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Season 2 - Episode 5 - Lacunar Urbs B

8/10/2015

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs B

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas- Lacunar Urbs B

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This is the second episode in a series. In order to get the full effect of this episode, you may want to check out LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A. This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Well folks, it's me again, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. I've boarded the Space Elevator on Lacunar Urbs A, and I'm now headed to Lacunar Urbs B. While still the same city, Lacunar Urbs A and B are drastically different."

Doog: "Joining me for this episode is the city's second mayor, Joel Mico. What's all this stuff you have here?"
Mico: "This is your protective suit Doog. You must put it on before we venture into the city. Even though this moon has a breathable atmosphere, we don't recommend breathing it. It smells extremely foul, and it's loaded with pollutants."
Doog: "Yeah, it does smell a little ripe in here, but it's not much worse than the inside of my ship."
Mico: "I haven't even opened the airlock doors Doog. You think it smells bad now...wait until I open these doors."
Doog: "Alright fine. Let's do it."

Doog: "The city doesn't look much different in the immediate areas around the Space Elevator. It's still tightly packed with large buildings. I do see one difference though. There does not appear to be any humans. What's the deal Mico?"
Mico: "Well, it has a lot to do with what we were talking about earlier. The atmosphere is just too foul for humans. Aliens have different olfactory senses than us. Less than 1% of the residents in this part of the city are human."

Mico: "Contrary to what you see here, Lacunar Urbs B is much less populated than Lacunar Urbs A. Only about one billion of the city's fifteen billion residents live here."

Mico: "As you can see, most of the residents have elected to keep there own culture and writing systems. I have no idea what any of these signs say."
Doog: "That one straight ahead says something about alcohol. Trust me. I learned to say alcohol in nearly every language."

Mico: "That makes sense Doog. This melting pot of cultures has become popular for its exotic foods and drinks."

Mico: "In fact, in about a week, the annual Javi Grad celebrations takes place here. These balconies are usually a crowd favorite, as young intoxicated alien girls take off the clothes for Javi Beads."
Doog: "What! Why didn't I come a week later?!?"
Mico: "Trust me Doog, you don't want to see what some of these alien girls have under their clothes..."

Mico: "The city starts to transform as you move farther out from the Space Elevator. The buildings begin to give way to the ever increasing rail lines and the population dwindles. Only the poorest residents live in this transitional zone."
Doog: "It doesn't look so bad..."
Mico: "Trust me, it's bad. The poorer alien races are forced out here. They join up with other members of their alien race and form ghettoes. Right now, we're in the Dogian Ghetto."
Doog: "Dogian?"

Mico: "Yes Doog, the Dogians. This dog-like race has trouble keeping work. They tend to run off chasing trains, fall asleep at a minutes notice, and lick themselves in inappropriate places instead of working. Now, they're involved in several smuggling and biting activities."
Doog: "Aww, they don't look that bad. Who's a good puppy? Who's a good boy?"
Mico: "Doog...stop it. Don't say the B-word. That makes them really..."

Mico: "...mad."
Doog: "Uh...good boy...I mean, good dog...er...who wants a treat?"
Dogian: "Don't you want to see what kind of tricks I can do first, Human."
Doog: "Uh...do you want to go for walk?"
Mico: "I think we should go for run Doog!"
Doog: "Agreed!"

Doog: "Wow. We escaped by the skin on our teeth. Well, the skin on their teeth actually. Where are we now Mico?"
Mico: "We are now fully outside the residential area of the city. From here on out, the city is mile after mile of factories."
Doog: "Really? What kind of factories?"

Mico: "All our factories here are devoted to factory farming. Large imports of animal feed are shipped up here from Lacunar A. This has allowed us to farm trillions of animals."
Doog: "Wait. Factory farming?"
Mico: "Let's head inside. I'll show you."

Mico: "By farming animals in factories like this, we are able to produce much more than traditional free range farms. We are able to squeeze dozens of more animals into smaller spaces, and we can easily control all the environmental factors. All the animals are given food and water with automated systems like the one behind you. It requires less workers and makes the meat that much more profitable."
Doog: "They don't look as happy though."
Mico: "All that really matters is how happy the customer is. Studies have shown that sad pigs make twice as juicy pork chops, and therefore, twice as happy customers."

Doog: "And what's this thing up here?"
Mico: "That's an air scrubber. The foul smells and pollution I was talking about earlier all come from the trillions of animals in the factory farms. The air scrubbers clean just enough of it from the air for the pigs to survive. If you took off your helmet right now, you'd probably pass out from the smell."

Mico: "In addition to pigs, we also farm Kaadu. Stockyards like these stretch for hundreds of miles."
Doog: "Mmmmm. Kaadu Burgers all around me."

Mico: "It takes as little as one man to care for thousands of these creatures."

Doog: "Holy Kaadu! What is this?"
Mico: "This Doog, is Chit Creek. The one draw back of farming trillions of animals is the trillions of tons of waste they
produce. Waste Stations, like Chit Creek, were created to deal with the problem."

Mico: "Train loads of waste from the factories are dropped into Chit Creek. A chemical additive in the creek breaks down the waste into a more liquid form. This liquid waste is then treated, dried, and shipped back to Lacunar A for use as fertilizer. It's our symbiotic relationship. They give us feed, and we give them Chit Fertilizer."
Doog: "That seems like an unfair trade to me, but what do I know?"

Doog: "Oh no! One of your workers has fallen into Chit Creek!"
Mico: "Oh no! He's up Chit Creek without a paddle!"
Doog: "You can say that again!"

Mico: "Oh man, the Chit's going to hit the fan!"
Doog: "He's in big trouble I'm guessing?"
Mico: "No! Literally, the Chit is going to hit the fan. There's a large fan in that tunnel that breaks up some of the larger chunks. He's done for!"
Doog: "Ouch. Well you know what they say, 'Chit Happens'. Shall we move on."

Mico: "A lot of the waste is too contaminated for use as fertilizer, so we had to find out a way to get rid of it. This baby back here is our answer."
Doog: "What is it?"
Mico: "It's a Crap Cannon. The unusable waste is fired out the Crap Cannon into our star. It's too insignificant of an amount to damage the star and it gets the waste off our hands. It's pretty amazing."
Doog: "Remind me not to fly that way home!"
Mico: "There's nothing to worry about Doog. We take precise measurements and readings before every shot. We haven't hit anything other than the sun yet."

Doog: "Ah. This must be the control panel. Let's see. Here's a green button, and green means go. So let's just give it a little push and..."
Mico: "Doog! No!"
BOOM
Mico: "Holy Kaadu! What have you done!?! You didn't aim the cannon! Let me see, the last known trajectory is...oh $%&@, you fired it directly into Lacunar Urbs A!"

Doog: "I have a feeling that I may be in trouble. I've got to run. See ya next time viewers!"

Note:
Meanwhile, back on Lacunar Urbs A:

Citizen #1: "Oh dear god! The horror!"
Citizen #2: "The weatherman never gets it right!"
Citizen #3: "Alright, who had Atomic Burritos for lunch?"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Press Release - Doog Goes Back to Prison

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Season 2 - Episode 4 - Lacunar Urbs A

8/10/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here in the Lacunar System, which consists of the planet, Lacunar A, and its moon, Lacunar B. Lacunar B is tidally locked to its parent planet allowing a large space elevator to be built between the two bodies. The two bodies now share an amazing symbiotic relationship."

Doog: "Because there are so many amazing things to see on both Lacunar A and B, we've broke this episode into two parts. Today, we will be focusing on Lacunar A."

Doog: "Lacunar A has extremely rich soil and a temperate climate. Because of this, most of the planet, outside of the northern continent, is devoted to farmland. Most of the fields, like this one here, are specifically devoted to growing Cobang plants. These fibrous plants make great animal feed. The Cobang plants are harvested, loaded onto trains, and then shipped into the city."

Doog: "Luckily, we are not here to see Lacunar A's farms. They're boring. We're here to see the planet's northern continent which is home to the magnificent city of Lacunar Urbs."

Doog: "With of a population of nearly fifteen billion people, Lacunar Urbs is one of the most populated cities in the LIU. However, there is something even more amazing than its population that separates it from other cities. Lacunar Urbs is the only city in the LIU that exists on multiple planetary bodies. That's right. The sprawling city sits at both ends of the Lacunar System's space elevator."

Doog: "The city is so large and geographically diverse that it was assigned two mayors. Joining me for this episode is the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A, Peter Baits. It's a pleasure to join you Pete. Can I call you that?"
Mayor: "No, you can't. I'm an elite citizen. You can call me Sir, Master, or Mayor."

