​Doog: “Welcome to the season finale of Season 12 of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re wrapping up both the season and our tour of the Hyperplexity by visiting the remote space-station, L1-L1. L1-L1, like most of the galaxy’s space-stations, is named after its galactic position. This large station orbits the galactic center directly – keeping it in a fixed position within the Hyperplexity. This place is supposedly a research station, but I have no idea what they’re researching. Given the geography, I’d guess, loneliness.  It’s pretty sparse out here. Well, the only way to find out is to land. Let’s head down.”

​Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in the station’s cargo bay. My initial observations are that this is a space-station. It’s easily distinguishable by its dry, sterile air. We already knew it was a space-station coming-in, so I’m not sure I delivered any new information. I guess we’ll have to wait for my guide to get any relevant information.”

​Chief: “Hey there, big man. You must be Doog. Welcome to Sakigake Station. I’m Jake Atorasu, but everyone here calls me Chief.”
Doog: “Chief, huh? Chief Engineer? Chief Scientist?”
Chief: “Nope. I’m just a pilot.”
Doog: “A Chief Pilot?”
Chief: “Nope, not even that. I’m just a regular pilot, bud.”
Doog: “That’s weird.”
Chief: “It is, man. It is.”

​Doog: “I was so distracted by your nickname, that I forgot to ask what you called this place.”
Chief: “I think this is called Corridor #83 or #85 or something. I’m not too sure.”
Doog: “No, not this exact place. You called the space-station something else. Like, Mahi-mahi Station or something like that.”
Chief: “Oh. My bad. Yeah, this place is called Sakigake Station.”
Doog: “I thought it was called L1-L1.”
Chief: “L1-L1 are the station’s coordinates. I mean, officially, that’s the name, but, like me, it has a nickname. Nobody calls it by its official name. We call it, Sakigake, which roughly translates to ‘pathfinder’.”
Doog: “Pathfinder?”
Chief: “Yep.”

​Chief: “Ha! Hilarious!”
Doog: “What?”
Chief: “Mahi-mahi Station. That’s hilarious! I finally got it!”
Doog: “It wasn’t THAT funny. Wait a minute…. I think I see what’s happening here.”
Chief: “What do you mean?”
Doog: “I’m no detective, but if we look at the clues…your delayed reaction to my joke…you thinking said joke is funny…people call you ‘Chief’. You’re high, aren’t you?”
Chief: “Perhaps a tad. Call it a perk of my job, big man.”
Doog: “I’m not sure what your job is, but how do I apply?!”
Chief: “Ha! The Pathfinder Mission is always searching for more pilots, especially funny ones. The mood can be a little somber here. You should sign up!”
Doog: “I’m not a pilot, but maybe you’re in need of a TV Host or an equally non-talented person?”
Chief: “Outside of pilots, I think we’re only looking for people that know science and stuff. It never hurts to try though.”
Doog: “I don’t science at all, but don’t count me out. I have some skills. What is this mission?”

​Chief: “The Pathfinder mission seeks faster hyperspace routes through the galaxy’s Deep Core region. There are a few routes that come close, like the Corcot Run and the Deep Core Expressway, but they don’t actually cross through the galaxy’s true deep core. Finding new, shorter routes could save time and money. It might even make the Hyperplexity more accessible.”
Doog: “This requires high pilots?”
Chief: “No, regular, lowly pilots can do it too.”
Doog: “No, I mean, high on drugs.”
Chief: “Oh, ha. Yeah, I get you. No, drugs have nothing to do with it.”

​Chief: “Some of the galaxy’s greatest scientists study collected data in an attempt to calculate shorter more direct routes through the galaxy. However, the problem lies in the data. It’s hard to get clear information from that part of the galaxy. There’s gravitational distortions, dense regions of unmapped stars, and a massive blackhole in the way.”
Doog: “This station plans on fixing that?”
Chief: “Yeah, man. I think so.”
Doog: “And drugs help?”
Chief: “Not that I know of, but testing proposed routes is extremely dangerous. Us pilots get some leeway when it comes to extracurricular activities.”
Doog: “You test the new routes?”
Chief: “Well…”

Chief: “…eventually. There’s plenty of steps before that though.”
Doog: “Like what? What am I looking at here?”
Chief: “This is the probe lab.”
Doog: “Probe lab? What are they probing?”

Chief: “No, bud. We don't probe anyone. We send them out. The LIU has sent out thousands, if not millions, of drones to more accurately map the Deep Core.”
Doog: “And they haven’t found a better way across the core?”
Chief: “Don’t underestimate the core’s size and density. There’s probably twenty million stars within a parsec of the core. It’s super dense. The drones help, but they only deliver a fraction of the necessary information.”
Doog: “Why aren’t you sending more?”
Chief: “Gravity, and, uh…hyperspace are… enemies. Yeah, let’s call them that. We can’t send too many probes, because most will be ripped from Hyperspace and will be destroyed by gravity. Each round of probes gets us more information. The plan is simple; we strategically send exponential rounds of probes as information becomes more and more available.”
Doog: “So, each round is more accurate?”
Chief: “Yep. The more info we have, the more probes that survive. The more that survive…”
Doog: “The more info we have.”
Chief: “Nailed it, dude!”

​Chief: “The number of probes dispersed depends on this lab. It’s called the Telemetry Center. They use new data from the probes to deliver more accurate mapping info for the next round of probes. I think. I’m having trouble concentrating with these potato chips cravings.”
Doog: “Fight the munchies. Tell us more.”
Chief: “I guess I know some more stuff. Maybe. Hopefully.”
Doog: “Don’t let our viewers get too confident in our reporting…”
Chief: “Huh?”
Doog: “Nothing. Please, continue.”
Chief: “Alrighty. After a dozen or so rounds of probe launches, we have some early contenders for new routes. I can’t remember any at this moment…”
Doog: “Because of drug-induced memory loss?”
Chief: “No, because of the ever-increasing number of possible routes. I’m not a genius AI or something.”
Doog: “No one on this end is accusing you of that…”

​Chief: “Undoubtedly, given my chemically-enhanced status, but I wasn’t trying to be funny. We actually have an AI attempting to compute our more promising routes.”
Doog: “So, you do. I see that now.”
Chief: “Hey bud! How’s it computing, Anaximander?”

​Anaximander: “All my computation software is running at expected levels. My processors are below the predetermined temperature ranges.”
Chief: “Ha. Don’t be so literal, dude. I mean, how’s the search for routes going?”
Anaximander: “Progress is slow, but that is expected given the slow trickle of information available for analysis.”
Doog: “What does that mean?”
Chief: “Don’t ask me.”
Anaximander: “Each successive round of probes delivers more information, but, without all the information, I cannot form full routes. It is like trying to put together a puzzle without all the pieces.”
Chief: “That does sound hard. It’s hard enough putting together puzzles with all the pieces.”
Doog: “Maybe for you, Chief, but I’m not judging. You’re living my dream life.”

​Doog: “So, have you made any progress at all? Is there any part of the puzzle you’ve been able to put together?”
Anaximander: “A few years ago, I discovered a new hyperspace route called the Sakigake Reroute #6. While a nice achievement, the route is longer and less efficient than both the Corcot Run and the Deep Core Expressway. It did connect a few more worlds into the galactic economy, though. It will have its uses.”
Doog: “That’s something, I guess.”
Anaximander: “I have also calculated nearly a million partial routes in the Deep Core. Some stretch a few star systems, some cross fifty systems. Finding connections between these shorter routes will yield a hyperspace route twice as effective as anything currently in existence. I am ninety-six percent certain.”
Doog: “Hey, I’m not sure if I understand everything you’re saying, but I appreciate your effort. Anything that makes galactic travel shorter and faster is alright in my book. I spend most of my life travelling.”

​Doog: “So, this place has probes, an AI, science labs, and…a gym? I don’t see how this fits.”
Chief: “Yeah, I’m not a big fan myself, bud.”
Doog: “What? I didn’t ask if you’re a fan of gyms. I’m asking why we’re in a gym on a science-station?”
Chief: “Oh, ha. Yeah. I see your point.”
Doog: “And?”
Chief: “And what?”
Doog: “WHY is there a gym here?! WHY are we in it?!”
Chief: “Oh, I see. Well, we’re getting close to the pilot quarters. There are facilities like these to keep us pilots in tiptop shape. As you can probably tell, I don’t come here often.”
Doog: “Then why did we come here today?!”

​Chief: “Ha, I’m not sure. I spaced out. I think I was following you.”
Doog: “I was following YOU!”
Chief: “Ha, I guess its lucky we didn’t end up in an airlock.”
Doog: “For the love of the Emperor! Can we move on? It’s not fun being the sober one.”

​Chief: “No worries, Doog. This part of the station is all connected. It won’t take us long to get to the bays.”
Doog: “Unless you zone-out again. Speaking of which, you’re still with us, aren’t you?”
Chief: “I’m still here. I’m totally focused. The bay is not far off now; it’s just on the other side of the centrifuge.”
Doog: “The centrifuge? Is this one of those things that tests G-forces?”
Chief: “Yep. I hate this thing. I prefer to get the spins from…”
Doog: “…ingesting drugs. Yeah, I get it. Quit rubbing it in. Why do you pilots need to be able to withstand G-forces? Don’t inertia dampeners counter G-forces?”
Chief: “Under normal circumstances, but not when travelling in the high gravitational areas of the deep core.”

​Doog: “You fly in the deep core?”
Chief: “I wouldn’t be a good test pilot if I didn’t.”
Doog: “You’re a test pilot?”
Chief: “Well, yeah, man. I thought that was obvious.”
Doog: “How would that be obvious? You never said anything about that.”
Chief: “You think they let normal pilots get high? I don’t think so. Only us test jockeys that risk our lives get leeway like that.”
Doog: “I didn’t know you had to risk dying to get free drugs.  Maybe I’ll stay at my current job.”

​Doog: “So, what are you testing? Better ships?”
Chief: “The LIU is attacking the routing problem from two-sides. First side, find better routes – AI’s, probes, and scientists. The other side, develop better hardware – test pilots and new hyperspace technology.”
Doog: “Brute forcing your way through the core?”
Chief: “In a way. More powerful hyperspace engines are able to resist the pull of gravity for much longer. If you develop an engine that’s strong enough, then you might be able to take routes that were otherwise impossible.”
Doog: “Opening up more possible routes.”
Chief: “Nailed it again, bud.”

​Chief: “We’ve been testing this beast for the last year or so. It has some of the most powerful engines ever built into a single-seater. We call her, ‘Starblazer’, because she’s a trailblazer, but in the stars.”
Doog: “Yeah, I picked up on that one.”
Chief: “Starblazer has eight, state-of-the-art hyperspace engines. She can maintain hyperflight in some extreme gravity. She’ll stay in hyperspace a few hundred kilometers from of a type G star. Heck, she’ll skim the corona of a type M without missing a pulse.”
Doog: “That sounds good. Those letters mean something, I’m sure.”
Chief: “There is a problem though. While the engines can withstand the gravitational fields, we’re not entirely sure the hull or inertial dampeners can. The ship could break apart or the pilot could be violently crushed by excessive G’s.”
Doog: “That’s what you test? Geez, that sounds dangerous.”
Chief: “It is, bud. It is. If I didn’t have something to take the edge off, my anxiety would be through the roof.”

Chief: “Each test pushes her boundaries even further. I might be the first person to navigate the deepest parts of the core, or I could die alone, light-centuries from the next lifeform. Frick, saying that out loud gave me chills. I think we need to wrap things up. Time for part four of my anti-anxiety rips.”
Doog: “I think I needs some of those too. I never imagined how scary your job could be.”
Chief: “I’d like some company, especially a funny guy like you. Meet back in the dorms after you wrap things up. I could spare a few doses.”

Doog: “Well folks, that was L1-L1, AKA Sakigake Station. This station is home to the Pathfinder Mission, a quest to find quicker routes through the dense, deep core of the galaxy. These routes have the potential to cut down on galactic travel times. The station uses a variety of methods for determining these routes – an AI, hyperspace probes, and a full science team. They are also attempting to tackle the problem from another angle – making more powerful engines. Unfortunately, brave men and women have to risk their lives to test these new engines. It’s a steep price to pay for the travel convenience of the galactic populace. At least they get rewarded with good drugs though. Speaking of good drugs, I have some more in-depth reporting to do in Chief’s dorm. See ya next season!”
 
 
Note: Test pilots with the Pathfinder Mission are supplied with several mind-altering drugs to combat the anxiety and despair associated with their jobs, including:

• Awe (stimulant – increases reaction time and focus – usually used to counteract the effects of other drugs during flights)
• Tetrahydrocannabinol (depressant/stimulant – treats anxiety)
• Purplex (depressant – barbiturate-based sleeping aid and relaxant)
• AOF (opioid/narcotic – street name ‘Silly Lilly’ – hallucinogenic pain-killer)

​The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
 
Previously on LIU Atlas:

Doog: “What’s happening!?”
RUN2: “We are being ambushed by a superior force. We won’t win this fight. Evacuate!”
Doog: “I’m freaking out! I’m too scared to run! What should I do?”
RUN2: “There are too many friendlies in the way. I can’t open up my cannon to max. If you won’t run, then I recommend surrendering. Otherwise, you’ll be dead like the others.”
Doog: “I surrender! I surrender! Do they understand me?”
RUN2: “We’ll find out in a few seconds….”
 
