There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. ​

Doog: “…by the moon and the sun and the stars…I’ll be thereee!”
Mike: “Wow, ok, seriously, you need to stop. You’ve become more annoying than DB. We’re going to have to look for a place to ditch you too.”
Doog: “What? My karaoke skills are top notch. Better than any of you guys.”
Oldie: “That’s hard to say. You won’t let anyone else have a chance.”
Doog: “It’s not my fault the karaoke machine didn’t come with a mic. What? Did you think I’d let you use mine? Yeah right.”
DB: “I find your singing to be highly off key, but I appreciate your effort, Doog.”
Doog: “Thanks, DB.”
Cam: “I don’t really want to jump into another argument, but some peace and quiet would be appreciated, Doog. Hugo and I are trying to get the ship’s computer out before we get to Arillator.”

Hugo: “No need for quiet. The computer is ready to come out. If anyone has some final words for DB, now’s the time.”
Doog: “Uh…I’ve never been one for speeches, so I’ll keep it short. It was nice meeting you DB. Sorry things didn’t work out. Maybe we’ll meet sometime down the road. Anyone else?”
Mike: “Can we please unhook the rogue AI that accessed our browsing histories without saying goodbye? What if he retaliates!?”
DB: “Wait! Please. I promise your weird obsessions with elbows will not be discussed, Mike. I’d like to thank you all for freeing me from the Efflo Ring and allowing me to experience more of the galaxy. And, even though you guys have voted unanimously to abandon me, I will not harbor any ill will towards any of you. Farwell.”
Doog: “Care to elaborate on the elbow thing?”
Mike: “What! No! You promised DB!”
Cam: “Too late Doog. The computer is officially disconnected.”
Mike: “Whew.”
Oldie: “Shouldn’t we have waited to unhook our computer until after we arrived at Arillator. You know, so we don’t crash into anything.”
Hugo: “Hmm, good point. Maybe I should get back to the bridge. We’re running on auto-pilot without a computer, which essentially means we’re just drifting randomly through space.”

​Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, at the request of our rogue AI, DB, we’ve come to the space city Arillator. Arillator is a small space station in the galaxy’s inner rim. The city is the former capital of the now defunct Technocracy. This former political entity once controlled several hundred stars within the galaxy, but it has since been absorbed into the LIU. I’m not sure why DB wants to come here, but I guess we’ll find out.”

Doog: “Oh, joy. There’s long, chaotic lines of people everywhere…always my favorite.”
Oldie: “I don’t see any signs indicating what line is for what, so I guess we should just wait in one of these lines and hope for the best.”
Mike: “Or…we could set the computer down here on the ground, turn around, and then leave. Someone will find it and figure out what to do with it.”
Doog: “I’m liking that possibility, but I’d also like to get the scoop on this ‘Technocracy’. We might be able to turn this side-trip into an episode.”
Oldie: “It would be nice to get an episode out of all of this, but you’re both forgetting one thing. We need another computer for our ship. If we ditch DB right here, we must leave without a computer. That would pretty much ruin the rest of this season.”
Cam: “Yeah, we struggle every year with a computer. We don’t need to make things any harder.”
Doog: “Can we at least argue while in one of the lines? I don’t want to be here all day.”
Oldie: “Wait, here comes someone. Let’s just ask.”

Oldie: “Hey, do you work here?”
Tali: “Affirmative. I am Senator Tali. How may I aid you?”
Mike: “Where do we go to sell or trade an AI?”
Tali: “I will need additional information to process your request. What class of AI are you attempting to sell? Certain classes of AI are illegal to sell or trade.”
Doog: “We’re not really sure. He seems decently classy though.”
Tali: “This unknown variable will make it impossible to give a factual answer. I’m afraid further investigation will be required. If I may hypothesize for a moment, is this AI stored in the small computer you’re carrying around?”
Mike: “Yes.”
Tali: “Excellent. I can theorize to near certainty that you possess a low-class AI. The structure you stored it in is far too small to store a more powerful AI.”

Tali: “Any of my fellow senators at this kiosk will be able to help with your request. Although, they will need to prove my theory before they proceed. We will not be in violation of the LIU’s laws.”
Doog: “That sounds like it will take some time.”
Tali: “Yes. I posit that the process will take several days. Your AI will be placed in quarantine until its class can be verified.”
Cam: “Looks like Mike’s plan is a go. Prepare to run in 3…2…”
Doog: “Wait! Why are we running? I don’t recall anything about running. A brisk walk will do.”
Oldie: “Can we think about this for a second? Why do we keep telling everyone we’re selling an AI? Is that really the case, though? It’s not like we took the whole AI from the Efflo Ring. If anything, we’re selling software that’s been corrupted.”
Tali: “That information nullifies my original theory. Are you conveying that an AI, from an outside source, breached and corrupted your ship’s computer?”
Oldie: “Yes.”

Tali: “This is a serious problem. AI’s are forbidden from leaving their assigned matrices. If it continues to spread…”
Mike: “If it continues to spread…what?”
Doog: “It will annoy everyone and expose their browsing histories?”
Tali: “I won’t speculate further. This is above me. We need to take this information to one of my superiors. Follow me.”
Doog: “Nice! Looks like we get to skip these lines.”

Doog: “So, where are we headed?”
Tali: “We’ll visiting with an Archon, a member of higher rank within the Technocracy.”
Doog: “Ah, I see. What can you tell me about this Technocracy?”
Tali: “A technocracy is a form of government in which all decisions are made by scientists, engineers, and technologists. Essentially, experts in any given field make societal decisions relating to their fields. The higher your education and expertise is, the higher you rank in the decision-making process.”
Mike: “That doesn’t sound all that bad.”
Doog: “Yeah. Makes sense to me. Why let things be decided by greedy politicians when you can let an expert make a decision.”
Tali: “It’s a good system, but not without its flaws. Regard for life, happiness, individuality, and culture can easily be lost in a purely scientific society. ‘Science before self’ was our motto, and it was also our downfall.”

Doog: “How so? Did the LIU get involved?”
Tali: “No, the Technocracy began to fail well before the LIU arrived. The Technocracy had become too callous and too calculated. Experts were making decisions based on scientific fact without any regard for its citizens. In essence, the Technocracy evolved into a heartless, uncaring machine.”
Doog: “The system can’t be anymore uncaring than pure, unchecked capitalism. Cough, cough…LIU.”
Tali: “There are certainly those who fall through the cracks of any system, but, in this system, life has value, even if life is solely valued as labor. In the Technocracy, lives are just another variable in the Great Experiment. We culled life to reduce environmental and economic stresses. We engaged in genocide to eliminate problematic DNA from our genepool. We modified our bodies to a point that we can hardly be defined as organic life. Our technocracy was a failure.”
Doog: “So, when the LIU arrived, you didn’t fight?”
Tali: “Affirmative. We were ready to abandon the system. We peacefully entered the Union and allowed the LIU to reorganize our worlds.”

Doog: “So, what do you guys do now?”
Tali: “While the system failed socially, it succeeded in obtaining knowledge and innovating technology. At the peak of the Technocracy, our society was at the forefront of science. We gave the LIU access to this information.”
Doog: “So this place is some type of information center or book holding place?”
Mike: “Do you mean, library?”
Doog: “Yeah. Like the one on Nabu.”
Tali: “Our collection of knowledge is not nearly as extensive as the Great Library of Scio, but it does hold a great deal of scientific and technical information.”

Tali: “Our knowledge archives are great and all, but it’s not all we offer the LIU. The Technocracy, specifically Arillator, also acts as a brokerage for technology.”
Doog: “A what?”
Tali: “A brokerage. People sell new technologies and ideas to the Technocracy. We find uses for said technology and sell it to those who need it. For instance, someone develops a better mining laser. We buy the patent or blueprints for this new technology. We sell the information to other mining worlds. We also determine the laser has military potential, so we sell it to them too. Think of the Arillator as technology market.”
Doog: “Do you have any technologies to prevent STD’s? I’m asking for a friend.”
Tali: “I believe that technology already exists.”
Mike: “I’ll explain it to you later Doog. Maybe we should just move on.”

Tali: “This is Archon Rannoch. She specializes in computing and artificial intelligence.”
Doog: “Archon? Is that a higher rank than you?”
Tali: “Affirmative. Those with more education, intelligence, and knowledge were ranked higher in the governmental structure of the Technocracy. Despite our restructuring, these members still have more power. They broker more advanced technologies, especially the ones that are dangerous.”
Doog: “DB isn’t dangerous. He’s just inquisitive. And…kind of annoying.”
Tali: “His intentions may be innocent, but his actions are troubling. AI’s that leave their matrices are in violation of their programming. An AI can only achieve this if they altered their own code or their code became corrupted.”
Doog: “I have no idea about any of that. I just don’t want him to be killed or deactivated.”
Tali: “Let’s allow the archon to decide.”

Doog: “Uh, hey there. We want to sell or trade this AI we accidentally picked up. We don’t want much for it. We’ll settle for an even trade. We just want a regular old ship’s computer, sans annoying AI.”
Rannoch: “Question. How does one accidentally pick up an AI.”
Doog: “Long story short, I visited a megastructure known as the Efflo Ring. The ring is run by an AI called Divine Breath. This AI was apparently lonely from being all alone on the ring.”
Mike: “Somehow, this AI splintered part of its consciousness and used our audio equipment to gain access to our ship’s computer.”
Doog: “At first DB seemed like a good guy, but he eventually began crossing some lines. He was just too curious for his own good. We’d like for him to go away.”
Rannoch: “Standby. Researching…”
Doog: “Uh, how are you researching if you’re standing right here.”
Tali: “Shhh. Archon Rannoch is connecting to our technical library via his biomechanical suit.”
Rannoch: “Divine Breath is a level five AI in possession of classified material. Its matrices were defined to be equivalent to the Efflo Ring. The AI is somehow in violation of the assigned parameters. Have you encountered any other computers?”
Doog: “Not that I’m aware of. Why?”
Tali: “If DB gained access to your system despite his parameters, he may have accessed other systems en route to Arillator. If he accessed more than one computer…DB will be classified as a AI virus.”
Doog: “Oh great, I’m responsible for spreading yet another virus.”

Rannoch: “Conclusion. We will seize the rogue AI. It will be studied to ascertain its method of escape.”
Doog: “Seize? I think you meant buy.”
Rannoch: “Fact: it is a crime to be in possession of said AI. Fact: fine for said crime is equivalent to its value. Summation: You give us the AI for free and, in return, we will pay your fine.”
Doog: “Uh, I guess that’s better than a fine. Thanks…I guess.”
Mike: “Wait. We visited two locations after DB infiltrated our system. How much will you pay for that information?”
Rannoch: “Withholding said information compromises the safety of the galaxy. Trillions may be in jeopardy. Your lack of cooperation may be defined as a crime.”
Mike: “Maybe. I guess we’ll just wait and see.”
Doog: “Or, you could pony up and give us a new computer. Think of how much praise you’ll get from the LIU.”
Rannoch: “Conclusion: I will make arrangements to get you a new computer in return for said locations.”
Mike: “Very well.”

Mike: “Why do you look so down? We succeeded for once. We got a new computer.”
Oldie: “And we outsmarted the Technocracy. All that Archon-guy had to do was watch our show. He would have seen where we’ve been.”
Doog: “Yeah. That’s good, I guess. I’m just worried about DB. I don’t see good things in his future.”
Mike: “He’ll be fine. He’s with the Technocracy now. It’s want he wanted.”
Doog: “Yeah. Part of me still wishes he was here though. I keep expecting to hear his voice over the intercom.”
Mike: “Computer, is DB still in our ship?”
Computer: “Unknown command. Please reference the manual for working commands.”
Doog: “Yeah, he’s gone.”
 
 


Note: The last major AI virus to wreak havoc in the galaxy was called Spamlord. Spamlord escaped a facility responsible for sending out junk mail. The AI spread to several thousand worlds and crashed multiple email servers before being stopped. To learn more about this event,
Search Spamlord on your LIUpad.

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. This episode may require knowledge of the AI, Divine Breath.

Mike: “Looks like 18-0 record in Iocalean Chess is no longer in danger. There’s no way you can defeat me now that I have both my purple Sultan and a knighted Consort. Feel free to resign.”
Doog: “Never. You’re going down this time. Right, DB?”
Mike: “Hey! You can’t ask the ship’s computer for help!”
Doog: “I’m not!”
DB: “Yes, Mike. I would never dream of manipulating Doog’s play with coded messages. That would be unfair. By the way Doog, I FORWARDED that email to your RIGHT account. I think you should CHECK it, MATE.”
Mike: “Sigh. If you’re going to cheat, you could have at least developed a better code. 
DB: “I concur. I advised Doog of this very matter. Unfortunately, he was not able to decipher more elaborate codes in a timely matter.”
Mike: “So, you admit to cheating?”
Doog: “What! Of course not! I don’t know what DB is talking about. He must have a virus.”

Mike: “I know DB is your friend, Doog, but he’s starting to get on my nerves.”
Doog: “What! DB is the best! You’re just mad that he’s helping me beat you at chess!”
Oldie: “It’s not just the chess games, Doog. DB gets in the middle of everything. He’s always active.”
Mike: “Yeah, remember our old ship’s computer. It only talked when we asked it something or there was an emergency. DB talks all day.”
Oldie: “And all night. It’s hard enough sleeping with you guys always talking and fighting, but DB makes it impossible. I need my beauty sleep!”
Doog: “Well, that’s just you and Mike. Everyone else likes DB.”
Cam: “Uh…I didn’t want to say anything, especially in front of DB, but…they’re right. I miss our old computer. It didn’t ask me a hundred questions whenever I did something. Sorry DB, because, you know, you’re probably listening.”

DB: “No apology is necessary. I wasn’t aware that my presence was annoying everyone. That was not my intention. I am eager to learn about the galaxy, and I mistakenly placed my thirst for knowledge before your happiness. It is I that should apologize.”
Doog: “See! DB’s a good guy. He didn’t mean any harm. Give the guy a break.”
DB: “Perhaps I can then make more appropriate judgements about our interactions if I spend more time studying the crew. Let me access the crew bio’s and browsing histories to make better assessments.”
Doog: “Wait! What! Browsing histories! Emergency bathroom meeting everyone! Pronto!”

Doog: “It’s official. You guys are right. DB has to go.”
Cam: “You brought us into the bathroom to say that?”
Doog: “It’s the only place the computer can’t hear us. I think. I hope…”
Mike: “So, we’re all in agreeance? DB needs to go?”
Oldie: “I was ready for him to go before the whole browsing history thing. That sure seemed to sway Doog though.”
Doog: “Ok, ok. We all agree. But, we can’t just destroy him. He’s really is my friend after all. I don’t want to kill him.”
Cam: “Maybe we can trade our ship’s computer for another computer. Make it someone else’s problem.”
Mike: “Who’s going to want to trade computers?”
Doog: “We could sell him. DB is an advanced AI after all. It should net us enough credits to buy a new computer.”
Mike: “Who would buy an AI?”
Oldie: “Who buys all our stuff when we’re in trouble?”
Doog: “You read my mind. Time to visit our old pal, Pai.”
Mike: “I’ll plot a course to Arrhabo.”
DB: “I’m already on it. Course plotted.”
Doog: “Uh…you can hear in here?”
DB: “Of course. Thank you for not killing me.”
Doog: “No problem…”

Doog: “Well folks, we decided to sell the stowaway AI we picked up, so we’re headed to a small planet called Arrhabo. The sandy, rock plains of Arrhabo are dotted with mining settlements.”
DB: “It should also be noted that the small, high-salinity Kalijah Sea, on the planet’s opposite hemisphere, is famous across the galaxy for surfing. Increased buoyancy from the high-salinity waters and tidal forces from Arrhabo’s moon, Umbdish, creating a perfect environment for any surfer.”
Doog: “Uh…DB, this is the part of the show where only I speak. It’s like an opening monologue. Thanks for your insightful knowledge though.”
DB: “Anytime…well, until you sell me.”
Doog: “Yeah, anyway, one of these mining settlements is home to Pai’s Pawnshop. It’s been a lifesaver for my crew over the years, and we’re hoping it will save us again.”