Doog: "Uh, sorry Mayor Master Baits..."
Mayor: "No! Don't say my last name with it! It sounds like...well just drop it! Call me Mayor."
Doog: "Of course Mayor. Anyway, where are we now?"
Mayor: "This here is one of the more famous and recognizable areas of the city, Corruption Square."

Doog: "Corruption Square?"
Mayor: "Yes. You see, Lacunar Urbs has become sort of a safe haven for questionable companies around the universe. Our lax business laws and low taxes have caused several of these companies to relocate here. This has really fueled our city's growth."
Doog: "I see."
Mayor: "At the convergence of the Corruption Square, we have the local LIU Business Headquarters. No explanation needed there."

Mayor: "On this side of the square you'll recognize the universally famous, Mobster's Pizza."
Doog: "Oh yeah! The originators of Kaadu Sausage Pizza."
Mayor: "The one and only. However, it was eventually discovered that Mobster's Pizza is a front for mob activity. Go figure. The pizza chain was pushed out of most of the universe, but it still thrives here. Next door is the 'Wet!' hover-carwash company. It was beloved in its earlier days, as it had the only wash bay that a hovercraft could fly through. Unfortunately, it failed pretty quickly when people walking below the wash bay complained of getting soaked."

Doog: "What do we have here?"
Mayor: "Well, to the right, we have the corporate headquarters for Honest Bob's Warehousing. Apparently, Bob wasn't as honest as everyone thought. They relocated their headquarters here to avoid prosecution. To its left, we have the restaurant Sluglicious."
Doog: "Don't tell me you people eat slugs..."

Mayor: "I don't, but many people do. People say fried Slug on the Stick is delicious, but quite addictive. It might have something to do with the dopamine-like chemicals found in the slugs' mucus. By the way, this slug mucus is illegal in nearly every other galaxy. Wait! Doog are you eating one?!?"
Doog: "Mmmm...let me get a few more for the road."
Mayor: "No you idiot, weren't you listening!"
Doog: "Yeah, yeah, Mobster's Pizza, blah, blah, blah."
Mayor: "Come on!"

Mayor: "This company here, Asteroid Bank, is owned by the LIU. Asteroid Bank invests its customers' checking and savings into high risk Asteroid Insurance Markets. The bank keeps 99% of profits made, but all the losses go to the banking customers."
Doog: "Wait a minute! That's my bank! The LIU direct deposits my check into Asteroid Bank!"

Mayor: "The LIU direct deposits most of its employees checks into Asteroid Bank, Doog."
Doog: "What! I have -$4000.00 dollars in my account!"
Mayor: "Oooh. Ouch. You must have had a few bad investments."

Doog: "Well, I recognize this place. It's LIU's Gungan Theatre."
Mayor: "That's right. This theatre has been home to many famous events, including the 2010 Mocie Awards."
Doog: "It's been over month. Why hasn't the sign been changed?"
Mayor: "You should see the inside Doog. These weirdoes tore the place to shreds. Its temporarily closed for repairs."

Mayor: "Famous LIU actors and personalities get engraved plates embedded into the sidewalk."
Doog: "Oh really? Where's mine?"
Mayor: "Ahahahaha. Hahahaha. Wow, with jokes like that, you'll get a comedy plate one of these days."
Doog: "Whatever. Let's move on."

Mayor: "This plaza here is known as Butcher's Corner. This corner holds three of the LIU's largest meat related companies. To the left, we have Pork United, the third largest pork producing company in the universe. Tucked in the corner is Kaadu Burger Inc., the only company in the universe that makes Kaadu Burgers. Both Pork United and Kaadu Burger Inc. have huge factories in Lacunar Urbs B. The tan building to right is the Meat Market Trading Company. The MMTC specializes in trading meat commodities."
Doog: "Wow. It looks like pork is really trading down, but Kaadu is skyrocketing. Why can't my paycheck be direct
deposited into the Kaadu Market!"

Doog: "Wait. I just got it! It's called Butcher's Corner because of all the meat companies."
Mayor: "Actually, that's just a coincidence. Fifty Gungans were killed here a few years back by some maniac with an axe and knife. The corner was renamed in his honor and a statue was built in his likeness."

Mayor: "Lacunar Urbs has a intricate system of transportation. Hundreds of tram cars, like these here, run all throughout the city. Their use is free of charge for any LIU citizen."

Doog: "Ha. Who's the comedian now? Nothing in the LIU is free."
Mayor: "No really. We tried charging for rides, but people couldn't afford to get to work. We were losing productivity, and therefore money, by charging fees. Besides, we had to cut down on hovercar traffic. It was getting dangerous."

Mayor: "As you can see on this map behind me, all the city's trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."
Doog: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Just a second Mayor. We can't go straight to this shot. Where's the big overall shot?"

Doog: "Ah. This is better. Where are we now Mayor?"
Mayor: "Like I was trying to say before, all the trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."

Mayor: "Here, you can catch another route back into the city or take the elevator cars to Lacunar Urbs B."

Mayor: "Like the trams, the elevators are free for all LIU citizens. Scanners at the entrance confirm citizenship by scanning your Citizen Identification/Tracking Implant Chip. As you can see..."

Mayor: "Are you listening to me? You're not even looking over here."
Doog: "Nope. Not listening. Babe alert at your nine o'clock."

Mayor: "What? Oh. I see. Nice one Doog."

Mayor: "Once up the stairs, you can easily see the Elevator Cars. Cars depart and arrive this station about every minute. The trip to Lacunar Urbs B takes approximately twelve minutes."

Doog: "Well Master...I mean Mayor Baits, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for showing some of the sights in your part of the city."
Mayor: "The pleasure was all yours. Trust me."

Doog: "I'm now riding the Space Elevator up to Lacunar Urbs B. As you can see to the right, people aren't the only things being transported. Resources from the southern continents, like animal feed, are also being transported up. Well folks, that's all for this time. Join us soon for the second part of this episode, Lacunar Urbs B."

Note: Try the new Cocaine Sauce with your fried Slug on a Stick.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 5 - Lacunar Urbs B

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Season 2 - Episode 3 - Tironis

8/10/2015

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LIU Atlas - Tironis

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Tironis

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today we are visiting the planet of Tironis. Tironis and its star Relagi are located along the Corcot Run, an important trade route within the LIU Galaxy. Unfortunately, the LIU has not been able to take advantage of Tironis’ prime location because its atmosphere does not support life as we know it. But, as you all know, there is nothing that can stand between the LIU and an economic opportunity. That's why Tironis is being terraformed.”

Doog: "Joining me today is Colonel Harry Bull, head of the 210th Terraforming Security Regiment (TSR). The Colonel and 210th were assigned to Tironis to protect the planet's terraforming operations. They are based out of Fort Redemption, which is visible behind me. How are you sir?"
Colonel: "I'll be much better when we finally get this door closed. I mean, what's the point of having a fort when you leave the door wide open?"
Doog: "Sorry Sir, I didn't know things were so dangerous here."
Colonel: "You're right, you are sorry Doog. Any fool would see the danger here. We're terraforming a planet for kaadu's sake. Every species on this planet is in danger of being wiped out. It's just a matter of time before they catch on and attack."
Doog: "Oh, I see. Well, let's head inside."

Colonel: "Fort Redemption is our main base here on Tironis. It houses the 210th and several labs, and more importantly, it protects the most vital part of the terraforming operations, the CIAM Stacks."
Doog: "What are CIAM Stacks?"
Colonel: "They are Chemical Induced Atmospheric Manipulation Stacks. These two stacks process Tironis’ atmosphere using advanced chemicals. They draw in the poisonous air and exhale breathable air. At their current operating speed, experts predict the entire atmosphere will be converted in approximately thirty years. Until then, it is vital that we protect them at all costs."

Colonel: "Fort Redemption utilizes several methods of protection, including high walls, huge machine guns, and these hardsuits."
Doog: "Oh, oh. Can I test drive one?"
Colonel: "Only if you can get in before I shoot you."
Doog: "I think I'll pass. What's next?"

Colonel: "Against my wishes, the suits thought it would be nice to have a greenhouse to grow fresh vegetables. I mean, come on, this is a fort. I could be utilizing this space for more machine guns or other killing devices."
Soldier Billy: "But the green beans are really nice sir."
Colonel: "What did I tell you about loose lips Billy!"
Billy: "They...sink terraforming operations sir.."
Colonel: "That's right. So keep your mouth shut."