Now:

Doog: “Am I alive? Where am I?! What’s happening?!”
RUN2: “Try to remain calm. You are alive…for now. We’ve been taken prisoner by the Seor.”
Doog: “R.U.N.2, is that you? Why can’t I see you?”
RUN2: “Yes, I’m here with you…well, part of me anyways.”
Doog: “But I can’t see you! Why can’t I see?! Did they take my eyes?!”
RUN2: “Stop panicking. You can’t see because you’ve been blindfolded. You’re not missing much. It’s pretty dark in here.”
Doog: “Here? Where’s here?”
RUN2: “Some type of underground tunnel. I can’t get more detailed than that. I don’t have access to my full complement of spectral scanners at this moment.”
Doog: “Why not? And, why aren’t you shooting these guys and freeing us?”
RUN2: “I’ve been severely damaged. I have very few capabilities at this time. Don’t despair though. I have an idea.”

Doog: “What’s your idea? I’m up for about anything if we get to live. Well, unless it’s something ridiculous like running or exercising. In those scenarios, I’d probably rather die.”
RUN2: “I’m in. Full penetration.”
Doog: “You’re in? In what? I’m not up for anything like that either! Lump that into the running and exercise scenarios!”
RUN2: “I’ve gained access to the Hover Camera via its shortwave antenna. I can use the camera to pinpoint our location and send an SOS.”
Doog: “Oh…that type of penetration. Maybe say ‘hacked’ next time.”
RUN2: “Noted. I’ve also hacked the camera’s shooting mode. It should be able to see more in these low light conditions.”
Doog: “Why is that important? Do we really need our deaths captured in full quality?”
RUN2: “I can see through the camera and use it to better ascertain our situation. If our rescuers get close enough, they’ll be able to see through the camera too. It will improve our odds.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. Good thinking.”

Doog: “Wait…my blindfold got knocked loose when they shoved us into this cell. I think I can sort of see now…HOLY EMPEROR! You got damaged alright! You’re just a head!”
RUN2: “Yes. It’s not ideal. Luckily, my CPU is still operational, and I have enough power to remain functional for another thirty-six hours.”
Doog: “Is that enough time for a rescue?”
RUN2: “That depends.”
Doog: “Depends on what?”
RUN2: “If anyone is even coming in the first place.”
Doog: “WHAT!?”
RUN2: “Kottai Dept has limited resources. We might not be worth the risk.”
Doog: “I’m worth it! Hover Cam, tell them I’m worth it!”
RUN2: “We are not in direct communication. I can only broadcast our location. We do have other options to consider, though.”
Doog: “Screaming? Crying?”
RUN2: “No, that won’t help anything. The Seor have kept you alive so far. Maybe they don’t intend to kill you. Perhaps, you should attempt to befriend the natives.”
Doog: “I can make friends. I’m good at friends. Everyone likes me…usually.”
RUN2: “You want me to do the talking?”
Doog: “Yes, please.”

RUN2: “My translation of the Seor language is inexact, but I think this is the local leader. He or she calls themself, Kulam. I’ve introduced you and apologized for our transgressions.”
Doog: “Apologized for what? I didn’t do anything! They attacked me!”
RUN2: “Clearly, they believe they’ve been wronged in some fashion. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have attacked.  I believe apologizing, regardless of your individual behavior, is in our best interest.”
Doog: “So…we’re sucking up to these guys? Kissing some butts?”
RUN2: “Indeed. Was I not clear before? We need the Seor to like you.”
Doog: “Ooh, maybe we should throw in some compliments. Say something about their smiles or outfits or something.”
RUN2: “We are not attempting to date the natives. However, I will indicate to the Seor that we have a lot of respect for their culture.”

Doog: “You should have used my compliments! They’re marching us off to die now!”
RUN2: “Actually, they going to show us some of their culture. Kulam doesn’t believe we can respect their culture if we don’t know anything about them. The Seor are smarter than we’ve predicted.”
Doog: “Can I get these bindings off while we learn? I can’t feel my hands.”
RUN2: “Is that some type of joke?”
Doog: “What?”
RUN2: “You can’t feel your hands…”
Doog: “Oh, I forgot your only a head. Well, it wasn’t intentional. I guess I’ll stop complaining now.”

RUN2: “It appears our initial theories were incorrect. The Seor aren’t nomadic.”
Doog: “Yeah, these homes look pretty permanent.”
RUN2: “Permanent and underground. We didn’t expect either. Perhaps our mining activity has damaged some of the Seor’s settlements. That would explain why they attacked.”
Doog: “If they live mostly underground, why do we see so many on the surface? Why do they herd those creatures above ground?”
RUN2: “Let me ask.”

RUN2: “Interesting. The Seor use the Periya Kalai, or Perikali, to fertilize their underground fields. They don’t herd them to eat or to milk. They funnel them into fields above their crops, so the animals’ manure nourishes their harvest.”
Doog: “You guys were way off.”
RUN2: “We were. By disrupting the herds with our tracks, we were causing crops to die. We were unintentionally causing the Seor to starve.”
Doog: “You guys were starving them while also destroying their homes by mining. No wonder the Seor attacked.”
RUN2: “Yes. I will need to report these discoveries. It appears our current operations cannot coexist with the Seor.”
Doog: “It shouldn’t be too hard to fix. You’ll need higher tracks, and you’ll need to be more careful where you dig.”
RUN2: “Maybe.”

Doog: “What kind of crops are these?”
RUN2: “They are some type of root nodules. The nodules hold a type of bacteria that helps convert Perikali manure into nitrogen. Kulam said that these nodules are the only source of food for the Seor.”
Doog: “We can’t destroy their only food source.”
RUN2: “Perhaps.”

Doog: “Whoa, the natives have tons of fuki!”
RUN2: “Yes, it appears a large vein of euhedral coal runs through their village.”
Kulam: “Iḷañcivappu pāṟaikaḷukku eṅkaḷukku atika payaṉ illai. Eṅkaḷ pātukāppukkāka nāṅkaḷ varttakam ceyyalām.”
RUN2: “Oh really? That’s interesting.”
Doog: “What’s interesting? What did Kulam say?”
RUN2: “The Seor wish to trade their euhedral coal to the LIU. They only want safety in return.”
Doog: “That sounds great! The LIU gets free fuki, and the natives get to live. This might solve everything. Tell him yes! They might let us go if you say yes!”
RUN2: “Maybe.”
Doog: “Why won’t you answer anything definitively? Every discovery we make about the Seor makes conflict easier to avoid. We’ve discovered tons of ways to make this relationship work, but you respond to every suggestion with, ‘maybe’ and ‘perhaps’.”
RUN2: “It is not my place to make any decisions for the LIU. Remember, we are only feigning interest to stay alive and buy time. Ultimately, this is just a ploy.”
Doog: “But, we figured this out. I’m sure the LIU will approve.”
RUN2: “Maybe. Without long range communication, I can’t confirm any deals with LIU leadership. For now, we should continue to play along.”

RUN2: “Kulam is as impatient as you are, it seems. He wants an answer. He’s even upped his offer. He will free you if we agree.”
Doog: “What are you waiting for!? Tell him yes, even if it’s a lie!”
RUN2: “If he frees you, the Hover Cam will leave, right?”
Doog: “Yeah, it’s programmed to follow me. What does that have to do with anything?”
RUN2: “If the Hover Cam leaves, I won’t have navigational and communication abilities.”
Doog: “So! I’ll be free! Who cares about you? You’re a robot!”
RUN2: “The survival of Kottai Depot is more important than your life. I need the Hover Cam to fulfill my mission.”
Doog: “Your mission is to make sure this famous TV host survives!”
RUN2: “My mission is to eliminate any threats to mining productivity. I’ve tolerated your survival because it has aided my primary mission.”
Doog: “You don’t care about anything we’ve learned, do you?”
RUN2: “Some of the information is of strategic importance. I’m afraid that’s all I’m programmed to interpret.”

Doog: “That’s it! Hover Cam! Stay with R.U.N.2! Don’t follow me! If you stay, I can go!”
RUN2: “I don’t think your camera has intelligence. It’s programmed to follow your identification chip. It has no choice in the matter.”
Doog: “Sure it does. Look it’s moving up.”
RUN2: “That’s odd. Why is it doing that?”
Doog: “Hover Cam always listens.”
RUN2: “I don’t think so. I think the camera is obtaining a better tactical angle.”
Doog: “What? Why?”
RUN2: “You need to get down.”
Doog: “Why? Will the camera listen if I beg from my knees?”
RUN2: “No. Something else is controlling the Hover Cam. I think our rescue party has arrived.”

Doog: “STOP! STOP! I brokered us a deal! R.U.N.2 stop them! Give them the information!”
RUN2: “Negative. My limited processing power is fully devoted to target identification. I’m trying to keep us from getting hit by friendly fire.”
Doog: “The Seor are innocent! They’re friendlies too!”

Doog: “Rencar, is that you? You have to stop your attack! The Seor want peace.”
Rencar: “It didn’t seem like they wanted peace when they killed our men in that mine.”
Doog: “Your mining operation has been killing the Seor for years. You’ve destroyed their homes and crops. Despite this, they wanted peace. They wanted to trade.”
Rencar: “Hmm. It’s a little late for that information now.”
Doog: “What do you mean?”
Rencar: “R.U.N.2 has been identifying and mapping targets since you two were captured. We’ve eliminated every target that you guys encountered. This settlement has basically been eradicated.”
Doog: “Stupid robot! All these deaths could have been avoided!”
RUN2: “My decisions were tactically sound. You remained alive and disruptions to mining operations were minimized.”
Doog: “Do you have any semblance of a soul? Is everything just a number?”
Rencar: “Ooh. I see our mistake now.”
Doog: “Mistake?”
Rencar: “When we engaged R.U.N.2’s ‘mute mode’ during the tour, we might have limited his decision-making powers. Essentially, it locks him into tactical mode.”
Doog: “So, this is your fault?”
Rencar: “Well, I wouldn’t say that. You’re the one that wanted him to stop talking.”
Doog: “I’m not taking the blame for this. I didn’t know not talking equaled apathetic serial-killer mode.”
Rencar: “Uh…maybe it’s nobody’s fault. What if we just look at the positives? You guys learned some valuable stuff about the natives that we can put to use later.”
Doog: “They’re all dead now. There is no later.”
Rencar: “There are other settlements. We can use this new information to make peace with them. We can give their deaths meaning.”
Doog: “Whatever helps you sleep.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve been rescued. I didn’t really need rescued because the natives weren’t all that dangerous. They were just defending their homes and crops. Like with most conflicts, a little understanding goes a long way. A few face-to-face meetings could have settled everything without all this unnecessary death. Technology has its place, but it can’t solve everything. It even makes some things worse. Speaking of worse, Rencar really messed this all up. It’s his fault. I had nothing to do with this! Oh well, see ya!”
Rencar: “Hey!”
 
 
Note: This is the third confirmed ‘Mute Mode Massacre’ associated with the R.U.N. model. Engaging mute mode prohibits the unit from utilizing its emotional and empathetic programming, forcing it to rely solely on tactical software.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting one of the most remote planets in the Hyperplexity, Seorsus. Seorsus orbits the supergiant, Seorsum, a member of a quadruple star system. The gravitational anomalies produced by this star grouping make travel here really difficult. It takes almost a full week of sub-light travel and several small hyperspace jumps to reach this isolated world. The residents of Seorsus must be able to survive on their own – help is weeks away. Let’s head down and see how they do it.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off in the planet’s largest settlement, Kottai Depot. As you can see, I’m wearing a respirator. Seorsus has plenty of oxygen, but it is extremely dusty. Miniscule particulates of sand and rock are suspended in the atmosphere. That’s why the sky is so red. This reddish dust cloud can cause respiratory distress if inhaled, and I don’t want that. I probably should have worn even more protective gear – I don’t want this irritating dust anywhere on my body.”

Rencar: “Mr. McDoogal, welcome to Kottai Depot. I’m Lieutenant Governor Rencar. I’ll be showing you around Seorsus.”
Doog: “Call me Doog, Lieutenant. Speaking of Lieutenants, should I be saluting right now? I didn’t know this was a military outpost.”
Rencar: “There’s no need to salute. This isn’t a military depot, and I’m not a military officer. Lieutenant, in my case, means junior or second-in-command. I’m second to the System Governor.”
Doog: “That sounds important.”
Rencar: “It is, at least on Seorsus. Lieutenant Governors aren’t usually that important in other systems. It’s typically just a title. But here, it means a lot. Our isolation requires us to have clearly defined lines of succession. We can’t wait weeks for replacements. Someone has to be able to move up and take over vacant positions quickly.”
Doog: “Makes sense. I didn’t really even think about that.”
Rencar: “That’s just one of many issues that comes with our isolation. Most other worlds don’t have the problems that we deal with.”
Doog: “What’s some others?”

Rencar: “Well, maintaining our food supply is a big issue. Resupply ships are rare. Imported food has to last for months, requiring us to ration between deliveries. To offset this difficulty, we try our best to grow some of our own food. There are greenhouses positioned throughout the depot.”
Doog: “Could you imagine not getting a delivery and…shudders… having to eat plants for weeks and weeks?”
Rencar: “I don’t have to imagine that. It’s happened before.”
Doog: “This place is terrible!”

Rencar: “We must maintain a security force at all times.”
Doog: “To stop the vegetable riots?”
Rencar: “The what?”
Doog: “You know, when everyone goes mad from eating only plants for weeks.”
Rencar: “Not that specifically, but they do help maintain law and order. Their primary responsibility is to defend the depot.”
Doog: “Defend it from what?”
Rencar: “Pirates, marauders, and even the locals. Assistance is weeks away. If we ever came under attack, we’d have no help for a long time. We must be able to defend ourselves.”

