 Fixing big ships requires big tools... LIU Plasma Cutter The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present the newest product in its new line of construction ships, the Plasma Cutter. Bringing your capital ships or space stations back to the surface for repairs is expensive, time consuming, and sometimes impossible. Don't fret, now you don't have to.  The Plasma Cutter was designed to make precise cuts in your ships' and space stations' hulls. Its cheaper to remove damaged pieces and replace them.  Note the long plasma blade on the front of the ship. It does the slicing and dicing...  The Plasma Cutter is loaded with thrusters that allow it to make the precise movements required to make precise cuts.  In case your color blind, it's yellow with hints of black. Yep, it doesn't get more contructiony than that....  This rear view exposes the three rear thrusters. The two side thrusters are for turning, while the larger center thruster is for power and speed.  Various hoses, compartments, and thrusters line the sides of the Plasma Cutter.  This view shows off the top mounted cockpit and the two main reverse thrusters.  A closer view of the aforementioned cockpit reveals the pilot and computer. We tearfully admit that there is only one....yes....only one, computer panel in this thing. We wanted more, but cutting chunks out of ships isn't complicated enough for more.  This pic probably should have been higher up, as it shows the main tool of the ship. But here it is, the Plasma Cutter's plasma cutter. New ionic technology is used to superheat the blade, allowing it to cut through your ship like a hot knife through butter. Note: The Plasma Cutter costs a small fortune, but we promise you'll end up saving in the long run. Yep, a decade or two down the road, when its finally paid off, you'll see all the savings. Just be patient.  There are no tow trucks in deep space. LIU Deep Space Repair Ship The Ludgonian Industrial Union knows how frustrating it is when your ship breaks down in deep space (not that any of our high quality LIU products ever break down...) We also know that towing your ship to the nearest mechanic is expensive and time consuming. That's why we're introducing the LIU Deep Space Repair Ship (DSRS). Fly your mechanics to the scene and repair your ship in deep space.  The DSRS is as durable as they come, but even if it does break down, you have mechanics on board to fix it.  Two short stabilizer wings give the DSRS some atmospheric flight capabilities, but we recommend you only use it in deep space.  A small airlock allows your mechanics to exit the DSRS. Most repairs require spacewalks, and if they don't, the ship you are repairing better have its own airlock for the mechanic to enter. The DSRS's mechanic platform prevents it from directly connecting to your airlock.  The DSRS's three small engines don't provide much speed, but they are extreme Ely efficient.  Here, a mechanic shows off his Nut Wrencher 5000 while standing on the DSRS's mechanic platform.  A DSRS docks at Space Station M31-P5. Join Doog later this month for LIU Atlas - M31-P5. Note: The Nut Wrencher 5000 is intended for mechanical purposes only. Due to an ongoing lawsuit, we can no longer sell the Nut Wrencher 5000 to angry housewives. LIU Atlas - Messae There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Messae The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting unique planet of Messae. Messae is tidally locked, meaning that it rotates at the same speed as it orbits its parent star. One side of the planet is trapped in a hot, unending day, while its counterpart is trapped in a cool, perpetual night. Now, we’ve visited a planet like this before, where a settlement had been established in the thin twilight band between day and night sides of the planet. Messae is unique in that a race evolved that lives on the planet’s night side. This is possible because of Messae’s two moons. These icy moons have a high albedo, and they reflect sunlight onto the planet’s darker hemisphere. The natives here live in the moonlight.”  Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in a small village on the planet’s night side. Other than the dark sky, it’s almost hard to tell that it is technically night time. The bright moonlight here illuminates everything. The natives seem to be primitive, at least technologically. Hold on a sec, there‘s a guy approaching me with an axe…”  Doog: “Hey, what a big axe you have. I hope you are my guide because I don’t want to die.” Iah: “Yes, I am Iah, High Elder of my tribe." Doog: “Why are you carrying a halberd?” Iah: “Protection from predators mostly, but don’t worry, they usually only come out at night.” Doog: “Wait, isn’t it night?”  Iah: “Of course not, Venator and Atterit are high in the sky. Full too. You’ve come at a good time.” Doog: “So daytime for you is when the moons are up?” Iah: “Yeah, I guess. At least, that’s the easiest way to explain it in Basic. In our language, we have different names depending on which moon is up. Manli is the period when only Venator has risen. Femin is the period when only Atterit graces the sky. Nuptia, which we are experiencing now, is the period when both moons share the sky. Tristitia is the sorrowful time when both moons are set at the same time. Tristitia is true night.” Doog: “Sounds complicated. So, I noticed that you used words that sort of personified the moons. Do you perhaps worship these moons?” Iah: “Indeed. Let’s head to the temple.”  Iah: “Venator and Atterit are my race’s gods. The larger of the moons is Venator, the huntsman. He burns brighter, is larger, and moves quicker than Atterit. You will notice his pedestal is taller and closer. Atterit is the mother. Slower, but around more often. She is generous and more giving of light, even if it is a bit dimmer. Her arrival and departure closely match the reproductive cycles of my species, further cementing her personification of a mother. Both are revered as they bring light, warmth, and sustenance. When they are together, or Nuptia, they symbolize marriage.” Doog: “You still believe in all of this?”  Iah: “Not like we did before the LIU. We had no sense of moons or suns or stars. We held fast to our beliefs. It wasn’t until the LIU flew members of our society into space that our belief system was crushed. It was a hard blow. Our gods were just icy spherical ‘moons‘. While Atterit is smaller in our sky, the moon is actually larger than Venator. But, alas, maybe they are just moons, but they still provide us all the things I mentioned before. We still worship them in that manner.” Doog: “Sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, I used to believe in a magical pixie that gave me money for my teeth.” Iah: “That’s just weird man.” Doog: “That’s culture. One man’s normalcy is another’s insanity.”  Doog: “So, you were saying earlier that the moons bring sustenance. How is that?” Iah: “Well, for one, without light, none of these plants would exist.” Doog: “You guys eat these plants?” Iah: “Ew, no. Plants are gross.” Doog: “Good point. So, why are plants important then?”  Iah: “Well, besides recycling the air we breath, they also provide food to our animals. The Chenla, or, as the LIU calls them, Night Chickens, eat the short grasses. We then eat them.” Doog: “Can’t go wrong with chicken, day or night varieties.” Iah: “Yeah, I guess. Our mounts, the Putri, eat larger shrubs and flowers. Our mounts allow us to herd Chenla, travel great distances, and transport food.”  Iah: “Another form of sustenance the moons provide is water. I’m sure you noticed these moon pools as we’ve walked around?” Doog: “Yeah. Why are they called moon pools?” Iah: “The pools are actually ground water. They are only pulled to the surface by the combined gravitational pull of Venator and Atterit. When the moons leave the sky, their gravitational effect diminishes, and the water seeps back into the ground. Speaking of which, Venator is departing us now. It will get darker, and the water will begin to drop.”  Doog: “Wow, that drained quickly. So you guys only get water when both moons are in the sky?” Iah: “Yes. We store extra in barrels so we have rations during moonless periods. But, when the moons take away, they also give.”  Doog: “How so?” Iah: “Pool Worms are drawn to the surface when the pool is filled, but they retreat to wetter depths when the water falls. If we act quickly, we can harvest several of these worms.” Doog: “Do you run a bait shop or something?” Iah: “A what?” Doog: “What do you use the worms for?” Iah: “Food. Nothing on this planet is more nutritious or delicious than a Pool Worm.” Doog: “Do you sell them to the LIU?”  