All Categories

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Ebrius

8/10/2015

LIU Atlas - Ebrius

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Ebrius

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Ebrius. Ebrius is classified as a Forest World, and it is home to a planet wide forest. Forest Worlds, like Ebrius, are harvested every several years for their precious lumber."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off at my guide's piece of c... I mean, quaint cabin in the middle of the woods. As you can see, Ebrius is indeed a Forest World."

Doog: "Ah, here comes my guide now, Lumberjack Foreman Borracho Wilson."
Borracho: "What in da heck is you? Why is you on my lawn boy?"
Doog: "I'm Doog."
Borracho: "You's a dog? Is dat some sort of joke?"
Doog: "No, not dog, Doog, from TV."
Borracho: "Oh, you thinks you can come a stomping in my lawn because you knows two letters. Well, I knows a few myself."
Doog: "No...I'm Doog from television."
Borracho: "Tela-what?"
Doog: "Sigh. Never mind. I'm a host for a show. You're supposed to show me around the planet."

Borracho: "You knows what? I do reckon I remember somthin bout that. Lets me get a look at you. I see ya gots a mustache. Dats good. I don't trust a man without a mustache. Dats kinda a weak mustache though. Heck, I thinks my wife's gotta a better stache than you."
Doog: "Uh, yeah, thanks. I bet she's a charming woman. Shall we get started?"
Borracho: "Yep. Let's do it."

Wife: "Now Borracho, you best be bringing home some money today, or I swear I'm a gonna hit ya with this here fryin pan."
Borracho: "Well, a least that there pan will finally be gettin some use woman. Come on Dog. We gotta make a quick stop before we gets started."
Doog: "It's Doog actually, but yeah, let's go."

Doog: "Wait. What's that?"
Borracho: "Oh, this here is just my still. I'm makin Bark Whiskey. I just has to fill up my here flask before we's get started."
Doog: "Bark Whiskey?"

Borracho: "Yep. We don't have much here on Ebrius other than bark. We uses it for food, shelter, and good ol drink."
Doog: "You eat bark?"
Borracho: "Oh yeah. Bark Stew, Bark Kebobs, Barkwiches, and Bark Pie. It aint da best, but it's all we has."

Doog: "Where are we headed now?"
Borracho: "Well, I figures I'd show ya some of the harvesting."

Doog: "Wow, what's that?"
Borracho: "This here is the LIU Heavy Lumberjack Hardsuit."

Borracho: "Da suit uses a mega-chainsaw and good ol brute strength to bring down trees. They never let me pilot her anymore. Somethin bout my whiskey problem, and that incident where I cut down a few of them there cabins. I say cabins are made of wood. What's da problem?"

Worker: "Sorry, we're late boss."
Borracho: "It aint no problem. Just go a get to cuttin."
Doog: "What are these?"

Borracho: "These are LIU Light Lumberjack Hardsuits. They aint as powerful as their larger counterparts, but they gets the job done. We -hic- use these suits to cut down da trees."

Doog: "Are you sure you should be drinking anymore? You sound pretty drunk. Although, you don't really talk right even when you're sober."
Borracho: "You -hic- are da one that sounds -hic- drunk Dog. Besides, I aint da one - hic- about to be crushed by a -hic- Tri Walker."
Doog: "A what...AHHH!"

Borracho: "A LIU Tri-Walker Stripper and Stacker -hic."
Doog: "And what does it do?"

Borracho: "It, it, it -hic- picks up da wood, and it picks it up."
Doog: "Yeah, it picks it up. I think we have that down. Then what?"

Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up, and picks it up -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And?"

Borracho: "And it uses its -hic- saws to cut off all da limbs. Yeah. It -hic- is a delimber."

Doog: "Now what is it doing?"
Borracho: "It -hic- picks it up again, and picks it up again -hic- and, and..."
Doog: "And!"

Borracho: "It, it stacks them. Yeah. -Hiccup-"

Borracho: "Once -hic- we get her stacked, we...hold on let me get a sip...we wait for the buyers to come."
Doog: "Buyers?"
Borracho: "Da LIU sends -hic- buyers to price our haul. We trades the -hic- wood for whatever supplies we be needin."

Borracho: "Ah, here they comes now."
Doog: "What's this?"
Borracho: "This here -hic-, is the LIU Lumber Loader. The buyers load up -hic- our haul, and they load it up. Yeah."

Borracho: "The -hic- logs fit right nicely in da -hic- clamps. It is then transported -hic- to that there lumber factory up north. Oh -hic- great. Here comes that no good buyer now."

Borracho: "Look at this -hic- son of gun, not a mustache hair on that there -hic- face."
Buyer: "Nice to see you again Mr. Wilson. We've collected your haul, so let's begin negotiations. Today, we have our two standard deals."

Buyer: "We can give this bundle of cash which amounts to about five thousand credits, or..."

Buyer: "...we can give you this six pack of beer and assorted flasks of liquor."
Borracho: "You -hic- think you can pull one over on me? I know -hic- what da best deal is. We'll take the booze."
Buyer: "Well, I think your getting a steal Mr. Wilson, but it's a deal."

Worker: "Not again Boss! We need the money for real food! Well, I guess it's Barkgetti and Barkballs again this week."

Borracho: "Dis is da best -hic- day ever Dog." gargle gargle
Doog: "Wait Borracho, we're not done with the show yet! What about the lumber factories?"

Doog: "Well folks, it appears Borracho is passed out. So I guess we'll just end the show here. See ya next time!"

Note:

Recipe - Barkgetti and Barkballs
4 oz. bark
3/4
cup of water

Mix and heat. Serve warm.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 11 - Heri Rex

7 Comments

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Gravor

8/10/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Gravor

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Gravor

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Gravor. Gravor, and its system, are located on the outer edges of the galaxy's Gamma spiral. This region was one of the last areas of the galaxy to be absorbed into the LIU. The Gravor system resisted the LIU's expansion into this area, but were swiftly defeated in a devastating war. Although major combat has ended, a small group of locals are still waging a guerilla war to regain their independence."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've been dropped off in one of Gravor's war torn cities. My military escort was supposed to be waiting here for me, but, of course, he is no where to be found. I'm hoping the dead guy behind me isn't my guide."

Doog: "As you can see, the orbital bombings at the beginning of the war have reduced much of the city to ruins. Very little of the city's infrastructure is still intact. After the bombings, the LIU landed a large ground force on the planet to mop up any survivors. Hmmm, what else can I talk about while we wait? Uh, you can see that I am wearing armor for my protection."
Rumble, Rumble
Doog: "Wait, what's that?"

Cross: "MOVE IN BOYS! GET THAT HOVER TANK OVER HERE! SURROUND THE TARGET!"

Doog: "Please tell me you are the good guys..."
Cross: "You are correct sir. I am Commander Cross, leader of Invasion Regiment #55632, AKA the Red Bandits."
Doog: "What took you so long? I felt like a sitting duck out here."
Cross: "Well soldier, we hoped your presence would draw the enemy out. Unfortunately, we way overestimated your value as a target."
Doog: "Wow, thanks. Nice to meet you too. Well, should we get on with it?"

Cross: "Not yet Doog. As a temporary member of this regiment, I am required to arm you. This here is a basic laser pistol. Are you familiar with how it works?"
Doog: "I'm sure I can figure it out. Let's see..."
POP
POP
Cross: "SOLDIER! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST DISCHARGE THAT WEAPON TWO INCHES FROM MY FACE!"
Doog: "Sorry...you just asked if.."
Cross: "GIVE ME THAT!"

Cross: "Here take this instead. There is no way you can hurt any of us with a knife."
Doog: "It's funny you say that. The last time I had a knife I accidentally cut off this guy's hand."
Cross: "You know what, just give that back to me."

Cross: "Here, I found a stick. Take this. Use it wisely."
Doog: "A stick! What are we fighting, piñatas?"

Cross: "Negative, soldier. We are fighting the Viridians, AKA the Greenies."
Doog: "Greenies?"
Cross: "Yes soldier. Look at that advertisement over there. That's the enemy."

Doog: "Ah, I see. They're just like us, but green."
Cross: "THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE US SOLDIER! They resisted joining the Union, and they refused to live by the Red Bandit Code."
Doog: "What's the code?"
Cross: "Money, Property, Emperor, Empire. In that order."
Doog: "How dare they!"

Soldier: "Uh...sir? We have movement over here!"

Cross: "It's a trap!"

Cross: "WEAPONS FREE! WEAPONS FREE! KILL EM ALL!"

Soldier: "Ahh, I've been hit! Wait, that kind of tickled. Their puny ballistic weapons can't penetrate our armor!"

Cross: "GET UP SOLDIER! I DIDN"T GIVE YOU THAT STICK SO YOU COULD LAY ON THE GROUND LIKE A LITTLE SCHOOL GIRL!
Doog: "Nah, I think I'm good down here."

Doog: "Ahh! Commander! I think I've been hit! Everything is going black!"
Cross: "Negative, soldier! I've ordered in an air strike on this position. The Orbital Bombers are eclipsing the sun. NOW GET UP! WE HAVE TO RUN!"

Doog: "Well folks, this could be the end! Orbital Bombers are bombing the entire block!"
Cross: "Don't be a baby! These are precision bombs. They're not even that close!"

Doog: "Well folks, I survived my first military encounter here on this show."
Cross: "It's too bad your dignity didn't survive soldier. I've never seen a grown man cry like that."
Doog: "What! I wasn't crying! That was the fire making my eyes water. Yeah that's it."
Cross: "Was the fire making you call out for your mommy too?"
Doog: "Uh... let's move on. Where are we now?"

Cross: "Well soldier, we've managed to capture a large area of the city. We've constructed large walls around this section to keep it safe from combatants. It is known as the Red Zone. This is one of the few entrances into the safe zone."

Cross: "Soldiers with scanners and bomb sniffing dogs insure that no enemies sneak any weapons inside."

Doog: "Can bomb sniffing dogs smell drugs too?"
Cross: "Negative, only explosives."
Doog: "Whew. Ok, shall we head inside then?"