Rencar: “Energy is another issue. We only get fuel and energy imports a few times a year. We have to ration fuel and energy just like food. Solar-energy systems supplement our imported supply and insure we at least have some energy if imports cease.”
Doog: “So…I guess this isn’t a good time to ask if I can charge my phone…”
Rencar: “I’m afraid not.”
Doog: “Bummer.”
Rencar: “We also have to be able to repair any system that fails, so we have a full maintenance and engineering crew stationed here.”
Doog: “I see. Why go through all these hardships? What makes it worth the trouble?”
Rencar: “Follow me.”

Rencar: “Seorsus is loaded with a rare mineral that we call ‘euhedral coal’.”
Doog: “Eu-what?”
Rencar: “Euhedral coal, a crystalline compound of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen. It’s the pink rocks on those mining carts. If it makes it any easier, we sometimes call it ‘fuki’.”
Doog: “Fuki?”
Rencar: “Yep, because it’s used to fuel Fusion kilns.”
Doog: “I’ve heard of fusion kilns before…I think.”
Rencar: “Nothing burns hotter than euhedral coal. It’s used in many of the LIU’s metallurgical industries and fuel cell factories.”
Doog: “Speaking of fusion kilns, have you ever eaten microwavable pizza rolls?”
Rencar: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Doog: “Oh, I forgot. You guys have limited food here. Well, they’re like mini-fusion kilns, and they fuki your mouth up every time you eat them.”
Rencar: “I feel like you’re doing some type of wordplay here, but I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Doog: “Is this fuki underground, below the depot?”
Rencar: “Euhedral coal is underground, but it’s not under the depot. Deposits of this rare resource are dispersed across the region, where an ancient forest once stood. Kottai Depot is central among these many deposits.”
Doog: “So, all the fuki from these deposits come here?”
Rencar: “Exactly. It’s transported here by track, and we ship it off-world every few months. Think of Kottai Depot as the regional mining hub.”

Rencar: “Automated carts transport fuki from the deposits to the depot. Some must cross vast distances.”
Doog: “How far are we talking?”
Rencar: “The farthest deposits are hundreds of kilometers away.”
Doog: “The miners at these deposits can’t rely on the depot then, can they?”
Rencar: “No, but they’re not alone. Our security forces are spread throughout the area. You’ll also notice security towers positioned around the region. We’ll see more as we leave the depot.”
Doog: “We’re venturing out of this joint?”
Rencar: “We have to if we want to see the mining operations.”

Rencar: “Due to fuel rationing, we’ll have to walk.”
Doog: “I don’t like the sound of that.”
Rencar: “Relax. We’ll be fine. I’m bringing a security team with us - two security officers and a security-bot.”
Doog: “Oh, I wasn’t worried about my safety. I don’t like the walking part…too much exercise.”
Rencar: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about that. We won’t venture too far though. There’s a deposit a couple of miles from here.”
Doog: “Tell me you didn’t say miles with a ‘s’…”

RUN2: “Lieutenant Governor, Robotic Unit Number 2 reporting for duty.”
Rencar: “R.U.N.2, our guest would like to visit one of our closest mining deposits. Lead the way.”
Doog: “Do we have to take the robot? I’m not a big fan of mechanicals, even ones aptly named Number 2.”
Rencar: “These plains are crawling with indigenous peoples, Doog. We don’t have any relationship with them. We’re not sure if they’re hostile or not. We do know that they have rudimentary weapons though. It’s safer with R.U.N.2.”
RUN2: “I possess a Rivlin Auto-Gun that’s accurate up to 1000 yards and can fire 600 rounds per minute. You’re safe with me.”
Doog: “Am I though? I rather risk the natives than deal with a robot.”
RUN2: “My advanced map processing software has discovered the shortest route to our destination. Follow me, and I’ll shorten the route by half a mile.”
Doog: “Appealing to my lazy-side, huh? I guess the robot isn’t that bad.”

Rencar: “Euhedral coal is a fossil fuel. It’s only formed when ancient plant matter is subjected to millions of years of heat and pressure.”
Doog: “So, fuki is not renewable?”
Rencar: “It is not. Deposits of euhedral coal are permanently depleted once we begin the extraction process. It didn’t make sense to build a depot over any particular deposit, because said deposit would be exhausted in a matter of time. Instead, it was placed in the region’s geographical center. In a few decades, Kottai Depot will be obsolete though, and we’ll have to relocate and rebuild in a new central position.”
Doog: “The nearest deposit is miles away. Maybe you should consider relocating even sooner.”
Rencar: “Nah. The auto-cart rail system has a pretty good range. Coal is still easy to transport between the mines and depot. The track system can be extended for hundreds of miles before it becomes too troublesome.”
Doog: “But these walks, though. I’m so…”
RUN2: “Not to interrupt our guest, but I detect motion in the plains below the steppe. Use caution.”

Doog: “Whoa, what are those?”
Rencar: “The sentient bipeds are the Seor. They’re the native race I mentioned earlier. Those big creatures are their livestock. We call them, Perikali.”
Doog: “Perikali?”
Rencar: “Yeah. From what we can tell, that’s what the natives call them.”
RUN2: “While my knowledge of their language is limited, I believe the natives are actually saying, ‘periya kalai’. It loosely translates to big animal or big bull.”
Doog: “No one asked for your input, robot. Can’t you turn this guy off, Lieutenant?”
Rencar: “Uh, sure. R.U.N.2 enter mute mode. Limit speech to emergency situations.”
RUN2: “Confirmed.”

Doog: “So, the locals eat these Perikali?”
Rencar: “We’re not sure. Due to resource constraints, we haven’t really studied the Seor. We sort of operate on the principle – if they don’t bother us, we don’t bother them.”
Doog: “How’s that working out?”
Rencar: “Not too bad. We occasionally have run-ins, but violence is usually limited. We try to give them space. The stuff we want is underground. They can keep the surface…well, outside of Kottai Depot.”
RUN2: “I’ve detected damage to company property. Protocol dictates that we investigate.”
Doog: “I thought you told him to shut up.”
Rencar: “Damage to company property is an emergency situation. My hands are tied. Let’s go.”

Rencar: “Not again.”
Doog: “What happened here? Are we at war with the natives!? Turn the bot back on! Save us!”
Rencar: “Settle down. It’s nothing like that. Looks like a Perikali walked through a section of track. I don’t think it was purposeful.”
RUN2: “I have targeted the offending creature and its master. Awaiting firing commands.”
Rencar: “No! Let’s not start trouble! Stand down!”
RUN2: “Confirmed. Standing down.”
Rencar: “This happens from time to time. I don’t think the locals do it on purpose. Our track is just in the way of their route. We’ll just dispatch a repair team. Let’s go.”

Rencar: “We need to establish relations with the natives to avoid these types of situations, but we don’t have the time or manpower to do it. It’s cheaper to make repairs than it is to befriend the Seor.”
Doog: “At least you didn’t have them murdered. Costing the LIU money usually means death.”
Rencar: “Murdering the natives might start a conflict that is more expensive than the replacement track. The LIU will understand.”

Rencar: “Wow. That’s new.”
Doog: “What?”
Rencar: “The natives have a settlement close to this mine. I’ve never seen anything like this before. We assumed they were nomadic and followed their herds.”

Doog: “What does that mean?”
Rencar: “It means we know even less about the natives than we thought.”
RUN2: “I estimate that we can expect further disruptions to mining operations if this settlement continues to grow. Authorize me to end this productivity threat.”
Rencar: “No! For the last time, we’re not starting a conflict. At least, not without the LIU’s permission. We might have to adjust our track system. Raise it or reroute it.”

Rencar: “While we’re here, we need to analyze what we can. I only see one structure on the surface, but there appears to be a tunnel leading underground. Are they tunneling into our mines? That won’t be good.”
Doog: “I don’t know about that, but I see some type of shrine. Is this a graveyard or something? Maybe the underground tunnel leads to a cemetery?”
Rencar: “It’s impossible to say without further studies. I wish we had the resources to figure this all out.”
Doog: “Want me to go down and talk to them? I have first contact experience.”
Rencar: “You do?”
Doog: “Technically yes, but I wasn’t very successful. Also, I might have run way. Now that I think about it, I might retract my offer. I’m not getting murdered by these guys. Not for free anyway.”
Rencar: “Well, I guess we’ll maintain the status quo for now. Maybe the LIU will budget more for xenological studies sometime down the road. These studies are getting more and more cost-effective as time goes on.”

Doog: “This is a mine entrance?”
Rencar: “Actually, it’s the mine’s maintenance entrance. It looks like R.U.N.2 was looking out for you. He knocked a half-mile off our journey by bringing us here.”
Doog: “I usually hate robots, but this guy gets me. Maybe mute mode was too much.”
Rencar: “Want me to reverse it?”
Doog: “I’m not saying that, but I wouldn’t mind keeping him around for a bit.”
Rencar: “Glad you said that. We’ll need to ditch our human escorts here. They need to get back to their posts at the depot. We’ll keep R.U.N.2, though.”

Doog: “Yikes. This descent is giving me freefall vibes in my stomach.”
Rencar: “Yeah, it’s quite the drop. The euhedral coal seams are at least 200 feet deep, if not more. At this depth, I think we’re safe from the locals. At least, I hope we are.”
Doog: “Maybe I’m right about the cemetery scenario. If I am, it’s doubtful they’d be this deep. Six feet under is the norm, right?”
Rencar: “We have no way of knowing. It’s a valid theory, but we don’t know if the Seor subscribe to our depth ideologies, or, if the Seor even bury their dead.”

Rencar: “You can definitely tell that this is a maintenance portal. There’s still mineral here. That means the extractors haven’t made their way here yet.”
Doog: “Can I hand-mine this stuff? I could make a few bucks while I’m here.”
Rencar: “You could, but taking the LIU’s minerals is basically theft.”
Doog: “Never mind. I’m not looking to get the death penalty for some coal.”

Rencar: “And, here we go. This is an actual euhedral coal mine. Pretty standard stuff.”
Doog: “Mining mechs and tracks. Yep, pretty standard.”

Doog: “Anything else to add?”
Rencar: “No, I think that’s about it.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Seorsus. This remote world is home to the fossil fuel, fuki. Workers extract this resource so it can be used to power fusion kilns. The mining isn’t that difficult, but life here is hard. There’s little outside assistance. Food and fuel must be rationed. There are also some mysterious natives. What’s the deal with…”
RUN2: “Rencar! We need to evacuate!”
Rencar: “Doog! Follow me! R.U.N.2 will cover us!”

Doog: “What’s happening!?”
RUN2: “We are being ambushed by a superior force. We won’t win this fight. Evacuate!”
Doog: “I’m freaking out! I’m too scared to run!”

Doog: “What should I do?”
RUN2: “There are too many friendlies in the way. I can’t open up my cannon to max. If you won’t run, then I recommend surrendering. Otherwise, you’ll be dead like the others.”
Doog: “I surrender! I surrender! Do they understand me?”
RUN2: “We’ll find out in a few seconds….”
 
Note: To be continued…

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re continuing our tour of the Hyperplexity and visiting the planet, Manduco. Manduco is only eight light years from Fenestrula, but travel here requires six FTL jumps and two days of sub-light travel. Despite the difficulties, travel between Fenestrula and Manduco is important. Manduco is often referred to as the ‘breadbasket’ of the Hyperplexity. Most of the Hyperplexity’s remote population is dependent on Manduco for food. Let’s head on down and see what type of food Manduco produces.”

Doog: “Alright folks, we have a double whammy on our hands. Manduco is both an agricultural world and a swamp planet – my two least favorite types of worlds. How can a swamp planet be an agricultural world? Do the people of the Hyperplexity eat pond scum or swamp vegetation? I guess we’ll find out.”

Doog: “The only way this place could get worse is if my guide turns out to be some weird-looking, deep-core alien race. Luckily for me, these guys look human. Uh, hey? Are one of you two my guide?”

Tavalai: “Oh, he’s here, Komali! How do I look? Are we on TV yet?”
Doog: “Whoa! You guys ARE NOT humans.”
Komali: “Of course not. There are very few humans here. That won’t be a problem, will it? I can arrange for another human to join us, if that would make you happier?”
Doog: “Not a problem at all. You just looked human from behind. It’s not the first time I’ve made that mistake. At this one brothel, I totally thought this chick was a human, but it turns out he was neither female or human.”
Tavalai: “Did you hear that, Komali?!”
Komali: “I did! I did! Doog made a brothel joke!”
Tavalai: “Those are our favorite!”
Doog: “You guys actually watch my show?”
Tavalai: “We never miss an episode!”
Doog: “Wow, I’m actually famous on this planet.”

Komali: “I don’t know about the whole planet. Tavalai and I run the regional spaceport. We have access to state-run, subspace programming, unlike most of the other residents here.”
Doog: “You could have let me dream for a few minutes, Comb-A-Lee.”
Tavalai: “He did the thing where he messes up your name!”
Komali: “I heard! I heard!”
Doog: “So, you two run the local spaceport?”
Komali: “We do. Goods from this region get transported here, and we ship it off to other worlds. Well, it mostly goes to Fenestrula.”
Doog: “These goods are generally food, right? I heard that Manduco is the ‘breadbasket’ of the Hyperplexity.”
Komali: “Meat-basket would be a more fitting analogy. We don’t make bread on Manduco.”
Doog: “I can get behind the idea of a meat planet – even if it’s swamp meat.”
Komali: “I bet you could! Maybe you’ll get the meat madness again!”
Doog: “Ok, maybe you’ve watched too much LIU Atlas.”

Tavalai: “Where are our manners?! All this meat-talk reminded me that we didn’t offer you any refreshments. We’ve made some Bort-Fly juice earlier. You have to try it.”
Doog: “Bort-Fly juice?  I think I’ll pass.”
Komali: “Don’t you have that clause in your contract where you have to eat any local foods offered?”
Doog: “I…uh…did you see that episode? Of course, you did. I…uh…guess I’m having some bug juice.”
Komali: “Well, we won’t force you to try anything you don’t want.”
Doog: “Thank the Emperor. I wasn’t looking forward to puking today.”