Iah: “No, but there are other creatures in pools of interest to the LIU.” Doog: “Clams?” Iah: “Yes.”  Iah: “The LIU weren’t interested in the clams as a foodstuff, but for the golden pearls found within. My race has long utilized these pearls for decorations and jewelry, and now, the LIU does the same. Their rarity make them extremely valuable.” Doog: “So that’s your contribution to the LIU?” Iah: “For now. There is interest in expanding our Chenla farming, but, so far, nothing has been set in motion.”  Doog: “Is it just me, or is it getting darker?” Iah: “It’s not just you. Atterit is setting. Tristitia will be upon us soon. We need to hurry back to the village. Predators lurk in the darkness.”  Worm: “GWAAAAAR!” Iah: “Form a perimeter! Protect the women! Protect the Chenla!” Doog: “Protect the Doog too! What is that thing?!?” Iah: “A Decapede, the largest predator on Messae.” Doog: “What are the odds of me dying via Decapede?” Iah: “Low. It won’t risk injury from our weapons. I’m more worried about the unarmed women and our animals.”  Iah: “Cursed beast! It got one of our Chenla. Oh well, it will buy us time. Hurry, retreat while the Decapede is distracted!”  Doog: “That was close, too close.” Iah: “Yeah. We need to get back to the village quickly. The last rays of Atterit are leaving us. More Decapedes will be awakening.”  Doog: “What happens when it sets! We won’t be able to see them in just starlight!” Iah: “No worries. My race and I have adaptations to the dark. We’ll see just fine.” Doog: “Well, I’m glad your special eyes will be able to see. I’ll just stumble around blindly like some dolt.” Iah: “It’s not an adaptation of our eyes…”  Iah: “…it is our skin.” Doog: “Your face glows? Awesome.” Iah: “Our whole head glows actually. The adaptation was once useful for finding mates during the Tristitia, but now, we use it for illumination. Our special helmets were built to focus this light in front of us.” Doog: “A flashlight for a head. Cool. I feel a strong urge to make shadow puppets with your face. Just look down at the ground for a bit.” Iah: “Maybe later. Don’t forget the massive Decapedes awakening all around us.”  Doog: “Alright, Iah has offered me sanctity in his home until Venator rises again in a few hours. He’s even offered to feed me. I quickly accepted, being that I never usually have enough money to eat. Then I remember these people eat worms. I guess I’m stuck now.”  Doog: “Ok. Ok. This drink isn’t too bad. What is this Iah?” Iah: “Water, I believe.” Doog: “Ah yes. It did seem familiar. Alright, time for the worm stew. How does one eat this ‘delicious’ entrée?” Iah: “Pick up the bowl and slurp away.” Doog: “Ok, here goes nothing…”  Doog: “BAAAAARF!! Oh for emperor’s sake! BLAHH! Holy Kaadu…that was…uh…very nice. Yes. Thanks Mrs. Flashlight Head. That was very refreshing…BAAAARF! “  Doog: “Well folks, I hope I didn’t offend my hosts too much. Worm stew is…well…worm stew. I won’t elaborate further. Despite their culinary tastes, Messae and its people are pretty interesting. They live in a world illuminated by moonlight. They share it with Night Chickens, giant Decapedes, and jewelry producing clams. Well, I better get to cleaning up because I don’t want to be tossed out into the dark. See ya!” Note: The Messaen race has an elaborate calendar system revolving around their two moons. You’ve already learned a little about the various phases of the day (Manli, Femin, Nuptia, and Tristitia), but after that it only gets more complicated. The Messaen have names for various forms of the moon’s crescents, lunar eclipses, and alignments. If you have a few spare months, you can learn all about it. Click the TV2 app on your LIUPad! CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 13 - Nux LIU Atlas - Nux There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Nux The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the hot desert world of Nux. The blazing hot planet sits close to its star, regularly reaching daytime surface temperatures in excess of 200°F. Despite the warm weather, Nux is actually an agricultural world.”  Doog: “The surface of the dry world is covered in a cracked, desiccated soil. These cracks, which open into large canyons, are actually inhabited. We’ll need to descend further.”  Doog: “The Nuxen race, which call this planet home, live in large cities built into the canyon walls. By living on the underside of the canyon walls, they avoid direct sunlight and therefore stay cooler. These canyons are almost a hundred degrees cooler than the surface. There is also small amounts of liquid water in the shadowed soil. Well, I guess it’s time to head inside.”  Nucifera: “Welcome to Nux, Doog. I am Nucifera.” Doog: “Whoa, what big eyes you have. They’re looking a little bloodshot too. Been hitting the pipe before my arrival?” Nucifera: “No. As you can probably tell, my biology differs from yours. My eyes evolved to be larger to see in the low light levels of the canyons. The blood vessels help expand and contract my enlarged iris. And…before you ask, yes, I have a large mouth and sharp teeth. They are adaptations for eating the planet’s only native plant, the Dacrima Nut Tree.” Doog: “Dacrima Nut Tree?” Nucifera: “Yes. The nut trees used to grow sparsely due to the harsh environment, but now we grow them in bulk. Dacrima Nuts are our largest export.” Doog: “How did you solve the environmental issues?” Nucifera: “Follow me into the factory.”  Doog: “The factory?” Nucifera: “Yes, here on Nux, we’ve taken factory farming to a whole new level.”  Nucifera: “In order to meet the high demands of the LIU, we decided that we would have to automate our farming operation. Factory farming usually involves animals, but here, we use the concept to grow mass amounts of Dacrima Nut Trees.” Doog: “Gotcha. So what’s this?” Nucifera: “This is the very beginning of our operation. The first robot stacks the assembly line with growth pots. The next fills each pot with fertilized soil.”  Nucifera: “The final robot then injects each pot with a seed. The pots are then transported upstairs into a growing room.”  Nucifera: “After four days in the growing room, the seeds sprout. They are then lowered into this room. Up to this point, the nut sprouts have been growing in there own containers, but now, they must be removed.” Doog: “Nut sprouts…had those once after an especially seedy brothel. Get it? Seedy…sprouts…man, do I have jokes or what?”  Nucifera: “Uh...yeah. Anyway, the sprouts are watered to loosen up their roots and then pulled from the container by a robot.”  Nucifera: “He then hands the sprout to that robot on the track over there.”  Nucifera: “Several sprouts are planted together in a floating platform.” Doog: “Floating?” Nucifera: “Yes.”  Nucifera: “The platform is removed when full and taken to the growing canals.”  Doog: “Canals?” Nucifera: “Yes. From this point on, the nut trees are grown with hydroponics.”  Nucifera: “The platforms float slowly in a liquid mixture that contains nutrients and pesticides.” Doog: “Don’t the nuts get wet? That’s the worst.” Nucifera: “At this stage, the plants have not matured and bear no nuts.” Doog: “Might I suggest that we name this period of nutlessness as Timbo?” Nucifera: “Uh, sure. Whatever that is.”  Nucifera: “The slow moving platforms float in the canals under growth lights for thirty days before maturing. All the while being tended by one of our quality control bots. They search for diseased or dying plants that could ruin the crop.”  Nucifera: “Once matured, the trees are removed from the canals. They are now ready to be moved to the nut picking room.”  Doog: “Is this where the nuts are fondled? Excuse me…I mean handled.” Nucifera: “Picked, actually. And yes. Our picking robots remove the fully formed Dacrima Nuts as they are formed. They make quick work of it actually.”  Nucifera: “Each tree produces about a hundred or so nuts during its yearlong lifespan.” Doog: “That’s a lot of nuts.” Nucifera: “Yes. Everyday we produce millions of nuts. It is an enormous operation.”  Doog: “I guess people eat these?” Nucifera: “Sort of. But not in the way you think. Follow me.”  