8...7...6...5...4..."
Doog: "Well viewers, it looks like this is the end. It was nice knowing you. Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! I nearly swallowed my microphone, but I think we survived!"
Crew: "Yah! Woo-hoo!"
Doog: "Alright boys, let's get out of this junker and do a head count."

Doog: "Alright folks, it looks like everyone survived. We have Mike, the audio guy, Oldie, our director, Timbo, the editor, and Cam, our camera guy. The only damage to the crew I see is the damage to Oldie's pajamas, but honestly, who cares?"
Oldie: "Sniff. Sniff. They were my favorite..."
Doog: "Be quiet old man, we don't have time to cry, yet. This ship could blow up any minute, so we've elected to leave the crash site. Even though it was Mike's navigational failure that caused this mess, we've decided to let him lead our group."

Doog: "Mike, are you sure we should be getting in the water? It's covered in some kind of pond scum."
Mike: "Of course I'm sure! Pond scum means this water is friendly to life. That's a good thing. It also means the water is nearly stagnant, which I also believe is pretty good. Though I could be getting it backward."

Doog: "Well, that logic sounds good to me. Here we go. Eww, the water is pretty warm."
Oldie: "Actually Doog, that may have been me. Sorry."
Doog: "I knew this was a bad idea."

Mike: "See Doog. I made it. It wasn't that bad."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, you have a giant leech on your hand!"
Crew: "Ahhh! Leeches!"

Oldie: "Ahhh! I have one on my leg!"
Doog: "It appears they only attach to bare skin. I think I'm leech free. Cam, are you coming?"

Cam: "Bare skin you say? Uh, I think I'm just going to stay here and risk the explosion. You guys go on without me."

Doog: "Alright folks, our merry group is now down to four. Mike, where are we headed?"
Mike: "Well Doog, Hugo ejected the cockpit too close to the planet. There's no way he had enough thrust to escape Iaceo's gravity. He probably landed somewhere east of here. I'm thinking the first thing we do is pay Hugo a little visit."
Doog: "Agreed. Revenge definitely trumps getting rescued."

Mike: "Alright guys, I think this looks like a good place to cross."
Crew: "Cross!"
Doog: "We just got attacked by leeches crossing this scum. Why are we crossing back?"
Mike: "Well, if we're going east, we have to cross. Besides, we can use this log."

Mike: "Ahoy! I've made it. Look at me guys. I could see myself getting my own show after this. Space Survivor with Mike the audio-man. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it."

Mike: "Come on babies! It's safe."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, we've talked it over and were not crossing. There's a mosquito over there."
Mike: "A mosquito! One measly mosquito and you guys are giving up? We've survived a crash, battled leeches, hiked the wilderness, and you're going to let one mosquito get in the way?"
Doog: "Well Mike, mosquitoes carry diseases."

Mike: "I thought you'd be the last one complaining about diseases Doog. I've seen some of the chicks you hang out with. Now come on!"
Doog: "D-d-did we mention the mosquito is the size of a small car?"
Mike: "What! Ahhh!"

Mike: "Ahhh!"
Doog: "Oh man! It sucked almost all of his blood. He's turned into a fleshie!"

Doog: "Alright guys, I'm taking over this expedition. With my first act as leader, I declare Operation Run in effect!"
Oldie: "We should go help him!"
Doog: "Yes, yes, you should go help him. The mosquito might not want your old blood. We'll meet up with you later."
Oldie: "Actually, I'm starting to like Operation Run!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we have good news and bad news. The bad news, this wall is hampering our escape. The good news, this wall appears to have been built by the LIU. That means this planet could be inhabited. We've talked it over, and we've decided to climb the wall."

Doog: "With muscles like these, I easily scaled this wall in forty five minutes flat. Oldie appears to be struggling a bit more. Come on you old bag of bones! Get a move on!"
Oldie: "I don't think I can do it Doog. I'm losing my grip! Ahhh!"

Oldie: "Ahh! My feet are stuck! Go on without me guys. I'll fend of the leeches the best I can."