Doog: "Green beans are cool and all, but the viewers may be looking for something, I don't know, interesting."
Colonel: "Well, I guess we head inside and check out the CIAM's inner workings."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Colonel: "This is the CIAM's main operating chamber. Scientists load various chemicals into processing units and do some science stuff. Honestly, I have no idea how it works."
Doog: "You lost me at scientist, Colonel. Anyway, hold on a second."

Doog: "I have to get out of this stupid helmet. It's stifling."
Colonel: "Uh Doog..."

Colonel: "There's no atmosphere in here. Yeah, the chemicals might get mixed into the facility's controlled atmosphere. We couldn't risk it. Are you Ok? Hey Billy, come in here and shoot Doog in leg. Maybe it will make him wake up."

Doog: "Well folks, I've been revived, and thanks to Billy's poor shooting, I can still walk. What's this big screen Colonel?"
Colonel: "This is a breakdown of Tironis' atmosphere. The darker levels indicated the current levels and the lighter colors indicate the final goal."
Doog: "Hmmm...cool. The colors are pretty. Shall we move on?"

Doog: "We've exited the facility to the north, and we are now outside of the safety of Fort Redemption. The Colonel has arranged a security detail for us as we explore the rest of the planet. What do we have here Colonel?"

Colonel: "This here is one of Tironis' Magnetic Field Generators. In addition to having a poisonous atmosphere, Tironis also has a weak magnetic field. This allows dangerous solar radiation to reach the surface."
Doog: "And this contraption stops it?"
Colonel: "Yes Doog. We have Generators like this on each side of the planet creating an artificial magnetic field."
Doog: "Whoa, what's that. I think I'm getting audio from Lifetime for Women through my filling. Let's get out of here. Hurry!"

Doog: "What's that?!?"
Colonel: "Oh dear god! Safeties off boys, we have Tironian Ball Toad here!"

Doog: "Is it dangerous? Should I run?"
Colonel: "It has to be dangerous. Look at those shifty eyes! Prepare to fire."

Scientist: "Actually, they're quite docile. They never venture far from the spot they are born, hence their skinny legs. Besides, they are herbivores. Now, if you boys will kindly lower you weapons, we are going to get some DNA samples."
Doog: "DNA samples?"
Colonel: "Yeah, like I said earlier, the terraforming efforts are going to cause all of Tironis' native species to go extinct. We mustn’t allow such valuable genetic information to be lost forever, so we are compiling a complete catalogue of all of Tironis' species. After all the DNA is catalogued, we'll just let nature, uh...technology take its course."
Doog: "In other words, your just going to let them all die painful, suffocating deaths."
Colonel: "Pretty much."
Doog: "Cool. What's next?"

Colonel: "Some of the more promising species, such as the these Poison Thorn Flowers, are being saved in small biospheres."

Colonel: "We are saving more than just the promising species. We are also saving the planet's native sentient species, the Tironians."
Doog: "That's nice of you guys."
Colonel: "Actually, it wasn't our choice. Universal Laws prohibit the purposeful extinction of any sentient species."

Colonel: "So instead, we're rounding them all up one by one. It's hard work, but admittedly, it's also sort of fun. Oh look at Carlos! He's snagged a big one."

Colonel: "The prisoners, I mean natives, are then loaded into a LIU All Terrain Prisoner Transport and transported to various prisons, I mean temporary holding areas, on the planet."

Colonel: They are held in these temporary reserves like this one until a more permanent reserve can be set up."
Doog: "Reserves?"
Colonel: "Yeah. We'll build some type of bio-dome in some remote corner of the planet and shove them all inside. We'll teach them how to run a casino and they'll be fine from there."

Colonel: "We observe the natives from behind this one way glass and try to learn more about their species."
Doog: "What have you learned so far?"
Colonel: "Well, they appear to be a terrified species. They are always huddled in the corner crying. I'm not sure what their problem is. Anyway, we've learned much more about them through other means. If you follow me, I'll show you."

Doog: "What's this?"
Colonel: "This is our Science Lab. Here, we learn about the Tironians from the inside out."

Colonel: "They are poked, prodded, dissected, and studied."
Doog: "Ewww. What does that tell you?"

Colonel: "It tells me that their innards smell. That's about it. The scientists might be getting more information than that."
Doog: "You lost me at scientist."

Doog: "Well folks, that's all for this time. Thanks for joining us!"

Note: A million species were harmed during the filming of this episode.

CLICK HER FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Behind the Scenes - The Governor's Office

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Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

8/7/2015

1 Comment

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - M31-P5

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Space Station M31-P5. M31-P5 sits deep in the starless void in-between two of the LIU Galaxy's spiral arms. It is one of the busiest spaceports in this region. Although that sounds impressive, you must realize that it is the only spaceport in this region."

Doog: “The docking line for the spaceport was really long, and I didn't feel like waiting. I had my crew drop me off at the back door, which led to this small service tunnel. It's dark and it smells pretty bad, but I imagine it saved me a lot of time. Now, if I can only find the way out."

Head Mechanic Jimmy: "Hey! Who's down here? Doog? Is that you? What are you doing in the sewage tunnel?"
Doog: "What do you mean 'sewage tunnel'?"
Jimmy: "Doog, all the waste from Station M31-P5 flows down here to the sewage tunnel. I can't believe you entered here, the signs clearly say 'Exit Only'."
Doog: "So what you're telling me is, I'm standing waist deep in human waste."
Jimmy: "Well, technically human and alien waste, but yes, yes you are. Let's take this ladder up and get you cleaned up."

Doog: "Well, we're out of the tunnel. Where are we now Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Well Doog, we're now in one of M31-P5's service hangars. When small ships in the area need a tune up, they come here. We're the only full service hangar for six light years. We have about twenty hangars just like this. As Head Mechanic, I'm in charge of this entire hangar."

Doog: "Hey! Why are all your mechanics laughing at me?"
Jimmy: "It might have something to do with state of your pants. It looks like you soiled yourself. In fact, you're tracking crap all over my hangar floor."
Doog: "Ha! The joke is on you guys! This isn't my crap, it yours! So technically you guys soiled my pants. So Ha! How do you like that? Wait. Why are you laughing harder?"

Old Mechanic: "Quit laughing whipper snappers! This Canooder Valve isn't going to attach itself. Someone pass me a wrench."

Doog: "So where are we Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "We're now in a service tunnel which connects my hangar to the other hangars. I figure we'll run into Station Security Officer down here somewhere. He'll know what to do with you."

Security Bob: "Hey Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Hey Bob. I was wondering if you can help Doog out. He's lost."
Bob: "Hmmm, from the state of his pants, I guess he escaped from the Old Folks Home down in Corridor #83. Don't...worry...sir...I'll...take...you...back...home. Am I...talking...slow...enough...for...you...to...understand...."
Jimmy: "No Bob, it's Doog, the host of LIU Atlas."
Doog: "The one and only."

Bob: "Oh! Doog! I guess I just expected you to be a bit, er.., more tidy."
Doog: "What? Oh, my pants, yeah, I've been down in the sewage tunnel."
Bob: "WHAT! That's a Class 5 violation! Who knows what diseases you brought up here! We need to get you to quarantine pronto!"
Doog: "Wait! What's quarantine?"

Doog: "Ahhhhhh! That hurts!"
Bob: "It's for your own good Doog. Well, actually, it's for our good. Diseases spread like wildfire in space stations. We can never be too careful. Quarantine Specialist Jenkins, feel free to use your double sided brush to scrub off a couple layers of skin, just to be safe."
Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Whew, I hope I never have to do that again. So, Bob what's this place?"
Bob: "Oh, you don't need to worry about that place. That's the Mechanic's Dive Bar. The crowd there is much too rowdy for you. I have gun, and I won't even go in there."
Jimmy: I'm a mechanic, I don't go in there Doog. It's pretty unsavory."

Doog: "Sounds like my kind of bar. Besides, I could use a drink after that quarantine session."
Bob: "No! Wait Doog!"

Doog: "So what's going on guys? Any drink recommendations?"
Mechanic Krudar: "Hai coor hata mei."
Mechanic Steve: "My friend here says he doesn't like you."
Doog: "Oh yeah, well tell your friend I don't like him or his ugly head tentacles."
Krudar: "Blahh!"

Doog: "Eww! Bob! This orange tentacle head guy just threw up on me!"
Bob: "What! Who knows what diseases are in that vomit!?! Back to the quarantine!"
Doog: "Hey! What?"

Doog: "Ahhhhh! Oh wait, go back down there, that was kind of nice. Ahhhhh!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm never getting dirty again. Where are we now?"
Jimmy: "Well, Space Station M31-P5 also houses several hangars for our fleet of LIU Deep Space Repair Ships. They are sent out to repair any ships that can't make it to the Space Station."

