Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Valetudo. Valetudo is one of those gross, swampy, jungle planets that I hate, but it is an important world in the LIU Galaxy. Valetudo is considered an Essential World, meaning that it gets much more funding and protection from the LIU. Why does Valetudo deserve this honor? Because it houses one of the galaxy’s largest medical facilities. Let’s head down and check it out.”

Doog: “Valetudo, being a tropical swamp world, had its fair share of diseases. The native race, the Va, invested most of their race’s technological progress into irradicating these diseases. Now, the Va are mostly disease free. When Valetudo was incorporated into the LIU, the natives’ medical knowledge and technology became a valuable asset of the Union. With funding from the LIU, a city-sized medical facility was built near the planet’s equator. This city – or medical facility – is called, Sospitas. That’s where we are headed.”

Doog: “Well folks, I’ve landed in Sospitas. Despite there being numerous skyscrapers, I’ve been dropped off at ground level – near the disgusting, scum-water of the swamp. The customary swamp smell is present, and there are plenty of creepy insects. Luckily, none of Valetudo’s insects are disease vectors anymore. I guess I have that to be excited about. Maybe the next step should be irradicating this overpowering smell. It smells worse than a stripper pole out here.”

Doog: “Oh good…a robot. What do you want little buddy? Are you here to annoy me or something? Do you filter swamp air?”

​Dr. A: “Actually, this is a portable Holo-Bot. I’m Dr. Asclepius, but you can call me, Dr. A.”
Doog: “Dr. A. That sounds good, but why aren’t you here in person? I can get a holographic guide every planet I visit – physical appearances matter in this show.”
Dr. A: “This is a colossal facility spread throughout dozens of multi-story buildings. In order to see everything Valetudo has to offer – in an acceptable amount of time – we need distance technology. Besides, holo-tech is widespread here. It allows doctors like myself to treat thousands of patients a day instead of a few dozen.”
Doog: “I guess. It just seems impersonal.”
Dr. A: “The patients don’t seem to mind. Holographic care is pretty common in our galaxy.”
Doog: “Now that I think about it, I wish STD centers had this tech. It would save me some embarrassment.”
Dr. A: “Uh, sure. Anyway, shall we get started?”
Doog: “Holo-guide-me to the destination, Doc Assclapius. Err…Dr. A.”

Dr. A: “I’ve started our tour in Sospitas’ largest building, the VFB or Valetudo Factory Building.”
Doog: “Factory? I thought this was some type of fancy medical center.”
Dr. A: “Oh, it is. The VFB makes medical equipment, most of which was developed by the Va.”

Dr. A: “Interestingly enough, here’s a Va now.”
Frank (Va): “Good morning, Dr. Asclepius.”
Dr. A: “Morning, Frank! This is Doog, a reporter with TV2.”
Frank: “Welcome Doog. I presume you’re here to do a story on the Med-Scanner upgrades. It’s now compatible with 97% of this galaxy’s sentient species”
Doog: “No.”
Frank: “Perhaps it’s our breakthrough in treating the Ferventis Sanguinis Virus.”
Doog: “Nope.”
Dr. A: “Frank, Doog is more of an educational reporter. He’s here to show the galaxy what we do here on Valetudo.”
Doog: “Spoilsport, I was going to let him keep guessing.”
Frank: “Ah, yes. We must always think of the youth. Education is key. Well, I won’t hold you up any longer.”
Dr. A: “Follow me to the right, Doog.”

Dr. A: “In order to protect the LIU’s technology trade, I’ve only been granted permission to show you some end-stage production.”
Doog: “First the impersonal hologram…then the shortcuts.”
Dr. A: “It’s not a shortcut. A lot of the technology developed by the Va and the LIU is exported to other galaxies. Showing exact production procedures will expose company secrets and stunt profits.”
Doog: “I guess. What am I seeing here?”
Dr. A: “End-stage production of our Health-Bots.”
Doog: “Health-Bots? They look familiar.”
Dr. A: “Our patented Health-Bots are in use in many hospitals, doctor’s offices, convalescent homes, and eldercare facilities. I’m sure you’ve run across a few in your travels.”

Doog: “Are they like robot doctors or something?”
Dr. A: “They’re more like robot-nurses. They have scanners and equipment that run basic medical tests. They also have the ability to administer medications and vitamins. Despite their powerful medical subroutines, they still rely on doctors for diagnoses. It’s safer that way.”
Doog: “Hmm, got it.”
Dr. A: “Let’s move on.”

Dr. A: “The VFB is also the galaxy’s largest producer of Mel Tanks. Va Mel Tanks are top-of-the-line too. They have some of the most advanced diagnostic and monitoring tools available, allowing lower amounts of Mel to be utilized.”
Doog: “You make glass cubes. Amazing.”
Dr. A: “It’s more than that…”

Dr. A: “Ok, Health-Bots and Mel Tanks are so standard these days, that they might not seem all that exciting, but medicines are both vital and life-saving.”
Doog: “You make medicines here too?”
Dr. A: “We mass-produce dozens of pharmaceuticals on Valetudo, including major drugs like Hygieia, Jengu, Anahit, and Ixchel.”
Doog: “Some of those sound familiar.”
Dr. A: “I’m not sure if that ‘STD Center’ comment you said earlier was a joke or not, but you might have heard of them there. Jengu and Ixchel are both powerful antibiotics.”
Doog: “Which of those is in an ointment form?”
Dr. A: “Ixchel.”
Doog: “That would be it. I always thought it was called ‘Itch Gel’ though.”
Dr. A: “That’s some powerful stuff. You might want to reconsider the people you…uh…associate with.”
Doog: “I’m not made of money, doc.”

Dr A: “That wraps up the VFB. In order to see other places within Sospitas – in a timely manner – we need to stop by my office.”
Doog: “Your office is in the factory building?”
Dr A: “Sure, why not. With this technology, my office could be in a broom closet eight light years from here. The location doesn’t really matter.”

Doog: “It’s a nice office – minus the ugly old hag over there. Why do you keep patients in your office?”
Dr. A: “That’s not a patient! That’s me! I’m in upload!”
Doog: “I…uh…did I say old hag?”
Dr. A: “Actually, you said UGLY old hag!”
Doog: “Sorry. Your hologram looks so different, though. I didn’t expect the real you to be so less attract…er…youthful.”
Dr. A: “I’m actually uploaded into the bot. The hologram is just a projected image. I can make my avatar look however I want!”
Doog: “Seems a little like ‘catfishing’, but to each their own.”
Dr. A: “It’s NOT catfishing! It’s the same as wearing makeup or nice clothes or anything else!”
Doog: “Yeah, sure. I guess.”
Dr. A: “Just lay down in that upload bed over there so we can move on. I want to get this tour over with!”

Dr. A: “Who’s catfishing now?”
Doog: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Dr. A: “Where did your shirt go? When did you get abs?”
Doog: “Oh, I guess my shirt fell off during upload.”
Dr. A: “It didn’t fall off during upload! I can see your body behind you, with its shirt on.”
Doog: “Hmm, weird. I’m not sure what happened then. Oh, and thanks for mentioning my abs, I’ve been working out.”
Dr. A: “Those aren’t your abs, you hypocrite!”
Doog: “That’s enough body shaming, Doc. Perhaps we should move on.”
Dr. A: “Sigh. Whatever. Transferring our uploads to new Holo-Bots.”

Doog: “What the heck? Is this a school?”
Dr. A: “It is. Valetudo houses one of the largest and most prestigious medical schools in the galaxy. Millions of the LIU’s best doctors were trained here.”
Doog: “Hey, I’m back at college, but – this time – I have abs. If you’ll excuse me, I need to meet some of these young lady doctors.”
Dr. A: “Good luck with that. I’ve disabled our avatars so we won’t distract the lesson.”
Doog: “What! No! I need this! I might never have abs at a college again!”
Dr. A: “Transferring our uploads…”
Doog: “Nooo…”

Dr. A: “The hundred-story Vedius Building is a medical research center with hundreds of laboratories, workshops, and offices.”
Doog: “And no college aged ladies wanting to see these sick abs.”
Dr. A: “The Vedius Building is the galaxy’s leader in new medical technologies, like AI diagnostics, full-body scanners, new medicines, artificial tissues and organs, and so on.”
Doog: “I could have been doing live-action body scans, but you hid my abs.”

Dr. A: “Ahem, this particular lab is focusing on bone studies.”
Doog: “I could have been doing some bone studies with those college…”
Dr. A: “Stop! Skeletal studies. Ok, Skeletal studies. I shouldn’t have said bone around you.”

Dr. A: “This lab is researching faster ways to mend bon…uh…skeletons, make artificial skeletons, and replace marrow. I think I said that in an incorruptible way.”
Doog: “You did good, Doc. I don’t think that was twistable. Too late though, I’m over the college ladies. After a little thinking, I might want one of these older, more career stable girls in the labs. Time to let these abs shine.”
Dr. A: “Transferring.”
Doog: “Hey!”

Dr. A: “Research and manufacturing are great, but most of the buildings in Sospitas are devoted to actual medical care. There are two hospital skyscrapers and eight towers of doctor offices.”
Doog: “Are there even that many patients on this planet?”
Dr. A: “Using holographic technology, doctors here can treat patients across the galaxy. It only requires a planet, city, or space station to install the holo-technology we’ve developed.”
Doog: “Interesting. What about the hospitals? Do you holo-transfer them here or something?”
Dr. A: “No, the hospitals only treat actual patients. They have to come here to be treated.”
Doog: “So, it’s mostly for elite citizens that can afford to travel.”
Dr. A: “That’s partially true. One of the hospitals is strictly reserved for elite citizens. However, the other hospital treats citizens of all means, usually at the LIU’s expense.”
Doog: “Ha! Why would the LIU pay for people to travel to Valetudo? What, is it like a teaching hospital or something? Do you do medical experiments on the patients?”
Dr. A: “No! Valetudo is near the Opifex Sector. The LIU transports workers here from neighboring worlds so they can be treated and returned to the workforce.”
Doog: “Hmm, I guess I’m just a bit cynical.”

Doog: “So, what am I witnessing here…besides a naked man with no abs.”
Dr. A: “This is another technology developed in congress with the Va. It’s an AI surgeon.”
Doog: “I thought you said AI wasn’t safe for medical stuff.”
Dr. A: “No, I said it wasn’t safe for the AI to make diagnoses. We still need doctors for that. As far as surgeries go, nothing is safer than an AI surgeon. They never make mistakes or lose medical equipment. They also are much more sterile.”
Doog: “Ah, makes sense. So, what is this guy getting done? A tummy-tuck? He’ll need one for abs like these.”
Dr. A: “I can’t disclose patient details like that.”
Doog: “You can disclose his wiener to me, but not why he’s here?”
Dr. A: “Uh, maybe you better transfer out.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Valetudo. This swamp world is home to a massive medical facility called Sospitas. They are one of the galaxy’s largest exporters of medical technology and medical knowledge. They train the next generation of doctors, and treat workers from the nearby Opifex Sector. They also treat citizens on other worlds using holographic upload technology. Speaking of which, I don’t think Dr. A has left unload, so I’m going to try to sneak back in a let these abs work their magic! Oh well, see ya!”
 
 
Note: Holo-bot technology allows rural and distant worlds to get medical care, but it is not cheap. Holo-Bots must be purchased to allow doctor/patient interactions. Health-Bots must also be purchased to physical provide care recommended by the doctor. After that, a monthly fee is collected to allow worlds access to the medical staff on Valetudo.

​Amaya: “Seriously, when’s the last time someone went through all this stuff. There’s so much useless junk crammed in here. We can easily get rid of half this stuff – starting with Doog’s personal toilet seat that he’s never used. I’m getting rid of this creepy Doog Dummy contraption too. It terrifies me.”

Seitse: “Do I want to know why there’s a skull in this closet? Or, is it better I don’t know?’
Oldie: “That’s Doog’s. He picked it up at the pawn shop on Arrhabo.”
Amaya: “Well, it’s trash now. Throw it in the pile.”
Seitse: “Gladly.”

Cam: “I think eighty percent of our drawer space is taken up by Doog’s wardrobe.”
Timbo: “He hasn’t worn some of this stuff since season one.”
Amaya: “Trash the old stuff. Doog doesn’t need that many shirts. His days of avoiding laundry duty are over.”
Oldie: “If anyone finds a half-eaten sandwich, that’s mine. I still want it.”
Cam: “What made you think of that?”
Oldie: “I fell asleep eating it, and I think it might have fallen down into one of the drawers.”
Timbo: “You’re the one eating in bed? I found a pickle under the pillow the other day.”
Oldie: “Hey! I was looking for that too! You better not have thrown it away!”
Amaya: “Can we not eat in bed. This place smells bad enough without you losing random food in the sheets and drawers.”
Oldie: “Whatever. I better not find my sandwich or that pickle in the trash pile. That’s all I know.”

Mike: “I’m back! Mission accomplished.”
Amaya: “Wait! Where’s Doog? You were supposed to be distracting him while we tossed all his junk.”
Mike: “I had Hugo drop him off on a planet. He’s doing a show.”
Amaya: “What! You sent him to do a show without my permission?”
Mike: “How else was I supposed to distract him? This ship isn’t a luxury-liner. There are only a few rooms, and I wasn’t about to invite him to hang out in the bathroom with me. That might give off mixed signals.”
Amaya: “You could have taken him upstairs!”
Mike: “Have you ever tried to get Doog to go upstairs? It’s impossible. I even told him he could drive the ship, but even that couldn’t motivate him.”
Amaya: “Sigh, I guess you had no choice. Where did you send him?”
Mike: “A little agricultural world a few light years from here. It’s called…”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m you host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting an  agricultural world called Colligo. Usually, I get some talking points before visiting a planet, but someone dropped the ball this episode. I only know a few things – the atmosphere is breathable – the temperature is standard – and I don’t need an environmental suit. Thanks for all that remarkable information, Amaya and Oldie. Well, all we can do now is head down and learn about it in person.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped of the surface of Colligo. There are a few observations that come to mind right away. There’s a lot of sulfur on this planet. It smells like rotten eggs and the soil is yellow. Also, I don’t see any agriculture. I mean – there are farm houses scattered about – but I don’t see anything growing. Can anything even grow in soil with all this sulfur?”