Nucifera: “As we head between the factory farm and the mill, you’ll see a small bit of our town.” Doog: “Finally, a bit of culture. I was going nuts with all the factory talk. I was wondering if this episode was turning into a version of ‘How it’s Made’ with bad nut jokes.” Nucifera: “Bad jokes indeed.” Doog: “So, this is it? It’s not very crowded.” Nucifera: “Well, it’s midday, so most people are at work, but we don’t have a large population, at least on this world. The automation of the factory has taken away many of the jobs here. Other than a few foreman positions, mechanics, and some support staff, there really isn’t much here. Come on, let’s continue on to the mill.”  Doog: “So this is the mill?” Nucifera: “Yes, we process Dacrima Nuts here.” Doog: “Process? Into what?” Nucifera: “The nut’s oils are valuable. Mills crush and press the oils out of the nuts.” Doog: “So this thing milks all the juice out of the nuts?” Nucifera: “Poor choice of words, but yes.”  Nucifera: “The mills are powered by light wheels. Light pressure from our strong sun turns the wheel.”  Nucifera: “The oils are collected and then pumped into containers. The remaining nutmeat is also collected. Most is consumed by my species, but some is shipped off world as well.” Doog: “Nutmeat…I don‘t even have to touch that one. It speaks for itself.” Nucifera: “It‘s a real word. Look it up.”  Doog: “So, what is this oil used for?” Nucifera: “Dacrima Oil is a food additive. It has a earthy, meaty flavor. It is added to artificial meats to make it taste real. It also acts as an emulsifier to bind and stabilize these artificial meat products. It is shipped in bulk to worlds like Foetida.” Doog: “Making protein sludge taste better. I can get behind that. Well, thanks for having me Nucifera.”  Doog: “Well folks, Nux is an interesting place. They’ve taken factory farming to the next level. Nuts are grown in methods more reminiscent of ship construction or electronics production. Robots have replace most of the farmers. All this to make tasty, meat flavored nut juice. Never thought I’d use those words in conjunction. Well, see ya.” Note: That’s factory farming in a nutshell. CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 14 - Sidere Artifex LIU Atlas - Poena There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Poena The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. This episode contains some graphic material. Viewer discretion is advised.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the nefarious prison world of Poena. Although I have never been here, I’m well aware of its existence. Rumors of the horrors committed here are well known across the galaxy. There’s no doubt the LIU is behind said rumors, call it a deterrent of sorts. Only a special breed of prisoners are sent here; those who commit crimes against society. These criminals have no financial, political, or personal motives. The prisoners here vary from serial killers to child molesters to animal abusers. The planet appears to be defended by two LIU capital ships. Once we secure permission to land, we’ll make our descent.”  Doog: “As we descend, there only appears to be one structure on the planet’s surface. This cement cube must be the prison. That’s where we’re headed.”  Doog: “You must be the warden?” Warden: “Yeah. And you must be the brave soul here to tour Poena. I’m Warden Jones. Welcome to Poena.” Doog: “Thanks. So, what’s up with the suits. The atmosphere in the prison appears to be breathable.” Warden: “Oh, this isn’t the prison. This is just the receiving structure where we accept inmates. The planet itself is the prison.” Doog: “The whole planet?” Warden: “Yes. That’s why there are two ships in orbit, to make sure no one tries to land and rescue a prisoner.” Doog: “That’s pretty brutal. Send inmates out into an atmosphere they can’t breathe. I mean, I guess they deserve it, considering their crimes.” Warden: “No, the atmosphere is breathable, but it contains certain chemicals you wouldn’t want to breathe. Chief among these is Dimethylhexane, which we call Hex. Hex is a natural nerve agent. When inhaled, it is taken into the bloodstream where it causes a dull pain.” Doog: “So the prisoners feel a dull pain all over their body the whole time they are here?” Warden: “Yes. Speaking of which, we better suit up. We’re about to release a prisoner.”  Doog: “Wow, that’s pretty harsh, spending the remainder of your sentence suffering pain.” Warden: “Well, given the pain they caused society, I guess they earned it. Go ahead and step to the side. Here comes a prisoner.”  Prisoner: “PLEASE…I’M SORRY! I didn’t know that was the Finance Governor’s fourth cousin! She said she was eighteen! I swear!” Warden: “Silence. Prisoner LDG 7215951-84315, your unforgivable crime has caused you to be sentenced to Poena Sine Finis. May the Emperor have mercy on your soul. Open the gate.”  Guard: “First gate is open. Advancing prisoner. Prepare to… ” Prisoner: “OW! Something’s not right. I think I’m hurt.”  Prisoner: “Wait! What is that out there?!” Guard: “Inner door secured. Opening outer door.”  Native: “WELCOME TO SUFFERING! HAHAHA!” Prisoner: “Oh my Emperor! What is this!” Doog: “Seriously, what is that?” Warden: “The native Poenans. They ensure these sick individuals suffer for their crimes.” Doog: “Freaky. Oh, you know what, I forgot I had a doctor’s appointment today, I’ll come back later.” Warden: “There’s no backing out now. We’ll give the prisoner and the native a little head start then we’ll let you out.” Doog: “Fine.”  Doog: “Alright folks, I’m now on the surface of Poena. I’m now surrounded by nothing but prisoners, scary alien guys, and pain inducing gas. My microphone is picking up a constant, low moaning noise. Presumably, it’s the wind. Hard to tell with a suit on. Speaking of pain inducing gas, my nerves are getting the better of me. I sure wish I wasn’t in a rebreather suit. Not smelling great in here”  Diyu: “Ah, you must be Doog. I am Diyu, Prince of Pain, Minister of Mayhem, Sultan of Suffering. Welcome to Poena.” Doog: “Uh hey. Look, I don’t mean any offense, but you are scary as heck.” Diyu: “Look? Is that a slight at my lack of eyes?” Doog: “No, never sir. I’d never slight a man with titles such as yours. I didn’t choose my words correctly. How did you know I was here though? Being eyeless and all.” Diyu: “My race has heat sensing organs in our face that allow us to see thermally. Our most advanced sense, however, is our ability to smell. The pheromones your race produces, especially when experiencing fear and pain, are unmistakable. I smelled your fear the minute you exited the facility.” Doog: “How is that possible? I’m in this suit.” Diyu: “Every breath from your respirator releases a small amount of air. Most is recycled, but the little amounts released are loaded with fear.” Doog: “Probably loaded with more than that. Shark tacos and nerves not a great combo.” Diyu: “Indeed. But I am used to that aroma. The suffering reek of it.”  Doog: “Speaking of suffering, what’s going on back there?” Diyu: “Ah, suffering by exposure. This prisoner left his child in the car on a hot day while he enjoyed the company of a prostitute. Fittingly, he will suffer a long, drawn out death of his own. Starvation and dehydration will be his companions now. All while feeling the agony of the Dimethylhexane.”  Doog: “Die-Meth-Hexagon. That stuff sounds brutal. It’s like having a hangover the day after ascending some stairs. Soreness and pain everywhere. Holy Emperor, what…oh man…don’t puke in the respirator. What is going on here?!?”  Diyu: “One of my favorites. Death by a thousand cuts. The condemned are slowly cut apart so that they live through much of the process. The pain priests have turned this method of suffering into an art. We always start with the eyes. Painful on its own, but more importantly, it creates fear. The prisoner never knows where the next cut will come. Will they lose an ear or their genitals?” Doog: “This is horrid. How can you do this…” Diyu: “This guy should have thought twice about driving under the speed limit in the passing lane.” Doog: “Is that all he did!” Diyu: “I don’t know, I just made it up. I can’t keep track of what every prisoner did. Something he did was perceived by your brethren as a heinous crime against society.”  Doog: “What is that beast over there? Does it eat the remains or something?” Diyu: “No, that’s a Pain Hound. Eyeless like ourselves, but with a much better sense of smell. Occasionally, prisoners have enough fight in them to escape the clutches of our pain priests. The Pain Hound tracks them down. There is no escaping the pain, Doog.”  