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Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

8/5/2015

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Vastitas. Vastitas is classified as a moderately hot desert planet. Vastitas receives less than one inch of precipitation a solar cycle and has no native vegetation."

Doog: "I've landed on Vastitas' Southern Hemisphere in what is known as the Oleum Plains."

Doog: "Today, I'm joined by Vastitas' Regional Supervisor Al-Aqaba. How are you Al?"
Al: "I am doing great Doog. I'd prefer if you call Al-Aqaba or even Aqaba, but I've seen your show enough times to know that's not going to happen."
Doog: "You know it Al. So, what can you tell us about Vastitas?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas is a desert planet that is abundant in several natural resources. We mine these resources and ship them to other planets in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "And what is that you are carrying in your hand?"

Al: "Ah, this is my LIU Personal Sun Shield. When deployed like this, it shields me from solar radiation."
Doog: "Solar radiation?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas’ star emits tons of radiation. It's the main reason the planet is so devoid of life."
Doog: "So...where is my Sun Shield?"
Al: "I only brought one Doog."
Doog: "Of course you did..."

Al: "Ah, our transport has arrived Doog."
Doog: "What is this?"
Al: "This Doog, is the LIU Quad-Velocicopter. It's one of the few transports that function reliably in the dust filled atmosphere of Vastitas."
Doog: "And where will it take us?"
Al: "Well Doog, I was thinking that we would check out the oil fields first."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Al: "Vast oil deposits were discovered in Vastitas' southern hemisphere several hundred years ago. Large rigs, like this, were built to extract the oil."

Al: "These large pipes extend for hundreds of miles under Vastitas' surface. They bring the oil up from various wells in the area."

Doog: "Al, I can't see anything from down here. How do we get to the top?"

Al: "Well Doog, my LIU Sun Shield has a built in gravity lift allowing me to fly short distances. I can fly us to the entrance."

Doog: "I can't believe you have a flying umbrella Al. In fact, it's so cool I've decided to stop calling you Al."
Al: "Hey! Thanks Doog."
Doog: "No problem Mary."
Al: "Wait... What? Why are you calling my Mary now."
Doog: "Because your flying umbrella reminds me of Mary Poppins."
Al: "Whatever Doog. I'll wait here. You can check out the rig without me."

Doog: "Well folks, I'm now joined by Platform Engineer Haut Azim. What do you do here Haut?"
Haut: "As you said Doog. I am a platform engineer. It is my job to run this entire rig. I monitor pressure on the storage tanks behind me and tighten valves like this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to tightening this valve."
Doog: "It looks like it's already tight to me. I mean seriously, how often do you tighten this one valve?"
Haut: "Look Doog, a five year old could run this rig. I mean, heck, most of it run by computers anyway. The only thing the computer can't do is tighten valves, so, I don't care if I have to tighten this same valve a thousand times a day, I'm going to do it. And Doog, I swear you better not use that on your show. I don't want to lose this job."
Doog: "I wouldn't dream of it..."

Doog: "Well, I'm back here with Mary. Where are we now?"
Al: "Look Doog. Can we drop this Mary thing. I mean, it's a LIU Sun Shield with built in gravity lift, not a magic umbrella."
Doog: "Aww, you know what would make you feel better? A spoon full of sugar."
Al: "Whatever Doog. We are now a few miles from the rig on one of the local oil fields."
Doog: "And what is this thing?"

Al: "This is a pump jack. The pump jacks pump oil closer to the surface where it is then taken by underground pipes to the nearby rig."
Doog: "Exciting stuff. So what's next?"
Al: "Well Doog, the LIU had to find a way to utilize the vast spaces between the pump jacks and rigs. They couldn't let the land go to waste. So they imported thousands of desert dwelling Cyclopians."

Doog: "Imported Cyclopians?"
Al: "Yes Doog. The Cyclopian race originated from a desert planet. They are well suited for this environment."
Doog: "And how do Cyclopians help the LIU profit?"
Al: "Well, the Cyclopians were also allowed to bring herds of Ojo Beetles. Ojo Beetles are from the same planet as
the Cyclopians and are equally suited for this environment. The Ojo Beetles' eggs are delicacy and highly profitable.

Doog: "How do they control them? I mean, they look big and mean."
Al: "Oh, they're not mean at all. They've been domesticated for thousands of years now. Besides, they use these static spears to keep them in line. These spears get electrically charged by the large volumes of dust blowing through the air."

Doog: "That's cool, but I was actually talking about the Cyclopians. How does the LIU control them. I know they've been linked to a crime increase around the universe."
Al: "Well, that is somewhat true. The Universal Space Police have had their hands full with some of the Cyclopians, but that's because they didn't integrate well into society. When they are left in a native environment, away from society, they do quite well."

Al: "Oh look Doog, their Ojo Beetle is starting to lay eggs. These eggs are boxed up and transported back to their village."
Doog: "Can we see their village?"
Al: "Sure."

Al: "The Cyclopians here on Vastitas have maintained their family tribal structures. They live in small villages, like this one, with their family tribal group."

Doog: "Eww! What is that Mary?"
Al: "That Doog, is a baby Cyclopian. Its skin pigment has yet to turn yellow. Most baby Cyclopians are still green like this. If you look to the baby's right, you'll see the tribal chief and his wife. Cyclopian females are forbidden from showing their skin."

Doog: "The whole group sleeps in that little hut?"
Al: "Well Doog, they don't have many resources. The LIU doesn't supply them with much."
Doog: "I thought you said Ojo Beetle eggs were profitable?"
Al: "They are profitable for the LIU, but not the Cyclopians. The LIU only trades a few barrels a water for the eggs. The Cyclopians are forced to accept the offer because there is almost no natural water on Vastitas."

Doog: "Well folks, our LIU Quad-Velocicopter has picked us up and we are now flying north to the region known as the Pall Rocklands. The Pall Rocklands circle the entire planet and are clearly visible from space. What caused this unusual band to form around the planet Mary?"

Al: "Well, it appears that Vastitas once had a small moon. Several million years ago, this moon was truck by a comet or asteroid causing it to break up into thousands of pieces. These pieces eventually fell down to Vastitas' surface, creating this distinct band."

Al: "It is believed that this catastrophic event made Vastitas the dry desert planet it is today. Fortunately, this event also deposited a ton of minerals in this region."
Doog: "And you guys mines these minerals?"
Al: "Precisely."

Doog: "Whoa, what's that?"
Al: "That is a LIU Automated Mine Cart. These carts transport minerals from the mines to the loading platforms in the area."
Doog: "Can we see the mines?"
Al: "Well, I'm afraid not. The LIU has banned all life forms from entering the mines on Vastitas. Only machines,
like this, are allowed to enter."
Doog: "Can we at least see the entrance Mary?"
Al: "Uh... I guess, as long as you promise not do anything stupid."
Doog: "I would never dream of doing anything stupid Mary. Trust me."

Al: "Well Doog, we're at the mine's entrance. These Automated Mine Carts drive up onto the tracks and enter the mine."
Doog: "Hmmm...I wonder what the inside of the cart's bucket looks like."

Al: "Wait! Doog what are you doing!?!"
Doog: "Relax Mary, I'm just checking out what the inside of this cart looks like...then checking out what the inside of the mine looks like."

Al: "Hey wait! What was that last part? Doog!"
Doog: "Sorry Mary. See ya soon."

Doog: "Alright viewers, I appear to be in some sort of mine. Mrs. Poppins said all life forms were banned from the inside of the mine, but I see plenty of people in here. I think I'll hop on out and interview a few of them."

Doog: "Hey there buddy. How's it going?"
Man: "Oh dear Emperor! Please help us! I've been digging for months! And...and...my friend has been VAPORIZED! Please HELP us!"