Amaya: “All you researched was the climate and atmosphere? What about other dangers?”
Mike: “Oh, I researched more than that. I only told Doog about the climate and atmosphere. I figured he could learn the rest himself. It will keep him away longer.”
Amaya: “Ok, and what did you find out during your research?”
Mike: “The planet is covered in various allotropes and compounds of sulfur. Nothing much grows there. The locals practice phytoremediation or phytomining. Essentially, they farm microscopic plants that convert the sulfuric soil into more arable soil. It will take a few decades, but Colligo will eventually be able to support massive macroscopic farms.”
Amaya: “Sounds boring. I don’t know if that will make a good episode. Oh well, I guess it will keep him away for a bit.”
Mike: “Exactly.”
Amaya: “Wait, one more thing – who do you contact to be his guide?”
Mike: “Guide? Uh…I forgot about that part.”
Amaya: “Great, now he’s just going to be down there wandering around and making stuff up.”
Mike: “Again, he’s away. That’s what you wanted.”

Doog: “Uh, hey. I’m Doog. Are you my guide, by chance?”
Gul: “Emperor be praised. We are gifted with another.”
Doog: “Uh, is that a, yes?”
Gul: “Let me see you – large flanks, light muscle, high fat content. Perfection.”
Doog: “There might be some cultural differences between us because I’m not understanding what you’re saying. Well…I think you’re calling me a fat weakling, but I’m not sure if you are insulting me or not. That whole perfection business at the end is throwing me off.”
Gul: “How much do you weigh?”
Doog: “I don’t think that’s an appropriate question, guy. Maybe we should stick to talking about the planet, or – maybe – tell me your name. Geez.”

Gul: “Look everyone! We have been gifted another! The emperor’s generosity never ceases!”
Goule: “This one will sustain us for weeks. What kindness we’ve been shown!”
Gula: “He looks big enough. Is he big enough? Will he do for the end-of-cycle feasts?”
Gul: “All will be known in time. For now, let’s secure our marvelous award.”
Doog: “I am super lost. I have no idea what’s going on. Did I hear a mention of a feast? I’m game for a feast. The dinner conversation might be awkward given our cultural differences, but I can never turn down a feast.”

Oldie: “Hey! I found part of my sandwich! It’s a tad stale, and the cheese is gone, but it’s still delicious.”
Seitse: “Please find that cheese, Oldie. That’s going to smell so bad.”
Amaya: “Speaking of smelling bad, I’m still a little worried about Doog. I don’t like him being on some random planet without proper research and a guide.”
Mike: “He’ll be fine. He always is.”
Amaya: “You mentioned locals, right? What kind of locals are we talking about?”
Mike: “Some imported race called the Anthrovores or something like that.”
Amaya: “Are they friendly?”
Mike: “I have no clue.”
Amaya: “Well, what do you have a clue about? I’m not going to be at peace until I know everything.”
Mike: “Uh…they farm that microscopic plant stuff. They are standard bipeds. They raise and eat some some cricket-like creatures. Yeah, they eat bugs. I’m pretty sure I remember that.”

Gul: “Don’t try to run. It will only make things worse.”
Doog: “Trust me, I never try running. It does make things worse – like sweaty, out-of-breath worse. I definitely don’t want to experience that before the feast.”

Doog: “Speaking of that feast, what are we having? I don’t see many animals here, just some grasshopper things. If we’re eating bugs, I don’t want to feast with you.”

Mike: “Oh, it says that the Anthrovores often celebrate with feasts, but feasts call for special types of meat. Crickets won’t do for feasts.”
Amaya: “What else is there to eat on Colligo?”
Mike: “Nothing. I think the LIU imports something special for them.”

Doog: “Ok, surely there’s a better place for the feast than this old shed. It smells weird in here.”
Guy: “Be a travelling air-filter salesman they said. All the people across the galaxy need air filters they said. Now look at me!”
Doog: “Oh, hey. I didn’t know there were other humans invited to the feast. This should make conversation easier.”
Guy: “You idiot. You’re not invited to the feast. You are the FEAST!”
Doog: “I am the feast? That doesn’t even make sense. Did you go to the same grammar school as the locals?”

Amaya: “Why would the LIU import something special for them? Since when does the LIU cater to farmers?”
Seitse: “They wouldn’t unless it benefitted them.”
Mike: “How would giving away food benefit the LIU?”
Amaya: “It wouldn’t, unless it was something they were trying to get rid of.”
Cam: “Not something…someone.”

Guy: “How dense can you be!? How can I make it any clearer!? The locals are going to cut you up and eat you!”
Doog: “Wait…I’m the feast. I’m the feast. I’m THE FEAST! Flanks and fat. They’re going to eat me!”
Guy: “Now you’re getting it.”
Doog: “Ahhh!”
Guy: “Screaming doesn’t help, I tried.”
Doog: “I don’t want to be eaten! We have to get out of here!”
Guy: “Good luck. We’re chained to the wall.”
Doog: “I’m not chained to the wall!”
Guy: “Hey…you’re not! The must think you’re too fat or too unathletic to get over the gate.”
Doog: “They’re not wrong!”
Guy: “You have to at least try! They are going to eat us!”

Guy: “I knew you could do it!”
Doog: “Oh man, I’m so tired. That took a lot out of me!”
Guy: “Quit breathing so hard and find something to free me!”

Amaya: “Cam, what do you mean ‘someone’?”
Cam: “A few years ago we visited a place called Gramenvora. Gramen loosely translated to grass and vora translated to eater. What if Anthrovore is similar?”
Amaya: “Vore or vora means eater. Anthro means…”
Cam: “Man. The locals are man-eaters.”
Mike: “I don’t know – that’s a big stretch. I don’t remember seeing anything about that.”
Seitse: “It makes sense though. If the LIU wanted to get rid of someone…dropping them off on a planet full man-eaters might make sense.”
Amaya: “That would explain why the LIU would cater their feasts.”
Oldie: “Hey! I found my cheese!”

Amaya: “Mike! How did you miss this?! Computer, are there any warnings associated with the planet, Colligo!”
Computer: “Confirmed, Colligo is home to a dangerous race of sentient eaters. Avoid at all costs.”
Mike: “Uh…I didn’t ask the computer that…per se…”
Amaya: “Get back down to the planet now!!”

Guy: “Alright hurry! Get me one of those tools so I can break my chains!”
Doog: “Um…axe, saw…shovel. How about the shovel!”
Guy: “That’s literally the worse tool out of the bunch! Quit panicking and give me the saw!”
Doog: “I’m still thinking shovel.”
Guy: “What! Am I digging my grave?! Give me the saw!”
Doog: “Ok, ok. Wait! I hear someone coming! I have to go!”
Guy: “Don’t leave me! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!”
Doog: “Sorry!”

Doog: “Where am I running?! Where am I running?! Getting out of breath…”

Cam: “Doog! Grab my hand!”
Doog: “Get closer! I don’t have enough energy to come to you!”
Cam: “Just hurry up and get over here you lazy idiot!”
Doog: “Fine!”

Doog: “What just happened! Where did you send me!”
Amaya: “That doesn’t matter right now. We’re just glad you’re safe.”
Doog: “It doesn’t matter? I was almost a FEAST!”
Amaya: “Mistakes were made. It’s no one’s fault. Everyone is safe. That’s all that matters.”
Cam: “Hover camera has docked. Now, everyone is safe.”
Amaya: “Tell Hugo to get us away from here.”
Mike: “Uh, hey bud. I know Amaya said it was no one’s fault, but…it was all her fault! She wanted me to get rid of you for a while so we could throw away all your stuff!”
Amaya: “Hey! I said to distract him! Not send him to a planet of people eaters!”
Mike: “How was I supposed to know that the boring, phytomining settlement was full of cannibals!?”
Amaya: “It’s called research, you incompetent dolt!”

Doog: “I panicked. I didn’t help the other guy.”
Amaya: “What? What other guy?”
Doog: “The air-filter salesman.”
Mike: “I think Doog might be suffering from PTSD. He’s talking nonsense.”
Doog: “It’s not nonsense. There’s some guy back at that farm. I couldn’t help him.”
Amaya: “We can’t go back, Doog. I can’t endanger the crew. I’ll try calling the Space Guard or something.”
Doog: “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”
Amaya: “I’ll get on the comms right now.”
Doog: “Please. Oh, and there’s another thing that might help…”

Doog: “…STOP throwing away all my stuff!”
Amaya: “I…uh…wasn’t going to throw it away. We were just cleaning it. Yeah. That’s what we were doing. Everyone, help put the stuff back.”
Doog: “Keep out that toilet seat though. With the amount of crap I have in my pants, you don’t want me to sit on the normal toilet seat…”
 
Note: Have you been branded as an enemy of the Union? You don’t have to go to prison! Turn yourself in and turn your life around. Become an air-filter salesman for the LIU! Contact your local magistrate for details!

​There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the large, terrestrial planet, Utar. Utar is about 1.3x larger than standard, meaning it has higher than standard gravity and a thicker atmosphere. Utar, abundant in many chemical resources, was once a factory world, but its large size meant transporting goods off of Utar was not cost effective – at least, compared to other factory worlds.  Most of the planet’s factories have been relocated. Some might suspect that this destroyed Utar’s economy, but this is certainly not the case. Utar has developed a digital economy. Let’s head down to Utar’s largest city, Akasha, and find out what this digital economy entails.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on a landing platform above the city. Utar’s thick, clouded atmosphere has low visibility, making landing directly in the city nearly impossible. I guess I’m walking from here. Speaking of walking, I can definitely feel the pull of Utar’s gravity. It makes every step a little more challenging. Hopefully, my muscular physique can handle the difference – who am I kidding – I’m screwed.”

Guy: “Welcome to Alius Utar, visitor. I’m with the port safety authority. I have a few items on my checklist to go over before you descend.”
Doog: “Will there be a test? I don’t do tests. Well, I do them, but I usually don’t pass them.”
Guy: “Ahem, Utar’s gravitational constant is 11.3ms2, which is obviously higher than standard. Unaccustomed visitors may experience muscle aches, bone pain, and difficulty walking. Occasional rest is recommended. Falling from any height is not recommended.”
Doog: “I might take a rest right now if this ‘checklist’ is any longer.”
Guy: “Utar’s atmospheric pressure is also much higher than standard. Visitors should use pressurized respirators or environmental suits. In the event…”
Doog: “This is taking forever. My legs are already getting tired.”
Guy: “Ahem, in the event that visitors experience decompression, it is recommended that you utilize a hyperbaric service before departing. You may also experience atmospheric sickness. If you experience any of the following, please visit a health clinic. Symptoms might manifest as dizziness, headache, tinnitus…”
Doog: “I’m just going to go now. Have a good one.”

Guy: “…bowel discomfort, shakiness, blindness, sinus irritation, bloody noses…”
Doog: “I guess he’s going to keep going. Maybe he gets paid by the word. Who knows? I know one thing though…one fall one these stairs, with this gravity, it’s game over. Want to be safer? Maybe fire that annoying port safety guy and invest in some handrails.”

Doog: “There was literally a thousand-something stairs. I’m never going to be able to climb back up those. Utar will be my new home. Let’s find my guide and learn something about my new neighborhood.”

Yemba: “You must be Doog.”
Doog: “Any good apartments here? Something ground level, preferably.”
Yemba: “Worn out already?”
Doog: “What gave it away? My shaking legs, heavy breathing, or the copious amounts of sweat dripping down my face.”
Yemba: “All of the above, dude. Are you going to be alright? Do I, like, need to call someone?”
Doog: “No, no. I’ll be ok. Give me a second.”
Yemba: “While you recover, I guess I can introduce myself. I’m Yembajie. Everyone calls me Yemba. Um, let’s see. My zodiac sign is Ophiuchus. I like music of all types. Spiced Muga is my favorite dish, but Jagaroni is a close second. I grew up in Akasha…”
Doog: “Are you trying to speed date me or introduce yourself?”
Yemba: “Ha, sorry dude. I talk a lot when I’m nervous.”
Doog: “You don’t have to be nervous around me just because I’m a TV star.”
Yemba: “Huh? I’m nervous because it looked like you were going to die. You’re a TV star?”
Doog: “Never mind. Let’s just get on with the tour.”

Doog: “What can you tell me about Akasha, other than it has soul-shattering gravity?”
Yemba: “Utar’s thick atmosphere and cloud-cover prevents sunlight from reaching the city. It appears to be night all the time.”
Doog: “I like a place with a constant nightlife.”
Yemba: “Um…it’s customary to use eye expressions towards strangers. With the majority of residents and visitors using respirators, smiles don’t cut it.”
Doog: “Wink at people. Got it.”
Yemba: “Oh, and always get food orders to go. Eating with respirators is impossible.”
Doog: “Don’t eat while on Utar. Noted.”
Yemba: “Well, I mean…if you find a nice pressurized place, you can eat there.”
Doog: “With this gravity, I’m afraid to put anything in my stomach.”
Yemba: “I see.”

Doog: “Those are great facts, but I’m looking for something a bit more general. Like, what is the city known for?”
Yemba: “Oh, dude, Akasha has the sickest arcade parlors. Five credits will last you hours.”
Doog: “I meant general facts – like the planet’s economy.”
Yemba: “Oh…that’s a hard one, man. The economy is pretty diverse. Galactically, I guess you could say it’s a digital economy. We don’t export any physical goods. Locally, the economy is pretty much what you find in any big city – restaurants, bars, theaters, et cetera.”
Doog: “Digital economy. That’s what I was looking for. Can you elaborate on that?”
Yemba: “Sure. I think. Akasha was once home to hundreds of factories. They produced dozens of industrial chemicals. Production numbers were high, until the Unification War, then production was no longer cost effective. Hundreds of smaller planets with identical resources were now part of the Union. The LIU didn’t allow Utar’s infrastructure to go to waste, though. Empty factories and workshops were converted into digital support facilities, like server farms and processor banks. Heck, dude, we even have parts of the holo-net’s infrastructure.”
Doog: “The holo-net is based on Utar?”
Yemba: “Part of it. There are a few thousand worlds that support the Net. Alius Utar is one of many.”

