Magistrate #1: “What are we going to do with these morons? It’s evident that they have no idea where Mr. McDoogal is.”
Magistrate #2: “They did try to lie to the LIU. We can’t let that go unpunished.”
Magistrate #1: “Prison camp? Execution?”

Doog: “Who is that? Timbo? I’d go with life imprisonment. But I hate him, so you know, I may be biased.”
Magistrate #1: “Who said that!? Who’s in here?!

Magistrate #2: “Well, by the Emperor‘s Grace, it’s Mr. McDoogal!”
Doog: “Please, call me Doog.”
Magistrate #1: “How did you get in here?”
Magistrate #2: “Maybe he really is invisible!”
Magistrate #1: “You better explain yourself quickly!”
Doog: “Uh sure, but first, let’s talk tacos. I’m starving.”
Magistrate #1: “I’m going to shoot you in the face if you don’t explain yourself in the next thirty seconds.”
Doog: “So...that’s a ‘no’ on the tacos?”

Doog: “Well, it all started when I …”

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. And he's MISSING!


                                                LIU Atlas - The Doog Mystery Pt. 2

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Mike: “Selfie!”
Cam: “Tell me this is the last one.”
Oldie: “No one likes taking selfies, Cam, but we have to do it. We have to maintain the illusion that Doog is still with us.”
Mike: “Who doesn’t like taking selfies?”

Timbo: “How much longer is this charade going to last? If we don’t shoot an episode soon, they’re going to figure it out.”
Cam: “Yeah. It’s been almost two weeks, and we’ve made no progress.”

Mike: “I wouldn’t say that. I feel like we’re narrowing in on the hover cam’s signal.”
Cam: “We’re going in circles. The hover cam position keeps shifting. It’s like we keep passing it. Like it’s invisible or something.”
Oldie: “Oh man…what if Doog is invisible! He’s probably in here messing with us. DOOG! Stop being invisible right now!”
Cam: “Doog being invisible might be even scarier than the Doog Dummy. If that’s possible. Looks like I’m showering in my underwear from here on out.”

Timbo: “So we’re leaning towards the invisible Doog theory again?”
Mike: “Well, I have a theory, if you’ll hear me out. I’ve been crunching the numbers a bit, and I found something interesting. The camera’s signal seems to shift in the same area every time. This area corresponds with a gravity shift. This gravity shift is likely caused by a large star. Doog may be in or around this star.”
Cam: “Except there’s no stars here. We would have seen a large star the dozens of times we searched this area."
Mike: “I’m telling you. There’s a star out there somewhere.”
Cam: “Hugo! Can you come down here a minute?”

Hugo: “What’s up?”
Cam: “Are you blind?”
Hugo: “Uh, no.”
Cam: “Have you been continuously flying past a massive star and not reporting it?”
Hugo: “No.”
Cam: “I rest my case.”
Mike: “I’m telling you, this gravitational anomaly has something to do with the shifting camera signal.”
Oldie: “Yeah….so…invisible Doog theory it is. Someone get some powder to mark the floor. We’ll see his footprints.”

Oldie: “Uh oh.”
Mike: “Who set off the alarm? Hugo’s down here…”
Hugo: “It must have been the computer.”
Cam: “Or it was invisible Doog!”

Speaker: “This is the LIU flagship Eternally Indebted. Maintain current course and speed. Your ship is being brought aboard. Any threatening acts will trigger the use of lethal force.” 
Mike: “Looks like the charade is finally over…”


Two Hours Later…

Magistrate #1: “What’s our status?”
Magistrate #2: “Our person of interest, Terrance McDoogal, never came back. These morons have been passing off some disturbing, man-made doll as Mr. McDoogal this whole time. They’re a bunch of weirdoes.”
Magistrate #1: “Do they know anything?”
Magistrate #2: “No. Nothing of use. Apparently, they’re leaning towards some type of invisible theory. Spectral analysis indicates that the theory is bogus.”
Magistrate #1: How can we be sure they are telling the whole truth?”

Magistrate #2: “Because they’re telling us everything…”
Mike: “Then this one time in second grade, I cheated on my astronomy test. Unfortunately, I cheated off Doog, so I ended up failing anyway. Not my best move. Um…oh yeah, I jaywalked in fourth grade…if my memory serves me right… 

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. And he's MISSING!

                                                        LIU Atlas - The Doog Mystery Pt. 1

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Oldie: “Well, it’s official. Doog’s dead.”
Mike: “What! That’s not official! We saw the recovered coverage. He was still alive.”
Oldie: “Alive, but for how long? We lost coverage after the portal closed.  It’s Doog we’re talking about here. He’s probably gone and got himself killed by now.“
Mike: “Never! He’s a moron, but somehow he always survives. I know he’s still alive!”
Oldie: “Ok, fine. You’re right there, but we have to ask ourselves, will he ever come back? We don’t even know where he went. What if he’s gone forever?”

Mike: “Stop talking so negative! Can’t you see the tears in Cam’s eyes? And look at poor Timbo. He’s been in bed for hours.”
Cam: “Uh…yeah. Look at my tears. They’re totally for Doog.”
Timbo: “To be honest, I’m actually doing great. If I have any tears, they’re tears of happiness. Doog never let me have the bed more than thirty minutes. I afraid to get up. I want to soak up all the time I can.”

Oldie: “You guys better start taking this more seriously!”
Mike: “Yeah! Don’t you get the implications? No Doog equals no LIU Atlas. No LIU Atlas equals us all getting split up.”
Oldie: “We find Doog, or we find new jobs…”
Cam: “Alright. Alright. What should we do?”
Oldie: “We need to stall the TV2 Executives. They want answers. We need to make them think Doog is still here. Any ideas?”
Mike: “…The Doog Dummy. We can use the DOOG DUMMY!”
Cam: “The Doog Dummy? Do I want to know?”
Oldie: “Is that the game we play where we give ourselves beer bellies by shoving pillows under our shirts?”
Mike: “No, that’s Doog Tummy. I’m talking about the Doog Dummy.”

Mike: “Look, it’s there under the bed. Help me pull it out!”

Cam: “What in the heck am I looking at here? I’m getting a bit uncomfortable. Is that a life-size dummy of Doog?”
Mike: “Yeah. I kept telling Doog he was crazy for making it. He thought he could pass it off for himself on an episode and take a little break. I told him it would never work.”
Oldie: “Is that MY shirt!”

Cam: “Is that real hair?”
Mike: “Straight from the shower drains.”
Cam: “Barf.”
Oldie: “Are those arms made of my Tupperware Containers!?!”

Mike: “Calm down, Oldie. I think we can make this work. We’ll shoot a little video of us with the Doog Dummy out of focus. We’ll say we found Doog, and everything’s on schedule. That should buy us a few weeks to really find Doog.”
Oldie: “Ok, it’s worth a shot. Cam, get the Hover Cam ready. We need to send unfocused video to TV2 ASAP.”
Cam: Sob…Sniff… “Didn’t I tell you? The Hover Camera followed Doog into the portal. It’s gone too. That’s reason for my tears earlier, not Doog.”
Mike: “Wait. If the Hover Cam’s with Doog, I might be able to track it.”