Doog: "That hangar looks pretty neat, but I think I see a particle of dirt down there. It might be infected and I don't want a forced shower again. That's already my record for showers in a week."
Bob: "Now you learning Doog!"
Doog: "What's next?"
Bob: "Although the lower half of Station M31-P5 is devoted to mechanics, it's not all we do here."

Bob: "Space Station M31-P5 is also home to one of the LIU's immigration checkpoints. Thousands of immigrants from across the universe come here everyday for a chance to slave, I mean work, in one of the LIU's factories. They work really hard for almost no pay, just like the native LIU workers."

Bob: "While the LIU accepts almost anyone willing to work, some races, like the Gungans, are banned from entering the LIU."
Doog: "You have to draw the line somewhere Bob."

Bob: "We inspect all the immigrants' luggage upon arrival. This prevents smuggling. If you look over here, you'll see that our X-Ray Machine has located an illegal firearm."

Bob: "Doog! Get off there! What are you doing?"
Doog: "Look at me, I'm a skeleton! Hahaha!"
Bob: " Doog! X-ray radiation is dirty."
Doog: No wait, you can't wash off radiation!"

Doog: "Ahhhhh!"

Bob: "We are now here in the core of Space Station M31-P5. Here, you'll see the station's Fusion Star Chamber. Using advanced magnetic shielding, we are able to maintain a small compressed star. The star provides all the station's power and gravity. According to LIU Astronomical Law, the star is too small to have a name, so it is referred to by its location in the galaxy, M31-P5. The station takes its name from the star."

Bob: "Uh, Doog, I don't like you getting so close to the control panel."
Doog: "Oh, don't worry Bob, I just looking at this button that says 'Magnetic Shielding Emergency Shut Off'. I was think of pressing it to see what it does."
Bob: "Step away from the control panel Doog. Don't think I won't shoot you."

Bob: "Well Jimmy, you know the drill, no non-essential personnel is allowed past this point. You know I love ya buddy, but one more step and I'm going to have to shoot you in the face. No hard feelings."
Jimmy: "No prob Bob. Say, are we still on for Bingo at the old folks home in corridor #83 later this week?"
Bob: "You know it! Alright Doog, we are getting ready to enter the upper ring of Station M31-P5. This upper ring holds M31-P5's largest industry, the Baby Factory."

Doog: "Baby Factory?"
Bob: "Yes Doog. The factory uses genetically modified females, known as 'Queens', to mass produce babies. Each 'Queen' can give birth to up to fifty babies. It's the fastest way to populate the worker class of the LIU."
Doog: "That is...the most...awesome thing I've ever seen! Can I touch it?"
Bob: "No Doog. The Queen's bodies are under enough stress as it is. They don't need you prodding them. They require constant care from their personal doctors. The doctors insure the Queens get enough nutrition by hooking them to IV's and injecting them with vitamins."

Bob: "I'm certainly no expert in this field Doog. I'll turn you over Doctor Alvus, Director of the Baby Factory."
Alvus: "Hello Doog."
Doog: "Where are we now Dr. Alvus?"
Alvus: "We're now in the Grow Tank Chamber. To speed up production, the babies are removed from the Queens before they are fully developed. We keep them in Grow Tanks, like these, until they can survive on their own."
Doog: "Wow, there are babies as far as the eye can see. How many babies do you guys produce?"

Alvus: "Well, let's see. We have about twenty thousand Queens. Each Queen gives birth to about fifty babies every four months, so I'd say that we have about one million babies at any given time."
Doog: "That sounds cool and all Doctor, I mean everyone loves babies, but I have to ask you, why are you mass producing infants?"

Alvus: “That’s easy Doog. The LIU and other corporations across the universe always need more workers. Immigrants fill part of their need, but they need a reliable, continuous source of labor."
Doog: "Why don't you use cloning? It seems easier, faster, and well, to be frank, more humane."
Alvus: "You're right in some ways Doog, but cloning is dangerous. All your clones share the same genetic make-up. If one of them is susceptible to a certain virus, they all are. You can lose your entire crop, uh, I mean population of workers from one little virus. Genetic diversity is the way to go."

Doog: "So all of these babies are future LIU workers?"
Alvus: "Most are, but we do sell some of them to other corporations. I mean, we have to make a profit Doog. You are, however, forgetting one thing. These are not only future workers, they are future consumers. The little money they earn will filter back to the LIU as they purchase our quality products."

Doog: "I have one more question Doctor, do you guys, you know, need any genetic contributions, you know, for the Queens?"
Alvus: "I think we're good Doog. When we start mass producing idiotic TV hosts, we'll give you a call.
Doog: "Ouch Doc, that hurts."

Alvus: "Once fully grown, the babies are shipped out across the universe. Comfy nursery containers are used to ship the babies out. They are distributed by LIU Future Labor (FL)."

Doog: "Well folks, as you can see, M31-P5 is a disturbing, but important part of the LIU. Join us next time. Thanks for watching."

Note: The LIU recommends that you let the babies age about ten years before they are incorporated into your workforce, maybe longer, depending on your local laws.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2.5 - Numen

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Season 2 - Episode 1 - Muspell

8/7/2015

7 Comments

LIU Atlas - Muspell

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Muspell

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to Season Two of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the fiery volcanic moon of Muspell. Muspell is stuck in a gravitational tug of war between its parent planet, the gas giant Pondus, and its star, the red giant Yusafone. The conflicting gravitational forces of these two bodies are literally tearing Muspell apart, allowing hot magma from Muspell's core to rise to the surface."

Doog: "I've landed here on a platform over the lava river of Aestus. As soon as my ship leaves, I hope to meet with my guide, a Muspellian known as Adkr Drosgor. The Muspellians, while highly intelligent, are very anti-social. They refuse to mingle with the other races of the LIU and can only be found here on Muspell."

Doog: “Here he comes now, Adkr Drosgor. Wow, he sure is ugly. Don't worry folks, Muspellians don't have any ears on those giant heads, so I can say stuff like that. In fact, Muspellians don't have vocal chords either, so even if he could hear me, he couldn't complain. So what's on the agenda today Mr. Bighead? By the way, say something if you don't want me to call you that. I'll stop."
Adkr: "Stop calling me that."

Doog: "What the heck? I thought you couldn't talk?"
Adkr: "This voice modulator on my chest converts my thoughts into audible frequencies so I can communicate with lesser evolved species like yourself."
Doog: "But...but, how can you hear me?"
Adkr: "I am reading your mind directly. And, no, you may not know about my reproductive anatomy."
Doog: "What! I didn't say that."
Adkr: "You thought it. By the way, those thoughts you had about your sister are disturbing."

Doog: "Sorry folks, Adkr is clearly having some technical difficulties. He must be reading my camera man's mind instead of mine."
Adkr: “The vast emptiness that is your brain is unmistakable Doog."
Doog: "Uhh, let's move on. What's the burning smell? It smells like bacon."
Adkr: "That's your flesh Doog. The surface temperature here is much too hot for your fragile skin. Let's go get you fitted for a heat suit."

Adkr: "Come out here onto this lava bridge Doog. We'll test your suit."
Doog: "No way Adkr. This spandex suit is way too embarrassing."
Adkr: "As embarrassing as when your mom caught you wearing your grandma's bra?"
Doog: "Not cool Adkr. Not cool. I was only five. Now stay out of there."
Adkr: "You were twenty five."
Doog: "Enough Adkr!"

Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm out here on this stupid lava bridge. I believe my suit is functioning just fine Adkr. Although, I'm sure you already know that. What's the deal with this bridge and that tower over there?"
Adkr: "Monitoring towers, like this one here, were built to monitor the lava levels on Muspell. If the lava levels ever reach the red warning level, systems will begin to fail."

Doog: "How come the lava doesn't even reach the meter Adkr?"
Adkr: "It used to, until the LIU came in and ramped up our production 1000%. We used to live in harmony with our planet, only using what lava was available. Now, because of the LIU, we are seeing unprecedented drops in lava levels across the planet."
Doog: "What do you mean by production? What do you guys produce, and don't tell me its hats..."

Adkr: "That might have been funny if I didn't know you've been thinking of that joke since we first met. Anyway, here on Muspell, we produce two things, energy and Muspellian steel. We use lava dams, like this one here, to produce energy."

Doog: "Do they work like traditional water dams?"
Adkr: "They do in some ways. Like traditional dams, falling lava turns large turbines that generate electricity. However, these dams also produce energy by pumping water through the superheated dam walls. This superheated water is converted into steam, generating even more power. We create more energy in a day than we'll need all week. We store this excess energy in fuel cells and batteries and sell it for profit."