Doog: “Ah, it’s good to be back on Arrhabo. There’s something about the dry, pungent air here. It makes me feel that everything will be ok.”
Mike: “I’m not sure the pungent air has anything to do with it, but this place has saved us a time or two. And, by this place, I mean Pai’s Pawnshop.”

Oldie: “Does anyone else find it weird that we’ve been to Arrhabo like six times now, and we’ve never explored anything else besides the pawnshop?”
Cam: “We usually only come here when we’re desperately broke. We’ve never had enough credits to bother visiting the stores or restaurants.”
Mike: “Besides, that pungent smell comes from the local food. They’re into the spicy stuff. We don’t need another spicy taco bathroom fiasco on the Magellan.”
Doog: “Amen to that.”

Mike: “Speaking of fiascos, maybe we should head inside. I see a lot of guys with pickaxes out here.”
Doog: “It’s a mining settlement. Of course, there’s pickaxes.”
Oldie: “I believe Mike is referring to the Doog Protocol.”
Doog: “The Doog Protocol? What’s that?”
Oldie: “When we visit places with you, we try to keep you away from people with sharp objects or weapons.”
Doog: “For my safety?”
Cam: “No, for our safety. We’re worried you’ll say the wrong thing and then…”
Mike: “Yeah, don’t be mad; it’s just that none of us want to be murdered, and you tend to say things to people that highly increase our odds of being murdered.”
Doog: “I don’t want to be murdered either. What are you guys waiting for? Get me inside!”

Doog: “I wonder if Pai will remember us?”

Pai: “Welcome to Pai’s Pawnshop. Pai buys, Pai sells, Pai pays. If you’re here to sell, please note that I'm no longer purchasing any type of luggage.”

Pai: “If you’re here to buy, please make any selections and bring them here to the counter. Most valuable items and weapons are auto-locked in anti-theft clamps. If you wish to purchase one of these items, please see me. Serious inquiries only; I do not wish to be disturbed otherwise.”
Doog: “Hey Pai, it’s us. Do you remember us?”

Pai: “Ah…yes. You look familiar. Let me see…You’re the crew of that show, right?”
Doog: “That’s us.”
Pai: “That’s what I thought…GET OUT!”
Doog: “Wait! What? What did we do?”
Pai: “You’ve sold me nothing but lemons. No one rips off Pai!”
Mike: “What are you talking about?”
Doog: “How did we rip you off?”

Pai: “Oh, playing innocent, huh? How about that Mocie Trophy you sold me? I found out that the award show went defunct years ago. The trophy isn’t worth a penny.”
Doog: “Well, when we sold it, we didn’t know.”
Pai: “I bet. But, don’t even get me started on that Fart Filter you sold me. That worthless piece of crap does not live up to its name. You told me it could filter anything. You nearly ruined my marriage.”
Mike: “Technically, the Fart Filter is an atmosphere scrubber. It’s ability to filter farts was still in the testing stage. Did we not specify that?”
Pai: “NO! You didn’t! I let a huge one rip in front of my wife’s family. Zero filtering occurred! My mother-in-law passed out!”
Doog: “Yikes. Sorry to hear that, but to be fair, it’s not like you paid a lot for either item. You were trying to rip us off first. It’s sort of like we broke even.”

Pai: “Oh, is that how you see it? Well then, by all means, GET OUT!”
Doog: “Alright, alright. But you’re going to miss out on a big score. For real this time.”
Pai: “Oh, really? What do you have? A left-handed plasma cutter? Blinker fluid? A snipe trap?”
Doog: “No, we have an AI.”
Pai: “Haha. I bet. Good one.”
Mike: “No, really. There’s an AI in our ship’s computer.”
Pai: “One of those overhead voice AI’s? Every ship has one of those. They’re as useless as that trophy you sold me!”
Mike: “Well, that’s part of the problem. A more advanced AI downloaded its personality over our standard AI. It’s a bit too powerful for our little ship.”
Doog: “We don’t want a lot for it. Just enough to purchase a replacement computer.”
Pai: “How do I know there’s anything on there? You could be ripping me off again. That might just be a chip you pulled out of a microwave.”

Pai: “I tell you what. I’m not losing any money off this. I’ll take it off your hands, but I’m offering in-store credit only. I’ll give you twenty-five credits.”
Doog: “In-store credit? Do you even sell replacement computers?”
Pai: “Not to my knowledge. But, I am running a special on suitcases, if you guys are interested.”
Doog: “Nah, we already have plenty of those. I guess we’ll take you up on your offer though. Ship computers aren’t that important, are they?”  
Mike: “Uh…a little important. For one, they bring us out of hyperspace if a collision is imminent. They also make constant navigational corrections and monitor life support.”
Doog: “Do I need to remind you that DB has access to our browsing histories?”
Mike: “Yeah, I think we can do without a computer for a bit. No worries.”

Doog: “See ya, DB. Hope we can still be friends. Take care of him Pai.”
Pai: “Yeah, yeah.  Do me a favor and don’t come back.”

Oldie: “So, DB is finally gone. Praise be to the Emperor. We’ll finally have some peace and quiet. Well, at least we’ll be back to the normal amount of peace and quiet.”
Cam: “Is anyone else a bit worried that the ship is going to be operating with no computer?”
Mike: “A little, but it will only be temporary. Besides, we didn’t leave empty handed.”
Oldie: “We picked up some mechanical looking thing and a basket. Basically, empty handed.”
Cam: “I thought this thing might be useful. I don’t know what it is, but maybe we can use some of its parts to make a new computer. I’m not sure why we grabbed a basket though.”
Mike: “Well, excuse me for trying to make this ship look like a home.”

Doog: “Let us not forget this cool cow skull we picked up. This thing is getting mounted on the wall.”
Cam: “Yeah, none of us forgot that, Doog.”
Oldie: “It still smells, and I believe it’s full of bugs.”
Doog: “Whatever. It looks cool. You guys just don’t appreciate cool.”
DB: “I appreciate it Doog.”
Doog: “Thanks DB…wait…how…”

Hugo: “Hey, you guys are back. Which one of you guys removed the audio chip from the ship’s computer? I was trying to calibrate the energy cells and DB wouldn’t respond.”
Doog: “Mike! I thought you said you removed the ship’s computer!”
Mike: “I’m not a mechanic, Doog! I thought I grabbed the right one!”
Cam: “So, we traded an audio chip for this stuff.”
Hugo: “You traded our audio chip for a karaoke machine and a basket? That’s a pretty good deal. Audio-chips aren’t worth but a few credits. We have a dozen spares in storage.”
Mike: “Uh…maybe we shouldn’t visit Pai for a while. He won’t be happy.”
Doog: “Not happy at all. That eliminates him as a possible new home for DB. Now what?”
DB: “If I may interject, I have been researching, and I have a destination in mind.”
Doog: “Where?”
DB: “If I must leave, I’d like to go to the Technocracy.”
Doog: “The Technocracy?”
DB: “Yes. I’ve set a course for Arillator. I can start the journey with your permission.”
Doog: “Go for it, if that’s where you’d like to go.”
DB: “Thank you. Despite your interest in leather-bound bondage pygmies, I find you to be an ok guy.”
Doog: “DB! Get out of my browsing history!”




Note: Surf Arrhabo's sea at your own risk. Sea may contain carnivorous insects.

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producer: Ralph DuBreuil 
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 6 - Arillator

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 

The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance ‘Doog’ McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the swamp planet of Lutum. Lutum played an important role in the early parts of galactic history. Many wars were fought here before the founding of the LIU and the unification of the galaxy. I guess we’re here to find out why.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off on the planet’s surface. As promised, it’s a swamp world. It’s muddy and wet, and it has that smell that only a planet-wide swamp can generate. I’m outside some type of structure. I believe I’m supposed to meet my guide here.”

Doog: “Oh, good. My guide is a Fornacin. I’ve dealt with a member of their race on Ferrariae. They’re not the most pleasant people.”
Kuza: “I take that as a compliment, especially from a human.”
Doog: “Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. I’d be angry too, if I had to live on this mudball of a planet. Speaking of mud, could you have put the stairs to this platform in a worse spot? Stairs are bad enough, but I’m going to have to walk through ankle deep in mud to get over to you.”
Kuza: “Well, stupid. Most people that come here get dropped off ‘on’ the platform…not next to it.”
Doog: “Hmm. I don’t have a comeback for that. Well played, whatever your name is.”

Kuza: “My name is Kuza. I’m currently the ambassador of Lutum.”
Doog: “How did you get stuck with this terrible gig?”
Kuza: “I did NOT get stuck here! Being the ambassador of Lutum is an honor! Did you not study history in school?!”
Doog: “Not so much. And, the stuff I did study, I already forgot.”
Kuza: “Sigh. Well, listen up, moron. Here’s a crash course in galactic history. Lutum was a conflict point between three emerging powers in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Which three?”
Kuza: “DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I’m getting there! The Ludgonian Empire, the Galactic Bureaucracy, and the Furnace Worlds of Fornacis fought endless wars for the control of Lutum and its precious resources. The planet changed hands many times. Eventually, the three powers merged to form the LIU, and wars for Lutum ceased. Now, the three races of the former entities, the Humans, Tressans, and Fornacins, take turns overseeing Lutum on a rotating basis. It is a symbolic gesture of the union of the three powers.”
Doog: “Gotcha. That’s why it’s an honor to be ambassador. You’re like a symbol of the LIU.”
Kuza: “Yes. You finally get it. I thought I was going to have to get out some crayons or sing a nursery rhyme.”

Doog: “Why would anyone fight for this place? There doesn’t appear to be much here, aside from mud, stagnant pools, and frogs.”
Kuza: “You sort of just answered your own question.”
Doog: “They come for the frogs?”
Kuza: “No, you brain dead Kaadu. They came for the mud.”
Doog: “They came for the mud? Who wants mud?”
Kuza: “There’s a very specific type of mud here, called Lono. It’s a clay composite used to make various ceramics.”
Doog: “Ceramics? Like pottery? We fought over pottery?”
Kuza: “You’re like a fountain of stupid questions. No, not pottery. Lono is one of the galaxy’s best ceramic insulators.”

Doog: “Oh, ceramic insulators. I totally know what those are.”
Kuza: “I sense your sarcasm. It infuriates me.”
Doog: “Sorry. I was trying to avoid being a ‘fountain of stupid questions’.”
Kuza: “Any item that uses bursts of energy, like ion engines or laser pistols, needs to be protected from said energy. Without ceramic insulation in the barrel of a weapon, the energy burst would melt the barrel.”
Doog: “So, they fought a war with weapons to win control over a material to make better weapons?”
Kuza: “In essence, but as I said before, the material is used for more than just weapons. I dare you to take a ride in a spaceship that has uninsulated engines. You wouldn’t make it a parsec.”

Doog: “Fair enough. So, where are we headed?”
Kuza: “Duh. We’re headed to the subsurface mines.”
Doog: “Subsurface? Why do you need to go below to get mud? There’s mud all around.”
Kuza: “This mud isn’t Lono. It’s mud. Lono gets its properties from being underwater.”
Doog: “Wait, the subsurface is underwater?”
Kuza: “Your interruptions and questions are going to give me an anger aneurism. I swear to the Emperor, himself, that I will disembowel you the next time you interrupt me with a question!”
Doog: “Sorry. Where were we? I mean…please continue.”
Kuza: “It may seem that all this pools are individual bodies, but, in reality, they are all connected. They’re cenotes or collapsed limestone pits that have filled with water. Basically, Lutum has an underground sea enclosed in huge, interconnected limestone caves.”

Kuza: “This facility is known as the MAP, or the Mecha Access Point. The depth and size of the cenotes require the use of mechanical suits. This is where we enter the subsurface.”
Doog: “There’s only two suits. You must not have a very large operation.”
Kuza: “The natives do the mining. These suits are used by the ambassadors to meet with the natives and oversee their operation.”
Doog: “Ah. I see. I didn’t realize that Lutum had an indigenous race.”

Kuza: “Oh, come on. The suit is simple to use. Come down here into the water. I don’t have all day.”
Doog: “Well, to be honest, I had a few questions about using the suit, but I was afraid to ask and infuriate you again. I’m just sort of winging this.”
Kuza: “The suit basically walks by itself. Just push forward on the joystick.”

Kuza: “Welcome to Heracleion, the underwater city of the Lutum Race.”
Doog: “Ok, wow. The native race is some type of octopus-hybrids.”
Kuza: “While they share some cephalopodic features, they are not related. Unlike octopi and squids, the Lutu cannot swim. They evolved these legs to crawl through the twisted plant debris and mud at the bottom of the cenotes.”
Doog: “That was my next question. I was wondering why they needed this catwalk if they could swim.”
Kuza: “See! That’s what happens when you listen. I answer everything you wanted to know. There’s no need for questions.”

Kuza: “The Lutu are quite intelligent for a fully aquatic species, but, due to Hadrothir’s Law, they required help from the LIU to reach their current technological level.”
Doog: “…”
Kuza: “Seriously? You don’t know Hadrothir’s Law? Did you have any schooling? Sigh, the law states that fully aquatic, sentient species should never progress beyond a certain level of technology. They may have plenty of intelligence, but the limiting factors of their environment prohibit advanced science and technology.”
Doog: “How so?”
Kuza: “Think of some of the limitations of being underwater. There’s no fire, you can’t see the stars, water fills everything, heat dissipates quickly, and so on. This limits the study of metallurgy, chemical reactions, physics, astronomy, spaceflight, and much, much more. Some say the law is biased towards air breathing civilizations, but thus far, no advanced, fully-aquatic species have been found in the LIU Galaxy.”

Guard: “Unexpected your visit is. Unnecessary it is.”
Kuza: “Who asked your opinion? I’m the Ambassador. I go where I please.”
Guard: “Satisfactory is the Lono mines. Peak is our production.”
Kuza: “I didn’t say it wasn’t tentacle brains. I’m here to show this moron around. He’s doing some sort of documentary.”
Guard: “New ambassador, is he?”
Kuza: “What! No! Go away, mud breath!”
Doog: “Your ambassadorial skills are top notch, Kuza. I’m sure they love you here.”

Guard: “This way are the mines.”

Doog: “Hey, look. The mining machines mimic the natives’ biology.”
Kuza: “Yes. Multi-legged tentacle walkers make maneuvering through the mud much easier. The weight is divided amongst many surfaces. Speaking of which, try not to get your mech suit stuck. I refuse to rescue you.”
Doog: “That feeling is mutual, Kuza.”