Doog: "Wow, what a downer. Let's see if we can find someone a little less crazy to talk with. Aha, that guy over there looks good."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog. Who are you?"
Bot #1: "I am a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot, model #SL4V3DR1V3R, unit number 1. Now, return to work immediately.
Doog: "Oh, you must be mistaken, I'm the host of LIU Atlas. I don't work here, in fact, I really don't work period. I just walk around on all these strange planets with a microphone."

Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "Geez, does everyone down here have a case of the stupids. I'll say it real slow for you. I...don't...work..."

Doog: "OWWWWWWWWW. What the heck man! That hurt."
Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "OK, OK, but I don't have a shovel. I'm just going to walk over there and get one....OWWWWWW! Dang it will you stop that. OWWWWWW!

Doog: "Somebody help me! Why are you guys all standing around digging, I need HELP!"

Doog: "Please Mr. Productivity Bot. I don't work here."
Bot #1: "Repeated attempts have been made to enhance this worker's productivity with negative results. Uploading request for use of deadly force. Please stand by."
Doog: "WHAT!"

Al: "Doog you idiot! I told not to come down here. Hurry up and jump inside."
Doog: "Thank the Emperor, Mary! This thing is crazy. Let's get out of here!"

Doog: "What the heck was that Mary? Are those...slaves?"
Al: "Of course not Doog. Slavery is banned by several Universal Accords. These are just "involunteers". They don't want to do the this job and are forced down here, but they do get paid, in the form of free housing and food."
Doog: "That sure sounds like slavery to me Mary."
Al: "Well, it's not. So shut up about it. The LIU isn't going to be happy if you keep saying that."
Doog: "True. Well, where is this cart taking us?"
Al: "Hopefully, to a loading area where we can get out of here."

Bot #2: "A cart approaches. Get prepared to load immediately.

Involunteer: "OWWW! The cart hasn't even pulled up yet! Why are you shocking me!"

Doog: “Er...this cart's full. Thanks anyway though. Uhh, thanks for your involuntary service, I guess."

Doog: "Mary and I have finally escaped the mines. The LIU has forbidden us from showing our escape route, just in case an involunteer accidentally sees this show. We've exited the mines to the north and we are now in the Vermis Plains."

Doog: "Well Mary, where are we now?"
Al: "As you said, we are in the Vermis Plains. These plains, while still dry, are one of the wetter regions of Vastitas. It actually has enough water to support the growth of various species of Sand Algae. It is also home to one of Vastitas' few native species, the Vermis Worm."
Doog: "Vermis Worm?"
Al: "Yes Doog, Vermis Worms feed on algae growing in the sand, but they are opportunistic predators, they will eat anything they can find."
Doog: "Like us?"
Al: "Yes. Like us."
Doog: "What's the rumbling Mary?"

Al: "RUN Doog! We've got worms!"

Doog: "It's coming for us Mary! I think it's time to use that magic umbrella!"
Al: "Grab on Doog!"
Doog: "This umbrella is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary!"

Doog: "Well folks, anytime I almost die more than once on a single planet I call it quits. Besides, I have sand in places that will make a grown man cry. See ya next time!"

Note:

"Several images shot for LIU Atlas Vastitas were done with our new LIU Remote Hover Camera. When your camera man is too scared or unable to follow you, you can use this new remotely controlled camera to get your shots."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

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Season 1 - Episode 6 - Boletus

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Boletus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Boletus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Boletus. Boletus orbits the star Agaricum, which is positioned on the extreme outer rim of the LIU Galaxy. Boletus is listed as a primitive world and is protected by the LIU Planetary Protection Act. All visitors are forbidden from bringing any forms of technology, especially lights. We've received special permission to film this location."

Doog: "I've been given very little information about this location, but I was told I could find my guide near the large white dome. This mushroom hut was the closest thing to a white dome that I could find. Hopefully, I'll find my guide inside."

Doog: "Hey there, I'm Doog. Are you my guide?"
Jaspero: "If you seek guidance, my friend, then yes, I am your guide."
Doog: "Err.. yeah whatever. I'll wait here while you get your shirt."
Jaspero: "No, no, my friend. I do not burden my chest with garments from the establishment."
Doog: "Oh yeah, then why do burden your legs with pants? And your eyes with sunglasses?"
Jaspero: "Whoa, that's deep Doog. Shall I remove my pants?"

Doog: "NO! Just forget it. Shirtless is fine. What's your name?"
Jaspero: "I've dropped the name that was forced upon me at birth, and now, I'm known as Jaspero."
Doog: "Just out of curiosity, what name was forced upon you at birth?"
Jaspero: "Jasper."
Doog: "So you added an "o". Wow...way to show them who's boss..."

Doog: "Anyway, Jaspero, why do live in a freaking mushroom? To be honest, I half expected a Smurf to answer the door."
Jaspero: "The question answers itself Doog."
Doog: "Actually, it doesn't. Seriously, why mushrooms?"
Jaspero: "Well, why not? They are abundant here in the marshy plains. The shelter us from the elements and they serve as nourishment. In return, we nourish them with our excrement. It's a perfect symbiotic relationship."
Doog: "I really don't think the mushroom enjoys that relationship, Jaspero. Come on, let's get out of here."

Doog: "So where are we headed?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, I thought we'd visit the Hippie Convent on the other side of the jungle."
Doog: "How big is this jungle, I don't feel like doing to much walking?"

Jaspero: "It's not too big. Jungles like these don't last long enough to expand too much."
Doog: "What do you mean they don't last long enough?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, Creeper Trees start attacking the other trees in the jungle after they reach a certain height. They don't last long after that."
Doog: "Creeper Trees?"

Jaspero: "See that twisting tree behind you? That's a Creeper Tree. They are parasitic species that grow around full grown trees, using them to reach the canopy. Slowly, they choke the host trees out. All that is left is the hollow Creeper Tree. The Creeper Trees die out a few years after sexual maturity. The decomposing host trees and Creeper Trees spur the growth of the large mushrooms you've seen. The mushrooms eventually run out of decomposing materials, die, and new forests are born. It's the great circle of life."
Doog: "That’s creepy. Get it? Creepy? Huh? Huh?"

Jaspero: "Well Doog, we're now here at the Hippie Convent."
Doog: "Yeah, Hippie Convent, you were saying that earlier. What's that?"
Jaspero: "Well Doog, Hippies, like myself, have been prosecuted across the LIU for decades. So we've set up Convents, or settlements, on protected planets like Boletus. As long as we don't use any technology, the LIU doesn't bother us."

Doog: "I find that hard to believe. I mean, I've never known the LIU to allow its citizens to exist without making some sort of profit."
Jaspero: "Well Doog, it's true. We don't make any profit for the LIU. We only produce what we need to survive."

Doog: "And you need Hookah's to survive?"
Jaspero: "Why yes we do Doog. Yes we do."

Doog: "And what is this?"
Jaspero: "This is our embassy. This where all of our brethren come when they arrive on Boletus. They stay here until a Mushroom Hut can be hollowed out for them."

Doog: "Whoa! Jaspero, I knew it! There are Smurfs here!"
Jaspero: "What? No Doog, that's a Frumsarian from the planet Frums. They've agreed to give up all their possessions and join our Convent."
Doog: "Yeah whatever Smurf Lover. Let's move on."

Doog: "We're now deep in the marshes of Boletus. What are these guys doing Jaspero?"
Jaspero: "Well Doog, we get no support from the LIU, and that means that we must gather our own food. We've found that these underwater tubers have all the nutrients one needs to survive."

Doog: "Really? I hope they taste better than they look."
Jaspero: "Not on their own, but they taste great with mushrooms."
Doog: "Mushrooms? You don't eat the mushrooms you live in, do you?"
Jaspero: "No, we grow our own special mushrooms. Would you like to see one of our farms?"
Doog: "Let's do it."

Jaspero: "We grow our own special flavors of mushrooms in underground chambers like this."

Jaspero: "The humidity is easier to control down here."

Jaspero: "The mushrooms are grown with our own special blend of fertilizer."

Jaspero: "When they mature, they are boxed up and transported to the Convents."