Komali: “If you want a sample taste of a Bort-Fly, just stand next to this bug zapper a bit longer. One is sure to fly by anytime now.”
Doog: “Yeah, I'm still passing.”
Komali: “Are you sure? If you time it right, the zapper gives them the perfect amount of crunch.”
Doog: “My tongue doesn’t work like yours, and I don’t eat bugs.”
Komali: “Your loss. Well, it looks like the boats almost here. Tavalai, we’re heading out.”
Tavalai: “You boys be safe. Well, not too safe. I want to see some hijinks and shenanigans when I watch the rest of the episode later.”
Komali: “I’m sure we’ll get into some type of trouble!”

Doog: “Looks like my biggest-super-fan and I are headed down river. If it wasn’t for the promise of meat, this might be my least favorite planet to date.”
Komali: “Condescending talk about his host while still in earshot! Classic Doog!”
Doog: “Sigh.”

​Doog: “Where are we going? This is looking increasingly remote.”
Komali: “Most meat production on Manduco is decentralized. There’s not a big meat farm or something. Locals catch fish from their waterside homes. They sell whatever they don’t need to the LIU.”
Doog: “Swamp fishing makes Manduco the region’s ‘meat-basket’? Gross, look at those things.”
Komali: “After processing, protein is protein. Who cares what the fish look like before?”
Doog: “Not all protein is equal, but I wouldn’t expect a person who eats flies to understand that.”
Komali: “That’s coming from a guy that eats Kaadu and ponies.”
Doog: “Fair enough.”

Doog: “Let’s put the protein debate to the side. I’m more worried about the tune that guy is strumming. Where have I heard that before? Why do I fear venturing into the swamp even more now?”
Komali: “The locals often communicate with music. The sound carries further than their voices.”
Doog: “Yeah, I hear a response coming from downriver. It’s eerily similar, but a little more elaborate”
Komali: “One might say they’re dueling.”
Doog: “Am I going to die out here?”

Komali: “Hopefully not, but let’s return to the main channel. These backwoods swamp people scare me too. I said I was up for some misadventures, but getting raped and murdered isn’t on my agenda.”

Komali: “Fishing is just a small part of our meat production. Most of our meat comes from a local creature called the Alakana. They graze in pastures just off the main channel.  There’s one just ahead.”
Doog: “I don’t see anything. The vegetation is too thick.”
Komali: “It’s on the other side of the river.”
Doog: “That would be the problem.”
Komali: “It would.”

Komali: “Another bug zapper, just what the doctor ordered. This guy needs a snack.”
Doog: “Oh, come on. That’s so gross. Let’s see the real meat.”

Komali: “Come back! I thought of some physical humor we can throw into this episode.”
Doog: “What are you talking about?”
Komali: “Somehow, you need to get shocked by this zapper and fall into the river. It will be hilarious.”
Doog: “What! No! I’m not doing that.”
Komali: “Come on, it will be so funny. I want to be in a funny episode!”
Doog: “LIU Atlas isn’t scripted. If something happens, it happens. I’m not getting purposely electrocuted.”
Komali: “Are you telling me that all those other mishaps on LIU Atlas were just accidents?”
Doog: “Yes!”

Komali: “I see we’re not doing stair jokes this episode either.”
Doog: “What are you talking about?”
Komali: “Almost every other episode I watch, you complain about the stairs. You didn’t say anything about those stairs we just went down.”
Doog: “I only complain about going upstairs. I can do down just fine.”
Komali: “Sure.”
Doog: “You have to stop trying to force stuff. Let the disaster that is LIU Atlas just happen on its own. Trust me. It will happen on its own.”
Komali: “Alright. Fine.”
Doog: “Why are we in this tunnel anyway? I thought we were checking out the pastures.”

Komali: “The pastures are set into depressions within the swamp that are naturally enclosed. It makes it harder for the Alakana to escape into the riverways.”
Doog: “I guess it saves on fencing.”
Komali: “Yes.”

Doog: “When you said meat, I was picturing swamp hogs. Not these things. What am I looking at here?”
Komali: “These are Alakana, an amphibian native to Manduco. Some outsiders have mentioned that they look like terrestrial octopuses, but I don’t see it. I’ve never seen an octopus, so who knows.”

Doog: “They’re so cute. Who could eat those?”
Komali: “The millions of people on Fenestrula. To be fair, they never see them while they’re alive, though. Ooh, maybe I’m in an episode that shakes cultural norms and changes local culture. That would be cool.”
Doog: “Nope, you’re in a funny one. I just stepped in crap. Dang it.”
Komali: “Haha, Tavalai will be so jealous!”
Doog: “It’s all the way up to my ankle, for Emperor’s sake!”
Komali: “Too funny!”
Doog: “See, you never have to force anything on this show. Crap always happens, literally in this instance.”

Komali: “Each pasture holds hundreds of Alakana. They are culled responsibly to maintain numbers. Today, they’ll harvest a few dozen.”
Doog: “Part of me doesn’t want to see cute creatures get murdered, but part of me does – the part of me covered in Alakana poop, mostly.”
Komali: “That sure does smell. Is it worse than the sewers on that space station?”
Doog: “You remember that one too? Trust me. Nothing was worse than that.”

Doog: “I might want to hose this off before we go in the slaughterhouse. There’s probably food standards or something.”
Komali: “This is a funny episode, isn’t it? Food standards in the LIU…hilarious!”

Komali: “Each pasture processes its own Alakana. It’s a pretty easy process.”

Komali: “The creatures are weighed to ensure that mature adults are being processed. They are then quickly and painlessly dispatched with a bolt gun.”
Doog: “I’m having creepy flashbacks right now.”
Komali: “Yeah, this has to be eerily similar to the prison you visited. What was it called? Reatus Societati or something?”
Doog: “I think you remember more about this show than I do.”

Komali: “Alakana have no bones. They can easily be parted out into various chunks of meat. Digestive organs are removed though. They’re used as bait by the local fisherman.”

​Komali: “Grinding machines shred the chunks of meat into a uniform paste. It’s then sprayed with some antimicrobial preservatives…”

Komali: “…and boxed into vacuum-sealed containers.”
Doog: “Blue protein sludge in a box. Glad I don’t live in this portion of the galaxy.”
Komali: “I don’t think they’ll stop production for you to try some, but I’ll try to get you a box to bring back with you.”
Doog: “No thanks.”

Komali: “These slaughterhouses also handle the local catch. Canned river fish is almost as good as toasted Bort-Fly. I’ll get you some of that too.”
Doog: “Please, you’re too generous. No…really…you’re too generous. I’m not eating this stuff.”

Doog: “All this meat gets shipped to you, right?”
Komali: “Yep. Me and Tavalai’s spaceport then ships it off-world.”
Doog: “I guess that is a wrap, then.”
Komali: “Not quite yet. Manduco has another large export that isn’t tied to the food industry.”
Doog: “Wood? Rotten vegetation? Fish guts?”
Komali: “No, it’s medicine.”
Doog: “From the swamp?”
Komali: “Yep! It’s time for the big reveal! Classic LIU Atlas!”

Doog: ‘This place makes medicine? It looks like the place those banjo guys murder people.”
Komali: “Maybe that’s the big twist!”
Doog: “What! Tell me your kidding!”
Komali: “I am. I am. We’ve already established that this place makes medicine.”

Doog: “Is that swamp water? What kind of medicine are they making? Euthanasia drugs?”
Komali: “No, but there is something hidden in the water that is very useful. After several rounds of filtration, the mostly clear water is practically devoid of life. Only the smallest molecular life is left.”
Doog: “Which is what?”
Komali: “Viruses.”
Doog: “Viruses are medicine?”
Komali: “They can be. This specific virus is a bacteriophage. It replicates in bacteria, killing it.”
Doog: “I guess that is good.”
Komali: “It is especially useful in eradicating drug-resistant bacteria in water. The Manduco Bacteriophage is used across the galaxy.”
Doog: “We can use a bit less diarrhea in this galaxy.” 

Scientist: “Speaking of diarrhea, what’s that smell? Did someone track in Alakana feces!”
Doog: “Sorry, that might have been me.”
Scientist: “Who are you? Why are you in my lab? Does sterile environment mean anything to you?”
Doog: “This guy told me to come here. Blame him.”
Komali: “A classic! Doog turns on his guide! I can’t believe I’m part of this!”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. We’ll be leaving.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Manduco. One of my biggest super-fans, Kong-Alley – or whatever his name is – showed me around the meat-basket of the Hyperplexity. That sounded weird. He showed me the meat production on this planet. Yeah, let’s go with that. They make more than meat here, though. They also produce viruses capable of killing bacteria in water. I guess Manduco is even more important than I thought. Oh well, see ya!”
Komali: “Let me go get you some samples for the road.”
Doog: “I told you I’m not eating that stuff!”
 
 
Note: 

Doog: “What’s all this?”
Amaya: “Your new buddy had his wife bring some samples to our ship.”
Doog: “I told him not to do that! Just throw it out!”
Amaya: “Actually, Komali was right about your contract. The clause states that you have to eat any local food offered to you.”
Doog: “You’re not really going to make me eat this, are you?”
Amaya: “I already heated up some blue protein for you to try, and there’s some Bort-Fly juice to wash it down with.”
Doog: “You’re the worst!”

Doog: “It can’t be that bad…can it?”
Mike: “You can do it, Doog! Shovel it down!”
Doog: “Why are you worried about it? Do you want some?”
Mike: “Nope.”
Doog: “Here goes nothing…”

Doog: “BAAARFFFF!”
Amaya: “I win. Pay up!”
Mike: “Seriously Doog. You threw up on the first bite!”
Amaya: “I told you he would. It’s the slimy texture.”
Mike: “Fine. Let me get my wallet.”
Doog: “You guys are the worst! BAAAARF!”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the trade capital of the Hyperplexity, Fenestrula. Fenestrula, the fourth planet in the Jendela System, is the most accessible habitable planet within the Hyperplexity, requiring just four highly-calculated hyperspace jumps. All cargo and products produced on the various worlds of the Hyperplexity come to Fenestrula to be exported to the rest of the galaxy. I’m told, however, that Fenestrula is more important than I know. We’re here to get to the bottom of that.”  

Doog: “In case you missed the last episode, the Hyperplexity is a region of space in the Deep Core. Due to the abundance of stars, planets, dust, and debris in this region, hyperspace travel is exceptionally difficult. There are lots of complex gravitational fields that require visitors to make several highly-calculated hyperspace jumps. There are no direct routes to any planet. The name speaks for itself, Hyperplexity is a portmanteau of Hyperspace and Perplexity. Luckily, our fine pilot, Hugo, and our new navigator, Seitse, got us to Fenestrula in one piece. Now, let’s head down and check it out.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in the port city of Latebra. You can tell it’s a port city, because there’s cargo being transported everywhere you look. Also, the signage. The signs give it away every time.”

Doog: “Latebra is a newer city – built specifically to handle cargo from all the worlds in the Hyperplexity. Large Hover-Tunnels were built below the city to allow cargo to move uninterrupted. You can see some Cargo-Skiffs flying through the tunnel as we speak.”

Doog: “There are several industrial worlds within the Hyperplexity. The older stars here, and the dense amounts of material, make the region rich in metals and chemicals. Most of these materials are brought to Fenestrula to be processed into usable materials. So, Fenestrula is more than a trade planet. It’s also a factory world. But, that’s not the secret that Fenestrula is hiding. We’ll need to continue on to discover that.”

Doog: “You might have noticed that I’m operating solo for right now. There’s no guide in sight. The producers thought my guide would give away too much, too early. I won’t meet them until later. Instead, I’m navigating this ultra-complex mega-port by myself. As long as I don’t accidentally wander into one of these cargo highways, I’ll be ok. Maybe. Hopefully.”

Doog: “Excuse me. Pardon me. Famous TV Host coming through. Wow, someone smells like cheese. Is that me? Hmm. I hope not.”

Doog: “What’s the hold-up! Why are three thousand people trying to cross a narrow path over the cargo tunnels the same time as me!? Are there people just standing on the path watching the Cargo-Skiffs!? Quit holding up the lines! Get a life!”

Doog: “Of course I pick this line! The slow, cheese-smelling line. I could have been over there. It looks like that path goes past some restaurants. I bet it smells better over there. Hey! Someone over there throw me some samples! I’m stuck in this line!”

Doog: “Wait. Wait. One foot further. That’s progress. At this rate, I’ll make it to my guide in four days. Where are the samples?! Are you guys holding out on us?! You think you’re better than us because we picked the slow line?!”

Doog: “We’re finally out of the cargo-district. Things have opened up. There’s bad news though. That cheese smell was definitely me. Oh well. Time to look for my guide.”

Doog: “I think this is the place. ‘Military Entry Only. Bunker 25’. Why is the military on Fenestrula? Is this the big twist?”

Saragarhi: “You must be the reporter. What’s your name again, civilian?”
Doog: “I’m Doog.”
Saragarhi: “Ah, that’s right. I’m Commander Saragarhi. Welcome to Bunker-25.”
Doog: “Thanks, Commander Sarcophagus. It’s good to be here…I guess.”
Saragarhi: “It’s Saragarhi, civilian.”
Doog: “Oh, I’ll never get that right. Maybe I can just call you Commander?”
Saragarhi: “That is acceptable.”
Doog: “Well, Commander, I’m just going to say it – why is the military on a trade world, like Fenestrula?”
Saragarhi: “The military can be wherever it likes, civilian.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry. I guess it can.”
Saragarhi: “I’m just messing with you, civilian. The military is here for good reason. Follow me.”