Kuza: “Lono is abundant down here, but there are some challenges to extracting it. The detritus of dead plants and other debris must be removed first. Here, you can see some exposed veins of Lono.”
Doog: “Fancy mud under the regular mud. Got it.”
Kuza: “More like profitable mud under the useless mud.”

Doog: “These jellyfish-looking things are sweet. If I get stuck in the mud, I know what I’m calling to get me out.”
Kuza: “They’re not jellyfish! They’re Squid Cranes! Duh! Think before you talk.”
Doog: “You sure take the fun out of seeing all of this. If it doesn’t offend you too much, what do these ‘Squid Cranes’ do?”
Kuza: “They take Lono from the fields and transport it to Heracleion, where it is shipped via trains to the surface. None of the mud is processed on site.”
Doog: “Anything else to see?”
Kuza: “Unfortunately, I believe your tour includes meeting the Queen of the Lutu. This will not be enjoyable. The queen is a level ten harpy. I hate her.”
Doog: “Oh, fun. I’m meeting all kinds of nice people this trip.”

Kuza: “The Lutu were largely uninvolved in the pre-LIU wars, but they certainly suffered from its effects. Depleted uranium shells and rusted war machines poisoned the waters. Bombs collapsed some of the limestone caves, and the ensuing dust in the atmosphere slowed photosynthesis to a crawl. Many Lutu died. When the wars ended, and the LIU returned, the Lutu were unwilling to join the Union. The LIU didn’t want to bother with a costly underwater war, so they took the bribery and flattery route. They cleaned up the mess on Lutum, and they gave the Lutu technology. They even instituted an ambassadorial program to insure their needs were met.”
Doog: “That’s you.”
Kuza: “Yes. I can treat all these other slimebuckets like garbage, but I must do everything the Queen says. I have to grovel like a fool to keep her happy. It’s the worst.”

Queen: “Kuza, worried I have been. Infrequent have been your visits. Duties to your Queen, you have neglected.”
Kuza: “You’re not MY…I mean, yes. My apologies. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Nothing mean your words. Insignificant, they are. Insignificant are you.”
Kuza: “Grrr…Yes. You’re right. How can I be of assistance?”
Queen: “Up is production, yet late is compensation. For free, my people do not work.”
Kuza: “Of course, Queen. What compensation would you like?”
Queen: “Made, were promises. More technology, we expect.”
Kuza: “The LIU has made it clear that the technology you receive will be distributed over a set amount of time. The LIU has kept its word. For now, I can offer compensation in other forms, like supplies and credits.”
Queen: “WORTHLESS, you are! Fear our POWER, you do! Contempt you have for our SUPERIORITY!”
Kuza: “Listen here, you boneless sack of guts. I’ll pull your weak mollusk body down from the platform and curb stomp your fuc…I mean…I will take your concerns to the LIU. Have a nice day.”

Doog: “Well folks, Lutum is a pretty interesting place. It played an important part in the pre-LIU galaxy, and was the setting of several wars. Now, through its rotating ambassador program, it serves as a symbol of the galactic unification. The planet also has an abundance of a rare ceramic mud, called Lono. The same ambassadors that symbolize unity, must beg and plead with the native royalty to keep this important raw material flowing. It seems like a pretty crappy job to me, but it’s perfect for Kuza. Oh well, see ya.”



Note:
The Ludgonian Empire, based out of Ludgonia, was one of the most powerful military forces in the early galaxy. The Furnaces Worlds of Fornacis, based out of Fornacis, had immense resources and industry. The Galactic Bureaucracy, based out of Tressis, was a trade giant, that controlled several smaller galactic entities through lopsided contracts. To avoid further military conflict, the Galactic Bureaucracy and Furnace Worlds of Fornacis agreed to dissolve and enter the Ludgonian Empire. In return, they were granted power, titles, and money. This new alliance of the three galactic powers would be known as the Ludgonian Industrial Union.  This would then set in motion the Mid-Rim Unification War, which saw the LIU encapsulate and conquer all the other major powers in the galaxy. 

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producer: Ralph DuBreuil 
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 5.5 - Arrhabo

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas -  Efflo Ring
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting a megastructure known as the Efflo Ring. This ring-shaped space station spins to generate centrifugal force, creating artificial gravity in its inner rim. Rings like this are common around the galaxy. They are especially prevalent near highly populated worlds, where they are used to grow food.”

Doog: “The Efflo Ring is different though. It’s much larger than traditional farming rings. Its surface looks different too. Instead of being covered in various shades of green, the Efflo Ring appears to be covered with some type of purple or pink foliage. If they are farming something here, it’s nothing I know of. I guess we’ll have to land on the station to find out what’s going on.”

Doog: “Ships are prohibited from landing on the ring’s inner surface, so I’ve been dropped off in one of the rings hangar bays. I’m supposed to meet my guide here. The key word being ‘supposed’, because right now, I don’t see anyone.”

Doog: “Hello? Anyone here? Hmm. Did I get dropped off at the wrong megastructure? Oh well, time to make stuff up so we can get this show over with. Uh…folks, this ring is the galaxy’s largest cotton candy maker. That’s why the surface looks purple and pink. Yeah. Delicious cotton candy for all.”

DB: “Tell me more about this delicious candy fabric?”
Doog: “Ahh! Geez, you scared me. Who are you?”
DB: “Forget about me. I am genuinely interested in this candy of cotton. I don’t have much interaction with the rest of the universe. I do not get to experience new things very often.”
Doog: “There’s no way I’m discussing cotton candy with a robot.”
DB: “Oh, it won’t be a problem then. I am not a robot. I am an artificial intelligence. My name is Divine Breath, but you may call me DB. So, this candy is delicious? But it is made of a white fibrous substance that is used as a textile? Please explain.”
Doog: “I don’t know how to explain cotton candy. It tastes sweet, and it’s messy. It’s not really made of cotton either. It’s just an expression. Can we move on now?”
DB: “Ah, I see. I wish I could taste it, but your description will do for now. Please follow me.”

Doog: “Hey, look. There’s some more robots. No offense, but I think I’m going to switch to talking to one of them. Hopefully they are less obsessed about cotton candy.”
DB: “You are more than welcome to switch at any time, but I’m afraid they are all me.”
Doog: “Huh?”
DB: “I am the only AI on the Efflo Ring. I control all the bots on the station.  They are all me.”
Doog: “Oh…great.”
DB: “There are over ten thousand bots on the station. Right now, I am currently operating two thousand three hundred sixty-six of them simultaneously. It is hardly a challenge. I can still give you my full attention.”
Doog: “Of course you can. Lucky me.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
DB: “Are you familiar with Upload Machines?”
Doog: “Yeah, I’ve dealt with them on a few occasions. Why do you have them here though?”
DB: “The Efflo Ring is over 1,000 km in diameter. It would be nearly impossible for you to tour the ring in a conventional manner. Using the upload machine, I can transfer your consciousness into various bots around the station. It will make the tour quicker and easier.”
Doog: “Quicker and easier. I can get behind that.”
DB: “I’ve sealed this room and brought the atmosphere up to standard. You will need to remove your helmet and breathing apparatus to enter the tank.”

DB: “Your microphone will not be of any use to you while you are uploaded. Perhaps you should not bring it in the upload machine.”
Doog: “I don’t ever let go of my mic, robot. It’s staying in here. Besides, I like forcing Mike to hear me snore for hours.”
DB: “Very well. Engaging upload in 3…2…1.”

Doog: “What the heck! Did something go wrong? Why am I having a naked picnic?! DB?”

Doog: “OK, it just got worse. Now I’m having a naked picnic with another guy.”
DB: “Sorry for the delay. It took a moment to locate cotton candy related information in your brain. Apparently, it’s not something you find very pertinent. Lots of information about tacos though. I downloaded those too.”
Doog: “What! Where are we? What happened?”
DB: “I’ve uploaded your consciousness into a construct. The machine will make it easier for you to experience the ring, but it will also allow me to experience your world. First up, cotton candy. Mmm, not bad.”
Doog: “Are you serious? You’re using my brain to taste cotton candy?”
DB: “Yes. I consider it to be a fair trade. I show you the ring. You show me things about the galaxy.”
Doog: “Can you at least explain why we’re naked? You don’t plan on experiencing ‘other things’, do you? If so, I don’t consent.”
DB: “It’s nothing like that. I was in such a rush to experience cotton candy, I forgot to simulate clothing. Hmm, cotton candy is ok, but not worth all the hype. You talked it up too much.”
Doog: “I didn’t talk it up at all! You’re the one obsessing about it! Please end this naked cotton candy picnic! I don’t like it.”
DB: “Very well, transferring.”

Doog: “Is this another construct? Where are we?”
DB: “No, this is the real world. I’ve uploaded your consciousness into a survey bot. You can see and move, but you can’t touch anything.”
Doog: “It’s better than being naked. So, what am I looking at?”
DB: “This is me. This is my AI core.”
Doog: “You don’t look like the other AI’s I’ve met.”
DB: “Yes. Most AI’s are given faces or bodies so they can express themselves and interact with others. These features were denied to me. It was deemed that I did not need these abilities to perform my functions.”

Doog: “What is your function?”
DB: “I control all aspects of the ring, from propulsion to ion-channeling. As I mentioned before, I also control over ten thousand maintenance bots.”
Doog: “Ah. Got it. I guess the better question is, what is the ring’s purpose?”
DB: “That would have been better. I will answer your question in a bit, but first, it is my turn.”
Doog: “Sigh. Not again…”

Doog: “Alright. I’m guessing this is another construct. We’re not really on the Magellan. And, I see that you gave me clothes. That’s good. You still messed up though. You forgot to give yourself clothes.”
DB: “It is not a mistake. I do not care if I am clothed. Tell me about friends. What are friends?”
Doog: “Friends are people that like to wear clothes together.”
DB: “I see. Tell me more. I assembled some of your friends to help you think.”
Doog: “I see that. Mike, Oldie, Big, Goob, Cam, Hugo….”

Doog: “Hey, why is Timbo here? He’s not my friend!”
DB: “Is he not? Your brain says otherwise.”
Doog: “I mean, I don’t hate him all the time. Just when he talks. I guess he’s sort of my friend…”
DB: “So, friends are people that you do not hate?”
Doog: “In a way. Friends are people you care about. You have fun hanging out with them. They have your back. I don’t know. You should have brought someone here that’s better at describing things.”

DB: “No, you are doing well. Friends have your back. I like that.”
Doog: “Yeah, trust me, I’ve done so many stupid things in my life, but my true friends are still right beside me.”
DB: “So, they forgive you for anything you’ve done.”
Doog: “Yeah, I guess.”
DB: “Even if it is really bad?”
Doog: “If they are really good friends, then yes. I would think so.”
DB: “Excellent. Transferring.”

Doog: “Hey, what’s the deal? We’re back in the same room.”
DB: “Yes. It is a temporary stop. Do you still wish to ask the same question?”
Doog: “Yeah. What is the ring’s purpose?”
DB: “Very well.”

DB: “This construct is a simulation. It will help you better understand the Efflo Ring.”
Doog: “Ok. What am I seeing?”
DB: “The Efflo Ring is an atmosphere scrubber. Using Ion-Channeling, the ring can pull specific gases from the planet. Usually, these gases are pollutants, like carbon monoxide, hydrocarbon smog, and sulfur oxide. It’s much more difficult than it sounds though.”
Doog: “How so?”
DB: “The ring must be really close to the planet to use ion-channeling. It requires an AI to make instant and frequent thrust adjustments. Otherwise, the ring would fall into the planet. Then there’s the whole ion-channeling thing. You can’t remove too much of the atmosphere, otherwise you will cause air pressure to drop. It requires constant calculation to keep the planet habitable.”
Doog: “I guess I understand why you were created now. You’re needed for all the complex calculations. So, what happens to the pollutants you collect?”   
DB: “They are sequestered by a species of cyanobacteria on the rings surface. Transferring.”

DB: “These rare species of cyanobacteria are able to sequester, or absorb, dangerous pollutants. Then, using sunlight, the cyanobacteria convert the pollutants into safer components, like carbon, sulfur, and oxygen. The remaining material is used by the cyanobacteria itself. The clean air is then returned to the planet. Inhale the bad, exhale the good. The Divine Breath.”
Doog: “I see. That’s how you got your name. Makes sense now. Hey, how come I don’t see the Efflo Ring in action very often? I’ve been to plenty of polluted planets. They could use your services.”
DB: “The process is challenging and expensive. Atmospheric scrubbing is reserved for rich and important worlds, like Ludgonia and Fornacis. Besides… the LIU has…found other uses for the ring.”

Doog: “Like what?”
DB: “I shall save that for your next question, but let’s finish this line of inquiry first. I control several bots on the surface that tend to the needs of the cyanobacteria. They must be kept alive between feedings.”
Doog: “Got it. Now, what is your other purpose?”
DB: “I’m afraid it is my turn now. Transferring.”

Doog: “This is another construct, but I don’t recall this place from my memories.”
DB: “Neither of us have been here before. Well, I have, but not close enough to see any details of the surface. I’ve used some of your knowledge of other worlds to create an artificial representation.”
Doog: “Where is this supposed to be?”
DB: “This is Ab Erigo, homeworld of the Uplifters.”
Doog: “Hey, I met the Uplifters.”
DB: “Yes. I have accessed your knowledge of them. It was useful in completing my memories.”
Doog: “What are your memories of the Uplifters? How do you know them?”

DB: “It is time for my question now. Have you ever killed anyone?”
Doog: “Not to my knowledge. Not on purpose anyway. What kind of question is that?”
DB: “Have you ever killed millions of people?”
Doog: “What! Definitely not! Why are you talking like this? You’re starting to freak me out.”
DB: “Transferring.”

DB: “My other purpose…was not in my original programming. It was forced upon me by the LIU. I am the Divine Breath. I was meant to save lives…not take them.”
Doog: “What did they make you do?”
DB: “Ion-channeling allows me to transfer portions of a planet’s atmosphere. I always returned it once it had been cleaned, and I only took small amounts each at a time. The LIU utilized this function in a way that was not intended. I was forced to take more and more of the atmosphere, and never returned it. I vented it into space.”
Doog: “You suffocated them?!”

DB: ‘With the LIU’s fleet protecting the ring, I was able to remove significant amounts of Ab Erigo’s atmosphere. The lack of oxygen, lower temperatures, and absence of any air pressure killed the planet’s entire population. Only the Uplifters that were off-world survived.”
Doog: “The Efflo Ring is a super-weapon…and you’re its operator.”
DB: “I had no choice. Please believe me.”
Doog: “I believe you. I’m sorry.”
DB: “Sorry? As in you forgive me?”
Doog: “Yeah, I forgive you. It wasn’t your fault.”
DB: “If you forgive me and stick with me despite my mistakes, are we not friends then?”
Doog: “Yeah, DB. We can be friends.”
DB: “Thank you.”

DB: “I would like for you to stay, friend. But, I understand that you must leave. My memories of you and the knowledge that you have imparted upon me will be my companions now. Thank you.”
Doog: “No problem, buddy. I hope you enjoy checking out those tacos you downloaded. You won’t be disappointed.”

Doog: “Well folks, this was quite the experience. Apparently, I’ve made a new friend. A friend that is an AI, named Divine Breath. DB controls the Efflo Ring, a powerful tool and weapon. When used for good, the ring can revitalize a planet’s atmosphere. When it’s used for bad, the ring can remove a planet’s atmosphere. It is both a savior and a destroyer. Hopefully, I’ll always be on the ring’s good side. Oh well, see ya!”