Doog: "What kind of fertilizer do you guys use?"
Jaspero: "Well, Doog, we use a nice blend of rotting vegetation and manure."
Doog: "Manure? I haven't seen any large animals running around this planet."
Jaspero: "We use human waste."
Doog: "Jaspero, that is sick. I can't believe you eat that stuff."

Jaspero: "You should try one Doog."
Doog: "No way. I'm not eating a mushroom grown in human waste. Wait...my producer is telling me that my contract requires that I eat any locally grown food offered to me. Well isn't that great. Well, here I go."

Doog: "Hmmm...that isn't half bad. Wait, what's that tingling sensation I'm feeling? Why are you guys smirking..."

Doog: "Jaspero! You didn't tell me these were Psilocybin Mushrooms!"

Jaspero: "Hehehe. Yep, we crossbred Psilocybin Mushrooms with the local species, so we can get nutrients while tripping."
Doog: "Jaspero! That.... is..... AWESOME! But seriously, how long is this going to last. I'm never going to finish the show like this."
Jaspero: "Not long Doog. Maybe an hour or two."

Two Hours Later

Doog: "I think I'm back Jaspero. Where have we wandered off to?"
Jaspero: "I'm not sure Doog. You said you were chasing a Smurf and took off running. I've never ventured off this far."
Doog: "There appears to be some technology here. I thought technology was banned Jaspero."
Jaspero: "I'm not sure Doog. I'm like starting to feel some bad vibes."

Scientist: "Doog! Where have you been. I've been waiting here for hours. I told you to find the big white dome."
Doog: "Who are you? And how do you know my name?"
Scientist: "I'm your guide Doog. I've been waiting here forever."
Doog: "But, Jaspero, I thought you were my guide."
Jaspero: "Err...not in the traditional sense. I thought you were seeking spiritual guidance."
Doog: "Ah crap! I've wasted all this time thinking you were my guide. Well, it was fun Jaspero. Maybe I'll stop by for lunch later. If you know what I mean..."
Jaspero: "See ya Doog."

Scientist: "Wow Doog, I can't believe you spent all that time with those Mushroom Hippies. You didn't eat any of their Magic Mushrooms, did you?"
Doog: "Err...no."
Scientist: "Good. You didn't, you know, engage in any activities with the Hippie Chicks, did you?"
Doog: "No, why do you ask?"
Scientist: "Oh good! We introduced a nasty Cyclopian STD into the Convent a few months ago. We're testing its effects for biological weapons. It's the only reason we tolerate them here."
Doog: "YES! I knew there had to be some sort of profit related activities going on. You've restored my faith in the LIU Scientist Guy."

Doog: "What is your name by the way?"
Avil: "I'm Dr. Avil, Director of Project Almagest."
Doog: "Project Almagest?"
Avil: "Project Almagest is the LIU's quest to create the most accurate Star Map ever. Using telescopes like these, we've managed to image a large chunk of LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "What about the technology ban?"
Avil: "Well Doog, we've imposed the ban to limit light pollution. It allows us to get the clearest images ever."
Doog: "I'm not an expert, but the light reaching these telescopes takes forever to get here. How can you get accurate readings when the farthest star's light takes thousands of years to get here?"

Avil: "Good question Doog. We've placed Almagest Mapping Rings, like this, into Boletus' orbit. These rings use massive amounts of energy to temporarily bend the universe. The images we see from our telescopes are real time."

Doog: "You bend the universe?"
Avil: "Yes Doog. The rings sort of function like your ship's FTL Drive. Your FTL Drive creates a mini-black hole to your destination and you fly through it. The Almagest Mapping Rings do the same thing with light, jumping it right into our telescopes."
Doog: "I'm not sure I get it, but it sure sounds cool. Can we head inside?"
Avil: "Absolutely."

Avil: "There are eight hundred telescopes on the surface of Boletus, and each one contains a Mapping Center, like this, in its basement. Each telescope has been assigned a portion of the LIU Galaxy to map.

Avil: "The center of this room contains a 3D Holographic Projector. Right now, we are watching a massive solar flare erupting from the star Cugis. This flare is the largest we have ever imaged."

Avil: "On this screen, we are watching video of the gas planet Chauka, which orbits Cugis. We are closely monitoring all of Cugis' planets to determine if the solar flare has caused any changes."

Avil: "This screen shows Cugis' local star group. Cugis is near the stars Xelia and Eaker. The number after the star name denotes the star's size."

Avil: "Downstairs, we have another 3D Hologram Room. We use this room to map planetary systems. Go ahead and turn it on Jim."

Avil: "Ah, there we go. We are now looking at the planet Sagewo and its two large moons."
Doog: "That's some cool stuff Dr. Avil, but I'm afraid I wasted too much time with the Hippies. We have to wrap up the show. Thanks for having me."

Doog: "Well folks, Boletus is a strange place. I mean, there are Hippies living in Mushroom Huts right next to a trillion dollar mapping center. There are Magic Mushrooms and Creepy Trees. Well folks, thanks for joining us. Until next time..."

Note: Purchase a Almagest Mapping Ring to spy on your enemies. Remember, One Ring to Rule Them All.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

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Season 1 - Episode 5 - Fuscus

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Fuscus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Fuscus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Sorry for the delay between episodes, I was involved in an unfortunate situation. Today, we are here on the planet of Fuscus. Fuscus is extremely far from its star, Moloch, and receives very little light and heat. This makes Fuscus an ice world. Although the living conditions here are less than ideal, people, and more importantly businesses, have managed to thrive."

Doog: "Fuscus' warmer equatorial region supports its only city, Tartarus."

Doog: "Tartarus sports a population of approximately two hundred and eighty million people, making it the largest city in its region."

Doog: "We've landed here in the interior of the city and are joined by Fuscan Scientist Doctor Ferdinand Moras. How you doing Doc?"
Doc: "I'm doing great Doog, but I'd prefer if you call me Dr. Moras."
Doog: "Well, I'd prefer to call you Dr. Kaadu Fart, but I'm guessing you'd rather compromise and go with Doc."
Doc: "Uh yeah, I guess that would be better."

Doog: "So what do you do here Doc?"
Doc: "Well Doog, like most city residents, I work for the Universal Ice Company, a division of the LIU."
Doog: "The Universal Ice Company? You mean you guys sell ice? I bet you don't do much business with the advent of freezers and all."
Doc: "Freezers are nice for small quantities Doog, but were talking about millions of metric tons of ice per day. Besides, we don't sell the ice, we melt it down and sell water. Water, my friend, is the most precious substance in the universe."

Doog: "Yeah, but water is so cheap. I can get a gallon for a few cents. How can an entire planet's economy revolve around something so cheap?"
Doc: "It's easy Doog, we throw it a fancy bottle. People are willing to pay a thousand times more for bottled water. Besides, you'd be surprised how much the residents of dry planets are willing to spend on water."
Doog: "As horrible as that sounds, it makes a lot of sense. Well Doc, we've been chatting long enough, let's see some of this planet.

Doc: "Alright Doog, sounds good. First, let's get you through Customs."
Doog: "Whoah Doc, wait a minute. No one said anything about going through Customs. I am not submitting to any cavity checks, I've had enough of those in prison."
Doc: "We'll see what we can do Doog."

Doc: "Sorry Doog, I really thought they'd make an exception for you."
Doog: "Quiet Doc. I don't want to talk about it. Now, about this digital weather screen behind us. It says it negative eighteen degrees, but it doesn't quite feel that cold."
Doc: "Well Doog, heating coils were built into all the sidewalks on Tartarus. The ambient heat keeps it a little warmer."