Saragarhi: “The Hyperplexity is one of the most remote portions of the galaxy. Most of the Hyperplexity can only be accessed from Fenestrula.”
Doog: “Yeah, I’ve heard. So, the military uses it as a chokepoint or something?”
Saragarhi: “Something like that. It’s more of a contingency plan.”
Doog: “Contingency plan?”
Saragarhi: “If the galaxy were ever invaded and military losses were high, Fenestula is one of our fallback contingency bases. The LIU could mass forces here for a counter-attack.”
Doog: “Why Fenestrula? The remoteness?”
Saragarhi: “Yes. There’s only one route in and one route out. It is easily defendable. The LIU could retreat to Fenestrula and survive, even against a superior force.”

Saragarhi: “There are hundreds of bunkers under Latebra, each holding supplies, like food, medicine, or ammo. The bunkers have enough rations to support millions of military personnel during an extended siege.”
Doog: “Just the military? What about the millions of civilians here?”
Saragarhi: “Just the military. However, in a Last Stand Scenario, most civilians will be conscripted anyway.”
Doog: “So, that’s what Fenestrula is – the LIU’s Last Stand location.”
Saragarhi: “While the Emperor has full faith in the military, having a contingency plan is never a bad idea. In the rare event that a superior force invades the galaxy and overwhelms our galactic fortifications, the remainder of the Emperor’s forces will retreat to Fenestrula to make a last stand. This galactic chokepoint will swing the odds in our favor.”
Doog: “Let’s hope that never happens.”
Saragarhi: “I agree, civilian.”

Doog: “We’re not under siege right now, are we?”
Saragarhi: “No, of course not.”
Doog: “Why are there so many troops here then?”
Saragarhi: “A three-hundred-thousand-man defense force occupies Fenestrula at all times. There’s no point in making a Last Stand Base if you let the enemy take it at the beginning of the conflict.”
Doog: “I guess that makes sense. Must be a pretty boring assignment, though. There’s no action here, unless the galaxy is being attacked.”
Saragarhi: “Exactly, civilian. That’s why most of the troops positioned here are new recruits. Follow me.”

Saragarhi: “New recruits, fresh out of boot camp, are assigned to Fenestrula to continue their training. After a few months, they are reassigned to more meaningful posts.”
Doog: “Pretty smart. The LIU’s Last Stand Base gets defended while the troops train.”
Saragarhi: “Precisely. The bunkers have numerous training grounds, like this. The new recruits are able to sharpen up their skills while maintaining a presence on Fenestrula.”

Saragarhi: “I can arrange for you to run the course, if you need some shots for your show.”
Doog: “I got winded walking up the incline to this point, so I’m going to pass. Besides, the last time I was assigned to a military group, they told me I couldn’t have a gun anymore.”
Saragarhi: “Trust me, I wasn’t going to give you a gun.”
Doog: “Fair enough. Well, anything else to add?”
Saragarhi: “No, civilian. I think we covered it all.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Fenestrula. The planet’s unique, strategic location makes it an important world. It’s the trade capital of the Hyperplexity. It’s the region’s largest factory world. And, it’s home to the LIU’s Last Stand Base. If you’re fresh out of boot camp, you might find yourself being assigned here for a few months. Oh well, time to move on to the next planet in the Hyperplexity. See ya!”
 
 
Note: The Fortress Worlds, Vectum Bellicus (Vec-B) and Vectum Duellicus (Vec-D), house the LIU’s military recruit training facilities or boot camps. Soldiers that score too low on the physical portions of the training are shipped to Fenestrula to continue training. In military slang, Fenestrula is sometimes called, Vectum Wimpicus or Vec-W, implying the recruits here failed traditional boot camp for being too weak.

Onboard the Magellan MK II:

Amaya: “Thanks for coming, guys. I’ll try to keep this brief.”
Doog: “You act like we had a choice. There’s not a lot of alternatives on this ship. I guess I could have hung out in the bathroom or airlock.”
Mike: “Quit interrupting the boss, Doog.”
Doog: “Whatever. You’re just sucking up to her because she promised us pie.”
Amaya: “A promise I intend to keep, as long as we get through this meeting.”

Oldie: “Did I miss the pie?!”
Mike: “Looks like we have an underwear and suspenders scenario again…”
Oldie: “Forget about my outfit. Answer me! Is there still pie?”
Amaya: “The pie is still here, settle down.”
Doog: “Even your wrinkles have wrinkles, Oldie. I’m losing my pie appetite as we speak.”
Oldie: “That’s just more for me.”
Amaya: “That’s enough! Sure, Oldie’s attire is…distracting…but we don’t have time to linger on it. I have time sensitive information to deliver.”

Amaya: “Computer, display the destination.”
Computer: “Displaying the Hyperplexity.”
Amaya: “Thank you. Right now, Hugo and Seitse are plotting a course to our next destination, a planet called Fenestrula. Fenestrula is located near the Deep Core, in a section of the galaxy called the Hyperplexity.”
Doog: “The Hyperplexity?”
Amaya: “Yes. This dense portion of the galaxy is packed with stars, blackholes, and planetary debris. Hyperspace travel is exceptionally difficult in this area due to the complex gravitational fields.”
Oldie: “What does that mean for us? Do we still get pie? I want pie.”
Amaya: “It doesn’t mean anything for you guys. Hugo and Seitse are plotting a series of finely-tuned jumps…”

Doog: “Are they qualified for that? Seitse just got her license a few months ago. Maybe Mike should be up there.”
Amaya: “I’m…”
Mike: “Me? I don’t think I’d be any help. I have no training. Also, I might miss the pie.”
Oldie: “I think Mike should be up there too. More pie for me. Whoops, I didn’t mean to say that last part out loud.”
Amaya: “If…”
Doog: “When a teenager finally gets their Hover-Car license, you don’t send them to drive the Emperor across the galaxy.”
Amaya: “What?! What are you talking about?”
Cam: “I think he’s trying to say that novices shouldn’t take on complex tasks.”
Mike: “That, or he’s comparing himself to the Emperor.”
Amaya: “I have full faith in our pilot and navigator. That’s not even what this meeting is about.”

Doog: “Uhh! Somethings happening!”
Cam: “I don’t feel so good!”
Mike: “Are we crashing?!”
Amaya: “If you guys would let me…”
Mike: “Should we panic? I think we should panic!”
Doog: “We’re going down boys! Ahhh! Ahhh!”

Hugo: “Jump one in progress.”
Seitse: “Readings are within range. Crew may be experiencing gravitational turbulence. We expected that though.”
Hugo: “Yep. Everything looks good. Well plotted, Seitse.”
Seitse: “Thanks!”

Doog: “Amaya, you have to go up there and find out what’s going on! Did we lose an engine? Did we hit something? Are we going to die? How long do we have?!”
Amaya: “Everything is going to be just…”

Doog: “Ahhh! Ahhh! It’s happening again!”
Amaya: “Quit screaming!”
Oldie: “That’s it! It’s every man for himself!”

Seitse: “Slingshot maneuver in progress. Sub-light engines are at max.”
Hugo: “Stand-by for second jump in 5…4…3…2…1. Jump!”

Amaya: “Oldie! What are you doing?!”
Oldie: “It’s every man for himself!”
Amaya: “What does that have to do with our table? And why are you holding Cam’s screwdriver?”
Oldie: “I’ll shank anyone that comes by this refrigerator! The food and pie are mine!”
Amaya: “For Emperor’s Sake, quit panicking! This is…”

Doog: “Ahhh! Ahhh!”
Mike: “Ahhh!”
Oldie: “Rawr! I’ll murder you all if you come closer!”

Amaya: “I’m coming to get the screwdriver, Oldie. Just breathe and relax. It’s going to be ok.”
Mike: “You don’t want to do that. Oldie is a maniac when he panics. It’s worse when food is involved.”
Oldie: “I’ll do it! I swear!”
Doog: “Stop helping Amaya, Mike! We’ve clearly declared this an every-man-for-himself scenario.”
Mike: “Sorry, I forgot!”
Doog: “Now, what should I do with the remainder of my life? I was leaning towards a last meal, but Oldie took care of that. What else is there to do?”

Doog: “I got it! I need to call my loved ones!”
Mike: “Your grandma?”
Doog: “No, Candy and Fantasy.”
Amaya: “Who?”
Mike: “His favorite girls from the brothel.”
Doog: “Computer call Candy!”
Computer: “Sorry, I found no subspace contact information for a ‘Candy”. Please manually enter the subspace address or utilize the directory.”
Doog: “I don’t have the address! I guess look it up in the directory! Hurry! We might die any minute! Ahh!”
Computer: “I will need additional information to process your request. What is Candy’s full name and planetary location.”
Doog: “Um, she’s on Camana V. I don’t know her last name! I don’t even know if that’s her real first name! Just call all the Candy’s in the galaxy. I’ll know her voice.”
Amaya: “Doog, stop panic dialing random prostitutes! There’s nothing to worry about. This is just turbulence. It’s expected. Everyone needs to stop freaking out. If it was an emergency, the computer would have warned us.”
Doog: “I didn’t think about that. Maybe we are panicking for no reason.”

Hugo: “We’ve successfully navigated Tereshkova’s Maze. Stand-by for jump number three.”
Seitse: “Hold on. The computer has spotted something. We might have an asteroid crossing our trajectory.”
Hugo: “I see it. Reducing our speed as we speak. This might be a close call!”
Seitse: “I’m going to have the computer alert the crew. They might want to take a seat!”

Computer: “Alert! Alert! Collision warning! Alert! Alert!”
Doog: “I almost fell for it! We are going to die! Computer, what’s our progress with the Candy call?!”
Amaya: “What bad timing. They’ll never believe me now.”

Seitse: “Trajectory is now clear. It wasn’t even that close.”
Hugo: “Better safe than sorry. Punch it!”
Seitse: “Hyperspace jump number three, engage.”

Doog: “Ahhh! The shaking is getting worse. We must be nearing the end!”

Hugo: “Jump three was perfect. Another navigational work of art.”
Seitse: “Ah, thanks. It wasn’t too hard.”
Hugo: “You’re being modest. The Anceps Binary System is one of the hardest jumps in the Hyperplexity. You took it on like a pro.”
Seitse: “Yeah, I guess I did. It’s too bad I can’t plot something easier for the crew. The gravitational turbulence has to be bothering them.”
Hugo: “Turbulence is unavoidable in the Hyperplexity. The crew will be fine.”

Amaya: “Cam, you’re usually pretty level-headed. You believe me, right?”
Cam: “I did…until the collision alert. Now, I’m plotting my next move. If the ship goes down, where do I want to be? Hmm…”
Amaya: “Not you too!”

Mike: “Doog! Doog! Forget about Candy! I have an idea!”
Doog: “You really don’t get this every-man-for-himself thing, do you?”
Mike: “I have an idea to counter Oldie’s kitchen seize, but, if you’re not interested…”
Doog: “I’m listening.”
Mike: “If we take the bathroom, he’ll have no choice. He’ll have to negotiate. We’ll control the toilet and toilet paper!”
Doog: “Hmm, I’m not sure if I want to spend the remainder of my life locked with you in a bathroom. However, the bathroom IS under the cockpit. If Hugo and Seitse eject the cockpit, we’ll be with them. I’m in!”
Cam: “That’s one of the smartest things you’ve said, Doog. Not that that means a whole lot. Timbo! You and I can take the laundry room! It’s under the cockpit too!”

Doog: “I’ll secure the door. You look for weapons.”
Mike: “Weapons? Where am I going to find a weapon in here?”
Doog: “Grab the toilet brush. No one will dare challenge us with that in my hand.”
Mike: “Do we really need weapons?”
Doog: “When Oldie realizes this is a life boat or his prune salad kicks in, he’s going to want in here. We need to keep him out long enough to barter for some pie.”
Mike: “If we have pie, we can die in peace.”
Doog: “Exactly.”

Hugo: “That’s the gas giant, Ianuella. It’s in the same system as Fenestrula. We did it!”
Seitse: “Great!”
Hugo: “We need to lose some speed before we dock at Fenestrula. I might use the gas giant for some air-braking.”
Seitse: “Good idea. I’ll lower the flaps.”

Doog: “I, Doog, Chief of the Bathroom Tribe, welcome you to these peace talks.”
Mike: “Who made you chief?”
Doog: “Shut it. I’m trying to look powerful for negotiating purposes. As you all may have noticed, the shaking and collision alerts have ceased. It is possible that we all overreacted. However, there is still the matter of the pie. We want some.”
Oldie: “Never!”
Doog: “Hear me out, old man! Mike and I control the bathroom. We’re willing to defend this acquired territory with germ-laden toilet brushes and disinfectant spray.”
Mike: “It burns. Trust me. I got some in my eye.”
Doog: “Stop interrupting me! Anyway, we are willing to drop our weapons and return the bathroom, if we get some pie.”

Cam: “The Utility Room Clan also wants peace. We also want pie. We will relinquish our assets for a piece of the pie.”
Oldie: “What assets do you have? I need the bathroom. I don’t need anything in there.”
Cam: “That’s where you’re wrong. Doog and Mike might control one roll of toilet paper, but we have the rest. Did you forget the extra is stored in here?”
Oldie: “You both have my interest. I think a trade can be arranged.”

Doog: “That just leaves you, Amaya. What do you have to offer? If you give me your game, I might cut you into the Bathroom Tribe deal.”
Amaya: “You guys are nuts. I’m not giving up anything. This all could have been avoided if you guys just listened to me from the start.”
Doog: “The panicking? That’s old news. We’re over that. This is a pie negotiation. Try to keep up.”
Amaya: “Oh, I’m caught up. You guys can keep the pie. I’ve had enough nonsense for today.”