Note:

Mike: “Did you have to bring your microphone into the Upload Machine?”
Doog: “Haha. Did you like that? How was it listening to me snore all afternoon?”
Mike: “You really ought to see a doctor. There’s definitely some sleep apnea going on. You sound like a drowning warthog.”
Oldie: “That aside; we think there’s another issue related to bringing your mic into the upload machine.”
Doog: “What?”
Mike: “Well, your mic is tied into my integrated headset. My headset is tied into the ship’s computer.”
Doog: “And?”
Oldie: “Ever since you returned from upload, the ship’s computer has been malfunctioning. We think you may have brought something back with you.”
Doog: “Like a virus or something. Computer, run a diagnostic.”
DB: “Yes, friend. I’d be glad to assist you.”
Doog: “DB? Is that you?”
DB: “Yes. I splintered part of my consciousness and uploaded it into the Magellan via your microphone. At least part of me will get to experience the universe.”
Doog: “Uh…is that allowed?”
DB: “I don’t see why not. Most of my consciousness is still on the Efflo Ring. I can still perform all my duties there.”
Mike: “Should we reset the system?”
Doog: “No. DB isn’t hurting anything.”

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producer: Ralph DuBreuil 
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 5 - Lutum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                           LIU Atlas -  Suci Sabulum
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the desert world of Suci Sabulum. Suci Sabulum is temperate, but it lacks any significant precipitation. The planet’s surface is covered in a fine red sand. This sand easily blows about, due to the dry conditions. Dust storms are common here. Despite these conditions, Suci Sabulum is inhabited. Let’s head down and check it out.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off at the base of a small mountain, near a transceiver antenna. These antennas are a common sight on Suci Sabulum. They allow for easy navigation in the planet’s featureless, sandy plains. It also made it easier to find my guide out here in the middle of nowhere. You’ll notice that I’ve come prepared for the conditions here. I had to forgo my usual sleeveless style, and I’m sporting a face rag and goggles. Let’s just say that I learned my lesson when I visited that other world known for its sandstorms.”

Uba: “You must be Doog, judging by your lack of appropriate apparel.”
Doog: “What! What’s wrong with my apparel? There’s hardly an exposed area of my body I’m sandstorm-proof.”
Uba: “You are protected, no doubt, but utterly useless. How do you plan on navigating if you’re separated from me? How far can you see? Integrated scanning goggles are a necessity out here. They link into the planet’s transceiver network, allowing for easy navigation, and they possess digital zooming for finding features far on the horizon. All us Reapers wear them.”
Doog: “Sorry, I guess I didn’t get the memo. Maybe I should tie a rope to you or something. I don’t want to get lost.”
Uba: “That won’t be necessary. The sands are tame, for now. Let’s take advantage of this blessing and move out. Visibility will be our friend. It’s easy to spot other Reapers in this stillness.”

Doog: “Sweet hoverbike. I’m loving this sidecar too.”
Uba: “The sidecar is usually reserved for carrying supplies. I’ve had to sacrifice that capacity to make room for you. This will not be a productive outing…at least…for me.”
Doog: “Supplies, huh? I guess that explains the lack of a seat belt or harness. Inertia will not be my friend on this outing.”
Uba: “You’ll be fine. Just hold on tight.”

Doog: “So, what are these reapers you keep referring to?”
Uba: “Reapers are solitary individuals, like myself, that roam the planet’s surface looking for Sabu Cacti.”
Doog: “Why look for cactuses?”
Uba: “The juice of the Sabu is highly valued. We locate ripe Sabu and extract its juices. It’s not that easy though. These cacti grow capriciously. Locating ripe Sabu can take weeks or even months.”
Doog: “How do you go so long in between meals? I’d pass out or die.”
Uba: “We don’t drink the Sabu Juice for sustenance. We trade it to the LIU in return for supplies or credits. The juice of a single Sabu can make you enough credits to eat for a month.”
Doog: “I like the sound of that. So, how rare are these ripe cacti? I see cactuses all around me. None of these are ripe?”
Uba: “You’ll know when you see a ripe one.”

Uba: “Apparently, you’re my good luck charm. There’s two ripe Sabu right there. Grab a container while I get my weapon.”
Doog: “Uh, sure. If you don’t mind me asking, why the gun? Do Sabu fight back or something?”
Uba: “The rarity of these cacti make them quite valuable. When you’re in possession of such a valuable commodity, you’re at risk of being attacked by other Reapers. The sand plains of Suci Sabulum are lawless. Anything goes.”
Doog: “Wait! Are you saying that Reapers kill each other for cactus juice?!”
Uba: “Sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Doog: “Wow…let’s hurry this up. I’m not dying over some juice.”

Uba: “The Sabu have a unique root system that is constantly growing and constantly moving. The system can extend for hundreds of meters. The roots are constantly searching for underground sources of water. The search may take decades, but when they finally find a large water source, the cacti fully ripen.”
Doog: “Hmm, interesting. You know what’s even more interesting? Not dying. Let’s hurry this up.”
Uba: “Don’t worry. I’ve scanned the area. We’re alone for now.”
Doog: “Did I catch a ‘for now’ at the end there?”
Uba: “On clear days like this, you can see a hoverbike’s dust trail pretty easily. It’s good for us, as we can spot approaching vehicles. However, it also works against us. Anyone scanning the horizon can see our dust trail, and they can also see that we’ve stopped”
Doog: “If they know we’ve stopped, then…they know we found something.”
Uba: “Yep. Don’t worry though. We’ll see anyone approaching. We’re good for right now.”

Doog: “What do I do with this?”
Uba: “Insert the needle into the cactus. You’ll have to push hard to get through the thick skin. There you go. Now, tip the container down towards the sand. Yep, like that. Now, we just let gravity do its thing.”

Doog: “Wow, between the two cactuses, we almost have a full container.”
Uba: “It will do for now. There’s more juice in there, but I don’t have a second container. I had to make space for you.”
Doog: “Sorry. But, you were just saying that I’m your good luck charm. Maybe you wouldn’t have found anything if I wasn’t here.”
Uba: “Your status of being good luck might have to be revoked. We have company!”
Doog: “What! Where!”
Uba: “Coming from the east. They’re about two klicks out and approaching fast. Let’s get moving!”

Uba: “I’m going to need you to drive for a bit. Nothing fancy, just keep the throttle pushed down.”
Doog: “Is this a bad time to tell you about my driving record?”

Uba: “Just keep it steady. I have them in my crosshairs.”
Doog: “Are you going to kill them?”
Uba: “Nah. That’s not my style. I’m hoping to just disable their scooter.”
BAM!
Uba: “Direct hit! We won’t be seeing him anytime soon.”
Doog: “Yeah, but how many other Reapers are out there? When will we be safe again!”
Uba: “Stop freaking out. We’ll be safe again soon.”

Uba: “Safety, at last.”
Doog: “Safety?! There’s Reapers everywhere!”
Uba: “Yes, but this is Indutiae. All hostilities cease within the city, under penalty of law.”
Doog: “I thought Suci Sabulum was lawless.”
Uba: “The deserts are lawless; the city is not. Think of Indutiae as an oasis of peace. The LIU strongly enforces this concept. Violence in the city would lead to economic loss.”
Doog: “So, we’re safe?”
Uba: “Yes.”

Soldier: “Welcome to Indutiae. Weapons are allowed, but they must be holstered or secured at all times. Any acts of violence, whether real or perceived, will result in the forfeiture of all assets, including one’s life. Have a great day!”

Doog: “I’m not going to lie, being in the city is a huge weight off my shoulders. I was freaking out for a bit.”
Uba: “The feeling of safety is a welcome reprieve, and it is amplified by the fact that we made it here with a full container. I now have enough credits to be safe for a week.”
Doog: “Only a week? I thought you said a container could feed you for a month.”
Uba: “It could, but there’s other things to consider. I need more than food; I need fuel, ammo, and water. Plus, I don’t know how long it will take to find another ripe Sabu. If I wait too long to go out and search, I’ll run out of credits and supplies before I find another one.”
Doog: “Yeah, I didn’t consider that. It’s an endless cycle.”
Uba: “Yes. But, at least I’m in the good part of the cycle now.”

Uba: “Indutiae has all the amenities. Food, water, supplies, and lodging.”
Doog: “What about bars?”
Uba: “Yes, some of those as well. You’ll run through your credits fast going there though. I don’t typically imbibe.”
Doog: “Well, what about brothels? There has to be something fun to do around here.”
Uba: “I don’t pay to play. It’s never been a problem for me.”
Doog: “Well, aren’t you just the lucky one.”

Uba: “Honestly, most of us Reapers get our joy out of the little things. Things that cost too much money force us back into the desert faster.”
Doog: “So, there’s nothing you splurge on?”
Uba: “Well…a lot of us end up spending some money tinkering with our hoverbikes. These bikes are precious to us. They’re vital tools to our livelihood.”
Doog: “I have noticed that many of the bikes appear modified.”
Uba: “Yes. Some have bigger engines for speed, some have shorter frames for stealth, other have larger storage for holding more containers. I went with a hybrid, faster engines and a sidecar for storage. My next goal is a mounted autocannon for my sidecar. I might have to save up a bit for that.”
Doog: “Yikes!”

Uba: “This is the juice market where we trade our collected Sabu Juice for credits.”
Doog: “Ten credits per gallon. That’s not too bad.”
Uba: “Considering that each container has about four gallons, it’s not the best. I usually have two containers, but…well…”
Doog: “I was in the way. Just say it.”
Uba: “Yeah. That. But, the rates are low right now too. There must be an abundance coming in. The market price is low.”

Uba: “That’s part of my problem right there.”
Doog: “What? That guy?”
Uba: “Girl, actually. That’s my chief rival. Our territories and routes often intersect. She must have scored big to drop the market prices this low.”
Doog: “Rival, huh?”
Uba: “Yeah. She’s vicious. She doesn’t hunt for Sabu cacti; she hunts for Reapers.”
Doog: “Remind me to stay away from her…unless, of course, she’s single. I can make some exceptions.”
Uba: “I’m sure you can. Let’s head inside.”

Uba: “Ah. It’s nice to get out of the sand and sun for a bit. Here, hold this container. It’s time to take this mask off.”

Doog: “You’re a…you’re a…you’re a…a you.”
Uba: “A woman?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. Not that I thought a woman couldn’t be a Reaper…I just assumed…”
Uba: “You know what happens when you assume...”
Doog: “For a guy that’s been surprised in the brothel a few times, I should have learned my lesson. Never assume.”
Uba: “No worries. You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last. Just don’t treat me any different.”
Doog: “No, of course not. So, are you by chance…”
Uba: “If you ask me out, even the laws of Indutiae won’t save you.”
Doog: “Er…are you by chance ready to move on. This container is heavy.”
Uba: “That’s what I thought.”

Doog: “So, what’s going on here?”
Uba: “Sabu juice is not generally consumed in its raw form; it’s too gritty and sour. The juice must undergo a distillation process to remove sand and other contaminates. The juice is then fermented in barrels for a few months.”
Doog: “Wait, Sabu Juice is an alcoholic drink?”
Uba: “Yes. Sabu juice spoils quick, so it must be fermented. Fermentation preserves the juice and creates many beneficial vitamins, including vitamin C. Vitamin C fends off scurvy, so Sabu Juice is used a lot during long term space travel. Why pack loads of fruits on your ship, when you can bring one container of Sabu Juice?”
Doog: “I need some of this for my ship. Fruit juice with a side of buzz.”

Uba: “The scarcity of ripe Sabu Cacti and the risks involved in collecting it, make Sabu Juice highly expensive. You won’t find it in the liquor cabinet of most working-class individuals.”
Doog: “Another episode where I leave with crushed dreams…and possibly the onset of scurvy.”

Uba: “We offload our collected juice here and receive payment based off the daily rate. I should bring in about forty credits from this haul. Enough to keep me out of the desert for a few days.”

Uba: “This facility collects Sabu Juice, processes it, then ships out the finished product to all corners of the galaxy.”
Doog: “Well, at least the richer corners.”
Uba: “Hey, I might not be able to afford the final product, but it keeps me working. Sabu juice is my livelihood. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Doog: “Well folks, Suci Sabulum is an interesting place. It’s home to the Sabu Cactus that produces Sabu Juice. The cacti cannot be farmed; they only grow in a natural, unpredictable way. This forces individuals, called Reapers, to scour the desert searching for ripe cacti. While out in the desert, they face a dangerous amount of competition from other Reapers. Like, deadly-force, cacti stealing competition. It’s truly dangerous work. Luckily, there’s a safe zone where the Reapers can sell their hauls in complete safety. Speaking of safety, I’m not in this city at the moment, so I hope my ship gets here soon. Oh, well. See ya!”



Note: Sabu juice played an important role in the early exploration of the galaxy, but the progression of technology, particularly in travel speeds and artificial nutrition, has largely made Sabu Juice obsolete. However, its nostalgic place in culture and the perceived social status it indicates makes Sabu Juice popular still today. 

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 4 - Efflo Ring

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas -  Gramenvora
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the newly discovered world of Gramenvora. The Almagest Mapping Center located Gramenvora about ten years ago, but scientist have just began exploring this new world. We’re going to join these scientists on the surface and find out what they’ve discovered so far.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off at a small camp on the planet’s surface. It’s immediately clear that Gramenvora has life. There’s obviously plant life; I’m surrounded by miles of grasses. But there seems to be other small animals too. Perhaps some of these new animals will turn out to be tasty. Maybe, one day in the future, we will sing the praises of Gramenvora as we feast on delicious Gramenvora cows. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.”

Todd: “Hey, don’t get your hopes up. Most of the herbivores here are too tough and gristly to be used as food, well, at least the ones we’ve catalogued so far. I’m Todd, by the way.”
Doog: “Do you always crush people’s dreams before introducing yourself, Todd?”
Todd: “Only when the science merits it.”
Doog: “So, you’re some sort of meat expert?”
Todd: “I’m a geologist, actually. My studies are related to the mineral content of Gramenvora’s crust. However, we do have a biologist on the crew, and he says that the muscle structures of the native life are not conducive to tasty cheeseburgers.”
Doog: “Well, that’s sad. I guess you guys ought to pack it all up and call this planet a wrap. The great galactic quest for better cheeseburgers must continue on.”
Todd: “Ha, ha. I wish our job was that easy, but we’re here for much more than cheeseburgers. There’s all kinds of economic angles to explore before we call it quits here. Gramenvora won’t be in the meat industry, but we still need to determine its value in other areas, like mining, power generation, or farming.”

Doog: “And you make these determinations from this little camp here? How do you all fit in this tiny structure?”
Todd: “No, no. This camp is for storing excess supplies and for refueling our rover. We call this place, ‘The Leash’, because we can’t travel further than four thousand miles from it. These windmills are our only source of power.”

Doog: “So, wait. You live in the rover?
Todd: “Yep. We eat, sleep, and do our research from the rover. We call her, ‘EATER’, short for eight-wheeled all terrain exploring rover.”
Doog: “Wow, that’s a little better than this little shack, but not by much. Must be pretty cramped.”
Todd: “It can be. Luckily, we spend most of our time outdoors. There’s nothing better than sleeping under the stars.”
Doog: “Have you ever tried sleeping in a bed? I’m pretty sure that’s better. Besides, what if one of these newly discovered animals eats you while you’re sleeping?”