Doog: "And what's that above the weather screen?"
Doc: "Well Doog, that’s a digital news ticker. Tartarus is home to a regional TV2 station. The news ticker displays all the news in the region."
Doog: "I've never been much of a reader Doc, but those don't look like words to me."
Doc: "Good point Doog. The residents of Fuscus have resisted the transition to Galactic Standard. Most residents still speak, read, and write in the local language."
Doog: "So what does it say?"
Doc: "Let's see, there been a murder, another murder, a riot, a murder, taxes are going up, a murder, a murder, a triple homicide, convicted drug smuggler Terrance McDoogal is coming into town, a murder..."

Doog: "Sounds like Tartarus is pretty dangerous."
Doc: "It's no worse than any other big city Doog. Tartarus has recently expanded its already massive police force, and we are no longer listed as the most likely place to get raped then murdered. Although we are still number one in getting murdered then raped. But we're improving Doog. That's the main thing.

Doog: "Well we've finally made it to the train and I just have two questions Doc. Does it always take this long to catch a train? And do all Rock Monsters smell this bad?"
Doc: "Yes and yes Doog."
Doog: "I thought so. So where is this train taking us?"
Doc: "This is Line 5, servicing the outer city. Its going to take us to the city limits, from there, I thought we'd take a look at the ice fields."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Doog: "Doc and I have been riding this train for nearly an hour and we are finally arriving at the end of the line."

Doog: "This section of the city contains all the necessities one needs before venturing off onto the ice..."

Doog: "...like McDoonald's..."

Doog: "...and a brothel."

Doc: "Actually Doog, I don't think we have time for that."
Doog: "Doc, for the love of god, I just got out of prison. You can't take this away from me. Look, go get me a Double Cairo with cheese. I'm going to check out this brothel. I'll meet you back here in ten minutes."
Doc: "Doog, you know..."
Doog: "Alright fine, you're right. Make it five minutes."
Doc: "No! That's not what I was going to say! I just don't think..."
Doog: "In fact stay here. I'll be back before you can blink."

Doog: "Doc here was nice enough to pick me up some supplies while I took care of some business. Thanks Doc."
Doc: "Sigh, you're welcome Doog."
Doog: "So we're finally out on the ice. What can you tell us about ice mining?"

Doc: "Well Doog, first things first. You can see this clearer layer of ice. This was caused by a period of melting. This clearer ice is more brittle. If we can drill deep enough inside this crack and deposit some dynamite, we can blow several large chunks of ice out."

Doog: "This must be what you use to drill."
Doc: "Yes Doog. This is the LIU Snowcycle with an attached pneumatic drill."

Doc: "The LIU Snowcycle drills holes approximately five feet deep. From there..."

Doc: "...the LIU Detonator Bot and the LIU Dynamite Mite take over. They deposit dynamite into the holes and detonate them from a safe distances."

Doog: "Can we watch?"
Doc: "Actually Doog, the LIU was pretty specific. You are not be anywhere near the dynamite. Something about you being a liability."
Doog: "Whatever Doc. What's next."

Doc: "Here, we have the LIU Ice Crusher. This baby crushes up the fallen chunks of ice into more manageable pieces."
Doog: "Can we get on it?"
Doc: "Uh, I guess."

Doog: "Oh crap Doc. My snowshoes are stuck. I'm going to need some help."
Doc: "Doog... I told you not to wear those stupid things. We're on ice, not snow."
Doog: "Look, you can keep complaining about my shoes or you can help me up. Which one is it going to be?"
Doc: "To be honest, complaining sounds better."
Doog: "Doc!!"

Doog: "Hmm. For some reason, I thought it would be kind of fun to get up here, but blah. I'm bored. What's next?"

Doc: "This here is the LIU Ice Chipper. It's used to chip ice off the ice shelf."

Doc: "While not as effective as dynamite, it gets the job done."

Doc: "Various LIU Bulldozers are used to collect and load ice chunks onto transports."
Doog: "And as always folks, all these products are available for purchase from the LIU. Well Doc, what's next?"
Doc: "Well Doog, I thought we'd head to the LIU Deep Ice Research Center. On the way, maybe we'll catch some of the local wildlife."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Doc: "Wow Doog. Look over there. It's a Fuscan Ram. I've never seen one this close."
Doog: "Fuscan Ram?"
Doc: "Yes Doog. These beasts are one of the few native species on Fuscus. Strangely enough, they eat rocks. Somehow their bodies are able to convert these rocks into energy."

Doog: "Why is it drooling so much?"
Doc: "Well Doog, male Fuscan Rams, like this one here, usually drool during the rutting season. They can get pretty nasty during the rutting season. In fact, they've been known to kill other males that venture into their territory. Relax Doog. I think were safe as long as he doesn't start shaking his head."
Doog: "Uh Doc. I think his head is shaking."

Doc: "Run!"

Doog: "OH NO! Wait Doc! I lost my snowshoes!"
Doc: "Forget the snowshoes Doog!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu Doc, I thought we were done."
Doc: "Fuscan Rams are pretty slow Doog. I think we were fine."
Doog: "Oh, I'm not talking about the Ram. I'm talking about losing my snowshoes. I never thought I would have made it here without them."
Doc: "WE'RE ON ICE! I swear to all that is holy, I will leave you out here in the cold if you bring up those snowshoes one more time."
Doog: "But.."
Doc: "I mean it."

Doog: "So where are we?"
Doc: "We're at the LIU Deep Ice Research Center. With so much of Fuscus' economy tied to ice mining, we thought it would be important to closely study the ice. Come on, let's head inside."

Doc: "Here, my fellow scientist is studying the various ice depths on Fuscus. Using this info and some advanced computers, we've determined that we can sustain this level of mining for approximately 800 years before depleting the entire planet's ice supply."

Doog: "And what happens then?"
Doc: "Well Doog, I hate to say it, but Fuscus' economy would collapse. We've tried to diversify some of our economy, but there is no denying that we depend on ice mining. This place will be a ghost town in 800 years."

Doc: "In this lab, a scientist is studying some ice core samples taken in the Northern Gehenna Region."
Doog: "And what does that tell you?"
Doc: "It tells us this region has a higher mix of methane ice mixed into the water ice. This will be useful when we mine the region in the years to come."

Doc: "Anything else you want to hear about Doog?"
Doog: "Can you tell me about the ice core samples again?"
Doc: "Really? To be honest I didn't think you'd be so interested."
Doog: "Actually Doc, I stopped listening to you like an hour ago. I just didn't want to back out into the cold so soon."
Doc: "I should have known..."

Doog: "The last place we are going to visit today is the loading docks. Doc, tell us what's going on here."
Doc: "Well Doog, we don't bottle any of the water here on Fuscus, so it has to be shipped out to various Factory Worlds across the LIU. We ship the water out in transports like the LIU Water Tanker."

Doc: "Here, you can see our Water Engineers pumping several thousand gallons of water into the Water Tanker."
Doog: "Well Doc, thanks for helping us today."
Doc: "It was my pleasure Doog."

Doog: "Well, we learned a lot about Fuscus today. It's cold, crowded, and the people have a strong dislike of snowshoes. More importantly, Fuscus and its city of Tartarus are an important part of the LIU economic empire... at least for the next 800 years. Well, I'm going to sip down this ice cold Fuscan Bottled Water and make my way back to my ship. Thanks for joining us!

Note: Tap water is extremely dangerous. Please drink bottled water. We also recommend that you use bottled water for your bathing needs.

Thank you,
The Universal Ice Company

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 6 - Boletus

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Season 1 - Episode 4 - Obex

8/5/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Obex

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Obex

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Note: This episode of LIU Atlas contains mature subject matter. Viewer discretion is advised.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of TV2's newest program, LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. This episode, we’re here on the agricultural world of Obex. Obex is one of several thousand agricultural worlds spread across the LIU. Unfortunately, Obex’s production numbers are not high enough to qualify for the status of LIU SuperFarm, and without that title, the planet is hardly known. I feel obligated to say that Obex’s low production numbers are not the result of infertile land or lazy workers, but are the result of small quantities of land and lack of sunlight. As you can see to my right, half the planet is covered in an ocean. Crops and other forms of agriculture can only be produced on half the planet. Also, Obex orbits with a slight tilt towards its single star, leaving the planet at the mercy of the seasons. Crops can only be grown during the warmer spring and summer months.”