Mike: “The signal is faint, but readable. Huh? That’s weird…”
Oldie: “What? Where is he?”
Mike: “He’s still in the galaxy. In fact, he’s not too far from here. I think we can track him down. We’ll home in on the Hover Cam’s signal.”

Cam: “Alright, I’ll get the ol’ shoulder mounted camera out. We’ll shoot a video for TV2 and then start homing in on the signal. Let’s shoot the video first, though. I don’t want to be around the freaking Doog Doll any longer than necessary.”



Two Hours Later:

Cam: “Aw, come on! Who put this in here!?!” 

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 8 - Special Feature - Doog Mystery Pt. 2

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.


                                                            LIU Atlas - Euripus System

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to the season finale of Season Seven of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the Euripus System, which consists of the star, Euripus, its thick gas torus, and the gas planet, Fumi. Euripus is a Magnetar, or a neutron star with an extremely powerful magnetic field. This strong magnetic field has trapped a ring of gas around the star called a gas torus. The torus is millions of miles thick. Most of it, especially near the edges, is too thin to be habitable. However, deep in the center of the torus, gas concentrations are thick and air pressure is consistent with that of a planet. This portion of the torus is habitable. That’s where we are headed.”

Doog: “The gas torus is habitable, at least, to some species. The composition of gases here, mostly hydrogen, helium, and ammonia, make it unsuitable for humans. Many species that thrive in these conditions have been relocated here, including the Fossa Race and the Lacertae Race.“

Doog: “Several small asteroids float in the gas torus, allowing the inhabitants to build various structures. Some of these asteroids are connected via bridges, but many are free floating. The spaces between these floating bodies are treated as canals. Hover Gondolas move through these ‘canals’ transporting residents and goods through the torus.”

Doog: “My guide today is a member of the Fossa race. Coincidentally, his name is Doog also.”
Grimani: “That‘s completely wrong. My name is Grimani, not Doog. I have no idea where you heard otherwise.”
Doog: “I don’t know. I was told you were the Doog of the Euripus System. I was going to be like, ‘Hey Doog of the Euripus System. I’m Doog of the Cunabula System’. It was going to be so cool.”
Grimani: “Yeah, sorry to disappoint. I am the Doge of the Euripus System, not the Doog. Doge is my title. Doge means leader.”
Doog: “So you’re the big boss around here?”
Grimani: “Big boss might be stretching it. I’m in charge of the little city here. I keep things in order for the LIU.”
Doog: “The city’s not that big? I thought this ring stretches for millions of miles?”
Grimani: “Indeed it does, but much of it is uninhabited. The city is restricted to a small cluster of asteroids, which are trapped in the Lagrangian Point between Euripus and the nearby gas planet of Fumi. This point of gravitational equilibrium stabilizes the asteroids allowing them to be colonized.”

Doog: “I can’t help to notice this clock tower. It looks cool and all, but you messed up the numbering system something fierce. The eleven is at the bottom. Shouldn’t that be a six?”
Grimani: “Keeping time in a gas torus is a much different affair than keeping time on a planet. There’s no traditional time markers here, like rotational periods or day/night cycles.  Euripus is always visible and it is always day time.”
Doog: “Always day? How do the ladies of the night know to come out? When do you know when to go seek them? I would never survive here.”
Grimani: “It’s not typically an issue for normal people like myself. But, if you ever move here, we’ve devised our own time system, based off star rotations, to make things easier for you.”
Doog: “Star rotations?
Grimani: “Yes. Magnetars, like other neutron stars, spin at a precise rate. By measuring Euripus’ rotations, we can measure time. Euripus spins about 6 times a second or 22,000 times per hour. Eleven, as shown on the clock, is at the half hour mark because it denotes 11,000 star rotations.”
Doog: “How many star rotations did we just waste staring at a clock? Maybe we should just move on.”
Grimani: “ Indeed. To venture further into the village, we’ll need to take a Hover Gondola. Follow me.”

Doog: “This is a little precarious. What happens if I fall? Can I fall out of the gas torus?”
Grimani: “It is possible I suppose, if you have enough escape velocity. These little asteroids have very little gravity.”
Doog: “So...avoid high velocities? Shouldn’t be an issue. I’m not typically a fast mover. Anyone you know ever fall?”
Grimani: “Very few. My people have become accustomed to these low gravity environments, so there’s few accidents. It’s a tad more dangerous for us than it would be for you. I mean, at least you have a environment suit on. If one of my species would get pushed out of the gas torus, they would suffocate and freeze to death. Anyway, you shouldn‘t worry. You‘re plenty safe here.”
Doog: “Oh, I’m not worried. I’m as tough as they get. I’m 100% manly man.”

Doog: “Should we hold hands?”
Grimani: “What?! No. Why would we hold hands?”
Doog: “You know…for safety. Ok, fine…because it’s a romantic gondola ride through beautiful sky city. I got caught up in the moment.”
Grimani: “100% man, huh?”

Grimani: “There are hundreds of habitable asteroids in this cluster. Many have several buildings on their surface. Because real estate in the ring is so precious, many buildings are designed to maximize available space.”

Doog: “You even farm in the ring?”
Grimani: “We try. It’s difficult. There’s a few crop species from our homeworld that can survive in the atmosphere, but the other conditions aren‘t great. There’s no real soil, too much sunlight, and little water. We import most of our food.”

Grimani: “Water is rare in the torus. Condensation farms, run by the Lacertae, produce some water, but again, we have to rely on imports.”
Doog: “Ugh, stay clear of the Lacertae. They’re always trying to force their wieners on me.”
Grimani: “Alrighty then. That was weird. Anyway, we’ve also tried relocating various cattle species here with mixed results.”
Doog: “Is that a camel with an oxygen tank on its back?!”
Grimani: “Like I said, we’re experimenting.”
Doog: “What is your economy then? Everything you’ve pointed out seems to be failing. You can’t farm, there’s little water being produced, and the whole camel thing has failure written all over it.”
Grimani: “My people are mostly scientists for the Meditor Institute. The others are support staff for the researchers . They take care of things like food and water, so the research staff can focus on their finds.”
Doog: “I know the Meditor Institute. They’re the research division of the LIU that focuses on historical studies, like archeology. Did they find something here?”

Grimani: “They did. This large temple was located here as the gas torus was being explored. It’s the reason we have all been relocated here.”
Doog: “Wow, cool. Who built it?”
Grimani: “We believe it was built by the Progenitors themselves.”
Doog: “The Progenitors? I’ve heard about them a few times.”
Grimani: “Yes, evidence of their existence is spread around the galaxy. They’ve left technology behind and even seeded certain portions of the galaxy with genetic material. This temple, though, is one of our greatest sources of Progenitor knowledge.”
Doog: “Can we go inside?”
Grimani: “Sure.”

Grimani: “They temple consists of several floors and several rooms. Researchers with the Meditor Institute have explored them thoroughly. We’ve been able gather massive amounts of information about the Progenitors, but there’s a lot more to learn. We’ve just began to decipher some of their written language, so I‘d say the best discoveries are still to come”
Doog: “Maybe. In my experience, reading stuff doesn’t really do anything for me. Maybe give me a headache.”

