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Season 3 - Episode 7 - Alucinor

8/11/2015

LIU Atlas - Alucinor

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Alucinor

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance "Doog” McDoogal. After a series of interruptions, we’ve finally reached our intended destination, a Agricultural World called Alucinor. Alucinor is a warm, tropical planet deep in the Outer Rim.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off near a small home deep in Alucinor’s tropical zone. My guide, one of the few locals that speaks basic, is supposed to meet me here. Right now, all I see is this cow. Are you my guide?”
Cow: “Moo.”
Doog: “Agreed. It is hot here…”
Wirriam: “Doog, over here. I’m your guide.”

Doog: “Ah, good. I was hoping the cow wasn’t my guide - a few hours with that guy, and I was guaranteed to accidentally poke my eye out.”

Wirriam: “Welcome to Alucinor, Doog. I am Wirriam.”
Doog: “What are you doing? Is there something on my shoes? There are a lot of cows around here you know.”
Wirriam: “No. Here, it is customary to bow to show respect.”
Doog: “Well, whenever you’re finished, let me know. Then, we’ll get this show on the road.”

Doog: “So what can you tell me about Alucinor?”
Wirriam: “Well, as you’ve heard, Alucinor is an Agricultural Planet. Our warm climate and ample water supply allow us to grow many different types of crops. Of course, we used to grow only what we needed, but now that we are part of the LIU, we use most of our land to grow excess crops for profit.”
Doog: “I’ve heard that same old sob story a time or two. So, what’s on the agenda?”

Wirriam: “Well, I figured we‘d head into town. Maybe see some of our agriculture on the way.”
Doog: “Sounds like a blast. I’m guessing that these cows are part of said agriculture?”
Wirriam: “No. The cows are strictly beasts of burden. Although the Alucinorian Cow is larger than most cows, their bodies yield little usable meat, and the meat that can be gathered isn’t very tasty.”

Wirriam: “This path leads to one of our city centers. Along the road, you’ll see some of our various forms of agriculture, such as cotton, bamboo, and herbs.”

Wirriam: “None of these are our primary crop, but they are still an important part of Alucinor’s profitable agricultural system.”

Doog: “Ooh, this should be an interesting insight into some of Alucinor’s culture. Who has the right of way on roads, people or cows?”
Wirriam: “Surely there are greater cultural insights into Alucinor, but if you must know, I generally yield to the thousand pound, sharp horned cows. You are more than welcome to challenge this cultural phenomenon.”
Doog: “Nah, I’m feeling too lazy today. Let’s just let them pass.”

Doog: “I think I’ve seen enough agriculture for now. Let’s check out the town.”

Wirriam: “The towns of Alucinor have few residents. Most Alucinorians, to save time and energy, live close to the fields that they tend. These towns have a few shops and stores, but they mostly serve as a communal gathering place.”

Doog: “Do these ’communal gathering places’ have anything worth checking out? You know, like brothels or massage parlors?”
Wirriam: “No! These gathering places are more devoted to spiritual interaction, such as the red temple to your left.”
Doog: “Hey, I’ve had spiritual interactions at brothels. This one time, this chick was dressed like a n…, ah forget it. Let’s move on.”

Wirriam: “This gate, at the end of town, leads to one of Alucinor’s most sacred, and profitable, areas - the flower fields.”
Doog: “Ah man, I thought we were done with agriculture…”

Wirriam: “Here, we grow our primary crop, the Alucinor Opioid Flower.”
Doog: “I guess you guys make a lot of money on Valentine’s and Mother’s Day.”
Wirriam: “No. No. The Opioid Flower, also known as the Silly Lily, is not for decorative purposes. Its pedals contain a strong, narcotic chemical that is used as a pain killer. My people use the flowers for spiritual purposes, but the LIU processes the chemicals to make prescription drugs.”
Doog: “It looks like things just got a bit more interesting…”

Wirriam: “The flowers, which require waist deep water to grow, originated in the wet swamplands of Alucinor’s southern hemisphere. The limited space in the southern swamps hampered production, and we could not grow enough flowers to meet the LIU’s demand. To increase production, we’ve created millions of artificial pools, like these, across much of the planet.”

Wirriam: “The flowers are too delicate to be processed by machinery and must be picked by hand.”

Doog: “You were saying something about spiritual use earlier. Maybe we should check that out?”
Wirriam: “You didn’t seem so interested in our temples and spiritual endeavors earlier. Why the change of heart?”
Doog: “What? Of course I was interested.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve talked Wirriam into returning to the town’s temple. It’s time to see what the Alucinor culture is all about. I’ve never been so interested in my life.”

Wirriam: “Have a seat.”
Doog: “Let’s get this party started.”
Wirriam: “Shhh. This is a time of reflection. Seek your inner self.”
Doog: “Yeah, but when do we get…”
Wirriam: “Shhh.”
Doog: “How long do I…”
Wirriam: “Shhh.”
Doog: “But…”
Wirriam: “Shhh!”

Wirriam: “The route to one’s inner-self is often barricaded by fear and worries. The flower will aid you in bypassing these road blocks. Take the Sacred Scepter.”
Doog: “No explanation needed. I’ve handled a sacred scepter or two in my lifetime.”

Wirriam: “This flower, while small and delicate, contains the key to one’s mind. Its subtle…”
Doog: “Less talking, more loading.”

Wirriam: “Its fiery destruction begets your new purposeful life. Inhale the secrets of self. Whoa! Not that much, Doog! You’re smoking the whole thing!”

Doog: “Holy @&$%, that’s some strong stuff. Well folks, Alucinor is a great place. One might even say wonderful. Hehe, wond…wond…wond…woooon… What a great word. Wond…won…won…hehehe.”

Note:

Doog: “Hehehehe. Hehehehe. Hehehehe.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 8 - Trahaxi

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Season 3 - Episode 6 - Fovea

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Fovea

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Fovea

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. As you know, my crew and I recently survived a raid by some vicious Space Pirates. Unfortunately, the Magellan did not fare as well as we did. The pirates stole most of her fuel cells. We used the little energy we had left to come to the planet Fovea, one of the LIU Galaxy’s largest producers of fuel cells. Why go to a store when you can go right to the source?”

Doog: “Fovea is an arid wasteland with few landmarks and almost no signs of life. Its surface is dotted with large sinkholes.”

Doog: “The first signs of civilization come into view as our ship flies over one of these large sinkholes.”

Doog: “As you can see, the bottom of the sinkhole is covered in a large green lake.”

Doog: “As we circle down the sinkhole, one of Fovea’s service stations comes into view. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we parked the Magellan, and the repairs are underway. Unfortunately, it’s going to take most of the treasure we stole to pay for these new fuel cells. Even worse, the repairs could take several hours. So, we’re going to be stuck here for a while. To pass the time, I’ve decided to do another impromptu episode. All I need is a guide…”

Doog: “Excuse me? Does anyone here want to be my guide?”
Guard: “Anyone that talks to the human gets forty lashes!”
Doog: “Hey, what’s your problem?”

Piger: “Perhaps I could be of assistance?”
Doog: “Who are you?”
Piger: “What do you mean, ‘who am I’? I’m Piger, High Archon of the Fovean Consortium.”
Doog: “The what?”
Piger: “Good heavens man, don’t you do any research before you come to a planet?”
Doog: “Generally, my research is limited to finding out whether or not I can breathe there.”
Piger: “Sigh. The Fovean Consortium is an union of this planet’s two sentient species, the Rego and the Proles. My race, the Rego, evolved in a separate sinkhole than…”

Piger: “…the Proles. Of course, my race was the first to develop technology, emerge from our hole, and explore this planet. When we eventually discovered the Proles, we took their primitive species under our care. Now, they serve as the worker class for our society.”
Doog: “So in other words, you enslaved them?”
Piger: “What! Of course not. We simply harnessed their natural abilities. The Proles are extremely efficient workers; they just lack the necessary motivation and intelligence to succeed. If it wasn‘t for us, they‘d still be living in caves.”
Doog: “I guess. Well, I was wondering if you could show me around your operation?”
Piger: “Normally, I’d say no, but I’m going to make an exception for you.”
Doog: “Because I’m famous?”
Piger: “What? No! Because I want to convince you that this consortium is not as bad as you think it is.”

Piger: “If you want to see our operation, it’s better to start from the bottom up. Try to keep up.”
Doog: “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises, especially if there are stairs involved.”

Doog: “Ew, it smells like my grandma’s house down here, and that isn’t a compliment. Where are we?”