Doog: “Obex, in the ancient language, loosely translates to ‘land of many rivers’. It’s a fitting name for this planet, as it has one of the largest river systems in the entire LIU Galaxy. These rivers, like the one I’m standing over now, are used to divide sections of land and to irrigate crops.”

Doog: “Obex is currently involved in two types of agriculture: biochemical farming, seen to my left, and milk and cattle production, seen to my right. Today, we’re going to be joined with Field Supervisor Tim Buktu. I think I see him coming now."

Doog: “Hey Tim Buktu.”
Tim: “Err…Doog, that ain’t my name.”
Doog: “…(whisper) I know, but it sounds so cool. Just go with it.”
Tim: “Uh, I reckon you can call me that, Doog.”
Doog: “So what do you do here Tim Buktu?
Tim: “Well Doog, as you were just a saying, I’m the Field Supervisor for this here part of Obex. Field #357889 to be exact.”

Doog: “Hold on Tim Buktu, are those creatures with the big horns over there safe? They’re getting awfully close.”
Tim: “Huh, oh them Box Cows? I reckon they are safe.”
Doog: “You reckon they are safe? Does that mean they might be safe or they are safe?”
Tim: “You lost me Doog. I ain’t much for city talk.”
Doog: “Never mind Tim Buktu, let’s get back to work.”

Doog: “So I hear you do biochemical farming. What’s that?”
Tim: “Well Doog, the stuff we grow here ain’t for eating. We grow crops that contain certain chemicals that are too difficult to synthesize artificially. So we grow them crops that contain the chemicals naturally, and then we ship them out to factories on other planets. There, they are able to derive the chemicals from the plants.”
Doog: “Wow, I was just starting to think you were kind of stupid, but you used some pretty big words there. I’m proud!”
Tim: “Uh…thanks Doog. I guess.”

Doog: “Well, the viewers are getting tired of seeing this river. Let’s get started. What’s that pipe over there?”

Tim: “Well, Doog, it’s part of our irrigation system. We pump water out of the river and use it to water our crops.”

Tim: “The pump sends water down this pipe to the sprinklers, where it is evenly distributed to our plants.”
Doog: “What are you guys growing?”
Tim: “I ain’t sure what the plant is called, but we are growing it to process the Tetrahydrocannabinol inside.”
Doog: “THC! You mean you guys are growing a little Mary Jane?”
Tim: “No Doog, we don’t grow people, just plants.”
Doog: “No, not literally. You know...pot?”
Tim: “If by pot, you mean restroom, well, I reckon you can go behind that there barn.”

Doog: “Nevermind Tim Buktu. Why are you growing THC? I thought it was illegal in the LIU.”
Tim: “Well Doog, I surely ain’t an expert, but I hear they use it to make medicines. Treats Glaucoma or something like that.”
Doog: “Can I touch it?”
Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Fine. Let’s move on.”

Tim: “As you can see Doog, the plants are cultivated by hand. Machinery is too rough and it damages too much of the crop.”

Doog: “Can I help them?”
Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Sigh, continue.”

Tim: “The cultivated Tetrahydrocannabinol plants are stored in this barn and these silos until it can be shipped.”
Doog: “Can I check out the inside?”

Tim: “No Doog!”
Doog: “Come one, just five minutes. The crew and I just need to do a couple solo shots for the show.”
Tim: “Doog, I ain’t gonna say it again. NO!”
Doog: “You’re no fun. Let’s get out of here before I get tempted again. It’s time to see the your other form of agriculture.”

Tim: “Across the river from the field is one of our grazing pastures. We keep our Box Cows in fields like these.”
Doog: “Yeah, Tim Buktu, you were saying something about Box Cows earlier. What are they?”
Tim: “Box Cows are a species of ungulates in the subfamily of Bovinae.”
Doog: “In other words, they’re cows. We get that Tim Buktu. But what are they used for?”
Tim: “They’ve been genetically manipulated to do one thing, make milk. We’ve changed their bone structure to be more boxy, adding more space for milk. Although they are smaller than traditional cows, they produce 80% more milk.”

Tim: “We let the cows graze freely in these here fields until the time comes to milk them. When that time a comes, we use robots like this to herd them up.”

Doog: “Where do you herd them to?”
Tim: “Well Doog, we herds them off to the Milk Station. I reckon you want to see the station?”
Doog: “I reckon I do Tim Buktu. Whatever that means.”

Doog: “Well folks, Tim Buktu and I are now here at Milking Station #75. We’re joined by milking specialists, Farmer Jim.”
Jim: “Howdy Doog.”
Doog: “So what do you do here?”
Jim: “Straight to the point huh? I like that. Well, here, we use the SuckMaster 9000 to obtain milk from our Box Cows.”

Doog: “Hold on Jim. Did you say SuckMaster? Can I even say that on TV?”
Jim: “I reckon you can Doog. It’s just a tool.”
Doog: “I guess. So how does the Suck…, I mean, your tool, work?”
Jim: “It sucks.”
Doog: “Yeah, I was able to derive that from the name Jim. It’s a SuckMaster 9000. What do you do with it?”

Jim: “I use it to milk the cows. I approach one of the Box Cows in this here stall, place the SuckMaster 9000 on the udder, and suck up all the milk. The milk then feeds down these filtered hoses to the Filling Station. There, my lovely assistant fills empty jugs with milk.”
Doog: “Whoa, I need to interview her. See ya, Jim.”
Jim: “But Doog, I ain’t done a talking yet. Doog? Doog?”

Doog: “Hello ma’am, I’m Doog. I just wanted to stop by and talk to you about your jugs.”
Girl: “You sicko! Leave me alone!”
Doog: “What? Oh, no, not your jugs, the big jugs of milk, I mean, the large container of milk right here.”
Girl: “Whatever, you pervert!”
Doog: “Tim Buktu, I think it’s time to move on.”

Doog: “So, where are we headed now?”
Tim: “Well Doog, as you were a saying earlier, Obex’s production is too low to be classified as a SuperFarm. In order to raise production high enough, we are going to have to start utilizing the sea.”
Doog: “The sea? What do you guys plan on farming?”
Tim: “If things go right, we hope to start farming fish.”
Doog: “Why can‘t you start now?"
Tim: “Unfortunately, Doog, the pesticides and fertilizers we use to treat the fields are leaking into Obex‘s river systems. The river takes them out into the sea, where they kill off our fish populations."

Doog: “Well folks, I’m now here at a Fish Hatchery, one of several thousand located along the coastline of Obex’s largest continent. We’re now joined with Engineer Travis.”
Travis: “Hey Doog. Love your show.”
Doog: “Who doesn’t? I mean, thanks. Travis, what do you do here?”
Travis: “I work the hatchery. Here, we’re growing a genetically modified fish that is able to survive in the polluted ocean of Obex. The eggs of this new species are still vulnerable, so we grow them here until they are old enough to survive the water.”

Travis: “When the fish get larger the three units, they are ready to be added into the ocean. It looks like this pool here is ready to graduate to the ocean. Want to help?”
Doog: “Not really Travis, but if I only did the things I wanted to do, we wouldn’t have this show.”
Travis: “Huh?”
Doog: “Yeah, let’s do it.”

Travis: “There they go, Doog. Say goodbye.”
Doog: “They’re fish. I’m not saying goodbye.”
Travis: “They’re my children Doog. I love them. Now say goodbye.”
Doog: “Tim Buktu, I’m getting a little freaked out. Can we go now?”

Doog: “Well folks, here on LIU Atlas, we always like to dip into a little bit of a planet’s culture. And, if there is any culture on this planet, it would be here, in the city of Venicia. Tim Buktu, tell us a little about Venicia.”
Tim: “Venicia is the largest city on Obex. I reckon about two hundred thousand people live here. The city sits in the middle of the marshy Obex River Delta. Here, most of the land is unsuitable for farming. ”

Tim: “This marshy land wasn’t really suitable for building houses neither, so the people built huge cobblestone foundations. When the foundation was set, people flocked to live here among the water.”