Doog: “There appears to be some highly armed soldiers mixed in with the researchers. What’s up with that?”
Grimani: “The information in this temple is priceless. It must be protected at all costs. Researchers work under close guard.”
Doog: “Why I am allowed in here then?”
Grimani: “Well, I guess they are certain you won’t be able to glean anything from your visit. You did say you had “little use for reading’.”

Grimani: “We’ve only just started to explore this portion of the temple, but it holds some of the most promising components of the research here. Especially, the room beyond the golden gate. Follow me.”

Doog: “What in the world is this?”
Grimani: “Exactly. That’s what we are trying to find out. We’ve gotten some strange readings from these pillars, and the written language on the wall is much older than any other text we located. They are some interesting anomalies.”

Doog: “What kind of reading are you getting from the pillars?”
Grimani: “Energy readings. The pillars are still emitting power after all these years. Their power source must be something truly amazing.”

Doog: “You guys can’t translate this?”
Grimani: “No, not yet anyway.”
Doog: “Mind if I give it a shot?”
Grimani: “Haha. Go for it. This should be good. What can your little TV Host brain decipher that the hundreds of brilliant scientists could not?”

Doog: “Seems simple enough to me.”
Grimani: “Haha. Figured it out already? Hahaha. Well, spit it out. What does it say, Mr. Genius?
Doog: “It doesn’t say anything…at least, not in words I know. But I think it’s a picture. I know pictures, trust me.”
Grimani: “Well, mystery solved. It’s a Progenitor art project. Haha. Great work Doog.”
Doog: “No, really. Look at it sideways. There’s three sets of pictures representing the three columns behind us. The middle one shows something on the center column. I think that something is a person.”
Grimani: “Are you crazy? Does that suit have a leak?”

Grimani: “Hey! What the heck are you doing! That’s thousands of years old. Get off there! The joke’s over!!”

Doog: “Oh man! This feels weird!”
Grimani: “What have you DONE!”

Grimani: “Doog! Doog! What’s happening!”

Scientist: “Where did he go?”
Grimani: “I…I don’t know. Get a hold of everyone from the Institute. I want everyone here right now!”


Note:

Being: “Are you the appointed one? Do you represent your galaxy?”

Doog: “Uh sure. But first, let’s talk tacos. I’m starving.

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 8 - Special Feature - Doog Mystery Pt.1

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.



                                                             LIU Atlas - Aequora

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. 

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the ocean world of Aequora. Aequora was originally uninhabited, but now it’s home to a Haima colony. The Haima are an advanced race that have colonized a dozen or so water worlds in the LIU Galaxy. The Haima have always been friendly…and subservient…to the LIU, so they have been granted limited amounts of autonomy on these colony worlds.”

Doog: “Aequora has no land masses that penetrate the surface, so we won’t be landing directly on the planet. The Magellan doesn’t float, and I don’t think I could tread water more than thirty seconds. Instead, we’re landing on one of the Haima’s massive ships called the Balaena. Hopefully, we’ll find my guide inside.”

Zinon: “Welcome aboard. I am Zinon, a Haima diplomat.”
Doog: “Oh, so this is what the Haima look like. I’ve seen you guys around the galaxy before, but I never really knew the name of your race. You should drop the whole Haima thing and go with something more descriptive, like the Green Face Wieners or something.”
Zinon: “They’re sensory organs, not wieners, but I will make the suggestion at council next week. I thank you for your kind suggestion. Well, with that settled, perhaps we can begin.”

Doog: “Yeah, I guess all we need to do is wait for this ship to take us to the colony.”
Zinon: “Actually, this ship is the colony.”
Doog: “The whole ship?”
Zinon: “Yes. The Balaena holds several hundred thousand of my Haima brethren. We have no structures on the planet itself, just this ship.”

Zinon: “My people have long feared extermination. We split up our populace into several smaller colonies to increases our chance of survival. Each colony ship was built to be self-sufficient and have ability to continue on our legacy if the others fell. Of course, we fear extermination slightly less now that the LIU has taken us under their wing. We keep them happy, and they keep us alive.”
Doog: “No offense, but you guys seem sort of cowardly.”
Zinon: “Oh! No offense taken at all, kind sir! You speak the truth! Our gelatinous mollusk bodies are weak and vulnerable. We know this all too well. We have good reasons to be cowardly, it is one of the defense mechanisms that have kept us alive all this time.”
Doog: “Well, at least you’ve embraced it….Whoa! What was that?””
Zinon: “I believe we are descending into the safe zone. Nothing to worry about, just some mild turbulence. In fact, we are probably even safer than before.”
Doog: “Descending? Down to the planet?”

Zinon: “Yes, descending deep into the waters. We are much safer here. There’s no space pirates or enemies or comets or other dangerous things. Hidden in the depths, just the way we like it.”
Doog: “Your spaceship can go underwater?”
Zinon: “Sure. All spacecraft should be able to. Spaceship hulls are designed to withstand various pressure levels. They must be able to withstand the change from the vacuum of space to the air pressure of an atmosphere.”
Doog: “Then, how is it safer?”
Zinon: “Because our ship can go deeper and faster. The Balaena is specifically designed for underwater use. We stay down here for months at a time. We only surface when summoned by the LIU.”
Doog: “Why would the LIU summon you?”
Zinon: “To transfer goods. We give many goods to the LIU in return for our safety.”
Doog: “Like what?”
Zinon: “Follow me.”

Zinon: “This is the Balaena’s Archive Room. Each colony ship possesses one of these rooms. It helps to insure that my race’s knowledge and culture are retained if a catastrophe befalls our homeworld.”
Doog: “Is this related to the goods you trade the LIU? Do you give them information?”
Zinon: “No. But using the archive room’s holo-projector is the easiest…and safest…way to show you our economy.”

Zinon: “My people transported several species of our native zooplankton to Aequora. Chief among these, are creatures called Bice. These microscopic creatures can be fished easily, and they can be turned into many useful products.”
Doog: “They sort of look like jellyfish.”
Zinon: “JELLY FISH! Where!?! Sound the alarms!”
Doog: “No, relax, I said the Bice looks like a jellyfish.”
Zinon: “Oh. Phew. Please don’t scare me like that. My weak heart can’t handle episodes like that. The Bice may resemble jellyfish in some regards, they are actually closer to the mollusk family, like myself.”
Doog: “Gotcha. So how do you catch them? You did say they were microscopic, right?”

Zinon: “Yes, let’s move on to the next holo-slide. This is the Balaena. If you pay attention to the front of the ship you’ll note that…”
Doog: “Wait. Are we spending the rest of the episode in here watching holo-slides?”
Zinon: “Yes, it’s much safer this way.”
Doog: “Safer and easier. I can just take a nap. You play the presentation. This is going to work out great. I mean, the TV Executives might not be all that happy with it, but technically, I did my job.”
Zinon: “Wait. I must reassess. I didn’t think of offending executives with my slide show. Executives equal LIU. Yes. This won’t do at all. My apologies. Let’s see the Balaena in person.”
Doog: “Darn it. Had to open my mouth…”

Zinon: “The Balaena is over a mile long. We are near the middle of the ship, but the Bice fishing industry is located near the front of the ship. We’ll need to take a tram.”
Doog: “I am absolutely in favor of taking the tram. No need for a hike. I think the LIU will like it.”
Zinon: “Very good. I strive to make the LIU happy. I’ll discuss Bice fishing while we’re in route. That will be efficient. The LIU will like that too.”
Doog: “The LIU and I are in agreement in that regard.”