Adkr: "Be careful Doog, standing there is highly dangerous, especially for someone with your mental ineptitude."
Doog: "You're just jealous that you can't balance like me with that giant head of yours."
Adkr: "Hey viewers, Doog wet the bed last night."
Doog: "Hey! That one's not true!"

Doog: "So what's this Muspellian steel you were talking about?"
Adkr: Muspellian steel is a naturally occurring mineral that can be found in old lava tubes like this one. The lava gets trapped in pockets of igneous rocks like this, cools, and leaves behind Muspellian steel ore."
Doog: "What's this giant machine behind us?"
Adkr: "That is a LIU Tunnel Boring Machine. It tunnels deep into the lava tubes so the ore can be extracted. It's much faster than our traditional way, but much more destructive."

Doog: "Destructive?"
Adkr: "Yes Doog. The Boring Machines open up huge holes in the lava tubes and occasionally, they cause the whole tube to collapse. When the tubes collapse, the lava above it drops as well. In fact, we believe the Boring Machines are directly linked to the falling lava levels across Muspell."
Doog: "Speaking of "boring", what's next?"

Adkr: "Once the ore is collected, it is transported to our steel factories via train."

Doog: "Yeah, that's right viewers, Adkr and my producer thought it was too dangerous to stand on a track for this shot, so we are using stock footage. They're such pansies."

Adkr: "Using my mind, I can shut down your body systems one at a time Doog. Keep it up, and I shall show you."

Doog: "Anyway, we are now here at the Muspellian Steel Factory. What's going on here Adkr?"

Adkr: "Well Doog, we use electrical field generators to melt the ore into a liquid. The liquid ore is then poured into the mold trays behind us."

Adkr: "If I turn this tray off here, I can show you the hardened steel."

Adkr: "Now that it is open, you can see four bars of solid Muspellian Steel."
Doog: "All this work for just four bars?"
Adkr: "We have thousands of these trays Doog, but yes, only four per tray."
Doog: "I'm just saying, it seems kind of silly to make them in batches of four."

Adkr: "See this bar right here Doog? It costs more than some empires make in a year. This is high quality stuff. Outside of the LIU, only a handful of empires and corporations can afford more than four bars at a time. So it makes perfect sense."

Doog: "Is it finished?"
Adkr: "Almost."

Adkr: "Before it is shipped out, each steel bar must pass quality control. Four LIU quality control bots check each bar to make sure it is the right size and shape.

Adkr: " They also insure the bar meets all strength and durability standards."

Doog: If Muspellian Steel is so expensive that most people can only afford four bars, what is it used for? I mean, it would take years to acquire enough to make a building or a tank."
Adkr: "Muspellian Steel conducts electricity faster than most known metals. Each bar has enough metal to make hundreds, if not thousands, of electrical devices. That microphone in your hand probably has Muspellian Steel inside it."

Doog: Well folks, that about does it. As you can see, the Muspellians, Muspell Industries, and Muspell are all important parts of the LIU. Thanks for joining us."
Adkr: "Your thoughts betray you Doog. You know there is still one more place you have to go."
Doog: "Fine. You're right. I'll go, but only if you stay here. There's no way I'm bringing a mind reader with me when I go back to prison. There are things I never want anyone know about."
Adkr: "Like that time in the shower when you..."
Doog: "Shut it!"
Adkr: "OK fine, how about that time you played hide the pickle with those..."
Doog: "Enough!!"

Adkr: "Alright Doog. I promise I won't come. In order to get you back into Muspell Minimum Security Prison, we'll need to load you into a LIU Prisoner Pod. I had them engrave your old prisoner ID number on the front for old time sakes."

Doog: "Jeez, thanks Adkr. It's as comfortable as I remembered it."

Adkr: "Now that you're loaded up, this LIU Prisoner Pod Transport will attach to your pod and transport you to the prison. See you later Doog, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about that time you thought that guy was a lady."
Doog: "To be perfectly honest Adkr, I hope I never see you again."

Doog: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison is located deep inside a cliff surrounded by miles of lava. This LIU Prisoner Pod Transport is flying me there. The entrance is protected by steel bars, and the only thing that can open them, is the automated code given by the transport."

Doog: "I'm now inside Muspell Minimum Security Prison, Cell Block 121 to be exact. I once served four months here for crimes against the LIU. Muspell Minimum Security Prison, known to the inmates as the Stink Pit, houses several thousands inmates. I'm now joined by Warden Hickory Smith."

Doog: "So what can you tell us about Muspell Minimum Security Prison?"
Smith: "Well Doog, most of the inmates here committed crimes that didn't warrant being sent to a LIU Orbital Prison, nor did they warrant execution. They are all here for short stints of rehabilitation, kind of like you were."

Smith: "As you know, living conditions here are pretty nice. Everyone gets their own cell with a nice comfy bed and a clean toilet. Its all someone needs to survive."
Doog: " I think you lied about twelve times in that last statement."
Smith: "What do you mean?"
Doog: "What do you think I mean? Living conditions here are horrible. The beds are infested with fleas and are as hard as a rock. The toilets don't flush, they're just bowls. We get no TV or recreational time. This place is terrible!"
Smith: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime Doog. That's my motto."

Smith: "Muspell Minimum Security Prison also has a few nice and relaxing solitary confinement cells, for those special guests who can't seem to play nice with others."

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old cell. As the warden said, it doesn't have much, just a bed and a "toilet". Uh Warden, are you sure opening this cell up was a good idea? This scary looking green guy doesn't look happy."
Smith: "You'll be fine Doog. You have body armor on after all, and old greenie here has only ripped off one guy's arms. You'll be fine."
Doog: "That's it. I'm out of here. Thanks for joining us."

Notes:

Outtakes:

Outtake #1:

Doog: "Well folks, this here is my old...CUT! Son of a @#$$%, the green guy has his pants off."

Outtake #2:

Smith: "Would you like to show the viewers the prison's shower room?"
Doog: "Absolutely not. I know what happens in there."
Smith: "Nothing happens in there Doog. Not on my watch, come on let's see."

Smith: "Oh *$#% we had a rape! LOCKDOWN!"

Doog: "What did I tell you?"
Smith: "Turn those &*$#ing cameras off now!"

Outtake #3:

Doog: "Jaspero? Is that you? I guess the establishment finally got you.."
Jaspero: "Doog? Doog! Hey hook me up man. I'll take a large mushroom pizza, hold the crust, sauce, and cheese, if you know what I mean."
Smith: "Do you know this hippie Doog?"
Doog: "Uhh, no. No I don't. See ya Jaspero, I mean prisoner HC67799."

Outtake #4:

Doog: "Oh @!#&. CUT! I dropped my cell phone."

Outtake #5:

Adkr: "What's a Bonkton?"
Doog: "Uhhh, I'm not sure what you are...um...talking about Adkr."
Adkr: I'm reading Bonktron on your mind Doog. I am not familiar with that term though. What does it mean?"
Doog: "Cut..."

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 2 - M31-P5

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Season 1 - Press Release - Doog Gets Released From Prison

8/7/2015

12 Comments

LIU Press Release

The host of LIU Atlas, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal, was released today after spending four months in an undisclosed prison.

LIU Press Release

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt our regular scheduled programming for this special report.

"Hi, I'm Frank Newsguy!"
"And I'm Martha Anchor!"
"We welcome you to a TV2 News Special Report!"

"Just moments ago, TV2 Personality Terrance "Doog" McDoogal was released from an undisclosed prison."
"Doog, host of the popular LIU Atlas Series, spent the last four months in prison for his stunt on the previously aired LIU Atlas - Obex."
"Doog declined to comment on his arrest, but offered these words..."
"I'm never taking a shower again."

"Doog was quickly shuttled off to the icy world of Fuscus so he could complete
the next installment of LIU Atlas. Officials guestimate that show will air in
the next two weeks."
"Here's a brief preview of the fun to come, thanks for joining us."

"We now return you to Phipson and Kelso: A Love Story."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 5 - Fuscus

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Season 1 - Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

8/7/2015

4 Comments

LIU Atlas - The Magellan

Where does all the magic happen?

Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

The Ludgonian Industrial Union is proud to present another special episode of LIU Atlas. Today, we take an inside look at Doog's new ship, the Magellan, and we meet some of Doog's crew.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Hi folks, it's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we decided to bring you an inside look at my brand new ship, the Magellan. Due to our soaring ratings, err, well, our somewhat significant ratings, .... fine, our thirteen viewers, the LIU has finally bought me my own ship."