Piger: “We are on the bottom of the sinkhole, which is home to a large green lake. This is true of all Fovea’s sinkholes. These lakes get their color from the algae growing within it. This algae, unique to Fovea, catalyzes the rock into energy. Over the course of millions of years, the algae and its eating habits have created these large sinkholes.”
Doog: “And what does this have to do with fuel cells? Please tell me and my olfactory senses that we came down here for a reason.”

Piger: “Have some patience, I’m getting to it. As the algae ate its way farther and farther down the sinkhole, less and less sunlight became available. Now, at this depth, the algae only receives direct sunlight a few times every year. To
overcome this critical lack of sunlight, the algae developed an unique body structure that maximizes the amount of energy it can store. We realized early in our studies, that this structure would be useful in fuel cells.”
Doog: “So…fuel cells are made of algae?”
Piger: “Fovean Fuel Cells are, although, there are other methods. As you can see, the algae water is pumped from the lake into our facility. You will also notice, that none of the Proles are required in this step of production. This part is run entirely by my race and our technology.”
Doog: “Your race is responsible for sucking the algae up into the facility?”
Piger: “Exactly.”
Doog: “So, it’s safe to say, you guys specialize in sucking.”
Piger: “I will not justify that statement with a response. Come on, let’s head to the next step in production.”

Doog: “And I thought it couldn’t smell any worse. It sort of burns too.”
Piger: “Yes, one of the byproducts of production is a noxious gas. It smells pretty unpleasant, but it doesn’t really cause any harm to healthy adults. There are minor risks for the children, the elderly, and the sick. As you can see, a ventilation system removes most of the gas.”
Doog: “What was that? I was gagging too much to hear you. You know what, let’s just make this quick. What’s going on here?”

Piger: “The algae, drawn in from the sinkhole, is placed in a growth chamber directly below us. When the sunlight starved algae is given ample energy, it reproduces quickly. This allows us to take less algae from the crater. If we took too much, we would eventually run out of algae. The algae is then pumped into the tank to your right - the viewers’ left - where it floats to the top of the tank. Water, which settles to the bottom of the tank, is drawn out and used to meet the facility’s water demands. The algae is pumped up to the next stage of production.”
Doog: “Hurry, let’s go.”

Piger: “The final step involves mixing the algae with classified gelling agent, which turns the algae yellow. You didn’t think we’d give away all our secrets, did you?”
Doog: “Honestly, I wish you would have just said the whole thing was classified and saved us a little time.”
Piger: “Uh, yeah. So where was I? Ah, the gelled algae is then pumped into preformed glass containers.”

Piger: “A Prole worker hammers a lid on, and we have a finished Fovean Fuel Cell.”
Doog: “That’s great and all, but you haven’t really shown me anything to ease my concerns for the Proles. You guys handle the ‘sucking’ which requires zero work, while the Proles do everything else, including working in that awful smell chamber.”
Piger: “Hey, we have some guys in smell…I mean, growth chamber too.”
Doog: “Yeah, the guys whipping the Proles. Not exactly a great argument.”
Piger: “Hmm, you have a valid concern. I guess we could visit the Prole living quarters, and I could show you how well we treat them.”
Doog: “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Piger: “The Prole living quarters are just down this hall, beyond this energy shield.”
Doog: “That proves it right there - you guys keep them behind shields!”
Piger: “No! These shields are a safety measure to stop the noxious gas from spreading through the facility. Biological life forms can pass through with ease, but the gas is stopped. They are located all over the facility. We’ve been walking through them all day.”
Doog: “So you say…”

Doog: “If the shields are just a safety measure, then you wouldn’t mind if I do this…”
Piger: “Doog! That’s the emergency shut-off button! I do mind! That will turn off all the shields in the facility!”

Doog: “FREEEEDOOOOM!”
Prole: “What is up with this weirdo, Piger?”
Doog: “Didn’t you hear me Prole? You’re free!”
Prole: “Free from what?”
Doog: “Uh…I may have been mistaken…never mind.”
Piger: “You idiot! It will take hours to get the shields back up. There is probably gas coursing through the facility as we speak.”
Doog: “Well, you said it only affected the young, elderly, and sick. As long as it doesn’t get to any of them…”

Computer: “Warning, elevated gas levels detected. Please evacuate the following areas…”
Doog: “Please… please don’t let it be any dangerous areas”
Computer: “…the Retirement Center…”
Doog: “Oh man!”
Computer: “…the Hospital Wing…”
Doog: “Oh crap!”
Computer: “…the nursery…”
Doog: “Oh $&@#!”

Piger: “Fifty lashes for the idiot!”
Doog: “Well folks, I’ve got to run! Fovea is an important part of the LIU. Their methods and social structure may seem odd, but apparently it works out for both sides. If anything, I’ve proven today that the two races can be brought together to face adversity or, at the very least, to beat TV hosts. I hope my ship is ready, or this is going to be painful.”

Note: Doog’s ship was ready, but he passed out from exhaustion after about twenty yards of running and received his beating.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 7 - Alucinor

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Season 3 - Episode 5 - Pirata Nebula

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Pirata Nebula

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Pirata Nebula

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:

Mike: “Seriously Doog, we need to get you to a psychiatrist. The whole carry the microphone around at all times thing is starting to freak me out. And why do you have the Hover Camera out?”
Doog: “What? Oh, this. Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. I figured I’d film some behind the scenes stuff - maybe draw on Oldie’s face while he’s sleeping or something. Why are you still awake?”
Mike: “Well, we only have two beds, and both are currently occupied. Besides, I have a lot of work to do. I’m trying to plot a course to our next destination, some Agricultural World in the deep outer rim. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of hyperspace routes out here, so I’m having some difficulties. This large nebula isn’t really helping either. We can’t jump more than a few miles in any direction.”
Doog: “Don’t get too worked up over it. We’re in no hurry to get to another Agricultural Planet. “

Computer: “Warning! Warning!“
Doog: “Whoa, what’s going on computer?”
Computer: “Unknown. This is not an automated warning. A distress beacon has been manually activated in the Magellan’s cockpit.“
Doog: “Hugo! Man, this guys been crying for attention ever since we forgot about him on Mercor. Mike, head up to the cockpit and make sure Hugo doesn’t do anything crazy, like eject. I’ll get on the com and talk to him.”

Doog: “Look Hugo, we said we're sorry. Stop messing around with the distress beacon. Over.”
Hugo: “It has nothing to do with that Doog. We have a ship approaching. Over.”
Doog: “Oh no! A ship in outer space! How rare! Maybe you see a star too? Or a planet? Seriously, we see ships all the time. Just flip them the bird and continue on. Over.”
Hugo: “I can’t. There’s something strange about this ship. It isn’t broadcasting a transponder code. Over.”
Doog: “Wait…no transponder code? That could mean only one thing! It’s the Space Police!”

Doog: “Hurry! Flush the stuff! Put your seatbelts on!”

Hugo: “Uh Doog, I don’t think it’s the Space Police. Not unless they started strapping skeletons to their ship’s hulls.”
Doog: “Aw crap! There is another group of ships that don’t use transponder codes…Space Pirates!”

Hugo: “They’re coming along side of us. I can’t shake them - they’re too fast!”
Doog: “Jump the ship Hugo! We could outrun them in hyperspace.”
Hugo: “We can’t just do a random jump, Doog. Mike hasn’t plotted a course yet. We could end up in the middle of a tar or planet!”
Doog: “If we don’t jump, we’re going to end up in the middle of a Space Pirate. I hear they eat people!”
Hugo: “They’re firing!”
Doog: “Wow, they sure are bad at shooting. Their shots aren’t even coming close, not that I’m complaining or anything.”
Hugo: “It’s almost like they are trying to miss. Like they’re herding us towards something…”
Doog: “Yeah, but what?”

Doog: “What’s that? A giant Death Ring or something? Go around it!”
Hugo: “I can’t! If I turn, they are going to shoot us. Besides, I don’t think that’s a Death Ring - I think that’s an Electro-Net. It’s designed to short out our ship. They probably plan on taking us alive…”
Doog: “Turn into the gunfire Hugo! I rather die fast!”