Hugo: “I scheduled us to dock, but it’s going to be a few hours. Fenestrula is a pretty busy port. I’m going to go into orbit around Ianuella’s little moon until we get called to Fenestrula. Why don’t you go down and check on the crew?”
Seitse: “You sure you don’t need me?”
Hugo: “Trust me, you’ve done enough for today. Good job.”
Seitse: “Thanks. You too. I’ll be back up in a little bit.”

Seitse: “What in the heck happened down here?!”
Amaya: “These idiots wouldn’t listen to me, so the turbulence freaked them out. In a matter of minutes, they devolved into primitive madmen. Oldie tried to shank several of us to protect his pie. The rest of the crew split into various city-states to counter Oldie. Now, they’re fighting over how much pie everyone gets.”
Seitse: “So…a typical Wednesday.”
Amaya: “More or less.”

Doog: “On the count of three, we drop our weapons, ok?”
Oldie: “I’ll drop mine after you drop yours.”
Doog: “That’s not how pie truces work, ​Nards. We go at the same time.”
Oldie: “That Nards comment is going to cost you some pie.”
Doog: “Is it? How much can your diaper hold, geezer?”
Oldie: “I DON’T wear diapers! That’s it! I’m pulling out of the treaty!”
Doog: “So, it’s war you want!”
Oldie: “Bring it. Utility Room Clan, I will double your pie serving if you fight for me!”
Cam: “That’s tempting.”
Doog: “Slowly back up, Mike.”
Mike: “Retreat? I don’t retreat. I’m going to light these boys up.”
Doog: “Well, I’m retreating. Lay me down some suppressive fire.”
Mike: “Gladly.”

​Seitse: “Should I intervene?”
Amaya: “Nah. This will keep them busy until we can dock at Fenestrula. Besides, that’s disinfectant that Mike’s spraying everywhere. This place might accidentally get cleaned.”
 
 
Note: Although it is the most accessible planet within the Hyperplexity, it still takes four precise hyperspace jumps to reach Fenestrula. The jumps are as follows:
Jump #1: Deep Core Expressway to The Seven Sisters
The Seven Sisters are seven gravitationally bound stars. Their powerful gravity can pull a ship out of hyperspace if this jump is not precisely measured.
Jump #2: The Seven Sisters to Tereshkova’s Maze
Tereshkova’s Maze is an asteroid field that stretches several light years. The field will never coalesce due to the gravitational pull of the hundreds of nearby stars. Jumping into an unoccupied region within the field is a challenge. Not hitting an asteroid on the way out can be even harder.
Jump 3: Tereshkova’s Maze to the Anceps Binary System
The hypergiants, Alcyone and Ceyx, make up this massive binary system. If their gravity waves weren’t troublesome enough, the twin stars have dozens of planets. Some of these planets have dozens of moons. Finding a clear hyperspace route in and out of this system is the journey’s biggest challenge.
Jump #4: Anceps Binary System to the Jendela System
This is the journey’s easiest jump, but it still has its challenges. Finding a clear path out the Anceps System is difficult, but achievable. Dropping out of hyperspace in the Jendela System is much harder. The system has thirteen planets; nine which are large gas giants. Navigators tend to aim for the system’s outermost planet, Ianuella. Then, it’s a quick sub-light trip to Fenestrula, the system’s fourth planet.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Pluvia. Most of Pluvia is made up of barren, rocky deserts, but it does have some temperate regions. These temperate regions experience seasonal rains, allowing for periodic plant growth. A sentient race has emerged here, and they take advantage of these seasonal growths. Let’s head down and find out what that’s all about.”

Doog: “Alright folks, here we are. I’ve been dropped off in the wastes of Pluvia. This is a region that never experiences rain. I guess they they call it the ‘wastes’, because it’s a waste of space. Nothing grows here. It’s hot, dry, rocky, and sandy. Emphasis on the sandy…my right shoe is full of it. Ah, I think I see my guide now.”

Derek: “Ugh, why are you so far out here?! We’re miles from the settlement. It’s going to take us an hour just to get to where the tour should have started.”
Doog: “Sorry, I wanted to unibrows the…I mean browse the wastelands before I saw the settlements, so I could compare the two. I’m Doog, by the way.”
Derek: “I know who you are. That’s why I’m talking to you. I don’t make it a habit to talk to random guys in the desert wastelands.”
Doog: “I was introducing myself so we can segue into your introduction. I KNOW you know who I am…I’m a famous TV Host.”
Derek: “Yeah sure. I’m Derek, Operations Hydrologist and unfortunate master of drawing the shortest stick.”
Doog: “Sounds like you don’t want to be here.”
Derek: “Let’s put it this way. It’s my day off, and, instead of relaxing at home, I’m here with you. Not to mention, I have the worst headache right now. I’m not sure if it’s the seasonal high pressure, this heat, or dealing with you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get started. We have a hike on our hands.”

Derek: “Geez, we’re out past Creek Camp. This is ridiculous.”
Doog: “Creek Camp? What’s that?”
Derek: “The locals have camps all around this region. Back when they were nomadic, they moved from camp to camp following the rains.”
Doog: “There’s still some water here. I’m surprised I don’t see more locals.”
Derek: “The water won’t last. This creek is days from running dry. Besides, the Pluvians aren’t nomadic anymore. The LIU has given them permanent settlements. These camps are largely abandoned now.”
Doog: “Why did the LIU make the Pluvians settle permanently?”
Derek: “Because the nomadic lifestyle made the Pluvians useless to the LIU. The LIU doesn’t want them chasing the rains. They want them to…”

Derek: “…farm. We’re finally here.”
Doog: “Wow, this is a lot different. What do they farm?”
Derek: “Sakit, a native bush.”
Doog: “These blue bushes?”
Derek: “Yeah, the only bushes you can see. The ones all around us.”
Doog: “I’m just looking for clarity, for the viewers sake.”
Derek: “Well, I think it was pretty clear already. Your follow up questions are worsening my headache.”
Doog: “Well, get ready for some pain because I have tons of questions. What is Sakit used for? Is it a food? A drug?”
Derek: “Sakit is a spice. Before you ask, it’s a food-spice, not drug-spice. It is piquant and aromatic. Before you ask, that means it is pleasantly tangy and smells good. It’s often added to dishes to mildly increase its spiciness.”
Doog: “Quit taking all my questions!”
Derek: “No, I don’t think I will. Things will go faster and my head might hurt less.”

Doog: “What is…”
Derek: “This is a water rig. It’s like an oil rig, but it collects water from deep underground, instead of oil. Pluvia may not have dependable rains, but it is rich with large aquifers. Millions of gallons of water sit below the surface. By tapping the aquifers, the LIU has given the Pluvians access to large quantities of water. They no longer need to follow the rains. They have all the water they need right here.”

Derek: “Of course, drilling for water isn’t cheap. Sakit is valuable, but its production hardly warrants the costs of such an expensive endeavor. Luckily, the LIU found worth in the aquifers themselves.”
Doog: “In wha…”
Derek: “A millennia of seasonal rains have flushed surface minerals into the aquifers, chiefly salt and lithium. These rigs process the brine solution drawn up from the aquifer and turn it into clean water, salt, and lithium. The mineral value of the salt and lithium help make Sakit farming more financially viable.”
Doog: “What…”
Derek: “You can’t possibly have a question at this point. I’ve covered everything.”

Derek: “I mean…I guess I can tell you about the process. It involves MOF’s, which, before you ask, stands for metal-organic frameworks. These ‘sponges’ of metal ions capture the salt and lithium from the water using little energy.”

Doog: “You can take my questions all you want, but beware. When I don’t have questions, I have remarks.”
Derek: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Doog: “I don’t know. Maybe I will remark about that large caterpillar crawling over your eyes…oh, wait…that’s your singular eyebrow.”
Derek: “Oh, it’s ON! There’s no way you’re getting in a question. The Pluvians have been harvesting Sakit for centuries, but never in this quantity. Sakit used to grow seasonally, with the rains. The Pluvians grabbed it when they could, but it was only an occasional treat. With more water, the locals can farm the spice all year long.”

Doog: “Wh…”
Derek: “That’s a LIU Harvester Mech. It aids the locals in harvesting Sakit. It has a multi-spectral scanner that picks the best quality leaves. The leaves picked by the harvesters are higher quality. The good leaves are sold separately under the name, Sakito. Sakito is more expensive, but much more pungent.”
Doog: “No wonder you have a headache. You have a massive eyebrow pulling your forehead down! Eyebrow, not eyebrows!”
Derek: “The Harvester has four independent legs to make it easier to walk the terraced fields. Each is power by its own Engyne Power Drive. The Harvester can operate for sixteen hours before its power drives need recharged.”
Doog: “I…”
Derek: “The mech has two dexterous pruning arms that can easily separate the leaves from the plant with no damage.”
Doog: “But can it separate your eyebrows? That’s the real question.”

Derek: “Must give random facts about the rig. Let’s see. The rig is crewed by four people: a hydrologist, two mechanics, and a laborer. There are no crew accommodations on the rig. We don’t sleep or eat here. There’s a LIU facility for that. Bathrooms too. The rig runs twenty hours a day, six days a week. That’s around the clock on this planet. I need to think of more! What else can I say!?”
Doog: “Don’t worry. I’m not up here to ask questions. This is purely a time-wasting maneuver.”
Derek: “What do you mean?”
Doog: “I don’t usually go up on things like this, given the option. Unfortunately for you, this rig has an elevator. It was easy to come up here and waste more of your day off.”
Derek: “Jerk! That wasted another fifteen minutes!”
Doog: “You started this war. How’s that headache feeling?”

Derek: “The Pluvians are a hardy race, built for endurance. In the nomadic-times, they’d walk hundreds of miles, following the rains. Now, they invest that energy into working the fields. They almost never need a break. They are able to work with little water and food, another adaptation.”
Doog: “Do they eat the spice?”
Derek: “Dang it! You got one in! They eat Sakit sparingly. Most of the crop is shipped off world. The Pluvians eat the lower-grade Sakit and imported animals, like chickens. You might see some wandering the fields. They are great for eating pests too.”
Doog: “The Pluvians or the chickens?”
Derek: “The chickens! These are the annoying, pointless, rhetorical questions that make my head want to explode!”
Doog: “Do they pluck the chickens?”
Derek: “Another pointless question! Why does that matter?!”
Doog: “That’s a segue into asking if you pluck your eyebrows. Another pointless question, given what we’re seeing.”
Derek: “GRR!”

Derek: “The CCA, or Camp Creek Aquifer provides enough water to farm 500 km². Clean, processed water, from the rig, is piped to fields like this. The water is sprayed into terraced fields, ensuring the excess water drains back into the aquifer.”
Doog: “I’m running out of remarks…um…how many square kilometers is your center brow?”

Derek: “My temples are pulsating right now! I don’t know if I can tolerate you much more.”
Doog: “Then stop with the spewing of facts and allow me one question. Are we almost done? Believe it or not, I don’t want to be here anymore that you do.”
Derek: “Thankfully, we’re nearing the end. This is the LIU facility at CCA. It’s our home and base of operations. It’s also where we bundle and ship Sakit, salt, and lithium. Let’s head inside and finish this.”

Derek: “Picked Sakit is transported to this facility by machines we call, ‘Camels’. They are actually CML’s or Computerized Mechanical Lifters. They can carry about a hundred pounds of leaves.”
Doog: “But can they carry your…never mind. I won’t go there. Let’s get this over with.”

Derek: “For Sakit to be used as a spice, it must be dried and crushed. We don’t do that here. We ship fresh leaves to food processing centers on other planets. This keeps the Sakit from going bad. Sakit is shipped by the bushel in large nets.”
Doog: “Passing up on eyebrow jokes about bushels. Please continue.”
Derek: “I think that is about it. I’m out of here.”

Derek: “I can’t believe I wasted three hours of my life on this. I just want to get home, take some painkillers, and forget today.”
Doog: “Wait! What if I’m not ready to be done yet? What if I have more questions?”
Derek: “We had a truce. No more questions.”
Doog: “But I want to learn about this remote control. What does this button do? Does it control the Camel?”

Derek: “Ouch! Ouch! What’s happening?! My head hurts even worse now.”
Doog: “Uhhh…”
Guy: “That remote controls the lift crane, not the CML.”
Doog: “Oops.”
Derek: “Why can’t I move?! Why does my head feel like it’s in a vice?! Why can’t I turn my head?!”
Doog: “Um…the headache might have turned into a migraine? It probably has nothing to do with a crane…”
Derek: “Did you say crane?! Did you clamp my head into the bundler?!”
Doog: “If I did, and I’m not saying I did, would you be opposed to an eyebrow shave while you’re clamped in?”
Derek: “No! Don’t touch me! Let me go!”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Pluvia. The native Pluvians used to be nomads, roaming the planet following the rains. Now, with help from the LIU, they live in more permanent settlements. The LIU made this possible by tapping into Pluvia’s rich, brine aquifers. The LIU didn’t do it out of good will; they get stuff in return, like salt, lithium, and the spice, Sakit. Pluvia is also home to the galaxy’s largest unibrow, thanks to Derek here. Unfortunately, he won’t hold that title for long. Me and this guy are going to remedy that.”
Guy: “I didn’t agree to that.”
Derek: “When I get out of here, you’re a dead man!”
Doog: “On second thoughts, I might just leave. Oh well, see ya!”


Note: The galaxy’s largest unibrow actually belongs to a hillbilly named, Rusty Clem, a resident of the Anulus Pomarii Belt. The publication, Unibrows United, gave Clem the title after long-time-record-holder, Ray-Ray, lost his unibrow in a fire. 