Tim: “The LIU hasn’t invested a lot into updating Venicia, so it still has a lot of old world charm. In fact, I reckon there would be a good amount of turmoil if the LIU ever came down here and started installing all that fancy technology. Us folks on Obex, especially the residents of Venicia, like simple things.”

Doog: “It’s a beautiful city Tim Buktu. What do you guys do here? For fun, I mean.”
Tim: “Well, there ain’t too much time for fun. When we aren’t working the fields or chasing Box Cows, we just like relaxing. Maybe enjoying some fresh fish or apples.”
Doog: “Eww. Why that combo?”
Tim: “Why not? Besides, apples are one of the few things we can grow here on the platforms. The bosses at the LIU says we can’t go a growing other stuff on the fields because it lowers our production. So, we are stuck with apples and fish.”

Tim: “There are no roads here in Venicia, so we use boats to get around. A canal system was installed between the platforms. I reckon it‘s kind of romantic. Don‘t you think Doog?”
Doog: “Please don’t talk about romance when it’s just us two in the boat, Tim Buktu. It doesn‘t look good.”
Tim: “Sorry Doog.”

Doog: “Well folks, before we finish, we have one more place to visit. Tim Buktu, take us to the Grain Tower Spaceport.”
Tim: “Doog, I reckon I can’t paddle all the way there. That’d surely take all week.”
Doog: “Shut it Tim Buktu. You’re ruining the shot. Just go along with it.”
Tim: “Doog, if you go a talking that way one more time, I reckon I might stick this oar up your…”
Doog: “Cut!”

Doog: “Well we’re here at our last destination, Grain Tower Spaceport #11. By the way, I’m sorry Tim Buktu. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Tim: “That’s alright Doog. I’m sorry I had to stick that up your…”
Doog: “Please, don’t say it. Especially after we were talking about romance a few scenes ago. It might confuse the viewers.”
Tim: “I reckon it might. Sorry Doog.”
Doog: “So, what’s a Grain Tower Spaceport?”

Tim: “The crops are collected from the farms in the area and brought here to Tower #11. The crops are then loaded onto the Grain Elevator behind me. When the crops gets to the top of the elevator, a conveyer belt pushes them into these large silos.”

Tim: “Here’s the conveyer belt.”
Doog: “That smell is unmistakable. Tower #11 is storing some of that THC. Isn’t it?”
Tim: “Now Doog. You ain’t gonna go and start this up again are you?”
Doog: “No Tim Buktu. I’m just curious.”
Tim: “Well then, yes. Yes it is.

Tim: “When a cargo ship lands, the crops are gravity fed on to this conveyer belt."

Tim: "The conveyer belt takes it up and over to the cargo ship.”

Tim: “Look. Here comes a cargo ship now.”

Doog: “What kind of cargo ship is this?”
Tim: “Well Doog, this here is the LIU Grain Cargo Transport Mark II. It’s the newest version. I hear it will even be up for sale later this week.”
Doog: “Nice plug Tim Buktu.”
Tim: “That’s what they pay us for.”

Tim: “The LIU Grain Cargo Transport Mark II has openings in its roof. The conveyer belt pours the crops into these openings. When it is full, it takes off and transports the crops to an undisclosed factory.”
Doog: “Well Tim Buktu, I guess we are finished here. Thanks for joining us here today.”
Tim: “No problem Doog. I reckon I kind of enjoyed it.”

Tim: “Hey! Wait a minute! What in tarnation is your ship doing under there?”
Doog: “Uh…well, you know. Our next stop is at that, uh… undisclosed location you were talking about. I thought we would take a load since we are heading that way. You know, the LIU likes efficiency and stuff.”
Tim: “DOOG!”

Doog: “Well folks, I have to run, literally. I hope you enjoyed this episode of LIU Atlas. As you have seen, Obex is a important part of the LIU. Join us next time, as we visit Fuscus.

Note: Hopefully, the next episode will be a bit shorter, and there won't be such a long time between episodes. Thanks for joining us.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Press Release: Doog Gets Released From Prison

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Season 1 - Episode 3 - Mordax

8/4/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Mordax

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Mordax

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of TV2's newest program, LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. This week, I'm here to show you the obscure world of Mordax. Mordax, a small moon, orbits the gas giant Morth, which in turn, orbits the red dwarf Morhoda. Mordax's weak gravity and its galactic position in the outer spiral arm make it a perfect Shipping World."

Doog: "Strangely enough, Mordax is famous outside of the LIU, but less than 1% of LIU residents could tell you anything about it. That's because Mordax is an export shipping world. Trillions of cargo containers, full of LIU products, leave Mordax's surface every week en route to galaxies all across the universe."

Doog: "This week, I'm joined by the Mordax Dockside Supervisor Vinny. How are
you Vinny?"
Vinny: "I'm [bleeping] great Doog. How are you?"
Doog: "Yeah, Vinny I'm going to need you to cut out the profanity. This is a family show."
Vinny: "[Bleep] you Doog. That's how we talk here. You want your [bleeping] show to be accurate right?"
Doog: "Uh, yeah, I guess. I'll go ahead and apologize to the editor now, he's got quite the job ahead of him. Anyway, where are we?"
Vinny: "Well Doog, this is one of two thousand warehouses on Mordax's surface."

Doog: "Wow Vinny, you said that without profanity, nice job!"
Vinny: "[Bleeping] [bleep] [bleepity] [bleep] Doog. How's that you [bleep]."
Doog: "Uh, anyway, there sure are a lot of containers. What's inside?"
Vinny: "How the [bleep] am I supposed to know? We ship everything from pencils to hot tubs to suicide kits. All I know, is where the [bleep] they go."
Doog: "Well, can you tell me this? How do you get them stacked so high?"

Vinny: "That, I can tell you. We use the LIU Hoverlift. It's [bleeping] great. It can stack em' as high as you [bleeping] want."
Doog: "Well Vinny, I wouldn't be a good LIU employee if I didn't take this time to plug a few LIU products. Here we go."

Doog: "The LIU Hoverlift is a perfect fit for any spaceport. Its revolutionary hover ability allows you to store cargo vertically instead of horizontally. This saves space and money. Buy one now!"

Doog: "And while you're at it, check out our LIU Hover Dolly. It's great for those smaller packages."

Doog: "And heck, why don't you pick up a LIU Hoverlift Mini while you're at it."

Vinny: "Are you [bleeping] done Doog? I didn't [bleeping] come here to [bleeping] star in any [bleeping] commercials!"
Doog: "Yeah Vinny, let's move on. How do you get the cargo off Mordax?"

Vinny: "Finally, a good [bleeping] question! We have two ways. The first way is the traditional way. We load it into a cargo ship on the surface. This method is costly and really [bleeping] slow. We only use it for containers or products that can't be de-moleculized."
Doog: "Can't be de-what?"

Vinny: "De-moleculized, you [bleep]."
Doog: "Yeah, I heard you the first time Vinny. What's de-moleculized?"
Vinny: "Well, see this machine behind you? It's a LIU Worm Hole Generator. It converts cargo containers into individual molecules and beams them via a worm hole to cargo ships in orbit. Pretty [bleeping] cool, huh?"

Doog: "That's really cool Vinny, but if you don't mind me asking, why don't you just open a worm hole all the way to the cargo's destination?"
Vinny: "I do [bleeping] mind you asking, but if you must [bleeping] know, the LIU Worm Hole Generator requires vast amounts of energy. It would take trillions of times more energy to beam cargo directly to its [bleeping] destination."