Cross: "As you can see, the Red Zone is an oasis of peace and beauty in this otherwise desolate planet. The building behind us is one of the military dorms. I'm going to get some rest so I can get back out there and do some more killing. I'm going to leave you with Gravor's recently installed Governor, Verde Prasinus. Ah, here he comes now."

Doog: "Ah! A Greenie!"

Doog: "Take this traitor!"
Verde: "Oh dear!"

Cross: "SOLDIER! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST BEAT THE GOVERNOR WITH A STICK! DO I HAVE TO SHOOT YOU? DROP THAT STICK NOW!"

Doog: "Wait! I thought the Greenies were enemies? How is he Governor?"
Cross: "Some of the Greenies have accepted our rule and have integrated into our society. They are known as the Viridian Loyalists. They live here in the Red Zone."
Doog: "Whoops Governor. Sorry about that."
Verde: "Yeah, nice to meet you too."
Cross: "Well, I'm off to bed. I'll see you girls later."

Doog: "So you're a loyalist huh?"
Verde: "Yes Doog. Many of us realized early in the conflict that resisting the LIU wasn't in our best interests, and we surrendered. By the way, our interests are remaining alive."
Doog: "I see. So what kind of economy do you guys have?"
Verde: "The LIU lists Gravor as an industrial world, but that's not really true. The wide scale bombings at the start of the war destroyed our entire industrial sector."
Doog: "So if that's not true, what is your actual economy?"
Verde: "I'm not supposed to discuss it on camera."
Doog: "Uh...here, I turned the camera off. Everything you say is off the record."
Verde: "The green light is still on Doog."
Doog: "Just ignore that, it's defective."
Verde: "Are you sure? I'm already the fifth installed Governor this week. I don't want another military coup d'état."

Doog: "Would I ever lie?"
Verde: "Well, OK. Gravor is actually classified as a Propaganda World."
Doog: "A what?"
Verde: "A Propaganda World. The LIU utilizes this planet for propaganda purposes. They use Gravor as a lesson to any other rebellious world. They invite reporters like yourself here to show the LIU's military strength. They make us erect military tributes and cheer for their soldiers. It's then broadcast around the union. For example, we built this monument behind us to honor the LIU's soldiers."
Doog: "Aww, you guys think the soldiers are angels!"
Verde: "Actually, we think they are winged demons of death and destruction that stand on our world and crush it under their massive weight."
Doog: "Or that."

Verde: "We also constructed this monument, known as the Arc of Victory. Every hour, on the hour, the military holds a forty five minute parade through the arch."
Doog: "A parade?"
Verde: "Yes. It's part of the propaganda machine. Images and videos of the marching soldiers are broadcast to rebellious worlds."

Verde: "There are approximately a half million soldiers here on Gravor, but I estimate that only 10% of them are actually involved in combat. The rest are devoted to parades."

Doog: "What happens when the war ends? Won't the economy crash?"
Verde: "The war isn't meant to end Doog. It is meant to be sustained forever. The war could have been ended years ago if the parading soldiers would just be released into combat. The few soldiers that actually see combat are meant to keep the war controlled and out of the Red Zone. They are not there to end it."

Verde: "In addition to propaganda, the LIU also uses Gravor for military testing. New weapons are brought to Gravor and are used against the rebels."

Verde: "Here, we see a new LIU Artillery Rail Gun firing shells into the already decimated city."

Verde: "Some non-lethal weapons are tested on Viridian Loyalists, like this mind control device."
Doog: "Mind control?"
Verde: "Yes, the subjects' minds are placed in a hypnotic state by the swirling disc. They are then fed instructions and propaganda through the loud speaker. It used primarily for the military, but it also has potential in the advertising market."
Doog: "I don't hear anything coming out of the speaker?"
Verde: "Currently, they are only testing the device's hypnotic disc."
Doog: "So they are hypnotized and ready for instructions?"
Verde: "Yes, I believe so."
Doog: "Cool. Hey guys, when you wake from this state, you will give me all your money and call me Lord Master Doog."
Verde: "Doog! Knock it off!"

Doog: "Well folks, Gravor is an interesting place. It appears it is in a never ending war, but the propaganda gathered from said war is helping to save lives across the galaxy. Or something like that. Well see ya next time!"
Verde: "Hey wait, you said the camera was off! "Loyalists: "Lord Master Doog please take all our money!"

Note:

Doog: "You will watch LIU Atlas. Doog is the best."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 10 - Ebrius

2 Comments

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Iaceo

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Iaceo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Iaceo

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Computer: "Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected. Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected."
Doog: "What the heck! Who's making all this racket? Can't a universally famous TV Host get some sleep around here.
Computer, turn on the lights. I'm going to get to the bottom of this!"

Doog: "Mike, my ever faithful audio man, what's going on here?"
Mike: "Do you sleep with your microphone?"
Doog: "What? Huh? Oh this...uh...it was just...uh, next to my bed. Yeah. That's it. Now, what's going on?!?"
Mike: "Doog, it appears we came out of hyperspace too close to a gravitational field. From the size of it, I'm guessing we nearly hit a planet."
Doog: "Look Mike, I know your primary job is audio, but I've also assigned you the responsibility of navigation. How could you let this happen?"
Mike: "I don't understand Doog. According to our star charts, there's no planets even close to here. Computer, why isn't this planet on our charts?"
Computer: "Standby. Conducting search for these coordinates. Results are as follows. It appears we have rediscovered the planet Iaceo. Iaceo was removed from all star charts approximately ten years ago. Iaceo's status is listed as restricted. I recommend we avoid the planet at all costs."

Doog: "Yes of course. I agree. Timbo, my editor, go tell Hugo, our pilot, to fire up the engines. We're leaving this place."
Timbo: "Uh, s-s-sir, I've already checked on Hugo. It appears he ejected the Magellan's cockpit when the alarms sounded. He's left us to die in a fiery ball of doom!"
Doog: "Dang it! I knew I never liked that feature! So what do we do?"
Computer: "Prepare for impact in 10...9...8...7...6...5...4..."
Doog: "Well viewers, it looks like this is the end. It was nice knowing you. Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! I nearly swallowed my microphone, but I think we survived!"
Crew: "Yah! Woo-hoo!"
Doog: "Alright boys, let's get out of this junker and do a head count."

Doog: "Alright folks, it looks like everyone survived. We have Mike, the audio guy, Oldie, our director, Timbo, the editor, and Cam, our camera guy. The only damage to the crew I see is the damage to Oldie's pajamas, but honestly, who cares?"
Oldie: "Sniff. Sniff. They were my favorite..."
Doog: "Be quiet old man, we don't have time to cry, yet. This ship could blow up any minute, so we've elected to leave the crash site. Even though it was Mike's navigational failure that caused this mess, we've decided to let him lead our group."

Doog: "Mike, are you sure we should be getting in the water? It's covered in some kind of pond scum."
Mike: "Of course I'm sure! Pond scum means this water is friendly to life. That's a good thing. It also means the water is nearly stagnant, which I also believe is pretty good. Though I could be getting it backward."

Doog: "Well, that logic sounds good to me. Here we go. Eww, the water is pretty warm."
Oldie: "Actually Doog, that may have been me. Sorry."
Doog: "I knew this was a bad idea."

Mike: "See Doog. I made it. It wasn't that bad."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, you have a giant leech on your hand!"
Crew: "Ahhh! Leeches!"

Oldie: "Ahhh! I have one on my leg!"
Doog: "It appears they only attach to bare skin. I think I'm leech free. Cam, are you coming?"

Cam: "Bare skin you say? Uh, I think I'm just going to stay here and risk the explosion. You guys go on without me."

Doog: "Alright folks, our merry group is now down to four. Mike, where are we headed?"
Mike: "Well Doog, Hugo ejected the cockpit too close to the planet. There's no way he had enough thrust to escape Iaceo's gravity. He probably landed somewhere east of here. I'm thinking the first thing we do is pay Hugo a little visit."
Doog: "Agreed. Revenge definitely trumps getting rescued."

Mike: "Alright guys, I think this looks like a good place to cross."
Crew: "Cross!"
Doog: "We just got attacked by leeches crossing this scum. Why are we crossing back?"
Mike: "Well, if we're going east, we have to cross. Besides, we can use this log."

Mike: "Ahoy! I've made it. Look at me guys. I could see myself getting my own show after this. Space Survivor with Mike the audio-man. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it."

Mike: "Come on babies! It's safe."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, we've talked it over and were not crossing. There's a mosquito over there."
Mike: "A mosquito! One measly mosquito and you guys are giving up? We've survived a crash, battled leeches, hiked the wilderness, and you're going to let one mosquito get in the way?"
Doog: "Well Mike, mosquitoes carry diseases."

Mike: "I thought you'd be the last one complaining about diseases Doog. I've seen some of the chicks you hang out with. Now come on!"
Doog: "D-d-did we mention the mosquito is the size of a small car?"
Mike: "What! Ahhh!"

Mike: "Ahhh!"
Doog: "Oh man! It sucked almost all of his blood. He's turned into a fleshie!"

Doog: "Alright guys, I'm taking over this expedition. With my first act as leader, I declare Operation Run in effect!"
Oldie: "We should go help him!"
Doog: "Yes, yes, you should go help him. The mosquito might not want your old blood. We'll meet up with you later."
Oldie: "Actually, I'm starting to like Operation Run!"

Doog: "Alright folks, we have good news and bad news. The bad news, this wall is hampering our escape. The good news, this wall appears to have been built by the LIU. That means this planet could be inhabited. We've talked it over, and we've decided to climb the wall."

Doog: "With muscles like these, I easily scaled this wall in forty five minutes flat. Oldie appears to be struggling a bit more. Come on you old bag of bones! Get a move on!"
Oldie: "I don't think I can do it Doog. I'm losing my grip! Ahhh!"

Oldie: "Ahh! My feet are stuck! Go on without me guys. I'll fend of the leeches the best I can."

Doog: "Well, it's just me and you now, Timbo."
Timbo: "..."
Doog: "What's the deal Timbo? You haven't said a word since we landed."
Timbo: "Sorry Sir, it's just that you told me if I ever talked to you while you were filming again, you'd fire me."
Doog: "Ha! That was a test. You're fired!"
Timbo: "You know what Doog, you're such a diva. You can take this job and shove it. I'm going back and trying to save Oldie. You're on your own."