Doog: “You wuss! You flew right into it!”
Hugo: “Sorry Doog. I figured that as long as we are alive, we still have a chance.”
Doog: “Yeah, a chance to be brutally raped and tortured before we die. Thanks Hugo.”
Hugo: “Let’s not lose our heads. Let’s see…it appears we’ve lost most systems. The back-up life support system still appears to be working, but that’s about it.”
CLINK
Doog: “What was that?”
Hugo: “It looks like they’re firing grappling hooks. They are probably going to tow us into their base on the Electro-Net.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve been taken aboard the Electro-Net. As of right now, we don’t have any footage coming in, but I was able to keep a hold of my microphone. As of now, there has not been any raping or murdering…”

One hour later…

Doog: “Hover Camera? Is that you? It is! You found me! I knew you wouldn’t leave me. Come open this door, boy.”
Cam: “Uh…Doog, the Hover Camera can’t hear you or open any doors. The only reason it found us is because we installed a tracking chip in your arm. The Hover Camera is designed to follow the chip.”
Doog: “Hmm, there goes my plan. Wait. Be quiet. I hear some pirates coming.”

Captain: “Arr! Don‘t just stand there you Scallywag, give me a status report.”
Pirate: “Capt’n Jolly Doom, sir, there be no treasures on this ship. Their transponder lies like a wench. This isn’t a cargo vessel. All we looted was some tennis rackets and a toilet seat cover. We were able to take some of the ships nicer parts though, like their fuel cells.”
Captain: “Arr, and what of these Landlubbers?”
Pirate: “There not be much to them sir. A few credits and an old microphone, but that scurvy dog wouldn’t give it up. They be of little worth, in my opinion.”
Captain: “Arr. Tis a shame. Go ahead and kill them.”

Doog: “Wait! We are valuable. I’m Doog, host of LIU Atlas. TV2 would pay a hefty sum for me. I’m not sure about these other guys though.”
Crew: “Doog!”

Captain: “Arr, that’s where I know ye from. I knew you looked familiar. We watch your show all the time. It be a great scouting report for our raids.”
Doog: “See? You can’t kill us. You need us. Besides, I could do a show about you guys and get you all the infamy you deserve.”
Captain: “Arr, what do you think matey?”
Pirate: “Capt’n, sir, I say we cut off their scurvy heads.”
Captain: “Arr, I be likin’ that plan, but me pockets tell me they be worth more alive. Let them out. Let’s make a show.”

Doog: “Actually, I already have my microphone and Hover Camera. I don’t need the crew. They’ll just get in the way.”
Crew: “Doog!”
Captain: “Arr, I be likin’ that idea. That way, if you mess up or do something stupid, we kill your crew."
Mike: “Aw man, we’re dead.”

Doog: “Well, where should we start? What’s life like for a Space Pirate in the LIU Galaxy?”
Captain: “Arr, times be rough for us few remaining pirates. The LIU has killed many of me brethren. Arr, we battle them at every step, but we continue to be pushed farther and farther out into the outer rim. As you can see, I’ve left most of me body behind fightin’ them. Now, we’ve moved to our last stronghold, the Pirata Nebula.”
Doog: “And what do you guys do?”
Captain: “Arr, we be doing the normal pirate stuff - murderin’ and lootin’. Usually, we attack smaller cargo vessels that venture out here. Occasionally, we venture deeper into the galaxy and raid some planets.”

Doog: “Apparently, you’re not looting enough to afford an elevator…”

Captain: “Arr, this be our main chamber and me crew. They’re the most awful, ruthless group of Scallywags this galaxy has ever seen.”

Captain: “In between raids, we just relax here in the main chamber. Some of the guys pass the time playing Space Dominoes.”
Doog: “Ooh, can I play?”
Captain: “Arr, I don’t think that’s a good idea. The games get pretty serious and often deadly. I lose more men to Dominoes quarrels than I do to the LIU.”
Doog: “I think you’re right. Hey, I’ve noticed that every one of your men have at least one hook instead of a hand. What’s the deal with that?”

Captain: “Arr, it be a custom among me crew to sacrifice one hand. In the days of old, thieves and pirates often had their hands chopped off as a punishment. We honor them by doing the same. This new recruit won’t officially be a member until that hand gets sliced off.”
Doog: “Yeah, but here in the LIU, the penalty for theft is death. Shouldn’t you guys be killing yourselves or something, you know, to honor the thieves…”
Captain: “Arr, I haven’t thought of that. Although, it may be hard to get new recruits.”

Captain: “The main chamber also has some radars to track approaching cargo vessels.”
Doog: “What? Sorry, I was distracted by this huge pile of credits. You guys are rich!”
Captain: “Arr, we have plenty of booty. In fact, we have so much we could retire anytime we want, but most of us be here for the murderin’ more than the booty.”
Doog: “I see. Perhaps you could donate it to someone needy, like myself.”
Captain: Arr, you be a clever soul, Doog, but no.”

Captain: “You can’t have me treasure Doog, but I do have some booty that you can have. Bring in the wenches!”

Captain: “Arr, one of the perks of bein’ a pirate is the wenches. Go ahead, take your pick.”

Doog: “Uh…I’m not one to turn down any chicks, but these girls look a little too exotic for my tastes. I like to keep it in my own species.”
Captain: “Arr, well you be in luck, Doog. One of our oldest wenches is human. Someone bring in Betty!”

Doog: “I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I think this one isn’t exotic enough.”

Captain: “Arrrr, we have a hit on the radar! Get up you scallywags, we have some plunderin’ to do!”
Doog: “I think I’ll just stay here and guard the treasure.”
Captain: “Arr, I think me treasure will be just fine on its own. Let’s go!”

Captain: “Well Doog, I guess I’ll leave you here. Raids be no place for a Landlubber. I’ve left your ship in the adjacent hangar. It’s mostly intact, but we did take most of your fuel cells. And don’t even think about going to the police, I’ve erased the coordinates of me Electro-Net from your ship’s computer.”
Doog: “What about my crew?”
Captain: “Arr, you can let them out yourself. I don’t have time. And ya best stay away from me treasure or I will hunt you down!”
Doog: “See ya.”

Doog: “Well folks, somehow we survived an encounter with ruthless Space Pirates. Captain Jolly Doom and his crew may not be an important part of the LIU, but they do make things more interesting. Well, I’m going to let the crew out. I can’t carry the treasure out by myself. See ya next time!”

Note: Any information that leads to the arrest of Jolly Doom and his gang would be greatly appreciated, but no, there isn’t a reward.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 6 - Fovea

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Season 3 - Episode 4 - Mercor

8/11/2015

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LIU Atlas - Mercor

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Mercor

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Traditionally, we try to show you viewers some of the LIU’s more obscure worlds, but today, we’re breaking the mold. Today, we’re visiting one of the LIU’s most important and well known planets, Mercor. Mercor is one of the LIU’s fourteen Ecumenopoli, or planet-wide cities. It sports a population close to one trillion people. More importantly, Mercor sits at the intersection of seven of the LIU Galaxy’s major hyperspace routes, including the Corcot Run which leads to Ludgonia. This prime position has turned Mercor into the galaxy’s trading hub. As you can see, a massive artificial ring was built around Mercor to serve as a docking station. All ships visiting Mercor are required to land on the docking ring. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “Well folks, my crew and I have made it through three episodes of LIU Atlas without any major costs, like last year’s dream mech incident, and we’ve decided to spend some of our well earned money. The only thing standing between us and pure, unadulterated capitalism is this hydraulic cargo lift.”
Crew: “Yeah!”
Oldie: “I‘m going to buy a pony!”

Doog: “Hmm, I expected it to be a bit more…I don’t know, busy? Where’s all the stuff? Where’s all the people? This planet looks dead.”
Oldie: “I think we’re still in the docking ring, Doog.”
Doog: “What! What about this elevator we just took down?”
Oldie: “It took us down one floor from the parking hangar to what appears to be a cargo bay.”
Mike: “Yeah, we went down like twelve feet. The surface is hundreds of miles down below. I won’t even mention the fact that this lift isn’t pressurized, and we’d all be dead if it went to the surface.”
Doog: “Yeah, of course. I knew that. I was just testing you guys. So, uh, where do we go now? Wait, there’s a sign.”

Doog: “Let’s see. Fuel, Elevator, or Cargo. Which one is it going to be?”
Oldie: “Ooh, I pick fuel! I’m starving and I could use food to fuel up.”
Doog: “Are you sure that’s what that means old man?”
Mike: “Nah, forget the fuel. I’m starving too. Let’s hit up the cargo. I think that means cooked snails.”
Doog: “Hmm. I’m not a fan of snails, but I could use some food too. What’s it going to be?”
Bickering
Doog: “For the love of the Emperor, someone pick something soon. The sign clearly says no loitering!”