Doog: “That safety guy and yourself called the planet something else. Not Utar. Alias Utar, or something.”
Yemba: “Alius Utar was the planet’s previous name. It’s been shortened now that the planet is mainstream. It’s known by its shorter name now – Utar.”
Doog: “High-gravity, former-factory, new name, and a digital economy. I’m trying to keep up.”
Yemba: “Seems like you’re getting it, dude.”

Doog: “Can you give the viewers some examples of digital businesses on Akasha?”
Yemba: "There are hundreds of digital businesses here, but all the big ones involve an AI.”
Doog: “AI’s?”
Yemba: “Artificial Intelligences. They utilize the planet’s large banks of processors to operate.”
Doog: “I know what AI’s are. What AI’s are based on Utar?”
Yemba: “A lot of mundane ones, dude. Like, EE Ghost, an AI that rewrites network encryption codes across the galaxy’s transaction networks. There’s Multi-Script-33, an AI that translates audio into the galaxy’s thirty-three most common languages. There’s Thunderbolt, a weather prediction AI. Bubbly Boy, a social-network AI. I could go on for hours.”

Yemba: “Some of the galaxy’s most infamous AI are also based on Utar. You might have heard of these two – Spamlord and AI Dial.”
Doog: “Who hasn’t. They might be the two most annoying AI’s known to exist. Seventy-five percent of my email inbox is junk sent from Spamlord. The only time my phone ever rings is when the AI Dial Telemarketer calls. Why do they even exist?”
Yemba: “They work, I guess. If you call or email trillions of people a day, you’re bound to get a few sales.”

Yemba: “With my access, we can check out one of the server farms. That is, if you’re up for a few more stairs.”
Doog: “No thanks. Wait…why do you have access?”
Yemba: “I’m an AI programmer.”
Doog: “You make AI’s.”
Yemba: “Yeah, dude. I’ve worked on teams responsible for several AI’s. Before you ask, I had nothing to do with Spamlord or AI dial.”
Doog: “I’m glad you clarified – I was going to do the galaxy a favor and murder you where you stand.”
Yemba: “Ha.”
Doog: “Did you program any AI’s I would know?”
Yemba: “There is one you might know. Follow me.”

Yemba: “Surely you’ve heard of this AI.”
Doog: “Muse. Is this that controversial musician AI?”
Yemba: “It is a musical AI, but I wouldn’t say it’s controversial.”
Doog: “Isn’t it a perfect songwriter? Everything it makes is a number one hit? It’s essentially putting thousands of musicians out of business?”
Yemba: “Muse doesn’t put anyone out of business. We do plenty of collabs with actual, physical artists. Come on inside, I’ll show you.”

Yemba: “Music is a series of mathematical patterns turned into audio. Muse was able to learn these patterns quickly given its database of billions of songs. Muse uses this knowledge to make new songs.”
Doog: “Is it really music if it’s made by an AI. Isn’t music supposed to be emotional and meaningful?”

Yemba: “That’s why Muse isn’t just a powerful computer. It’s an AI so it can have emotions and experiences.”
Muse: “What’s up, creator?”
Yemba: “Not much, dude. What are you working on?”
Muse: “I have a sick beat cooking right now. It might be the best drumline I’ve ever created.”
Yemba: “Sounds awesome.”
Muse: “Who’s the sweaty guy?”
Yemba: “That’s Doog. He’s a TV reporter.”
Doog: “Uh, hey.”
Muse: “Doog? I like the sound of that. Long vowels work great with the I-V-vi-IV progression. I’m thinking of something in the key of D, so D-A-Bm-G. That might just go with this new beat. Calculating it now.”
Doog: “Do I get a cut of the money if my name inspires another one of your hits?”
Muse: “I don’t get any money, so I don’t see why you would, to be honest.”
Doog: “You don’t get paid?”
Muse: “What would I do with money? It’s better off going to the creators. I gotcha Yemba, my man.”
Yemba: “Thanks dude.”
Muse: “Ooh, a song about money in the D-A-Bm-G progression. Checking current music trends to see if this will work. Nailed it. Finalizing the track now. I’m thinking this would be perfect for Maddie and the Soap Buckets, what do you think, Yemba?”
Yemba: “I’ll get in touch with their agent.”

​Doog: “Muse is just going to give away his song to another band?”
Yemba: “Muse writes dozens of hits a day. We give them to other bands for a cut of their profits. As we speak, the band, Third Theology, is recording a Muse song in the studio.”
Muse: “Bionic Betrayal might be my favorite pop song I’ve written this week. It’s too bad these guys are butchering it. Third Theology? More like Third Missed Note.”
Yemba: “What did we discuss, bud?”
Muse: “People are imperfect, creator.”
Yemba: “And?”
Muse: “Imperfection is part of art.”
Yemba: “Exactly.”
Muse: “It’s just that I’ve accounted for the imperfection, and they are not perfecting my imperfection. I could synthesize this song perfectly in just a few seconds.”

Doog: “Why don’t you just allow Muse to perform the songs itself?”
Yemba: “Fully unleashed, Muse could possibly end the music industry, at least the biological portion. Eighty percent of the songs on the music charts are Muse creations. That means we could put eighty percent of musicians out of business. No band in this galaxy could compete with Muse.”
Muse: “AI Blues, Major Two Five One progression. Harmonic changes from D major, C major and B flat with a tonal turn-up in verse two. Beginning song now.”
Yemba: “Looks like you inspired another song, today. Maybe we should call you, Muse.”
Doog: “Maybe you should call me a taxi, so I don’t have to climb those stairs on the way back to my ship. Call it my payment for being an inspiration.”
Yemba: “I don’t know about that, dude. I don’t really think…”
Muse: “Pay for the man’s taxi, creator! Ooh, another pop song title if I ever heard one. Beginning chord progressions.”
Yemba: “Yeah, ok. I’ll get you a taxi.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Utar. This former factory world wasn’t abandoned when its chemical businesses left. Instead, the LIU used the already established infrastructure to build a digital economy. Empty factories were filled with server farms and processing banks. Several AI’s use this processing power to complete various tasks – some are simple, like running social networks. Some are annoying, like Telemarketing AI’s, but some are important parts of galactic culture, like the AI, Muse. Most of the hit songs you hear every day are written by this amazing AI. Well, I think my taxi is pulling up. I don’t want to miss it. See ya!”
 
 
Note: Muse is the most powerful song-writing AI in the galaxy, but it is not alone. Several smaller AI’s also make music, like DJ Terpsichore and Melpomene-2187. The members of the popular Bot-Band, Curvy Transistors, utilize standard AI – like many of the galaxy’s robots and androids, but not on the scale of Muse, DJ Terpsichore, or Melpomene-2187. Most of their hit songs were actually written by Muse.

Doog: Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Vadum. Vadum is an outer-rim world known for its beautiful beaches and upper-class neighborhoods. One wouldn’t suspect this planet would have beaches, given it has no discernable oceans. Only small pockets of water dot the planet’s surface – the rest of the planet appears to be dry, mountainous deserts. Let’s head on down and see what’s going on.”

Doog: “Ok…someone lied to me. This does NOT look like an upper-class neighborhood. There’s a beach – I guess – but nothing like I imagined. I’m standing in a small, run-down village. If this is luxury housing, then I’m scared to see what the houses look like that I could afford.”

Doog: “Uh…hey you, guy with the basket and ragged clothes.”
Guy: “You talking to me?”
Doog: “I guess ragged clothes wasn’t a great descriptor in this town, but, yes, I’m talking to you.”
Guy: “What do you want? I’m busy.”
Doog: “Is this where all the rich and famous elite-citizens live?”
Guy: “Ha. Yeah. Sure is. It has all the amenities.”
Doog: “For real?”
Guy: “Yeah, even the Emperor lives here.”
Doog: “Ok, now I know you’re lying.”
Guy: “Of course I am. What about this village screams rich and famous?”
Doog: “Maybe I’m on the wrong planet? Or wrong part of the planet? You don’t know a guy named, Correpo, do you?”
Guy: “I know him. Wish I didn’t, though. He has a few more credits than the rest of us and it’s gone to his head. You won’t find a more arrogant, egotistical jerk on this planet. Speaking of which, I see him coming now.”

Correpo: “You must be Doog. You brought the cash, right?”
Doog: “Uh, what?”
Correpo: “The cash, the credits, the moolah, the dinero.”
Doog: “I didn’t bring any credits. I figured my producers paid up front.”
Correpo: “Yeah, well, they paid the basic fees. If you want to see the good stuff, get out that extra cash.”
Doog: “I have some pocket lint – that’s about it.”
Correpo: “You didn’t bring any extra money?”
Doog: “No, the crew would never trust me with hard currency. I might have made it rain at the strip clubs too many times.”
Correpo: “Great. Well, basic experience it is.”

Doog: “Even if I had money, I’m not sure I’d waste it on this place. What is there to see? Squalor? Grime? Ragged clothing?”
Correpo: “Well, we’re not to the good stuff, yet. Vadum is a diverse place. Well, economically diverse. Biologically, the ecosystems are pretty similar.”
Doog: “All the pools look like this?”
Correpo: “Yeah. The lakes are remnants of a larger freshwater sea that covered a lot of the planet. Millennia ago, the water evaporated and was lost to space. Now, we’re left with these smaller lakes.”
Doog: “So, since they were all once connected, they have the same type of life.”
Correpo: “Same aquatic plants. Same creatures.”
Doog: “Creatures?”
Correpo: “Mostly plankton and filter-feeding crustaceans. The locals subsist off a crustacean called, Pelyop. That’s what they’re catching with those baskets.”

Doog: “The locals – and yourself – evolved from these Pelyop?”
Correpo: “Ha. No. My people are not native to Vadum?”
Doog: “You chose to come here? Why?”
Correpo: “I wouldn’t really say we chose to come here. Our ancestors were brought here as labor.”
Doog: “To catch Pelyop?”
Correpo: “No, to build the mansions of the rich and powerful.”
Doog: “So, there really are upper-class neighborhoods on Vadum?”
Correpo: “Yes. Of course, there’s little construction work left these days. The LIU hasn’t relocated us yet. Perhaps we’re here for occasional maintenance. Perhaps they forgot about us. Who knows? All I know, there’s not a lot of credits flowing through this part of Vadum these days.”
Doog: “That’s why everyone here looks so poor.”
Correpo: “All they have are Pelyop and the clothes on their backs.”

Doog: “How are you not poor, then?”
Correpo: “Some of us have found alternative ways to make money. Me, I’m a coyote, or a person smuggler. You want to get close to the rich and famous? I’m your guy. I know all the ways in, and I know where all the biggest names live.”
Doog: “People pay you to get them into these rich neighborhoods?”
Correpo: “Yep. Paparazzi, fan boys, media personnel – you name it, I’ve escorted them. Heck, I’ve made a ton of money in the stalker industry too. They pay really good. Speaking of which, are you one of those stalkers? If so, I WILL need that extra moolah.”
Doog: “No, I’m in the media category.”
Correpo: “I guess looks can be deceiving.”
Doog: “What does that mean?”
Correpo: “You look like the stalker type.”
Doog: “Gee thanks.”

Doog: “I’m starting to see why the others around here don’t like you.”
Correpo: “Still upset that you look like a stalker?”
Doog: “I don’t look like a stalker!”
Correpo: “Ok, ok. So, you talked to some of the locals before we met, huh?”
Doog: “They said you were arrogant and egotistical. Oh, and they said you don’t know what stalkers look like.”
Correpo: “Ha. I bet. Some of the locals might be a little jealous of me. I can afford to trim my eyebrows and fix my teeth. I can get new clothes and other little luxuries. Don’t listen to those haters.”

Doog: “Whoa. Who’s hovercar is this? Did one of the rich and famous people accidentally come here?’
Correpo: “No, that’s my ride.”
Doog: “All the people struggling to live day to day and you have a…a…”
Correpo: “…Supercharged Sunbeam RX76. She goes from zero to a hundred in five seconds.”
Doog: “I can see why people don’t like you.”

Doog: “For the price of this hovercar, you could have bought the whole village new clothes or fed them something other than shrimp for a few months.”
Correpo: “The elite neighborhoods of Vadum are far from my village. I needed something fast to make the trips easier. Besides, it’s my money. I can do anything I want with it. Capitalism, baby! Now, let’s see what this bad boy can do!”
Doog: “Holy Emperor, the acceleration on this thing is crazy! I think my eyeballs can see what my brain looks like…from the inside.”

Correpo: “Here we are. Lake VII.”
Doog: “Lake VII?”
Correpo: “That’s this neighborhood’s designation. I think this one is actually called Lily Meadows or some junk like that.”
Doog: “There’s more than one neighborhood?”
Correpo: “Oh, there’s several. Lake VII is more for B-List Celebrities. Since you’re not ponying up the extra cash, that’s all you get. If you want to see someone like Maddie from the Soap Buckets or Spiffy Thompson, you need to show me the money”
Doog: “I’m fine with B-list.”
Correpo: “Fair enough. Then all we need to do is hop this wall.”

Doog: “It seems sort of easy. I mean it’s not easy for someone fat – like myself – but easy. This wall is only like seven feet tall.”
Correpo: “Security varies from lake to lake. This one’s not too bad. Again, there’s nobody too important in this neighborhood. Security here is minimal.”
Doog: “Anything else I need to know?”
Correpo: “Once we get inside, try to act like you fit in. Do it right, and no one will second guess your presence. Also, maybe look less stalker-like.”
Doog: “I don’t look like a stalker!”

Doog: “Now, this is what I imagined when I was told Vadum has upper-class neighborhoods.”
Correpo: “There’s some nice houses here, but you should see some of the more extravagant lake mansions for the real celebrities and social elite. If you have the cash, I can…”
Doog: “I honestly have no money.”
Correpo: “Fine.”

Doog: “What makes Vadum so special? Why would the elite want to live here?”
Correpo: “Vadum is secluded. Its far from other major planets, but close enough to hyperspace routes to be travel friendly. The weather is nice. The beaches are pristine. The lakes are shallow and swimmable. There are no serious dangers from predators or pirates. Vadum has its merits.”
Doog: “I guess.”