Doog: "Well, it's just me and you now, Timbo."
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "What's the deal Timbo? You haven't said a word since we landed."
Timbo: "Sorry Sir, it's just that you told me if I ever talked to you while you were filming again, you'd fire me."
Doog: "Ha! That was a test. You're fired!"
Timbo: "You know what Doog, you're such a diva. You can take this job and shove it. I'm going back and trying to save Oldie. You're on your own."

Doog: "Well folks, I've been walking alone for nearly an hour, and I've finally found my first sign of civilization. It appears to be some sort of bunker."

Doog: "I'm not quite sure what it is, but it has some strange orb floating above it."

Doog: "I feel drawn to the orb. It's energy is making me feel more alive than I ever have, well except for that time I went to the brothel on Camana 5."

Doog: "What is it?"

Alien: "It's a life sphere."
Doog: "Ahhh! Where did you come from? What are you? What big teeth you have. Don't eat me."
Alien: "Settle down little one. I don't plan to eat you yet. I wish to teach you about the life sphere."
Doog: "Did I catch a 'yet' in there?"
Alien: "Come inside the facility Doog. The life sphere awaits."

Doog: "Wow...uh...I like what you did to the place. Is this Martha Stewart?"

Alien: "This is the LIU Life Science Laboratory. Scientists here attempted to create a sentient species from the abundance of primitive creatures here. You see, this planet has had primitive life for billions of years, but none of the species ever took the final leap to sentience."
Doog: "Ah, I do see. Well, thanks for the tour. I'll see you later."
Alien: "Not yet my friend. The LIU created the life sphere to speed up the evolutionary process. The sphere bathed the primitive creatures in a classified 'life energy'."

Alien: "The dominant species of this planet, seen here in this hologram, was bathed in life energy. Many years later, it gave birth to the greatest being this universe has ever seen, myself."
Doog: "Cool. Well, see you later."
Alien: "Haha. Not yet my friend. I'm not finished. You see, the scientists marveled at their new sentient creation, but all of them were fooled. It appears I kept the bloodlust that drove my fathers, and slowly, I fed on all of them. However, it appears I had one evolutionary advantage that even surprised myself. With each feeding, I inherited my victims own life energy, and with it, their knowledge. After feeding on all the scientist, I had consumed almost all the knowledge the LIU has ever collected. I am the ultimate being."

Alien: "Of course, there is much more information out there, but I've been trapped here all these years. That is, until you fools crashed here. I've reassembled your ship, and I now plan to explore the universe, learning all there is to know. Once I have consumed all available information, I will rule this universe."
Doog: "Yeah. Good luck with that. Hey, if you fixed my ship, you must have found Hugo. Where is he? I'd like to give him a nice face punch."
Alien: "Hugo is fine, as is the rest of your crew. I've saved them all, and then fed on their blood."
Doog: "You saved them just to kill them?"
Alien: "There was no killing. After the scientists, I refined my methods. I only need a taste to learn all you have to offer. You my friend, will be my final feeding before I depart this prison."

Doog: "Ahhh! Can't you grab me another way, this looks awkward!"
Alien: "Stop struggling friend. I must consume your knowledge. Think of all the planets you've seen, the information you collected, the technology you discovered..."

Alien: "Yuck! You taste different from the rest. You taste...bland. Wait! What's happening? What's a Kaadu burger? E=mc3? No that's not right. What have you done! What have I tasted?!?"

Doog: "That, my friend, is the good old taste of ignorance. And, for once, I'm not ashamed of it."
Alien: "No! I'm losing control of my bodily functions! I have the sudden urge to watch TV! What is a book? I was going to rule it all...rule it...rule..."

Doog: "Wow, I think I killed the poor guy. Well folks, my ship is fixed, my crew is back together, and I think we can depart. Iaceo, not such a great place, but fun in its own way. It's not everyday that you can cause an evil sentient race to become extinct. Perhaps I saved the universe, or maybe, I killed our savior. Oh well, see ya later!"