Doog: "The Magellan, salvaged from an old line of LIU cargo ships, is a faster than light ship. Its speedy engines and large fuel reserves make it perfect for traversing the LIU Galaxy."

Doog: "It's a bit cramped inside, especially with a crew of six, but it's a lot better than the most LIU TV2 ships."

Doog: "Dozens of extra fuel tanks insure that we can travel the galaxy without stopping for gas every five minutes."

Doog: "The engines on this baby are classic LIU, crappy. But all in all, they get the job done. There are FTL engines for interstellar travel and atmospheric engines for landing on planets."

Doog: "The Magellan's cockpit can break away serving as a one person life boat. So, at the very least, our pilot Hugo can survive. Of course, the rest of us would die in a fiery ball of doom. I'd like to thank the LIU for that feature."

Doog: "The insides don't have much to look at, so we don't show much of it. But we have included pictures of the ship's editing room. Trust me, you don't want to see the crew's quarters, in fact, you probably don't want to smell it either."

Doog: "The editing room gets a lot of action on LIU Atlas, especially after Mordax, and well, I have a tendency to say stupid things. Right now, behind me, my editor, Timbo, is finishing up LIU Atlas - Obex. It should be out in a few weeks."

Doog: "Well folks, here's the guys that make LIU Atlas possible, Timbo, the editor, Cam, the camera guy, Mike, the sound dude, and uhh, that old guy. What's that? Oh yeah, that's Oldie, the director. Well, that about does it. Thanks for joining us!"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 2 - Episode 1 - Muspell

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Season 1 - Episode 2.5 - Chauca

8/7/2015

6 Comments

LIU Atlas - Chauca

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas

LIU Atlas - Chauca

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to this special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Unfortunately, our full length episode, LIU Atlas Mordax, is still on the cutting room floor (someone used a little too much profanity), but I'm glad to present this special shortened version of LIU Atlas. This chunky rock to my right is the asteroid known as Chacau."

Doog: "This small asteroid, perched in the outer rings of the Lewtron Belt, is home to a small Fueling Station. This Fueling Station serves several interstellar routes that cross through this area."

Doog: "Two dedicated gas station attendants... huh, oh, I'm sorry, ...two fuel specialists man this lonely post. They insure premium Octan Fuel is available to all those who require it. One of these attendants, Roy, has agreed to speak with us about Chacau."

Doog: "So Roy, what's it like here on Chacau?"
Roy: "Uhh, it's like, cold and dark man. Lot's of rocks too. Yeah, rocks and cold."
Doog: "Wow, that's enlightening Roy. What kind of culture do you guys have here?"
Roy: "Like uhm, we like play checkers and stuff. Sometime me and my partner, Frank, count rocks in the asteroid belt. Like this one time, I got to five-hundred. It was awesome."

Doog: "What an amazing culture Roy..."
Roy: "Uh, yeah, thanks Doog. Huh, Doog, that's funny, Doooog, Dooooog..."
Doog: "That's enough Roy. So what do you guys do here? What is your purpose?"
Roy: "Frank and I, like, pump gas. We attach hoses and stuff, sometimes we like take hoses off and put them on again."
Doog: "Do you guys happen to sniff this gas?"

Roy: "Hahaha, like, how did you know that man? Or should I say Doog, ha, Dooog."
Doog: "Stop."
Roy: "Hey Frank, come check out this mind reader. His name is like so cool. Dooog, Dooog, Dooooog!"
Doog: "Well folks, I'm going to wrap this up before I end up stabbing Roy in his throat. Sorry this episode is so short, but it certainly lived up to its title as a "special" edition. Stay tuned for the full length episode of Mordax, which should be coming to your TV sets soon."

Note: Sniffing stellar fuel may cause severe brain damage.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 3 - Mordax

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Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

8/5/2015

2 Comments

LIU Atlas - Pelago

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Pelago

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, for the first time ever, I am actually happy to be visiting a planet. Usually, I’m dropped off on some unknown outer rim hellhole, but not today. Today, I’m visiting the Jewel of the Mid Rim, the Land of a Million Beaches, the Planet of Endless Babes. That’s right, we’re on the Tropical Resort World of Pelago. I’ve never been able to afford a visit here, but I’ve watched all the commercials on TV2 and seen the brochures at various spaceports. I’m sure we’re in for a good time. As you can see from the mapping scan above me, Pelago is made up of several islands spread across the warm Pelagion Sea. Only thirty islands, of the nearly one million, are large enough to be imaged at this height.”

Doog: “Our first stop today is Pelago’s largest city, Eluceo. Eluceo sits on five pristine islands in the planet’s equatorial region.”

Doog: “While some of the city is devoted to commercial interests, the vast majority of it is dedicated to tourism.”

Doog: “Eluceo sports some of the galaxy’s best hotels, condos, casinos, and restaurants.”

Doog: “Eluceo also has several monuments for tourists to visit, like the Old Clock Tower and the massive, bronze Statue of Economic Freedom.”

Doog: “The Blue Lagoon Casino, the blue and transparent yellow building to the left, was specifically designed to be a tourist trap. While it is easy to find your way in, it is nearly impossible to find you way out. The casino’s holographic windows display daytime images at all hours, removing any sense of time the gamblers may have. The building to it right is the five star Su Li Hotel.”

Doog: “This section of the city, known as the Island of the Gods, is reserved for Elite Citizens only. It is home to several high ranking citizens’ condos and estates. Illegal use of this island, including trespassing by sub-elite citizens, is punishable by death.”

Doog: “The Pelagion Lighthouse sits at the center of the city. It no longer serves any navigational purpose, but it was preserved as a reminder of Eluceo’s maritime past.”

Doog: “The three largest islands of the city are connected by large bridges that contain hoverways and high speed trains. The smaller islands are accessible by ferry only.”

Doog: “Well, we’ve finally landed. We circled the city enough times, and besides, we were running out of gas. We’re now here on one of Pelago’s greatest features, the beach.”

Doog: “We are outside of a small beachside resort. The first thing I notice is that there is an insane amount of attractive females walking about. I am strongly compelled to conduct several in depth interviews with these locals, but I must wait here for my guide.”

Doog: “Ah, here he comes, LIU Socialite, and former adult movie star, Big Adams.”

Doog: “Hey Big Adams.”
Big: “More like Gigantic if you ask the ladies, Doog.
Doog: “Whoa Big, too much information. Tell me, what do you do here?”
Big: “Well Doog, after I finished filming Juicing a Flingarian, I retired here to Pelago. Now, I hang out among the other elitist. On occasion, tourists hire me out to show them the islands.”

Big: “Hey wait Doog, check this out. Hey baby! I can tell by your shirt you like horses. Well it’s your lucky day, I’m hung like…”
Doog: “Stop! We’re on TV Big. You can’t say that.”
Big: “Of course you can, I said it on TV several times.”
Doog: “We’re on a slightly different show here Big. Besides, I’m a man of honor…”

Ten minutes earlier

Doog: “Hey, let me get a couple copies of that.”

Doog: “So what’s on the agenda Big?”
Big: “Well, we’ve seen the beach. I thought we’d check out one of Eluceo’s other tourist traps, the casinos.”
Doog: “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

Big: “The LIU has suspended its monopoly on gambling on various areas of Eluceo, opening the door for out of galaxy companies to open several casinos. The LIU imposes several steep taxes on these companies insuring that there is still profit to be made. These taxes are collectively known as the Stupidity Tariffs.”
Doog: “Stupidity Tariffs?”
Big: “Yes. Its an extra tax on anyone stupid enough to gamble away all their money.”
Doog: “Ah, I see.”

Big: “We are outside of the Spinning Sun Casino, a favorite among the tourists.”

Doog: “Shall we head inside Big?”
Big: “Just a second Doog. I see a chick with a big tree on her shirt. I have good line for that.”
Doog: “No! No! Let’s go inside.”

Big: “The Spinning Sun Casino has several unusual, and somewhat unfair, table games. The Galactic Gamblers Association has listed these games as a zero on the integrity scale.”

Doog: What games do we have here?”
Big: “Well, on the left side of the screen we have ‘Guess What Color I’m Thinking Of‘ and on the right, we have ‘Guess What Emotion I‘m Feeling Right Now‘.”

Doog: “Hmmm, I put a day’s salary on lime green.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was red.”
Doog: “Ok, ok, I’ll put two day’s salary on pink.”
Dealer: “Nope. It was tan.”
Doog: “Dang, so close!”