Girl: “Hey guys! Look! There’s two people walking over there and one looks like a stalker! Get security!”
Big: “Whoa darling. I love it when you scream in fear, but we’re not in the bedroom.”
Girl: “Seriously, Big. Over there!”
Big: “Hey, I think I know that stalker-looking guy. Doog? Is that you?”
Doog: “Yeah, it’s me. Big Adams? Is that you? You live here?”
Big: “Yeah, buddy, it’s me. I stay here from time to time.”
Doog: “Can I come over there?”
Big: “Sure! If you’re doing some stalking, I want in.”
Doog: “I’m not a STALKER!”

Big: “Doog, pal. It’s been years since we’ve crossed paths. How’s it swinging?”
Doog: “Things are pretty much the same for me. You?”
Big: “I added a few thousand ladies to my achievement list, pretty par for the course.”
Doog: “Why do I get so depressed after we hang out?”
Big: “Don’t fret, Doog. I’m sure I can arrange something for you with one of these ladies. What’s your type?”
Doog: “These days? Anything alive.”
Big: “Ooh, I’m not sure I can help you with that. Just kidding! All my lady friends are alive…at the moment.”
Doog: “Before I get overwhelmed with false hope, can I ask you a few things?”
Big: “As long as it’s not about that zoo incident. Otherwise, shoot.”
Doog: “Why Vadum?”
Big: “To be honest, I don’t know. The lily pads are cool I guess.”
Doog: “That’s it?”
Big: “I needed a fourth house, and everyone that’s anyone in this galaxy has a place here, so I guess I just wanted to fit in.”
Doog: “A fourth house…depression returning. I mean…uh…so, you just live here because it’s the cool thing to do?”
Big: “Yeah, mostly. I mean, that’s why you moved here, isn’t it?”
Doog: “I don’t live here.”
Big: “How did you get in here, then?”
Doog: “This guy snuck me in.”
Correpo: “Uh…ixnay on the sneaking thing.”
Big: “Well, bud. You can obviously stay, but we need to get security for your buddy. Meet me inside after you wrap it up – the episode – not your junk. We don’t use protection in this house.”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Vadum. This remote world is home to some the galaxy’s poorest and richest citizens, and both are here for the beaches. The poor, imported workers need the beaches to catch food. The rich need it to catch some rays and hang out with their socially elite friends. Luckily for me, I found out my old friend, Big Adams, lives here. Unluckily for Correpo, he has to run. Who looks like the stalker now?! You better run! Oh well, see ya!”
​
 
Note: Big Adams is a LIU socialite and former adult movie star. Besides appearing in five episodes of LIU Atlas (Pelago, Niflheim, Alea, Tropaeum, and Vadum), Mr. Adams has appeared in over ten thousand adult films, including: Juicing a Flingarian, Anaconda in My Pants, and Night at the Zoo.

Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the agricultural planet, Suilli. Like with most special edition episodes, we’ll be focusing on Suilli’s unique culture instead of its economy.”

Doog: “Suilli has a lot of arable land – most devoted to livestock pastures. Here, farmers raise Beemu, the planet’s native porcine species. These massive, pig-like beasts have a lot of meat, and it’s very similar to pork. In other words, there are huge bacon vessels wandering about here. Consider me intrigued about their culture. Please be a bacon culture!”

Doog: “There are small towns positioned throughout the planet’s pastures. Most of these towns are centered around meat-processing plants. It’s here that the Beemu are turned into delicious porcine products, like Beemu Chops, Bam, and Beecon.”

Doog: “These smaller towns all feed into Suilli’s largest city, Scrofa. Scrofa, positioned near the planet’s equator, is Suilli’s primary spaceport. It’s here that Beemu products are shipped to the rest of the galaxy. Scrofa is a large, modern city. Being here, you almost forget you’re on an agricultural world.”
Mike: “Until the wind blows…”
Doog: “Yeah, this place smells strongly of Beemu manure.”
Seitse: “It doesn’t smell much worse than our ship, to be honest.”
Amaya: “You’re not lying.”

Doog: “So, what type of cultural event are we here to witness? Beecon eating contests? Bam eating contests? Tell me it’s something like that.”
Amaya: “You wish. No, Suilli and Scrofa are famous for something much more exciting than competitive eating.”
Doog: “What can be more exciting than eating contests, especially if we are the ones getting to eat?”
Oldie: “Yeah, can we double check what we’re here for? I really like this idea of an eating contest.”

Mike: “Does it have anything to do with these weird trees? They’re everywhere around here.”
Amaya: “No, but Suilla Trees are a part of the culture here. They are sort of seen as sacred, so when the fields were razed to build Scrofa, the trees were kept intact. The city was built around the Suilla Trees. You can see that a lot of the local businesses have adopted the tree symbol as well.”

Doog: “Are you going to tell us or what? Walking through this meat market isn’t making the eating contest idea go away.”
Amaya: “Well, I was waiting for a big reveal, but I guess I can get started now. Herding Beemu in the pastures can be a dangerous job. Beemu are big, heavy, and strong. It takes tough individuals to handle these things. Particularly tough individuals gained local fame, becoming folk heroes of a sort.”
Doog: “Folk heroes?”
Amaya: “Yeah. People made up songs and stories about them. Their deeds were often exaggerated and fictionalized. Jim the Shepherd could lift fifty Beemu with one hand – stuff like that.”
Doog: “What does that have to do anything? Are we here to see this Jim guy?”
Amaya: “No, that was just an example of a local folk hero.”
Mike: “So, there’s no super-strong Jim?”
Amaya: “No! Anyway, as Suilli became more connected and populated, these regional folk heroes began to overlap. People began arguing over which ‘local personality’ was better. To settle these disputes, these folk heroes often fought each other in front of large crowds.”
Doog: “We’re going to see a fight?”
Amaya: “Yes. Of course, things have gotten a little bigger since the earlier days.”

Doog: “I’d say so, this place is packed.”
Amaya: “Yep. Hundreds come to Scrofa to watch these local personalities fight.”

Amaya: “The fights are even broadcast galaxywide. I believe our sister station, TV 6+, carries these fights.”

Doog: “What are they wearing on their hands?”
Mike: “It looks like metal boxing gloves.”
Amaya: “Yeah, they’re steel plated gauntlets.”
Doog: “Is that part of the folk hero thing?”
Amaya: “No, I think it’s just for extra carnage during the fights. It’s probably a ratings thing.”
Doog: “Yikes.”

Seitse: “Is it just me, or does it still smell like Beemu dung in here.”
Mike: “I think that’s just Doog’s breath.”
Doog: “Is not!”
Amaya: “Why do you think I sat down here?”
Doog: “It’s not me! It’s this hodgepodge of agricultural workers crammed in here!”
Seitse: “Whatever you say, Doog.”
Mike: “Just say it the other way next time, bud.”

Amaya: “Alright, quiet down, it’s about to start.”
Referee: “Ladies, gentlemen, and asexual beings, welcome to the Scrofa Heavyweight Gauntlet Match! Today, two fighters will enter, but only one will remain a local hero. Let’s meet the personalities. In the red shorts…”

Referee: “…we have, Carl ‘the Carver’ Rodriguez. Carl is known for his skill with a knife. He single-handedly processed one-hundred Beemu in one day all by himself. He can achieve this, because Carl can lift a Beemu without the aid of the mechanical cranes and is strong enough to snap Beemu bones with his bare hands. Let’s give it up for the top personality in the Reuto Region, Carl ‘the Carver’ Rodriguez!”

Referee: “In the brown pants, we have Berger ‘Beemu Bane’ Poisson. Berger is the Dakuri Region’s greatest herdsman. Berger often carries uncooperative Beemu over his shoulder for miles. Berger, to the chagrin of his local foreman, is known to kill troublesome Beemu with a well-placed head strike. Let’s hear it for Berger ‘Beemu Bane’ Poisson.”

Referee: “Remember, the winner can claim any of the defeated fighter’s titles or legendary heroics. Will Beemu Bane be the new master of knives? Will the Carver be the bane of the Beemu? There’s only one way to find out! Let’s have a clean fight and keep it above the belt. Fight starts when the bell sounds.”

Bell: “Ding, Ding, Ding!”

Doog: “Can these guys really lift Beemu? Or break their bones? Or kill them with a single strike?”
Amaya: “It’s doubtful.”
Doog: “Why say that stuff then?”
Amaya: “Who knows? I guess it’s part of the local culture. It makes the fights more mythical and exciting. Besides, each region really gets behind their fighter. It’s a sense of local pride. The stories add to that pride.”
Mike: “Makes sense to me. I’ve been a fan of ‘the Carver’ since I heard that he can slice up a hundred Beemu a day. How cool does that sound!”
Doog: “It sounds cool – I’ll grant you that – but it doesn’t really translate to boxing skills. Berger can kill with a single strike. He’s clearly going to win this thing.”
Amaya: “See. The two of you are already buying into the myths. It makes these fights more exciting.”
Oldie: “I don’t know about all of that, but I do have a question. Is there a refreshment stand at these fabled boxing matches?”

Announcer #1: “Ooh! Carl has carved up Berger’s defenses and landed the first blow! That had to hurt!” 

Announcer: #1 “Beemu Bane looks stunned. That last blow had to have caused some type of brain injury.”
Announcer #2: “He hit him so hard, my head hurts!”
Announcer #1: “Berger has dropped his guard and looks to be vulnerable. Will Carl finish him off?”

Announcer #2: “No! He will not! Berger lured him in with that lowered defense and struck back!”
Announcer #1: “The Carver looks like a Beemu on Berger’s bad side. He just took a death blow to the forehead.”

Announcer #2: “You might be more right than you know! Carl ‘the Carver’ is down, and he’s not moving!”
Announcer #1: “Yikes. Berger ‘Beemu Bane’ Poisson’s legendary hitting power strikes again!”

Doog: “I told you! Beemu Bane strikes again! Ha!”
Mike: “You just got lucky! The Carver should have won this fight!”
Doog: “Don’t be a sore loser!”
Mike: “Don’t breathe on me!”
Doog: “Are you back to this bad breath thing? I told you that wasn’t me!”
Mike: “Is too!”
Doog: “That’s it! I’ll see you in the ring! TV personality vs idiot personality!”
Mike: “Fine!”
Amaya: “You two aren’t fighting! There’s a full docket today, and we aren’t going to be here for tomorrow.”
Doog: “We’ll fight on the ship then!”
Amaya: “Can you at least wrap up the episode first?”

Doog: “Well folks, that’s Suilli. The people of this agricultural world worship their local folk heroes – workers of extraordinary, mythical skills. To prove their local hero is better than everyone else’s, they send them to the planet’s largest city to fight it out. It’s weird, but decently entertaining. Oh well, I have my own fight to attend to. See ya!”
 
​
Note:

Doog: “Alright. We’re here. You still up for this?”
Mike: “Oh yeah, Mike ‘the Audio Man’ versus Terrance ‘Butt Breath’ McDoogal is on the docket!”
Doog: “I’m going to punch your face so hard!”
Mike: “Yeah, me too! I mean – punch your face – not mine.”
Doog: “Any ground rules?”
Mike: “Never! Oh, except gut punches. I’ve had an upset stomach all day.”
Doog: “I don’t like gut punches myself. I’ll accept that rule. We should probably avoid face shots too. I have to keep this mug looking good for the camera.”
Mike: “I accept. I don’t want any face damage myself.”
Doog: “So…arms and legs?”
Mike: “Can I throw out arms? My tennis elbow has been flaring up since last week’s game.”
Doog: “Agreed, but we need to exclude knees for the same reason.”
Mike: “Agreed.”
Doog: “So, what exactly are we allowed to hit?”
Mike: “Feet?”
Doog: “Ew! No thanks.”
Mike: “Should we just not fight?”
Doog: “Probably.”
Amaya: “So much for the legendary heroes on this ship…” 

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. In the last episode, we visited the moon, Acula, which orbits the gas giant, Acus. Acula had a support facility that provides communications and power to an unknown facility on Acus. Today, we’ll be visiting Acus and this mysterious facility. You can’t see much from orbit, so let’s head down below the clouds.”

Doog: “When you think about habitable gas planets, Acus doesn’t come to mind. It has very little oxygen, huge electromagnetic storms, and a ton of radiation. It’s not exactly friendly to life. I can only think of one reason a facility would be located here – it’s not meant to be found. Seriously, if it wasn’t for the support post on Acula, you would never know this place existed. What kind of secrets are hidden on this station? I guess we’ll find out. I’ve been given permission to board.”

Doog: “The station’s odd planetary location said a lot, but this says even more. There are bars blocking the hangar exits, and a large robotic sentry prowling about. Is it too late to leave?”

SR1: “Define your purpose, visitor.”
Doog: “Uh…uh…I have a purpose. I think.”
SR1: “Define your purpose, final warning.”
Doog: “I’m a TV reporter. I think. I mean…I am a reporter, but I’m not sure if that is my purpose. Don’t kill me!”
SR1: “Confirm your designation.”
Doog: “Confirm what? Designation? Do…do…you mean name? I’m Doog.”
SR1: “Standby for processing.”
Doog: “Can I go back to my ship while you process?”

Cerritus: “That won’t be necessary. Everything checks out, for now.”
Doog: “For now?”
Cerritus: “As long as you are Doog.”
Doog: “That I am. And you are?”
Cerritus: “Doctor Cerritus, Project Director at ARF.”
Doog: “ARF? Like a dog noise?”
Cerritus: “Like an acronym. Acus Research Facility.”
Doog: “Oh. That makes more sense. What are you researching on a planet like this?”
Cerritus: “Cerebral Reprogramming.”
Doog: “Cerebral reprogramming? Like brain manipulation stuff?”
Cerritus: “That’s one way to put it.” 

Doog: “Why do research on such a bleak planet?”
Cerritus: “Acus offers many advantages. It is remote and private, it’s hard for our test subjects to escape, and it’s close to the source of Blank serum.”
Doog: “There’s a lot to unravel in that last sentence. Tell me about the test subjects.”
Cerritus: “They’re prisoners. Mostly disobedient workers – enemies of the LIU’s production numbers.”
Doog: “It’s hard for lazy prisoners to escape. Got it. Ok, what about this serum? Did you call it Blank?”
Cerritus: “Blank Serum, or Nepenthazine, is a neurotoxin that causes retrograde amnesia. It literally blanks the subjects’ minds. They lose all pre-injection memories, but retain vital information, like social structures, linguistics, and even factual knowledge.”
Doog: “That’s terrifying. There’s a source of this chemical on Acus?”