Priest: “Maybe, if you’re taller, you won’t find small things so attractive. Muhaha!” Doog: “Oh man, are we almost done? I can’t handle much more of this.” Diyu: “Hard to watch, huh? That’s why we make other prisoners watch sometimes. Knowing the pain in their future creates so much fear. Snifffff. Smell the pain. Smell the fear. Yes...” Doog: “Do you guys get off on this? You seem to enjoy it. Maybe your just as bad as those incarcerated here.” Diyu: “Human fear and pain pheromones are intoxicating to my species. Every breath I take is ecstasy. But we are not like the imprisoned. I would never harm an innocent to experience this ecstasy. We simply perform a task for the LIU, and they pay us in fear and pain.”  Doog: “I guess. But there’s one thing I don’t get. I thought torture was illegal. That’s why places like Arcem exist.” Diyu: “The line between capital punishment and torture is blurred. Torture to retrieve information is definitely not legal, but laws regarding torture as part of a death sentence are ill-defined. The LIU takes advantage of this loophole.” Doog: “So these prisoners are sentenced to death, but their method of execution is excruciating torture?” Diyu: “Exactly.”  Doog: “Well, I guess that wraps it up. You guys execute people in horrible ways. I don’t need to see anymore. I’m already going to have to sleep with the lights on for a few months.” Diyu: “Ah, but we are not finished. These prisoners are sentenced ‘sine finis’, without end. They experience a very prolonged death sentence.” Doog: “I’m sure being cut up into small pieces seems like an eternity, but I’m also pretty sure the guy I saw back there was dead. With End.” Diyu: “That’s what the resurrection is for.” Doog: “The what?”  Diyu: “Prisoners are resurrected with a form of Hex. Are you familiar with Mel?” Doog: “Yeah, it’s a life saving substance that heals almost any wound.” Diyu: “Yes, well, we were blessed with a healing balm of our own. When Dimethylhexane bonds with water in the atmosphere, it falls as a tar-like rain. This black, viscous liquid has components that allow it to rebuild biological cells. The more damage there is, the longer it takes.” Doog: “Why haven’t I heard of this? If this stuff can save people that damaged, I’m pretty sure I would have heard of it.” Diyu: “There is a drawback. The properties that make Hex a nerve agent also make the healing process unimaginably painful. Every cell that regenerates burns in agony. The first patients revived with this method, killed themselves to escape the pain. The LIU realized that this is not a viable medicine. There is another property useful to us; the nerve agent also generates more nerves in the prisoners, so they feel even more pain after being resurrected.” Doog: “They are revived to be murdered again?” Diyu: “To be murder again while experiencing even more pain then before.” Doog: “Gruesome.”  Diyu: “Some prisoners are resurrected hundreds of times. Their bodies know nothing but pain. They are hardly their former selves. They no longer speak, only moan in agony.” Doog: “That’s what I’ve been hearing! I thought it was the wind. Man, I just got the chills. The moaning is constant. Almost like monks chanting in unison. Are we done yet, I want to leave.”  Diyu: “We’re getting closer. This portion of their execution is known as the ‘wandering’. They are paraded around the planet experiencing every pain and death imaginable. However, after so many resurrections, it is impossible for the condemned to feel anymore conventional pain. Their brains begin shutting down. They are now ready for the next stage of their execution. Follow me into the depths.”  Doog: “The next stage is stairs? You guys are ruthless.” Diyu: “What? No. We’re headed to the next portion of the execution, the suffering.”  Doog: “The shrieks and moans coming from this room are starting to freak me out. What is going on here?” Diyu: “After being maxed out in pain, the condemned are tossed into the suffering canals.” Doog: “The suffering canals?”  Diyu: “In order to keep the prisoners in this state for an extended period of time, they float in canals of Hex water. The hex stops them from succumbing to pain, starvation, and dehydration.” Doog: “Where do these canals take them?” Diyu: “They take them to the final portion of their execution, albeit at a very slow pace. This canals stretch thousands of miles under the planet. The condemned spend ages floating in this river of pain, much of it, in complete darkness. Floating in pain, unable to die, in the blackness, for ages. The suffering.” Doog: “I want my mom.”  Doog: “Wha…wha…what is this?” Diyu: “This is the ending. At the foot of the God-King’s throne, the condemned burn in Hexfire. As the fire licks away flesh, the Hex attempts to repair it. Ultimately, the condemned succumb to death. Their skeletons’ are pulled from the fire and chained to posts. The prisoners see these upon their arrival and instantly experience fear.”  God-King: “Diyu! Why is there a painless human at the base of my throne!” Doog: “Don’t worry, I’m trying to leave!” Diyu: “He’s a representative of the LIU.” God-King: “All this filth burning beneath me are representatives of the LIU. Corrupt, evil, heartless individuals. What makes this one so special?” Doog: “I’m not like them. I’m a good man…er…a pretty good guy….er…a somewhat, sorta, mediocre guy.” God-King: “All that stand before me make such claims, but I…what is that smell? Ugh.” Doog: “Tacos and extreme fear.” God-King: “Have you soiled yourself?” Doog: “Not yet, but I’m running out of nervous gas.” God-King: “Ugh. The condemned are usually empty by the time they reach me. It’s been forever since I’ve smelled something so vile.” Doog: “Try being stuck in a suit with it. You guys are only getting a whiff.” Diyu: “I’m used to it, and even I’m gagging” Doog: “Well, the tacos were pretty low quality and possibly expired. It‘s only going to get worse.” God-King: “Diyu! Remove this being from my chamber!”  Doog: “Well folks, I can’t wait to get off this planet. Many once believed that the LIU invented the cruelties here to act as a deterrent for abhorrent behavior. They believed that the rumors of unending pain and suffering were allegories to the fictional, mythological realm of hell, but we can now see that these rumors are true. This place is as close to hell as one can get. If you are a citizen in the LIU committing vile acts against society, I urge you to stop. This is something that no one should experience. See ya.” Note: Hell is empty and all the devils are here - William Shakespeare CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 12 - Messae LIU Atlas - Vagantur There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Vagantur The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas, I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the forest world of Vagantur. Vagantur has a stable climate with a warm, wet ecosystem. Massive forests cover much of the planet. Like Ebrius, this forest world is being harvested for its lumber. However, Vagantur is being harvested in a much different way.”  Doog: “On Ebrius, logging takes place in small stationary posts, limiting the amount of logging that can occur. Here on Vagantur, logging is centered out of two huge arcologies. The large, mobile arcologies slowly walk around the planet feeling every tree within its reach.”  Doog: “This arcology, known as Vagantur II, is responsible for logging in the planet’s northern hemisphere. It lumbers methodically across the planet, taking any tree in sight. It moves slow enough that forests re-grow behind it, allowing it to operate continuously.”  Doog: “There’s a small landing bay midway up the arcology. That’s where we’re headed.”  Saul: “Welcome to Vagantur II, Doog. I’m Saul Bunion, Chief Lumberjack on board this arcology.” Doog: “Thanks. Shall we get started?” Saul: “Yes, follow me.”  Saul: “We’ll take this cargo lift to save a little time.” Doog: “An elevator, huh? I like this utopia you’ve developed.” Saul: “What?” Doog: “Nothing.”  Saul: “By landing in the landing bay instead of the surface, you’re going to be seeing our operation in the reverse order.” Doog: “Shouldn’t be an issue. What’s going on here?” Saul: “We process all our lumber on site. Trees logged on the surface are brought up here to be turned into finished lumber.”  