Doog: “I think I’ll try my luck over here. Let’s see. I bet a day’s salary that you are angry.”
Dealer: “No. I am happy.”
Doog: “Dang! Your face really threw me off. Let’s see, I bet…”
Big: “Maybe you should stop Doog. You are already doing this show for free now.”
Doog: “Crap! You’re right Big. Let’s get out of here.”
Dealer: “Thanks for gaming at the Spinning Sun Casino. The LIU appreciates your contributions to the Stupidity Tariff.”
Doog: “Why you Son of Pelagion Beach!”
Dealer: “SECURITY!”

Doog: “Well, we narrowly escaped the casino security, and we are now aboard a LIU Party Hoverboat. Hoverboats, like this, are common in the waters around Eluceo and its surrounding islands. We are taking this boat south to the Cliffland Isles. Who knows what kind of party we will find there.”

Doog: “These Hoverboats hover just above the water, giving guests an illusion of a cruise without the pains of sea sickness.”

Doog: “The LIU Party Hoverboats have several amenities, like a built in pool and several bars. Hey Big, where did you go?”

Big: “Hey do you ladies want to see something bigger than a Hoverboat?”

Doog: “Big? Big? Where are you?”

Doog: “Well, I finally found Big and we’ve been dropped off on one of the Cliffland Isles. What’s the deal Big? I don’t see any parties, hot chicks, or resorts. I thought Pelago was a Tropical Resort World?”
Big: “Well, it is and it isn’t. Eluceo and some the islands closest to the city are dedicated solely to being a Tropical Resort. The vast majority of the islands are dedicated to agriculture.”
Doog: “Agriculture! You’ve got to be &%#$$@* me! I thought this trip was going to be fun. I never saw anything in the brochures about agriculture!”
Big: “Well Doog, like it or not, agriculture is an important part of this planet.”

Doog: “Fine. Let‘s get this over with. What kind of agriculture does this planet support?”
Big: “Well, here on the Cliffland Isles, there is very little real estate. The little patches of land available are used to grow various tropical fruits and vegetables. Here, they are growing Pelagion Dingleberries.”
Doog: “Dingleberries?”
Big: “Yes Doog. These juicy berries are world famous. When fermented, Dingleberries make a delicious wine that is extremely intoxicating. It’s popular among college age males. It knocks the chicks right out.”

Doog: “Well we’re done with the agriculture. Let’s grab a barrel of Dingleberry wine and head out.”
Big: “Oh, not yet. The Cliffland Isles have many forms of agriculture. Besides, after this, we still have to check of the northern farms.”
Doog: “Alright, let’s hurry this up. And don’t forget to grab a barrel. I always need all the help I can get.”
Big: “Don’t worry. I already have three barrels at my place.”

Big: “There are also several banana farms here on Pelago. I have several pick-up lines dealing with bananas if you’re interested in hearing any.”
Doog: “Absolutely not. Let’s move on.”

Big: “This Cliffside plantation is growing Pelagion Hot Peppers. They are one of the largest peppers in the universe.”

Big: “They are also one of the hottest peppers in the universe. These peppers are grown for industrial purposes only and are not recommended for consumption.”
Doog: “Industrial purposes?”
Big: “Yeah, like the production of Pepper Spray.”

Doog: “So they aren’t going to help us with the chicks?”
Big: “Not unless you want to move into illegal territory.”
Doog: “Nope, I’m not that desperate, yet. Let‘s move on.”

Big: “Pelago’s vast ocean contains millions of fish and supports a large fishing industry.”

Big: “Independent fishing boats catch their quota of fish and bring them to Cliffside processing plants, like this, to unload and sell.”

Doog: “What kind of fish are you catching?”
Fisherman: “We catch the Pelagion Snub Nose Longfish. They’re worth a pretty penny on the open market.
Unfortunately, that’s all the LIU gives us for them. A penny.”
Big: “Man! It’s too bad there are no chicks around. Id like to show them my Snub Nose Longfish.”
Doog: “Big! What did I say about that!”
Big: “Sorry.”

Fisherman #2: “The LIU processing center sells us bait at five cents a pound, nearly eliminating our entire profit. We can barely get by.”
Doog: “Well cry me a river. I’m working for free this week. Stupid casinos…”

Doog: “Well, I left Big outside, and I am now inside the Cliffside Processing Center. I’m joined by the Chief Processing Manager, uh…we’ll just call him Chief. Give us a quick rundown of this facility.”
Chief: “Well, the fish are kept on ice until they can be processed.”

Chief: “When we are ready, they are taken to this first room.”

Chief: “Using table saws, like these, engineers remove the fish’s head and tail. These parts are known to contain deadly parasites.”

Chief: The head and tail are then incinerated in these giant furnaces. It prevents any accidental contamination.”

Chief: “The fish bodies are then moved to this room to be processed even further.”

Chief: “Engineers then remove the skin from the fish with this grinder.”

Chief: “The skinless fish are then chopped up into smaller pieces. This is a bad job to have if you have problems paying attention. Right Jim?”
Jim: “Grrr…”

Chief: “The small pieces of fish are then placed into a can and closed up.”

Chief: “The cans are then boxed up and shipped out across the universe.”
Doog: “Thanks Chief.”

Doog: “Well I’ve rejoined with Big and we’ve headed north to
the Northern Farms. I see no isles in sight and I have no idea what they could
be farming. What are do they farm out here Big, dust?”

Big: “The farms are actually at the bottom of the ocean Doog. Here, they cultivate large Kelp fields.”

Doog: “Kelp?”
Big: “That’s right. Workers use the LIU Kelp Tractor to process the Kelp growing on the ocean floor.”

Doog: “Well folks we are out of time. Thanks for joining us once again. We hope you’ve enjoyed this first season of LIU Atlas.”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Behind the Scenes - The Magellan

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Season 1 - Episode 7 - Vastitas

8/5/2015

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LIU Atlas - Vastitas

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

LIU Atlas - Vastitas

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here on the planet Vastitas. Vastitas is classified as a moderately hot desert planet. Vastitas receives less than one inch of precipitation a solar cycle and has no native vegetation."

Doog: "I've landed on Vastitas' Southern Hemisphere in what is known as the Oleum Plains."

Doog: "Today, I'm joined by Vastitas' Regional Supervisor Al-Aqaba. How are you Al?"
Al: "I am doing great Doog. I'd prefer if you call Al-Aqaba or even Aqaba, but I've seen your show enough times to know that's not going to happen."
Doog: "You know it Al. So, what can you tell us about Vastitas?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas is a desert planet that is abundant in several natural resources. We mine these resources and ship them to other planets in the LIU Galaxy."
Doog: "And what is that you are carrying in your hand?"

Al: "Ah, this is my LIU Personal Sun Shield. When deployed like this, it shields me from solar radiation."
Doog: "Solar radiation?"
Al: "Well Doog, Vastitas’ star emits tons of radiation. It's the main reason the planet is so devoid of life."
Doog: "So...where is my Sun Shield?"
Al: "I only brought one Doog."
Doog: "Of course you did..."

Al: "Ah, our transport has arrived Doog."
Doog: "What is this?"
Al: "This Doog, is the LIU Quad-Velocicopter. It's one of the few transports that function reliably in the dust filled atmosphere of Vastitas."
Doog: "And where will it take us?"
Al: "Well Doog, I was thinking that we would check out the oil fields first."
Doog: "Sounds good."

Al: "Vast oil deposits were discovered in Vastitas' southern hemisphere several hundred years ago. Large rigs, like this, were built to extract the oil."

Al: "These large pipes extend for hundreds of miles under Vastitas' surface. They bring the oil up from various wells in the area."

Doog: "Al, I can't see anything from down here. How do we get to the top?"

Al: "Well Doog, my LIU Sun Shield has a built in gravity lift allowing me to fly short distances. I can fly us to the entrance."

Doog: "I can't believe you have a flying umbrella Al. In fact, it's so cool I've decided to stop calling you Al."
Al: "Hey! Thanks Doog."
Doog: "No problem Mary."
Al: "Wait... What? Why are you calling my Mary now."
Doog: "Because your flying umbrella reminds me of Mary Poppins."
Al: "Whatever Doog. I'll wait here. You can check out the rig without me."

Doog: "Well folks, I'm now joined by Platform Engineer Haut Azim. What do you do here Haut?"
Haut: "As you said Doog. I am a platform engineer. It is my job to run this entire rig. I monitor pressure on the storage tanks behind me and tighten valves like this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to tightening this valve."
Doog: "It looks like it's already tight to me. I mean seriously, how often do you tighten this one valve?"
Haut: "Look Doog, a five year old could run this rig. I mean, heck, most of it run by computers anyway. The only thing the computer can't do is tighten valves, so, I don't care if I have to tighten this same valve a thousand times a day, I'm going to do it. And Doog, I swear you better not use that on your show. I don't want to lose this job."
Doog: "I wouldn't dream of it..."