Doog: “Holy…Kaadu…nobody make any sudden movements. Slowly back onto the lift. Don’t look it in its eyes.”
Alien: “Hello there.”
Doog: “Oh @#$&! It talks. We’re screwed.”
Alien: “Hmm, strange, yes? There must have been a mix up, yes?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. A mix up. You don’t want to eat us. You want the snails down the hall.”
Alien: “Hmm, what? No, no. Your ship‘s transponder indicates that it is a cargo vessel, but I see now that isn’t true. It is passenger vessel, yes?”
Doog: “Yes?”
Alien: “Hmm, you shouldn’t have been sent here. We apologize for the mix up. I will guide you to the passenger section. By the way, my name is Grunxkar Gjili Gunda. I’m a dock worker. Hmm, my normal job is loading cargo, but today I will help you, yes?”
Doog: “Uh, sure.”

Doog: “Wow, it sure is packed in here. Isn‘t it Gru…na…jil, blah, forget it…”
Grunx: “Hmm, yes. The Mercor Docking Ring handles millions of arrivals and departures everyday.”
Doog: “Hey, uh, Grunx, use those giant eye stalks of yours to see how long this line is.”
Grunx: “Hmm, it appears the line goes several hundred feet forward before turning around down another hall. I can’t see the end, yes?”
Doog: “No. I don’t like this. What if we get separated?”

Mike: “We could hold hands or something?”
Doog: “What! What kind of weirdo are you? We’re not holding hands.”
Mike: “Ooh, I got it! Let’s do the buddy system. I call Oldie!”
Doog: “I call…”
Cam: “I call Timbo!”
Doog: “Dang it! Who am I going to be buddies with? I’ve been saying that we needed a sixth crew member.”
Grunx: “You could be my buddy Doog.”
Doog: “Eww, no way. I’d rather get lost.”

Grunx: “Well, this is as far as I can take you, yes? This is the Mercor Docking Ring’s Immigration and Customs checkpoint. All visitors are scrutinized very closely to stop any unwanted or dangerous guests. I must return to work. Please see the customs agent to continue.”
Doog: “Thanks. Sorry about the whole buddy thing - it’s just that you look kind of scary…and gross. I hope you understand.”
Grunx: “Hmm…”

Customs: “Welcome to Mercor. Please place your Citizen Identification Chip under the scanner. Ah, thank you. Welcome Mr. McDoogal. Before you are allowed to enter, I have a few questions you must answer.”
Doog: “Aw man, I never did too well with tests.”
Customs: “First, have you ever been convicted of a crime or served a prison sentence?”
Doog: “Uh…no?”
Customs: “Alright, have you recently been exposed to radiation or a highly communicable disease?”
Doog: “Uh…no?”

Customs: “Are you aware that I watch your show Mr. McDoogal, and I know that you have lied on every question?”
Doog: “Uh…no? I mean…you watch my show huh? Maybe I could interest you in a behind the scenes episode, if you know what I mean.”
Customs: “Hardly. Regardless of spotty past, you’ve been approved for entry into Mercor. Please make your way to the Full Body Scanner.”
Doog: “Oh no, I don’t do the scanner. Only a select few get to see this body.”
Customs: “We respect your wishes Mr. McDoogal. However, if you decline the scanner, you will have to submit to a cavity check.”
Doog: “Oh, you’re into the weird stuff huh? Well, usually I’d ask you to take me out to dinner first, but I’ll make an exception.”

Customs: “Oh, you must be confused. I don’t do the cavity checks. That’s Brute’s job. He’s very thorough. Very, very thorough.”
Doog: “I think I’ll just do the scan.”
Customs: “Good decision. Have a nice stay.”

Doog: “How embarrassing! Everyone can see my bone.”
Mike: “You mean bones, right?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. Bones.”

Doog: “Well, we’ve finally reached the Docking Ring’s space elevators. That’s right, the Docking Ring has four large space elevators that lead to the surface, sort of like the one on Lacunar Urbs. Alright folks, I’ll see you on the surface.”

Mike: “Gee, it didn’t take long for this elevator to start to smelling like our ship.”
Doog: “Yeah, what is that? Someone check Oldie’s diaper and see if he needs a change.”
Oldie: “Once again, I don’t wear diapers!”
Cam: “Hehe.”
Mike: “Cam! Gross. What did you eat?”
Doog: “We still have seven minutes in this thing! We’re going to suffocate!”

Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve finally arrived at Mercor’s surface. We’re now outside the Space Elevator Station.”

Doog: “This particular station is much larger than the other three stations because it also houses the Mercor Division of LIU Cargo. Tons of cargo arrives and departs Mercor everyday. The building also has a scrolling marquee above the door that gives passengers traffic information before they return to their ships. It looks like the Corcot Run is experiencing delays. Hopefully our next destination won’t require its use.”

Mike: “Hey Doog, the crew and I were wondering if you could take our picture in front of the building. We want to remember our great times together.”
Doog: “Yeah, good idea. Let me find someone to take the photo so I can jump in.”
Mike: “Actually, we wanted one of just the crew. You’re always on camera Doog.”
Doog: “Oh yeah? I see how it is.”

Doog: “Just scoot a little bit to the left. No! My left, your right.”
Mike: “Make sure to get us in focus Doog.”
Doog: “Of course.”
Snap

Mike: “How did it turn out Doog?”
Doog: “Better than you ever imagined. I think we should hang it up on the ship’s wall. Now, if you’re done messing around, we have a show to shoot.”

Doog: “The station sits in the middle of one of Mercor’s many commercial zones. Here in the commercial zone, retail stores stretch for miles. Good lord, look at the one across the street. I can’t even see the end of it. What? Where was I? Oh yeah, these retail stores are stocked with products from across the galaxy.”

Doog: “Many of the stores of Mercor have an unique feature where consumers can purchase items directly from the store windows. It really take window shopping to an all new level. Since their inception, impulse buying has gone up 700%. Stores are great and all, but the real reason we came to Mercor is to visit…”

Doog: “…the Mercor Market. The market, also known as the Mercor Bazaar, the Mercor Mall, and in alien tongues as the Mercor Blah, Blah, Blah, is the largest open-air market in the LIU. Let’s head inside.”

Doog: “Millions of vendors from across the galaxy take hyperspace routes to Mercor to trade their wares.”

Doog: “Everything, from food to goods, can be found here. ‘If it exists, it’s on Mercor’ is a popular saying amongst the locals.”

Doog: “Security is pretty tight on the docking ring, but some smuggled goods still make it through. Once the goods are through, they can be openly sold in the market. There are literally no restrictions on what can be sold here. It is a perfect place of Capitalism. This, of course, makes Mercor a popular spot for fencing stolen goods.”

Doog: “They say you can find anything here, but honestly, I’m having a hard time finding my way into the market. There has to a million people in here.”

Doog: “Hey Mike, remember that one time, when we ran out of food and almost starved to death?”
Mike: “Yeah, that was like a month ago.”
Doog: “Well, I was thinking…don’t give me that look. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe you should use your earnings to buy us some more food. Just to be safe.”
Mike: “What! Why should I use my credits? Besides, parrots and scorpions give me gas.”

Mike: “Maybe you could use your share to buy a new microphone. It would make my job as audio-man easier.”
Doog: “What! Why should I use my earnings to make your job easier? Besides, what’s wrong with my microphone. Sure, it’s big and ugly, but so is your mom, and you still love her.”
Mike: “Sorry, I thought you wanted something more smooth and round, like your mom.”
Doog: “That’s it. I think we should separate and pick out our own stuff.”
Mike: “What about the buddy system?”
Doog: “@#&% the buddy system. I’ll meet you back at the ship.”

Doog: “Well folks, we spent so much time in the docking ring and market that we didn’t really get to see much of Mercor. Maybe one day we’ll come back to see a bit more. I’m sure we’ll pass Mercor several times as we traverse the galaxy. Hopefully, you were able to get a grasp on the importance of Mercor. So, Mike, what did you get?”
Mike: “I got a tennis racket and a brush. The best part is, I found the brush. It didn’t even cost me anything.”
Doog: “Nice! All I got was this toilet seat. No more sharing butt germs with you losers.”
Mike: “Nice!”

Oldie: “Pretty bird. Pretty bird.”
Mike: “Don’t tell me Oldie thought those parrots were alive!”
Doog: “Ooh, don’t tell him yet. Wait until we leave. We might need some lunch.”