Doog: "Well folks, I've been walking alone for nearly an hour, and I've finally found my first sign of civilization. It appears to be some sort of bunker."

Doog: "I'm not quite sure what it is, but it has some strange orb floating above it."

Doog: "I feel drawn to the orb. It's energy is making me feel more alive than I ever have, well except for that time I went to the brothel on Camana 5."

Doog: "What is it?"

Alien: "It's a life sphere."
Doog: "Ahhh! Where did you come from? What are you? What big teeth you have. Don't eat me."
Alien: "Settle down little one. I don't plan to eat you yet. I wish to teach you about the life sphere."
Doog: "Did I catch a 'yet' in there?"
Alien: "Come inside the facility Doog. The life sphere awaits."

Doog: "Wow...uh...I like what you did to the place. Is this Martha Stewart?"

Alien: "This is the LIU Life Science Laboratory. Scientists here attempted to create a sentient species from the abundance of primitive creatures here. You see, this planet has had primitive life for billions of years, but none of the species ever took the final leap to sentience."
Doog: "Ah, I do see. Well, thanks for the tour. I'll see you later."
Alien: "Not yet my friend. The LIU created the life sphere to speed up the evolutionary process. The sphere bathed the primitive creatures in a classified 'life energy'."

Alien: "The dominant species of this planet, seen here in this hologram, was bathed in life energy. Many years later, it gave birth to the greatest being this universe has ever seen, myself."
Doog: "Cool. Well, see you later."
Alien: "Haha. Not yet my friend. I'm not finished. You see, the scientists marveled at their new sentient creation, but all of them were fooled. It appears I kept the bloodlust that drove my fathers, and slowly, I fed on all of them. However, it appears I had one evolutionary advantage that even surprised myself. With each feeding, I inherited my victims own life energy, and with it, their knowledge. After feeding on all the scientist, I had consumed almost all the knowledge the LIU has ever collected. I am the ultimate being."

Alien: "Of course, there is much more information out there, but I've been trapped here all these years. That is, until you fools crashed here. I've reassembled your ship, and I now plan to explore the universe, learning all there is to know. Once I have consumed all available information, I will rule this universe."
Doog: "Yeah. Good luck with that. Hey, if you fixed my ship, you must have found Hugo. Where is he? I'd like to give him a nice face punch."
Alien: "Hugo is fine, as is the rest of your crew. I've saved them all, and then fed on their blood."
Doog: "You saved them just to kill them?"
Alien: "There was no killing. After the scientists, I refined my methods. I only need a taste to learn all you have to offer. You my friend, will be my final feeding before I depart this prison."

Doog: "Ahhh! Can't you grab me another way, this looks awkward!"
Alien: "Stop struggling friend. I must consume your knowledge. Think of all the planets you've seen, the information you collected, the technology you discovered..."

Alien: "Yuck! You taste different from the rest. You taste...bland. Wait! What's happening? What's a Kaadu burger? E=mc3? No that's not right. What have you done! What have I tasted?!?"

Doog: "That, my friend, is the good old taste of ignorance. And, for once, I'm not ashamed of it."
Alien: "No! I'm losing control of my bodily functions! I have the sudden urge to watch TV! What is a book? I was going to rule it all...rule it...rule..."

Doog: "Wow, I think I killed the poor guy. Well folks, my ship is fixed, my crew is back together, and I think we can depart. Iaceo, not such a great place, but fun in its own way. It's not everyday that you can cause an evil sentient race to become extinct. Perhaps I saved the universe, or maybe, I killed our savior. Oh well, see ya later!"

Note: Although the events of the crash were filmed and turned into an Atlas Episode, none of the crew will be paid because they were not on official assignment. Furthermore, each crew member has been docked a weeks pay for their unscheduled vacation.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 9 - Gravor

1 Comment

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Demitto

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Demitto

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Demitto

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the icy moon of Demitto. Demitto orbits close to its parent planet, the gas giant Demitten. The tidal flexing associated with this close orbit has heated Demitto's interior and created a planet wide subterranean sea. These pressures and heated water occasionally cause great geysers to erupt from Demitto's surface, as seen here."

Doog: "The exterior of Demitto is frozen solid, and it forms a nearly impenetrable shell over Demitto's ocean. This small base, known as the Breach Point, rests on the narrowest part of this shell. It is the only building on Demitto's surface. I'm headed inside to meet my guide."

Doog: "Today, I joined with xeno-biologist Hermes Henderson. How's it going Hermes?"
Hermes: "Things are great Doog."
Doog: "Where are we?"
Hermes: "Well Doog, we are here at the Breach point. It's our one and only access point to the subterranean sea."
Doog: "Ah, I see."

Hermes: "I can't help but to notice that you keep staring at my hook. It's OK, I'm used to it. Most people are curious how I got it. Let's just say I had an unfortunate laser accident."
Doog: "Huh? Oh sorry. I always wanted a hook."

Doog: "So how do you keep the opening from freezing back up?"
Hermes: "Well, one thing we do is keep the room temperature above freezing, this stops surface ice from forming. If you look over there, you'll see our heated pipe system that keeps the deeper parts of the opening from freezing."
Doog: "I see. So what's next?"
Hermes: "I think it's time to make our descent into the sea."
Doog: "I call shotgun. I'm not riding in the back seat of this submarine. I'm the host after all."
Hermes: "Oh no Doog. We're not taking the sub. If you really want to see Demitto, you have to see it in person."

Doog: "Well folks, I've suited up and we're just about ready to descend. I've talked Hermes into bringing the sub for my camera crew, but I've agreed to brave the waters in this rebreather suit."

Doog: "Wow Hermes. How is this possible? There's life down here!"
Hermes: "Yes Doog. Demitto's sea is full of life. It sports some of the most biodiversity we've ever seen."

Doog: "But how is it possible? I'm no expert, but doesn't life need sunlight?"
Hermes: "Haha. I'm afraid not. All of the species here utilize chemosynthesis instead of photosynthesis."

Doog: "Keemo-whata-what?"
Hermes: "Chemosynthesis. They're chemotrophs. I see by your blank stare that means nothing to you. In laymen's terms, these creatures obtain energy by oxidizing various electron donors in their environment, such as ammonia, iron, sulfur, and hydrogen."
Doog: blink blink "Uh, yeah. Try it again like you're talking to a three year old."

Hermes: "Hmm. Let's see. The plants get energy, or food, by inhaling water. This water is loaded with minerals. The plants steal electrons, I mean energy from the minerals by using various enzymes."
Doog: "Try it again like I'm a one year old...better yet, let's just move on. What about these larger animals?"

Hermes: "The larger, more complex animals get their energy by eating the chemotrophic plants."
Doog: "They look dangerous..."
Hermes: "No, not at all. They don't eat organic materials like ourselves."
Doog: "But they do eat metal suits that are keeping us alive...right?"
Hermes: "Uh, yeah. I guess that's true. Let's get out of here."

Hermes: "The tidal forces that keep this sea warm also create huge rifts in the crust. To descend to these even deeper parts of the sea, we'll need to get aboard the LIU Deep Sea Exploration Sub."

Hermes: "These Subs have shields like a space fighter. Instead of stopping laser blasts, these shields help alleviate the extreme pressures and temperature drops in the deepest parts of Demitto."
Doog: "How did you get this thing down here? It's much bigger than the Breach Point."
Hermes: "Good question. It was lowered in pieces and assembled below the ice."

Hermes: "Let's get inside. We have a long journey."

Doog: "Even with a quick sub, the descent to the deepest part of Demitto takes us several hours. The little light that makes it through the ice never reaches these depths. It is dark and very cold."

Doog: "What's this?"
Hermes: "Over several years, we have constructed a huge science station to monitor the life in these depths. Once our sub gets into the airlock, we'll drain the water and enter the station."
Doog: "Wait did you say 'monitor life'? There's life down here?"
Hermes: "Well of course. Life always finds a way."

Hermes: "Welcome to Observation Deck #1. As you can see, there is indeed life at these depths."
Doog: "What are they?"

Hermes: "They're Demitton Drone Crabs. They live near hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor. The vents provide heat, and, more importantly, food. These crabs collect and store minerals from the vents."

Doog: "Store? They don't eat it?"
Hermes: "Oh no. They don't eat. They are drones Doog. They collect food for their master."
Doog: "Master?"
Hermes: "Let's head to Observation Deck #2, and I'll show you."

Doog: "Holy...Kaadu. What is that?"

Hermes: "That, my friend, is the master. We call it, the Demitton Worm."
Doog: "So it's like the queen?"
Hermes: "It could be labeled as such, but the worm has no sex. It creates the drones through budding."

Hermes: "When its children collect enough minerals, they make the ultimate sacrifice. They give themselves up as food."
Doog: "You mean the Worm eats its own young?"

Hermes: "Precisely. The Worm eats its drone, recovering the materials used to create it. It also absorbs the minerals acquired by the drone for a net energy gain."

Doog: "You should have called it the Demitton Baby Eater Worm. Seriously, this thing kind of freaks me out."
Hermes: "People often fear unfamiliar things, but this worm is truly amazing. We've found that these worms have a lifespan of millions of years. As strange as their method seems, it's working. Plus, this worm has an even more amazing, and more profitable, characteristic."
Doog: "Finally, I was wondering what paid for all of this."

Hermes: "Come on Doog! We have to venture deeper into the facility to see our industry. Try to keep up!"
Doog: "You'd think with all this amazing technology you'd be able to install some freakin elevators. Wait for me!"

Doog: "Is this what I think it is?"
Hermes: "To be honest, no one really knows what you're thinking Doog. But, yes, this is the rear of the Demitton Worm. We excavated the earth around it and sealed it into the facility."
Doog: "Why?!?"
Hermes: "Originally, we just wanted a safe way to study the worm's biology, but we found something even more amazing, the worm's waste product."
Doog: "Worm poo?"

Hermes: "Yes Doog. The worm, like other chemotrophs, consume large amounts of minerals. The materials that are not used are bound together into a crystalline structure and removed from the body."
Doog: blink blink
Hermes: "The worm poops crystals."
Doog: "Ahh. I see. Gross."