Doog: "Ahh, that makes sense, I guess. Well Vinny, I love shipping, but I want the audience to get a closer look at Mordax's culture and way of life. Do you think I could show me something outside of the shipping yards?"
Vinny: "For [bleeps] sake Doog, I'd love to. I want to get out of this [bleeping] place just as much as you. Let's head to Sicarious."

Note: While we travel to Sicarious, I have turned off Vinny's microphone. The editors will need a break...

Doog: "Vinny and I traveled east about twenty miles to the city of Sicarious. The city, built inside a large crater, is the largest on Mordax. About ten million people live in Sicarious."

Doog: "The city doesn't quite look large enough for ten million people, but according to Vinny, most of the buildings are residential. All the residents work in the shipyards, so there was little need to build commercial or industrial complexes within the city."

Doog: "The large dome in the corner of Sicarious is a sports stadium. According to Vinny, Cyborg Gladiator Battles are a popular sport in Mordax. Apparently, each city has its own Gladiator. The thing that catches my eye the most, however, is the green sea next to the city. Hopefully, Vinny can take me there.

Doog: "Well Vinny, I turned your microphone back on, and I'm curious. What is up with this green sea?"
Vinny: "Mordax was originally a dry planet. There was very little natural water. As we began to import water to the surface, we found that the dry planet sucked it up like a [bleeping] [bleep] on a [bleep] [bleep]. To make it harder to absorb, we added large amounts of algae to the water. The thick algae mass holds the water on the surface. Besides that, the algae serves as a major source of food here on Mordax."
Doog: "Hmm, that's interesting Vinny. Can people swim in there?"

Vinny: "If your a [bleeping] idiot you can swim in here. The algae is so thick you'll be stuck like a two dollar [bleep] on a [bleep]. Look at this [bleep]. He's stuck."
Doog: "Should we help him?"
Vinny: "[Bleep] him Doog. It's his own [bleeping] fault."

Guy: "Are you [bleeping] [bleepers] going to [bleeping] leave me here in this [bleep]!"
Doog: "You know what Vinny, you're right, [bleep] this guy."
Vinny: "Hey! Doog! Now you're talking our language. [Bleep] yeah! Just for that, I'm going to take you out to eat Doog."

Vinny: "This is a famous Mordax dish, Doog."
Doog: "What is it Vinny?"
Vinny: "It's a Fried Algae Burger."
Doog: "Well folks, I can't say much about Mordax's food or language, but I can say that it is an important part of the LIU. I hope you learned a thing or two. Join us next time as we visit the planet of Obex."

Note: Sorry it took so long bring LIU Atlas - Mordax to your TV sets. A large amount of editing and language censorship was required. [Bleep] Vinny and his [bleeping] mouth.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 4 - Obex

2 Comments

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Solus

8/4/2015

4 Comments

LIU Atlas - Solus

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Solus

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of TV2's newest program, LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. This week, I'm here to tell you about another relatively unknown planet, Solus. There is a good reason this place is unknown, it was just discovered earlier this decade. You see, Solus sits in the middle of a ternary star system, that's three stars for you rookies. The gravitational tug of these three stars disrupted the mapping scans in the area effectively hiding the planet of Solus. When it was finally discovered by a passing frigate, the LIU immediately sent researchers to the planet to determine its value. When they arrived, they found something amazing."

Doog: "I'm here on platform #2, one of five landing platforms on Solus. As you can see, the platform is sitting in water. That's because 99.9% of Solus' surface is covered in water."

Doog: "Joining me is Solus Researcher Cubs Sweptagain."
Roger: "Actually, my name is Roger."
Doog: "Haha, I know I just wanted to rub it in! Anyway, Roger, give us a break down on Solus."
Roger: "Sure Doog. Solus, as you said, sits in a ternary system. This means that it is constantly day here. The surface of the planet is covered in a massive fresh water sea. This combination of abundant sunlight and fresh water has spurned some amazing plant and animal life."
Doog: "How do plants exist in a world covered by a sea?"
Roger: "Hop in my boat, Doog. I'll show you."

Roger: "You see Doog, only 99.9% of the planet is covered by the sea. Rock islands, like these, extend up from the sea floor. Plant life has thrived on the little real estate available."
Doog: "I see, but why aren't there plants growing at the bottom of the rocks?"
Roger: "Three suns and lots of water means lots of rain and lots of storms. The storm surge knocks off any plants growing too low."
Doog: "Speaking of three suns, I'm burning like a Colluvian that's been in the sun for 30 seconds. Let's move on."

Roger: "Larger islands like these contain even more bio-diversity."
Doog: "Plants are cool and all, I mean, I love a good visit to the LIU Green Center, but what do they have to do with research? Are you guys developing a better lawn mower or something?"
Roger: "No Doog! Plants have many uses, like food and medicinal purposes. We could find the next generation of bananas here or maybe the cure for Noob Syndrome."

Doog: "You might find the next poison ivy or space spice as well."
Roger: "Maybe Doog, but the benefits outweigh the risks. For example, look at this island here. This large tree's roots were able to penetrate solid rock. We can use this evolutionary break through to grow trees on rocky planets."

Doog: "Maybe the tree's bark contains the cure for dandruff?"
Roger: "Uh... maybe Doog, we haven't tested that quite yet, but you never know."
Doog: "Well, let's saw it down and test it now. I noticed you have a few flakes."
Roger: "NO! I don't have flakes! It must be snow or something."
Doog: "Snow on a world with three suns?"
Roger: "Shut up Doog! Besides, we must keep the plant life intact until it is tested."

Doog: "Fine, let's move on. What do we have here?"
Roger: "This small rock has a small tidal pool inside. When the tide rises water fills this void, when the tide lowers, small pools are formed. Check out what's inside."

Doog: "Is there something inside? ...Holy Kaadu! What the heck is that!?!"

Roger: "It's a Tide Spider Doog. They feed on fish and clams trapped in the tidal pools."
Doog: "Put it away! Put it away! It's great, but let's go now!"
Roger: "You aren't afraid of spiders, Doog, are you? Ahh, what were you saying about dandruff now?"
Doog: "Dandruff? Did I say dandruff? All I see is snow."
Roger: "That's better Doog. Let's move on."

Roger: "As we researched the planet more, we discovered that plant life wasn't limited to the small patches of land. Small marshes like this have also developed in the planet's shallows."

Doog: "I love plants and all Roger, I really do, but unless there is one here that cures boredom, I'd really like to get a move on. Perhaps we can see your research facility?"
Roger: "Fine Doog."

Roger: "Well, here it is Doog. This is my home and research facility."
Doog: "It's about time, I mean I can't complain, you've done all the paddling, but isn't there a faster way to get around. You know, like using a motor instead of a paddle?"
Roger: "We are self-contained Doog. We don't have gas stations or power plants. We have to rely on solar and wind power, as well as good old muscle. Motor boats need too much power, so I do it the old fashion way."

Roger: "Anyway, as you can see, the Research Center built on stilts to avoid the strong storm surges. You can also see the solar power panels here to my left and the wind generator above us to the right. They make just enough power to keep my computers up and running."

Roger: "We have to grow our own food, so we use floating hydroponic platforms like this. As you can see, I'm growing some Solus vegetation that has been proven safe to eat, like the leafy Ecuttel, the sweet Nolem, and starchy Nroc."

Roger: "Come on upstairs Doog, I'll show you some more."
Doog: "I see hand rail technology hasn't been discovered here yet."
Roger: "What's that Doog?"
Doog: "Uh, nothing. I'm coming."

Roger: "This bridge links the living quarters, to your right, and the research post, to your left."

Roger: "The living quarters is where I sleep and where I keep my supplies. It's small, but comfy."

Roger: "The research post is where I log all the plant life I discover. I take small DNA samples from the plants, I upload them into these computers, and send them to research facilities across the LIU. You can also see my crane and water faucet."

Roger: "You see, this water pump pulls fresh water up from the sea. It filters out any impurities and it comes out as fresh drinking water."
Doog: "Holy smokes Roger, that water pump is just so cool, I'm going to have to call it quits. Thanks for having me."
Roger: "You can't leave yet Doog."