Note:
Hugo: “Sniff. Sniff. I couldn’t help but to hear you say you needed a sixth crew member. What about me? Aren’t I a crew member? Don’t I ever get to go on any adventures?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 5 - Pirata Nebula

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Season 3 - Episode 3 - Lazaretto Station

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Lazaretto Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Lazaretto Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. My crew and I have elected to make an impromptu stop at this medical station to treat my radiation poisoning. The station, which is orbiting a small planet called Aeger, is not in the Magellan’s Navigational Computer, leading us to believe that the station is actually mobile. We were lead to this station by it’s sub-space beacon. The beacon is broadcasting a message calling itself the Lazaretto Station.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’m in sort of a predicament. The LIU only provides me healthcare if I am currently employed. Unfortunately, my contract specifically states that I am not employed in between episodes, something about me being a liability. So, in order to get seen by a doctor today, we’re going to have to shoot an episode here.”

Doog: “I’m sure there are a lot of interesting things to see in a hospital. Oh, look over there. The people here seem to be utilizing some kind of chair to get around. What an interesting culture!”
Off Camera: whispers “That’s a wheelchair Doog!”
Doog: “Oh…”

Patch: “You look like you need some help. I’m Dr. Patch. What can I do for you today?”
Doog: “Well doc, I’ve been feeling a little…”
Patch: “Let me stop you right there. I can see the problem already.”
Doog: “What! Is it serious!”
Patch: “Hmm. Yes. Very Serious. It appears you have two eyes.”
Doog: “Oh no! What are we going to…wait a minute. Is that some sort of joke?”
Patch: “Yes, sorry. I’m just trying to lighten things up a little. They say laughter is the best medicine.”
Doog: “Haha. I think I feel better already. Wait, nope, still the same. Maybe we could try some real medicine now. I’m suffering from radiation poisoning.”

Patch: “Ah, I have a simple remedy for that. Just take two of these every six hours.”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t think I can swallow that. In fact, I‘m not even sure it will fit in my mouth.”
Patch: “Huh? No, no. It doesn’t go in your mouth.”
Doog: “What! I don’t think it will fit there either!”
Patch: “Go where? Oh, not there. This is a container. You open it up and take the pills out. You may have heard of it. Are you sure you didn’t suffer any brain damage?”
Doog: “Psst. I knew that.”
Patch: “Well, there you go. If you’re an employee, you can enter your employee number at the terminal over there. Otherwise, see the clerk to arrange payment.”
Doog: “Actually, I was wondering if you could help me with that. I need to shoot an episode here to be considered an employee. Could you show me around your hospital?”
Patch: “Sure, it’s not like I’m doing anything more important, like saving lives or something.”

Doog: “I realize hospitals are not that exciting, but try your best to make this interesting. It has to look like a real show.”
Patch: “That shouldn’t be a problem, especially since this isn’t a hospital.”
Doog: “Not a hospital?”
Patch: “Nope. The Lazaretto Station is a quarantine station. It should have been obvious by the markings on the station’s hull. The yellow and black checkered flag is the universal sign for quarantine. This station is placed in orbit around planets that are suffering from pandemics. In today’s interconnected universe, diseases can quickly spread across galaxies. Billions could die. Our job is to stop any pandemic from spreading off a single planet.”
Doog: “Sweet.”
Patch: “Yeah, I guess. Beyond these doors is the Level 1 quarantine zone. Want to head inside?”
Doog: “Do I want to head inside a disease filled room? Sure.”

Patch: “These guys are left over from our previous mission on the planet Profluvium. They are suffering from a nasty stomach parasite.”
Doog: “Are we at risk?”
Patch: “No. Level 1 patients pose little risk. These guys are infected with parasites that can only be passed through their feces. Unless you plan on devouring some excrement, we’re safe.”
Doog: “I don’t think we are going to have any problems there Patch.”

Patch: “Level 2 Quarantine poses a much higher risk of infection. This section has its own air and water supplies. In order to enter this section, we’ll need wear bio-hazard suits. I already have mine on. All I need is this helmet. You can find one in the closet over there. I’ll give you a few minutes.”

Patch: “Did you really have to get in the closet to change? I’m a doctor. I’ve seen the human body many times…Come on! What’s taking so long?”
Doog: “Just a minute doc. I’m almost ready.”
RIP RIP
Patch: “What is that sound? What are you doing in there?”

Doog: “Hold your horses, Doc. I just needed to make a few modifications. The Doogster does not like wearing sleeves.”
Patch: “Are you @$#&*#@ serious? You just ruined that suit. What part of highly infectious do you not understand? Go change, and for Kaadu’s sake, keep the sleeves on.”
Doog: “Geez, somebody’s got a bias against fashion.”

Doog: “Alright, I’m all ready.”
Patch: “Is everything intact this time? You didn’t suddenly feel the urge to wear rear-less chaps, did you?”
Doog: “Yes, everything is intact. Although, I don’t really see the point as long as our faces are exposed.”
Patch: “We’ll remedy that right now. Activate face force shield!”

Doog: “Seriously? A face force field?”
Patch: “Yes, the shield eradicates any biological material that touches it. Doog! Why are you trying to lick your shield? You‘re going to burn your tongue off”
Doog: “Sorry. The red looked kind of tasty.”
Patch: “That’s it. I’m scheduling you a MRI after this. You must have some sort of brain damage, if you even have a brain at all.”
Doog: “What happened to laughter being the best medicine?”

Patch: “Welcome to Level 2 quarantine.”
Doog: “Eww gross. What are those?”

Patch: “These unfortunate souls are infected with a newly mutated disease called Kaadu Flu. The flu takes its name from the reptilian skin condition it creates on its victims, sort of like Kaadu skin. The flu originated in a species called the Lues, but made the jump to humans here on the planet Aeger. It is important that we contain the virus here in the Lazaretto Station. If it escapes, millions could be infected.”

Patch: “The flu was quite mild in the Lues Species, but the mutated version is much more dangerous for humans, who have not developed the necessary antibodies to combat it. All we can do is bandage the sores and give them shots of pain killers.”
Doog: “Are you trying to develop a cure?”
Patch: “Yes, of course, but unfortunately, we’ve made little progress. These sick individuals will have to stay here until we find a cure, or they die. Either way, the mutated disease stops here.”

Doog: “Well folks, I think that about does it. Not a long episode, but an important one. We learned about the life saving duties of the Lazaretto Quarantine Station, and more importantly, I got free medical attention. See ya next time.”

Note:

Patch: “Hmm…I forgot to tell you to turn on the air supply to your suit. Whoops.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 4 - Mercor

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Season 3 - Episode 2 - Scruta

8/11/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Scruta

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Scruta

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting a highly polluted Industrial World called Scruta. As you can see, Scruta's sprawling industrial sector is so large that it is visible from space."

Doog: "All of Scruta's industries are run out of a large business tower that rests deep within the hazy industrial complex. A small lighthouse on its roof serves as a beacon, guiding visitors through the smog. That's where we are headed."

Doog: "I'm now in the business tower's lobby where I’m supposed to meet my guide. Today's guide is an Elite Citizen, so I have to remember to be on my best behavior. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see a hot secretary that requires my attention.”

Doog: “Hello there beautiful. I want to make an appointment…with your heart.”
Secretary: “Eww, get lost. I saw your last Behind the Scenes episode. You’re such a jerk.”
Doog: “What that? Hey, why are you reaching down towards the panic button?”
Elite: “That won’t be necessary Ms. Simmons. You must be Doog.”

Elite: “Good grief man…what are you wearing? Where are your sleeves?”
Doog: “What this? This is a racing shirt. Cool huh?”
Elite: “There’s no way I’m going to be seen in public with some vagabond. I tell you what, I’ll arrange for you to take my limo. You can quickly tour the planet and get out of here as soon as possible.”
Doog: “A limo? Does it come with chicks?”
Elite: “What! Of course not.”
Doog: “Well, I’m going to have to decline then. I’m a man of the people, sir. I prefer to get out there and get dirty with the workers. If you won’t take me, I humbly request another guide.”
Elite: “Oh thank goodness, I hoped you were going to say that. I wasn’t looking forward to replacing the seats in my limo. Hmm. I think I have just the guide, but first, I have a few documents for you to sign.”

Doog: “Documents?”
Elite: “Yes, we’re going to need you to sign a few waivers for liability purposes. I just need you to sign here, here, here, initial here, sign here, here, and here. There we go. That takes care of the first page.”