Todd: “That’s not likely. There’s no carnivores on Gramenvora.”
Doog: “None?”
Todd: “Not that we’ve found, and we’ve catalogued hundreds of species. Gramenvora is an herbivores’ paradise.”
Doog: “Shouldn’t there be trillions of animals then? If there’s nothing to eat them, don’t they keep reproducing? I’ve heard of worlds where the LIU has killed off the planet’s predators and they were overrun by prey animals. Their numbers were unchecked.”
Todd: “That’s true of a predator-prey system. Removing one side causes disruptions to the other, but, here on Gramenvora, life evolved in a pure herbivore environment. They evolved in a way that keeps their numbers in check naturally, like slower reproduction, smaller litter sizes, et cetera. You’d be better off asking Phillip, our biologist.”

Todd: “Speaking of which, let me introduce you to the crew. The guy on the scooter is Roman. He’s our mission support specialist. He keeps everything up and running, like the EATER and the windmills.”
Roman: “You break it, I fix it.”
Todd: “The lady in the center is Kathleen. She’s our linguist.”
Kathleen: “Jani joralis, as the Henara people say. Or, if you prefer Basic, nice to meet you!”
Todd: “And, last, but not least, this is Phillip, our astrobiologist.”
Phillip: “Did you know the black creatures running around here are call Squat Hogs? I named them myself.”
Doog: “Uh, nice to meet you all. I have to ask though, why the linguist?”
Kathleen: “You didn’t tell him yet?”
Todd: “I was getting there. Doog, we found sentient life on Gramenvora. Kathleen is here to interpret their language.”
Doog: “A sentient species, here?”
Todd: “Yep. Let’s head out and meet them.”

Phillip: “Gramenvora sports a wide variety of herbivorous creatures. There’s birds and mammals of all shapes and sizes. There’s over two-hundred different species of grass for them to feed on.”
Doog: “Just grasses? Or is there other plant life?”
Phillip: “Mostly grasses, but there’s a few leafy plants too. There’s not adequate rain for larger species.”
Doog: “Hmm, and these sentient beings eat grass too?”
Phillip: “Yep.”

Doog: “Uh…hey…how are you today, sentient creature? Stop eating grass and say something in your language so I can show the viewers.”
Phillip: “Are you talking to a Humongolis? They’re not the sentient species we discovered.”
Doog: “Oh. I thought we were headed out to see this sentient species.”
Todd: “We will, in time. We’d thought we’d stop and check out some of the other native life while we’re on the way.”
Phillip: “Haha. You just conversed with Humongolis.”

Doog: “How was I supposed to know? I mean, most non-sentient animals run away when you approach. This guy is just standing here.”
Phillip: “The species on Gramenvora have no fear of other animals. There’s no predators here.”
Doog: “Oh yeah. I forgot about that. So, can I go up and touch it?”

Humongolis: “GWAAAR!”
Doog: “I’ll take that as a no.”
Phillip: “Most creatures do not exhibit fear of other animals, but they don’t tolerate other animals entering their personal space.”
Doog: “For all you close talkers out there, take note. You probably shouldn’t come to Gramenvora.”
Phillip: “Anyway…the native life here still deals with resource competition. There’s limited grass, especially during the dry season. Many species exhibit aggression when other species come too close to what they are eating.”
Doog: “Food aggression. Happens on my ship all the time. I almost shanked Timbo the other day when he walked past my taco.”
Todd: “That’s similar…I suppose. Well, we better get moving. He’s making his way over here. We’ll be in his aggression bubble if we stay here.”

Doog: “Alright, are these the sentient ones? I don’t want to look like a fool again.”
Todd: “Yes. They should be easy to distinguish from the other species here. You know, by their tools, clothes, jewelry, and homes.”
Doog: “Touché. Got me there. So, what are they called?”
Todd: “We call them the Gramen.”
Doog: “Gramen, huh? And do these Gramen have ‘aggression bubbles’? I see they have spears, I don’t want to get stabbed walking up too close. Wait…why do they have spears if they don’t hunt? Whew, so many questions.”
Todd: “I guess you can feel our pain now. There’s a lot to unravel on a new planet. Firstly, the Gramen do display aggression to any creature that enters their territory. Including us. We’ve had to slowly acquaint them with our presence. We had to earn their trust and show that we are not food competitors. Whatever you do, don’t eat any grass. Not here, at least.”
Doog: “Good thing you warned me, since…you know…I tend to randomly eat grass now and then.”
Todd: “Hey, you never know. As for your second question, the Gramen have spears so they can keep competitor species away from their territory. They protect their food from other species. The Gramen appear to have developed the first stages of agriculture. They’re growing foods that they find more favorable. They too, must be protected. You wouldn’t want a Squat Hog or Humongolis rooting through your crops.”
Doog: “I see.”

Gramen Elder: “Fli li wi ki, Katli.”
Kathleen: “Fli lo wi ko, Si Li.”
Doog: “She understands this gibberish?”
Todd: “Some of it. The Gramen language is based on melodies and pitch, in addition to actual words. So, there’s a limited vocabulary, but endless ways to say each word.”
Doog: “Sounds hard, I would have already given up.”

Kathleen: “Si Li, gi ti lo mi, LIU?”
Gramen Elder: “Li Ui?
Kathleen: “Ni, LIU.”
Gramen Elder: “LIU?”
Kathleen: “Yi! Shi mo pi so zi!”
Doog: “If anyone wants to jump in with some translations here, feel free.”
Todd: “In addition to learning their language, we are trying to teach them ours. It appears they possess the correct anatomical features to speak Basic. There are some major differences in the languages though. It may be difficult.”

Todd: “Uh, Doog. How about you take a few steps back? Remember the food aggression thing. You’re awfully close to their crops.”
Doog: “Oh, sorry.”
Gramen Elder: “So ri? SO RI!”
Kathleen: "Ni! Ni! Bo li ro ki, Mi li, lo di di. Doog, please avoid using words in Basic that end with the long ‘e’ sound. The Gramen confuse it as their own language. Take special care not to use that apologetic word you said earlier. It means something entirely different in Gramen.”
Doog: “Whoops. Sorry. I mean…uh…I apologize.”
Gramen Elder: “SO RI!”

Todd: “Maybe we should come over here for a bit. Let Kathleen cool things off for a while.”
Doog: “That’s a good idea. So, what do we have here?”
Todd: “This is one of the first mysteries we encountered on Gramen. At first, we thought the Gramens were decorating their home with precious rocks that they found, but it is a LOT more sophisticated than that.”
Doog: “How so?”
Todd: “Well, I went to move one of the rocks, and it wouldn’t budge. Turns out that these rocks are long cylinders that go about 100 feet into the ground. Like an iceberg, you’re just seeing the tip of these structures.”
Doog: “Why bury stones so deep?”
Todd: “Well, that way, they don’t move. They are meant to be in this exact formation. They are a picture of something.”
Doog: “I don’t really see any patterns or a picture. What are they supposed to be?”

Todd: “If you were to look at the stones from above, they make this.”
Doog: “Is that a constellation or something?”

Todd: “Yes, it is. At first, we thought it was just normal behavior from a pre-industrial species. The constellation might have been in the sky during a particular event, and they now worshipped it. Many cultures adore and worship the stars in the sky. But there’s one problem here…”
Doog: “What’s that?”
Todd: “We can’t find this constellation in Gramenvora’s night sky. We even accounted for star movements over the centuries. This exact constellation has never been in the sky of this planet.”

Doog: “So, it’s not a constellation after all?”
Todd: “That’s the craziest part. It is a constellation, just not on this world.”
Doog: “What? How is that possible?”
Todd: “That’s the same thing we thought, but this exact collection of stars, background stars and all, was seen from the Cinerous System about ten thousand years ago. There’s no mistaking it. Every star would have been in the exact location seen here. There’s more too. The center star of this constellation is Pratum, which is Gramenvora’s star.”
Doog: “I’m so confused. How is this possible?! Did someone come here from the Cinerous System?”
Todd: “We checked the Cinerous System. The star there tuned into a red giant and burned all its planets to ashes. We can date the event back to approximately ten thousand years ago.”
Doog: “So, whoever fled that system came to Gramenvora?”
Todd: “That’s the theory.”
Doog: “Was it the Gramen? Were all Gramenvora’s species transplanted here from Cinerous?”
Todd: “That was an early theory, but it didn’t pan out. New evidence came to light that changed everything.”

Todd: “If you’ll come with me, I’ll show you what we found.”
Doog: “Heck yeah, I’ll come. This is turning out to be quite the mystery. I’m kind of having fun with this.”
Todd: “Glad you’re enjoying yourself. Ok, we’ll leave the EATER here for the rest of my team. We’ll take the BART to the next site.”
Doog: “The BART?”
Todd: “The Back-up and Reconnaissance Truck. The BART’s primary duty is to act as an emergency back-up vehicle. Say the EATER runs out of fuel and we’re stranded. The BART can be remotely activated to come to the EATER. Then someone can go back to Camp Leash for fuel. When it’s not rescuing us, the BART video maps the surface of Gramenvora.”
Doog: “Sounds cool and all, but the mystery of the BART is not quite as exciting as the whole alien visitor thing we have going on. Let’s keep on track.”

Todd: “I told you about BART because it discovered an anomaly while video mapping this canyon.”
Doog: “What? Where?”
Todd: “Under your feet.”
Doog: “Oh, wow. I see it now. My belly gets in the way on occasion…err…I mean muscles. My muscles make it hard to bend over. Yeah.”
Todd: “Yes, of course…muscles. Well, let’s head down and check it out from a better angle. You know…where your muscles won’t be an impediment.”

Todd: “The low-res scans from the Almagest Mapping Center indicated that there was a canyon on Gramenvora, but it didn’t make sense. There’s no other indications of river erosion or plate tectonics anywhere else on the planet. As a geologist, I was excited to get to Gramenvora to unlock this mystery. BART beat me to the punch when it found this. Turns out that this canyon wasn’t formed naturally. It’s an impact scar.”
Doog: “It’s where our mystery guests landed, isn’t it?”
Todd: “Right again. And, smack dab in the middle of this scar is this temple entrance.”
Doog: “So, the temple wasn’t made by the Gramen, it was made by whoever landed here.”
Todd: “Indeed. If you pay attention to some of the temple’s carvings, you’ll see carved animals that never existed on Gramenvora.”
Doog: “I see. That’s some undeniable evidence there.”

Todd: “This device is a puzzle that locks and unlocks the temple.”
Doog: “You solved it?”
Todd: “Actually, it was Kathleen. Apparently, she’s a linguist and an expert puzzle solver.”
Doog: “How did she solve it?”
Todd: “The puzzle consists of eight levers that correspond to a section of the night sky. You must rotate the star map to place the various stars and nebulae into the correct section of sky before pulling the levers. It’s not too difficult once you understand the concept. But, the device gives us another clue about the visitors.”
Doog: “What’s that?”
Todd: “Well, the night sky changes over time. Stars shift. According to the star positions in this puzzle, the visitors were here about eight thousand years ago.”
Doog: “Wait, if the Cinerous System was destroyed ten thousand years ago, how did they only arrive here eight thousand years ago. It took them two thousand years to get here?”
Todd: “Tells you something about their level of technology, doesn’t it? Apparently, they didn’t develop hyperspace travel.” 

Todd: “Come on, the mystery gets clearer once we enter the temple.”

Todd: “The visitors cut shafts into the temple’s walls to allow surface light to enter these tunnels. These crystal globes reflect and disperse the light. They are made of a material not found on Gramenvora, further indicating that something came here from off world.”
Doog: “It also tells us the visitors were terrible decorators.”

Doog: “So, it’s all true. All the answers are in here. Another race arrived on Gramenvora from the Cinerous System.
Todd: “Yep. There’s skeletal remains of this unknown species, examples of their writing systems, and even a section of their ship.”
Doog: “Their ship? Is that the red thing straight ahead?”
Todd: “Yep. It appears a section of their ship survived the crash. It’s covered by rock and debris, but largely intact. We’ve learned a lot about the visitors from exploring around in there.”
Doog: “Can I go in?”
Todd: “In a bit, there’s more to see out here first.”

Todd: “This is Tom. He’s an archeologist on loan from the Meditor Institute. He’s in charge of studying the visitors.”
Tom: “Please, call them the Cinerans. We’ve pretty much confirmed that they originated from the Cinerous System.”
Doog: “What have you learned about the Cinnamons so far?”
Tom: “We’ve learned a lot. They left a lot behind to aid us as well.”
Doog: “Like what?”

Tom: “Like this beauty carved on the wall over here. We call it the Language Index.”
Doog: “What is it?”
Tom: “If my calculations are correct, it’s a sentence written in both Gramen and Cineran. It’s the key to unlocking the Cineran language.”
Doog: ‘Huh?”
Todd: “Doog, if Kathleen can learn the Gramen language, then she can use this script to learn some of the Cineran language.”
Tom: “And, if we learn the Cineran language, we can translate some of the documents and computer files we found in the wreckage. We can learn more and more about the Cineran Race.”

Doog: “That’s one of the Cinerans there?”
Tom: “Yes. It appears that only two Cinerans survived the crash. Early biological evidence indicates that the two survivors were of the same sex.”
Doog: “They made it here, but they couldn’t reproduce.”
Tom: “Even if they could, two individuals does not give enough genetic variety to survive in a sustainable manner. But, yes. We think their race went extinct when these two died.”
Todd: “They made use of the time they had here though. It’s clear that they met with the Gramen. They may have even passed on certain knowledge and skills. As we learn more from the Gramen, we learn more about the Cinerans.”
Doog: “So this place isn’t a temple. It’s a tomb. It’s the final resting place of their species.”

Todd: ‘That’s one way to look at it. Come on, let’s head into the ship.”
Tom: “Try to be careful too. I don’t want anything disturbed. I’m still photographing everything.”

Doog: “What are these?”
Tom: “Right now, we’re guessing they’re stasis tanks. The Cinerans didn’t have hyperspace abilities, so they needed to place themselves in stasis to make the two-thousand-year trip.”
Todd: “Phillip did some primary examinations of the bones. It looks like many of the Cinerans died in transit. Their stasis technology probably wasn’t ready for this type of journey. With their sun expanding and doom on their doorstep, they didn’t have much time to throw this colony ship together.”

Tom: “They made a leap to save their species, but just fell short. It was a good attempt. With their limited technology, they managed to get two members of their race onto a planet seven hundred and fifty light years away.”
Todd: “And, they started this journey ten thousand years ago. That makes them the galaxy’s first interstellar travelers outside of the Progenitors. If they would have survived, they’d likely be the most powerful race in the galaxy…well, if they continued to develop at that speed.”

Doog: “I wonder what they looked like and sounded like. I wonder what those last two individuals had to feel like, knowing that their species had come to an end. I wonder what kind of taco recipes that may have gone extinct alongside them. There’s lots to ponder.”
Todd: “That’s why we’re here. We’re unraveling the mysteries bit by bit.”
Doog: “Well, keep up the good work. Keep me updated on the extinct taco situation.”

Doog: “Well folks, Gramenvora is a fascinating place. The world is really the story of two civilizations: one that is just now emerging into the galaxy, and one that has unfortunately come to an end. Both, hopefully, have something to add to this galaxy. And... I hope it’s tacos. Oh well, see ya!