Note: Although the events of the crash were filmed and turned into an Atlas Episode, none of the crew will be paid because they were not on official assignment. Furthermore, each crew member has been docked a weeks pay for their unscheduled vacation.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 9 - Gravor

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Season 2 - Episode 7 - Demitto

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Demitto

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Demitto

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the icy moon of Demitto. Demitto orbits close to its parent planet, the gas giant Demitten. The tidal flexing associated with this close orbit has heated Demitto's interior and created a planet wide subterranean sea. These pressures and heated water occasionally cause great geysers to erupt from Demitto's surface, as seen here."

Doog: "The exterior of Demitto is frozen solid, and it forms a nearly impenetrable shell over Demitto's ocean. This small base, known as the Breach Point, rests on the narrowest part of this shell. It is the only building on Demitto's surface. I'm headed inside to meet my guide."

Doog: "Today, I joined with xeno-biologist Hermes Henderson. How's it going Hermes?"
Hermes: "Things are great Doog."
Doog: "Where are we?"
Hermes: "Well Doog, we are here at the Breach point. It's our one and only access point to the subterranean sea."
Doog: "Ah, I see."

Hermes: "I can't help but to notice that you keep staring at my hook. It's OK, I'm used to it. Most people are curious how I got it. Let's just say I had an unfortunate laser accident."
Doog: "Huh? Oh sorry. I always wanted a hook."

Doog: "So how do you keep the opening from freezing back up?"
Hermes: "Well, one thing we do is keep the room temperature above freezing, this stops surface ice from forming. If you look over there, you'll see our heated pipe system that keeps the deeper parts of the opening from freezing."
Doog: "I see. So what's next?"
Hermes: "I think it's time to make our descent into the sea."
Doog: "I call shotgun. I'm not riding in the back seat of this submarine. I'm the host after all."
Hermes: "Oh no Doog. We're not taking the sub. If you really want to see Demitto, you have to see it in person."

Doog: "Well folks, I've suited up and we're just about ready to descend. I've talked Hermes into bringing the sub for my camera crew, but I've agreed to brave the waters in this rebreather suit."

Doog: "Wow Hermes. How is this possible? There's life down here!"
Hermes: "Yes Doog. Demitto's sea is full of life. It sports some of the most biodiversity we've ever seen."

Doog: "But how is it possible? I'm no expert, but doesn't life need sunlight?"
Hermes: "Haha. I'm afraid not. All of the species here utilize chemosynthesis instead of photosynthesis."

Doog: "Keemo-whata-what?"
Hermes: "Chemosynthesis. They're chemotrophs. I see by your blank stare that means nothing to you. In laymen's terms, these creatures obtain energy by oxidizing various electron donors in their environment, such as ammonia, iron, sulfur, and hydrogen."
Doog: blink blink "Uh, yeah. Try it again like you're talking to a three year old."

Hermes: "Hmm. Let's see. The plants get energy, or food, by inhaling water. This water is loaded with minerals. The plants steal electrons, I mean energy from the minerals by using various enzymes."
Doog: "Try it again like I'm a one year old...better yet, let's just move on. What about these larger animals?"

Hermes: "The larger, more complex animals get their energy by eating the chemotrophic plants."
Doog: "They look dangerous..."
Hermes: "No, not at all. They don't eat organic materials like ourselves."
Doog: "But they do eat metal suits that are keeping us alive...right?"
Hermes: "Uh, yeah. I guess that's true. Let's get out of here."

Hermes: "The tidal forces that keep this sea warm also create huge rifts in the crust. To descend to these even deeper parts of the sea, we'll need to get aboard the LIU Deep Sea Exploration Sub."

Hermes: "These Subs have shields like a space fighter. Instead of stopping laser blasts, these shields help alleviate the extreme pressures and temperature drops in the deepest parts of Demitto."
Doog: "How did you get this thing down here? It's much bigger than the Breach Point."
Hermes: "Good question. It was lowered in pieces and assembled below the ice."