Zinon: “Bice flourishes in the upper levels of the ocean where sunlight still penetrates. Smaller photosynthetic algal species live here, and the Bice feed off them. We simply navigate the Balaena through these waters, picking up the Bice with the large collector scoop on the front of our ship.”
Doog: “Sort of like a giant whale?”
Zinon: “GIANT WHALE! Sound the alarm!”
Doog: “Sigh.”

Zinon: “The scoop collects thousands of gallons of water as the Balaena navigates these waters. Our filtration system removes the small zooplankton from these waters.”

Zinon: “We’ve relocated several species of zooplankton to Aequora. Some are used as food, others to make fuel, but, as I said before, Bice is the only zooplankton of interest to the LIU.”

Doog: “Why does the LIU find Bice so appealing? Is it a foodstuff or something?”
Zinon: “It was once a foodstuff to my people, but it’s too valuable to the LIU for us to eat it anymore. The LIU needs their blood.”
Doog: “Blood? Is their blood made of gold or something?”
Zinon: “No, but it contains Hemocyanin, a protein that transports oxygen. It’s found in the blood of several mollusk and arthropod species, but not in the concentrations we see in the Bice. They are a huge source of Hemocyanin.”
Doog: “What is Hemi-Sai-Anna used for?”
Zinon: “Hemocyanin is similar to hemoglobin except it utilizes copper to bond to oxygen instead of iron. It can be used as a medicine for several species across the universe. Not humans though, I’m afraid. Please don’t be mad.”
Doog: “I’ll let it go this time, Zinon…”

Zinon: “We deliver millions of liters of pure Hemocyanin to the LIU every few months. I’m told they do quite well selling it to various alien species. Not that we are asking for any share of that profit. We would never ask for anything from the LIU. Please don’t hurt us LIU.”

Zinon: “Not all Hemocyanin is used for the production of medicine though. Because it contains a large amounts of copper, Hemocyanin is a great liquid conductor. Some Hemocyanin is processed and sold to the LIU for this purpose as well.”

Zinon: “One of Hemocyanin’s greatest uses, though, is in the production of atmosphere scrubbers.  Because Hemocyanin easily bonds with various gases, it is used to scrub ships’ atmospheres of carbon dioxide, excess oxygen, and other pollutants.”
Doog: “How do they work on farts?”
Zinon: “Please do not be angry, but I have not tested the scrubbers for this. I shall remedy that as soon as possible. A thousand apologies.”

Doog: “Maybe I should take one for testing on my ship.”
Zinon: “I’m not sure if that is allowed…”
Doog: “It is.”
Zinon: “You say that great sir, but then the LIU might come and begin with the hurting and yelling. I…”
Doog: “I SAID that it is ok.”
Zinon: “Yes, yes. Take it. Take it.”

Doog: “Well folks, Aequora is an interesting place. It is home to one of the hidden colonies of the cowardly Haima race. They seem to be scared of just about everything. They have a cool ship though. It sort of acts like a giant whale that scoops out millions of tons of zooplankton from the ocean. One of these zooplankton, called Bice, is used for medicine, power conductors, and atmosphere scrubbers. Speaking of scrubbers, I’m going to take this baby back to my ship. See ya!


Note: 

Mike: “What is that? How did you get t? Am I an accessory to a crime by standing next to it?”
Doog: “No, some weakling guy gave it to me down on the planet. It’s an air scrubber.”
Mike: “Does it work on farts?”
Doog: “Only one way to find out.”

Mike: “Is testing it on Cam after burrito night really a fair first test?”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 20 - Euripus System

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.



                                                  LIU Atlas - Otiosus Station

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. 

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. 

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the spaced-based Otiosus Station. This station lies in the center of the Opifex Sector, a highly industrialized region of the LIU Galaxy.”

Doog: “The station specializes in employment, coordinating the labor of the hundreds of industrial worlds in its proximity. The Otiosus Station assigns, transfers, and trains millions of workers every month, making it a large player in the LIU’s economic empire. Well, let’s head inside.”

Fennon: “Welcome to the Otiosus Station, Doog. I’m Dr. Lee Fennon, Director of Labor Solutions.”
Doog: “Labor Solutions, huh? Know anyone hiring washed-up TV hosts? I’m looking for something with better pay.”
Fennon: ‘Sorry, Labor Solutions generally deals with unskilled labor positions within the Opifex Sector.”
Doog: “Oh, trust me…this job is as unskilled as they come.”

Fennon: “Yes, well, I’m afraid we have no TV Host jobs available in this Sector.”
Doog: “Well, keep an eye out anyway.”
Fennon: “Sure…”
Doog: “So, what can you tell me about this place?”
Fennon: “Otiosus Station houses the LIU company, Labor Solutions. Labor Solutions specializes in allocating labor resources within this industrial sector. Follow me.”

Fennon: “This is our command center. From here, we monitor the labor needs of the hundred or so industrial worlds within 50 light years of the station.”

Fennon: “Otiosus Station lies at the center of this sector, as you can see on the map. The mapping computer displays worlds with various labor needs. Their needs are color coded to indicate what exactly they need. Orange denotes a severe labor shortage, yellow denotes that layoffs are imminent, and so on.”
Doog: “And why is this important?”
Fennon: “Well, with data like this, we can shift workers between planets to keep production at high levels and avoid having unemployed workers. This planet here has labor shortages while its neighbor needs to lay off workers. We simply transfer the workers from one world to the next.”

Doog: “Sounds easy enough. You guys just sort of juggle workers around the sector.”
Fennon: “Yes, but it is not quite as easy as you think. We must monitor many aspects of these industrial worlds to determine their labor needs in advance. It wouldn’t do much good if their assembly lines sat idle for days waiting for replacements.”
Doog: “I guess that makes sense.”
Fennon: “Yes, so we have screens like this to monitor various planets’ production levels. It appears the laborers on Sutura are falling behind on their production quotas while the workers on Fornax are well ahead of schedule. We should anticipate a labor shift between these worlds.”

Doog: “This screen must be my interest level. Quickly dropping…”
Fennon: “No, this graph monitors the labor situation in the macroscale. You can see employment trends of the whole Sector. It’s useful in determining long-term needs within the sector. Of course, this information is more important to the speculators than it is to Labor Solutions.”
Doog: “Speculators?”
Fennon: “Yes, follow me.”

Fennon: “Labor Solutions is only one of the companies based out of the station. The other is the OLCT, or Otiosus Labor Commodity Trade-Market. Commodities are goods and services that the public wants or needs. Generally, the universe does not see labor as a commodity. Many believe sentient beings should not be traded , but…”
Doog: “But…this is the LIU.”
Fennon: “Yes. We see things differently here. Workers are a good that the LIU’s elite need. Workers are traded as a commodity here.”

Fennon: “Speculators invest in labor futures and derivatives, driving a large tradable market. They speculate on future labor needs by examining long term labor trends. Each planet’s current labor market values are listed on the overhead board. A marquee displays current labor demands. Speculators use this information to make wise investment decisions.”