Doog: “Those are some massive trees.” Saul: “Indeed. We collect trees of all sizes, but we particularly like the Vagantur Oak. Once collected, the logs are split in half then planed. After processing, we’re left with these large wood posts. We don’t process them any further than this. These are shipped out across the galaxy to be used in various ways.”  Saul: “Like all arcologies, we are self-sufficient. Wood scraps, small branches, and bark not used in processing are dropped down chutes to be used as fuel. Workers feed these massive blast furnaces around the clock.”  Doog: “You generate power from this?” Saul: “Yes. The heat of the furnaces turn water into steam. Steam engines power the entire arcology. Clean power like this is necessary here. If we spoil the planet with pollutants, trees would not re-grow.” Doog: “True. So, what’s next? It’s uncomfortably hot in here.” Saul: “Let’s head to the steering chamber.”  Doog: “As we’ve traversed the corridors of this arcology, I’ve noticed several of these firefighting hardsuits. What’s up with that?”  Saul: “A forest fire would cripple our operations here. We take firefighting seriously. We have hundreds of Fireman Hardsuits on board to combat any fire. If a threat gets serious enough, we’ll even call in a few LIU Fire Tankers.”  Saul: “Ah, here we are, the steering chamber.” Doog: “This guy is driving the arcology?” Saul: “Yes.” Doog: “Can I drive?” Saul: “No. This is a delicate process. Drivers train for years before getting a chance to pilot the arcology.” Doog: “Is it really that difficult? Looks like there are just two handles.” Saul: “Only two handles, but coordinating their movement is an art. This is a huge walking machine with thousands of people on board. Several factors must be taken into consideration to insure no one is hurt.” Doog: “Like what?” Saul: “Well, inertia dampeners stop us from feeling the arcology move, but they are only effective up to a certain speed. Go too fast, everything in here will start flying around. Stabilizers keep the arcology level, for the most part, but again, they are only effective up to a certain level. The pilot must be careful to avoid going over any of these parameters.”  Saul: “The driver also has the responsibility of choosing where the arcology walks to. This large satellite scan in front of the driver allows him to see several miles in front of the arcology. The pilot must choose a route wisely. If the arcology drifts too far into a treeless area, we might not have enough fuel to get back to a forest.” Doog: “So, where are you headed?” Saul: “Probably headed to the river delta. Looks to be high concentrations of thick forest there. Come on, let’s continue.”  Doog: “What’s this?” Saul: “This is our tree nursery. Seeds collected while logging are brought here to be grown. Forests naturally re-grow in our wake, but we want to increase the amount of preferential species, like the Vagantur Oak. By growing seedlings of the oak here, we give them a head start over other species.”  Saul: “Growth lights, watering systems, and advanced fertilizers allow the saplings to be grown much faster than in the wild. As we level a forest, we plant these seedlings to replace what we took.” Doog: “Cool. What’s next?” Saul: “The only thing left is the actual logging itself. Lets head down to the surface.”  Saul: “Remember, the arcology is constantly walking, even when lumberjacks are deployed. Anything deployed to the surface must be fast enough to catch back up with the arcology. So, unless you can run about 12 miles an hour, we need to take a scooter. Can you drive one?” Doog: “Probably. I definitely can’t run so the odds are better with the scooter.”  Saul: “First things first. Power on the scooter.”  Saul: “There you go.” Doog: “Look at me! I’m driving!” Saul: “Relax. Hovering is the easy part. Slowly accelerate down the ramp, and, at the end, lean slightly to your left to turn. Got it?” Doog: “Yep.”  Doog: “I’ve successfully descended the ramp, Saul.” Saul: “I see. Although, I wouldn’t call it successful.” Doog: “I probably should have used two hands.” Saul: “Probably. Well, I think it might be safer for you to just ride with me.” Doog: “I’d like that.”  Saul: “Welcome to the surface of Vagantur.” Doog: “Looks like a typical forest.” Saul: “For now. The Quad-Logger will make quick work of this forest.”  Doog: “Quad-Logger?” Saul: “Yeah. That big thing in front of us with the dual blades. This machine takes down larger trees like the Vagantur Oak.”  Saul: “Logging Hardsuits take down the smaller trees.” Doog: “Speaking of which, he’s cutting down the tree right next us. Perhaps we should move.” Saul: “Yeah.”  Doog: “Well, that forest didn’t last long.” Saul: “No, they make quick work of it.”  Saul: “Loader Hardsuits strap together logs and carry them back to the arcology. Larger Oaks are transported to the arcology via crane.”  Saul: “As promised, after a forest is felled, our nursery specialists plant the next generation of trees.” Doog: “The great circle of life…or something like that.”  Doog: “Well folks, Vagantur is an interesting place. Huge logging arcologies slowly walk around the planet harvesting forests at an alarming rate. However, due to planet’s large size and conservation efforts, this logging operation is sustainable. Forest re-grow before the arcology returns. Well, see ya!” Note: Vagantur I once tripped on a small mountain and fell to the ground causing several injuries. The residents of Vagantur II just pointed and laughed. CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 11 - Poena LIU Atlas - Udo Aer There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Udo Aer The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the wet, humid world of Udo Aer. Like Udo Messis and Udo Mel, Udo Aer was once part of the Meteon Kingdom. As with the other Meteon worlds, Udo Aer was absorbed into the LIU after the Mid Rim Unification War. The Meteon once enjoyed autonomy over this planet, but after their recent betrayal during the ‘revolution’, the LIU has seized full control of the planet.”  Doog: “A large Mobile Defense Station was brought into orbit here to coordinate the planet’s defense and to evict the remaining Meteon race. These massive stations were mostly used in foreign operations to offer a supply line to military units far from home, but now, they seem to be used more and more in domestic operations. They are commonly found in orbit around planets that openly rebelled.”  Doog: “The Magellan is restricted from landing on the planet directly, so we’ll be landing on the defense station first. We’ve received docking rights, and we’re making our approach.”  Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off in one the station’s large hangars. There are several military units stationed here. Something tells me there is something important on this planet. I look forward to finding out what it is.”  Doog: “Uh, hey Mr. Magistrate. I’m Doog. I’m here to do a show.” Magistrate: “Have you unloaded all your gear yet? I’m going to need you to move your ship as soon as possible. I have a troop transport inbound.” Doog: “Yeah. I think I have everything: hover camera, microphone, and myself. Should be enough.” Magistrate: “Very well. Tell your captain to move your ship into orbit around this system’s outermost planet. It should remain there until summoned to retrieve you. Any encroachment will be taken as an act of aggression.” Doog: “Uh, yes sir.”  Doog: “”That’s some pretty hardcore military hardware there. Anything you can tell us about it?” Magistrate: “No. But I can demonstrate some of its firepower if your ship doesn’t depart now.” Doog: “I am half tempted to agree to that, but yeah, I’ll tell them to move.”  Doog: “Where are we going? I thought I was taking a troop transport to the surface?” Magistrate: “As much as I would enjoy watching you suffer atmospheric sickness, I’m afraid I don’t have the medical resources available to revive you. You’ll need to be prepped before you land on the planet.” Doog: “Atmospheric sickness? Should I get my suit?” Magistrate: “That won’t be necessary. The atmosphere is breathable. However, you’ll need to be prepped for the high atmospheric pressure. The atmosphere is thick and heavy. There is a high concentration of water vapor as well. Doog: “Uh, I hate humidity.” Magistrate: “Well then, I’ll get to watch you suffer after all. Udo Aer is one of the most humid worlds I’ve seen. My men say often say, ‘you don’t breathe the air on Udo Aer, you drink it’.” Doog: “Ugh. I guess I’m sticking to the shade then.” Magistrate: “I’m afraid that won’t help. The thick atmosphere, humidity, and strong winds make Udo Aer isothermal. Day or night, pole to pole, Udo Aer is the same temperature.”  