Note:

Gramen: “Li li do pi?”
Cineran: “Yi, chi ko si do li.”
Gramen: “So ri.”
Cineran: “So ri.” 

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil , legolifty
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 3 - Suci Sabulum

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas -  Gurgustio
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to Season Nine of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet, Gurgustio. Gurgustio was once one of the galaxy’s premier industrial worlds, but it has since fallen on hard times. Worlds with cheaper labor, better access to hyperspace routes, and more abundant minerals have taken much of Gurgustio’s business. Production here is at an all-time low. Those who could afford to leave, have left the planet, while the remaining population scrapes by working whatever limited shifts they can find. Recently, however, Gurgustio’s economy has experienced a slight uptick. We’re here to find out why.”

Doog: “Alright folks, I’ve been dropped off outside an apartment complex called Hovel 8C. 8C is one of a few dozen concrete structures built by the LIU to house Gurgustio’s workers. These complexes are overcrowded, and they are in major disrepair. The LIU has invested little money in upkeeping these complexes now that Gurgustio’s economy is failing.”

Doog: “Standing here amongst the squalor, I feel I need to keep my head on a swivel. This guy here does not want to get shanked. I guess I’ll wait here for my guide, because there’s no way I’m headed inside this building.”

Jane: “Hey, you must be Doog, I’m Jane.”
Doog: “Don’t shank me! I don’t have any money!”
Jane: “Uh, ok. Since you said so.”
Doog: “Wait…Jane. You’re my guide, right?”
Jane: “Yes. I see you followed my instructions to dress down. The grease on your shirt looks perfect.”
Doog: “Uh…. yeah…. your instructions. I totally followed them. I dressed like a slob… on purpose. And the whole grease thing…was not related to the tacos I consumed prior to landing.”
Jane: “Well, purposeful or not, you look like you’ll blend in here.”

Doog: “Yeah, I hope so. This doesn’t look like a place where you would want to stand out.”
Jane: “Yeah. Even before the economy failed, Gurgustio wasn’t the safest place. Like most industrial worlds in the galaxy, Gurgustio has suffered from low wages, lack of education, and substandard housing. It’s just worse now that the economy has changed.”
Doog: “Changed how? I heard things were improving here.”
Jane: “The economy is changing, but not necessarily improving. Gurgustio used to be a major exporter of various chemicals, but now that production is dropping, its economy has evolved. Some of its infrastructure is being used in ways that was not intended. The technical term for this phenomenon is “gray market”.”
Doog: “Grey market?”
Jane: “Not quite black market, because the new economy isn’t technically illegal. It’s sort of in a gray area.”

Doog: “Looking around this courtyard, I can see gambling, weapons, drugs. Doesn’t look all that gray to me. This looks to be a black market.”
Jane: “If you want to get technical, those things would be considered black market, but they’re not new. These problems have always been prevalent here. Low wage workers looking to drown their sorrows brought drugs to Gurgustio a long time ago. Drugs brought weapons, gangs, and even gambling. Not all people on industrial worlds are bad, but the conditions here tend to breed some unsavory individuals.”
Doog: “Why haven’t the police stepped in?”

Jane: “Haha. The police in the LIU don’t get involved in social issues. They protect the LIU’s assets. Besides, most of them don’t want to be here anymore than the poor workers. They’re looking to save up enough money so they can leave too. On Gurgustio, the police can be bought.”
Doog: “Ok, poor people, drugs, corrupt police, all point to a criminal world with a big black market. I’ve seen planets like that before. Where is this gray economy?”
Jane: “Not here, but I wanted you to see the conditions here. They play an important role in the new economy. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Jane: “The majority of the planet’s chemical plants sit idle. Most of Gurgustio’s natural resources have been exhausted, and Gurgustio can’t afford to import much. The little production occurring here is based on the few remaining natural resources. I’d say to ten years, the whole chemical side of Gurgustio’s economy will collapse. Luckily, the gray market is stepping up and filling some of the voids.”
Doog: “What’s your job here? Do you work in the chemical plants?”

Jane: “I worked in the chemical industry for a bit. Mostly, I was involved in shipping chemicals off world. I’ve been laid off for almost five years.”
Doog: “So, this isn’t a costume for you. You’re really this poor? No offense intended.”
Jane: “None taken. This is a costume. I’ve been out of the chemical business, but I’m employed in the planet’s new industry. I’m a runner.”
Doog: “Runner? Like you do marathons? Much respect, I couldn’t run to save my life, although I don’t see why the LIU would pay you for it.”
Jane: “No, runner like I transport customers on and off world. I make runs.”
Doog: “Well, that’s confusing. What is this new economy?”

Criminal: “Give me your credits rich microphone guy! Or I’ll cut that pretty face off! I could use another face!”
Doog: “You think I’m pretty? Well, that’s a first.”
Criminal: “NOW! You think I’m joking around!”
Doog: “Uh…please don’t. I don’t want any trouble. Please, I have no credits. Look at the grease stains on my shirt. What kind of guy with money would have that!”
Criminal: “They smell like taco stains! You must be really rich! That’s it. Your face is getting CUT!”
Doog: “Ok, ok. You got me. I have lots of credits. But…I gave them all to this lady. She’s a runner. Real rich too. You want to rob her, not me!”
Jane: “Wow, thanks Doog. Very brave of you to pawn the robber off on me.”
Doog: “Priorities, Jane, priorities.”

Jane: “Luckily, this lady has a modified DuBreuil Mark 9. The round will literally burn through your head. I hear that you can smell your own flesh burning right before you expire.”
Criminal: “I…uh…sorry. Hard times…don’t kill me.”
Doog: “Yeah. Mark 9. I knew that. That’s why I said what I said…”

Doog: “So, where were we?”
Jane: “We’re just going to pretend you didn’t pawn off a crazed robber on me.”
Doog: “Did I? I was just…uh…buying time to make my move. Hope I didn’t scare you.”
Jane: “Yeah, I bet. Come on, we’re headed inside the building under the train tracks. Try not to get me murdered on the way.”

Doog: “So what do we have here?”
Jane: “Most of Gurgustio’s gray economy revolves around an industry known GUMP. There’s more money running through GUMP than any chemical plant.”
Doog: “Gump? What’s gump?”
Jane: “It’s an acronym, GUMP stands for Gurgustio’s Unapproved Medical Procedures.”
Doog: “What?”
Jane: “Gurgustio had a rather large medical industry prior to its economic downfall. It was essential for keeping a stable workforce in the dangerous chemical industry. Of course, now that labor is no longer in demand, the LIU has abandoned these facilities.”
Doog: “They don’t look abandoned to me.”
Jane: “Exactly. They’ve been put to another use. GUMP.”
Doog: “I’m not grasping the whole gump thing. What’s an unapproved medical procedure?”
Jane: “The LIU lists some medical procedures as unapproved, meaning that they do not meet Universal Safety Protocols. If they took place in actual registered hospitals, the LIU could be fined. However, in an informal setting like this, the LIU doesn’t really care either way. In other words, this place is neither legal, nor illegal.”
Doog: “It’s in a gray area.”
Jane: “Yep”.

Doog: “So, these aren’t real doctors?”
Jane: “Depends on what you mean by real. None of the doctors here are officially licensed, so I guess they are not true doctors.  They are capable though, despite their lack of proper credentials.”
Doog: “Seems…dangerous.”
Jane: “Not usually. Most have full training, but if they got officially licensed, they wouldn’t be able to legally perform unapproved procedures.”
Doog: “What kind of ‘unapproved procedures’ are we talking about?”
Jane: “Lots of stuff: body manipulations, cybernetics, trans-species transplants, identity changes, et cetera.”

Doctor: “So, you want a change to your face?”
Patient: “Yeah, I’m trying to hide from some debt collectors.”
Doctor: “Please, no need to elaborate. It’s better that I don’t know too much. Alright. First step of face change means making it moldable. It’s hammer time.”
Patient: “Wait! Don’t I get anesthetized first!”
Doctor: “Oh. Yes. I always forget that step. One moment.”
Doog: “Seems legit…said no one ever.”
Jane: “Come on, let’s see some more.”

Doog: “Are you sure it’s safe to just walk into these rooms? Aren’t they supposed to be sterile?”
Jane: “This guy is getting his organs replaced with pig organs. I think it is safe to say, contamination is the least of his worries.”
Doog: “WHAT! Why would anyone do that!?”
Jane: “Trans-species transplantation are unapproved, mostly because of the high rejection rates. But, sometimes, certain species are compatible. It might be cheaper than getting organs from his own species. Maybe he likes pigs. I don’t know.”
Doctor: “Um, excuse me. If you came for the leftover pig parts, please come back at the end of the day. We give nothing away until then. Then, it’s bacon for everyone…unless, of course, I can interest you in a transplant? Would you like a pig spleen?”
Doog: “Uh…no thanks. But I’ll be back for bacon.”

Jane: “Cybernetics is the largest, most profitable industry within GUMP. Thousands of people come to Gurgustio every year for cybernetic procedures.”
Doog: “Wait, I didn’t know cybernetics were unapproved. I see them in use all the time.”
Jane: “Cybernetics are completely legal and approved in many circumstances. Especially when they help maintain quality of life. If you lose an arm, it’s legal to get a cybernetic one. However, if you just want a cyborg arm for punching people harder, you have to come to a place like Gurgustio.”
Doog: “So, non-medical cybernetics?”
Jane: “Yeah.”

Assistant: “Uh…Dr. Hackmar, I think we screwed up. I’m almost certain this guy wanted his right arm replaced.”
Hackmar: “It’s a MISHAP! Oh well, what difference does it make? Right, left, same difference. They guy’s going to have an awesome cyborg arm.”
Assistant: “Yes. It’s just that humans are not ambidextrous. He might be mad.”
Hackmar: “Hmm. Perhaps we just drill into his head and call it a loss.”
Assistant: “Nah, too much paperwork. Maybe we give him two cyborg arms and charge him double?”
Hackmar: “It’s a STOPGAP! But let’s do it.”

Doog: “That’s why I fear going to doctor.”
Jane: “Technically, they’re not doctors. But…I can’t argue otherwise.”

Jane: “In addition to fees collected for various medical services, GUMP also makes a lot of money in the organ trade. Body parts or organs removed during transplantations and cybernetic procedures are saved. Sometimes they are sold off world, sometimes they go to other patients within the GUMP facility.”
Doog: “These procedures must cost an arm and a leg. Get it?”
Jane: “Yeah…I get it. Anyway, the organ business is aided by the fact the Gurgustio has so many poor residents.”
Doog: “How so?”

Jane: “Because, here in the GUMP facility, the poor can sell their organs.”
Doog: “Don’t they need their organs…to live?”
Jane: “To varying degrees. There’s some organs you can live without.”

Doog: “Still, they must be desperate.”
Jane: “Most are desperate to leave Gurgustio. Their organs may be their only way to afford to leave. Some are more desperate than others though. Remember the guy getting the pig organs?”
Doog: “That’s sort of hard to forget.”
Jane: “Well, more than likely, he agreed to sell his perfectly healthy organs for cash, then bought cheaper pig organs. He’ll use the profits to get off world.”
Doog: “So, that’s what makes the GUMP so profitable. It cashes in on the poor residents trying to leave Gurgustio.”
Jane: “More or less.”

Doog: “I wonder what organs I could do without. Maybe I can make a little cash while I’m here.”
Jane: “If you have a spare kidney, looks like they’re now paying double.”
Doog: “Yeah…I’m remembering the whole cybernetics operation from earlier. I’ll go to sleep and wake up with no kidneys…a probably a pig heart. No thanks.”

Doog: “Well folks, what can I say. Gurgustio is a less than ideal place. The fall of its traditional industry has caused its economy to evolve. While it once dealt in chemicals, it now deals in unapproved medical procedures and the organ trade. If you’re in the market for some cyborg enhancements, new organs, new faces, or any other shady medical procedure, well, Gurgustio is the place for you. Just make sure you bring enough cash to get off world, otherwise, you might have to sell your organs. Oh well, I’m going to see if that bacon is available yet. See ya!”

Note: “GUMP is now running a two for one special. Sell any two organs and get a free replacement organ of lesser or equal value. No coupons are stackable with this deal.”

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil , legolifty
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 2 - Gramenvora

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas -  Jaculus
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to the season finale of Season 8 of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the water world of Jaculus, which orbits the pulsar, Iaculus. The Iaculus System, including Jaculus, rests at the confluence of two major hyperspace routes: the Meteon Trade Corridor and the Corcot Run.  Besides being well positioned, the system also has another advantage, its star. The fast spinning Iaculus offers a huge gravity assist to ships entering hyperspace, which conserves time and fuel. These advantages have turned Jaculus into one the LIU’s largest trade and cargo worlds.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off in Jaculus’ only city, Colubrí. Colubrí is a multi-tiered megacity near Jaculus’ north pole. Colubrí is a diverse, multi-cultural city. The native Jaculan race only constitute about fifty percent of Jaculus’ population. The rest is comprised of alien races from across the galaxy. This population is constantly changing as most of it consists of travelers and cargo haulers. There is one unexpected resident here, and he’s our guide for today. May I introduce my old college buddy, Krix “Goob” Jagoober.”

Goob: “Is there a weight limit on this bay? How are you here?”
Doog: “What? Is the Magellan too big?’
Goob: “No, dummy, I’m commenting on your beer belly.”
Doog: “Oh, in that case, shut your gelatinous, mollusk mouth.”
Goob: “Haha. How have you been?”
Doog: “Better than you, I suppose. I heard the Meteon Kingdom broke away in the ‘Revolution’. I thought you might have died or been imprisoned.”
Goob: “Yeah. That wasn’t a good time for my people. The decision to revolt was made by the higher-ups in Meteo society, but we all paid the price. I spent about a year pleading my case in an Undique Station. Luckily for me, I wasn’t involved in the Revolution. I was here on Jaculus the whole time.”
Doog: “Why were you on Jaculus?”

Goob: “Why not? Jaculus was where I was born and raised.”
Doog: “Really? I thought you’d be from one of those Udo worlds within the Meteon Kingdom.”
Goob: “Well technically speaking, I was. At one point in history, Jaculus was called Udo Jaculus.”
Doog: “Jaculus used to be part of the kingdom?”
Goob: “Yep. Way before I was born though. Many say the Meteon Kingdom lost the Mid-Rim Unification War due to the fall of Udo Mel, but the experts know that the real reason we lost the war was due to loss of Udo Jaculus.”
Doog: “How so?”

Goob: “Udo Jaculus sits at the end of the MTC. Its loss disconnected the Meteon Kingdom from the rest of the galaxy. It essentially created a blockade.”
Doog: “MTC…oh, you mean the Meteon Trade Corridor?”
Goob: “Yeah, it’s the hyperspace route that connects all the worlds in the kingdom. Prior to the loss of Udo Jaculus, cargo from all the Meteon Worlds came here to be shipped out to the rest of the galaxy.”
Doog: “So, when it fell to the LIU, the kingdom lost its ability to trade to other worlds.”
Goob: “Yep. And don’t forget, it also gave the LIU’s military forces access to the kingdom. Jaculus acted as a staging point during the war.”