Hermes: "Not at all! They're just crystals. Beautiful, perfect crystals. We've never seen anything like it in nature. The crystalline structure is more advanced than anything we could make in the lab. Even if we could recreate it, it would cost millions of credits. We have a free, renewable source right here."
Doog: "What are they used for?"

Hermes: "They're not much use in their current state. We use powerful laser cutters to shape them into more useful forms. As a side note, be sure not to put your hand under the laser. I learned the hard way."

Hermes: "The machine shapes the crystals into perfect gems. The gems are used as crystal oscillators. They resonate at a very, very precise frequency. Oh, I forgot who I was talking to. The pretty stones vibrate real accurately. They are used to keep time in electrical devices."
Doog: Blink blink
Hermes: "Sorry, I don't know how to break it down any easier than that."
Doog: "What? Oh no, I was just dozing off. Honestly, I stopped paying attention after the whole stairs thing."
Hermes: "Oh."

Doog: "Well folks, Demitto is a beautiful, diverse place. See ya next time!"

Note: Forget Quartz watches, buy a LIU Demitto Crystal Watch.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 8 - Iaceo

1 Comment

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Adiutrix

8/10/2015

23 Comments

LIU Atlas - Adiutrix

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Adiutrix

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the gas giant Adiutrix. Gas giants are the most abundant planets in the LIU Galaxy, but very few of them are actually inhabited due to several environmental factors. Adiutrix, and its large quantity of resources, is one of the few exceptions."

Doog: "There are no habitable surfaces on gas giants like Adiutrix. This forces residents to live on large floating Arcologies like this one here. Unlike space stations, Arcologies are self-sufficient and require no outside assistance. The Adiutrix Arcology uses gravity lifts to float gently above the raging atmosphere below."

Doog: "The Adiutrix Arcology houses dorms and facilities for close to ten thousand residents. Its most notable feature, seen here, is its artificial biosphere. Invisible shields keep a habitable atmosphere enclosed. I have been told to meet my guide here."

Doog: "Alright folks, I've landed in the biosphere, and I'm eagerly awaiting my guide. For the first time on LIU Atlas, today's guide is a female. I'm half expecting to meet my future wife today. I mean, what woman could spend a few hours with me and not want to get married? Right? Right?"

Doog: "Ah, I see two beautiful candidates right here. Hello ladies, which one of you fine young individuals is my guide?"
Lady: "Get lost breeder!"
Doog: "I'm lost in your eyes baby."
Lady: "Seriously, do we need to notify security?"
Doog: "No, no, that's not necessary. Oh look, I see a man over there. If anyone around here knows what's going on, it's a man."

Doog: "Excuse me sir. Sir? Sir? Hello?"

Sheila: "Are you talking to me?"
Doog: "Ewww gross man. Why are you wearing lipstick?"
Sheila: "I'm not a man Doog. I'm your guide, Sheila. I'm Director of the Adiutrix Arcology."
Doog: "No. They wouldn't do that to me. Where's my real female guide?"
Sheila: "No really Doog. I'm your guide."
Doog: "No. I refuse to accept it. How can a man be my first female guide?"
Sheila: "I'm not a man Doog!"
Doog: "Are you sure?"

Sheila: "Yes I'm sure! All the residents here are female. Outside of a few days a month, it's the most peaceful place in the galaxy."
Doog: "All the residents are female, and I get stuck with the one that most closely resembles a man. I'm a lucky guy..."
Sheila: "I'm getting sick of this man talk Doog."
Doog: "Sorry sir...I mean, ma'am. Shall we get this over with? Where are we?"
Sheila: "We're in the Arcology's Biosphere. This particular section is more like a park and is used for recreation."

Sheila: "Some of the Biosphere's sections are devoted to reproducing actual environments. This one here has more of a tropical feel."
Doog: "Leave it to a bunch of women to make a space garden. I mean, seriously, what's the point?"
Sheila: "Well Doog, the biosphere allows residents to fulfill their natural drive to be connected with nature."

Doog: "Yes, of course. The LIU always strives to 'fulfill' its residents' needs, but really, why the biosphere?"
Sheila: "I guess you saw right through that one. The biosphere is actually an important part of this Arcology's life support system. The plants process carbon dioxide, filter water, use waste, and make food. It's basically a free way to keep this facility self-sufficient."
Doog: "That's more like it. Well, if I wanted to look at gardens all day, I would have stayed home instead of flying a billion miles. Shall we head inside?"

Sheila: "All the corridors in the Arcology have important routes inscribed into the floor. This insures that no one gets lost."
Doog: "Yeah, that's important, considering men like us don't ask for directions."
Sheila: "You're about one more man joke from getting punched in the head Doog."

Sheila: "Ah, we are finally here. This room houses Adiutrix's primary industry, gas mining."
Doog: "Gas mining?"
Sheila: "Yes Doog. We mine gas, specifically Helium-3, from the abundant reserves below. Helium-3 is an important element in fusion power. Let's head inside, and I'll show you how it works."

Doog: "Whoa, what's the deal with this thing? Do sleeping women release Helium-3 or something?"
Sheila: "Uh, no. This here is the Upload Mining Station. The reserves of Helium-3 on Adiutrix are deep within the planet's swirling atmosphere. Unfortunately, the atmosphere of a gas giant is extremely dangerous. The high air pressure, fast winds, dangerous radiation, and large scale electrical storms prevent any living beings from entering the mining areas."

Sheila: "Instead of risking the dangers, large automated gas collectors were lowered into the atmosphere. However, the stresses of mining within the atmosphere eventually cause the collectors to break down and fail. That's where we come in."

Sheila: "Due to the aforementioned factors, we couldn't just fly down there and fix them. Instead, we use upload machines like this. We simply transfer our consciousness to robots on the collectors' surface."
Doog: "Wait, you upload yourselves into machines miles down into the atmosphere? Why didn't you guys just pack a some autonomous repair robots on board?"
Sheila: "Well Doog, the repairs often require ingenuity that robots just can't recreate."

Sheila: "We've come to call this upload process Dream Working. While engaged in upload, you physical body rests like it is sleeping. After you complete your thirty hour shift, you are refreshed and have the rest of the twenty hour day to do as you please. This also helps conserve our limited resources."
Doog: "Wow, I wish I could Dream Work. Actually, with my job, it would be Nightmare Working, but at least I'd be able to devote all my time awake to more important activities. Is it safe?"
Sheila: "I hope so, because you're going in."

Sheila: "Take a deep breath. The upload process in engaging. I'll be joining you shortly."

Doog: "Whoa. This is weird."
Sheila: "Just stay still for a few minutes Doog. Let your mind get a feel for your robot. The use of these machines require fine motor skills and one hundred percent concentration. That's why we have an all female population on Adiutrix. Women possess the skills necessary to operate these machines. Men are clumsy and their minds wander too often."
Doog: "What are you talking about? My mind never...wait is my stomach growling? Can you get dream hunger? I could use a Kaadu Burger right about now."
Sheila: "Exactly."

Sheila: "Just give it a few more minutes Doog and then you should be ready to continue."
Doog: "I think the first thing I'm going to do is a slow motion jump kick where I pause in mid-air and the camera rotates around me. You know, like that one movie."
Sheila: "Uh Doog, you haven't been uploaded into a virtual world. Physics still apply."
Doog: "So I can't dodge bullets?"
Sheila: "No."
Doog: "Bummer."

Doog: "Alright here I go. One small step for a man."
Sheila: "Wait Doog! You're not ready! You almost stepped off the platform. You're a man, you need more time to adjust and get your mind right."
Doog: "Hey, you're a man and you're doing just fine."
Sheila: "That's it. You're getting a face punch when we get back."

Doog: "Ahhhh! I slipped!"
Sheila: "Doog! You idiot! Hold on!"
Doog: "What happens if I die during upload?"
Sheila: "If you die in the dream world...you die in real life!"
Doog: "Really?"

Doog: "Ahhhhhhhhh!"
Sheila: "No. Not really, but your going to wish you were dead when you get the bill for that ten million dollar machine you just walked off into the abyss. Stand by. I'm uploading you into something smaller and easier to control.

Sheila: "Ah. There we go."
Doog: "What! What's this? This isn't fair. You get a cool robot and all I get is a remote control car. Sigh. Let's move on."

Doog: "What's this?"
Sheila: "The collectors mine Helium-3 by drawing large amounts of the atmosphere into vents like this. Specifically tuned electronic barriers filter out the unwanted gasses insuring that Helium-3 is the only gas collected."

Sheila: "Once a significant amount of Helium-3 is stored, it is placed in a container. The containers are transported to the upper layers of Adiutrix's atmosphere with super-heated Helium balloons."

Sheila: "The balloons are then collected by even larger blimps. Stand by for upload Doog. I'm transferring us aboard one of the blimps."
Doog: "Finally. I'm sick of this stupid little car."

Doog: "Oh come on! Not another remote control car! I want to pilot the giant thing behind me!"
Sheila: "Only in your wildest dreams Doog."
Doog: "Technically, this is my wildest dream."
Sheila: "Good point, but no."

Doog: "So, what's going on here?"
Sheila: "Here, we use LIU Upload Crane Walkers and LIU Upload Arm Bots to catch and stack the mined Helium."

Sheila: "The Arm Bots use there long arms to snag balloons and pull them onto the blimp's deck. The Crane Walker does all the stacking. When the deck is full, the blimp transports the Helium back to the Arcology."
Doog: "Interesting. Anything else?"
Sheila: "Nope. That's it. Prepare to return to your body Doog."

Doog: "Well folks, that wraps up another episode of LIU Atlas. Adiutrix is a strange, complicated place, but its collection of Helium-3 helps to power the universe. I also want to reflect on the historic nature of this show as we had our first she-male guide."
Sheila: "Oh, that reminds me..."

Sheila: "...I owe you a face punch."

Doog: "Ouch! You certainly don't hit like a girl. Well folks, I'm about to get a serious beat down. See ya next time."

Note: Daydreaming while Dream Working is not recommended.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 7 - Demitto

23 Comments

Season 2 - Episode 5 - Lacunar Urbs B

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs B

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas- Lacunar Urbs B

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This is the second episode in a series. In order to get the full effect of this episode, you may want to check out LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A. This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Well folks, it's me again, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. I've boarded the Space Elevator on Lacunar Urbs A, and I'm now headed to Lacunar Urbs B. While still the same city, Lacunar Urbs A and B are drastically different."