Three hours later

Elite: “Alright. It appears everything is in order now. This here is your guide, a Goorian named Clunis. Clunis is one of our safest workers. Last year, he went twenty seven days in between accidents, a Scrutan record.”
Doog: “Hello there.”
Clunis: “Scruta prae gaza, Doog.”
Doog: “What! This guy doesn’t even speak Basic!”
Elite: “Too late. You already signed the contract. Besides, Clunis’s breathing apparatus has a built-in translator. Here, let me turn it on.”
Clunis: “I. Am. Pleased. To. Make. Your. Friendship. Doog. Smile. Bright. Caterpillar.”
Doog: “What?”
Elite: “The translator is a work in progress. The syntax and vocabulary of our two languages are quite dissimilar. I have a feeling that you’ll make do.”
Doog: “Great…Let’s just get this over with.”

Doog: “Where are we Clunis? It looks like a factory for building ships.”
Clunis: “Opposite. In. Fact. The. Factories. Of. Scruta. Specialize. In. Salvaging. Old. Ships.”
Doog: “Wait. Let me get this right. You’re tearing them apart?”
Clunis: “Confirmed. Old. Ships. That. Have. No. More. Use. Are. Brought. Here. We. Deconstruct. Them. And. Salvage. Their. Parts.”

Clunis: “This. Ship. Used. To. Be. Sunshine. Light. Flies. Face. Left.”
Doog: “Wait. I think your translator is malfunctioning. Maybe if I just give it a slap, it will start working again.”
Clunis: “That. Is. Not. Necessary. Let. Me. Try. Again. - This. Ship. Was. Retired. When. Engines. Fail. Although. Worthless. As. Ship. There. Is. Still. Much. Worth. In. The. Parts.”
Doog: “Speaking of worthless, I wonder if I can find another guide.”

Clunis: “Plasma. Welder. Makes. Metal. Sad. Metal.”
Doog: “You make me sad metal, Clunis.”

Clunis: “Arranged. In. Parts…”
Doog: “Let me just cut you off there, Clunis. I think I can figure this out. They are cutting away the hull to expose the engine. They’re then removing the parts that still function and throwing them in this container thingy to our left.”

Clunis: “Smile. Bird. Takes. Singing. Leap.”
Doog: “Uh…yeah…sure thing.”

Doog: “Let’s move on Clunis.”

Clunis: “Larger. Capital. Ships. Can. Not. Land. On. Surface. And. Must. Be. Cut. Into. Smaller. Parts. With. A. Plasma. Cutter. Small. Sections. Easy. To. Land. They. Are. Also. Salvaged.”

Doog: “What is that guy doing? He’s detaching the floor stabilizers while workers are standing on the floor! If the floor falls, the workers and that plasma tank are going to fall too. Although it could be slightly funny, I’m afraid the plasma tank will explode. We need to stop him!”
Clunis: No. Worries. Crash. Good. My. Record. Safe.”
Doog: “Record safe, yes, but we’re not safe. Ah, just forget it. Let’s get out of here.”

Clunis: “We. Find. This. Junker. On. City. Outskirts. Little. Worth. But. We. Also. Salvage. It.”
Doog: “Yeah, what a piece of junk. Hey! Wait! That’s my ship!”

Doog: “Stop!”
Alien: “Scruta prae gaza!”
Doog: “What! Oh, forget it. I know you’ll understand this.”

Doog: “Clunis, tell them to stop. This is my ship!”
Clunis: “Are. You. Certain? Junker. Might. Be. Worth. More. In. Pieces. Maybe. One. Hundred. Credits.”
Doog: “Hmm. Does that come with any chicks?”
Clunis: “No. What. Is. Chicks?”
Doog: “Then the answer is no.”
Clunis: “Very. Well.”

Clunis: “The. Scrap. And. Salvaged. Parts. Are. Taken. Here. They. Are. Sorted. Pretty. Sorting.”

Clunis: “LIU. Space. Truck. Carry. The. Sorted. Parts. To. Other. Factory. Worlds. To. Be. Smelted. Or. Reused.”

Doog: Well, thankfully, that about wraps it up.”
Clunis: “Still. More.”
Doog: “Sigh.”

Clunis: “Many. Parts. Of. The Ships. Are. Too. Toxic. To. Be. Reused. Like. Depleted. Energy. Cells. Coolant. And. Fuel. It. Is. Taken. Here. To. Be. Stored.”
Doog: “Can we go inside?”

Clunis: “I. Do. Not. See. Any. Reason. Why. Not. There. Is. No. Indication. Of. Danger.”
Doog: “Agreed. Let’s head inside.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Clunis: “The. Toxic. And. Often. Radiated. Materials. Are. Stored. Here.”
Doog: “You’re just pouring them into the ground?”

Clunis: “Yes. Shiny. Metal. Containers. Are. Valuable. And. Can. Be. Salvaged. They. Would. Be. Wasted. Otherwise.”
Doog: “Seems a bit unsafe to me, but what do I know.”
Clunis: “Perhaps. The. Atmospheric. Pollution. Is. Probably. The. Result. Of. Toxic. Dump.”

Doog: “My eyes are kind of burning. Are you sure it is safe to be down here?”
Clunis: “Moderately. Safe. For. Me. My. Breathing. Apparatus. Filters. A. Lot. Of. The. Radiation.”
Doog: “What! What about me!”
Clunis: “Not. Safe. Shiny. Glowing. Organs. In. Future.”
Doog: “Shiny, glowing organs? I think your helmet is malfunctioning again.”
Clunis: “No. Your. Radiated. Organs. Probably. Are. Glowing.”
Doog: “Ahh! I have to get out of here.”

Doog: “Well folks, Scruta is a terrible, but important place. Millions of tons of metal, electronics, and parts are salvaged here every year. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give the secretary another shot before the radiation poisoning sets in. See ya!”

Note: Take advantage of the LIU’s Cash for Junkers Program. You give us cash, and we’ll take your old ships off your hands.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 3 - Lazaretto Station

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Season 3 - Episode 1 - Crepus Culum

8/11/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Crepus Culum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Crepus Culum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to Season #3 of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the planet Crepus Culum. Millions of years ago, Crepus Culum fell victim to its star's gravitational pull and became tidally locked. The side of Crepus Culum closest to its star is stuck in a brutally hot, never ending day, while its far side is stuck in a freezing, perpetual night. Only a thin band around the center of the planet, which is trapped in twilight, is habitable. That's where we're headed."

Doog: "Alright folks. I've been dropped off on a landing platform outside Crepus Culum's largest industry, the Wind Gen Corporation. This facility sits in the habitable zone a few hundred miles from the day side of the planet. Because it is closer to the day side, this particular section of the habitable zone is known as Dawnland. There is a steady warm breeze emanating from the day side."

Doog: "Ah, here comes my guide, the President of Wind-Gen Corp., Dr. Daniel Dewrum. Boy, he sure is tall."
Daniel: "Doog! What are you doing? Get over here by the hand rails!"

Doog: "Geez, settle down. I wasn't even that close to the edge. I know I have a reputation for getting into trouble, but there was no way I was falling off."
Daniel: "No, it's not that. Crepus Culum is one of the windiest planets in this galaxy. The planet has two conflicting hemispheres, one extremely hot and the other extremely cold. The atmosphere tries to achieve thermal equilibrium by transferring heat to the cold side. You could have been blown off the side. Speaking of which, where are your magnetic boots?"
Doog: "Magnetic boots?"
Daniel: "Yeah, they hold your feet onto the platform. Didn't you get my email?"

Doog: "Well, here's the thing, I get millions of fan emails everyday. The important stuff just gets lost."
Daniel: "Really?"
Doog: "No, fine. You're right. It's all spam. A guy clicks on one enlargement ad and his whole email account is ruined for life."
Daniel: "Wow, too much info. Anyway, my email specifically told you to bring some magnetic boots."
Doog: "Do you ever watch this show? I've faced some of the most dangerous conditions this universe has to offer. I think I can handle a little wind..."

Doog: "Ahhh! Daa! I...can...barely...hold...on...Ahhh!"

Daniel: "So what were you saying?"
Doog: "Could I borrow some magnetic boots please?"
Daniel: "That's what I thought. For right now, let's just head inside. There's no wind in there."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Daniel: "The Wind-Gen Corporation utilizes Crepus Culum's powerful winds to generate cheap energy. This renewable source of power can be very profitable, but it needs to be closely monitored. Idle wind turbines translate into idle bank accounts. We monitor the planet's weather and the wind turbines from these two rooms. First, let's visit the Wind Radar Lab."