Doog: "Well, I'm back here with Mary. Where are we now?"
Al: "Look Doog. Can we drop this Mary thing. I mean, it's a LIU Sun Shield with built in gravity lift, not a magic umbrella."
Doog: "Aww, you know what would make you feel better? A spoon full of sugar."
Al: "Whatever Doog. We are now a few miles from the rig on one of the local oil fields."
Doog: "And what is this thing?"

Al: "This is a pump jack. The pump jacks pump oil closer to the surface where it is then taken by underground pipes to the nearby rig."
Doog: "Exciting stuff. So what's next?"
Al: "Well Doog, the LIU had to find a way to utilize the vast spaces between the pump jacks and rigs. They couldn't let the land go to waste. So they imported thousands of desert dwelling Cyclopians."

Doog: "Imported Cyclopians?"
Al: "Yes Doog. The Cyclopian race originated from a desert planet. They are well suited for this environment."
Doog: "And how do Cyclopians help the LIU profit?"
Al: "Well, the Cyclopians were also allowed to bring herds of Ojo Beetles. Ojo Beetles are from the same planet as
the Cyclopians and are equally suited for this environment. The Ojo Beetles' eggs are delicacy and highly profitable.

Doog: "How do they control them? I mean, they look big and mean."
Al: "Oh, they're not mean at all. They've been domesticated for thousands of years now. Besides, they use these static spears to keep them in line. These spears get electrically charged by the large volumes of dust blowing through the air."

Doog: "That's cool, but I was actually talking about the Cyclopians. How does the LIU control them. I know they've been linked to a crime increase around the universe."
Al: "Well, that is somewhat true. The Universal Space Police have had their hands full with some of the Cyclopians, but that's because they didn't integrate well into society. When they are left in a native environment, away from society, they do quite well."

Al: "Oh look Doog, their Ojo Beetle is starting to lay eggs. These eggs are boxed up and transported back to their village."
Doog: "Can we see their village?"
Al: "Sure."

Al: "The Cyclopians here on Vastitas have maintained their family tribal structures. They live in small villages, like this one, with their family tribal group."

Doog: "Eww! What is that Mary?"
Al: "That Doog, is a baby Cyclopian. Its skin pigment has yet to turn yellow. Most baby Cyclopians are still green like this. If you look to the baby's right, you'll see the tribal chief and his wife. Cyclopian females are forbidden from showing their skin."

Doog: "The whole group sleeps in that little hut?"
Al: "Well Doog, they don't have many resources. The LIU doesn't supply them with much."
Doog: "I thought you said Ojo Beetle eggs were profitable?"
Al: "They are profitable for the LIU, but not the Cyclopians. The LIU only trades a few barrels a water for the eggs. The Cyclopians are forced to accept the offer because there is almost no natural water on Vastitas."

Doog: "Well folks, our LIU Quad-Velocicopter has picked us up and we are now flying north to the region known as the Pall Rocklands. The Pall Rocklands circle the entire planet and are clearly visible from space. What caused this unusual band to form around the planet Mary?"

Al: "Well, it appears that Vastitas once had a small moon. Several million years ago, this moon was truck by a comet or asteroid causing it to break up into thousands of pieces. These pieces eventually fell down to Vastitas' surface, creating this distinct band."

Al: "It is believed that this catastrophic event made Vastitas the dry desert planet it is today. Fortunately, this event also deposited a ton of minerals in this region."
Doog: "And you guys mines these minerals?"
Al: "Precisely."

Doog: "Whoa, what's that?"
Al: "That is a LIU Automated Mine Cart. These carts transport minerals from the mines to the loading platforms in the area."
Doog: "Can we see the mines?"
Al: "Well, I'm afraid not. The LIU has banned all life forms from entering the mines on Vastitas. Only machines,
like this, are allowed to enter."
Doog: "Can we at least see the entrance Mary?"
Al: "Uh... I guess, as long as you promise not do anything stupid."
Doog: "I would never dream of doing anything stupid Mary. Trust me."

Al: "Well Doog, we're at the mine's entrance. These Automated Mine Carts drive up onto the tracks and enter the mine."
Doog: "Hmmm...I wonder what the inside of the cart's bucket looks like."

Al: "Wait! Doog what are you doing!?!"
Doog: "Relax Mary, I'm just checking out what the inside of this cart looks like...then checking out what the inside of the mine looks like."

Al: "Hey wait! What was that last part? Doog!"
Doog: "Sorry Mary. See ya soon."

Doog: "Alright viewers, I appear to be in some sort of mine. Mrs. Poppins said all life forms were banned from the inside of the mine, but I see plenty of people in here. I think I'll hop on out and interview a few of them."

Doog: "Hey there buddy. How's it going?"
Man: "Oh dear Emperor! Please help us! I've been digging for months! And...and...my friend has been VAPORIZED! Please HELP us!"

Doog: "Wow, what a downer. Let's see if we can find someone a little less crazy to talk with. Aha, that guy over there looks good."

Doog: "Hello there. I'm Doog. Who are you?"
Bot #1: "I am a LIU Productivity Enhancement Bot, model #SL4V3DR1V3R, unit number 1. Now, return to work immediately.
Doog: "Oh, you must be mistaken, I'm the host of LIU Atlas. I don't work here, in fact, I really don't work period. I just walk around on all these strange planets with a microphone."

Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "Geez, does everyone down here have a case of the stupids. I'll say it real slow for you. I...don't...work..."

Doog: "OWWWWWWWWW. What the heck man! That hurt."
Bot #1: "Return to work now. You have three seconds before I am forced to utilize my Electric Productivity Prod."
Doog: "OK, OK, but I don't have a shovel. I'm just going to walk over there and get one....OWWWWWW! Dang it will you stop that. OWWWWWW!

Doog: "Somebody help me! Why are you guys all standing around digging, I need HELP!"

Doog: "Please Mr. Productivity Bot. I don't work here."
Bot #1: "Repeated attempts have been made to enhance this worker's productivity with negative results. Uploading request for use of deadly force. Please stand by."
Doog: "WHAT!"

Al: "Doog you idiot! I told not to come down here. Hurry up and jump inside."
Doog: "Thank the Emperor, Mary! This thing is crazy. Let's get out of here!"

Doog: "What the heck was that Mary? Are those...slaves?"
Al: "Of course not Doog. Slavery is banned by several Universal Accords. These are just "involunteers". They don't want to do the this job and are forced down here, but they do get paid, in the form of free housing and food."
Doog: "That sure sounds like slavery to me Mary."
Al: "Well, it's not. So shut up about it. The LIU isn't going to be happy if you keep saying that."
Doog: "True. Well, where is this cart taking us?"
Al: "Hopefully, to a loading area where we can get out of here."

Bot #2: "A cart approaches. Get prepared to load immediately.

Involunteer: "OWWW! The cart hasn't even pulled up yet! Why are you shocking me!"

Doog: “Er...this cart's full. Thanks anyway though. Uhh, thanks for your involuntary service, I guess."

Doog: "Mary and I have finally escaped the mines. The LIU has forbidden us from showing our escape route, just in case an involunteer accidentally sees this show. We've exited the mines to the north and we are now in the Vermis Plains."

Doog: "Well Mary, where are we now?"
Al: "As you said, we are in the Vermis Plains. These plains, while still dry, are one of the wetter regions of Vastitas. It actually has enough water to support the growth of various species of Sand Algae. It is also home to one of Vastitas' few native species, the Vermis Worm."
Doog: "Vermis Worm?"
Al: "Yes Doog, Vermis Worms feed on algae growing in the sand, but they are opportunistic predators, they will eat anything they can find."
Doog: "Like us?"
Al: "Yes. Like us."
Doog: "What's the rumbling Mary?"

Al: "RUN Doog! We've got worms!"

Doog: "It's coming for us Mary! I think it's time to use that magic umbrella!"
Al: "Grab on Doog!"
Doog: "This umbrella is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary!"

Doog: "Well folks, anytime I almost die more than once on a single planet I call it quits. Besides, I have sand in places that will make a grown man cry. See ya next time!"

Note:

"Several images shot for LIU Atlas Vastitas were done with our new LIU Remote Hover Camera. When your camera man is too scared or unable to follow you, you can use this new remotely controlled camera to get your shots."

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 1 - Episode 8 - Pelago

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