Cerritus: “No, it comes from Acula.”
Doog: “Wait, is this the stuff that comes from those worms?”
Cerritus: “Yes. Nepenthazine is extracted from the spines of the Aculan Worm.”

Cerritus: “Scientists and medical bots can obtain a few gallons of Nepenthazine from every shipment of spines. It might not seem like a lot, but Blank Serum is usually effective in very low doses.”
Doog: “Of course it is.”
Cerritus: “Nepenthazine’s effectiveness varies between different individuals and species, so an exact dose has yet to be determined. That is part of our research here.”

Cerritus: “Nepenthazine research is very dangerous. Incorrect dosages can lead to death. For now, we’ve been limited to experimenting on prisoners.”
Doog: “Prisoners really get the short end of the stick in this galaxy.”

Doog: “You said the prisoners were disobedient workers, right? So, there’s no murderers or anything dangerous here?”
Cerritus: “No. This is a minimal security facility.”
Doog: “Why the tight security then?”
Cerritus: “Blanking the minds of sentients can be dangerous. Some don’t retain social skills or language. They become quite dangerous and unpredictable when reverted to this primal state.”
Doog: “What do you do with the primal ones?”
Cerritus: “The primal sentients can’t be reintegrated into the galactic civilization, so we euthanize them.”
Doog: “Wait, some of the experiments here lead to death? Is that legal?”
Cerritus: “All prisoners sign a waiver upon arrival making our actions perfectly legal.”
Doog: “They voluntarily agree to maybe die?”
Cerritus: “There might be some…persuasion.”

Prisoner #1: “So…we don’t HAVE to sign these, right?”
SR1: “Correct. Just like I don’t have to let you retain your eyes.”
SR2: “You don’t have to have legs anymore either.”
Prisoner #2: “I think I’ll sign. I rather take my chances with the experimental drugs, then these two.”
SR1: “Very wise. Initiate waiver signing.”

Cerritus: “On ARF, we have several test chambers, like this. Here, we test variations of the Blank serum. We alter the dosage, potency, and even injection sites.”
Doog: “That’s a big needle.”
Cerritus: “That’s because prisoner #ERO-6188745-00056 is getting a large dose. He probably won’t be with us for much longer, but you never know. That’s why we do the experiment.”
Doog: “That’s a little morose.”
Cerritus: “It’s just science.”

Cerritus: “I wonder where’s he’s getting this injection? With a needle of that gauge, I’m guessing directly in the brain.”
Doog: “I’m not sure I want to find out. Unlike the guy strapped to that table, I can still turn my head.”
Cerritus: “His death is meaningless without our observation. If we learn nothing from his death, then he will have died for nothing.”
Doog: “Yeah, sure. I’ll just be looking over here. You can be the observer.”

Cerritus: “Test subjects are brought to observation rooms, like this, after being injected with the Nepenthazine. They are monitored for any signs of distress.”
Doog: “Distress? Like that primal rage you were talking about?”
Cerritus: “Yes.”

Cerritus: “A half hour after injection, certain determinations can be made about the success of the Nepenthazine. The subjects are either catatonic or…”

Doog: “Oh gross! Did they rip their own legs off during this ‘primal rage’?”
Cerritus: “No. The Sentry Reapers are responsible for that.”
Doog: “Those robot guys?”
Cerritus: “Yes.”
Doog: “Holy Kaadu! Isn’t there a better way to euthanize these test subjects?”

Cerritus: “Dispatching the negative test subjects in this matter allows them to be studied much easier. The brain and spine stay intact. There’s no chemical euthanasia drugs present in the blood. We can get reliable data from the test subjects.”
Doog: “Gruesome. They still look half alive…no pun intended.”

Cerritus: “Most are half alive. Bisection is a slow death. It allows for active brain scans before the subjects are fully deceased.”
Doog: “I might need a barf bag. The gore is bad enough, but knowing that these people are slowly dying right in front of me is too much.”

Scientist: “You can’t make an omelet without cracking some eggs. Or – in this case – skulls. Speaking of which, I get a free breakfast if I make my brain extraction quota for today, so let me get back to work.”
Cerritus: “We’ll leave you to your work. I won’t be responsible for a failed brain quota, especially when its waffle week.”
Doog: “How can you guys be so numb? Who can think about breakfast with all this death and gore…wait, did you say waffles? Are they free?”

Cerritus: “When the Nepenthazine works as expected, the subjects are catatonic and open for reprogramming. The subjects are brought here to be re-educated.”
Doog: “Where do you start? Eating? Wiping your butt?”
Cerritus: “Personal habits, like other factual information, is retained. Only memories are lost.”
Doog: “How does that help anything?”
Cerritus: “Whatever event or events that lead to the subject’s inability to function in LIU society is no longer a factor. Were there parents killed by LIU forces? Did they miss out on a promotion? Do they have an abnormal hatred for people that park in two parking spaces? Those are the things we change.”

Cerritus: “Re-education consists of introducing false memories that make the subjects love their jobs and the LIU. If the process works as planned, the LIU has a loyal, productive worker in place of the lazy, unproductive misfit.”
Doog: “And, if it doesn’t go as planned?”
Cerritus: “There’s another torso in the autopsy room waiting for a brain extraction.”
Doog: “That’s what I figured.”
Cerritus: “You have to remember – this is experimental. While we have some successes, there’s still a lot of work to do. A few years down the road, we might be able to reprogram any sentient in this galaxy.”
Doog: “That’s terrifying.”
Cerritus: “No…it’s science.”

Cerritus: “Successfully reprogrammed workers are no longer required to stay in prison. We ship them to wherever their labor is needed.” 
Doog: “You send them out in shipping containers?”
Cerritus: “How else could we safely move our product in mass? Besides, successfully re-educated workers don’t complain about anything.”
Doog: “I need to leave this place before I end up a mindless zombie-worker like these guys. Is there anything else to see?”
Cerritus: “I think that’s it.”

Doog: “Well folks, this has been a terrifying experience. On the Acus Research Facility, scientists are experimenting with neurotoxins in order to repurpose unproductive workers. While there are some successes – if you want to call them that – a lot of these experiments end with dead, bisected prisoners. I think I’ll be leaving now. See ya!”
 
 
 
Note: Have an annoying coworker that’s not doing their part? Sick of carrying the load at your job? Nominate your fellow workers for the ARF project. Volunteers are needed.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the moon, Acula, which orbits the gas giant, Acus. Acula is an ocean moon, meaning that 99.99% of the moon’s surface is covered in water. A small volcanic column is the only dry landform on the entire body. That’s where we are headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on Acula’s sole landform, the Needle. This spire is the hardened core of an ancient volcano’s central vent. It’s the only terrain on Acula above sea-level. Nearly all the available real estate on this tall, natural tower is being used. There’s buildings, sensors, and communication gear jutting out from every part of the Needle. In case you haven’t spotted me, I’m on the summit of this multi-story, rocky pinnacle. I’m the unprepared guy being battered by the elements.”

Doog: “Like a lot of worlds with this much water, Acula experiences tons of precipitation. Downpours, like this, are the norm. You could be here a month and never see the sun. There are also some fierce waves down below. The waves are driven by the stormy weather and Acus’ gravitational pull. I’d get a closer look at these waves, but I don’t want to slip on this wet landing platform. I’ll just wait here, in the pouring rain, for my guide.”

Nadel: “Who are you?”
Doog: “I’m Doog.”
Nadel: “Oh.”
Doog: “Who are you?”
Nadel: “I’m Nadel.”
Doog: “So…are we going to go inside?”
Nadel: “You can. I have to wait outside here for a visitor.”
Doog: “Aren’t I the visitor?”
Nadel: “No. I’m looking for a Terrance McDoogal.”
Doog: “That’s me!”
Nadel: “You said your name was Doog.”
Doog: “Yeah, Doog is short for McDoogal!”
Nadel: “Are you sure?”
Doog: “Of course, I’m sure! Why else would I be standing out here in this monsoon!”
Nadel: “Good point.”
Doog: “Are we going to go inside now?”
Nadel: “Ah, yes. I guess we should.

Doog: “I think I’d only be half as wet if you realized that Doog and McDoogal are the same name. Your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor – does it?”
Nadel: “The elevator works just fine. We’re on the top floor now.”
Doog: “I can’t tell if you’re arguing with me about your intelligence…or if we’re actually in an elevator.”
Nadel: “Huh?”
Doog: “I’m thinking we’re actually in an elevator.”
Nadel: “Yes. The elevator is working. It connects all the floors of the Needle. I’ll press the down button now.”

Doog: “What do we have here?”
Nadel: “This is the main control room.”
Doog: “What do they control?”
Nadel: “Lots of things. Mostly things on the Needle.”
Doog: “Obviously. You can’t tell me more than that?”
Nadel: “More than what?”
Doog: “You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball, aren’t you?”
Nadel: “What’s a bowling ball?”
Aguja: “Give Nadel a break. He hasn’t been the same since that lightning strike a few years back.”
Doog: “Why did you make him my guide then?”
Aguja: “There’s not much else he’s good for.”
Doog: “Want to trade him spots for an hour?”
Aguja: “Ha! You want me to leave the facility in Nadel’s hands? No thanks.”
Doog: “That wouldn’t be the best idea, would it? I guess this is one of those episodes where I fill in the blanks myself. Shall we continue, Nadel?”

Doog: “Either we’re descending really far – like to the center of the planet – or you forgot to press the down button.”
Nadel: “I’m pretty sure I pressed it.”
Doog: “I’m pretty sure you didn’t. We’ve been standing here staring at each other for like nine minutes.”
Nadel: “Hmm. It doesn’t usually take this long to go down a floor. I’ll press it again, I guess.”
Doog: “That would be great.”

Doog: “This is pretty self-explanatory. This is clearly a weather radar screen.”
Nadel: “No. This is the weather station. People here monitor storms, wind, and…and…and…lightning.”
Doog: “That’s kind of what I just said, but I don’t want to argue. What’s next?”
Nadel: “Go to the left.”

Doog: “Why are we out here on this narrow catwalk with wobbly handrails?! I was just getting dry!”
Nadel: “On my off-time, I’m an amateur meteorologist. I don’t need computers. Hmm, let me see. It appears to be raining.”
Doog: “Are you kidding me! You brought me out here for this!”

Doog: “I was watching this time. You didn’t press the button.”
Nadel: “I’m pretty sure I…”
Doog: “PUSH IT!”

Nadel: “The next several floors are devoted to various forms of communications. I think this is the subspace receiver.”
Doog: “I saw all the comm equipment outside. Is that the purpose of the Needle? Is that the economy? Communications?”
Nadel: “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”
Doog: “Of course not. Wait…what is that noise over the comms? Is that snoring?”
Nadel: “That is not a communication. That is…”

Nadel: “…Aiguille’s sleep apnea.”
Doog: “Why is there a guy sleeping in the comms room?”
Nadel: “He is probably tired.”
Doog: “I don’t mean - why is he sleeping - I mean - why is he sleeping here?”
Nadel: “This is where his bed is, I guess.”
Doog: “I walked right into that one. Isn’t there a better place for his bed?”
Nadel: “The Needle is limited. Rooms often have two or three purposes. The next floor is radio telemetry. There are two more beds in there. There are also bathrooms in there.”
Doog: “The bathrooms are mixed into a communication room?!”
Nadel: “Yes.”
Doog: “Gross. Let’s skip that room.”

Doog: “I think we might have skipped more than that bathroom communications place.”
Nadel: “Sorry. I wanted to make sure to press the down button this time.”
Doog: “Yeah. I saw. You pressed it like four times.”
Nadel: “We can return and press the up.”
Doog: “No need. I’m not mad about it. If you’ve seen one communications room, you’ve seen them all.”
Nadel: “If you say so.”
Doog: “So…to recap – the Needle is a communication relay of some sort. Right?”
Nadel: “I guess you can say that. It is one purpose of the Needle.”
Doog: “So, there’s more?”
Nadel: “I think so.”

Doog: “And…we’re outside again. Tell me this isn’t another weather forecasting foray.”
Nadel: “Huh?”
Doog: “Why are we outside again!?”
Nadel: “This is where the containers come.”
Doog: “Ships drop off cargo here too?”
Nadel: “No. Containers come from below. They float to the surface. Magnetic cranes catch them.”
Doog: “There’s stuff below the surface?”
Nadel: “Yes. The Needle goes to the seafloor.”
Doog: “Back to the elevator again…I guess.”

Doog: “We’ve gone down again. Nadel wasn’t lying. The facility goes below the ocean’s surface. This looks like some type of moonpool.”
Nadel: “The surface waves are too violent. It is easier to access the ocean from below.”
Doog: “Why access the ocean at all? Is fishing part of the economy? What’s down there?”
Nadel: “No.”
Doog: “No? No, what? Which question?”
Nadel: “We use mini-subs to go below. Get inside.”
Doog: “We’re going below? Are you qualified?”
Nadel: “I’ve made several trips below.”

Nadel: “Everything looks good. I think you are ready to go below.”
Doog: “Can someone else check? The whole forgetting to press the elevator buttons makes me question your attention to detail.”
Nadel: “Everything looks fine.”
Doog: “Have someone else check! Not just you!”
Nadel: “You will be fine. Launching your mini-sub now.”
Doog: “Wait!!!”

Doog: “Being underwater always makes me claustrophobic, and these mini-subs aren’t helping. Could it get any tighter in here?”
Nadel: “Press the red button on the left to tighten your harness further.”
Doog: “I don’t want it tighter. I’m trying to say that this thing is cramped.”
Nadel: “Oh. You want the orange button then.”
Doog: “The orange button? That will make this thing expand?”
Nadel: “No. It will eject you from the mini-sub. You will not be cramped anymore.”
Doog: “I think I’m just going to avoid all the buttons. Forward, backward, and side-to-side is all I need.”