Daniel: "Here, we closely study the weather conditions on Crepus Culum. After years of study, we were able to find patterns in the weather, and we were able to set up our wind turbines accordingly."

Daniel: "This here is our Digital Storm Tracker. As you can see, massive thunderstorms are created when the warm winds from the day side meet the moist air of Dawnland. These storms contain huge amounts of wind energy."
Doog: "Sweet. This game looks fun. So where do I plug the controller in?"
Daniel: "What? Weren't you listening?"
Doog: "Yeah, yeah, magnetic boots, blah, blah."

Daniel: "It looks like we have two powerful storms approaching zone #8. As, you can see on the screen to your right, the computer has predicted that the wind speeds will be well over two hundred miles per hour during the peak of the storm. Although currently, zone #8 has mild winds of 37 miles per hours coming out of the west."
Doog: "What are the wind speeds coming out of your mouth? Seriously, you've been talking non-stop. I can hardly get a word in. Maybe we could put a turbine on the front of your face."
Daniel: "Maybe we could put a turbine on your ear. Everything I say seems to be whistling right through your head."
Doog: "Ooh. Touché."

Daniel: "In the Wind Power Lab, we monitor our wind turbines. This particular work station is monitoring Turbine Sets A and B. Each set has roughly five hundred turbines. It looks like Set B is running at 100%, but Set A is only running at 97%. It's not perfect, but well within our operating parameters."
Doog: "And, as usual, your face turbine is running at 300%."
Daniel: "What was that? I could barely hear you over the whistling sound."

Daniel: "The turbines are positioned closer to the day side where the storms are their strongest. In order to get there, we'll have to take this tram. We used to fly there, but, well, flying things and strong winds don't mix."

Doog: "What are you doing? Let's get going!"
Daniel: "Sorry, I just can't remember where we put the door in this thing..."

Daniel: "As we get closer to the day side, the forests begin to dwindle. The higher heat and strong winds make it hard for the trees to survive. As you can see, the track is loaded with various weather instruments. These aid in our studies. Its safe to say that Crepus Culum's weather is the most studied in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "Speaking of weather, I was wondering whether or not to throw myself off the tram to end your never ending dialogue."
Daniel: "Wait, the train's whistling. We might be coming up on danger, oh wait, that's just your head."
Doog: "Oh, come on! You've used that one to death already."

Daniel: "We've finally arrived at one of our turbines."
Doog: "I can already tell the breeze is much stronger here."
Daniel: "Yes, but it is still quite mild. The storms have yet to arrive, so all we are getting now is an occasional gust. I see you have your magnetic boots on this time."
Doog: "Of course."

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! This gust is powerful! Why aren't my boots working?"
Daniel: "They are working Doog. Your feet are firmly attached to the walkway. In order to keep your upper bodupright, you have to flex your stomach muscles. It's sort of like doing a constant sit-up."
Doog: "Is this a bad time to bring the fact that I can't do a sit-up? In fact, the last time I did a sit-up was in the first grade when I miserably failed the Emperor's Fitness Test."
Daniel: "Actually, the wind gust stopped a few seconds ago."
Doog: "Yeah, but I don't have enough muscles to pull myself back an upright position. Just crop me out and go on without me."

Daniel: "Uh, sure. So, like I was saying, this is one of our wind turbines. The wind rotates the turbine which generates electricity. Here, let me pull you up. I don't know if I can stand here much longer with your pelvis thrusting outwards."

Daniel: "There is a small substation outside each turbine. The substation leads to an underground network that links all the turbines. Shall we head inside?"
Doog: "I don't know if that's a good idea. The warning on the door says to wear hard hats. I've found that neglecting to follow warnings usually ends up with me hurting."
Daniel: "What's going to hurt more, bumping your head or getting blown forward? You might be able to touch your toes for the first time."
Doog: "Your mouth wind will prevent that, but just in case, let's head inside."

Daniel: "These underground tunnels give safe passage between the turbines. Workers caught out during a storm can also seek shelter here. If you follow me, there's a charging station about a half mile down the tunnel."
Doog: "Half mile? Carry me..."

Daniel: "Each set of turbines has a small Charging Station like this. The electricity generated by the turbines must be stored or it will go to waste."

Daniel: "Energy cells, like this, are plugged into the charging ports behind us. The electricity is stored inside. It only takes about ten minutes to fully charge a Energy Cell, but they hold enough energy to power a small ship for a week."

Daniel: "The Energy Cells are then boxed up and shipped out across the universe."
Doog: "Can I hold it?"
Daniel: "Yes, but be very careful. If you drop it, and it breaks, we're all dead."

Doog: "You know, I'm not sure I like those odds. I'm just going to sit this baby down and slowly back away."
Daniel: "Be careful! Don't back up too far, you'll bump into the charging..."

Daniel: "...Station."
Doog: "Da...da..do...don't...w-w-worry a-a-about m-m-me... Thankssss, for for the ta-ta-tour."

Doog: "Well folks, minus the electrical shock and the torn abdomen muscles, Crepus Culum wasn't such a bad place. It's an important part of the LIU's energy sector. Well, I'm just going to wait here for my ride. Boy, it sure is breezy out here on the end of the platform. I can't help but to think I'm forgetting something. Oh well, see ya next time."

Note: Doog was later rescued from a tree top two miles away.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Episode 2 - Scruta

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Season 2 - Press Release - Doog Goes Back to Prison

8/10/2015

3 Comments

LIU Galaxy News - I

Find out what's happening in the LIU Galaxy.

LIU Galaxy News - I

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Narrator: “Welcome to the Ludgonian Industrial Union's TV2 Galaxy News.”

Spiffy: “Hello Folks! I’m Spiffy Thompson.”
Hotty: “And I’m Hotty McBabe.”
In Unison: “Welcome to Galaxy News!”

Spiffy: "Today's top story, the star Nitesco is doomed."

Spiffy: "Nitesco, long known to be reaching the final stages of its life, is expected to supernova later this week. The massive energy bursts resulting from this event will destroy the entire Nitesco Solar System. For more information on this explosive event, we turn to Field Reporter Kuti Pi. Kuti, what can you tell us about the Nitesco explosion?"

Kuti: "Hi Spiffy! I'm here on Nitesco's only inhabited planet, Fortido. Fortido, which is expected to be destroyed any day now, is home to small underground lab. Joining me is Evacuation Specialist Victor Hurm. How are you sir?"

Victor: "Wow, seriously. You're wearing that? This whole planet is being bathed in radiation from the nearby dying star, and you're wearing that. You're going to go blind and skin is going to start falling off any minute now."
Kuti: "Hehe. You think I'm cute don't you?"
Victor: "Sigh. Let's just get this over with. I don't want your skin to start dripping on my new shoes."

Kuti: "Aww. That's so nice. So Victor, boy, it's getting a little hot in here, uh...what...uh, Spiffy, why am I here?"
Spiffy: "You're going to ask Victor about the evacuation."
Kuti: "Oh yeah. So tell me about this evacuation Victor."
Victor: "Well, as you said, this entire planet is going to be destroyed by the upcoming Supernova. To prevent any losses, the LIU has issued Evacuation Order #8898."
Kuti: "So you're going to rescue all the residents?"
Victor: "What? Oh no, not the people. We are evacuating all the valuables from the lab. If we have time later, we'll come back and rescue all the copper pipes from inside, then maybe the some of the wiring, then the flooring tiles. When all the valuables are gone, we may have time to save a few people."
Kuti: "Well guys, you heard it here first, no valuable items are going to be lost in the disaster. In other news, I'm now blind. Back to you."

Hotty: "Hehe. I hope you brought some suntan lotion Kuti. The impending Supernova will damage more than just the Nitesco System. For more on this, we go to our Space Weather Expert Swete Lipps."

Swete: "Geez, I hope Kuti brought enough suntan lotion! What? You already made that joke? Uh, I hope she brought some aloe. What? Not funny? Oh, enough playful banter? Oh OK."

Swete: "There are four other stars in Nitesco's local star group. Cuspis, Nitesco closest neighbor, can expect to be destroyed in about three months when the Supernova's shock wave finally arrives. When the shock wave reaches
Liathium, it is expected to have lost most of its energy. So, I've predicted that the Liathium System will me mostly deadly in six months, and partly deadly after that. The Pershesk System is just far enough away to the escape damage. Back to you!"

Spiffy: "We'll be right back after these messages!"

"Sick of school? Tired of the office? Well, head to one of the LIU's Super Farms and become a Field Laborer. Have fun while you sow your cash crop!"