Doog: "Joining me for this episode is the city's second mayor, Joel Mico. What's all this stuff you have here?"
Mico: "This is your protective suit Doog. You must put it on before we venture into the city. Even though this moon has a breathable atmosphere, we don't recommend breathing it. It smells extremely foul, and it's loaded with pollutants."
Doog: "Yeah, it does smell a little ripe in here, but it's not much worse than the inside of my ship."
Mico: "I haven't even opened the airlock doors Doog. You think it smells bad now...wait until I open these doors."
Doog: "Alright fine. Let's do it."

Doog: "The city doesn't look much different in the immediate areas around the Space Elevator. It's still tightly packed with large buildings. I do see one difference though. There does not appear to be any humans. What's the deal Mico?"
Mico: "Well, it has a lot to do with what we were talking about earlier. The atmosphere is just too foul for humans. Aliens have different olfactory senses than us. Less than 1% of the residents in this part of the city are human."

Mico: "Contrary to what you see here, Lacunar Urbs B is much less populated than Lacunar Urbs A. Only about one billion of the city's fifteen billion residents live here."

Mico: "As you can see, most of the residents have elected to keep there own culture and writing systems. I have no idea what any of these signs say."
Doog: "That one straight ahead says something about alcohol. Trust me. I learned to say alcohol in nearly every language."

Mico: "That makes sense Doog. This melting pot of cultures has become popular for its exotic foods and drinks."

Mico: "In fact, in about a week, the annual Javi Grad celebrations takes place here. These balconies are usually a crowd favorite, as young intoxicated alien girls take off the clothes for Javi Beads."
Doog: "What! Why didn't I come a week later?!?"
Mico: "Trust me Doog, you don't want to see what some of these alien girls have under their clothes..."

Mico: "The city starts to transform as you move farther out from the Space Elevator. The buildings begin to give way to the ever increasing rail lines and the population dwindles. Only the poorest residents live in this transitional zone."
Doog: "It doesn't look so bad..."
Mico: "Trust me, it's bad. The poorer alien races are forced out here. They join up with other members of their alien race and form ghettoes. Right now, we're in the Dogian Ghetto."
Doog: "Dogian?"

Mico: "Yes Doog, the Dogians. This dog-like race has trouble keeping work. They tend to run off chasing trains, fall asleep at a minutes notice, and lick themselves in inappropriate places instead of working. Now, they're involved in several smuggling and biting activities."
Doog: "Aww, they don't look that bad. Who's a good puppy? Who's a good boy?"
Mico: "Doog...stop it. Don't say the B-word. That makes them really..."

Mico: "...mad."
Doog: "Uh...good boy...I mean, good dog...er...who wants a treat?"
Dogian: "Don't you want to see what kind of tricks I can do first, Human."
Doog: "Uh...do you want to go for walk?"
Mico: "I think we should go for run Doog!"
Doog: "Agreed!"

Doog: "Wow. We escaped by the skin on our teeth. Well, the skin on their teeth actually. Where are we now Mico?"
Mico: "We are now fully outside the residential area of the city. From here on out, the city is mile after mile of factories."
Doog: "Really? What kind of factories?"

Mico: "All our factories here are devoted to factory farming. Large imports of animal feed are shipped up here from Lacunar A. This has allowed us to farm trillions of animals."
Doog: "Wait. Factory farming?"
Mico: "Let's head inside. I'll show you."

Mico: "By farming animals in factories like this, we are able to produce much more than traditional free range farms. We are able to squeeze dozens of more animals into smaller spaces, and we can easily control all the environmental factors. All the animals are given food and water with automated systems like the one behind you. It requires less workers and makes the meat that much more profitable."
Doog: "They don't look as happy though."
Mico: "All that really matters is how happy the customer is. Studies have shown that sad pigs make twice as juicy pork chops, and therefore, twice as happy customers."

Doog: "And what's this thing up here?"
Mico: "That's an air scrubber. The foul smells and pollution I was talking about earlier all come from the trillions of animals in the factory farms. The air scrubbers clean just enough of it from the air for the pigs to survive. If you took off your helmet right now, you'd probably pass out from the smell."

Mico: "In addition to pigs, we also farm Kaadu. Stockyards like these stretch for hundreds of miles."
Doog: "Mmmmm. Kaadu Burgers all around me."

Mico: "It takes as little as one man to care for thousands of these creatures."

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! What is this?"
Mico: "This Doog, is Chit Creek. The one draw back of farming trillions of animals is the trillions of tons of waste they
produce. Waste Stations, like Chit Creek, were created to deal with the problem."

Mico: "Train loads of waste from the factories are dropped into Chit Creek. A chemical additive in the creek breaks down the waste into a more liquid form. This liquid waste is then treated, dried, and shipped back to Lacunar A for use as fertilizer. It's our symbiotic relationship. They give us feed, and we give them Chit Fertilizer."
Doog: "That seems like an unfair trade to me, but what do I know?"

Doog: "Oh no! One of your workers has fallen into Chit Creek!"
Mico: "Oh no! He's up Chit Creek without a paddle!"
Doog: "You can say that again!"

Mico: "Oh man, the Chit's going to hit the fan!"
Doog: "He's in big trouble I'm guessing?"
Mico: "No! Literally, the Chit is going to hit the fan. There's a large fan in that tunnel that breaks up some of the larger chunks. He's done for!"
Doog: "Ouch. Well you know what they say, 'Chit Happens'. Shall we move on."

Mico: "A lot of the waste is too contaminated for use as fertilizer, so we had to find out a way to get rid of it. This baby back here is our answer."
Doog: "What is it?"
Mico: "It's a Crap Cannon. The unusable waste is fired out the Crap Cannon into our star. It's too insignificant of an amount to damage the star and it gets the waste off our hands. It's pretty amazing."
Doog: "Remind me not to fly that way home!"
Mico: "There's nothing to worry about Doog. We take precise measurements and readings before every shot. We haven't hit anything other than the sun yet."

Doog: "Ah. This must be the control panel. Let's see. Here's a green button, and green means go. So let's just give it a little push and..."
Mico: "Doog! No!"
BOOM
Mico: "Holy Kaadu! What have you done!?! You didn't aim the cannon! Let me see, the last known trajectory is...oh $%&@, you fired it directly into Lacunar Urbs A!"

Doog: "I have a feeling that I may be in trouble. I've got to run. See ya next time viewers!"

Note:
Meanwhile, back on Lacunar Urbs A:

Citizen #1: "Oh dear god! The horror!"
Citizen #2: "The weatherman never gets it right!"
Citizen #3: "Alright, who had Atomic Burritos for lunch?"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Press Release - Doog Goes Back to Prison

1 Comment

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Lacunar Urbs A

8/10/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here in the Lacunar System, which consists of the planet, Lacunar A, and its moon, Lacunar B. Lacunar B is tidally locked to its parent planet allowing a large space elevator to be built between the two bodies. The two bodies now share an amazing symbiotic relationship."

Doog: "Because there are so many amazing things to see on both Lacunar A and B, we've broke this episode into two parts. Today, we will be focusing on Lacunar A."

Doog: "Lacunar A has extremely rich soil and a temperate climate. Because of this, most of the planet, outside of the northern continent, is devoted to farmland. Most of the fields, like this one here, are specifically devoted to growing Cobang plants. These fibrous plants make great animal feed. The Cobang plants are harvested, loaded onto trains, and then shipped into the city."

Doog: "Luckily, we are not here to see Lacunar A's farms. They're boring. We're here to see the planet's northern continent which is home to the magnificent city of Lacunar Urbs."

Doog: "With of a population of nearly fifteen billion people, Lacunar Urbs is one of the most populated cities in the LIU. However, there is something even more amazing than its population that separates it from other cities. Lacunar Urbs is the only city in the LIU that exists on multiple planetary bodies. That's right. The sprawling city sits at both ends of the Lacunar System's space elevator."

Doog: "The city is so large and geographically diverse that it was assigned two mayors. Joining me for this episode is the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A, Peter Baits. It's a pleasure to join you Pete. Can I call you that?"
Mayor: "No, you can't. I'm an elite citizen. You can call me Sir, Master, or Mayor."

Doog: "Uh, sorry Mayor Master Baits..."
Mayor: "No! Don't say my last name with it! It sounds like...well just drop it! Call me Mayor."
Doog: "Of course Mayor. Anyway, where are we now?"
Mayor: "This here is one of the more famous and recognizable areas of the city, Corruption Square."

Doog: "Corruption Square?"
Mayor: "Yes. You see, Lacunar Urbs has become sort of a safe haven for questionable companies around the universe. Our lax business laws and low taxes have caused several of these companies to relocate here. This has really fueled our city's growth."
Doog: "I see."
Mayor: "At the convergence of the Corruption Square, we have the local LIU Business Headquarters. No explanation needed there."

Mayor: "On this side of the square you'll recognize the universally famous, Mobster's Pizza."
Doog: "Oh yeah! The originators of Kaadu Sausage Pizza."
Mayor: "The one and only. However, it was eventually discovered that Mobster's Pizza is a front for mob activity. Go figure. The pizza chain was pushed out of most of the universe, but it still thrives here. Next door is the 'Wet!' hover-carwash company. It was beloved in its earlier days, as it had the only wash bay that a hovercraft could fly through. Unfortunately, it failed pretty quickly when people walking below the wash bay complained of getting soaked."

Doog: "What do we have here?"
Mayor: "Well, to the right, we have the corporate headquarters for Honest Bob's Warehousing. Apparently, Bob wasn't as honest as everyone thought. They relocated their headquarters here to avoid prosecution. To its left, we have the restaurant Sluglicious."
Doog: "Don't tell me you people eat slugs..."

Mayor: "I don't, but many people do. People say fried Slug on the Stick is delicious, but quite addictive. It might have something to do with the dopamine-like chemicals found in the slugs' mucus. By the way, this slug mucus is illegal in nearly every other galaxy. Wait! Doog are you eating one?!?"
Doog: "Mmmm...let me get a few more for the road."
Mayor: "No you idiot, weren't you listening!"
Doog: "Yeah, yeah, Mobster's Pizza, blah, blah, blah."
Mayor: "Come on!"