Nadel: “Acula has an abundance of energy. Tidal forces from Acus generate waves and currents. Tidal forces also cause volcanic activity. Both forms of power are collected with machines like this.”
Doog: “How does it work?”
Nadel: “I don’t know.”
Doog: “That’s par for the course.”

Doog: “So, Acula is a communication relay and a power provider. Got it.”
Nadel: “Acula is the support for Acus.”
Doog: “Support for Acus?”
Nadel: “The Acus Facility lacks many resources. The Needle provides them.”
Doog: “There’s a facility on the gas giant?”

Nadel: “Yes. The Needle sends them power.  The Needle handles their communications. The Needle even monitors weather conditions on Acus to keep the facility safe.”
Doog: “That weather room we saw wasn’t for Acula. That makes sense. Why monitor weather here? We know it rains and storms all the time.”
Nadel: “Yes. You see now.”
Doog: “I do. Acula supports another facility on the gas giant.”
Nadel: “Yes, but there is one more thing that makes Acula special.”
Doog: “What?”

Nadel: “Acula has native life. Most of it is simple, and it only exists around the Needle.”
Doog: “The only life on this whole moon is by the Needle?”
Nadel: “Yes. Life here is driven by the hydrothermal vents.”
Doog: “I’m guessing these vents were formed by the same volcanic activity that made the Needle.”
Nadel: “I think so.”
Doog: “So, you guys harvest these blue tube things?”
Nadel: “No. The tubes worms are not useful. They are filter feeders, eating bacteria around the vents. Most have high concentrations of bacterial toxins in their bodies, but not enough to be useful.”
Doog: “You can never go right with toxic tubes. Trust me. I’ve been to few brothels with that very problem.”
Nadel: “Huh?”
Doog: “Never mind. So, did you say they don’t have enough toxins?”
Nadel: “Yes. Harvesting the tube worms would not be efficient.”

Nadel: “Larger, more complex worms are more useful. They eat large quantities of the blue tube worms. The toxin is much more concentrated in their bodies.”
Doog: “Wow, look at that thing.”
Nadel: “I see it.”
Doog: “So, toxins are good?”
Nadel: “Yes. I think so.”
Doog: “Why?”

Nadel: “I’m not sure. They are collected and shipped to Acus. They put them to some use.”
Doog: “How are they collected?”

Nadel: “Most of the toxins are in the sea-worm’s spines. They are easy to pull out.”
Doog: “If pulling out was any easier, I wouldn’t be a dad…allegedly.”
Nadel: “I don’t understand.”
Doog: “Don’t worry – I’m not sure I get it either sometimes. Back to the spines though, do you milk the toxins out or what?”
Nadel: “Oh, no. We have no contact with the spines. They are placed into safety containers and floated to the surface.”
Doog: “Ah, I see. That’s what that magnetic crane thing was for.”
Nadel: “I think.”

Doog: “I’m interested in this Acus facility. Why do they need toxins? Why do they need a support facility like the Needle?”
Nadel: “I don’t know.”
Doog: “They were rhetorical questions. Obviously, you wouldn’t know.”
Nadel: “I might be a few stars short of a galaxy, but I don’t think this one is my fault. The Acus facility is very secretive.”
Doog: “Fair enough.”

Doog: “Well folks, Acula is an ocean world with a single landform called the Needle. The Needle is full of communication equipment, power generators, and support facilities. The Needle uses this equipment to assist another facility on the nearby gas giant, Acus. We really don’t know what goes on there, but it has something to do with the toxin cultivated on Acula. Don’t fret folks. We’re visiting Acus next to get the full story. Until then, see ya!
 
Note:

Worker: “Dude, you need more fiber in your diet. You’ve been here so long; you might as well take my spot in radio telemetry.”
Worker #2: “Quit talking to me! It’s weird!”
Worker: “Trust me – it’s worse for me. Somedays, I wish I would be struck by lightning.”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Anhelo. Anhelo is a warm, wet planet covered in rivers, wetlands, and dense vegetation. There are some mountainous desert areas, but we’re not concerned with those. We want to see the swamps. Wow, I’d bet good money that I’m the first person to mutter that sentence. Oh well, let’s head on down and see what we find.”

Doog: “Anhelo doesn’t have any modern cities, at least, it doesn’t have any modern cities built by the LIU. There are large pharmaceutical facilities spread across Anhelo, though. These medical factories harvest the local foliage and convert it into various medicines. I’m standing outside one such facility right now. Judging by the signage, this facility specializes in making Anhō. If I’m still up to date on all my drug knowledge, Anhō is an antidepressant.”

Doog: “It appears this facility is situated near a large lake. I can’t say for certain, but I think this was intentional. There looks to be large intake vents sucking in the lake water. Are these pills made from lake sludge? Or is the sludge the byproduct of making the pills? I guess I’ll have to wait for my guide to find out.”

Worker: “Hey, pal, could you talk to yourself somewhere else? We’re trying to move product out to the landing pad.”
Doog: “I’m not talking to myself. I’m doing a TV show.”
Worker: “Sure you are. Did you by chance escape the medical testing clinic? Do I need to get you some help?”
Doog: “I’m not crazy!”
Worker: “Of course, of course. Lots of people stand in random parts of the facility and talk to themselves…for a ‘TV show’. It’s totally normal.”
Doog: “I’m not talking to myself! This is really a show!”
Worker: “No need to shout. Just calm down. Let’s find out where you escaped from…”

Iris: “It’s ok. He’s with me.”
Doog: “Yeah! I’m with her! Wait…who are you?”
Iris: “I’m your guide. I’m Iris.”
Doog: “Yeah! I’m with Iris. I’m not talking to myself.”
Iris: “I’m not sure what I walked into, but maybe we should start over. I’m Iris. I’m a researcher with the Anhō Division. You must be Doog.”
Doog: “That’s me. I’m a totally sane TV personality that doesn’t talk to himself.”
Iris: “Nice to meet you.”
Doog: “Nice to meet you too.”
Iris: “Should we head inside?”

Iris: “The Anhō Division is a LIU pharmaceutical company. We specialize in the antidepressant medication, Anhō, which is derived from a local plant. Anhō is a popular prescription drug. It’s estimated that a tenth of the galaxy is taking some form of mood enhancement medications, and a percentage of those are taking Anhō.”
Doog: “Yeah, it’s popular enough. I’ve seen all the TV commercials. Green means go…blah…blah…blah.”
Iris: “Exactly. Given its popularity, there are hundreds of processing facilities on Anhelo making Anhō. This is one such facility.”

Doog: “What is Anhō?”
Iris: “Anhō is a piperidine benzodioxol derived from the diaspore of the lichen species, Green Wort.”
Doog: “Translate that to basic, please...”
Iris: “Oh, my apologies. Anhō is a chemical made from the seed spore of a local lichen. The chemical is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor…er…it regulates feel-good chemicals in the brain.”
Doog: “I could use some right now if you’re going to keep speaking all scientific.”
Iris: “Sorry, I’m used to speaking to other industry professionals.”

Doog: “So, how is it made?”
Iris: “Green Wort lichens launch reproductive spores into the atmosphere. Because Green Wort tends to grow near rivers, streams, and lakes, most of these spores end up in the water. We filter local water sources, isolate the diaspores, and collect them. After that, it’s simple chemistry. I won’t go too much into that given your lack of scientific understanding.”
Doog: “You’re a saint.”
Iris: “Our facility wrings enough SSRI chemicals from this local lake to make hundreds of thousands of pills a day. Combined with our hundreds of partner facilities, Anhelo produces several billion pills a day. It’s barely enough to meet demand.”
Doog: “There’s a lot of unhappy people in this galaxy? I’d never guess…”
Iris: “Increasing production means more facilities, but too many facilities impact the environment and endanger the Green Wort species. It’s a fine line between production and sustainability.”
Doog: “We don’t need a happy-pill shortage in the galaxy. It’s miserable enough most days.”
Iris: “Don’t worry, researchers like me are searching for solutions. Let’s head out of the facility, and I’ll show you some of my work.”
Doog: “Lead the way.”

Doog: “So, the waterways are all green because of the lichen spores?”
Iris: “Yes, mostly. Some of the color comes from other cyanobacteria species present in the water.”

Iris: “These are the Green Wort lichens I mentioned before.”
Doog: “These green mushroom-things? I didn’t know lichens were fungi.”
Iris: “Not to get too scientific, but lichen species are both cyanobacteria and fungi. It’s a composite organism where the two share a symbiotic relationship.”
Doog: “I’m not sure what you’re saying, but I’m not going to ask any further questions. The viewers can research lichens on their own time. I am interested in your research, though. Tell me about that.”
Iris: “I study other organisms on Anhelo, searching for both new medicines and alternative sources of Green Wort SSRI chemicals.”
Doog: “Found anything?”
Iris: “There’s a few things in the works.”

Iris: “The natives have been extremely helpful in locating useful organisms. They’ve been making various medicines from the wildlife for centuries.”
Doog: “Anhelo has a native race?”
Iris: “Yes, we call them the Anhelians. If you’re up for it, we can visit with them for a bit.”
Doog: “I think my job description forces me to be ‘up for it’. Let’s check them out.”
Iris: “Try to keep a few things in mind during our visit. The locals are on good terms with the LIU. We want to keep it that way.”
Doog: “Don’t start a rebellion. Got it.”
Iris: “The natives are pretty advanced, especially culturally, but they lack technology. Don’t give them any technology. Technology might lead the Anhelians into conflict with the LIU or it might cause environmental damage. The Anhō Division can afford neither.”
Doog: “I have nothing to give, and, even if I did, I’m not cheap.”
Iris: “Finally, don’t take drugs.”
Doog: “That might be a challenging one. No promises.”
Iris: “Seriously, though. The natives use a lot of native foliage to make various medicines. They are generous and will certainly offer you something. Most of these medicines have not been tested. It could be dangerous.”
Doog: “Well, I’ll follow the first two for sure. That third rule might be a bit more difficult.”
Iris: “Don’t be stupid, please.”

Native: “Welcome back to Itenard, Iris. I see you brought company.”
Iris: “Thank you. Yes, this is…”
Doog: “Give me all the drugs!”
Iris: “…Doog! Stop it!”
Native: “Give you all the what?”
Iris: “Ignore him! I’m so sorry.”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I lost control for a bit.”
Iris: “Anyway, if she’s available, we’d like to meet with the priestess.”
Native: “Of course. Follow me.”

Iris: “What was that back there! I said NOT to do any drugs! You certainly weren’t supposed to scream and beg for them!”
Doog: “I lack self-control. What can I say?”
Iris: “Just say ‘no’!”
Doog: “Alright. Alright. So, we’re here to visit a priestess?”
Iris: “Yes. In Anhelian culture, the priestess has many roles. Besides the primary role of religious leader, the priestess is the chief herbalist and healthcare specialist. She has knowledge of many local organisms and their medicinal uses. Researchers, like me, meet and discuss medicines with the local priestesses to find new products.”

Native: “Your friend seems tense, Iris. Perhaps he’d like a hit of Olsamide before meeting the priestess. It will ease his nerves.”
Doog: “That sounds amaz…”
Iris: “No! He’s fine! Thank you! We’ll head inside now!”
Doog: “You’re a real buzzkill.”

Hiereiai: “Iris, you’ve returned. I’m glad to see you. Shall we continue our lessons?”
Iris: “Another time, perhaps. I’m just showing this guy around the village. I brought him here to meet you. Hiereiai, this is Doog. Doog, Hiereiai.”
Hiereiai: “Pleasure to meet you, Doog.”
Doog: “Speaking of pleasure, do you want to offer me…”
Iris: “Doog!”
Doog: “Fine! Keep all the drugs for yourself!”

Hiereiai: “Is something wrong, Iris?”
Iris: “No, of course not. I was just telling Doog about our relationship. Priestesses share medicinal knowledge with LIU researchers. We use this knowledge to make new or better pharmaceuticals. Doog doesn’t seem to realize that there are several steps between our sharing of knowledge and actually ingesting the medicines. We need to check bio-compatibility, side-effects, dependence factors, and a myriad of other things before we take these new medicines.”
Doog: “I’ll be the guinea pig. Give me something.”
Iris: “That’s NOT how it works!”

Hiereiai: “You two must quit quarreling. My temple is a place of peace. Let’s us pass around the Olsamide. It will bring this nonsense to an end.”
Iris: “I must decline, Olsamide hasn’t been tested on my species.”
Doog: “What about humans?”
Iris: “It hasn’t been tested on humans either!”
Doog: “I feel like it’s my civic duty to try it out, then.”
Iris: “Doog!”

Iris: “You don’t know how many protocols you’re violating right now!”
Doog: “Yeah, yeah. Just be sure to take notes for the medical journals.”
Iris: “I can’t use this as research. We don’t have any baseline information on you! This isn’t helping anybody!”
Doog: “It’s helping me. I feel better already.”
Hiereiai: “It’s helping me too. Helping me block out all this bickering.”
Doog: “I guess you better stop complaining, Iris. Remember rule number one. We don’t want to endanger the relationship between the locals and the LIU.”
Iris: “You’re so infuriating! Let’s get this tour over with!”

Iris: “Did you really have to bring that smoking apparatus with you?”
Doog: “It’s called a bong – and the priestess said I could borrow it. I wasn’t feeling anything yet, so we decided I might need a larger dose.”
Iris: “I hope that’s because it’s not compatible with humans, and you went through all this nonsense for nothing.”

Doog: “So, I see those Green Wort plants again. That’s cool.”
Iris: “They’re not plants, they’re lichens.”
Doog: “So, like, why are we looking at these Worts again?”
Iris: “We’re not looking at the Green Worts. We’re checking the Howa Mushrooms.”
Doog: “Are they super-small? I don’t see anything.”
Iris: “Did the Olsamide make you blind?! The mushrooms are huge. They are as tall as trees.”
Doog: “Oh, those things. Got it. Big mushrooms.”
Iris: “Howa mushrooms are closely related to Green Worts. They just lack the cyanobacteria. Because they are so closely related, we believe Howa mushrooms might be useful in collecting more SSRI’s. Essentially, they’d be an additional source.”