Doog: “It sure is loud and chaotic in here. It’s sort of like a bar on the weekend …well, without all the booze and fun. They need some better television shows here too. All these numbers are boring.”
Fennon: “You haven’t been paying attention, have you?”
Doog: “Not entirely.”

Fennon: “This station is also involved in training workers. Workers across the galaxy are shipped here to be trained for factory work. Our schools are top-notch, allowing workers to easily assimilate into our workforce.”
Doog: “Aw man, are we going to school? I thought this couldn't get any more boring.”

Fennon: “Workers get trained in the complex jobs they will be assigned once they are shipped out.”

Teacher: “And push those buttons. And push those buttons. That’s it. Keep going! Push. Push. Very good. Uh, Mr. Shalmers, keep that wrist bent. There you go. We don’t want any injuries. And push those buttons. Push. Push.” 

Doog: “Seems complicated. I guess high-tech factory work is not for me.”
Teacher: “Good work class. Your assignment tonight in to practice your lever pulls. Remember, pull that lever and pull that lever…”
Doog: “Yeah…definitely too much work for me. Although, I do practice my lever pulls before I go to bed every night.If you know what I mean...”

Fennon: “We also have a world-class career placement center. Newly arrived workers are sent here to determine their likes, dislikes, and skill levels. It helps to match workers with industries more suited to their abilities.”

Examiner: “Alright sir, I’m going to need to ask you some questions. First, can you read?”
Worker: “Yes, in three languages.”
Examiner: “Hmm, noted. Alright. Next, how attached are you to your arms? Extremely attached, moderately attached, or cut them off now and give me a job.”
Worker: “I’m going to go with extremely attached.”
Examiner: “Hmm, that will limit your options…”

Examiner #2: “Are you familiar with our unemployment program?”
Worker: “No, I figured the LIU didn’t have anything like that.”
Doog: “Wait, the LIU has an unemployment program? How do I get on that?”
Fennon: “Yes, but it’s not what you think. Follow me.”

Doog: “What is this?”
Fennon: “This is our unemployment program.”
Doog: “You’re right. This is not what I was thinking.”
Fennon: “Idle, unemployed workers are resource drains on the LIU, but they can be useful. Several million workers are kept unemployed, but in stasis.”

Doog: “Why?”
Fennon: “Well, it’s too expensive to keep them out of stasis. They want food and stuff.”
Doog: “No, I don’t mean why are they in stasis; I mean why are you storing millions of workers.”
Fennon: “Oh. Several reasons. Unemployed workers keep labor costs down. Workers must know that they can easily be replaced. High unemployment drops wages and reduces inflation. We have purposely created a large unemployed sector for these exact reasons.”

Fennon: “Of course, there are additional benefits.”
Doog: “Like what?”
Fennon: “Well, we have millions of workers in reserve in case of an emergency. Perhaps a plague wipes out a planet’s population. We can ship labor there to maintain production. Maybe the LIU goes to war. We can thaw out millions of workers to meet the war machine's increased demand.”
Doog: “Hmm, I guess that makes sense. How long do they stay ‘unemployed’?”
Fennon: “As long as required. Some may spend decades in suspension until they are needed.”
Doog: “Yikes. I might just keep the job I have.”

Doog: “Well folks, the Otiosus Station is an interesting place. The station coordinates the transfer of labor across the sector, holds the galaxy’s most lucrative labor market, and has millions of workers in reserve. This army of unemployed workers keeps wages down and insures that the LIU can meet extreme labor shortages at the push of a button. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a better job, so guess I’ll see ya next time. Later.”


Note: The Otiosus Training School is offering classes on pushing and pulling heavy objects. Enroll early to get a spot!

An inside look at Doog's wondeful life.

                                LIU Atlas - Behind the Scenes - Doog's Place

Doog: "Hello folks. It's me, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. I am currently on a two week unpaid vacation from LIU Atlas as we transition between LIU Atlas Season #2 and #3. The producers thought it would be fun if you guys got a first hand look at what my life is like during the break. As you can see, I've taking my slim earnings from Season #2 and rented this two room apartment for one month."

Doog: "Yeah, you heard that right. Not a two bedroom apartment, a two room apartment. This here is my living room/bedroom. The other room is a kitchen. There are communal bathrooms down the hall. The bathrooms are a little scary, but I've found that if I wait until after 3AM, I have to step over fewer dead prostitutes. Oh, I almost forgot. I used the remainder of my earnings to purchase a brand new, big screen..."

Doog: "...clock. I almost had enough to get some batteries with it. For now, I just like to stare at the motionless hands. That, and my Mocie Award."

Doog: "The kitchen is alright, but it lacks a few of the basic amenities, like a microwave, fridge, and dishwasher. It did come with a bunch of rats, which actually comes in handy. They're pretty good at scraping my pots and pans clean of any leftover food. It really saves me from doing dishes. Oh, don't pay attention to that blood stain over there, it was from the previous owner."

KNOCK, KNOCK
Doog: "Whoa, who's at the door? I'm not expecting anyone."

Doog: "Aww man, what if it's bill collectors, or even worse, one of my crew members! Either way, I'm bringing a bat."

Doog: "You have no right to be here...I mean, hello there. Did you come for my autograph? Or do I need to flip my sofa chair down into bed mode?"
Susan: "You don't remember me do you?"
Doog: "Er...of course I...uh, do, uh Jennifer? Janet? Janice? Jessica?"
Susan: "It's Susan. Remember? We met two years ago. You told me you just got a job with TV2. You promised you'd marry me. When I woke the next morning, you were gone!"
Doog: "Uh...well, you see..."
Susan: "That's alright. No explanations needed. I've found you now, and I have somebody I'd like you to meet."
Doog: "Ooh, you brought a friend."

Doog: "Uh, I don't know what you're into, but the kid has to go."
Susan: "No Doog, I want you to meet him. His name is Terrance, Terrance Junior."
Doog: "Hey, we have the same name. How cool! You know what, he kind of looks like me too. Wait a minute..."

Doog: "You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"
Susan: "Yes Doog. He's yours."
Doog: "Uh, why don't you two step out into the hallway for a minute. I need to...er...clean up a bit, and uh, put away my dog. Yeah, my dog. He's vicious. I promise, it will just be a minute."

Doog: "Oh crap, oh crap! Uh Jessica, just give me a few more minutes. Everything is almost ready."
Susan: "My name is Susan!"

Doog: "Almost ready now!"

Doog: "I'll be there in just a second."

Doog: whispers "Well folks, I have to run. Sorry the tour was so short. I guess Season #3 is starting sooner than I thought! Well, gotta run!"

Note:
Doog: "Anyone interested in a one week sublease? Or a kid?"

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 3 - Press Release - Doog Found

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.



                                                            LIU Atlas - Siccum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. 

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “What are you doing in there, Oldie? You’re taking forever. The bathroom schedule clearly states that I have the next half hour reserved! No cheating!”
Mike: “Yeah! You’re pushing everyone’s schedule back!”