Roger: "I have one more thing to show you. Here, put this on."

Doog: "Well folks, I've let Roger talk me into putting on this SCUBA gear, and he's lowering me into the planet wide Solus Sea. Let's see what is in store."

Doog: "Wow! I can hardly believe what I'm seeing! The sea bed itself is covered with plants as far as the eye can see. There's an entire forest of sea plants here. Well folks, even though you've never heard of Solus, it really is an amazing place. The research they are conducting here might create cures for future diseases or it might yield the next strawberry. No one knows. But I know one thing. There's a spider right next to my leg! Ahhhh!

Note: LIU Atlas will not be seen next week due to Doog getting Poison Doolsack on his arms, as well as third degree sunburns. Who goes sleeveless on a planet with three suns? Oh, let's not forget the spider bite to Doog's left leg. Anyway, when LIU Atlas returns, Doog visits Mordax.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 2.5 - Chauca

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Season 1 - Episode 1 - Colluvio

8/4/2015

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LIU Atlas - Colluvio

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas..

LIU Atlas - Colluvio

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, LIU TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome folks to TV2's newest program, LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance McDoogal, feel free to call me Doog. This week, I'm here to tell you about a relatively unknown planet, Colluvio. Although unknown, this Mining World is one of the most important planets in the LIU. As you can see from the simulation to my right, Colluvio is more or less a giant chunk of rock, but this rock contains some of the most valuable mineral compounds in the entire galaxy. Let's visit Colluvio and take a closer look."

Doog: "As we approach Colluvio, we come across one of several hundred mining transports. These massive ships are constantly visiting Colluvio, shipping its treasures to worlds all across the LIU galaxy."

Doog: "There are 52 mining cities on Colluvio, and we've been granted access to City #21. Other than this small tunnel jutting out from the mountain side, there are no signs of life for miles. Where is this city? Why it's underground, of course."

Doog: "As I wait for my guide, I can't help but to notice how dark it is inside the tunnels. And that makes me wonder... why can't we show you some tropical Vacation World or maybe the Red Light District. Why does it always have to be these dark, musty places. There's a reason no one has heard of this place."

Doog: "Ahh, here's my guide at last. Hi, I'm Terrance McDoogal, you can call me Doog."
Host: "Welcome Doog. I'm Flarblast Siplecoup. You can call me Flarblast Siplecoup."
Doog: "Uh, nice to meet you Fartblaster Sippy Cup."
Host: "That's Flarblast Siplecoup."

Doog: "Uh, yeah, that's what I meant. Hey! Where are you going? Can't we talk before we go inside?"
Host: "It has been many years since my skin has felt the sun. I'm afraid I've gone and got burned already. Please let's head inside."
Doog: "You got sunburned in twenty seconds? Well, I guess you are looking rather pale."

Host: "All of us here at Colluvio look this way. We seldom get out to see the sun. We prefer the comforts of the 'dark and musty' mine, as you said."
Doog: "Oh, you heard that? I was just... uh.. well, look at this city! It sure is great!"
Host: "We have yet to arrive at the city. This is just the tunnel entrance. We still have a long journey to City #21."

Host: "City #21 is several miles deeper into the mountain. This suspended monorail system will take us there."
Doog: "It looks fun Flakpack. Let's head out"

Host: "That's Flarblast, Flarblast Siplecoup."
Doog: "No thanks, Flarblast Siplecoup gives me gas."
Host: "I'm not offering you food. That's my name."
Doog: "Ha, oh yeah, uh, its just a...little joke us inner galaxy people say... uh, well let's go."

Doog: "After a fifteen minute ride through the mountain, the monorail gives way and me and Flar.., me and my guide, are left at what appears to be a dead end. Are we there yet?"
Host: "Almost, all that is left now is the descent."

Doog: "The descent?"
Host: "Yes, this elevator will take us down another couple miles. City #21 awaits us at the bottom."

Doog: "Is this elevator safe?"
Host: "Yes Doog, the LIU Elevator Inspector General has given this elevator his stamp of approval."
Doog: "Uh, the LIU disbanded that position like 40 years ago, something to do with that park duck scandal."
Host: "Well, I assure you, it is quite safe. Let us descend."

Doog: "Well folks, we're thirty minutes into the show and we are finally at City #21. For the three viewers out there that are still awake and present, thanks for sticking with us. Now, Fastpass Steeplechase, where are we?"
Host: "My name is... oh forget it. We are now in City #21. If you follow me, I'll take you to the main chamber."

Doog: "I can't help but to notice these strange fans built into the walls. Can you tell us about them?"
Host: "Yes Doog, these fans are part of City #21's ventilation system. These fans are connected to small tunnels that extend all the way to the surface. They pull fresh air into the mine."
Doog: "Cool. Get it? Haha. Why aren't you laughing?"
Host: "It must be that inner galaxy humor you were talking about..."

Doog: "As I we arrive at the main chamber, I am slightly taken back. I couldn't have imagined that an underground city on a mining world could be so beautiful. I have to admit, I'm impressed Flarelast."
Host: "Thanks Doog. This is the main chamber. It contains the housing for the forty eight residents of City #21."

Doog: "There's only forty eight of you here?"
Host: "Yes Doog. Most of the mining operation is automated. We are only here to complete repairs and insure
quality control."
Doog: "Are all fifty-two cities like this?"
Host: "More or less. The population is dependent on the size of the mine below. We have a rather strong concentration of mineral below us and we have one of the larger populations."

Doog: "Speaking of minerals, what exactly do you guys mine here?"
Host: "Well Doog, just below us is a massive underground sea. However, this sea is not made up of water. It's made up of a rare liquid mineral called Quag."
Doog: "Quag?"
Host: "Yes Doog, Quag. It's used as a fertilizer on all of the LIU's Super Farms. Production on these farms had risen ten fold since they started using this rare Quag fertilizer."

Doog: "How do you mine a liquid?"
Host: "Well Doog, this is where it all starts. Small holes are cut into the rock exposing the sea below. Massive pumps, like this one, pump out the liquid Quag."

Host: "The Quag isn't very stable in this state so it most be processed before it can be shipped out. If you follow me, I'll show you some of the processing areas."
Doog: "Sounds fun."

Host: "The pump carries the Quag to this room where it is pumped out onto a small assembly line. Here, robots turn the raw Quag into processed Quag."

Host: "Heat is applied to remove any impurities. A mixing robot then stirs the Quag to insure that it's viscosity is consistent."

Host: "After it is processed, it is pumped into these large drying tanks. When processed Quag is allowed to sit, it slowly becomes a solid. This takes a long amount of time, and we have to have thousands of these drying tanks."

Host: "As you can see below, two of our quality control engineers are cleaning tank #3. If any impurities get into these drying tanks, they stop the Quag from solidifying."

Host: "The hardened Quag is then sent down another conveyor belt were is cut up into little squares."

Host: "These squares of Quag then fall down a small chute into an automatic scale."

Host: "When the weight reaches the predetermined amount, the scale drops the squared Quag into a mining cart below. These carts take the Quag to one Colluvio's central shipping platforms. Cities #20-30 share one central shipping platform."
Doog: "Wow, Flabsack, that's pretty efficient. I'd love to hear more...(mumble) yeah right, but time's running out. Thanks for showing us Colluvio."
Host: "It was my pleasure... (mumble) yeah right... Terrance McDoogal."

Doog: "Well folks, although Colluvio doesn't get mentioned very often, the planet is actually quite important. Without its supply of Quag, the Super Farms wouldn't be able to produce enough food to feed the galaxy. So next time you stop at the supermarket, remember Colluvio and its underground seas of Quag. Thanks for joining us. Hopefully, you learned a thing or two."

Note: Don't fret, Doog will be back from time to time to show you some more obscure LIU Worlds. Next up, the World of Solus.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 2 - Solus

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