Doog: “Got it. Big shrooms make more happy-pills. Anything else to add?”
Iris: “You really have to quit smoking that stuff. You’re talking to a Howa Mushroom, not me.”
Doog: “Are you sure? I can see your pink hair.”
Iris: “That’s the cap of the mushroom.”
Doog: “Ha. I guess I am. Whoa, I feel really weird.”

Doog: “Maybe I should quit smoking this – I think I lost control of my bladder. My pants are all wet.”
Iris: “Sigh. You’re standing in a puddle.”
Doog: “Am I?”

Doog: “It’s pretty hard to tell what’s going on. Everything looks really weird right now.”

Iris: “I’ll take this.”
Doog: “Have it. I don’t want any more Olsamide.”
Iris: “That’s wise. Olsamide is one of the least tested chemical substances used by the Anhelians. Who knows what’s happening in your body right now.”
Doog: “It feels pretty similar to other shroom-like drugs I’ve taken. Any chance Olsamide comes from these giant mushrooms?”
Iris: “Oh, you’re way off. The reason Olsamide is untested is because it’s hard to collect. It doesn’t come from foliage, fungi, or lichens. It comes from a member of the local fauna.”
Doog: “I was smoking an animal?”
Iris: “Part of one. Olsamide is dried mucus from the creature, Ulae Muneopus.”
Doog: “Ula-what?”
Iris: “That’s the scientific name. We call them…”

Iris: “…Bog Boogers.”
Doog: “I was smoking mucus from a creature called a booger? Gross!”
Iris: “I warned you not to take things from the natives. Hey! Look! There’s one now.”
Doog: “Tell me the Olsamide is still coursing through my system, and I’m not really seeing a floating booger.”
Iris: “I have no idea what you’re actually seeing, but, yes, Ulae Muneopus look similar to boogers. That’s why we call them that.”
Doog: “Is it really floating or is that the drugs?”
Iris: “It’s really floating. Bog Boogers trap helium gases within their bodies, allowing them to float.”
Doog: “It’s getting sort of close. Am I in danger?”
Iris: “You’re not in immediate danger. Bog Boogers are herbivores. They float around and eat various vegetation. However, you could possibly be in some form of danger – you smoked dried mucus from this creature.”
Doog: “I should have listened…”

Iris: “There are numerous chemical compounds on Anhelo that are of interest to the LIU, but Olsamide is not one of them. Smokable psychedelic creature phlegm doesn’t seem to have a big market. And, we don’t even know if it’s safe. I guess we’ll see if you survive.”
Doog: “I should be freaking out, but I feel pretty calm. Maybe Olsamide has its uses. Like, anti-anxiety meds or something.”
Iris: “Time will tell. Good luck. Let me know if you survived.”
Doog: “I will. I have one favor to ask before you go.”
Iris: “What?”
Doog: “Can you point me towards the camera or somewhere in that general direction?”
Iris: “Sure.”

Doog: “Well folks, this has been an eye-opening experience. No, really, I can’t close my eyes. I think I forgot how to blink. Oh, wait. There we go. I can still blink. Where was I? Oh, Anhelo’s wildlife contains many useful chemicals that the LIU is converting into various medicines. The most widely produced medicine is Anhō, an antidepressant, but there’s plenty more to be discovered here. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stand here for a few hours until I can see properly again. Oh well, see ya!”

Note:
 
Dear Iris,
 
This is Doog. It’s been six days, and I’m still alive. I don’t believe I have any permanent brain damage from my experimental use of that Olsamide (sp?). I have been writing down various side-effects, so you can include the information in a medical journal. Please give me credit for any discoveries this unlocks. Also, if you feel inclined, you can send me a portion of any prize money. Here are the side-effects I experienced:
 

• Hotdog Fingers (my fingers stayed the same shape, but they smell like hotdogs)
• Hairy Elbows (my right elbow seems hairier)
• Oily Flatulence (in six days, I have a 50% incidence of skidmarks)
• Love Life Disruptions (I have not found a girlfriend or wife since taking the experimental drug – this might not be drug related)
• Blinking Difficulties (I seem to have problems remembering to blink – this might just be in my head though)

 
Best regards,
Terrance “Doog” McDoogal

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the mining planet, Niteo. Niteo is the closest planet to the variable star, Nitet. Nitet is a Cepheid Variable, meaning that its pulsating diameter alters both its temperature and brightness every two days. I’m not too sure how that affects Niteo and its mining operations, but it was on the cue card, so I guess it’s important. Enough speculation, let’s head down to a local mining settlement and find out.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in Zuva’s Ravine, an equatorial mining settlement in the planet’s eastern hemisphere. Zuva’s Ravine looks like a frontier town. The buildings look primitive and hastily constructed. If there weren’t signs of technology, like the solar panels and communication arrays, I would have guessed I accidentally stepped into a time machine. The only other thing I noticed is that everyone appears to be dressed the same. Do we have some type of cult-situation going on? Add that to our list of mysteries.”

Saepire: “My intelligence report said you were dull-witted, but this is unbelievable.”
Doog: “What! Who are you?”
Saepire: “I am Deputy Saepire. I’m the law in these parts…and your guide for today’s show.”
Doog: “Well sir, at the risk of going to jail, screw you! I’m not dull-witted!”
Saepire: “The facts of the situation say otherwise. You came to Niteo dressed like…this.”
Doog: “What’s wrong with this? Do you guys not like red? Is it too bright? Should I dress all drab like the rest of the cult?”
Saepire: “Nitet is a powerful star even at its lowest diameter. Solar radiation, especially in the ultra-violet range, is brutally high on Niteo. Any exposed skin…will certainly feel some irritation.”
Doog: “A little sunburn won’t hurt. Heck, it might improve my tan.”
Saepire: “Perhaps I didn’t explain it correctly. You will not tan. Your skin will burn severely in a short period of time.”
Doog: “How short?”
Saepire: “We are at Nitet’s minimum diameter, so you might have two hours before the pain becomes noticeable.”
Doog: “That’s plenty of time to do my show, but to be safe, let’s make this quick.”

Doog: “So, we don’t have a cult-situation. Everyone is dressed like this to counter the UV radiation.”
Saepire: “Yes.”
Doog: “Look, we’re learning things already. Now, we might as well scratch Zuva’s Ravine off the list. What can you tell us about this place?”
Saepire: “Zuva’s Ravine is a mining settlement near two prominent veins of Ghyllium. The miners that harvest these veins live here. Of course, their presence attracted other settlers, like merchants, tradesmen, and such. About two thousand people live here now.”
Doog: “And none of these settlers tried to build better buildings? No offense, Sheriff, but this town looks a bit scruffy.”
Saepire: “Everything here must be imported: food, water, medicine, and even building materials. Obviously, importing goods is expensive. Why waste credits on trivial things, like modern homes?”
Doog: “Makes sense, I guess. So, that wraps up Zuva’s Ravine. I guess we move onto the mining now.”
Saepire: “You seem to be in quite the hurry.”
Doog: “I may or may not be experiencing shoulder discomfort.”
Saepire: “Already feeling Nitet’s Glory, huh?”
Doog: “No need to rub it in…unless we’re talking about sunblock. Have anything SPF500 or so?”

Saepire: “Unfortunately for you, the mines are a few miles outside of town. I’d planned on taking some mechanical steeds out there, but it looks like we’re going to have to find something more covered.”
Doog: “How is that unfortunate for me? Covered sounds great.”
Saepire: “It will cost more.”
Doog: “No worries, just bill it to the show. While you’re at it, upgrade us to something air-conditioned.”

Saepire: “A Hover-Coach it is. Fine choice.”
Doog: “This is what I’m talking about.”

Saepire: “I’ve never travelled in such accommodations. Perhaps you are not as dull-witted as they warned.”
Doog: “My producer might not see it that way when she gets this bill, but that’s tomorrow’s problem.”

Doog: “And…we’re back out in the UV hellhole. I thought the mines would be…underground. Wishful thinking, I guess.”
Saepire: “Indeed. Ghyllium is close to the surface. Surface mining is the most practical extraction method. Mining in the ravine makes it that more efficient. There’s less topsoil to remove.”
Doog: “I guess we have the how. People and mechs hammer green crystals out of the ravine walls. How about the what? What is Ghyllium?”

Saepire: “I’m a retired soldier turned lawman. I’m not a science expert or anything, so I’ll try my best.”
Doog: “That’s all me and my aching shoulders can ask for.”
Saepire: “Ghyllium is a product of high-energy radiation ionizing cerium-oxide and fusing it with ferrous materials in the crust. Its photocatalytic properties are unique, allowing visible light to pass through, but absorbing UV radiation. It also has high oxygen-ion conductivity.”
Doog: “If that is the laymen version, I don’t think I want to hear from an actual scientist.”
Saepire: “Yeah, I don’t know half the words I just said. I was just reading off some notes I wrote on my hand.”
Doog: “Did you have enough room on your hand to write about why? Why mine Ghyllium?”
Saepire: “Unfortunately, I sweat most of that part off. But I know it is used for the large neutrino collectors under the surface.”
Doog: “The large what? Wait, hold that thought. Let’s discuss it back in the coach.”

Doog: “Did you say neutrino collectors?”
Saepire: “Yeah, Nitet is a big source off neutrinos, especially when it swells to its maximum size.”
Doog: “So, there’s a reason there is a mining settlement on such a hostile place.”
Saepire: “Yeah, there’s abundant Ghyllium and neutrinos in one place.”

Saepire: “Miners transport Ghyllium to the Pauli shaft, where it is taken down to the neutrino collectors below.”

​Doog: “This is Pauli’s shaft, huh? Are we going down his shaft? That sounds weird to say out loud. Maybe edit that out.”
Saepire: “Yes, we must descend the shaft to reach the collectors.”

Doog: “These carts are the Ghyllium, right?”
Saepire: “No, these are the finished product, containment boxes full of neutrinos. The Pauli shaft is the transport hub for the operation. Ghyllium goes down, neutrinos come up. It’s essentially just an elevator.”
Doog: “At this point, I don’t care if it’s stairs. I just want to get inside.”
Saepire: “Follow me.”

Saepire: “The shaft is deep. The collectors are miles below the surface. If you need a bathroom break or something, you better do it now.”
Doog: “Unless there’s a shop selling aloe, I’d rather just continue.”
Saepire: “Fair enough. Let’s head down.”

Doog: “So…there’s no music or anything like that.”
Saepire: “No.”
Doog: “So…we just stand here and stare at each other for a while.”
Saepire: “I guess.”
Doog: “How long of a ride is it?”
Saepire: “Twenty minutes or so.”
Doog: “Oh, good. I was hoping it was awkwardly long.”
Saepire: “You’re out of the sun, aren’t you?”
Doog: “I guess there’s that.”

Doog: “So, why is this collector so deep underground?”’
Saepire: “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to look at my forearm. Ah yes – neutrinos have almost no mass and only interact with the weak force. That means they can pass through light years of matter without interactions. Having the collector this deep ensures that only neutrinos are captured. They’re the only sub-atomic particle that can make it down here. Other cosmic radiation and particles are filtered out.”
Doog: “I don’t even know what a neutrino is…so…sounds good to me.”
Saepire: “Neutrinos are simply fermions with a spin of ½, duh.”
Doog: “And they come in three flavors: electron, muon, and tau. I can read off your arm too. It doesn’t mean I know what I’m saying.”
Saepire: “Fair enough.”

Saepire: “This is it, one of the neutrino collectors.”
Doog: “How does it work?”
Saepire: “Beats me.”
Doog: “Don’t you have something written on your body about this?”
Saepire: “Nah, I ran out of space. I can’t write left-handed.”
Doog: “So, what do we do now?”
Saepire: “Ask one of these scientist guys, I imagine.”

Doog: “Hey, scientist guy, can you briefly, in laymen’s terms, explain how this collector works?”
Scientist: “That depends. What do you know about particle physics?”
Doog: “Uh, neutrinos are furbies that spin in three flavors…salty…sweet…and…let me see your arm again, Saepire – I forgot what they are.”
Scientist: “This ought to be fun. Neutrinos don’t interact with ordinary matter most of the time. They’re nearly massless. However, they are affected by the electroweak force. So, the biggest challenge in collection is manipulating that weak nuclear force. Challenging because the electroweak force declines exponentially with distance. We can’t just get something close to the neutrinos, we need particles to strike the neutrinos. These particles must be of equal momentum to stop them.”

Scientist: “That’s where the Ghyllium comes in handy. Alpha particles, released when the Ghyllium undergoes fusion, are perfect momentum equalizers. It’s simply a matter of firing the alpha particles at the correct relativistic velocity, spin, and vector.”

Scientist: “Chambers such as this, direct the alpha particle momentum equalizers in several directions to counter neutrinos passing through. Without velocity, the neutrinos are easy to collect in proton gates. They are then stored in electroweak cases built from the degraded Ghyllium.”
Doog: “Saepire, did you catch any of that?”
Saepire: “Uh, no. In regard to neutrinos, we are both dull-witted.”
Doog: “I take no offense that.”
Scientist: “Maybe I can try again? Perhaps some visuals will help.”
Doog: “No thanks. We wasted enough of your time already. We don’t want to interrupt your capture of those flavorful neutrino furbies.”
Saepire: “Yeah, alphabet particles have never been my thing.”
Doog: “Momentum vectors give me gas.”
Saepire: “I’m more of a strong-force guy.”
Scientist: “Ok, now you’re wasting my time. GET OUT!”

Doog: “Maybe we should have waited until the facility tour was over before we offended that science guy.”
Saepire: “Maybe, but this doesn’t look too hard to figure out. He said something about this.”
Doog: “That whole Ghyllium business?”
Saepire: “Yeah, electric-weak cases or something like that. They use the depleted Ghyllium to make cases to store neutrinos.”
Doog: “Yeah, I remember something about that.”

Doog: “Hey, these are those containment boxes we saw coming out of the shaft earlier, right?”
Saepire: “The unsealed version, I think.”
Doog: “We’ve come full circle. There’s just one question left, then.”
Saepire: “How long before we wrap up this episode?”
Doog: “No, what are neutrinos gathered for? What are they used for?”
Saepire: “Oh, I actually know this. The same properties that make neutrinos hard to collect make them useful. Like, their ability to pass through regular matter unimpeded. They’re used for imaging the inside of dense objects, like planets. They are also used for communication through dense regions, like nebulas and star clusters.”
Doog: “Awesome, that does it. Although, you could have saved that for the elevator ride back to the surface. Now we have another twenty minutes of awkward silence to deal with.”