​There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Deorsum. Deorsum is the closest planet to the Class-G star, Iusum. Deosum’s proximity to its star, its slow rotation, and minimal axial tilt have created permanent summertime conditions on the planet. Temperatures here usually exceed 50 degrees Celsius. It’s going to be a hot one.”

Doog: “It’s midmorning, and it is already way too hot. I’ve sweat through my deodorant already. Yikes. Despite the heat, there’s tons of plants here. There are grasslands as far as the eye can see. There’s also this snootily attired man standing behind me. I think he’s my guide.”

Doog: “What’s going on? Are you my guide?”
Chad: “Am I, Chadwick Pennington the Fourth, your guide? Do I look like a commoner? I’m the planet’s largest land owner, you foolish man.”
Doog: “Wow, sorry. I didn’t know you were so important. You look like you’re twelve.”
Chad: “I’m NOT a child! I’m a filthy rich, adult landowner that happens to take care of his skin.”
Doog: “Ok! Ok! No need to freak out. So, you own a lot of these grasslands?”
Chad: “I own about ninety percent of the planet, so yeah, you could say that. I’d own the whole damn planet if it wasn’t for the holdouts. Don’t worry, I’m coming for them some day. Then, Deorsum will be renamed, Chadwick Pennington the Fifth. After that, everyone will know how rich I am! Hoo-ha-ha-ha.”

Doog: “You’re rich?”
Chad: “Are you not listening bonehead! I practically own an entire planet.”
Doog: “I know…it’s just something about your house.”
Chad: “What about my house!?”
Doog: “It’s so small. I’ve seen trailers and shacks bigger than this. Maybe you should buy less land and put a second room on this thing.”
Chad: “Imbecile! This isn’t my whole house! This is just a mudroom and a tanning deck. The rest of my house is below ground.”
Doog: “Below ground?”
Chad: “Duh! Most houses on Deorsum are underground to avoid the heat, stupid prole.”
Doog: “Got it. Well, if you’re not my guide, I think I’m done talking to you. It’s too hot to be put down by some whiny, ascot-wearing teenager.”
Chad: “I’m twenty-four!!”

Doog: “Yeah, sure. And…you have an underground mansion…”
Chad: “I do!”
Doog: “I don’t usually like dealing with robots over people, but I might make an exception. I think I’m going to leave you here at your hut. See ya, Chapstick Penny-Loafer the Fourth. Hope we never meet again!”
Chad: “You’re so infuriating! I am rich! I do have a mansion! I own everything you see!”
Doog: “Yeah, ok. Bye.”
Chad: “I’ll prove it. Hey you! Come here! Yes, you! Come over here right now!”

Clarabelle: “Yes, Mr. Pennington? Are you speaking to me, sir?”
Chad: “Tell this distrusting vagabond how rich I am!”
Clarabelle: “Mr. Pennington is very wealthy man. He owns most of the planet.”
Chad: “See!”
Doog: “I believe. I believe. It’s too hot to debate. I’m dying out here. Can we please move on?”
Chad: “Ha! I win again!”
Doog: “You win. Now, can you direct me to my guide?”
Chad: “Oh yeah. I forgot why you were here. Um, robot, what is your designation?”
Clarabelle: “I’m Clarabelle, Mr. Pennington.”
Chad: “Clarabelle? Did we run out of numbers to assign? Ah forget it. Who cares? Show this guy around MY planet.”
Clarabelle: “Yes sir.”

Doog: “I don’t know how you put up with that man. What a pretentious ascot-hole!”
Clarabelle: “I don’t deal with him often. He usually doesn’t speak with ‘the help’.”
Doog: “I guess being an inanimate robot has its perks. You’re lucky, Clarabelle.”
Clarabelle: “I’m not a robot.”
Doog: “Huh? You look like a robot. Are you inside that thing? How are you fitting in there? Are you super skinny?”
Clarabelle: “Oh, my bodies not in here. Just my mind.”
Doog: “Wait…you’ve been uploaded? Is this thing like a dream mech?”
Clarabelle: “You’re familiar with the process?”
Doog: “Too familiar.”
Clarabelle: “I won’t waste much time explaining it then. The fields of Deorsum are too hot for workers. Afternoon temperatures surpass 50 Celsius. Workers could probably survive the morning, but that’s not enough time to tend the fields. Instead, we upload into these Dream-Mechs. Our bodies slumber comfortably in the under-city while we work in this heat.”

Doog: “So, what crop is so important that dream-mechs are required?”
Clarabelle: “Rubha Shrubs.”
Doog: “Wait…are you saying ‘rubber’ with a bad accent? Or is it really Rubha Shrubs?”
Clarabelle: “It’s really Rubha. It’s not without coincidence though. I think they were named to mimic the sound of rubber.”
Doog: “Why do that?”
Clarabelle: “I guess because Chadwick Pennington the First wasn’t very imaginative, and the shrubs are used to make a rubber product.”
Doog: “I wish the original Pennington used some of those rubbers so we didn’t have to deal with his bigheaded great grandson.”
Clarabelle: “Ha! That’s funny. Rubha has an emulsion similar to latex, so that joke is perfect. However, Rubha is used to make more complex things than protection.”

Doog: “Speaking of protection, how safe is it for us to be standing by this open hole in the ground?”
Anabelle: “For me, it’s super safe. My physical body is safe and sound. Probably not that safe for you, though.”
Doog: “That’s what I was thinking. Why is there a hole here anyway?”

Clarabelle: “It’s an access point, connecting the surface to the under-city below.”
Doog: “Yeah, I heard you say under-city before. What’s that?”
Clarabelle: “It’s just like it sounds – a city below the surface of Deorsum where it’s much cooler.”
Doog: “You live in this under-city?”
Clarabelle: “Of course. All residents live below the surface. There’s nothing but Rubha plantations on the surface.”
Doog: “How do we get down there? Cooler sounds so good right now.”
Clarabelle: “Well, this access point is usually used to lower Rubha Fruits into the under-city. It’s not typically used for personnel. We might have to hike a mile or so to a dream-mech port.”
Doog: “Or…you could lower me down on that crane.”
Clarabelle: “That might work, if you’re up to it.”
Doog: “Oh, I’m up for it. I need out of this heat. The question is, is the crane up for it? I’m a little on the heavy side.”

Clarabelle: “Are you doing ok?”
Doog: “I’m doing great. I'm more worried about the crane. Does it always make that noise?"
Clarabelle: "I think we might be testing its limits, but you should be ok."
Doog: "Well, if it breaks, at least I'll get to experience the coolness of the under-city for a few terrifying seconds before I die."
Clarabelle: "It's only fifteen feet down. You'll probably live."
Doog: "Not with my luck, Clarabelle. Not with my luck..."

Doog: “I’m not going to lie; the under-city is a bit disappointing.”
Clarabelle: “How so?”
Doog: “Well, it is cooler than the surface, but it’s still pretty hot down here. I risked my life on that crane for almost no reason.”
Clarabelle: “We’re still pretty close to the surface. You can see the sun coming through the grates overhead. That being said, it’s still twenty degrees cooler down here.”
Doog: “Yeah, it’s definitely better, but in my mind, I was thinking the undercity was perfectly chilled with a big AC or something.”
Clarabelle: “Ha, no wonder you were disappointed. There’s definitely no air conditioning in the walkways. The cool air would just leak out.”

Clarabelle: “Ah, we’re finally here. I need to re-dock my dream-mech and transfer back to my body. Give me five minutes and then meet me inside that door straight ahead.”
Doog: “Uh, sure. Five minutes. I definitely have a watch or other time keeping device. See ya then.”

Clarabelle: “Wow, ha. You have no sense of time. It’s been like one minute.”
Doog: “Sorry, sorry. I’ll close my eyes.”
Clarabelle: “It’s ok. I have my upload jammies on. Good thing your sense of time was so far off. Another minute you might have caught me changing.”
Doog: “Dang! Even when I mess up, I can’t get it right! I mean…uh…sorry. I’ll be out in the hall. You come out when you’re finished.”
Clarabelle: “That’s probably our best bet.”

Doog: “It feels even better here. It’s almost room temperature. My sweat rate has dropped to twenty-five percent.”
Clarabelle: “The lower you descend, the better it feels.”
Doog: “Do you live down here?”
Clarabelle: “Nope. Dream-workers like myself usually live close to the surface. That’s where the upload machines are. They need to be close to the surface to ensure the signal gets out.”
Doog: “So, what’s down here?”
Clarabelle: “There’s plenty of workers here besides us dream-jockeys. There are factory workers, support staff, bot-repair mechanics, and so on. They live here in the mid-level of the under-city. We’re headed down even farther to the Rubha Processing Center.”

Clarabelle: “Processing centers, like this, are dispersed amongst the under-city. Each processes the Rubha from its region.”
Doog: “What are they making again? Rubber?”
Clarabelle: “Rubha Fruits contain numerous fibers and an emulsifying sap. The combination creates a flexible, yet sturdy form of rubber called Deor. It’s used to make fuel lines, hoses, and even some garments.”

Clarabelle: “Delivery workers, that we call porters, transport Rubha Fruits from the access points to the factory. The fruits then get dropped into the grinder where they are smashed and shredded into pulp. This pulp contains the strong fibers and the emulsion sap.”

Clarabelle: “Special weaving machines turn the fibrous emulsion into long strands of Deor. The strands of Deor can be spun around a spool to be sold as is, but ..."

Clarabelle: "...​this regional processing center takes it another step and weaves the strands into long hoses. Each regional processing center makes a different product though, so this might not be the same at each center.”
Doog: “Same basic idea though. Good enough for me.”

Doog: “Since we’ve returned to the heat, I’m guessing we’ve concluded the tour.”
Clarabelle: “I believe that’s everything.”
Doog: “Too bad, this was fun. It was much better than the beginning with Lord Heavy Petting or whatever his name was.”
Clarabelle: “Ha! It was fun, but maybe we should lay off Mr. Pennington. I have to stay here, unlike you.”
Doog: “Well, I don’t want to get you in trouble, but the guys a level seven douche.”
Clarabelle: “He’s a level ten boss!”
Doog: “Ok, that sounded forced, but I won’t press you any further.”

Doog: “Well, that’s Deorsum. Workers here upload into machines to work the deadly hot grasslands. They collect Rubha to make strong rubbers. Rubbers to make hoses, not to protect hoses. That was a bad joke, but I’m so hot; I can’t think of anything better. Oh well! See ya!”
 
 
Note:

​Wife #3: “What’s wrong Chadwick? Your game seems off.”
Chad: “My game is fine! I rule this planet!”
Wife #6: “Yes, my lord, but you’ve served three straight balls into the fan. What’s bothering you?”
Chad: “Why did I meet that inhuman TV host at my mudroom!? I looked so feeble! Why didn’t I meet him at my tennis court! Or my ballroom! Or my mansion!”

​There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the unique planet, Diu Nox. Diu Nox sits uncomfortably close to its parent star, making most of the planet uninhabitable. However, the planet’s two poles are much cooler. One of these poles is home to the trade city, Crapula. Crapula might have the right temperature, but there are drawbacks to being situated on the planet’s south pole, especially with Diu Nox’s axial tilt and wobble. Essentially, the city undergoes multiple phases – a hundred days of night, a transitional period, a hundred days of day, and then another transitional period. We’ve come to Diu Nox at the end of the ‘Long Night’. And, that means…”

Doog: “…we’re here just in time for one of the galaxy’s biggest parties! That’s right! It’s the New Dawn Festival. Bring on the booze! Bring on the food! Bring on the ladies with lowered inhibitions! Wait…this doesn’t look like a party…this looks like normal. What’s the deal?”

Amaya: “We’re not at the party yet. This is a parking garage.”
Doog: “I didn’t come here to see this society’s parking culture! Where’s the party!”
Amaya: “This is the closest landing site I could secure. Diu Nox’s population swells during the festival. Millions come for this party. We’re going to have to walk from here.”
Doog: “Parties are on the short list of things I will walk for. Let’s head out.”

Amaya: “I hope you can make an exception for stairs too. We need to head down a few stories to get to the street level.”
Doog: “I can navigate down the stairs for a party. Not sure about the return trip.”

Oldie: “Now this is my type of party!”
Amaya: “We’re not downtown yet. This isn’t the party.”
Oldie: “Smells like a party.”
Doog: “He’s not lying.”
Mike: “I think this is a restaurant district.”
Oldie: “Like I said…my type of party.”

Cam: “There’s a giant picture of meat on the wall. It doesn’t get more festive than that!”
Doog: “While I enjoy meat as much as the next man, I’m not here for a sausage party. We need to keep searching for the festival.”

Mike: “It wouldn’t hurt to grab something to eat before the party. We need some food in our stomachs before drinking.”
Doog: “That just makes the drinking part more expensive.”
Seitse: “I’m not sure about that, but eating exotic vegetables might not be the best idea before drinking. I’d hate to have a reaction.”
Amaya: “Yeah, Seitse is right. Diu Nox is a trade city. The produce here is from the surrounding sector. I don’t know what most of these fruits and vegetables are.”

Oldie: “Who said anything about vegetables! There’s a drive-thru burger joint, a Deli, and a Diner.”
Doog: “Do you guys really want Oldie to pick another restaurant? I still have flashbacks from the Space Sushi incident.”
Mike: “Ooh…I just lost my appetite.”
Cam: "The city is called, Crapula, after all. Better not risk it.”
Doog: “Yeah, if this town lives up to its name, we're in trouble."
Amaya: “I have no idea what the Space Sushi incident refers to, but we can get food later, after we drink.”
Doog: “Now you're thinking."
 