Oldie: “It’s not my fault. I’m trying! Nothing is coming out!”
Mike: “Yikes, Oldie…too much info.”
Doog: “Is it a prostrate issue again?”
Oldie: “What! I’m not talking about from there. Nothing is coming out of the pipes. I think we’re out of water.”
Doog: “You got to be kidding me. How could we run out of water? Let me in, old man. You’re clearly having a one of those elderly episodes again.”

Oldie: “See! I told you. Nothing’s coming out the pipes. We’re bone dry.”
Doog: “Impossible. Get everyone in the bathroom. We need to get to the bottom of this. I’m pretty certain you guys don’t want me skipping my monthly shower.”

Cam: “Sigh. Another bathroom meeting? Can we go a week without fighting over the bathroom?”
Doog: “It’s a serious meeting this time. It appears we’re out of water!”
Mike: “Yeah, Doog’s going to miss his monthly shower! It’s going to reek of onions and feet in here in no time!”
Cam: “This is serious…”
Doog: “Hurry! We need to conserve all the water we can! Oldie, scoop out whatever water is left in the toilet. Cam, you get all the water left in the urinal.”

Cam: “What urinal? We don’t have a urinal.”
Doog: “Sure we do, you’re standing right next to it.”
Mike: “Are you referring to our sink!? Have you been using the sink as a urinal!”
Cam: “Oh gross. I brush my teeth in there. I think I‘m gonna barf.”
Doog: “It did seem awfully high for a urinal. After the initial burst, I had a hard time maintaining enough arc to keep it in the bowl.”
Mike: “Oh man…that’s why the floor was always wet here. I just thought you were a sloppy teeth brusher…
Cam: “Everyone out! I’m gonna puke!”

Doog: “Looks like we have more pressing matters. Hugo’s activated our warning system.”
Oldie: “He must have heard that you’re missing your monthly shower.”

Hugo: “So…we have a problem. It appears we blew a coupling. We’re venting coolant out into space.”
Mike: “Does this rank higher or lower than our water emergency?”
Hugo: “They’re related, I’m afraid. I had to reroute the water through the coolant system to keep us from burning up. It’s only a temporary fix, so we’ll need to land on the first civilized planet we can find.”
Doog: “Then we get the water back?”
Hugo: “Well…maybe. By routing our water into the coolant system, I may have irradiated our whole supply. Wherever we land, we’ll need to get more water in addition to repairs.”
Oldie: “I can see our season’s earnings melting away before my eyes.”

Hugo: “This is the best I could find within range. It’s a planet called Siccum. Looks to be a desert planet. Luckily, the computer says its home to a depot. We should be able to make repairs there.”
Mike: “Water’s going to cost a fortune on a desert world…”
Oldie: “Looks like I’m not retiring after this season after all…”

Hugo: “It’s going to get a little warm, boys. The atmospheric reentry is going to heat up the hull without the coolant system fully functioning.”
Doog: “Can we not work up a sweat before the desert planet, please? Thanks.”

Hugo: “Alright, I see the Depot coming into view. Looks like we’re going to make it.”

Doog: “Please open the door so I can get out of this sweat box!”

Mike: “It’s not much better out here.”
Doog: “No, it is not. Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

Chep: “Hey guys, welcome to the Siccum Depot. I’m Chep. What can I do fer ya today?”
Hugo: “We blew a coupling. We’ll need a new one.”

Chep: “Shouldn’t be a issue. We have a full service mechanic station at this depot. We’ll get you fixed up right away.”

Hugo: “Good deal. We’re also going to need to buy a few hundred gallons of water from you.”
Chep: “Bwhahaha! I haven’t heard one that funny in a while.”
Doog: “Stop saying funny stuff Hugo, that’s my job!”
Mike: “Wait…why is that funny?”
Chep: “Oh, you lads were serious? You picked the wrong place to get water. Siccum is about as dry as it gets.”

Chep: “Our wind mills pump up water from deep underground. They spin all day, and we still have barely enough to survive. In fact, we import most of our water.”
Doog: “That’s not good.”
Chep: “I know. The water imports really cut into our profits. It’s hard keeping a depot open with such an expensive overhead, but we manage.”
Doog: “Why open a depot on such an unforgiving planet?”
Chep: “Well, this is the only inhabitable world for twenty light years. We get a lot business from travelers coming through this area. We’re not far off from the Marinjae Hyperspace Route either, so we get a lot of business from there too. Besides, the locals here have some technology of interest to the LIU, so we ship a lot of their goods to other worlds.”

Doog: “Locals?”
Chep: “Yeah, Siccum is home to an alien race known as the Siccuman. They live out in the deserts.”
Doog: “Think they have water?”
Chep: “It‘s likely. I don’t venture far from the depot, but rumor has it, the Siccuman have vast reserves of water hidden away.”
Doog: “Alright, sounds like we’re going searching for the locals.”
Hugo: “I think I’ll…uh…stay here and…uh…keep an eye on the repairs.”
Doog: “Oh sure, every other time, you’re whining about being left behind. Today, you conveniently elect to opt out of the adventure. Whatever, we’ll figure this out without you.”

Mike: “I’m going to wear my pants on my head to keep the sun off. Pretty smart huh?”
Cam: “Nah, I want the sun. I’ll be working on my tan.”
Doog: “See, this won’t be too bad. What’s the worst that can happen?”


Two Hours Later…

Cam: “I can’t do this anymore. One of you has to walk. I can’t drag you guys any further.”
Oldie: “Please Cam, I don’t have any energy left. I’m so thirsty.”
Doog: “Leave Oldie behind! You’ll have more energy for me then.”
Mike: “This was a horrible idea. We’re going to die out here.”

Doog: “So this is the end, huh?”
Mike: “I guess so buddy. It was good knowing you guys.”
Oldie: “I knew this job would kill me one day.”
Cam: “Feel free to drink my blood if I die first. You know, for the water.”
Mike: “Timbo, any last words?”
Timbo: “…”
Doog: “It’s alright Timbo, you can talk. The deals off. We’re dying here.”
Timbo: “Thanks Doog. I know we never saw eye to…”
Doog: “Oh my Emperor, you’re annoying voice is excruciating. Deal is back on. I don’t want my last memories to be of your whining.”

Mike: “Ahh! What is that?”
Doog: “I think I’m having thirst hallucinations.”
Cam: “No, it’s the locals!”
Bolin: “Ahlaan bika. I am Bolin. Are you from the depot?”
Doog: “No, we’re just a TV crew. We’re looking for water.”
Bolin: “Looking for water here? I’m afraid you won’t find much here.”

Bolin: “Here, have a few squirts of our water.”
Doog: “A few squirts? Is that all you can spare?”
Bolin: “For now. We have more at our camp, if you will accompany us.”
Doog: “Yes. That sounds great.”

Doog: “Can I ride on your creature?”
Bolin: “The Mantid? I’m afraid only experienced riders can master this beast. We’re not too far off anyway. Come on.”

Doog: “This is your camp? I thought it would be more technologically advanced. You have all those cool cybernetics on your face.”
Bolin: “My race has mastered several technologies, but we only use some of it. We don’t believe in technology that makes things easier, only technology that keeps us safe.”
Doog: “I don’t understand.”
Bolin: “We could build machine to condition the air, to make things cooler, but it is not necessary. We can survive without it, so we do not utilize this technology. Overuse of technology makes one weak.”
Doog: “What about your face doo-hickies?”
Bolin: “They stop water from evaporating from our eyes and mouth, preserving precious fluids. They keep us safe from dehydrating, and therefore are an acceptable form of technology.”
Doog: “Weird. Anyway, speaking of water, we need a lot of it. Word has it, that you have a stash hidden somewhere.”