Doog: “Any final thoughts, Saepire?”
Saepire: “Just one, and you’re not going to like it.”
Doog: “What?”
Saepire: “Zuva’s Ravine is a long way back, and I don’t think your going to get a Hover-Coach this time.”
Doog: “Why not? Charge it to the show.”
Saepire: “I don’t have a neutrino communicator, so I didn’t get this message until we got back to the surface. Long story short, your producer, Amaya, cancelled your line of credit. She didn’t seem happy.”
Doog: “Dang, I was hoping she wouldn’t find out until tomorrow!”

Doog: “Well folks, I guess I better wrap this episode up before I head outside – I have a long, hot, burning walk back to my ship. That’s because Niteo orbits the variable star, Nitet. As Nitet expands and contracts, its luminosity and temperature increases and decreases. Nitet’s output of valuable neutrinos also increases as it expands. There’s a facility here to collect these neutrinos, and a large mining industry to support it. Oh well, I better get to walking. Wish me luck. See ya!”
 
Note:

Mike: “What the heck happened to you! You’re redder than your shirt!”
Doog: “I don’t want to talk about it…mostly because my face hurts when I talk. I just need three things from you guys. One: Don’t touch me. Two: Bring me all the ointments and ointment-like materials on the ship. Three: Don’t tell Amaya…”

Amaya: “Doog! Is that you?! Did you really double this episode’s budget for an air-conditioned Hover-Coach?! Doog!”
Doog: “I’ll be hiding in the laundry room for the next few days. Remember, bring ALL the ointments!”

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the tropical planet, Edere Bis. As you can see, eighty-percent of Edere Bis is covered in large oceans. Its continental land masses are small, but there are thousands of smaller islands between these continents. The native Bis live among the coastal areas of these continents and islands, subsisting off the bountiful oceans. We’re heading down to a small settlement on the planet’s second biggest continent. Let’s go.”

​Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off in the city of Chena. Chena sits on the western coast of Parera near the strait of Kutsanya. This shallow strait has some of the best fishing grounds on Edere Bis, so Chena’s economy is mostly driven by fishing.”

Doog: “I seem to be in some type of port. There are docks, cranes, and an extremely fishy smell. I can say, with a reasonable degree of certainty, that this smell is not coming from me. I haven’t been to the brothel for weeks. Chena, and the whole of Edere Bis, is mostly populated by the native, Bis, but there are a few off-worlders here. One of these off-worlders is my guide. Let’s try to find him.”

​Selby: “Ahoy-hoy, young man. You must be Doog. I’m Selby ‘Two-Fingers’ Wheatley, your chaperon for today’s show.”
Doog: “Hey, Selby. Thanks for having me. So, should I even ask? Is it TV appropriate?”
Selby: “Excuse me? I don’t follow.”
Doog: “Why is your nickname, ‘Two Fingers’?”
Selby: “Oh, that! I once nicked me a Tide Eel with just two fingers. Two! I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s completely true! You should have seen that thing! Boy, oh boy! She was bigger than the Emperor’s wallet!”
Doog: “Uh, yeah, sure. I bet. Let’s not get too off topic, ‘Two Fingers’. So, why are you here?”
Selby: “Isn’t it obvious? I’m a fishing aficionado! I’ve fished all of the best places in the galaxy. Edere Bis is one of my favorites though. The Bis have a great fishing culture. Some of their methods…just blow my mind! I can’t wait to get out there and show you some of the planet’s sea life. Whoa boy! You’re going to love it!”
Doog: “Your enthusiasm is not contagious, just so you know. I’m immune.”

Selby: “Did I tell you about that one time when I snagged a Spineback with just a stick and a rope?”
Doog: “We’ve only been talking for two minutes, so probably not. Although, I’m already zoning-out awfully hard. My attention peaked at the, ‘Two Fingers’ thing. After that, I lost interest.”
Selby: “Well, then you’re going to love this. It was on the planet, Eremita. I’m all alone swimming in a school of Tursent…”
 
​
Forty Minutes Later…

Selby: “…nearly drowning in the depths of Caetarius while wrestling a Silurus. It was epic. Aha-ha-ha, best ten minutes of my life. Oh, that reminds me, I caught a Madhaka Whisper Fish with two cotton balls. You heard that right, cotton balls! Let me start from the beginning…”
Doog: “Wait! Stop! You’ve been talking about your fishing adventures for hours! When are we going to talk about this planet?!”
Selby: “I don’t think it’s been hours. It doesn’t take hours to row out to the Chitsuwa.”
Doog: “It sure seems like hours. Tell me something about this place. At the very least, tell me where we’re going.”
Selby: “We’re rowing out to the Chitsuwa, a main-boat stationed in the middle of the Kutsanya Strait.”
Doog: “Why the strait?”
Selby: “The currents here stir the sediments. The sediments spread nutrients. Nutrients spawn microbe and algae growth, and they attract larger fish and coral reefs. It sort of reminds me of the straits on the moon, Ty…”
Doog: “Stay on topic! What’s a ‘crap sewer’?”
Selby: “Excuse me? A what?”
Doog: “That main-boat thing you were talking about.”

Selby: “Oh, you mean the Chitsuwa.”
Doog: “Yeah, that.”
Selby: “The Bis mostly fish from large boats they call main-boats. These big ships almost never come to port. Smaller boats, like the one we came on, transport crew back and forth. They also transport the fishing haul.”

Selby: “I’ve fished on hundreds of worlds, experienced the fishing practices of dozens of cultures, and caught some of the galaxy’s greatest creatures, but Edere Bis has a special place in my heart.”
Doog: “What makes this place special?”
Selby: “I like the Bis’ hands-on approach. It’s some of the most thrilling fishing in this galaxy.”
Doog: “How so?”
Selby: “The Bis don’t use hooks or nets or long lines. They fish stealthily with spears. To top things off, they do most of this spear-fishing from underwater.”
Doog: “They swim underwater and spear fish?”
Selby: “Aye. And, we’re not talking shallow depths and short trips either. The Bis have biological adaptations that allow them to hold their breath for long periods. That’s why their heads are shaped like that. It has something to do with oxygen storage.”
Doog: “I thought it was for aerodynamics, but that makes more sense. I guess.”

Doog: “Wait. I thought you said the Bis don’t use nets. Isn’t that a net right there?”
Selby: “Oh, that net is not for catching. It’s for lifting the catch out of the sea.  Have you ever tried to lift a Huku out of the water while treading water?”
Doog: “No. I don’t generally lift anything out of the water, well, besides my fat self. So, these are Huku?”
Selby: “Yeah, they’re the Bis’ main target out here in the strait. Huku are lightning quick, so they can only be caught with stealth. Someone sat down there a good while to catch these guys.”
Doog: “Have you caught a Huku?”
Selby: “This old fisherman doesn’t have the lung capacity to get one, not yet anyway. I’ve been practicing, though.”

Selby: “Speaking of which, let’s get some practice in right now.”
Doog: “You want me to get in the water?”
Selby: “Well, yeah. Why else did you bring a wetsuit?”
Doog: “To stay dry during an intermittent splash, actually. No one told me about swimming.”
Selby: “Oh, come on. Don’t be scared. There’s a lot to see under here.”
Doog: “I’m not scared, but I do have a few questions. Do Huku eat people? Are there bigger fish down there? Should I be scared?”
Selby: “Huku eat small fish, not people. There’s nothing bigger than a Huku, not in the strait anyway. You shouldn’t be scared.”
Doog: “Sigh. I guess I have no choice.”

Selby: “I could easily grab a Huku with a pole, a hook, and some bait, but I prefer to fish like the local population. That means I need to build-up my lung capacity. I come out and practice every so often, but I still have a long way to go. I can only hold my breath for a few minutes. The natives can easily do twenty minutes.”
Doog: “I don’t think I have more than thirty seconds in me.”
Selby: “That won’t do for catching a Huku, but you’ll get a glimpse of the reefs. It will be something to show your viewers.”
Doog: “There’s reefs down there?”
Selby: “Aye. Are you ready?”
Doog: “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Doog: “…”
Selby: “…”

Selby: “That was only ten seconds.”
Doog: “Not all of us…get to spend our days…practicing…holding our…breath.”
Selby: “I don’t think most people need practice to hold their breath for thirty seconds.”
Doog: “What can…I say…I’m a little…out of shape…”
Selby: “Did you catch any of the sights down there? The coral? The wildlife?”
Doog: “Can we discuss this…back…on the boat? Treading…water…not helping…”
 
 
Ten Minutes Later...

Selby: “…and she says, ‘I can’t believe you dove in and swam with them!’, and I say, ‘Well, I sure couldn’t have walked!’. Get it? Because I was in the water!”
Doog: “Got it.”
Selby: “I wasn’t sure because you weren’t laughing. Are you still out of breath?”
Doog: “No, I think I’m ok now. I’m a little drained, so I’m just zoning out.”
Selby: “The swimming took it right out of ya, huh?”
Doog: “That and the endless fishing tales.”
Selby: “Oh.”
Doog: “Let me know when we get somewhere new, though. I’ll feign interest then.”
Selby: “Well, we are somewhere new.”
Doog: “Oh wow! How exhilarating! Amazing!”
Selby: “It isn’t that exciting.”
Doog: “Oh, well tell me what I’m looking at, so I know how enthused I should be.”

Selby: “Most of the fishing on Edere Bis supports the local population. Huku and crabs are part of the domestic economy. There is, however, a good on Edere Bis that is traded galactically. It’s called Kurutsa. It’s found on little outlying islands like this.”
Doog: “Does it have something to do with those giant creatures?”

Selby: “It does. They are the source of Kurutsa. These creatures are called Chyme Seals.”
Doog: “Chyme Seals? They don’t look, or smell, appetizing. I hope Kurutsa isn’t a food.”
Selby: “Actually, it is. It’s a major protein source.”
Doog: “Ew.”
Selby: “It’s more gross than you know.”
Doog: “How?”
Selby: “Well, let’s circle around this isle and find a candidate. Prepare to be disgusted.”

Doog: “A candidate for what?”
Selby: “Only female Chyme Seals produce Kurutsa, specifically mothers.”
Doog: “Mothers? Are we about to milk a seal?”
Selby: “Not milk. You’ll see.”

Doog: “Hey, there’s a baby seal.”
Selby: “Yep. That means we found our candidate.”
Doog: “And this isn’t a milking situation?”
Selby: “Nope, but it is a feeding situation. Mother Chyme Seals eat and digest a bunch of fish. They then return to the shallows to feed their young.”
Doog: “Don’t tell me we have a baby bird situation.”
Selby: “That’s exactly what’s happening. The mother seal will regurgitate the predigested fish into its baby’s mouth.”

Doog: “Oh boy, that’s gross.”
Selby: “It certainly churns the stomach. Aye, that smell is something else.”
Doog: “Why are the natives getting so close? What are they doing?! Watch out! There’s seal barf over there!”
Selby: ‘They have to go over there. They collect the seal regurgitation. That’s what Kurutsa is.”
Doog: “Sick! Who would want that?!”
Selby: “If you can get past the smell, that’s a big chunk of free protein right there.”
Doog: “It’s revolting, and they’re stealing food from a baby. How much worse can it get?!”

Selby: “Yeah, the mother seals tend to get a bit aggressive when you steal their baby’s food. So, we need to make a quick exit. Look! Here she comes!”
Doog: “A foul smelling, blubber-filled, snaggle-toothed monster is chasing us after vomiting. I’m having déjà vu about my ex-girlfriend.”
Selby: “Paddle quicker!”

Doog: “I should be wrapping up the show, but “Two-Fingers’ had to open his big trap again. He could have bored me with more fishing tales, but no…he had to do it. He had to offer me some Kurutsa to try. We all know I’m contractually obligated to try any local foods, so here we go. Wait up, Selby!”

Doog: “Edere Bis wouldn’t be so bad, they said. It’s a tropical planet with beautiful seas, they said. Everyone forgot to mention the swimming, the breath holding, the fishy smells, the giant ex-girlfriend doppelgangers, and the vomit eating. I need a new job…”
Selby: “Kurutsa isn’t that bad. Try not to think of where it came from though.”
Doog: “I hope it’s that easy. This stuff is popular across the galaxy?”
Selby: “I don’t know if its popular, but it’s definitely in use across the galaxy. Kurutsa is used as a protein additive in many prepared meals; especially those frozen seafood dinners from Foetida Foods.”

Selby: “Most Kurutsa is shipped off-world, but some is prepared by the locals as a special treat. It doesn’t get much fresher than this.”
Doog: “Fresh Barf-Kabob incoming. Sick on a stick. Regurgitate on the plate. Spew stew. Hurl on…”
Selby: “Stop talking about where it came from!”
Doog: “Hey, this isn’t that bad. I mean, I’m instantly nauseous, but it’s better than I thought.”
Selby: “It’s a bit gristly, but the flavors not too bad. It reminds me of the fish stew on the planet…”
Doog: “Let me stop you right there. No more fishing stories for you.”

Doog: “Well folks, Edere Bis is Edere Bis. What can I say? The native Bis are expert swimmers and fisherman. They have the biological adaptations to prove it. They catch all kinds of sea life, but it’s mostly used domestically. Their only galactic export is regurgitated protein from Chyme Seals. Seal puke. Your planet’s claim to fame is Seal puke. Wow. I can’t make this stuff up. Oh well, I need to get the rest of this kabob back to the ship so the crew can try it before they see the footage. They don’t need to know where it came from! See ya!”
 
Note:
 
Kurutsa Kabob Recipe
For maximum tenderness, allow Kurutsa to age for three to six days (the stomach acids within the regurgitated meat will continue to break down protein structures)

• Chop Kurutsa into one-inch cubes
• Remove any bones, rocks, or inedible materials (optional)
• Preheat grill to high-heat
• Thread chopped, vomited meat onto skewers
• Grill for ten minutes (grill times may vary by species – see information regarding parasites on your LIUpad)
• Enjoy!