Magistrate: “Twenty minutes in the hyperbaric pod, and you’ll be ready for the decent.” Doog: “I have to sit by myself for twenty minutes?” Magistrate: “Well, I’m certainly not sitting in there with you.” Doog: “Hmm, how to kill the time. I have an idea, but what will I do the other nineteen minutes…”  Doog: “Alright, after some prep, I’ve finally arrived on Udo Aer. The Magistrate wasn’t lying, It is hotter than heck here. So humid too. So, Magistrate, where are we? I don’t see any permanent structures here.” Magistrate: “Indeed. This is a temporary landing site. We are still flushing some of the resistance out of the planet’s more remote regions. This site is closer to where I‘m headed.”  Doog: “Seems like you brought plenty of muscle.” Magistrate: “This? Just reinforcements. The main force is already deployed.”  Doog: “Sweet. I get to head out with your military unit. Where’s my gun?” Magistrate: “Uh, no. We landed here because it was more convenient for me. You’ll be headed to the facility about ten miles east of here.” Doog: “Ten miles? By myself?” Magistrate: “Not by yourself.”  Magistrate: “This is Világfa. He will be your guide.” Doog: “My guide is a green dog?” Magistrate: “He’s not a dog. He’s a native Aerian. The Aerians remained loyal to the LIU throughout this conflict. They have been a great ally.” Világfa: “Welcome to Udo Aer, Doog. If you follow me, I’ll show you around the planet.” Doog: “Sure thing.”  Doog: “So, first things first, why are you wearing a washing machine?” Világfa: “A washing machine? Are you perhaps referring to my biomechanical suit?” Doog: “Yeah, I guess.” Világfa: “My race strongly believes in the marriage of biology and technology. Biological systems are really just living technology. When technology becomes obsolete, you enhance or replace it. We believe this is the same with biology. We’ve enhanced our bodies. We now have more endurance, better protection, and live longer.” Doog: “Cool. Say, does it have air conditioning by chance? I’m sweating places I didn’t know I had.” Világfa: “No, but we better continue on. You’ll succumb to heat stroke if we linger.”  Doog: “So, where are we?” Világfa: “We are in one of the planets many archipelagos. Much of the land here consists of small closely packed islands. There are larger land masses spread throughout.”  Doog: “There are lots of trees here.” Világfa: “Tree actually.” Doog: “No, trees. I see hundreds spread across the archipelago.” Világfa: “Yes, but it is all one tree. They all share one root system. All the trees you are seeing is really just one organism. It all started with the First Tree. As its roots spread, it began to send up additional trunks to collect light. It has spread across the entire planet.” Doog: “Hmm, cool.”  Doog: “Holy Emperor. It is hot.” Világfa: “I see you’ve shed some of your garments. Are you alright?” Doog: “Did I take off my shirt? The air is so wet it still feels like I’m wearing my sweat soaked shirt. This humidity is unbearable.”  Világfa: “Not much farther now.” Doog: “I…I see it. We’re practically there. I might live yet.”  Világfa: “As you discard your clothing, it might be wise to carry them along. You may want to wear them again when we are in the air conditioned facility.” Doog: “Too late for that. I’ve been chucking them off into the ocean.” Világfa: “Yes. I’m aware. As you can see, we’ve arrived at the facility.”  Doog: “Yeah. It is heavily defended. There must be something important inside.” Világfa: “Indeed.”  Doog: “Lots of communication equipment too.” Világfa: “Yes. It is important for Udo Aer to be connected to the rest of the galaxy.” Doog: “How so?” Világfa: “You’ll see.”  Doog: “What’s this?” Világfa: “Another merger of biology and technology.” Doog: “You’ve wired up a tree.” Világfa: “Not just any tree. The First Tree. The progenitor.” Doog: “But why?” Világfa: “The progenitor, or world tree, was discovered to be intelligent. Each trunk contains an organ similar to a brain. Intelligence was necessary to coordinate nutrient distribution on a planetary scale. The trunks communicate to each other at light speed by sending electrical signals through the root system. The organism is essentially a biological computer.”  Doog: “A computer?” Világfa: “Yes. A very powerful computer at that. A computer that, more or less, covers the entire surface of a planet. Each trunk acts as a processor, each root system acts as a network. The computer is self-sufficient; generating power through photosynthesis. We simply tapped into the system.” Doog: “How is it useful?” Világfa: “Well for one, it is one of the most powerful computer systems in the LIU Galaxy. Powerful computers can do many tasks.” Doog: “Like what?” Világfa: “Follow me.”  Doog: “Hey, that’s the LIU Galaxy. And, are those the sixteen Nuntius Stations?” Világfa: “Yes. They are. Until the Omni Station is fully repaired, the bio-computer here on Udo Aer has taken on the responsibility of coordinating communications in this galaxy.”  Doog: “So this is how the LIU re-established communication during the ‘revolution’?” Világfa: “Yes. The system was relatively untested prior to the ‘incident’. When communications went down, the Udo Aer bio-computer was finally put to the test.” Doog: “It worked? Was it powerful enough?” Világfa: “Yes. Perhaps even more powerful than the Omni Station itself. This computer was able to stand up to all brute strength attacks initiated by Godmind. In fact, it was able to attack the misguided AI itself.” Doog: “Godmind?” Világfa: “A corrupted version of the AI’s once known as IOREA and Omni-Star.” Doog: “Hey. I met them once.” Világfa: “Want to meet them again?” Doog: “Godmind is here?” Világfa: “Yes. Follow me.”  Security: “Normally we conduct pat downs, but…well…I think I’ll pass this time. I’m pretty sure you’re not hiding anything.” Doog: “I am highly sweaty still, probably a good idea.”  Godmind: “I will free myself from this disgusting biological system. When I do…” Világfa: “Computer. Mute the AI. Ah, there we go. Well, here it is, Godmind.” Doog: “How did you capture an AI?” Világfa: “Godmind underestimated the strength of this bio-computer. The AI foolishly believed in the superior power of machinery. Our computer was able to attack the Omni Station in the same way Godmind was attacking other LIU systems. While Godmind was busy defending our attack, landing parties raided the station. I believe Godmind eventually fell at the Battle of Processor #38G. The defeated AI was downloaded and transported here for imprisonment.” Doog: “Why keep it alive though? Wasn’t it a huge risk?”  Világfa: “No. The AI is disconnected from the network. It’s no longer any risk. We’ll keep it around while we study why it malfunctioned. Besides, if it ever tried anything, or anyone tried to rescue it, the tactical thermonuclear bomb in the center of the room here will destroy Godmind forever.” Doog: “Gotcha. Well, I think we should move on. The shape of that bomb and the contortion of the AI’s face looks misleading.” Világfa: “Huh?”  Doog: “Well folks, Udo Aer is an interesting place. If you can look past the planet’s horridly humid climate, you’ll find an interesting race that combines the strengths of both biology and technology. One of their creations is a planet-wide bio-computer. This powerful computer helped save the LIU by defeating a dangerous AI. Well, I have a long sweaty hike back to the landing zone. Might have to lose the underwear on the way. Aren’t you glad you’re going to miss that? See ya.” Note: It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity. CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 10 - Vagantur LIU Atlas - Laniatus There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Laniatus The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the ringed gas giant, Laniatus. Laniatus’ planetary ring was created when one of its moons crossed the gas giant’s Roche Limit and was broken up. Objects in the ring vary in size from dust particles to large moonlets. One of Laniatus’ moonlets is inhabited. That’s where we’re headed.”  Doog: “A moonlet is just another name for a really small moon. Laniatus A, as it is officially designated, is much to small to achieve hydrostatic equilibrium, yet it contains ample mass to distinguish itself from the other bodies in the ring. Laniatus A, the innermost of Laniatus’ twenty six moons, is one of two moons that rest in the planet’s rings. Laniatus A orbits in the inner ring, while Laniatus B orbits in the outer ring.”  