Mayor: "This company here, Asteroid Bank, is owned by the LIU. Asteroid Bank invests its customers' checking and savings into high risk Asteroid Insurance Markets. The bank keeps 99% of profits made, but all the losses go to the banking customers."
Doog: "Wait a minute! That's my bank! The LIU direct deposits my check into Asteroid Bank!"

Mayor: "The LIU direct deposits most of its employees checks into Asteroid Bank, Doog."
Doog: "What! I have -$4000.00 dollars in my account!"
Mayor: "Oooh. Ouch. You must have had a few bad investments."

Doog: "Well, I recognize this place. It's LIU's Gungan Theatre."
Mayor: "That's right. This theatre has been home to many famous events, including the 2010 Mocie Awards."
Doog: "It's been over month. Why hasn't the sign been changed?"
Mayor: "You should see the inside Doog. These weirdoes tore the place to shreds. Its temporarily closed for repairs."

Mayor: "Famous LIU actors and personalities get engraved plates embedded into the sidewalk."
Doog: "Oh really? Where's mine?"
Mayor: "Ahahahaha. Hahahaha. Wow, with jokes like that, you'll get a comedy plate one of these days."
Doog: "Whatever. Let's move on."

Mayor: "This plaza here is known as Butcher's Corner. This corner holds three of the LIU's largest meat related companies. To the left, we have Pork United, the third largest pork producing company in the universe. Tucked in the corner is Kaadu Burger Inc., the only company in the universe that makes Kaadu Burgers. Both Pork United and Kaadu Burger Inc. have huge factories in Lacunar Urbs B. The tan building to right is the Meat Market Trading Company. The MMTC specializes in trading meat commodities."
Doog: "Wow. It looks like pork is really trading down, but Kaadu is skyrocketing. Why can't my paycheck be direct
deposited into the Kaadu Market!"

Doog: "Wait. I just got it! It's called Butcher's Corner because of all the meat companies."
Mayor: "Actually, that's just a coincidence. Fifty Gungans were killed here a few years back by some maniac with an axe and knife. The corner was renamed in his honor and a statue was built in his likeness."

Mayor: "Lacunar Urbs has a intricate system of transportation. Hundreds of tram cars, like these here, run all throughout the city. Their use is free of charge for any LIU citizen."

Doog: "Ha. Who's the comedian now? Nothing in the LIU is free."
Mayor: "No really. We tried charging for rides, but people couldn't afford to get to work. We were losing productivity, and therefore money, by charging fees. Besides, we had to cut down on hovercar traffic. It was getting dangerous."

Mayor: "As you can see on this map behind me, all the city's trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."
Doog: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Just a second Mayor. We can't go straight to this shot. Where's the big overall shot?"

Doog: "Ah. This is better. Where are we now Mayor?"
Mayor: "Like I was trying to say before, all the trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."

Mayor: "Here, you can catch another route back into the city or take the elevator cars to Lacunar Urbs B."

Mayor: "Like the trams, the elevators are free for all LIU citizens. Scanners at the entrance confirm citizenship by scanning your Citizen Identification/Tracking Implant Chip. As you can see..."

Mayor: "Are you listening to me? You're not even looking over here."
Doog: "Nope. Not listening. Babe alert at your nine o'clock."

Mayor: "What? Oh. I see. Nice one Doog."

Mayor: "Once up the stairs, you can easily see the Elevator Cars. Cars depart and arrive this station about every minute. The trip to Lacunar Urbs B takes approximately twelve minutes."

Doog: "Well Master...I mean Mayor Baits, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for showing some of the sights in your part of the city."
Mayor: "The pleasure was all yours. Trust me."

Doog: "I'm now riding the Space Elevator up to Lacunar Urbs B. As you can see to the right, people aren't the only things being transported. Resources from the southern continents, like animal feed, are also being transported up. Well folks, that's all for this time. Join us soon for the second part of this episode, Lacunar Urbs B."

Note: Try the new Cocaine Sauce with your fried Slug on a Stick.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 5 - Lacunar Urbs B

2 Comments

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Tironis

8/10/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Tironis

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Tironis

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today we are visiting the planet of Tironis. Tironis and its star Relagi are located along the Corcot Run, an important trade route within the LIU Galaxy. Unfortunately, the LIU has not been able to take advantage of Tironis’ prime location because its atmosphere does not support life as we know it. But, as you all know, there is nothing that can stand between the LIU and an economic opportunity. That's why Tironis is being terraformed.”

Doog: "Joining me today is Colonel Harry Bull, head of the 210th Terraforming Security Regiment (TSR). The Colonel and 210th were assigned to Tironis to protect the planet's terraforming operations. They are based out of Fort Redemption, which is visible behind me. How are you sir?"
Colonel: "I'll be much better when we finally get this door closed. I mean, what's the point of having a fort when you leave the door wide open?"
Doog: "Sorry Sir, I didn't know things were so dangerous here."
Colonel: "You're right, you are sorry Doog. Any fool would see the danger here. We're terraforming a planet for kaadu's sake. Every species on this planet is in danger of being wiped out. It's just a matter of time before they catch on and attack."
Doog: "Oh, I see. Well, let's head inside."

Colonel: "Fort Redemption is our main base here on Tironis. It houses the 210th and several labs, and more importantly, it protects the most vital part of the terraforming operations, the CIAM Stacks."
Doog: "What are CIAM Stacks?"
Colonel: "They are Chemical Induced Atmospheric Manipulation Stacks. These two stacks process Tironis’ atmosphere using advanced chemicals. They draw in the poisonous air and exhale breathable air. At their current operating speed, experts predict the entire atmosphere will be converted in approximately thirty years. Until then, it is vital that we protect them at all costs."

Colonel: "Fort Redemption utilizes several methods of protection, including high walls, huge machine guns, and these hardsuits."
Doog: "Oh, oh. Can I test drive one?"
Colonel: "Only if you can get in before I shoot you."
Doog: "I think I'll pass. What's next?"

Colonel: "Against my wishes, the suits thought it would be nice to have a greenhouse to grow fresh vegetables. I mean, come on, this is a fort. I could be utilizing this space for more machine guns or other killing devices."
Soldier Billy: "But the green beans are really nice sir."
Colonel: "What did I tell you about loose lips Billy!"
Billy: "They...sink terraforming operations sir.."
Colonel: "That's right. So keep your mouth shut."

Doog: "Green beans are cool and all, but the viewers may be looking for something, I don't know, interesting."
Colonel: "Well, I guess we head inside and check out the CIAM's inner workings."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Colonel: "This is the CIAM's main operating chamber. Scientists load various chemicals into processing units and do some science stuff. Honestly, I have no idea how it works."
Doog: "You lost me at scientist, Colonel. Anyway, hold on a second."

Doog: "I have to get out of this stupid helmet. It's stifling."
Colonel: "Uh Doog..."

Colonel: "There's no atmosphere in here. Yeah, the chemicals might get mixed into the facility's controlled atmosphere. We couldn't risk it. Are you Ok? Hey Billy, come in here and shoot Doog in leg. Maybe it will make him wake up."

Doog: "Well folks, I've been revived, and thanks to Billy's poor shooting, I can still walk. What's this big screen Colonel?"
Colonel: "This is a breakdown of Tironis' atmosphere. The darker levels indicated the current levels and the lighter colors indicate the final goal."
Doog: "Hmmm...cool. The colors are pretty. Shall we move on?"

Doog: "We've exited the facility to the north, and we are now outside of the safety of Fort Redemption. The Colonel has arranged a security detail for us as we explore the rest of the planet. What do we have here Colonel?"

Colonel: "This here is one of Tironis' Magnetic Field Generators. In addition to having a poisonous atmosphere, Tironis also has a weak magnetic field. This allows dangerous solar radiation to reach the surface."
Doog: "And this contraption stops it?"
Colonel: "Yes Doog. We have Generators like this on each side of the planet creating an artificial magnetic field."
Doog: "Whoa, what's that. I think I'm getting audio from Lifetime for Women through my filling. Let's get out of here. Hurry!"

Doog: "What's that?!?"
Colonel: "Oh dear god! Safeties off boys, we have Tironian Ball Toad here!"

Doog: "Is it dangerous? Should I run?"
Colonel: "It has to be dangerous. Look at those shifty eyes! Prepare to fire."

Scientist: "Actually, they're quite docile. They never venture far from the spot they are born, hence their skinny legs. Besides, they are herbivores. Now, if you boys will kindly lower you weapons, we are going to get some DNA samples."
Doog: "DNA samples?"
Colonel: "Yeah, like I said earlier, the terraforming efforts are going to cause all of Tironis' native species to go extinct. We mustn’t allow such valuable genetic information to be lost forever, so we are compiling a complete catalogue of all of Tironis' species. After all the DNA is catalogued, we'll just let nature, uh...technology take its course."
Doog: "In other words, your just going to let them all die painful, suffocating deaths."
Colonel: "Pretty much."
Doog: "Cool. What's next?"

Colonel: "Some of the more promising species, such as the these Poison Thorn Flowers, are being saved in small biospheres."

Colonel: "We are saving more than just the promising species. We are also saving the planet's native sentient species, the Tironians."
Doog: "That's nice of you guys."
Colonel: "Actually, it wasn't our choice. Universal Laws prohibit the purposeful extinction of any sentient species."

Colonel: "So instead, we're rounding them all up one by one. It's hard work, but admittedly, it's also sort of fun. Oh look at Carlos! He's snagged a big one."

Colonel: "The prisoners, I mean natives, are then loaded into a LIU All Terrain Prisoner Transport and transported to various prisons, I mean temporary holding areas, on the planet."

Colonel: They are held in these temporary reserves like this one until a more permanent reserve can be set up."
Doog: "Reserves?"
Colonel: "Yeah. We'll build some type of bio-dome in some remote corner of the planet and shove them all inside. We'll teach them how to run a casino and they'll be fine from there."