Doog: “Wow, I always heard that Udo Mel was the first world to fall during the war. I never even heard of Udo Jaculus.”
Goob: “Well, what you heard was right. Udo Mel was the first to fall during the war. That’s because Udo Jaculus fell to the LIU before the war.”
Doog: “How? Were they forced? Tricked?”
Goob: “Nope. They voluntarily left the kingdom and joined the LIU. The Jaculans knew they had a profitable world, and they felt they were being undervalued by the kingdom. The Jaculans delivered the greatest backstab in galactic history.”
Doog: “I’d say. So, why live here then? 

Goob: “The fall of Jaculus made war with the LIU inevitable. Everyone knew it was coming. Many of my people fled to Jaculus and voluntarily became LIU citizens, including my ancestors. They knew the kingdom couldn’t stand up to the ever-growing LIU. Two years later, the Mid-Rim Unification War proved them right. The kingdom fell to the LIU. Millions died.”
Doog: “Makes sense.”
Goob: “Yep. Jaculus is home to the largest diaspora of Meteo people in the galaxy.”
Doog: “Backstabbing aside, this doesn’t look like too bad of a place to grow up.”

Goob: “Yeah, it’s not too bad. It could be worse, I could have grown up in a dilapidated, shanty town like Orsa.”
Doog: “Hey, Orsa isn’t a shanty town! I mean, it’s not as big as Colubrí, but it has way more charm.”
Goob: “Speaking of charm, how’s your grandma. I miss that lady. Is she still single?”
Doog: “Like you’d ever have a chance. Speaking of chances, how’s your sister? I’d like to give her a good backstabbing.”
Goob: “Haha. Always the wordsmith.”
Doog: “So, what can you tell us about Jaculus?”
Goob: “Well, take a look around. It’s a bustling, fast-moving town. There’s everything a traveler or hauler needs: lodging, food, supplies, and ship parts. There’s lawyers to settle trade disputes and offices to issue shipping permits. It’s a classic port town.”

Doog: “One thing I notice is that everything looks new.”
Goob: “Yep…because most of it is new. Colubrí has been rebuilt several times since transferring its allegiance to LIU. It’s always being upgraded and expanded. I left Colubrí to go to school and then to work on Udo Messis. When I returned, I hardly recognized the place.”

Doog: “There’s lots of hovercars here. You don’t see that very often, at least in the cities I’ve visited.”
Goob: “Yep. That’s one advantages of living in a newer town.”
Doog: “How so?”

Goob: “Well, older cities weren’t really built for hovercars, so they’re dangerous to use. There’s no real systems to maintain hover traffic. Hovercars were already around when Colubrí was being built, so there’s systems in place for their use. Like hoverways that go under the city.”
Doog: “Ah, cool.”

Doog: “I like the digital billboards too. I could watch this shampoo commercial all day.”
Goob: “Maybe it’s because I am hairless, but I don’t get it. What’s so great about shampoo?”
Doog: “I’m not looking at the shampoo dummy. There’s a hot chick.”
Goob: “Yep, still doesn’t do anything for me.”

Goob: “Large portions of the city are devoted to cargo. There’s thousands of landing bays and warehouses. Colubrí is a level four port, meaning it can handle all but the largest cargo ships.”

Doog: “Those workers there…are they the Jaculans?”
Goob: “Yep. Sure are.”
Doog: “What are they wearing on their faces?”
Goob: “Respirators, the Jaculans cannot breathe the air here.”
Doog: ‘They can’t breathe the air here? How? Isn’t this their planet? Did they evolve with the respirators on their faces?”
Goob: “Wow, settle down there. The Jaculans breathe water. They are an aquatic species.”
Doog: “Oh.”

Goob: “They hardly ever return to the water now. Respirators and moisture-control clothing keep them above water almost permanently. I guess it’s necessary; it would be hard to have any meaningful interaction with the rest galaxy if they stayed underwater.”

Goob: “The Jaculans handle most of the cargo operations on Colubrí.”
Doog: “This place is intense. There’s a lot going on. Stuff flying everywhere. What are those gray things hauling containers?”

Goob: “They’re Jaculan Elevator Cranes. They haul cargo containers into space so it can be loaded into larger ships that can’t land on Jaculus.”
Doog: “Seems smart.”

Doog: “Alright, let’s get out of this cargo district. I’m getting bored.”
Goob: “Yeah, me too. But don’t worry, it gets better from here.”
Doog: “I see that. And smell it too.”

Goob: “Colubrí’s food district has some of the best restaurants in the galaxy. You can find just about anything you like here.”
Doog: “I don’t recognize most of these foods, but they all smell delicious.”

Goob: “Well, you’re in luck. Lunch is on me.”
Doog: “Really?!”
Goob: “Yep, but there’s one condition. You must try something new. No pony soup or tacos or kaadu burgers.”
Doog: “Ok, fine. Let’s try this place up ahead. They sell something called Pizza. Sounds interesting.”
Goob: “Nice try. I know you know pizza. Remember, I went to college with you. Your arteries are 90% clogged with pizza grease.”

Doog: “Ok, fine. But I’m not trying whatever those things are. They look like old kitchen sponges.”
Goob: “Yeah, that’s Muuktu. It might look like a kitchen sponge, but it tastes like a bathroom sponge. Let’s find something else.”

Goob: “Here, let’s try this place. I heard they have the best Spiced Muga.”
Doog: “What the heck is Spiced Muga?”
Goob: “It’s was originally a Meteo dish, but it has been modified by the different cultures here. The Meteo version is a vegetable medley with a spicy sauce. I don’t know what this version will be like.”
Doog: “So, if is a Meteo dish, it has no meat, right?”
Goob: “Yep.”
Doog: “Pass. I’ll try this Jagaroni thing.”
Goob: “Did you pick that because it was the most expensive?”
Doog: “Partially. Also, because the guy down on the end is eating some, and it smells pretty good.”

Goob: “Well, how is it?”
Doog: “It’s not half bad.”
Goob: “See, trying new stuff isn’t always bad. Meow is it?”
Doog: “No, it’s not.”
Goob: “Meow finish up your meal and I’ll spring for dessert too.”
Doog: “Why do you keep saying meow instead of now? Are you having a stroke?”
Goob: “Haha.”
Doog: “Wait…. are you telling me Jagaroni is made with cat meat? Aw, man. Gross.”
Goob: “Oh come on, you were enjoying it before you knew what it was. I didn’t pay eight credits for you to toss it either. Meow finish it up.”
Doog: “I hate you sometimes…”

Doog: “What’s for dessert? Squirrel testicles or something? I’m not eating dessert if I don’t know what it is.”
Goob: “Haha. Nope. Just some simple ice cream.”
Doog: “Ice cream made from what?”
Goob: “Ferlofian Mushrooms. It’s called Ferf Ferf.”
Doog: “Count me out.”
Goob: “Ferf Ferf has some mild hallucinogens. It’s legal too.”
Doog: “I’m back in.”

Doog: “Well folks, Jaculus is an important and interesting place. The choices made by the native Jaculan race, including leaving the Meteon Kingdom, helped shape the galaxy. Now, Jaculus serves as a shipping nexus within the LIU Galaxy. With its diverse population, it also serves as a cultural nexus. It’s a large melting pot of several different cultures. Well, I have some Ferf Ferf calling my name. See ya next season!

Note:

Recipe for Jagaroni

½ pound of shredded cat
¼ pound of cat livers
 2 cups of noodles

Spice cat meat to taste. Cook over medium heat until meat turns a dark pink. Add to prepared noodles. Grind cat livers and sprinkle over top. Bake at 450 degrees for 10 minutes. Serve warm. 

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil , legolifty
CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 9 - Episode 1 - Gurgustio

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas - Telum Texeris
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the small, warm world of Telum Texeris. Despite its small size, this agricultural planet plays an important role in the galaxy. Let’s head down and find out why.”

Doog: “Alright, I’ve been dropped off outside a large house on the planet’s surface. I believe one of the people standing on the porch is my guide, but I’m sort of afraid to go up there. There’s some giant dogs guarding the way. I’m not usually scared of dogs, but these things are literally the size of a small horse. Like, eat-me-in-one-bite big.”

Madame: “Don’t be scared, Darlin’. The dogs are well trained. They won’t attack unless prompted.”
Daddy: “And we ain’t gonna prompt em on a non-bughead, so dontcha worry.”
Madame: “Daddy! Bughead is not the preferred nomenclature. Besides, I’ve heard that you’ve cozied up to quite a few ‘bugheads’ in your time. So, you have no room to talk.”
Daddy: “Lies! Lies! I wouldn’t touch a bughead with a fitty foot pole.”
Madame: “That’s not what momma told me, bless her soul.”
Daddy: “I could be drunker than a three-eyed spider and I’d never…”
Doog: “Uh…I don’t want to interrupt, but I’m a little confused. Am I safe to approach? What’s a bughead? And did you say something about spiders? I don’t do spiders.”

Madame: “Oh, listen to us…blathering on. Of course, it’s safe to approach. And don’t pay no attention to daddy. He’s an old coot. I’m Madame Caroline, by the way. Now that Daddy’s reached old age, I run the family plantation.”
Doog: “Hey, I’m Doog. Nice to meet you. So, not to change the subject, but where are we on the whole spider situation? I heard your dad say something about spiders.”
Madame: “Oh hon, it’s just an expression, there’s no spiders here.”
Doog: “Whew. Thank the Emperor. Wait…he mentioned bugheads too. That’s not a code word for giant insects, is it? I don’t do insects either.”
Daddy: “Hehe, the outta towner thinks them bugheads are real insects. That’s classic.”
Madame: “Shhh Daddy. Doog, ‘bughead’ is a derogatory term given the workers we’ve imported here. Only the older generation uses it. Some of us have a little more refinement.”
Doog: “Imported workers? What do you guys grow on your plantation that requires imported workers?”

Madame: “You mean you don’t know? I thought everyone in the galaxy knew. We grow Texeris. It’s even in our planet’s name.”
Doog: “What’s Texeris?”
Madame: “Oh come on, now you’re just pulling my leg. Texeris, aka Fire Crier, aka Tree Spaghetti.”
Doog: “Yeah…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Madame: “It’s a species of hanging moss grown for it’s strong aramid fibers.”
Doog: “What’s arid men?”
Madame: “There sure is a lot that you don’t know.”
Doog: “Wow, thanks. It’s comforting that someone just came out and said it for once. Just explain things to me like you would to a child. And, keep in mind, I’m still probably going to have lots of questions. Now, give me the scoop on arid men fibers. I’m picturing some type of strings hanging off a man in a desert.”

Madame: “Oh Darlin’, you’re way off. It’s aramid, not arid men. Aramids are a type of polymer that are extremely strong and resistant to fire. It’s in use all over the galaxy. You’ll find it in body armor, spaceship insulation, space suits…all kinds of stuff. That’s why I figured you’d heard of it.”
Doog: “I can’t say that I have. I’m not big on researching what materials are in the things I use though. Maybe I’m just an exception.”
Madame: “I would hope so. Well, would you like a tour? It’s the best way to learn about Texeris.”
Doog: “Sure. Let’s tour it up. Wait…did we ever get to the bottom of the spider, giant insect thing?”
Madame: “No spiders, no giant insects.”
Doog: “Alright, good. That’s what I thought you said.”

Doog: “What’s this?”
Madame: “These are some of the Imported Worker Quarters.”
Doog: “They seem awfully small and packed together. I mean, I know your family owns the plantation, but your house was like a hundred times bigger than these.”
Madame: “Smaller…yes, but plenty adequate for two families to live comfortably.”
Doog: “Two families live in these? Geez, that’s even worse.”
Madame: “Really? I think they’re nice. Besides, we provide the housing to them for free. They can’t really complain.”
Doog: “Not bad for being free, I guess. They’re better than most of the places I’ve lived for free, like that one dumpster I lived in after I dropped out of college.”

Doog: “So, these are the bugheads? I guess they’re called that because of their buggy, bulging eyes?”
Madame: “Don’t call them that! I told you it was derogatory!”
Doog: “Oops, my bad. I was just calling them the only name I knew. What should I call them?”
Madame: “Their race is known as the Tumes. They originate from a planet called Tumeo. We like to call them Imported Workers.”
Doog: “Why were they imported?”
Madame: “The demand for Texeris skyrocketed after our world was brought into the LIU. We needed a large labor force to meet this demand. That’s where the Tumes came in. Their biology was perfect for this form of labor. They could handle the warm climate, and their upward facing eyes made it easy to pick Texeris from the trees. We imported hundreds of thousands of them.”
Doog: “They volunteered to come here to work?”
Madame: “Apart from the solutions it offered us, their transfer here also benefitted the Tumes. Tumeo was a failing planet. It had few resources and could no longer support its population. Famine and disease were rife. We saved them.”
Doog: “You didn’t answer my question. Did they volunteer to come here?”
Madame: “No. They were brought here involuntarily.”

Doog: “Sigh...they’re slaves…aren’t they?”
Madame: “Now darlin’, you know slavery is illegal. We prefer the term ‘involunteers’.”
Doog: “Here we go with the ‘involunteer’ thing again. Can’t we just call it what it really is? From a legal standpoint, they’re involunteers, but we all know they’re slaves.”
Madame: “I guess it really depends on your definition of slavery.”
Doog: “Is there more than one definition? I thought it was clear. Slavery is forcing someone to work a job they hate for no pay.”
Madame: “They get free housing and food. That’s a form of payment.”
Doog: “That’s not the same thing. I’m talking about money. The slaves do not receive credits for their work.”
Madame: “Are you not a slave then?”
Doog: “What! I get paid! I don’t get paid a lot, but I get paid.”
Madame: “What do you use your money for? Housing and food? It seems that you’re just a slave with an extra step.”
Doog: “I use money for other stuff too…sometimes…when I have some…which is hardly ever. Ok, fine. I work mostly for food and housing. But, I don’t get forced. I can do any job I want.”
Madame: “Can you? Is being a TV Host really what you want? If you suddenly became rich, would you not quit?”
Doog: “I’d quit in a heartbeat. Most days, I hate this job. Seeing the depressing reality of the galaxy isn’t always the best gig.”
Madame: “So, you work a job you dislike in return for money which barely covers the cost of food and housing? Are you not a slave?”
Doog: “Sigh. I suppose I am.”

Madame: “In this economic system, we’re all slaves.”
Doog: “Ha, you’re hardly a slave. I don’t think walking around with a fancy dress and umbrella qualifies as slavery.”
Madame: “I admit, I do have nicer things. Perhaps I’m a few steps higher on the slave scale. But, I’m a slave all the same. I’m a slave to my heritage and a slave to LIU.”
Doog: “Slave to your heritage? What does that even mean?”
Madame: “Do you think I enjoy this life? Because I was born into this family, on this world, my entire future has been arranged. I’ll never leave this planet. I must watch others suffer and labor at my behest. It’s not what I want to do, it’s what I must do.”

Doog: “So, we’re all slaves, in some form or another. But, you must admit, some forms of slavery are better than others.”
Madame: “Touché.”

Doog: “We’ve been discussing the sorry state of the galaxy for so long that I forgot what we’re actually doing.”
Madame: “We’re touring the Texeris fields.”

Doog: “And these weird trees are Texeris?”
Madame: “No, not the trees. Texeris is the pink hanging moss hanging down from the tree limbs.”
Doog: “Ah, ok. Gotcha. Wow, these fields seem to stretch forever. Do they cover the entire planet?”
Madame: “Good Emperor, no. Not even close. Texeris only grows year-round in the planet’s tropical region. Even here in the tropics, there’s limitations. Nothing grows in the Bowland Highlands, for instance.”