Bolin: “What you have heard is true, but I’m not sure I can arrange a visit. The Hidden Cisterns are sacred. They are ancient sources of water discovered by my people centuries ago. They are closed systems and not replenished. It would be foolish of me to put this irreplaceable water source in danger.”
Doog: “Pretty please?”

Doog: “Water!”
Mike: “Oh yeah! Who’s doing a cannonball….this guy is!”
Oldie: “Woo-hoo!”

Bolin: “Please be respectful of our ancient treasure…it means so much to my people. Do not sully it with your sweaty bodies….”

Bolin: “Sigh. Why did I fall for the ‘pretty please’?”
Oldie: “Finally, I got the bath I was wanting.”
Mike: “Doog, why are you standing so still?”
Cam: “This isn’t a urinal Doog!”
Doog: “Too late...”

Doog: “Well folks, looks like we‘re going to be ok. This ancient cistern should have enough water to fill the Magellan and still leave some for the natives. It’s free too. For being such a dry place, Siccum sure has some nice pools. See ya!”


Note: Siccum is littered with ancient cisterns that extend deep into the planet’s crust. Here, in the depths, groundwater still remains. Some of these cisterns are thousands of feet deep. Some are now polluted with human sweat and other fluids…

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 18 - Otiosus Station

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.



                                                            LIU Atlas - Vox Caelestia

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. 

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another special edition episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re making a quick stop at the muddy, swamp world of Vox Caelestia. Like with most special edition episodes, we won’t be focusing much on the planet’s economy. Instead, we’re going to dip into the planet’s culture, which has had a strong influence in the LIU.”

Doog: “Most of Vox Caelestia looks just like this, mile after mile of dense swamp. Of course, the swamp is broken up occasionally by bogs, marshes, and even wetlands. Large catwalks, like this, crisscross the planet’s surface. These elevated walkways make transportation through the swamps much easier. The whole place is an affront to my senses; it smells strongly of wet, decomposing plants, and the local wildlife is loud and boisterous.”

Doog: “The native Voxens collect many of the swamp’s gases, including methane, hydrogen sulfide, and carbon dioxide. These gases, created from the anaerobic decomposition of plant material, are useful to the LIU, and their collection constitutes the majority of Vox Caelestia’s economy. But, like I said, we’re not here to talk about economies.”

Doog: “We’re here to focus on Vox Caelestia’s culture, which involves music and, more importantly, singing. The Voxens have some of the greatest voices in the galaxy. Seriously, these guys could bring tears to your eyes just reading a shopping list. They’re that good. Their angelic voices derive from adaptations to their anatomy. Look, here comes some natives now. It’s easier to show this adaptation than explain it.”

Doog: “Excuse me ma’am, could I get some video of your anatomy?”
Lady: “What! What kind of pervert are you!”
Doog: “No, not that anatomy! I was referring to…wow, your voice is beautiful even when you’re yelling…”
Lady: “Get lost creep!”
Guy: “How much money are we talking here? I might be game.”
Lady: “Purcell! Get over here! I can’t believe your considering this weirdos’ offer!”
Guy: “Gotta run, call me.”

Doog: “That was the most beautiful conversation I ever had, even if I was completely misunderstood. I guess, I’ll just attempt to explain it myself. The Voxen have multiple vocal chords that create multiple tones and an enlarged vocal sac that helps amplify the sound. These adaptations help the Voxen locate mates and communicate in the loud swamps here. They’re sort of like frogs that learned to speak.”

Doog: “They learned more than speaking though. The Voxen have written some of the greatest operas in the LIU galaxy. Thousands of people, from across the galaxy, flock here to the Vox Opera House to hear these galaxy renowned operas.”

Doog: “The Vox Opera House is a piece of art all on its own. Its acoustically engineered walls amplify sound while reducing any type of echo. It seats hundreds, and even has some balconies for the more elite.”

Doog: “The Opera House has a lowered orchestra pit, where musicians play music to accompany the Voxens’ beautiful voices. The Voxen have such wonderful range that a full orchestra is not required.”
Announcer: “Ladies, gentleman, and asexual beings, please take your seats. The show is about to begin.”

Announcer: “Before we begin, if you will turn your attention to the upper balcony. We are graced today with the presence of the LIU Cultural Governor. Please give him a round of applause.”
…crickets…
Doog: “The insects ARE louder here…”

Doog: “Oh, it’s starting!”
Voxen Male: “LAAaaaa!”

Doog: “His deep baritone cries for help are really pulling at my heartstrings.”
Cam: “Are you tearing up?”
Doog: “Uh, no…I…uh… have something in my eye.”
Mike: “Yeah, me too. There must be some sort of eye irritant in here.”
Oldie: …snore…

Mike: “Just take her back already! Listen to that voice! She has the voice of a million angels! How can you not say yes?!”
Doog: “I feel your pain, dude! Your deep, manly pain! Wait...that sounded weird. Timbo, I’m going to need you to edit that out.”
Timbo: “…”
Usher: “Excuse me gentleman, can you please stop shouting in the middle of the opera? You’re ruining everyone’s experience.”
Oldie: …snore…

Doog: “Well folks, Vox Caelestia is a great place. Their operas are amazing. The saintly voices of the Voxen Race send chills down the spine and evoke emotions you never knew you had. It’s truly a beautiful experience. Well, see ya!”

Note:

Green Guy: “These aisles are really narrow. I hope there isn’t a fire.”
Ackbar: “It’s a trap!”

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE: Season 7 - Episode 17 - Siccum

                                                           LIU Atlas - Tropaeum

The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.

Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the small moon of Tropaeum. Tropaeum is a protected world. Its pristine wilderness is mostly unsullied, and its unique fauna and plant life are a sight to be seen. Several thousand people visit here every year to take safaris through the untouched plains of Tropaeum. All operations on Tropaeum are based out of a secluded camp on the moon’s equator, called Camp Cecil. That’s where we’re headed.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off here at Camp Cecil. The first thing I notice is the moon’s unique plant life. The plants sport a lavender foliage, and it appears that all the plants here sprout from these purple moss beds. Supposedly, the plant life here as evolved this coloration to better absorb sunlight. Anyway, this building behind me is the camp’s Lounge. I’m supposed to meet my guide here.”

Doog: “Once again, I’ve been blessed with a female guide. Unfortunately, she appears to be armed. Better keep the pick up lines to a minimum.”