Hermes: "Let's get inside. We have a long journey."

Doog: "Even with a quick sub, the descent to the deepest part of Demitto takes us several hours. The little light that makes it through the ice never reaches these depths. It is dark and very cold."

Doog: "What's this?"
Hermes: "Over several years, we have constructed a huge science station to monitor the life in these depths. Once our sub gets into the airlock, we'll drain the water and enter the station."
Doog: "Wait did you say 'monitor life'? There's life down here?"
Hermes: "Well of course. Life always finds a way."

Hermes: "Welcome to Observation Deck #1. As you can see, there is indeed life at these depths."
Doog: "What are they?"

Hermes: "They're Demitton Drone Crabs. They live near hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor. The vents provide heat, and, more importantly, food. These crabs collect and store minerals from the vents."

Doog: "Store? They don't eat it?"
Hermes: "Oh no. They don't eat. They are drones Doog. They collect food for their master."
Doog: "Master?"
Hermes: "Let's head to Observation Deck #2, and I'll show you."

Doog: "Holy...Kaadu. What is that?"

Hermes: "That, my friend, is the master. We call it, the Demitton Worm."
Doog: "So it's like the queen?"
Hermes: "It could be labeled as such, but the worm has no sex. It creates the drones through budding."

Hermes: "When its children collect enough minerals, they make the ultimate sacrifice. They give themselves up as food."
Doog: "You mean the Worm eats its own young?"

Hermes: "Precisely. The Worm eats its drone, recovering the materials used to create it. It also absorbs the minerals acquired by the drone for a net energy gain."

Doog: "You should have called it the Demitton Baby Eater Worm. Seriously, this thing kind of freaks me out."
Hermes: "People often fear unfamiliar things, but this worm is truly amazing. We've found that these worms have a lifespan of millions of years. As strange as their method seems, it's working. Plus, this worm has an even more amazing, and more profitable, characteristic."
Doog: "Finally, I was wondering what paid for all of this."

Hermes: "Come on Doog! We have to venture deeper into the facility to see our industry. Try to keep up!"
Doog: "You'd think with all this amazing technology you'd be able to install some freakin elevators. Wait for me!"

Doog: "Is this what I think it is?"
Hermes: "To be honest, no one really knows what you're thinking Doog. But, yes, this is the rear of the Demitton Worm. We excavated the earth around it and sealed it into the facility."
Doog: "Why?!?"
Hermes: "Originally, we just wanted a safe way to study the worm's biology, but we found something even more amazing, the worm's waste product."
Doog: "Worm poo?"

Hermes: "Yes Doog. The worm, like other chemotrophs, consume large amounts of minerals. The materials that are not used are bound together into a crystalline structure and removed from the body."
Doog: blink blink
Hermes: "The worm poops crystals."
Doog: "Ahh. I see. Gross."

Hermes: "Not at all! They're just crystals. Beautiful, perfect crystals. We've never seen anything like it in nature. The crystalline structure is more advanced than anything we could make in the lab. Even if we could recreate it, it would cost millions of credits. We have a free, renewable source right here."
Doog: "What are they used for?"

Hermes: "They're not much use in their current state. We use powerful laser cutters to shape them into more useful forms. As a side note, be sure not to put your hand under the laser. I learned the hard way."

Hermes: "The machine shapes the crystals into perfect gems. The gems are used as crystal oscillators. They resonate at a very, very precise frequency. Oh, I forgot who I was talking to. The pretty stones vibrate real accurately. They are used to keep time in electrical devices."
Doog: Blink blink
Hermes: "Sorry, I don't know how to break it down any easier than that."
Doog: "What? Oh no, I was just dozing off. Honestly, I stopped paying attention after the whole stairs thing."
Hermes: "Oh."

Doog: "Well folks, Demitto is a beautiful, diverse place. See ya next time!"

Note: Forget Quartz watches, buy a LIU Demitto Crystal Watch.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 8 - Iaceo

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