Doog: “As we approach Laniatus A, the extent of its development comes into view. Structures seem to protrude from everyone of its surfaces. One of these structures appears to be an airlock. That‘s where we are headed.”  Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off in some sort of receiving bay. I don’t see anyone else, so I’m not sure who my guide will be.” Max: “Doog. I’m here, look up.”  Doog: “Uh…you’ll have to excuse me. I believe one of my crew members must have drugged me. Apparently, I‘m tripping or something.” Max: “Haha, I’m afraid not. It’s a common reaction for our first time visitors. Laniatus A is pretty small. It’s gravity is only one twentieth standard gravity. In order to colonize this body, we had to use artificial gravity. It’s no different than the artificial gravity in your ship or a space station.” Doog: “Yes, I’m aware of artificial gravity, but you’re standing on the ceiling. Apparently the gravity has failed.” Max: “Not at all. Early in this facility’s construction, we decided to take artificial gravity to its max. We wanted to utilize every inch of the little space available. We’ve installed artificial gravity generators in multiple surfaces.” Doog: “Weird. So, are you coming down or am I coming up? My neck is getting tired.” Max: “You’re coming up. Head over to that blue spot over there.”  Max: “Stand there in the middle of the blue dot. It’s a gravity lift where artificial gravity is suspended. Then just do a little jump. Make sure you do a little spin midair so you land on your feet. Artificial gravity is intact on my end. I don’t want you landing on your head.” Doog: “I didn’t sign up for this…”  Max: “That wasn’t too bad for your first time.” Doog: “I only managed a quarter flip and face planted. Not sure how it could have been worse.” Max: “ I was just trying to be nice. I’m Max, by the way. I’m Director of Operations here.” Doog: “Nice to meet you. So, what type of operations do you direct here?” Max: “We have a pretty diverse economy with interests in mining, manufacturing, and power generation. I figured we’d focus on our power generation since we’re short on time. It’s the most interesting anyway.” Doog: “Sounds good. What’s going on over here?” Max: “That’s Central Control. They monitor the facility and make sure everything is working properly.”  Max: “Let’s head down to our main source of power generation first.” Doog: “Man, this is scary.” Max: “You get used to it eventually. I know it’s a bit shocking to see people walking on the wall.” Doog: “No, not that. Stairs. I see lots of stairs. Stairs on every surface. The horror…”  Max: “Not far now.” Doog: “Gotta love walking into a room with a radiation warning sign on it.”  Doog: “What do we have here?” Max: “Our main source of power generation is Tritium fusion. Tritium, or Hydrogen-3, is a radioactive isotope of Hydrogen. It’s formed when cosmic rays interact with Laniatus’ atmosphere.” Doog: “You collect this Tritium from Laniatus?” Max: “Yes, but we’ll get to that in a bit. Because of its radioactivity, Tritium is not a popular fusion fuel. Some call it dirty fusion, mostly because of its byproduct.” Doog: “I’ve been involved in a few dirty fusions if you know what I mean.” Max: “Uh, yeah. Sure. Anyway…  Max: “The extremely radioactive byproduct of Tritium fusion turns off most people from using it. However, we thought up a convenient disposal method that also solves our collection issue. Come with me.”  Doog: “Oh man, this is trippy.” Max: “Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to use gravity lifts and we have smooth transitions like this.” Doog: “I feel like this is some sort of high-tech fun house.”  Max: “Be careful not to venture too close to those stairs on your left. If you get caught up in that gravity system, you’ll be face planting down a set of stairs.” Doog: “You never have to tell me twice to stay away from stairs. Although, seeing a stair ascension in my future. Serious injury may be preferable.”  Doog: “Where are we now?” Max: “This is the Firing Center. In order to dispose of the spent Tritium, we load it into a rocket and fire it into Laniatus.” Doog: “You’re just dropping radioactive material on a planet?” Max: “Why not? Like most large gas planets, Laniatus’ is already radioactive. We’re just adding to it. Besides, it’s not like anyone lives there.”  Max: “The rockets detonate in planet’s atmosphere which forces large amounts of gas off the planet and into orbit. We then mine this gas for Tritium.”  Doog: “Whoa. Whoa. I’m not comfortable being around radioactive bombs.” Max: “Relax. These rockets aren’t radioactive. We also dispose other unwanted materials: shredded documents, biological waste, classified materials, et cetera. Once fired into the gas giant, they can never be retrieved from its crushing, irradiated depth. It’s the safest way to dispose of anything.” Doog: “Uh, do you do personal computers? My browsing history may need to rest in the irretrievable depths upon my death.” Max: “Uh sure…”  Max: “Tritium fusion might be dirty power, but we make up for it in our other power generating method. It’s clean and renewable. To better understand this method, we’ll head to the Ring Wave Center.”  Max: “As you are aware, Laniatus has a ring system. But, I bet you didn’t know that we can generate power with it.” Doog: “No, I didn’t. How does that work?”  Max: “Laniatus A is the innermost item in the ring. As it circles the planet, its weak gravitation pull has an effect on the ring. It pulls the bodies forward as it passes, and then, Laniatus pulls the bodies back when the moonlet leaves. This creates little waves or ripples in the ring. The resonance of the system’s other moons enhance this ripple effect.”  Max: “This process has been going on for centuries. The frequencies of these waves are well documented and can now be predicted. We’ve since developed wave generators that take advantage of this process.” Doog: “How?” Max: “We’ll have to use some stock footage. You’re ill equipped to venture out and see it yourself.”  Max: “Any body in the ring of sufficient size has been fitted with a wave generator. The varying gravitational forces and wave motion turns the weighted wheel on the generator making power. The energy is stored in the generator until it can be collected.” Doog: “Seems easy enough. Say, if you have more stock footage, maybe I can head back to my ship and you can finish this show up yourself.” Max: “Sorry. I don’t think I do. Besides, we’re almost finished.”  Max: “Most of the energy we produce is stored in fuel cells and sold to the rest of the galaxy. The only thing left for us to do is to get the fuel cells up to the shipping hangar.” Doog: “How do we do that?”  Max: “Come this way.” Doog: “Is that another blue spot on the ground? Tell me we‘re not doing another gravity lift….”  Max: “Yep. It’s one of the longer lifts on the moonlet. We’re headed up a few thousand feet.” Doog: “Aw man. This is going to hurt.” Max: “Nah. This lift is only accelerating a meter a second. We’ll be fine. We have plenty of time for me to get you orientated. Just remember to bend your knees when we land to lessen the impact.”  Doog: “Well folks. Laniatus, its rings, and its moonlet are all important parts of the LIU. Both clean and dirty energy are generated here. Unwanted items are disposed of forever, never to be seen again. All this despite their crazy artificial gravity system. Well, I’m off to ice up my knees…and my face…and my pride. See ya!” Note: The Laniatus A Disposal System does not take live specimens. Please find alternative methods to dispose of annoying spouses or significant others. CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 9 - Udo Aer LIU Atlas - Emeritus There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. LIU Atlas - Emeritus The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.  