Cecilia: “Hey Doog. Welcome to Tropaeum. I’m Cecilia, your guide for this afternoon.”
Doog: “Hey there Cecilia. So, what’s up with the gun? Wait, let me guess, it’s protection against my devilish looks and charm.”
Cecilia: “Uh, no. This is a tranquilizer gun. It’s handy for keeping the local wildlife at bay, without causing any permanent damage. Of course, here in the camp, there’s no wildlife to worry about. This area has been cleared and fenced in.”
Doog: “Fenced in, huh? What else can you tell me about the camp?”
Cecelia: “This place here is the central lounge, where guests can meet for drinks, hot tub excursions, and other social events. There are forty…” 

Doog: “Wait, speaking of hot tubs, what’s up with this chick? She’s pulsating, groaning, and releasing lots of bubbles. Is this some sort of fart attack or what?”
Cecilia: “Uh…it’s not quite what…”

Big: “Whoa baby. I’m gonna need a snorkel, and I’m not talking about for breathing.”
Doog: “Big?! Is that you?”

Big: “Doog, my buddy! What are you doing here? I’m not supposed to be your guide today, am I? I’m a little busy.”
Doog: “No, you’re not my guide, unfortunately. Probably would have had a better time if you were. My guide is this lady with the gun.”
Big: “That’s a tranquilizer gun, Doog. If I was you, I’d play that angle.”
Cecilia: ‘I’m literally standing right here guys.”
Big: “Oh well, I have a treasure cave to explore. Maybe I’ll see you around later.”
Doog: “Later Big.”

Cecilia: “Come on, let’s get out of here. I can’t stand that guy.”
Doog: “He’s not that bad. Sure, some of the things he says makes galaxy’s worst perverts blush, but, overall, he’s a good guy.”
Cecilia: “I’m not talking about that. I can handle the talk. It’s the whole ’Elite Citizen’ thing. He thinks he can do whatever he wants because he‘s rich. I really don’t want to talk about it. Come on, let’s head for the tour.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Cecilia: “This is our Safari Tour. Guests ride in this truck and get to see the wildlife of Tropaeum.”

Doog: “Do I, by chance, get to see this tour?”
Cecilia: “Indeed.”
Doog: “Do I, by chance, get this tour for free?”
Cecilia: “Yes, Doog…”

Doog: “Gee, it sure is cramped back here. Why do I get the standing room only section while these tourists get the nice comfy seats?”
Cecilia: “You do remember the part about this tour being free…right?”

Doog: “Is that the fence you were speaking of earlier?”
Cecilia: “Yes. The electrified fence keeps the wildlife of Tropaeum out of our camp. The wildlife can be dangerous. I know there was a sign, but let me reiterate, please stay in the truck at all times.”
Doog: “There was a sign?”

Cecilia: “Alright, here we go. Are you excited?”
Doog: “A little, I guess. This truck could use a refreshment stand though.”

Cecilia: “The gate is opening. We’re about to enter the wild. Keep your eyes peeled.”

Cecilia: ‘Wow, that didn’t take long. We’re in luck. Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll direct your attention to the driver side of the truck, you’ll see some of the moon’s native herbivores.”

Doog: “I don’t see anything.”
Cecilia: “Look closer. These herbivores have pretty good camouflage.”

Cecilia: “The larger of the creatures is the Mundali. As you can see, the Mundali have evolved structures that closely resemble the moon’s plant life. This aids in camouflage. The structures serve an even greater purpose though. They are sensory organs that catch smells in the wind. They can detect predators miles away.  Their advanced sense of smell made them notoriously hard to hunt, and many big game hunters flocked here for the challenge. They were almost hunted to extinction before this moon was protected.”
Doog: “Why isn’t he running away? Didn’t he smell us a long way off?”
Cecilia: “The Mundali have become accustomed to our presence after all these years. They no longer fear humans.”

Cecilia: “These smaller herbivores are called Jousts. The make up the majority of the biomass on Tropaeum. These small little guys number in the millions. Their long proboscis helps the pull leaves from the plants.”

Cecilia: “Oh, look folks. This is how the Jousts get their name. Their long antlers are pulled downwards by the strong muscles in their face. The antlers are then used to fight with other Jousts over food or territory. How cool that you got to see that!”

Cecilia: “The moon’s largest carnivore is the Ogalu. The Ogalu are amphibious and are often found underwater. They lie in wait down there until an unfortunate Joust comes to get a drink. We’ll try to lure one out for you to see.”

Doog: “Hey, there’s bubbles forming! Big, that’s not you again, is it?”

Cecilia: “There it is!”
Doog: “Whoa. That’s a big head.”

Cecilia: “The Ogalu are closely related to lizards, but definitely have some differences. The most notable difference, is the Ogalu’s four eyes. This allows the Ogalu to interpret light refraction better when striking prey from the water.”

Cecilia: “Anything you’d like to know about the Ogalu, Doog? Doog? Where did you go!?

Cecilia: “Doog! Get back in here! What’s wrong with you!”
Doog: “Relax. I’m just getting some refreshments. I saw this chicken just rolling across the ground, figured I wouldn’t let it go to waste.”
Cecilia: “That chicken is old and has been dragged all of the ground! If the Ogalu doesn’t kill you, that chicken will!”

Doog: “No lizard! This is my chicken! I found it first!”

Cecilia: “Grab on you idiot!”
Doog: “Not the first time a chick has had a gun to my face, surprisingly. Interestingly enough, it was also over a chicken leg.”

Cecilia: “Now stay in the truck from here on out!”
Doog: “Sure. Sure. Hey, what’s that?”

Doog: “Big, is that you? What are you riding on?”

Cecilia: “Did you seriously just jump out of the truck again?!?

Big: “Hey, I told ya I’d see you again.”
Doog: “What are you doing out here? Isn’t it dangerous?”
Big: “Nah, I have a full contingent of Safari Guides. Besides, I’m out here hunting. The only thing in danger is the wildlife.”
Doog: “Hunting? I thought this place was protected?”
Cecilia: “It is, but protecting it isn’t cheap. We’re forced to sell hunting licenses to Elite Citizens like Big. They pay to keep this place open.”
Doog: “Ah, so that’s why you can’t stand him. Makes sense.”

Big: “There’s nothing more manly than a hunt. Especially, hunting the Mundali. They’re known around the galaxy as being one of the toughest prey animals. Only the galaxy’s best hunters can nail one of those guys.”
Doog: “I didn’t know you were that into hunting Big…well, other than chicks.”
Big: “I’m not, but having a Mundali head on your wall is about as manly as it gets. The chicks will flock to me.”

Big: “I’ve been tracking this guy forever…like twelve minutes. Man, I’m a good hunter. Uh, bring it closer and get me my gun.”

Doog: “This sort of takes the sport out of it.”
Big: “Oh well, I’m not here for the sport. I’m here for the trophy.”
BANG, BANG

Big: “Lop off its head and ship it to house. I want that thing on my wall as soon as possible. You can leave the body…er…wait. Bring the body back to my cabin. I want to…uh…examine it. Yeah, examine it.”
Doog: “You’re a sick man, Big.”
Big: “I’m a man, Doog. A hunting man.”

Doog: “Well folks, Tropaeum is an interesting place. Thousands flock here to view to its exotic wildlife. Unfortunately, protecting this wildlife costs money. One quick way to get money is to charge the rich fees to hunt here. They get to pad their egos, and we get to look at cool animals. Well, see ya!”


Note: Hunting License fees start at 50,000 credits. For an additional 30,000 credits, you can get an experienced tracking team to accompany you. For 5 credits, we’ll photoshop you in a picture with an Ogalu. Limit one per customer.




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