Colonel: "We observe the natives from behind this one way glass and try to learn more about their species."
Doog: "What have you learned so far?"
Colonel: "Well, they appear to be a terrified species. They are always huddled in the corner crying. I'm not sure what their problem is. Anyway, we've learned much more about them through other means. If you follow me, I'll show you."

Doog: "What's this?"
Colonel: "This is our Science Lab. Here, we learn about the Tironians from the inside out."

Colonel: "They are poked, prodded, dissected, and studied."
Doog: "Ewww. What does that tell you?"

Colonel: "It tells me that their innards smell. That's about it. The scientists might be getting more information than that."
Doog: "You lost me at scientist."

Doog: "Well folks, that's all for this time. Thanks for joining us!"

Note: A million species were harmed during the filming of this episode.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

2 Comments

Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

8/7/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Space Station M31-P5. M31-P5 sits deep in the starless void in-between two of the LIU Galaxy's spiral arms. It is one of the busiest spaceports in this region. Although that sounds impressive, you must realize that it is the only spaceport in this region."

Doog: “The docking line for the spaceport was really long, and I didn't feel like waiting. I had my crew drop me off at the back door, which led to this small service tunnel. It's dark and it smells pretty bad, but I imagine it saved me a lot of time. Now, if I can only find the way out."

Head Mechanic Jimmy: "Hey! Who's down here? Doog? Is that you? What are you doing in the sewage tunnel?"
Doog: "What do you mean 'sewage tunnel'?"
Jimmy: "Doog, all the waste from Station M31-P5 flows down here to the sewage tunnel. I can't believe you entered here, the signs clearly say 'Exit Only'."
Doog: "So what you're telling me is, I'm standing waist deep in human waste."
Jimmy: "Well, technically human and alien waste, but yes, yes you are. Let's take this ladder up and get you cleaned up."

Doog: "Well, we're out of the tunnel. Where are we now Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Well Doog, we're now in one of M31-P5's service hangars. When small ships in the area need a tune up, they come here. We're the only full service hangar for six light years. We have about twenty hangars just like this. As Head Mechanic, I'm in charge of this entire hangar."

Doog: "Hey! Why are all your mechanics laughing at me?"
Jimmy: "It might have something to do with state of your pants. It looks like you soiled yourself. In fact, you're tracking crap all over my hangar floor."
Doog: "Ha! The joke is on you guys! This isn't my crap, it yours! So technically you guys soiled my pants. So Ha! How do you like that? Wait. Why are you laughing harder?"

Old Mechanic: "Quit laughing whipper snappers! This Canooder Valve isn't going to attach itself. Someone pass me a wrench."

Doog: "So where are we Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "We're now in a service tunnel which connects my hangar to the other hangars. I figure we'll run into Station Security Officer down here somewhere. He'll know what to do with you."

Security Bob: "Hey Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Hey Bob. I was wondering if you can help Doog out. He's lost."
Bob: "Hmmm, from the state of his pants, I guess he escaped from the Old Folks Home down in Corridor #83. Don't...worry...sir...I'll...take...you...back...home. Am I...talking...slow...enough...for...you...to...understand...."
Jimmy: "No Bob, it's Doog, the host of LIU Atlas."
Doog: "The one and only."

Bob: "Oh! Doog! I guess I just expected you to be a bit, er.., more tidy."
Doog: "What? Oh, my pants, yeah, I've been down in the sewage tunnel."
Bob: "WHAT! That's a Class 5 violation! Who knows what diseases you brought up here! We need to get you to quarantine pronto!"
Doog: "Wait! What's quarantine?"

Doog: "Ahhhhhh! That hurts!"
Bob: "It's for your own good Doog. Well, actually, it's for our good. Diseases spread like wildfire in space stations. We can never be too careful. Quarantine Specialist Jenkins, feel free to use your double sided brush to scrub off a couple layers of skin, just to be safe."
Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Whew, I hope I never have to do that again. So, Bob what's this place?"
Bob: "Oh, you don't need to worry about that place. That's the Mechanic's Dive Bar. The crowd there is much too rowdy for you. I have gun, and I won't even go in there."
Jimmy: I'm a mechanic, I don't go in there Doog. It's pretty unsavory."

Doog: "Sounds like my kind of bar. Besides, I could use a drink after that quarantine session."
Bob: "No! Wait Doog!"

Doog: "So what's going on guys? Any drink recommendations?"
Mechanic Krudar: "Hai coor hata mei."
Mechanic Steve: "My friend here says he doesn't like you."
Doog: "Oh yeah, well tell your friend I don't like him or his ugly head tentacles."
Krudar: "Blahh!"

Doog: "Eww! Bob! This orange tentacle head guy just threw up on me!"
Bob: "What! Who knows what diseases are in that vomit!?! Back to the quarantine!"
Doog: "Hey! What?"

Doog: "Ahhhhh! Oh wait, go back down there, that was kind of nice. Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm never getting dirty again. Where are we now?"
Jimmy: "Well, Space Station M31-P5 also houses several hangars for our fleet of LIU Deep Space Repair Ships. They are sent out to repair any ships that can't make it to the Space Station."

Doog: "That hangar looks pretty neat, but I think I see a particle of dirt down there. It might be infected and I don't want a forced shower again. That's already my record for showers in a week."
Bob: "Now you learning Doog!"
Doog: "What's next?"
Bob: "Although the lower half of Station M31-P5 is devoted to mechanics, it's not all we do here."

Bob: "Space Station M31-P5 is also home to one of the LIU's immigration checkpoints. Thousands of immigrants from across the universe come here everyday for a chance to slave, I mean work, in one of the LIU's factories. They work really hard for almost no pay, just like the native LIU workers."

Bob: "While the LIU accepts almost anyone willing to work, some races, like the Gungans, are banned from entering the LIU."
Doog: "You have to draw the line somewhere Bob."

Bob: "We inspect all the immigrants' luggage upon arrival. This prevents smuggling. If you look over here, you'll see that our X-Ray Machine has located an illegal firearm."

Bob: "Doog! Get off there! What are you doing?"
Doog: "Look at me, I'm a skeleton! Hahaha!"
Bob: " Doog! X-ray radiation is dirty."
Doog: No wait, you can't wash off radiation!"

Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Bob: "We are now here in the core of Space Station M31-P5. Here, you'll see the station's Fusion Star Chamber. Using advanced magnetic shielding, we are able to maintain a small compressed star. The star provides all the station's power and gravity. According to LIU Astronomical Law, the star is too small to have a name, so it is referred to by its location in the galaxy, M31-P5. The station takes its name from the star."

Bob: "Uh, Doog, I don't like you getting so close to the control panel."
Doog: "Oh, don't worry Bob, I just looking at this button that says 'Magnetic Shielding Emergency Shut Off'. I was think of pressing it to see what it does."
Bob: "Step away from the control panel Doog. Don't think I won't shoot you."

Bob: "Well Jimmy, you know the drill, no non-essential personnel is allowed past this point. You know I love ya buddy, but one more step and I'm going to have to shoot you in the face. No hard feelings."
Jimmy: "No prob Bob. Say, are we still on for Bingo at the old folks home in corridor #83 later this week?"
Bob: "You know it! Alright Doog, we are getting ready to enter the upper ring of Station M31-P5. This upper ring holds M31-P5's largest industry, the Baby Factory."

Doog: "Baby Factory?"
Bob: "Yes Doog. The factory uses genetically modified females, known as 'Queens', to mass produce babies. Each 'Queen' can give birth to up to fifty babies. It's the fastest way to populate the worker class of the LIU."
Doog: "That is...the most...awesome thing I've ever seen! Can I touch it?"
Bob: "No Doog. The Queen's bodies are under enough stress as it is. They don't need you prodding them. They require constant care from their personal doctors. The doctors insure the Queens get enough nutrition by hooking them to IV's and injecting them with vitamins."

Bob: "I'm certainly no expert in this field Doog. I'll turn you over Doctor Alvus, Director of the Baby Factory."
Alvus: "Hello Doog."
Doog: "Where are we now Dr. Alvus?"
Alvus: "We're now in the Grow Tank Chamber. To speed up production, the babies are removed from the Queens before they are fully developed. We keep them in Grow Tanks, like these, until they can survive on their own."
Doog: "Wow, there are babies as far as the eye can see. How many babies do you guys produce?"

Alvus: "Well, let's see. We have about twenty thousand Queens. Each Queen gives birth to about fifty babies every four months, so I'd say that we have about one million babies at any given time."
Doog: "That sounds cool and all Doctor, I mean everyone loves babies, but I have to ask you, why are you mass producing infants?"

Alvus: “That’s easy Doog. The LIU and other corporations across the universe always need more workers. Immigrants fill part of their need, but they need a reliable, continuous source of labor."
Doog: "Why don't you use cloning? It seems easier, faster, and well, to be frank, more humane."
Alvus: "You're right in some ways Doog, but cloning is dangerous. All your clones share the same genetic make-up. If one of them is susceptible to a certain virus, they all are. You can lose your entire crop, uh, I mean population of workers from one little virus. Genetic diversity is the way to go."

Doog: "So all of these babies are future LIU workers?"
Alvus: "Most are, but we do sell some of them to other corporations. I mean, we have to make a profit Doog. You are, however, forgetting one thing. These are not only future workers, they are future consumers. The little money they earn will filter back to the LIU as they purchase our quality products."

Doog: "I have one more question Doctor, do you guys, you know, need any genetic contributions, you know, for the Queens?"
Alvus: "I think we're good Doog. When we start mass producing idiotic TV hosts, we'll give you a call.
Doog: "Ouch Doc, that hurts."

Alvus: "Once fully grown, the babies are shipped out across the universe. Comfy nursery containers are used to ship the babies out. They are distributed by LIU Future Labor (FL)."

Doog: "Well folks, as you can see, M31-P5 is a disturbing, but important part of the LIU. Join us next time. Thanks for watching."

Note: The LIU recommends that you let the babies age about ten years before they are incorporated into your workforce, maybe longer, depending on your local laws.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

1 Comment

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Muspell

8/7/2015

7 Comments

LIU Atlas - Muspell

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Muspell

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to Season Two of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the fiery volcanic moon of Muspell. Muspell is stuck in a gravitational tug of war between its parent planet, the gas giant Pondus, and its star, the red giant Yusafone. The conflicting gravitational forces of these two bodies are literally tearing Muspell apart, allowing hot magma from Muspell's core to rise to the surface."