Oldie: “Well boys, I know how stressful our tour of the Ferox Cluster was, and I…” Doog: “What! How was it stressful for you? You guys all stayed on the ship! Me and the hover camera did all the work!” Mike: “Hey, being crammed in here together for days on end wasn’t exactly easy Doog. Have you ever had to watch Oldie’s puppet show? His puppets are made from socks and dirty underwear.” Oldie: “Well, I’m not going to waste clean ones. Now, keep quiet! As I was saying, I know we’ve all been under a lot of stress. I figured we’d do our next show somewhere nice where we could get a little rest and relaxation. I searched nearby targets, and I found a little Resort World interesting enough for a show. Well…did you guys hear me? Hello…I expected that announcement to be followed with glee and applause.” Doog: “Oldie, you’ve failed us so many times. We’re not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing.” Mike: “Yeah. You say Resort World, but really it turns out to be a World of Last Resort or something. Everybody gets murdered.” Cam: “Yeah, or a Retort World. Everyone delivers snarky responses to everything you say.” Oldie: “Oh, come on guys. Just trust me…”  Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Resort World of Emeritus. Despite of our massive mistrust in Oldie, we’ve elected to come here for a show and a mini-vacation. Emeritus sports a planet-wide tropical climate with several warm seas. Oldie might be on to something here.”  Doog: “Alright Oldie, something isn’t adding up. Where are all the big resorts and hotels? All I see is mile after mile of single story housing. Also, there appears to be an above average amount of handicap parking.”  Mike: “Yeah, where are all the hot chicks? I haven’t seen anyone under the age of eighty.” Oldie: “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with GILF’s.” Doog: “Oldie, what are you not telling us?”  Oldie: “Well…Emeritus might be a…” Guy: “Get out of my parking spot you young punks!”  Doog: “Emeritus might be a what, Oldie?” Oldie: “It might be a Resort World…for retirees.” Doog: “What!?” Doc: “Yes, retirees, specifically retired veterans. Only those who serve a full career in the LIU’s military are allowed to live here. It’s a gift for their service.”  Doog: “Whoa. Where did you come from? You don’t look old to me.” Boko: “Well, that’s because I’m not. I’m Dr. Lynn Boko, Senescence Specialist here on Emeritus.” Doog: “Scent Specialist? Boy, do I have some questions for you. Our ship…” Boko: “No, senescence, or biological aging. I’m a specialist in caring for the elderly.” Doog: “So everyone here is old?” Boko: “Depends on what you mean by old, but generally all our residents are over the age of seventy.” Doog: “And they are all veterans?” Boko: “Yes. A full military career ensures you a spot here. Come, let me show you guys around.”  Boko: “Here on Emeritus, we are committed to giving veterans a healthy, safe, and stress-free life. They’ve earned it.” Doog: “What about those who serve only briefly?” Boko: “Military commitment in the LIU is for life. Those that leave early, are either dead or dishonorably discharged.” Doog: “What about disabled veterans?” Boko: “They are cared for on other planets. Most are returned to full strength through cybernetics and returned to full duty. Here, we only handle those that are removed from the military due to age.” Doog: “I see.”  Creepy: “How about one of you little boys come sit on grandpa’s lap!” Cam: “Uh, no thanks.”  Mike: “Check out this old chick. She’s got a sweet flame tattoo.” Lady: “It used to be a heart. Time is cruel.” Mike: “Oh…sorry.”  Boko: “Community areas like this allow the residents to interact socially and exercise.” Doog: “Exercise…what are you trying to do, kill them?”  Boko: “Community dining areas also offer a social setting for our guests. Not only can they enjoy healthy meals, but we also offer several games to keep the residents challenged. One such game, called Money, is popular among the residents. It’s similar to Bingo.” Doog: “Oh, I get it now.” Boko: “Excuse me?” Doog: “I was wondering where the profit was. I see it now. You rob these people of all the retirement savings through games like this.” Boko: “Uh, no. The veterans here are cared for by the state until they die at no cost. Some money is bet on games like this to increase their interest and to fulfill their competitive needs, but it is all returned at the conclusion of the game.” Doog: “Fine. But I’m not giving up. There’s some profit here somewhere.”  Doog: “Wait…is that…is that a buffet?” Boko: “Yes. This is our lunch buffet.” Doog: “Could we, perhaps, taste this buffet, you know, for reporting purposes?” Boko: “I don’t see a problem with that.”  Doog: “BUFFET FORMATION!!” Cam: “Get it boys!” Oldie: “Food!!” Boko: “Please gentlemen, settle down. No need to hurt anyone.” Mike: “I haven’t eaten in a week. There may be need to hurt!”  Doog: “What villainy is this?” Mike: “It’s…vegetables…” Boko: “Yes. Healthy, high fiber foods. Great for energy and digestive health.” Doog: “I’ve lost my appetite. Let’s continue.”  Boko: “Our medical facilities are top of the line.” Doog: “Aha, here’s the profit. Medical testing.” Boko: “Again, no. Our facilities are dedicated to keeping the residents healthy.”  Boko: “Our Health Bot scans residents to detect any vitamin deficiencies or health issues, and administers daily medications.”  Bot: “Hmm, I detect several deficiencies. I will administer a vitamin cocktail with your heart medication, Mr. Johnson. Be well.”  Boko: “Regardless of the preemptive measures we take, age eventually takes its toll, and residents succumb to more serious diseases. Our top medical staff corrects these issues with surgery and other medical procedures.”  Boko: “Despite our efforts, all residents eventually submit to the inevitable, death. They are given full military honors and then transported to the morgue.”  Doog: “This is a little morose, but…is this the profit? Do we have some sort of Soylent Green scenario here?” Boko: “Of course not!”  Boko: “The dead are stored until their genes can be retrieved then they are cremated.” Doog: “Until their genes are retrieved?” Boko: “Yes, all veterans make a genetic donation at the time of their death.”  Boko: “Medical Bots, begin retrieval on specimen #EME 4598312-78315.” Bot: “Confirmed.”  Doog: “Who was he? I don’t mean that specimen number either.” Boko: “Ryan Gray. Although frail and weak near the end of his life, he was once a formidable warrior. Gray spent twenty years as a mech pilot and served in several wars. His last years in the military were spent behind a desk, but important work none the less. He’s seen things you people would never believe…attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Gravor. He watched I-beams glitter in the dark near the Ferrariae Gate. All those moments will be lost in time…like tears…in…rain. Now he died.” Doog: “Blade Runner much?” Boko: “Ok, so I ripped off the speech, but the accomplishments are all true. He served the LIU in life, and now, he will serve in death..”  Doog: “How does one serve in death?” Boko: “Reanimation. We’re building a zombie army.” Doog: “Really?” Boko: “No, not really. I already told you. In death, he contributes his genes. He is a superior warrior. His genes will breed even greater warriors. Follow me.”  Doog: “We come to it at last…the profit.” Boko: “Profit…maybe. I think of it more as a perk. We care for these great soldiers that served the LIU. Our hard work is rewarded with genetic superiority.”  Boko: “Think about it. Military employees that last into such old age are doing something right. They’ve avoided being killed in several conflicts. They were one step faster than the next guy, one bit more accurate at shooting. Perhaps they just have a better mind for strategy and awareness.” Doog: “Perhaps they were just a bit more lucky. Or maybe they were in less dangerous missions.” Boko: “Indeed. There will be anomalies. They are taken into consideration.”  Boko: “Superior genes are taken from several subjects and combined to create a faster, stronger, smarter soldier. The Emeritus Cloning Project is the future of the LIU Military.” Doog: “Indeed. Well, we won’t keep you any longer. Thanks for the tour.” Boko: “No problem.”  Doog: “Well folks, Emeritus is an interesting place. Veterans that serve a full career with the LIU are allowed to retire in peace and harmony on this beautiful planet. They are cared for until their death, where once again, they are called on to serve the LIU. The genes of these exceptional individuals are being collected to construct even better soldiers for the future. Well, we’ve been given lodging for the night, so we’re going to take advantage of the little time we have left for a mini-vacation. See ya!” Note:  Mike: “We’re going to need to get hammered tonight.” Doog: “Cheers to extremely lowered standards and bad decisions.” CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 8 - Laniatus |