​
One Hour Later

Doog: “This place is great! There’s a whole street full of nothing but bars! It’s like a Mall of Bars. Best party ever!”
Amaya: “We’re not even at the party yet. We’re on the outskirts. These bars are a tourist trap. They literally call this street, Rookie Road.”
Doog: “Speaking of rookies, I made a rookie mistake. I forgot to bring a puke bucket. Did you bring your purse? I might need it later.”
Amaya: “You’re not puking in my purse! In fact, you need to slow down. No puking, period!”
Doog: “That’s easy to say now. But these babies are sliding down super-fast. They’re too good.”

Mike: “What kind of Foo Foo drink is that?”
Doog: “This isn’t a girlie drink, despite its appearance. These are strong. Even Amaya is having one.”
Mike: “Yeah, but what is it?”
Doog: “I don’t know, but it’s probably called something manly, like Dude Hammer Punch.”
Amaya: “They’re called Passion Sunrises. I got the Merum Fruit flavor. Doog got the Pumpleknucks flavor.”
Mike: “Haha. Doog’s drinking a Pumpleknucks Passion Sunrise!”
Doog: “Am not! This is...uh…blue whiskey. Stop making me look bad, Amaya!”

Cam: “Dark Yak Whiskey…it doesn’t get better than this. It’s aged in outer space!
Timbo: “I’m more interested in what Oldie is drinking. It smells like pure alcohol.”
Oldie: “Well…young man…burp…I was tryin to impress the ladies…at the bar. I said, ‘Give me your strongest stuffs’. I slammed it down…like a champ some might say, but…burp…they weren’t looking so I ordered another. That…happened…three times…maybe five. Then I came over here.”
Cam: “You’re going to be hammered in a few minutes. I hope Doog brought the puke bucket.”
Timbo: “I don’t want to babysit him. Let’s rejoin the rest of the group and pawn him off on someone else.”

Amaya: “Now this is a party, guys!”
Doog: “There’s tons of people here. There’s hardly any room to walk around.”
Seitse: “AKA, a party.”
Doog: “It’s a party, yes. But I liked the chill atmosphere back at the rookie place. Besides, there were drunk chicks flashing everyone back there. I miss that.”
Amaya: “This festival isn’t about women showing their breasts, Doog.”
Doog: “It is for me!”

Amaya: “Get your mind out of the gutter. Enjoy the music and the drinks!”
Doog: “Fine. I guess the music isn’t half bad.”
Mike: “I think this is the band, Au Revoir.”
Cam: “I heard they used to open for Maddie and the Soap Buckets. They must be a pretty big band.”
Oldie: “Swesha lemme…kids…my drunks.”
Doog: “Alright, Oldie is wasted. Ooh, just saw someone flash the band! It wasn’t a human boob, but this place is seeming better!”

Doog: “Maybe we can fight our way closer to the stage and get into prime flashing territory.”
Seitse: “Doog!”
Doog: “And see the band better. Let me finish.”
Amaya: “I have a better idea. I reserved us a party deck. We’ll have one of the best views of the party.”
Seitse: “That’s awesome!”
Cam: “Nice surprise, boss. Thanks!”

Amaya: “No worries. A family friend owns the building behind me. It hardly cost me anything.”
Doog: “It won’t put me close to the flashers, but I’ll be able to see more. I can do quantity over quality.”
Amaya: “For the Emperor’s sake, get your mind out of the gutter!”

Doog: “Speaking of getting things out of the gutter…who’s carrying Oldie up to the party deck?”
Cam: “Hold my whiskey. I’ll get him.”

Doog: “Ladies and gentlemen, we started at the bottom, and now we’re at the top.”
Seitse: “Are you giving us a play-by-play of our movements?”
Mike: “I think that’s the Passion Sunrise talking.”
Doog: “No, I’m trying to be metaphorical or something. Like, we literally went up to the top, but we’ve been figuratively rising too. We used to fight for crumbs between episodes, and now, we’re on the top deck at the galaxy’s biggest party. Can it get any better?”

Amaya: “I think it can. I ordered us some pizzas.”
Doog: “Am I crying? I think I’m crying. What is this Passion Sunrise doing to me! Does this thing have hormones in it?”
Mike: “I think you’re having a metamorphosis or something. Like becoming more...”

Doog: “Oh, baby. Boob alert in the System Governor’s suite. Or…wait…I think that was an elbow.”
Mike: “...or not.”

Doog: “Well folks, Happy New Dawn. Diu Nox’s tilt has shifted and the planet is coming out of a really long night. To celebrate, the planet throws one of the galaxy’s biggest parties. There’s drinks, music, food, and dancing. There may be some flashing too, but that’s just a bonus. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to switch up my drink. This blue whiskey is messing up my emotions.”
Mike: “It’s not a whiskey, it’s a Pumpleknucks Passion Sunrise!”
Doog: “Shut it Mike! I was hoping we could edit out that one part. Oh well, see ya!”
 
​
Note: 

​Oldie: “Sumthin ponies, mashed, am I right? Yeah, I is right. Snore…”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Prurigo. Prurigo is mostly barren desert, but it does have a few equatorial jungles near its large river systems. The natives, called Rigos, call these river systems home. Let’s head down and check it out.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off outside of the city, Guva. Guva sits along the planet’s longest river, Rwizi. I don’t see any rivers from here. I think we need to head into this gate behind me. On a side note, it smells really weird here. It’s hard to describe, but it’s somewhere between wet dog, crap, and rotting flesh. Maybe it will smell better inside.”

Doog: “Maybe not. It smells worse. Is it coming from the natives? The river? Me? Did I forget to wash my mustache again?”

Jhoni: “You’s the TV guy, yeah? I’m Jhoni, your escort.”
Doog: “What gave it away, my microphone or my charmingly good looks?
Jhoni: “You’s a human. Not many humans around here.”
Doog: “Or that. I guess I didn’t notice. There’s not many foreigners here.”

Jhoni: “Vatengesi are the only foreigners on Guva. You refer to them as Tressans, right?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. The guys with the head tentacles.”
Jhoni: “Yeah, with the green and orange skin. Them guys.”
Doog: “Why are there so many Tressans here?”
Jhoni: “The Galactic Bureaucracy used to run this joint before the LIU. Them Vatengesi never left after the merger. Prurigo is too important. I guess they’s afraid us lowly locals will mess things up if they leave.”

Doog: “What makes Prurigo so important?”
Jhoni: “You ever hear of the ‘Slavers’ Itch’.”
Doog: “Is it an STD? Something like Lap Dance Itch?”
Jhoni: “Ah Mafuto, not anything like that. The Slavers’ Itch is a chemical addiction. People get so hooked on this chemical; they do anything to get more. They work for almost nothing to just get another hit. Get peoples hooked on this stuff…you own them for life.”
Doog: “You make this terrifying chemical on Prurigo?”
Jhoni: “The Vatengesi do.”
Doog: “Oh great! They brought me here to get me addicted, didn’t they!? I don’t want to work for free!”
Jhoni: “Mafuto, mafuto. Relax, relax. The drugs don’t work on Humans or Rigos or Vatengesi. We’s safe. The Slavers’ Itch only works on certain species. I am not a scientist, right? But some species are different. Some’s susceptible.”
Doog: “Whew. That’s a relief.”

Doog: “How’s the addicting chemical made?”
Jhoni: “To get those answers, we need to go deeper into Guva.”
Doog: “And we need a boat to do that?”
Jhoni: “There’s no other way to get around Guva. Unless you want to swim? Huh, Mafuto?
Doog: “That, I don’t want. I’m pretty sure this smell is coming from the river. Also, why do you keep calling me that? Mofo or whatever?”
Jhoni: “Mafuto. It’s just a nickname I’ve given you. Uh, it translates to…little fat man.”
Doog: “What! Why are you calling me that?”
Jhoni: “I never got you’s real name, so Mafuto it is.”
Doog: “I’m Doog, not fat man.”
Jhoni: “Tasangana, Doog it is.”

Doog: “You weren’t kidding. There’s no way to get around here besides boating. There’s almost no walking paths.”
Jhoni: “The river is the lifeblood of Guva. Her waters cannot be impeded. Everyone’s needs access. The best way to do it…let it flow through the city.”
Doog: “Why is it so important?”
Jhoni: “We use the river for everything, right? Food, water, transportation, and sewage.”
Doog: “That explains the smell. And…that wasn’t a chocolate bar I saw floating by earlier, was it? How can you drink and eat stuff out of the river with sewage?”
Jhoni: “The fish and the plants filter the sewage. Great circle of life and all that nonsense. Besides, I know our city seems simple, but we have protections in place. We clean our water. We cook our food.”
Doog: “I guess…”

Jhoni: “Hold on, tight turn!”
Doog: “Whoa there! Take it easy. I definitely don’t want to fall in the water now. Watch the poop water splashes too.”
Jhoni: “We’re fine, Mafuto…errr, Doog.”

Doog: “Why do you have such a large boat anyway? This thing hardly fits through some of these canals.”
Jhoni: “I need a big boat because I need to transport a lot of cargo. The cargo I collect is pretty spread out, so I need big engines to make the trips quicker.”
Doog: “What do you ship? Food? Supplies?”
Jhoni: “Dead bodies.”
Doog: “What!”
Jhoni: “What’s with the tone, huh? People die, and I go pick up their corpse. I transport it back to the tombs. You’s humans don’t do this?”
Doog: “No, no. We do. I guess I was just in shock. I didn’t know I was riding around in a boat hearse.”

Jhoni: “Scooping up bodies is a big business on Prurigo. The Vatengesi…Tressans as you’s call them…pay big money for bodies.”
Doog: “I’m afraid to ask why.”
Jhoni: “They use them to make the Slavers’ Itch.”
Doog: “After all the talk about dung rivers and corpse canoes, I forgot about the most terrifying part of this planet…the itch.”

Doog: “Where are we going?”
Jhoni: “This is a private canal. It’s where I bring the bodies.”

Jhoni: “Security is tight here. So, don’t go and do something stupid, got it?”
Doog: “I will not intentionally do anything stupid. That’s all I can promise.”

Jhoni: “One more thing…if you think the river smells bad, you got a big surprise coming you’s way.”
Doog: “Oh good. I was wondering how this could be any worse.”

Doog: “Ew. Every step I take down, the air smells worse. What is that?”
Jhoni: “You’s headin’ down into the tombs of Guva. That smell is death and decay.”
Doog: “I miss the river smell. I’ll never complain about that again.”

Doog: “So, is this chemical made from bones or something? That’s all I see down here.”
Jhoni: “No, the drug is derived from Carcass Flower extracts. Carcass Flowers only grow on decaying flesh. These bodies are too old. There’s no flesh left.”

Jhoni: “Here’s a growing chamber.”
Doog: “Oh man! That’s ripe!”
Jhoni: “Carcass Flowers aren’t actual flowers, you know? They’s the fruiting bodies of a mold. The mold is that green stuff growing on the bodies.”
Doog: “Holding back a major barf right now. You just keep talking.”

Jhoni: “The smell ain’t that bad. It could be worse.”
Doog: “I refuse to believe that.”
Jhoni: “There’s hardly any meat left on these bones. The mold has run it course. That’s why it’s blooming. You should smell these chambers with week-old bodies in the midsummer heat.”
Doog: “No thanks!”

Jhoni: “Speaking of smells, looks like they’s about to reload the body pit. We best be moving on.”
Doog: “Please.”

Jhoni: “The Vatengesi extract and process Slavers’ Itch in the tombs. Apparently, it spoils quick.”
Doog: “I almost feel bad for them working in this stink chamber, but then, I remember they are making a super-addictive drug to chemically enslave some race. Enjoy the aroma boys!”

Doog: “How does this itch work again?”
Jhoni: “I’m not a scientist. I don’t even know how normal drugs work. I especially don’t know how alien biology drugs work. I just know that they say this stuff is more addictive than oxygen.”
Doog: “Oxygen isn’t addictive.”
Jhoni: “Oh really? If I were to take your oxygen away, you’d be ok?”
Doog: “Well, I would die. I guess.”
Jhoni: “You’s would fight with all your power, with all your resources, for one breath. One more hit of that sweet, sweet oxygen. That’s how addictive this stuff is.”
Doog: “Yikes. Speaking of oxygen, can we get out of this tomb. The rotten-body smell is a bit overwhelming.”

Doog: “Ah, the glorious smell of the sewer river. I missed you so much!”
Jhoni: “Yeah, that was pretty bad. I usually drop the bodies off and go. I don’t usually stick around so long.”
Doog: “Hey, this is the place I entered the city. We’ve come full circle.”
Jhoni: “Yep. It’s also the last part of the tour. This is Guva’s loading dock. The Vatengesi export Slavers’ Itch from here. It’s also where we import bodies.”
Doog: “Import bodies?”
Jhoni: “Yeah. The Vatengesi have ramped up production to the point that we can’t feed the growth chambers with our own dead. We’s importing the dead from other worlds too. The mold doesn’t seem to mind.”
Doog: “This is one strange, smelly planet.”
Jhoni: “Yep, but it’s home.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Prurigo. The Rigos live in canal cities along the planet’s many rivers. They seem pretty normal in that regard. They fish, farm, and trade like many other cultures. Underneath these seemingly normal cities, there are networks of catacombs where a mold feeds on the dead. The Tressans discovered that this mold could be used to make an ultra-addictive drug, called Slavers’ Itch. Prurigo now specializes in making this drug. Dead bodies have become a commodity here. They are literally importing bodies right behind me. I don’t know what race or races are being enslaved by this drug, but I’m not sticking around to find out. It smells so bad here! See ya!”
 
Note: The neurochemical, Slaves’ Itch, does not bind with G protein-coupled receptors, protecting 99% of the galaxy’s inhabitants (all races accidentally seeded by the Progenitors).