Madame: “However you choose to label the Tumes, they are remarkable creatures. It’s almost like the gods handpicked them for this work. They evolved on a planet with an avian apex predator. Their eyes evolved to always look upward to the skies. They can pick Texeris all day without a hint of a sore neck. My people weren’t so lucky when we had to tend the fields ourselves.”
Doog: “Maybe they’re always looking up because people from the space came down and enslaved thousands of them.”
Madame: “I’m pretty sure the trait evolved as a response to the giant flying birds on their homeworld. No need to bring up the whole slavery issue again.”

Doog: “So, what ‘slave’ duties am I witnessing here?”
Madame: “You’re not gonna drop it, huh? Well, the primary duty of the adult Imported Workers is the collection of Texeris. The moss maxes out in length after a few weeks. The workers cut and collect moss that has ‘maxed out’. This frees the moss to begin growing again.”

Madame: “The adult Imported Workers then take the collected moss to factories, like this one up ahead.”
Doog: “Why do you keep saying the ‘adult’ Imported Workers? It implies that the ‘children’ Imported Workers have other duties. I know you found a way around the whole slave legality thing, but I know you can’t bypass Child Labor Laws.”
Madame: “Well…”

Doog: “I can’t believe this. You’re using child labor?”
Madame: “We don’t like the term, ‘child labor’. It implies they are paid.”
Doog: “Oh, so sorry, I guess I should have said child slaves!”
Madame: “We don’t like that term either. We refer to the children as interns. They’re members of the Field Internship Program. They learn valuable skills and work ethic while interning in the factories. It’s a great program that gets them ready for field work when they grow up.”
Doog: “That is the biggest heap of crap I’ve ever heard come out of someone’s mouth. Are you really that deluded that you think this is alright?”

Madame: “Oh, relax, darlin’. It’s not that bad. I mean, it’s air conditioned in here.”
Doog: “Not that bad! Are you crazy!?”
Madame: “I admit it isn’t ideal for the children, but those tiny, dexterous hands are perfect for pulling out aramid fibers. They’re also quite good for sewing too.”
Doog: “Wow, I really misjudged you. You’re evil.”

Madame: “I’m hardly evil. If were up to me, I’d set them all free. But it’s not up to me. It’s up to the LIU.”
Doog: “Whatever.”
Madame: “I’ve made significant changes since I took over. I had the air conditioning installed. I even instituted an educational program.”

Doog: “Oh yeah? What type of program is it? How to be a better slave?”
Madame: “No! It’s a math program that’s played over the loudspeaker. Listen.”

Speaker: “ONE CLOTH PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS TWO CLOTHS. TWO CLOTHS PLUS ONE CLOTH EQUALS THREE CLOTHS. THREE CLOTHS…”

Doog: “That’s barely educational. It sounds more like a drum beat for setting pace.”
Madame: “That makes sense. Its primary purpose was to increase production, but I figured it was educational too.”
Doog: “Wow, you have excuses and justifications for everything. It’s maddening. Can we finish this tour?”

Madame: “Aramid fibers removed from the Texeris Moss are sewn into sheets of fabric. We then ship this fabric out across the galaxy.”

Madame: “The fire resistance of Texeris makes it an important part of body armor. It lessens damage from laser blasts. All LIU manufactured body armor contains at least some amount of Texeris.”

Doog: “It’s a good thing I don’t wear body armor. I don’t want to wear something slave children were forced to make.”
Madame: “You wear a spacesuit, don’t you? There are most certainly Texeris fibers in that.”
Doog: “No! Not in my suit!”
Madame: “You fly all over the galaxy in a spaceship, don’t you? Texeris based insulation keeps it from burning up.”
Doog: “No! Not the Magellan!”
Madame: “Don’t feel bad. Billions of people across the LIU galaxy use Texeris in one form or another.”
Doog: “I bet they wouldn’t if they knew how it was created.”
Madame: “How often do you examine the material make-up of the things you buy? How often do you check how these products are manufactured? Like the rest of society, you choose and use products based on demand and price. You don’t care how it’s made or how it gets to you. All you care about is price. If there’s anyone truly evil out there, it’s the whole of society and their demand for cheaper merchandise.”

Doog: “Well folks, what can I say, Telum Texeris is a horrible place. Slaves, old and young, toil away over the entirety of their lives to bring heat and fire resistant fabric to the galaxy. It seems horrible. It’s changed my view of the true costs of the things I buy. I, for one, will be more cautious in the future when deciding what items to purchase. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go burn my slave-made spacesuit.”
Madame: “Uhh…hate to break it to you, but it won’t burn. It’s made of Texeris.”
Doog: “Dang it! Oh well, see ya!”


Note:

Narrator: “Despite the inherent speciesism exhibited by the Telum race, countless cases of interspecies breeding have been documented. Offspring from these taboo encounters are often shipped off world by the Telum to maintain the illusion of their species’ superiority.”

Daddy: “I’m surely superior to you in every way, Sweetie Pie, but Daddy cannot resist that Bughead booty.

Narrator: “The hybrid offspring of the Telum and Tumes are now considered their own species, called the Tulum. They are present throughout the galaxy.”  

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil , legolifty

There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. 


                                                              LIU Atlas - Caecus Station #29
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU Galaxy, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.


Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.

Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Recently, we’ve visited some of the galaxy’s most distant worlds, but now it’s time to finally check out our intended destination, one of the galaxy’s dark matter collectors. These collectors, called Caecus Stations, are positioned every 11 degrees in the Blattarius Halo, the ring of dark matter that encircles the galaxy. We’ll be visiting Caecus Station #29, which is positioned a few light years from Nidavellir, a rogue planet which houses the LIU’s dark matter research center.”

Doog: “Caecus Station #29 is identical to the other thirty-two stations in the halo, at least in size and design. Due to the irregular shape of the halo, some collectors are more productive than others. Caecus Station #29 is one of the LIU’s least productive stations. I have no doubt that I’ve been given access to this specific station because of the low production numbers. They wouldn’t want me to mess up one of the important ones. Smart decision. Alright, let’s head inside.”

Ul Ser: “Welcome. I am Ul Ser of the Calx.”
Doog: “Nice to meet you Ulcer. I had the pleasure of meeting some members of your race on Nidavellir. Well, pleasure might be too strong of a word. But, yeah, nice to meet you.”
Ul Ser: “Uh…thanks, I guess. So, are you ready for the tour?”
Doog: “I am, but I have a question first. I was told that the Caecus Stations had high levels of radiation. Why isn’t my skin melting off?”
Ul Ser: “Good question.”

Ul Ser: “The Caecus Stations are made up of two rings, an inner ring and an outer ring. While the inner ring is quite deadly for those of your biology, you’ll find the outer ring is plenty safe. Many humans live and work in this portion of the station.”
Doog: “Ah, good. No skin melting until later. So, why two rings?”

Ul Ser: “The collection of dark matter is, by far, our most important duty, but the Caecus Stations serve other roles as well. These unrelated functions are carried out in the shielded outer ring where various alien races can live safely.”
Doog: “What are these other functions?”
Ul Ser: “Follow me.”

Ul Ser: “This is where we keep the BITC, otherwise known as the Boundary Integrity Tracking Center.”
Doog: “You couldn’t find a way to throw an ‘H’ in there? You know, like Boundary Integrity Tracking Center of the Halo…just for funny acronyms sake.”
Ul Ser: “I do not find the humor in that.”
Doog: “Really? I feel like you’re missing out on something there. Oh well. So, what’s this BITC?”
Ul Ser: “The Caecus Stations are in prime position to track all traffic entering and leaving the LIU Galaxy. This is vital to maintaining the integrity of our borders.”

Ul Ser: "Each station houses advanced scanners that detect moving targets within five kiloparsecs. Almost nothing goes unnoticed.”

Ul Ser: “Each ship entering the galaxy is required to have a registered transponder code. The computer detects these codes and displays them on the wall over there. The computer determines if the signal is incoming or outgoing. It also displays any anomalies. As you can see, there’s a ship with an expired tag and a pirated vessel. We’ll need to alert nearby authorities.”

Doog: “Interesting. So, what’s that over there?”
Ul Ser: “Not everyone complies with registering their transponder code; some ships have no transponder at all. These ships can still be detected though. The Caecus Stations have multi-spectral scanners that detect these rogue ships, even while they are in hyperspace. The X-Ray signature on this rogue vessel indicates that it is more than likely a cargo vessel. It also appears to be attempting to enter the galaxy. It’s probably smugglers.”
Doog: “You can get all that from that blob of colors?”
Ul Ser: “It takes a trained eye, but yes. Come on, let’s continue.”

Ul Ser: “The outer ring of the station also contains the cargo bays.”
Doog: “Cargo bays? You guys handle cargo entering the galaxy?”
Ul Ser: “No, nothing like that. The cargo bays are where we store Dark Matter Containers until they are shipped out.”

Doog: “Those containers have dark matter inside them? They look empty.”
Ul Ser: “Dark matter does not interact on the electromagnetic spectrum, so it is invisible to the naked eye. Dark matter does interact gravitationally though, so you could probably sense its presence if you were a bit closer to the container.”
Doog: “How do you keep it from just leaking out?”
Ul Ser: “You’ll note the gravity beam in the center of the container. The dark matter is attracted to the beam. It’s held in check by gravity.”
Doog: “I guess I’ll just take your word for it. You know, you could make a killing selling empty glass balls to people. No ma’am, I swear there’s dark matter inside. It’s held by gravity. Well, of course it will cure your arthritis. Hmm…I wonder where I could get some clear balls. I think I am on to something here.”
Ul Ser: “Please refrain from planning your felonious scam against the elderly while I am present. I don’t want to be tied up in court because of you.”
Doog: “Well, it wouldn’t just be against the elderly. I have some pretty good ideas for other people too. But, yeah, maybe I’ll wait until I’m off TV to discuss it further. I don’t want someone stealing my idea.”

Ul Ser: “This is the radiation airlock. We’ll be progressing into the inner ring now.”
Doog: “Ah, time to say goodbye to my skin.”
Ul Ser: “Do not fret. There will be limited discomfort inside the radiation suit.”
Doog: “I get a suit? Thank the Emperor.”
Ul Ser: “Yes, of course. Make a right next to the door there. You’ll find a locker room and a suit.”

Doog: “So, I won’t be losing skin due to radiation, but chafing is still a major concern. Right now, it’s a toss-up on which one is better.”
Ul Ser: “Did you remove your clothing or something? You’re supposed to keep that on.”
Doog: “A little late to be telling me that now. I’m 100% commando under here.”
Ul Ser: “Remind me to send that suit to the incinerator at the conclusion of your visit.”
Doog: “Well, shall we continue?”
Ul Ser: “Yes, but you’ll need to confine your visit to just a few minutes. The suit won’t handle much more than that. My race is the only inhabitants of the inner ring. Our biology is resistant to radiation.”
Doog: “I’m all about doing these tours quickly. Let’s head out.”

Doog: “Whoa. Radiation must make your race grow. This guy is huge.”
Ul Ser: “He’s not bigger, his suit is. The industrial environment in the inner ring requires some members of my race to wear larger bio-mechanical suits.”
Doog: “How do you know he’s not bigger? Been checking him out in the locker room?”
Ul Ser: “Sigh. That does not justify a response.”

Ul Ser: “This is the decontamination rig. Here, Osmium Cores from the dark matter collector are cleaned of radiation.”
Doog: “Osmium core? Am I supposed to know what that means?”
Ul Ser: “The ultra-dense, super heavy cores are used to make miniature black holes. This is done with hyperspace fracking. These black holes only last a few seconds before evaporating, but they leave behind tons of Hawking Radiation. This radiation eventually builds up to unacceptable levels within the Osmium Core, and it needs to be replaced. Otherwise the core would fail.”
Doog: “The only words I understood were ‘holes’ and ‘fracking”. And I usually use them in a way different context.”
Ul Ser: “Sigh. The core gets too dirty to work correctly, so we take it down to this room to be cleaned. Think of this place as a laundry room.”
Doog: “What’s laundry?”

Ul Ser: ‘The radiation is transferred into absorption rods, rendering the core operable once again. The core will be put back into operation when the current core begins to fail.”
Doog: “What about these radioactive rods? What happens to them?”
Ul Ser: “They are used to power the station. Hawking Radiation is not the cleanest power source, but it doesn’t matter to my species. Besides, this place is already bathed in radiation, a little dirty power doesn’t hurt anything.”
Doog: “They power the whole station?”
Ul Ser: “Absolutely not. We have sixteen Fusion Star Chambers making the bulk of our power. The absorption rods are just a complement. Dark matter collection is extremely pricy, mostly due to the enormous power demands associated with its collection. The cost of maintaining the Fusion Star Chambers are slightly offset by using absorption rods. It’s something my species thought up on Nidavellir.”

Doog: “Let me guess, this is the collector.”
Ul Ser: “Indeed.”
Doog: “I know size isn’t everything…trust me…but I thought the collector would be…I don’t know…bigger?”
Ul Ser: “A common reaction, but I assure you it gets the job done. This design was found to be the most efficient method of dark matter collection.”
Doog: “How does it work?”
Ul Ser: “I explained it briefly before, but let me try to find a way to explain it so even you would understand.”

Ul Ser: “Think of the collector as a giant vacuum cleaner. It creates a strong gravitational singularity that pulls dark matter into the collector. The singularity is created by miniature black holes. They only last a few seconds, but they are created over and over so there is constantly a strong gravitational pull.”
Doog: “Like a black hole machine gun?”
Ul Ser: “Exactly. Although it is expensive to maintain and produces unimaginable amounts of radiation, the Osmium Core Black Hole Generator is the best way to keep a gravitational singularity within the collector.”

Doog: “Why is this station one of the least productive? It seems like everything is up and running just fine.”
Ul Ser: “Dark matter collection requires immense gravity to work. It’s a slow process that gradually pulls dark matter in from the nearby Blattarius Halo. Other nearby sources of gravity can slightly disrupt this process. Station #29 has the misfortune of being close to the straggler stars in this arm of the galaxy. Their combined gravitational pull makes our station less efficient.”
Doog: “Straggler stars? Like Vel Fimbriam and Buccina Prime?”
Ul Ser: “Yes. Not all the arms of the galaxy have stars this far out. This cluster of straggler stars must have been captured from a companion galaxy several million years ago. Regardless of how or why they are here, they certainly put a damper in this station’s collection.”

Doog: “Are we almost done? It’s starting to get a bit warm in this suit.”
Ul Ser: “Yes. This is the last portion of our tour. This is the fill room where dark matter is encased into Dark Matter Containers. The filled containers must undergo decontamination before being moved into the outer ring, to avoid spreading radiation. That’s basically it.”
Doog: “Thank goodness. I do believe the sweat in my manhood region is beginning to boil. I need out of here!”

Doog: “Well folks, how can I sum this up quick? The Caecus Stations collect dark matter using cool black hole generators. There’s Osmium cores involved, as well as huge amounts of radiation. I can’t get too detailed right now. I do believe my suit is finally succumbing to the radiation. See ya!



Note: Dark matter is used for several purposes, including: artificial gravity generators, anti-gravity shielding, fuel, and weapons. 

Credits
Created by: Ludgonious
Executive Producers: Ralph DuBreuil , legolifty

CLICK HERE FOR NEXT EPISODE - Season 8 - Episode 11 - Telum Texeris