*Labor is not fun. Money not included.

Narrator: "Welcome back to LIU TV2 Galaxy News!"

Spiffy: "Experts agree, the loss of Nitesco and Cuspis will not affect any of the LIU's economic interests, but the same can't be said for the possible loss of the Liathium System. For more on this story, we go to our Economic Correspondent Grogan Sithers. Grogan?"

Groogar: "My name is Groogar you pathetic human! I will kill your whole family and eat them! Uh, um, sorry. Anyway, I'm here on the Factory World of Vookar, which orbits Liathium. The factories on Vookar are one of the largest producers of Fuel Cells in the galaxy. The loss of the planet could temporarily cripple the LIU's energy production."

Spiffy: "What steps are being taken to prevent this catastrophe?"
Groogar: If you interrupt me again Spiffy, I will tear off your face and wear it as my underwear. Anyway, the blast wave from the Supernova won't reach this planet for six months, giving engineers plenty of time to construct huge shield generators. The automated factories should not be affected by the residual radiation. Now leave me alone!"

Hotty: "Oh that Grogan. He sure is a nice guy. Well, in more upbeat news, the brief and unproductive revolution on the planet Jasucent has come to an end. For more on this story, we go to Field Reporter Cindy Cyclops."

Cindy: "Am I too close to the camera? My depth perception is off. Oh what? We're on? Uh, yes. I'm Cindy Cyclops here in the middle of this empty field. Right now, senior military officials are meeting with the leaders of the brief revolution."

Cindy: "Officials believe these talks will be short and should end abruptly."

Cindy: "Most of the leaders of the revolution had no comment, and the few that did, could not be heard over the loud crying in the background. It's another victory in keeping the Union united. Back to you!"

Spiffy: "While most problems can be solved with violence, sometimes all you need is a big smile and lots of money."

Spiffy: "Today, LIU Ambassadors signed a trillion dollar contract and treaty with the KinPump Empire. The KinPump Empire, which control one hundred stars in the Guspem Galaxy, will receive five hundred capital ships in return for cash and the use of their interstellar routes."

Spiffy: "The deal means big money for the LIU, but has put the LIU at odds with the other empires in the Guspem Galaxy. These empires released a joint statement in which they stated, 'The KinPump Empire is a known terrorist group and we are disgusted by the LIU's behavior. In order to counter this threat, we will have to buy at least twice the amount of LIU Capital Ships."

Hotty: "We'll back with more after the break."

"Want to do your part to help the LIU? Sign up at any of the local Expansion Offices and get shipped off the outer rim of the LIU Galaxy. Workers are needed right now! See the universe, work hard, and expand the Union, join up today!"

"We're doing our part!"

"Can't relocate? Well you can still do your part! Reproduction strengthens the Union. So get to it!"

Hotty: "Welcome back. In entertainment news, Terrance McDoogal spent the day in court after firing a Crap Cannon into Lacunar Urbs A. For more on this story, we go live to Busty Pillows."

Busty: "Just moments ago, Doog was escorted out of a Lacunar Urbs court room. Doog was acquitted of his Attack Against the LIU charge, which would have lead to his execution, but pleaded guilty to Disturbing the Peace, which will net him another month in the Muspell Minimum Security Prison."

Busty: "Doog do you have any comments?"
Doog: “No comments, but let me just get a look at those. Wow. I know what's getting me through another month in prison."

Spiffy: Well folks, that's it for this time. Join us on occasion for more Galaxy News!"

Note:
Galaxy News will be back from time to time to deliver all the happenings in the LIU Galaxy.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 6 - Adiutrix

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Season 2 - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes
The Governor's Office

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another behind the scenes look at LIU Atlas. Today, Doog visits the Governor of Lacunar Urbs to get permission to film two LIU Atlas Episodes. That's right, LIU Atlas Lacunar Urbs is a two part episode. Here we go.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Hello folks, it's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, I'm here in the Governor's Office waiting to get permission to shoot two episodes. Of course, like most things in my life, I appear to be failing. What's new."

Doog: "I've been waiting here for about four hours, and there is still no sign of the Governor. I can only look at this stupid painting for so long."

Doog: "The leather chairs are comfy, but are giving me some serious butt sweat issues. The last thing I need is to meet the Governor with wet pants."

Doog: "Finally! Two guys in suits. If one of these guys isn't the Governor, I'm going to throw myself out the window. Hello there. Which one of guys is the Governor?"
Mayor A: "Uh...neither of us actually. I'm Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A and this is my counterpart, the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs B. The Governor is actually behind the desk over there."

Doog: "What! This computer is the Governor! This computer that has been sitting in here with me for the last four hours!?! Why didn't you say anything?"
Governor: "WHO HAS WOKEN ME FROM SLEEP MODE? AND WHO IS THIS MAN WITH THE WET PANTS?"
Doog: "I'm Doog, and it was the leather chair. I swear. Anyway, I'd look to shoot a..."
Governor: "SILENCE. COMPUTING RISK ASSESSMENT FOR A --DOOG--. SUBJECT PRONE TO DISASTER AND CRIME. SUBJECT HAS WET PANTS. COMPUTING COMPLETE. ACCESS GRANTED UNDER TWO CONDITIONS: YOU ARE TO TOUCH NOTHING AND YOU MAY NEVER SIT IN MY CHAIR AGAIN."
Doog: "They're not wet! Sigh...fine. It's a deal."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 4 - Lacunar Urbs A

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Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

8/10/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - Numen

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Numen

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. the corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. While in route to our next destination, Lacunar Urbs, we passed this small planet known as Numen and decided to make an impromptu stop. As you can see, Numen's entire surface is covered with a huge tar sea with exception of one solitary pinnacle of rock. This pinnacle, known as the Great Spire of Pix, holds the LIU's only church, St. Money."

Doog: "St. Money is the only church in the entire LIU galaxy. It was created approximately five hundred years ago, when, strangely enough, the Universal Tax Association began allowing corporations to write off donations to churches. Every year since then, the LIU has donated half of its profits to the church. This donated money is used to pay St. Money's priests and staff, who just so happen to be Emperor Ludgonious and the LIU Governors. Many believe St. Money was created solely as a tax haven for the LIU, but it does have several followers."

Doog: "St. Money is dedicated to the new religion sweeping the universe, Consumerism. Its prophet is the almighty monetary credit."

Doog: "Today, I will be joined with Consumerist Expert Levid Natas."

Doog: "Whoa! Holy Kaadu! Where did you come from?"
Natas: "I've been here all along Doog. Muhahaha!"
Doog: "Err...OK, whatever you say. So what can you tell us about Consumerism? Why would you want to worship money?"
Natas: "Why not? Money gives people all the false hope and happiness that any other religion does. Unlike prayer, money can get you anything you ever wanted, if you have enough of it. Money never makes false promises, never tells you how to live, or never makes you miss Sunday morning Cyborg Racing."
Doog: "Hmmm, true. Let's move inside."

Doog: "We are now inside St. Money. Levid Natas, why is it so small inside here? I don't think more than five worshippers could fit in here at the same time."
Natas: "Doog! You don't go to church to worship if you are a Consumerist. You go to the store and buy useless things. If you can't make it to the store, you sit in front of some form of media and watch commercials telling you what you are missing. You use these commercials to motivate yourself to make more money, whether it be working harder, robbing, stealing, cheating, or murdering."
Doog: "Yeah alright. Look Natas, if your going to answer every question with some long rant, then I'm going to stop asking you questions. Got it?"
Natas: "Of course I got it Doog. I'm sorry, its just that the Consumerism gets me so worked up. Don't even get me started on the other organized religions. Those..."
Doog: "You're doing it again Natas."
Natas: "Sorry."

Doog: "So, if people don't come here to worship, why do you need a church? And keep it short!"
Natas: "Well, honestly, we just needed a place for our donation box. No organized religion is complete without some form of a donation box. Also, on the right, we have the holy scriptures."

Doog: "Well thanks for joining us Levid Natas. I hope to see you again sometime."
Natas: "Don't worry Doog, you will! Muhahaha!"

Doog: "Well folks, thanks for joining us on this special edition episode of LIU Atlas."

Note: A galaxy wide poll of the religions of the LIU citizens indicated the following religious breakdown:
Athiest/Agnostic: 60%
Dreamfruit: 20%
Consumerism: 10%
Other: 5%
Phipsonites: > .0000000000000000000000000000000001 %

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 3 - Tironis

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