Doog: "I've landed here on a platform over the lava river of Aestus. As soon as my ship leaves, I hope to meet with my guide, a Muspellian known as Adkr Drosgor. The Muspellians, while highly intelligent, are very anti-social. They refuse to mingle with the other races of the LIU and can only be found here on Muspell."

Doog: “Here he comes now, Adkr Drosgor. Wow, he sure is ugly. Don't worry folks, Muspellians don't have any ears on those giant heads, so I can say stuff like that. In fact, Muspellians don't have vocal chords either, so even if he could hear me, he couldn't complain. So what's on the agenda today Mr. Bighead? By the way, say something if you don't want me to call you that. I'll stop."
Adkr: "Stop calling me that."

Doog: "What the heck? I thought you couldn't talk?"
Adkr: "This voice modulator on my chest converts my thoughts into audible frequencies so I can communicate with lesser evolved species like yourself."
Doog: "But...but, how can you hear me?"
Adkr: "I am reading your mind directly. And, no, you may not know about my reproductive anatomy."
Doog: "What! I didn't say that."
Adkr: "You thought it. By the way, those thoughts you had about your sister are disturbing."

Doog: "Sorry folks, Adkr is clearly having some technical difficulties. He must be reading my camera man's mind instead of mine."
Adkr: “The vast emptiness that is your brain is unmistakable Doog."
Doog: "Uhh, let's move on. What's the burning smell? It smells like bacon."
Adkr: "That's your flesh Doog. The surface temperature here is much too hot for your fragile skin. Let's go get you fitted for a heat suit."

Adkr: "Come out here onto this lava bridge Doog. We'll test your suit."
Doog: "No way Adkr. This spandex suit is way too embarrassing."
Adkr: "As embarrassing as when your mom caught you wearing your grandma's bra?"
Doog: "Not cool Adkr. Not cool. I was only five. Now stay out of there."
Adkr: "You were twenty five."
Doog: "Enough Adkr!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm out here on this stupid lava bridge. I believe my suit is functioning just fine Adkr. Although, I'm sure you already know that. What's the deal with this bridge and that tower over there?"
Adkr: "Monitoring towers, like this one here, were built to monitor the lava levels on Muspell. If the lava levels ever reach the red warning level, systems will begin to fail."

Doog: "How come the lava doesn't even reach the meter Adkr?"
Adkr: "It used to, until the LIU came in and ramped up our production 1000%. We used to live in harmony with our planet, only using what lava was available. Now, because of the LIU, we are seeing unprecedented drops in lava levels across the planet."
Doog: "What do you mean by production? What do you guys produce, and don't tell me its hats..."

Adkr: "That might have been funny if I didn't know you've been thinking of that joke since we first met. Anyway, here on Muspell, we produce two things, energy and Muspellian steel. We use lava dams, like this one here, to produce energy."

Doog: "Do they work like traditional water dams?"
Adkr: "They do in some ways. Like traditional dams, falling lava turns large turbines that generate electricity. However, these dams also produce energy by pumping water through the superheated dam walls. This superheated water is converted into steam, generating even more power. We create more energy in a day than we'll need all week. We store this excess energy in fuel cells and batteries and sell it for profit."

Adkr: "Be careful Doog, standing there is highly dangerous, especially for someone with your mental ineptitude."
Doog: "You're just jealous that you can't balance like me with that giant head of yours."
Adkr: "Hey viewers, Doog wet the bed last night."
Doog: "Hey! That one's not true!"

Doog: "So what's this Muspellian steel you were talking about?"
Adkr: Muspellian steel is a naturally occurring mineral that can be found in old lava tubes like this one. The lava gets trapped in pockets of igneous rocks like this, cools, and leaves behind Muspellian steel ore."
Doog: "What's this giant machine behind us?"
Adkr: "That is a LIU Tunnel Boring Machine. It tunnels deep into the lava tubes so the ore can be extracted. It's much faster than our traditional way, but much more destructive."

Doog: "Destructive?"
Adkr: "Yes Doog. The Boring Machines open up huge holes in the lava tubes and occasionally, they cause the whole tube to collapse. When the tubes collapse, the lava above it drops as well. In fact, we believe the Boring Machines are directly linked to the falling lava levels across Muspell."
Doog: "Speaking of "boring", what's next?"

Adkr: "Once the ore is collected, it is transported to our steel factories via train."

Doog: "Yeah, that's right viewers, Adkr and my producer thought it was too dangerous to stand on a track for this shot, so we are using stock footage. They're such pansies."

Adkr: "Using my mind, I can shut down your body systems one at a time Doog. Keep it up, and I shall show you."

Doog: "Anyway, we are now here at the Muspellian Steel Factory. What's going on here Adkr?"

Adkr: "Well Doog, we use electrical field generators to melt the ore into a liquid. The liquid ore is then poured into the mold trays behind us."

Adkr: "If I turn this tray off here, I can show you the hardened steel."

Adkr: "Now that it is open, you can see four bars of solid Muspellian Steel."
Doog: "All this work for just four bars?"
Adkr: "We have thousands of these trays Doog, but yes, only four per tray."
Doog: "I'm just saying, it seems kind of silly to make them in batches of four."

Adkr: "See this bar right here Doog? It costs more than some empires make in a year. This is high quality stuff. Outside of the LIU, only a handful of empires and corporations can afford more than four bars at a time. So it makes perfect sense."

Doog: "Is it finished?"
Adkr: "Almost."

Adkr: "Before it is shipped out, each steel bar must pass quality control. Four LIU quality control bots check each bar to make sure it is the right size and shape.

Adkr: " They also insure the bar meets all strength and durability standards."

Doog: If Muspellian Steel is so expensive that most people can only afford four bars, what is it used for? I mean, it would take years to acquire enough to make a building or a tank."
Adkr: "Muspellian Steel conducts electricity faster than most known metals. Each bar has enough metal to make hundreds, if not thousands, of electrical devices. That microphone in your hand probably has Muspellian Steel inside it."

Doog: Well folks, that about does it. As you can see, the Muspellians, Muspell Industries, and Muspell are all important parts of the LIU. Thanks for joining us."
Adkr: "Your thoughts betray you Doog. You know there is still one more place you have to go."
Doog: "Fine. You're right. I'll go, but only if you stay here. There's no way I'm bringing a mind reader with me when I go back to prison. There are things I never want anyone know about."
Adkr: "Like that time in the shower when you..."
Doog: "Shut it!"
Adkr: "OK fine, how about that time you played hide the pickle with those..."
Doog: "Enough!!"

Adkr: "Alright Doog. I promise I won't come. In order to get you back into Muspell Minimum Security Prison, we'll need to load you into a LIU Prisoner Pod. I had them engrave your old prisoner ID number on the front for old time sakes."

Doog: "Jeez, thanks Adkr. It's as comfortable as I remembered it."

Adkr: "Now that you're loaded up, this LIU Prisoner Pod Transport will attach to your pod and transport you to the prison. See you later Doog, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about that time you thought that guy was a lady."
Doog: "To be perfectly honest Adkr, I hope I never see you again."

Doog: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison is located deep inside a cliff surrounded by miles of lava. This LIU Prisoner Pod Transport is flying me there. The entrance is protected by steel bars, and the only thing that can open them, is the automated code given by the transport."

Doog: "I'm now inside Muspell Minimum Security Prison, Cell Block 121 to be exact. I once served four months here for crimes against the LIU. Muspell Minimum Security Prison, known to the inmates as the Stink Pit, houses several thousands inmates. I'm now joined by Warden Hickory Smith."

Doog: "So what can you tell us about Muspell Minimum Security Prison?"
Smith: "Well Doog, most of the inmates here committed crimes that didn't warrant being sent to a LIU Orbital Prison, nor did they warrant execution. They are all here for short stints of rehabilitation, kind of like you were."

Smith: "As you know, living conditions here are pretty nice. Everyone gets their own cell with a nice comfy bed and a clean toilet. Its all someone needs to survive."
Doog: " I think you lied about twelve times in that last statement."
Smith: "What do you mean?"
Doog: "What do you think I mean? Living conditions here are horrible. The beds are infested with fleas and are as hard as a rock. The toilets don't flush, they're just bowls. We get no TV or recreational time. This place is terrible!"
Smith: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime Doog. That's my motto."

Smith: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison also has a few nice and relaxing solitary confinement cells, for those special guests who can't seem to play nice with others."

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old cell. As the warden said, it doesn't have much, just a bed and a "toilet". Uh Warden, are you sure opening this cell up was a good idea? This scary looking green guy doesn't look happy."
Smith: "You'll be fine Doog. You have body armor on after all, and old greenie here has only ripped off one guy's arms. You'll be fine."
Doog: "That's it. I'm out of here. Thanks for joining us."

Notes:

Outtakes:

Outtake #1:

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old...CUT! Son of a @#$$%, the green guy has his pants off."

Outtake #2:

Smith: "Would you like to show the viewers the prison's shower room?"
Doog: "Absolutely not. I know what happens in there."
Smith: "Nothing happens in there Doog. Not on my watch, come on let's see."

Smith: "Oh *$#% we had a rape! LOCKDOWN!"

Doog: "What did I tell you?"
Smith: "Turn those &*$#ing cameras off now!"

Outtake #3:

Doog: "Jaspero? Is that you? I guess the establishment finally got you.."
Jaspero: "Doog? Doog! Hey hook me up man. I'll take a large mushroom pizza, hold the crust, sauce, and cheese, if you know what I mean."
Smith: "Do you know this hippie Doog?"
Doog: "Uhh, no. No I don't. See ya Jaspero, I mean prisoner HC67799."

Outtake #4:

Doog: "Oh @!#&. CUT! I dropped my cell phone."

Outtake #5:

Adkr: "What's a Bonkton?"
Doog: "Uhhh, I'm not sure what you are...um...talking about Adkr."
Adkr: I'm reading Bonktron on your mind Doog. I am not familiar with that term though. What does it mean?"
Doog: "Cut..."

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

7 Comments

<<Previous

Forward>>